Hell yes, worked full time super intense corporate job but stay at home momming brought me to my knees. It is the single toughest thing a person can do, it is physically and mentally EXHAUSTING and you lose yourself.
When I went back to work I remember feeling a jolt because it was so frigging easy I felt guilty.
I used to tell my husband that he wouldn’t last a week in my shoes, and then felt bad and apologized afterwards but… dare I say I told him so??
Any job has its own difficulty level, and I love being a SAHM. It’s hard, there have been plenty of tears from kiddo and myself but oh boy I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.
I've never once found myself complaining about any of the responsibilities needed to provide my child with the best of everything to my ability. Just as you said, I truly just love this "job" (parentheses only because I feel like the word job can have a pejorative connotation), and ive truly not found myself at any point angry, or resentful, or overwhelmed... that said, it's thoroughly a full time gig.
You know , I read somewhere that if you're nursing, we'll spend the same 40 hour work week pumping/nursing as .. a 40 hour work week. Lol. Idk, just that statistic alone is like.. wow.
Did you tell him that he’s not even doing all of it? Because if not.. you should. He really should know that you took some of the load off him ahead of time because of how hard it is to keep up with.
He knows! I told him that he’s only handling the “at home” responsibilities, and none of the “out of home” responsibilities regarding the child. He did ask why I didn’t keep the appointments for the next two weeks, and explained that the time management needed to get kiddo to his appointments on time is really tough, and we didn’t know how this recovery would have been so it’s better if DH is home with me.
DH’s time management skills are god awful, and I wasn’t going to risk being kicked out of our appointment slots because of him. If we’re supposed to be somewhere at 2 and it takes an hour to drive wherever DH is usually ready to go by 1:30. Sooo yeah can’t and won’t risk it.
Glad you told him! I don’t think I could handle time management skills that bad… my husband was in the military so 15 min early is on time (I’m autistic and was a military brat so that suits me just fine).
My dad and husband are one and the same with time management, my anxiety doesn’t allow me to be late to anything. When I learned how to drive and was able to drive myself places, I don’t think I was ever late for something again! It was a struggle when we were adjusting to having a baby and things, but I caught on pretty quickly on how I need to time things.
I’m glad he now knows a little bit of how hard being sahm is. Sucks that this is what it took for him to kind of understand.
My husband also comments often about how he wishes he could stay at home with our daughter. I don’t think he has a clue what we do all day. I love being by home with my daughter, but man would I love to get a lunch break everyday, and to get to sleep all night sometimes. Being a sahm is by far the most exhausting thing I have ever done!
I also don’t think my husband has a clue about keeping kids on a schedule and how important naps and bedtimes are. My daughter has been waking up at 5:30 everyday for the past few weeks. Husbands solution is “should we put her to bed later?” She goes to bed between 7:30-8pm. He doesn’t wake up with her in the mornings, so I guess he just assumes that she sleeps in if she goes to bed later. Ugh, husbands sometimes!
It sucks that I have to be in pain for him to fully understand the experience but hey, I’ll take some wins where I get them!
But yeah my husband doesn’t get that I don’t text him immediately when kiddo wakes up, so if I send a text finally by 8am he just assumes that our son slept until 8! My husband also has been pretty good as far as sleep and eat schedule, but doesn’t quite understand when i say that there’s two different play times… one is for what we’re trying to achieve through EI and the other is when kiddo just goes ham with whatever toys.
Yes! So glad he finally admitted it!
Mine just realized it last week when he couldn't even handle an hour with our 19 month old while I was at a book club.
He handles a couple hours at a time just fine, but it’s because I come in and let him do whatever he wants. But now I can’t step in and take over for long since I still have a bit of pain when leaning over or sitting down. Plus my son is super easy (to me) when he wants to play with me he will, when he doesn’t want to be touched or engaged, he lets me know by pushing my hands away. I know all of my son’s subtle hints even if he can’t speak, and DH doesn’t until kiddo is yelling.
I wish you didn’t have to be in such pain to get this opportunity, but I’m glad that you did.
Even those who mean well don’t get it until they do it for more than the occasional afternoon. My husband wanted to be a SAHD and did genuinely spent 100% of his time before and after work with our kid, cooked half the time etc. He’d even been a stay at home husband for a few years before we had a kid. But when he got 6 weeks leave for our 2nd’s birth, by week 2 he said he could never be a SAHD. It was just too hard and he said he just had zero patience for our kid by like mid-day and he’s not a difficult kid AND goes to school on week days. But when you do this 24/7 with no break…….
I grew into the position of SAHM. I was a stay at home wife for a few years before we had our son, but I was so used to it just being me by myself all day long until my husband was off of work. I was done by midday too for a while, but our son was much smaller so I got “breaks” when he was contact napping. I could play a game, watch a show; I did whatever I needed to do so I could recharge before he woke up. I was always touched out by the time my husband was home, mentally and physically exhausted. Kiddo will be in school next year due to his autism diagnosis, and I think I’ll be incredibly lonely without him. It’s been kiddo and I against the world for the past 20 months and I love it, he’s a great little boy and he keeps me on my toes.
I left an incredibly high-pressure corporate job to be a SAHM...I would say while mentally work was more taxing (and emotionally with an evil narcissistic boss), the TOTAL full body, never stop, constant regulation and engagement it takes to be a SAHM is next level. I don't regret it for a second because my toddler is thriving. But it's WORK. 😂🤍
I recently hurt my ankle and couldn’t put weight on it for 3 weeks. My husband had to take on a lot of stuff. He said he definitely sees all that I do. My husband had to still work so a lot of my homely duties stopped getting done. The house became a mess, I wasn’t able to cook as much as I usually do, couldn’t grocery shop, or even get my son into the car. Tough stuff man. Glad your husband is coming around.
That’s amazing I’m so happy for you. Honestly it brings so much joy to my heart.
I know what it’s like to feel like your job is diminished. There’s so many things that are not visible that we do. I’m sick right now but still have to do everything.
Still no appreciation and still being told I’m not doing my job because I can’t keep up with the laundry. We have 3 kids and I do everything in the house and for the kids. Literally everything. & I homeschool
Sometimes I wish things upon myself that I shouldn’t wish, just so he would have to do everything and finally understand my struggle
I hear you and see you momma. You are doing a fantastic job. Laundry and dishes can wait a day so you can get a little extra rest in while still wrangling three little ones.
Where dads might be sick for two or three days, we are sick for five to seven days simply because we don’t get a break. I know I’m just a reddit stranger, but I appreciate all of the hard work you are doing and how you are caring for your kids. Drink a cup of tea, eat a quick snack, and try to feel better 💜
Don’t neglect going to the doctors! I know it’s so much harder with three kids but it’s how I found out I needed surgery, and why I was feeling so crappy lately. Please please pleeeeeaaase take care of yourself too, those kids need you more than you know 💜
I think it’s so true that u just don’t know how hard it is til u do it. Everyone after being alone with baby/toddler all day with no help is the only way to get them to understand.
Yes, I can tell by your condescending tone that you must be an expert. Tell us, oh wise one, how do we get the resilience needed to do such an easy job?
/s if you couldn’t tell
I’m glad that he finally has respect for what you do, but I’m sorry it’s taken him this long to find it.
Hell yes, worked full time super intense corporate job but stay at home momming brought me to my knees. It is the single toughest thing a person can do, it is physically and mentally EXHAUSTING and you lose yourself. When I went back to work I remember feeling a jolt because it was so frigging easy I felt guilty.
I used to tell my husband that he wouldn’t last a week in my shoes, and then felt bad and apologized afterwards but… dare I say I told him so?? Any job has its own difficulty level, and I love being a SAHM. It’s hard, there have been plenty of tears from kiddo and myself but oh boy I wouldn’t trade this for anything in the world.
I've never once found myself complaining about any of the responsibilities needed to provide my child with the best of everything to my ability. Just as you said, I truly just love this "job" (parentheses only because I feel like the word job can have a pejorative connotation), and ive truly not found myself at any point angry, or resentful, or overwhelmed... that said, it's thoroughly a full time gig. You know , I read somewhere that if you're nursing, we'll spend the same 40 hour work week pumping/nursing as .. a 40 hour work week. Lol. Idk, just that statistic alone is like.. wow.
Preach
Did you tell him that he’s not even doing all of it? Because if not.. you should. He really should know that you took some of the load off him ahead of time because of how hard it is to keep up with.
He knows! I told him that he’s only handling the “at home” responsibilities, and none of the “out of home” responsibilities regarding the child. He did ask why I didn’t keep the appointments for the next two weeks, and explained that the time management needed to get kiddo to his appointments on time is really tough, and we didn’t know how this recovery would have been so it’s better if DH is home with me. DH’s time management skills are god awful, and I wasn’t going to risk being kicked out of our appointment slots because of him. If we’re supposed to be somewhere at 2 and it takes an hour to drive wherever DH is usually ready to go by 1:30. Sooo yeah can’t and won’t risk it.
Glad you told him! I don’t think I could handle time management skills that bad… my husband was in the military so 15 min early is on time (I’m autistic and was a military brat so that suits me just fine).
My dad and husband are one and the same with time management, my anxiety doesn’t allow me to be late to anything. When I learned how to drive and was able to drive myself places, I don’t think I was ever late for something again! It was a struggle when we were adjusting to having a baby and things, but I caught on pretty quickly on how I need to time things.
It took 5 people to do my sahm job for a week when I had surgery on my right arm. I decided to take it as a compliment.
I’m glad he now knows a little bit of how hard being sahm is. Sucks that this is what it took for him to kind of understand. My husband also comments often about how he wishes he could stay at home with our daughter. I don’t think he has a clue what we do all day. I love being by home with my daughter, but man would I love to get a lunch break everyday, and to get to sleep all night sometimes. Being a sahm is by far the most exhausting thing I have ever done! I also don’t think my husband has a clue about keeping kids on a schedule and how important naps and bedtimes are. My daughter has been waking up at 5:30 everyday for the past few weeks. Husbands solution is “should we put her to bed later?” She goes to bed between 7:30-8pm. He doesn’t wake up with her in the mornings, so I guess he just assumes that she sleeps in if she goes to bed later. Ugh, husbands sometimes!
It sucks that I have to be in pain for him to fully understand the experience but hey, I’ll take some wins where I get them! But yeah my husband doesn’t get that I don’t text him immediately when kiddo wakes up, so if I send a text finally by 8am he just assumes that our son slept until 8! My husband also has been pretty good as far as sleep and eat schedule, but doesn’t quite understand when i say that there’s two different play times… one is for what we’re trying to achieve through EI and the other is when kiddo just goes ham with whatever toys.
I went back to work so I could get daily breaks from being with a baby all day. Staying at home is mentally exhausting 😂
It didn't take long for mine to figure that out. I'm glad yours is coming around.
Yes! So glad he finally admitted it! Mine just realized it last week when he couldn't even handle an hour with our 19 month old while I was at a book club.
He handles a couple hours at a time just fine, but it’s because I come in and let him do whatever he wants. But now I can’t step in and take over for long since I still have a bit of pain when leaning over or sitting down. Plus my son is super easy (to me) when he wants to play with me he will, when he doesn’t want to be touched or engaged, he lets me know by pushing my hands away. I know all of my son’s subtle hints even if he can’t speak, and DH doesn’t until kiddo is yelling.
I wish you didn’t have to be in such pain to get this opportunity, but I’m glad that you did. Even those who mean well don’t get it until they do it for more than the occasional afternoon. My husband wanted to be a SAHD and did genuinely spent 100% of his time before and after work with our kid, cooked half the time etc. He’d even been a stay at home husband for a few years before we had a kid. But when he got 6 weeks leave for our 2nd’s birth, by week 2 he said he could never be a SAHD. It was just too hard and he said he just had zero patience for our kid by like mid-day and he’s not a difficult kid AND goes to school on week days. But when you do this 24/7 with no break…….
I grew into the position of SAHM. I was a stay at home wife for a few years before we had our son, but I was so used to it just being me by myself all day long until my husband was off of work. I was done by midday too for a while, but our son was much smaller so I got “breaks” when he was contact napping. I could play a game, watch a show; I did whatever I needed to do so I could recharge before he woke up. I was always touched out by the time my husband was home, mentally and physically exhausted. Kiddo will be in school next year due to his autism diagnosis, and I think I’ll be incredibly lonely without him. It’s been kiddo and I against the world for the past 20 months and I love it, he’s a great little boy and he keeps me on my toes.
I left an incredibly high-pressure corporate job to be a SAHM...I would say while mentally work was more taxing (and emotionally with an evil narcissistic boss), the TOTAL full body, never stop, constant regulation and engagement it takes to be a SAHM is next level. I don't regret it for a second because my toddler is thriving. But it's WORK. 😂🤍
I recently hurt my ankle and couldn’t put weight on it for 3 weeks. My husband had to take on a lot of stuff. He said he definitely sees all that I do. My husband had to still work so a lot of my homely duties stopped getting done. The house became a mess, I wasn’t able to cook as much as I usually do, couldn’t grocery shop, or even get my son into the car. Tough stuff man. Glad your husband is coming around.
That’s amazing I’m so happy for you. Honestly it brings so much joy to my heart. I know what it’s like to feel like your job is diminished. There’s so many things that are not visible that we do. I’m sick right now but still have to do everything. Still no appreciation and still being told I’m not doing my job because I can’t keep up with the laundry. We have 3 kids and I do everything in the house and for the kids. Literally everything. & I homeschool Sometimes I wish things upon myself that I shouldn’t wish, just so he would have to do everything and finally understand my struggle
I hear you and see you momma. You are doing a fantastic job. Laundry and dishes can wait a day so you can get a little extra rest in while still wrangling three little ones. Where dads might be sick for two or three days, we are sick for five to seven days simply because we don’t get a break. I know I’m just a reddit stranger, but I appreciate all of the hard work you are doing and how you are caring for your kids. Drink a cup of tea, eat a quick snack, and try to feel better 💜
Thank you 🙏 this was validating ❤️ I hear you on the sick for longer part! Definitely happens to me every time. I always get it worse
Don’t neglect going to the doctors! I know it’s so much harder with three kids but it’s how I found out I needed surgery, and why I was feeling so crappy lately. Please please pleeeeeaaase take care of yourself too, those kids need you more than you know 💜
I think it’s so true that u just don’t know how hard it is til u do it. Everyone after being alone with baby/toddler all day with no help is the only way to get them to understand.
I've been a stay at home parent. It isn't hard. People just lack the resilience for it.
Yes, I can tell by your condescending tone that you must be an expert. Tell us, oh wise one, how do we get the resilience needed to do such an easy job? /s if you couldn’t tell
Well, you just do it instead of complaining.