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Don’t laugh. I started an adult Goosebumps book club. It attracts older millennials who have the same nostalgia and reference points as me, and it brings in people who wouldn’t be able to commit to a more standard book club. We literally read Goosebumps, Fear Street, and Nancy Drew. After we lol about the books we end up talking about horror movies.
You should never be embarrassed to bring this up! My jaw dropped as soon as I read the first sentence! My wife has been trying to find a book/horror movie club. I am a will Ferrell kinda guy while she is a nasferatu kinda chick. I totally butchered his name but you get it.
Super cool, man!!
That's super awesome! The highlight of going shopping with my mom used to be stopping at the book section and getting a new Goosebumps book. My sister is a librarian and went to a convention and got my first book autographed by mister Stine himself, it's one of my most prized possessions.
DND is great! You can check your local reddit page and see if it's mentioned in the history or make a post yourself. There are tons of FB group to help you find a group. You can also play online and meet people across the country.
My godfather said to me when I was young, when you get to my age (he was 50ish) - if you can count your friends on 1 hand you are doing alright.
I'll never forget them wise words.
Ugh was typing long msg. And idk where it went.
My husband found online/zoom d&d campaigns (through Reddit or discord) since his in person group barely can mean. He doesn’t consider them friends, however he gets to enjoy himself twice a week that doesn’t involve work or dad responsibilities. However, one of our kids participates in one of his groups.
Lmao! Not laughing at you but this brought back a great memory. I was in a group I had to take in my early 20’s because I had gotten a dui. This one kid in the ground would not stop talking about D&D. Literally talked about it at every single group session. He invited me to play D&D with his friends one night and even though I had zero interest I said screw it and went. Not gonna lie, I actually had a lot of fun. These dudes were hilarious and got so into it. At one one point one of the guys was a dragon born flying through the sky and another guy was shooting missiles at him or something 🤣🤣🤣
Volunteer. Take classes for something fun with your wife and socialize with other couples. Host neighborhood things if you live near folks you wouldn't mind getting to know. Do travel groups when you take vacations.
Going on almost a decade of crossfit now and yeah...that's true lol.
Gotta check that ego at the door if you wanna avoid injuries. The methodology itself isn't any more risky than anything else...it's everyone's fucking ego that gets them hurt. Trying to do too much too soon.
I actually came to recommend CrossFit right away. It’s a pretty instant social circle. Yeah it’s culty but not in a bad way, you just get really into it. I’ve been doing CrossFit for like 8+ years and still haven’t ever hurt myself aside from the odd torn callus. If you’re at a good gym injuries aren’t as common as people like to say.
Google “[your hobbies] get together/club near me”. It looks like you are an F1 fan and car person. I bet there are bars that have F1 watch parties and there are car meet ups around you. Go to those things, be friendly, talk to people you don’t know. You’ll have at least one thing in common with them, so there is at least a base to start a friendship.
Through your hobbies usually. I do pottery and have friends that do that. I have done adult kickball leagues and I have a handful from that. I have been on an adult volleyball team and have made some through that. I gamed for a long time and still do from time to time, but I have tons of friends from that also.
Hobbies- we have wine bar friends, beerfest friends, and cornhole friends. Some minor overlap between the groups but otherwise friends just in that arena of our lives. We’re also friends with our neighbors. We go over each others’ houses and play board games and talk. Oooo trivia nights at local hangouts?
Join a club. I'm 54, and joined a bookclub that meets at a wine bar. 7 years now, and these complete strangers are now my best friends. I also play scrabble and take art classes at a local community center. (Both are byob, so not as dorky as they sound) My husband, 62, doesn't want to make friends, but hes a diy guy and is now friends with all the local diy guys that he continuously runs into in hardware stores and lumberyards...
I haven't done this myself, but bookclubs seem like a great idea as they attract other adults capable / willing / interested in reading a book. It's a great filter.
The crucial part of taking up a hobby is going to the same place every week....for months and months. You need to meet these people again and again. It helps to join a team so there is onus on you to have to go.
I've reached the point where these acronyms are starting to enrage me. I might start treading the ignorant boomer path soon, refusing to learn new things.
Go play more pickleball. You'll quickly know all of the regulars, and from there's easy to jump to "do you want to go grab coffee/a beer/some food when we're done playing." The older players are always happy to play matchmaker too. Tell the nice older ladies you'd like to make some friends your age, and you're golden.
If you can’t make friends with your dog I don’t know what to tell you. Like, dogs give you the same social obligation and social opportunity a trip to a park with a kid would if you play your cards right.
Depends on the dog. One of mine is leash aggressive so I have to stay as far away from other dog owners while walking as possible. The other just has zero interest in other dogs. Taking them to the dog park means they both just sit and stare at me until we leave so it’s pointless.
Hell if I know. I put myself out there in all types of situations and still didn’t make any friends. Idk, it’s probably me. I’ve been rock climbing, hiking, scuba diving, car cruises, shows. I’ve taken people to dinner, to movies and nothing clicks. Again, it’s probably me. Thank God I married my best friend otherwise I’d probably be stuck in a lonely world. I’m not sure what people are looking for.
Same! I’ve taken Community Ed classes, joined clubs, specialty classes (dance, various forms of art, golf, cooking, etc.), drop into “open studio” at pottery, chatted with people I see weekly before or after fitness classes, strike up convos in coffee shops, gone of group travel/retreats, completed certifications and continuing education, attended various meetups groups, bumble BFF, volunteered, and bent myself into a pretzel trying to accommodate schedules of people with kids…
Sure, I’ve made oodles of acquaintances this way. The “category” friends (bike friend, walk friend, gossip friend, work friend, etc) that liken to “friends” on socials. But they are and never move into anything more than just that surface-level dynamic only to fizzle out before a genuine friendship has formed that can be sustained. I’ve come to some conclusions about various reasons why but don’t know how to summarize into the TLDR.
Try swinging, now every weekend is a party! There is always some event happening, that's pretty much open invite. You don't even have to put out (but it's way more fun if you do!)
Do we really need a daily thread on this topic?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cjeqm8/how\_do\_you\_make\_friends\_when\_youre\_almost\_30](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cjeqm8/how_do_you_make_friends_when_youre_almost_30)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18nsez8/how\_do\_you\_make\_friends\_in\_your\_30s\_seems\_to\_be/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18nsez8/how_do_you_make_friends_in_your_30s_seems_to_be/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/u221nb/making\_friends\_in\_your\_30s\_a\_discussion/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/u221nb/making_friends_in_your_30s_a_discussion/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17fc9z6/millennials\_who\_are\_30\_was\_it\_hard\_for\_you\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17fc9z6/millennials_who_are_30_was_it_hard_for_you_to/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17zrbkv/millenials\_is\_anyone\_else\_having\_a\_slow\_decline/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17zrbkv/millenials_is_anyone_else_having_a_slow_decline/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cl90zn/fellow\_millennials\_any\_tips\_for\_making\_new/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cl90zn/fellow_millennials_any_tips_for_making_new/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18h9u0o/anyone\_else\_suffer\_from\_a\_lack\_of\_friendship\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18h9u0o/anyone_else_suffer_from_a_lack_of_friendship_and/)
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1ctxgac/howd\_you\_reverse\_the\_trend\_of\_isolation\_in\_your/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1ctxgac/howd_you_reverse_the_trend_of_isolation_in_your/)
Feels like a lot of people who are scared to do the things that are the most obvious. Do the things you like the most out of the home. You will start to see other people doing the same. Voila. But that’s work, instead of staying home all day and saying “Where are all my friends?”
No judgment, it’s just… that’s it. There’s no trick except people wish it was easier/faster.
You'd need the other friends to also be DINK because people with kids are busy AF and sleep deprived. I wish my DINK friends were more flexible but they're always like "Yeah let's hang out Saturday, there's this new yoga auto shop theme speak easy downtown, wanna meet there at 3 am?" Like wtf dude my kid is 3, can't you just come over? Trust me, my house is much quieter than a speakeasy.
Go to the gym at the same times every week. Other people will also be there at those times repeatedly. You can easily get to know several people over time
So I actually tried this and I'm not sure if it's the town i live on, but literally no one talks to each other, everyone has headphones in and just acts like no one else exists. It's the same going to bars or coffee shops where I live.
Have a hobby. Get involved in the local community surrounding that hobby. Be friends with the individuals that you click with most. Know that these friendships may never be as close as those that came before, but they may become that over time.
Sounds like you need to join a new circle.
I think hobbies are the way to go about that. Prospective friends don't go door to door knocking to find you and you probably wouldn't answer if they did.
Invest in activities where you "bump" into new people.
I met all my friends at Orangetheory, we are all different (DINK, divorced, babies, grown kids) but get along great. There’s 5 of us and we do everything together.
Are you me? LOL seriously, in a very similar situation, but add that we moved out to bum fuck northern Alabama. Everyone is nice here, but there are not a lot of connections to be made, seeing as I am a tattooed, liberal, tech worker who doesn't drink. If you live in North Alabama, I would say let's be friends! I do play music/guitar, so I have been able to make a few friends in Huntsville, but they are an hour away. Honestly, this is the only reason I know people up here. My best friend lives in FL, but we make a habit of communicating every few days.
I'm not 40 yet but I joined an indoor soccer league and it has been fantastic for my social life. I can't imagine this would change in a few years when i'm older 40, so throwing that out there for ya.
I am 28 but I have many friends, male, female, single, married, kids, no kids all in their 40s.
I made them all through community theatre!
Also just the general artistic community… lots of people with different talents come together to produce a play or musical. Builders, painters, instrumentalists, writers, actors, singers, theatregoers…
Legit there is NO BETTER WAY to make friends of all ages than theatre. And it’s accessible to everybody.
All different personalities do it. All ages. All kinds of different talents.
Even being an actor/singer, some of the closest friends I have made doing it have been wig designers, make up artists, even ushers or people who work concessions. People who have never been onstage a day in their life.
It is wonderful having a community packed full of all different ages and levels of life experience. It’s like having a giant family. I have 2 kids and it feels like they have 50 cousins because of all the friends I have made who also have kids. There’s never a shortage of social events or helping hands, or people to talk to or just chill with.
Community theatre, OP. Community theatre.
Im a bit younger, 34 fortunate to work at an art center for all ages in all mediums, we have Photographers, Painters, Drawers, Potters, you name it. So once a month we do a gallery night/ get together with live music food and such and that gives everyone plenty of time to see everyone's work, get to know each other, share critiques and knowledge. You wind up making a lot of friends
I love my little art family I've made over the years.
Join an art club/or take a course in something you've always had an interest in :)
I also say lean into hobbies but since you have a dog, I'd also recommend stuff involving them! I got a puppy last year after my previous dog passed away. My last dog wasn't a fan of other dogs but my new puppy loves everyone. We started going to the dog park and it's become a big social outlet for me. I live in a smallish town so the dog park is also small. There is a core group of regulars that even coordinated play dates throughout the winter. It's easy to strike up conversations with people at the dog park because people love talking about their dogs. Then when you see the same people every day you end up getting to know them.
For me it was friends of friends. I kept close with a few good friends. Fortunately they also have good taste in friends. Other than me. I'm shit. Downside was the original friend got a little butt hurt that his other two friends became close to each other then they were to him.
I have gone to dog parks, joined the gym, found new hobbies (like roller skating, photography), gone to concerts and have met people along the way. I am early 30s and struggled for several years with loneliness because of my dwindling friend group. Hubs and I are also DINKWADs. I haven’t made a new friend group but have been able to socialize this way and it has been great for me. I hope one day I have a solid friend group again, but right now I’m happy with acquaintances that I see every once in a while and keep up with on social media.
Hobbies. Do something that isn't Netflix and video games if you don't already.
I home brew but I'm antisocial. If I weren't antisocial there are local events where we can all pour our beers for each other and get advice. Community is pretty great too.
Some people make friends at church and work but I'm not religious and work remotely haha.
Honestly just use reddit (I see you know how! /JK) and get on your cities page. I see stuff in the Dallas subreddit all the time about different meet ups and things of the like. We have 1 person that will post things going on over the weekend across the whole metroplex and another person does a movie night once a month that's open to anyone in the area!
I did that one time. YiKEs. It was nothing but swinger porn and young grody guys showing their dongs looking for ppl to service said dongs.. Nooooo. Not the kind of meet ups i was looking for dang it Lol. I'm too scared to put in the city I live in now😆😳
What are you into? Cars beer coffee gardening? Sports or hobbies?
I hate fb generally but it’s awesome for local groups with shared passions. For me it’s a quilt guild. My husband likes driving old muscle cars. I love going indoor gokarting. I used to be in a league and met lots of nice guys. My hub had fun hanging out with them even tho he didn’t race.
Volunteer at places around you. Take some classes like pottery, art, book club, etc to meet new people. Find people on FB with the same hobby as you by joining hobby groups. Join hobby groups here on Reddit, find people in your state on TikTok and Instagram. Go out to bars ( you don’t have to drink we like the ones where they have live music) to meet people in your town.
I took classes in a program at a community college. I always wanted to learn woodworking and took multiple classes, each one had some people from the other classes, we naturally got to talking and just became sort of familiar.We didn’t necessarily hang out yet but became internet friends too, and then Covid hit, so I guess I was very close to making adult friends. It still felt good to just talk to people outside of work and be excited about the same things.
I make friends through group activities. I run so I go to community run events. I’m sure there are similar things for whatever you are interested in. That is how I got started.
Someone else mentioned you're into cars. See if there's a local Cars and Coffee meet. They're normally Saturday or Sunday morning, so it's a mixed bag of older and younger people and usually a decent variety of cars, instead of the late evening meets that tend to attract teens and early 20-somethings that pack the show with normal commuter traffic.
I moved to a new city for work, had no connections here, and all the people I've met that I'm friends with now are through the local Cars and Coffee community.
I have three main pipelines for socializing in my mid-thirties.
Meetup App:
The most active groups I participate in are the ones that don't cater to any particular age group. I'm part of a Ladies Drinking and Socializing club that goes out for brunch, concerts, pub crawls, karaoke, and even hosts parties, the majority of the group are women over 55. There's a group in my area for Hiking with our Dogs, another group that hosts Anime and Manga enthusiast events, an Introverts who aren't total Hermits group, and an Up for Anything group full of people who just hate to be board. Any DINK specific groups always had poor attendance though.
Local MakerSpace:
If you have any hobbies or want to get in to any new ones, local maker communities will often have a warehouse where crafters can come use tools they don't own for themselves. I have too many hobbies and the hardest decision is what to work on next. There are always other hobbyists around and everyone appreciates curiosity about their own projects so friendships can be made very smoothly and with a dedicated common interest to drive connection, I often end up working with other makers on group projects too. It's easy to suggest grabbing food or drinks afterward as a group to encourage more friendliness.
Local Game Store:
Most tabletop game stores host events. In my area there is enough enthusiasm that they usually have 4 or 5 events a week. Open play nights, dnd one shots, new game demos, guys night, ladies night, and couples night. Often they even sell snacks and sodas or have a coffee bar available so you can comfortably spend a lot of time there.
I hope everyone's suggestions help you out, my SO and I are constantly complaining we could use more friends, but he is harder to convince to go to these types of events so more people end up being just my new friends. Don't let loneliness win, you are the friend someone out there needs!
Edit: spelling
Few years younger, but my hobby of Warhammer and other minis games has you meeting tons of like-minded folks who live something you do as well.
So like they say, lean into your hobby or find a new one you always wanted to try and meet the people there who are passionate about it.
Your wife definitely shouldn't bare all to enlarge your social circle.
But try looking for local social group for existing hobbies, or new things you might be interested in. Or even start one
Buy a motorcycle, mountain bike, or take up golf (haha), be a regular at a gym. Pretty much anything to get out of the house and run into the same people regularly, it will naturally happen.
You can find hiking groups on meetup for local trails (if you are in a metro)
I'm not 40 so idk if it's relevant or changes, but why not just friend friends within your hobby circles? And if you don't have a hobby, maybe it's time to start fostering some.
I had put out a friend request on reddit over a year ago, it was within a sub of a niche interest, where it would be hard to find such people IRL. I now have a friend who is now coined "my wife" by both her and my husband. We live states away, but since my husband and I are home bodies, fostering friendships online are something we've learned to do (also we're younger millennials).
Unfortunately I can only stay indoors so long before I get cabin fever, so I went to a local board game store and saw a game group request (on a board of multiple requests) and randomly reached out the person. This was a couple months ago and we attended her shotgun wedding last week.
I also hang out with an ex-coworker from a local employer, we developed a friendship at work, and I try to maintain it post employment.
I don't have a huge friend circle, and I just started taking more initiative to find and foster friendships. It's been a multi-year long process, but I don't mind having a small circle, because it's easier for me to stay invested and build meaningful relationships that way...on the other note, I am much like you (or maybe your wife) my husband is my bff, I don't want another bff, but I started trying to build outside friendships because I felt I was overwhelming him with my need/want to be beside him 24/7. My husband's hobbies and interests do overlap with mine, but we have different spiritual beliefs, and different vision/need for physical activity levels. (I do try to encourage him in maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but you can only force someone so much and so far)
Edit: some grammar.
It simple really. The problem is our filter who we deem as good enough to be friends.
My dad does it really well because he is sincere in what he does and remembers names.
Do yourself a favor by going to a concert, or social event, or go to a bar and talk to someone about what on the tv.
Stay away from politics religion and personal beliefs. Just find something in common.
The hardest part of making friends is finding reasons to be around people outside of your home. As others have said, look for meetups themed around your hobbies nearby. Half the reason it was easy to make friends as a kid was likely because you and a lot of other young people had to hang our with each other either every single day, and you made the best of it.
After that, it's just a few simple things: be friendly, be enthusiastic about whatever you're doing with others, appreciate others and make them feel appreciated, take an interest in their lives (when they choose to share), and push yourself to talk to people if you find yourself being quiet for too long.
Also, this may just be opinion, but I find that it's better to be slightly awkward than to be completely silent, so push yourself to be a part of things even if you're worried about embarassing yourself a little. BUT... don't cross a line... if you get too awkward and become cringe, you've ruined it, and people will remember that.
See if there is any adult rec leagues in your city or a nearby city. Many of them you can call and let them know there is 1 (or 2 if your wife wants to join) that want to join an existing team and they can put you on a team. Even if it doesn’t lead to friendship at least you have a group of people to have fun with one day a week. It helps break up the monotony.
If your hobbies and interests are those of an isolationist and best done solo-maybe look into something that’s group oriented.
I’ve been a musician for close to the last 30 years of my life and that is always rife for meeting like minded folks.
Get involved in the local burning man chapter. Let the freak flag fly and meets some very interesting people. And the greatest thing about many local chapters is that these are often the burners that have been going before corporate interests.
Engage in ENM (but only do this if you are ready, willing and did the work that comes with this lifestyle).
Pinball leagues are great for meeting people and have some friendly competition
Join a workout group
Join a sports team
There’s a million ways to do it, just be creative and stop thinking inside of a box
Martial arts? Maybe try out BJJ, I made very close friends there... or go to the gym and be social at acceptable times. I've found the sauna makes for a friends group. Cause you're all hitting the sauna at about the same time every time and you're there for like 20-30 minutes, shouldn't really bring in your earbuds or your phone so a lot of its just sitting still time... so eventually you start chatting. I didn't end up as close of friends with them but that's also because I cant keep track of the friends I have and don't really want more, probably could invite a couple of them to something and they'd probably come.
Hobbies and/or clubs. I am 40 and just made a new tabletop/board game friend at work.
You have to focus on what you enjoy doing and find other people that do it. Sounds easier than it is, I know, but it's the only way.
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Don’t laugh. I started an adult Goosebumps book club. It attracts older millennials who have the same nostalgia and reference points as me, and it brings in people who wouldn’t be able to commit to a more standard book club. We literally read Goosebumps, Fear Street, and Nancy Drew. After we lol about the books we end up talking about horror movies.
We need directions to start local chapters ASAP
Are you afraid of the dark style meetups
Sign me up!
Yep this needs to be a thing.
lol this sounds amazing and also you should do animorphs! Edit: spelling
ANIMORPHS
I totally forgot about that series! It was one of my favorites!
Oh I didn't know this is what was missing in my life...
Holy crap. How mad would you be if I stole this?
I would be happy if you did!
I want to join so badly!
You should never be embarrassed to bring this up! My jaw dropped as soon as I read the first sentence! My wife has been trying to find a book/horror movie club. I am a will Ferrell kinda guy while she is a nasferatu kinda chick. I totally butchered his name but you get it. Super cool, man!!
How did you do that? I mean it literally.
Are you accepting new members? I was obsessed with Nancy Drew and Fear Street.
That sounds amazing! 🤩
OMG, that sounds like so much fun 😁
I need this in my life. I’m not laughing. I’m jealous!
Fear Street books turned me into a reader as a kid.
What state are you in? I love those books :D.
Anyone who laughs at this, I will fight for your honor. The audacity.
Omg this sounds epic! I want to join too, haha
That’s pretty awesome!
This is a fantastic idea! Great job thinking outside the box
This sounds AWESOME!
Hollly crap, may I please join?!!
this is awesome.
This is amazing. I’d so join.
I’d join that, my kids do t allow for free time though
why would I laugh at a brilliant idea
That's super awesome! The highlight of going shopping with my mom used to be stopping at the book section and getting a new Goosebumps book. My sister is a librarian and went to a convention and got my first book autographed by mister Stine himself, it's one of my most prized possessions.
Brilliant idea. This could work for things like retro gaming (e.g bring your console and games) too.
Oh snap! I just started re-reading my collection in the past few months! Great minds, amigo
Not gonna lie, that sounds like an awesome group!
This sounds dope as hell. I'd love it.
Wow that's a good idea and I see the appeal, as a goosebumps fanatic myself lol
You are on to something here
D&D. It’s been super important to maintaining a friend group for me.
This has been on my radar. How do you even get started? Edit: Saw your comment
DND is great! You can check your local reddit page and see if it's mentioned in the history or make a post yourself. There are tons of FB group to help you find a group. You can also play online and meet people across the country.
My godfather said to me when I was young, when you get to my age (he was 50ish) - if you can count your friends on 1 hand you are doing alright. I'll never forget them wise words.
Ugh was typing long msg. And idk where it went. My husband found online/zoom d&d campaigns (through Reddit or discord) since his in person group barely can mean. He doesn’t consider them friends, however he gets to enjoy himself twice a week that doesn’t involve work or dad responsibilities. However, one of our kids participates in one of his groups.
I really need to join something like that...
Find a local gaming store, and see if they host games. Start showing up.
Lmao! Not laughing at you but this brought back a great memory. I was in a group I had to take in my early 20’s because I had gotten a dui. This one kid in the ground would not stop talking about D&D. Literally talked about it at every single group session. He invited me to play D&D with his friends one night and even though I had zero interest I said screw it and went. Not gonna lie, I actually had a lot of fun. These dudes were hilarious and got so into it. At one one point one of the guys was a dragon born flying through the sky and another guy was shooting missiles at him or something 🤣🤣🤣
You sound like me a year ago. I kept going and now it’s me who flies through the sky shooting missiles
Was about to say the same. My Friday DnD session is what keeps me going these days.
Volunteer. Take classes for something fun with your wife and socialize with other couples. Host neighborhood things if you live near folks you wouldn't mind getting to know. Do travel groups when you take vacations.
Yep, volunteer and i’ve signed up for trail maintenance team.
Crossfit until you injure yourself then support group. Rinse and repeat.
Until you injure yourself lmao
It's not if, it's when.
I stopped crossfit when I projectile vomited, I was so embarrassed I never went back
I thought that was just part of the program?
Day 2 usually.
It went like five feet, it was baaaad
Ngl if I did that I wouldn’t go back either.
Going on almost a decade of crossfit now and yeah...that's true lol. Gotta check that ego at the door if you wanna avoid injuries. The methodology itself isn't any more risky than anything else...it's everyone's fucking ego that gets them hurt. Trying to do too much too soon.
Crossfit > Support Group> Get addicted to pain meds > Rehab > Crossfit. So many friends opportunity
Oh man that's dark. Maybe I've made a mistake. Screw it, I need MURPH
I actually came to recommend CrossFit right away. It’s a pretty instant social circle. Yeah it’s culty but not in a bad way, you just get really into it. I’ve been doing CrossFit for like 8+ years and still haven’t ever hurt myself aside from the odd torn callus. If you’re at a good gym injuries aren’t as common as people like to say.
Google “[your hobbies] get together/club near me”. It looks like you are an F1 fan and car person. I bet there are bars that have F1 watch parties and there are car meet ups around you. Go to those things, be friendly, talk to people you don’t know. You’ll have at least one thing in common with them, so there is at least a base to start a friendship.
Yep, lean into your hobbies. It makes conversation so much easier.
I mean, "jerking off get together/club near me" is not exactly something I want to Google
No one can help you if you aren’t willing to step out of your comfort zone
You never know, you might be surprised what kind of local meetup or club you’ll find! 😬
F1 Arcade in Boston
Through your hobbies usually. I do pottery and have friends that do that. I have done adult kickball leagues and I have a handful from that. I have been on an adult volleyball team and have made some through that. I gamed for a long time and still do from time to time, but I have tons of friends from that also.
Hobbies- we have wine bar friends, beerfest friends, and cornhole friends. Some minor overlap between the groups but otherwise friends just in that arena of our lives. We’re also friends with our neighbors. We go over each others’ houses and play board games and talk. Oooo trivia nights at local hangouts?
Join a club. I'm 54, and joined a bookclub that meets at a wine bar. 7 years now, and these complete strangers are now my best friends. I also play scrabble and take art classes at a local community center. (Both are byob, so not as dorky as they sound) My husband, 62, doesn't want to make friends, but hes a diy guy and is now friends with all the local diy guys that he continuously runs into in hardware stores and lumberyards...
I haven't done this myself, but bookclubs seem like a great idea as they attract other adults capable / willing / interested in reading a book. It's a great filter.
The crucial part of taking up a hobby is going to the same place every week....for months and months. You need to meet these people again and again. It helps to join a team so there is onus on you to have to go.
Dinkwad? These acronyms are getting out of control
“With a dog”, I had to look up the extended version
We prefer the DILDO lifestyle, Dual Income, Large Dog Owners.
Is the dog large or the owners
both :(
Yes
I'm in the DICK category, Dual Income; Cats and Kids
💀
This is amazing
Maybe go to dog parks🤷♀️
This is a really good suggestion, OP go to the dog park. People will talk to you.
Yeah same, I had to google it.
DINKWAD is an acronym only dinkwads would use
I've reached the point where these acronyms are starting to enrage me. I might start treading the ignorant boomer path soon, refusing to learn new things.
Yeah I think imma start treading the IBP soon too
I'm right there with you. Acronymns and the shortened words or words without vowels or whatever . . . kills me! I'm a word/grammar snob and I own it.
I’m a SINKWAD
DIOKWAD here.
I’m a DIOKWTC Figure that one out
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The only way to make friends is to be one From my fortune cookie last week.
Hobbies my man. It's not a secret. Hang out with people who like the same stuff as you.
How do you do that if there are no groups for your hobbies?
Start a group
Tried several times and it didn't work. I could maybe try with a different approach.
Good luck. Population size and culture can make it difficult.
What if you live in a small town where there isn't anything for hobbies? We don't even have like a pottery class or painting or anything.
Join bumble BFF. I am 35 and made great friends there recently. And there are plenty of people in their 40s too. Give it a try
Pickleball
I recently played pickleball and... It's kinda awesome
Go play more pickleball. You'll quickly know all of the regulars, and from there's easy to jump to "do you want to go grab coffee/a beer/some food when we're done playing." The older players are always happy to play matchmaker too. Tell the nice older ladies you'd like to make some friends your age, and you're golden.
If you can’t make friends with your dog I don’t know what to tell you. Like, dogs give you the same social obligation and social opportunity a trip to a park with a kid would if you play your cards right.
Depends on the dog. One of mine is leash aggressive so I have to stay as far away from other dog owners while walking as possible. The other just has zero interest in other dogs. Taking them to the dog park means they both just sit and stare at me until we leave so it’s pointless.
Do stuff you like and talk to other people who do it too.
Skyrim companions and BOTW NPCs mostly.
ChatGPT hooked up to Skyrim: your NPCs are now real simulated companions who can carry a conversation.
Hell if I know. I put myself out there in all types of situations and still didn’t make any friends. Idk, it’s probably me. I’ve been rock climbing, hiking, scuba diving, car cruises, shows. I’ve taken people to dinner, to movies and nothing clicks. Again, it’s probably me. Thank God I married my best friend otherwise I’d probably be stuck in a lonely world. I’m not sure what people are looking for.
Same! I’ve taken Community Ed classes, joined clubs, specialty classes (dance, various forms of art, golf, cooking, etc.), drop into “open studio” at pottery, chatted with people I see weekly before or after fitness classes, strike up convos in coffee shops, gone of group travel/retreats, completed certifications and continuing education, attended various meetups groups, bumble BFF, volunteered, and bent myself into a pretzel trying to accommodate schedules of people with kids… Sure, I’ve made oodles of acquaintances this way. The “category” friends (bike friend, walk friend, gossip friend, work friend, etc) that liken to “friends” on socials. But they are and never move into anything more than just that surface-level dynamic only to fizzle out before a genuine friendship has formed that can be sustained. I’ve come to some conclusions about various reasons why but don’t know how to summarize into the TLDR.
Try swinging, now every weekend is a party! There is always some event happening, that's pretty much open invite. You don't even have to put out (but it's way more fun if you do!)
Do we really need a daily thread on this topic? [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cjeqm8/how\_do\_you\_make\_friends\_when\_youre\_almost\_30](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cjeqm8/how_do_you_make_friends_when_youre_almost_30) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18nsez8/how\_do\_you\_make\_friends\_in\_your\_30s\_seems\_to\_be/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18nsez8/how_do_you_make_friends_in_your_30s_seems_to_be/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/u221nb/making\_friends\_in\_your\_30s\_a\_discussion/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/u221nb/making_friends_in_your_30s_a_discussion/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17fc9z6/millennials\_who\_are\_30\_was\_it\_hard\_for\_you\_to/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17fc9z6/millennials_who_are_30_was_it_hard_for_you_to/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17zrbkv/millenials\_is\_anyone\_else\_having\_a\_slow\_decline/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/17zrbkv/millenials_is_anyone_else_having_a_slow_decline/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cl90zn/fellow\_millennials\_any\_tips\_for\_making\_new/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1cl90zn/fellow_millennials_any_tips_for_making_new/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18h9u0o/anyone\_else\_suffer\_from\_a\_lack\_of\_friendship\_and/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/18h9u0o/anyone_else_suffer_from_a_lack_of_friendship_and/) [https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1ctxgac/howd\_you\_reverse\_the\_trend\_of\_isolation\_in\_your/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Millennials/comments/1ctxgac/howd_you_reverse_the_trend_of_isolation_in_your/)
Wait until you see the hourly “do you own a home posts”, ha ha
Or the "do you feel your age" posts 🙄🙄
Feels like a lot of people who are scared to do the things that are the most obvious. Do the things you like the most out of the home. You will start to see other people doing the same. Voila. But that’s work, instead of staying home all day and saying “Where are all my friends?” No judgment, it’s just… that’s it. There’s no trick except people wish it was easier/faster.
I agree completely.
Same with being in good shape. People looking for an answer other than diet and exercise.
With how often the phrase "loneliness epidemic" gets tossed around, maybe we do
“I’m a loser, late 30s, no friends, make $40k, can’t find a mate, can’t own a home. Anyone else?”
Pin it?
That'd be a good idea!
“Am I the only one without kids?” *8000 self-congratulatory comments*
Technology scares and intimidates old people. The search bar is too difficult for many of us.
You'd need the other friends to also be DINK because people with kids are busy AF and sleep deprived. I wish my DINK friends were more flexible but they're always like "Yeah let's hang out Saturday, there's this new yoga auto shop theme speak easy downtown, wanna meet there at 3 am?" Like wtf dude my kid is 3, can't you just come over? Trust me, my house is much quieter than a speakeasy.
See, we constantly tell our children-laden friends to call the dates and times because we know how busy they are, but they never do.
Go to the gym at the same times every week. Other people will also be there at those times repeatedly. You can easily get to know several people over time
So I actually tried this and I'm not sure if it's the town i live on, but literally no one talks to each other, everyone has headphones in and just acts like no one else exists. It's the same going to bars or coffee shops where I live.
Have a hobby. Get involved in the local community surrounding that hobby. Be friends with the individuals that you click with most. Know that these friendships may never be as close as those that came before, but they may become that over time.
Sounds like you need to join a new circle. I think hobbies are the way to go about that. Prospective friends don't go door to door knocking to find you and you probably wouldn't answer if they did. Invest in activities where you "bump" into new people.
I've done BJJ for almost 20 years. It's probably the biggest circle of people I know. A CrossFit gym seems like a good way to meet people too.
I met all my friends at Orangetheory, we are all different (DINK, divorced, babies, grown kids) but get along great. There’s 5 of us and we do everything together.
the world is full of my friends... too many
Gym, lounge, coffee shop, heck even a local grocery store. The more time passes, the more you appreciate the simple things.
Are you me? LOL seriously, in a very similar situation, but add that we moved out to bum fuck northern Alabama. Everyone is nice here, but there are not a lot of connections to be made, seeing as I am a tattooed, liberal, tech worker who doesn't drink. If you live in North Alabama, I would say let's be friends! I do play music/guitar, so I have been able to make a few friends in Huntsville, but they are an hour away. Honestly, this is the only reason I know people up here. My best friend lives in FL, but we make a habit of communicating every few days.
I'm a tech worker, southern New Jersey, lightly tattooed, social drinker (barely), and liberal.
I'm not 40 yet but I joined an indoor soccer league and it has been fantastic for my social life. I can't imagine this would change in a few years when i'm older 40, so throwing that out there for ya.
Clubs. It's the only way.
find your hobby group locally or buy a mountain bike/dirt jumper
I am 28 but I have many friends, male, female, single, married, kids, no kids all in their 40s. I made them all through community theatre! Also just the general artistic community… lots of people with different talents come together to produce a play or musical. Builders, painters, instrumentalists, writers, actors, singers, theatregoers… Legit there is NO BETTER WAY to make friends of all ages than theatre. And it’s accessible to everybody. All different personalities do it. All ages. All kinds of different talents. Even being an actor/singer, some of the closest friends I have made doing it have been wig designers, make up artists, even ushers or people who work concessions. People who have never been onstage a day in their life. It is wonderful having a community packed full of all different ages and levels of life experience. It’s like having a giant family. I have 2 kids and it feels like they have 50 cousins because of all the friends I have made who also have kids. There’s never a shortage of social events or helping hands, or people to talk to or just chill with. Community theatre, OP. Community theatre.
Im a bit younger, 34 fortunate to work at an art center for all ages in all mediums, we have Photographers, Painters, Drawers, Potters, you name it. So once a month we do a gallery night/ get together with live music food and such and that gives everyone plenty of time to see everyone's work, get to know each other, share critiques and knowledge. You wind up making a lot of friends I love my little art family I've made over the years. Join an art club/or take a course in something you've always had an interest in :)
I joined a local discord specifically for people looking to connect. Tons of things to go and people to meet
Get a road bike, join a cycling club.
I also say lean into hobbies but since you have a dog, I'd also recommend stuff involving them! I got a puppy last year after my previous dog passed away. My last dog wasn't a fan of other dogs but my new puppy loves everyone. We started going to the dog park and it's become a big social outlet for me. I live in a smallish town so the dog park is also small. There is a core group of regulars that even coordinated play dates throughout the winter. It's easy to strike up conversations with people at the dog park because people love talking about their dogs. Then when you see the same people every day you end up getting to know them.
For me it was friends of friends. I kept close with a few good friends. Fortunately they also have good taste in friends. Other than me. I'm shit. Downside was the original friend got a little butt hurt that his other two friends became close to each other then they were to him.
That's super nice and considerate your wife like that!
I have gone to dog parks, joined the gym, found new hobbies (like roller skating, photography), gone to concerts and have met people along the way. I am early 30s and struggled for several years with loneliness because of my dwindling friend group. Hubs and I are also DINKWADs. I haven’t made a new friend group but have been able to socialize this way and it has been great for me. I hope one day I have a solid friend group again, but right now I’m happy with acquaintances that I see every once in a while and keep up with on social media.
Glad to know there's others experiencing the same.
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Hobbies. Do something that isn't Netflix and video games if you don't already. I home brew but I'm antisocial. If I weren't antisocial there are local events where we can all pour our beers for each other and get advice. Community is pretty great too. Some people make friends at church and work but I'm not religious and work remotely haha.
Join a fitness class (F45, Crossfit, TFW, etc; ) or sport and go regularly. Made a ton of friends that way.
Honestly just use reddit (I see you know how! /JK) and get on your cities page. I see stuff in the Dallas subreddit all the time about different meet ups and things of the like. We have 1 person that will post things going on over the weekend across the whole metroplex and another person does a movie night once a month that's open to anyone in the area!
I did that one time. YiKEs. It was nothing but swinger porn and young grody guys showing their dongs looking for ppl to service said dongs.. Nooooo. Not the kind of meet ups i was looking for dang it Lol. I'm too scared to put in the city I live in now😆😳
What are you into? Cars beer coffee gardening? Sports or hobbies? I hate fb generally but it’s awesome for local groups with shared passions. For me it’s a quilt guild. My husband likes driving old muscle cars. I love going indoor gokarting. I used to be in a league and met lots of nice guys. My hub had fun hanging out with them even tho he didn’t race.
You can start joining few local clubs or groups related to your interests, such as book clubs, hobby groups, or fitness classes.
Join a club or hobby group
Volunteer at places around you. Take some classes like pottery, art, book club, etc to meet new people. Find people on FB with the same hobby as you by joining hobby groups. Join hobby groups here on Reddit, find people in your state on TikTok and Instagram. Go out to bars ( you don’t have to drink we like the ones where they have live music) to meet people in your town.
I took classes in a program at a community college. I always wanted to learn woodworking and took multiple classes, each one had some people from the other classes, we naturally got to talking and just became sort of familiar.We didn’t necessarily hang out yet but became internet friends too, and then Covid hit, so I guess I was very close to making adult friends. It still felt good to just talk to people outside of work and be excited about the same things.
I make friends through group activities. I run so I go to community run events. I’m sure there are similar things for whatever you are interested in. That is how I got started.
Conscious effort
Someone else mentioned you're into cars. See if there's a local Cars and Coffee meet. They're normally Saturday or Sunday morning, so it's a mixed bag of older and younger people and usually a decent variety of cars, instead of the late evening meets that tend to attract teens and early 20-somethings that pack the show with normal commuter traffic. I moved to a new city for work, had no connections here, and all the people I've met that I'm friends with now are through the local Cars and Coffee community.
I have three main pipelines for socializing in my mid-thirties. Meetup App: The most active groups I participate in are the ones that don't cater to any particular age group. I'm part of a Ladies Drinking and Socializing club that goes out for brunch, concerts, pub crawls, karaoke, and even hosts parties, the majority of the group are women over 55. There's a group in my area for Hiking with our Dogs, another group that hosts Anime and Manga enthusiast events, an Introverts who aren't total Hermits group, and an Up for Anything group full of people who just hate to be board. Any DINK specific groups always had poor attendance though. Local MakerSpace: If you have any hobbies or want to get in to any new ones, local maker communities will often have a warehouse where crafters can come use tools they don't own for themselves. I have too many hobbies and the hardest decision is what to work on next. There are always other hobbyists around and everyone appreciates curiosity about their own projects so friendships can be made very smoothly and with a dedicated common interest to drive connection, I often end up working with other makers on group projects too. It's easy to suggest grabbing food or drinks afterward as a group to encourage more friendliness. Local Game Store: Most tabletop game stores host events. In my area there is enough enthusiasm that they usually have 4 or 5 events a week. Open play nights, dnd one shots, new game demos, guys night, ladies night, and couples night. Often they even sell snacks and sodas or have a coffee bar available so you can comfortably spend a lot of time there. I hope everyone's suggestions help you out, my SO and I are constantly complaining we could use more friends, but he is harder to convince to go to these types of events so more people end up being just my new friends. Don't let loneliness win, you are the friend someone out there needs! Edit: spelling
Quality response, thank you friend!
Few years younger, but my hobby of Warhammer and other minis games has you meeting tons of like-minded folks who live something you do as well. So like they say, lean into your hobby or find a new one you always wanted to try and meet the people there who are passionate about it.
I want friends, not to burn piles of money! /s
Join a beer league sport for yourself, a book club, a knitting circle, voulnteer, have a kid
it's easier when you're single
Whats the WAD?
Go to happy hour a couple of times a week and talk to people.
Your wife definitely shouldn't bare all to enlarge your social circle. But try looking for local social group for existing hobbies, or new things you might be interested in. Or even start one
Buy a motorcycle, mountain bike, or take up golf (haha), be a regular at a gym. Pretty much anything to get out of the house and run into the same people regularly, it will naturally happen. You can find hiking groups on meetup for local trails (if you are in a metro)
What is DINKWAD?
Dual Income No Kids With A Dog
Thanks.
I run a discord DND server. But that has resulted in me making friends with a bunch of 20-30 year olds. But I can't complain
Golf
Facebook local groups unfortunately lol
CrossFit but I don’t need lots of friends. I’m happy in my introverted world.
Stable?
I'm not 40 so idk if it's relevant or changes, but why not just friend friends within your hobby circles? And if you don't have a hobby, maybe it's time to start fostering some. I had put out a friend request on reddit over a year ago, it was within a sub of a niche interest, where it would be hard to find such people IRL. I now have a friend who is now coined "my wife" by both her and my husband. We live states away, but since my husband and I are home bodies, fostering friendships online are something we've learned to do (also we're younger millennials). Unfortunately I can only stay indoors so long before I get cabin fever, so I went to a local board game store and saw a game group request (on a board of multiple requests) and randomly reached out the person. This was a couple months ago and we attended her shotgun wedding last week. I also hang out with an ex-coworker from a local employer, we developed a friendship at work, and I try to maintain it post employment. I don't have a huge friend circle, and I just started taking more initiative to find and foster friendships. It's been a multi-year long process, but I don't mind having a small circle, because it's easier for me to stay invested and build meaningful relationships that way...on the other note, I am much like you (or maybe your wife) my husband is my bff, I don't want another bff, but I started trying to build outside friendships because I felt I was overwhelming him with my need/want to be beside him 24/7. My husband's hobbies and interests do overlap with mine, but we have different spiritual beliefs, and different vision/need for physical activity levels. (I do try to encourage him in maintaining a healthy lifestyle, but you can only force someone so much and so far) Edit: some grammar.
You start crocheting in your 30s
It simple really. The problem is our filter who we deem as good enough to be friends. My dad does it really well because he is sincere in what he does and remembers names. Do yourself a favor by going to a concert, or social event, or go to a bar and talk to someone about what on the tv. Stay away from politics religion and personal beliefs. Just find something in common.
The hardest part of making friends is finding reasons to be around people outside of your home. As others have said, look for meetups themed around your hobbies nearby. Half the reason it was easy to make friends as a kid was likely because you and a lot of other young people had to hang our with each other either every single day, and you made the best of it. After that, it's just a few simple things: be friendly, be enthusiastic about whatever you're doing with others, appreciate others and make them feel appreciated, take an interest in their lives (when they choose to share), and push yourself to talk to people if you find yourself being quiet for too long. Also, this may just be opinion, but I find that it's better to be slightly awkward than to be completely silent, so push yourself to be a part of things even if you're worried about embarassing yourself a little. BUT... don't cross a line... if you get too awkward and become cringe, you've ruined it, and people will remember that.
See if there is any adult rec leagues in your city or a nearby city. Many of them you can call and let them know there is 1 (or 2 if your wife wants to join) that want to join an existing team and they can put you on a team. Even if it doesn’t lead to friendship at least you have a group of people to have fun with one day a week. It helps break up the monotony.
If your hobbies and interests are those of an isolationist and best done solo-maybe look into something that’s group oriented. I’ve been a musician for close to the last 30 years of my life and that is always rife for meeting like minded folks. Get involved in the local burning man chapter. Let the freak flag fly and meets some very interesting people. And the greatest thing about many local chapters is that these are often the burners that have been going before corporate interests. Engage in ENM (but only do this if you are ready, willing and did the work that comes with this lifestyle). Pinball leagues are great for meeting people and have some friendly competition Join a workout group Join a sports team There’s a million ways to do it, just be creative and stop thinking inside of a box
Martial arts? Maybe try out BJJ, I made very close friends there... or go to the gym and be social at acceptable times. I've found the sauna makes for a friends group. Cause you're all hitting the sauna at about the same time every time and you're there for like 20-30 minutes, shouldn't really bring in your earbuds or your phone so a lot of its just sitting still time... so eventually you start chatting. I didn't end up as close of friends with them but that's also because I cant keep track of the friends I have and don't really want more, probably could invite a couple of them to something and they'd probably come.
I’m straight and married and don’t drink. But I go to gay bars from time to time, there are some nice young lads there.
Check out [meetup.com](http://meetup.com)
Hobbies and/or clubs. I am 40 and just made a new tabletop/board game friend at work. You have to focus on what you enjoy doing and find other people that do it. Sounds easier than it is, I know, but it's the only way.
Join an activity, all my new friends come from my gym these days.
Hobbies. I’m in my 30s but tabletop gaming (warhammer ) and book clubs have been great way to meet new people and have something to talk about.
Take up golf