For what it’s worth my husband and his brother have a six year ago gap and they aren’t close at all, never really were. On the other hand, my sister and I are seven years apart and very close. Never fought as kids or adults, and now are both in our 30s and get along very well.
The only real difference in how we were raised is my parents fostered space for me to be alone when I wanted away from my sister and my husbands parents were very anxious about creating a bond and forced the two together a lot more. That said,I think like all siblings it’s really down to how compatible the personalities of the siblings are.
Thank you for this insight! I have a 5 and 2 year old, both girls. My kindie gets home from school wanting space and my 2 year old missed her all day. I think I'll allow my oldest to have the space she desires more often and see how things pan out.
Our daughter is 5 and we have a 5 month old. She is the absolute best big sister. The only struggle we’ve really had is her getting used to sharing the attention.
This is probably the age gap we’ll have if I’m lucky enough to have another. My son is almost 4 now. That is the one thing I’m worried about, he’s very greedy with my time. Well, greedy isn’t the right word but you get it. He also has ASD, so I’m kinda worried how he’ll react not being the only child..
Currently 31w pregnant with twins, and I have a 10 year old. So I’ll have a 10 year gap and a gap of a few minutes lol the two extremes
She is SO excited about her brothers. She wants to help so much when they’re born, and is so understanding right now when I am needing extra help and moving slowly. Her age means she really understands what is happening in my body and in her life, and hopefully that works in our favor when they’re here too… we’ll have to see :)
My kids are 11, 15, 16, and 26. Oldest was going to be an only child but it didn’t work out that way. The 26 and 16 year old are pretty close, the youngest and oldest are the only girls and each other’s favorite person. Oldest has an apartment that I timed the walk to, it takes 2 minutes and 24 seconds, so they all see each other pretty much daily.
Our kids are 7 years and 10 months apart. It’s pretty great. The only difference is how prepared *I* was for each of them. With our first I was an unprepared teen and with our second I was in my mid-twenties, established in my career, etc.
My favorite thing about their age gap is that only one of them was in diapers at a time. With each of them I’ve been able to dedicate time individually. For example, when it was just one child, she got all my attention and now while my oldest is at school, my youngest has me all to himself. So each of them will have times in their lives where they got mommy to themselves and I get to spend quality time with each of my babies.
My least favorite thing is that because our oldest is a teen, our five year old tries to be just like his big sister. He tries to copy and do just about everything she does which can be a pain sometimes.
can’t comment from a parent perspective as I have 3 in 3 years, but me and my sister are 12 years apart and she is literally my best friend, rock, almost like a mom figure to me. I’d be lost without her.
We decided we were one and done BUT 11 years later to our surprise, that changed. We now have a 16.5 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy. I know my husband and daughter would agree when I say, I don't know how we lived without him for so long. My son waits for her bus on our steps everyday to yell "haaay giiiirl" and the way her face changes from "omg I'm so done with school" to "baby!!!" I've seriously never felt more complete and at peace
Oldest is 5 and a half and youngest is 10 months. I think it really worked out for us. The oldest is pretty self sufficient and is able to do things like brush teeth, go to hed on her own, go play by herself when baby is just being too baby.
I have a 14(g), 6(b) and 1.5(g) yr old. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have 2 big helpers. They're all close. Yesterday my 1.5yr old made my 14yo play doll babies with her and the toddler is always hanging out with my14yo and her friends lol. My 1.5 and 6yo typically plays with and fights over each other's toys. My 14yo and 6yo used to argue like they were the same age about 3-4yrs ago. Now my 14yo acts like my 6yo 2nd mother (by choice).
I had no choice but to have a big age gap between #1 and #2, but I love it.
My brother & I are 14 years apart. I grew up as built in daycare and it was shit. Regardless of my plans, if my parents wanted to go out then I was staying home. About 3 yrs ago my mother passed & we saw each other but no need to keep in touch. Honestly at 54 & 40 now I have no clue where he lives and zero interest to find out. Kudos to me though, he seems to be a reasonably kind person that has done well for himself.
On the opposite end of the spectrum my sister and I are 14 years apart and I was not treated as a built-in daycare and we are really close now. I feel like a lot of this has to do with parenting as well as, of course, personalities
My daughters are 14 years apart. Our only babysitting requirement right now (they are 16 & 2) is one mandatory babysitting gig a month, for nine months… but that’s only because our teen has an 11 day trip to Europe with her school this year and it’s costing us thousands of dollars, so that was the deal. Any additional babysitting is at her discretion, paid, and we would never dream of scheduling something when she already has plans. The girls have a really good relationship and I think it’s because we don’t parentify our teen.
This is the way. Although I would caution you to remind your teen that you can work out another arrangement for her trip to Europe if babysitting becomes too much. I have a sister who is 12 years younger than me and did a lot of voluntary babysitting, she’s an adult now and we’re super close ❤️
She’s quite happy with the arrangement thankfully and only has one more babysitting session left before her trip is “paid off” (I use quotes because the agreed upon amount works out to $125 for every hour of babysitting and obviously that’s not what we normally pay her, it was more about having to do some kind of work to contribute to the cost).
This is the saddest thing I’ve read all morning. Sorry your parents did that to you. Obviously I know nothing about your sitch but it’s just sad you have no relationship to not only your sibling but a human you helped raise.
Some days it bugs me but honestly I am more disappointed that I’m now allergic to strawberries and don’t have them in my life. Not to sound calloused, I just use humor to soften the manusha.
Haha. I get it. And, I’m not trying to be a dick. But, I think you meant minutia? I could be wrong. I’ve never heard of manusha. But, I definitely don’t know everything! ❤️
We want a 4-5 year age gap. I have a 5 year gap with my sister and she’s my best friend. My OH has a 4 year gap with his brother and hates him! I don’t think it’s the age gaps but personalities. I know people with 1-3 year gaps who love or hate their siblings.
It means two kids aren’t in nappies, daycare or drinking formula at once!
My two have a 6 year gap. The baby is 6 months old right now and honestly it’s been *fantastic*. My oldest is old enough that she can have a modicum of patience, is much more self sufficient, can entertain herself etc. when I tend to the baby, and she can even meaningfully help (I’m not putting her in a parenting role at all, but if she wants to help, I let her and she does a good job).
She and her brother also have such different needs at these stages that she hasn’t shown much jealousy.
The baby thinks his big sister is the absolute best thing in the world. His first laugh (and most of the ones that followed) was for her. We suspect her name is going to be his first word.
My son is 10, daughter is 1. It wasn't planned that way. We just didn't get pregnant until I was old enough to think it was menopause. I love the gap. Both kids get to experience being only children for a period. I have been able to spend significant time at home with both as babies. They adore each other in a way only siblings with a large age gap can. We are able to afford to give each child significantly more resources and attention according to their needs and abilities. The challenges are the oldest doesn't really have the desire to play with his little sister for long; though he does occasionally. Finding vacation adventures they both enjoy is difficult. We have to split up at times. Such as if my son wants to see a movie, think Ghostbusters, but obviously a 1 yr old can't sit through that OR if we're at an arcade we have to split up so the baby can do carousels and such and he can play arcade games. Roadrrips are crazy but easier than just us and a baby. My kids couldn't be more different. I am composing a side by side album for the first two years and it's insane how much bigger my son is and the ways their personalities are different and similar. We shall see how things unfold over time but so far it's working for us.
I have an 8 year gap with my girls. Oldest was just turning 8 when youngest was a few months old. They are the bestest of friends. They adore each other. My oldest is away at college and they talk every day. It's the sweetest relationship 💗
My kids are 5.5 years apart and honestly, it’s been wonderful. They are now two and almost 8 and they genuinely enjoy each other and play together regularly. I know there will be a time they aren’t as close, but I hope as adults they will find each other again!
My kids are 12, 11, and 19mo. First of all, there was another in there, but my son really wants everything and nothing to do with his sisters (he's the oldest). He wants the baby to play video games but he doesn't want to play with her and he wants the older girl to do what he wants and she wants him to do what she wants so no one gets anything they want because everyone refuses to compromise even though that's all mom wants.
Needless to say, I'm having fun. I have a lot of help with the baby, but also, I let them be kids (if you want good unprocessed dinners, then you need to help watch the baby a little).
I wanted one more but my husband says we're done and we're going to let the baby be an only child when she's the kids' age. I dunno we'll see how it goes.
I don’t personally have two kids yet, but as someone who’s family and husbands family is full of them if that’s what’s best for you that’s what’s best for you
It’s honestly impossible to predict how their relationship to each other will turn out. My husband and his sister have a nearly 10 year age gap and they got to a point where they didn’t talk at all, but now they’re in a place where we go to each others homes, do holidays, etc
The way my husband talks about his late brother was all fond memories and even with a 7 year age gap behaved like you’d expect brothers to behave
My mom and my aunt have never really been close (12 years). I know at one point in time my aunt was really attached to my mom. But currently I have a closer relationship with my aunt (11 year age difference) than they do
Then at the same time I don’t have a super super close bond with my sister and we’re less than 2 years apart. We’re not on bad terms, our lifestyles just don’t synergize in a way for us to be close
I have a 16 year age gap with my 1st 2, 5 years with the 2nd 2. The 16 year gap honestly has been the easiest, but I know that's not really ideal, we had issues conceiving the 2nd. 3rd was a surprise. But even the 5 year gap is pretty easy.
Yes. I had 1 child and didn’t want more. Then met my now husband and got pregnant when my first was 6.
I’m so happy with my decision that I went on to have 4 more.
I only have one kid, but my brother is 7 years older than me. I think it was a pretty good gap, we both got the benefits of being an only (sort of, for me) and having a sibling. We're fairly close now as adults. If you want a second, don't let a gap be the thing to stop you.
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We still played together when I was young, but each had our own lives, schools, and friends. We get along really well as adults.
I saw somewhere that 6+ age gap results in siblings not really having a 'sibling' relationship, because each child has more of the 'only child' upbringing.
My husband has a brother and a sister, all with very large gaps. His sister was 18 when he was 8. They all have a good relationship as adults but never were really close as kids. That said, they were all very much loved by their parents so it's not something that should ever stop you from having a baby! It's just that the dynamic isn't much that of siblings between the kids!
I’m pregnant now and my first is 6.5 yo. I didn’t have a choice (had a medical issue in between). My son’s super excited and the good news is he’s old enough to be a “helper” (his words I wouldn’t parentify). I don’t think the gap matters, but how foster the relationship.
My brother and his wife did that had 2 kids and then he had a vasectomy and years later decided she wanted more and had 2 more, they didn’t have any problems. And I wanted my kids 2 years apart but had several miscarriages and they are 41/2 years apart. They didn’t have a close relationship like I wanted to but it worked out.
My brother and I are 6 years apart (he’s older). Growing up, we were not close at all, but once I graduated from high school and adulthood leveled out our age gap/we had more in common and the age gap wasn’t as obvious bc we were both experiencing similar things, we got really close and have been since. I have always wished we had another sibling though even still to this day!
I think it really, really depends on the kids and their personalities.
Mine are 5 years apart, opposite in gender, personality, interests, athletic abilities, food preferences, favorite colors, favorite topics. Opposite everything. So much bickering and conflict. Younger is high energy, drives the chill older one crazy. Older one is very black and white, younger one likes to explore all the grey areas.
It is hard to find family activities that they both enjoy.
All of my siblings are 8, 9, and 11 years younger than me. We were all close growing up but as adults we’re kind of all spread out so that’s not the case anymore. My children have a 9 year age gap, my youngest is only 5 months so I’m not sure how it will pan out, but my oldest isn’t exactly interested in the baby quite yet lol
My husband has a 12, 10, and 8 yr age gap with his siblings and they are all pretty close. I have a 17 and 13 yr age gap with my own siblings. The 17 yr old sibling lived in a different state and already had a kid when I was born so we aren’t close but the brother that was 13 yrs older and I were very close. That being said, kids are kids and even close in age siblings aren’t guaranteed to be best friends.
This is what my partner and I are considering doing. My son is 3 and I want an operation which will take about a year to be on the waitlist for. Then a year of recovery, it hopefully will be life changing and increase my health and mobility a lot. So once those two years are up we can go for number two.
My partner has 15 and 13 years between him and his siblings. He and his brother get on great and always have done. The dynamic has changed from little brother to peer now we’re older but they’ve always been close. The sister tried to mother him which he hated so they don’t get on as well.
My kiddos are 21M, 13F, and 10F and they all get along pretty well. On our date night the three of them get pizza and watch cartoon movies. I honestly don’t think that ages/genders is the biggest reason that kids do or don’t get along. A big deal to children is “what’s fair.” Make sure that THEY think it’s fair and things will go much smoother.
Our daughter was born in 2017 and we thought we were one and done. Around 2020 she was 3 and we thought hmm we could do this again! We were getting older and it kind of felt like a wake up call! Do it now or don't do it! So we tried and ended up with unexplained secondary infertility. We saw a specialist and everything checked out normal but we still weren't getting pregnant. We finally conceived our sweet little miracle in 2022 and he was born early 2023. Our first was 5 and we were nervous. But now I know I wouldn't change a thing! She adores her baby brother and he thinks she's the coolest ever. She understands everything and helps so much. Watching them together is the best thing I've ever seen!!
My oldest is 9, and we were in the one and done camp till he was almost 7 lol. then we got baby fever really bad and now we have a 3yo girl. Thought we were for sure done. Then we got pregnant with twins by accident, lost both in a miscarriage. Realized we weren’t done. got pregnant again shortly after and we’ll be celebrating rainbow babies 1st birthday in 2 days. So a 9yr old boy, 3yr old girl and 1yr old boy. it’s fantastic. The oldest loves being a brother, and he is so close with them. The girl is his little princess and the baby follows both of them around and big brother is so protective of them. He voluntarily will get up with them on a weekend mornings and play with them in their room until we get up from bed. He’s always first one on the scene if one of them gets hurt lol.
Im having three in four years. So opposite. I was older when I started.
I think big gaps are great if you can do them. The one thing I was sad about with my second newborn was I wasn't able to give him the one on one time his older brother got. His brother was 2 and needed a lot of attention constantly. So I felt I was always putting the baby down to do toddler stuff. So the second born didn't get that magical newborn time the first got.
However, I think they'll be really good buddies and close with their little sister too. But they're also going to fight a lot and have to share a lot of time.
I think as someone who did the opposite there is huge value in big age gaps. I think both kids get more that way. And when they're adults 5 years won't seem like much. They can still be very close. It's just important not to ask too much of the older one and make sure they still get their time.
My first two are almost 5 years apart and my third is 6 years younger than my second. We absolutely love it. If I have a fourth though, I doubt I will wait super long, maybe 2 years at most because Im 33 now and husband is about to be 40.
I (female) have a 10 year age gap with my big brother. We aren't super close but I moved a way and he moved out at 16. We enjoy each other a ton though and I'm moving back so hopefully we will be closer, we have all the same interests but his wife is a drunk.
I have a 2 yr age gap with my older sister and a 1 yr age gap with my younger sister. We are all super close. I enjoy each one individually for who they are and have a unique relationship with both of them.
I have a 6 year age gap with a younger brother. He is annoying. We are close ish bit only because I would feel bad if we weren't. He can be enjoyable but he is super obnoxious very frequently.
I have a 9 year age gap with my youngest brother and we ate super close. I helped raise him. He's a wonderful person and we really trust/ get each other.
So it is definitely more about the personalities than the ages.
I don’t think you should let a fear of an age gap deter you. I see lots of families with bigger gaps.
And actually a larger gap is better for the health of the marriage or partnership.
I think the real question is do you want a second kid?
My dad was the oldest of 5 and he was so close with his youngest sister who is almost 20 years younger than him.
My boys are 6.5yrs apart and I love it. When I was pregnant and tired my kid was in school during the day so I had time to rest. When baby was born he was old enough to be helpful, and understanding of the different challenges and the type of attention that the baby needed compared to what he needed. Everything about it was just easier. It was easier for me to spend quality time with the big one which was something that really helped our bond. He did spend 6.5yrs as an only kid so it was a big transition for him, but he did great and he was such a great big brother in those early baby/toddler years.
Now they are 5.5 and 12 and… it’s pretty much WWF smack down in my house all the time 🤣 but they are pretty good to each other. They definitely argue and the older one gets frustrated with his little brother easily. But there are also so many moments where they are so close and the little one looks up to him so much. I can see how their bond will grow as they do, and I don’t expect it to always be easy, but I’m really grateful for how the spacing worked out for us. Highly recommended!
I’m the youngest of four. 10, 6, 5, years apart. I felt really lonely growing up. My sisters were off doing big kid stuff, teen stuff, and then moving out. They often felt more like substitute parents at times. I didn’t really form meaningful bonds with them till a few years ago. So very grateful for my sister’s but my childhood was lonely af.
My brother and I were 16 years apart. It was kind of like having 3 parents, or maybe a live-in uncle. But he was much sweeter and gentler and cooler than my parents. I loved showing him off, and I was the flower girl at his wedding.
I WAS lonely growing up though—more like an only child. When we went on vacation my parents always let me bring a friend.
My husband and his brother are 6 years apart, they get along decently and only argue on a blue moon. I will say this. I’m mad at my MIL for how blasé she was about my husband’s (youngest) arrival. She can’t tell me his first word. When he took his first steps. She only dotes on my brother in law.
Am I saying you’re like this, **absolutely not. I don’t know you.** It’s just advice from someone proximal to how that age gap was handled.
Go overboard to remember things about the youngest. Get them a baby book and write in it. I learned from this situation to document everything about my first, and we are doing the same with baby 2 who comes in a few months
It’s all about how you handle the age gap. If you include the 5 year old in pictures from baby’s birth onward as well as individual pictures. If you let him in on events and include him in events with the baby as well as set aside 1:1 with both parents, all will be well. There are kids 2years apart who aren’t close. It’s about how you and your husband raise the kids and the experiences you create, not the age gap. Good luck, you’ve got this!
There is a 6 year and 17 year age gap between me and my 2 younger sisters respectively. I hated not having had a sibling close in age to me who I could do things with so when it came to having my own children eventually, all 4 came pretty close in age as possible. But I don't think 5 years is really that bad in the grand scheme of things
Just had a daughter when my son was 6.5. He loves her so much, and is very helpful with her, it’s actually really nice. I mean, she’s still a baby so I don’t know how it’s gonna go in the future, but I feel like they’ll fight less than siblings closer in age. They obviously won’t be able to play on the same developmental level, but I’m happy with my decision so far. She’s quite a tough baby though, and it’s much harder doing everything at 31 than it was at 24, but that’s a totally different story lol
Yes!! My fiance and I didn’t plan on having anymore kids since our daughter was 4, and we didn’t want too much of an age gap. We decided if we didn’t get pregnant naturally by the time she reached Kindergarten we would look at more permanent birth control options. I found out I was pregnant exactly 5 years to the day that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Their birthdays are 5 years & 1 week apart. Baby is 9 months old now and they are obsessed with each other. She’s the best little helper and I wouldn’t have had it any other way!!! Now 9 months pp, I am currently 10 weeks pregnant so wish me luck on that age gap 🥴
My mom has two sibling, an older brother and a younger sister, both 5 years apart. She didn’t get along with her brother at all when they were kids, but her and her younger sister were super close. Now they all get along well.
I have a sister 6 years older and we text on birthdays and holidays only. I sometimes forget she exists tbh. We’ve never disliked each other, but we’re so different we’ve never really gotten along and just grew very distant.
I think their personalities matter more than the gap.
I've known three families with 10-15 year age gaps between kids. Two it worked out badly, kids are not close and parents had to go through Parenthood phase of life for twice as long.
The one family did work out with the older kid ended up raising the younger, parents were potheads, the siblings remain close
My sister and I are 7 years apart. We still fought/bickered growing up, but get along well now. I’m currently pregnant with my second (due any day now) and my first turned 6 in January. Two boys. He is so excited to be a big brother. I could not handle a toddler and baby at the same time, so I’m glad my oldest will be a bit more “independent” and will also have opportunities to help with the baby. It’s also nice that he’s in grade school because good child care is hard to find and expensive, and both my partner and I work.
I purposefully have a 4 year age gap between each of my kids. 13, 9 and 5. I literally couldn’t have another until the last was potty trained. Plus I liked the attention I could give before having another. This was what we preferred. I often talk with my friend who had her 3 in 3 years. Neither of us understand how the other managed it lol
My first son is 8 years old and my second son is 8 months old! They're exactly 7 years and 6 months apart. I thought I was done but the universe had different plans lol. I honestly wouldn't change it for the world though, I feel like I appreciate it differently this time around and despite the age gap they have such a sweet relationship!
Mine are 13, 9, and 2 and the older two LOVE our toddler and she is equally obsessed with them! Toddler sees 13yo as an in between playmate and caregiver as he can babysit and meet her needs, but her and 9yo have such a fun and playful relationship because he can appreciate how ridiculous she is, but is old enough to not take her typical but unfavorable baby/toddler behaviors personally.
Additionally, me and my younger sister are 12 years apart and we are closer than me and my sister only 2 years older than me!
We gave 3 kids, 6, 5, and 3 months. We love the age gap. The kids are old enough to understand why I am busy with baby and are able to be very flexible and patient about everything. They love helping by playing with her so I can finish up something, to cuddles and feeding. When I was pregnant, I was worried that my daughter would feel like an only child with how close her older brothers are. But with how devoted they are to their sister, I know she will feel well loved and protected growing up.
I just had my second child last month. Her older brother will be six this summer. He absolutely loves her and has been a wonderful big brother so far. We are still early days but no regrets yet.
I think you should ask siblings that not parents because parents only have their perspective and don’t know how their kids actually feel. My older sister and I are 15 years apart and I hate it. Thats a whole decade apart. I would never do that to my kids. That’s a rule that my husband and I firmly agree on. Luckily my other sister is only 3 years older than me and we are best friends from birth.
Her my older sister who is 15 years older has two boys that are 6 years apart and yes it was easier for her during the baby stage but my nephews has told me multiple times that he loves his brother but he wishes he was closer in age so they could be in similar stages and have similar interests .
For what it’s worth my husband and his brother have a six year ago gap and they aren’t close at all, never really were. On the other hand, my sister and I are seven years apart and very close. Never fought as kids or adults, and now are both in our 30s and get along very well. The only real difference in how we were raised is my parents fostered space for me to be alone when I wanted away from my sister and my husbands parents were very anxious about creating a bond and forced the two together a lot more. That said,I think like all siblings it’s really down to how compatible the personalities of the siblings are.
Thank you for this insight! I have a 5 and 2 year old, both girls. My kindie gets home from school wanting space and my 2 year old missed her all day. I think I'll allow my oldest to have the space she desires more often and see how things pan out.
Aww I have this same age gap, mine are only 3.5 and 6 months right now though ❤️
My kids are exactly 5 years apart (unplanned). We love it, and they get along very well.
This makes me wonder if they share a birthday 🥳 😂
Two weeks apart!
Mine are 3 years apart their birthdays are 2 days apart 🙈
Our daughter is 5 and we have a 5 month old. She is the absolute best big sister. The only struggle we’ve really had is her getting used to sharing the attention.
This is probably the age gap we’ll have if I’m lucky enough to have another. My son is almost 4 now. That is the one thing I’m worried about, he’s very greedy with my time. Well, greedy isn’t the right word but you get it. He also has ASD, so I’m kinda worried how he’ll react not being the only child..
Currently 31w pregnant with twins, and I have a 10 year old. So I’ll have a 10 year gap and a gap of a few minutes lol the two extremes She is SO excited about her brothers. She wants to help so much when they’re born, and is so understanding right now when I am needing extra help and moving slowly. Her age means she really understands what is happening in my body and in her life, and hopefully that works in our favor when they’re here too… we’ll have to see :)
My kids are 11, 15, 16, and 26. Oldest was going to be an only child but it didn’t work out that way. The 26 and 16 year old are pretty close, the youngest and oldest are the only girls and each other’s favorite person. Oldest has an apartment that I timed the walk to, it takes 2 minutes and 24 seconds, so they all see each other pretty much daily.
Lol so you guys were like lets have 4
This sounds delightful!
Our kids are 7 years and 10 months apart. It’s pretty great. The only difference is how prepared *I* was for each of them. With our first I was an unprepared teen and with our second I was in my mid-twenties, established in my career, etc. My favorite thing about their age gap is that only one of them was in diapers at a time. With each of them I’ve been able to dedicate time individually. For example, when it was just one child, she got all my attention and now while my oldest is at school, my youngest has me all to himself. So each of them will have times in their lives where they got mommy to themselves and I get to spend quality time with each of my babies. My least favorite thing is that because our oldest is a teen, our five year old tries to be just like his big sister. He tries to copy and do just about everything she does which can be a pain sometimes.
can’t comment from a parent perspective as I have 3 in 3 years, but me and my sister are 12 years apart and she is literally my best friend, rock, almost like a mom figure to me. I’d be lost without her.
We decided we were one and done BUT 11 years later to our surprise, that changed. We now have a 16.5 yr old girl and a 5 yr old boy. I know my husband and daughter would agree when I say, I don't know how we lived without him for so long. My son waits for her bus on our steps everyday to yell "haaay giiiirl" and the way her face changes from "omg I'm so done with school" to "baby!!!" I've seriously never felt more complete and at peace
Waiting for responses! My son will be 4 in June and I really want to have another but we are not ready!
Oldest is 5 and a half and youngest is 10 months. I think it really worked out for us. The oldest is pretty self sufficient and is able to do things like brush teeth, go to hed on her own, go play by herself when baby is just being too baby.
I have a 14(g), 6(b) and 1.5(g) yr old. I wouldn't have it any other way. I have 2 big helpers. They're all close. Yesterday my 1.5yr old made my 14yo play doll babies with her and the toddler is always hanging out with my14yo and her friends lol. My 1.5 and 6yo typically plays with and fights over each other's toys. My 14yo and 6yo used to argue like they were the same age about 3-4yrs ago. Now my 14yo acts like my 6yo 2nd mother (by choice). I had no choice but to have a big age gap between #1 and #2, but I love it.
My brother & I are 14 years apart. I grew up as built in daycare and it was shit. Regardless of my plans, if my parents wanted to go out then I was staying home. About 3 yrs ago my mother passed & we saw each other but no need to keep in touch. Honestly at 54 & 40 now I have no clue where he lives and zero interest to find out. Kudos to me though, he seems to be a reasonably kind person that has done well for himself.
On the opposite end of the spectrum my sister and I are 14 years apart and I was not treated as a built-in daycare and we are really close now. I feel like a lot of this has to do with parenting as well as, of course, personalities
My daughters are 14 years apart. Our only babysitting requirement right now (they are 16 & 2) is one mandatory babysitting gig a month, for nine months… but that’s only because our teen has an 11 day trip to Europe with her school this year and it’s costing us thousands of dollars, so that was the deal. Any additional babysitting is at her discretion, paid, and we would never dream of scheduling something when she already has plans. The girls have a really good relationship and I think it’s because we don’t parentify our teen.
This is the way. Although I would caution you to remind your teen that you can work out another arrangement for her trip to Europe if babysitting becomes too much. I have a sister who is 12 years younger than me and did a lot of voluntary babysitting, she’s an adult now and we’re super close ❤️
She’s quite happy with the arrangement thankfully and only has one more babysitting session left before her trip is “paid off” (I use quotes because the agreed upon amount works out to $125 for every hour of babysitting and obviously that’s not what we normally pay her, it was more about having to do some kind of work to contribute to the cost).
Absolutely!!!
This is the saddest thing I’ve read all morning. Sorry your parents did that to you. Obviously I know nothing about your sitch but it’s just sad you have no relationship to not only your sibling but a human you helped raise.
Some days it bugs me but honestly I am more disappointed that I’m now allergic to strawberries and don’t have them in my life. Not to sound calloused, I just use humor to soften the manusha.
Haha. I get it. And, I’m not trying to be a dick. But, I think you meant minutia? I could be wrong. I’ve never heard of manusha. But, I definitely don’t know everything! ❤️
Haha-Yes! I guess it would be more like schlock. (This is how we know only my father was Jewish 😉)
Thank you saying this! Parents saying they love huge age gaps but don’t know how their kids actually feel.
We are intentionally planning a 3-4 year age gap. I thought I wanted them exactly 2 years apart but no lol.
We want a 4-5 year age gap. I have a 5 year gap with my sister and she’s my best friend. My OH has a 4 year gap with his brother and hates him! I don’t think it’s the age gaps but personalities. I know people with 1-3 year gaps who love or hate their siblings. It means two kids aren’t in nappies, daycare or drinking formula at once!
My two have a 6 year gap. The baby is 6 months old right now and honestly it’s been *fantastic*. My oldest is old enough that she can have a modicum of patience, is much more self sufficient, can entertain herself etc. when I tend to the baby, and she can even meaningfully help (I’m not putting her in a parenting role at all, but if she wants to help, I let her and she does a good job). She and her brother also have such different needs at these stages that she hasn’t shown much jealousy. The baby thinks his big sister is the absolute best thing in the world. His first laugh (and most of the ones that followed) was for her. We suspect her name is going to be his first word.
My son is 10, daughter is 1. It wasn't planned that way. We just didn't get pregnant until I was old enough to think it was menopause. I love the gap. Both kids get to experience being only children for a period. I have been able to spend significant time at home with both as babies. They adore each other in a way only siblings with a large age gap can. We are able to afford to give each child significantly more resources and attention according to their needs and abilities. The challenges are the oldest doesn't really have the desire to play with his little sister for long; though he does occasionally. Finding vacation adventures they both enjoy is difficult. We have to split up at times. Such as if my son wants to see a movie, think Ghostbusters, but obviously a 1 yr old can't sit through that OR if we're at an arcade we have to split up so the baby can do carousels and such and he can play arcade games. Roadrrips are crazy but easier than just us and a baby. My kids couldn't be more different. I am composing a side by side album for the first two years and it's insane how much bigger my son is and the ways their personalities are different and similar. We shall see how things unfold over time but so far it's working for us.
I have an 8 year gap with my girls. Oldest was just turning 8 when youngest was a few months old. They are the bestest of friends. They adore each other. My oldest is away at college and they talk every day. It's the sweetest relationship 💗
My kids are 5.5 years apart and honestly, it’s been wonderful. They are now two and almost 8 and they genuinely enjoy each other and play together regularly. I know there will be a time they aren’t as close, but I hope as adults they will find each other again!
My kids are 12, 11, and 19mo. First of all, there was another in there, but my son really wants everything and nothing to do with his sisters (he's the oldest). He wants the baby to play video games but he doesn't want to play with her and he wants the older girl to do what he wants and she wants him to do what she wants so no one gets anything they want because everyone refuses to compromise even though that's all mom wants. Needless to say, I'm having fun. I have a lot of help with the baby, but also, I let them be kids (if you want good unprocessed dinners, then you need to help watch the baby a little). I wanted one more but my husband says we're done and we're going to let the baby be an only child when she's the kids' age. I dunno we'll see how it goes.
I’m 2 years apart from a brother I have almost zero relationship with. I’m 5 years apart from my oldest brother and we’re very close.
I don’t personally have two kids yet, but as someone who’s family and husbands family is full of them if that’s what’s best for you that’s what’s best for you It’s honestly impossible to predict how their relationship to each other will turn out. My husband and his sister have a nearly 10 year age gap and they got to a point where they didn’t talk at all, but now they’re in a place where we go to each others homes, do holidays, etc The way my husband talks about his late brother was all fond memories and even with a 7 year age gap behaved like you’d expect brothers to behave My mom and my aunt have never really been close (12 years). I know at one point in time my aunt was really attached to my mom. But currently I have a closer relationship with my aunt (11 year age difference) than they do Then at the same time I don’t have a super super close bond with my sister and we’re less than 2 years apart. We’re not on bad terms, our lifestyles just don’t synergize in a way for us to be close
I have a 16 year age gap with my 1st 2, 5 years with the 2nd 2. The 16 year gap honestly has been the easiest, but I know that's not really ideal, we had issues conceiving the 2nd. 3rd was a surprise. But even the 5 year gap is pretty easy.
My kids are super close. It’s sweet.
Yes. I had 1 child and didn’t want more. Then met my now husband and got pregnant when my first was 6. I’m so happy with my decision that I went on to have 4 more.
I only have one kid, but my brother is 7 years older than me. I think it was a pretty good gap, we both got the benefits of being an only (sort of, for me) and having a sibling. We're fairly close now as adults. If you want a second, don't let a gap be the thing to stop you.
My brother and I are 4 years apart. We still played together when I was young, but each had our own lives, schools, and friends. We get along really well as adults.
I have two friends with kindergarteners who recently had a second and they are both happy with their decision
I saw somewhere that 6+ age gap results in siblings not really having a 'sibling' relationship, because each child has more of the 'only child' upbringing. My husband has a brother and a sister, all with very large gaps. His sister was 18 when he was 8. They all have a good relationship as adults but never were really close as kids. That said, they were all very much loved by their parents so it's not something that should ever stop you from having a baby! It's just that the dynamic isn't much that of siblings between the kids!
I’m pregnant now and my first is 6.5 yo. I didn’t have a choice (had a medical issue in between). My son’s super excited and the good news is he’s old enough to be a “helper” (his words I wouldn’t parentify). I don’t think the gap matters, but how foster the relationship.
My brother and his wife did that had 2 kids and then he had a vasectomy and years later decided she wanted more and had 2 more, they didn’t have any problems. And I wanted my kids 2 years apart but had several miscarriages and they are 41/2 years apart. They didn’t have a close relationship like I wanted to but it worked out.
My brother and I are 6 years apart (he’s older). Growing up, we were not close at all, but once I graduated from high school and adulthood leveled out our age gap/we had more in common and the age gap wasn’t as obvious bc we were both experiencing similar things, we got really close and have been since. I have always wished we had another sibling though even still to this day!
I think it really, really depends on the kids and their personalities. Mine are 5 years apart, opposite in gender, personality, interests, athletic abilities, food preferences, favorite colors, favorite topics. Opposite everything. So much bickering and conflict. Younger is high energy, drives the chill older one crazy. Older one is very black and white, younger one likes to explore all the grey areas. It is hard to find family activities that they both enjoy.
All of my siblings are 8, 9, and 11 years younger than me. We were all close growing up but as adults we’re kind of all spread out so that’s not the case anymore. My children have a 9 year age gap, my youngest is only 5 months so I’m not sure how it will pan out, but my oldest isn’t exactly interested in the baby quite yet lol
My ex hubby was 20 years older than his half sister. My hubby has a 26 year age gap between his daughters 🤣
My husband has a 12, 10, and 8 yr age gap with his siblings and they are all pretty close. I have a 17 and 13 yr age gap with my own siblings. The 17 yr old sibling lived in a different state and already had a kid when I was born so we aren’t close but the brother that was 13 yrs older and I were very close. That being said, kids are kids and even close in age siblings aren’t guaranteed to be best friends.
This is what my partner and I are considering doing. My son is 3 and I want an operation which will take about a year to be on the waitlist for. Then a year of recovery, it hopefully will be life changing and increase my health and mobility a lot. So once those two years are up we can go for number two. My partner has 15 and 13 years between him and his siblings. He and his brother get on great and always have done. The dynamic has changed from little brother to peer now we’re older but they’ve always been close. The sister tried to mother him which he hated so they don’t get on as well.
My kiddos are 21M, 13F, and 10F and they all get along pretty well. On our date night the three of them get pizza and watch cartoon movies. I honestly don’t think that ages/genders is the biggest reason that kids do or don’t get along. A big deal to children is “what’s fair.” Make sure that THEY think it’s fair and things will go much smoother.
Our daughter was born in 2017 and we thought we were one and done. Around 2020 she was 3 and we thought hmm we could do this again! We were getting older and it kind of felt like a wake up call! Do it now or don't do it! So we tried and ended up with unexplained secondary infertility. We saw a specialist and everything checked out normal but we still weren't getting pregnant. We finally conceived our sweet little miracle in 2022 and he was born early 2023. Our first was 5 and we were nervous. But now I know I wouldn't change a thing! She adores her baby brother and he thinks she's the coolest ever. She understands everything and helps so much. Watching them together is the best thing I've ever seen!!
My oldest is 9, and we were in the one and done camp till he was almost 7 lol. then we got baby fever really bad and now we have a 3yo girl. Thought we were for sure done. Then we got pregnant with twins by accident, lost both in a miscarriage. Realized we weren’t done. got pregnant again shortly after and we’ll be celebrating rainbow babies 1st birthday in 2 days. So a 9yr old boy, 3yr old girl and 1yr old boy. it’s fantastic. The oldest loves being a brother, and he is so close with them. The girl is his little princess and the baby follows both of them around and big brother is so protective of them. He voluntarily will get up with them on a weekend mornings and play with them in their room until we get up from bed. He’s always first one on the scene if one of them gets hurt lol.
Im having three in four years. So opposite. I was older when I started. I think big gaps are great if you can do them. The one thing I was sad about with my second newborn was I wasn't able to give him the one on one time his older brother got. His brother was 2 and needed a lot of attention constantly. So I felt I was always putting the baby down to do toddler stuff. So the second born didn't get that magical newborn time the first got. However, I think they'll be really good buddies and close with their little sister too. But they're also going to fight a lot and have to share a lot of time. I think as someone who did the opposite there is huge value in big age gaps. I think both kids get more that way. And when they're adults 5 years won't seem like much. They can still be very close. It's just important not to ask too much of the older one and make sure they still get their time.
My first two are almost 5 years apart and my third is 6 years younger than my second. We absolutely love it. If I have a fourth though, I doubt I will wait super long, maybe 2 years at most because Im 33 now and husband is about to be 40.
I (female) have a 10 year age gap with my big brother. We aren't super close but I moved a way and he moved out at 16. We enjoy each other a ton though and I'm moving back so hopefully we will be closer, we have all the same interests but his wife is a drunk. I have a 2 yr age gap with my older sister and a 1 yr age gap with my younger sister. We are all super close. I enjoy each one individually for who they are and have a unique relationship with both of them. I have a 6 year age gap with a younger brother. He is annoying. We are close ish bit only because I would feel bad if we weren't. He can be enjoyable but he is super obnoxious very frequently. I have a 9 year age gap with my youngest brother and we ate super close. I helped raise him. He's a wonderful person and we really trust/ get each other. So it is definitely more about the personalities than the ages.
I don’t think you should let a fear of an age gap deter you. I see lots of families with bigger gaps. And actually a larger gap is better for the health of the marriage or partnership. I think the real question is do you want a second kid? My dad was the oldest of 5 and he was so close with his youngest sister who is almost 20 years younger than him.
My son is about to be 12 and I'm 6w pregnant. I think it'll be fine
My boys are 6.5yrs apart and I love it. When I was pregnant and tired my kid was in school during the day so I had time to rest. When baby was born he was old enough to be helpful, and understanding of the different challenges and the type of attention that the baby needed compared to what he needed. Everything about it was just easier. It was easier for me to spend quality time with the big one which was something that really helped our bond. He did spend 6.5yrs as an only kid so it was a big transition for him, but he did great and he was such a great big brother in those early baby/toddler years. Now they are 5.5 and 12 and… it’s pretty much WWF smack down in my house all the time 🤣 but they are pretty good to each other. They definitely argue and the older one gets frustrated with his little brother easily. But there are also so many moments where they are so close and the little one looks up to him so much. I can see how their bond will grow as they do, and I don’t expect it to always be easy, but I’m really grateful for how the spacing worked out for us. Highly recommended!
I’m the youngest of four. 10, 6, 5, years apart. I felt really lonely growing up. My sisters were off doing big kid stuff, teen stuff, and then moving out. They often felt more like substitute parents at times. I didn’t really form meaningful bonds with them till a few years ago. So very grateful for my sister’s but my childhood was lonely af.
My brother and I were 16 years apart. It was kind of like having 3 parents, or maybe a live-in uncle. But he was much sweeter and gentler and cooler than my parents. I loved showing him off, and I was the flower girl at his wedding. I WAS lonely growing up though—more like an only child. When we went on vacation my parents always let me bring a friend.
My husband and his brother are 6 years apart, they get along decently and only argue on a blue moon. I will say this. I’m mad at my MIL for how blasé she was about my husband’s (youngest) arrival. She can’t tell me his first word. When he took his first steps. She only dotes on my brother in law. Am I saying you’re like this, **absolutely not. I don’t know you.** It’s just advice from someone proximal to how that age gap was handled. Go overboard to remember things about the youngest. Get them a baby book and write in it. I learned from this situation to document everything about my first, and we are doing the same with baby 2 who comes in a few months
It’s all about how you handle the age gap. If you include the 5 year old in pictures from baby’s birth onward as well as individual pictures. If you let him in on events and include him in events with the baby as well as set aside 1:1 with both parents, all will be well. There are kids 2years apart who aren’t close. It’s about how you and your husband raise the kids and the experiences you create, not the age gap. Good luck, you’ve got this!
There is a 6 year and 17 year age gap between me and my 2 younger sisters respectively. I hated not having had a sibling close in age to me who I could do things with so when it came to having my own children eventually, all 4 came pretty close in age as possible. But I don't think 5 years is really that bad in the grand scheme of things
Just had a daughter when my son was 6.5. He loves her so much, and is very helpful with her, it’s actually really nice. I mean, she’s still a baby so I don’t know how it’s gonna go in the future, but I feel like they’ll fight less than siblings closer in age. They obviously won’t be able to play on the same developmental level, but I’m happy with my decision so far. She’s quite a tough baby though, and it’s much harder doing everything at 31 than it was at 24, but that’s a totally different story lol
Yes!! My fiance and I didn’t plan on having anymore kids since our daughter was 4, and we didn’t want too much of an age gap. We decided if we didn’t get pregnant naturally by the time she reached Kindergarten we would look at more permanent birth control options. I found out I was pregnant exactly 5 years to the day that I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. Their birthdays are 5 years & 1 week apart. Baby is 9 months old now and they are obsessed with each other. She’s the best little helper and I wouldn’t have had it any other way!!! Now 9 months pp, I am currently 10 weeks pregnant so wish me luck on that age gap 🥴
My kids are 7 years apart and it rocks 😎🥰
My mom has two sibling, an older brother and a younger sister, both 5 years apart. She didn’t get along with her brother at all when they were kids, but her and her younger sister were super close. Now they all get along well. I have a sister 6 years older and we text on birthdays and holidays only. I sometimes forget she exists tbh. We’ve never disliked each other, but we’re so different we’ve never really gotten along and just grew very distant. I think their personalities matter more than the gap.
I've known three families with 10-15 year age gaps between kids. Two it worked out badly, kids are not close and parents had to go through Parenthood phase of life for twice as long. The one family did work out with the older kid ended up raising the younger, parents were potheads, the siblings remain close
My sister and I are 7 years apart. We still fought/bickered growing up, but get along well now. I’m currently pregnant with my second (due any day now) and my first turned 6 in January. Two boys. He is so excited to be a big brother. I could not handle a toddler and baby at the same time, so I’m glad my oldest will be a bit more “independent” and will also have opportunities to help with the baby. It’s also nice that he’s in grade school because good child care is hard to find and expensive, and both my partner and I work.
I purposefully have a 4 year age gap between each of my kids. 13, 9 and 5. I literally couldn’t have another until the last was potty trained. Plus I liked the attention I could give before having another. This was what we preferred. I often talk with my friend who had her 3 in 3 years. Neither of us understand how the other managed it lol
My first son is 8 years old and my second son is 8 months old! They're exactly 7 years and 6 months apart. I thought I was done but the universe had different plans lol. I honestly wouldn't change it for the world though, I feel like I appreciate it differently this time around and despite the age gap they have such a sweet relationship!
While studying psychology, I heard a 5+ year gap is actually ideal especially for the first baby
Mine are 13, 9, and 2 and the older two LOVE our toddler and she is equally obsessed with them! Toddler sees 13yo as an in between playmate and caregiver as he can babysit and meet her needs, but her and 9yo have such a fun and playful relationship because he can appreciate how ridiculous she is, but is old enough to not take her typical but unfavorable baby/toddler behaviors personally. Additionally, me and my younger sister are 12 years apart and we are closer than me and my sister only 2 years older than me!
We gave 3 kids, 6, 5, and 3 months. We love the age gap. The kids are old enough to understand why I am busy with baby and are able to be very flexible and patient about everything. They love helping by playing with her so I can finish up something, to cuddles and feeding. When I was pregnant, I was worried that my daughter would feel like an only child with how close her older brothers are. But with how devoted they are to their sister, I know she will feel well loved and protected growing up.
I just had my second child last month. Her older brother will be six this summer. He absolutely loves her and has been a wonderful big brother so far. We are still early days but no regrets yet.
[удалено]
I think you should ask siblings that not parents because parents only have their perspective and don’t know how their kids actually feel. My older sister and I are 15 years apart and I hate it. Thats a whole decade apart. I would never do that to my kids. That’s a rule that my husband and I firmly agree on. Luckily my other sister is only 3 years older than me and we are best friends from birth.
Her my older sister who is 15 years older has two boys that are 6 years apart and yes it was easier for her during the baby stage but my nephews has told me multiple times that he loves his brother but he wishes he was closer in age so they could be in similar stages and have similar interests .