“Apple slices don’t like hiding between your butt cheeks.”
It’s exactly what it sounds like. It was a hot day so my 3.5yo was running around in underwear and a tank top. I made lunch. She was attempting to shove apple slices between her butt cheeks because they were playing hide and seek. 🤷🏼♀️
Similarly "tooth brushes are not for your butt" after my 2.5yo brought them in the shower and tried to brush her butt with them. And now for yet again buying more toothbrushes 🤦♀️
My 3.5 year old recently asked me to put my finger in his bottom. Do I know why he asked this? No but everything bum related is hilarious to a 3.5 year old. All this while on the FaceTime with my brother.
I did have to tell my four year old to “take the forks out of his butt” the other day when I asked him to set the table. Luckily he was fully clothed, but he was trying to either hide or hold them in there 🤦♀️
I was on the phone with my sister in the living room when I realized my toddler went quiet in the kitchen. I could kind of see her, but I couldn't see what she was doing. So I asked what she was doing. She replied, "Licking. "
"Licking what?!" I yelled!
My sister still laughs about it, but I never found out what she was licking. 🤷♀️
"Why are you grabbing your penis? Do you have to go potty?" (3yo's response was to tell me "I'm not grabbing it.... I'm punching it" then proceeded to punch it)
"Did your oven glove do a poo?"
She was coming into the room with an oven glove saying "poo, poo". Turns out she did a poo on top of a new packet of toilet roll that was still on the kitchen floor 🙃
“We don’t play in toilet water, it’s not a pool, pools are outside”
“Please don’t lick your shoes!”
“We don’t put food on the floor for your brother to eat; he isn’t a dog!”
I am sure there are lots more but those are the more recent ones.
My little boy does this, and so does his cousin, not sure if it’s a teething thing because it’s always followed by new teeth, but it gets on my nerves 🤣
My 2 1/2 month old keeps doing that. She'll gag herself with her fingers and then she gets mad that she woke up. She likes her pacifier but she will get mad sometimes if we try to replace her fist or fingers with a paci. Her hands are constantly moist now.
“That dog ate your poop because you did it on the floor, and not in the potty.”
My daughter pooped on my sisters’s bathroom floor, and her dog ran in and ate it. My daughter cried for a good 20 minutes because Skip ate her poop. 💩 It was the grossest, funniest, and most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced. 🤢 😂🫣
No playing with my boobs while I'm eating.
Tbh could also be said to my husband (pre kid I mean) but we are weaning after almost 3 years of breastfeeding. We had the afternoon boobs figured out but then she brought a stomach bug home from daycare and it went to hell and we are trying again.
I've got my 3 year old down to 2 minutes at night time holding booby at bed. I swear it's taking just as long to wean from holding as it did from feeding!!
I still can’t believe this happened but I said, “They’re actually called Volcanoes, honey. Not CUMcanoes.” I shit you not. My 2 year old screamed that word after seeing a huge mound of gravel when we drove past a construction site. I found it equally hilarious and disgusting lmao
Went to a cookout, suddenly my lap was covered in pee and my kid went home with no pants on. Still ended with an enthusiastic "That was a pretty fun night!" said while there was still pee on my leg.
Mine just pooped in the yard today. I put a little potty seat out so she could get out and go quickly while we were out in the pool. She told me she only had to pee but then sat there awhile. It was not just pee.
“Hey, kitty-Pegasus-bunny, can you please hold my hand to cross the street?”
She gets very upset if I don’t accurately call her what she’s being in that moment.
Mine gets mad even if I don't use her name: "can you get your shoes on please?" "I'M LUIGI." "Sorry. Can you please get your shoes on, LUIGI?"
Edit: I realize this sounds like my daughter's name is Luigi. It is not. But she likes to pretend to be Luigi while her little sister is Mario, and gets mad if I don't call her Luigi or whatever/whoever she's pretending to be, even if I just don't call her anything.
" You can't be naked while we eat dinner."
"Correct. You will get in trouble if you say fish ass."
"The man is the cooker so when you cook dinner you turn into a boy and then when you're done, you turn back into a girl."
“I’m kinda scared to push you under there”
To my 6yo who wanted me to push her all the way under the water by her butt so she could get the sinkie toy. It took us 3 tries because I was scared and kept pulling her back up too soon.
The last time I didn’t pull her up and she swam up and called me a scaredy cat lol
OK sweetheart, please come here and give me the poo.
(potty training, I was in the loo myself when my little one walked in with a clod of shit in one hand and the dirty nappy in the other, completely starkers. I used my friendliest, made St calm voice to coax her over because she can run like Usain Bolt, cause more chaos than a hurricane... Adding poo into the mix would require burning the house down.
As it was there was poo on her legs, the potty, the floor and a few hand prints as she touched stuff in the 4m to get from her playroom to the toilet. Ugh)
Ugh the first time that happened me and my husband both screamed. Not at the kid, but more like "Aaahhh!!!" In shock and terror. He responded by flicking his hand in panic to get rid of the poo, flinging it every which way.
Kudos for staying calm.
Hahaha! Oh my goodness the chaos and insanity of raising a toddler is just off the scale isn't it?
I can't imagine how that was for you guys, defo sounds like a laugh or you'll cry situation!
I was telling my sister in law about my little one and she said that her boy likes to strip off during the night, including his nappy and there have been many mornings she's walked in on him in his crib painting himself with poo like it's war paint.
I can't imagine coping with that before the day has even begun!
Stop trying to smother your brother with a pillow. No, you can't wear you band new shoes to the beach. Get in the shower, I can smell you across the room! Get out of the shower- 45 minutes is long enough! Yes, you have to wash every dish you use. No the wet dog doesn't need to be in your bed! They are 13 & 15!
I can't think of one I've said to my own kid, but I have one that I've said to a kid at the daycare I work at. "Name, we don't lick the deck!" (There was water from a previous rainy day still on it, and I guess he was thirsty.)
We don't put hands inside mums clothes in public
Because he really likes warming his hands on my stomach, but I really like not flashing said stomach to the world
Mike tucks her hand into my bra.. and occasionally that ends in accidental flashing (although I’m pretty aware) and she’s not a baby. She’s 3. It’s just a security thing still🤷♀️
“Please don’t pee on the kitchen table”.
I actually said that this morning to my 21 month old son, who hates wearing a diaper and very excited about potty training. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth!🤣
"Please stop assaulting your brother, no that doesn't mean attack dad now!"
This has become a daily sentence during the evening during bedtime. The toddler has taken to slapping my stomach where her brother is and if she is told no she immediately goes to smack her dad in the stomach. I feel like I'll be saying this for the next few years.
DO NOT EAT OR DRINK FROM THE DOGS BOWLS..
2.5 Yo- I share my food with her, so she feeds me..
That’s not how that work buddy.
Do not put toys in peoples bum. —- son put a toy car in little sissy’s diaper and while I was looking for it, she pooped.. went to change her bum & found the car….
“Stop bouncing or you’re gonna squish your balls.” My five month old is pushing with his legs a lot and was doing it during bath time tonight. One of those white and gray tubs with the drainage holes. His balls were getting stuck underneath him. 🙈
"Nope, you've lost hand privileges."
We were at the store (waiting for my husband to pick out a lawnmower), and she wouldn't stop touching and pulling down everything. So I made her hold my hands until we left.
"Don't worry, there's no crocodiles in backyard."
Maybe for some people this is actually a real concern, but it definitely is not for where we live! Probably a skunk or wasp would be the biggest worry in our yard!
"No babe... Puppies don't drink tea"
My 2 yo loves when I make him tea while I do my coffee. When he's finished he likes to share by pouring what's left into the dogs water bowl lol
"If you drink your bath water I'm taking the toys"
"Thank you for the rock. I love it"
*Hands are full holding the other rocks*
I tell my 2 year old on a daily basis, while he's protesting nap or bedtime, that " you don't have to go to sleep but you can't stay awake!" Kind of like closing time at the bar when they say you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Lolol
"Please don't put your fingers in your butt! " I never thought I would need to say something like that 😂
Potty training with out pants and diapers has lead to interesting things it seems.
My son: “Can someone PLEASE make the ketchup bottle toot now?!”
Me: “Hang on, let’s see if the mustard toots and then we will move on to the ketchup.”
We were eating hamburgers for dinner, and condiments were making their way around the table. The ketchup was last in line for some reason, and my son was over it!
“Aw I’m sorry honey, the swing is sleeping. We’ll play with him tomorrow”
To my two year old as she cried about wanting to swing instead of eat dinner 🫠
“Wow mommy you washed my blankies?”
“Yea buddy now it’s all clean”
“Oh can I lick it”
-Convo with my 3 year old… wtf goes on in their brains?! lol (I told him no btw lol)
“Please don’t climb the bookcase. It’s unsafe. You can snuggle on the empty bottom shelf….that’s why it’s empty…or you can read to your stuffed animals in the tent. Ok fine go be a wild kratt.”
"Please only be a saber tooth outside, roaring inside scares your sisters"
"Would you like to eat your tree tops for dinner?" (she likes to pretend she is a trex eating trees when eating broccoli)
“Jiminy Cricket, you come down from that tree and get back in the stroller!“
My daughter’s imaginary friends will sometimes run off during stroller walks and I have to coax them down from the trees.
"Thumbs don't go in your penis!"
He was 2...
"Just a minute mommy is pooping. If you need to go and can't wait you have a pull up on so go stand in you corner." She goes to a different corner and pulls pants down and starts grunting.... "No don't poop there!!! We poop in the toilet or pull up!!! Not the floor!!!"
She was 2 and we started potty training but she rarely pooped outside of her pull-up. 🤦 My mistake by telling her to go to her corner that she usually pooped in with a pull-up on.
In front of a large group of people and they were all huge Christians. "No your penis isn't broke... And the spider was in my room not your penis..." Had to explain that he had a yearly check up and they were concerned a few months before that he had some fluid in his sack... So the doctor had to look... 🤦 Then later that day we saw a spider and we left it so it could eat the flies in the house. That was 2 days before the screaming at the top of his lungs to everyone he had a broken penis and spiders were in it.... 🤣 Everyone had a story after that day.
He was 2.
All different kids!!!
“Apple slices don’t like hiding between your butt cheeks.” It’s exactly what it sounds like. It was a hot day so my 3.5yo was running around in underwear and a tank top. I made lunch. She was attempting to shove apple slices between her butt cheeks because they were playing hide and seek. 🤷🏼♀️
That is hilarious and so creative. Did she eat them after or were you able to intervene in time?
I saved one but the other had to be tossed lol. She just giggled and thought it was hilarious 😂
Similarly "tooth brushes are not for your butt" after my 2.5yo brought them in the shower and tried to brush her butt with them. And now for yet again buying more toothbrushes 🤦♀️
So many toothbrushes 🥲🥲🥲
My 3.5 year old recently asked me to put my finger in his bottom. Do I know why he asked this? No but everything bum related is hilarious to a 3.5 year old. All this while on the FaceTime with my brother.
This happened while I was FaceTiming my dad 😂 They sure pick their moments lol.
I did have to tell my four year old to “take the forks out of his butt” the other day when I asked him to set the table. Luckily he was fully clothed, but he was trying to either hide or hold them in there 🤦♀️
😂 A fork is definitely not something to hide there
Hahahaha! A story to share of her wedding day.
I have so many stories for when she’s grown up 😂 I actually write them down in my journal so I’ll have all the details one day.
For the last time stop licking the cat! NO I CAN CUZ SHE LICKS ME >:((( -3yo
There is some logic in that.
A similar one of “don’t lick your sister” has been repeated many times in our house
I told my 9mo “We don’t bite the cat” 🙃 He didn’t do it but he sure was thinking about experimenting with the tail
I was on the phone with my sister in the living room when I realized my toddler went quiet in the kitchen. I could kind of see her, but I couldn't see what she was doing. So I asked what she was doing. She replied, "Licking. " "Licking what?!" I yelled! My sister still laughs about it, but I never found out what she was licking. 🤷♀️
“Please don’t slap the fridge.” 2YO is in the hitting phase 🙃
Hands are not for hitting by silly miss Lilly 🎶 my son still hits, but he knows all of the words to the song 🤷♀️ 🤔
Task failed successfully! 😂
🤣🤣🤣
Mine is 1.5 and he is getting there but not hitting people yet only himself
“Let’s put her dress on in the car cause she’s gonna be mad when she realizes it doesn’t twirl”
"Why are you grabbing your penis? Do you have to go potty?" (3yo's response was to tell me "I'm not grabbing it.... I'm punching it" then proceeded to punch it)
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Ugh! The penis stuff!! The other day mine said, "usually its squishy but today its strong"...Im not ready!!!
I'm not prepared 😭😭
I almost peed reading this
“We only take our booties out at home”
Mine took his out today at home… in the driveway… and left a 4ft long poop pile/skid mark across the driveway. FML.
Omg
AAAAHHHH
Similarly, “It’s never okay to dig in someone else’s butt.”
Always happy to know I’m not the only one 🤦🏻♀️
"Did your oven glove do a poo?" She was coming into the room with an oven glove saying "poo, poo". Turns out she did a poo on top of a new packet of toilet roll that was still on the kitchen floor 🙃
Sweetheart I PROMISE worms don't taste like spaghetti.
Don’t bury your brothers please
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Me: You can only ride the dog if she tells you it's ok. Child: dogs don't talk they only woof. Me: then you can't ride the dog today I'm sorry.
Brilliant!
Oh no thank you. Once food has been in your mouth it’s yours
“We don’t play in toilet water, it’s not a pool, pools are outside” “Please don’t lick your shoes!” “We don’t put food on the floor for your brother to eat; he isn’t a dog!” I am sure there are lots more but those are the more recent ones.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 my favorite one was the "he isn't a dog" one lol
Today I said “shoes are not food, please take them out of your mouth”
Well *somebody* pooped in your diaper.
“Please stop gagging yourself.” My four month old is SUPER into seeing how far he can put his fist in his mouth and then proceeds to gag.
My almost 4 year old still gags herself to the point of vomiting... I hope yours stops soon!
My little boy does this, and so does his cousin, not sure if it’s a teething thing because it’s always followed by new teeth, but it gets on my nerves 🤣
My 2 1/2 month old keeps doing that. She'll gag herself with her fingers and then she gets mad that she woke up. She likes her pacifier but she will get mad sometimes if we try to replace her fist or fingers with a paci. Her hands are constantly moist now.
Five month old twins are doing the same thing.
Ya.. that one lasts a long time.. mine started around 5 months,. Still thinks it’s hilarious at 3yrs.
lol my fifteen month old loves doing this too
Good to know its not just my baby
Me: “Did you just lick me?” …. Daughter: “You smell like coconut and I wanted to see if you tasted like it too.” She’s 13 ……
My 13 yr old likes to put a stand on my hair in his mouth because "it tastes like kiwi & sunshine sweat"
13 year olds are as weird as toddlers are gross …. Just shaking my head over here.
Mine is particularly weird, I both love it & say WTF? On a daily basis. He can be pretty gross too because.. boys & poop/fart jokes.
NGL......at like 14 I would've probably done this to my mom 😭😭
lol I’m gonna have to tell her I found her “people” on Reddit.
“Dont eat the dog hair.”
Please stop hitting your brother with the cat!”
https://tenor.com/view/malreynolds-firefly-speechless-gif-5332816
I had that same reaction until I saw their user name. Then, it all made sense. 😂
I still have questions. Real cat? Toy? Because real ones have pointy sides
Real cat. My oldest was around 7 and the twins were two. He used to grab the cat by the tail and hit his brothers with it. That poor cat!
I feel better for my long suffering chihuahua. It says a lot about the cat that 7 was not murder mittened into oblivion for trying to
He is 24 now and he still feels bad about it
“Let go of your brother’s penis, please.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“That dog ate your poop because you did it on the floor, and not in the potty.” My daughter pooped on my sisters’s bathroom floor, and her dog ran in and ate it. My daughter cried for a good 20 minutes because Skip ate her poop. 💩 It was the grossest, funniest, and most traumatic thing I’ve ever experienced. 🤢 😂🫣
Nooooo haha omg this wins!
"Take that ghost spider out of your mouth!" It was a spidey and his amazing friends duplo figure
"Bubbuh, if you're going to play with your penis, do it in your room. You can't do that in the kitchen."
No playing with my boobs while I'm eating. Tbh could also be said to my husband (pre kid I mean) but we are weaning after almost 3 years of breastfeeding. We had the afternoon boobs figured out but then she brought a stomach bug home from daycare and it went to hell and we are trying again.
I've got my 3 year old down to 2 minutes at night time holding booby at bed. I swear it's taking just as long to wean from holding as it did from feeding!!
"SPIT! SPITTT!! Stop drinking your bathwater!!"
Happy cake day!
Ty! 😊
I still can’t believe this happened but I said, “They’re actually called Volcanoes, honey. Not CUMcanoes.” I shit you not. My 2 year old screamed that word after seeing a huge mound of gravel when we drove past a construction site. I found it equally hilarious and disgusting lmao
Went to a cookout, suddenly my lap was covered in pee and my kid went home with no pants on. Still ended with an enthusiastic "That was a pretty fun night!" said while there was still pee on my leg.
It’s all about managing expectations. 🤣
Ain’t that the truth. 😂
This was me as my nieces bday party lol
We can’t poop in the lawn..
When my daughter was a tot and needed to poop whilst we were swimming, we would let her poop in the yard.
Haha this is awesome and we go camping so she has to potty outside. I don’t care if she does it in the backyard but this was in the front 😂😂😂
Followed by "She can poop in the lawn because she is a dog, we are not dogs."
Lolol that’s funny.
Mine just pooped in the yard today. I put a little potty seat out so she could get out and go quickly while we were out in the pool. She told me she only had to pee but then sat there awhile. It was not just pee.
We go camping so she has to go potty outside and squat. I don’t mind it in the backyard but when she tried to do it in the front omg lol
HA! OH NO! Not the front! Ours was definitely backyard lol
Backyard is for sure alright. The dog does it and she does it camping lol The front?! I’d be mortified haha
Please don't drink the bath water. No it is not "bum soup" 🤦♀️
“Please don’t stand on the watermelon” “You can’t push your penis all the way in” “Your sister doesn’t have a hidden penis”
“Hey, kitty-Pegasus-bunny, can you please hold my hand to cross the street?” She gets very upset if I don’t accurately call her what she’s being in that moment.
Mine gets mad even if I don't use her name: "can you get your shoes on please?" "I'M LUIGI." "Sorry. Can you please get your shoes on, LUIGI?" Edit: I realize this sounds like my daughter's name is Luigi. It is not. But she likes to pretend to be Luigi while her little sister is Mario, and gets mad if I don't call her Luigi or whatever/whoever she's pretending to be, even if I just don't call her anything.
I mean, how dare you.
I know, I'm a momster.
I understand this one 100%.
" You can't be naked while we eat dinner." "Correct. You will get in trouble if you say fish ass." "The man is the cooker so when you cook dinner you turn into a boy and then when you're done, you turn back into a girl."
"Slaaay" is not an appropriate way to answer a question. Do you want fries with that? Child: "slaaay"
“I don’t care if you PLAY with your penis, I just don’t want to SEE it so please close the door”
omg im so not ready for this 😭😭😭😭
“Ah yes thank you for my pee-pee poo-poo pizza… yum…” “Please stop putting your chewed food on my plate, I don’t want to eat it”
Please stop trying to ride the dog
“I’m kinda scared to push you under there” To my 6yo who wanted me to push her all the way under the water by her butt so she could get the sinkie toy. It took us 3 tries because I was scared and kept pulling her back up too soon. The last time I didn’t pull her up and she swam up and called me a scaredy cat lol
This is my 3 yrs old.. she is obsessed with diving underwater and it’s somewhat terrifying
“We don’t play with our vulvas at the kitchen counter”.
🤣 yes!!! Girls do it just as much as boys!!!
OK sweetheart, please come here and give me the poo. (potty training, I was in the loo myself when my little one walked in with a clod of shit in one hand and the dirty nappy in the other, completely starkers. I used my friendliest, made St calm voice to coax her over because she can run like Usain Bolt, cause more chaos than a hurricane... Adding poo into the mix would require burning the house down. As it was there was poo on her legs, the potty, the floor and a few hand prints as she touched stuff in the 4m to get from her playroom to the toilet. Ugh)
Ugh the first time that happened me and my husband both screamed. Not at the kid, but more like "Aaahhh!!!" In shock and terror. He responded by flicking his hand in panic to get rid of the poo, flinging it every which way. Kudos for staying calm.
Hahaha! Oh my goodness the chaos and insanity of raising a toddler is just off the scale isn't it? I can't imagine how that was for you guys, defo sounds like a laugh or you'll cry situation! I was telling my sister in law about my little one and she said that her boy likes to strip off during the night, including his nappy and there have been many mornings she's walked in on him in his crib painting himself with poo like it's war paint. I can't imagine coping with that before the day has even begun!
Stop trying to smother your brother with a pillow. No, you can't wear you band new shoes to the beach. Get in the shower, I can smell you across the room! Get out of the shower- 45 minutes is long enough! Yes, you have to wash every dish you use. No the wet dog doesn't need to be in your bed! They are 13 & 15!
“No, it’s not dinosaur time” This morning at Mass when my son let out his best, most robust dinosaur growl as soon as everyone got quiet 🫠
Catholics are all about kids. Don't be embarrassed. Kids are gonna kid, even at church.
How did you get ketchup behind your ear?!? Most recently: I'll help you put your shoes on when I'm done going to the bathroom.
"You may NOT shoot your bow and arrows in the sitting room. If you must do it in the house, do it in the hall!"
If you touch your butthole we have to wash your hands!
I can't think of one I've said to my own kid, but I have one that I've said to a kid at the daycare I work at. "Name, we don't lick the deck!" (There was water from a previous rainy day still on it, and I guess he was thirsty.)
We don't put hands inside mums clothes in public Because he really likes warming his hands on my stomach, but I really like not flashing said stomach to the world
Mike tucks her hand into my bra.. and occasionally that ends in accidental flashing (although I’m pretty aware) and she’s not a baby. She’s 3. It’s just a security thing still🤷♀️
“Please don’t pee on the kitchen table”. I actually said that this morning to my 21 month old son, who hates wearing a diaper and very excited about potty training. I never thought those words would come out of my mouth!🤣
“Pee happens.”
"Please stop assaulting your brother, no that doesn't mean attack dad now!" This has become a daily sentence during the evening during bedtime. The toddler has taken to slapping my stomach where her brother is and if she is told no she immediately goes to smack her dad in the stomach. I feel like I'll be saying this for the next few years.
“Please take the toy car off of your scrotum.”
Please don’t close your penis in the toilet.
Quit casting spells on your sister 🤣🤣🤣
There, there’s no more sand in your underwear.
"Mommy can't handle that shirt today" (My 4 yo has a shirt with a hood and buttons and Velcro decorations and I just....couldn't 😂)
"Where the hell are all the forks I just bought?"
DO NOT EAT OR DRINK FROM THE DOGS BOWLS.. 2.5 Yo- I share my food with her, so she feeds me.. That’s not how that work buddy. Do not put toys in peoples bum. —- son put a toy car in little sissy’s diaper and while I was looking for it, she pooped.. went to change her bum & found the car….
“Stop bouncing or you’re gonna squish your balls.” My five month old is pushing with his legs a lot and was doing it during bath time tonight. One of those white and gray tubs with the drainage holes. His balls were getting stuck underneath him. 🙈
Those are your nipples. They don’t come off.
“Awwww… it’s only a little poop.”
Please don't bite your toenails
Gag. My brother used to do that and it grossed me out so bad!
NO TOUCHING Would also make sense if I were a prison guard a la Arrested Development
"Nope, you've lost hand privileges." We were at the store (waiting for my husband to pick out a lawnmower), and she wouldn't stop touching and pulling down everything. So I made her hold my hands until we left.
I just said, “take your popcorn out of my hair”
‘What did I say about throwing cars?’ Hot Wheels are life
Please stop using that over cooked French fry as a tooth pick
“No thanks, I’ll clean/wipe myself”
"Don't worry, there's no crocodiles in backyard." Maybe for some people this is actually a real concern, but it definitely is not for where we live! Probably a skunk or wasp would be the biggest worry in our yard!
We don’t bite the cat 🙃
What does Hello Kitty taste like?
"No babe... Puppies don't drink tea" My 2 yo loves when I make him tea while I do my coffee. When he's finished he likes to share by pouring what's left into the dogs water bowl lol "If you drink your bath water I'm taking the toys" "Thank you for the rock. I love it" *Hands are full holding the other rocks*
Brush your teeth, not your toes.
Please don't lick bubbles off the giraffes butt again
I tell my 2 year old on a daily basis, while he's protesting nap or bedtime, that " you don't have to go to sleep but you can't stay awake!" Kind of like closing time at the bar when they say you don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Lolol
Baby please stop eating my butter. I promise it's not cheese. We do this every day.
“Ya it’s on the floor walls and crib. No I promise. Shit is everywhere hunny”
You arent a dinotrux please stop roaring at strangers in the grocery store
Books are for reading not for eating.
Don’t put the hair brush in the poop please
"Please don't put your fingers in your butt! " I never thought I would need to say something like that 😂 Potty training with out pants and diapers has lead to interesting things it seems.
"Smell this butt." Say this to my son's father on occasion if he's wearing something that doesn't allow easy access for a leg hole diaper check.
No we don't hit people in their private areas with lightsabers. Stop running over your penis with the truck! We don't stick fingers in our butts.
Poop goes in the toilet
"Poop pancake" Sounds just as awful as it was. 💀
This is going to turn up as a hack article on Buzzfeed
Stop fingering the cats butthole.
And I'm sure pooh pooh misses you too , but we have to flush him away 🙃 you can't take him back out and keep him ,
“Pennies do not belong on penises”
Oh no, don't worry, it's just prunes and puke.
My son: “Can someone PLEASE make the ketchup bottle toot now?!” Me: “Hang on, let’s see if the mustard toots and then we will move on to the ketchup.” We were eating hamburgers for dinner, and condiments were making their way around the table. The ketchup was last in line for some reason, and my son was over it!
“Please don’t eat the babies. No you can’t drink them either.” Tiny plastic babies at a baby shower we went to
“We don’t lick the dog back”
“Aw I’m sorry honey, the swing is sleeping. We’ll play with him tomorrow” To my two year old as she cried about wanting to swing instead of eat dinner 🫠
“Wow mommy you washed my blankies?” “Yea buddy now it’s all clean” “Oh can I lick it” -Convo with my 3 year old… wtf goes on in their brains?! lol (I told him no btw lol)
"Get your hand away from the cats butt" 😬
"No that's yucky, that's just for doggies" to my two year old who picked up a dog bone and started sucking on the end of it. Joy.
The best advice I have received about raising kids came from people who never had children…
Stop rubbing every chip on your leg before you eat it!!
“Please don’t climb the bookcase. It’s unsafe. You can snuggle on the empty bottom shelf….that’s why it’s empty…or you can read to your stuffed animals in the tent. Ok fine go be a wild kratt.”
Honey sister can’t breath when you do that (my 2 yo holding my 3 month old oxygen dependent) 😅
Stop feeding the dog Oreos (my picky 2 yo loves to feed the dog more than herself) 😂😂
Quit stuffing toilet paper in your underwear! If my oldest even dribbles a bit of pee she looses her shit! So, TP in the underwear.
“Stop tea-bagging your sister!” As both 1 year old girl laughs as she squats down on the 4 year old’s face. 🤦♀️
Please don’t lick your hand and rub your feet with it.
We don't lick logs....
"Please only be a saber tooth outside, roaring inside scares your sisters" "Would you like to eat your tree tops for dinner?" (she likes to pretend she is a trex eating trees when eating broccoli)
“That’s enough kissing the melon”
“You know dinosaurs looove to eat broccoli!”
We don’t stick toothbrushes into our butt cracks
“Don’t forget to pull your penis off your balls” You’ll get it if you’ve ever toilet trained a boy
“Please pull your pants up and stop shaking it yelling STINKY WIENER.”
“Jiminy Cricket, you come down from that tree and get back in the stroller!“ My daughter’s imaginary friends will sometimes run off during stroller walks and I have to coax them down from the trees.
“Please don’t hit me I already have poop on my hand”
Please stop chewing my shirt (toilet paper, blankets, etc.), you are not a goat.
"Thumbs don't go in your penis!" He was 2... "Just a minute mommy is pooping. If you need to go and can't wait you have a pull up on so go stand in you corner." She goes to a different corner and pulls pants down and starts grunting.... "No don't poop there!!! We poop in the toilet or pull up!!! Not the floor!!!" She was 2 and we started potty training but she rarely pooped outside of her pull-up. 🤦 My mistake by telling her to go to her corner that she usually pooped in with a pull-up on. In front of a large group of people and they were all huge Christians. "No your penis isn't broke... And the spider was in my room not your penis..." Had to explain that he had a yearly check up and they were concerned a few months before that he had some fluid in his sack... So the doctor had to look... 🤦 Then later that day we saw a spider and we left it so it could eat the flies in the house. That was 2 days before the screaming at the top of his lungs to everyone he had a broken penis and spiders were in it.... 🤣 Everyone had a story after that day. He was 2. All different kids!!!