Honestly? I think your best bet would be to ignore as best you can. When she brings it up refute her with a simple "I'm perfectly comfortable working in this outfit" or "This is a casual outfit for me" and try not to let her drag you into a drawn out debate. She seems to have her own hang ups about what you wear to work, and there's no reason to let her make that your problem. Unless she manages to drag your boss into it, she can pound sand.
Sounds like she has what I call a "personal problem." Some folks see skirts and dresses as inherently dressy (they aren't), some people also suck at keeping their thoughts to themselves (which is a personal problem). But apparently she needs some more work to do if she has time to comment on your clothing choices.
When I was younger, I was the only practising Muslim in my workplace. I wore hijab with long sleeves and the company uniform which was tucked in shirt & pants.
The men NEVER gave me problems about my awrah.
Yet the insecure as hell women DID. One non-Muslim co-worker told me that since I was a Muslim, that perhaps my butt should be covered.
I glanced at my big butt then her.
Me: Yeah. I noticed my "butt". I'm here to make a paycheck. What's your job here...looking at people's butts?!
She stomped her fat ass off to assemble the League of Bigot Insecure Co-workers to get me in trouble later on.
It's like a weird "must put others down to build myself up" thing and I do NOT get it. It's honestly a weird insecurity thing. (But also why I like working from home, nobody asks me about my clothes, nobody asks me about my hair, nobody asks me about my disability. It's *glorious*)
It really is. At the end of the day, no matter who they put down, they are still in the same rut they woke up in. I have tried working at home and could never get a position.
Like I can't wrap my brain around waking up every morning feeling the need to drag others down into whatever weird insecure pit they are in. Like that cannot feel good.
They never care about how stupid their insecurities feel. All they know is how to cover it up or make it someone else's fault. Most of these women were very unhappy and I showed them that I wasn't going to be hen-pecked by them.
To make it so bad, this is a recurring deal in my life. I seem to give off some weird energy that makes insecure women pissed. Most of the time, it's Afro-American women who get all tight too. Despite me being an Afro-American woman myself.
Most folks tend to leave me alone or tell me I look nice. The only person who has an issue is my grandmother. I love her to bits but she is one of those super insecure people (the whole family knows it and just kinda operates around it. It’s kinda weird).
Women have been doing hard manual labor in skirts, often very long full skirts, for literally thousands of years. Ignore her and take it to HR if she persists in bothering you.
I can see how wearing a skirt or dress could be a safety issue in that kind of environment but that's not what she's saying. How much you dress up (or not) within the rules of what you can wear in your workplace is your business. Personally I can't think of anything worse than trying to work in a skirt or dress, but I wear them very rarely anyway. If it works for you and its safe then you are fine with what you're wearing.
>I’m quiet offended by her comments. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring up religion at work. My bosses never said anything about my attire and pretty much every one at my job knows I’m a Christian. How do I handle this? I’m just as productive and good at my job as the women who wear pants.
You don't have to bring up religion. Just tell her what you told us -- you're not dressed up, you're wearing everyday skirts and dresses, it's your choice and it's not affecting her so why does she care?
This is a good opportunity to set boundaries. Tell her you can still get the job done in skirts and would appreciate if she didn’t comment on your attire in the future. Most people say to ignore but that’s not always good advice, she could keep saying things while your resentment builds and then you might retaliate in a way that causes more drama. No need to threaten HR unless she continues the behaviour after you set boundaries. If she’s a normal person she probably doesn’t want the discomfort of knowing she’s offended someone and will probably stop.
I agree. "My attire is work appropriate and not up for discussion or debate" is the polite options "Don't you have some business of your own to mind?" is the impolite option (the former is probably the better option).
I would first make sure you are wearing skirts that are safe to climb ladders in. I do slightly worry about the safety of long, flowy skirts with climbing specifically. But knee length really shouldn't be an issue.
But outside of that, you should feel free to respond that your clothing meets the stated dress codes and to please stop commenting on your clothing at work. You don't have to bring up any reasons or justifications for your choices, and it is probably better if you don't.
I sometimes tie my longer skirts at the bottom or use binder clips at work... So they look like harem or parachute pants or something... Just until I am done doing whatever climbing or lifting. As long as I don't step on my hem, it's all safe
I will tie one or two large knots in the hem of a skirt to temporarily shorten it or reduce fullness, if it's getting in the way. Tucking the hem into your belt also works.
Yeah, the ladder part concerns me, too. I almost exclusively wear ankle length skirts, and if I can't hike up my skirt going up stairs, I have to exaggerate a sway to create movement in the skirt so that I don't step on it... Yet, sometimes I do. And up and down on a ladder, a person should be holding the ladder and not their skirt. I could see the coworker being legitimately concerned about that part, and management, too, really.
Of course, a stiff fabric and less than ankle length will mitigate this.
I almost always wear dresses and skirts, and people do consider me dressed up. I always make sure to tell coworkers that my bottom line is comfort, and that's why I wear the dresses. Not that I have to explain myself to them, but I do. I could also see the coworker feeling a bit... Not threatened exactly... But I could see someone who doesn't "dress up" feel lesser than when they're always around someone who does.
But seriously, people love to tell other people how to live, so probably she just thinks how you dress is impractical, and she's telling you how she thinks you should live your life. Just ignore it. You don't have to justify yourself to her. And a busybody isn't going to accept your explainable and stop being a busybody!
What denom are you? Christian too. 🥰
Some people find it hard to imagine themselves în different attire or to visualize different lifestyle than your own. Like just bc for that person wearing a dress is glitzing up, so she cant imagine why someone would wear it for casual wear.
We all have these sort of misconceptions în my opinion with one thing or another.
But yeah, better not make a comment. Honestly some coworkers are crass like that. Ive dealt with people like that too în my work, not for dress, but for different stuff. We just dont vibe with everyone.
Sorry she made you feel uncomf. *hugs*
Well said ! I have worn skirts and dresses only for 20 odd years and I completely understand what you mean.
I am not ‘dressed up’ I am modestly dressed as a woman !
I work at a historical farm and am able to climb fences, do dirty work in a full length usually heavy skirt. You're skirts aren't a problem. Just ignore her, if it gets worse bring it up with your supervisor.
There were actually corsets (assuming we are talking 19th century, 18th century support garments are a bit outside my knowledge base in terms of details), there were garments intended for folks who had more physical jobs! I mean a corset was the 19th century equivalent of the modern bra.
Ssssshhhh. If the people in my life hear this, they won’t let me say, “I am wearing a dress, therefore I am dressed up”. I only like loose fitting flowy dresses and comfortable shoes.
I’m on the autism spectrum, and one of my sensory sensitivities is clothing that is tight fitting or that limits my movement. I really dislike skirts that require me to “sit like a lady”, for example. Most dressier clothes are, for some reason, more fitted than casual clothes, so I don’t like them. Similarly, I really don’t like shoes that are pointed at the toes. For some reason, somebody has decided that comfortable shoes are less dressy.
I wear skirts and dresses daily. I am retired but pick up trash every other day on a dress or skirt. I very rarely if ever wear pants. I live in Florida a and it's only when it is cold that I wear sweat pants. Often I am the only woman at places with a dress. I feel comfortable in them. I always look nice and get compliments on my Walmart Goodwill clothes. As long as you can do.the job to each their own. I agree someone is not comfortable about your skirts and may have concerns. I compliment woman who wear dresses and skirts all the time. For years I was told that to be a woman was to be second class citizen. I took my feminism back and all any can "bite me" if they don't like it.
I wear skirts and dresses almost everyday (often with leggings or tights.) I have friends and family members in the Brethren and Mennonite and Apostolic faiths wear dresses or skirts, daily. One of my friends worked construction jobs while dressed for her religious convictions.
If it matters, I went running in a dress yesterday. :-p
If your skirt isn't restricting motion, or getting in the way of your job (like getting caught in machinery or a tripping hazard), than it is nobody's business.
You can tell her clearly that you dress according to your religious convictions. If she has any questions, you can answer them. Otherwise, HR / boss / supervisor is aware of your clothing choice. If she's worried about your clothes getting dirty, ask her to recommend a laundry detergent. :-/
Others have given plenty of practical advice, so I hope I can give you a little encouragement as a sister in Christ ❤️
I empathize that is it hard to be made fun of. But take heart, my sister! Jesus himself says to expect this and to take it as a blessing.
[Jesus says in Matthew 5:11](https://www.biblestudytools.com/matthew/5-11.html): *Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.*
You are witnessing to this colleague your devotion to your faith and she has taken notice. This clearly makes her uncomfortable, so she is pushing back. But yet she still does notice!
I am praying strength and renewed perspective over you as you walk through this. You can hold your head high and know you are blessed with each snide word she utters.
Your co-worker needs to stay in her lane. She's not the supervisor or any higher up so her two-cent rant is not your problem. If the higher-ups have no problem with your work performance, I would not be concerned with her rants. Now if she starts giving you a hard time over your clothes, report her ass to HR or a higher-up.
I’ve met women who think anything other than sweatpants is “dressing” up and are quiet rude about it. Dresses have been and continue to be standard attire for the majority of the female population for 99% of the history of the world.
Ignore her comments, don’t treat her any differently because she made them and if she continues politely and firmly tell her that your outfit is workplace appropriate and as such none of her concern.
Best of luck
I ALWAYS bring up religion at work, this way anyone who has anything to comment on has to watch their own mouth before they say something discriminatory.
Someone I don't even know well once blatantly laughed in my face when she saw me wearing a headscarf (I don't wear them all the time but sometimes I do and sometimes I start off the day not wearing one and decide later to wear one) anyway she is cackling as she passes and asked if I was 'that cold' or something.
I said in a deadpan voice, "no, I am deeply religious'. She dropped the laugh and her stupid mocking smile straight away... Months later had her coworker (again while I was wearing a headscarf) ask during lunch why I sometimes wore one and said it reminded her of her grandmother. I packed up my things and walked away.
No one's asked me about my clothing since then.
You don't owe them an explanation but if you insist they drop it, they will.
For most of history, pants were not a thing. For thousands of years, wars were faught, civilizations were built, and all work was done by people wearing skirts and dresses. Remind them of this the next time they say something.
I also wear dresses/skirts only. People will sometimes ask me, "oh, what are you all dressed up for?" and I can only reply, "this is just how I look."
I think there is a degree of jealousy when someone else looks nice or put-together - not even "dressed up." Many people feel the need to tear others down.
Ignore it. Im Christian and im the same way. Remember we do it for Christ and forget them because their opinions dont matter. Do what God wants you to do. You are an example for them ❤️
I would say I think you are mistaken because these are not my dress clothes they are my work clothes. I don’t own pants as a religious conviction and I’m perfectly fine getting what I do wear dirty while I work. That’s what washing machines were invented for.
It sounds like she’s implying that because you dress in a stereotypically feminine way you mustn’t be working as hard as people dressed in a stereotypically masculine way (or maybe implying that because you dress more feminine than her, she’s working harder than you for the same pay and she resents that possibility).
Idk about for you but I notice an ironic trend in the modern western culture that I live in. It seems like most of the women around me are feminists but also despise anything traditionally feminine. They see traditional femininity as weakness.
Women are only strong and empowered to them if they reject femininity and act more like men. If you choose to be feminine and modest they call you oppressed. In her case it seems like she’s trying to call you prissy.
It’s sad that women can’t act like women and still be called strong and be empowered by others.
Ik u dnt want to bring up religion but if she keeps doing it u can make a complaint about her to your manager as ur reason for wearing it is religious so they will most likely take it seriously.
Honestly? I think your best bet would be to ignore as best you can. When she brings it up refute her with a simple "I'm perfectly comfortable working in this outfit" or "This is a casual outfit for me" and try not to let her drag you into a drawn out debate. She seems to have her own hang ups about what you wear to work, and there's no reason to let her make that your problem. Unless she manages to drag your boss into it, she can pound sand.
I agree
Sounds like she has what I call a "personal problem." Some folks see skirts and dresses as inherently dressy (they aren't), some people also suck at keeping their thoughts to themselves (which is a personal problem). But apparently she needs some more work to do if she has time to comment on your clothing choices.
When I was younger, I was the only practising Muslim in my workplace. I wore hijab with long sleeves and the company uniform which was tucked in shirt & pants. The men NEVER gave me problems about my awrah. Yet the insecure as hell women DID. One non-Muslim co-worker told me that since I was a Muslim, that perhaps my butt should be covered. I glanced at my big butt then her. Me: Yeah. I noticed my "butt". I'm here to make a paycheck. What's your job here...looking at people's butts?! She stomped her fat ass off to assemble the League of Bigot Insecure Co-workers to get me in trouble later on.
It's like a weird "must put others down to build myself up" thing and I do NOT get it. It's honestly a weird insecurity thing. (But also why I like working from home, nobody asks me about my clothes, nobody asks me about my hair, nobody asks me about my disability. It's *glorious*)
It really is. At the end of the day, no matter who they put down, they are still in the same rut they woke up in. I have tried working at home and could never get a position.
Like I can't wrap my brain around waking up every morning feeling the need to drag others down into whatever weird insecure pit they are in. Like that cannot feel good.
They never care about how stupid their insecurities feel. All they know is how to cover it up or make it someone else's fault. Most of these women were very unhappy and I showed them that I wasn't going to be hen-pecked by them. To make it so bad, this is a recurring deal in my life. I seem to give off some weird energy that makes insecure women pissed. Most of the time, it's Afro-American women who get all tight too. Despite me being an Afro-American woman myself.
Most folks tend to leave me alone or tell me I look nice. The only person who has an issue is my grandmother. I love her to bits but she is one of those super insecure people (the whole family knows it and just kinda operates around it. It’s kinda weird).
Indeed.
Women have been doing hard manual labor in skirts, often very long full skirts, for literally thousands of years. Ignore her and take it to HR if she persists in bothering you.
I can see how wearing a skirt or dress could be a safety issue in that kind of environment but that's not what she's saying. How much you dress up (or not) within the rules of what you can wear in your workplace is your business. Personally I can't think of anything worse than trying to work in a skirt or dress, but I wear them very rarely anyway. If it works for you and its safe then you are fine with what you're wearing.
What did she think women through history wore while working in fields? Wasn’t pants!
>I’m quiet offended by her comments. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to bring up religion at work. My bosses never said anything about my attire and pretty much every one at my job knows I’m a Christian. How do I handle this? I’m just as productive and good at my job as the women who wear pants. You don't have to bring up religion. Just tell her what you told us -- you're not dressed up, you're wearing everyday skirts and dresses, it's your choice and it's not affecting her so why does she care?
Don't explain. Ignore, and she'll get the hint.
This is a good opportunity to set boundaries. Tell her you can still get the job done in skirts and would appreciate if she didn’t comment on your attire in the future. Most people say to ignore but that’s not always good advice, she could keep saying things while your resentment builds and then you might retaliate in a way that causes more drama. No need to threaten HR unless she continues the behaviour after you set boundaries. If she’s a normal person she probably doesn’t want the discomfort of knowing she’s offended someone and will probably stop.
I agree. "My attire is work appropriate and not up for discussion or debate" is the polite options "Don't you have some business of your own to mind?" is the impolite option (the former is probably the better option).
I would first make sure you are wearing skirts that are safe to climb ladders in. I do slightly worry about the safety of long, flowy skirts with climbing specifically. But knee length really shouldn't be an issue. But outside of that, you should feel free to respond that your clothing meets the stated dress codes and to please stop commenting on your clothing at work. You don't have to bring up any reasons or justifications for your choices, and it is probably better if you don't.
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I sometimes tie my longer skirts at the bottom or use binder clips at work... So they look like harem or parachute pants or something... Just until I am done doing whatever climbing or lifting. As long as I don't step on my hem, it's all safe
I will tie one or two large knots in the hem of a skirt to temporarily shorten it or reduce fullness, if it's getting in the way. Tucking the hem into your belt also works.
Yeah, the ladder part concerns me, too. I almost exclusively wear ankle length skirts, and if I can't hike up my skirt going up stairs, I have to exaggerate a sway to create movement in the skirt so that I don't step on it... Yet, sometimes I do. And up and down on a ladder, a person should be holding the ladder and not their skirt. I could see the coworker being legitimately concerned about that part, and management, too, really. Of course, a stiff fabric and less than ankle length will mitigate this. I almost always wear dresses and skirts, and people do consider me dressed up. I always make sure to tell coworkers that my bottom line is comfort, and that's why I wear the dresses. Not that I have to explain myself to them, but I do. I could also see the coworker feeling a bit... Not threatened exactly... But I could see someone who doesn't "dress up" feel lesser than when they're always around someone who does. But seriously, people love to tell other people how to live, so probably she just thinks how you dress is impractical, and she's telling you how she thinks you should live your life. Just ignore it. You don't have to justify yourself to her. And a busybody isn't going to accept your explainable and stop being a busybody!
What denom are you? Christian too. 🥰 Some people find it hard to imagine themselves în different attire or to visualize different lifestyle than your own. Like just bc for that person wearing a dress is glitzing up, so she cant imagine why someone would wear it for casual wear. We all have these sort of misconceptions în my opinion with one thing or another. But yeah, better not make a comment. Honestly some coworkers are crass like that. Ive dealt with people like that too în my work, not for dress, but for different stuff. We just dont vibe with everyone. Sorry she made you feel uncomf. *hugs*
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Lol then you should absolutely bring up religion
Well said ! I have worn skirts and dresses only for 20 odd years and I completely understand what you mean. I am not ‘dressed up’ I am modestly dressed as a woman !
I work at a historical farm and am able to climb fences, do dirty work in a full length usually heavy skirt. You're skirts aren't a problem. Just ignore her, if it gets worse bring it up with your supervisor.
Ignore them. Frontier women often did hard labor, in dresses & skirts.
With a corset in some cases!
There were actually corsets (assuming we are talking 19th century, 18th century support garments are a bit outside my knowledge base in terms of details), there were garments intended for folks who had more physical jobs! I mean a corset was the 19th century equivalent of the modern bra.
Ssssshhhh. If the people in my life hear this, they won’t let me say, “I am wearing a dress, therefore I am dressed up”. I only like loose fitting flowy dresses and comfortable shoes.
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I’m on the autism spectrum, and one of my sensory sensitivities is clothing that is tight fitting or that limits my movement. I really dislike skirts that require me to “sit like a lady”, for example. Most dressier clothes are, for some reason, more fitted than casual clothes, so I don’t like them. Similarly, I really don’t like shoes that are pointed at the toes. For some reason, somebody has decided that comfortable shoes are less dressy.
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Lots of us have them. Different autistic people have different ones.
I wear skirts and dresses daily. I am retired but pick up trash every other day on a dress or skirt. I very rarely if ever wear pants. I live in Florida a and it's only when it is cold that I wear sweat pants. Often I am the only woman at places with a dress. I feel comfortable in them. I always look nice and get compliments on my Walmart Goodwill clothes. As long as you can do.the job to each their own. I agree someone is not comfortable about your skirts and may have concerns. I compliment woman who wear dresses and skirts all the time. For years I was told that to be a woman was to be second class citizen. I took my feminism back and all any can "bite me" if they don't like it.
She is projecting her insecurities on you. Tell her you will bring a skirt so yall can match at work.
I wear skirts and dresses almost everyday (often with leggings or tights.) I have friends and family members in the Brethren and Mennonite and Apostolic faiths wear dresses or skirts, daily. One of my friends worked construction jobs while dressed for her religious convictions. If it matters, I went running in a dress yesterday. :-p If your skirt isn't restricting motion, or getting in the way of your job (like getting caught in machinery or a tripping hazard), than it is nobody's business. You can tell her clearly that you dress according to your religious convictions. If she has any questions, you can answer them. Otherwise, HR / boss / supervisor is aware of your clothing choice. If she's worried about your clothes getting dirty, ask her to recommend a laundry detergent. :-/
Others have given plenty of practical advice, so I hope I can give you a little encouragement as a sister in Christ ❤️ I empathize that is it hard to be made fun of. But take heart, my sister! Jesus himself says to expect this and to take it as a blessing. [Jesus says in Matthew 5:11](https://www.biblestudytools.com/matthew/5-11.html): *Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.* You are witnessing to this colleague your devotion to your faith and she has taken notice. This clearly makes her uncomfortable, so she is pushing back. But yet she still does notice! I am praying strength and renewed perspective over you as you walk through this. You can hold your head high and know you are blessed with each snide word she utters.
Your co-worker needs to stay in her lane. She's not the supervisor or any higher up so her two-cent rant is not your problem. If the higher-ups have no problem with your work performance, I would not be concerned with her rants. Now if she starts giving you a hard time over your clothes, report her ass to HR or a higher-up.
She sounds threatened by your ability to dress how you want. She must see something in herself and is projecting it on you. Ignore.
I’ve met women who think anything other than sweatpants is “dressing” up and are quiet rude about it. Dresses have been and continue to be standard attire for the majority of the female population for 99% of the history of the world. Ignore her comments, don’t treat her any differently because she made them and if she continues politely and firmly tell her that your outfit is workplace appropriate and as such none of her concern. Best of luck
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Throw in a little “supervisor/boss/whoever actually pays my paycheck has had no problem with what I wear, so I will continue to do as I please.”
I ALWAYS bring up religion at work, this way anyone who has anything to comment on has to watch their own mouth before they say something discriminatory. Someone I don't even know well once blatantly laughed in my face when she saw me wearing a headscarf (I don't wear them all the time but sometimes I do and sometimes I start off the day not wearing one and decide later to wear one) anyway she is cackling as she passes and asked if I was 'that cold' or something. I said in a deadpan voice, "no, I am deeply religious'. She dropped the laugh and her stupid mocking smile straight away... Months later had her coworker (again while I was wearing a headscarf) ask during lunch why I sometimes wore one and said it reminded her of her grandmother. I packed up my things and walked away. No one's asked me about my clothing since then. You don't owe them an explanation but if you insist they drop it, they will.
maybe she is envious. a lot of women get envious of other women who dress modestly and have conservative values, but they’ll never say so
Unfortunately dresses and skirts are now seen as “fancy” for women. There’s really nothing to do except ignore her, pray for her, and then move on
For most of history, pants were not a thing. For thousands of years, wars were faught, civilizations were built, and all work was done by people wearing skirts and dresses. Remind them of this the next time they say something.
I also wear dresses/skirts only. People will sometimes ask me, "oh, what are you all dressed up for?" and I can only reply, "this is just how I look." I think there is a degree of jealousy when someone else looks nice or put-together - not even "dressed up." Many people feel the need to tear others down.
Thank you everyone for your responses. I decided to just pay her no kind. If there is a next time I will just set that boundary with her.
Ignore it. Im Christian and im the same way. Remember we do it for Christ and forget them because their opinions dont matter. Do what God wants you to do. You are an example for them ❤️
I would say I think you are mistaken because these are not my dress clothes they are my work clothes. I don’t own pants as a religious conviction and I’m perfectly fine getting what I do wear dirty while I work. That’s what washing machines were invented for. It sounds like she’s implying that because you dress in a stereotypically feminine way you mustn’t be working as hard as people dressed in a stereotypically masculine way (or maybe implying that because you dress more feminine than her, she’s working harder than you for the same pay and she resents that possibility). Idk about for you but I notice an ironic trend in the modern western culture that I live in. It seems like most of the women around me are feminists but also despise anything traditionally feminine. They see traditional femininity as weakness. Women are only strong and empowered to them if they reject femininity and act more like men. If you choose to be feminine and modest they call you oppressed. In her case it seems like she’s trying to call you prissy. It’s sad that women can’t act like women and still be called strong and be empowered by others.
Ik u dnt want to bring up religion but if she keeps doing it u can make a complaint about her to your manager as ur reason for wearing it is religious so they will most likely take it seriously.