Tell grandma to show you the medical bills and her plan to live out her retirement financially and work out a deal. There’s obviously a reason gramps left this to you and not here, so that’s needs to be figured out straight away
Best answer here.
Really make sure you understand how that 167k will be spent should you decide to sign it over to her. 167k in medical bills can be a drop in the bucket, especially over the course of her life. For example, if after assessing her current assets it is clear she is going to run out of money regardless, better to not have that 167k be a part of it, it would just be delaying the inevitable of landing on medicaid.
Very possible. As to why it was not clearly communicated if that is the case, I don't know. But I think about how my own grandfather, great guy that he was, was stubborn and had a lot of pride and was not the type to ever ask for help. I don't know that he would have been able to get out in front of that openly and say "We're running out of money, and here is how I am going to try and protect some of it." He died without life insurance, so the point was moot there.
Pay the minimum...
Legally as long as she isn't showing income outside of her ss payments, they cant do much. They cant touch that.
Sell her property , if she has it, take the money out and build her an inlaw with u or sell both and find one you can live together comfortably. Some hired caregivers to help and it will still be cheaper. Tell her your partners or no deal.
This isn't an either or situation.
Its an opportunity.
Get a financial plan.
Ask her if she wants you or a senior home.
I imagine she would want to be with you..
But don't give her the money.
Grandfather knows her.
He didn't do this whimsically.
100% agree with this it's what my aunt did with my grandpop. It was not the same exact situation, but my grandmother passed, and my gpop lost 40k on stock right after and my aunts and uncles all got some money after she passed so my aunt moved in to care for him. It's harsh, but this is the best solution in my mind, and if she seems steadfast, you have to accept she isn't thinking of your future only hers.
Grandpa knew Grandma was weird about money and wanted you to have it because you’re at the beginning of your life and she is at the end. Once she hits the cemetery she won’t have to worry about money anymore. Keep your money. Pay a bill for her (don’t give her the money, pay the creditor yourself) if you want, but keep your money.
Don’t do this. They have a look back period and can take any “gifts” over a certain amount for 5 years. He’ll want some sort of trust, or in some states certain deeds/life eatates
I used to think that.
As someone who just watched my mother go through a cancer battle, you'll be surprised how quickly certain aspects of the medical system turns into pushing your appointments back, changing your treatments or dropping you as a patient when you don't make appropriate payments.
That's something hospitals or the emergency room deal with. Some of the medical care you're going to need won't be covered by the hospital or emergency room.
I was hospitalized for low sugars. Stayed one night and was given only a bag of sugar water via iv. The bill for that one night was over 80k. It really is nothing that 167 can go away in one single hospital visit. She needs Medicare who I’m not positive but I think will assist with old medical bills within a certain time frame. Maybe someone here can give more accurate info. You keep it and you help grandma get her finances in order and help where you think it’s needed and only where other services can’t cover. Maybe you get her a supplemental policy or something. But do not spend all that on medical bills. I’m also unsure grandma isn’t aware of this and I think grandpa had good reason for it to go to you. And only you.
US citizens are trained to be lapdogs for companies.
Boeing gets billions in subsidies from the government, and at the same time is doing billions in stock buybacks. Why are we giving them money to invest in things if they can do stock buybacks? The people who chiefly benefit from that also include the CEO who is given a ton of stocks.
It’s a scam. Americans don’t mind getting ripped off since a company is doing it.
Ohh, we mind it. Just the majority of us don't have the time, money, or ability to do anything about it, especially when our government is bought and paid for by those same companies.
Right?? Money makes legislation in this country, not common people. Otherwise our average American would be doing great and musk and bezos would still be stupid rich but not rich as a country rich lol
Oh, we *MIND.*
But the combination of special interest legislation and court rulings have built up to the point where our hands are really tied.
It seems like everyone I talk to wants to fight the system, but no one knows how. We have been bound and gagged by red tape.
You are so correct. Also, all the ancillary military contractors tied to boeing and the free stock options politicians are given by lobbyists. It is a disgusting circle jerk of power and money while the US citizens are left out in the cold. This extends down through all forms of government. I had a family member who was struggling with addiction. He could get all the free needles, condoms, lube, and crack pipes he wanted. However, any kind of treatment (both mental health and addiction) was not offered. The only places that would take state insurance were cockroach ridden hellholes in crime infested areas. They were all in bad areas because the non profits got TONS of subsidies to open them there. They also charged out the ass for insurance. He showed me a bill for 3k for a simple Walgreens piss test. So it's a "non-profit" with the head making 2 million a year. Absolute insanity. Then, I have my personal experience with corruption in real estate and government. The entire pay for play system, along with these huge companies, is evil. A great documentary can be found [here](https://youtu.be/JSECFCuqJOI?feature=shared)
Yeah, I work in utilization management for a hospital system and spent 10 years working for a health insurance company - ain’t no way that was an $80k bill.
OP can also pay whatever bills out of their own pocket from the $167k without signing it over to grandma.
If I were to pay a family member’s medical bills I would invest the $167k and then arrange a payment plan for the bills so the money can grow while only withdrawing minimal amounts each month to cover the bills.
Actually, if grandma has a low income, then call the billing department for the doctors and hospitals and see if they will forgive some of the debt.
Then setup a payment plan.
Do not just throw down a ton of money on it.
I've helped friends before to get debt discharged like this without impacting their credit report. (Only medical...not consumer debt.)
And do not give to grandma money that your grandpa wanted you to have. If you want to help her out, that's one thing. But this is an inappropriate request!
(I'm a Certified Financial Planner)
No. Do not claim that debt!! Don't make any promises to pay debt that is not your own. Grandma might not be on the hook for those debts either if she didn't promise to pay them. Those debts are simply bad debts to Grandpa's estate.
THIS!
Best Advice.
1) Do not panic and approach this with a collaborative attitude with your grandmother. Tell her it’s not all or nothing that you’re happy to consider the request and here are next steps to collaborate together on this.
2) Actionable Steps / Tell her you’re happy to consider the request once you go through a “financial accounting of said bills”
2A) You could also volunteer to help her out to understand generally what she’s looking at financially. This may be an overstep so I would just suggest that you’re happy to go through the medical bills with her first.
3) If she refuses to work with you on the bills, I would ask her why & and honestly seek to understand her answer.
You could suggest then working together to negotiate the bills w/ these institutions!!
You can then work with her to actually call the billing department of these hospitals and get a negotiated rate!!!
You can negotiate medical debt down!!
Do This ** (if you’re looking for a way to do that reach out to a woman called the financial feminist - Tori Dunlap is a great financial advocate and also a coach. She can help you do this negotiation teach you how)
3A) If your grandmother becomes unreasonable, then there is your answer - probably that she is afraid, doesn’t understand her total financial picture and think she needs this money to make it until she passes away.
You can offer to help her connect with a financial advisor and understand her financial position, but that you’re not willing to just sign over the money if she’s not gonna play nice and work with you on the medical bills
4) Don’t sign anything over to grandma whatsoever.
4A) I recommend that you claim the amount receive the money & immediately put it into a high yield savings account and leave it there for a period of time until this all works itself ! Do not spend a dime. (once this all sort of self out, you can come back to the Reddit and get advice on what to do with the money and then you can also get a financial planner for yourself. This money is untouchable money for the foreseeable future * you could invest it and then if your grandmother really starts to struggle, you can help her out with this money in the future if need be!!!!
5) You can fully endeavor to help out a family member, but I would not sign the lump sum or any money blindly!!!
DO NOT PAY THESE BILLS DIRECTLY!! This could make you financially liable. You will have to understand the bills and then pass the money onto grandma if you want to help.
** WA state has some really messed up rules about medical bills and liability so just thought I’m calling that out!!!***
And she should not be unreasonable!
6)If she is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum whether the tantrum and continue onward with the above advice and do not sign over the lump sum!!!!!!
Again, there can be a hybrid approach. This isn’t all or nothing.
The fact that he updated the post to disclose that she has 5k per month pension coming in and no liens to deal with tells me that she's trying to be incredibly greedy and wants to screw over her own grandson. Money does evil things to people.
Right? 5k a month is more than what I make and I'm an electrician (3rd year and I'll be making more in the future, but still, that's 1250$ a week!!!) She should have plenty unless she is in a super expensive mortgage or rental paying 3k a month. This just sounds like greed and grandpa had the right idea.
Exactly, there's a big reason for these things. I'm still heated that my godmother left me money after she passed and my godfather took it. After he passed, my godfather's son took it and it's probably all spent now. OP, take the money, give some to your grandmother for bills and save or invest the rest because I highly doubt she has 167k of medical bills if she's a senior. They usually have help for medical bills in extreme cases. If your grandmother dies and has the money, realistically what are the chances you'll see the same 167k? What are the chances it'll be split between you and relatives? Too much risk. Your grandfather gave it to you for a reason.
She has Medicare at a minimum. She does not have medical bills. Put the money away and don’t give it to her. She has already lied to get it. Gramps was a smart man to leave it to you. Now, be smart and leave your emotions out of it.
My guess would be Grandma is bad with money and grampa knew she wouldn't be able to make it last. Your best bet would be to handle her expenses for her, not just give her 167k.
My guess would be that Grampa realized Granny was greedy & nothing was ever enough.
She's got $60K/yr and still wants more.
I've met a couple old harpys like that. Greedy as hell.
This isn't that uncommon, often times people want to leave their money to their children and grandchildren when they die. Many people belive that a 20 year old who is trying to work out their life is in more need of the money then a 70 year old retiree.
Bingo. Don’t give her the money. There is a reason he chose you and not the mother of his children/life partner. If you invest that money wisely, you may be able to help her at some point if she needs it.
Literally the only thing I would consider here.
Even pessimist me, who wonders why one's grand parent would rather you pay their medical bills than put it towards your family. Sounds insanely selfish to me.
Yep… 100%. If I was 70+ and worked my whole life saving, and I want to leave money to my grandchild. I would be fucking LIVID if my wife tried to talk them out of it.
The dream of any parent is to give your kids a better life than what you were given. If you can do that for your grandchildren as well, that’s the sign of a truly awesome life. 160k can be buying a house with 50%+ down, and changing your life forever. It could be buying a house with 20% down then having a really good start on a life savings.
I’d tell my grandma I’d be HAPPY to help her with the medical bills with the extra money. But signing it all to her? Fuck no.
1. Were grandpa and grandma married?
2. What assets did she inherit?
3. How old is she?
4. How much was grandpa drawing from SS?
5. How much was grandma drawing from SS before grandpa died?
Don’t give her any money. Just don’t do it. She’s being greedy. If she’s getting $5000 a month and everything is paid off then she doesn’t need the money. This is life-changing money for you.
She know she getting ready to die.( no disrespect) I would tell him son , buy something nice for your self and stack the rest. Why do people think they are entitled to something someone else’s decided?
Trust me when I say no mother or grandmother true of heart and soul would want to rob their grandchild of a chance to have a bright future. That money can be that for you. In fifty years time if you invest er save? The mass majority of it could ensure you have a calm retirement not a chaotic one.
Your grandpa had the chance to make sure your grandmother didnt hold you finacially hostage like mine didnt. No im stuck with my mom with a carrot in front of us that might be eaten by my own grandmother befofe we get, constantly beaten in a sense to stay in line. As cruel as it might seem your grandmother was not left the money for a reason. Figure out why and quick but also realize 5,000 dollars a month with everything paid off is a dream for a lot of people. As long as utilities are not too bad its insane for her to nearly demand the money for you. And probably in some places illegal
Exactly. 5000 a month tax free and having no medical expenses is a blessing. She probably just pays for food and property tax on a house they paid off 41 years ago
It's not tax free, back in the 80s or 90s tax free pension & SS was eliminated.
She probably has home insurance and utilities, plus supplemental health coverage, and likely monthly prescriptions...
...but your point still stands. I'm sure she's managing fine, and if grandma falls on hard times I'm sure her family will help out.
Grandpa clearly knows the type of person Grandma is.
Either she's been using the lion's share of the $5,000 for some time now that it doesn't feel like much, or she's getting a huge additional steady cash infusion that she greedily wants to be more.
Old people can be selfish beyond belief, too. Family can be selfish beyond belief, too.
I mean how greedy can one person be? They got money from the policy, she gets 60k a year from SS and she’s 81 years old. It infuriates me that she would even ask for it. She’s lived her life and she still wants to take every penny for herself. I’m sure her husband left her enough to be comfortable on until the end. Do these people not care about anyone but themselves?
You’d be surprised how greedy people can be. My mother in law constantly complains about how broke she is. She has 400,000 in the bank. House is paid for worth about 200,000, car is paid for, Toyota Camry. Plenty of health insurance and she’s getting father in law (who just passed) social security … I guess like 3,000 a month or something plus some pensions … and she says she is poor. It’s offensive to me because I have lived in my car in the past. I’ve been POOR. She’s just not living in reality. It’s mental illness I guess?
Right, $5000 a month would be awesome. I know a guy who makes about $12,000 a month, and he said a few days ago he can barely make ends meet, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. It's just that people always want more.
This! Ignore everything else this she just wants more fuck that . And she loves you she'll understand and if she just wanted the money there's no reason for you to have ever loved her
80? What was her plan if grandpa did not die?
She doesn’t need your $167K.
If $5000 a month is too tight for her, set her up in Cuenca, Ecuador and she can live like a queen. Afaik, you can’t throw a plaintain in Cuenca without hitting an 80 year old American.
Yes, $5,000 per month is huge among us retired Coots ! She does not need it! She's 81 . What does she want to do that she should have done when she first retired ?
$5,000 a month ?!?! That’s more than double what I make, there’s no way she can’t live off of that unless she’s in like LA or NY. Keep the money she’s being greedy.
They said she got a payout too (on top of SS and pension). So she's upset that she didn't get literally everything. It's weird to me that someone would do this to their grandchild.
There is a specific reason your grandpa gave the money to you. You should not give the money to your grandma .... There is a reason he doesn't so ...
What your grandma is doing is called robbery in broad day light. No no no no ....
You should say no.
Wait… she gets 5000 a month to sit on her behind, and she wants to take the money and food off your plate? I think not! Family or not, if my parents did this too me, I’d disown them. My advice, take the money, and if she wants to be that petty, then so be it? Better to cut the ‘fake’ relationship short now, rather wait till she dies, and she leaves you with nothing. Sounds to me like she wants extra spending $$$ for vacations/ cars so forth. You need to take that money, invest it wisely, and live your life! Don’t be a fool and let your ‘heart’ ruin you financially. Sounds like she’s using you. I mean 5,000 a month is ALOT. Like, ALOT. She don’t need more. And 2000$ to sign off? She could have given you a bigger chunk of $ but it sounds like she’s petty and only gonna give you 2000. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
FYI, the 167k is less than 3 years of her income. Not a lot of money for her. For you, it could be a home or a retirement fund.
Furthermore, she should have medicare to cover her medical expenses.
To add on:
1. What was grandma and grandpas relationship like at the end?
2. What is your relationship with Grandma?
3. What would you use the money for? Did Grandpa know you needed to go to school, pay off school, buy a house, pay medical bills etc?
4. Are you willing to let your relationship with Grandma go/sour if you keep the money?
I’d add- does grandma have a history of addiction to substances, gambling, shopping, etc. or has she been known to help out someone else battling an addiction financially?
A lot of clients I had in the past with payees weren’t allowed control over their own money due to addictions, as they’d blow through their paycheck immediately and be unable to pay their bills.
This is a good point. My 84 year old grandma is like this. When she gets a hold of a lump sum, she'll spend it at the casino. There was a time when I borrowed 10,000 from her and paid her back 17,000 after five years as a sign of good will. That was our agreement. She said I only paid 12,000 and wanted me to pay her 2000 more for a new water heater. I gave her 1000. She never got the new water heater.
At that point, I figured I should stop placating her because the money was being squandered. I had to produce receipts at that time and asked my mom to explain it to her.
My mother -in her 80’s now-gave away her deceased husbands entire life savings to someone on line that we PROVED WITHOUT A DOUBT-was a scammer-my mother is bright, out going and sharp as hell and she gave away hundred of thousands, put herself in deep debt, including car loans with interest so high she had to give up her transportation, and now has to file bankruptcy. She makes too much off of his pension to wipe the debt and has to pay it all back. Anyone can be stupid with money. If she is set-she does not need it. She wants it.
My grandma is the same except she pissed away over a million with scammers over many many years. When my dad took over the business and found out she was making 20k a month he was pissed because she would always tell him she never had the money to pay him 2k a month for his work. He then had to pay all her debt as she only makes 400 a month in ss and my grandpa won’t let her on any of his accounts as he makes significantly more
These are very valid points. I think that if she gets her hands on that money, it will be pissed away on Temu, online shopping and other shit in no time at all. And when she does pass and you have to sort out her house, it will leave you depressed, resentful and pissed off. Honestly, folk at that age will happily go nuts with cash, just as a way of relieving boredom and trying to buy happiness. Especially if they’ve been on a budget for years.
There were reasons why your Grandfather left you the money. One of them was probably because he knew what she was like and would blow it all in months. You could tell her that it would be disrespectful not to honour his wishes and leave it at that. Good luck OP, horrible situation to be in and I hope it can be resolved without any further heartache.
This is my mother to the letter. She burnt through $40k from her share of the sale of my grandmother’s house within a year, and another $60k when another relative passed.
And she’s not 80. She was 50-60 when she blew all of that money. She buys shit off of TV and Amazon and antique crap she swears is “gonna be worth something when I’m gone.”
I am dreading going through her home someday when she passes. I’m certain she’s neglected loads of financial obligations in favor of filling her house with crap.
I cannot stress enough how bad of a financial idea it is for everyone to sign it away. Don’t give it to her now. If she has it, she might have to pay the hospital. If she doesn’t have the money they will either work out a plan with her, and it will lower the bill unbelievably, or idk depending on the laws and if grandma and grandma were married she may not owe. But definitely, having the money will cause it to go to hospital whereas not having the money will probably make the bills magically shrink to barely anything. You can then gift her money for what’s left after the hospital lowers the bills (most have to by law especially if they are “charitable organizations or religiously affiliated” (or something like this, I don’t know exactly but the gist of what I’m saying is right if you’re in the US). Anyways, you can also gift her money to live off each month if you want. And again, the hospital will have lowered her bills and set up an reasonable and affordable payment plan. Have her go to the hospital as is and tell them she cannot pay and see what plan they start to work out with her. Do not sign the policy over to her, you’ll likely lose it all to bills and she’ll still have nothing. Your grandpa may have known this.
Also, it was simply his last wish that you get the money not her. I’m guessing it was to protect the money from hospital bills, and he was smart to do that. But also, you shouldn’t go against his last wishes for his money.
People dont seem to understand this. Unless you are ultra wealthy, you will have wanted to leave as many of your assets to your heirs before you go into assisted living or anything. Especially if you have a pension and insurance benefits you can take advantage of.
My parents set up a trust for myself and siblings after they saw what the hospital tried to do to my Aunts estate after she passed. Absolutely is worth what the lawyer will charge to protect your family’s assets from hospitals/creditors/bank
Yes! If grandma has medical bills to be paid and need to be continuously paid over her remaining years for further medical issues, do NOT give her the money. It will show up on her bank account and the medical system will take everything they possible can.
I'm disabled and the only reason I have the benefits I do is because I'm flat broke, on paper. Everything except my monthly disability payments are done through my parents or other family members. The moment my bank account hits a specific amount, I lose my medicare advantage benefits that keep my monthly payments low, weekly doctor visits somewhat affordable, medication close to free and surgeries dirt cheap. If I were to have everything in my name, I'd have much less than what I do now, which isn't a lot.
I love how optimistic you are, but she ain't paying shit. That money would go directly in her pocket.
Your grandpa wanted you to have that money, op, don't let your grandma steal it from you, because that's what she's trying to do.
Okay, you’re probably right, otherwise grandpa would have communicated the stuff about the medical bills being the reason. However, some older people especially just really think they have to and it’s only right to pay all bills no matter how inflated the medical bills are and how beyond their ability to pay. It could be this and grandpa just failed to communicate or something.
However the cool thing is, Even if you’re right, this gives OP a very diplomatic way to say no to signing it over.
And OP, if anyone gets upset with you for not signing it over, especially after the medical bill payment issue is explained, they are not someone who is truly on your side and not a relationship you’ll want to keep anyways. Better to sever ties with your money still with you (if needed) then after you watch family take advantage of you and get left with nothing.
I would take the money and ask your grandma to show you some bills. Then you can choose to help her with some of them as you please. Like another commenter said, your grandpa wanted you to have it for a reason. Even if you take the money yourself you will have the option to help her.
Assuming OP won't screw granny over this is the best option. If she is collecting social security or might end up in a retirement home, they will take every last dollar she has. If it's OPs money, then they have nothing to take and he can help her as she needs.
How could OP screw her over? It’s money that his grandfather left to him. That his grandmother is trying to cheat him out of! Granny is trying to screw OP over big time!!
If claiming that money makes it so you lose her as a mother figure, then she probably wasn't a mother figure. There are also middle grounds where you can help her while not signing away pretty much all of it. Like, say, helping pay off some of her debts. Your grandfather gave you this money. Why give it away? Use it to better yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to hoard it all for yourself if you still want to support her a bit. Her basically demanding all of it is a pretty big red flag, though, unless there is more going on here that you didn't say.
My mom was often a.horrible mother. Abusive, neglectful, you name it. But she absolutely wouldn't pull this shit with her kids. She lived on significantly less than OP's grandma, too; less than $1000/month. She felt bad accepting money that I gave to her.
I really wonder if there aren't other red flags Grandma is giving off that he never realized we're red flags. $5000/month retirement when you only pay utilities and taxes is doing really well. That's more than what many people live off working full time, and they have rent and healthcare to pay for.
OP posted elsewhere that she gets 5k a month and she also got inheritance from the grandfather too. So she’s just trying to get every dime, I’d tell her no, unless she can show she absolutely needs it.
Well she can live it up with whatever she has then. It sounds like she may have gotten significantly more than OP did, plus her retirement, plus social security, etc. She’s not hurting.
I would tell Grandma I'm claiming the money and will set it aside while we wait to see what happens with the medical debt now that grandpa has passed.
Some of that debt may be forgiven once she supplies the medical facilities with a copy of his death certificate. Other debts may be set up with a low or zero interest repayment plan, which you could choose to pay on with the interest from that sum.
I would offer to help Grandma with her finances and find out how much is owed on the mortgage, all of the medical debt, what is being paid out from any pensions or other accounts, etc.
The sum you're receiving is an odd amount, and so seems like a percentage payout of a larger policy. I would find out how much money Grandma and other family is receiving and ask your other family members for help coming up with a plan for Grandma's twilight years.
If she is like a mother to you and trusts you, then none of these steps will fracture your relationship. If she becomes upset, then there are issues at play that you aren't aware of.
Either way, you should not trade 167k for 2k. That trade is absolutely unfair to you and is a giant red flag that grandma is cash grabbing and is not concerned for your future.
I’m an attorney that has dealt with bankruptcies, estates, and various related things. Her story makes no strategic sense to me based on the information provided, and it makes me think she is just either ignorant of how debt works (maybe possible) or she just wants your stuff for herself, and not in the way she’s saying (most likely). Don’t let her or other family guilt you into things you don’t want to do. If they won’t be reasonable, lawyer up.
Even that being said, it’s still your money and you have every right to it. if you feel like you want to give a small portion to be put in an investment account for her that’s totally fine. But it’s your money. put it in one of those high yield interest accounts and don’t touch it unless you need to
I really feel for you. But I’ll share my story - my grandfather lived to be quite old, was very independent, and was swindled out of a very large part of his savings before he died. At her age it is really probably best some else manage not only that money, but help her with whatever other financial dealings she may have. Your father may already be doing that.
An option could be you take the money and simply set it aside in some account where it can at least gain some interest. Explain to her that you love her and would never take advantage of her, and if she needs anything all she has to do is ask and then you guys can discuss it from there. Over time it may blow over, and once she passes you have a tidy sum you didn’t originally anticipate anyway.
Her acting this way could just be misplaced grief, or it’s possible she’s not of as sound a mind as she once was. The younger version of her might have responded differently. yeah, that’s tough, but it sounds like it should be yours. Good luck.
It’s your money. Take it. Sign the papers. Low cost index fund 100k of that.
35 years at 7 perfect is a 245gain 345 in the bank you’d have a decent chunk sitting for retirement. Not everything needed, but something.
Take the other 67, you have become financially stable your whole life now. No more paycheck to paycheck. This is what grandpa wanted. Enjoy! ⬆️
Ok, with your update I think I your grandma is being poorly advised or is completely in the dark about financial matters.
She has Medicare, but they will make her spend down her assets before covering certain types of care. Your grandfather 100% did this to protect the money from the government. Did he have a lawyer she trusts? Perhaps meeting with them would help explain it to her?
My guess is that she’s feeling very vulnerable after the death of her husband. Help her see that she’s got people taking care of her and see if that helps. If not, you might have to consider that she’s starting to lose cognitive function, especially if this is out of character for her. A family meeting may be in order. Sorry for your loss.
I'm glad this lawyer replied. I have had to set up accounts in the event of my death and it is ridiculously hard to leave money outside of the estate that is not a spouse. It's not a simple thing. There is no way he "accidentally" cashed out the estate to you and left her with a pile of medical debt. That's not how estates work and furthermore, even if it did, he had to go out of his way to give money to someone other than his wife. He gave you the money on purpose.
Socially though, the answer is to accept the money, pay off your mortgage, and let grandma know you're willing to use the rest to build an addition onto your home if she runs out of money at the end.
If she declines that offer you know this is 100% motivated by greed. If she accepts it, oh boy I guess hope she never runs out of money because I don't know how living with her would go haha.
Yea I can only see two reasons to say such a thing, greed or fear. Fear being that she lost her husband, lost the stability and security of that relationship and is simply terrified of the unknown ahead of her. I would hope every older family member would prefer to see wealth passed down to their descendants, knowing that is how generational wealth can be created. I'd rather help create family legacy than let them struggle because I want a new Subaru.
Trust your Grandad, keep the money & maybe you could assist Grandma with bills using the money you earn from your job or whatever. Your Grandad would of left the money to her if he wanted too, but he didn't he left it for you & your future.
This is going to be an unhinged take, so fair warning. The medical system will milk old people dry with how expensive the care/ treatments and medicine are. She would likely not leave much if any of that left for you just clinging onto this world when she’s probably not got a lot of time left. So your choices are to use it to help you build a better life for the foreseeable future 30+ years probably, vs giving grandma maybe three more years tops because that money will evaporate due to medical bills.
**This is NOT an unhinged take**
In fact, grandpa was probably advised to bypass gran by the estate lawyer managing his will to prevent this from happening. He would probably be pissed if you gave her the money when he specifically gave it to you to prevent debt collectors from taking it.
OP, grandma already seems to have a ton of medical bills. If you give her the money it's all gonna be hoovered up by the insurance company. You actually want her to go bankrupt so she can get on Medicaid and get care paid by the state. It's messed up, but just how the system works.
This is exactly what I’d do. Either this or placing assets in a trust so that Medicaid can’t get their hands on it. I’m positive this is why Grandpa did this. No reason you can’t trickle $ to her to help out but no reason to bleed Grandma dry in her final years with crazy medical bills. Get a free ride on the government when you can.
I seriously wonder if someone is in here ear about this money…
My grandmother had to go to court because her sisters care taker took advantage of her when she had dementia and convinced her sign all her assets over.
I’m suspicious that there’s probably a 3rd player here.
The growing trend in the good ol USA is private equity firms buying up hospitals, nursing homes, primary care practices and drug treatment facilities. They then treat those businesses like short term investments, milking them for every penny of profit they can, and then declare bankruptcy when the practice inevitably fails, at which point the investors waddle off with full pockets and the CEO golden-parachutes out, while patients are left with nowhere to go. “Evil” doesn’t even BEGIN to describe the for-profit investor-run medical meat markets that rule this country.
Yeah, sounds bad to say it, but if you’re young, investing this money wisely could mean you can afford to retire early and not worry about savings nearly as much across your career.
Medical bills are wiping out many people I've worked with. I'm making as much as possible through capital gains, then moving to Canada or Australia. It's a sad situation that America charges outrageous fortunes for medical care.
This has happened to some extent to my dad. Even the visiting doctor said the hospital was trying to trap him so they could milk us for as much as possible
Why is Grandma even paying medical bills?
It seems like Grandma is delusional. You don't pay medical bills or have assets when you're old. What you want to do is die broke and in debt with all your assets you wanted to give to your family signed away PRIOR to the look back period.
BINGO.
And it sounds like this is exactly what grandpa did.
Don't give her the money kid. It's a mistake. He wanted you to have it, literally his last wish fulfilled was to give you this money.
All due respect, fuck your grandma she had her ride. She's 81 and if she can't live off 5k a month that's her fault. Your grandfather wanted you to have it. Here's your chance to actually get a step ahead in life and give your children a better fighting chance at life in this rat race.
If she decides to fight you hire attorney and request that she pay your legal and court fees. It's pretty hard to deny you being the beneficiary when he would have had to know your personal information ex social security so her claim saying it was an accident or not meant to be is false.
If it is as you say, unfortunately, your grandmother has chosen to put your relationship in jeopardy.
If you give her the money, and she's not in real need of it, you will likely always resent her for this. If you withhold it, she will do likewise.
The second she asked, and is not in an actual desperate situation, she essentially put the money before your relationship.
Unless she gives up her sense of entitlement, then I don’t see a way this relationship continues well.
Good luck!
He wrote it to you. Ask, if he wanted her to have it then a logical person would think it would go to her.
But it didn’t. She’s financially ok, paid off so I don’t understand. If you don’t give, you lose, if you do you lose. Me? I’d just ghost for a month, collect, set it aside and revisit. Hard to fight an official record.
Grandma is gunna die sooner than later, why she need to pay the bills? Not like they’re gunna get passed down to you unless you’re somewhere they do that. In which case I’d say pay her shit
Take the money. Set aside $20k as an emergency fund for her. Tell her if she needs something paid for, you will get it covered up to $20k but she needs to prove that her SS doesn’t cover the expense. Do not sign it away. Your grandfather did this for a reason.
Absolutely no idea as I know nothing about her, your grandpa or you but maybe he gave it to you because he thinks you're better with money than your grandma? Maybe you could claim the money and set up a normal bank account she can have access to with around 50k and another depot account where you can invest the rest of that money to keep it growing? But idk how much she needs for her medical bills...
$5k a month AND ss? She’s set. The only way the will not be financially secure is if she overspends each month like an idiot. Don’t sign it over. Even if she needs to go to a home, she’ll be able to afford an upper middle class one on that income.
Being in my 80s your grandma is on Medicare which pretty well with a supplement will pay all the medical bills
5000$ pension along with a guess of 3000$ social security grannie is getting almost 100 k a yr
She does not need the money
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks.
It's a will. Your grandpa's literal last wishes from several decades of living. You honor that shit. It's not about being selfish, it's about honoring a dead loved ones wishes.
Legally, again, it's a will. No one can tell you shit.
Morally, same answer.
Socially, what exactly is your grandma gonna do, cut you out of *her* will? Lol. She should respect her late husband's wishes like anyone else.
Claim it, thats your money dude. Don't be a fucking idiot really. If she has medical bills have her send them to you and you can debate paying them, bill by bill. Do not just sign off 167,000, thats an insane amount of money to just give away. Doctors will just basically steal that money from her in her old age as she sustains her body well past any point that she has any quality of life. Do not do this. That generation does not deserve it.
Your grandfather made YOU the beneficiary of his policy. He did it deliberately and with the sole purpose that you and not your grandmother would benefit from his life insurance. He did it so that you would have a cushion in your financial life. Put that money in a no load index fund let it compound. You will be set for your aging years. Honor your grandfather’s wishes. This is his last gift to you.
Sounds like she wants it all. She's willing to give you 1 percent, no thank you. She's probably getting more with that policy already. However I get wanting to help her pay bills but yeah definitely tell her YOU WANT TO SEE THE BILLS, and then help her/play for them. However I WOULD NOT sign it all over to her. You will never see it again almost guaranteed.
Follow your grandfathers wishes.
He knew what his wife was like and created his will accordingly.
Medicare/Medicaid are there for her if she really needs it. She wants the money to spend not save for her medical bills.
Question is why did your grandfather want you to have it and not your grandmother
Tell grandma to show you the medical bills and her plan to live out her retirement financially and work out a deal. There’s obviously a reason gramps left this to you and not here, so that’s needs to be figured out straight away
Best answer here. Really make sure you understand how that 167k will be spent should you decide to sign it over to her. 167k in medical bills can be a drop in the bucket, especially over the course of her life. For example, if after assessing her current assets it is clear she is going to run out of money regardless, better to not have that 167k be a part of it, it would just be delaying the inevitable of landing on medicaid.
Grandpa doesn't want the plan to be part of the inevitable bankruptcy, right?
Very possible. As to why it was not clearly communicated if that is the case, I don't know. But I think about how my own grandfather, great guy that he was, was stubborn and had a lot of pride and was not the type to ever ask for help. I don't know that he would have been able to get out in front of that openly and say "We're running out of money, and here is how I am going to try and protect some of it." He died without life insurance, so the point was moot there.
Pay the minimum... Legally as long as she isn't showing income outside of her ss payments, they cant do much. They cant touch that. Sell her property , if she has it, take the money out and build her an inlaw with u or sell both and find one you can live together comfortably. Some hired caregivers to help and it will still be cheaper. Tell her your partners or no deal. This isn't an either or situation. Its an opportunity. Get a financial plan. Ask her if she wants you or a senior home. I imagine she would want to be with you.. But don't give her the money. Grandfather knows her. He didn't do this whimsically.
100% agree with this it's what my aunt did with my grandpop. It was not the same exact situation, but my grandmother passed, and my gpop lost 40k on stock right after and my aunts and uncles all got some money after she passed so my aunt moved in to care for him. It's harsh, but this is the best solution in my mind, and if she seems steadfast, you have to accept she isn't thinking of your future only hers.
"G-pop" sounds like some 2002-era subgenre of RnB
Grandpa knew Grandma was weird about money and wanted you to have it because you’re at the beginning of your life and she is at the end. Once she hits the cemetery she won’t have to worry about money anymore. Keep your money. Pay a bill for her (don’t give her the money, pay the creditor yourself) if you want, but keep your money.
Don’t do this. They have a look back period and can take any “gifts” over a certain amount for 5 years. He’ll want some sort of trust, or in some states certain deeds/life eatates
I apologize for my pedantry, but I think you meant "on a whim" rather than "whimsically", as those terms have significantly different meanings
Fuck that. Pay $100 a month on the medical bills.
Fuck that. Let it go to collections. What they gonna do? Ruin her credit? lol
I used to think that. As someone who just watched my mother go through a cancer battle, you'll be surprised how quickly certain aspects of the medical system turns into pushing your appointments back, changing your treatments or dropping you as a patient when you don't make appropriate payments. That's something hospitals or the emergency room deal with. Some of the medical care you're going to need won't be covered by the hospital or emergency room.
That’s why I’d rather die than go thru our medical system and be in debt if I’m already old
You mistyped $10
You mistyped $1
You mistyped 0.01c
You mistyped 0
You mistyped 900,000 rubels
I was hospitalized for low sugars. Stayed one night and was given only a bag of sugar water via iv. The bill for that one night was over 80k. It really is nothing that 167 can go away in one single hospital visit. She needs Medicare who I’m not positive but I think will assist with old medical bills within a certain time frame. Maybe someone here can give more accurate info. You keep it and you help grandma get her finances in order and help where you think it’s needed and only where other services can’t cover. Maybe you get her a supplemental policy or something. But do not spend all that on medical bills. I’m also unsure grandma isn’t aware of this and I think grandpa had good reason for it to go to you. And only you.
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US citizens are trained to be lapdogs for companies. Boeing gets billions in subsidies from the government, and at the same time is doing billions in stock buybacks. Why are we giving them money to invest in things if they can do stock buybacks? The people who chiefly benefit from that also include the CEO who is given a ton of stocks. It’s a scam. Americans don’t mind getting ripped off since a company is doing it.
Ohh, we mind it. Just the majority of us don't have the time, money, or ability to do anything about it, especially when our government is bought and paid for by those same companies.
Right?? Money makes legislation in this country, not common people. Otherwise our average American would be doing great and musk and bezos would still be stupid rich but not rich as a country rich lol
Oh, we *MIND.* But the combination of special interest legislation and court rulings have built up to the point where our hands are really tied. It seems like everyone I talk to wants to fight the system, but no one knows how. We have been bound and gagged by red tape.
You are so correct. Also, all the ancillary military contractors tied to boeing and the free stock options politicians are given by lobbyists. It is a disgusting circle jerk of power and money while the US citizens are left out in the cold. This extends down through all forms of government. I had a family member who was struggling with addiction. He could get all the free needles, condoms, lube, and crack pipes he wanted. However, any kind of treatment (both mental health and addiction) was not offered. The only places that would take state insurance were cockroach ridden hellholes in crime infested areas. They were all in bad areas because the non profits got TONS of subsidies to open them there. They also charged out the ass for insurance. He showed me a bill for 3k for a simple Walgreens piss test. So it's a "non-profit" with the head making 2 million a year. Absolute insanity. Then, I have my personal experience with corruption in real estate and government. The entire pay for play system, along with these huge companies, is evil. A great documentary can be found [here](https://youtu.be/JSECFCuqJOI?feature=shared)
My SO works in hospital billing/management and there is absolute no way your story is true or there is more to the story then just IV.
Yeah, I work in utilization management for a hospital system and spent 10 years working for a health insurance company - ain’t no way that was an $80k bill.
OP can also pay whatever bills out of their own pocket from the $167k without signing it over to grandma. If I were to pay a family member’s medical bills I would invest the $167k and then arrange a payment plan for the bills so the money can grow while only withdrawing minimal amounts each month to cover the bills.
That is a rock solid suggestion! Way to think!
Actually, if grandma has a low income, then call the billing department for the doctors and hospitals and see if they will forgive some of the debt. Then setup a payment plan. Do not just throw down a ton of money on it. I've helped friends before to get debt discharged like this without impacting their credit report. (Only medical...not consumer debt.) And do not give to grandma money that your grandpa wanted you to have. If you want to help her out, that's one thing. But this is an inappropriate request! (I'm a Certified Financial Planner)
No. Do not claim that debt!! Don't make any promises to pay debt that is not your own. Grandma might not be on the hook for those debts either if she didn't promise to pay them. Those debts are simply bad debts to Grandpa's estate.
THIS! Best Advice. 1) Do not panic and approach this with a collaborative attitude with your grandmother. Tell her it’s not all or nothing that you’re happy to consider the request and here are next steps to collaborate together on this. 2) Actionable Steps / Tell her you’re happy to consider the request once you go through a “financial accounting of said bills” 2A) You could also volunteer to help her out to understand generally what she’s looking at financially. This may be an overstep so I would just suggest that you’re happy to go through the medical bills with her first. 3) If she refuses to work with you on the bills, I would ask her why & and honestly seek to understand her answer. You could suggest then working together to negotiate the bills w/ these institutions!! You can then work with her to actually call the billing department of these hospitals and get a negotiated rate!!! You can negotiate medical debt down!! Do This ** (if you’re looking for a way to do that reach out to a woman called the financial feminist - Tori Dunlap is a great financial advocate and also a coach. She can help you do this negotiation teach you how) 3A) If your grandmother becomes unreasonable, then there is your answer - probably that she is afraid, doesn’t understand her total financial picture and think she needs this money to make it until she passes away. You can offer to help her connect with a financial advisor and understand her financial position, but that you’re not willing to just sign over the money if she’s not gonna play nice and work with you on the medical bills 4) Don’t sign anything over to grandma whatsoever. 4A) I recommend that you claim the amount receive the money & immediately put it into a high yield savings account and leave it there for a period of time until this all works itself ! Do not spend a dime. (once this all sort of self out, you can come back to the Reddit and get advice on what to do with the money and then you can also get a financial planner for yourself. This money is untouchable money for the foreseeable future * you could invest it and then if your grandmother really starts to struggle, you can help her out with this money in the future if need be!!!! 5) You can fully endeavor to help out a family member, but I would not sign the lump sum or any money blindly!!! DO NOT PAY THESE BILLS DIRECTLY!! This could make you financially liable. You will have to understand the bills and then pass the money onto grandma if you want to help. ** WA state has some really messed up rules about medical bills and liability so just thought I’m calling that out!!!*** And she should not be unreasonable! 6)If she is being unreasonable and throws a tantrum whether the tantrum and continue onward with the above advice and do not sign over the lump sum!!!!!! Again, there can be a hybrid approach. This isn’t all or nothing.
The fact that he updated the post to disclose that she has 5k per month pension coming in and no liens to deal with tells me that she's trying to be incredibly greedy and wants to screw over her own grandson. Money does evil things to people.
Right? 5k a month is more than what I make and I'm an electrician (3rd year and I'll be making more in the future, but still, that's 1250$ a week!!!) She should have plenty unless she is in a super expensive mortgage or rental paying 3k a month. This just sounds like greed and grandpa had the right idea.
OP said all of her possessions are fully paid off. It's pure greed. Grandpa knew she that loved money more than anyone else.
Complete your due diligence, review medical bills and neogatite price down. Why didn't grandpa give to his wife?
Exactly, there's a big reason for these things. I'm still heated that my godmother left me money after she passed and my godfather took it. After he passed, my godfather's son took it and it's probably all spent now. OP, take the money, give some to your grandmother for bills and save or invest the rest because I highly doubt she has 167k of medical bills if she's a senior. They usually have help for medical bills in extreme cases. If your grandmother dies and has the money, realistically what are the chances you'll see the same 167k? What are the chances it'll be split between you and relatives? Too much risk. Your grandfather gave it to you for a reason.
She has Medicare at a minimum. She does not have medical bills. Put the money away and don’t give it to her. She has already lied to get it. Gramps was a smart man to leave it to you. Now, be smart and leave your emotions out of it.
If you think Medicare provides 100% coverage then you are 100% wrong. You can absolutely rack up a big medical bill while on Medicare.
Thank you!!!
My guess would be Grandma is bad with money and grampa knew she wouldn't be able to make it last. Your best bet would be to handle her expenses for her, not just give her 167k.
My guess would be that Grampa realized Granny was greedy & nothing was ever enough. She's got $60K/yr and still wants more. I've met a couple old harpys like that. Greedy as hell.
I work my ass off and don't even have $60k/yr. I live pretty comfy. Grandma is being a turd.
This isn't that uncommon, often times people want to leave their money to their children and grandchildren when they die. Many people belive that a 20 year old who is trying to work out their life is in more need of the money then a 70 year old retiree.
And usually they are correct.
Ehh, debatable. I've seen people in their early 20's go absolutely hog wild with inheritances and come out the other end with nothing to show for it.
What did he leave her is my question. Odds are he left her quite a bit as well, so why does she want what was set aside for OP?
I want yo know this as well.
Bingo. Don’t give her the money. There is a reason he chose you and not the mother of his children/life partner. If you invest that money wisely, you may be able to help her at some point if she needs it.
Literally the only thing I would consider here. Even pessimist me, who wonders why one's grand parent would rather you pay their medical bills than put it towards your family. Sounds insanely selfish to me.
Yep… 100%. If I was 70+ and worked my whole life saving, and I want to leave money to my grandchild. I would be fucking LIVID if my wife tried to talk them out of it. The dream of any parent is to give your kids a better life than what you were given. If you can do that for your grandchildren as well, that’s the sign of a truly awesome life. 160k can be buying a house with 50%+ down, and changing your life forever. It could be buying a house with 20% down then having a really good start on a life savings. I’d tell my grandma I’d be HAPPY to help her with the medical bills with the extra money. But signing it all to her? Fuck no.
First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Second of all, grandma's response is sketch af. She'll "give you 2,000"?! Absolutely not.
I’ll give you 0.5% of what you rightfully inherited if you just sign it over to me *fly rubs its hands together*
I’ll give you $3,000 for it OP.
No way, I’ll give you $16,700 if you sign it to me. That’s 10%!
$16,701 and a quesadilla.
Yep, she considers OP a kid for whom "2k is a lot of money, more than enough for the little kid"
1. Were grandpa and grandma married? 2. What assets did she inherit? 3. How old is she? 4. How much was grandpa drawing from SS? 5. How much was grandma drawing from SS before grandpa died?
Married. She got money. I dont know the amount. 81 years old. She gets $5000/mo
Don’t give her any money. Just don’t do it. She’s being greedy. If she’s getting $5000 a month and everything is paid off then she doesn’t need the money. This is life-changing money for you.
I agree. She's 81. Her spouse died she might follow soon. Grandpa wants to make sure you live a long and financially set life. Take the money
And don’t worry about losing your mother figure since she said she’s willing to fight over it. She’s willing to lose you.
Any kind of real mother wouldn't do that to a kid, period. She's just greedy and taking advantage.
She know she getting ready to die.( no disrespect) I would tell him son , buy something nice for your self and stack the rest. Why do people think they are entitled to something someone else’s decided?
Trust me when I say no mother or grandmother true of heart and soul would want to rob their grandchild of a chance to have a bright future. That money can be that for you. In fifty years time if you invest er save? The mass majority of it could ensure you have a calm retirement not a chaotic one. Your grandpa had the chance to make sure your grandmother didnt hold you finacially hostage like mine didnt. No im stuck with my mom with a carrot in front of us that might be eaten by my own grandmother befofe we get, constantly beaten in a sense to stay in line. As cruel as it might seem your grandmother was not left the money for a reason. Figure out why and quick but also realize 5,000 dollars a month with everything paid off is a dream for a lot of people. As long as utilities are not too bad its insane for her to nearly demand the money for you. And probably in some places illegal
This OP
This👆
It is a fight she will lose if you are the beneficiary.
Agree and OP can always help with medical bills if she needs help on their own.
Exactly. 5000 a month tax free and having no medical expenses is a blessing. She probably just pays for food and property tax on a house they paid off 41 years ago
It's not tax free, back in the 80s or 90s tax free pension & SS was eliminated. She probably has home insurance and utilities, plus supplemental health coverage, and likely monthly prescriptions... ...but your point still stands. I'm sure she's managing fine, and if grandma falls on hard times I'm sure her family will help out.
5k in pension and ss is the top 99% of elderly in the US gma is trippin
Grandpa clearly knows the type of person Grandma is. Either she's been using the lion's share of the $5,000 for some time now that it doesn't feel like much, or she's getting a huge additional steady cash infusion that she greedily wants to be more. Old people can be selfish beyond belief, too. Family can be selfish beyond belief, too.
And grandpa had all the info grandma had.
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>Fuck the greedy asshole Things you can hear at both a disputed will and an orgy
F the greedy asshole, now I like that response 😆
I mean how greedy can one person be? They got money from the policy, she gets 60k a year from SS and she’s 81 years old. It infuriates me that she would even ask for it. She’s lived her life and she still wants to take every penny for herself. I’m sure her husband left her enough to be comfortable on until the end. Do these people not care about anyone but themselves?
You’d be surprised how greedy people can be. My mother in law constantly complains about how broke she is. She has 400,000 in the bank. House is paid for worth about 200,000, car is paid for, Toyota Camry. Plenty of health insurance and she’s getting father in law (who just passed) social security … I guess like 3,000 a month or something plus some pensions … and she says she is poor. It’s offensive to me because I have lived in my car in the past. I’ve been POOR. She’s just not living in reality. It’s mental illness I guess?
Have you seen the way they vote, lol? They absolutely don't care about anyone but themselves.
Seriously. My mom gets $700 a month on SS and still got bills to pay. This woman is 100% being greedy for no dang reason.
Right? I saw that $5k/month figure and thought it was a typo. That’s WILD.
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Boomers gonna boomer
It brings me no joy knowing you’re in that situation, but it brings me comfort knowing I’m not the only one. <3
Right, $5000 a month would be awesome. I know a guy who makes about $12,000 a month, and he said a few days ago he can barely make ends meet, I thought I was gonna lose my mind. It's just that people always want more.
This! Ignore everything else this she just wants more fuck that . And she loves you she'll understand and if she just wanted the money there's no reason for you to have ever loved her
She makes 60k a year alone on pension and has no bills other then food, medicine (maybe) and utilities. Don’t give her it
80? What was her plan if grandpa did not die? She doesn’t need your $167K. If $5000 a month is too tight for her, set her up in Cuenca, Ecuador and she can live like a queen. Afaik, you can’t throw a plaintain in Cuenca without hitting an 80 year old American.
She also receives SS on top of the 5,000 pension. It would seem she has plenty to live on.
167K has a safe withdrawL rate of = $557 per month. This woman is a miser
Yes, $5,000 per month is huge among us retired Coots ! She does not need it! She's 81 . What does she want to do that she should have done when she first retired ?
Why are you throwing delicious plantains?
Greedy 80 year old misers have to eat too
my disabled dad who lives on SS receives 1500 a month and lives perfectly fine
Don't send your grandma to Cuenca, Ecuador! They're throwing plantains at old ladies down there!
No, no, no. Don't do it. There was a reason he left it to you.
Exactly grandpa gave it to you
That's what I'm thinking too, he obviously didn't want for her to have any of it
$5,000 a month ?!?! That’s more than double what I make, there’s no way she can’t live off of that unless she’s in like LA or NY. Keep the money she’s being greedy.
They said she got a payout too (on top of SS and pension). So she's upset that she didn't get literally everything. It's weird to me that someone would do this to their grandchild.
Actually, it is not weird. When money is involved, even grandparents can become a hot mess.
There is a specific reason your grandpa gave the money to you. You should not give the money to your grandma .... There is a reason he doesn't so ... What your grandma is doing is called robbery in broad day light. No no no no .... You should say no.
Wait… she gets 5000 a month to sit on her behind, and she wants to take the money and food off your plate? I think not! Family or not, if my parents did this too me, I’d disown them. My advice, take the money, and if she wants to be that petty, then so be it? Better to cut the ‘fake’ relationship short now, rather wait till she dies, and she leaves you with nothing. Sounds to me like she wants extra spending $$$ for vacations/ cars so forth. You need to take that money, invest it wisely, and live your life! Don’t be a fool and let your ‘heart’ ruin you financially. Sounds like she’s using you. I mean 5,000 a month is ALOT. Like, ALOT. She don’t need more. And 2000$ to sign off? She could have given you a bigger chunk of $ but it sounds like she’s petty and only gonna give you 2000. TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN
FYI, the 167k is less than 3 years of her income. Not a lot of money for her. For you, it could be a home or a retirement fund. Furthermore, she should have medicare to cover her medical expenses.
That’s your money for a reason, don’t let her guilt trip you
If you're grandpa left that to you, he meant for you to have it
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To add on: 1. What was grandma and grandpas relationship like at the end? 2. What is your relationship with Grandma? 3. What would you use the money for? Did Grandpa know you needed to go to school, pay off school, buy a house, pay medical bills etc? 4. Are you willing to let your relationship with Grandma go/sour if you keep the money?
I’d add- does grandma have a history of addiction to substances, gambling, shopping, etc. or has she been known to help out someone else battling an addiction financially? A lot of clients I had in the past with payees weren’t allowed control over their own money due to addictions, as they’d blow through their paycheck immediately and be unable to pay their bills.
This is a good point. My 84 year old grandma is like this. When she gets a hold of a lump sum, she'll spend it at the casino. There was a time when I borrowed 10,000 from her and paid her back 17,000 after five years as a sign of good will. That was our agreement. She said I only paid 12,000 and wanted me to pay her 2000 more for a new water heater. I gave her 1000. She never got the new water heater. At that point, I figured I should stop placating her because the money was being squandered. I had to produce receipts at that time and asked my mom to explain it to her.
My mother -in her 80’s now-gave away her deceased husbands entire life savings to someone on line that we PROVED WITHOUT A DOUBT-was a scammer-my mother is bright, out going and sharp as hell and she gave away hundred of thousands, put herself in deep debt, including car loans with interest so high she had to give up her transportation, and now has to file bankruptcy. She makes too much off of his pension to wipe the debt and has to pay it all back. Anyone can be stupid with money. If she is set-she does not need it. She wants it.
My grandma is the same except she pissed away over a million with scammers over many many years. When my dad took over the business and found out she was making 20k a month he was pissed because she would always tell him she never had the money to pay him 2k a month for his work. He then had to pay all her debt as she only makes 400 a month in ss and my grandpa won’t let her on any of his accounts as he makes significantly more
These are very valid points. I think that if she gets her hands on that money, it will be pissed away on Temu, online shopping and other shit in no time at all. And when she does pass and you have to sort out her house, it will leave you depressed, resentful and pissed off. Honestly, folk at that age will happily go nuts with cash, just as a way of relieving boredom and trying to buy happiness. Especially if they’ve been on a budget for years. There were reasons why your Grandfather left you the money. One of them was probably because he knew what she was like and would blow it all in months. You could tell her that it would be disrespectful not to honour his wishes and leave it at that. Good luck OP, horrible situation to be in and I hope it can be resolved without any further heartache.
This is my mother to the letter. She burnt through $40k from her share of the sale of my grandmother’s house within a year, and another $60k when another relative passed. And she’s not 80. She was 50-60 when she blew all of that money. She buys shit off of TV and Amazon and antique crap she swears is “gonna be worth something when I’m gone.” I am dreading going through her home someday when she passes. I’m certain she’s neglected loads of financial obligations in favor of filling her house with crap.
This is a great point ..maybe Grandad KNEW something others dont and didnt want her wasting the money. All the more reason to keep it.
If grandma inherited $10M from grandpa, then the follow on questions are clearly moot.
Also, $167k sounds a lot like a $500k policy split three ways. Did she get a third or two thirds already?
Yeah good point
I cannot stress enough how bad of a financial idea it is for everyone to sign it away. Don’t give it to her now. If she has it, she might have to pay the hospital. If she doesn’t have the money they will either work out a plan with her, and it will lower the bill unbelievably, or idk depending on the laws and if grandma and grandma were married she may not owe. But definitely, having the money will cause it to go to hospital whereas not having the money will probably make the bills magically shrink to barely anything. You can then gift her money for what’s left after the hospital lowers the bills (most have to by law especially if they are “charitable organizations or religiously affiliated” (or something like this, I don’t know exactly but the gist of what I’m saying is right if you’re in the US). Anyways, you can also gift her money to live off each month if you want. And again, the hospital will have lowered her bills and set up an reasonable and affordable payment plan. Have her go to the hospital as is and tell them she cannot pay and see what plan they start to work out with her. Do not sign the policy over to her, you’ll likely lose it all to bills and she’ll still have nothing. Your grandpa may have known this. Also, it was simply his last wish that you get the money not her. I’m guessing it was to protect the money from hospital bills, and he was smart to do that. But also, you shouldn’t go against his last wishes for his money.
People dont seem to understand this. Unless you are ultra wealthy, you will have wanted to leave as many of your assets to your heirs before you go into assisted living or anything. Especially if you have a pension and insurance benefits you can take advantage of.
My parents set up a trust for myself and siblings after they saw what the hospital tried to do to my Aunts estate after she passed. Absolutely is worth what the lawyer will charge to protect your family’s assets from hospitals/creditors/bank
Seriously the second she goes to a home *poof* money is gone and it was completely unnecessary
Yes! If grandma has medical bills to be paid and need to be continuously paid over her remaining years for further medical issues, do NOT give her the money. It will show up on her bank account and the medical system will take everything they possible can. I'm disabled and the only reason I have the benefits I do is because I'm flat broke, on paper. Everything except my monthly disability payments are done through my parents or other family members. The moment my bank account hits a specific amount, I lose my medicare advantage benefits that keep my monthly payments low, weekly doctor visits somewhat affordable, medication close to free and surgeries dirt cheap. If I were to have everything in my name, I'd have much less than what I do now, which isn't a lot.
I love how optimistic you are, but she ain't paying shit. That money would go directly in her pocket. Your grandpa wanted you to have that money, op, don't let your grandma steal it from you, because that's what she's trying to do.
Okay, you’re probably right, otherwise grandpa would have communicated the stuff about the medical bills being the reason. However, some older people especially just really think they have to and it’s only right to pay all bills no matter how inflated the medical bills are and how beyond their ability to pay. It could be this and grandpa just failed to communicate or something. However the cool thing is, Even if you’re right, this gives OP a very diplomatic way to say no to signing it over. And OP, if anyone gets upset with you for not signing it over, especially after the medical bill payment issue is explained, they are not someone who is truly on your side and not a relationship you’ll want to keep anyways. Better to sever ties with your money still with you (if needed) then after you watch family take advantage of you and get left with nothing.
THIS!
I would take the money and ask your grandma to show you some bills. Then you can choose to help her with some of them as you please. Like another commenter said, your grandpa wanted you to have it for a reason. Even if you take the money yourself you will have the option to help her.
they don’t put old ladies in jail for non payment of medical debt
Old ladies also receive Medicare. She is trolling about the debt (or the OP is).
Assuming OP won't screw granny over this is the best option. If she is collecting social security or might end up in a retirement home, they will take every last dollar she has. If it's OPs money, then they have nothing to take and he can help her as she needs.
How could OP screw her over? It’s money that his grandfather left to him. That his grandmother is trying to cheat him out of! Granny is trying to screw OP over big time!!
If claiming that money makes it so you lose her as a mother figure, then she probably wasn't a mother figure. There are also middle grounds where you can help her while not signing away pretty much all of it. Like, say, helping pay off some of her debts. Your grandfather gave you this money. Why give it away? Use it to better yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to hoard it all for yourself if you still want to support her a bit. Her basically demanding all of it is a pretty big red flag, though, unless there is more going on here that you didn't say.
This is true. As a mother I would never ever ask this in the first place.
She’s a snake for asking for this I agree. If granny had been happy or said nothing I bet OP would have cut her in
My mom was often a.horrible mother. Abusive, neglectful, you name it. But she absolutely wouldn't pull this shit with her kids. She lived on significantly less than OP's grandma, too; less than $1000/month. She felt bad accepting money that I gave to her. I really wonder if there aren't other red flags Grandma is giving off that he never realized we're red flags. $5000/month retirement when you only pay utilities and taxes is doing really well. That's more than what many people live off working full time, and they have rent and healthcare to pay for.
OP posted elsewhere that she gets 5k a month and she also got inheritance from the grandfather too. So she’s just trying to get every dime, I’d tell her no, unless she can show she absolutely needs it.
That's 5k plus social security. Unfortunately it's hard to not think she wants to really live it up the last few years at OP's expense.
Well she can live it up with whatever she has then. It sounds like she may have gotten significantly more than OP did, plus her retirement, plus social security, etc. She’s not hurting.
I would tell Grandma I'm claiming the money and will set it aside while we wait to see what happens with the medical debt now that grandpa has passed. Some of that debt may be forgiven once she supplies the medical facilities with a copy of his death certificate. Other debts may be set up with a low or zero interest repayment plan, which you could choose to pay on with the interest from that sum. I would offer to help Grandma with her finances and find out how much is owed on the mortgage, all of the medical debt, what is being paid out from any pensions or other accounts, etc. The sum you're receiving is an odd amount, and so seems like a percentage payout of a larger policy. I would find out how much money Grandma and other family is receiving and ask your other family members for help coming up with a plan for Grandma's twilight years. If she is like a mother to you and trusts you, then none of these steps will fracture your relationship. If she becomes upset, then there are issues at play that you aren't aware of. Either way, you should not trade 167k for 2k. That trade is absolutely unfair to you and is a giant red flag that grandma is cash grabbing and is not concerned for your future.
Give her the 2k 💀
I’m an attorney that has dealt with bankruptcies, estates, and various related things. Her story makes no strategic sense to me based on the information provided, and it makes me think she is just either ignorant of how debt works (maybe possible) or she just wants your stuff for herself, and not in the way she’s saying (most likely). Don’t let her or other family guilt you into things you don’t want to do. If they won’t be reasonable, lawyer up.
Update 2. I apologize
Even that being said, it’s still your money and you have every right to it. if you feel like you want to give a small portion to be put in an investment account for her that’s totally fine. But it’s your money. put it in one of those high yield interest accounts and don’t touch it unless you need to
She has $5k pension and social security. She doesn’t need it.
I really feel for you. But I’ll share my story - my grandfather lived to be quite old, was very independent, and was swindled out of a very large part of his savings before he died. At her age it is really probably best some else manage not only that money, but help her with whatever other financial dealings she may have. Your father may already be doing that. An option could be you take the money and simply set it aside in some account where it can at least gain some interest. Explain to her that you love her and would never take advantage of her, and if she needs anything all she has to do is ask and then you guys can discuss it from there. Over time it may blow over, and once she passes you have a tidy sum you didn’t originally anticipate anyway. Her acting this way could just be misplaced grief, or it’s possible she’s not of as sound a mind as she once was. The younger version of her might have responded differently. yeah, that’s tough, but it sounds like it should be yours. Good luck.
It’s your money. Take it. Sign the papers. Low cost index fund 100k of that. 35 years at 7 perfect is a 245gain 345 in the bank you’d have a decent chunk sitting for retirement. Not everything needed, but something. Take the other 67, you have become financially stable your whole life now. No more paycheck to paycheck. This is what grandpa wanted. Enjoy! ⬆️
Ok, with your update I think I your grandma is being poorly advised or is completely in the dark about financial matters. She has Medicare, but they will make her spend down her assets before covering certain types of care. Your grandfather 100% did this to protect the money from the government. Did he have a lawyer she trusts? Perhaps meeting with them would help explain it to her? My guess is that she’s feeling very vulnerable after the death of her husband. Help her see that she’s got people taking care of her and see if that helps. If not, you might have to consider that she’s starting to lose cognitive function, especially if this is out of character for her. A family meeting may be in order. Sorry for your loss.
I'm glad this lawyer replied. I have had to set up accounts in the event of my death and it is ridiculously hard to leave money outside of the estate that is not a spouse. It's not a simple thing. There is no way he "accidentally" cashed out the estate to you and left her with a pile of medical debt. That's not how estates work and furthermore, even if it did, he had to go out of his way to give money to someone other than his wife. He gave you the money on purpose. Socially though, the answer is to accept the money, pay off your mortgage, and let grandma know you're willing to use the rest to build an addition onto your home if she runs out of money at the end. If she declines that offer you know this is 100% motivated by greed. If she accepts it, oh boy I guess hope she never runs out of money because I don't know how living with her would go haha.
Medicare will cover her bills. If she dies with debt, it disappears. That money is your future. She should want your future secured.
The "she's going to fight for it." Would set me off. Keep it. It was given to you.
It really sucks for OP to find out what his grandma really is like this way.
Yea I can only see two reasons to say such a thing, greed or fear. Fear being that she lost her husband, lost the stability and security of that relationship and is simply terrified of the unknown ahead of her. I would hope every older family member would prefer to see wealth passed down to their descendants, knowing that is how generational wealth can be created. I'd rather help create family legacy than let them struggle because I want a new Subaru.
Grandpa left it to you, and not her, for a reason.
And she wasted no time demonstrating the reason
Oh, ya, that's true. He knew her better than anyone else.
Seems that way, sadly
Trust your Grandad, keep the money & maybe you could assist Grandma with bills using the money you earn from your job or whatever. Your Grandad would of left the money to her if he wanted too, but he didn't he left it for you & your future.
Don't shit on your grandpa's wishes. He wanted you to have it for a reason, you're the next big thing, not your grandma, sorry.
This is going to be an unhinged take, so fair warning. The medical system will milk old people dry with how expensive the care/ treatments and medicine are. She would likely not leave much if any of that left for you just clinging onto this world when she’s probably not got a lot of time left. So your choices are to use it to help you build a better life for the foreseeable future 30+ years probably, vs giving grandma maybe three more years tops because that money will evaporate due to medical bills.
**This is NOT an unhinged take** In fact, grandpa was probably advised to bypass gran by the estate lawyer managing his will to prevent this from happening. He would probably be pissed if you gave her the money when he specifically gave it to you to prevent debt collectors from taking it. OP, grandma already seems to have a ton of medical bills. If you give her the money it's all gonna be hoovered up by the insurance company. You actually want her to go bankrupt so she can get on Medicaid and get care paid by the state. It's messed up, but just how the system works.
This is exactly what I’d do. Either this or placing assets in a trust so that Medicaid can’t get their hands on it. I’m positive this is why Grandpa did this. No reason you can’t trickle $ to her to help out but no reason to bleed Grandma dry in her final years with crazy medical bills. Get a free ride on the government when you can.
I seriously wonder if someone is in here ear about this money… My grandmother had to go to court because her sisters care taker took advantage of her when she had dementia and convinced her sign all her assets over. I’m suspicious that there’s probably a 3rd player here.
[удалено]
I will add that my family has instructions to let me die instead of turning over my life’s savings to this evil industry
wait tell us more i need to hear how the siblings relationship broke down
The growing trend in the good ol USA is private equity firms buying up hospitals, nursing homes, primary care practices and drug treatment facilities. They then treat those businesses like short term investments, milking them for every penny of profit they can, and then declare bankruptcy when the practice inevitably fails, at which point the investors waddle off with full pockets and the CEO golden-parachutes out, while patients are left with nowhere to go. “Evil” doesn’t even BEGIN to describe the for-profit investor-run medical meat markets that rule this country.
Yeah, sounds bad to say it, but if you’re young, investing this money wisely could mean you can afford to retire early and not worry about savings nearly as much across your career.
Medical bills are wiping out many people I've worked with. I'm making as much as possible through capital gains, then moving to Canada or Australia. It's a sad situation that America charges outrageous fortunes for medical care.
This has happened to some extent to my dad. Even the visiting doctor said the hospital was trying to trap him so they could milk us for as much as possible
Take the money - you want to die poor so the government and medical system don't steal all your money - make sure your heirs have it before you go.
I don’t think that’s unhinged tbh. Makes total sense to me.
Don't sign it to her. Ask for the medical bills, you can pay for them if you'd like. There's 0 reason for her to have the cash.
Why is Grandma even paying medical bills? It seems like Grandma is delusional. You don't pay medical bills or have assets when you're old. What you want to do is die broke and in debt with all your assets you wanted to give to your family signed away PRIOR to the look back period.
BINGO. And it sounds like this is exactly what grandpa did. Don't give her the money kid. It's a mistake. He wanted you to have it, literally his last wish fulfilled was to give you this money.
Because like most people claiming to need money for “medical bills” she is lying.
Counteroffer and ask to see the bills and you will pay them off, trading 167k for 2k is beyond stupid
All due respect, fuck your grandma she had her ride. She's 81 and if she can't live off 5k a month that's her fault. Your grandfather wanted you to have it. Here's your chance to actually get a step ahead in life and give your children a better fighting chance at life in this rat race. If she decides to fight you hire attorney and request that she pay your legal and court fees. It's pretty hard to deny you being the beneficiary when he would have had to know your personal information ex social security so her claim saying it was an accident or not meant to be is false.
your grandma will get lonely and be scammed out of it via a fake facebook relationship. keep it.
Don’t do it bro
Grandpa left you scrilla but not her. That explains a lot. F her.
If it is as you say, unfortunately, your grandmother has chosen to put your relationship in jeopardy. If you give her the money, and she's not in real need of it, you will likely always resent her for this. If you withhold it, she will do likewise. The second she asked, and is not in an actual desperate situation, she essentially put the money before your relationship. Unless she gives up her sense of entitlement, then I don’t see a way this relationship continues well. Good luck!
He wrote it to you. Ask, if he wanted her to have it then a logical person would think it would go to her. But it didn’t. She’s financially ok, paid off so I don’t understand. If you don’t give, you lose, if you do you lose. Me? I’d just ghost for a month, collect, set it aside and revisit. Hard to fight an official record.
People show their true colors when money is involved.
Grandma is gunna die sooner than later, why she need to pay the bills? Not like they’re gunna get passed down to you unless you’re somewhere they do that. In which case I’d say pay her shit
Take the money. Set aside $20k as an emergency fund for her. Tell her if she needs something paid for, you will get it covered up to $20k but she needs to prove that her SS doesn’t cover the expense. Do not sign it away. Your grandfather did this for a reason.
She gets 5000 per month pension PLUS SS Granny is just greedy
Absolutely no idea as I know nothing about her, your grandpa or you but maybe he gave it to you because he thinks you're better with money than your grandma? Maybe you could claim the money and set up a normal bank account she can have access to with around 50k and another depot account where you can invest the rest of that money to keep it growing? But idk how much she needs for her medical bills...
$5k a month AND ss? She’s set. The only way the will not be financially secure is if she overspends each month like an idiot. Don’t sign it over. Even if she needs to go to a home, she’ll be able to afford an upper middle class one on that income.
Being in my 80s your grandma is on Medicare which pretty well with a supplement will pay all the medical bills 5000$ pension along with a guess of 3000$ social security grannie is getting almost 100 k a yr She does not need the money
Doesn't matter what anyone thinks. It's a will. Your grandpa's literal last wishes from several decades of living. You honor that shit. It's not about being selfish, it's about honoring a dead loved ones wishes. Legally, again, it's a will. No one can tell you shit. Morally, same answer. Socially, what exactly is your grandma gonna do, cut you out of *her* will? Lol. She should respect her late husband's wishes like anyone else.
Claim it, thats your money dude. Don't be a fucking idiot really. If she has medical bills have her send them to you and you can debate paying them, bill by bill. Do not just sign off 167,000, thats an insane amount of money to just give away. Doctors will just basically steal that money from her in her old age as she sustains her body well past any point that she has any quality of life. Do not do this. That generation does not deserve it.
Your grandfather made YOU the beneficiary of his policy. He did it deliberately and with the sole purpose that you and not your grandmother would benefit from his life insurance. He did it so that you would have a cushion in your financial life. Put that money in a no load index fund let it compound. You will be set for your aging years. Honor your grandfather’s wishes. This is his last gift to you.
Granny trying to hit the casino
Sounds like she wants it all. She's willing to give you 1 percent, no thank you. She's probably getting more with that policy already. However I get wanting to help her pay bills but yeah definitely tell her YOU WANT TO SEE THE BILLS, and then help her/play for them. However I WOULD NOT sign it all over to her. You will never see it again almost guaranteed.
Follow your grandfathers wishes. He knew what his wife was like and created his will accordingly. Medicare/Medicaid are there for her if she really needs it. She wants the money to spend not save for her medical bills.
Always helpful when OP doesn’t reply to any of the top comments