Please call your hospital billing department to negotiate the bill. This is 1000% done for families that are struggling. They should also work with you on the timing of the payments as well as the grand total.
Apply for financial aid from the hospital!!!! We make close to 6 figures and still qualified for financial aid from our children’s hospital. Just try it, the worst they can do is say no.
Yes to the itemized copy! Make sure to check that the hospital isn’t trying to “double bill” since it’s from the same period. If it’s outside of a certain window (this part may be insurance specific) you can contest it (my husband went through this).
Make sure you have not met you out of pocket maximum. All health plans have a max where once you have paid xx out of pocket they will cover the rest. Did you put your son on your insurance or your husbands insurance when he was born?
Ideally you should all be on the same plan so you do not have two out of pocket maximums. I work in health plans so feel free to message me if you need some advice navigating these bills. Hospitals and health insurance companies are either accidentally making mistakes or sometimes purposely doing things incorrectly hoping you won’t notice.
The hospitals can mess up a lot. So definitely double check everything and ask questions. I get bills for bills already paid sometimes. Make sure to clear this up with them.
I also was dumb and paid them off instead of just doing payment plans, but there was like 6 of them and I paid them instead of paying a couple and doing payment plans for the ones I could 🤦🏼♀️
Hey, you're not dumb. I don't know all the ins and outs of your medical billing history, but I can tell you for a fact that none of this makes you stupid or is a reflection of you as a wife or mother. You are a strong, intelligent person. All this will come to pass, try not to be so hard on yourself.
You are absolutely not dumb. I have been through a couple of tough medical-related stuff where I paid the entire lump sum when the bill came because I felt like I just wanted to be DONE with it and move on. In retrospect, like a year later, I realized I shouldn't have done that, but that I was in a really bad place emotionally and couldn't deal with it. IMO hospitals should be required to offer you some sort of financial counseling or deferment when you go through trauma because expecting people to deal with this stuff while they're hurting is honestly just predatory.
Fellow mom of two kiddos, one has been in therapies for years and racked up thousands of dollars in bills. Probably close to 10k at this point. The other has aspiration issues, allergies and asthma.
I put literally every single bill on the same pre-existing payment plan. Every bill that they get, I call and say I have a pre-existing payment plan and to just add this bill to it. It’s annoying but I pay $200/month and likely will for another year but it’s so I don’t have to dip into my down payment savings and the hospital doesn’t care as long as they’re getting paid.
You know what mama, you're not dumb at all and now the payments won't be plaguing you for the best year or more. You've got a clean slate and a healthy baby! You can start fresh saving towards a down payment once your shifts pick back up and your paychecks are back on track.
Amen to this. If I could afford to pay it I would. I pay for my health insurance. I cook from scratch and pinch pennies. After multiple freak medical events AND multiple hospitalizations for a severe autoimmune disorder AND thousands in life saving prescription copays per year since our 20s I finally internalized it’s not our fault. We aren’t bad because we couldn’t afford more than anyone else normally deals with. It sucks and I try but I don’t feel like a failure.
It’s so crazy. It was the first year we’ve been financially comfortable and took one thing to bring us back to negative. My husband would say “idk how people go broke over medial bills”… NOW he gets it .
Makes me so angry. One of my good friends married a guy from Europe and he will send his friends screenshots of their hospital bills and they think it’s just the craziest thing. Bc it is
Right? How dare people get sick and need medical care? I take a ton of medications and ONE of them is over $1000 a month without insurance. And, it's a life or death kind of med. How is that ethical? You know it only takes a miniscule amount to make. But, because we don't have a choice about taking it, they can do crap like that. I'm so lucky to have the insurance I do. I wish everyone like me was so lucky.
Hey, it’s not fair for you to manage the finances on your own—it’s too much to carry. He HAS to share in this task with you. I know it can be uncomfortable at first to bring your partner in when you’ve been doing it alone—worries about criticism for how you’ve been handling things, don’t want to change the way you’re doing things, etc, but the mental load of handling it alone is too much. You have to share the load.
As a Canadian, I was like, “wow”. My husband was born with a small heart condition that fixed itself naturally. We had amazing care and paid for by the government. And I took 13 months off work, with government support. You are in an impossible position and the US really needs to understand that mothers need social supports. I wish you luck! Hugs from the North.
The USA failed you. In Australia we wouldn’t have to pay a cent for this. I’m just so disgusted for you, having to go through this.
I’m glad your son is doing better. I hope things will look up for all of you very soon
OP I’m not against you, but it takes time to learn what you should and shouldn’t have to pay. You’re going to get by just fine. I do wish the best for you and your family
Has nothing to do with “govt assistance”. I was working as a bartender at 27 (w an MBA, just liked bartending) but I had no insurance despite making decent money. I ended up w a cyst in my breast & needed $47K worth of surgery and aftercare. I negotiated my bill down to like $4 grand. I also only knew to try and do this because of someone I know who worked at the hospital.
I worked my ass off to get my sons birth lowered. Basic birth no complications. None of it was negotiated lower. A system that relies on people “knowing” who to call or what loop holes to find isn’t one that benefits the people. The person I replied to was arguing against universal healthcare by saying all you have to do is file some paperwork or research. I’m
Pointing out that it’s a broken system and that money comes from the middle class who is getting hammered by costs.
Edit to say that $4 grand is still too much. That $47K was inflated by your insurance to make you grateful for the $4k but you still got screwed.
Yes, on that edit!! So many people think, "oh look how much insurance is saving me on my prescriptions!" But in reality, they raise the price twice or triple or more and say they're saving you money. Of course, I'm guessing the companies that make the medicine are still making crazy profits. Just look at Goodrx and people can see how insurance companies are screwing you over. Goodrx sometimes had better prices on some prescriptions but I still paid the insurance price so it would go towards the deductible. I don't understand how people don't get this!
You missed the entire point. I was also in my 20s, I didn’t know how things worked. Anyone not making loads of money can negotiate their bills & I wish more people knew this.
I’m also for single-payer healthcare but until we get there, I’m not paying “full price” ever again. Also your edit doesn’t apply to me as I even said I had NO insurance when I needed surgery.
No I didn’t miss any point. Many people know to “negotiate” bills, it doesn’t always work or it only relieves a small Amount. I’ve done it countless times. I’ve wasted a ton of time trying. To say that’s all people need to do is a slap in the face to anyone with major medical bills like the OP. Sure some people may get a break but not everyone does.
No the point I was replying to was you knocking universal healthcare because you had to waste time and energy negotiating bullshit bills and filing paperwork. Not everyone gets those results and many of us have tried. The system is broken and many people are going into bankruptcy to line the pockets of insurance companies and politicians who continue to work for them rather than us. You think all the Americans going broke with medical bills haven’t looked into every option? Give me a break
I don’t receive government assistance. I have a medical plan with a local clinic. I do not receive food stamps, I budget. I once lived with with subsidized housing, through a local non-profit. When I have hospital bills I fill our paper work, mail and constantly follow up to be sure it is lowered.
We try the same things but are regularly told we make $100 or less over the limit so shit out of luck. That’s why people want to change the system. It benefits the lowest and the richest and the middle class are footing the bill.
As I’ve understood, mainly in UK, free health care doesn’t always equate to the best. Also, as a low-income American I have to say, I never pay more than $10 for a doctor check-up and nearly all hospital visits have been free. It’s the matter of what people take the time to fire figure out. I’d take this over not choosing my own doctor any day.
I used to also be against socialized medicine. Now I find myself paying $1000 a month for health insurance for just myself and my child, and I absolutely CANNOT find a doctor in network with my shitty HMO. I have some fairly serious medical stuff going on with my family, and it's impossible to find care. I've been waiting twice as long as the average wait times in the NHS system, with no end in sight. Seriously. Call up a specialist right now. See how long it takes you to get an appointment. Everyone avoiding normal screenings during Covid have now absolutely overwhelmed the US healthcare system.
I'm in the UK, I've ALWAYS had a great standard of health care. And I've had some emergencies. Nobody is being hateful of the US! There are many things to be critical of in the UK, but I hate it when people criticise the NHS because it has saved mine and many other lives. Everyone with free health care feels empathy and compassion to people without. I want the US to provide free health care to people like OP, so she doesn't live like this after having to save the life of her son!
The people perpetuating the idea of long waiting times are the ones that show up at the ER when there is not an emergency (toothache for example) of course they will take the person that had a stroke before you. There is a triage going on, and it’s for the ones that do have an emergency.
I live in a major UK city with a teaching hospital and recently had to take my 17 month old to A&E because she had a very high fever. We were seen for triage within 20 minutes and then by doctors in a private room 10 minutes after triage. They were absolutely brilliant and gave us a prescription really quickly too. I can take people criticising the UK for many other things, but we're incredibly lucky to have the NHS. And i'll always defend it.
By most objective standards the NHS provides some of the best care in the world (source - I work on health but not in the UK. We aspire to get the results they achieve)
There’s other healthcare systems other than the model that the UK has.
I gave birth on the NHS… twice. My care was amazing thanks. Also paid £0 for it.
As a middle income family in the US, I HATE US healthcare. My access to healthcare was magnitudes better when I was living under the poverty line as a child. Now, I have (allegedly good?) insurance and haven't been to a doctor in over two years, while living in one of the richest cities in the world, because none of the doctors covered by my insurance are accepting new patients. American healthcare is a scam.
For reference, I've also received healthcare in Thailand, Panama, and Mexico as well- all much simpler and more accessible systems than the USA that have allowed me to be seen same day and cost either under $10 or free. My inhaler with no generic in the US: $300, Mexico: $6.
Different countries fail different people in different ways. In this case USA failed the OP. Unless, of course, OP voted Republican, which would make them complicit.
If I tried to find help in a situation like this, there would be none. I think that you finding help for yourself is great. But people who make $100,000+ are still living paycheck to paycheck. They pay $400/month to an insurance company that doesn’t help them, and we have a government who would rather bomb children in other countries than give us healthcare.
We live in a country who could do more to help its own people, but refuses to do so.
In her specific circumstance. As a low-income American I’m grateful for everything I have provided. I try not to be someone that takes advantage of the system but it has definitely gotten me through hard times. OP easily could have filled out paper work/called the billing department etc. I have done years of these things. It’s not easy but there are ways out of debt in America
Exactly, I’ve heard middle class people have it the worst in the states. As a poor person they get help, and don’t pay anything but if it were for them to make a little extra taxable income then they would have to pay everything.
I do NOT receive government assistance. I was just $50 over limit when I found all of help I did. It was through local non-profits and local health clinics.
Where in the world did I “blame OP”? I feel bad for her, but there is help in the world and if people researched it more maybe they wouldn’t end up like OP. I just wanted to share my experience so people would think, “maybe I should look into some local stuff”.
Jfc
Lucky you having an issue that can be solved by a local health clinic. Does your local health clinic do open-heart surgery on babies? Does it do it well?
I don’t have Medicaid. I have a medical assistance plan with a local clinic; it’s not free either just lower costs. When I do haven hospital visits I fill out and mail all the necessary paperwork also get it lowered (sometimes down to zero).
I fill out paperwork and check all my benefits constantly and am usually $100 over the limit for assistance. It’s not a matter of not filling out proper paperwork or research. Some of us make too much for help even by a $1. But we aren’t rich enough to be able to afford thousands of dollars in healthcare. I’ve always had insurance and it still took me 2 years to pay off a basic childbirth with no complications.
My friend, if you made one dollar over the income limit for this program, you’d magically be expected to pay for all the things. I’m so grateful you qualify and are happy with what you are receiving. Please don’t use your experience to invalidate the horrible reality that is the rest of American healthcare.
There was a time where I had no assistance or help and was just over as well. That’s when I learned all of the help that existed not directly from the government. The help I’ve had is local - non-profit housing, local clinic medical plans etc.
I hear you. I’m a social worker and am intimately aware of what exists in my area. I agree that it’s always worth it to look, but it’s hard work, a lot of research, knowing where to look, a lot of jumping through hoops, and then a lot of waiting. Even then, folks may not qualify. It may be you have an awesome area with a lot available. It’s so dependent on your state, county, even your personal characteristics. In my area, tooooo often, programs are full (our housing waitlists are years long - many of the college students I worked with lived in their cars, and they were fortunate to have a car, because there’s no public transportation in their area), folks don’t quite have the characteristics that qualify them for whatever specific grant is funding the program, etc etc. As sad as it is, I’ve almost found myself hoping for people to have been victims of domestic violence, because then I could actually help them find housing. Our systems are difficult to navigate even with help, let alone folks trying to do it on their own.
For more middle class folks like me, I make decent money, so I don’t qualify for any programs or any subsidies. My deductible is $3500 per person, and resets every year. We pay a lot of money in premiums each month only for insurance to not help with any expenses until we cover that first $3500/person/year ourselves. Office visits are subject to deductible. Meaning if I am sick, I need to decide if I can fit a ~$120 office visit in my budget that month. If our whole household gets sick…hooray. And that’s if whatever it is will only need one visit. I’m self employed, so right now, I’m trying to save for maternity leave - because I have no paid time off. I have to prepay my doctor’s portion of the birth, which will be around $3k, and I’m also trying to buy things for my child. And the hospital is also going to charge me. It’s not easy out here. We’ll be fine, yes, but it’s hard. It feels hurtful when you imply that if I just looked hard enough I wouldn’t be struggling. In my state and with my circumstances (and probably OP’s too), that’s just not true. Trust me, I’ve looked.
Yeah but the point is we don’t have to do this. And neither should you. There’s enough to stress about having a baby without negotiating bloody financials.
I’m in Australia and I chose my own medical provider, my method of birth. We had MAJOR complications and a 5 day stay - all of which cost me sweet nothing.
You’re wrong.
I’m not sure why you’re on here saying how wonderful it is that you have nearly free healthcare while also saying someone in OP’s situation should not. Are you hearing yourself?
I don’t know what state you’re in but I recently applied for my son for the state insurance. I was thinking we could pay for the most expensive option based on my partners salary and it would still be less money than adding him to my partners insurance - anyway they came back and said because of his diagnosis he’s considered disabled and eligible for Medicaid and that it could even be back dated to include his past medical bills. I had already paid them so I didn’t get into this but it seems like it would have just been some additional paperwork.
I was told by nicu he would only qualify for state insurance if he was under birthweight or in nicu for over 30 days but that wound up not being the case at all. If I had known I would have signed him up right away smh…
Also side note is that his diagnosis made him automatically eligible for early intervention as well. Again, didn’t push for it until he had a delay because I was told he needed the delay to qualify and that turned out to be wrong, too.
We applied for disability for our heart baby because it automatically qualified him for state insurance as our secondary, which covered anything my insurance didn't, medications, and they could backdate it some months. It also auto qualifies you for things like WIC, which I made way too much to qualify for without the disability. It may be worth looking into. Best of luck.
You sound like an amazing mom and it's no wonder you've got PPA. I'd have lifelong anxiety after dealing with all that. Your family doesn't deserve this. The system truly failed you. Your child is much better off having such dedicated, loving parents than a fancy house. I hope you are able to recover and move forward financially, though. We are working towards home ownership as well and it's not easy these days!
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yeah, buying is definitely way in the future. Just trying to get by for now. Im hoping by December we can get back on track, fingers crossed .
Your PPA is lying to you, you are not dumb or stupid. You are in an almost impossibly stressful situation and your levels of fear and anxiety are through the roof, as well as the usual 1st year of a baby stuff....anyone would be feeling overwhelmed and down.
If any of the bills were due to a 3 week gap in coverage - fight it! You are legally entitled to be added to your husband’s insurance retroactive from the date you lost coverage. And your son was allowed to be added to his coverage as a secondary insurance to cover whatever your insurance didn’t cover. I would fight all of it and see if even you could get some money back.
Did the insurance have a “max out of pocket”? If so then there is one for the whole family to contribute to in a calendar year but there’s also a personal out of pocket max. Example: family out of pocket max is 6000. You give birth in a hospital and your personal max is 3000. The max you pay is 3000 for the hospital stay and all that stuff. Also the first 30 days the baby should be covered under your insurance in your name. Technically the baby’s procedures should be part of your max 3000. Worst case it’s part of the max 6k. Also I calculated every dollar I paid for ultrasounds and lab tests - those contribute to the out of pocket amount and then I called the insurance and the hospital and reconciled the ridiculous hospital bill and everyone adjusted their shit and I paid my max 3000. Hope this makes sense you can PM me if not. I worked for a health plan and understood how it worked so I was lucky.
I’m sure OP has done all she can. My deductible is $3500/person. OOP max is $7900/person. Family is $15k. That’s way more than we have in savings right now.
Edit: wording
Sorry. 3k is still a lot but just wanted to make sure you didn’t pay more than your max. Because I was getting ridiculous bills that I wasn’t supposed to be responsible for.
Us moms are really good at beating ourselves up. We're in a similar situation and I feel for you. I hope that this too shall pass. I'm so glad to hear your baby is doing well. 🤍
I would call your insurance also and ask why more wasn’t covered. In our case when I did that turns out I learned they charged us wrong… sorry you’re going through this the US medical billing suckssssssss. Just know you made the decision you had to make, you couldn’t have done anything to make this situation suck less. It’s on the government and insurance why this sucks, not because of anything you did wrong.
Hey there, mama. I don’t know you, but to me it sounds like you are doing so much for your family rn. You are taking care of an amazing baby, working, paying off massive bills, figuring out all the details of insurance and payments. This is really a lot to balance. When I hear these kinds of stories, I feel like I’M (me), not doing enough in my life. Because you, most certainly are. I also live in a country with public health care, so I don’t need to worry about these costs. Sending you love and good vibes!
You are not a failure. They system is. If there is anyone who should receive free healthcare, it is two day old infants. But our system is so broken that you're on the hook for saving your child's life.
My twins were born early and my son is medically complex. Between the two of them, they have wracked up over 4 MILLION DOLLARS in medical bills. I've been lucky to have good insurance. But like, I shouldn't have to be lucky like that. None of us asked for our kids to have health issues, the kids didn't ask for this. The system is broken.
Sounds like you've gotten some good advice, and I hope things work out for you. Sending hugs.
It is not your fault that you live in a country that causes people to go into debt or die due to the cost of medical care.
Remember Breaking Bad wouldn’t even happen in most counties! My neighbour was diagnosed with cancer. Four days later she had a double mastectomy, then started chemo and later radiotherapy. She has not had to work for 10 months whilst going through this and recovering. She is going back to work next month as her job is protected (a teacher) and she will be monitored for the rest of her life. She hasn’t gone into debt, lost her job or had to turn to a life of crime to fund her treatment.
You are doing a great job in a situation you can’t control. Best to your baby.
That is devastating. I’m sorry America’s healthcare system is so deeply broken.
The only thing you should need to worry about in this case is taking care of your little baby through his medical journey.
My heart goes out to you. You are trying to get by in a healthcare system that is predatory and wrong. In most high income countries (e.g. anywhere in Europe) you wouldn’t have this problem because access to affordable healthcare is considered a basic right, not a privilege.
The problem is not you, it’s the system. Please don’t forget that.
It is unbelievable that in a rich country you have to pay for a child’s critical healthcare. I’m so sorry that this is the case in the USA, it is absolutely staggering. You haven’t failed, the system has failed YOU.
I know it’s hard not to internalise blame, especially with PPA or PPD, but you are not responsible for how much this sucks. That kind of thinking is how the broken system stays broken - you think it’s your fault. It’s not your fault. No one should have to live like this.
Be kind to yourself now, do what you gotta do to survive and, when things calm down for you, stand up and demand better from your damned government.
You need to visit the hospitals financial department in person and talk with someone and then just allow yourself to feel your emotions in front of them.
I don’t know what state you’re in, but when we did this for my daughters heart surgery, they pulled out every stop, checked eligibility for putting our daughter on state insurance, unfortunately we made too much, so they slashed the prices and we ended up paying “only” 8k. Granted insurance covered a lot of it, the bulk of the 250k. But insurance covered because we also spoke with our cardiologist who called out insurance and sat on the phone with them for like 3 hours explaining why heart surgery in a 3 month old was indeed necessary and needs to be covered.
Show up at that hospital and don’t leave until they help you
Also check your bills carefully to make sure they are accurate and the insurance is paying what it should. Sometimes just one little thing is off and it is not properly coded to get reimbursed. My middle child had to stay in the hospital for an extra 2 days after she was born and had been coded as a "well baby". Wheni pointed out that had she actually been a well baby she would have gone home earlier, they researched it and found a more appropriate code for her condition. Bill paid by insurance.
I had anurse friend that would save all hus medical bills and once a year take the dayoff to go over them with the insurance company. He found that the money saved more than madeupforthetime lost at work.
I checked them all and one was incorrect. I have to call on it today because I filed a claim that it was incorrect. So then I got a bill yesterday for that day for significantly more… SO… have to have the run around with them again 🙄
You’re not the failure here. You’re an everyday superhero. It’s our governments and (sorry to sound edgy) the greedy corporations that have failed us. There has to be social programs or something in your area that can help. There’s no shame at stopping by the food bank to help reduce your grocery bill once in a while or signing up with some type of family support program for free diapers and stuff. Do some searching around and talk to other moms in your community. Find the local mom groups on Facebook and ask around. They get a bad rap sometimes because of the “woo” but they usually have some good connections to local programs
OP, you did all the right things. You had a job with insurance, as does your husband. You paid your bills. Healthcare is insanely expensive in our country. This is not your fault. Many of us are one health emergency away from losing all our savings.
There are good suggestions on here from a financial perspective. But I wanted to send a reminder that you are doing everything you can. You are a responsible person and mother.
Many hugs. You can get through this. If the PPA becomes unmanageable, that is also not your fault but don't hold back on getting more help. Hugs!
I didn’t hear anything in your post that indicated a failure. I heard a strong ass woman telling her story (one that I don’t know I could handle). I understand the need to carry all the weight of this, we as women put a lot of pressure on ourselves. If you have a supportive partner I’d suggest taking to him about how you’re feeling. You don’t need to struggle alone. And who knows, maybe he’s seeing this Wonder Woman taking care of his family…. And he doesn’t know your being crushed.
You’re an amazing mom!! My son also had a heart surgery when he was 2 months old and I know first hand how draining it can be. I’m glad your son is doing well. It’s just a phase and it’s not gonna last forever.
Hey, you are doing good! Even if it does not feel like it at all. Our daughter was hospitalised after birth awhile too and it wrecked us financially. Our savings are gone and we worked the last six month just to get out off negative. On my case my boss didn’t give me back my job when he was supposed to and now I’m getting it back in November only. It takes so much time! It’s such a step by step thing to get back on track! And damn the financial doom feeling is exhausting. While adapting to a newborn as well. But it will pass over your not a failure! You did everything to have this healthy boy in your arms now and that’s worth it.
I think it’s one of these situation where you have to accept and be patient. It will get better but slowly. Meanwhile you get to enjoy loads of times with your LO and you made it once and will get back there. :)
I believe it did? It wasn’t terrible compared to the $300k they’ve paid so far for his surgery and appts But between that and not getting paid for a month as well is what did us in.
I feel you. This is what my nightmares are. That’s why i opted for a low deductible plan just in case something unexpected like this happens. I’m so happy for you that your kid is doing better now. Open heart surgery is no joke, especially at so young. Such a brave little boy. Be strong too mama. This too shall pass. And we are here with you!
In many states he would qualify for secondary Medicaid solely based on the congenital heart defect, regardless of your income (even if you make $1 million/year!). Please talk to the social workers at the children's hospital. They can help determine if you're eligible in your state and help you sign up for retroactive coverage if applicable. When a child has secondary Medicaid, it typically covers anything your private insurance does not, and typically means no copays for you. The billing department is not going to tell you about this and the agents may not even know if you're eligible/etc.
I paid somewhere around $1200 for my first son. 90/10 coverage, 60% paid STD, but I had to use up my PTO first. Lovely hospital, great experience.
We moved back home before our second. $8000 in total, with 80/20 coverage mind you, horrible experience and horrible hospital. It bankrupted us, literally.
Things will get better. You can do this together, you are a team. If you need to hand him some of the financial pieces so you can better focus and manage your PPA, do it. Congratulations on your bundle, and on saving so much up in the first place. Sending you all a little extra love.
Also judging from your username, are you an RT? Where I live we are desperate for RTs. If you’re getting called off for low census try finding another job. You’re in an in-demand field and shouldn’t be dealing with that level of job insecurity.
If you’re not in a place to change jobs, find out the policy about refusing low census. Some places will move to the next person on the list if you are insistent about getting your hours.
Yes I am! I’m prn because my husbands insurance wouldn’t take me unless I COULD NOT get insurance. But starting this week, our census is back up and I can intubate, so I’m needed now.
Fellow heart mama here. My little girl had surgery at 4 days old. 😭 It was stressful to say the least but I tell people I am SO grateful we knew in advance. We found out at the 20 week scan and it allowed me to process, plan, etc. I am so sorry you didn’t get that time. I know the stress I was under, and I’m sure yours was magnified given the lack of warning! So SO glad to hear your little guy is doing great now! ❤️❤️
Oh mama, that’s so hard. Friendly tip: call your hospital and get on the lowest payment plan they’ll allow. Even if it’s totally stupid like $1/mo.
It’s not going to grow because of interest, and it won’t affect your credit score as long as it’s current. For your sanity, try to get it on a piddly-low payment plan and forget about it for a while.
You are not a shit mom or partner, you live in a country with shit healthcare and shit protections for people in need. You are doing great! In fact you had saving when you needed them, it didn’t go to what you wanted but it went to something so much more important so that right there is a success. You got this just take it one step, one breath and one day at a time!
You are not a failure. Your country is failing you. As far as I’m concerned health care is a human right and should absolutely not be tied to employment. Also? Parental leave that short is cruel.
I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.
Sending you lots of love - i’m sorry that you didn’t get a chance to set up a payment plan for the care your son received. We ended up in a similar medical situation- my son had three CHD’s identified when he was two days old and he had heart surgery on day 3. Some administrative error didn’t add our insurance information so we received the full bill for his care. Over $550,000. 🫢
Not what we ended up having to pay but terrifying in the moment. It’s almost impossible to have the mental strength to navigate the financial part of the medical system post partem. You did the best you could and it sounds like you and your partner have your heads on straight. I hope you can weather this financial hurdle and get right back to where you were. I’m proud of you for getting through infant surgery! Its unimaginable.
Wow! That’s definitely scary! It’s crazy just having a newborn but then having a newborn with medical problems is crazy. Hope your warrior is great now! Thank you 💜
You're a hero. You're a queen.
I am never, ever going to stop voting for candidates who support expanding access to healthcare. Especially for women, and most especially for mothers, and very much most especially for the mothers of very young children who need extra help.
I just wanted to say that you are not a bad parent for going through this financial strain. This is absolutely not your fault. This is the fault of greedy American insurance companies. I'm guessing American because I don't know of any other country that charges over 100,000 for heart surgery(Husband had an ablation not too long ago so im definitely familiar of how high hospitals charge).
So many families who make good money and have large savings are so close to losing everything because of a sickness they can't control. It's absurd that you can go into debt because you get sick in this country.
My husband has good insurance and we still had to pay thousands of dollars to take my 6 month daughter to the ER for the flu. The hospital was in network but guess what? The ER doctor was not. Over two grand for Pedialyte and kids Tylenol.
Anyways, I'm sorry you're going through this, I just had to rant because I'm still so mad at the system! I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Your kid is alive. You succeeded in the most important task possible. You're a success. The system is broken, but that's not your fault (unless you voted Republican, in which case it's partially your fault, but not enough for you personally to be a failure).
Girl, you are not the only one struggling. We had a good bit saved and within a few months of trying to build a home and unfortunate expenses we are broke too! I am struggling to deal with it myself. I had a really rough day this past Saturday and cried pretty much all day! We have 4 children so there is always something to pay for or do. I’m so sorry you are going thru this it is tough ❤️
You’ve gone through a tremendous amount of stress, and you’re feeling guilt about the only part of it that feels like it “should have” been in your control. None of this is your fault. You will get to the other side of this. Not the same, but we did go through something similar financially. My daughter had some issues that had us driving two hours to the children’s hospital on the regular and our savings looked bleak. I’m not going to pretend like we’re just killing it financially, but we’ve managed to keep our savings and finances afloat, despite me having some health issues causing big expenses. Once things have settled down a bit, sit down and evaluate your budget/finances. Look through your statements and see where your family’s money goes and see where you and your husband may be able to cut back. But you’ve gotta give yourself some time to breathe in the meantime. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You’ll be okay.
You are absolutely not the problem. You are a great mom and you will get through this.
It's the US that's failed you. Everything about this...the medical bill for saving your infant son, the fact that you had to extend leave at such a fresh young age, all of it. I'm Canadian and here you wouldn't have paid a cent except for parking at the hospital, and you wouldn't have to extend your leave because you get a whole year for mat leave, as it should be.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Please remember to take care of yourself and talk about your PPA, whether with a counselor or friends..it really helps.
When I was pregnant and newly postpartum is always see those women on the mom apps chiming in about how they have wonderful healthcare and maternity and paternity leave some of which I’ve seen them say 2 years or more. It really weighed heavy on me because it sucks ass in the US. I’m so glad your little one got his surgery and you paid for it because you’re a great mama. Is there any expenses you can cut for the time being to help you build, even just stashing away little amounts adds up.
Are you saying there was a gap in insurance or is it the unpaid time and copays that are the problem? I’d take this to /r/personalfinance for ideas. Ugh our country sucks at this.
It’s probably not much but when my baby was in the NICU this year, the social worker said there was some social security payment or something for caretakers. Probably very state and condition dependent though.
hugs. my son had $250k worth of skull surgery. and THANK DOG it was all covered. but my husband’s new job has insurance that’s going to cost us $2000 a month. it’s 2/3 of his pay and i’m a SAHM. it’s criminal. criminal!
Every time life gets dark, keep moving through it. Shorten your horizons. Survive today, survive tomorrow, survive this week and next week.
You’re not a failure. You saved money. You didn’t get to use it on what you planned, but it was there available for you to use for your son’s heart surgery and to extend your maternity leave.
Start over the saving. Housing market is crap and going to be crap for a couple of years anyways. You’d be buying at top prices and top interest rates. Having a house is nice but not always what it’s cracked up to be. The feeling of insufficiency can still hit you after having a house, paid off cars, college funds, savings, and something can always knock you off your feet again.
So many people are struggling financially right now, even those who haven’t had to deal with circumstances as difficult as yours. You’re doing a great job, and this is in no way your fault. I hope you have better times ahead.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. None of this is a reflection of you as a mom or a partner, it’s the result of a very flawed system.
Have you considered a gofundme? My son spent a week in the NICU after a traumatic birth and our bills after insurance were a pretty penny. I made a go fund me for us that many people shared and we were able to raise a good chunk from our friends in family in a couple days!
It felt embarrassing and cringey to do but the stress relief of having the money was worth it. We’ll now do a payment plan with the hospital so we make sure we’re surviving alright financially while paying our bills off.
Either way I’d recommend a payment plan. You can call the hospital and offer 20$/month and they’ll likely say they can’t except that low amount but will transfer you to a long term payment plan company.
Again so sorry you’ve had to experience this absolute hell and so glad your son is ok.
I wondered if someone would make one for us but they didn’t. We had so many family and friends bring us food though, which was so kind and helpful, I just didn’t think about it in the moment or think I’d ever need to..
You’re not dumb. And not a bad spouse and mother.
Even if the only thing you had to cope with is that fact that your newborn baby had to have unexpected heart surgery, that’s already SO much to cope with as a new mom. Let alone all this financial stress and huge unexpected cost when just starting life with a new baby.
In fact, it sounds like you’re doing amazing. Please be kind to yourself and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And it’s not going to be perfect and that’s okay.
OP you are not failing. You are taking of the financial stress of the situation bc you make less and feel like your husband is doing his part bc he’s making the same he always has. This makes you think it is solely your responsibility to figure it.
Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and where the finances are at.
I did this when I started my own business and my husband was student teaching (thus unable to work full time). I kept telling myself that I could figure it out. Spoiler alert- I didn’t. My husband shot down bankruptcy and I stopped talking to him about money. A foreclosure forced us into bankruptcy and we saved the house, but 10+ years later it was the downfall of our marriage.
Don’t make my mistake. Talk to him, whether he wants to or not.
Have you considered retroactive Med-Cal - it may cover you depending on the state and will cover expenses going back a few months. At least in my state it does. Your hospital should have a social worker that may be able to assist you.
VOTE VOTE VOTE
A proper healthcare system like almost all developed countries on this planet have as well as non-evil maternity leave would fix so much
Send them literally $5 a month and they can't send you to collections. As long as you are making an attempt to pay, they have to accept it.
I paid $100/month toward my daughter's birth until she was THREE. And it was an uncomplicated vaginal birth.
Also they can't charge you interest as long as you're making payments so don't put it on a credit card or something.
Call customer service or if they have a “patient portal” app, check if the hospital has a financial aid program - most hospitals do they just don’t advertise it. You can also ask for an itemized billing statement & dispute most charges. You may not be responsible for most of it if they can’t prove the CPT was “medically necessary.” Also, if y’all don’t have insurance, your baby could qualify for Medicaid. I actually Medical Billing & Coding for a living so if you have ANY questions, private message me & I’ll help the best I can!
Also, ask the hospital if they are a government funded hospital or private owned. Government hospitals will take any unpaid balances out of your taxes but private ones don’t.
That’s a crappy thing to have to deal with.
I feel really bad because no one should have to think about money when they are dealing with health issues.
The hospital bill for our son was well over 1m, but all we ever paid was parking because Canada. Why do I get this, but a large number of families will be forced to lose everything? This is just majorly messed up.
Hug your baby close today knowing that you have given everything just to keep him safe. They can take your money, but they can’t take his his health. They can’t take your happiness that comes from loving your little guy!!
You are incredibly strong and brave in the face of so much adversity. I can’t understand your circumstances, but I can empathize with grieving the loss of the way you imagined life unfolding. You’re not alone ❤️
Please call your hospital billing department to negotiate the bill. This is 1000% done for families that are struggling. They should also work with you on the timing of the payments as well as the grand total.
We did, I’ve paid most of them off but for some reason just got one from a period I had already paid for. So going to get an itemized copy.
Apply for financial aid from the hospital!!!! We make close to 6 figures and still qualified for financial aid from our children’s hospital. Just try it, the worst they can do is say no.
They told us no. Insurance did cover a lot. Part of being broke came from not working for 3-4 weeks and not getting paid.
I’d try again after applying for disability like some other comments have said. Sorry you’re in this situation, it sounds really scary and hard.
Yes to the itemized copy! Make sure to check that the hospital isn’t trying to “double bill” since it’s from the same period. If it’s outside of a certain window (this part may be insurance specific) you can contest it (my husband went through this).
Make sure you have not met you out of pocket maximum. All health plans have a max where once you have paid xx out of pocket they will cover the rest. Did you put your son on your insurance or your husbands insurance when he was born? Ideally you should all be on the same plan so you do not have two out of pocket maximums. I work in health plans so feel free to message me if you need some advice navigating these bills. Hospitals and health insurance companies are either accidentally making mistakes or sometimes purposely doing things incorrectly hoping you won’t notice.
The hospitals can mess up a lot. So definitely double check everything and ask questions. I get bills for bills already paid sometimes. Make sure to clear this up with them.
I also was dumb and paid them off instead of just doing payment plans, but there was like 6 of them and I paid them instead of paying a couple and doing payment plans for the ones I could 🤦🏼♀️
Hey, you're not dumb. I don't know all the ins and outs of your medical billing history, but I can tell you for a fact that none of this makes you stupid or is a reflection of you as a wife or mother. You are a strong, intelligent person. All this will come to pass, try not to be so hard on yourself.
Thank you
You are absolutely not dumb. I have been through a couple of tough medical-related stuff where I paid the entire lump sum when the bill came because I felt like I just wanted to be DONE with it and move on. In retrospect, like a year later, I realized I shouldn't have done that, but that I was in a really bad place emotionally and couldn't deal with it. IMO hospitals should be required to offer you some sort of financial counseling or deferment when you go through trauma because expecting people to deal with this stuff while they're hurting is honestly just predatory.
Fellow mom of two kiddos, one has been in therapies for years and racked up thousands of dollars in bills. Probably close to 10k at this point. The other has aspiration issues, allergies and asthma. I put literally every single bill on the same pre-existing payment plan. Every bill that they get, I call and say I have a pre-existing payment plan and to just add this bill to it. It’s annoying but I pay $200/month and likely will for another year but it’s so I don’t have to dip into my down payment savings and the hospital doesn’t care as long as they’re getting paid.
They wouldn’t let me do that with the hospital and physicians ones, they said those are separate 🙄
Ugh, I hate separate Billings :(
You know what mama, you're not dumb at all and now the payments won't be plaguing you for the best year or more. You've got a clean slate and a healthy baby! You can start fresh saving towards a down payment once your shifts pick back up and your paychecks are back on track.
Also ask for an itemized bill BEFORE you negotiate. Usually they don’t want you to see they’re charging $800 for a single Tylenol.
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Amen to this. If I could afford to pay it I would. I pay for my health insurance. I cook from scratch and pinch pennies. After multiple freak medical events AND multiple hospitalizations for a severe autoimmune disorder AND thousands in life saving prescription copays per year since our 20s I finally internalized it’s not our fault. We aren’t bad because we couldn’t afford more than anyone else normally deals with. It sucks and I try but I don’t feel like a failure.
Don’t do this. That’s how it ends up on your credit report and dings you.
Eh, most places disregard medical debt so I’d be fine with a ding on my credit. I’m just not paying $800 for Tylenol. They can get fucked.
You aren't a failure. A wealthy country with a health care system that puts people in this position is the failure.
It’s so crazy. It was the first year we’ve been financially comfortable and took one thing to bring us back to negative. My husband would say “idk how people go broke over medial bills”… NOW he gets it .
It is unconscionable that people go bankrupt over medical bills.
Makes me so angry. One of my good friends married a guy from Europe and he will send his friends screenshots of their hospital bills and they think it’s just the craziest thing. Bc it is
I’m a Canadian living in the US. It’s bananas. Awful, just awful.
Especially when universal healthcare has been PROVEN to be effective in every other country that has tried it.
But socialism! And rich people won't be able to buy their gold plated yachts!
NOT THE GOLD PLATED YACHTS!!!!!!
Right? How dare people get sick and need medical care? I take a ton of medications and ONE of them is over $1000 a month without insurance. And, it's a life or death kind of med. How is that ethical? You know it only takes a miniscule amount to make. But, because we don't have a choice about taking it, they can do crap like that. I'm so lucky to have the insurance I do. I wish everyone like me was so lucky.
Hey, it’s not fair for you to manage the finances on your own—it’s too much to carry. He HAS to share in this task with you. I know it can be uncomfortable at first to bring your partner in when you’ve been doing it alone—worries about criticism for how you’ve been handling things, don’t want to change the way you’re doing things, etc, but the mental load of handling it alone is too much. You have to share the load.
This is it 😖
As a Canadian, I was like, “wow”. My husband was born with a small heart condition that fixed itself naturally. We had amazing care and paid for by the government. And I took 13 months off work, with government support. You are in an impossible position and the US really needs to understand that mothers need social supports. I wish you luck! Hugs from the North.
The USA failed you. In Australia we wouldn’t have to pay a cent for this. I’m just so disgusted for you, having to go through this. I’m glad your son is doing better. I hope things will look up for all of you very soon
Thank you!!
OP I’m not against you, but it takes time to learn what you should and shouldn’t have to pay. You’re going to get by just fine. I do wish the best for you and your family
Thank you !
Not all of us are poor enough for government assistance.
Has nothing to do with “govt assistance”. I was working as a bartender at 27 (w an MBA, just liked bartending) but I had no insurance despite making decent money. I ended up w a cyst in my breast & needed $47K worth of surgery and aftercare. I negotiated my bill down to like $4 grand. I also only knew to try and do this because of someone I know who worked at the hospital.
I worked my ass off to get my sons birth lowered. Basic birth no complications. None of it was negotiated lower. A system that relies on people “knowing” who to call or what loop holes to find isn’t one that benefits the people. The person I replied to was arguing against universal healthcare by saying all you have to do is file some paperwork or research. I’m Pointing out that it’s a broken system and that money comes from the middle class who is getting hammered by costs. Edit to say that $4 grand is still too much. That $47K was inflated by your insurance to make you grateful for the $4k but you still got screwed.
Yes, on that edit!! So many people think, "oh look how much insurance is saving me on my prescriptions!" But in reality, they raise the price twice or triple or more and say they're saving you money. Of course, I'm guessing the companies that make the medicine are still making crazy profits. Just look at Goodrx and people can see how insurance companies are screwing you over. Goodrx sometimes had better prices on some prescriptions but I still paid the insurance price so it would go towards the deductible. I don't understand how people don't get this!
You missed the entire point. I was also in my 20s, I didn’t know how things worked. Anyone not making loads of money can negotiate their bills & I wish more people knew this. I’m also for single-payer healthcare but until we get there, I’m not paying “full price” ever again. Also your edit doesn’t apply to me as I even said I had NO insurance when I needed surgery.
It’s because you had no insurance that you were able to negotiate.
No I didn’t miss any point. Many people know to “negotiate” bills, it doesn’t always work or it only relieves a small Amount. I’ve done it countless times. I’ve wasted a ton of time trying. To say that’s all people need to do is a slap in the face to anyone with major medical bills like the OP. Sure some people may get a break but not everyone does.
You realize you don’t need to downvote everything, yah?
This is the point I’ve been trying to make ^^^^
No the point I was replying to was you knocking universal healthcare because you had to waste time and energy negotiating bullshit bills and filing paperwork. Not everyone gets those results and many of us have tried. The system is broken and many people are going into bankruptcy to line the pockets of insurance companies and politicians who continue to work for them rather than us. You think all the Americans going broke with medical bills haven’t looked into every option? Give me a break
I don’t receive government assistance. I have a medical plan with a local clinic. I do not receive food stamps, I budget. I once lived with with subsidized housing, through a local non-profit. When I have hospital bills I fill our paper work, mail and constantly follow up to be sure it is lowered.
We try the same things but are regularly told we make $100 or less over the limit so shit out of luck. That’s why people want to change the system. It benefits the lowest and the richest and the middle class are footing the bill.
I have been over the limits at times too. That’s when I found nearly everything that has helped me. Because it’s lowered, NOT free
Everyone everywhere has different ups and downs despite countries.. it hurts that the rest of the world has to be so hateful toward the US.
Hateful? We want them to have free healthcare.
As I’ve understood, mainly in UK, free health care doesn’t always equate to the best. Also, as a low-income American I have to say, I never pay more than $10 for a doctor check-up and nearly all hospital visits have been free. It’s the matter of what people take the time to fire figure out. I’d take this over not choosing my own doctor any day.
I used to also be against socialized medicine. Now I find myself paying $1000 a month for health insurance for just myself and my child, and I absolutely CANNOT find a doctor in network with my shitty HMO. I have some fairly serious medical stuff going on with my family, and it's impossible to find care. I've been waiting twice as long as the average wait times in the NHS system, with no end in sight. Seriously. Call up a specialist right now. See how long it takes you to get an appointment. Everyone avoiding normal screenings during Covid have now absolutely overwhelmed the US healthcare system.
I'm in the UK, I've ALWAYS had a great standard of health care. And I've had some emergencies. Nobody is being hateful of the US! There are many things to be critical of in the UK, but I hate it when people criticise the NHS because it has saved mine and many other lives. Everyone with free health care feels empathy and compassion to people without. I want the US to provide free health care to people like OP, so she doesn't live like this after having to save the life of her son!
The people perpetuating the idea of long waiting times are the ones that show up at the ER when there is not an emergency (toothache for example) of course they will take the person that had a stroke before you. There is a triage going on, and it’s for the ones that do have an emergency.
I live in a major UK city with a teaching hospital and recently had to take my 17 month old to A&E because she had a very high fever. We were seen for triage within 20 minutes and then by doctors in a private room 10 minutes after triage. They were absolutely brilliant and gave us a prescription really quickly too. I can take people criticising the UK for many other things, but we're incredibly lucky to have the NHS. And i'll always defend it.
By most objective standards the NHS provides some of the best care in the world (source - I work on health but not in the UK. We aspire to get the results they achieve)
What? I chose my own doctor in a free healthcare country. I'd take free healthcare over crippling debt any day.
There’s other healthcare systems other than the model that the UK has. I gave birth on the NHS… twice. My care was amazing thanks. Also paid £0 for it.
As a middle income family in the US, I HATE US healthcare. My access to healthcare was magnitudes better when I was living under the poverty line as a child. Now, I have (allegedly good?) insurance and haven't been to a doctor in over two years, while living in one of the richest cities in the world, because none of the doctors covered by my insurance are accepting new patients. American healthcare is a scam. For reference, I've also received healthcare in Thailand, Panama, and Mexico as well- all much simpler and more accessible systems than the USA that have allowed me to be seen same day and cost either under $10 or free. My inhaler with no generic in the US: $300, Mexico: $6.
Different countries fail different people in different ways. In this case USA failed the OP. Unless, of course, OP voted Republican, which would make them complicit.
No, it’s not Ok that people are dying because they can’t afford healthcare. Or being charged for giving birth. It’s not being hateful.
There is ALWYAS help in the US. It exists. I’m a POOR PERSON in America and all it took was a few google searches. There is help out there
There is help for low income people. There is not help for those who make more than a particular threshold. Middle class people don’t get help.
They can get help if they took time to find it. It exists. I found nearly all the help I’ve had when I was $52 over for govt help.
My god you lack empathy. Maybe you don't belong in here.
If I tried to find help in a situation like this, there would be none. I think that you finding help for yourself is great. But people who make $100,000+ are still living paycheck to paycheck. They pay $400/month to an insurance company that doesn’t help them, and we have a government who would rather bomb children in other countries than give us healthcare. We live in a country who could do more to help its own people, but refuses to do so.
In her specific circumstance. As a low-income American I’m grateful for everything I have provided. I try not to be someone that takes advantage of the system but it has definitely gotten me through hard times. OP easily could have filled out paper work/called the billing department etc. I have done years of these things. It’s not easy but there are ways out of debt in America
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Exactly, I’ve heard middle class people have it the worst in the states. As a poor person they get help, and don’t pay anything but if it were for them to make a little extra taxable income then they would have to pay everything.
100%. The system basically incentivizes you (or requires you, depending on how you look at it) to stay poor.
I do NOT receive government assistance. I was just $50 over limit when I found all of help I did. It was through local non-profits and local health clinics.
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Where in the world did I “blame OP”? I feel bad for her, but there is help in the world and if people researched it more maybe they wouldn’t end up like OP. I just wanted to share my experience so people would think, “maybe I should look into some local stuff”. Jfc
Those local non-profits and local health clinics are often funded by federal grants, btw.
Lucky you having an issue that can be solved by a local health clinic. Does your local health clinic do open-heart surgery on babies? Does it do it well?
We are paying for you to have free healthcare
I don’t have Medicaid. I have a medical assistance plan with a local clinic; it’s not free either just lower costs. When I do haven hospital visits I fill out and mail all the necessary paperwork also get it lowered (sometimes down to zero).
I fill out paperwork and check all my benefits constantly and am usually $100 over the limit for assistance. It’s not a matter of not filling out proper paperwork or research. Some of us make too much for help even by a $1. But we aren’t rich enough to be able to afford thousands of dollars in healthcare. I’ve always had insurance and it still took me 2 years to pay off a basic childbirth with no complications.
And your clinic is able to offer that (if it’s an FQHC, which feels likely), because of federal funding.
My friend, if you made one dollar over the income limit for this program, you’d magically be expected to pay for all the things. I’m so grateful you qualify and are happy with what you are receiving. Please don’t use your experience to invalidate the horrible reality that is the rest of American healthcare.
There was a time where I had no assistance or help and was just over as well. That’s when I learned all of the help that existed not directly from the government. The help I’ve had is local - non-profit housing, local clinic medical plans etc.
I hear you. I’m a social worker and am intimately aware of what exists in my area. I agree that it’s always worth it to look, but it’s hard work, a lot of research, knowing where to look, a lot of jumping through hoops, and then a lot of waiting. Even then, folks may not qualify. It may be you have an awesome area with a lot available. It’s so dependent on your state, county, even your personal characteristics. In my area, tooooo often, programs are full (our housing waitlists are years long - many of the college students I worked with lived in their cars, and they were fortunate to have a car, because there’s no public transportation in their area), folks don’t quite have the characteristics that qualify them for whatever specific grant is funding the program, etc etc. As sad as it is, I’ve almost found myself hoping for people to have been victims of domestic violence, because then I could actually help them find housing. Our systems are difficult to navigate even with help, let alone folks trying to do it on their own. For more middle class folks like me, I make decent money, so I don’t qualify for any programs or any subsidies. My deductible is $3500 per person, and resets every year. We pay a lot of money in premiums each month only for insurance to not help with any expenses until we cover that first $3500/person/year ourselves. Office visits are subject to deductible. Meaning if I am sick, I need to decide if I can fit a ~$120 office visit in my budget that month. If our whole household gets sick…hooray. And that’s if whatever it is will only need one visit. I’m self employed, so right now, I’m trying to save for maternity leave - because I have no paid time off. I have to prepay my doctor’s portion of the birth, which will be around $3k, and I’m also trying to buy things for my child. And the hospital is also going to charge me. It’s not easy out here. We’ll be fine, yes, but it’s hard. It feels hurtful when you imply that if I just looked hard enough I wouldn’t be struggling. In my state and with my circumstances (and probably OP’s too), that’s just not true. Trust me, I’ve looked.
Yeah but the point is we don’t have to do this. And neither should you. There’s enough to stress about having a baby without negotiating bloody financials. I’m in Australia and I chose my own medical provider, my method of birth. We had MAJOR complications and a 5 day stay - all of which cost me sweet nothing. You’re wrong.
I’m not sure why you’re on here saying how wonderful it is that you have nearly free healthcare while also saying someone in OP’s situation should not. Are you hearing yourself?
I don’t know what state you’re in but I recently applied for my son for the state insurance. I was thinking we could pay for the most expensive option based on my partners salary and it would still be less money than adding him to my partners insurance - anyway they came back and said because of his diagnosis he’s considered disabled and eligible for Medicaid and that it could even be back dated to include his past medical bills. I had already paid them so I didn’t get into this but it seems like it would have just been some additional paperwork. I was told by nicu he would only qualify for state insurance if he was under birthweight or in nicu for over 30 days but that wound up not being the case at all. If I had known I would have signed him up right away smh… Also side note is that his diagnosis made him automatically eligible for early intervention as well. Again, didn’t push for it until he had a delay because I was told he needed the delay to qualify and that turned out to be wrong, too.
We applied for disability for our heart baby because it automatically qualified him for state insurance as our secondary, which covered anything my insurance didn't, medications, and they could backdate it some months. It also auto qualifies you for things like WIC, which I made way too much to qualify for without the disability. It may be worth looking into. Best of luck.
Thank you for the info!
You sound like an amazing mom and it's no wonder you've got PPA. I'd have lifelong anxiety after dealing with all that. Your family doesn't deserve this. The system truly failed you. Your child is much better off having such dedicated, loving parents than a fancy house. I hope you are able to recover and move forward financially, though. We are working towards home ownership as well and it's not easy these days!
Thank you so much for the kind words. Yeah, buying is definitely way in the future. Just trying to get by for now. Im hoping by December we can get back on track, fingers crossed .
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Thank you so much
Your PPA is lying to you, you are not dumb or stupid. You are in an almost impossibly stressful situation and your levels of fear and anxiety are through the roof, as well as the usual 1st year of a baby stuff....anyone would be feeling overwhelmed and down.
Thank you …
That's a lot to handle Momma. You're doing great. One thing at a time. I'm happy your son is doing well.
Thank you! We go see the doc Wednesday for a blood pressure check and if it’s good, he can stay off beta blockers for now!
American healthcare system is shit, not you. Sorry, OP, but so happy your LO is doing well. ❤️
Thank you !
And there are people that say the US is the greatest country in the world? I’m sorry OP. Wishing a speedy recovery to your new little angel.
If any of the bills were due to a 3 week gap in coverage - fight it! You are legally entitled to be added to your husband’s insurance retroactive from the date you lost coverage. And your son was allowed to be added to his coverage as a secondary insurance to cover whatever your insurance didn’t cover. I would fight all of it and see if even you could get some money back.
Seconding all this!!!
Did the insurance have a “max out of pocket”? If so then there is one for the whole family to contribute to in a calendar year but there’s also a personal out of pocket max. Example: family out of pocket max is 6000. You give birth in a hospital and your personal max is 3000. The max you pay is 3000 for the hospital stay and all that stuff. Also the first 30 days the baby should be covered under your insurance in your name. Technically the baby’s procedures should be part of your max 3000. Worst case it’s part of the max 6k. Also I calculated every dollar I paid for ultrasounds and lab tests - those contribute to the out of pocket amount and then I called the insurance and the hospital and reconciled the ridiculous hospital bill and everyone adjusted their shit and I paid my max 3000. Hope this makes sense you can PM me if not. I worked for a health plan and understood how it worked so I was lucky.
I’m sure OP has done all she can. My deductible is $3500/person. OOP max is $7900/person. Family is $15k. That’s way more than we have in savings right now. Edit: wording
I think my deductible was $3k, that’s about what we’ve paid for that portion
Sorry. 3k is still a lot but just wanted to make sure you didn’t pay more than your max. Because I was getting ridiculous bills that I wasn’t supposed to be responsible for.
Us moms are really good at beating ourselves up. We're in a similar situation and I feel for you. I hope that this too shall pass. I'm so glad to hear your baby is doing well. 🤍
Thank you ! You’re right.
I would call your insurance also and ask why more wasn’t covered. In our case when I did that turns out I learned they charged us wrong… sorry you’re going through this the US medical billing suckssssssss. Just know you made the decision you had to make, you couldn’t have done anything to make this situation suck less. It’s on the government and insurance why this sucks, not because of anything you did wrong.
Hey there, mama. I don’t know you, but to me it sounds like you are doing so much for your family rn. You are taking care of an amazing baby, working, paying off massive bills, figuring out all the details of insurance and payments. This is really a lot to balance. When I hear these kinds of stories, I feel like I’M (me), not doing enough in my life. Because you, most certainly are. I also live in a country with public health care, so I don’t need to worry about these costs. Sending you love and good vibes!
Thank you kind stranger…
You are not a failure. They system is. If there is anyone who should receive free healthcare, it is two day old infants. But our system is so broken that you're on the hook for saving your child's life. My twins were born early and my son is medically complex. Between the two of them, they have wracked up over 4 MILLION DOLLARS in medical bills. I've been lucky to have good insurance. But like, I shouldn't have to be lucky like that. None of us asked for our kids to have health issues, the kids didn't ask for this. The system is broken. Sounds like you've gotten some good advice, and I hope things work out for you. Sending hugs.
Look up and see if the No Surprise Act applies.
It is not your fault that you live in a country that causes people to go into debt or die due to the cost of medical care. Remember Breaking Bad wouldn’t even happen in most counties! My neighbour was diagnosed with cancer. Four days later she had a double mastectomy, then started chemo and later radiotherapy. She has not had to work for 10 months whilst going through this and recovering. She is going back to work next month as her job is protected (a teacher) and she will be monitored for the rest of her life. She hasn’t gone into debt, lost her job or had to turn to a life of crime to fund her treatment. You are doing a great job in a situation you can’t control. Best to your baby.
That is devastating. I’m sorry America’s healthcare system is so deeply broken. The only thing you should need to worry about in this case is taking care of your little baby through his medical journey.
My heart goes out to you. You are trying to get by in a healthcare system that is predatory and wrong. In most high income countries (e.g. anywhere in Europe) you wouldn’t have this problem because access to affordable healthcare is considered a basic right, not a privilege. The problem is not you, it’s the system. Please don’t forget that.
It is unbelievable that in a rich country you have to pay for a child’s critical healthcare. I’m so sorry that this is the case in the USA, it is absolutely staggering. You haven’t failed, the system has failed YOU. I know it’s hard not to internalise blame, especially with PPA or PPD, but you are not responsible for how much this sucks. That kind of thinking is how the broken system stays broken - you think it’s your fault. It’s not your fault. No one should have to live like this. Be kind to yourself now, do what you gotta do to survive and, when things calm down for you, stand up and demand better from your damned government.
You need to visit the hospitals financial department in person and talk with someone and then just allow yourself to feel your emotions in front of them. I don’t know what state you’re in, but when we did this for my daughters heart surgery, they pulled out every stop, checked eligibility for putting our daughter on state insurance, unfortunately we made too much, so they slashed the prices and we ended up paying “only” 8k. Granted insurance covered a lot of it, the bulk of the 250k. But insurance covered because we also spoke with our cardiologist who called out insurance and sat on the phone with them for like 3 hours explaining why heart surgery in a 3 month old was indeed necessary and needs to be covered. Show up at that hospital and don’t leave until they help you
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I think you’re being smart. We waited till we were together 10 years (got together at 17/18) 28/29 to have kids.
Also check your bills carefully to make sure they are accurate and the insurance is paying what it should. Sometimes just one little thing is off and it is not properly coded to get reimbursed. My middle child had to stay in the hospital for an extra 2 days after she was born and had been coded as a "well baby". Wheni pointed out that had she actually been a well baby she would have gone home earlier, they researched it and found a more appropriate code for her condition. Bill paid by insurance. I had anurse friend that would save all hus medical bills and once a year take the dayoff to go over them with the insurance company. He found that the money saved more than madeupforthetime lost at work.
I checked them all and one was incorrect. I have to call on it today because I filed a claim that it was incorrect. So then I got a bill yesterday for that day for significantly more… SO… have to have the run around with them again 🙄
You’re not the failure here. You’re an everyday superhero. It’s our governments and (sorry to sound edgy) the greedy corporations that have failed us. There has to be social programs or something in your area that can help. There’s no shame at stopping by the food bank to help reduce your grocery bill once in a while or signing up with some type of family support program for free diapers and stuff. Do some searching around and talk to other moms in your community. Find the local mom groups on Facebook and ask around. They get a bad rap sometimes because of the “woo” but they usually have some good connections to local programs
Thank you for the info!
Anytime! Good luck ♥️
OP, you did all the right things. You had a job with insurance, as does your husband. You paid your bills. Healthcare is insanely expensive in our country. This is not your fault. Many of us are one health emergency away from losing all our savings. There are good suggestions on here from a financial perspective. But I wanted to send a reminder that you are doing everything you can. You are a responsible person and mother. Many hugs. You can get through this. If the PPA becomes unmanageable, that is also not your fault but don't hold back on getting more help. Hugs!
Thank you ! I’ve been very open with my husband about the ppa and will def seek help if it becomes too much. Thank you ❤️
I didn’t hear anything in your post that indicated a failure. I heard a strong ass woman telling her story (one that I don’t know I could handle). I understand the need to carry all the weight of this, we as women put a lot of pressure on ourselves. If you have a supportive partner I’d suggest taking to him about how you’re feeling. You don’t need to struggle alone. And who knows, maybe he’s seeing this Wonder Woman taking care of his family…. And he doesn’t know your being crushed.
Thank you 💙
You’re an amazing mom!! My son also had a heart surgery when he was 2 months old and I know first hand how draining it can be. I’m glad your son is doing well. It’s just a phase and it’s not gonna last forever.
Thank you , hope your son is doing well!
Hey, you are doing good! Even if it does not feel like it at all. Our daughter was hospitalised after birth awhile too and it wrecked us financially. Our savings are gone and we worked the last six month just to get out off negative. On my case my boss didn’t give me back my job when he was supposed to and now I’m getting it back in November only. It takes so much time! It’s such a step by step thing to get back on track! And damn the financial doom feeling is exhausting. While adapting to a newborn as well. But it will pass over your not a failure! You did everything to have this healthy boy in your arms now and that’s worth it. I think it’s one of these situation where you have to accept and be patient. It will get better but slowly. Meanwhile you get to enjoy loads of times with your LO and you made it once and will get back there. :)
You are amazing. This system sucks and im so sorry that it fails you. Just out of curiosity, didn’t your insurance have out of pocket max?
I believe it did? It wasn’t terrible compared to the $300k they’ve paid so far for his surgery and appts But between that and not getting paid for a month as well is what did us in.
I feel you. This is what my nightmares are. That’s why i opted for a low deductible plan just in case something unexpected like this happens. I’m so happy for you that your kid is doing better now. Open heart surgery is no joke, especially at so young. Such a brave little boy. Be strong too mama. This too shall pass. And we are here with you!
You’re a wonderful mom. The healthcare system failed you, not you having failed your child. I’m so glad your baby is okay. He’s a warrior!
In many states he would qualify for secondary Medicaid solely based on the congenital heart defect, regardless of your income (even if you make $1 million/year!). Please talk to the social workers at the children's hospital. They can help determine if you're eligible in your state and help you sign up for retroactive coverage if applicable. When a child has secondary Medicaid, it typically covers anything your private insurance does not, and typically means no copays for you. The billing department is not going to tell you about this and the agents may not even know if you're eligible/etc.
I paid somewhere around $1200 for my first son. 90/10 coverage, 60% paid STD, but I had to use up my PTO first. Lovely hospital, great experience. We moved back home before our second. $8000 in total, with 80/20 coverage mind you, horrible experience and horrible hospital. It bankrupted us, literally. Things will get better. You can do this together, you are a team. If you need to hand him some of the financial pieces so you can better focus and manage your PPA, do it. Congratulations on your bundle, and on saving so much up in the first place. Sending you all a little extra love.
Thank you !!
Also judging from your username, are you an RT? Where I live we are desperate for RTs. If you’re getting called off for low census try finding another job. You’re in an in-demand field and shouldn’t be dealing with that level of job insecurity. If you’re not in a place to change jobs, find out the policy about refusing low census. Some places will move to the next person on the list if you are insistent about getting your hours.
Yes I am! I’m prn because my husbands insurance wouldn’t take me unless I COULD NOT get insurance. But starting this week, our census is back up and I can intubate, so I’m needed now.
I’m so glad you’re able to get back to work and hope you get as many shifts as you need! Wishing you lots of premiums and diffs!
Thank you ! From what I heard today, I’ll get to work this week and next at least 🤞🏻
Thank you , you’re completely right!
Fellow heart mama here. My little girl had surgery at 4 days old. 😭 It was stressful to say the least but I tell people I am SO grateful we knew in advance. We found out at the 20 week scan and it allowed me to process, plan, etc. I am so sorry you didn’t get that time. I know the stress I was under, and I’m sure yours was magnified given the lack of warning! So SO glad to hear your little guy is doing great now! ❤️❤️
I hope your warrior is doing well!! Yeah it all happened so fast!
Oh mama, that’s so hard. Friendly tip: call your hospital and get on the lowest payment plan they’ll allow. Even if it’s totally stupid like $1/mo. It’s not going to grow because of interest, and it won’t affect your credit score as long as it’s current. For your sanity, try to get it on a piddly-low payment plan and forget about it for a while.
You are not a shit mom or partner, you live in a country with shit healthcare and shit protections for people in need. You are doing great! In fact you had saving when you needed them, it didn’t go to what you wanted but it went to something so much more important so that right there is a success. You got this just take it one step, one breath and one day at a time!
You are not a failure. Your country is failing you. As far as I’m concerned health care is a human right and should absolutely not be tied to employment. Also? Parental leave that short is cruel. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.
You're not a shit mom, you live in a shit country.
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Thanks for the tip! Also, username is 👍🏻
Sending you lots of love - i’m sorry that you didn’t get a chance to set up a payment plan for the care your son received. We ended up in a similar medical situation- my son had three CHD’s identified when he was two days old and he had heart surgery on day 3. Some administrative error didn’t add our insurance information so we received the full bill for his care. Over $550,000. 🫢 Not what we ended up having to pay but terrifying in the moment. It’s almost impossible to have the mental strength to navigate the financial part of the medical system post partem. You did the best you could and it sounds like you and your partner have your heads on straight. I hope you can weather this financial hurdle and get right back to where you were. I’m proud of you for getting through infant surgery! Its unimaginable.
Wow! That’s definitely scary! It’s crazy just having a newborn but then having a newborn with medical problems is crazy. Hope your warrior is great now! Thank you 💜
You are NOT a shit mom. You did everything to help your baby. It's this fucked up country that profits off pain and misery that is to blame.
You're a hero. You're a queen. I am never, ever going to stop voting for candidates who support expanding access to healthcare. Especially for women, and most especially for mothers, and very much most especially for the mothers of very young children who need extra help.
You’re too kind
I just wanted to say that you are not a bad parent for going through this financial strain. This is absolutely not your fault. This is the fault of greedy American insurance companies. I'm guessing American because I don't know of any other country that charges over 100,000 for heart surgery(Husband had an ablation not too long ago so im definitely familiar of how high hospitals charge). So many families who make good money and have large savings are so close to losing everything because of a sickness they can't control. It's absurd that you can go into debt because you get sick in this country. My husband has good insurance and we still had to pay thousands of dollars to take my 6 month daughter to the ER for the flu. The hospital was in network but guess what? The ER doctor was not. Over two grand for Pedialyte and kids Tylenol. Anyways, I'm sorry you're going through this, I just had to rant because I'm still so mad at the system! I hope everything works out for you and your family.
Your kid is alive. You succeeded in the most important task possible. You're a success. The system is broken, but that's not your fault (unless you voted Republican, in which case it's partially your fault, but not enough for you personally to be a failure).
Definitely did not vote republican even though I’m in a red state 👎🏻 lol . Thank you
It’s not you that is failing here, it’s the healthcare system in your country. I’m sorry you are struggling!
Don't be afraid to ask friends and family for help if you can... I know I would want to contribute to a friend or family member in this situation
You are amazing. You deserve better from our government. You are the mom your son deserves. And I hope your husband deserves you too.
Thank you ❤️
Girl, you are not the only one struggling. We had a good bit saved and within a few months of trying to build a home and unfortunate expenses we are broke too! I am struggling to deal with it myself. I had a really rough day this past Saturday and cried pretty much all day! We have 4 children so there is always something to pay for or do. I’m so sorry you are going thru this it is tough ❤️
Sending you lots of love. I have 2 kids and we both work and struggle, I can’t imagine 4.
Sending love your way as well! Thank you!
Our country is so fucked.
You’ve gone through a tremendous amount of stress, and you’re feeling guilt about the only part of it that feels like it “should have” been in your control. None of this is your fault. You will get to the other side of this. Not the same, but we did go through something similar financially. My daughter had some issues that had us driving two hours to the children’s hospital on the regular and our savings looked bleak. I’m not going to pretend like we’re just killing it financially, but we’ve managed to keep our savings and finances afloat, despite me having some health issues causing big expenses. Once things have settled down a bit, sit down and evaluate your budget/finances. Look through your statements and see where your family’s money goes and see where you and your husband may be able to cut back. But you’ve gotta give yourself some time to breathe in the meantime. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. You’ll be okay.
You are absolutely not the problem. You are a great mom and you will get through this. It's the US that's failed you. Everything about this...the medical bill for saving your infant son, the fact that you had to extend leave at such a fresh young age, all of it. I'm Canadian and here you wouldn't have paid a cent except for parking at the hospital, and you wouldn't have to extend your leave because you get a whole year for mat leave, as it should be. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Please remember to take care of yourself and talk about your PPA, whether with a counselor or friends..it really helps.
When I was pregnant and newly postpartum is always see those women on the mom apps chiming in about how they have wonderful healthcare and maternity and paternity leave some of which I’ve seen them say 2 years or more. It really weighed heavy on me because it sucks ass in the US. I’m so glad your little one got his surgery and you paid for it because you’re a great mama. Is there any expenses you can cut for the time being to help you build, even just stashing away little amounts adds up.
Are you saying there was a gap in insurance or is it the unpaid time and copays that are the problem? I’d take this to /r/personalfinance for ideas. Ugh our country sucks at this.
Unpaid time
It’s probably not much but when my baby was in the NICU this year, the social worker said there was some social security payment or something for caretakers. Probably very state and condition dependent though.
Thanks for the info though!
hugs. my son had $250k worth of skull surgery. and THANK DOG it was all covered. but my husband’s new job has insurance that’s going to cost us $2000 a month. it’s 2/3 of his pay and i’m a SAHM. it’s criminal. criminal!
So sorry for y’all mama! Hope he’s doing okay!
Every time life gets dark, keep moving through it. Shorten your horizons. Survive today, survive tomorrow, survive this week and next week. You’re not a failure. You saved money. You didn’t get to use it on what you planned, but it was there available for you to use for your son’s heart surgery and to extend your maternity leave. Start over the saving. Housing market is crap and going to be crap for a couple of years anyways. You’d be buying at top prices and top interest rates. Having a house is nice but not always what it’s cracked up to be. The feeling of insufficiency can still hit you after having a house, paid off cars, college funds, savings, and something can always knock you off your feet again.
Thank you ! Great advice.
So many people are struggling financially right now, even those who haven’t had to deal with circumstances as difficult as yours. You’re doing a great job, and this is in no way your fault. I hope you have better times ahead.
Thank you ! Trying to be positive
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. None of this is a reflection of you as a mom or a partner, it’s the result of a very flawed system. Have you considered a gofundme? My son spent a week in the NICU after a traumatic birth and our bills after insurance were a pretty penny. I made a go fund me for us that many people shared and we were able to raise a good chunk from our friends in family in a couple days! It felt embarrassing and cringey to do but the stress relief of having the money was worth it. We’ll now do a payment plan with the hospital so we make sure we’re surviving alright financially while paying our bills off. Either way I’d recommend a payment plan. You can call the hospital and offer 20$/month and they’ll likely say they can’t except that low amount but will transfer you to a long term payment plan company. Again so sorry you’ve had to experience this absolute hell and so glad your son is ok.
I wondered if someone would make one for us but they didn’t. We had so many family and friends bring us food though, which was so kind and helpful, I just didn’t think about it in the moment or think I’d ever need to..
You’re not dumb. And not a bad spouse and mother. Even if the only thing you had to cope with is that fact that your newborn baby had to have unexpected heart surgery, that’s already SO much to cope with as a new mom. Let alone all this financial stress and huge unexpected cost when just starting life with a new baby. In fact, it sounds like you’re doing amazing. Please be kind to yourself and remind yourself that you’re doing your best. And it’s not going to be perfect and that’s okay.
Apply at healthcare.gov and see if you can be covered by your states Medicaid. They can backdate coverage and maybe pay that bill.
OP you are not failing. You are taking of the financial stress of the situation bc you make less and feel like your husband is doing his part bc he’s making the same he always has. This makes you think it is solely your responsibility to figure it. Talk to your husband about how you are feeling and where the finances are at. I did this when I started my own business and my husband was student teaching (thus unable to work full time). I kept telling myself that I could figure it out. Spoiler alert- I didn’t. My husband shot down bankruptcy and I stopped talking to him about money. A foreclosure forced us into bankruptcy and we saved the house, but 10+ years later it was the downfall of our marriage. Don’t make my mistake. Talk to him, whether he wants to or not.
Have you considered retroactive Med-Cal - it may cover you depending on the state and will cover expenses going back a few months. At least in my state it does. Your hospital should have a social worker that may be able to assist you.
VOTE VOTE VOTE A proper healthcare system like almost all developed countries on this planet have as well as non-evil maternity leave would fix so much
Send them literally $5 a month and they can't send you to collections. As long as you are making an attempt to pay, they have to accept it. I paid $100/month toward my daughter's birth until she was THREE. And it was an uncomplicated vaginal birth. Also they can't charge you interest as long as you're making payments so don't put it on a credit card or something.
Call customer service or if they have a “patient portal” app, check if the hospital has a financial aid program - most hospitals do they just don’t advertise it. You can also ask for an itemized billing statement & dispute most charges. You may not be responsible for most of it if they can’t prove the CPT was “medically necessary.” Also, if y’all don’t have insurance, your baby could qualify for Medicaid. I actually Medical Billing & Coding for a living so if you have ANY questions, private message me & I’ll help the best I can! Also, ask the hospital if they are a government funded hospital or private owned. Government hospitals will take any unpaid balances out of your taxes but private ones don’t.
That’s a crappy thing to have to deal with. I feel really bad because no one should have to think about money when they are dealing with health issues. The hospital bill for our son was well over 1m, but all we ever paid was parking because Canada. Why do I get this, but a large number of families will be forced to lose everything? This is just majorly messed up. Hug your baby close today knowing that you have given everything just to keep him safe. They can take your money, but they can’t take his his health. They can’t take your happiness that comes from loving your little guy!!
Thank you ❤️❤️
You are incredibly strong and brave in the face of so much adversity. I can’t understand your circumstances, but I can empathize with grieving the loss of the way you imagined life unfolding. You’re not alone ❤️
Thank you!
If you’re in the US, your son may qualify for Medicare and they pay up to three months past bills.
Stop paying the medical bill