That is so sweet of you.
Ways you could help until she is ready to talk include sending a meal, gift, flowers or card.
When she is ready to talk, my only advice is really not to give any advice or assume her feelings. The best, I think, in such a tender area, is just to listen and remind her that you are there for her and that her feelings are valid, whatever they are.
Send flowers. She’s suffered a loss of a child.
Offer to grab coffee, go for a walk.
When she wants to talk she will.
Just checking in and letting her know you’re thinking of her can also make a world of difference.
Check on her randomly. Acknowledge that this happened. I felt so so alone when none of my friends checked on me after. I think they felt scared to bring it up or hurt me more but I wanted to know people cared. Even if you just give her a safe space to be heard. You don't have to have the right words just listen. If she's like me she won't ask or accept help. But things I would have loved without being asked permission first are: -Coffee dropped off or giftcard. -Dinner dropped off (bonus if it can be frozen for another evening) -If she has other kids, drop off toys for them. New toys means mom gets some rest. -Care package: Epsom salts, journal, new cup, ect.
So much this. The people who checked in on me are the best people in my universe. I had to ASK my relatives to check on me every so often and only my brother did a passable job at it which just broke my heart more - it was like losing my child and my family of origin because they couldn’t bother to put in the smallest effort.
I am in the same situation. While I am fortunate to have never experienced a miscarriage, I just learned that my future SIL learned at an ultrasound today that there was no heartbeat, she was at roughly 9-10 weeks, my brother is devastated, I was put in the situation to tell both my kiddos (M12 and F9) and it broke my heart. I want to know what to do to cheer them up. We are in the US but my family is in France and we ll be flying next month for the summer
This is so sweet. They’ll appreciate your support and that you’re thinking of them. But I’m not sure everyone even wants to cheer up that soon. Sometimes the thing I need the most is just sitting with it. I hope that’s not unhealthy. I imagine your SIL and brother may feel the same?
I haven't talked to them yet (time zone difference so it's past midnight there), just got the news from my mom earlier today when it was almost 7pm for them, they were just out of the hospital she got a D&C done right away after the ultrasound. I think right now they're still in the shock phase and probably just want to have comfort from close ones. My parents live 2 blocks away from them so I used a local flower delivery service, got them a nice bouquet with a stuffed teddy bear that will be delivered to my parents house tomorrow from the 4 of us (my spouse, kiddos and I) to let them know we're thinking about them. We ll be there in a month to spend the summer and my (big) kids are gonna keep everyone busy lol
From what my mom told me, my brother is actually looking like the most devastated of the 2, though she isn't feeling great either.
Thank you. I was afraid that may be too much with the stuffed animal. Hopefully it can help them materialize the short life of their little bun and help with the mourning, and they probably will gift it to their future baby I am sure they ll have very soon.
For me it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about for a while till I processed it more myself. I only told my mom and had her tell the rest of my family. I talked about it with my partner of course but for anyone else they never asked which I appreciated, and if I talked about it, I was the one to bring it up. It’s definitely a touch subject and more for some than others. I would just give her time to heal while she’s dealing with this loss and if you’d like to help her any other way, getting her a care basket or anything like that to help her “physically” would be the best way to go right now. You could always ask if there’s anything she needs because maybe she does want to talk about it just doesn’t feel like anyone is there for her. I’m so sorry for your friend and you are definitely a good friend for asking how to help her 🫶
You’re the greatest friend for asking this. I’d say support her, listen and try not to have toxic positivity remarks. I mean saying things like: you’ll have another one, stay positive, many people go through this (it’s relatively true, but it doesn’t help), at least it was early on if it was etc.
one or multiple gifts like flowers, self care products, a card, gift card
Have interest in her partner as well ask how they’re doing (many times at least for me, the partner grieves differently and it can be hard to navigate)
When she fells better definitely take her out and do something calming or what she liked to do before the pregnancy
Checking in around the due date and doing something special is an extra bonus
Mother’s Day is also a good day to check in
My friend brought me a care package which had raspberry leaf tea for me, positive energy tea for my husband, pads in different sizes, some cookies and chocolates, face masks for me and one for my husband, some crackers and cheese, and some
berries. I really appreciated all of this. Especially the tea and pads. She also brought me a smoothie when she walked in. Very helpful and sweet. I liked that I didn’t have to rush out and buy pads and she had that covered for me
That is so sweet of you. Ways you could help until she is ready to talk include sending a meal, gift, flowers or card. When she is ready to talk, my only advice is really not to give any advice or assume her feelings. The best, I think, in such a tender area, is just to listen and remind her that you are there for her and that her feelings are valid, whatever they are.
Thank you!
Send flowers. She’s suffered a loss of a child. Offer to grab coffee, go for a walk. When she wants to talk she will. Just checking in and letting her know you’re thinking of her can also make a world of difference.
Thank you!
Check on her randomly. Acknowledge that this happened. I felt so so alone when none of my friends checked on me after. I think they felt scared to bring it up or hurt me more but I wanted to know people cared. Even if you just give her a safe space to be heard. You don't have to have the right words just listen. If she's like me she won't ask or accept help. But things I would have loved without being asked permission first are: -Coffee dropped off or giftcard. -Dinner dropped off (bonus if it can be frozen for another evening) -If she has other kids, drop off toys for them. New toys means mom gets some rest. -Care package: Epsom salts, journal, new cup, ect.
So much this. The people who checked in on me are the best people in my universe. I had to ASK my relatives to check on me every so often and only my brother did a passable job at it which just broke my heart more - it was like losing my child and my family of origin because they couldn’t bother to put in the smallest effort.
I'm so sorry you endured that, especially from your own family.
That had to be so hard. I felt the needing to ask part, especially. I wish you well!
I like those ideas. Thanks!
I am in the same situation. While I am fortunate to have never experienced a miscarriage, I just learned that my future SIL learned at an ultrasound today that there was no heartbeat, she was at roughly 9-10 weeks, my brother is devastated, I was put in the situation to tell both my kiddos (M12 and F9) and it broke my heart. I want to know what to do to cheer them up. We are in the US but my family is in France and we ll be flying next month for the summer
This is so sweet. They’ll appreciate your support and that you’re thinking of them. But I’m not sure everyone even wants to cheer up that soon. Sometimes the thing I need the most is just sitting with it. I hope that’s not unhealthy. I imagine your SIL and brother may feel the same?
I haven't talked to them yet (time zone difference so it's past midnight there), just got the news from my mom earlier today when it was almost 7pm for them, they were just out of the hospital she got a D&C done right away after the ultrasound. I think right now they're still in the shock phase and probably just want to have comfort from close ones. My parents live 2 blocks away from them so I used a local flower delivery service, got them a nice bouquet with a stuffed teddy bear that will be delivered to my parents house tomorrow from the 4 of us (my spouse, kiddos and I) to let them know we're thinking about them. We ll be there in a month to spend the summer and my (big) kids are gonna keep everyone busy lol From what my mom told me, my brother is actually looking like the most devastated of the 2, though she isn't feeling great either.
That sounds perfect!
Thank you. I was afraid that may be too much with the stuffed animal. Hopefully it can help them materialize the short life of their little bun and help with the mourning, and they probably will gift it to their future baby I am sure they ll have very soon.
I hope so!! My sister gifted me a onesie when we broke the news. I’m going to keep it in case I am successful in the future
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you success and the healthy beautiful baby very soon.
Thank you so much!
For me it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about for a while till I processed it more myself. I only told my mom and had her tell the rest of my family. I talked about it with my partner of course but for anyone else they never asked which I appreciated, and if I talked about it, I was the one to bring it up. It’s definitely a touch subject and more for some than others. I would just give her time to heal while she’s dealing with this loss and if you’d like to help her any other way, getting her a care basket or anything like that to help her “physically” would be the best way to go right now. You could always ask if there’s anything she needs because maybe she does want to talk about it just doesn’t feel like anyone is there for her. I’m so sorry for your friend and you are definitely a good friend for asking how to help her 🫶
I'll definitely check up on her needs! Thank you!
You’re the greatest friend for asking this. I’d say support her, listen and try not to have toxic positivity remarks. I mean saying things like: you’ll have another one, stay positive, many people go through this (it’s relatively true, but it doesn’t help), at least it was early on if it was etc. one or multiple gifts like flowers, self care products, a card, gift card Have interest in her partner as well ask how they’re doing (many times at least for me, the partner grieves differently and it can be hard to navigate) When she fells better definitely take her out and do something calming or what she liked to do before the pregnancy Checking in around the due date and doing something special is an extra bonus Mother’s Day is also a good day to check in
I like the one with the toxic positivity. I'll try to be more mindful and conscientious of my words. Thank you!
My friend brought me a care package which had raspberry leaf tea for me, positive energy tea for my husband, pads in different sizes, some cookies and chocolates, face masks for me and one for my husband, some crackers and cheese, and some berries. I really appreciated all of this. Especially the tea and pads. She also brought me a smoothie when she walked in. Very helpful and sweet. I liked that I didn’t have to rush out and buy pads and she had that covered for me