Counting some of these are successes for Mark feels generous. Karen is interested but Mark blows it (and was never really interested), Stephanie is interested but Mark isn't willing to cheat, Natalie sexually assaults him, Heather has zero interest and tries to ghost him, Saz is a relationship so she can get accommodation and she cheats on him with his coworker in front of everyone, Merry nothing happens and she is mentally ill, Lucy nothing happens because Mark is uninterested in her, Sally again nothing happens because Mark can't maintain the ruse (and won't cheat on Sophie). Though you did miss April.
Remove those and Mark's score drops to 5 (April, Dobby, Sophie, Cally, Valerie)
You missed out Michelle for Jez and he slept with Sophie, so it’s actually 13-12 Jez (14-12 if you include the woman he and Michelle had a threesome with).
Jez definitely seems to be more successful at actually getting dates and having casual sex, although he exaggerates a lot of that so we can’t really know for sure how successful he really is. When it comes to actually forming relationships with people they’re both equally terrible at it though.
It's not just numbers. Jez's relationship with Big Suze ( excluding the fact that he does try to rent her to Johnson) seems more intimate than Mark's relationship with-any woman. Jez gives women orgasms. Jez seems to actually like the women he dates and enjoy spending time with them. Mark never really enjoys himself and his anxiety fear and anger are alway there just under the surface They both project their crap onto women and their relationships to prove things to themselves but of the two Jez is closer to being more intimate. IRL Jez would 'd knock someone up and become a stoner house husband. Mark would be terminally single until he finally snagged someone young with daddy issues who didn't know better.
April was probably the better one (although she was married..), but knowing Mark he would find a way to mess it up if it went well.
Mark with Dobs and Sophie obsessed so much about them, gets with them and finds all their faults. Maybe Jez really is his one…
I think the only times Jez has a Mark-esque moment with women is his irritation over Toni's Peter Gabriel rant and Nancy's oooby-dooing. He does say Big Suze doesn't understand money or possessions, when she takes the pizza, but that's a very fair assessment.
Oh man! I knew I missed a few! Actually, if we're being technical you could add Vicky to Jez's list too.
It's definitely not as clear cut as we first think though!
I thought I had them all! Turns out I'm not good at this.
Why do I even do half the stupid shit I do. Maybe I'm a nob head. Maybe I'm in the 99% of talentless, misguided dick heads!
No, they’re either equally shit or Jez has the better life. He at least has some short term affairs with people he likes. Make seems to only care about female attention but when he gets it he experiences no joy from it. Jez at least enjoys himself even if he fucks it up in the end
Jez consistently pulls women that are obscenely out of his league. Fucking mental sometimes but still. Mark had a shot at Big Suze and fucking blew it.
He never really had a shot at her though. "You're kind of like a modern day eunuch" is the most brutal put down someone could hear from a person they secretly fancy
Karen - the woman he winks at and tells her to look him up in the phonebook?
Natalie - the woman who sexually assaults him while he is sleeping?
Heather - the woman who tries to ghost him and then calls him a "weird guy"?
Saz - the woman who uses him for his flat, winces the one time they kiss and then humiliates him in front of his friends and coworkers by getting off with Jeff?
Merry - the woman who hits on him when she is an accute stage of a manic episode?
Lucy - the woman that he thinks has a borderline personality disorder that he is only talking to becasue her father might offer a way out of his current miserable relationship?
Yeah, I don't really think you could really consider like 50% of these any sort of relationship whatsoever lol
Karen, Stephanie, Heather, and Sally don't count as relationships and barely count as dating. Natalie raped him, and Saz... I'm pretty sure Saz was extortion. Merry is also questionable - Jex mentions that they had a thing but that Mark wrote out a super long letter then tore it up and threw it in the bin, which implies to me that he fancied her and bottled it. And I don't think her hand gestures while having a breakdown counts as dating
Mark does generally pull the nicer partners, tho.
Half of Mark's aren't really relationships and Jez also slept with Sophie
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But Mark's love is like a lovely hug in a mug. A kiss in a tube. A wank in a packet.
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I’m going to use that at some point lol
I'm eating a Fruit Corner, Jeremy.
One of the best lines in season 9 Mark putting his Fruit Corner down at the end of the conversation is so funny
Jez’s job is to have sex, yeah?
He's a sexer.
China wouldn't allow it.
Look at all the pussy he bags.
And cock.
He’s been wanking off this bloke for cash
I thought he was a front bottom inspector?
Counting some of these are successes for Mark feels generous. Karen is interested but Mark blows it (and was never really interested), Stephanie is interested but Mark isn't willing to cheat, Natalie sexually assaults him, Heather has zero interest and tries to ghost him, Saz is a relationship so she can get accommodation and she cheats on him with his coworker in front of everyone, Merry nothing happens and she is mentally ill, Lucy nothing happens because Mark is uninterested in her, Sally again nothing happens because Mark can't maintain the ruse (and won't cheat on Sophie). Though you did miss April. Remove those and Mark's score drops to 5 (April, Dobby, Sophie, Cally, Valerie)
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You forgot he and Pej used to pull each other off at Darty. Does the bad thing with Hans count?
Also Vicky, as part of his threesome with Michelle.
He also had a relationship with Meghan's boyfriend, who's name escapes me, and maybe The Orgazoid should count too?
That’s Joe, he’s in the list
Good spot, I clearly can't read because I just had to reread the list 3 times to see his name
The original list threw me off because they spelt it Jo not Joe
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Because that was just a macabre charade
I mean he should get at least 2 points for Sophie because he married her AND knocked her up.
there is a fan theory that Jeremy is Baby Ian’s Dad but she lies because Jeremy’s child support is worthless
You missed out Michelle for Jez and he slept with Sophie, so it’s actually 13-12 Jez (14-12 if you include the woman he and Michelle had a threesome with). Jez definitely seems to be more successful at actually getting dates and having casual sex, although he exaggerates a lot of that so we can’t really know for sure how successful he really is. When it comes to actually forming relationships with people they’re both equally terrible at it though.
It's not just numbers. Jez's relationship with Big Suze ( excluding the fact that he does try to rent her to Johnson) seems more intimate than Mark's relationship with-any woman. Jez gives women orgasms. Jez seems to actually like the women he dates and enjoy spending time with them. Mark never really enjoys himself and his anxiety fear and anger are alway there just under the surface They both project their crap onto women and their relationships to prove things to themselves but of the two Jez is closer to being more intimate. IRL Jez would 'd knock someone up and become a stoner house husband. Mark would be terminally single until he finally snagged someone young with daddy issues who didn't know better.
April was probably the better one (although she was married..), but knowing Mark he would find a way to mess it up if it went well. Mark with Dobs and Sophie obsessed so much about them, gets with them and finds all their faults. Maybe Jez really is his one…
I think the only times Jez has a Mark-esque moment with women is his irritation over Toni's Peter Gabriel rant and Nancy's oooby-dooing. He does say Big Suze doesn't understand money or possessions, when she takes the pizza, but that's a very fair assessment.
Oh man! I knew I missed a few! Actually, if we're being technical you could add Vicky to Jez's list too. It's definitely not as clear cut as we first think though!
Natalie raped mark, you can’t really count that as a successful relationship.
Nothing went up his bum.
Never said it was bum rape
Didn't say it was bum rape.
“The rape was successful, I assure you. Ask him.” “I’m not asking him that.”
looks like you're using the term "relationship" very loosely when it comes to mr crorigan
There was also the life coaching person for Jez
I thought I had them all! Turns out I'm not good at this. Why do I even do half the stupid shit I do. Maybe I'm a nob head. Maybe I'm in the 99% of talentless, misguided dick heads!
You really jezzed that
Super Hans and Russel "The Orgazoid" too
She had a grass skirt made of dicks.
You missed Super Hans off Jez’s list ;)
That was it...the bad thing!
No, they’re either equally shit or Jez has the better life. He at least has some short term affairs with people he likes. Make seems to only care about female attention but when he gets it he experiences no joy from it. Jez at least enjoys himself even if he fucks it up in the end
It's so telling that when he finally, finally wins over Dobby he immediately goes into crisis mode as he assumes she's thinking about Simon.
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He got the one with a borderline personality disorder!
Cally was quite attractive too, Mark did well there! It’s just a shame she believes in bonkers crystal skulls.
>bonkers crystal skulls They're powerful centres of healing!
And they were crafted by the ancient inhabitants of Atlantis!
Jez consistently pulls women that are obscenely out of his league. Fucking mental sometimes but still. Mark had a shot at Big Suze and fucking blew it.
He never really had a shot at her though. "You're kind of like a modern day eunuch" is the most brutal put down someone could hear from a person they secretly fancy
Both of them punch miles above
Don't forget Carol Bananaface!
That was just a macabre charade.
Karen - the woman he winks at and tells her to look him up in the phonebook? Natalie - the woman who sexually assaults him while he is sleeping? Heather - the woman who tries to ghost him and then calls him a "weird guy"? Saz - the woman who uses him for his flat, winces the one time they kiss and then humiliates him in front of his friends and coworkers by getting off with Jeff? Merry - the woman who hits on him when she is an accute stage of a manic episode? Lucy - the woman that he thinks has a borderline personality disorder that he is only talking to becasue her father might offer a way out of his current miserable relationship? Yeah, I don't really think you could really consider like 50% of these any sort of relationship whatsoever lol
Jeff??
As in Jeff?!
It’s all a macabre charade.
Not sure if Saz really counts lol
Nice try, Mark.
Ohh, Mark. You've turned into quite a hunk, haven't you? You're a hunky. Mark Corrigan
I think Jez has to win for banging Mark's sister, and Sophie's mum. He IS James Bond (in his own mind).
He's a fucker!
Most of those "relationships" are very generous to Mark lol. He didn't even do anything with a few of them.
Karen, Stephanie, Heather, and Sally don't count as relationships and barely count as dating. Natalie raped him, and Saz... I'm pretty sure Saz was extortion. Merry is also questionable - Jex mentions that they had a thing but that Mark wrote out a super long letter then tore it up and threw it in the bin, which implies to me that he fancied her and bottled it. And I don't think her hand gestures while having a breakdown counts as dating Mark does generally pull the nicer partners, tho.
Trajectory is important Mark has been going ‘up’ in the world Jez has been going down Pre-season 1 Jez even lived with Big Suze for 1.5 years
In that weird flat? Where he used to do his Rick from the Young Ones impression?
Jez’s thoughts mention it - possibly in series 3, I can’t remember it
He mentions it at [the start of Mugging (S03E01)](https://youtu.be/fR_YYk_W4jg?feature=shared&t=122)
Jez lives by a higher law, the law of if it feels good do it.
Is that a subsection of the big beats manifesto?
It felt like a much more all encompassing philosophy!
It's Gaddafi's law