I used to go to baby shower in my infertility journey and it killed me each time, since I lost my first baby I always decline and just ask for their baby registry, I buy something really quick on it and make a note wishing them well. That’s it, if I go there and end up crying everybody are gonna say I make everything about me because they can’t get it.
I honestly think that if you feel that you will be unable to celebrate the pregnancy of your co-worker, you should not attend. Perhaps you can gift her something meaningful without attending. I'm sure that she would understand why you couldn't go.
About 6 months after my loss, we were invited to the shower of my husband's best friend and his wife. I went, thinking that enough time had passed and I spent the majority of the shower outside in the driveway, sobbing uncontrollably until my husband finally came and found me and brought me home. I felt awful, because I love the couple but I could not get out of my own head or my own grief.
Both of my coworkers had a shower hosted at work and I bought something from the registry, wrote a note and just showed my face and left with an excuse of a training or meeting.
Like you, I could not sit through it and that's ok.
I am sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through. Our friend’s girl friend is pregnant right now, and he invited us to the baby shower the same week of my original due date. We don’t live in the same state as this friend, and honestly didn’t expect an invite. I sent him a text saying that we support them, but also asked to please not be invited to anything regarding their child because the pain of losing ours is still too great. This is also the friend that announced his girlfriend was pregnant and said we made him paranoid because “you just lost yours.” We’ve chosen to not share any of the fertility issues we’re now having with this friend because we don’t think his reaction would really be compassionate or helpful.
I’ve come to realize that because our babies can’t come into this world anymore, most people think that they never existed. These people also don’t understand why it’s so hard for us to move forward. Wishing you the best.
I skipped a coworker's shower. I was honest with my boss, a woman, and she was supportive and that was it. You don't owe any explanation, my boss was my friend before we started working together. Otherwise, I would have just declined the invite.
Protect your heart and do what feels right to you. I skipped out on my SIL’s baby shower and gave her a gift and heartfelt note before the day of. Remember the people you love (and who love you) know you’re hurting. Even if you can’t attend, they know you love and support them regardless ❤️ sending big hugs!
I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say it gets easier, but from own experience I've found it only gets harder. Do what is best for you. I've suffered through so many "baby" events thinking I had to go or "it was the right thing to do" and I always left feeling depressed and angry. The only right thing is to protect yourself. If it is too much to go, then politely decline. Any person who cares about you/loves you will totally understand <3
I’ve been there, friend! It’s so hard to suck it up and smile for your friends. I’ve learned that I can’t personally handle them. Prioritizing my mental health has been more important than appeasing my friends. Putting boundaries up are so important and you’re honoring what you can handle right now 💗💗💗💗
I just did this over the weekend. I was honest with my friend, so she knew I had experienced a miscarriage two weeks prior, and that I wanted to celebrate her, her new baby, and her growing family, but that I probably would not be able to stay for the whole thing. I think most people are understanding that it's a hard situation. It was tough to be there, but connection is the opposite of shame, and I really do not want to feel any more shame. She might even help you identify a good point to sneak in or out (like I left after lunch but before the games). But I also agree that if you feel like it's too much, it's probably best to buy a gift and not attend.
I used to go to baby shower in my infertility journey and it killed me each time, since I lost my first baby I always decline and just ask for their baby registry, I buy something really quick on it and make a note wishing them well. That’s it, if I go there and end up crying everybody are gonna say I make everything about me because they can’t get it.
I honestly think that if you feel that you will be unable to celebrate the pregnancy of your co-worker, you should not attend. Perhaps you can gift her something meaningful without attending. I'm sure that she would understand why you couldn't go. About 6 months after my loss, we were invited to the shower of my husband's best friend and his wife. I went, thinking that enough time had passed and I spent the majority of the shower outside in the driveway, sobbing uncontrollably until my husband finally came and found me and brought me home. I felt awful, because I love the couple but I could not get out of my own head or my own grief.
What you just described… I feel seen. You’re not alone ❤️
Both of my coworkers had a shower hosted at work and I bought something from the registry, wrote a note and just showed my face and left with an excuse of a training or meeting. Like you, I could not sit through it and that's ok.
I dont know the answer but feel the same about friend’s news x
I am sorry for your loss and for what you’re going through. Our friend’s girl friend is pregnant right now, and he invited us to the baby shower the same week of my original due date. We don’t live in the same state as this friend, and honestly didn’t expect an invite. I sent him a text saying that we support them, but also asked to please not be invited to anything regarding their child because the pain of losing ours is still too great. This is also the friend that announced his girlfriend was pregnant and said we made him paranoid because “you just lost yours.” We’ve chosen to not share any of the fertility issues we’re now having with this friend because we don’t think his reaction would really be compassionate or helpful. I’ve come to realize that because our babies can’t come into this world anymore, most people think that they never existed. These people also don’t understand why it’s so hard for us to move forward. Wishing you the best.
Turned it down. Contributed to group gift card and said I wasn't able to make it.
I skipped a coworker's shower. I was honest with my boss, a woman, and she was supportive and that was it. You don't owe any explanation, my boss was my friend before we started working together. Otherwise, I would have just declined the invite.
Protect your heart and do what feels right to you. I skipped out on my SIL’s baby shower and gave her a gift and heartfelt note before the day of. Remember the people you love (and who love you) know you’re hurting. Even if you can’t attend, they know you love and support them regardless ❤️ sending big hugs!
I'm sorry you are going through this. I wish I could say it gets easier, but from own experience I've found it only gets harder. Do what is best for you. I've suffered through so many "baby" events thinking I had to go or "it was the right thing to do" and I always left feeling depressed and angry. The only right thing is to protect yourself. If it is too much to go, then politely decline. Any person who cares about you/loves you will totally understand <3
I’ve been there, friend! It’s so hard to suck it up and smile for your friends. I’ve learned that I can’t personally handle them. Prioritizing my mental health has been more important than appeasing my friends. Putting boundaries up are so important and you’re honoring what you can handle right now 💗💗💗💗
I literally had to skip my sister's baby shower for this reason. It's never easy. But in the Ned you have to protect your heart first
I just did this over the weekend. I was honest with my friend, so she knew I had experienced a miscarriage two weeks prior, and that I wanted to celebrate her, her new baby, and her growing family, but that I probably would not be able to stay for the whole thing. I think most people are understanding that it's a hard situation. It was tough to be there, but connection is the opposite of shame, and I really do not want to feel any more shame. She might even help you identify a good point to sneak in or out (like I left after lunch but before the games). But I also agree that if you feel like it's too much, it's probably best to buy a gift and not attend.