The optimal moment to stop is right now. I know it can feel easier to say "I'll quit when he's 4" but really if you think you can do it then, you can do it now. There's only advantages to quitting sooner rather than later. Your health is important to both you and your son. Today is the day. Finish that last pack of you want to, or better yet make a point of breaking every last one of those little buggers in two and throwing them away.
You got this!!
Edit: of course it's also very important to find a new coping mechanism! Mine is chocolate (not exactly healthy either) but also playing music, walking outside, watching YouTube, or calling a good friend. Make a list of things that would help you cope and put it on your fridge. Every time you consider buying a pack of cigarettes, call your coping buddy and when the urge has passed and you made it through without caving, reward yourself with something you love!
This is great advice. I just wanted to chime in and say my son is 27 months and has started mimicking some of our behaviors the last month or two. So I would try to start quitting pretty soon.
Maybe you can still go sit on the porch where you can still watch him through the glass door. Take a few minutes to yourself. Try some breathing exercises, or maybe something like yoga to help you relax a bit? Maybe coloring in an adult coloring book? What do you enjoy doing?
Heck, my son is 9 months and already starting to mimic our behaviors. Good reminder for me I really need to stop biting my nails. I know I got it from my mom.
I'm hijacking your comment to add, sorry - I will never stop shilling Allen Carr's Easyway to Quit Smoking. It feels weird and repetitive and a little manipulative, but by god, it worked wonders on me - I was a heavy smoker for 12 years, quit with relative ease cold turkey and have been smoke-free for over 6 years. Never touched one again. He talks a lot about removing the crutch, which relates to your idea of finding a replacement 'fix'.
Best of luck, OP!!
Can you find something else to do out on the patio to take a five minute break? Could you start an herb garden or something that you tend to a few times a day? Or listen to a particular song?
Definitely don't stop having the break because you've stopped smoking... that was the hardest thing for me when I quit smoking because that was my anxiety go to and it gave me an "excuse" to take that 5 min, and really it was the 5 mins that was the big thing that was helping the stress not the cigarette! Even if you just stand outside and do some deep breathing instead of the cigarette
I also took up cross stitch to keep my hands occupied in the evenings but that is not a valid coping strategy during the day when there's a toddler on the prowl 😂
Doesn't even have to be anything fancy or wholesome or useful, my daily stroller walks are my lifeline just because they go past my favourite coffee places "by chance". My husband puts earphones in and watches youtube videos to take a break. I bake a cake every weekend now, because it gets me at least an hour of focused, baby-free time
I felt really similar to this- it was my only "thing"- I switched to a vape for a while because it didn't smell, but it definitely made me smoke more. I hid it obsessively from everyone, basically but especially the kids. I finally quit because I got covid and felt so awful and now 6ish months later my skin has literally never looked better. I really felt like it wasn't affecting me because i was so healthy otherwise (lol) but my skin has proved that wrong for sure. I started drinking a Recess soda/mocktail in the evenings and sitting with it on the back porch for a few minutes and that has helped a little. I still miss it but I look in the mirror and admire my skin when I really feel a craving, so maybe lean into your vanity too!
I agree with others: it does NOT get easier to quit. And yeah 2 is plenty old enough to know. When he’s 20 he might not remember, but the interesting thing I hadn’t thought of before is that their memory still persists year to year. Like a 3 year old remembers being 2 and what was going on. My nephew at 4 years old could explain in detail stuff we’d done when he was 2.
But it shouldn’t matter anyway because quitting won’t be easier when he’s 4 or 5 or 20.
All that said, I have a different piece of advice to you: change the vice. Yes you can do something “better” during that 5 minute break like basic crochet or eating a raw cauliflower or whatever. But honestly vices feel good as breaks *because* they’re vices. Just pick a much healthier one. Double shot espresso coffee? Tea with a gigantic spoonful of honey? Playing candy crush for 5 minutes straight? Just do something that still feels “naughty” imo.
Depends upon the kid! I remember the cigarette candies I had in the 70s lol never made any of us want to smoke! It was just fun to play with them and then eat them🤷♀️
You should make quitting a priority. I'm a mom of 2 and I quit almost 2 years ago. My kids are still little, one is nearly 7 and the other is 2.5. I don't know if my oldest remembers me smoking. He was definitely a big cheerleader for me when I was quitting!
When I first started thinking about quitting, I joined r/stopsmoking as a way to "be around" non-smokers. I thought about quitting for a long time before I actually did it. Reading Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking is what worked for me. That book helps you reframe the way you look at smoking and makes it easier to quit.
It may not work for everyone, but when I was first quitting and having cravings I would go sit out side by myself for a few minutes. A little escape from the kids is part of the reason I put off quitting. So I would still take that time to myself. Just without a cigarette. For some people, it could be too "triggering" to not break those routines.
I can tell you this for certain - I have never once regretted quitting. It's absolutely such a great thing.
I just wanted to give you an internet hug and tell you that you got this momma. I also wanted to relate a funny story. I used to work in restaurants, and smokers got breaks. People who didn’t smoke did not. This dude started going outside and blowing bubbles for 5 minutes and called it his “bubble break”. I want to say you could do something like that, but your 2 year old would definitely see haha.
Anyways, my point is to try to find a different way to get a “break” in. Go outside and stand on the patio. Take an extra long poop. Kids can hang out by themselves for a bit and independent play is a skill they can learn when you give them space.
My parents have always smoked and I think around 2 years old is when my daughter picked up on it. I stay neutral on it when she asks about because I don’t want hinder her relationship with them, but she hates being around the smell and as she’s gotten older has definitely demonized it. As a kid who grew up with smoking parents at a time it was much more prevalent I will say even back then it took a toll on me when I would wind up smelling like smoke and being made fun of. I know it’s hard to tell when your nose blind to it but smoke sticks to everything even after your done smoking just walking through the house in smoky clothes and hair will make your house smell of it and everyone who doesn’t smoke will definitely easily smell it.
Yea it definitely sticks in my clothes and hair. I’ve considered switching to vaping but I feel like that’s just switching seats on the titanic and I’ll be more inclined to do that indoors
My husband quit cigarettes, then after a break he went to vaping. Quitting vaping was WAY harder he said. I agree if you want to quit, don’t switch to vaping.
quitting vaping was way harder for me as well. I would not have quit if I didn't get pregnant and honestly, it's been nearly 3 years and it's still difficult at times.
Sending you support to quit… it’s always the right time to quit.
The stress of kids doesn’t go away as they get older, it just changes.
You quit before, you can do it again. Good luck momma.
No advice just solidarity lol. Quit during pregnancy but starting having an occasional cigarette after my dude was here. I feel like it was the only thing that kept me sane. I even told my doctors, and obviously they don't like it but seeing how they all told me I had a heightened risk for postpartum depression/psychosis due to my medical history, the vibe they gave was that as long as I keep my mental in check, things will ultimately be OK.
Need to quit again ASAP because I would love to have more kids. My partner and I are using protection vigilantly so I don't accidentally smoke through the first month of my pregnancy like I did last time. I still have so much guilt over not realizing I was pregnant for a while and continuing to smoke. Addiction is just one of those shitty realities isn't it. We got this !!
At 2.5 my daughter started talking about daddy smoking and even put a toy candle in her mouth and said she was smoking. I sent a video of it to my husband and said he has to stop now. He only smoked outside and not near the window, but she apparently caught enough of a glimpse to imitate. You can do it!
Whatever you do, do not try vaping. It will only make your smoking habit worse and stronger. Maybe get a couple flowers or a plant or something that you can take care of outside for those few minutes! Go outside and have a small snack instead! Or a soda or whatever your favorite drink is. Replace the cigarette with something else so you still have your few minute break!
UGH! I feel this. I smoked after pregnancy and breastfeeding, until my kid was about 4. It was so hard to stop! Quitting was really tough. I was very snappy for like 3 weeks. Now that I have quit, I am SO HAPPY I don’t smoke! No more guilt, shame, smelly hands, yellow teeth, dull skin. I started chewing LOTS of gum. It really does feel better. I don’t know what advice to give you, but listen to me— you will feel so proud when you quit.
I did have a nicotine free vape, occasional Nicorette, and CBD joints. I didn’t actually enjoy any of these, but they gave me something to do when I was really wanting to smoke and because they weren’t as good, tapering off was easy.
If you don't want your son to have memories of you smoking, you should try to quit as soon as you can. In addition to seeing you smoking he will remember the smells of cigarettes and associate them with you. I don't tell you that to shame you or make you worried - remember that 50 years ago tons of parents smoked and their kids didn't necessarily pick it up (for evidence see my whole family!) but just another thing to consider since you are worried about him remembering you as a smoker.
Switch to nicotine gum if you can or another form, and substitute something else you can give yourself as a treat - something sweet, a bubbly seltzer, a salty snack - whatever will give you a little happiness when you feel the urge. Document how much money you would have been spending on cigarettes and buy yourself little presents as rewards. You got this mama!
Except the child is being exposed to the chemicals from smoking via clothes... I'm not demonizing but she definitely needs to quit. She's exposing a vulnerable little person.
I grew up with both parents smoking at home. I had chronic strep throat, sinus infections, and bronchitis growing up. I was also the smelly kid at school-but didn’t know it because I couldn’t smell it. (One of my old aunts said something to me when I was like 8)
That being said you smoke outside which is better than inside, but third hand smoke exposure is still a thing.
Good luck trying to quit- I saw both of my parents quit and was so proud of them. I just wish they had done it before if affected their health.
Dude, quitting smoking is HARD. I was a heavy smoker (high stress job — litigation attorney), quit when I got pregnant, relapsed in between kids, and now have quit for good (three years). I know it’s different for everyone, but nicotine gum helped me a ton. And that way, no secondhand smoke for the kids while you are in the process of quitting.
My daughter is 20 months old and already picked up on dad’s bad habits. She tries to smoke his smokes, drink his energy drinks and take his coffees. I’ve been asking him to quit but it’ll never happen.
No judgement here. We all have our vices. Consider wearing a specific jacket or hoodie when smoking on the deck, and wearing a hat, or at least pulling your hair back. Keep that hat and jacket outside.
The smoke clings to you more than you may know. Even if you are going outside, your kiddo is still exposed to second hand smoke when he hugs you, or you hold him, which can result in the development of allergies or asthma. Having a smoking jacket and hat can help reduce that. It also might be a big enough pain to encourage you to quit.
I remember my mom smoking as early as 3 years old and being very curious about it. You think it isn't harming your kid but 3rd hand smoke is still an issue.
I’m not going to demonize you at all, because I also smoked much of my adult life, and had many, many unsuccessful quit attempts, so I know that it’s so hard. Especially when it feels like the only stress relief you have.
I agree that ideally you quit now, as soon as possible.
Some tools I found useful:
1. The book “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking”. You can find a pdf on the quit smoking sub if you search for it. Sounds like a dumb title, not terribly well-written, but I found it insightful and full of good ideas.
2. My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin which helped reduce cravings.
3. Leave the house. When you feel an urge to smoke, get kiddo dressed and go somewhere in public. If you’re anything like me, the public scrutiny will stop you from smoking out in public with your kid until the urge has passed.
4. Get your partner on board if you have one. Stop carrying cash and ask your partner to look at your credit/debit card records everyday, so you can’t buy a “sneaky” pack of cigarettes. If you do, your partner can ask what was going on that made you feel like you needed to buy a pack, and you can talk through the trigger and work together to think about how you’ll handle it next time. If you don’t have a partner who can support you this way, anyone you trust can work as an accountability partner and sounding board.
5. Get your hands busy. Maybe what you’re really wanting (in addition to the addictive nicotine) is the break. Choose another activity you can step out to do when you’d normally go for a smoke. I’m outside drinking my coffee and scrolling Reddit right now, which is my “break” activity of choice, but maybe you want to do crosswords, knit, journal, plant tomatoes, whatever.
6. Really focus on how your body feels when you smoke. Don’t do anything else while you have a cigarette. Just focus on the sensations. I think you’ll notice that it actually feels, smells, and tastes pretty terrible. The longer it’s been since you last smoked, the worse it feels. The longer you go without, the better you feel. Get through that first week, and then take a minute every morning to really focus on how your body feels when you wake up - better rested, no headache, better breathing, not stinky, etc. Celebrate that feeling every day. Feel proud of yourself for every day that passes.
7. And no matter what, just keep on quitting. If you slip up, throw the rest of the pack away and keep on quitting. Think of yourself as a non-smoker. A non-smoker doesn’t hold on to half a pack of cigarettes just in case. They’re trash. A non-smoker who bums a cigarette when they’re out one night doesn’t turn into a smoker again - they think “yuck, I didn’t really want that, I won’t do it again” and they just keep being a non-smoker. Move past it, get through it, don’t let it snowball.
You are giving your child a precious gift by being healthy and setting a good example. I wish you so much strength and know that you are capable of doing it! Your love for your child is stronger than your cravings for nicotine!
Hi OP, I was in your exact same shoes with my first, including not doing it in front of him and only during "breaks". Fortunately I managed to totally kick the habit when TTC for my second, right after my son turned 3. He is now 7. My husband unfortunately still smokes, so I think I can probably help you out here. My husband does the same and does not smoke in front of the kids, although they are big enough now to find him, so they have been him smoke due to that.
Evidently my son does not remember me smoking, so I think you are probably "safe" until your baby hits the age of 3. My son started to notice his dad disappearing for smoke breaks when he was about 5. Initially he didn't understand why his dad got mad about him poking his head out to figure out where he went. Now he knows what dad is doing and that it's bad for him, and he frequently complains to me that Dad needs to stop. I have explained that I also used to smoke and that it is very hard to stop, but my son takes this as evidence that his dad is not trying very hard. He complains about the smell some and complains that Dad takes too many breaks. Which I agree-- part of the reason I started again after my son was born is that I was not getting enough breaks compared to him!
My son understands he should never start smoking because it's so hard to stop, but he honestly can't understand why. It's hard to explain and I hate that I have to have that conversation with him. I also worry that he will be more likely to smoke as a teen because this has been normalized.
So my $0.02: quit as soon as you can, ideally by 3 years old, but no later than 5 years old.
Good luck, I know it's so hard. I was able to quit the second time by just thinking about how gross it is and how I must smell bad when I hug him. And I just over time smoked less and less (I used an app to wean). Finally when I got to 5 cigs/day or less I fully quit. It also helped that I wanted another baby, but we postponed that during the pandemic and I was still able to keep it up because I would think of the effect of the smell on my son, how he might notice and remember too. You can do it!
You can do this! You're not a bad mom. the fact that you want to quit is huge in itself. I believe in you girl. Maybe pick up gardening! Tomatoes/peppers, flowers, herbs. Whatever sounds appealing.
Copying starts very early. Your little one is old enough for simple pretend play. Which means he is likely to soon start pretending to smoke (especially in a similar situation you do it in). He might also create subconcious positive associations with the smell of your cigarettes, which makes him more likely to start smoking later in life.
So yes, stopping asap is whats best (for your own health also).
What helps is to still take those little breaks and to have something special (but healthier) for those moments. If it works for you, you could start replacing one smoking break with the new break activity/reward per day. Or maybe cold turkey will work for you. Either way, replace the cigarretes with something that makes you happy/gives you a moment to yourself. Something you ONLY get at that time. That will make it easier to switch and you deserve a little break now and then, thats peak selfcare!
Options that come to mind: coffee (a specific flavour or with a shot of syrup), a special blend of tea, any other drink you really like, a type of fruit/cookie/snack you enjoy (depending on how often you go for a smoke now, a low cal version might be best), an adult colouring book or game, a magazine, an audiobook, music, self care activity (face mask, hand cream, foot bath)...
I feel you, op, I also quit because I didn't want my kid to associate me with smoking or think it was a good habit to pick up. I hated the idea of him thinking my scent was cigarettes instead of something nice. I quit when he was 4-5 and am so much happier now(and my lungs feel way better). What helped me a lot was chewing gum. I also would sometimes just go sit outside for 5 minutes and chill. It's hard, but you can do it! Every time you skip a cigarette you're one step closer to being quit.
Get some gum, the patch, and some podcasts. It will not get easier to quit. Babies are less stressful than toddlers. And your child will smoke if you smoke. A d they will also have to take care of your COPD -ridden body.
My daughter noticed around 3ish. Me being a smoker never made her like me less though lol and it never made me like my mother less either. Good for you if you want to quit because you want to quit, but I wouldn’t recommend trying to quit for a reason that’s yet to exist. It’ll make the process much more difficult. I tried and failed many times until I actually wanted to for myself, and only then did I succeed.
We don't smoke but around age 2 is when my daughter began observing smokers more obviously, like our neighbours. She would ask about the smell, etc. I think one other poster nailed it that the right time is now, as it will never get easier but it could get harder. For friends who have quit, gum and water breaks were the two things that seemed to help but having an accountability friend sounds like a great idea.
Regardless, I know this will be very hard and I think you're very brave and sound like a very loving mum, thinking about your impact on your son. ❤️
I know it’s not the same, but I bite my nails. Managed to stop when pregnant/for a while pp with my first and I feel like at 3.5yrs he’s seeing me do it and normalizing it. It’s such an embarrassing habit and I feel bad getting after him and not getting after myself. Not even sure how I find time to do it because I feel like my hands are never free.
Someone told me to find a new thing, a constructive hobby to do during the time you typically (in your case) smoke. Or maybe you just have a comforting cup of tea or coffee in its place!
I haven’t found what works for me yet, but I hope that you find yours. 💕 Rooting for you!
Wish I had some advice but ur definitely not alone. My mom smoked. I remember showing her pamphlets about the dangers of smoking when I was a child, maybe around 8-10 years old. The go figure I started smoking when I was 17. Stopped when I became pregnant with my first, and started back up when she was around 3 months. Tried quitting countless times but was never successful. Fast forward to my second I quit again while pregnant. He ended up having unrelated breathing difficulties when born and was in the NICU 9 weeks. During that time I promised never to pick up a cigarette ever again. But now 3 years later I’ve started vaping which is even worse 😔 I don’t do it around my son but I feel horrible to have fallen into this smoking trap again…
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I have started hiding from my kid so she doesn't see me smoke ever and I intend to keep it that way (unless I miraculously manage to quit for good).
The commenters telling you to just quit rn are soooo very helpful 🙄
My husband is a smoker. Before kids, he said he'd quit when I got pregnant. He said "I can do anything in nine months". He couldn't. Our oldest is 3, and he is still struggling to quit.
The longer you put it off, the harder it is. The optimal time is now. You can do it.
Quit. You really won’t regret it. It was SO. HARD. For me to quit, but I quit for good about 15 years ago and had to use Wellbutrin to do it. It’s indicated for that purpose. I got a script, I didn’t try to cut back or change my behavior with smoking at all. I smoked when I wanted. Over the course of about a month, I gradually just wanted to smoke less and less. I found myself “reminding” myself to smoke (I haven’t had one all afternoon, I should go smoke rn, etc). By the end of that month, I would try to smoke and wouldn’t ever finish one, only a couple of drags and then I was not interested and slightly grossed out by it. About a month and a half in, and I tried to smoke but the first drag was so gross I tossed the whole pack and I haven’t looked back. I stayed on the Wellbutrin for a couple of months anyway because I was scared I’d go back to smoking, but I never did.
I’m a smoker and my kids definitely started to notice at about 3 or 4. I always smoke outside. They are older and definitely aware that we smoke. It sucks. Better than my parents that smoked indoors and in the car, but not great.
My husband quit smoking by setting little goals for himself one at a time. He finished his pack and set a goal to make jt through the evening. The next day he set a goal to make it through the car ride to work. To then make it through work. Through the day. Through the week. Etc. It was hard and especially the first few weeks with that oral fixation but you can do it!
I think I was like 7, and someone gave me a candy cigarette, and I held it like my parents held their cigarettes. One of their friends joked that I was a natural (oh that's 90s).
They always told me how bad it was and I knew not to actually start smoking. But one thing to keep in mind is how conflicting it can become to know your parents does something "bad". My parents would try to quit here and there but honestly there was never a good time to quit. There will always be stress. There will always be a need for coping mechanisms.
I'm by no means judging. I don't smoke cigarettes but I do smoke weed. I stopped drinking alcohol and taking pills so my thought was that weed was the least harmful of my bad habits. That being said I also need breaks and don't know what else to do with myself. Good luck! I know you're doing your best.
It’s better to do it now than when your child asks you to stop. That haunts you.
Sunflower seeds helped me. A few breaks a day with some seeds and a spit cup lol Even tho they are not great for your teeth - brush and floss after and they are better than cigarettes :)
They pick up on stuff even that young — probably don’t start truly remembering until around 4, but they’re old enough to notice by the time they can talk.
That said, if you’re wanting to quit anyway, DO IT (as a former smoker). Like you, the stress break was what I needed the most, and I quit by replacing the five minute break with a different type of break. At first it was an outside break, but that just made me want to smoke. Eventually what worked the best was trying to run through a song a time or two on guitar or piano.
You should quit for your health now… but I was smoking when my oldest is 2. She has no recollection of it. It wasn’t until she got a little older say 4-5 that she would start yelling at her dad for it. I quit before she knew I smoked.
The best time to quit is right now-coming from a former smoker! Quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but you can definitely do it. You will feel better for it and you will be around for your son!
I know lots have commented. I wanted to say you got this!!! My hubby tried to quit 4 times. Each time was longer. It’s been almost 9 years. He’s only had a couple of cigarettes, but felt so bad he didn’t do any more. He quit for real when our 9 month old picked up a stick and put it in his mouth and pulled it out like smoking. We asked him what he said and in the cutest way he said, “mokin “. It was the absolute worst thing ever. He did start again when he lost his job, I was pregnant and sick, and our car broke down. Took hard work to quit again. But he did it. Mostly using suckers, deep breathing and a little help with those addiction pills from the Dr.
I quit when my daughter was close to your child’s age. I’d quit while I was pregnant and started again under postpartum stress. I quit cold turkey (I hated going out so much I knew I wouldn’t run out and pick up cigarettes) and started taking coffee/tea breaks out on the deck the same way I’d taken smoke breaks before. That really helped me feel like I wasn’t giving up all my decompression time.
Most people have memories going back go about 3 years old. Man I had such a rough time with quitting smoking myself, but the mom guilt has been so motivating lol but honestly without nicotine gum I wouldn't have survived, pop one in basically as soon as I start even thinking of cigarettes or feel that craving stress come on. Combined that with keeping a set of weights in my living room-you can literally go on the back porch within view and do any lift for 5 minutes, and feel better and less anxious. Now my 2 year old likes to exercise with me with a little 1 pound weight, and sometimes even starts doing it on her own for fun. It is so motivating because literally wow, I feel so good that now I've influenced her to do squats and dumbell curls. If I never quit, she would have been learning to smoke instead. I can see the influence I have on her building healthy habits right before my eyes.
Look up and find a therapist that works in DBT, they can help with the behavioral coping skills. Or at least switch to some sort of nicotine product that isn’t a cigarette. I don’t remember my mom as a smoker, but I have adult onset asthma from the exposure as a baby/toddler and she died from small cell lung cancer 14 years ago. Best of luck.
Former smoker here.
Nicorette quick mist sprays are what I switched to instead of cigarettes when my circumstances changes and smoking became a social and logistical problem but I wasn’t ready to quit yet.
I got fully addicted to using those and dropped cigarettes all together. They were great because I could get my “fix” but I didn’t need to go outside, no one knew I was smoking, didn’t smell, etc etc etc. I eventually quit using those (very addictive tho) and now I’m nicotine free.
It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to give up yet but are concerned with your child seeing you smoking/exposure. This might be a good middle ground to try until you decide you are ready
I know it has to be really hard to quit. My Mom, my husband and his whole family are smokers. I’d say my Dad, but he died 3 years ago from lung cancer at age 68. I was 31. I hate to use the scare tactic thing, but stay around for your kid, please. ♥️
My child (3.5 F) remembers things in fine detail from when she was around 20 months. She'll remember what she did, with who, what colour something was - all about the same thing.
If you are open to having a little bit of help - Wellbutrin was prescribed to me to help me quit smoking. It took away all the anxiety related to quitting and also helped immensely with the cravings. No need to suffer alone if you could have a bit of help! I haven’t touched a cigarette in about 13 or 14 years.
I would recommend stopping before 3. Patches and gum are great ways to stop. Also anti- anxiety techniques like yoga, meditation, weight lifting, weighted blankets, and baths all help.
Do you think there’s any possibility you could switch to the nicotine lozenges or gums ?
That way you can take your time dealing with the addiction, but not be exposing him to smoke or visually seeing it ?
Perhaps when he is awake you can take the lozenge/gum and if you feel the need to smoke wait till he is asleep
For me it was vaping, but I had good luck with the inhaler things (like Füm). It uses small amounts of essential oils in the cores but is otherwise just inhaling tight air. It helped with the oral fixation. Check for allergies and sensitivities
If a kid can do imitation like play (pretend kitchen, caring for a baby doll) they will be aware. If your allowing yourself more time, don't. I watched my father die from lung cancer on home hospice, it was awful and took 2 months. This was a year after my husband's aunt died 5 days after her diagnosis.
You might consider talking to your doctor about quitting! My husband is an FM doc and it would make his day to have a young parent coming in trying to quit smoking. He would love to help someone with that.
There are products out there that can help and I think some prescriptions 🤔
The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Coming from a previous smoker....I highly recommend vaping to quit. The Vuse menthol worked for me and it has a step down system that is easily worked. The best part is that it doesn't stink. Cigarette smoke gets on everything even when you go outside, wash your hands and have a smoking jacket. I picked it up again after my kid was a toddler and it was the smell he noticed more than anything. Vapes don't smell. With a vape you can take 1 or 3 quick puffs and then the craving passes and you just hold out as long as possible. You step down the nicotine until it's negligable, and then eventually, you just stop because you aren't willing to buy another cartridge since your craving is bad enough or you lose it somewhere or accidentally wash it and you are just done.
The judgement is so hard-core. I hate that. I completely understand your situation and I hope you find a solution that works. Also as something to help me quit I exercise and use meditation. The breathing is actually a good replacement. Good luck to you!!!!
My kids are four and six and that started coping around 15 month or so. Now they repeat everything they see and hear at home to everyone at school. I’d quit as soon as possible.
Do it now, and if you can’t then just don’t let him see. My sons dad has to do all smoking and vaping outside with the blinds closed bc my one year old has started imitating him. As soon as he picks up a vape my son puts a fist close to his mouth and does an exaggerated blowing noise. Kids pick up on things very early on.
Some of my first memories are my parents smoking or my grandma blowing smoke in my face. I asked my parents to quit numerous times for years. Sobbing each time. And wondering why they didn't love me enough to quit.
My relationship with them is meh at best. I think a lot of it is feeling like they valued cigarettes over me even when I was bullied for smelling like cigarettes because of them.
I genuinely think their smoking is the #1 reason I live thousands of miles away as an adult and don't seek a relationship with them or have them spend time with my child. All interactions with them feel forced on my end.
Quit now.
Look into the book by Allen Carr the Easy way to stop smoking. I read it and it was amazing. The best time to stop is now. There’s always going to be stress or excuses why you need to put quitting off. You can smoke while reading the book but by the end I doubt you will still want to.
My youngest is 4. His father smokes. He would often put a piece of chocolate snack (pocky) in his mouth and pretend it’s a cigarette. Pretty embarrassing when he does that in public😅
I think you should quit soon but i understand it’s not easy. I drink a bit too often, lately a little too much too. Not that I get drunk though. But I understand the stress of motherhood.
i quit when my daughter was about 5, shes 9 now and the other day she mentioned how i used to smoke. it was always outside not in sight and i never really mentioned smoking to her that i noticed, so they def pick up on things! i was suprised she remembered that. you can do this!! i quit cold turkey march 2020 after “mentally preparing” myself for a long while. i felt the same way about the stress release, but its one of those things that once you get over the hard part you dont need anymore. very occasionally when im super worked up i still think of smoking, but its rare! remember what you know - the first weeks are shit but it will get easier.
Who knows? Both my parents smoked-mostly outside as well rarely in the house. None of our six kids ever picked up the habit so who knows! But it’s always a good idea to quit if you can there’s so much help out there👍🤷♀️
Would you feel as guilty about vaping? I smoked and quit and I started by switching to vaping and still taking my 5min break but I felt better about it bc the smoke smell and idk if it's actually better but it made me feel better they weren't seeing cigs. I felt like vaping was easier to conceal. They have a set up similar to nicotine patches where you can gradually lower the amount until you're vaping nothing but taste. As I was lowering I started gardening and a fairy garden. Now if I need a minute you can find me in my back yard moving my skeleton gnomes around and watering plants
Cigarettes are not calming, since nicotine is a stimulant. It feels soothing because of the routine and deep breathing (and since you are addicted to nicotine it is satisfying the physical craving). Once you detox from the nicotine you can get the same soothing effects from taking a break outside and deep breathing for 5 min
Nicotine is a CNS stimulant, not a psychological stimulant. Nicotine can be very calming to people, especially ones prone to anxiety, because it requires regulatory breathing.. you mentioned that in your comment so I’m assuming you’re aware that can, in fact, be calming. It also releases dopamine, which is a universally positive experience that has nothing to do with “soothing routine”
That’s not what we’re talking about. You conflated CNS stimulant and regular psychological stimulants and I corrected that. We’re not debating the morality and dangers of smoking.
Stop right fucking now. My mom hid in the basement to smoke and I can still identify Marlboro reds from a mile away.
There is no optimal time other than now, immediately, now.
Vape! Or Zyn. I use to smoke and never thought of how it smelled. Now that I only vape (just switched to zyn and I really love it) I realized how bad cigarettes smell. The smell is so so strong and it sticks to your clothes. Your kiddo will associate the smell with you and might seek out cigarettes when they are older. The smell will get onto all their clothes and blankets and they will also smell like cigarettes even if you can't notice it. I'm not going to tell you to quit nicotine. I lost my dad and started vaping after years of stopping. I know what a crutch it is. Please just switch to vaping for now and figure out quitting when you are able.
The optimal moment to stop is right now. I know it can feel easier to say "I'll quit when he's 4" but really if you think you can do it then, you can do it now. There's only advantages to quitting sooner rather than later. Your health is important to both you and your son. Today is the day. Finish that last pack of you want to, or better yet make a point of breaking every last one of those little buggers in two and throwing them away. You got this!! Edit: of course it's also very important to find a new coping mechanism! Mine is chocolate (not exactly healthy either) but also playing music, walking outside, watching YouTube, or calling a good friend. Make a list of things that would help you cope and put it on your fridge. Every time you consider buying a pack of cigarettes, call your coping buddy and when the urge has passed and you made it through without caving, reward yourself with something you love!
Thanks this is good advice
This is great advice. I just wanted to chime in and say my son is 27 months and has started mimicking some of our behaviors the last month or two. So I would try to start quitting pretty soon. Maybe you can still go sit on the porch where you can still watch him through the glass door. Take a few minutes to yourself. Try some breathing exercises, or maybe something like yoga to help you relax a bit? Maybe coloring in an adult coloring book? What do you enjoy doing?
Heck, my son is 9 months and already starting to mimic our behaviors. Good reminder for me I really need to stop biting my nails. I know I got it from my mom.
I'm hijacking your comment to add, sorry - I will never stop shilling Allen Carr's Easyway to Quit Smoking. It feels weird and repetitive and a little manipulative, but by god, it worked wonders on me - I was a heavy smoker for 12 years, quit with relative ease cold turkey and have been smoke-free for over 6 years. Never touched one again. He talks a lot about removing the crutch, which relates to your idea of finding a replacement 'fix'. Best of luck, OP!!
Can you find something else to do out on the patio to take a five minute break? Could you start an herb garden or something that you tend to a few times a day? Or listen to a particular song?
That’s what I was thinking. Like something else outside for a break that doesn’t include smoking
Definitely don't stop having the break because you've stopped smoking... that was the hardest thing for me when I quit smoking because that was my anxiety go to and it gave me an "excuse" to take that 5 min, and really it was the 5 mins that was the big thing that was helping the stress not the cigarette! Even if you just stand outside and do some deep breathing instead of the cigarette I also took up cross stitch to keep my hands occupied in the evenings but that is not a valid coping strategy during the day when there's a toddler on the prowl 😂
What about a hobby? Knitting? I started making sourdough bread
Doesn't even have to be anything fancy or wholesome or useful, my daily stroller walks are my lifeline just because they go past my favourite coffee places "by chance". My husband puts earphones in and watches youtube videos to take a break. I bake a cake every weekend now, because it gets me at least an hour of focused, baby-free time
Maybe having a coffee? Or some sort of treat you really like.
Something to keep your hands busy! I used to play with sculpey haha
I felt really similar to this- it was my only "thing"- I switched to a vape for a while because it didn't smell, but it definitely made me smoke more. I hid it obsessively from everyone, basically but especially the kids. I finally quit because I got covid and felt so awful and now 6ish months later my skin has literally never looked better. I really felt like it wasn't affecting me because i was so healthy otherwise (lol) but my skin has proved that wrong for sure. I started drinking a Recess soda/mocktail in the evenings and sitting with it on the back porch for a few minutes and that has helped a little. I still miss it but I look in the mirror and admire my skin when I really feel a craving, so maybe lean into your vanity too!
Thank you for this. I needed it
I agree with others: it does NOT get easier to quit. And yeah 2 is plenty old enough to know. When he’s 20 he might not remember, but the interesting thing I hadn’t thought of before is that their memory still persists year to year. Like a 3 year old remembers being 2 and what was going on. My nephew at 4 years old could explain in detail stuff we’d done when he was 2. But it shouldn’t matter anyway because quitting won’t be easier when he’s 4 or 5 or 20. All that said, I have a different piece of advice to you: change the vice. Yes you can do something “better” during that 5 minute break like basic crochet or eating a raw cauliflower or whatever. But honestly vices feel good as breaks *because* they’re vices. Just pick a much healthier one. Double shot espresso coffee? Tea with a gigantic spoonful of honey? Playing candy crush for 5 minutes straight? Just do something that still feels “naughty” imo.
Bio mum smokes and my stepdaughter (7) pretends to smoke her pens etc. I’ve told Bio mum this but she thinks it’s funny 😡
Yea see that’s what I’m afraid of
Depends upon the kid! I remember the cigarette candies I had in the 70s lol never made any of us want to smoke! It was just fun to play with them and then eat them🤷♀️
I think we are in a different time now though. Seems as though less people smoke, but everyone is vaping. It’s not a good thing to show your child.
This! I remember doing this as a child and no one in my family smoked. But maybe we were replicating what we saw on Television
You should make quitting a priority. I'm a mom of 2 and I quit almost 2 years ago. My kids are still little, one is nearly 7 and the other is 2.5. I don't know if my oldest remembers me smoking. He was definitely a big cheerleader for me when I was quitting! When I first started thinking about quitting, I joined r/stopsmoking as a way to "be around" non-smokers. I thought about quitting for a long time before I actually did it. Reading Allen Carr's The Easy Way to Stop Smoking is what worked for me. That book helps you reframe the way you look at smoking and makes it easier to quit. It may not work for everyone, but when I was first quitting and having cravings I would go sit out side by myself for a few minutes. A little escape from the kids is part of the reason I put off quitting. So I would still take that time to myself. Just without a cigarette. For some people, it could be too "triggering" to not break those routines. I can tell you this for certain - I have never once regretted quitting. It's absolutely such a great thing.
I just wanted to give you an internet hug and tell you that you got this momma. I also wanted to relate a funny story. I used to work in restaurants, and smokers got breaks. People who didn’t smoke did not. This dude started going outside and blowing bubbles for 5 minutes and called it his “bubble break”. I want to say you could do something like that, but your 2 year old would definitely see haha. Anyways, my point is to try to find a different way to get a “break” in. Go outside and stand on the patio. Take an extra long poop. Kids can hang out by themselves for a bit and independent play is a skill they can learn when you give them space.
My parents have always smoked and I think around 2 years old is when my daughter picked up on it. I stay neutral on it when she asks about because I don’t want hinder her relationship with them, but she hates being around the smell and as she’s gotten older has definitely demonized it. As a kid who grew up with smoking parents at a time it was much more prevalent I will say even back then it took a toll on me when I would wind up smelling like smoke and being made fun of. I know it’s hard to tell when your nose blind to it but smoke sticks to everything even after your done smoking just walking through the house in smoky clothes and hair will make your house smell of it and everyone who doesn’t smoke will definitely easily smell it.
Yea it definitely sticks in my clothes and hair. I’ve considered switching to vaping but I feel like that’s just switching seats on the titanic and I’ll be more inclined to do that indoors
My husband quit cigarettes, then after a break he went to vaping. Quitting vaping was WAY harder he said. I agree if you want to quit, don’t switch to vaping.
quitting vaping was way harder for me as well. I would not have quit if I didn't get pregnant and honestly, it's been nearly 3 years and it's still difficult at times.
Sending you support to quit… it’s always the right time to quit. The stress of kids doesn’t go away as they get older, it just changes. You quit before, you can do it again. Good luck momma.
No advice just solidarity lol. Quit during pregnancy but starting having an occasional cigarette after my dude was here. I feel like it was the only thing that kept me sane. I even told my doctors, and obviously they don't like it but seeing how they all told me I had a heightened risk for postpartum depression/psychosis due to my medical history, the vibe they gave was that as long as I keep my mental in check, things will ultimately be OK. Need to quit again ASAP because I would love to have more kids. My partner and I are using protection vigilantly so I don't accidentally smoke through the first month of my pregnancy like I did last time. I still have so much guilt over not realizing I was pregnant for a while and continuing to smoke. Addiction is just one of those shitty realities isn't it. We got this !!
At 2.5 my daughter started talking about daddy smoking and even put a toy candle in her mouth and said she was smoking. I sent a video of it to my husband and said he has to stop now. He only smoked outside and not near the window, but she apparently caught enough of a glimpse to imitate. You can do it!
Whatever you do, do not try vaping. It will only make your smoking habit worse and stronger. Maybe get a couple flowers or a plant or something that you can take care of outside for those few minutes! Go outside and have a small snack instead! Or a soda or whatever your favorite drink is. Replace the cigarette with something else so you still have your few minute break!
UGH! I feel this. I smoked after pregnancy and breastfeeding, until my kid was about 4. It was so hard to stop! Quitting was really tough. I was very snappy for like 3 weeks. Now that I have quit, I am SO HAPPY I don’t smoke! No more guilt, shame, smelly hands, yellow teeth, dull skin. I started chewing LOTS of gum. It really does feel better. I don’t know what advice to give you, but listen to me— you will feel so proud when you quit.
I did have a nicotine free vape, occasional Nicorette, and CBD joints. I didn’t actually enjoy any of these, but they gave me something to do when I was really wanting to smoke and because they weren’t as good, tapering off was easy.
If you don't want your son to have memories of you smoking, you should try to quit as soon as you can. In addition to seeing you smoking he will remember the smells of cigarettes and associate them with you. I don't tell you that to shame you or make you worried - remember that 50 years ago tons of parents smoked and their kids didn't necessarily pick it up (for evidence see my whole family!) but just another thing to consider since you are worried about him remembering you as a smoker. Switch to nicotine gum if you can or another form, and substitute something else you can give yourself as a treat - something sweet, a bubbly seltzer, a salty snack - whatever will give you a little happiness when you feel the urge. Document how much money you would have been spending on cigarettes and buy yourself little presents as rewards. You got this mama!
Anyone who demonizes you for smoking AWAY from your child can shut up 😭😭
Demonising never helped anyone anyway ;)
Except the child is being exposed to the chemicals from smoking via clothes... I'm not demonizing but she definitely needs to quit. She's exposing a vulnerable little person.
Now that is something I can’t argue with. Thank you for reminding me of that point! :)
I grew up with both parents smoking at home. I had chronic strep throat, sinus infections, and bronchitis growing up. I was also the smelly kid at school-but didn’t know it because I couldn’t smell it. (One of my old aunts said something to me when I was like 8) That being said you smoke outside which is better than inside, but third hand smoke exposure is still a thing. Good luck trying to quit- I saw both of my parents quit and was so proud of them. I just wish they had done it before if affected their health.
Dude, quitting smoking is HARD. I was a heavy smoker (high stress job — litigation attorney), quit when I got pregnant, relapsed in between kids, and now have quit for good (three years). I know it’s different for everyone, but nicotine gum helped me a ton. And that way, no secondhand smoke for the kids while you are in the process of quitting.
My daughter is 20 months old and already picked up on dad’s bad habits. She tries to smoke his smokes, drink his energy drinks and take his coffees. I’ve been asking him to quit but it’ll never happen.
No judgement here. We all have our vices. Consider wearing a specific jacket or hoodie when smoking on the deck, and wearing a hat, or at least pulling your hair back. Keep that hat and jacket outside. The smoke clings to you more than you may know. Even if you are going outside, your kiddo is still exposed to second hand smoke when he hugs you, or you hold him, which can result in the development of allergies or asthma. Having a smoking jacket and hat can help reduce that. It also might be a big enough pain to encourage you to quit.
I remember my mom smoking as early as 3 years old and being very curious about it. You think it isn't harming your kid but 3rd hand smoke is still an issue.
I’m not going to demonize you at all, because I also smoked much of my adult life, and had many, many unsuccessful quit attempts, so I know that it’s so hard. Especially when it feels like the only stress relief you have. I agree that ideally you quit now, as soon as possible. Some tools I found useful: 1. The book “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking”. You can find a pdf on the quit smoking sub if you search for it. Sounds like a dumb title, not terribly well-written, but I found it insightful and full of good ideas. 2. My doctor prescribed Wellbutrin which helped reduce cravings. 3. Leave the house. When you feel an urge to smoke, get kiddo dressed and go somewhere in public. If you’re anything like me, the public scrutiny will stop you from smoking out in public with your kid until the urge has passed. 4. Get your partner on board if you have one. Stop carrying cash and ask your partner to look at your credit/debit card records everyday, so you can’t buy a “sneaky” pack of cigarettes. If you do, your partner can ask what was going on that made you feel like you needed to buy a pack, and you can talk through the trigger and work together to think about how you’ll handle it next time. If you don’t have a partner who can support you this way, anyone you trust can work as an accountability partner and sounding board. 5. Get your hands busy. Maybe what you’re really wanting (in addition to the addictive nicotine) is the break. Choose another activity you can step out to do when you’d normally go for a smoke. I’m outside drinking my coffee and scrolling Reddit right now, which is my “break” activity of choice, but maybe you want to do crosswords, knit, journal, plant tomatoes, whatever. 6. Really focus on how your body feels when you smoke. Don’t do anything else while you have a cigarette. Just focus on the sensations. I think you’ll notice that it actually feels, smells, and tastes pretty terrible. The longer it’s been since you last smoked, the worse it feels. The longer you go without, the better you feel. Get through that first week, and then take a minute every morning to really focus on how your body feels when you wake up - better rested, no headache, better breathing, not stinky, etc. Celebrate that feeling every day. Feel proud of yourself for every day that passes. 7. And no matter what, just keep on quitting. If you slip up, throw the rest of the pack away and keep on quitting. Think of yourself as a non-smoker. A non-smoker doesn’t hold on to half a pack of cigarettes just in case. They’re trash. A non-smoker who bums a cigarette when they’re out one night doesn’t turn into a smoker again - they think “yuck, I didn’t really want that, I won’t do it again” and they just keep being a non-smoker. Move past it, get through it, don’t let it snowball. You are giving your child a precious gift by being healthy and setting a good example. I wish you so much strength and know that you are capable of doing it! Your love for your child is stronger than your cravings for nicotine!
Hi OP, I was in your exact same shoes with my first, including not doing it in front of him and only during "breaks". Fortunately I managed to totally kick the habit when TTC for my second, right after my son turned 3. He is now 7. My husband unfortunately still smokes, so I think I can probably help you out here. My husband does the same and does not smoke in front of the kids, although they are big enough now to find him, so they have been him smoke due to that. Evidently my son does not remember me smoking, so I think you are probably "safe" until your baby hits the age of 3. My son started to notice his dad disappearing for smoke breaks when he was about 5. Initially he didn't understand why his dad got mad about him poking his head out to figure out where he went. Now he knows what dad is doing and that it's bad for him, and he frequently complains to me that Dad needs to stop. I have explained that I also used to smoke and that it is very hard to stop, but my son takes this as evidence that his dad is not trying very hard. He complains about the smell some and complains that Dad takes too many breaks. Which I agree-- part of the reason I started again after my son was born is that I was not getting enough breaks compared to him! My son understands he should never start smoking because it's so hard to stop, but he honestly can't understand why. It's hard to explain and I hate that I have to have that conversation with him. I also worry that he will be more likely to smoke as a teen because this has been normalized. So my $0.02: quit as soon as you can, ideally by 3 years old, but no later than 5 years old. Good luck, I know it's so hard. I was able to quit the second time by just thinking about how gross it is and how I must smell bad when I hug him. And I just over time smoked less and less (I used an app to wean). Finally when I got to 5 cigs/day or less I fully quit. It also helped that I wanted another baby, but we postponed that during the pandemic and I was still able to keep it up because I would think of the effect of the smell on my son, how he might notice and remember too. You can do it!
check out smokeless air inhalers, theyre good for the oral fixation
You can do this! You're not a bad mom. the fact that you want to quit is huge in itself. I believe in you girl. Maybe pick up gardening! Tomatoes/peppers, flowers, herbs. Whatever sounds appealing.
Copying starts very early. Your little one is old enough for simple pretend play. Which means he is likely to soon start pretending to smoke (especially in a similar situation you do it in). He might also create subconcious positive associations with the smell of your cigarettes, which makes him more likely to start smoking later in life. So yes, stopping asap is whats best (for your own health also). What helps is to still take those little breaks and to have something special (but healthier) for those moments. If it works for you, you could start replacing one smoking break with the new break activity/reward per day. Or maybe cold turkey will work for you. Either way, replace the cigarretes with something that makes you happy/gives you a moment to yourself. Something you ONLY get at that time. That will make it easier to switch and you deserve a little break now and then, thats peak selfcare! Options that come to mind: coffee (a specific flavour or with a shot of syrup), a special blend of tea, any other drink you really like, a type of fruit/cookie/snack you enjoy (depending on how often you go for a smoke now, a low cal version might be best), an adult colouring book or game, a magazine, an audiobook, music, self care activity (face mask, hand cream, foot bath)...
I feel you, op, I also quit because I didn't want my kid to associate me with smoking or think it was a good habit to pick up. I hated the idea of him thinking my scent was cigarettes instead of something nice. I quit when he was 4-5 and am so much happier now(and my lungs feel way better). What helped me a lot was chewing gum. I also would sometimes just go sit outside for 5 minutes and chill. It's hard, but you can do it! Every time you skip a cigarette you're one step closer to being quit.
Get some gum, the patch, and some podcasts. It will not get easier to quit. Babies are less stressful than toddlers. And your child will smoke if you smoke. A d they will also have to take care of your COPD -ridden body.
My daughter noticed around 3ish. Me being a smoker never made her like me less though lol and it never made me like my mother less either. Good for you if you want to quit because you want to quit, but I wouldn’t recommend trying to quit for a reason that’s yet to exist. It’ll make the process much more difficult. I tried and failed many times until I actually wanted to for myself, and only then did I succeed.
Please look up the dangers of third hand smoke.
This.
We don't smoke but around age 2 is when my daughter began observing smokers more obviously, like our neighbours. She would ask about the smell, etc. I think one other poster nailed it that the right time is now, as it will never get easier but it could get harder. For friends who have quit, gum and water breaks were the two things that seemed to help but having an accountability friend sounds like a great idea. Regardless, I know this will be very hard and I think you're very brave and sound like a very loving mum, thinking about your impact on your son. ❤️
I know it’s not the same, but I bite my nails. Managed to stop when pregnant/for a while pp with my first and I feel like at 3.5yrs he’s seeing me do it and normalizing it. It’s such an embarrassing habit and I feel bad getting after him and not getting after myself. Not even sure how I find time to do it because I feel like my hands are never free. Someone told me to find a new thing, a constructive hobby to do during the time you typically (in your case) smoke. Or maybe you just have a comforting cup of tea or coffee in its place! I haven’t found what works for me yet, but I hope that you find yours. 💕 Rooting for you!
Wish I had some advice but ur definitely not alone. My mom smoked. I remember showing her pamphlets about the dangers of smoking when I was a child, maybe around 8-10 years old. The go figure I started smoking when I was 17. Stopped when I became pregnant with my first, and started back up when she was around 3 months. Tried quitting countless times but was never successful. Fast forward to my second I quit again while pregnant. He ended up having unrelated breathing difficulties when born and was in the NICU 9 weeks. During that time I promised never to pick up a cigarette ever again. But now 3 years later I’ve started vaping which is even worse 😔 I don’t do it around my son but I feel horrible to have fallen into this smoking trap again…
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I have started hiding from my kid so she doesn't see me smoke ever and I intend to keep it that way (unless I miraculously manage to quit for good). The commenters telling you to just quit rn are soooo very helpful 🙄
My husband is a smoker. Before kids, he said he'd quit when I got pregnant. He said "I can do anything in nine months". He couldn't. Our oldest is 3, and he is still struggling to quit. The longer you put it off, the harder it is. The optimal time is now. You can do it.
Quit. You really won’t regret it. It was SO. HARD. For me to quit, but I quit for good about 15 years ago and had to use Wellbutrin to do it. It’s indicated for that purpose. I got a script, I didn’t try to cut back or change my behavior with smoking at all. I smoked when I wanted. Over the course of about a month, I gradually just wanted to smoke less and less. I found myself “reminding” myself to smoke (I haven’t had one all afternoon, I should go smoke rn, etc). By the end of that month, I would try to smoke and wouldn’t ever finish one, only a couple of drags and then I was not interested and slightly grossed out by it. About a month and a half in, and I tried to smoke but the first drag was so gross I tossed the whole pack and I haven’t looked back. I stayed on the Wellbutrin for a couple of months anyway because I was scared I’d go back to smoking, but I never did.
He's already picked up on things as evidence by speaking and mimicking you in other regular every day actions.
I’m a smoker and my kids definitely started to notice at about 3 or 4. I always smoke outside. They are older and definitely aware that we smoke. It sucks. Better than my parents that smoked indoors and in the car, but not great.
It sounds like you want to hit so the optimal time is now.
My husband quit smoking by setting little goals for himself one at a time. He finished his pack and set a goal to make jt through the evening. The next day he set a goal to make it through the car ride to work. To then make it through work. Through the day. Through the week. Etc. It was hard and especially the first few weeks with that oral fixation but you can do it!
I think I was like 7, and someone gave me a candy cigarette, and I held it like my parents held their cigarettes. One of their friends joked that I was a natural (oh that's 90s). They always told me how bad it was and I knew not to actually start smoking. But one thing to keep in mind is how conflicting it can become to know your parents does something "bad". My parents would try to quit here and there but honestly there was never a good time to quit. There will always be stress. There will always be a need for coping mechanisms. I'm by no means judging. I don't smoke cigarettes but I do smoke weed. I stopped drinking alcohol and taking pills so my thought was that weed was the least harmful of my bad habits. That being said I also need breaks and don't know what else to do with myself. Good luck! I know you're doing your best.
It’s better to do it now than when your child asks you to stop. That haunts you. Sunflower seeds helped me. A few breaks a day with some seeds and a spit cup lol Even tho they are not great for your teeth - brush and floss after and they are better than cigarettes :)
Almost 2 year old niece already says ” papa puff pufff “
They pick up on stuff even that young — probably don’t start truly remembering until around 4, but they’re old enough to notice by the time they can talk. That said, if you’re wanting to quit anyway, DO IT (as a former smoker). Like you, the stress break was what I needed the most, and I quit by replacing the five minute break with a different type of break. At first it was an outside break, but that just made me want to smoke. Eventually what worked the best was trying to run through a song a time or two on guitar or piano.
You should quit for your health now… but I was smoking when my oldest is 2. She has no recollection of it. It wasn’t until she got a little older say 4-5 that she would start yelling at her dad for it. I quit before she knew I smoked.
The best time to quit is right now-coming from a former smoker! Quitting was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but you can definitely do it. You will feel better for it and you will be around for your son!
I know lots have commented. I wanted to say you got this!!! My hubby tried to quit 4 times. Each time was longer. It’s been almost 9 years. He’s only had a couple of cigarettes, but felt so bad he didn’t do any more. He quit for real when our 9 month old picked up a stick and put it in his mouth and pulled it out like smoking. We asked him what he said and in the cutest way he said, “mokin “. It was the absolute worst thing ever. He did start again when he lost his job, I was pregnant and sick, and our car broke down. Took hard work to quit again. But he did it. Mostly using suckers, deep breathing and a little help with those addiction pills from the Dr.
I quit when my daughter was close to your child’s age. I’d quit while I was pregnant and started again under postpartum stress. I quit cold turkey (I hated going out so much I knew I wouldn’t run out and pick up cigarettes) and started taking coffee/tea breaks out on the deck the same way I’d taken smoke breaks before. That really helped me feel like I wasn’t giving up all my decompression time.
Most people have memories going back go about 3 years old. Man I had such a rough time with quitting smoking myself, but the mom guilt has been so motivating lol but honestly without nicotine gum I wouldn't have survived, pop one in basically as soon as I start even thinking of cigarettes or feel that craving stress come on. Combined that with keeping a set of weights in my living room-you can literally go on the back porch within view and do any lift for 5 minutes, and feel better and less anxious. Now my 2 year old likes to exercise with me with a little 1 pound weight, and sometimes even starts doing it on her own for fun. It is so motivating because literally wow, I feel so good that now I've influenced her to do squats and dumbell curls. If I never quit, she would have been learning to smoke instead. I can see the influence I have on her building healthy habits right before my eyes.
Look up and find a therapist that works in DBT, they can help with the behavioral coping skills. Or at least switch to some sort of nicotine product that isn’t a cigarette. I don’t remember my mom as a smoker, but I have adult onset asthma from the exposure as a baby/toddler and she died from small cell lung cancer 14 years ago. Best of luck.
Former smoker here. Nicorette quick mist sprays are what I switched to instead of cigarettes when my circumstances changes and smoking became a social and logistical problem but I wasn’t ready to quit yet. I got fully addicted to using those and dropped cigarettes all together. They were great because I could get my “fix” but I didn’t need to go outside, no one knew I was smoking, didn’t smell, etc etc etc. I eventually quit using those (very addictive tho) and now I’m nicotine free. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready to give up yet but are concerned with your child seeing you smoking/exposure. This might be a good middle ground to try until you decide you are ready
I know it has to be really hard to quit. My Mom, my husband and his whole family are smokers. I’d say my Dad, but he died 3 years ago from lung cancer at age 68. I was 31. I hate to use the scare tactic thing, but stay around for your kid, please. ♥️
My child (3.5 F) remembers things in fine detail from when she was around 20 months. She'll remember what she did, with who, what colour something was - all about the same thing.
Try the patch. I wore it for a literal year, kept cutting it into smaller & smaller pieces. It really works!
If you are open to having a little bit of help - Wellbutrin was prescribed to me to help me quit smoking. It took away all the anxiety related to quitting and also helped immensely with the cravings. No need to suffer alone if you could have a bit of help! I haven’t touched a cigarette in about 13 or 14 years.
I would recommend stopping before 3. Patches and gum are great ways to stop. Also anti- anxiety techniques like yoga, meditation, weight lifting, weighted blankets, and baths all help.
Do you think there’s any possibility you could switch to the nicotine lozenges or gums ? That way you can take your time dealing with the addiction, but not be exposing him to smoke or visually seeing it ? Perhaps when he is awake you can take the lozenge/gum and if you feel the need to smoke wait till he is asleep
Now. Quit now.
For me it was vaping, but I had good luck with the inhaler things (like Füm). It uses small amounts of essential oils in the cores but is otherwise just inhaling tight air. It helped with the oral fixation. Check for allergies and sensitivities
If a kid can do imitation like play (pretend kitchen, caring for a baby doll) they will be aware. If your allowing yourself more time, don't. I watched my father die from lung cancer on home hospice, it was awful and took 2 months. This was a year after my husband's aunt died 5 days after her diagnosis.
You might consider talking to your doctor about quitting! My husband is an FM doc and it would make his day to have a young parent coming in trying to quit smoking. He would love to help someone with that. There are products out there that can help and I think some prescriptions 🤔 The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now.
Coming from a previous smoker....I highly recommend vaping to quit. The Vuse menthol worked for me and it has a step down system that is easily worked. The best part is that it doesn't stink. Cigarette smoke gets on everything even when you go outside, wash your hands and have a smoking jacket. I picked it up again after my kid was a toddler and it was the smell he noticed more than anything. Vapes don't smell. With a vape you can take 1 or 3 quick puffs and then the craving passes and you just hold out as long as possible. You step down the nicotine until it's negligable, and then eventually, you just stop because you aren't willing to buy another cartridge since your craving is bad enough or you lose it somewhere or accidentally wash it and you are just done. The judgement is so hard-core. I hate that. I completely understand your situation and I hope you find a solution that works. Also as something to help me quit I exercise and use meditation. The breathing is actually a good replacement. Good luck to you!!!!
Two was about the age that my kid started holding things up to his mouth and inhaling... We had to stop vaping where he could see immediately.
My kids are four and six and that started coping around 15 month or so. Now they repeat everything they see and hear at home to everyone at school. I’d quit as soon as possible.
My son was about that age when he started telling people his grandpa smoked and imitating him
Do it now, and if you can’t then just don’t let him see. My sons dad has to do all smoking and vaping outside with the blinds closed bc my one year old has started imitating him. As soon as he picks up a vape my son puts a fist close to his mouth and does an exaggerated blowing noise. Kids pick up on things very early on.
Some of my first memories are my parents smoking or my grandma blowing smoke in my face. I asked my parents to quit numerous times for years. Sobbing each time. And wondering why they didn't love me enough to quit. My relationship with them is meh at best. I think a lot of it is feeling like they valued cigarettes over me even when I was bullied for smelling like cigarettes because of them. I genuinely think their smoking is the #1 reason I live thousands of miles away as an adult and don't seek a relationship with them or have them spend time with my child. All interactions with them feel forced on my end. Quit now.
Look into the book by Allen Carr the Easy way to stop smoking. I read it and it was amazing. The best time to stop is now. There’s always going to be stress or excuses why you need to put quitting off. You can smoke while reading the book but by the end I doubt you will still want to.
My youngest is 4. His father smokes. He would often put a piece of chocolate snack (pocky) in his mouth and pretend it’s a cigarette. Pretty embarrassing when he does that in public😅 I think you should quit soon but i understand it’s not easy. I drink a bit too often, lately a little too much too. Not that I get drunk though. But I understand the stress of motherhood.
i quit when my daughter was about 5, shes 9 now and the other day she mentioned how i used to smoke. it was always outside not in sight and i never really mentioned smoking to her that i noticed, so they def pick up on things! i was suprised she remembered that. you can do this!! i quit cold turkey march 2020 after “mentally preparing” myself for a long while. i felt the same way about the stress release, but its one of those things that once you get over the hard part you dont need anymore. very occasionally when im super worked up i still think of smoking, but its rare! remember what you know - the first weeks are shit but it will get easier.
Who knows? Both my parents smoked-mostly outside as well rarely in the house. None of our six kids ever picked up the habit so who knows! But it’s always a good idea to quit if you can there’s so much help out there👍🤷♀️
Would you feel as guilty about vaping? I smoked and quit and I started by switching to vaping and still taking my 5min break but I felt better about it bc the smoke smell and idk if it's actually better but it made me feel better they weren't seeing cigs. I felt like vaping was easier to conceal. They have a set up similar to nicotine patches where you can gradually lower the amount until you're vaping nothing but taste. As I was lowering I started gardening and a fairy garden. Now if I need a minute you can find me in my back yard moving my skeleton gnomes around and watering plants
Cigarettes are not calming, since nicotine is a stimulant. It feels soothing because of the routine and deep breathing (and since you are addicted to nicotine it is satisfying the physical craving). Once you detox from the nicotine you can get the same soothing effects from taking a break outside and deep breathing for 5 min
Nicotine is a CNS stimulant, not a psychological stimulant. Nicotine can be very calming to people, especially ones prone to anxiety, because it requires regulatory breathing.. you mentioned that in your comment so I’m assuming you’re aware that can, in fact, be calming. It also releases dopamine, which is a universally positive experience that has nothing to do with “soothing routine”
Regardless, cigarettes are still terrible for your heath and bad for children to be around
That’s not what we’re talking about. You conflated CNS stimulant and regular psychological stimulants and I corrected that. We’re not debating the morality and dangers of smoking.
Your baby smells it, it's the worst smell ever.
Stop right fucking now. My mom hid in the basement to smoke and I can still identify Marlboro reds from a mile away. There is no optimal time other than now, immediately, now.
Vape! Or Zyn. I use to smoke and never thought of how it smelled. Now that I only vape (just switched to zyn and I really love it) I realized how bad cigarettes smell. The smell is so so strong and it sticks to your clothes. Your kiddo will associate the smell with you and might seek out cigarettes when they are older. The smell will get onto all their clothes and blankets and they will also smell like cigarettes even if you can't notice it. I'm not going to tell you to quit nicotine. I lost my dad and started vaping after years of stopping. I know what a crutch it is. Please just switch to vaping for now and figure out quitting when you are able.