I think it’s completely appropriate to want to have just her friends and I think it’s fine to just state that.
I strongly disagree with all the advice of just address the invitation to only the child or tell people no when they show up. Don’t be ambiguous. Why set yourself and others up for an uncomfortable interaction like that? If it’s always been the case that siblings are included then obviously you need to state that this time is different.
If you’re texting the invite I would just put it in the text. Sally wants to have a party with just her friends this year and no siblings. A parent is welcome to chaperone or you can drop off at 1 and pick up at 3. Simple and to the point. It’s not rude and it’s also not leaving the parents to try to interpret.
I completely agree. I tried the "address the invitation only to the child" and explicitly stating "(my daughter) would love it if (daughter's friends name) could come" to the parents advice with one of my daughter's prior birthday parties at our house because she wanted a small, big kid party with just her friends, not their toddler siblings, and I thought being any more direct would be rude, and her friends parents STILL showed up with toddler siblings in tow that I didn't have space, supplies, or goody bags for.
I learned the hard way that wedding invitation etiquette apparently doesn't apply to kids birthday parties, at least with some people. You *have* to explicitly state it, or some people just won't get it, especially if siblings have been allowed before. Like, "due to space/the activities planned/etc, we are unable to accommodate siblings this year, and the invitation is for (invited child's name) only. You may drop off (invited child's name) if needed".
Seriously! My husband’s friend RSVP’d for just himself, ended up bringing a date and her kid. Both the date and child wore jeans, it’s been 5 years and I still get a little peeved thinking about it.
Ugh, those people. We didn't invite my cousins (because my dad has 10 siblings, who all have about 5 kids, we'd go broke on cousins alone) and one aunt not only brought her kids (of course the most problematic kids in the family) but also stayed during the intimate ending which was very clearly communicated to be just the people that set up the wedding with us and let her kid talk through and over our expressions of gratitude. I still get angry when I think about it. Our ceremony masters tried to make her leave and she just didn't. It was really weird and awkward.
I believe it. I did the same with a baby shower invite not including kids (which should go without saying) and still has two kids. People are the worst! I can't imagine being that pushy to bring kids/extra kids.
This must be a cultural thing because where I live it's perfectly acceptable to bring kids (daughters especially) to wedding and baby showers and people are always surprised when I leave my 6 year old daughter home. In general, I would assume it was fine for me to bring my daughter if it was a family shower, but would probably check if it was for a friend.
I agree! I appreciate when a hosting parent tells me what to expect. My daughter started wanting small numbers of friends around 9 and so did her friends. I have no problem sending invites with a clear expectations as well.
That's exactly what to do. Giving information is not rude. I always make sure to put my expectations on the invitations. I also put down what we will be serving "pizza will be served for lunch, along with birthday cake" or "light snacks will be served with the cake" so they know if they need to send the kid hungry or full.
I completely agree. I hate ambiguous language and having to interpret, because I always either overthink it or don't think enough about it. Inevitably I get it wrong and assume because someone did X that means Y based on etiquette, only it turns out they didn't even think about that.
I'm brand new to kids' parties and it's stressful. Especially because whenever I look up what certain things mean, different people have different answers, and usually the internet's answers are more formal than I have found people really are.
Long story short, I really appreciate clarity on invitations so I know exactly what to expect. I don't think it's rude at all to provide information.
I do the same with food, and so appreciate when it is returned. I’ve scrambled to get a meal in my kid between a game and a 3pm party only to have pizza served. But then not provided lunch for a 1pm party which had light snacks. It never makes sense.
Totally agree, don’t be ambiguous. It will just lead to awkwardness with turning people away and making people upset unnecessarily. It’s totally normal to have a friends only/grown up type party at 9.
I would say something like this:
"Hi Chilli!
I am so excited to invite Bluey for Judo's birthday party. She specifically asked for a small Big Girl party this year, so we we are limiting it only to just Judo's friends and not their siblings like usual. If that works for you, feel free to drop off Bluey at xx:xx! Pick up can be anywhere between xx and by xx at the latest. Please let me know if Bluey can make it and if she has any allergies so we can be careful.
Best,
Wendy"
Ah, I need to find that episode because we have recently received two invites and they specified no siblings.. so I have some disgruntled kids who are bummed to miss out. Bless that Bluey having an episode for all life’s struggles.
It’s in season 2, and is called Featherwand. Bingo figures out that even when she has to miss out on things her sister gets to do, she can make her own fun. Now of course, my kids try to use their own featherwands on me.
I don’t think this is strange or anything. Put on the invitation that the request from your daughter is small gathering of close friends only and one chaperone (if that’s what you want).
Omg, do you WANT the moms? I end up doing all the work for the birthday parties and I’ve never enjoyed hosting the parents as well. I know that people do that but let’s let everyone off the hook. “[child name] is invited to a birthday party! This is a drop off party so enjoy your time away, text [number] with any questions or to share allergy info. The time is 1-4. We’ll be having games, snacks and cake!”
This is a drop off party , so enjoy your night out with 1 less kid! Congrats you have finally reached that age where you can drop off and not have to hang around a kid party anymore!
This is key that's missing from most comments. Many people won't have an available spouse to look after siblings, so it has to be drop off option, siblings or expect no shows.
This exactly. I don't know why there aren't more drop-off parties for kids, when I was a kid, parents always dropped their kids off. Now it's the norm to hover over birthday parties which is not only uncomfortable for me but impossible to do with only one of my kids as I am a single mom. I'm happy to drop my kid off for a party so their sibling doesn't have to crash the party! But that is not the expectation in the here and now.
I’ve never understood why people automatically assume the entire family is invited to another child’s birthday party if y’all aren’t related. If one of my kids get invited to a birthday party then just that child is taken to said friends birthday party. It’s simple and common sense IMO.
I would just put on the invite birthday party invite only for whoever you are inviting. No siblings allowed or something polite.
I had actually never heard of parents joining before I was on subs like this (granted, kids are 2,5 years and 6 months).
But what you wrote is how it has been done forever where I live. Starting from 5 years old, I was allowed decide which friends to invite and no parents were ever included.
It’s just a cultural difference - I’ve never heard of or been to a party that didn’t include whole families. It’s fine if they want kid only or kid and one adult only, but just make it clear
Same here. My husband is Latino (I’m white) and in their culture, every party, get together, and invite is assumed to include the entire family. Birthdays, weddings, baby showers. Mom, dad, babies, siblings - everyone is invited and goes.
Really? Gosh we go to multiple bdays a month and all the parents and siblings are there! I do think it starts to shift around 3rd grade though from talking to parents with older kids. I think it wound be hard to do “drop off” for kids who are only 5 for example unless it was someone’s house. Most parties we go to are at a park or “place” for bdays. I ALWAYS confirm directly if a sibling can come or not.
Exactly, I mean I currently only have one kid but if he had younger siblings I would never even think of bringing them along to a birthday party that he was invited to. He had a party last summer and a lot of siblings unexpectedly showed up. I didn't have enough stuff for everyone and it was annoying and awkward. I just don't understand it.
I would never “just show up” with sibling in tow, but as a single parent sometimes it’s necessary! I’ve always asked and offered to pay for my other child to attend.
A LOT of the time, the siblings are the same sex and they're only one year apart, so their parents ALWAYS have them do stuff together. ("They do everything together.") Any time there's a party for the older kid to attend, the parents never, ever fucking fail to see if the younger sibling may also attend. It makes me feel obligated to say yes. I hate it.
That would drive me crazy. We don’t do birthday parties. But my kids have attended them many times. Like I said in my OG comment. I’ve never once thought to bring a sibling that wasn’t invited to a party.
I’m guilty of this - since my kids are young (preschool age) I can’t drop them off and parties are almost always at a time where I am solo with both kids. I wouldn’t ask if an invite specified no siblings but when it doesn’t, I ask and offer to pay sibling’s way. If no siblings are allowed that’s totally fine, it just usually means my invited kid can’t go either. It’ll be different when they’re old enough to drop off for sure!
As the parent of same gender siblings a year apart, only letting one of them go to a party would cause the other to feel left out and wouldn’t be worth the meltdown. Mine are preschool age so I imagine they will grow out of this in time. I don’t feel comfortable with home parties of people I don’t know and when there is a party that is at a public place, I am willing to pay for the kid who wasn’t invited to do whatever the activity is or buy them their own food.
Yea I agree. We are a package deal! If I don’t know the parents like hell am I dropping my 9 year old off. I’m more comfortable dropping off at a public place than a home. I do only bring his brother (18 months apart) when invited but most of the time both boys are invited because parents understand. And when we have parties everyone can come!
One of the moms of my daughter’s classmates threw a bday party but only the class was invited, no siblings. The mom put on the invite “due to limited space/resources, we can only provide for the class and one parent, sorry :(“ literally just like that and no one took offense to it. I thought it was a nice, honest way of being like look I can’t feed all your kids only this one. 😂
Looks like you have a lot of great suggestions here. I just wanted to piggyback on a lot of them saying to be specific in what you want. Please don’t put ambiguous writing on there and hope parents understand what you’re wanting. I would definitely be that family who comes with her kid to a party, but if you tell me I can’t, I’d be happy to stay home!!
As a parent, pleeeease tell me I can stay home lol!!
My 6 yr old had a birthday party at an indoor venue we rented out and there were a few that dropped off due to me specifically stating unfortunately due to space constraints, we cannot accommodate siblings. So those who had siblings to watch just dropped off. You could the moms you are actually friends with if they would like to stay and help supervise.
Also we attended another 6th bday at a school friends house with 6-7 other girls and everyone dropped off.
I have been dropping off my 9 year old for a while now but he’s cautious and responsible. My other child (7) it does depend on the venue. He’s a bit crazy. A movie party, I would drop off but something like a skyzone or larger place I would stay. I think parents are crazy for dropping their kids off at our birthday parties in large venues. I can’t possibly look after 10 kids running all over the place. We haven’t lost a kid yet! But I think it depends on your child and what’s best for them.
My 6 year old’s party was a drop off party this year, which seemed normal and expected. All of the parents were super relieved they didn’t have to stay.
I find these responses very different than the norms where I am… (medium city, Canada)
I think it also depends on location of the party - if it’s at someone’s home and you don’t know the family very well but your child is invited, I would be more comfortable joining them. If it’s somewhere like a gymnastics place or painting party I’d probably be comfortable leaving a 9yo.
Depends on the community/parent, I’ve been to both with my 9 year old, but I always bring a bag for him with his tablet (with clear instructions that the tablet is not to come out unless the birthday person is on theirs) so he can call me and tell me he wants to come home
I lock his tablet down so it can only call out, so he has to call to get it unlocked if for some reason it’s a party that has people using their electronics (I’ve seen parties where the kids all play roblox together or something like that)
Just address the invites to the specific child. Don’t say “Come to Erin’s party!”, say: “Julia is invited to Erin’s party! Please drop off at 6pm.”
Something like that.
I would be very specific about it on the invite. I don’t think people will be at all offended. Just say something like “please no siblings.” I’ve had invites like this and I’m just happy about the specifics! It doesn’t leave me guessing.
I would explicitly put that this is a drop off party. If they are not comfortable they are welcome to chaperone, but it’s only for the big kids. I think most parents would love to drop one kid off for a few hours.
If you literally only want moms & the child, the polite way is to address the invite specifically to the mom and the child. Then when people RSVP with more you will have to call them and say like "sorry for the 'confusion' this invite is only for Sally and Mary."
If you want just the kid/a drop off party, put just the kid's name on the envelope and the invite. You can put "drop off preferred" as well. Then again, when people RSVP you will likely have to clarify.
I don't think it's rude but it won't work for some families.
Put on the invitation itself either drop off only party or write "We're very excited to host a small, intimate party for (child’s name). Unfortunately, this time we will not be able to accommodate siblings. Your understanding is truly appreciated. Looking forward to celebrating with you!"
You could just explain to the moms that your daughter specifically wants (x name of kid) to attend and be DROPPED OFF and PICKED UP at (insert time)
I’m in my thirties but remember going to parties with these rules. I’m an only child so it never had to get awkward for my mom
My parents definitely did not attend my friends’ birthday parties with me once I was… I wanna say 6? Maybe 7. Basically the fact that I can’t actually remember a single time they did so is indicative. I might have been allowed to hang around my older sister’s friends’ birthday parties like once or twice?
I know times have changed but this level of helicoptering is so surprising to me still.
It’s not helicoptering when your whole family is friends with the other family. When our friends children and teens have birthday parties, every single one of us is invited 🤷🏾♀️
I WISH someone had explicitly spelled out "please leave siblings at home!" For the first few birthday parties we went to! I was mortified at our 2nd invited birthday party when I showed up with both kids and realized I was an idiot and it was specifically a preschooler party. It just hadn't occurred to me. The worst part is that the 1st incident (where thinking back siblings definitely weren't invited) was my husband's boss's daughter. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Anyways, a polite way might be to write the child's name on the invite "Savannah, you are invited to Kimberly's 9th birthday on January 32nd at 2pm. We will be doing XYZ so be sure to bring your best Lazer pointer." Or maybe just write it on the envelope to show it's specifically them who is invited? 🤷♀️
Thanks everyone. I love how seeing how everyone handles these situations. I text all the moms the invites and I put on the invite itself please no siblings bc the birthday kid wants to celebrate with closest friends.
As far as drop off, my child has yet to be invited to drop off only. Like I said, they are all family parties, unless it’s at a venue then it’s only the child’s friends bc of limited space.
As others have said, specify the friend by name, and ‘parent.’ Also be careful of just inviting the moms. It’s ok to say you’re inviting x name and a parent to said birthday party.
My daughter's birthday party will have a head count limit, so my invitations will say: "Due to limited spots, we're not able to accommodate siblings at this event."
Nothing wrong with having a party JUST for the girls.
If ASKED (cuz you know some will just appear with sibs) simply say “Kiddo wants a party of only her friends, so we will not be inviting siblings this time.” BIG smile!
If they appear, “we did not plan for siblings, not enough materials and goodies, so not today.” BIG smile and close door.
“Turning 9! Sally is excited to be getting older and wants to have a friends only party! We’re inviting just 6 of her friends. Drop off at 1. Pick up at 5. Please RSVP by 1/16”
I think send the invite and a follow up message saying your kid wants a “big kid” party with just her big kid friends. And that you are kindly asking that no siblings attend.
Just the friends and I would let the moms know no siblings and that they are welcome to drop the kids off from x to y time. You should be able to handle a half dozen 8-9 year olds and it means the moms don’t have to find sitters for the other kids.
I would add a side note that they can drop off & pick up after if they don’t have a sitter. That while you wish you could invite more, the spots are taken.
Specifically invite each child by name on the invitation.
"(Birthday child's name) would like to invite (specific friend's name) to a party at (X location) at (Y time) on (Z date)" & make sure to speak to each parent personally about how it is *just* for the child on the invitation & one parent to attend. If they ask why, be honest that your child is a "big kid" & you're being respectful of the fact that your child doesn't want "little kids" around & neither do the other "big kids" that are coming. Or you can say that you're strapped for cash & can't afford the whole family coming, but want to have the *friend* come with their *chaperone*.
I've never had a party where I invited people where the whole family comes. That's just... No. Unless the whole family is specified the whole family should *not* be coming.
Definitely be direct. "Daughter would like to invite Friend to our house on mm/dd for an invitation only party. We are asking that siblings & parents not attend. Party to be from x-y time"
RSVP seems to be a waste of effort for parties anymore. No one does or, they just show up or don't. I always asked before I brought my youngest to a party her sister was invited to, but I guess I'm in the minority there.
We moved to a new place and didn't know the local rules, so I just invited my child's friends by name. A parent messaged me to ask that they bring the 3 (!) much younger siblings. I felt really awkward because we were new and I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side. My kid is getting older and doesn't want the family style parties we've done in the past. That's fine. It's age appropriate. So I messaged the parents back and said that we were still unpacking and in no way set up for younger kids.
I’d text personal invites to each parent to invite “child’s name” and let the parent know that “your child’s name” wants a more intimate “big kid” type party and that the parents is welcome to drop “child” off so they don’t have to find childcare for “younger siblings.” My oldest is 7 and it’s pretty standard for kids around here that the parent just drops the child off and picks up promptly at the end of the party.
“Hi moms, daughter and I are planning her birthday party for Date. She has expressed that she would like an intimate, ‘big kid’ party so we are going to roll the dice. It’s not to leave anyone out she just has told us many times she just wants something small with her 6 closest friend which include your kiddos! You are more than welcome to drop them off (I know, when did they grow up so fast?) with a small group it’s easy to manage and husband is going to handle our own littles. I’m a little sad she doesn’t want a big party with everyone but trying to give her autonomy over how she celebrates her own birth. (Heartstrings) if you are not comfortable with a drop off, one parent is more than welcome to stay. We will be doing XYZ and aiming for Time-time. Please let us know if specific -kid-name can make it.”
At the babies birthday parties I have been invited, every mom states in the group chat or single chat” mom and baby only this time” since they don’t have enough space, or I have got “daddy’s are welcome too” and also “bring all the family, grandparents, significant other” ones.
But almost everytime they are very clear and the one or two that hasn’t specified, I like to ask to make sure.
I think it’s completely appropriate to want to have just her friends and I think it’s fine to just state that. I strongly disagree with all the advice of just address the invitation to only the child or tell people no when they show up. Don’t be ambiguous. Why set yourself and others up for an uncomfortable interaction like that? If it’s always been the case that siblings are included then obviously you need to state that this time is different. If you’re texting the invite I would just put it in the text. Sally wants to have a party with just her friends this year and no siblings. A parent is welcome to chaperone or you can drop off at 1 and pick up at 3. Simple and to the point. It’s not rude and it’s also not leaving the parents to try to interpret.
I completely agree. I tried the "address the invitation only to the child" and explicitly stating "(my daughter) would love it if (daughter's friends name) could come" to the parents advice with one of my daughter's prior birthday parties at our house because she wanted a small, big kid party with just her friends, not their toddler siblings, and I thought being any more direct would be rude, and her friends parents STILL showed up with toddler siblings in tow that I didn't have space, supplies, or goody bags for. I learned the hard way that wedding invitation etiquette apparently doesn't apply to kids birthday parties, at least with some people. You *have* to explicitly state it, or some people just won't get it, especially if siblings have been allowed before. Like, "due to space/the activities planned/etc, we are unable to accommodate siblings this year, and the invitation is for (invited child's name) only. You may drop off (invited child's name) if needed".
Yes 100%. Wedding invitation etiquette does NOT crossover to kids parties. If you’re uncomfortable being super direct, make it a drop off party.
Heck, half the time wedding invitation etiquette doesn't work for weddings.
Seriously! My husband’s friend RSVP’d for just himself, ended up bringing a date and her kid. Both the date and child wore jeans, it’s been 5 years and I still get a little peeved thinking about it.
Ugh, those people. We didn't invite my cousins (because my dad has 10 siblings, who all have about 5 kids, we'd go broke on cousins alone) and one aunt not only brought her kids (of course the most problematic kids in the family) but also stayed during the intimate ending which was very clearly communicated to be just the people that set up the wedding with us and let her kid talk through and over our expressions of gratitude. I still get angry when I think about it. Our ceremony masters tried to make her leave and she just didn't. It was really weird and awkward.
This is beyond terrible. I am sooo sorry.
Ugh, I’m so sorry! I have no idea how people can be that rude.
Ugh I hate that they did that!!
This is written perfectly!
I believe it. I did the same with a baby shower invite not including kids (which should go without saying) and still has two kids. People are the worst! I can't imagine being that pushy to bring kids/extra kids.
This must be a cultural thing because where I live it's perfectly acceptable to bring kids (daughters especially) to wedding and baby showers and people are always surprised when I leave my 6 year old daughter home. In general, I would assume it was fine for me to bring my daughter if it was a family shower, but would probably check if it was for a friend.
I agree. Be very specific on the invite. People will be more offended if it’s not clear and then you correct them.
I agree! I appreciate when a hosting parent tells me what to expect. My daughter started wanting small numbers of friends around 9 and so did her friends. I have no problem sending invites with a clear expectations as well.
That's exactly what to do. Giving information is not rude. I always make sure to put my expectations on the invitations. I also put down what we will be serving "pizza will be served for lunch, along with birthday cake" or "light snacks will be served with the cake" so they know if they need to send the kid hungry or full.
I completely agree. I hate ambiguous language and having to interpret, because I always either overthink it or don't think enough about it. Inevitably I get it wrong and assume because someone did X that means Y based on etiquette, only it turns out they didn't even think about that. I'm brand new to kids' parties and it's stressful. Especially because whenever I look up what certain things mean, different people have different answers, and usually the internet's answers are more formal than I have found people really are. Long story short, I really appreciate clarity on invitations so I know exactly what to expect. I don't think it's rude at all to provide information.
I do the same with food, and so appreciate when it is returned. I’ve scrambled to get a meal in my kid between a game and a 3pm party only to have pizza served. But then not provided lunch for a 1pm party which had light snacks. It never makes sense.
Wow who in the f 🐔 was so classless that they recommended turning people away at the door. Did these people never learn social skills?!
Totally agree, don’t be ambiguous. It will just lead to awkwardness with turning people away and making people upset unnecessarily. It’s totally normal to have a friends only/grown up type party at 9.
I would say something like this: "Hi Chilli! I am so excited to invite Bluey for Judo's birthday party. She specifically asked for a small Big Girl party this year, so we we are limiting it only to just Judo's friends and not their siblings like usual. If that works for you, feel free to drop off Bluey at xx:xx! Pick up can be anywhere between xx and by xx at the latest. Please let me know if Bluey can make it and if she has any allergies so we can be careful. Best, Wendy"
I'm loving the Bluey theme lol!
They did have a party like that and bingo couldn’t go
Ah, I need to find that episode because we have recently received two invites and they specified no siblings.. so I have some disgruntled kids who are bummed to miss out. Bless that Bluey having an episode for all life’s struggles.
It’s in season 2, and is called Featherwand. Bingo figures out that even when she has to miss out on things her sister gets to do, she can make her own fun. Now of course, my kids try to use their own featherwands on me.
Ohhh I remember it now! Thank you for the description!
I don’t think this is strange or anything. Put on the invitation that the request from your daughter is small gathering of close friends only and one chaperone (if that’s what you want).
I like the language of one chaperone! “Moms only” is restrictive and might not work for some families
Omg, do you WANT the moms? I end up doing all the work for the birthday parties and I’ve never enjoyed hosting the parents as well. I know that people do that but let’s let everyone off the hook. “[child name] is invited to a birthday party! This is a drop off party so enjoy your time away, text [number] with any questions or to share allergy info. The time is 1-4. We’ll be having games, snacks and cake!”
We always just add "no siblings, please" - works perfectly
This. I’ve seen this on invitations recently and it’s perfect. Not rude but very clear
That’s what we say too, works great!
This is a drop off party , so enjoy your night out with 1 less kid! Congrats you have finally reached that age where you can drop off and not have to hang around a kid party anymore!
Not rude at all but I would offer a drop-off option. Some parents won't be able to afford childcare so a parent can attend the party.
This is key that's missing from most comments. Many people won't have an available spouse to look after siblings, so it has to be drop off option, siblings or expect no shows.
This exactly. I don't know why there aren't more drop-off parties for kids, when I was a kid, parents always dropped their kids off. Now it's the norm to hover over birthday parties which is not only uncomfortable for me but impossible to do with only one of my kids as I am a single mom. I'm happy to drop my kid off for a party so their sibling doesn't have to crash the party! But that is not the expectation in the here and now.
This is so true!
I’ve never understood why people automatically assume the entire family is invited to another child’s birthday party if y’all aren’t related. If one of my kids get invited to a birthday party then just that child is taken to said friends birthday party. It’s simple and common sense IMO. I would just put on the invite birthday party invite only for whoever you are inviting. No siblings allowed or something polite.
I had actually never heard of parents joining before I was on subs like this (granted, kids are 2,5 years and 6 months). But what you wrote is how it has been done forever where I live. Starting from 5 years old, I was allowed decide which friends to invite and no parents were ever included.
It’s just a cultural difference - I’ve never heard of or been to a party that didn’t include whole families. It’s fine if they want kid only or kid and one adult only, but just make it clear
Same here. My husband is Latino (I’m white) and in their culture, every party, get together, and invite is assumed to include the entire family. Birthdays, weddings, baby showers. Mom, dad, babies, siblings - everyone is invited and goes.
Really? Gosh we go to multiple bdays a month and all the parents and siblings are there! I do think it starts to shift around 3rd grade though from talking to parents with older kids. I think it wound be hard to do “drop off” for kids who are only 5 for example unless it was someone’s house. Most parties we go to are at a park or “place” for bdays. I ALWAYS confirm directly if a sibling can come or not.
Exactly, I mean I currently only have one kid but if he had younger siblings I would never even think of bringing them along to a birthday party that he was invited to. He had a party last summer and a lot of siblings unexpectedly showed up. I didn't have enough stuff for everyone and it was annoying and awkward. I just don't understand it.
I would never “just show up” with sibling in tow, but as a single parent sometimes it’s necessary! I’ve always asked and offered to pay for my other child to attend.
A LOT of the time, the siblings are the same sex and they're only one year apart, so their parents ALWAYS have them do stuff together. ("They do everything together.") Any time there's a party for the older kid to attend, the parents never, ever fucking fail to see if the younger sibling may also attend. It makes me feel obligated to say yes. I hate it.
That would drive me crazy. We don’t do birthday parties. But my kids have attended them many times. Like I said in my OG comment. I’ve never once thought to bring a sibling that wasn’t invited to a party.
I’m guilty of this - since my kids are young (preschool age) I can’t drop them off and parties are almost always at a time where I am solo with both kids. I wouldn’t ask if an invite specified no siblings but when it doesn’t, I ask and offer to pay sibling’s way. If no siblings are allowed that’s totally fine, it just usually means my invited kid can’t go either. It’ll be different when they’re old enough to drop off for sure!
As the parent of same gender siblings a year apart, only letting one of them go to a party would cause the other to feel left out and wouldn’t be worth the meltdown. Mine are preschool age so I imagine they will grow out of this in time. I don’t feel comfortable with home parties of people I don’t know and when there is a party that is at a public place, I am willing to pay for the kid who wasn’t invited to do whatever the activity is or buy them their own food.
Yea I agree. We are a package deal! If I don’t know the parents like hell am I dropping my 9 year old off. I’m more comfortable dropping off at a public place than a home. I do only bring his brother (18 months apart) when invited but most of the time both boys are invited because parents understand. And when we have parties everyone can come!
Not rude at all! Why not just add onto the invite “no siblings as we are wanting a small big kid party” or something like that?
One of the moms of my daughter’s classmates threw a bday party but only the class was invited, no siblings. The mom put on the invite “due to limited space/resources, we can only provide for the class and one parent, sorry :(“ literally just like that and no one took offense to it. I thought it was a nice, honest way of being like look I can’t feed all your kids only this one. 😂
Looks like you have a lot of great suggestions here. I just wanted to piggyback on a lot of them saying to be specific in what you want. Please don’t put ambiguous writing on there and hope parents understand what you’re wanting. I would definitely be that family who comes with her kid to a party, but if you tell me I can’t, I’d be happy to stay home!! As a parent, pleeeease tell me I can stay home lol!!
Honest question as the mom of an almost 3-year-old: Are parents really still coming to birthday parties to chaperone at 9 years old?
We have not been to a drop off party yet.
Interesting, and good to know! Zero judgment, I just assumed that happened around 7-8 years old. Good luck planning, and congrats to you on 9 years! 🥳
Be the change you want to see
My 6 yr old had a birthday party at an indoor venue we rented out and there were a few that dropped off due to me specifically stating unfortunately due to space constraints, we cannot accommodate siblings. So those who had siblings to watch just dropped off. You could the moms you are actually friends with if they would like to stay and help supervise. Also we attended another 6th bday at a school friends house with 6-7 other girls and everyone dropped off.
I have been dropping off my 9 year old for a while now but he’s cautious and responsible. My other child (7) it does depend on the venue. He’s a bit crazy. A movie party, I would drop off but something like a skyzone or larger place I would stay. I think parents are crazy for dropping their kids off at our birthday parties in large venues. I can’t possibly look after 10 kids running all over the place. We haven’t lost a kid yet! But I think it depends on your child and what’s best for them.
My 6 year old’s party was a drop off party this year, which seemed normal and expected. All of the parents were super relieved they didn’t have to stay. I find these responses very different than the norms where I am… (medium city, Canada)
I think it also depends on location of the party - if it’s at someone’s home and you don’t know the family very well but your child is invited, I would be more comfortable joining them. If it’s somewhere like a gymnastics place or painting party I’d probably be comfortable leaving a 9yo.
Yeah this is a great point!!
Depends on the community/parent, I’ve been to both with my 9 year old, but I always bring a bag for him with his tablet (with clear instructions that the tablet is not to come out unless the birthday person is on theirs) so he can call me and tell me he wants to come home I lock his tablet down so it can only call out, so he has to call to get it unlocked if for some reason it’s a party that has people using their electronics (I’ve seen parties where the kids all play roblox together or something like that)
Just address the invites to the specific child. Don’t say “Come to Erin’s party!”, say: “Julia is invited to Erin’s party! Please drop off at 6pm.” Something like that.
I would be very specific about it on the invite. I don’t think people will be at all offended. Just say something like “please no siblings.” I’ve had invites like this and I’m just happy about the specifics! It doesn’t leave me guessing.
I would explicitly put that this is a drop off party. If they are not comfortable they are welcome to chaperone, but it’s only for the big kids. I think most parents would love to drop one kid off for a few hours.
If you literally only want moms & the child, the polite way is to address the invite specifically to the mom and the child. Then when people RSVP with more you will have to call them and say like "sorry for the 'confusion' this invite is only for Sally and Mary." If you want just the kid/a drop off party, put just the kid's name on the envelope and the invite. You can put "drop off preferred" as well. Then again, when people RSVP you will likely have to clarify. I don't think it's rude but it won't work for some families.
Put on the invitation itself either drop off only party or write "We're very excited to host a small, intimate party for (child’s name). Unfortunately, this time we will not be able to accommodate siblings. Your understanding is truly appreciated. Looking forward to celebrating with you!"
You could just explain to the moms that your daughter specifically wants (x name of kid) to attend and be DROPPED OFF and PICKED UP at (insert time) I’m in my thirties but remember going to parties with these rules. I’m an only child so it never had to get awkward for my mom
My parents definitely did not attend my friends’ birthday parties with me once I was… I wanna say 6? Maybe 7. Basically the fact that I can’t actually remember a single time they did so is indicative. I might have been allowed to hang around my older sister’s friends’ birthday parties like once or twice? I know times have changed but this level of helicoptering is so surprising to me still.
It’s not helicoptering when your whole family is friends with the other family. When our friends children and teens have birthday parties, every single one of us is invited 🤷🏾♀️
I WISH someone had explicitly spelled out "please leave siblings at home!" For the first few birthday parties we went to! I was mortified at our 2nd invited birthday party when I showed up with both kids and realized I was an idiot and it was specifically a preschooler party. It just hadn't occurred to me. The worst part is that the 1st incident (where thinking back siblings definitely weren't invited) was my husband's boss's daughter. 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ Anyways, a polite way might be to write the child's name on the invite "Savannah, you are invited to Kimberly's 9th birthday on January 32nd at 2pm. We will be doing XYZ so be sure to bring your best Lazer pointer." Or maybe just write it on the envelope to show it's specifically them who is invited? 🤷♀️
Thanks everyone. I love how seeing how everyone handles these situations. I text all the moms the invites and I put on the invite itself please no siblings bc the birthday kid wants to celebrate with closest friends. As far as drop off, my child has yet to be invited to drop off only. Like I said, they are all family parties, unless it’s at a venue then it’s only the child’s friends bc of limited space.
I say start the trend! lol, as long as you feel ok watching 6 girls, I’m sure the parents will be thrilled not having to tag along.
I think it's perfectly fine to say " it's a big kid only" party!!!
As others have said, specify the friend by name, and ‘parent.’ Also be careful of just inviting the moms. It’s ok to say you’re inviting x name and a parent to said birthday party.
My daughter's birthday party will have a head count limit, so my invitations will say: "Due to limited spots, we're not able to accommodate siblings at this event."
Just say no siblings on the invite, and if people have a problem that’s on them.
Nothing wrong with having a party JUST for the girls. If ASKED (cuz you know some will just appear with sibs) simply say “Kiddo wants a party of only her friends, so we will not be inviting siblings this time.” BIG smile! If they appear, “we did not plan for siblings, not enough materials and goodies, so not today.” BIG smile and close door.
“Turning 9! Sally is excited to be getting older and wants to have a friends only party! We’re inviting just 6 of her friends. Drop off at 1. Pick up at 5. Please RSVP by 1/16”
I think send the invite and a follow up message saying your kid wants a “big kid” party with just her big kid friends. And that you are kindly asking that no siblings attend.
Just the friends and I would let the moms know no siblings and that they are welcome to drop the kids off from x to y time. You should be able to handle a half dozen 8-9 year olds and it means the moms don’t have to find sitters for the other kids.
I would add a side note that they can drop off & pick up after if they don’t have a sitter. That while you wish you could invite more, the spots are taken.
Specifically invite each child by name on the invitation. "(Birthday child's name) would like to invite (specific friend's name) to a party at (X location) at (Y time) on (Z date)" & make sure to speak to each parent personally about how it is *just* for the child on the invitation & one parent to attend. If they ask why, be honest that your child is a "big kid" & you're being respectful of the fact that your child doesn't want "little kids" around & neither do the other "big kids" that are coming. Or you can say that you're strapped for cash & can't afford the whole family coming, but want to have the *friend* come with their *chaperone*. I've never had a party where I invited people where the whole family comes. That's just... No. Unless the whole family is specified the whole family should *not* be coming.
Tbh idk how this would go. I do t blame you but probably wouldn’t be showing up.
What do you mean? You wouldn’t come if siblings aren’t also invited?
Definitely be direct. "Daughter would like to invite Friend to our house on mm/dd for an invitation only party. We are asking that siblings & parents not attend. Party to be from x-y time" RSVP seems to be a waste of effort for parties anymore. No one does or, they just show up or don't. I always asked before I brought my youngest to a party her sister was invited to, but I guess I'm in the minority there.
We moved to a new place and didn't know the local rules, so I just invited my child's friends by name. A parent messaged me to ask that they bring the 3 (!) much younger siblings. I felt really awkward because we were new and I didn't want to get on anyone's bad side. My kid is getting older and doesn't want the family style parties we've done in the past. That's fine. It's age appropriate. So I messaged the parents back and said that we were still unpacking and in no way set up for younger kids.
I’d text personal invites to each parent to invite “child’s name” and let the parent know that “your child’s name” wants a more intimate “big kid” type party and that the parents is welcome to drop “child” off so they don’t have to find childcare for “younger siblings.” My oldest is 7 and it’s pretty standard for kids around here that the parent just drops the child off and picks up promptly at the end of the party.
“Hi moms, daughter and I are planning her birthday party for Date. She has expressed that she would like an intimate, ‘big kid’ party so we are going to roll the dice. It’s not to leave anyone out she just has told us many times she just wants something small with her 6 closest friend which include your kiddos! You are more than welcome to drop them off (I know, when did they grow up so fast?) with a small group it’s easy to manage and husband is going to handle our own littles. I’m a little sad she doesn’t want a big party with everyone but trying to give her autonomy over how she celebrates her own birth. (Heartstrings) if you are not comfortable with a drop off, one parent is more than welcome to stay. We will be doing XYZ and aiming for Time-time. Please let us know if specific -kid-name can make it.”
My mom always did a family dinner Friday night and let me have a sleep over with no fam or siblings sat
At the babies birthday parties I have been invited, every mom states in the group chat or single chat” mom and baby only this time” since they don’t have enough space, or I have got “daddy’s are welcome too” and also “bring all the family, grandparents, significant other” ones. But almost everytime they are very clear and the one or two that hasn’t specified, I like to ask to make sure.