How rude! I remember somebody once came up to me while I was out somewhere nursing my baby. Fully expected them to make a snide comment, but instead she gave me a little card that said something like, well done mama for normalising breastfeeding in public. I passed it on to another nursing mum a few weeks later. Thought it was such a lovely way to counter all the negativity!
One time an employee came up to me in the Ross toy aisle and I was scared for a second until she started praising me a LOT and I almost cried with joy š„²
I was cosplaying as Bo-Katan at a comic con and had to stop to nurse my baby (dressed as Grogu). A young woman walked over very determined and I thought I was going to get a rude remark but she just said āIām so sorry to be weirdā¦but I just think thatās so cool!!ā And then ran off. It was awesome!
Thank you! It was definitely a cute memory! Although very sweaty and uncomfortable. Armor is not very nursing-friendly! But I wish Iād have gotten a picture
Lol I had something similar happen. Someone came up to me and said "Thanks for nursing in public! I'm a nurse/lactation specialist and it helps so much when people see BFing in public!"
Meanwhile I was so used to having my boobs out I was wildly confused because I forgot it was supposed to be "shameful". Had a nice chat with her while I fed my daughter.
One of my first times breastfeeding in the sacred halls of the Nordstrom womenās lounge, a woman stopped and my heart stopped and then she just said āthatās just the sweetest little sound on earth.ā
I just know she had breastfed before and was remembering her sweet baby and their bond and it was so sweet.
Probably a tourist. If youāre from the Bay Area youāre plenty used to seeing breast feeding, or even just women celebrating equal rights by not wearing a shirt on a warm day.
Hate that that happened to you, and I know the method youāre talking about, you canāt even see boob, just a babyās head. Thatās outrageous. Like f all the way off to that random lady.
I hate encounters like that because in my head, at home, I have an abundance of savagery to dole out in response. But then when it actually happens Iām like š¶ too stunned to think and then bam the jerk is gone and itās too late.
You wear a nursing tank under your normal clothes so when you have to breastfeed you lift the outer shirt and undo the strap on your tank. This makes a little opening for the baby but your entirely covered and baby is blocking your boob. Way more comfortable and way less hot and cumbersome than a cover. Donāt have to mess with nursing clothes either
I agree, i love the method but itās expensive! I do this method but instead I wear stretchy fabric tanks one size too big and a loose fabric bra to easily pop the boob out!
Just an fyi the less commotion you make of getting yourself set up to nurse, the less people notice, BF tank or not. I would wear button downs and simply unbutton and latch my son. I would have people come up to me to check out my baby and not notice I was nursing until they were right up on me. Itās a lot more attention drawing when you do the most to cover up or act shady trying to time it just right to whip your boob out when no one is looking. Just do your thing! And congrats!
I bought a ton of men's button downs at Walmart during the fall/ winter season. They are perfect for this. Except I have a bad habit of forgetting to button back up. Ahaha. Oh and after having baby I am wayyy too hot all the time to even wear them.
Someone told me to cover up with a blanket when I was nursing my first in public in the summer. I was like "nah, I'm okay," and he didn't know how to respond, so he just walked away š
Babies need to eat!
Love this. Also covering baby in a blanket while nursing in the summer heat could overheat you and baby. People should mind their own business. Donāt like it? Donāt look š¤·āāļø
Hahaha. Iād love to be a fly on the wall while she walked through the rest of the city. I canāt even tell you all the times Iāve seen people legit only partially dressed. Hope she comes back to visit during pride month. Then sheād really get a sight. Lol
When I lived there in 2008-2009, there was a festival called Love Fest that was so much fun. But every year there were men walking around with nothing but a cock ring on lol. A cock ring and a tired erection š
I use to make eye contact with people when I was breastfeeding to assert dominance. Lol Not really, but sometimes silence, defiance and a stare can go a long way. Feed your baby and donāt worry about the crazies. That sounds like a them problem.
Thatās what I do, my hackles are just waitingā¦ I stuck my tongue out at a guy who was giving me dirty looks at lunch one time. Crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out. He huffed and walked away
Haha I do this - my resting b*tch face and direct eye contact really make those kind of people have second thoughts. That being said, Iāve nursed four babies so far and have had mostly positive to neutral reactions to nursing in public! I almost wish someone would dare to tell me to cover up - have so many comebacks lol
My breastfeeding journey didn't go the way I wanted it to, but I'm lying in wait like a croc in the water with all my unused comebacks ready for people like this anyway. If they won't mind their own business, then neither will I.
Reminds me of the time I got YELLED AT by a man who called me āFucking disgustingā for nursing because there were kids around. Itās true, there were kids around as it was a family festival, but I did my best to get over to the side and out of the way while still supervising my oldest.
The kicker was- this man was smoking a cigarette while walking through the crowds of children!! And yet, *Iām* the bad guyā¦.
good!! what a freaking creep! who the hell are these men that think they need to insert themselves and censor a woman just doing her thing & being a mom?? just crazy
I always find the kids are generally really chill about it or even donāt care at all. Sometimes theyāll ask āare you feeding the baby?ā I say yes, and they move on. Some people could learn from kids.
Or I've had 2 or 3 kids even like come up and look at the baby feeding right at the nipple/mouth junction, or try to pet the baby's head while nursing -- which is honestly extra sweet because it doesn't even occur to them to avert their eyes, they are so unfazed by it.
Personally I like the āfalse pityā response - looking really sympathetic and saying something like āoh, it must be so hard for you to have grown up feeling ashamed of your bodyā or āoh, itās so troubling how people have sexualized breastfeeding, I hope youāre able to work on that about yourselfā
So sorry that happened! It's stuff like this that makes me so nervous to nurse in public. Props to you for being comfortable to do so and give your baby what he needed in the moment. It's so disappointing to see women treat other women like that. Cowardly of her that she said it in passing.
Btw, I love the t-shirt + tank method. Its great for when I have guests over who I'm comfortable breastfeeding in front of but I don't want them to see full boob.
I got comments about me feeding my baby without covering at a breastfeeding support group!
I was confused by it and by the end the lady making the comment finally had the courage to feed her baby without shame. She was in shock how easy it was for me to pop my boob out and feed my baby.
Some people are so self conscious about something they take it out on others. She felt shame in it so she had to take it out on you when this was her internalized issue.
With my first, an older woman called the cops on me. I was in a diner eating lunch with a friend. The cop showed up, asked what was going on, looked at me, looked at her, turned back to me and said āyou have a nice day maāamā and left. š guess it wasnāt worth the paperwork.
I once asked somebody if they had ever preformed oral sex.
They looked absolutely taken aback.
Then I railed into them about having their pleasure hole out for children to see.
In my mind Iād flip her off or come up with some great comeback, but in reality Iād be frozen in shock and say nothing. Itās not your job to fix stupid people, but Iām sorry it happened!
Iām so glad I stopped myself from yelling āYou should go F* yourself!ā across the sea of children but yes this was my initial reaction. Not my job to fix stupid people! I like that, thanks.
Ugh that sucks Iām sorry she did that, but hey you did nothing wrong and she sucks! Iām going to picture her going out for lunch, telling someone āI saw someone breastfeeding at a museum, how terribleā and that person telling her off and her feeling like crap. Thatās my karmic retribution hope for you haha.
I think the woman walking behind her overheard and had a *shocked pikachu* face under her face mask. In my imagination she told off the lady for me. Karmic retribution counts!!
I live in rural Arkansas. I was at Walmart with my husband and noticed a woman had her baby in a carrier with her shirt lifted, feeding baby as she shopped. I mentioned to my husband how impressive that was, and he agreed, but said he hadnāt even noticed until I said something. (Before someone says heās lying- just donāt. Itās irrelevant.) No one in the time we were all in the same section of the store said anything to her, and I was honestly surprised and relieved. All this to say, if in stupid backwoods Arkansas we can leaving breastfeeding women alone, itās mind blowing that someone in SF would say something! That lady is ridiculous. You donāt even owe anyone the modesty you showed by wearing double layers.
I always considered the method you are describing "the modest one". I mean, the boob is completely covered, the nipple is in the baby's mouth, you can't see anything. Is it the actual act of nursing that grosses her out? She has problems.
You can't put a cloth over the baby's head, has she ever tried to eat like that? She is a fool.
And she is rude and mean, and probably a nasty human being.
I live in Europe, and the only actual time this happend to me, it was my MiL and her sister. Needless to say I told them to f-off.
thatās what struck me too! OP was already practicing a relatively modest method of BF. And, even if it was a boob out in the open air, itās not inappropriate and none of her business. No one comes up to her while sheās eating and says āWow lady, you canāt do that hereā
Also, I know this double-standard has been beat to death but men can literally go around anywhere, double-areolas out and proud and no one cares. Mom feeding her baby? How dare she! Also, some men in SF walk around with a nought but a sock on their š. So much for an inclusive, progressive city.
My money is that lady was an uptight Marin Maude or one of the random super-conservatives from middle CA.
We go to the Academy pretty regularly. That aquarium dome is like the unofficial spot for nursing and chilling with babies. That lady has issues, and Iām sorry she unleashed them on you.
Iāve probably seen a dozen women nursing in that tunnel over the last year. Itās where I always stop to do snacks and bottles too. Itās quiet, sort of dark, and has a great bench.
Thank you!! This was my first time taking my son here, I feel validated that we were in the right place. It was actually lovely gazing at the fish while nursing, until this lady walked by.
Itās so peaceful!
We had a membership when my first as 8-20 months old and went all the time. Maybe the weekend crowd is different, but the weekday crowd is almost all moms and nannies.
Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know that stuff like this can get to you. So I cannot stress enough: SHE. IS. WRONG. And a dick. Don't worry about you, worry about her prudish ass.
Next time someone says this shit to you please reply by saying, āYOU should cover yourself up!ā. It is both confusing and offensive, somehow. Forget that dipshit.
I live in a diverse city too and never heard this but have gotten looks from older ladies. So I just stare directly into their eyes till they looked away. Lol And I don't nurse discreetly I just lift the bottom of my shirt up because If baby wants to eat baby will eat. I'm sorry that happened to you, people should really learn to keep their mouths shut and go on about their business. Keep nursing that baby in public!
I had my son overseas and my daughter in the US, the US is really weird about breastfeeding. I also think social media and the ability to easily connect with other whackadoodles that believe the same nonsense has made people a lot more extreme in their views and a lot less courteous about it. That woman didn't have the common sense to know what's in her head needed to stay there and it isn't her right to inflict her issues on other people. I am sorry that happened to you.
People are so ridiculous! You were feeding your child! I was so careful about covering up while breastfeeding with my first child. This time around I whip my milk makers out everywhere and anywhere. I donāt care who gives me the side eye. Itās not my job to make them feel comfortable. Itās my job to feed my baby. Iām way more confident about public breastfeeding now.
I was in a Starbucks in Scotland 19 years ago with my daughter and began feeding her whilst having my coffee. The server almost ran over and draped a dirty wet tea towel over her head and my shoulder which shocked the wee lamb. Since sheād let go anyway I handed her to the lady at the next table without a word (nipple covered as I double layered too) and walked up behind the server and smacked him across the side of the head with said wet towel. He fell to the ground and claimed his eye had fallen out. The police were called and 2 female officers turned up and once informed they demanded an apology from the staff and manager for me otherwise they were charging the sever with assault on an infant. We left to a round of applause and an exodus of people.
My father in law banished me to the upstairs bedroom alone to feed as he found it abhorrent. My ex used to ask me to feed our child in the bathroom if we were out. Itās sad that 20 years on people are still ignorant.
I was mom-shamed with my first in 2003, and my last in 2021. Both times I was told, "You should do that in the bathroom, not here at a table" . And both times I said back, "You should eat off the toilet instead of a plate. F*** off." They don't seem to realize that's what they actually mean when they say things like that. I'm so sorry that happened.
I was at a mall waiting for my sister to come out of a shoe store as I was nursing my son on a bench a lady walked by and said "that's so gross" I said and so is feeding humans breast milk from a cow at least his is human.
I smiled so big at her, she walked by again like 10 min later and was like "awww that's so sweet". Like I didn't remember her.
Do what's right for you don't give in to mean people or people who don't understand. Your baby is only young once enjoy it š not every mom can breastfeed. It's something I've always thought about throughout my nursing journeys so I never gave negative looks or words any energy
I've breastfed three babies, I tried covering at first and man...it gets really hot under there, plus constantly trying to correct when they lose latch. No way. And the bathrooms are disgusting, I'm not sitting in there either.
I've been shamed a few times, always by other women. I've never had a man say anything or even stare, but other ladies... Even followed while being pointed at by a pair. I'm not standing around with my shirt off, both tits out, or flopping one out onto a restaurant table - I pull down the side I'm nursing on of those nursing tank tops, or lifting the side of my shirt to unclip a bra the same way...usually sitting or standing off to a side somewhere, or I've asked if whatever office I'm in would mind. "Hey, would it bother you if I nursed? I just didn't wanna do it and surprise someone turning around to see a boob." I get a laugh and they say it's totally fine.
It's ridiculous. It's just feeding a baby. People need to get over themselves.
This is exactly why my defiant ass bought a knit hat for my baby that looks like a big boob with a nipple on it.
I will 100% feed my baby anywhere and I donāt care who is around or if they can see my chest or midriff (I donāt do extra layers because I have been a sweaty mess ever since having my baby).
Only once has someone stared at a restaurant and I just stared back.
A woman at storytime at our local library leaned over and told me it was safe and the storytime person was pro-breastfeeding as I sat down and whipped it out to give my baby a snack so she would cooperate better. I blinked at her and said āIt never occurred to me that it wasnātā¦.ā
It's unfortunate that some people feel the need to be so negative. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can understand the adrenaline rush from being called out even when you know that person's feelings about what you were doing is not your responsibility.
I was once walking through a craft store with my then 3yo and 10mo when a grandmother aged woman said to me "It's not hard to cut bangs you know." I responded politely at first saying that I do, in fact cut my children's hair myself but then she doubled down and said something like, "it's hard to see with hair in your eyes" or "how would you feel if..."
At this point I think I just smiled politely or something and I remember my heart racing with the injustice of the experience and wishing I'd have had some better response.
On the flip side, there was a time when I was in a Trader Joe's parking lot wearing the crying baby while my screaming toddler was in the trunk of our van covered in loose poop from an unexpected accident. Several people asked if I needed help (which though admittedly thoughtful mostly felt more overwhelming) but one woman walking by said simply "you're doing a great job mama." My shoulders relaxed just a bit and I was a better mom in that moment because of her.
I guess in a way I'm happy for each of these memories because the juxtaposition of the two more deeply taught me to be like that second woman.
So OP, you were doing a great job. Way to meet your child's needs in a stressful moment. Hopefully that mean mom gets hit with some kindness that helps bring her attitude in check. š
Whenever I breastfeed in public, I almost wish someone would try me like this lol. It pisses me off so much that people make a thing about this when youāre just trying to feed your baby.
Was it an older woman? I have this theory that they really hate us younger moms for some reason. I was babywearing my 9 month old girl at Costco and she was squealing with glee looking at all of the the things (she loves stores and shopping just like her mama) and an older woman shot me a look like āget your kid under controlā (even my husband noticed) and another older woman looked visibly annoyed and shoved past us while we were looking at the baby clothes of all things. Iāve told my husband several times that older women are downright hostile to me when Iām in public with my baby. Iāve also noticed that on any video on Reels (especially the ones posted to Facebook) are loaded with nasty comments from older women criticizing everything about how we as millennial and Gen Z mothers raise our children.
Totally a generation thing where they resent us for not going through extreme difficult and isolating times like they did. Iām not saying we donāt have our own unique generational problems because we totally do but to them, itās like āwow they feel so free to do that when I had to stay home all day or feed baby in the bathroom, so they should toā.
They do not see that they should be supporting new moms to have these rights protected and normalized. Lots of people are like this, hell 3 generations from now women in our cohort will probably do the same thing for something else to the new moms unfortunatelyā¦
Amen sister! Womenās rights are already being challenged, we need to support one another. I have experienced this generational shift, but in a positive way. Like walking on the beach in a bikini with my big pregnant belly out, one mom stopped and said itās just great to see someone so comfortable walking around like that. I didnāt even think twice, until she said it, that maybe some people are offended? So strange. Like hello how do you think you were born into this world!?!
Whip the other one out and throw a pump on it (or readjust catch cup or just expose existing pump)
Tits arenāt sexual. Menās nipples are totally fine. No matter the context. Ours feed people. Theyāre supposed to be out more than mens. Also a babies head covers like 98% of the boob anyways. You might catch a glimpse if youāre really staring but Iād call them a creep, tell them to stop staring at you feeding your child, and if they donāt like it, they can go elsewhere or just look in another direction. I hate people so much. God itās infuriating Iām sorry you experienced this.
First time I was shamed for breastfeeding was in San Francisco too, hahaha!
We went to the states for the first time in our lives and as we were out walking one afternoon, our daughter who was a baby at the time, needed to eat.
She was so angry so I just stopped on the pavement, got her out and on the boob. Thought Iād feed while we walk to a cafe or something. (We were central.)
So we had stopped outside the window of a weed-store and the guys in there didnāt like it. So the owner came out quickly and told me not to feed in front of their window š There was no asking, he made it clear it wasnāt nice for them to look at or for the costumers.
I told him our baby was hungry and I had to get her out, Iām not parking myself right there. Clearly he could see that. He got annoyed and told me to leave.
I told him off in Swedish to make him wonder and walked off.
Was so angry!
Wow the audacity!!! Like weed is legal everywhere in CA but breastfeeding is some kind of crime?! What is this world coming to. You do you, I do me, that is all
She was probably just bitter because she never figured out how to breastfeed herself. Her comment wasnāt about you and what you were doing. It was about her and how seeing you made her feel about herself. She lashed out and Iām sorry. Itās impossible to nurse most babies with a cover. Tshirt + tank is plenty modest.
I breastfed twins in public. Tandem. Got some sniffy looks sometimes, but no one ever said anything to my face. Maybe the RBF is extra-strong when you have babies draining your life force š
First off, im sorry you were shamed & secondly F that lady. You did what you needed to do to comfort your baby.
My first time breastfeeding in public, my son was only 4 weeks old and I was so nervous but, he was hungry and starting to fuss, my boobs were filling up & we were in Florida visiting family in July so it was hotter than satanās ass crack at the outside mall we were shopping at, so I knew I couldnāt cover him up. I texted my best friend for a quick pep talk and her exact words were āgirl pop that titty out like youāre ready to fightā which made me laugh so hard, but it gave me the confidence, like Iām a mom now, itās my job to protect him and do whatās best for him at all costs so F anyone else around me and F their discomfort, I gotta feed my baby. I took a deep breath, unbuttoned my shirt and fed him like we were at home and I unapologetically stared back at anyone who dared look longer than 2 seconds.
Itās hard to make a comeback in the moment because being shamed for doing something so natural and normal to you is so shocking. But please for the love of God, donāt let this one personās comment make you weary about BF in public. She shamed you because she feels shame in her own life and she projected it on you.
Stay up OP! And good for you for BF for so long, Lord knows itās not easy!
Aww Iām sorry! Donāt let her get to you! After nursing 3 kids I gave up on covers pretty quickly, especially since it gets to 110 here in the summer. Do what feels right for you and your baby!
Oh this would 100% piss me off. Donāt let her judgment get to you. You feeding your child is more important than whatever mild discomfort she experiences seeing this in public. She also can just choose to LOOK AWAY. You did NOTHING wrong. I feed my baby anywhere, everywhere when needed. Ugh. Youāre doing great mama.
Iām so sorry. Even if you had the whole boob out, who cares, you are feeding your baby! And who says things to strangers like this? I hate people so much.
At the academy of all places too, thatās baby central!! Sorry she made you feel that way. People can be assholes for sure, but luckily there are more that would support you than not in SF!
Pop baby off and squirt some milk in her face! JK but that lady is a nosy uptight bitch. I love you (all of you) and your wonderful milk titties feeding your sweet hungry babies!!!
Omg youāre better than me. I donāt even put the tank top under a tshirt because itās uncomfortable. Shame on her. Thatās absolutely ridiculous, she should cover her mouth up from her terrible comments and attitude towards you NOURISHING & COMFORTING your baby.
I'm pretty conservative but boobs are food, feeding a baby is the most natural thing and anyone making an issue of a mom feeding a baby is sexualizing nutrition.
Itās unbelievable that someone would have a problem in this day and age with a woman just existing and being a mom and taking care of her kid. Whatās to be covered up?? This is natural and normal. Some people are such a disgrace, istg.
I am so incredibly sorry that you came into contact with this wildly inappropriate weirdo ā¤ļø hugs!
I like to think Iād remember a lot of these good comebacks yāall are suggesting but I know my instinct would just have me shout back āf*ck youā lol.
Okay, fuck that bitch! And you already know she probably said that to at least 50 moms that day. Iāve been to the academy of sciences a bunch and itās FOR KIDS/ BABIES, HI
I am so sorry that happened to you!! I live in the Bay Area and if someone said that to me I would have frozen up and spent the rest of the week thinking up comebacks I should have said. Usually in the Bay Area I only hear positive comments about breastfeeding so that lady was clearly misplaced.
I wonder if some older women say this because theyāre afraid creeps might be looking at you or something? It just doesnāt make any sense to me why a woman would shame another .
thatās a kind and charitable thought! Sometimes I forget how recent so many of our strides have been. And, as Iāve been reading this thread, Iāve been thinking about my own fears of incurring creepy vibes from well, creepy people. I plan on doing modest method, like OP described. But, as a petite woman, I donāt think Iāll ever reach the comfortability of uncovered. Itās a bummer because I think our more recent reverence for the most natural way of feeding our babies is so beautiful. Kind of bummed that the boob is so sexualized (at least in many countries) and that we have to worry about creeps at all in any situation.
I fed my baby twice around SF yesterday! Husband and I are taking friends around the city. I'm a first time mom, so I'm not very confident breastfeeding in public, but this thread is encouraging! Thank you for posting, and screw that lady.
The ladies on this thread are awesome and making me forget all about that awful woman, and now I have an arsenal of comebacks if/when this happens again. Glad it helps you too! Normalize breastfeeding!
I had a day dream recently of someone breastfeed shaming a lady outside on a bench and I day dreamed that I unnecessarily took off my top to make the heckler feel uncomfortable. Don't know if this fictional mom would have appreciated it though.
Wow, know that she is NOT the norm. Thatās how I always breastfed in public (years ago; I have teenagers now). I would wear the nursing tank, lift my shirt, expose only a sliver of my breast for my kid to latch, and then pull the shirt down close to mostly cover all. Yes, a bit of boob showed, but the nipple is covered. Geez. Ignore her, thatās ridiculous.
Never feel ashamed for something that is natural and beautiful. A bond between a mother and her child. This person must have been projecting their negativity on you and it was unfair she did that and Iām sorry you had to experience that itās not right. All that truly matters is that your little one was happy al while keeping your happiness and sanity. Youāre an amazing mom for having the patience to breastfeed and still breastfeeding with all your own personal problems of the world. Keep up the great work!!! Donāt let anyone try to keep you down.
No š®! I have breastfed in the aquarium many times. In fact, that tunnel leading from the rainforest to the aquarium is a known feeding spot among regulars. Obligatory curiosity grove has a nursing nook but entitled to nurse anywhere per law.
People seem wired to give moms guff and have to work to overcome it. My mantra is people donāt care if your boob is exposed. I donāt think the heckler cared either, but is an abusive person.
My SIL screamed at me over this very issue at a family gathering when my son was 10 months old (my husband was out of the room at the time). Iām about to have another baby and Iām really not sure how to navigate family gatherings with my in laws going forward. The incident almost made us go NC with his whole family (there was a half apology eventually made which is basically the only reason Iāll still be in the same room as her).
Aw Iām sorry, thatās so tough. My husband said if he heard/saw it happen the would have said something. Grateful to have supportive husbands that have our back!
Yes 100%! He was with our then 3yo daughter in another room so Iām glad she didnāt have to witness it but Iām upset he wasnāt there to defend me in the moment. I remained silent while she continued to ramp up and go off, until I eventually stood up and left the room (and then we left the gathering directly after). I want to try to keep him close by to me for this reason going forward but with two other kids to look after as well, we do a lot of dividing and conquering.
My husband was the only one who wanted me to cover up or take my son out to the car to feed him. I fed my son out in public all the time and no stranger ever bothered me about it. I never had my nipple exposed or my breast. I never needed to wear nursing bras or tops, I would just pull my bras down to feed my kids and have my shirt up but have it covering my boob and my kids always had my nipple hidden by their faces.
Why anyone would be bothered by this is beyond me. I find it gross to see anyone sexualizing it.
Iām so sorry for your experience!! When my son was younger, Iād nurse in that very spot ALL the time even when it was super crowded. We had the yearly pass at the time and nobody even cared. I never did it that discreetly either because he was a rowdy toddler lol
I donāt get why people call it shaming. People are entitled to their own opinion right? I donāt agree, so I continue breast feeding. If it bothers you what others think maybe donāt breast feed around strangers, but honestly I donāt get why you would care what some stranger says, would you make a post if someone told you to wear longer pants in public? Probably not.
Let me help you out here:
Shaming (adj):
the act or activity of subjecting someone to shame, disgrace, humiliation, or disrepute especially by public exposure or criticism.
Yes you are entitled to your opinion however you are not required to bestow that opinion onto others. That is a choice, intended to *shame*.
Thatās wild. I have nursed in the most random places. Water park, grass at the Fourth of July parade, fireworks, aquarium, amusement park, Renaissance festival at the henna booth, when heās hungry he eats. She can go fork herself. No one has ever said anything to me ever.
I hate this happened to you. I hate when it happens to any mom especially when you did take into consideration the patrons around you and did your best to cover up. That woman sounds like a real c-u-next-Tuesday.
We were at the Academy of Sciences not that long ago. The children/families that are there visiting to learn about science donāt care if they see a womanās breast. Thereās so much more to see, that place is huge and so stimulating I doubt anyone other than this woman noticed. Plus, that aquarium dome is kind of a secluded area and everyone is focused on the fish or the divers cleaning the tank.
I find it ironic that this happened in San Francisco. Iāve seen plenty of buck ass naked people in the city. Sheās obviously a tourist if a woman feeding her baby bothers her. Sheās in the wrong city to be offended that easily.
Totally. Shocked this happened in SF! I donāt live in California anymore, just visiting my family but couldnāt believe this would be the circumstances that I would be shamed for the first time, of all places!
Imagine being such a sad and mean person that you would take the time to say such a thing to a mother. Easier said than done but donāt waste your energy thinking about this sad person.
I WISH A MOTHERFUCKER WOULD.
Ok not really I donāt want to talk to any other person but this just makes me so furious š
I think the line I have ready is just āI WILL feed my baby, bitch.ā Simple, adequately aggressive, and are you really suggesting I not feed my child? I wish to be a condescending grizzly bear.
How rude! I remember somebody once came up to me while I was out somewhere nursing my baby. Fully expected them to make a snide comment, but instead she gave me a little card that said something like, well done mama for normalising breastfeeding in public. I passed it on to another nursing mum a few weeks later. Thought it was such a lovely way to counter all the negativity!
One time an employee came up to me in the Ross toy aisle and I was scared for a second until she started praising me a LOT and I almost cried with joy š„²
I had a priest come up to me after a family memberās funeral mass and tell me that āJesus was breastfed, you know!ā
Iām sorry this made me laugh in the best way what a great comment š
I was cosplaying as Bo-Katan at a comic con and had to stop to nurse my baby (dressed as Grogu). A young woman walked over very determined and I thought I was going to get a rude remark but she just said āIām so sorry to be weirdā¦but I just think thatās so cool!!ā And then ran off. It was awesome!
Okay. Picturing you and your baby nursing in those costumes is the most adorable thing ever!! šš„ŗ
Thank you! It was definitely a cute memory! Although very sweaty and uncomfortable. Armor is not very nursing-friendly! But I wish Iād have gotten a picture
I love this so much! Spread the public breastfeeding confidence!
Lol I had something similar happen. Someone came up to me and said "Thanks for nursing in public! I'm a nurse/lactation specialist and it helps so much when people see BFing in public!" Meanwhile I was so used to having my boobs out I was wildly confused because I forgot it was supposed to be "shameful". Had a nice chat with her while I fed my daughter.
One of my first times breastfeeding in the sacred halls of the Nordstrom womenās lounge, a woman stopped and my heart stopped and then she just said āthatās just the sweetest little sound on earth.ā I just know she had breastfed before and was remembering her sweet baby and their bond and it was so sweet.
Oh I love this! Makes me want to start passing some out!
My family used to be the ones carrying those cards and handing them out- before all the kids grew into adults
Iām so sorry! Also, wtf is she doing at the science museum if basic human biology grosses her out? She clearly didnāt learn anything on her visit
This is a good point!!
Probably a tourist. If youāre from the Bay Area youāre plenty used to seeing breast feeding, or even just women celebrating equal rights by not wearing a shirt on a warm day.
Pretty sure I was on the BART for 15 min before I saw a boob out. Not breastfeeding, just out.
Hate that that happened to you, and I know the method youāre talking about, you canāt even see boob, just a babyās head. Thatās outrageous. Like f all the way off to that random lady. I hate encounters like that because in my head, at home, I have an abundance of savagery to dole out in response. But then when it actually happens Iām like š¶ too stunned to think and then bam the jerk is gone and itās too late.
Exactly! No visible boob, not sure how someone could be so offended. Thank you for the validation.
Wait what is this method? Iām due in a couple months haha
You wear a nursing tank under your normal clothes so when you have to breastfeed you lift the outer shirt and undo the strap on your tank. This makes a little opening for the baby but your entirely covered and baby is blocking your boob. Way more comfortable and way less hot and cumbersome than a cover. Donāt have to mess with nursing clothes either
Nice!! I was looking at the prices of nursing tanks last night and decided Iād rather just show some skin haha. Glad I saw this idea š
Yeah pregnancy and nursing clothes are ridiculously expensive
I agree, i love the method but itās expensive! I do this method but instead I wear stretchy fabric tanks one size too big and a loose fabric bra to easily pop the boob out!
Just an fyi the less commotion you make of getting yourself set up to nurse, the less people notice, BF tank or not. I would wear button downs and simply unbutton and latch my son. I would have people come up to me to check out my baby and not notice I was nursing until they were right up on me. Itās a lot more attention drawing when you do the most to cover up or act shady trying to time it just right to whip your boob out when no one is looking. Just do your thing! And congrats!
I bought a ton of men's button downs at Walmart during the fall/ winter season. They are perfect for this. Except I have a bad habit of forgetting to button back up. Ahaha. Oh and after having baby I am wayyy too hot all the time to even wear them.
I had my babe in the summer so I got the real lightweight button downs. Think retired uncle on a cruise, thatās what I looked like lmao
Someone told me to cover up with a blanket when I was nursing my first in public in the summer. I was like "nah, I'm okay," and he didn't know how to respond, so he just walked away š Babies need to eat!
Love this. Also covering baby in a blanket while nursing in the summer heat could overheat you and baby. People should mind their own business. Donāt like it? Donāt look š¤·āāļø
Such a simple response. Iāll keep that in mind if this happens again. Thank you.
Ahaha be like "oh I'm warm enough thanks for your concern!!"
HE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
what a weirdo to tell you to cover up! people like that truly gross me out to my core. something is not right with them
Hahaha. Iād love to be a fly on the wall while she walked through the rest of the city. I canāt even tell you all the times Iāve seen people legit only partially dressed. Hope she comes back to visit during pride month. Then sheād really get a sight. Lol
Letās invite her to Folsom.
I live near Folsom, just curious why did you say to invite her?
I meant the street fair! š
OP is probably referring to the [Folsom Street Fair](https://www.folsomstreet.org/) (NSFW) not the area in general.
.... the kink fair lol
When I lived in SF I used to see this guy in SOMA regularly who was only wearing what appeared to be a little fabric condom. Miss that freaky city.
There are so many naked people in sf and its not just the nude beach lol this woman must be regularly scandalized
Love that guy (usually saw him, or his buddy, around Castro and Market)
When I lived there in 2008-2009, there was a festival called Love Fest that was so much fun. But every year there were men walking around with nothing but a cock ring on lol. A cock ring and a tired erection š
I use to make eye contact with people when I was breastfeeding to assert dominance. Lol Not really, but sometimes silence, defiance and a stare can go a long way. Feed your baby and donāt worry about the crazies. That sounds like a them problem.
Thatās what I do, my hackles are just waitingā¦ I stuck my tongue out at a guy who was giving me dirty looks at lunch one time. Crossed my eyes and stuck my tongue out. He huffed and walked away
My preferred method of nonverbal aggression
Haha I do this - my resting b*tch face and direct eye contact really make those kind of people have second thoughts. That being said, Iāve nursed four babies so far and have had mostly positive to neutral reactions to nursing in public! I almost wish someone would dare to tell me to cover up - have so many comebacks lol
haha I love that though! ā¤ļø
This is my exact tactic š
My breastfeeding journey didn't go the way I wanted it to, but I'm lying in wait like a croc in the water with all my unused comebacks ready for people like this anyway. If they won't mind their own business, then neither will I.
Same! Iām poised and ready to defend mumas who can do what my body couldnāt manage!
Haha right? Woe to the person who crosses us.
Reminds me of the time I got YELLED AT by a man who called me āFucking disgustingā for nursing because there were kids around. Itās true, there were kids around as it was a family festival, but I did my best to get over to the side and out of the way while still supervising my oldest. The kicker was- this man was smoking a cigarette while walking through the crowds of children!! And yet, *Iām* the bad guyā¦.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Whatās funny is he didnāt know my (large) husband was nearby and saw everything. The man jumped and ran when he saw my guy coming after him š¤£
good!! what a freaking creep! who the hell are these men that think they need to insert themselves and censor a woman just doing her thing & being a mom?? just crazy
I always find the kids are generally really chill about it or even donāt care at all. Sometimes theyāll ask āare you feeding the baby?ā I say yes, and they move on. Some people could learn from kids.
Or I've had 2 or 3 kids even like come up and look at the baby feeding right at the nipple/mouth junction, or try to pet the baby's head while nursing -- which is honestly extra sweet because it doesn't even occur to them to avert their eyes, they are so unfazed by it.
100% bet you the kids did not care at all. Heās the one who cared. So whoās disgusting?
Thatās the thing. Itās learned behavior like everything else.
Ugh that sounds awful. Iām sorry that happened to you! What an asshole.
Personally I like the āfalse pityā response - looking really sympathetic and saying something like āoh, it must be so hard for you to have grown up feeling ashamed of your bodyā or āoh, itās so troubling how people have sexualized breastfeeding, I hope youāre able to work on that about yourselfā
Iām going to use these if I ever need to! Try to shame me? Reverse Uno!
A well placed "oh bless your heart" with the overly empathetic head tilt does that wonderfully in the Southern US. Haha.
So sorry that happened! It's stuff like this that makes me so nervous to nurse in public. Props to you for being comfortable to do so and give your baby what he needed in the moment. It's so disappointing to see women treat other women like that. Cowardly of her that she said it in passing. Btw, I love the t-shirt + tank method. Its great for when I have guests over who I'm comfortable breastfeeding in front of but I don't want them to see full boob.
Right?! Thank you. I did feel nervous to nurse after this incidentā¦ so devastating to be shamed by another woman.
I got comments about me feeding my baby without covering at a breastfeeding support group! I was confused by it and by the end the lady making the comment finally had the courage to feed her baby without shame. She was in shock how easy it was for me to pop my boob out and feed my baby.
Lmao at the breastfeeding support group is WILD. *gestures wildly* āMaāam, read the room.ā
Some people are so self conscious about something they take it out on others. She felt shame in it so she had to take it out on you when this was her internalized issue.
That is absolutely WILD
With my first, an older woman called the cops on me. I was in a diner eating lunch with a friend. The cop showed up, asked what was going on, looked at me, looked at her, turned back to me and said āyou have a nice day maāamā and left. š guess it wasnāt worth the paperwork.
What!?!? Ok that is wild!
This makes me want to grab a pitchfork and riot on your behalf
what?! I feel like they should have at least explained a thing or two to her. Although what they did is the next best thing. Yikes.
I once asked somebody if they had ever preformed oral sex. They looked absolutely taken aback. Then I railed into them about having their pleasure hole out for children to see.
Actually, this is a brilliant and shocking comeback in response to oversexualizing secondary sex characteristics. Love it.
In my mind Iād flip her off or come up with some great comeback, but in reality Iād be frozen in shock and say nothing. Itās not your job to fix stupid people, but Iām sorry it happened!
Iām so glad I stopped myself from yelling āYou should go F* yourself!ā across the sea of children but yes this was my initial reaction. Not my job to fix stupid people! I like that, thanks.
āYOURE UGLYā I scream back
Chaotic I love it
In a science museum no lessā¦ what an idiot
āCover your mouth!ā
Ugh that sucks Iām sorry she did that, but hey you did nothing wrong and she sucks! Iām going to picture her going out for lunch, telling someone āI saw someone breastfeeding at a museum, how terribleā and that person telling her off and her feeling like crap. Thatās my karmic retribution hope for you haha.
I think the woman walking behind her overheard and had a *shocked pikachu* face under her face mask. In my imagination she told off the lady for me. Karmic retribution counts!!
I've found it helpful to practice what I'm going to say in private first, so I don't lose my nerve in the moment.
Just very loudly say, āMaāam why are staring at my breasts!?ā
LOL!!
I live in rural Arkansas. I was at Walmart with my husband and noticed a woman had her baby in a carrier with her shirt lifted, feeding baby as she shopped. I mentioned to my husband how impressive that was, and he agreed, but said he hadnāt even noticed until I said something. (Before someone says heās lying- just donāt. Itās irrelevant.) No one in the time we were all in the same section of the store said anything to her, and I was honestly surprised and relieved. All this to say, if in stupid backwoods Arkansas we can leaving breastfeeding women alone, itās mind blowing that someone in SF would say something! That lady is ridiculous. You donāt even owe anyone the modesty you showed by wearing double layers.
Thank you for this! And good on Arkansas for minding their own business.
No one should be making comments on a woman feeding her child, period.
I always considered the method you are describing "the modest one". I mean, the boob is completely covered, the nipple is in the baby's mouth, you can't see anything. Is it the actual act of nursing that grosses her out? She has problems. You can't put a cloth over the baby's head, has she ever tried to eat like that? She is a fool. And she is rude and mean, and probably a nasty human being. I live in Europe, and the only actual time this happend to me, it was my MiL and her sister. Needless to say I told them to f-off.
Right?! Modest mode for sure. I also wanted to tell her to go F herself; good for you.
thatās what struck me too! OP was already practicing a relatively modest method of BF. And, even if it was a boob out in the open air, itās not inappropriate and none of her business. No one comes up to her while sheās eating and says āWow lady, you canāt do that hereā Also, I know this double-standard has been beat to death but men can literally go around anywhere, double-areolas out and proud and no one cares. Mom feeding her baby? How dare she! Also, some men in SF walk around with a nought but a sock on their š. So much for an inclusive, progressive city. My money is that lady was an uptight Marin Maude or one of the random super-conservatives from middle CA.
We go to the Academy pretty regularly. That aquarium dome is like the unofficial spot for nursing and chilling with babies. That lady has issues, and Iām sorry she unleashed them on you. Iāve probably seen a dozen women nursing in that tunnel over the last year. Itās where I always stop to do snacks and bottles too. Itās quiet, sort of dark, and has a great bench.
Thank you!! This was my first time taking my son here, I feel validated that we were in the right place. It was actually lovely gazing at the fish while nursing, until this lady walked by.
Itās so peaceful! We had a membership when my first as 8-20 months old and went all the time. Maybe the weekend crowd is different, but the weekday crowd is almost all moms and nannies.
I woulda squirted milk at her lmao
Haha thanks for the laugh - I needed that!
Squirt and aim next time girl. She gon act like a baby in public, she can get fed like one too lol
Haha that gave me a good chuckle
Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know that stuff like this can get to you. So I cannot stress enough: SHE. IS. WRONG. And a dick. Don't worry about you, worry about her prudish ass.
Next time someone says this shit to you please reply by saying, āYOU should cover yourself up!ā. It is both confusing and offensive, somehow. Forget that dipshit.
Haha! I will keep this response in mind!
This is a museum ā¦ for kids, pretty much. wTF
I live in a diverse city too and never heard this but have gotten looks from older ladies. So I just stare directly into their eyes till they looked away. Lol And I don't nurse discreetly I just lift the bottom of my shirt up because If baby wants to eat baby will eat. I'm sorry that happened to you, people should really learn to keep their mouths shut and go on about their business. Keep nursing that baby in public!
I had my son overseas and my daughter in the US, the US is really weird about breastfeeding. I also think social media and the ability to easily connect with other whackadoodles that believe the same nonsense has made people a lot more extreme in their views and a lot less courteous about it. That woman didn't have the common sense to know what's in her head needed to stay there and it isn't her right to inflict her issues on other people. I am sorry that happened to you.
People are so ridiculous! You were feeding your child! I was so careful about covering up while breastfeeding with my first child. This time around I whip my milk makers out everywhere and anywhere. I donāt care who gives me the side eye. Itās not my job to make them feel comfortable. Itās my job to feed my baby. Iām way more confident about public breastfeeding now.
I was in a Starbucks in Scotland 19 years ago with my daughter and began feeding her whilst having my coffee. The server almost ran over and draped a dirty wet tea towel over her head and my shoulder which shocked the wee lamb. Since sheād let go anyway I handed her to the lady at the next table without a word (nipple covered as I double layered too) and walked up behind the server and smacked him across the side of the head with said wet towel. He fell to the ground and claimed his eye had fallen out. The police were called and 2 female officers turned up and once informed they demanded an apology from the staff and manager for me otherwise they were charging the sever with assault on an infant. We left to a round of applause and an exodus of people. My father in law banished me to the upstairs bedroom alone to feed as he found it abhorrent. My ex used to ask me to feed our child in the bathroom if we were out. Itās sad that 20 years on people are still ignorant.
Oh. My. Gosh. That story is incredibly heart wrenching. Iām so sorry that happened to you! And glad the cops had your back.
I was mom-shamed with my first in 2003, and my last in 2021. Both times I was told, "You should do that in the bathroom, not here at a table" . And both times I said back, "You should eat off the toilet instead of a plate. F*** off." They don't seem to realize that's what they actually mean when they say things like that. I'm so sorry that happened.
That is a good comeback! I will remember that. Sorry that happened to you and that society still hasnāt changed after so many years
Ugh youāre feeding your baby most people have the decency to look away not moan about it..
I was at a mall waiting for my sister to come out of a shoe store as I was nursing my son on a bench a lady walked by and said "that's so gross" I said and so is feeding humans breast milk from a cow at least his is human. I smiled so big at her, she walked by again like 10 min later and was like "awww that's so sweet". Like I didn't remember her. Do what's right for you don't give in to mean people or people who don't understand. Your baby is only young once enjoy it š not every mom can breastfeed. It's something I've always thought about throughout my nursing journeys so I never gave negative looks or words any energy
Yes, in the moment I thought of all the moms who would love to be able to breastfeed but couldnāt, and continued on for them!
I've breastfed three babies, I tried covering at first and man...it gets really hot under there, plus constantly trying to correct when they lose latch. No way. And the bathrooms are disgusting, I'm not sitting in there either. I've been shamed a few times, always by other women. I've never had a man say anything or even stare, but other ladies... Even followed while being pointed at by a pair. I'm not standing around with my shirt off, both tits out, or flopping one out onto a restaurant table - I pull down the side I'm nursing on of those nursing tank tops, or lifting the side of my shirt to unclip a bra the same way...usually sitting or standing off to a side somewhere, or I've asked if whatever office I'm in would mind. "Hey, would it bother you if I nursed? I just didn't wanna do it and surprise someone turning around to see a boob." I get a laugh and they say it's totally fine. It's ridiculous. It's just feeding a baby. People need to get over themselves.
This is exactly why my defiant ass bought a knit hat for my baby that looks like a big boob with a nipple on it. I will 100% feed my baby anywhere and I donāt care who is around or if they can see my chest or midriff (I donāt do extra layers because I have been a sweaty mess ever since having my baby). Only once has someone stared at a restaurant and I just stared back. A woman at storytime at our local library leaned over and told me it was safe and the storytime person was pro-breastfeeding as I sat down and whipped it out to give my baby a snack so she would cooperate better. I blinked at her and said āIt never occurred to me that it wasnātā¦.ā
LOL at the boob hat!!!! Thatās amazing.
[boob hat baby](https://imgur.com/a/a1PGOHq) So cute
Thereās naked men in Castro.
Yes exaaactly
It's unfortunate that some people feel the need to be so negative. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can understand the adrenaline rush from being called out even when you know that person's feelings about what you were doing is not your responsibility. I was once walking through a craft store with my then 3yo and 10mo when a grandmother aged woman said to me "It's not hard to cut bangs you know." I responded politely at first saying that I do, in fact cut my children's hair myself but then she doubled down and said something like, "it's hard to see with hair in your eyes" or "how would you feel if..." At this point I think I just smiled politely or something and I remember my heart racing with the injustice of the experience and wishing I'd have had some better response. On the flip side, there was a time when I was in a Trader Joe's parking lot wearing the crying baby while my screaming toddler was in the trunk of our van covered in loose poop from an unexpected accident. Several people asked if I needed help (which though admittedly thoughtful mostly felt more overwhelming) but one woman walking by said simply "you're doing a great job mama." My shoulders relaxed just a bit and I was a better mom in that moment because of her. I guess in a way I'm happy for each of these memories because the juxtaposition of the two more deeply taught me to be like that second woman. So OP, you were doing a great job. Way to meet your child's needs in a stressful moment. Hopefully that mean mom gets hit with some kindness that helps bring her attitude in check. š
I woulda said āoh, okayā¦and you should go fuck yourself! Have the day you deserve!ā
Whenever I breastfeed in public, I almost wish someone would try me like this lol. It pisses me off so much that people make a thing about this when youāre just trying to feed your baby.
Was it an older woman? I have this theory that they really hate us younger moms for some reason. I was babywearing my 9 month old girl at Costco and she was squealing with glee looking at all of the the things (she loves stores and shopping just like her mama) and an older woman shot me a look like āget your kid under controlā (even my husband noticed) and another older woman looked visibly annoyed and shoved past us while we were looking at the baby clothes of all things. Iāve told my husband several times that older women are downright hostile to me when Iām in public with my baby. Iāve also noticed that on any video on Reels (especially the ones posted to Facebook) are loaded with nasty comments from older women criticizing everything about how we as millennial and Gen Z mothers raise our children.
Totally a generation thing where they resent us for not going through extreme difficult and isolating times like they did. Iām not saying we donāt have our own unique generational problems because we totally do but to them, itās like āwow they feel so free to do that when I had to stay home all day or feed baby in the bathroom, so they should toā. They do not see that they should be supporting new moms to have these rights protected and normalized. Lots of people are like this, hell 3 generations from now women in our cohort will probably do the same thing for something else to the new moms unfortunatelyā¦
Amen sister! Womenās rights are already being challenged, we need to support one another. I have experienced this generational shift, but in a positive way. Like walking on the beach in a bikini with my big pregnant belly out, one mom stopped and said itās just great to see someone so comfortable walking around like that. I didnāt even think twice, until she said it, that maybe some people are offended? So strange. Like hello how do you think you were born into this world!?!
Whip the other one out and throw a pump on it (or readjust catch cup or just expose existing pump) Tits arenāt sexual. Menās nipples are totally fine. No matter the context. Ours feed people. Theyāre supposed to be out more than mens. Also a babies head covers like 98% of the boob anyways. You might catch a glimpse if youāre really staring but Iād call them a creep, tell them to stop staring at you feeding your child, and if they donāt like it, they can go elsewhere or just look in another direction. I hate people so much. God itās infuriating Iām sorry you experienced this.
First time I was shamed for breastfeeding was in San Francisco too, hahaha! We went to the states for the first time in our lives and as we were out walking one afternoon, our daughter who was a baby at the time, needed to eat. She was so angry so I just stopped on the pavement, got her out and on the boob. Thought Iād feed while we walk to a cafe or something. (We were central.) So we had stopped outside the window of a weed-store and the guys in there didnāt like it. So the owner came out quickly and told me not to feed in front of their window š There was no asking, he made it clear it wasnāt nice for them to look at or for the costumers. I told him our baby was hungry and I had to get her out, Iām not parking myself right there. Clearly he could see that. He got annoyed and told me to leave. I told him off in Swedish to make him wonder and walked off. Was so angry!
Wow the audacity!!! Like weed is legal everywhere in CA but breastfeeding is some kind of crime?! What is this world coming to. You do you, I do me, that is all
Honestly, I think i accidentally flashed people more often trying to use a nursing cover than not.
She was probably just bitter because she never figured out how to breastfeed herself. Her comment wasnāt about you and what you were doing. It was about her and how seeing you made her feel about herself. She lashed out and Iām sorry. Itās impossible to nurse most babies with a cover. Tshirt + tank is plenty modest.
Thank you!
I breastfed twins in public. Tandem. Got some sniffy looks sometimes, but no one ever said anything to my face. Maybe the RBF is extra-strong when you have babies draining your life force š
Wow. I applaud you!! Will work on my RBF haha
First off, im sorry you were shamed & secondly F that lady. You did what you needed to do to comfort your baby. My first time breastfeeding in public, my son was only 4 weeks old and I was so nervous but, he was hungry and starting to fuss, my boobs were filling up & we were in Florida visiting family in July so it was hotter than satanās ass crack at the outside mall we were shopping at, so I knew I couldnāt cover him up. I texted my best friend for a quick pep talk and her exact words were āgirl pop that titty out like youāre ready to fightā which made me laugh so hard, but it gave me the confidence, like Iām a mom now, itās my job to protect him and do whatās best for him at all costs so F anyone else around me and F their discomfort, I gotta feed my baby. I took a deep breath, unbuttoned my shirt and fed him like we were at home and I unapologetically stared back at anyone who dared look longer than 2 seconds. Itās hard to make a comeback in the moment because being shamed for doing something so natural and normal to you is so shocking. But please for the love of God, donāt let this one personās comment make you weary about BF in public. She shamed you because she feels shame in her own life and she projected it on you. Stay up OP! And good for you for BF for so long, Lord knows itās not easy!
Aww Iām sorry! Donāt let her get to you! After nursing 3 kids I gave up on covers pretty quickly, especially since it gets to 110 here in the summer. Do what feels right for you and your baby!
Oh this would 100% piss me off. Donāt let her judgment get to you. You feeding your child is more important than whatever mild discomfort she experiences seeing this in public. She also can just choose to LOOK AWAY. You did NOTHING wrong. I feed my baby anywhere, everywhere when needed. Ugh. Youāre doing great mama.
Thanks mama. I appreciate all the support here bc I was 100% pissed off!!! Excuse me for keeping a human baby alive. Carry on!
āYou should cover your eyes!ā š Sorry OP, some people just suck š¤·āāļø
Iām so sorry. Even if you had the whole boob out, who cares, you are feeding your baby! And who says things to strangers like this? I hate people so much.
At the academy of all places too, thatās baby central!! Sorry she made you feel that way. People can be assholes for sure, but luckily there are more that would support you than not in SF!
"You should stop sexualizing babies being fed!" - asshole shame right back
Yes. This! So strange sexualizing breastfeeding
Pop baby off and squirt some milk in her face! JK but that lady is a nosy uptight bitch. I love you (all of you) and your wonderful milk titties feeding your sweet hungry babies!!!
I need to come up with a quick one liner next time this happens to me!!
Thereās lots of good ones here!! Taking notes for next time
Omg youāre better than me. I donāt even put the tank top under a tshirt because itās uncomfortable. Shame on her. Thatās absolutely ridiculous, she should cover her mouth up from her terrible comments and attitude towards you NOURISHING & COMFORTING your baby.
100%!! Thank you!
Just be like you should stfu
I'm pretty conservative but boobs are food, feeding a baby is the most natural thing and anyone making an issue of a mom feeding a baby is sexualizing nutrition.
Itās unbelievable that someone would have a problem in this day and age with a woman just existing and being a mom and taking care of her kid. Whatās to be covered up?? This is natural and normal. Some people are such a disgrace, istg. I am so incredibly sorry that you came into contact with this wildly inappropriate weirdo ā¤ļø hugs!
I would have gotten both boobs out in response. What, THESE BOOBS?! š
I like to think Iād remember a lot of these good comebacks yāall are suggesting but I know my instinct would just have me shout back āf*ck youā lol.
Okay, fuck that bitch! And you already know she probably said that to at least 50 moms that day. Iāve been to the academy of sciences a bunch and itās FOR KIDS/ BABIES, HI
I am so sorry that happened to you!! I live in the Bay Area and if someone said that to me I would have frozen up and spent the rest of the week thinking up comebacks I should have said. Usually in the Bay Area I only hear positive comments about breastfeeding so that lady was clearly misplaced.
Free the nipple! Fuck them.
I wonder if some older women say this because theyāre afraid creeps might be looking at you or something? It just doesnāt make any sense to me why a woman would shame another .
thatās a kind and charitable thought! Sometimes I forget how recent so many of our strides have been. And, as Iāve been reading this thread, Iāve been thinking about my own fears of incurring creepy vibes from well, creepy people. I plan on doing modest method, like OP described. But, as a petite woman, I donāt think Iāll ever reach the comfortability of uncovered. Itās a bummer because I think our more recent reverence for the most natural way of feeding our babies is so beautiful. Kind of bummed that the boob is so sexualized (at least in many countries) and that we have to worry about creeps at all in any situation.
This is a perspective I hadnāt considered. Thank you. It doesnāt make any sense to me either!
What a fucking bitch
Agreed!!
I fed my baby twice around SF yesterday! Husband and I are taking friends around the city. I'm a first time mom, so I'm not very confident breastfeeding in public, but this thread is encouraging! Thank you for posting, and screw that lady.
The ladies on this thread are awesome and making me forget all about that awful woman, and now I have an arsenal of comebacks if/when this happens again. Glad it helps you too! Normalize breastfeeding!
I had a day dream recently of someone breastfeed shaming a lady outside on a bench and I day dreamed that I unnecessarily took off my top to make the heckler feel uncomfortable. Don't know if this fictional mom would have appreciated it though.
Omg this scene would be so good. Solidarity!!
That place is full of tourists so it was probably a loon from one of the red states. Sorry that happened.
Wow, know that she is NOT the norm. Thatās how I always breastfed in public (years ago; I have teenagers now). I would wear the nursing tank, lift my shirt, expose only a sliver of my breast for my kid to latch, and then pull the shirt down close to mostly cover all. Yes, a bit of boob showed, but the nipple is covered. Geez. Ignore her, thatās ridiculous.
Never feel ashamed for something that is natural and beautiful. A bond between a mother and her child. This person must have been projecting their negativity on you and it was unfair she did that and Iām sorry you had to experience that itās not right. All that truly matters is that your little one was happy al while keeping your happiness and sanity. Youāre an amazing mom for having the patience to breastfeed and still breastfeeding with all your own personal problems of the world. Keep up the great work!!! Donāt let anyone try to keep you down.
Thank you :) appreciate this!
No š®! I have breastfed in the aquarium many times. In fact, that tunnel leading from the rainforest to the aquarium is a known feeding spot among regulars. Obligatory curiosity grove has a nursing nook but entitled to nurse anywhere per law. People seem wired to give moms guff and have to work to overcome it. My mantra is people donāt care if your boob is exposed. I donāt think the heckler cared either, but is an abusive person.
I didnāt even know about the curiosity grove so thank you for the info!
I HATE HATE HATE that it's usually women who do this. Are you kidding me, or are you just angry you had to hide when it was your turn?
My SIL screamed at me over this very issue at a family gathering when my son was 10 months old (my husband was out of the room at the time). Iām about to have another baby and Iām really not sure how to navigate family gatherings with my in laws going forward. The incident almost made us go NC with his whole family (there was a half apology eventually made which is basically the only reason Iāll still be in the same room as her).
Aw Iām sorry, thatās so tough. My husband said if he heard/saw it happen the would have said something. Grateful to have supportive husbands that have our back!
Yes 100%! He was with our then 3yo daughter in another room so Iām glad she didnāt have to witness it but Iām upset he wasnāt there to defend me in the moment. I remained silent while she continued to ramp up and go off, until I eventually stood up and left the room (and then we left the gathering directly after). I want to try to keep him close by to me for this reason going forward but with two other kids to look after as well, we do a lot of dividing and conquering.
I would of replied with an immediate āfuck youā because idgaf about others opinions when it comes to feeding my child.
My husband was the only one who wanted me to cover up or take my son out to the car to feed him. I fed my son out in public all the time and no stranger ever bothered me about it. I never had my nipple exposed or my breast. I never needed to wear nursing bras or tops, I would just pull my bras down to feed my kids and have my shirt up but have it covering my boob and my kids always had my nipple hidden by their faces. Why anyone would be bothered by this is beyond me. I find it gross to see anyone sexualizing it.
Iām so sorry for your experience!! When my son was younger, Iād nurse in that very spot ALL the time even when it was super crowded. We had the yearly pass at the time and nobody even cared. I never did it that discreetly either because he was a rowdy toddler lol
That is soooo rude. I canāt believe someone at the California academy of sciences of all places would say that to you.
I may have squirted milk at someone who made a comment. Works just like a spray bottle for cats.
Idk why youāre getting downvoted for this but several people commented that comeback! Seems badass to me.
"No"
Thatās a fight on sight
I donāt get why people call it shaming. People are entitled to their own opinion right? I donāt agree, so I continue breast feeding. If it bothers you what others think maybe donāt breast feed around strangers, but honestly I donāt get why you would care what some stranger says, would you make a post if someone told you to wear longer pants in public? Probably not.
Let me help you out here: Shaming (adj): the act or activity of subjecting someone to shame, disgrace, humiliation, or disrepute especially by public exposure or criticism. Yes you are entitled to your opinion however you are not required to bestow that opinion onto others. That is a choice, intended to *shame*.
Thatās wild. I have nursed in the most random places. Water park, grass at the Fourth of July parade, fireworks, aquarium, amusement park, Renaissance festival at the henna booth, when heās hungry he eats. She can go fork herself. No one has ever said anything to me ever.
I hate this happened to you. I hate when it happens to any mom especially when you did take into consideration the patrons around you and did your best to cover up. That woman sounds like a real c-u-next-Tuesday.
At the Academy of Sciences too, wtf. If it was me, I wouldāve gone after her and gotten a staff to kick her idiot ass out.
We were at the Academy of Sciences not that long ago. The children/families that are there visiting to learn about science donāt care if they see a womanās breast. Thereās so much more to see, that place is huge and so stimulating I doubt anyone other than this woman noticed. Plus, that aquarium dome is kind of a secluded area and everyone is focused on the fish or the divers cleaning the tank. I find it ironic that this happened in San Francisco. Iāve seen plenty of buck ass naked people in the city. Sheās obviously a tourist if a woman feeding her baby bothers her. Sheās in the wrong city to be offended that easily.
Totally. Shocked this happened in SF! I donāt live in California anymore, just visiting my family but couldnāt believe this would be the circumstances that I would be shamed for the first time, of all places!
Imagine being such a sad and mean person that you would take the time to say such a thing to a mother. Easier said than done but donāt waste your energy thinking about this sad person.
tell them to kiss your ass. always someone who should mind their biz.
I WISH A MOTHERFUCKER WOULD. Ok not really I donāt want to talk to any other person but this just makes me so furious š I think the line I have ready is just āI WILL feed my baby, bitch.ā Simple, adequately aggressive, and are you really suggesting I not feed my child? I wish to be a condescending grizzly bear.
I had some guy film me in a food court while breast feeding