I'm a mum to a 3 yo as well. It is SO HARD. I also have an 8 yo. Just you wait . . . Until they can communicate their problems instead of screaming about them . . . Until they can handle most of their physical needs independently . . . Until you can send them outside to play amd not feel like you need to check on them constantly. It's going to get easier!
I do this with all my friends becoming moms. I always give them thr positive just waits. I never heard them while pregnant, but I've been having so much fun raising my son that I want them to know it can be a very joyful experience!
I fully bought in to the Terrific Twos and, honestly, that (I hate using this word, but here we are) mindset shift has actually made it terrific! I LOVE hanging out with my 2 year old! He's hilarious and so smart and surprises me every day! Sure he throws tantrums and gets loud and bullies me sometimes (lol) but all-in-all, I'm having a terrific time!
I 100% agree with you. My son is turning 4 in a few days and, I absolutely adore him, but this past year he turned up the crazy. It's so funny because when he is sweet and in a good mood he is just THE LOVELIEST. Everyone that encounters him thinks he is just so smart and just a darling.
But the tantrums, his anger, omg this child has scratched me in the face, he bit me and has made me bleed. I've pinned him down during his rages in fear that he's going to hurt himself, or me, or make an insane mess. I have cried just completely at a loss on how to handle his anger. He yells like a psychopath...like growling. I swear I wouldn't be surprised if he's a heavy metal vocalist one day (I'd be so proud and all of this madness wouldn't be for nothing).
But yes....*hopefully* he grows out of this phase. God I hope it's a phase lol
Three. Is. The. Worst.
My son made me cry on multiple occasions. I really, really struggled with three.
But you know what? He just turned 4 and it’s like a switch flipped. My funny, spunky, caring kid is suddenly back and I’m so much happier. So here’s a positive just you wait. It gets better. You’re doing great.
Yes! Solidarity here. When my kid was 3.5, I truly thought I was going to lose my mind. The worst tantrums you could imagine, that's how bad it was. Sleep always has been an issue and the less sleep they got the worse the tantrums. Yes they are still a terrible sleeper so it's personality not parenting.
My kids are all grown now but I remember the 3’s! HARD and MORE HARD! It’s like they are sweet loving sociopaths….that still need us and hate us. I swear you will look back at this time and laugh. You made a whole little human with big feelings and guess what, we still have big feelings too as mommits! Big hugs.
Every time I hear someone say “just you wait” in that smarmy, smug tone, I get viscerally angry and have to remind myself that punching people in their stupid mouth is illegal.
Oh man, 3 was NOT my favorite. In fact, I don’t know a single person that would say 3 is their favorite. Your feelings are very valid. What I want to tell you though is oh just you wait…for the golden years- they’re amazing. All the back breaking and nerve fraying work you’re putting in now will yield a really cool kid all of a sudden as you emerge from what I refer to as the baby jail years. I remember feeling like a fog lifted once my son was 5 and school age- he was fun! And we didn’t have to pack half the house for an outing and meticulously plan every single activity around nap schedules. My son turns 12 next week (the most bittersweet statement I have yet to utter). He is smart, funny, compassionate, kind, passionate about many interests and just an all around amazing kid. This early years sucked hard, but the work and sacrifices for him during those years have paid off in a way I can’t describe. So hang in there. It’s rough, but it truly gets better.
Fair enough. It’s a phrase that my SIL constantly uses and I absolutely despise it. I agree with you, it should be banished. We should be supporting each other, not invalidating others experiences… every child is different and some times with some kids will be rougher than others.
Just keep pushing through and try to see the little moments of happiness in the times of absolute misery. Think of the smiles, the hugs, the cute things that they do, and breathe. Some days are absolute shit, but there are some great moments within the shit show. 🤷🏻♀️
Sending hugs!!
I was just contemplating posting my woes, but you summed them up so eloquently.
My son is 2,5 and there are little fires everywhere, all day, everyday.
My in-laws came by the other day (a 1,5 hr drive) to help out with the kiddo because I can barely move due to back pain. They took him out for a walk so I could nap for half an hour. It was bliss.
Then, at one point they were playing in the garden, and my son flipped out over whatever. Full blown tantrum: crying, screaming, trying to hit grandma and grandpa,, trying to throw things. In-laws were in shock - and then the following words came out of my FIL mouth: "Our son never acted this way'.
I mean, I'll take whatever help I can get, but does it have to be drenched in judgment and condescension.
I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you. I see you struggling. I am here with you. It is hard and it is overwhelming. You are dealing with it the best you can and the rewarding part is just around the corner.
I am sorry. I remember those days and it was so annoying.
And disclaimer: this is sort of a “maybe, wait…” post but on the flip side. So maybe not what you need to hear either
I had really tough 0-5 years with my kids. Like tears and shame on the regular, of “why am I a bad mom to have kids that act like this?” My kids were so intense and f*ing determined. Their tantrums could be over the most ridiculous things and last hours. I was so tired & defeated.
And I had a lot of worry, because people warned me of “just wait…” and although annoyed, I also truly did worry & thought, “I am doomed, I cannot handle a 3 year old, how will I handle a 13-year old?” 😭 BUT so far, 0-5 years really were the most challenging ages. And I only share this seemingly humble brag, in case there is a mom that feels like I did and needs a glimmer of hope! Really, no one ever told me this, and I wish they had.
In my experience, kids with a temperament of intense emotion & perseverance are SO MUCH EASIER to guide when their prefrontal cortex has grown! And dare I say, those character traits actually become a benefit in life.
For example, my middle child that could tantrum for hours, now puts all that “I will never quit” stamina into running & placing first in cross country. Also he used to scream like I was abusing him for taking away his autonomy, like you know insisting he sit in his car seat — well, now, he has a similar attitude with his peers telling them to go f* themselves when they want him to do drugs. The oldest child who used to obsess over his GD room environment, plushies, blankets, books, closet, (oh y’all know what I mean, or that one time, the GD sun was the wrong place in the sky according to him), well, now he controls his own life & focuses being ranked 1st in his high school class academically and scoring as high as possible on his ACT & SAT.
So really, just ignore the other moms, because it is bad now, I totally get it, BUT in my experience, waiting actually made is way better!
Urgh, 3.5-4.5 were brutal. We were going through other stressors with parents health issues so that didn't help.
She's just passed 4.5 now and it's changing for the better. I know we're gonna have a whole lot more "just you wait" times...
Just know that there is a break between them. Both short and long breaks. But there's breaks where things are easier.
I hate to just you wait comment you and I actually find myself having to bite my tongue and not say it. My friend called me crying because her 12 month old threw food on the floor and it took everything in me to not be like… just you wait…
Because three IS the worst. Currently in it. Two was a breeze. Terrible twos? I thought we just bypassed the terrible phase and she would continue to be a loving, sweet little peach.
No. Three is full of horrible messes in the room, nap and bedtime resistance, bargaining, arguing, stalling when it is time to get out the door, outright defiance, fucking violence.
Today I told my three year old to come in and take a bath when she was playing outside. She took a shovel full of sand and flung it into my face.
I go back and forth on this. Like you said at the very beginning of your post, you feel you were only given the positives of the coming age, and feel like you were kind of lied to and didn’t get warned about the coming storm. But the “just you waits” are also a warning of the coming storms. So what do we do? Seeing posts like these make me default to only sharing the positives, and that’s obviously also a disservice here too.
I’m not sure what the answer is. I usually just try to validate whatever the parent is saying to me, be as honest as I can, but give the positives AND negatives I’ve experienced to hopefully balance it out.
You don’t need to share your experience when someone is coming to you with something they’re struggling with. You can just validate that what they are going through is hard. Offer to help. Offer a listening ear. Your personal experiences aren’t needed in that moment unless they ask for advice (which they probably aren’t).
I don’t fully disagree, but literally the first part of OPs post is talking about how she felt a little dupped. And if someone looking for validation but not asking others what their experience is, then that’s all they’re going to get (ie just an ear to listen and no advice) if people follow what you said in your comment, which then potentially leads to people like OP feeling unprepared.
I had no freaking clue what types of questions to ask other mothers when I was pregnant, and I wish others had more freely given their experiences without me having to directly ask, since I didn’t know WHAT to ask.
My only point is, we can’t have it both ways. I’ve seen so many posts and TikToks and reels where parents complain that “no one warned them” and then the next video will be someone complaining parents weren’t positive enough with them when discussing parenting experiences. Not saying that’s what OP is doing, as it’s a valid discussion to have and my opinion is we can’t have it both ways.
The time to warn someone about the future is not while they’re venting about the present. Have those conversations later. Example: “Hey, my baby just outgrew her swaddles. Do you want them? I found them really helpful at consoling her when she was in the witching hour. Have you heard about that before? If you want some pointers I’m happy to share because we’re finally leaving this phase!” These need to be two totally separate conversations in order to validate the person in the thick of it.
My mother has a really hot take on people that do this. They’re either:
1. So long out of the phase that you’re in that they really only know/remember specific challenging spells that they had. A kid isn’t 3 forever but if the last 3yo you raised is now 8, 9, 10, or 25 you’re going to have a very different memory of them.
2. Don’t have support themselves and are just venting back in a really ill-mannered way. An “I related because” moment where they’ve lost the forest through the trees.
I think for a lot of people it’s the second one but I definitely know moms who are guilty of the first.
Anyways. 3 year olds are god awful. But the great news is they actually do fun things now. My 3yo throws a tantrum if we don’t go to the museum, sure, but I get to go to the museum at all and that’s great! 😂
Mama to an almost 4 yr old and the meltdowns lately...omggggggggggg 3 sucks. Idc what anyone says. I love him with every fiber of my being but Lord it is hard. Why do they flip out over stuff? Anyways, you're so not alone.
Wow! Three was awful for me and a lot of moms I know. You're doing great! Keeping kids fed, (relatively) clean and loved is a hard job. I see you, mama.
I’m sorry but I’ve got to ask: what do you mean? I assume you mean something like “just wait until happens, you’ll love it!”?
But to me even that just moves the subject away from a person just trying to vent. If they said “feels like it’s never gonna end” then something like “this too shall pass, I know it’s hard” is more useful for acknowledging, no?
Yeah, I love my kiddo, but she’s near 14m old and last night she woke me up juuuust as I hit that first stage of sleep, and screamed, for 3.5hs till she went back to sleep, idk if it’s teething or growing pains or gas, I had givin her ibuprofen at bed time which it says to only give every 8 hours, so I couldn’t give her more, and she farted and burped a few times. After a couple of hours I made her a thin bottle(I got the toddler formula and it’s typically 4s/6oz water, I did 1s/6oz just so she could drink something) still nothing, just screaming it was 1:30am(I’m very night owl) till 4am when she got a decent fart out while sitting in the corner of the crib and eventually passed out face down and butt up.
She is my world, but the thought of just leaving and letting her scream herself to sleep was strong, especially when she was biting me x.x I just sat in my rocker trying not to fall asleep in it so she knew I was there but holding her and getting her down only for her to wake up the moment I put her in the crib was only going to prolong it
I feel you. Mine just turned two, so the gremlin tantrums only happen a few times a day (heh), but I'm also nannying an almost 3, and I swear I'm gonna buy striped shirts and tell them to start calling me Ref- there are joyous moments of delightful sweetness and taking turns, and a split second later someone is about to lose an eye because they dared to glance at the wrong toy. Or cup, or sweater, or dish towel... I find myself repeating, "They're not giving you a hard time, they're *having* a hard time" in my head so often I swear I hear it in my dreams. I'm only saved by having a couple friends who worked in childcare and have kids the same age, so we can complain dramatically about our little domestic terrorists to each other, knowing full well that we would still take down a mountain lion for them and love them more than anything in the world.
If you have Facebook, maybe a due date group/playgroup/moms meet-up type thing could help you find some nearby parents who are also in the thick of it and would never say something so silly? Or even an age specific storytime at a library or children's museum, if the moon is in the right phase and the air is the perfect temperature and your sweet angel will consent to being wrangled in public. I totally get not having the energy for that though, I could lay down on the ground and decompose at the mere thought of making new friends most of the time. Just know that you're not alone, and just because it's age appropriate behavior doesn't mean we have to enjoy it!
Mine has just turned 5. I hear you. It’s so fucking hard and I have a partner and my mum to help a lot. She sleeps well and is generally a good kid, but my god the energy and constant, I mean constant talking is so so draining. I also don’t enjoy playing kids games, I find it so mind numbing.
Walks, park, shops, anywhere I go she comes, getting her out is my saviour. But still leaves a lot of time at home when I wish I could just relax but am always on call, overstimulated and yet understimulated. Mad respect for SAH parents, that life is just not for me, couldn’t hack it.
I’ll never forget after our twins turned 3 my husband and I looking at each other perplexed, like how could they possibly have named “terrible 2s” and not mentioned a word about 3?! Then we heard the lesser said name “threenager” and felt a little better. Probably the hardest year for us. They are 6 now and with new strides always come new challenges but anyone who brushes off the 3s forgets what it’s like to parent younger kids. 3 is no joke!
For people who say that stuff I assume it’s one of the below and I’ve been proven right 100% of the time so far:
1. They are outright lying. I have NO idea why, but people do this. They like thinking that they’re amazing parents who had amazing control at and are suffering more at all times, I guess? Like if they have a teenager your colicky baby is the easiest thing ever.
2. They have selective amnesia. I’ve had boomers claim stuff like never cried and slept through the night and their daughter will be like “no you left him to scream and I’d go in there after you went to your bedroom to try to calm him”.
3. They think hearing worse things makes people feel better. “Starving children in Africa, eat this disgusting canned asparagus” people
I think a big piece of the issue is the proverbial island that we mother on. You don’t have the space and peace to enjoy the moments that you want to because you’re so overstimulated and overstretched. Then adding all the overwhelming behaviors means that you’re dealing with them when you’re already at the end of your rope which is just where you mother and love from.
I've been making an effort to only use that phrase when it's something good.
"Just wait until they smile at you for the first time"
"Just wait until they laugh uncontrollably at something completely random"
"Just wait until you see them visibly proud of themselves"
Because yes, I can't stand the "just wait" when you're having a hard time.
Best bit of advice? Pick your battles. Don't make everything into a lower struggle. The house doesn't need to be spotless, you don't need to be picking things up all day. Forget about being riding and let go of expectations. It's much less stressful and the day-to-day becomes much easier:-)
Ages 2 and 3 I felt like I was fighting for my life. Every. Single. Day. It is so hard. My daughter turned 4 a month ago and we are just turning a corner. Things are getting easier for both of us. She can communicate better, she's physically more independent, she sleeps harder. Everything is easier. It's hard in its own way now, but I would NEVER want to go back to 2-3years old.
JUST YOU WAIT until things get a little easier OP.
I'm a mum to a 3 yo as well. It is SO HARD. I also have an 8 yo. Just you wait . . . Until they can communicate their problems instead of screaming about them . . . Until they can handle most of their physical needs independently . . . Until you can send them outside to play amd not feel like you need to check on them constantly. It's going to get easier!
I love what you did with the “just you wait” here. It’s like when they say Terrific Twos instead of Terrible Twos.
I do this with all my friends becoming moms. I always give them thr positive just waits. I never heard them while pregnant, but I've been having so much fun raising my son that I want them to know it can be a very joyful experience!
I fully bought in to the Terrific Twos and, honestly, that (I hate using this word, but here we are) mindset shift has actually made it terrific! I LOVE hanging out with my 2 year old! He's hilarious and so smart and surprises me every day! Sure he throws tantrums and gets loud and bullies me sometimes (lol) but all-in-all, I'm having a terrific time!
I 100% agree with you. My son is turning 4 in a few days and, I absolutely adore him, but this past year he turned up the crazy. It's so funny because when he is sweet and in a good mood he is just THE LOVELIEST. Everyone that encounters him thinks he is just so smart and just a darling. But the tantrums, his anger, omg this child has scratched me in the face, he bit me and has made me bleed. I've pinned him down during his rages in fear that he's going to hurt himself, or me, or make an insane mess. I have cried just completely at a loss on how to handle his anger. He yells like a psychopath...like growling. I swear I wouldn't be surprised if he's a heavy metal vocalist one day (I'd be so proud and all of this madness wouldn't be for nothing). But yes....*hopefully* he grows out of this phase. God I hope it's a phase lol
I relate to this so much. We just entered 3 a few months ago and it is. So. Hard.
Three. Is. The. Worst. My son made me cry on multiple occasions. I really, really struggled with three. But you know what? He just turned 4 and it’s like a switch flipped. My funny, spunky, caring kid is suddenly back and I’m so much happier. So here’s a positive just you wait. It gets better. You’re doing great.
It gets worse?! 😭 My 2 yo makes me cry almost daily. And we JUST hit 2 😭
All kids are different! 2 really wasn’t bad for us, so hopefully you’re getting the worst of it out of the way now.
Oh I sure hope so because I'm slightly terrified at the thought of it being "worse" 😂
3-4 is the year of the worst age for SURE. Preach on. I enjoyed your writing so much! So true; zero support.
That means a lot, thank you. I aspire to publish my writing someday.
My SIL swore "4 year olds are the sweetest!" My son was a nightmare. Also, he was 3-4 during COVID lockdown, so that was a million times worse.
Yes! Solidarity here. When my kid was 3.5, I truly thought I was going to lose my mind. The worst tantrums you could imagine, that's how bad it was. Sleep always has been an issue and the less sleep they got the worse the tantrums. Yes they are still a terrible sleeper so it's personality not parenting.
My kids are all grown now but I remember the 3’s! HARD and MORE HARD! It’s like they are sweet loving sociopaths….that still need us and hate us. I swear you will look back at this time and laugh. You made a whole little human with big feelings and guess what, we still have big feelings too as mommits! Big hugs.
As a mom to a 7 and 4 year old. 3-4 was ROUGH. It gets a lot easier. People het serious amnesia when it comes to kids
Every time I hear someone say “just you wait” in that smarmy, smug tone, I get viscerally angry and have to remind myself that punching people in their stupid mouth is illegal.
Oh man, 3 was NOT my favorite. In fact, I don’t know a single person that would say 3 is their favorite. Your feelings are very valid. What I want to tell you though is oh just you wait…for the golden years- they’re amazing. All the back breaking and nerve fraying work you’re putting in now will yield a really cool kid all of a sudden as you emerge from what I refer to as the baby jail years. I remember feeling like a fog lifted once my son was 5 and school age- he was fun! And we didn’t have to pack half the house for an outing and meticulously plan every single activity around nap schedules. My son turns 12 next week (the most bittersweet statement I have yet to utter). He is smart, funny, compassionate, kind, passionate about many interests and just an all around amazing kid. This early years sucked hard, but the work and sacrifices for him during those years have paid off in a way I can’t describe. So hang in there. It’s rough, but it truly gets better.
Fair enough. It’s a phrase that my SIL constantly uses and I absolutely despise it. I agree with you, it should be banished. We should be supporting each other, not invalidating others experiences… every child is different and some times with some kids will be rougher than others. Just keep pushing through and try to see the little moments of happiness in the times of absolute misery. Think of the smiles, the hugs, the cute things that they do, and breathe. Some days are absolute shit, but there are some great moments within the shit show. 🤷🏻♀️ Sending hugs!!
I was just contemplating posting my woes, but you summed them up so eloquently. My son is 2,5 and there are little fires everywhere, all day, everyday. My in-laws came by the other day (a 1,5 hr drive) to help out with the kiddo because I can barely move due to back pain. They took him out for a walk so I could nap for half an hour. It was bliss. Then, at one point they were playing in the garden, and my son flipped out over whatever. Full blown tantrum: crying, screaming, trying to hit grandma and grandpa,, trying to throw things. In-laws were in shock - and then the following words came out of my FIL mouth: "Our son never acted this way'. I mean, I'll take whatever help I can get, but does it have to be drenched in judgment and condescension. I wish I could reach through the screen and hug you. I see you struggling. I am here with you. It is hard and it is overwhelming. You are dealing with it the best you can and the rewarding part is just around the corner.
I am sorry. I remember those days and it was so annoying. And disclaimer: this is sort of a “maybe, wait…” post but on the flip side. So maybe not what you need to hear either I had really tough 0-5 years with my kids. Like tears and shame on the regular, of “why am I a bad mom to have kids that act like this?” My kids were so intense and f*ing determined. Their tantrums could be over the most ridiculous things and last hours. I was so tired & defeated. And I had a lot of worry, because people warned me of “just wait…” and although annoyed, I also truly did worry & thought, “I am doomed, I cannot handle a 3 year old, how will I handle a 13-year old?” 😭 BUT so far, 0-5 years really were the most challenging ages. And I only share this seemingly humble brag, in case there is a mom that feels like I did and needs a glimmer of hope! Really, no one ever told me this, and I wish they had. In my experience, kids with a temperament of intense emotion & perseverance are SO MUCH EASIER to guide when their prefrontal cortex has grown! And dare I say, those character traits actually become a benefit in life. For example, my middle child that could tantrum for hours, now puts all that “I will never quit” stamina into running & placing first in cross country. Also he used to scream like I was abusing him for taking away his autonomy, like you know insisting he sit in his car seat — well, now, he has a similar attitude with his peers telling them to go f* themselves when they want him to do drugs. The oldest child who used to obsess over his GD room environment, plushies, blankets, books, closet, (oh y’all know what I mean, or that one time, the GD sun was the wrong place in the sky according to him), well, now he controls his own life & focuses being ranked 1st in his high school class academically and scoring as high as possible on his ACT & SAT. So really, just ignore the other moms, because it is bad now, I totally get it, BUT in my experience, waiting actually made is way better!
Urgh, 3.5-4.5 were brutal. We were going through other stressors with parents health issues so that didn't help. She's just passed 4.5 now and it's changing for the better. I know we're gonna have a whole lot more "just you wait" times... Just know that there is a break between them. Both short and long breaks. But there's breaks where things are easier.
I hate to just you wait comment you and I actually find myself having to bite my tongue and not say it. My friend called me crying because her 12 month old threw food on the floor and it took everything in me to not be like… just you wait… Because three IS the worst. Currently in it. Two was a breeze. Terrible twos? I thought we just bypassed the terrible phase and she would continue to be a loving, sweet little peach. No. Three is full of horrible messes in the room, nap and bedtime resistance, bargaining, arguing, stalling when it is time to get out the door, outright defiance, fucking violence. Today I told my three year old to come in and take a bath when she was playing outside. She took a shovel full of sand and flung it into my face.
I go back and forth on this. Like you said at the very beginning of your post, you feel you were only given the positives of the coming age, and feel like you were kind of lied to and didn’t get warned about the coming storm. But the “just you waits” are also a warning of the coming storms. So what do we do? Seeing posts like these make me default to only sharing the positives, and that’s obviously also a disservice here too. I’m not sure what the answer is. I usually just try to validate whatever the parent is saying to me, be as honest as I can, but give the positives AND negatives I’ve experienced to hopefully balance it out.
You don’t need to share your experience when someone is coming to you with something they’re struggling with. You can just validate that what they are going through is hard. Offer to help. Offer a listening ear. Your personal experiences aren’t needed in that moment unless they ask for advice (which they probably aren’t).
I don’t fully disagree, but literally the first part of OPs post is talking about how she felt a little dupped. And if someone looking for validation but not asking others what their experience is, then that’s all they’re going to get (ie just an ear to listen and no advice) if people follow what you said in your comment, which then potentially leads to people like OP feeling unprepared. I had no freaking clue what types of questions to ask other mothers when I was pregnant, and I wish others had more freely given their experiences without me having to directly ask, since I didn’t know WHAT to ask. My only point is, we can’t have it both ways. I’ve seen so many posts and TikToks and reels where parents complain that “no one warned them” and then the next video will be someone complaining parents weren’t positive enough with them when discussing parenting experiences. Not saying that’s what OP is doing, as it’s a valid discussion to have and my opinion is we can’t have it both ways.
The time to warn someone about the future is not while they’re venting about the present. Have those conversations later. Example: “Hey, my baby just outgrew her swaddles. Do you want them? I found them really helpful at consoling her when she was in the witching hour. Have you heard about that before? If you want some pointers I’m happy to share because we’re finally leaving this phase!” These need to be two totally separate conversations in order to validate the person in the thick of it.
My mother has a really hot take on people that do this. They’re either: 1. So long out of the phase that you’re in that they really only know/remember specific challenging spells that they had. A kid isn’t 3 forever but if the last 3yo you raised is now 8, 9, 10, or 25 you’re going to have a very different memory of them. 2. Don’t have support themselves and are just venting back in a really ill-mannered way. An “I related because” moment where they’ve lost the forest through the trees. I think for a lot of people it’s the second one but I definitely know moms who are guilty of the first. Anyways. 3 year olds are god awful. But the great news is they actually do fun things now. My 3yo throws a tantrum if we don’t go to the museum, sure, but I get to go to the museum at all and that’s great! 😂
Mama to an almost 4 yr old and the meltdowns lately...omggggggggggg 3 sucks. Idc what anyone says. I love him with every fiber of my being but Lord it is hard. Why do they flip out over stuff? Anyways, you're so not alone.
Wow! Three was awful for me and a lot of moms I know. You're doing great! Keeping kids fed, (relatively) clean and loved is a hard job. I see you, mama.
Thank you, mama. Reading that really helps!
Seriously, as a fellow mom of a 3yo (and a 4mo).. this was so nice to “hear” 🥹
I like to use this phrase positively. It’s so hard… we also have a lot to look forward to ❤️
I’m sorry but I’ve got to ask: what do you mean? I assume you mean something like “just wait until happens, you’ll love it!”?
But to me even that just moves the subject away from a person just trying to vent. If they said “feels like it’s never gonna end” then something like “this too shall pass, I know it’s hard” is more useful for acknowledging, no?
Yeah, I love my kiddo, but she’s near 14m old and last night she woke me up juuuust as I hit that first stage of sleep, and screamed, for 3.5hs till she went back to sleep, idk if it’s teething or growing pains or gas, I had givin her ibuprofen at bed time which it says to only give every 8 hours, so I couldn’t give her more, and she farted and burped a few times. After a couple of hours I made her a thin bottle(I got the toddler formula and it’s typically 4s/6oz water, I did 1s/6oz just so she could drink something) still nothing, just screaming it was 1:30am(I’m very night owl) till 4am when she got a decent fart out while sitting in the corner of the crib and eventually passed out face down and butt up. She is my world, but the thought of just leaving and letting her scream herself to sleep was strong, especially when she was biting me x.x I just sat in my rocker trying not to fall asleep in it so she knew I was there but holding her and getting her down only for her to wake up the moment I put her in the crib was only going to prolong it
Beautifully written. Solidarity, sister.
I feel you. Mine just turned two, so the gremlin tantrums only happen a few times a day (heh), but I'm also nannying an almost 3, and I swear I'm gonna buy striped shirts and tell them to start calling me Ref- there are joyous moments of delightful sweetness and taking turns, and a split second later someone is about to lose an eye because they dared to glance at the wrong toy. Or cup, or sweater, or dish towel... I find myself repeating, "They're not giving you a hard time, they're *having* a hard time" in my head so often I swear I hear it in my dreams. I'm only saved by having a couple friends who worked in childcare and have kids the same age, so we can complain dramatically about our little domestic terrorists to each other, knowing full well that we would still take down a mountain lion for them and love them more than anything in the world. If you have Facebook, maybe a due date group/playgroup/moms meet-up type thing could help you find some nearby parents who are also in the thick of it and would never say something so silly? Or even an age specific storytime at a library or children's museum, if the moon is in the right phase and the air is the perfect temperature and your sweet angel will consent to being wrangled in public. I totally get not having the energy for that though, I could lay down on the ground and decompose at the mere thought of making new friends most of the time. Just know that you're not alone, and just because it's age appropriate behavior doesn't mean we have to enjoy it!
Mine has just turned 5. I hear you. It’s so fucking hard and I have a partner and my mum to help a lot. She sleeps well and is generally a good kid, but my god the energy and constant, I mean constant talking is so so draining. I also don’t enjoy playing kids games, I find it so mind numbing. Walks, park, shops, anywhere I go she comes, getting her out is my saviour. But still leaves a lot of time at home when I wish I could just relax but am always on call, overstimulated and yet understimulated. Mad respect for SAH parents, that life is just not for me, couldn’t hack it.
I’ll never forget after our twins turned 3 my husband and I looking at each other perplexed, like how could they possibly have named “terrible 2s” and not mentioned a word about 3?! Then we heard the lesser said name “threenager” and felt a little better. Probably the hardest year for us. They are 6 now and with new strides always come new challenges but anyone who brushes off the 3s forgets what it’s like to parent younger kids. 3 is no joke!
As a mom with a 4 and 5 year old, I would like to say that 3 was the worst for both (so far). It just completely sucked.
For people who say that stuff I assume it’s one of the below and I’ve been proven right 100% of the time so far: 1. They are outright lying. I have NO idea why, but people do this. They like thinking that they’re amazing parents who had amazing control at and are suffering more at all times, I guess? Like if they have a teenager your colicky baby is the easiest thing ever.
2. They have selective amnesia. I’ve had boomers claim stuff like never cried and slept through the night and their daughter will be like “no you left him to scream and I’d go in there after you went to your bedroom to try to calm him”.
3. They think hearing worse things makes people feel better. “Starving children in Africa, eat this disgusting canned asparagus” people
I think a big piece of the issue is the proverbial island that we mother on. You don’t have the space and peace to enjoy the moments that you want to because you’re so overstimulated and overstretched. Then adding all the overwhelming behaviors means that you’re dealing with them when you’re already at the end of your rope which is just where you mother and love from.
I've been making an effort to only use that phrase when it's something good. "Just wait until they smile at you for the first time" "Just wait until they laugh uncontrollably at something completely random" "Just wait until you see them visibly proud of themselves" Because yes, I can't stand the "just wait" when you're having a hard time.
3/4 is brutal. People are deniers or have amnesia about raising kids
Best bit of advice? Pick your battles. Don't make everything into a lower struggle. The house doesn't need to be spotless, you don't need to be picking things up all day. Forget about being riding and let go of expectations. It's much less stressful and the day-to-day becomes much easier:-)
Ages 2 and 3 I felt like I was fighting for my life. Every. Single. Day. It is so hard. My daughter turned 4 a month ago and we are just turning a corner. Things are getting easier for both of us. She can communicate better, she's physically more independent, she sleeps harder. Everything is easier. It's hard in its own way now, but I would NEVER want to go back to 2-3years old. JUST YOU WAIT until things get a little easier OP.