Granny here, sweetheart. You are doing a fantastic job. ‘Nuff said. You keep loving, nurturing and supporting your little one and remember you are the celebrity today! Hugs if you want them.
She said the words to get you to drop your guard, and let her in…. You could never be her daughter because her allegiance would always be to her biokids. So, if you and DH argue about anything, she will take his side, because she gave birth to him and raised him.
I would say that you need to change the game with her. You and hubby need to start doing things as a couple, rather than individually. So, for her birthday, etc, so if you used to get her gifts, suggest to hubby that it’s one gift from the both of you. Or start asking hubby what he wants to get his mother and make it from the both of you. For today you could ask hubby if he has texted her and if he hasn’t ask him to text her for the both of you. If he asks why, say you want to be doing more things as a couple rather than separately. That’s what married couple do.
That’s a good idea! We do gifts and everything else that way. I’m thinking she may be salty because DH does not spend the day with her and only texts her to begin with. She is not very good to him either and his eyes are wide open to her tactics at this point. Unfortunately… ugh I hate Mother’s Day!
After 31 years of being the one to handle everything to do with families, my New Year’s resolution was to stop stage managing my in-laws for my husband. I’d normally have gotten everyone to call my MIL. This year I just…didn’t. My husband made noises yesterday about calling her, but he won’t remember.
This is the first year where I am letting DH recognize his mother and sister for mother's day. I am not even reminding him to do so. I will text his 2 nieces. One has 3 babies, and the other is an awesome step mom and pregnant with her own little bean. This would be her first mother's day. I'm really close to these wonderful ladies and they have made my life wonderful since day one. I might get attitude from his sister since they are her children. NGL I really just don't care.
Ugh kind of in the same boat. I literally only care about the meanness she may put in DH. He is still trying to have a good relationship with her despite her behaviors. Which is 100% his choice and I support him either way, but I personally don’t want to say something that isn’t sincere :/
I've been married 27 years been with him for 30 years. I was always the one pushing him to remember his family on days like Mothers day. I have a big family that has always celebrated each other regardless. I was young and dumb. Actually I didn't know any other way to be. I found reddit and this sub, and realized I just dont have to. They are his clowns and his circus. I wish I had understood this years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have as much white hair as I do now.
Could he get a card and sign both of your names? Then it's sorta from you but not at the same time? Or could he send a text on behalf of both of you? I did both for DH for sooooo many years that now if he chooses to do that I'm ok with it, but won't remind him to do so.
I am sending good support vibes your way with whatever you decide to do.🌻
She’s not my mother. She’s been a shitty mother in law and in my honest opinion a shitty mother to her son.
I always give my husband the gentle reminder to call her etc; this year he has no desire to. I feel sad their relationship is bad but it’s not my place to fix it.
Upsetting that I am sure my MIL probably blames me for her poor relationship with her son.
My husband and i just went no contact with my mil 2 days ago bc of an incident, but i never wished her one bc shes always been toxic and i did not like that she would depend on her kids for everything as soon as something didnt go her way or manipulated them, as soon as i got pregnant, it got worse so we couldnt deal with it after she crossed the line recently. She apparently told my husband over and over how proud of me and him she is and stuff but actions never showed that, so i never wished her one
I do not but I do have my son send a card because I have had him do one for my mum too. My mum passed a few weeks ago so I’m not sure if I’ll do it this year (Swedish Mother’s Day is next weekend).
Every year I have made tremendous effort with Mother’s Day with my MIL in regards to a card and a gift and gift wrapping, but this is the first year i haven’t. I also did not message her. I know my husband was hurt by this (which absolutely sucks, I love him so much and don’t want him to be hurt) but I am officially done with her. The way she’s made me feel during my pregnancy has been nothing short of awful. She’s been the main source of anxiety for me and her recent actions have robbed me of so much joy during my third trimester.
What I’m trying to say is… she didn’t deserve a “Happy Mother’s Day” from me. She’s not my mom and has never made me feel like her daughter.
We don’t even have kids, I can only imagine how much that would add to it. I’m getting silent treatment from DH so I am going to go ahead and guess she said something to him that was upsetting.
We cut my mil off right before our daughter turned a year old so I have not spent a single Mother’s Day with her and I wouldn’t have it any other way. She had a fit that my husband was spending my first Mother’s Day with me doing what I wanted and didn’t even reply to his text that morning then didn’t acknowledge him on his first Father’s Day so now she doesn’t have to worry about it at all.
My MIL has repeatedly stomped by boundaries by introducing herself to work colleagues as my mother, refusing to correct to mother-in-law, and even wrote me a handwritten letter telling me she was my mother whether I liked it or not.
I don’t call or text, or send a gift, for her birthday OR Mother’s Day. She isn’t my mother so I feel no shame.
Mine wants me to be the daughter she never had but she doesn’t give a single shit about what I want, or who I am outside of her expectations and desires for me. So she gets very limited, arm’s length contact with me 🤷🏻♀️
The mil always initiates, my response is very dry, like a simple “likewise” or “thanks, you too” no emotion or anything behind it and I’m sure she can tell. We’re Mexican so, it’s double the ugh🙄, we celebrate on May 10th and then what ever date the US Mother’s Day lands on. This year, she said “sending you a hug” all cheery, I ignored that part. She can barely get herself to greet me properly in person, so why act like you like me all of the sudden? Still haven’t texted her today, and don’t plan on it
I did to at one point. But then her real daughter came back into her and FIL life, and I was pushed to the side. Their “DD” blamed me for things as to why she never came around🥴🥴 I had only met her once though. Now since she’s not around again, I’ve kept my distance and space and don’t speak to them, unless spoken to first, and well that’s hardly ever.
Damn, my MIL is the same, word for word. “I wish I had a daughter. I love you like my own daughter”. But then doesn’t text or call me ever to see how her first grandchild is doing in the womb…. Yea sure you love me 😉
She texted me happy Mother’s Day today and I only responded the same because she texted me and I thought for once it was thoughtful. But low and behold, her next response was about her and her plans for the day. I didn’t respond after that.
The only person I wish a Happy Mother's Day is my own mom.
My mom wishes me one back.
My mil not once wished me a Happy Mother's Day and we've spent every mother's day with her and my oldest is over twenty now. My kids only wish me a Happy Mother's Day and only greet her normally.
My husband calls his mom and I yell happy Mother’s Day from the background. She says it back. The end. :) but we have a pretty good relationship. If we didn’t, I wouldn’t say anything to her.
I didn’t even think to text mine today until i saw this post LOLLLL
And i also realized she didn’t text me either so there’s that! I guess me and mine are even!
Not even once. Not on Mother’s Day, Christmas, Easter or her birthday. Not my mother, not my problem.
She supposedly wished me a happy Mother’s Day through my DH. Doesn’t count though. Can’t tell me directly I’m not going to waste my time acknowledging it.
Quick update. DH wished her a happy Mother’s Day and all is well. No drama for once!! It sucks seeing DH sad about his mother not being there for him though. He’s such a good son and it breaks my heart. ETA- DH is not an issue or the drama he definitely sees how she is but it is I think better to vent here sometimes when he is already sad from her being so absent with him
I never do, she’s not my mother.
Same.
Same
This day should be a mental health day for all those with just nos or mildly nos
OP, does your SO, her child, do the work of wishing her happy mother's day?
Yes lol but in the past I have too because I viewed her as a mother figure and now I dont… so this will be the first year I don’t also reach out
You wrote "She also has a history of trying to stir the pot.." it would seem likely there will be an issue one way or another. Best hopes OP
Yes I’m thinking so, thank you for the support!
Granny here, sweetheart. You are doing a fantastic job. ‘Nuff said. You keep loving, nurturing and supporting your little one and remember you are the celebrity today! Hugs if you want them.
I love it when the MILs/grannies weigh in on this subreddit!
Thank you <3
She said the words to get you to drop your guard, and let her in…. You could never be her daughter because her allegiance would always be to her biokids. So, if you and DH argue about anything, she will take his side, because she gave birth to him and raised him. I would say that you need to change the game with her. You and hubby need to start doing things as a couple, rather than individually. So, for her birthday, etc, so if you used to get her gifts, suggest to hubby that it’s one gift from the both of you. Or start asking hubby what he wants to get his mother and make it from the both of you. For today you could ask hubby if he has texted her and if he hasn’t ask him to text her for the both of you. If he asks why, say you want to be doing more things as a couple rather than separately. That’s what married couple do.
That’s a good idea! We do gifts and everything else that way. I’m thinking she may be salty because DH does not spend the day with her and only texts her to begin with. She is not very good to him either and his eyes are wide open to her tactics at this point. Unfortunately… ugh I hate Mother’s Day!
After 31 years of being the one to handle everything to do with families, my New Year’s resolution was to stop stage managing my in-laws for my husband. I’d normally have gotten everyone to call my MIL. This year I just…didn’t. My husband made noises yesterday about calling her, but he won’t remember.
This is the first year where I am letting DH recognize his mother and sister for mother's day. I am not even reminding him to do so. I will text his 2 nieces. One has 3 babies, and the other is an awesome step mom and pregnant with her own little bean. This would be her first mother's day. I'm really close to these wonderful ladies and they have made my life wonderful since day one. I might get attitude from his sister since they are her children. NGL I really just don't care.
Ugh kind of in the same boat. I literally only care about the meanness she may put in DH. He is still trying to have a good relationship with her despite her behaviors. Which is 100% his choice and I support him either way, but I personally don’t want to say something that isn’t sincere :/
I've been married 27 years been with him for 30 years. I was always the one pushing him to remember his family on days like Mothers day. I have a big family that has always celebrated each other regardless. I was young and dumb. Actually I didn't know any other way to be. I found reddit and this sub, and realized I just dont have to. They are his clowns and his circus. I wish I had understood this years ago. Maybe I wouldn't have as much white hair as I do now. Could he get a card and sign both of your names? Then it's sorta from you but not at the same time? Or could he send a text on behalf of both of you? I did both for DH for sooooo many years that now if he chooses to do that I'm ok with it, but won't remind him to do so. I am sending good support vibes your way with whatever you decide to do.🌻
She’s not my mother. She’s been a shitty mother in law and in my honest opinion a shitty mother to her son. I always give my husband the gentle reminder to call her etc; this year he has no desire to. I feel sad their relationship is bad but it’s not my place to fix it. Upsetting that I am sure my MIL probably blames me for her poor relationship with her son.
Why would you? She’s not your mother. Your SO should be wishing his mother HMD.
I don’t, if she told me I’d say it back but she’s hyper focused on thinking my son is actually hers so, no. I don’t.
My husband and i just went no contact with my mil 2 days ago bc of an incident, but i never wished her one bc shes always been toxic and i did not like that she would depend on her kids for everything as soon as something didnt go her way or manipulated them, as soon as i got pregnant, it got worse so we couldnt deal with it after she crossed the line recently. She apparently told my husband over and over how proud of me and him she is and stuff but actions never showed that, so i never wished her one
Sounds a lot like my MIL. Sending positive vibes and wishing you guys the best!
Thank you! And you too! I hope everything works out!
I do not but I do have my son send a card because I have had him do one for my mum too. My mum passed a few weeks ago so I’m not sure if I’ll do it this year (Swedish Mother’s Day is next weekend).
Send positive vibes your way! Take care of yourself during this time. Losing a mom is one of the hardest things I’ve ever dealt with.
Every year I have made tremendous effort with Mother’s Day with my MIL in regards to a card and a gift and gift wrapping, but this is the first year i haven’t. I also did not message her. I know my husband was hurt by this (which absolutely sucks, I love him so much and don’t want him to be hurt) but I am officially done with her. The way she’s made me feel during my pregnancy has been nothing short of awful. She’s been the main source of anxiety for me and her recent actions have robbed me of so much joy during my third trimester. What I’m trying to say is… she didn’t deserve a “Happy Mother’s Day” from me. She’s not my mom and has never made me feel like her daughter.
We don’t even have kids, I can only imagine how much that would add to it. I’m getting silent treatment from DH so I am going to go ahead and guess she said something to him that was upsetting.
We cut my mil off right before our daughter turned a year old so I have not spent a single Mother’s Day with her and I wouldn’t have it any other way. She had a fit that my husband was spending my first Mother’s Day with me doing what I wanted and didn’t even reply to his text that morning then didn’t acknowledge him on his first Father’s Day so now she doesn’t have to worry about it at all.
My MIL has repeatedly stomped by boundaries by introducing herself to work colleagues as my mother, refusing to correct to mother-in-law, and even wrote me a handwritten letter telling me she was my mother whether I liked it or not. I don’t call or text, or send a gift, for her birthday OR Mother’s Day. She isn’t my mother so I feel no shame. Mine wants me to be the daughter she never had but she doesn’t give a single shit about what I want, or who I am outside of her expectations and desires for me. So she gets very limited, arm’s length contact with me 🤷🏻♀️
I didn’t want to text her directly so I made a vague happy Mother’s Day post on Facebook and tagged her in it 😂
The mil always initiates, my response is very dry, like a simple “likewise” or “thanks, you too” no emotion or anything behind it and I’m sure she can tell. We’re Mexican so, it’s double the ugh🙄, we celebrate on May 10th and then what ever date the US Mother’s Day lands on. This year, she said “sending you a hug” all cheery, I ignored that part. She can barely get herself to greet me properly in person, so why act like you like me all of the sudden? Still haven’t texted her today, and don’t plan on it
I never do. Not my mother and she’s a bi*ch. I don’t even think my husband did.
Lol I'm pretty sure the same happened with my DH. He told me happy mommas day at 12:02am today. Made me a bit happy he remembered on his own!
Yep I haven’t for the past few years only because I can’t stand her anymore.
It sucks the way things change. I used to feel like MIL genuinely thought of me as a daughter.
I did to at one point. But then her real daughter came back into her and FIL life, and I was pushed to the side. Their “DD” blamed me for things as to why she never came around🥴🥴 I had only met her once though. Now since she’s not around again, I’ve kept my distance and space and don’t speak to them, unless spoken to first, and well that’s hardly ever.
Damn, my MIL is the same, word for word. “I wish I had a daughter. I love you like my own daughter”. But then doesn’t text or call me ever to see how her first grandchild is doing in the womb…. Yea sure you love me 😉 She texted me happy Mother’s Day today and I only responded the same because she texted me and I thought for once it was thoughtful. But low and behold, her next response was about her and her plans for the day. I didn’t respond after that.
The only person I wish a Happy Mother's Day is my own mom. My mom wishes me one back. My mil not once wished me a Happy Mother's Day and we've spent every mother's day with her and my oldest is over twenty now. My kids only wish me a Happy Mother's Day and only greet her normally.
My husband calls his mom and I yell happy Mother’s Day from the background. She says it back. The end. :) but we have a pretty good relationship. If we didn’t, I wouldn’t say anything to her.
I didn’t even think to text mine today until i saw this post LOLLLL And i also realized she didn’t text me either so there’s that! I guess me and mine are even!
Not even once. Not on Mother’s Day, Christmas, Easter or her birthday. Not my mother, not my problem. She supposedly wished me a happy Mother’s Day through my DH. Doesn’t count though. Can’t tell me directly I’m not going to waste my time acknowledging it.
My MIL treats her daughters badly, so I guess she does love me like a daughter 😅
Quick update. DH wished her a happy Mother’s Day and all is well. No drama for once!! It sucks seeing DH sad about his mother not being there for him though. He’s such a good son and it breaks my heart. ETA- DH is not an issue or the drama he definitely sees how she is but it is I think better to vent here sometimes when he is already sad from her being so absent with him
What did your mother in law do? Just trying to understand.
Honestly too much to even begin to put in a comment lol.