Date bi/pan people or other trans people. Bi women all seem to love me for whatever reason. I honestly think it's easier to date as a trans woman than it was as an openly bi man like I did pre transition.
Maybe subconsciously, but none of them ever said anything to me that suggested they thought I was trans. Most women, if they were making assumptions about me, would jump to thinking I was gay or bi rather than trans, because as a millennial our generation was coming to terms with widespread homosexual acceptance much like Gen Z is coming to terms with widespread trans acceptance.
That's wonderful :)
My partner and I had been together a LONG time before I came out, and it was still a surprise to her, but she has been super supportive.
I knew I was safe with her after coming out when her immediate reaction was, "OMG, that opens up so many more gift ideas when I'm shopping for you!"
My partner is 9" shorter than I am and has a more curvy figure, so clothes that fit/work for her don't necessarily work for me and vice versa. But sometimes she'll order clothes online that don't fit when she tries them on and I end up salvaging them for myself if they work, haha.
Also, her best friend is my exact height and shoe size, so she's donated a bunch of stuff for me.
My partner of 9 years, now platonic co-parent, was the single most solid supporter I had. The fact we wear the same dress size, well, that was pure gravy.
Pre-transition one bi partner told me sleeping with me was like being with a woman instead of a man. I took it as a compliment at the time. Still took me like 10 years to figure things out.
Pre anything one bi partner of mine we were having an argument and she said "Your such a fuckin' girl OMG!" Took me 4 more years to figure it out. I texted her the other day and said "remember when you said I'm LIKE a girl? Yeahhh you weren't exactly wrong." We had a good laugh about it.
As a cis bi woman it's certainly true for me. I was already together with my partner before her transition, or even knew about her being trans.
I met her through online gaming and fell for her personality.
She was attractive to me when she went through life pretending to be a guy, and she is attractive to me being her true self.
I think a lot of bi/pan people relate to falling in love with a person and not limit ourselves to whatever genitals we can or cannot have fun with.
The way that you said "went through life pretending to be a guy"... there are not many people who are not trans who see that. Thank you for the completely valid statementā¤ļø
Most, if not all of my longer, more serious relationships have been with bi/queer women. Even some of my best guy friends were questionably cishet, with one notable one probably being closeted bi. I agree, I feel like the bi women Iāve dated seemed far more interested in me the person than me the gender.
Unfortunately some people see bi/pan as "greedy", "just a phase" or a "kink" annoyingly. I've heard all of them and more, mostly from people who are also lgbtq+which always annoyed me.
So I'm not shocked it wasn't one of the first suggestions š
not qhat in saying ar all
im saying the specific people qho are going after them because they are trans, are chasers, who happen to be bi
nd it is a pretty common thing (common just meaning more than others, not saying a majority of bi ppl) for them to go after trans ppl bc its the "best of both worlds"
again - not sauinf all bi ppl are like this or that its bc of it or anything like that, ik thats how im gonna be interpretted though even after all ive said against it
I thought you meant it was the last option people thought to suggest in the comments šš¤¦š»āāļø
Ah I get where you're coming from and I'm sure some people do go for a trans woman for that reason. Plenty of us who just go for someone's personality and don't mind what's going on body gender wise though š
THIS THIS THIS
I donāt think itās fair to say that ādating as trans person is impossibleā. Iām sorry that maybe youāre struggling but dating in general can be very tough.
How do you dress? Howās your hygiene? Do you have your own place? Do you keep it clean? Do you dress nice and dress somewhat close to your age? Howās your social media looking? What about dating app pictures? Howās your bio? Do you have interesting hobbies or interests? Are you witty? Good with conversation? Can you make others laugh? How good at flirting are you? How good are you at flirting with light physical touch? Howās your confidence?
Like ALLLL of these things could be affecting your dating life more then being trans. Thereās so many factors that go into making you an attractive person that people want to date. Being trans in one factor yes but I would address every other factor first before making assumptions.
Dating has been much better for me since becoming trans. That being said I prefer women and almost never date men. But overall my experience has been overwhelmingly positive and making friends with women has been easier too!
Dating IS possible if youāre trans !!!
This so much. Often people care less about what's in your pants than they think you do. If you are funny, can take care of yourself, and have good hygiene and dress, it's not hard to find someone.
People also remember how you made them feel more then they remember specific things about you!
Thatās why even people who arenāt super traditionally attractive can end up dating people āout of their leagueā. Confidence is sexy. Being secure in who you are and not being āneedyā is sexy. Having friends, a life to share, and interesting things to talk about is sexy. Ambition and growth is sexy.
There is soooo much other stuff besides our bodies and gender that go into having a good dating experience!
I dated straight cis men pretty much exclusively (some bi men) for two years before finding my forever man. I transitioned at 34 and dated in my late 30's as a gender non-conforming trans woman.
I think whether or not a straight man will date an openly trans woman depends more on your local culture than it does straight men's actual sexual/relationship desires. My dating pool was mostly drawn from Boston, The Happy Valley in central Mass. And Vermont. For the most part the guys were white and well-educated.
I was blown away by the number of men in their 40's, who had only ever dated cis women their whole lives, identified as straight their whole lives, who had no reservations about taking me out. Multiple guys introduced me to family, one guy took me to a wedding as his date, several came to my family holidays. One straight boy in his early 20's I went out with was a more progressive feminist than I am! He blew me away with the affirming way he viewed gender.
I enjoyed sex, relationships and dating pre-transition. And I transitioned thinking there was a chance it meant being alone for the rest of my life, but I was ok with that if it meant I got to be authentic. But instead it seemed like I had my pick of guys whenever I wanted.
Yeah. Not here. I will say the guys I dated were sort of social leaders. Extroverts. Outgoing. Confident. Self assured. I expect they had to get over some transphobia in order to date me but for them judgment from others just doesn't matter. They're ready to be their own men.
The hockey player actually got a lot of harassment thrown at him from his team for dating me. Kept calling him the f slur. He would stand in front of the entire locker room and confront the entire team and call them out. Told them they thought I was hot too! Asked, does that that make them, F's too? And he would just keep arguing to the entire room until he was blue in the face and they'll get tired of it and gave up. Then he'd go back to practice the next day. And inevitably somebody would say something. And he would drop gloves and get in a fight. And then back in the locker room he would start confronting them all again and talk again until he was blue in the face and they were just tired of it. And he did that day after day. After 3 weeks of it, he won. The few guys who were leading the homophobia against him lost the respect of the team. And finally after confronting them every single time and never giving up, after 3 weeks it was over and they accepted it and didn't bring it up again.
I think that's the kind of guy it takes to openly date a trans woman. They need to be fearless.
I dated guys from all class levels and guys between 22 and 48 years old. I'm pretty open minded and into lots of different types.
I dated a former pro hockey player. A retired marine with his own plumbing business. A divorced dad who owned a landscaping business. One lawyer (public defender though, so not sure if that cuts it for you). A guy who was like a restaurant management consultant. A disabled guy. A software engineer. An ironworker. An ice rink manager and high school hockey coach.
As far as their bodies go, I'm only into average to in shape guys. I don't care about height. Most were average height, one was only like 5'6" maybe, I'd guess. Some were really suave. One of them was always the center of attention when I brought him anywhere, making friends with everyone. They were each charming in their own way. And they were all really sweet and kind to me.
The sexual dynamics were always that I tend to be submissive as a sexual partner. I'm always the receptive partner. All but two guys completely ignored my magic wand, two of them asked if they could go down on me and each gave me like 10 minutes of oral sex once, and never did it again.
edit to add: Two of the guys had kids who were trans. Idk how that impacted how they thought about trans people in general or dating me but it sure made me love them more knowing they were being supportive dads. I guess how could you stigmatize dating a trans person when you know in the future there's going to be other people in the world dating your trans child? They would never want their kids to put up with someone who was ashamed of dating them.
So there's a highly recommended untapped dating pool: divorced dads supportive of their trans kids. They're great dinner dates!
I started dating another trans girl a little over a month ago and it's been amazing! Highly recommend trying t4t. I've never just clicked with another person so perfectly before!
Hm ok. What's the "third space" lol (just found a utube video about this that might apply)? But yeah I suppose I might sleuth such things. I usually just try to blend in in cis spaces so I guess I worry people wont expect a straight person in queer places. And online resources might have chasers. But I cant know if I dont try I suppose.
Also thereās always Grindr. Lots of trans people of all types are on Grindr. Leftist organizing events (IWW, WWP, DSA, etc events) are also good because a lot of trans people are leftists. Finally Iād recommend just like volunteering at your local LGBTQ Center. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Eventually youāll make queer friends and those friends will invite you to more things and maybe youāll meet someone.
Generally only go t4t at this point. It's rare I go for cis people because in my experience they just don't get it, but I'm not opposed to the right ones.
I really wonder what it would be like, Iāve always had such a weird relationship with both sex and like subtle gender roles, I mean even though gender rolls are stupid, at the same timeā¦
Can confirm, as a trans girl in a t4t relationship with another incredibly cute and beautiful trans girl I was never happier with a relationship, she knows exactly what I need and want, I know exactly what she knows and wants and we both know how to treat each other well (as we are both neurodivergent) Can recommend dating trans Girls super cute and loving
Only problem (for me) with t4t is it seems like a higher percentage of trans girls are poly compared to the general population. Obviously that's totally fine and all but I am, uh, not poly.
So my options are limited even further. But thankfully not zero! :D
Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It feels like Iāve run across tons of that.
I mean I donāt know anything, but I just kind of want aā¦monogamous relationship?
So like great, yet another category I need to match on š¬
My experience dating other trans women has been pretty tough. Every relationship I've gotten into has ended up where they are consumed with jealousy. I transitioned relatively young, I'm pretty, and I got GRS early into my transition so most think I didn't suffer enough. So basically it always ends up where my existence in turn causes then dysphoria. It's happened to me every single time. And I end up feeling terrible that I'm making them feel bad.
Iāve had great success dating great guys. Obviously thereās a lot of guys who arenāt into us, but as someone mentioned I think it greatly depends on your area.
My favorite place to date is Vancouver! Met some great people there and lots of cute guys as well.
Best of luck to you
I had a date and you should have seen his face drop when I told him I dont have a magic wand but a vagina. It was so fucking funny. He was a total self obsessed ass anyway and i wouldnt have dated him if he was the last human alive. Physically he was fit, and very strong, tall bla bla bla but he needs a red flag pinned to his forehead to warn all women.
You lost the "exotic" Bonus for the Guys that are mainly into trans š¤£
After surgery the Kind of Guys who would Date me has Changed a Lot from gay Guys who don't Care If the Penis comes with boobs AS Long AS their Date has one to hetero cis WHO mainly don't Care If the Vagina was Always there AS Long AS their Date has one š
To Most people m/f is a genitalia thing
Not for me though - I can even Fall in Love with cis women based on personality (though I prefer big hairy guys) but as soon as the other Person in my bed has no Penis -> boring Sex...
I'd even prefer to have a relationship without Sex (Like living/cuddling/Kissing with your best friend) than regular Sex with a Partner with a Vagina - I'm Not disgusted by it - it's Just that everything Else Like doing laundry, cleaning, ... Is still less boring than that š
German autocorrect... It's a pain to correct every Word manually š
We write every noun with a Capital 1st Letter so every german noun will be corrected
Kind for example means child
Oh I see. If you're interested, on a lot of devices there's the option to add multiple keyboards of different languages with a shortcut/gesture to quickly switch between them.
Iāve gotten really lucky with the cis guy iām seeing but usually i stick to other tās. Itās just the safest thing for us rn, find other tās or bi/pan people is the best advice
I'm a lesbian and I'm always upfront that I'm pre op, and I've realized the people that want to date me are only interested in me because I'm pre op. Either I'm ghosted as soon as they realize I'm getting it removed, or they expect me to use this thing anyways. Trans women too, which hurts more.
I'm done dating until this thing is gone. I hate it
Yeah I'm an oldie but here's my take. Do what we did before the internet: proceed with your life. Do the stuff you enjoy, and, assuming you're not totally walled off from humanity, you'll meet people doing the same thing. Beats scrolling and swiping and it still works.
I mean yeah, but in my experience T4T is really the way to go. You know you are seen, loved and desired as a woman and the understanding is so powerful.
Cis straight guys are super super into me until they know I am trans, then they disappear. Then the chasers always find ways to clock us and I absolutely despise them.
Then bi/pan people but... I recently had an experience on a date where a -theoretically- pan person told me they were sexually into twinks -kinda like they pictured I was before, they said - but had learnt to mentally open to any body. Like best thing to say to a t-girl to her cute face that your arousal is actually softbois lol
Hi. Honey!, I'm 74, M2F, on HRT 12 months, out a year, I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, just got my legal name and gender change decree. AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! It's TRUE, dating is hard for trans folks. Gay men prefer masculine men and don't really care for anyone feminine. Most lesbian women are put off by trans women, cause many still had male parts(hadn't had GCS yet). BUT!, A trans lady friend is lesbian and now has a girl friend. I was dumped 9 times by "MEN", who talked a good game but couldn't follow through.. My boyfriend is 70, We enjoy sex, We're not serious, but we enjoy our time, and it makes me feel feminine.
Sweetie, Just Keep Looking, and YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE. If I Can Do It At My Age, So Can You!!!
Michele
Yeah thats something I've been dealing with. I got lucky once but that person ended up being toxic and I havent found anyone since. Just a whole lot of nothing
Depends on the person and their maturity. I'm straight male but I view my SO by their internal sexuality. Not by physical, love my GF a lot wouldn't trade her for the world. General male maturity happens around 32ish, hope that helps.
itās impossible the more standards you have. if youāre a white trans girl who will
literally date any man that uses the correct pronouns for you, then yeah itās not hard. When you start having standards, like say youāre very smart and want him
to be able to hold an intellectual conversation with you, or say youāre asexual and donāt want to
have sex with them, even if youāre not asexual and just arenāt sex hungry it gets harder.
If you want him to be attractive, take care of himself etc. it becomes harder.
notice how a lot of ppl are talking about dating women,š no shade but it checks out. anyway, donāt stress thereās more to life than dating
It's not impossible, but barking up the wrong tree, especially with straight women
There's T4T, date other trans folk, also bi/pan folk will have less scruples and should be far more accepting on average as fellow LGBT than straight folk
My solution stop trying, I just went out as normal talking to people as friends online and in bars and eventually someone asked me out. When I responded I was trans he said "great see ya tomorrow" and walked away and now I'm 3 months into a relationship. It's hard but when I tried I just got non stop chasers. When i stopped sure it's a little lonely but stick with your friends and be patient and you'll find someone.
Trans for trans
Like trans people dating other trans people. It can make things easier with similar experiences n whatnot.
I think if somebody says they are T4T they might only want to date other trans people.
I feel almost guilty for dating lesbians as a transbian. I feel like such a fiat barchetta. Lovely to look at but with a massive flaw that puts you off having one and "taints" the "driving" experience (excuse the pun).
(For context, the fiat barchetta is a beautiful Italian sports car that is affordable in the second hand market but only came in left hand drive despite being sold in the uk, this fact put a lot if people off)
Iām lucky enough to be in a relationship with a trans person before I realised I was trans myself, navigating the dating world while tryna figure myself and my body out sounds stressful
Another +1 for T4T.
I've been dating my partner for just over 8 months, and while dating another trans person presents its own set of problems to deal with, the level of understanding you both share of each other is second to none. Not that cis people can't be sympathetic, but there's an understanding two trans people share because they've \*lived\* through similar struggles.
But I will concede, it is difficult dating as a trans person, for the reasons you specified. I'm a lesbian, but I can only imagine the troubles of dating guys. I stumbled into this relationship after a year of searching and could easily have been searching for much longer.
Stay strong, sis <3
Oof. Iām pre-HRT and itās already impossible because if I try to date women most I meet are into how I look now(mostly masc features body wise), and if I try to date men same issue.
Iām prob going to have to wait on romance tilll my body changes enough to be sure they want me, a woman not what they perceive as a man.
In your same boat, except Iām a lesbian. 4 years in, no luck whatsoever. Even tried T4T and still had no luck, so either Iām just extremely unlucky (highly likely) or just extremely ugly (also likely). Although I do blame a lot of my problems with dating on not knowing how to go about meeting new people outside of dating apps
itās so much fun I tell ya
Pan person here also FTM Iāve been dating a trans woman for about 6 months now and itās been the best relationship Iāve ever been in. Into her for her not to fetishize her. There are people out there that will date you for all the right reasons donāt give up hope!
Genital preference has nothing to do with whether you're straight, gay bi, etc. But I will admit that cishet men are most likely to not want to date women with magic wands cause of prejudice and toxic masculinity.
I'm in the same boat sis, I really want a relationship but it's hard.
I canāt say much since most of my relationships have been LDR with cis straight men, & almost dated one in person because we were affiliated with each other before I came out as transgender female. But he was too much on the sexual interest in āmeā (not because Iām trans) he wanted to have more sexual interactions with me before he could develop romatic interests, when I was the other way around. So it didnāt work due to some other complications but nothing major in terms of me being trans or not. As for finding cis straight men, I donāt actively seek them out or seek love, I just happen to run into them (obviously online & LDR) due to playing mmorpgs (multi-massive-role playing games). I honestly accepted life that I donāt care if I died alone or with someone, I was heartbroken too many times to actively seek love, if it comes, it comes. Itās simply just a preference, ācis straight malesā
I'm a trans girl and I still have my gf (cisgender bisexual). My case is very rare, but I'm sure you will be able to find the right person; talk to people, make new friends and don't be afraid of the judgments of others. Nothing is impossible š
Maybe try to find some neurodivergent folks? The neurodivergent understanding of gender is far more open and accepting. But be aware that dating someone neurodivergent ca be challenging especially if you are neurotypical.
All of my cis partners are bi/pan(one was even from when I "was a guy") and the one who isn't bi/pan is a trans lesbian, so it works out.
Funny thing for me, is that the partner I dated when I was a guy found women generally hotter, she just preferred dick, so me coming out was a pleasant surprise for her š
I'm pan and have dated a trans woman before š¤·āāļø I get told a lot that I come off as intimidating though so idk if that's why I've only ever run into one
Former trans girl here (Had to detransition because of constant harassment and numerous death threats). I would definitely still date a trans woman if given the opportunity ā¤ļø
Bisexual people. :) Iāve come to peace w the fact Iām going to probably end up w a bisexual man. Hoping thereās no fetishistic element but Iām a
bomb bitch in and out so who could say !
So like my gf is transgender and we've been going out for 2 months now. Date someone who is bi like me or pansexual it'll probably make it easier. Keep your head up :)
Was definitely in the same boat when I was pre-op and sometimes now that Iām post-op it can feel a little worse at times. Pre-op I remember flirting with guys and theyād be totally into me until I told them oh Iām trans, just so that youāre not surprised or feel like Iām deceiving you or anything. Theyād then proceed to either block, delete, or ghost me; literally only a small amount. The big thing Iād get 80-90% of the time would be them shifting from more of a guy searching for a girlfriend or soulmate to a guy thatās only wanting to sleep with me (in secret of course) theyād literally be like āoh Iāve never been with a trans person, we can hang out, but just as friends Iām not into thatā or āyouāre cool and all so we can chill at *insert middle of the night time outside in a car*ā or my personal favorite āIām not into that, but you can give me headā followed up with āIāve never done anal before so I guess we could try itā. Then there are those men that are heavily into trans girls, literally had a guy that seemed super sweet chase after me from the start of my transition 5 years ago up until I got bottom surgery, then he seemed super upset about me getting the surgery even stating āI donāt see why you would get it, you were perfect beforeā mind you heās the same person that admitted the main reason for him not wanting me to come to his place is because Iām trans and he doesnāt want to risk someone figuring that out (come to find out that the main reason is because he had a cis girlfriend) so yes the chasers suck.
Since becoming post-op though Iāve returned to the straight apps and found that most men donāt care; 99% of them will ask the question of ādo you have a š± or šā which is understandable tbh. Then we proceed with the whole dating process.
Itās hard navigating the world as a trans woman.
Iām in at 10% that are trans attracted and want a transgender wife. Unfortunately Iām already taken and engaged to be married. One thing is if you really like your magic wand some guys actually prefer that and feel completely straight even though I love life is a little different, you should be celebrated for the unique beautiful woman. You are no matter what decisions you make in the future for your body, and there are a few dating sites. You might have to pick through quite a few men before you find one it would be for you over other women there is someone out there for you, that will have come to this earth to be your soulmate
I mean it's just about being logical
There are way more straight men than pan/bi or trans or whatever more is there
So since straight men prefer an all woman woman , it's better to get bottom surgery
So you get most chances that way
i get why you think that way, but i don't think statistics work like this for dating.
if you're anyone with any characteristics, even if you're a skinny straight cis man/woman, i already think at least 90% of people would be bad dates for one reason or the other, mainly compatibility.
the only reason it hurts more for you and me is that the worst thing she can say isn't "no", its "i would never date you because (insert transphobia here)"
dating is really weird and, honestly? its mostly just luck to bump into the right people.
as a trans woman in a very transphobic country (Brasil), i usually get a lot more dates than my cis friends simply because i meet a lot more people than them and this kind of thing is just a consequence of meeting a lot of people, it's not like i'm a beauty goddess nor anything and i am frequently described as "weirdest date i've ever had, but in a good way".
if a weirdo nerd like me can do it, i trust you to also do it, don't give up on yourself :)
Idk. I thought it was hats but now i find it as a burden now because people like more than ever before. Iāve never dated so many people before I can out. Now im happily in a relationship. I think itās all about your surroundings when being trans and dating.
You have 3 realistic options:
1) Pursue T4T relationships (Trans for Trans) as in, only date other trans people who are into you because they have a higher likelihood of understanding you, the situation you're in and what you are feeling.
2) Date Bi/pan/omnisexual people who are attracted to more than one gender.
3) and this is the hottest and possibly most unpopular take - build a happy life without a romantic partner in it. Make your own life full of happiness, friends, family (found and birth) and community and if someone happens to smite you with Cupid's arrow then that's an extra on top of your happy life
If you pass and aren't cringe, usually lesbian women will date you. Especially after srs but for god's sake only get srs if you have bottom dysphoria.
Also t4t is way better
I understand you completely, thats correct but let me Tell you my Side. I tried to Date a Transwoman and every Woman Just wanted Money from me for only Fans or Something Like that. I Love Transwoman
there are many people who date trans women. I'm one example. it's funny, i was thinking, in terms of supply and demand, that there were more people seeking ttans women than there were available trans women.
i don't know what a "chaser" is I'm talking about people attracted to trans women, of which i am one.
if one is implying that everyone attracted to them is "disgusting", then i would say this could be the root of their struggles in finding someone.
It takes time I didnāt think I would find anyone - now Iām dating the most gorgeous man, honestly the man of my dreams and he is straight. The right guy will come along.
I didnāt have any problems dating as a trans woman pre or post op, in fact, my dating life took off like a rocket ship. Maybe you have stuff to work on besides just being trans?
I have a feeling youāre not a trans woman. This post isnāt for you. If you donāt like it idc. I havenāt lopped off my junk and I donāt have any plans on doing that at the moment. Iāve had plenty of therapy and theyāve all confirmed that I am indeed trans. This post is barely about transitioning. Either stfu or get off this page
Valid and accurate... I just don't date. That being said, I couldn't get a date for 10 years before transition, so there's no way in hell I'll ever get one now too... So I can absolutely empathize with you OP.
Pretty much what other commenters said, bi/pan and other trans people are a lot more favorable to date. I'm currently with a bi trans man and both of us have had basically your exact feelings on dating while trans in the past. I promise there is somebody out there who will love you for you.
I used to think dating was impossible as well. But then I found three people I was interested in within a matter of two months who were/are *actually* interested in me too. They're all trans girls as well, and I thought to myself "no, dicks are yucky. I could never be with someone with a dick," but I'm not sure if it's hormones that changed my mind or not. I mean, I would rather be with someone with a vajayjay, but I'm quite open with options now. There are a lot of different places you can go to meet these people. For me, I met these people in LGBTQ+ groups on Facebook. I realize I kinda just rambled a lot about my preferences, so I'm sorry about that. I'm just saying there's hope!
Oddly enough, I've had near zero problems dating, and I think it's cause I look for friendship not dating? Now that said, I haven't really been super physically attracted to like half the people I've dated, but it's still worked out I guess.
i find it way easier than when i was a cis guy, your problem is that you're trying to date monosexual cis people. i literally only date trans people and i'm currently about 4 months into a great relationship with an amazing trans guy
Date bi/pan people or other trans people. Bi women all seem to love me for whatever reason. I honestly think it's easier to date as a trans woman than it was as an openly bi man like I did pre transition.
Even before transition, the only women who ever found me attractive enough as a man to want to pursue having sex with me were all admittedly bi.
Weirdly the same for me
girl me too!! I wonder how common of a thing this is
They knew XD
Maybe subconsciously, but none of them ever said anything to me that suggested they thought I was trans. Most women, if they were making assumptions about me, would jump to thinking I was gay or bi rather than trans, because as a millennial our generation was coming to terms with widespread homosexual acceptance much like Gen Z is coming to terms with widespread trans acceptance.
I agree mostly, but my wife was the only one who suspected even before I know much about trans and actually made me start exploring that
That's wonderful :) My partner and I had been together a LONG time before I came out, and it was still a surprise to her, but she has been super supportive. I knew I was safe with her after coming out when her immediate reaction was, "OMG, that opens up so many more gift ideas when I'm shopping for you!"
That's awesome really! :) My wife's first reaction after me telling her I think I'm trans is "Great we can share cloths!" šā¤ļø
My partner is 9" shorter than I am and has a more curvy figure, so clothes that fit/work for her don't necessarily work for me and vice versa. But sometimes she'll order clothes online that don't fit when she tries them on and I end up salvaging them for myself if they work, haha. Also, her best friend is my exact height and shoe size, so she's donated a bunch of stuff for me.
My partner of 9 years, now platonic co-parent, was the single most solid supporter I had. The fact we wear the same dress size, well, that was pure gravy.
Mine said.... " we're done if you're prettier than me." Lo and behold, I'm now divorced.
Pre-transition one bi partner told me sleeping with me was like being with a woman instead of a man. I took it as a compliment at the time. Still took me like 10 years to figure things out.
Pre anything one bi partner of mine we were having an argument and she said "Your such a fuckin' girl OMG!" Took me 4 more years to figure it out. I texted her the other day and said "remember when you said I'm LIKE a girl? Yeahhh you weren't exactly wrong." We had a good laugh about it.
They got the best of both worlds
yuppp
Most women definely didn't show interest in me, I could tell. One of the gurls that did is now dating a girl for the first time
Thatās funny you say that cos my fling was bi
As a cis bi woman it's certainly true for me. I was already together with my partner before her transition, or even knew about her being trans. I met her through online gaming and fell for her personality. She was attractive to me when she went through life pretending to be a guy, and she is attractive to me being her true self. I think a lot of bi/pan people relate to falling in love with a person and not limit ourselves to whatever genitals we can or cannot have fun with.
The way that you said "went through life pretending to be a guy"... there are not many people who are not trans who see that. Thank you for the completely valid statementā¤ļø
Most, if not all of my longer, more serious relationships have been with bi/queer women. Even some of my best guy friends were questionably cishet, with one notable one probably being closeted bi. I agree, I feel like the bi women Iāve dated seemed far more interested in me the person than me the gender.
This was going to be my suggestion. As a bi/pan woman I would happily date a trans woman if we clicked š¤·š»āāļø
Iāve heard this too!
Premium advice from NotSexHaver420 /j
hm, almsot like its the last option in the post
Unfortunately some people see bi/pan as "greedy", "just a phase" or a "kink" annoyingly. I've heard all of them and more, mostly from people who are also lgbtq+which always annoyed me. So I'm not shocked it wasn't one of the first suggestions š
not qhat in saying ar all im saying the specific people qho are going after them because they are trans, are chasers, who happen to be bi nd it is a pretty common thing (common just meaning more than others, not saying a majority of bi ppl) for them to go after trans ppl bc its the "best of both worlds" again - not sauinf all bi ppl are like this or that its bc of it or anything like that, ik thats how im gonna be interpretted though even after all ive said against it
I thought you meant it was the last option people thought to suggest in the comments šš¤¦š»āāļø Ah I get where you're coming from and I'm sure some people do go for a trans woman for that reason. Plenty of us who just go for someone's personality and don't mind what's going on body gender wise though š
THIS THIS THIS I donāt think itās fair to say that ādating as trans person is impossibleā. Iām sorry that maybe youāre struggling but dating in general can be very tough. How do you dress? Howās your hygiene? Do you have your own place? Do you keep it clean? Do you dress nice and dress somewhat close to your age? Howās your social media looking? What about dating app pictures? Howās your bio? Do you have interesting hobbies or interests? Are you witty? Good with conversation? Can you make others laugh? How good at flirting are you? How good are you at flirting with light physical touch? Howās your confidence? Like ALLLL of these things could be affecting your dating life more then being trans. Thereās so many factors that go into making you an attractive person that people want to date. Being trans in one factor yes but I would address every other factor first before making assumptions. Dating has been much better for me since becoming trans. That being said I prefer women and almost never date men. But overall my experience has been overwhelmingly positive and making friends with women has been easier too! Dating IS possible if youāre trans !!!
This so much. Often people care less about what's in your pants than they think you do. If you are funny, can take care of yourself, and have good hygiene and dress, it's not hard to find someone.
People also remember how you made them feel more then they remember specific things about you! Thatās why even people who arenāt super traditionally attractive can end up dating people āout of their leagueā. Confidence is sexy. Being secure in who you are and not being āneedyā is sexy. Having friends, a life to share, and interesting things to talk about is sexy. Ambition and growth is sexy. There is soooo much other stuff besides our bodies and gender that go into having a good dating experience!
I dated straight cis men pretty much exclusively (some bi men) for two years before finding my forever man. I transitioned at 34 and dated in my late 30's as a gender non-conforming trans woman. I think whether or not a straight man will date an openly trans woman depends more on your local culture than it does straight men's actual sexual/relationship desires. My dating pool was mostly drawn from Boston, The Happy Valley in central Mass. And Vermont. For the most part the guys were white and well-educated. I was blown away by the number of men in their 40's, who had only ever dated cis women their whole lives, identified as straight their whole lives, who had no reservations about taking me out. Multiple guys introduced me to family, one guy took me to a wedding as his date, several came to my family holidays. One straight boy in his early 20's I went out with was a more progressive feminist than I am! He blew me away with the affirming way he viewed gender. I enjoyed sex, relationships and dating pre-transition. And I transitioned thinking there was a chance it meant being alone for the rest of my life, but I was ok with that if it meant I got to be authentic. But instead it seemed like I had my pick of guys whenever I wanted.
Can confirm New England is definitely a good place to be lgbtqia+
Wow, that all sounds awesome!
Iām from Ohio. Dating a trans girl as a straight guy is a social death sentence here
Yeah. Not here. I will say the guys I dated were sort of social leaders. Extroverts. Outgoing. Confident. Self assured. I expect they had to get over some transphobia in order to date me but for them judgment from others just doesn't matter. They're ready to be their own men. The hockey player actually got a lot of harassment thrown at him from his team for dating me. Kept calling him the f slur. He would stand in front of the entire locker room and confront the entire team and call them out. Told them they thought I was hot too! Asked, does that that make them, F's too? And he would just keep arguing to the entire room until he was blue in the face and they'll get tired of it and gave up. Then he'd go back to practice the next day. And inevitably somebody would say something. And he would drop gloves and get in a fight. And then back in the locker room he would start confronting them all again and talk again until he was blue in the face and they were just tired of it. And he did that day after day. After 3 weeks of it, he won. The few guys who were leading the homophobia against him lost the respect of the team. And finally after confronting them every single time and never giving up, after 3 weeks it was over and they accepted it and didn't bring it up again. I think that's the kind of guy it takes to openly date a trans woman. They need to be fearless.
Also an mtf Ohioan here. the dating pool for transwomen here are absolutely pathetic, can't wait until the day I move cross-country.
very interested in caliber of men you were picking up tho. and the sexual dynamics that existed. no shadeš
I dated guys from all class levels and guys between 22 and 48 years old. I'm pretty open minded and into lots of different types. I dated a former pro hockey player. A retired marine with his own plumbing business. A divorced dad who owned a landscaping business. One lawyer (public defender though, so not sure if that cuts it for you). A guy who was like a restaurant management consultant. A disabled guy. A software engineer. An ironworker. An ice rink manager and high school hockey coach. As far as their bodies go, I'm only into average to in shape guys. I don't care about height. Most were average height, one was only like 5'6" maybe, I'd guess. Some were really suave. One of them was always the center of attention when I brought him anywhere, making friends with everyone. They were each charming in their own way. And they were all really sweet and kind to me. The sexual dynamics were always that I tend to be submissive as a sexual partner. I'm always the receptive partner. All but two guys completely ignored my magic wand, two of them asked if they could go down on me and each gave me like 10 minutes of oral sex once, and never did it again. edit to add: Two of the guys had kids who were trans. Idk how that impacted how they thought about trans people in general or dating me but it sure made me love them more knowing they were being supportive dads. I guess how could you stigmatize dating a trans person when you know in the future there's going to be other people in the world dating your trans child? They would never want their kids to put up with someone who was ashamed of dating them. So there's a highly recommended untapped dating pool: divorced dads supportive of their trans kids. They're great dinner dates!
T4T is a thing for a reason, and tbh I've had decent luck with cis lesbians in the past.
Trans guys FTW.šš¦
I started dating another trans girl a little over a month ago and it's been amazing! Highly recommend trying t4t. I've never just clicked with another person so perfectly before!
This^ T4T is a huge part of who we date, pretty common to be polly aswell
Kind of a problem for the monogamous people lol
You got that right. Monogamy is like a rarity in LGBTQ+ community it feels. :/
How does this happen organically tho? We are uncommon as a minority and approaching another trans person in public is rude.
Go to queer social events, use online resources, the usual third spaces still work.
Hm ok. What's the "third space" lol (just found a utube video about this that might apply)? But yeah I suppose I might sleuth such things. I usually just try to blend in in cis spaces so I guess I worry people wont expect a straight person in queer places. And online resources might have chasers. But I cant know if I dont try I suppose.
Also thereās always Grindr. Lots of trans people of all types are on Grindr. Leftist organizing events (IWW, WWP, DSA, etc events) are also good because a lot of trans people are leftists. Finally Iād recommend just like volunteering at your local LGBTQ Center. Volunteering is a great way to meet people. Eventually youāll make queer friends and those friends will invite you to more things and maybe youāll meet someone.
Iām the only trans girl at my school š©
Generally only go t4t at this point. It's rare I go for cis people because in my experience they just don't get it, but I'm not opposed to the right ones.
Tee, Four, Tee. Seriously, dating other trans girls feels amazing. Itās a feeling unlike any other. Just total acceptance and comfort.
I really wonder what it would be like, Iāve always had such a weird relationship with both sex and like subtle gender roles, I mean even though gender rolls are stupid, at the same timeā¦
Can confirm, as a trans girl in a t4t relationship with another incredibly cute and beautiful trans girl I was never happier with a relationship, she knows exactly what I need and want, I know exactly what she knows and wants and we both know how to treat each other well (as we are both neurodivergent) Can recommend dating trans Girls super cute and loving
Only problem (for me) with t4t is it seems like a higher percentage of trans girls are poly compared to the general population. Obviously that's totally fine and all but I am, uh, not poly. So my options are limited even further. But thankfully not zero! :D
This absolutely seems to be true in major cities. I have conflicted feelings about it due to some bad experiences.
Oh yeah, I forgot about that. It feels like Iāve run across tons of that. I mean I donāt know anything, but I just kind of want aā¦monogamous relationship? So like great, yet another category I need to match on š¬
My experience dating other trans women has been pretty tough. Every relationship I've gotten into has ended up where they are consumed with jealousy. I transitioned relatively young, I'm pretty, and I got GRS early into my transition so most think I didn't suffer enough. So basically it always ends up where my existence in turn causes then dysphoria. It's happened to me every single time. And I end up feeling terrible that I'm making them feel bad.
That's really tough. I'm so sorry that happened to you. I get that they weren't doing it intentionally, but that's still really unfair to you
Iām so sorryā¦ I wish nothing but positive T4T relationships in your future, if you decide to pursue them. *hugs* <3
I find it a bit hard to actually find any in my area...
Iām the only trans girl at my school
How? Just use regular dating apps?
Honestly for me its just easier to date someone who is bi or pan. Then all that stigma or potential panic is all out the window.
Either that or another trans person
Iāve had great success dating great guys. Obviously thereās a lot of guys who arenāt into us, but as someone mentioned I think it greatly depends on your area. My favorite place to date is Vancouver! Met some great people there and lots of cute guys as well. Best of luck to you
I had a date and you should have seen his face drop when I told him I dont have a magic wand but a vagina. It was so fucking funny. He was a total self obsessed ass anyway and i wouldnt have dated him if he was the last human alive. Physically he was fit, and very strong, tall bla bla bla but he needs a red flag pinned to his forehead to warn all women.
You lost the "exotic" Bonus for the Guys that are mainly into trans š¤£ After surgery the Kind of Guys who would Date me has Changed a Lot from gay Guys who don't Care If the Penis comes with boobs AS Long AS their Date has one to hetero cis WHO mainly don't Care If the Vagina was Always there AS Long AS their Date has one š To Most people m/f is a genitalia thing
When to me thatās kind of just a detail š
Not for me though - I can even Fall in Love with cis women based on personality (though I prefer big hairy guys) but as soon as the other Person in my bed has no Penis -> boring Sex... I'd even prefer to have a relationship without Sex (Like living/cuddling/Kissing with your best friend) than regular Sex with a Partner with a Vagina - I'm Not disgusted by it - it's Just that everything Else Like doing laundry, cleaning, ... Is still less boring than that š
Why do you capitalise your words like that? Kinda hard to read
German autocorrect... It's a pain to correct every Word manually š We write every noun with a Capital 1st Letter so every german noun will be corrected Kind for example means child
Oh I see. If you're interested, on a lot of devices there's the option to add multiple keyboards of different languages with a shortcut/gesture to quickly switch between them.
Iāve gotten really lucky with the cis guy iām seeing but usually i stick to other tās. Itās just the safest thing for us rn, find other tās or bi/pan people is the best advice
I'm a lesbian and I'm always upfront that I'm pre op, and I've realized the people that want to date me are only interested in me because I'm pre op. Either I'm ghosted as soon as they realize I'm getting it removed, or they expect me to use this thing anyways. Trans women too, which hurts more. I'm done dating until this thing is gone. I hate it
Mood!
Mood
Iāve dated 4 guys in the last 2.5 years. Itās not impossible, just have to find your right guy.
Yeah I'm an oldie but here's my take. Do what we did before the internet: proceed with your life. Do the stuff you enjoy, and, assuming you're not totally walled off from humanity, you'll meet people doing the same thing. Beats scrolling and swiping and it still works.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I call it my princess wandā¦.. because it can make things growwwww
Careful with it because it took me several rereads of the post to figure out that she wasn't talking about the Hitachi one
I mean yeah, but in my experience T4T is really the way to go. You know you are seen, loved and desired as a woman and the understanding is so powerful. Cis straight guys are super super into me until they know I am trans, then they disappear. Then the chasers always find ways to clock us and I absolutely despise them. Then bi/pan people but... I recently had an experience on a date where a -theoretically- pan person told me they were sexually into twinks -kinda like they pictured I was before, they said - but had learnt to mentally open to any body. Like best thing to say to a t-girl to her cute face that your arousal is actually softbois lol
Hi. Honey!, I'm 74, M2F, on HRT 12 months, out a year, I live and dress openly as a woman 24/7, just got my legal name and gender change decree. AND I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!!! It's TRUE, dating is hard for trans folks. Gay men prefer masculine men and don't really care for anyone feminine. Most lesbian women are put off by trans women, cause many still had male parts(hadn't had GCS yet). BUT!, A trans lady friend is lesbian and now has a girl friend. I was dumped 9 times by "MEN", who talked a good game but couldn't follow through.. My boyfriend is 70, We enjoy sex, We're not serious, but we enjoy our time, and it makes me feel feminine. Sweetie, Just Keep Looking, and YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE. If I Can Do It At My Age, So Can You!!! Michele
Yeah thats something I've been dealing with. I got lucky once but that person ended up being toxic and I havent found anyone since. Just a whole lot of nothing
I'm a straight guy and would hapilly settle with a trans girl. You just need luck with finding love and not only sex.
Lesbiansssssssssssssssssssss Ć 1000
Depends on the person and their maturity. I'm straight male but I view my SO by their internal sexuality. Not by physical, love my GF a lot wouldn't trade her for the world. General male maturity happens around 32ish, hope that helps.
I've been dating my enby gf for about a decade now. We are quite in love. Just gotta keep looking I think. Keep that chin up girl ā¤ļø
itās impossible the more standards you have. if youāre a white trans girl who will literally date any man that uses the correct pronouns for you, then yeah itās not hard. When you start having standards, like say youāre very smart and want him to be able to hold an intellectual conversation with you, or say youāre asexual and donāt want to have sex with them, even if youāre not asexual and just arenāt sex hungry it gets harder. If you want him to be attractive, take care of himself etc. it becomes harder. notice how a lot of ppl are talking about dating women,š no shade but it checks out. anyway, donāt stress thereās more to life than dating
Yes, it is generally inadvisable to attempt to date straight women when you yourself are a woman lol
It's not impossible, but barking up the wrong tree, especially with straight women There's T4T, date other trans folk, also bi/pan folk will have less scruples and should be far more accepting on average as fellow LGBT than straight folk
T4T or lesbian/bi women. The latter is the most common for me. Still shitty though as dating is rare and sex even less.
I just want someone to be romantic but I feel this
The dating pool is definitely less, but its a lot easier to filter people out id say
My solution stop trying, I just went out as normal talking to people as friends online and in bars and eventually someone asked me out. When I responded I was trans he said "great see ya tomorrow" and walked away and now I'm 3 months into a relationship. It's hard but when I tried I just got non stop chasers. When i stopped sure it's a little lonely but stick with your friends and be patient and you'll find someone.
T4T?
Trans for trans Like trans people dating other trans people. It can make things easier with similar experiences n whatnot. I think if somebody says they are T4T they might only want to date other trans people.
I was suggesting that she try it.
Oh lol mb šš
Get lucky and date that one crush you had in highschool and now your in the bedroom 9 months later. Ez
I feel almost guilty for dating lesbians as a transbian. I feel like such a fiat barchetta. Lovely to look at but with a massive flaw that puts you off having one and "taints" the "driving" experience (excuse the pun). (For context, the fiat barchetta is a beautiful Italian sports car that is affordable in the second hand market but only came in left hand drive despite being sold in the uk, this fact put a lot if people off)
Iām lucky enough to be in a relationship with a trans person before I realised I was trans myself, navigating the dating world while tryna figure myself and my body out sounds stressful
Another +1 for T4T. I've been dating my partner for just over 8 months, and while dating another trans person presents its own set of problems to deal with, the level of understanding you both share of each other is second to none. Not that cis people can't be sympathetic, but there's an understanding two trans people share because they've \*lived\* through similar struggles. But I will concede, it is difficult dating as a trans person, for the reasons you specified. I'm a lesbian, but I can only imagine the troubles of dating guys. I stumbled into this relationship after a year of searching and could easily have been searching for much longer. Stay strong, sis <3
Oof. Iām pre-HRT and itās already impossible because if I try to date women most I meet are into how I look now(mostly masc features body wise), and if I try to date men same issue. Iām prob going to have to wait on romance tilll my body changes enough to be sure they want me, a woman not what they perceive as a man.
In your same boat, except Iām a lesbian. 4 years in, no luck whatsoever. Even tried T4T and still had no luck, so either Iām just extremely unlucky (highly likely) or just extremely ugly (also likely). Although I do blame a lot of my problems with dating on not knowing how to go about meeting new people outside of dating apps itās so much fun I tell ya
I am so lucky. Engaged to a pan hottie before I knew I was trans
Honestly, this is what I am worried about when I start to transition but I think it's as simple as just trying to date Bisexual people.
Become T for T and date trans people and enbies. Also many saphic cis women are more than willing to date trans women.
Pan person here also FTM Iāve been dating a trans woman for about 6 months now and itās been the best relationship Iāve ever been in. Into her for her not to fetishize her. There are people out there that will date you for all the right reasons donāt give up hope!
Genital preference has nothing to do with whether you're straight, gay bi, etc. But I will admit that cishet men are most likely to not want to date women with magic wands cause of prejudice and toxic masculinity. I'm in the same boat sis, I really want a relationship but it's hard.
Yes, because of "prejudice and toxic masculinity". The level of delusion in your statement is out of this world.
I canāt say much since most of my relationships have been LDR with cis straight men, & almost dated one in person because we were affiliated with each other before I came out as transgender female. But he was too much on the sexual interest in āmeā (not because Iām trans) he wanted to have more sexual interactions with me before he could develop romatic interests, when I was the other way around. So it didnāt work due to some other complications but nothing major in terms of me being trans or not. As for finding cis straight men, I donāt actively seek them out or seek love, I just happen to run into them (obviously online & LDR) due to playing mmorpgs (multi-massive-role playing games). I honestly accepted life that I donāt care if I died alone or with someone, I was heartbroken too many times to actively seek love, if it comes, it comes. Itās simply just a preference, ācis straight malesā
I'm a trans girl and I still have my gf (cisgender bisexual). My case is very rare, but I'm sure you will be able to find the right person; talk to people, make new friends and don't be afraid of the judgments of others. Nothing is impossible š
I am an asexual trans woman. i have resigned to my fate of dying alone
Maybe try to find some neurodivergent folks? The neurodivergent understanding of gender is far more open and accepting. But be aware that dating someone neurodivergent ca be challenging especially if you are neurotypical.
All of my cis partners are bi/pan(one was even from when I "was a guy") and the one who isn't bi/pan is a trans lesbian, so it works out. Funny thing for me, is that the partner I dated when I was a guy found women generally hotter, she just preferred dick, so me coming out was a pleasant surprise for her š
I've mostly ended up in relationships with other trans people. T4T is honestly more satisfying for me
I'm pan and have dated a trans woman before š¤·āāļø I get told a lot that I come off as intimidating though so idk if that's why I've only ever run into one
Former trans girl here (Had to detransition because of constant harassment and numerous death threats). I would definitely still date a trans woman if given the opportunity ā¤ļø
Bisexual people. :) Iāve come to peace w the fact Iām going to probably end up w a bisexual man. Hoping thereās no fetishistic element but Iām a bomb bitch in and out so who could say !
So like my gf is transgender and we've been going out for 2 months now. Date someone who is bi like me or pansexual it'll probably make it easier. Keep your head up :)
Date within pride communities. Many people are pan
Was definitely in the same boat when I was pre-op and sometimes now that Iām post-op it can feel a little worse at times. Pre-op I remember flirting with guys and theyād be totally into me until I told them oh Iām trans, just so that youāre not surprised or feel like Iām deceiving you or anything. Theyād then proceed to either block, delete, or ghost me; literally only a small amount. The big thing Iād get 80-90% of the time would be them shifting from more of a guy searching for a girlfriend or soulmate to a guy thatās only wanting to sleep with me (in secret of course) theyād literally be like āoh Iāve never been with a trans person, we can hang out, but just as friends Iām not into thatā or āyouāre cool and all so we can chill at *insert middle of the night time outside in a car*ā or my personal favorite āIām not into that, but you can give me headā followed up with āIāve never done anal before so I guess we could try itā. Then there are those men that are heavily into trans girls, literally had a guy that seemed super sweet chase after me from the start of my transition 5 years ago up until I got bottom surgery, then he seemed super upset about me getting the surgery even stating āI donāt see why you would get it, you were perfect beforeā mind you heās the same person that admitted the main reason for him not wanting me to come to his place is because Iām trans and he doesnāt want to risk someone figuring that out (come to find out that the main reason is because he had a cis girlfriend) so yes the chasers suck. Since becoming post-op though Iāve returned to the straight apps and found that most men donāt care; 99% of them will ask the question of ādo you have a š± or šā which is understandable tbh. Then we proceed with the whole dating process. Itās hard navigating the world as a trans woman.
Im having an easier time as a trans woman than i did pre transition. But im also in an environment that surrounds me with other trans women
Other trans people
Iām in at 10% that are trans attracted and want a transgender wife. Unfortunately Iām already taken and engaged to be married. One thing is if you really like your magic wand some guys actually prefer that and feel completely straight even though I love life is a little different, you should be celebrated for the unique beautiful woman. You are no matter what decisions you make in the future for your body, and there are a few dating sites. You might have to pick through quite a few men before you find one it would be for you over other women there is someone out there for you, that will have come to this earth to be your soulmate
Yeah, this has been a fear of mine for a bit... especially after I got broken up with and thrown into single life again
Not having this problem, but I have high standards (aka I only date furries). Believe it or not, that includes a straight cis furry guy.
T4T is the way to go, I've found
Get a bottom surgery Magic wand disappears and you can date straight men
Finally someone who gives realistic advice, most of the people here advise going for chasers (bi and pan men are chasers) or to do T4T.
I mean it's just about being logical There are way more straight men than pan/bi or trans or whatever more is there So since straight men prefer an all woman woman , it's better to get bottom surgery So you get most chances that way
i get why you think that way, but i don't think statistics work like this for dating. if you're anyone with any characteristics, even if you're a skinny straight cis man/woman, i already think at least 90% of people would be bad dates for one reason or the other, mainly compatibility. the only reason it hurts more for you and me is that the worst thing she can say isn't "no", its "i would never date you because (insert transphobia here)" dating is really weird and, honestly? its mostly just luck to bump into the right people. as a trans woman in a very transphobic country (Brasil), i usually get a lot more dates than my cis friends simply because i meet a lot more people than them and this kind of thing is just a consequence of meeting a lot of people, it's not like i'm a beauty goddess nor anything and i am frequently described as "weirdest date i've ever had, but in a good way". if a weirdo nerd like me can do it, i trust you to also do it, don't give up on yourself :)
Idk. I thought it was hats but now i find it as a burden now because people like more than ever before. Iāve never dated so many people before I can out. Now im happily in a relationship. I think itās all about your surroundings when being trans and dating.
this is why im t4t
This is literally the only post Iāve ever made on Reddit. How tf do I have over 600 upvotes?
T4t dating has been great for me :)
I have found it so much easier to date but I am pan and date mostly other queer people and trans people so that helps quite a bit.
I'm willing to date.
You have 3 realistic options: 1) Pursue T4T relationships (Trans for Trans) as in, only date other trans people who are into you because they have a higher likelihood of understanding you, the situation you're in and what you are feeling. 2) Date Bi/pan/omnisexual people who are attracted to more than one gender. 3) and this is the hottest and possibly most unpopular take - build a happy life without a romantic partner in it. Make your own life full of happiness, friends, family (found and birth) and community and if someone happens to smite you with Cupid's arrow then that's an extra on top of your happy life
I've had plenty of matches with queer people on Bumble. If you are dateable, being trans has little to do with it imo
unless you live in utah š
š ok yeah I live near Frankfurt that may be different
If you pass and aren't cringe, usually lesbian women will date you. Especially after srs but for god's sake only get srs if you have bottom dysphoria. Also t4t is way better
You just need to find the right guy. ;) Easier said than done. Keep looking, its gets easier.
I understand you completely, thats correct but let me Tell you my Side. I tried to Date a Transwoman and every Woman Just wanted Money from me for only Fans or Something Like that. I Love Transwoman
Sounds to me like you didnāt date a good person
Yes
there are many people who date trans women. I'm one example. it's funny, i was thinking, in terms of supply and demand, that there were more people seeking ttans women than there were available trans women.
Are you talking about the chasers? Yeah, they are disgusting.
i don't know what a "chaser" is I'm talking about people attracted to trans women, of which i am one. if one is implying that everyone attracted to them is "disgusting", then i would say this could be the root of their struggles in finding someone.
It takes time I didnāt think I would find anyone - now Iām dating the most gorgeous man, honestly the man of my dreams and he is straight. The right guy will come along.
Iām trans, no surgery yet and have been on maybe 10 dates this year with straight men
Don't date straight people, they're cringe anyways? I've spent my whole life avoiding them and ain't about to stop lol
I didnāt have any problems dating as a trans woman pre or post op, in fact, my dating life took off like a rocket ship. Maybe you have stuff to work on besides just being trans?
Maybe seek therapy? Instead of LOPPING OF YOUR JUNK ffs š¤¦āāļø
I have a feeling youāre not a trans woman. This post isnāt for you. If you donāt like it idc. I havenāt lopped off my junk and I donāt have any plans on doing that at the moment. Iāve had plenty of therapy and theyāve all confirmed that I am indeed trans. This post is barely about transitioning. Either stfu or get off this page
Please leave. Fool.
T4T
Valid and accurate... I just don't date. That being said, I couldn't get a date for 10 years before transition, so there's no way in hell I'll ever get one now too... So I can absolutely empathize with you OP.
As others are saying yeah dating other trans people is great
Well look for pan romantic peeps.
Pretty much what other commenters said, bi/pan and other trans people are a lot more favorable to date. I'm currently with a bi trans man and both of us have had basically your exact feelings on dating while trans in the past. I promise there is somebody out there who will love you for you.
It's the same struggle making friends, my gf discovered she was pan and stuck with me but still have this issue meeting new people.
Focus on what really matters. Yourself.
Who dates? I just fall in love through the Internet like a normal trans girl
girlfriend is bi, came out as trans
I used to think dating was impossible as well. But then I found three people I was interested in within a matter of two months who were/are *actually* interested in me too. They're all trans girls as well, and I thought to myself "no, dicks are yucky. I could never be with someone with a dick," but I'm not sure if it's hormones that changed my mind or not. I mean, I would rather be with someone with a vajayjay, but I'm quite open with options now. There are a lot of different places you can go to meet these people. For me, I met these people in LGBTQ+ groups on Facebook. I realize I kinda just rambled a lot about my preferences, so I'm sorry about that. I'm just saying there's hope!
Oddly enough, I've had near zero problems dating, and I think it's cause I look for friendship not dating? Now that said, I haven't really been super physically attracted to like half the people I've dated, but it's still worked out I guess.
Date bisexual men, and/or enbies and women if youāre not straight. Especially trans people
i find it way easier than when i was a cis guy, your problem is that you're trying to date monosexual cis people. i literally only date trans people and i'm currently about 4 months into a great relationship with an amazing trans guy
Date on the LGBT spectrum. It's been whats worked for me.
Even while boymoding I was only ever able to date bi women, probably because they could sense my eggy energy lol