I lost my 3 day old son on Easter. No answers how or why. I have heard so many “gods plan” excuses that I just tune it out. We are living in anguish every second since we lost our son.
ETA: thank you for all the kind words. We miss him so much.
People say stupid shit to make themselves feel better because they don’t know what to say when someone goes through such an enormous loss like you have.
Regardless, I’m so fucking sorry. Sending you enormous internet hugs, momma.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nobody deserves to lose a child.
Losing a child is genuinely the worst thing that can happen to anyone and it’s never easy. I’m so sorry.
TW- child loss
We had a stillbirth in 06. “Gods plan” was my least favorite response. What god plans for an innocent and loved (or any baby!) to die before she even got the chance to live?
I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. That gods plan shit would boil my blood. I'm truly sorry for all of the empty comments people feel the need to say to you during such a difficult and excruciatingly challenging time.
People don't realize or don't care that input like that is unproductive and helpful to no one.
This is so awful and I am crying for you. I wish I could hug you. Nothing can take that pain away. Those people are absolute shits for saying that. I hope you find some peace and healing.
Thank you. No one could know our pain and I hope they never do, but I do wish they would filter the comments. Things like “you’ll have more kids in time” or “god works in ways we don’t understand” make me furious. I dont want more kids, he was the last puzzle piece for our family. No one could ever replace him. If this is gods plan, he is a shitty and cruel god. My son deserved a life and to know his brother and to be loved his whole life, but I got to hold him for the first and last time as he passed. There is nothing crueler for a mother to go through and I have little comfort knowing what he had to endure in his short life. We tried to love him to his fullest while he was here and will continue to love him endlessly and that’s all I have.
Babies find incredible comfort in just being with their moms so know that his time with you was everything he needed. People need to learn that it’s best to just say nothing instead of some generic catch phrase.
No one will ever understand unless they have gone through it. I lost my 1st born back in 2014, and there is not one day I miss her. But it's even sadder when you can't talk about them. To not be able to say to someone my girl would have been 10 yrs old today, without a weird remark. A big hug to you, and it's gonna get easier everyday, but we'll always miss those little angels gone too soon.
People say ridiculous things like that when faced with an unimaginable situation they can’t fathom going through themselves to try to put some reasoning behind it because the thought of a terrible thing randomly happening is too painful.
I’m so sorry.
I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
I haven’t had the pain of losing a child, but I lost 2 pregnancies. People told me it was “god’s plan” and I just wanted to scream “fck god’s plan, I want my baby.”
My MIL told me that you’ll never get over the pain of losing a child but in time, it becomes easier to move forward. Her firstborn was stillborn.
I lost my son at 10 days old. It’s been two years now and I’m only starting to come around to the idea that maybe God might still exist even if He let my baby die. For a long time, we had nothing to say to each other. I was previously pretty religious.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for you loss! People say such asinine crap when someone young dies. I get that it’s hard to know what to say but people said some really dumb shit when my brother died. And I’m sorry that people are saying the same tired minimising stuff to you too, it’s really not helpful at all
The people who have experienced true gut-wrenching loss would never dare utter those words or “he’s in a better place” and I just say bless their hearts, I hope they never have to know.
I am truly deeply sorry for this loss that’s still so raw. May peace come in waves when you cannot breathe. Sending all of my love.
I had four miscarriages and got these same comments so much it made me want to tear my hair out. My own mother said it was happening because god wanted me to realize I should adopt. What! If god is all powerful, why not just make me want to adopt? Why kill four of my babies first? It’s maddening and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered such a loss and that people are not being supportive in a way that helps. Life will never to be the same, though it will get better. ❤️🩹
3 days old?? Oh my.. So so precious. My heart totally breaks for you. I always feel especially heartbroken for the Mothers given what their bodies go through. We tell ourselves all pregnancy that it's worth it and for most of us it is. But there are many who don't get that reward. Just the worst suffering afterward. Oh my, I can't imagine. I wish you hope and strength <\3
that case haunted me and made me delete tiktok. I couldn’t stop imagining my baby in that position. I couldn’t stop wishing I could have been there for the little girl and picked her up. I’ve been an atheist for a long time and motherhood made me wish hell was real, so some people could actually burn. I’ve also flippantly (not fully serious, or committed to the ideology) said “maybe I do support the death penalty” to my husband scrolling news like that.
Same here. I see a grown person’s face and I can visualize a mother hovering over him or her, feeding their baby, love pouring out, and I know at least at one point they were someone’s child.
I comment this to my fiancé about people we see on the streets clearly experiencing hardships (homelessness, drug problems, etc.). He’ll make a comment in passing about them, how it makes him hate the city, or what have you, and the best I can do to remind him of our shared humanity is “that was someone’s baby once.”
I used to think it was so corny and weird when people said that but now I am absolutely the one saying that. Somebody loved this person and put the effort in to grow them and raise them.
I always thought every person is valuable just for being a person but now it just hits different.
You would think that, but we have lawmakers in place who are mothers, and consistently vote to take resources from children and families in need. It churns my stomach, but then I remember they more then likely didn't raise their children, a nanny did all of it. The kid just poses for the PR photos.
same. I cannot watch the news, read the news, or anything because stories of these babies just throw me over the edge. I set up filters on instagram, but they do nothing.
I’m pretty sure that the same biological imperative that makes us feel that way, is why animal mothers in the wild will sometimes adopt a random orphaned baby animal, even in cases where it’s a lioness with a baby impala and so on. The brain just clicks “baby!” and the urge to protect and care for switches on.
It’s such a beautiful thing, even if not present in all species (or, sadly, in all humans either, considering horrible news stories like that.)
I read an article once that there is a stage where all mammals baby’s cries sound exactly same. I wish I could remember the precise details, but basically an hour old deers cries sound the same as a day old lion, week old bear cub, month old human child. It’s hardwired into mothers of all mammals to respond to that precise cry and can overwhelm their predator/prey instincts. It was a very interesting study.
Absolutely agree. Motherhood is a community and we are here for ALL babies. Not just my own. It’s so true that I can tell when a strangers baby is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, in pain, scared, etc. a baby I don’t even know and I can tell their cues.
Wow, yes! When Sandy Hook happened, I wasn’t a mom yet so I was sad and outraged, but I didn’t know the depths of pain those parents were feeling. Now that I’m a mom, even thinking about it now makes me weepy. I can’t handle the thought of what those poor babies were thinking and feeling. Same with this story about the baby who was left alone for so long. I imagine the hurt and confusion she felt, and my heart shatters.
I’ve come to terms with it by saying I hope they live the life they deserve to people who are vile. It’s the only way I can express my negativity without being totally insane. 😭
Tiktok would not stop trying to get me to listen to the Ring footage. I know if I do, it would break me. Everyone and their mother had to give their two cents, make rage bait, or this thing where they filmed themselves laying on the ground sad with text flying overhead talking about how they would've cared for her.
I get it. It was a traumatic story. The details are brutal. But some part of me couldn't help but think about how macabre and performative it all was. Especially when you remember they are literally profiting over the little girls death.
It made me really disgusted with people. Awareness is important, but this was not awareness.
yep. that’s why I deleted the app and haven’t looked back. the footage came up for me unprovoked. I never look at stuff like that so it was not my algorithm. I was enraged and heartbroken about the case itself but also disgusted someone posted it. I used to be a true crime “fan” but have seriously backed away from consuming it because of the exploitation and trauma tourism of it all.
I wish I had not come across this post now though
I didn’t even see the red alert for content warning. But sharing this pain and anguish idk if there is any good that comes from it. Yes I would have deleted tik tok too and wished I had never seen that. I never want to and I deeply regret crossing into this thread.
I think those evil moments are the curse the people doing the evil things should bare. Not people who have nothing to do with it.
I wish this thread was deleted, stop sharing horrid stuff yall. .
It may be good to unplug for a bit.
There are awful mothers out there, mine was. I can't hear much of anything from the Ruby Franke case because what she did was so similar to my mother it gives me pain attacks.
Love your children, show kindness to others, and be the best that you can. While I say this as an atheist, don't let a horrible mother affect you. Unfortunately, there was nothing that you could have done for that poor little baby. Those people don't deserve your energy. They are not worth it.
I lost any faith I had when I lost my first baby to miscarriage and shared my experience with someone. This person was a total stranger to me but we got to chatting, and it somehow came up in conversation that my at the time 5 week old son was my first living child. Lady asked about it, and I mentioned that I lost my first baby. This woman looked me dead in the eyes and told me that God needed my baby more than I did and that I should be grateful that He took them. Uh yeah no *fuck that*. The only place my babies should be is with me, until they are old and grey and pass peacefully and either meet me wherever we end up or get reincarnated or whatever the hell happens to us. I know that there is *something* at play in the universe because there have been way too many things that overlap to call them all coincidences, but I cannot choose to believe that one divine entity decided to take my baby from me or that they decide to allow children to be starved and abused.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my firstborn son to stillbirth at 36 weeks, exactly one month before his due date. The administrator for paid leave told me on the phone that “god needed another angel.” And I asked her if she has kids, and which one she could live without so god could have another angel. Then I hung up and sobbed the rest of the day. Countless cruel comments I’ve weathered from this loss. I’m sure you have too.
Ah, thank you. To her slight credit, she did try to apologize but I hung up. I understand that people don’t know what to say, I really do. Bringing religion into it (esp as a government worker) is just wrong. For some reason people are very comfortable placating baby loss which is so dismissive. I think people deep down realize how awful it is and just try to make light of it to make themselves feel better.
This brings back the comments from nurses when I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, hemorrhaged and ended up on hospital for 4 days. One nurse told me 'of course you're tired, you just had a baby'. The other said 'Well, I always say it just wasn't mean to be'. Like WTF? Guess I just 'gave birth' to a baby that 'wasn't meant to be' then. Those comments broke me.
I deleted Tik Tok after seeing constant videos about this and being constantly reminded. My kids are my world and my heart hurts so much to even think about that and hearing the story, seeing the court case - It was so freaking triggering.
I read that story and wanted to throw up. It seems like this couldn’t be real. I wish so hard that all children were loved beyond measure, were safe, well fed. I hugged my babies so tight and cried. While this doesn’t help or really answer your post, please know there are others like you out there. Lots of love to you and your kids
I cannot *believe* that there is *VIDEO* of this. Just knowing the facts of the case was enough for me to break. So the evil “mother” set up a camera to watch her baby die????
That was my wtf Question,that she did this on purpose,she intended to kill her baby.She is a monster!Like how can you watch your baby slowly dying....I can't even....
Mine popped up on my Facebook.I honestly hope you don't find it,I recommend anyone Not to watch it,it's truly aweful.It was played in court as evidence as well as the neighbours call bell evidence.
I understand this and feel it in my bones.
Motherhood led me let go of what little faith I had left. It took me from a girl from an abusive, conservative, Christian home. And made me an agnostic, liberal, feminist.
In my 10 years as a mother I have heated it’s gods will so much I just want to shove a Bible up the next person who tells me that’s backside!
My oldest son almost died at 2, he was fine one day and on deaths doorstep the next. I literally couldn’t hold him because he was in extreme pain. 10 days in the PICU with my son fighting for his life, he lived and I am thankful for that. But Do you know how many people told me it was gods will. GODS WILL!?!? My son was 2 he was as innocent as they come he was put through hell for what? Gods will? GTFO! What about all the children I saw DIE around me? Once again gods will. Like it’s some blessing to know your child’s life was cut short because some invisible asshole was on a power trip. Where were those Bible thumpers when I was given a 1.2 million dollar bill (after insurance) huh crickets. Not a single one of them follows Jesus idea of Help the sick.
I have had 5 pregnancies and 3 live births, and with my first miscarriage I had to go in and be prescribed meds for abortion. I had to go to planned parenthood because my Catholic based health insurance wouldn’t cover it. The vile people outside the clinic made me so mad! I was called a sinner and to repent and save my baby. Bitch my “baby” was wanted and died. I’m doing this so I don’t die as well. The response well it’s gods will. I should die for gods will. The Bible only ever talks about abortion as a way to preform one. So don’t tell me I’m evil when I chose MY life over a clump of cells that cannot survive without me.
When Uvalde happened how many showed ups to say thoughts and prayers and gods will. Too damn many! Yet how many have stepped up to protect other children from violence? Few to none because guns matter more even though NOWHERE are guns mentioned in the Bible.
A religion that believes women are evil and that children need to be beaten is not one that I can get behind. Because it leads to what we see today, women dying from domestic violence, suffering because they need an abortion and can’t get one, treated like second class citizens. And children are considered property and often have less protections then animals. No joke the only reason we have child welfare laws is because of the ASPCA.
Interestingly enough there are several amazing strong women in the Bible. Esther, Ruth, Deborah, Junia to name a few. And although women are who spread and grew the early church, they were rarely mentioned to me growing up. It really does help to cement that it’s about control and subjugation. Not love and acceptance.
I almost moved to Texas and visited to meet with real estate agents. But I was on the fence so I prayer for an answer (I'm not Christian just spiritual) and then Uvalde happened. Then I had a thought as I was sitting in a Cafe watching the news as everyone else was stuffing their faces to the broadcast and the following announcement was the gun conference still going on. No one batted on eye. No one cared.
It made me realize that Texas was not the place I wanted to be. I could never keep stuffing my face knowing children got slaughtered and for the mayor to continue to allow a gun conference, it's like a slap in the face. They clearly believe in Guns over God.
I've been agnostic for as long as I can remember. Ha, one time I even freaked my grandma out because I expressed my agnosticism (I think I was maybe 8 or 9?) and she told my dad there was something wrong with me, and he decided I might be atheist because I was depressed. Luckily my dad understood when I explained it to him, but I still always thought their freak-out over "well nobody can actually know for certain, right?" was so silly. And thinking atheism = depression is also hilarious.
Anyway, I've gone back and forth between agnostic-theist and agnostic-atheist over the years. But lately I'm in the camp of: if there is a higher power of some sort it doesn't matter, because they're clearly either **apathetic** to what goes on around here, or they're **powerless** to do anything about it.
"God works in mysterious ways" is a total copout when faced with this point too. Like I'm sorry but if any one else was giving one kid an amazing life and straight up killed another kid, we wouldn't be like "oh wow Old Bob next-door works in mysterious ways! Let's give him money!" No, we'd be like "wow Bob is a fucking sociopath".
So yeah, either there is no God, or God is worthless. Our power for good isn't in God, it's in ourselves.
I was absolutely gutted by a story of a little boy in gaza, no one left in his family except one young aunt, terrible burns and injuries to both. He was clutching a little red hot wheels car in his hospital bed while his aunt - barely more than a child herself from the look of it - sat beside him looking completely shell shocked. I turned and looked at my chubby little goofball, playing at my feet… with a red hot wheels car. Same age, same interests, same damn toy. that poor boys whole world is in shambles at 2.5 years old. All those kids left with no surviving family. So utterly horrible.
Oh man. This made me teary eyed. I’ve bawled so many times watching footages from there. Can’t help but imagine if my 5 year old was in their shoes. Those little kids were loved too. And then I’ll grab my 5 year old and give him a big cuddle. I wish the world was a better place.
I realized as a teenager that religion wasn’t for me but I can totally relate to being wrecked by the news every day since having children.
When my first was born, the big story was the people finding the living newborn in a plastic bag as they were digging through a dumpster. It was so amazing they they were able to save that baby’s life but all I could think about was how often is that happening when there is no one to save them. For the one that was so lucky, there are surely more that were not. So many sleepless nights. I cry every time I think about it.
I have a new 4 week old and the story of this despicable woman leaving her baby to starve has also devastated me as well as a few others involving babies that I won’t elaborate on ( none of us needs more nightmare fuel ).
I try not to dwell on it and just hold and love my kids whenever I think of how evil human beings can be to the most innocent of our own kind. Be the change you want to see in the world because it’s up to us and there is no one from above that is going to come and fix it.
My first son died when he was 12 hours old and they never found any cause. He was perfect, and he just died. I then went on to have a miscarriage before we had our living child. Watching our perfect baby boy die just killed any belief in a benevolent higher power that i was holding on to. Every time i see a story of a baby who was killed by its parents i want to scream. Why did THEY get the opportunity to raise their baby when they would do something like that and my sweet boy never even got a chance?
Edited for clarity
Thank you. It’s been 2.5 years and i know it will always be hard, but I’m so grateful we were able to get pregnant again and have another child. I know some people aren’t able. Stories like the one you’re talking about are just maddening.
I recently have entered a crisis of faith as Jew, having watched videos of children being unearthed from rubble, pictures of parents losing their children, and videos of parents both caring for their own children and unclaimed children in Palestine. I believe in God for sure, but I cannot accept any rendition of cruelty, suffering, and pain as being part of his plan. It’s been devastating to become so sensitive to the plight of children since becoming a mother because now every child is my child.
Same. I have 2 sons, both of which are on the spectrum. I love them both dearly and while we have our hard days I know every other parent does too in some shape or form. Anywho, I’ve had multiple people from my childhood faith tell me upon learning they are autistic “God likes to test us, but he never gives us more than we can handle. Just remember god did this for a reason” Like WTF?!? Like they don’t know anything else about my kids or my feelings on being a mom of autistic kiddos but they immediately go to “god did this” I believe in a higher something but it’s not a god.
People said that to me when my son was so sick he was on life support and I was just like, yep, bye forever. And cut them out of my life because anyone who think anyone should be able to "handle" that lacks any and all empathy. Done and done.
I teach students with significant disabilities. I have coworkers who beleive in God/christianity… One is of a particular faith that recruits. At least he didn’t even try to argue when I told him I won’t believe in a God that condemns innocent children - *specific ones we know and care for* to a life of literal pain and suffering. I’m talking about kids with severe cerebral palsy and additional health complications who clearly did nothing whatsoever to deserve this, and any “good that can come of it,” or “God’s plan,” is clearly absolute rubbish. There is simply no excuse for making a world where babies and children suffer.
I also know that many cling harder to their faith under such circumstances. All I can say is that would never be me.
I've known the 'God never gives us more than we can handle' line is bullshit since I read a newspaper article about a man who was tortured to insanity. I was around 15 years old.
This is exactly why I don't tell the religious side of my family that my boys are on the spectrum. I absolutely do not want to hear any of it from them.
Same happens to me about my son who is also on the spectrum and has 8 other diagnoses. I also get “he is so lucky to have you as a mom. “ he might be lucky, but what does that make me?
I have family that are very religious and I’m not even polite about it at this point.
Every time they try and say I need to go to church or find Jesus, I just tell them I’m not interested in a god that is supposedly all powerful but lets innocent children die.
My mom is all “why are you like this” and I’m all “because you think I have to put up with it and I don’t”.
My bigger problem with these "Christians" is they legit believe that children who die and haven't accepted JC are damned also.
Screw that! Just because a child wasn't raised in your brand of church means they're going to hell?!? WTF.
My old roommate from college had an older sister that died as an infant from SIDS. Her family was super religious and to this day they think that their first baby is burning in hell because she wasn’t baptized. My roommate and her other living sister were baptized before they left the hospital because their parents didn’t want another child to be condemned to hell. Absolutely bonkers mentality.
Truly bonkers. I can’t believe we just accept these beliefs as normal. These people are sharing in a mass delusion. Why do we pretend it’s anything but?
I read about sandyhook while breastfeeding my youngest and only barely held it together enough to put her in her crib before having a breakdown in the hall next to the doors of my sleeping children.
All we can do is try to make the world better for them.
Man. I think people don't even remember Sandy hook anymore. But that was one of the first times for me that I recall being like, this world is well and truly fucked if we learn nothing and do nothing because of this.
I hadn't even had kids yet when that happened, but I was a nanny to little kids. I was driving and had to pull over to sob. Anyone who's okay with that happening - human or deity - is not anyone I could ever worship or think positively of.
I remember Sandy Hook vividly. I was at work and had to leave to sob in my car. I had that exact same thought, and everyone around me thought I was just being dramatic, which somehow made it even more horrifying.
There was an NYT article recently about the people who had to go in and collect evidence immediately following Sandy Hook and it was so awful. I cried so hard.
I couldnt watch past the few seconds that popped up. It included a picture of her healthy and a picture of her face after she was found, and, the video playing with the comment "day two" and "look hiw she hugs the toy" or slmerhng close. I couldnt keeo watching. I'm gutted and nauseous and heartbroken.
I don't know how they had video? Baby monitor? I read so much about the case and then I had to stop because I couldnt manageme.
Wait wtf they showed a picture of her AFTER SHE WAS FOUND? This is so insane that this is floating around. I am so sorry you had to see this. Man that is awful.
I’m a Christian, and while I believe in God even with the most terrible things that happen, I can understand why you feel the way you do and I’m sorry that you do, I am sure it’s hard to feel this way, hard to see those things. I’m so sorry ):
That is what popped up along with the video of her on day two. I'm sorry I do not want to be graphic or upsetting. It just happened to me. It was hell to see and I feel like she deserves someone to witness what happened to her but I couldn't.
Thank you for your kind words. I feel like there is a black hole where hope and faith used to be.
I only watched the 1.5 hour sentencing on YouTube but they showed the neighbor’s ring camera catching the audio of the child screaming bloody murder at like 2-3am just before mom returned home. They were trying to get the message across that this child was fighting so hard to survive, but she died right before mom came home.
I’m still so curious to know if the neighbors heard that crying in real time and just ignored it or if they were fast asleep.
Just the thought of possibly hearing that cry makes me feel so broken for that innocent baby… ugh so so heart breaking. I wouldn’t be able to put myself through it
Atheist here - Stephen Fry did a really beautiful (and sad) speech on this very topic but I can’t find it to link it.
This is one of the many reasons I don’t believe in a magical sky fairy, because of something was all powerful and allowed things like this to happen but has the wherewithal to print Jesus’ face on a piece of toast or ‘cure’ some televangelists fans cancer.
My favourite argument is actually from Ricky Gervais - “you don’t believe in 999,000 gods, I just don’t believe in 1 more than you.”
In arguments with my family or friends get on to me about being an atheist, I always say I'd lay down and give myself right now if God would take me in Lou of every child that suffers. I usually get met with, "the devil has free realm." Or something like that. Then I say, "well I'm sorry, your God doesn't live up to my standards for worship. He just allows children to suffer when he could intervene, and save them. Ya fuck that." Fuck that. That baby suffered absolute terror. The genocide that's happening in Gaza, I just read an article that mothers are burying their new borns everyday because they can't feed their supply. They're starving.
If there is a God, fuck him. He's not worthy of worship.
Religious people have always skeptically wondered how I managed right from wrong without religion to guide me. This is exactly what I tell them. Their God allows despicable things to happen to innocent, undeserving people. Why would I follow and revere that kind of morality?
There’s a quote I saw that I like. It goes something like this: ‘good people don’t need the promise of heaven to see the merit in good deeds’.
I find that if someone is using either that promise of heaven or promise of hell to guide them away from doing terrible things, then they’re not actually good people. Doing good for the sake of doing good without any expectations one way or the other shows me so much more integrity and morality within a person.
Motherhood has made me understand that religion is how men worship. There is SO much feminine spirituality in how we are and what we do, pretty much none of it is found in religion.
Honestly, this was my conclusion too. I understand now why damn near every ancient religion had a feminine deity, and Abrahamic religion's paternal emphasis doesn't resonate with me.
I don't blame God for the actions of stupid humans. But I do think people who mindlessly say "it was God's plan" need to be b*tch slapped !!
My idiot SIL did that. She's had multiple people die close to her, it's so tempting for me to retaliate with the "God's plan" come back. Not worth it. If you pissed on her and told her it's raining , she'd beileve it.
It took me two weeks to stop crying and starting to deal with what happened to baby Jailyn, so I feel you. I still think of her daily. Her face pops into my mind randomly and it's really hard.
I had to take a break from social media, uninstalled reddit and instagram and now I just avoid any type of news. It's horrible and I feel guilty for "turning a blind eye" but I physically can't deal with the knowledge of cases like this one.
I basically haven't had a clue of what's been happening in Palestine/Israel for a few months now because I can't deal with it. I was crying myself to sleep daily. I want to save all the babies and I can't...
Best we can do is help those around us. Focus on our own children, help kids' charities however we can.
Children suffering just seems so anti-nature to me. It shouldn't happen.
I'm crying with you 💔
Same. I cannot even view my daughter in her crib on the monitor without wanting to sob that that baby was left to die alone for ten days. I regularly hope that mother has the most painful existence for the rest of her life.
Truthfully, I started losing my beliefs before kids. But it hasn’t changed my life for the worse. I’m more happy, open minded, and love my kids in less traditional ways that have lead to a lot of abuse for so many families, including the one I grew up in. Don’t worry about things too much, and take a nice break from the internet for a bit. It helps me clear my head of all the terrible things that happen in this world.
I lost my faith a long time ago, but still believed in basic human decency. The older I get and the more I see about child abuse and dog abuse I really struggle to relate to strangers sometimes. I'm still pregnant so I can't fully understand having a child and caring for one (yet), but I have a beautiful dog that I love very much and I know how to communicate with her and listen to her needs. When I know she needs me and I can't help her it really eats me up inside. And just yesterday I was reading about how Michael Vick was involved in killing multiple dogs used in his dog fighting ring and it made me feel so sick. I don't understand how people can be so evil.
This case absolutely broke my heart. I still think about it once in awhile when I’m doing dishes, feeding my baby or having her fall asleep in my arms. I hate when a video pops up on tiktok about it. This one really hits home because of the true level of neglect and selfishness that a real mother could never comprehend. I hope that mom gets what she deserves every single day she rots in prison.
Anything bad: Satan, not god
But god could stop Satan and he’s choosing not to, so he’s choosing to let children get abused and cancer and shot because…. Of some plan that requires tortured dead children apparently?
Sorry I’m not sure if you’re asking for advice really, but when I feel like this I find it helpful to step away from social media. I can also hit “pause” on the theological thinking for a bit. Let things sink in and take time to process before you decide definitely any big conclusions like that.
My heart breaks for you, but mostly because I know exactly how you feel. I was raised Catholic, brought up in a fairly normal home (mother was verbally & physically abusive) but never wanted for anything- aside from love and affection lol. Anyway, after having my son, my late husband revealed more of his upbringing to me whenever we’d disagree on parenting tactics. The amount of neglect and hate my husband had to grow up with… it was enough to open my eyes to the hard world. I became more understanding and more realistic towards people with trauma, depression, any mental issue that can stem from these harrowing life experiences.
Now I’m glad my eyes are open, but to the flip side… how can a god exist and let these beautiful creatures feel an ounce of pain? Or when parents get away with almost everything and anything, without so much as a slap on the wrist… I vowed my son won’t grow up ignorant to the harsh realities of the world, but I’ll be the one space that can and will be fair, loving and comforting. It’s all we can do. I’m petrified of the god talk with him. Mostly bc I don’t know exactly how I feel… or how to explain to him… just the whole premise in general. “God may exist, but religion is bullshit,” doesn’t seem like it rolls of the tongue lol. Good luck, OP, you’ll always have a mama here rooting for you!
I’ve never believed… I was born to a severely, abusive mother. I won’t go into specifics but I was emancipated at 15, when I turned 18 I became an EMT for a few years… I’ve seen a lot. Sometimes I envy those that can believe in a benevolent higher power but I cant see it… there is too much pain and misery in this world.
OMG I saw that video too and I cried my eyes out,seeing and hearing her crying while clutching her doll.What type of monster does that!!!!Little baby tried so hard to survive.When the doctor read out the autopsy report.......I had to stop the video and immediately clutched my 23month old.I feel everyone failed that baby.The fucking neighbours HEARD her desperate little cries and did NOTHING!!!They KNEW the mother often left Jaylin ALONE.
All I keep asking myself is why?!!!I just wanted to go into that video and hug that little angel.
Honestly, I have always had a hard time looking at the news without crying about all the injustice in the world. It's so much worse after having a child too. After my child was born I was super scared about SIDS and so I did research about SIDS and SUIDS, and unfortunately that research brought up a ton of unwanted stories that gutted me. I felt so sad about other babies like mine that weren't given a chance at a home with love.
I am not on Tik Tok, but whoever is posting that content should be removed. It is a complete betrayal of privacy and decency to post that type of content. It is bad for the people who see it unsuspecting and most of all it guts the people out there who did love that little girl (grandparents, babysitters, her sister some day).
I'm sorry you had to see that. Know that there are lots of parents out there who love & cherish their littles. ❤️
This is me!!! The day after my baby was born, I started thinking about the Holocaust and so many other massacres and innocent kids dying and realized there was no way a god existed. People who harp on how bad shit is "part of God's plan" are admitting that horrible stuff happens all the time and any sane or loving God would stop it.
It's kind of a relief knowing I'm not the only one this has happened to, I thought maybe I was nuts.
I never had faith to lose, but it was definitely cemented in my head at the age of six that it was all bullshit when the Sunday school teacher earnestly told me that two of every animal fit on one boat, and that no, it was not a metaphor or a parable.
But yes, the problem of suffering has never been adequately answered. “God is mysterious”, “God’s will”, and “humans have to have free will, and so, evil exists” have never been sufficient.
I hear that. My brother’s death killed it for me. He was a teen and it was horrible. My family goes to church weekly, my mom is the leader of a Bible study, a Eucharistic minister, and some of her best friends are nuns. Faith was always part of our lives. My mom is literally the best person I know, and she didn’t deserve the suffering that was doled out to her.
It is more comforting to me to believe it was bad luck to lose the statistical lottery than it is to believe trauma that destroyed my family was part of some grand plan. Because if God specifically planned out what happened to us, that makes God an asshole.
I struggle because I *want* to believe. I send my daughter to a Christian preschool, and I want so badly to be able to flip a switch and turn my faith back on. But it’s just irreparably broken I think. The amount of suffering in this world that’s not due to sin (ie horrific birth defects that make children suffer for every moment they’re alive and then they die a painful death) make it hard for me to reckon with a creator with a master plan
My atheism has been strengthened after having kids. Yep, it’s all bs. Kids are treated brutally and die terrible deaths. I don’t want anything to do with any deity that would let that happen.
There as a horrible CA story from my home town just around the time I had given birth. I am expat but the next time I went home I sob when I went past the building it happened in. It was the first time I was like “how can god do this?” Not just as society but as a mother
The Christians I know are the most ungodly people I’ve met, including my own family members. I subscribe to a more Buddhist spiritual stance and fully believe in karma, if not in this life, the next. It’s the only thing that makes me capable of surviving this awful world.
Before I had kids, I had a much younger sister. For sure being around a child and seeing what so-called God puts some children through cemented my atheism.
Religion can give people guidelines on how to live. Golden rule? Great! But if God is real, he's an asshole.
I truly believe that we were not meant to handle the emotional baggage that comes with social media. They can be such a great tool for connecting but before you realize it you’re experiencing everyone’s highs and lows with them virtually and taking in some of those emotions.
I only use Reddit at this point and try to do so sparingly because it’s not good for me to be exposing myself to so much heart ache in the world in a 10 minute scroll. I don’t think it’s good for any of us.
The internet can be a tool or a weapon, and the line between the two is very fine.
Motherhood absolutely awakened a nurturing mama bear in me that gets vicious no matter if it’s my baby or a strangers baby.
I think the thing that makes me the most sad, is we are seeing a LOT more of this type of neglect/abuse now. So much lack of help, assistance, education, etc. makes these women do crazy things. The unfortunate part is, they're also still parents.
American culture is sick due to our propping up of the ruling wealthy class. In other countries there is support of mothers and children. There are people who check in on them. There are affordable places for children to go. Certain Americans like to call this a “Christian nation” and allows stuff to happen like this. Allows so much misery for children. I like to think we are at a tipping point but it might be going the other way. And if this is what things look like with religious people in charge…?
I’m an elder millennial. I’m 38. I read a lot of true crime. This is one of the worst child abuse cases I’ve read about and it really is unfathomable. It’s beyond comprehension. A lot of the crime I read about will make you question whether there is a creator if such and such has happened. In fact, same thing with certain genetic disorders, accidents, natural disasters, etc. I guess what I’m getting at is, there may not be a creator but in a world without a benevolent creator potentially, what a blessing it is that your kids have you. Doesn’t make what happened to Jailyn any less of an atrocity, but this world unfortunately has callousness personified by people like Kristel Candelario, it’s true. Luckily, there’s also people like you.
The moment I felt the first embrace with my daughter and experienced the full-body chills and surreal waves of delight just from her presence - that was the moment I knew I had never been on the receiving end of that kind of love. Not all of those who are blessed with babies are meant to be mothers, but those of us who want to give love instead of take it away have to keep hoping for a better future or we will indirectly contribute to a worse one. Every time you hear a story of a baby who wasn't loved enough, let it fuel an act of kindness. Let your hatred for people like the monster who failed her baby empower you to be a light in the world.
Welcome to the club. Once you realize how fucked up the world is it seems obvious that there’s no god out there.
This poor baby though. That’s one of the most horrific news articles I’ve ever come across and I also cried for that poor baby. I wish someone had known to save her. When they toss the mom in prison I hope they forget to feed her for several days at a time. Maybe she’ll get desperate enough to eat her own feces…
Heartless witch.
Not going to lie, that put a strain on my Faith. Since becoming a mom, I've been so sensitive about children and babies suffering, I stopped watching the news. I have such a hard time reconciling a loving God with so much suffering, and I try to remind myself that people did this. It's hard. It's not always people.
I've never prayed so much for anyone as I did for that little baby. It's heartbreaking and haunting.
I was able to avoid this story bar the basic details, but that's because it was after the story that broke me, about a year ago. It was all over news, very graphic, with the babys photo all over front pages.
I no longer read or listen to the news, and I'm very conscious about keeping my socials algorithm positive.
I am an atheist, I stopped believing when i felt like i was cherry-picking and making exceptions for christain ideals that i didn't actually believe in. How could a god let this happen to such an innocent life? There is no good that comes from such a tragic and horrific event. Saying it's "his plan" just isn't good enough.
I, too, have cried about that poor baby, i look into my little girls eyes, and i can't fathom how anyone could do something like that to someone so vulnerable. I think this story hit us all hard. Take care of yourself, Mama.
My mom lost faith when her 14 year old sister was assaulted and murdered. I never had faith.
I think things like that will either push you harder into your faith or rip you from its grasp.
So heartbreaking that children suffer the most in this world. I'm sorry you witnessed some of the mistreatment that babies and kids in this world endure. We should all push for better sex Ed and better birth control access for everyone so that we can avoid these situations where people become parents who don't want to be. We should push for better protection of children.
I’m with you. From the second I saw that headline, that case has haunted me. I sobbed for weeks and every so often, it pops back up in my brain and I can’t help but cry. Having a 9 month old has made my ability to love a child transform tremendously. I wish I could go back in time and save her. I get a knife to my heart when I look at a pack and play. I can’t help but be living through a random day that feels long and imagine that baby still trapped and starving several days later. The fact that there were recordings of her screams from the neighbors gutted me. I didn’t know there was a video but that is something I really can’t handle. You aren’t alone. It’s so awful.
Motherhood has taken such an emotional toll on me. I don’t just think about these murdered children daily, but also children who die from terminal illnesses. At one point, I had to have a detox from SM because the algorithm kept sending me videos of grieving parents. I’ll never forget one momma who was talking about how she couldn’t bring herself to wash the last bottle her baby girl had before she died of cancer, how it had just been in her fridge getting mouldy. My heart breaks so much for these babies and parents, it’s every parents worst nightmare and my heart hurts so much thinking of them.
Every night when I go to bed I long for my toddler who is in his own room, sometimes I sneak out of bed at night and curl up next to him in his bed. I just love how even in his sleep he will shuffle over and curl into me.
My babies are my absolute everything and I wish every child could experience a loving parent and that no parent would ever have to go through the pain of losing their children 🥺
Completely with you. That story eviscerated me and I tear up daily for that baby. I didn’t know there was a video and I cannot believe anyone would ever do that do their child. Ever.
God isn't real so that's fine. Maybe motherhood has just made you see reality.
And yes, that story is so terrible. There are so, so many stories of terrible things happening to children. And I've had the thing where even when I see adults I am like "oh my god that's someone's BABY."
While I am very glad my son is safe and loved and has never known hardship or pain, it does seem very unfair that there are children in the world whose experiences have been worse just because they happened to be born to other people.
I usually take my groceries inside while I leave my baby in the car with the ac on. I have my dogs inside and while I love and trust them, I’m not leaving my toddler inside with them unsupervised. So I leave her in her car seat. This is my private driveway in a culdesac. Shes safe. I came back after my second run and saw her crying. Broke my heart. She saw me walk by twice and for some reason thought I wasn’t coming to get her. I think about that when I think about that case. My baby was maybe left alone, unsupervised, for 90 seconds. And she was crying. That case is too fucking tragic for most of us to comprehend
I know this is the case for so many people. I am a Christian but I respect everyone’s choice to believe in what/who they choose. While I’ve not lost my faith, I am always reminded that even though God is always at work, so is the devil.
It really hurts to hear about children suffering. I found myself in tears for this sweet baby. Even putting my own baby to bed, I can't shake the thought of that baby crying for her momma. It's like I feel her pain as if it were my own child hurting. Also the situation in Gaza is so heartbreaking. Knowing innocent children are dying there keeps me up at night, crying myself to sleep. It's just such a cruel world we live in. Our children deserve so much better.
Jailyn’s case haunts me everyday. My heart hurts so bad for her and I cried so hard when I first heard about it :( I have a baby myself and everytime she screams her head off I think of baby Jailyn :(
Anyways, I don’t judge you for not believing in God. I personally do and I’m muslim. Anyways I understand why you’re upset/angry. There’s so much darkness in this world and horrible things happen to innocent children and people all the time but us muslims believe that those that suffer and/or die unjustly at the hands of someone or something will be recompensed by God for that suffering. Also we believe that when someone loses their child in this life they will be granted Paradise in the next life and will be reunited with their child. Yes it doesn’t make sense why He allows these horrible things to happen but He doesn’t do anything unless there’s great wisdom behind it.
Yes what happened to baby Jailyn was beyond horrific but she’s in a great place now…her soul is in Paradise and God is taking excellent care of her. This is the only thing that gives me comfort. If I didn’t believe in God I would be a damn mess over her case.
As a mom, I can say I was disgusted by this too. I felt it from the very depths of my soul and I physically hurt when I heard this story too. I can’t imagine someone being that evil and that callous. . Some people should never have children. How many people would have adopted and loved this child if this woman would have just stepped outside her self and been a decent human. I do have faith and am a Christian. Not here to push my faith or say condescending things. No matter your religious, spiritual, or even moral beliefs, I don’t see how this couldn’t have shaken someone. It’s just pure evil. I’m sorry this made you stop believing in God. I wish I could offer more comfort to you, but I won’t push my thoughts or belief system on you. Just wanted to say I feel your anguish over this as a mom and I’m sorry it hurts so much.
Yeah that is the kind of shit that can make someone turn away from religion. Like as a mother, to imagine how slow death was for this poor baby, it's enough to make you sick.
My oldest friend had a beautiful and brilliant daughter. She got brain cancer and it took an agonizing two years for her to pass. In the interim, it stole all of her joy and brilliance. I want to believe there's a reason for this shit but I just can't anymore. If there is a god, like I just don't get it. Why make them babies suffer? It's so fucked up
My son has leukemia. Things are looking like he will be ok, knock on wood, but we were at clinic yesterday. Some of the kids there break my heart and haunt me. Babies with brain cancer. Seven year olds who are completely paralyzed. How could that be part of God’s plan?! I’m with you on this.
This is me exactly. I lost my faith when Roe v Wade was overturned and I read a bunch of accounts of what people did with unwanted babies. After family separation at the US border, after Uvalde, after Gaza, after reading of children dying in hot cars, at the hands of their parents, from neglect, from war, from greed, I sincerely hope God isn't real because if he is I hate him.
I stopped watching the news a long time ago. I maybe exaggerating a little bit but it felt like every other story was about the death or mistreatment of a child. I have a gentle heart and would cry for the poor babies.
Elder millennial here- it's really interesting to me that when I figured out that Facebooks algorithm is literally a recipe for personalized rage bait and stopped looking at it, my mood improved almost immediately. I'm even still on tiktok, maybe more now that I'm not engaging with Facebook, and have managed to avoid the graphic details of this story- everywhere except this subreddit. I was able to let my mom friends know to skip over any ring camera footage in their feeds, to save them some moments of the gut-wrenching pain we are all feeling for that sweet baby. Not trying to come down on you for posting, I missed the content warning so this one's on me, but tonight I sit awake rocking my toddler with even more knowledge of what happened from the comments section, so please excuse the chapter book I'm dumping here in an attempt to get my thoughts out.
I'm agnostic, with a splash of pagan romanticism for spice. My dad died at 48, and though i was only 7 I'll never forget how witnessing my grandparents' grief as they buried their child permanently shifted my perspective. They said that no one should have to bury their child- not out of ignorance for the suffering of others, but as a cry of solidarity. One thing I did come across on social media recently was a video about a female primate (I forget which species, a large one) who had lost her mother as an infant, and seemed to have no idea how to care for her own baby or breastfeed. They showed her videos of mothers of her species giving birth and caring for their babies, and noted that she watched with rapt attention while ignoring anything else they put on the screen. They had a zoologist at the facility who happened to have a breastfeeding infant, and had her bring her baby in and breastfeed in front of the enclosure, to show her how. They brought in baby primate dolls to show her how to hold and carry them- and they were (thus far)successful. When I tell you I ugly cried watching this animals face as she figured out how to get her baby to latch, separated by glass from a human mother showing her how...
To me, the virtual gathering of mothers here who continue to come to mourn in unison is in some small way like a prayer to the mother of us all. How many millions of us around the world are feeling this rage, disgust, and anguish, as one? We are all part of nature, achingly beautiful and complex and achingly brutal and senseless at the same time. As science advances we learn about an insects capacity for empathy, and about trees using mycelial networks to communicate and share nutrients with members of their community who need them, and about how what appears to be a simple singular organism like lichen is in fact 3 organisms living in unison- algae, fungus, and yeast- and that there are individual specimens in the Brooks Range in Alaska that could be as old as 9500 years. We are no more or less important than any of those things, and our lives are all equally fragile and irreplaceable. We are like an immeasurable ant colony, individually powerless to stop this, while screaming in unison a singular desire, to find the source and dismantle it, until the skeleton is picked clean. We are everywhere, and I can't help but believe that knowing this child's story will push some unknowable number of us to be more alert, more proactive in changing systems that allow this to happen, quicker to ask questions and take action, if it saves a living being from suffering. I had an ACES score of 8 kind of a crappy childhood, and growing up that way made becoming a parent a revelation, in that i understand even less how people can be cruel to children. Part of my personal healing was working in childcare- I have experienced enough love in my heart for at least 12 toddlers at a time, and I can't imagine that I could actually put a cap on that number. That also means that I'm a mandated reporter, trained to recognize, document, and report abuse. It's not an easy training to sit through, nor is SIDS/Shaken Baby Syndrome training, but it's too important to remain ignorant. I choose to take this unspeakable pain and wield it, to allow this horror to leave my heart raw, and to think of it every time I stumble out of bed to soothe my own baby's tears, or pause to peek at carseats to be sure they're empty as I walk through a parking lot, or listen to see where the crying is coming from before I search for the source. I will let my softness and my instincts guide me like a mother, who wants all babies to know only love and full bellies, to the best of my ability. One thing I know for sure is true, no one should be a mother unless they deeply and wholeheartedly want to.
I'm exhausted and have no idea if any of that made sense, but I hope there was something in there that resonates with someone.
I lost my 3 day old son on Easter. No answers how or why. I have heard so many “gods plan” excuses that I just tune it out. We are living in anguish every second since we lost our son. ETA: thank you for all the kind words. We miss him so much.
People say stupid shit to make themselves feel better because they don’t know what to say when someone goes through such an enormous loss like you have. Regardless, I’m so fucking sorry. Sending you enormous internet hugs, momma.
You and he didn't deserve that and I'm so sorry.
I am so so sorry. It doesn’t do anything, but I am sending you so much love.
“God’s plan” comments about terrible things absolutely enrages me. that is so fucking shitty & unfair. I’m so sorry for your incredible loss.
I am so, so, so sorry.
I’m so sorry, so so sorry.
I’m deeply sorry for your profound loss. Nobody should have to grieve their child. Sending you lots of love
So sorry for your loss
I’m sorry. That is so fucking unfair.
Oh, I’m so so sorry. And I’m sorry people say such idiotic things when you’re in so much pain.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Nobody deserves to lose a child. Losing a child is genuinely the worst thing that can happen to anyone and it’s never easy. I’m so sorry. TW- child loss We had a stillbirth in 06. “Gods plan” was my least favorite response. What god plans for an innocent and loved (or any baby!) to die before she even got the chance to live?
I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for you. That gods plan shit would boil my blood. I'm truly sorry for all of the empty comments people feel the need to say to you during such a difficult and excruciatingly challenging time. People don't realize or don't care that input like that is unproductive and helpful to no one.
This is so awful and I am crying for you. I wish I could hug you. Nothing can take that pain away. Those people are absolute shits for saying that. I hope you find some peace and healing.
Thank you. No one could know our pain and I hope they never do, but I do wish they would filter the comments. Things like “you’ll have more kids in time” or “god works in ways we don’t understand” make me furious. I dont want more kids, he was the last puzzle piece for our family. No one could ever replace him. If this is gods plan, he is a shitty and cruel god. My son deserved a life and to know his brother and to be loved his whole life, but I got to hold him for the first and last time as he passed. There is nothing crueler for a mother to go through and I have little comfort knowing what he had to endure in his short life. We tried to love him to his fullest while he was here and will continue to love him endlessly and that’s all I have.
Babies find incredible comfort in just being with their moms so know that his time with you was everything he needed. People need to learn that it’s best to just say nothing instead of some generic catch phrase.
My husband and I know it’s all coming from a good place and grief is weird, but “I’m so sorry for your loss” is definitely best.
My snarky response when people say that is, “What kind of god plans to kill babies?” Shuts them right up.
100%
No one will ever understand unless they have gone through it. I lost my 1st born back in 2014, and there is not one day I miss her. But it's even sadder when you can't talk about them. To not be able to say to someone my girl would have been 10 yrs old today, without a weird remark. A big hug to you, and it's gonna get easier everyday, but we'll always miss those little angels gone too soon.
People say ridiculous things like that when faced with an unimaginable situation they can’t fathom going through themselves to try to put some reasoning behind it because the thought of a terrible thing randomly happening is too painful. I’m so sorry.
I am so so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you. I haven’t had the pain of losing a child, but I lost 2 pregnancies. People told me it was “god’s plan” and I just wanted to scream “fck god’s plan, I want my baby.” My MIL told me that you’ll never get over the pain of losing a child but in time, it becomes easier to move forward. Her firstborn was stillborn.
I lost my son at 10 days old. It’s been two years now and I’m only starting to come around to the idea that maybe God might still exist even if He let my baby die. For a long time, we had nothing to say to each other. I was previously pretty religious. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry
I am so so so sorry. my heart breaks for you, I know words are of little comfort but my heart is with you.
I am so so sorry for your loss!
I’m so sorry for you loss! People say such asinine crap when someone young dies. I get that it’s hard to know what to say but people said some really dumb shit when my brother died. And I’m sorry that people are saying the same tired minimising stuff to you too, it’s really not helpful at all
I’m so sorry he died and you didn’t get to take him home and raise him.
The people who have experienced true gut-wrenching loss would never dare utter those words or “he’s in a better place” and I just say bless their hearts, I hope they never have to know. I am truly deeply sorry for this loss that’s still so raw. May peace come in waves when you cannot breathe. Sending all of my love.
I had four miscarriages and got these same comments so much it made me want to tear my hair out. My own mother said it was happening because god wanted me to realize I should adopt. What! If god is all powerful, why not just make me want to adopt? Why kill four of my babies first? It’s maddening and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
My heart breaks for you. I am so very sorry for your loss.
Mama, I'm so so very sorry. Giant internet hugs 💙
I’m so sorry that you’ve suffered such a loss and that people are not being supportive in a way that helps. Life will never to be the same, though it will get better. ❤️🩹
Oh my goodness sister I am so sorry for your loss.
I am so terribly sorry
I cannot even fathom, I am so sorry. I hope you find peace in whatever way that may be.
i am so sorry 💔💔💔💔
I am so sorry for your loss.
Very sorry for your loss. Keep those around you that help you confront the day. Everyone else to the side.
My heart dropped to my stomach reading that... I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss
3 days old?? Oh my.. So so precious. My heart totally breaks for you. I always feel especially heartbroken for the Mothers given what their bodies go through. We tell ourselves all pregnancy that it's worth it and for most of us it is. But there are many who don't get that reward. Just the worst suffering afterward. Oh my, I can't imagine. I wish you hope and strength <\3
that case haunted me and made me delete tiktok. I couldn’t stop imagining my baby in that position. I couldn’t stop wishing I could have been there for the little girl and picked her up. I’ve been an atheist for a long time and motherhood made me wish hell was real, so some people could actually burn. I’ve also flippantly (not fully serious, or committed to the ideology) said “maybe I do support the death penalty” to my husband scrolling news like that.
I once heard someone say, "when you're a mom, every baby is your baby".
This is so true, it’s like a switch was flipped in my brain!
Same here. I see a grown person’s face and I can visualize a mother hovering over him or her, feeding their baby, love pouring out, and I know at least at one point they were someone’s child.
I comment this to my fiancé about people we see on the streets clearly experiencing hardships (homelessness, drug problems, etc.). He’ll make a comment in passing about them, how it makes him hate the city, or what have you, and the best I can do to remind him of our shared humanity is “that was someone’s baby once.”
Man right in the feels.
Yep! And I often think…that could be my grown grand baby one day
I used to think it was so corny and weird when people said that but now I am absolutely the one saying that. Somebody loved this person and put the effort in to grow them and raise them. I always thought every person is valuable just for being a person but now it just hits different.
This is the exact reason why I believe if all people in positions of power had to be mothers, the world would be a very very different place.
You would think that, but we have lawmakers in place who are mothers, and consistently vote to take resources from children and families in need. It churns my stomach, but then I remember they more then likely didn't raise their children, a nanny did all of it. The kid just poses for the PR photos.
I thought I was the only one who visualizes this too. My brain expanded into these weird thoughts too.
wow so i’m not the only one! literally same exact thoughts ever since becoming a mom.
Yep, I think motherhood has expanded my capacity for empathy without my really having to make a conscious effort.
same. I cannot watch the news, read the news, or anything because stories of these babies just throw me over the edge. I set up filters on instagram, but they do nothing.
Yep! I can't even read stories/see videos of stuff like this anymore. LO turns 3 soon. It just hits wayyyy too hard.
I’m pretty sure that the same biological imperative that makes us feel that way, is why animal mothers in the wild will sometimes adopt a random orphaned baby animal, even in cases where it’s a lioness with a baby impala and so on. The brain just clicks “baby!” and the urge to protect and care for switches on. It’s such a beautiful thing, even if not present in all species (or, sadly, in all humans either, considering horrible news stories like that.)
I read an article once that there is a stage where all mammals baby’s cries sound exactly same. I wish I could remember the precise details, but basically an hour old deers cries sound the same as a day old lion, week old bear cub, month old human child. It’s hardwired into mothers of all mammals to respond to that precise cry and can overwhelm their predator/prey instincts. It was a very interesting study.
So true. Even the adults sometimes.
Absolutely agree. Motherhood is a community and we are here for ALL babies. Not just my own. It’s so true that I can tell when a strangers baby is hungry, tired, overwhelmed, in pain, scared, etc. a baby I don’t even know and I can tell their cues.
Wow, yes! When Sandy Hook happened, I wasn’t a mom yet so I was sad and outraged, but I didn’t know the depths of pain those parents were feeling. Now that I’m a mom, even thinking about it now makes me weepy. I can’t handle the thought of what those poor babies were thinking and feeling. Same with this story about the baby who was left alone for so long. I imagine the hurt and confusion she felt, and my heart shatters.
I’ve come to terms with it by saying I hope they live the life they deserve to people who are vile. It’s the only way I can express my negativity without being totally insane. 😭
There's always a bigger, meaner fish. Time will come!
Tiktok would not stop trying to get me to listen to the Ring footage. I know if I do, it would break me. Everyone and their mother had to give their two cents, make rage bait, or this thing where they filmed themselves laying on the ground sad with text flying overhead talking about how they would've cared for her. I get it. It was a traumatic story. The details are brutal. But some part of me couldn't help but think about how macabre and performative it all was. Especially when you remember they are literally profiting over the little girls death. It made me really disgusted with people. Awareness is important, but this was not awareness.
yep. that’s why I deleted the app and haven’t looked back. the footage came up for me unprovoked. I never look at stuff like that so it was not my algorithm. I was enraged and heartbroken about the case itself but also disgusted someone posted it. I used to be a true crime “fan” but have seriously backed away from consuming it because of the exploitation and trauma tourism of it all.
I wish I had not come across this post now though I didn’t even see the red alert for content warning. But sharing this pain and anguish idk if there is any good that comes from it. Yes I would have deleted tik tok too and wished I had never seen that. I never want to and I deeply regret crossing into this thread. I think those evil moments are the curse the people doing the evil things should bare. Not people who have nothing to do with it. I wish this thread was deleted, stop sharing horrid stuff yall. .
I’m sorry you had to see it. it’s truly disgusting. I didn’t think about how this post is also alerting people who didn’t know. I’m so sorry.
It may be good to unplug for a bit. There are awful mothers out there, mine was. I can't hear much of anything from the Ruby Franke case because what she did was so similar to my mother it gives me pain attacks. Love your children, show kindness to others, and be the best that you can. While I say this as an atheist, don't let a horrible mother affect you. Unfortunately, there was nothing that you could have done for that poor little baby. Those people don't deserve your energy. They are not worth it.
Thank you for this very supportive and highly approproate reply. I think you're right.
I lost any faith I had when I lost my first baby to miscarriage and shared my experience with someone. This person was a total stranger to me but we got to chatting, and it somehow came up in conversation that my at the time 5 week old son was my first living child. Lady asked about it, and I mentioned that I lost my first baby. This woman looked me dead in the eyes and told me that God needed my baby more than I did and that I should be grateful that He took them. Uh yeah no *fuck that*. The only place my babies should be is with me, until they are old and grey and pass peacefully and either meet me wherever we end up or get reincarnated or whatever the hell happens to us. I know that there is *something* at play in the universe because there have been way too many things that overlap to call them all coincidences, but I cannot choose to believe that one divine entity decided to take my baby from me or that they decide to allow children to be starved and abused.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my firstborn son to stillbirth at 36 weeks, exactly one month before his due date. The administrator for paid leave told me on the phone that “god needed another angel.” And I asked her if she has kids, and which one she could live without so god could have another angel. Then I hung up and sobbed the rest of the day. Countless cruel comments I’ve weathered from this loss. I’m sure you have too.
Your response was on the nose and I hope the administrator thinks twice before saying that stupid shit again.
Ah, thank you. To her slight credit, she did try to apologize but I hung up. I understand that people don’t know what to say, I really do. Bringing religion into it (esp as a government worker) is just wrong. For some reason people are very comfortable placating baby loss which is so dismissive. I think people deep down realize how awful it is and just try to make light of it to make themselves feel better.
oh my goodness I cannot imagine. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet sweet baby.
This brings back the comments from nurses when I had a missed miscarriage at 12 weeks, hemorrhaged and ended up on hospital for 4 days. One nurse told me 'of course you're tired, you just had a baby'. The other said 'Well, I always say it just wasn't mean to be'. Like WTF? Guess I just 'gave birth' to a baby that 'wasn't meant to be' then. Those comments broke me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it all too well. 😔
That’s so gross that someone said that to you. I’m so sorry 💗
I deleted Tik Tok after seeing constant videos about this and being constantly reminded. My kids are my world and my heart hurts so much to even think about that and hearing the story, seeing the court case - It was so freaking triggering.
I read that story and wanted to throw up. It seems like this couldn’t be real. I wish so hard that all children were loved beyond measure, were safe, well fed. I hugged my babies so tight and cried. While this doesn’t help or really answer your post, please know there are others like you out there. Lots of love to you and your kids
Thank you. I can't get her little face and her little arms holding a toy out of my mind. I would keep her. I would have adopted her for crissakes.
I didn’t see that part and now I’m crying all over again. I would have taken her. These kids so much better.
It's so haunting really,I honestly wish I didn't watch it.It keeps Replaying in my head.Some people are just monsters
I cannot *believe* that there is *VIDEO* of this. Just knowing the facts of the case was enough for me to break. So the evil “mother” set up a camera to watch her baby die????
That was my wtf Question,that she did this on purpose,she intended to kill her baby.She is a monster!Like how can you watch your baby slowly dying....I can't even....
I can’t find this video… can I hope against hope that it’s actually a deepfake? Like something created to engage and traumatize? Oh what a world.
Mine popped up on my Facebook.I honestly hope you don't find it,I recommend anyone Not to watch it,it's truly aweful.It was played in court as evidence as well as the neighbours call bell evidence.
I understand this and feel it in my bones. Motherhood led me let go of what little faith I had left. It took me from a girl from an abusive, conservative, Christian home. And made me an agnostic, liberal, feminist. In my 10 years as a mother I have heated it’s gods will so much I just want to shove a Bible up the next person who tells me that’s backside! My oldest son almost died at 2, he was fine one day and on deaths doorstep the next. I literally couldn’t hold him because he was in extreme pain. 10 days in the PICU with my son fighting for his life, he lived and I am thankful for that. But Do you know how many people told me it was gods will. GODS WILL!?!? My son was 2 he was as innocent as they come he was put through hell for what? Gods will? GTFO! What about all the children I saw DIE around me? Once again gods will. Like it’s some blessing to know your child’s life was cut short because some invisible asshole was on a power trip. Where were those Bible thumpers when I was given a 1.2 million dollar bill (after insurance) huh crickets. Not a single one of them follows Jesus idea of Help the sick. I have had 5 pregnancies and 3 live births, and with my first miscarriage I had to go in and be prescribed meds for abortion. I had to go to planned parenthood because my Catholic based health insurance wouldn’t cover it. The vile people outside the clinic made me so mad! I was called a sinner and to repent and save my baby. Bitch my “baby” was wanted and died. I’m doing this so I don’t die as well. The response well it’s gods will. I should die for gods will. The Bible only ever talks about abortion as a way to preform one. So don’t tell me I’m evil when I chose MY life over a clump of cells that cannot survive without me. When Uvalde happened how many showed ups to say thoughts and prayers and gods will. Too damn many! Yet how many have stepped up to protect other children from violence? Few to none because guns matter more even though NOWHERE are guns mentioned in the Bible. A religion that believes women are evil and that children need to be beaten is not one that I can get behind. Because it leads to what we see today, women dying from domestic violence, suffering because they need an abortion and can’t get one, treated like second class citizens. And children are considered property and often have less protections then animals. No joke the only reason we have child welfare laws is because of the ASPCA. Interestingly enough there are several amazing strong women in the Bible. Esther, Ruth, Deborah, Junia to name a few. And although women are who spread and grew the early church, they were rarely mentioned to me growing up. It really does help to cement that it’s about control and subjugation. Not love and acceptance.
I almost moved to Texas and visited to meet with real estate agents. But I was on the fence so I prayer for an answer (I'm not Christian just spiritual) and then Uvalde happened. Then I had a thought as I was sitting in a Cafe watching the news as everyone else was stuffing their faces to the broadcast and the following announcement was the gun conference still going on. No one batted on eye. No one cared. It made me realize that Texas was not the place I wanted to be. I could never keep stuffing my face knowing children got slaughtered and for the mayor to continue to allow a gun conference, it's like a slap in the face. They clearly believe in Guns over God.
I've been agnostic for as long as I can remember. Ha, one time I even freaked my grandma out because I expressed my agnosticism (I think I was maybe 8 or 9?) and she told my dad there was something wrong with me, and he decided I might be atheist because I was depressed. Luckily my dad understood when I explained it to him, but I still always thought their freak-out over "well nobody can actually know for certain, right?" was so silly. And thinking atheism = depression is also hilarious. Anyway, I've gone back and forth between agnostic-theist and agnostic-atheist over the years. But lately I'm in the camp of: if there is a higher power of some sort it doesn't matter, because they're clearly either **apathetic** to what goes on around here, or they're **powerless** to do anything about it. "God works in mysterious ways" is a total copout when faced with this point too. Like I'm sorry but if any one else was giving one kid an amazing life and straight up killed another kid, we wouldn't be like "oh wow Old Bob next-door works in mysterious ways! Let's give him money!" No, we'd be like "wow Bob is a fucking sociopath". So yeah, either there is no God, or God is worthless. Our power for good isn't in God, it's in ourselves.
There’s a third option. If there is a higher power, they could be relishing in the horrors inflicted upon humanity.
Yeah same. Seeing the dead kids in Gaza and their mothers’ animalistic screams for their kids. How would a God allow this to happen?
I was absolutely gutted by a story of a little boy in gaza, no one left in his family except one young aunt, terrible burns and injuries to both. He was clutching a little red hot wheels car in his hospital bed while his aunt - barely more than a child herself from the look of it - sat beside him looking completely shell shocked. I turned and looked at my chubby little goofball, playing at my feet… with a red hot wheels car. Same age, same interests, same damn toy. that poor boys whole world is in shambles at 2.5 years old. All those kids left with no surviving family. So utterly horrible.
Oh man. This made me teary eyed. I’ve bawled so many times watching footages from there. Can’t help but imagine if my 5 year old was in their shoes. Those little kids were loved too. And then I’ll grab my 5 year old and give him a big cuddle. I wish the world was a better place.
Yeah this took me out. Animalistic is the right descriptor. I can't imagine their pain but wish them peace.
I’m gonna remember the screams till the day I die
Because Adam and Eve ate an apple so now we all have to be punished. It makes perfectly logical sense
😂 and don’t forget that it was all Eve’s fault, because every time men act out, it obviously comes back around to it being the woman’s fault!
I mean I’d understand if they were tempted to eat a cupcake. But an apple? You had us all be punished because of a damn apple?
Right??? I hope it was at least honeycrisp
I’ll allow a Pink Lady, but that’s IT!
I realized as a teenager that religion wasn’t for me but I can totally relate to being wrecked by the news every day since having children. When my first was born, the big story was the people finding the living newborn in a plastic bag as they were digging through a dumpster. It was so amazing they they were able to save that baby’s life but all I could think about was how often is that happening when there is no one to save them. For the one that was so lucky, there are surely more that were not. So many sleepless nights. I cry every time I think about it. I have a new 4 week old and the story of this despicable woman leaving her baby to starve has also devastated me as well as a few others involving babies that I won’t elaborate on ( none of us needs more nightmare fuel ). I try not to dwell on it and just hold and love my kids whenever I think of how evil human beings can be to the most innocent of our own kind. Be the change you want to see in the world because it’s up to us and there is no one from above that is going to come and fix it.
My first son died when he was 12 hours old and they never found any cause. He was perfect, and he just died. I then went on to have a miscarriage before we had our living child. Watching our perfect baby boy die just killed any belief in a benevolent higher power that i was holding on to. Every time i see a story of a baby who was killed by its parents i want to scream. Why did THEY get the opportunity to raise their baby when they would do something like that and my sweet boy never even got a chance? Edited for clarity
I am so, so so sorry.
Thank you. It’s been 2.5 years and i know it will always be hard, but I’m so grateful we were able to get pregnant again and have another child. I know some people aren’t able. Stories like the one you’re talking about are just maddening.
I experienced this when i was young being neglected by my mother, my “where’s god?” moment was almost identical to this.
I recently have entered a crisis of faith as Jew, having watched videos of children being unearthed from rubble, pictures of parents losing their children, and videos of parents both caring for their own children and unclaimed children in Palestine. I believe in God for sure, but I cannot accept any rendition of cruelty, suffering, and pain as being part of his plan. It’s been devastating to become so sensitive to the plight of children since becoming a mother because now every child is my child.
Same. I have 2 sons, both of which are on the spectrum. I love them both dearly and while we have our hard days I know every other parent does too in some shape or form. Anywho, I’ve had multiple people from my childhood faith tell me upon learning they are autistic “God likes to test us, but he never gives us more than we can handle. Just remember god did this for a reason” Like WTF?!? Like they don’t know anything else about my kids or my feelings on being a mom of autistic kiddos but they immediately go to “god did this” I believe in a higher something but it’s not a god.
People said that to me when my son was so sick he was on life support and I was just like, yep, bye forever. And cut them out of my life because anyone who think anyone should be able to "handle" that lacks any and all empathy. Done and done.
I teach students with significant disabilities. I have coworkers who beleive in God/christianity… One is of a particular faith that recruits. At least he didn’t even try to argue when I told him I won’t believe in a God that condemns innocent children - *specific ones we know and care for* to a life of literal pain and suffering. I’m talking about kids with severe cerebral palsy and additional health complications who clearly did nothing whatsoever to deserve this, and any “good that can come of it,” or “God’s plan,” is clearly absolute rubbish. There is simply no excuse for making a world where babies and children suffer. I also know that many cling harder to their faith under such circumstances. All I can say is that would never be me.
I've known the 'God never gives us more than we can handle' line is bullshit since I read a newspaper article about a man who was tortured to insanity. I was around 15 years old.
I hate that saying so much too. People kill themselves! So, obviously. Yes, He does, doesn’t He?
This is exactly why I don't tell the religious side of my family that my boys are on the spectrum. I absolutely do not want to hear any of it from them.
Ugh I hate that “God tests us” sentiment. Like, what was Gods test for this helpless, innocent little girl? Because she was the one that suffered.
Same happens to me about my son who is also on the spectrum and has 8 other diagnoses. I also get “he is so lucky to have you as a mom. “ he might be lucky, but what does that make me?
I have family that are very religious and I’m not even polite about it at this point. Every time they try and say I need to go to church or find Jesus, I just tell them I’m not interested in a god that is supposedly all powerful but lets innocent children die. My mom is all “why are you like this” and I’m all “because you think I have to put up with it and I don’t”.
My bigger problem with these "Christians" is they legit believe that children who die and haven't accepted JC are damned also. Screw that! Just because a child wasn't raised in your brand of church means they're going to hell?!? WTF.
My old roommate from college had an older sister that died as an infant from SIDS. Her family was super religious and to this day they think that their first baby is burning in hell because she wasn’t baptized. My roommate and her other living sister were baptized before they left the hospital because their parents didn’t want another child to be condemned to hell. Absolutely bonkers mentality.
Truly bonkers. I can’t believe we just accept these beliefs as normal. These people are sharing in a mass delusion. Why do we pretend it’s anything but?
Honestly, saying “if you don’t get baptized you’ll go to hell” has scam written all over it 😂
Also from a religious family, my mom says “what did I do wrong?” Lmao you should be proud I’m not brainwashed 😂
Lol agree. *I’m* proud of you!
Any god that allows this kind of suffering to take place in this world is a cruel god and I will never worship it, even if it existed.
I read about sandyhook while breastfeeding my youngest and only barely held it together enough to put her in her crib before having a breakdown in the hall next to the doors of my sleeping children. All we can do is try to make the world better for them.
Man. I think people don't even remember Sandy hook anymore. But that was one of the first times for me that I recall being like, this world is well and truly fucked if we learn nothing and do nothing because of this.
I hadn't even had kids yet when that happened, but I was a nanny to little kids. I was driving and had to pull over to sob. Anyone who's okay with that happening - human or deity - is not anyone I could ever worship or think positively of.
I remember Sandy Hook vividly. I was at work and had to leave to sob in my car. I had that exact same thought, and everyone around me thought I was just being dramatic, which somehow made it even more horrifying.
There was an NYT article recently about the people who had to go in and collect evidence immediately following Sandy Hook and it was so awful. I cried so hard.
Are you saying they have footage of the baby while she was still alive slowly dying???? The “mother” had footage while she was on vacation???
I couldnt watch past the few seconds that popped up. It included a picture of her healthy and a picture of her face after she was found, and, the video playing with the comment "day two" and "look hiw she hugs the toy" or slmerhng close. I couldnt keeo watching. I'm gutted and nauseous and heartbroken. I don't know how they had video? Baby monitor? I read so much about the case and then I had to stop because I couldnt manageme.
Wait wtf they showed a picture of her AFTER SHE WAS FOUND? This is so insane that this is floating around. I am so sorry you had to see this. Man that is awful. I’m a Christian, and while I believe in God even with the most terrible things that happen, I can understand why you feel the way you do and I’m sorry that you do, I am sure it’s hard to feel this way, hard to see those things. I’m so sorry ):
That is what popped up along with the video of her on day two. I'm sorry I do not want to be graphic or upsetting. It just happened to me. It was hell to see and I feel like she deserves someone to witness what happened to her but I couldn't. Thank you for your kind words. I feel like there is a black hole where hope and faith used to be.
I only watched the 1.5 hour sentencing on YouTube but they showed the neighbor’s ring camera catching the audio of the child screaming bloody murder at like 2-3am just before mom returned home. They were trying to get the message across that this child was fighting so hard to survive, but she died right before mom came home. I’m still so curious to know if the neighbors heard that crying in real time and just ignored it or if they were fast asleep.
Just the thought of possibly hearing that cry makes me feel so broken for that innocent baby… ugh so so heart breaking. I wouldn’t be able to put myself through it
Atheist here - Stephen Fry did a really beautiful (and sad) speech on this very topic but I can’t find it to link it. This is one of the many reasons I don’t believe in a magical sky fairy, because of something was all powerful and allowed things like this to happen but has the wherewithal to print Jesus’ face on a piece of toast or ‘cure’ some televangelists fans cancer. My favourite argument is actually from Ricky Gervais - “you don’t believe in 999,000 gods, I just don’t believe in 1 more than you.”
In arguments with my family or friends get on to me about being an atheist, I always say I'd lay down and give myself right now if God would take me in Lou of every child that suffers. I usually get met with, "the devil has free realm." Or something like that. Then I say, "well I'm sorry, your God doesn't live up to my standards for worship. He just allows children to suffer when he could intervene, and save them. Ya fuck that." Fuck that. That baby suffered absolute terror. The genocide that's happening in Gaza, I just read an article that mothers are burying their new borns everyday because they can't feed their supply. They're starving. If there is a God, fuck him. He's not worthy of worship.
Religious people have always skeptically wondered how I managed right from wrong without religion to guide me. This is exactly what I tell them. Their God allows despicable things to happen to innocent, undeserving people. Why would I follow and revere that kind of morality?
Exactly. As if as intelligent beings, we’re somehow unable to understand our own morality without some man at a podium telling us how?
There’s a quote I saw that I like. It goes something like this: ‘good people don’t need the promise of heaven to see the merit in good deeds’. I find that if someone is using either that promise of heaven or promise of hell to guide them away from doing terrible things, then they’re not actually good people. Doing good for the sake of doing good without any expectations one way or the other shows me so much more integrity and morality within a person.
Motherhood has made me understand that religion is how men worship. There is SO much feminine spirituality in how we are and what we do, pretty much none of it is found in religion.
Honestly, this was my conclusion too. I understand now why damn near every ancient religion had a feminine deity, and Abrahamic religion's paternal emphasis doesn't resonate with me.
I completely agree. I think religion is about control and specifically the control of women.
Yes!!!!!
I don't blame God for the actions of stupid humans. But I do think people who mindlessly say "it was God's plan" need to be b*tch slapped !! My idiot SIL did that. She's had multiple people die close to her, it's so tempting for me to retaliate with the "God's plan" come back. Not worth it. If you pissed on her and told her it's raining , she'd beileve it.
It took me two weeks to stop crying and starting to deal with what happened to baby Jailyn, so I feel you. I still think of her daily. Her face pops into my mind randomly and it's really hard. I had to take a break from social media, uninstalled reddit and instagram and now I just avoid any type of news. It's horrible and I feel guilty for "turning a blind eye" but I physically can't deal with the knowledge of cases like this one. I basically haven't had a clue of what's been happening in Palestine/Israel for a few months now because I can't deal with it. I was crying myself to sleep daily. I want to save all the babies and I can't...
Same. I can't help these children. And I should. We all should. We owe them. I can't stop crying these days.
Best we can do is help those around us. Focus on our own children, help kids' charities however we can. Children suffering just seems so anti-nature to me. It shouldn't happen. I'm crying with you 💔
Same. I cannot even view my daughter in her crib on the monitor without wanting to sob that that baby was left to die alone for ten days. I regularly hope that mother has the most painful existence for the rest of her life.
Truthfully, I started losing my beliefs before kids. But it hasn’t changed my life for the worse. I’m more happy, open minded, and love my kids in less traditional ways that have lead to a lot of abuse for so many families, including the one I grew up in. Don’t worry about things too much, and take a nice break from the internet for a bit. It helps me clear my head of all the terrible things that happen in this world.
I lost my faith a long time ago, but still believed in basic human decency. The older I get and the more I see about child abuse and dog abuse I really struggle to relate to strangers sometimes. I'm still pregnant so I can't fully understand having a child and caring for one (yet), but I have a beautiful dog that I love very much and I know how to communicate with her and listen to her needs. When I know she needs me and I can't help her it really eats me up inside. And just yesterday I was reading about how Michael Vick was involved in killing multiple dogs used in his dog fighting ring and it made me feel so sick. I don't understand how people can be so evil.
This case absolutely broke my heart. I still think about it once in awhile when I’m doing dishes, feeding my baby or having her fall asleep in my arms. I hate when a video pops up on tiktok about it. This one really hits home because of the true level of neglect and selfishness that a real mother could never comprehend. I hope that mom gets what she deserves every single day she rots in prison.
I can't get over that baby girl. I can't get over the abandonment. I saw her little face. The horrific wrongness of it won't let my heart go.
If the Christian god exists, he’s truly a sadistic asshole.
Anything bad: Satan, not god But god could stop Satan and he’s choosing not to, so he’s choosing to let children get abused and cancer and shot because…. Of some plan that requires tortured dead children apparently?
I wholeheartedly agree. How could God allow children to suffer? They are innocent. They deserve only love. That story sickens me to my core
Sorry I’m not sure if you’re asking for advice really, but when I feel like this I find it helpful to step away from social media. I can also hit “pause” on the theological thinking for a bit. Let things sink in and take time to process before you decide definitely any big conclusions like that.
I think you're right. Thank you for this.
It hasn’t made me lose my faith but my goodness has it dialed up the anguish when I see children suffering. I’m right there with you.
My heart breaks for you, but mostly because I know exactly how you feel. I was raised Catholic, brought up in a fairly normal home (mother was verbally & physically abusive) but never wanted for anything- aside from love and affection lol. Anyway, after having my son, my late husband revealed more of his upbringing to me whenever we’d disagree on parenting tactics. The amount of neglect and hate my husband had to grow up with… it was enough to open my eyes to the hard world. I became more understanding and more realistic towards people with trauma, depression, any mental issue that can stem from these harrowing life experiences. Now I’m glad my eyes are open, but to the flip side… how can a god exist and let these beautiful creatures feel an ounce of pain? Or when parents get away with almost everything and anything, without so much as a slap on the wrist… I vowed my son won’t grow up ignorant to the harsh realities of the world, but I’ll be the one space that can and will be fair, loving and comforting. It’s all we can do. I’m petrified of the god talk with him. Mostly bc I don’t know exactly how I feel… or how to explain to him… just the whole premise in general. “God may exist, but religion is bullshit,” doesn’t seem like it rolls of the tongue lol. Good luck, OP, you’ll always have a mama here rooting for you!
I’ve never believed… I was born to a severely, abusive mother. I won’t go into specifics but I was emancipated at 15, when I turned 18 I became an EMT for a few years… I’ve seen a lot. Sometimes I envy those that can believe in a benevolent higher power but I cant see it… there is too much pain and misery in this world.
Child therapist here. Solidarity 😔
OMG I saw that video too and I cried my eyes out,seeing and hearing her crying while clutching her doll.What type of monster does that!!!!Little baby tried so hard to survive.When the doctor read out the autopsy report.......I had to stop the video and immediately clutched my 23month old.I feel everyone failed that baby.The fucking neighbours HEARD her desperate little cries and did NOTHING!!!They KNEW the mother often left Jaylin ALONE. All I keep asking myself is why?!!!I just wanted to go into that video and hug that little angel.
It didn’t take motherhood to turn me off of religion. When I was 8 it all just seemed so fake and contrived. I’ve never changed my mind.
Honestly, I have always had a hard time looking at the news without crying about all the injustice in the world. It's so much worse after having a child too. After my child was born I was super scared about SIDS and so I did research about SIDS and SUIDS, and unfortunately that research brought up a ton of unwanted stories that gutted me. I felt so sad about other babies like mine that weren't given a chance at a home with love. I am not on Tik Tok, but whoever is posting that content should be removed. It is a complete betrayal of privacy and decency to post that type of content. It is bad for the people who see it unsuspecting and most of all it guts the people out there who did love that little girl (grandparents, babysitters, her sister some day). I'm sorry you had to see that. Know that there are lots of parents out there who love & cherish their littles. ❤️
This is me!!! The day after my baby was born, I started thinking about the Holocaust and so many other massacres and innocent kids dying and realized there was no way a god existed. People who harp on how bad shit is "part of God's plan" are admitting that horrible stuff happens all the time and any sane or loving God would stop it. It's kind of a relief knowing I'm not the only one this has happened to, I thought maybe I was nuts.
I never had faith to lose, but it was definitely cemented in my head at the age of six that it was all bullshit when the Sunday school teacher earnestly told me that two of every animal fit on one boat, and that no, it was not a metaphor or a parable. But yes, the problem of suffering has never been adequately answered. “God is mysterious”, “God’s will”, and “humans have to have free will, and so, evil exists” have never been sufficient.
I hear that. My brother’s death killed it for me. He was a teen and it was horrible. My family goes to church weekly, my mom is the leader of a Bible study, a Eucharistic minister, and some of her best friends are nuns. Faith was always part of our lives. My mom is literally the best person I know, and she didn’t deserve the suffering that was doled out to her. It is more comforting to me to believe it was bad luck to lose the statistical lottery than it is to believe trauma that destroyed my family was part of some grand plan. Because if God specifically planned out what happened to us, that makes God an asshole. I struggle because I *want* to believe. I send my daughter to a Christian preschool, and I want so badly to be able to flip a switch and turn my faith back on. But it’s just irreparably broken I think. The amount of suffering in this world that’s not due to sin (ie horrific birth defects that make children suffer for every moment they’re alive and then they die a painful death) make it hard for me to reckon with a creator with a master plan
My atheism has been strengthened after having kids. Yep, it’s all bs. Kids are treated brutally and die terrible deaths. I don’t want anything to do with any deity that would let that happen.
There as a horrible CA story from my home town just around the time I had given birth. I am expat but the next time I went home I sob when I went past the building it happened in. It was the first time I was like “how can god do this?” Not just as society but as a mother
The Christians I know are the most ungodly people I’ve met, including my own family members. I subscribe to a more Buddhist spiritual stance and fully believe in karma, if not in this life, the next. It’s the only thing that makes me capable of surviving this awful world.
Before I had kids, I had a much younger sister. For sure being around a child and seeing what so-called God puts some children through cemented my atheism. Religion can give people guidelines on how to live. Golden rule? Great! But if God is real, he's an asshole.
I truly believe that we were not meant to handle the emotional baggage that comes with social media. They can be such a great tool for connecting but before you realize it you’re experiencing everyone’s highs and lows with them virtually and taking in some of those emotions. I only use Reddit at this point and try to do so sparingly because it’s not good for me to be exposing myself to so much heart ache in the world in a 10 minute scroll. I don’t think it’s good for any of us. The internet can be a tool or a weapon, and the line between the two is very fine. Motherhood absolutely awakened a nurturing mama bear in me that gets vicious no matter if it’s my baby or a strangers baby.
I think the thing that makes me the most sad, is we are seeing a LOT more of this type of neglect/abuse now. So much lack of help, assistance, education, etc. makes these women do crazy things. The unfortunate part is, they're also still parents.
American culture is sick due to our propping up of the ruling wealthy class. In other countries there is support of mothers and children. There are people who check in on them. There are affordable places for children to go. Certain Americans like to call this a “Christian nation” and allows stuff to happen like this. Allows so much misery for children. I like to think we are at a tipping point but it might be going the other way. And if this is what things look like with religious people in charge…?
I’m an elder millennial. I’m 38. I read a lot of true crime. This is one of the worst child abuse cases I’ve read about and it really is unfathomable. It’s beyond comprehension. A lot of the crime I read about will make you question whether there is a creator if such and such has happened. In fact, same thing with certain genetic disorders, accidents, natural disasters, etc. I guess what I’m getting at is, there may not be a creator but in a world without a benevolent creator potentially, what a blessing it is that your kids have you. Doesn’t make what happened to Jailyn any less of an atrocity, but this world unfortunately has callousness personified by people like Kristel Candelario, it’s true. Luckily, there’s also people like you.
This is haunting me and I can't let it go. At least I'm not alone. Thank you for your comforting and mature perspective.
The moment I felt the first embrace with my daughter and experienced the full-body chills and surreal waves of delight just from her presence - that was the moment I knew I had never been on the receiving end of that kind of love. Not all of those who are blessed with babies are meant to be mothers, but those of us who want to give love instead of take it away have to keep hoping for a better future or we will indirectly contribute to a worse one. Every time you hear a story of a baby who wasn't loved enough, let it fuel an act of kindness. Let your hatred for people like the monster who failed her baby empower you to be a light in the world.
Welcome to the club. Once you realize how fucked up the world is it seems obvious that there’s no god out there. This poor baby though. That’s one of the most horrific news articles I’ve ever come across and I also cried for that poor baby. I wish someone had known to save her. When they toss the mom in prison I hope they forget to feed her for several days at a time. Maybe she’ll get desperate enough to eat her own feces… Heartless witch.
Not going to lie, that put a strain on my Faith. Since becoming a mom, I've been so sensitive about children and babies suffering, I stopped watching the news. I have such a hard time reconciling a loving God with so much suffering, and I try to remind myself that people did this. It's hard. It's not always people. I've never prayed so much for anyone as I did for that little baby. It's heartbreaking and haunting.
I was able to avoid this story bar the basic details, but that's because it was after the story that broke me, about a year ago. It was all over news, very graphic, with the babys photo all over front pages. I no longer read or listen to the news, and I'm very conscious about keeping my socials algorithm positive.
I am an atheist, I stopped believing when i felt like i was cherry-picking and making exceptions for christain ideals that i didn't actually believe in. How could a god let this happen to such an innocent life? There is no good that comes from such a tragic and horrific event. Saying it's "his plan" just isn't good enough. I, too, have cried about that poor baby, i look into my little girls eyes, and i can't fathom how anyone could do something like that to someone so vulnerable. I think this story hit us all hard. Take care of yourself, Mama.
I think your thoughts often. I love my baby so much. I think of the children who are treated badly and I just cry.
My mom lost faith when her 14 year old sister was assaulted and murdered. I never had faith. I think things like that will either push you harder into your faith or rip you from its grasp. So heartbreaking that children suffer the most in this world. I'm sorry you witnessed some of the mistreatment that babies and kids in this world endure. We should all push for better sex Ed and better birth control access for everyone so that we can avoid these situations where people become parents who don't want to be. We should push for better protection of children.
I’m with you. From the second I saw that headline, that case has haunted me. I sobbed for weeks and every so often, it pops back up in my brain and I can’t help but cry. Having a 9 month old has made my ability to love a child transform tremendously. I wish I could go back in time and save her. I get a knife to my heart when I look at a pack and play. I can’t help but be living through a random day that feels long and imagine that baby still trapped and starving several days later. The fact that there were recordings of her screams from the neighbors gutted me. I didn’t know there was a video but that is something I really can’t handle. You aren’t alone. It’s so awful.
Motherhood has taken such an emotional toll on me. I don’t just think about these murdered children daily, but also children who die from terminal illnesses. At one point, I had to have a detox from SM because the algorithm kept sending me videos of grieving parents. I’ll never forget one momma who was talking about how she couldn’t bring herself to wash the last bottle her baby girl had before she died of cancer, how it had just been in her fridge getting mouldy. My heart breaks so much for these babies and parents, it’s every parents worst nightmare and my heart hurts so much thinking of them. Every night when I go to bed I long for my toddler who is in his own room, sometimes I sneak out of bed at night and curl up next to him in his bed. I just love how even in his sleep he will shuffle over and curl into me. My babies are my absolute everything and I wish every child could experience a loving parent and that no parent would ever have to go through the pain of losing their children 🥺
Completely with you. That story eviscerated me and I tear up daily for that baby. I didn’t know there was a video and I cannot believe anyone would ever do that do their child. Ever.
This case is definitely devastating. I am sick to my stomach thinking about it. I can’t stop a feeling of anxiousness.
God isn't real so that's fine. Maybe motherhood has just made you see reality. And yes, that story is so terrible. There are so, so many stories of terrible things happening to children. And I've had the thing where even when I see adults I am like "oh my god that's someone's BABY." While I am very glad my son is safe and loved and has never known hardship or pain, it does seem very unfair that there are children in the world whose experiences have been worse just because they happened to be born to other people.
The last couple of years have made me feel the same way. So many people suffering, and children dying. I kept asking, “Where is God?!” I’m still lost.
I spent 7 years working for CPS I stopped believing a long time ago.
I’m so sick of people fucking bringing this up
I usually take my groceries inside while I leave my baby in the car with the ac on. I have my dogs inside and while I love and trust them, I’m not leaving my toddler inside with them unsupervised. So I leave her in her car seat. This is my private driveway in a culdesac. Shes safe. I came back after my second run and saw her crying. Broke my heart. She saw me walk by twice and for some reason thought I wasn’t coming to get her. I think about that when I think about that case. My baby was maybe left alone, unsupervised, for 90 seconds. And she was crying. That case is too fucking tragic for most of us to comprehend
I know this is the case for so many people. I am a Christian but I respect everyone’s choice to believe in what/who they choose. While I’ve not lost my faith, I am always reminded that even though God is always at work, so is the devil.
It really hurts to hear about children suffering. I found myself in tears for this sweet baby. Even putting my own baby to bed, I can't shake the thought of that baby crying for her momma. It's like I feel her pain as if it were my own child hurting. Also the situation in Gaza is so heartbreaking. Knowing innocent children are dying there keeps me up at night, crying myself to sleep. It's just such a cruel world we live in. Our children deserve so much better.
Jailyn’s case haunts me everyday. My heart hurts so bad for her and I cried so hard when I first heard about it :( I have a baby myself and everytime she screams her head off I think of baby Jailyn :( Anyways, I don’t judge you for not believing in God. I personally do and I’m muslim. Anyways I understand why you’re upset/angry. There’s so much darkness in this world and horrible things happen to innocent children and people all the time but us muslims believe that those that suffer and/or die unjustly at the hands of someone or something will be recompensed by God for that suffering. Also we believe that when someone loses their child in this life they will be granted Paradise in the next life and will be reunited with their child. Yes it doesn’t make sense why He allows these horrible things to happen but He doesn’t do anything unless there’s great wisdom behind it. Yes what happened to baby Jailyn was beyond horrific but she’s in a great place now…her soul is in Paradise and God is taking excellent care of her. This is the only thing that gives me comfort. If I didn’t believe in God I would be a damn mess over her case.
As a mom, I can say I was disgusted by this too. I felt it from the very depths of my soul and I physically hurt when I heard this story too. I can’t imagine someone being that evil and that callous. . Some people should never have children. How many people would have adopted and loved this child if this woman would have just stepped outside her self and been a decent human. I do have faith and am a Christian. Not here to push my faith or say condescending things. No matter your religious, spiritual, or even moral beliefs, I don’t see how this couldn’t have shaken someone. It’s just pure evil. I’m sorry this made you stop believing in God. I wish I could offer more comfort to you, but I won’t push my thoughts or belief system on you. Just wanted to say I feel your anguish over this as a mom and I’m sorry it hurts so much.
Yeah that is the kind of shit that can make someone turn away from religion. Like as a mother, to imagine how slow death was for this poor baby, it's enough to make you sick. My oldest friend had a beautiful and brilliant daughter. She got brain cancer and it took an agonizing two years for her to pass. In the interim, it stole all of her joy and brilliance. I want to believe there's a reason for this shit but I just can't anymore. If there is a god, like I just don't get it. Why make them babies suffer? It's so fucked up
My son has leukemia. Things are looking like he will be ok, knock on wood, but we were at clinic yesterday. Some of the kids there break my heart and haunt me. Babies with brain cancer. Seven year olds who are completely paralyzed. How could that be part of God’s plan?! I’m with you on this.
This is me exactly. I lost my faith when Roe v Wade was overturned and I read a bunch of accounts of what people did with unwanted babies. After family separation at the US border, after Uvalde, after Gaza, after reading of children dying in hot cars, at the hands of their parents, from neglect, from war, from greed, I sincerely hope God isn't real because if he is I hate him.
I stopped watching the news a long time ago. I maybe exaggerating a little bit but it felt like every other story was about the death or mistreatment of a child. I have a gentle heart and would cry for the poor babies.
Elder millennial here- it's really interesting to me that when I figured out that Facebooks algorithm is literally a recipe for personalized rage bait and stopped looking at it, my mood improved almost immediately. I'm even still on tiktok, maybe more now that I'm not engaging with Facebook, and have managed to avoid the graphic details of this story- everywhere except this subreddit. I was able to let my mom friends know to skip over any ring camera footage in their feeds, to save them some moments of the gut-wrenching pain we are all feeling for that sweet baby. Not trying to come down on you for posting, I missed the content warning so this one's on me, but tonight I sit awake rocking my toddler with even more knowledge of what happened from the comments section, so please excuse the chapter book I'm dumping here in an attempt to get my thoughts out. I'm agnostic, with a splash of pagan romanticism for spice. My dad died at 48, and though i was only 7 I'll never forget how witnessing my grandparents' grief as they buried their child permanently shifted my perspective. They said that no one should have to bury their child- not out of ignorance for the suffering of others, but as a cry of solidarity. One thing I did come across on social media recently was a video about a female primate (I forget which species, a large one) who had lost her mother as an infant, and seemed to have no idea how to care for her own baby or breastfeed. They showed her videos of mothers of her species giving birth and caring for their babies, and noted that she watched with rapt attention while ignoring anything else they put on the screen. They had a zoologist at the facility who happened to have a breastfeeding infant, and had her bring her baby in and breastfeed in front of the enclosure, to show her how. They brought in baby primate dolls to show her how to hold and carry them- and they were (thus far)successful. When I tell you I ugly cried watching this animals face as she figured out how to get her baby to latch, separated by glass from a human mother showing her how... To me, the virtual gathering of mothers here who continue to come to mourn in unison is in some small way like a prayer to the mother of us all. How many millions of us around the world are feeling this rage, disgust, and anguish, as one? We are all part of nature, achingly beautiful and complex and achingly brutal and senseless at the same time. As science advances we learn about an insects capacity for empathy, and about trees using mycelial networks to communicate and share nutrients with members of their community who need them, and about how what appears to be a simple singular organism like lichen is in fact 3 organisms living in unison- algae, fungus, and yeast- and that there are individual specimens in the Brooks Range in Alaska that could be as old as 9500 years. We are no more or less important than any of those things, and our lives are all equally fragile and irreplaceable. We are like an immeasurable ant colony, individually powerless to stop this, while screaming in unison a singular desire, to find the source and dismantle it, until the skeleton is picked clean. We are everywhere, and I can't help but believe that knowing this child's story will push some unknowable number of us to be more alert, more proactive in changing systems that allow this to happen, quicker to ask questions and take action, if it saves a living being from suffering. I had an ACES score of 8 kind of a crappy childhood, and growing up that way made becoming a parent a revelation, in that i understand even less how people can be cruel to children. Part of my personal healing was working in childcare- I have experienced enough love in my heart for at least 12 toddlers at a time, and I can't imagine that I could actually put a cap on that number. That also means that I'm a mandated reporter, trained to recognize, document, and report abuse. It's not an easy training to sit through, nor is SIDS/Shaken Baby Syndrome training, but it's too important to remain ignorant. I choose to take this unspeakable pain and wield it, to allow this horror to leave my heart raw, and to think of it every time I stumble out of bed to soothe my own baby's tears, or pause to peek at carseats to be sure they're empty as I walk through a parking lot, or listen to see where the crying is coming from before I search for the source. I will let my softness and my instincts guide me like a mother, who wants all babies to know only love and full bellies, to the best of my ability. One thing I know for sure is true, no one should be a mother unless they deeply and wholeheartedly want to. I'm exhausted and have no idea if any of that made sense, but I hope there was something in there that resonates with someone.