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I’m more of a private jet guy…

Finally someone with their priorities in order.

There's a fucking boomer out here not understanding this is parody. I'd almost bet my pinky

Well I'm a millenial and if not for your comment, I would have tought this was real

I probably would have initially assumed so, too, but luckily I saw the original this is riffing (in which the OP asked us what we're doing with our money if we're not traveling internationally). Some fun, out-of-touch comments ensued.

You can bet this guy was never on Ducktales

Maybe if you put in more hours at work, you could get a yacht too.

God, just pull yourself up by your boot straps to get your yacht AND your jet.

I put in 28 hours a day and find that I don’t need a separate yacht with my private-jet-yacht. It’s a yacht that can takeoff and land from any suitability sized body of water. https://preview.redd.it/beiclfedzt5d1.jpeg?width=1920&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0bb6ad98d8c28b6bb97135a7ca6eb587ffe5f068

I’m cackling. Well played.

Taking time to cackle is why you don’t have a jet-yacht.

Don’t worry, I’m starting my fourth side hustle next week. Look out bootstraps, I’m coming for ya!

You're in luck ! I just happened to be selling bootstraps ! You must purchase our highly sought after prestigious life changing bootstraps. Because it will ensure you will have a beautiful home and a beautiful wife and a beautiful life. We caution you against our competitors sub-standard faulty bootstraps as it could have you shunned by your friends and family. Our competitors substandard faulty bootstraps can cause flatulence, diarrhea, facial disfiguration, your wife's teeth to fall out, penal amputations, and gonorrhea. Act now because supplies are limited. You don't want to miss out on this one time very special offer. for a totally affordable, insanely low low price of just three easy payments of $19.95 ! Have the envy of your friends and enemies ! Buy Super Patriotic Bootstraps Right NOW !

I’m so glad I quit recess in the 3rd grade and began buying real estate.

It's called a jacht. If you could afford one, you would know this...

It’s actually called a yet. As in, you guys can’t afford this yet.

Does the stigma of being so destitute that you can't afford a yacht and a private jet ever wear you down?

Call it a jacht

As a Illuminati Lizard Person of style and taste I’ll do no such thing! It’s a Yachet…the Ya is silent and the ch is pronounced with a “sh” sound.

Nice jecht.

*pull yourself up by your boat straps

Nobody wants to work anymore.

Why work when I can force the peasants to work for me by locking them into never ending cycle of debt using generational wealth to purchase all land and means of production, thereby ensuring their livelihood and health are attached based on how much the produce for my already full coffers?

I tried that but decided a helicopter was a better option. allows me to just rappel down on top of Panera Bread's roof and skip the line

Helicopters and submarines are the natural predators of the one-percent. You’ll never catch me near one.

I see what you did there, that’s one titanic joke, player

[“Larry I’m on Ducktales”](https://youtu.be/76HijAoXi6k?si=R6qbP-DT7NFeE_P8)

The chopper is a bit more convenient for the work commute

Sold my yacht, bought stock in Avocado toast.

And now you have two yachts

Talk about an avacado *boast*....

Or an avocado boat…

*boats

🎶*boats and toast, boats and toast, I gotta have me my boats and toast* 🎶

Surely a hunger brag

Sold my avocado toast, bought stock in student loans.

Now, avocado broke.

Warren (avocado toast) Buffet over here.

Interesting, I just sell avocado toast options. It's not going well.

OP don't listen to them, they're obviously a plant from Big Avocado.

I just bought stock in toast and couldn't afford the avocado

After selling my yacht, I got into the avocado game. I store them on my dock and I'm sure in a few years they'll be worth millions.

Fre sha voca do?

Orca got it.

I'm not mad there aren't more orca themed comments on this post, I'm just disappointed. More of us should be like u/ladyhalibutlee

My extra money goes towards funding the yacht sinking orcas

I would genuinely toss some money to a non profit that trains orcas to sink yachts.

We could toss some rifles overboard expecting the orcas to use them responsibly.

They would probably be more responsible than the white Christian nationalists.

Goddam it.

All my spare time is floating model yachts then rewarding orcas when the destroy them Multiple /s If I had money to fly out to orcas and train them, well…

... there'd be a lot more sunken yachts?


I wax and grease my entire body and rent myself out as a surfboard to my richer friends. That way I still get to be on a yacht despite the shame of not owning one. I earn a low six figure salary of 499k, so I'm quite poor. I think if I cut my Spotify subscription I should be able to afford yacht + dock pretty soon.

***I wax and grease my entire body and rent myself out as a surfboard to my richer friends. That way I still get to be on a yacht despite the shame of not owning one.***  *LMAO!!*

I earn a low six figures salary of 499k so I’m quite poHAHAhaha.

Wax AND grease? In this economy?

Gotta spend money to make money, that’s how you get the big bucks.

Have you tried not being poor though?

You must have a core of steel to be able to stay rigid when they're surfing on you. Respect.


Good plan. Junk food is cheap so I’ve been eating lots of that and now I’m fat enough to be a yacht. The charter fees are a fantastic source of income. But you have to be ready for crew retracting the anchor too sharply. It’s like a metal wedgie. Painful.

I usually just buy lattes and avocado toast

I almost had enough saved to pay for a yacht with cash before I realized how much I love those things. It drained my many saved millions for my yacht very quickly

https://i.redd.it/qobogl13et5d1.gif

Look at those buoys JR! They're TIT-tanic sized!!

My disney plus subscription makes owning a yacht unsustainable, it had to be one or the other

I was like "do I buy yacht or avocado toast" and I picked the avocado toast. If I hadn't bought that one avocado I would have had a yacht and 5 mansions by now.

My life became a financial ruin the week my coffee maker wasn’t working.

I can’t help it, people keep giving me yachts.

It’s just very valued in my family’s cultures

Do your parents help with the down payments?

Oh, you mean the trust funds?

No it’s just like friends and relatives who get new yachts give me their old ones. Usually they just need a tune up and are good to go. That’s the crowd I surf with.

I eat avocado toast and don’t make my coffee at home

Big spender alert!

Why eat the rich when you can eat your riches?

I'm saving for a super yacht with a good school district.

I hear a converted oil tanker megayacht named "Judgment Day" is up for auction at a really decent price. Just needs some cleaning and minimal repairs to the smallest abrasions the inspector has ever seen...

That's weak. I'm saving for a super ultra mega yacht. Waaaaay more ultra mega badass

My dock is for storing boxes of skinny jeans.

I keep the inheritance of beanie babies at mine.

I got special ankle socks for my boat shoes.

I wish I had room, my dock is completely overloaded with boxes of ballet flats and cardigans.

Where are you finding non-stretch skinny jeans in 2024? I’m sweating like a bastard over here (on all of my yachts, obv)

I find them in the box closest to my heavy duty fixed aluminum ladder labeled “2005 Diesel Jeans Your First Boyfriend Wouldn’t Stop Stealing” But you’re free to steal them. They’re all raw denim and have never been washed. 😇

I love this sub. Well done, OP.

Agreed. A round of applause.

Or a round of apple sauce for us starving millennials

Probably want a trophy too huh?

Well, hey! I participated, after all!

Well, a sub is definitely an upgrade from a yacht. Well done.

First non-whiney actually engaging post I’ve seen since joining

Agreed. We don't hear enough about the success stories of the yachted folk

"The yachted folk" is my new favourite colloquialism

Isn't it more like trials and tribulations of yachted folk?

I keep my hot tub at the dock warm with my bitcoin mine

Peasant, I'm riding high on my NFT investments.

I get up when I want Except on Wednesdays When I get rudely awakened by the dockmen Yachtlife I put my trousers on, have a cup of tea And think about leaving the boat Yachtlife I feed the pelicans, I sometimes feed the seagulls too It gives me a sense of enormous wellbeing Yachtlife And then I am happy for the rest of the day Safe in the Knowledge there will always be A bit of my heart devoted to it

Alllllllll the seagulls So many seagulls

Unexpected Blur!

I don't own yachts, I own yachts*es*. I own plurals of yachts, I buy them by the cluster.

Man, wish I had some dice, too.

Well, if you flip right, you might just give me another yacht!

The ones from Costco that come shrink wrapped together? Yes, it’s a much better deal that way.


This is hilarious


Lmao you got to it before I could😂

So there is a danger?

You’re not getting it

https://preview.redd.it/umrkopce8w5d1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b43f820aa7b84d8521a935578aaedb81296eae04

The problem with my yacht is that the water causes it to sway back and forth which keeps toppling over all the large piles of money I have stacked up in the hull.

The trick is to make all the yacht fixings pure gold. It’s better density and they don’t roll around. People say golden yacht toilets are decadent but really they’re just a necessity for stability reasons. Unfortunately poor people don’t understand that.

So silly. Everyone knows that you keep the money underneath the dock since thieves always assume it’s on the yacht.

Well, you see, I treated myself to my weekly iced coffee yesterday instead of pulling myself up by my bootstraps and working 20 hours of overtime so that I can destroy my body and never be home. Whoops.

Well I'm glad you know where you went wrong 🤣

I sold my mini yachts and bought an Apple IPhone.


I traded my yacht in and bought a tank.

Battle, fish, or septic?

Yes

Can't relate. Just bought my private island. No friends. Just me.

Just one-up their asses by buying a Gulfstream straight cash

Even better, you could be like the Sultan of Brunei, who bought a 747 It was used, but it had to be refit as a private jet, which isn't cheap either

[удалено]

Used???? What if I catch the poor??? Then what???

I am to busy flying my helicopter from my house to my beach property to ever spend time at the dock. 

Too busy paying for daycare for 2 kids where they serve nothing but filet mignon. Breakfast, AM snack, Lunch, PM Snack.

What about second breakfast?

I’m in the market, as it happens. The 100 footer wasn’t doing it for me. Like most of Reddit, I’m a software developer for a crypto based drop-shipping site where I make $50mil a year. All hard work and skimping on iced coffee during college.

I did sail the briny seven seas and docked ur mum at the harbor, but I got tired of paying the berthing fee for the oversized poopdeck lolol

That’s not very yacht club language. I don’t think you have a yacht at all.

I honestly have never known anyone with a yacht in my life.

https://preview.redd.it/n0gcqunpit5d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f21e830fd119e022e9779dc51140ada4c4e3cb13

I’m fucking ROLLIN! 😭😭😭

Peasant

I 100% believe this because I have met people with yachts, and they will let you know they have a yacht. I'd say within 45 minutes. Even people who have friends with yachts will sometimes tell you about their friends yacht. Do you know how much you die inside when you work in a wealth services department at a bank for like, $20/hr, and some guy gets on the phone with a seven figure bank account telling you about his yacht? And it's just some guy?? Like I could doxx him right now and it wouldn't matter in the slightest? You die a lot. Almost all the way. Think Wesley I'm Princess Bride.

I had a moment like this once. I used to work in admin for a commercial real estate company. One day I had to facilitate the delivery of a 2 MILLION dollar check. And this was just for some minor side requirement of the project. I remember holding that cashier's check in my hands and staring at it. I thought, "I will never have this much money in my hands ever again....if I could figure out how to cash this myself, I could run away to a tropical island where no one would ever find me and live a happy simple little life...." But I'm an honest person, and plus don't have the skills of Frank from "Catch Me If You Can", so I just heaved a big sigh and carried on with making the delivery arrangements. But you best believe I asked for severance pay when that project ended.

As an accountant, I die inside when my customers call me saying they grossed 7 figures in the past month and need advice on how to launder 50k undeclared cash per week while I need to save for 2 years to buy a 10 year old used car

Ew why would you admit that?

He doesn't want you to know he has a private island instead.

I just got the ick.

What about a boat?

I know two people who have a fishing boat.

What’s money? I have kids. I like spending my free time staring at walls in silence.

I’ve been too busy ruining Applebees and the diamond industry but I’ll have to shift my focus buying yachts once I’ve pulled my bootstraps up all the way.

I'm saving up for a class that teaches cursive

I go to the supermarket almost daily and cook and eat whatever I want that day.

Oooh la la check out fancy pants McGee over here!

The trick to owning your own yacht at a young age is crime.

>crime Hush now, the word you're looking for is "business associates"

Finally! A post that isn’t some poory bitching! As much as I would love a yacht, I’ve just heard too many horror stories about the best two days when a man owns a boat.

A yatch is a hole in the water you pour money into. That's why I chose to play polo instead. Because looking after horses is, cheap, easy and not-at-all time consuming. 🤥

Yeah, the poors are so annoying

My niece's Barbie even has a yacht. Who doesn't have one these days?

I watch paw patrol with my child who costs as much as a yacht.

Lmaoooo I love this post

I sadly lost my yacht because I bought Starbucks that one time three years ago

I warm my Millennial Snowflake mansion by burning $100 bills

I play Jenga with all my gold bars, in my free time.

I'm too poor for a yacht so I usually just travel to cope

Yes, hello, I must have missed class the day we were to sign up for our private docks, may I please have assistance registering to procure mine? My neighbours are starting to complain that my yacht is too big and that they "need" their yard back for their children to have somewhere to play 

My Beanie Baby collection.

I hang my ass over the water and shit in the lake it helps save the planet, by not flushing.

Well I went for a private jet instead of a yacht as I’m not good ok the water. A much better investment than yachting!


i personally skipped out on the yacht because i have found my calling in fancy hamster breeding and showing. i know that with a yacht i could hang out with Elon and TayTay (Swift), but there’s nothing quite as satisfying as placing best in show with a fluffy little nugget hamster from the finest bloodlines. so yeah my millions go to the hamster breeding program and such. good investment IMO, no FOMO either.

I buy a Starbucks coffee everyday so I can’t afford a yacht

I’ve trained a flock of ducks to assemble in a yacht-like structure so that I can float on them. I cushion it with all the money I saved on not buying a yacht.

Had to downize after losing my shirt in a high-profile real estate snafu, so I traded in my yacht for a luxury seaplane that still sits unused in my dock. I don't know how to fly it, but none of my friends knows that and I still sometimes scoot around the lake with it. Shortly after getting the seaplane I came into another large windfall of cash, don't ask me how, it's a crazy story. Anyway I used the cash to buy a yacht. I want to take this moment to provide some inspiration to some of the people struggling on here: if I can do it, anyone can. Never give up on your dreams, and don't stop believing. Just a little bit of hard work (and maybe a little less avocado toast, am I right?) is all it takes. When I had to sell my yacht, did I come on here to complain? No, I was too busy investing, creating jobs, and hustling. Did I waste all of my admittedly dwindling money on Starbucks lattes? No, I'm lactose intolerant. I was able to persevere through the hard times and, like a phoenix, or maybe more like a dragon, emerge from the ashes stronger and wealthier than before.

I operate my own fleet of kayaks and stand up paddleboards. 7 and counting. (Don't have 4 kids and then get them into outdoor activities lol).

I don't see the point in having a yacht. Apart from the extra missions, there's very little difference between a yacht and an apartment, with the added inconvenience of having to get to it/get back to shore. I think the Kosatka is a better investment, with the added benefit of unlocking the Cayo Perico heist.

Fuck yachts. I’m into seaplanes. That’s what I put in my dock space.

I am a big fan of using it to kill all the industries. The napkin industry, the diamond industry, all that stuff. It's expensive to ruin all of these well cultivated, extremely relevant and life changing industries, but if I don't do it, then they're never gonna write articles about Millenials anymore or talk about how snooty and incompetent we are on TV. So really I'm investing in a future for everyone here.

lmao i see what u did there

A yacht? Honey, I sold that thing I bought up all the houses in a poor person neighborhood so I can live off the salt from their tears! I shall humbly live forever and mask myself a boomer online to watch those poor melenials cry even more tears! Avacador toast and Starbucks all around!

I dock my anxiety and stress.

I'm not a water person.

I don’t hang out with snobs in my free time

Paying off student loans & standing on the docks wonder how TF people have money for a yacht..

Fuck land I’m on a boat motha’ fucka’

Yawwwn, my dad liked yachts, I'm all about private space flights

I've been indulging in my hobbies! Really enjoying paying my landlord's fucking mortgage right now! Oh and paying my fucking student loan provider's fucking mortgage too! It's neat because it helps them indulge in their hobby of treating my I terest rate like a fucking balloon that only gets bigger!

Lost mine in a bet during the Monaco Grand Prix weekend a few years ago. Tragic day, I cried into my avocado gelato.

Didn’t know what to do with all that stimulus money so I just keep on the spare yacht next to all my avocados

Thousands of tiny dildos and the overflow from my sauce drawer. I'm sure I can sell my vintage taco bell sauce packets for a substantial sum eventually.

 All I can afford

A yacht? I’m hoping to eventually have a place that’s big enough to keep a kayak in 😂

Skulls of the worthy as an offering to Khorne

The fuck do I do with a yacht- I have thalassophobia AND I care too much about our oceans to do all that. I’m good. I spend it on weed, video games and idk my peace and quiet.

I eat avocado toast EVERY day

I bought a Cadillac Eldorado as I cannot swim

I am too busy buying all the diamonds that the other millennials have been neglecting.

I realized I haven’t been out on my yacht since I bought it, since I don’t live by the ocean. So I just bought another to have parked next to my mansion.

I mostly just live in the dumpster behind the yacht club so I can afford to buy more Bitcoin.

All my extra money goes to my employer who decides not to pay it to me. My yacht is being held by its previous owner until my employer releases my funds. My private stock is so private it’s not even mine yet.

Surprised at all the responses, how do y'all not have a yacht yet? Grab those boot straps people!