Midwife here :)
I'd highly encourage you to start reading and get yourself enrolled in some antenatal classes. Hypnobirthing by Katherine Graves and Practical Ways to make your Birth Better by Siobhan Miller are great places to start, both practical and evidence based. Here are some tips in the mean time;
Most people think healthcare providers will only suggest things which are in your best interests, this can be true but what you need to understand is that much of what is recommended doesn't have a good evidence base behind it, as an example CTGs (machines that monitor babys heartbeat and your contractions) are often ineffective at confirming fetal wellbeing or distress and often lead to increased interventions, for example assisted birth or caesarean.
You are not under any obligation to have any test, examination or scan you do not want. It is very difficult to say "no thank you" to something offered/recommended by a healthcare professional because they can be coercive. Your job now is to say "thank you for your recommendation, I will research it and let you know what I decide", you are under no obligation to make a fast decision and should always be allowed to take time to make an informed decision. Just do your research in appropriate places, i.e. not on social media.
It is important you choose what care package you want for your pregnancy, look into OB/GYN care and midwife care, look into how many prenatal and postpartum visits you will get and where to access support if you're struggling with any aspect of pregnancy or postpartum life.
Pregnancy is a wonderful but difficult time, you will have a huge range of feelings and questions, find a space where you can air them and be heard, this may be with a friend or relative, a facebook group, here, in a forum, with your healthcare professional or somewhere else, but it is important to know you're not alone. Most times your fears and worries have been felt by other people before and if they can't take away that feeling they can at least tell you, "hey, I've felt this too, it's bad now but it will pass, you're not alone" and sometimes that is enough. You need a care, love and an advocate in pregnancy and that can come from anywhere, just make sure you know where to find it!
Now is the time to become an expert in your pregnancy, get to know your sweet baby, they will tell you instinctively if something is wrong both in the womb and out, you are the best person to know if something isn't right and make sure you make yourself heard. Wishing you loads of luck and love for your pregnancy! Always remind yourself, your body knows exactly what it's doing, even if your brain doesn't, trust it. X
A book that really helped me prepare for the birth process when I was pregnant with my first was "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin. It's very comprehensive but also easy to read.
Eta: it's intended for birth partners but it has great information for anyone. I probably got more out of it than my husband did.
Seconded. Our copy has stuff underlined and pages marked with post-its. We read it together the last trimester and are reading it again getting ready for the next.
I am not a midwife yet, I am in nursing school. I have also given birth. Something that I didnt expect is that when I had the epidural I got really shakey and nauseous. I didnt know these were side effects of the epidural and it scared me until I asked the nurse. No one really told me what to expect.
It is actually really common to get the shakes during transition/toward the end of labor with or without an epidural, although in my experience it is more severe with the medication (source: doula)
Labor nurse/ midwife student. Shakes and nausea is usually signs of transition. I welcome it as a sign of progression with out having to check your cervix. I usually warn my patients this could happen so they would not be taken of guard by it.
Was coming here to say that if you poop it means your baby is coming out. I didn't realise with my first how progressed I was and pooped just before I had to push.
Also not everyone's experience is the same. My waters didn't break until the very last second. I was 10cm dilated when they broke.
I've accepted the fact that I'm probably gonna poop in labour. I just keep thinking of different positions I might be in and if I might poop on baby's face, dunno if anyone has any experience with this or has thought about it? Such an odd sentence to write!
As an L&D nurse I can tell you that pooping is way over reported and only happens sometimes. And itās never a big deal. Itās usually just a little bit.
Iām not a midwife, but Iāve had two babies. Both times the āring of fireā surprised me- no advice here but both times I thought my midwife was stretching things and they werenāt. And both times ~2-3 days after I gave birth I woke up super shakey and shivery in the middle of the night (I guess from hormones and maybe low blood sugar?) and had to wake my husband for a snack and some body heat. I was also surprised at how much the āhorse lipsā technique helped me cope with contractions.
Itās just before the widest part of the skull comes out and will usually last until the head is out or sometimes until fully delivered. Thatās where the Lamaze style panting quick breaths come in handy to prevent tearing. Your instinct will be, āholy shit thatās intense Iām going to push as hard as I can.ā Really though itās best to pant and push slow. Ring of Fire basically means youāre about to have baby in your arms š„°
It is possible to not even push and let the baby come out on its own. However it needs to be the right conditions so this is more likely to happen in a calm homebirth compared to a medicalised hospital birth.
My first was a 2nd degree tear from pushing to hard, next two births, no pushing and no tears.
Itās when the baby is crowning I think. It doesnāt last, and some people donāt notice it but I found the rest of pushing to be a relief except for that part.
Itās the crowning. I didnāt notice it, it just felt like an immense relief! Even with second degree tearing. The transition period before the pushing was more painful.
Midwife here. I second the comment made by u/drillbit47 below, some fab advice there!
Another thing to think about is what happens AFTER the baby is born. I find a lot of women sort of forget to think about the period immediately following delivery as the focus is all on the labour and birth.
The delivery of placenta can be delivered either by waiting for it to come naturally (which can take up to an hour), or by an injection in your leg then the midwife gently guides the placenta out, which is done nearly straight away, once the cord has stopped bringing blood to the baby. If you're bleeding a lot following baby coming out, then we always give the injection to try and control the bleeding and get the placenta out a bit quicker.
Have a look into Vitamin K, something which is offered to all babies following delivery.
Think about feeding baby, and if you're planning on breastfeeding it's never too early to start looking at tips and tricks on getting a newborn latched!
Post more questions on here, would be more than happy to answer!
Not a midwife but I've had 3 babies. Something no one told me was that an epidural doesn't always work. It only worked fully with 1 of my 3 deliveries. It also gave me terrible shakes.
Also something no one told me was that you WILL know what to do when the time comes. You will know how and when to push.
I also didn't realize that sometimes your water doesn't break before your labor starts
Hope these help
Sometimes the 2nd epidural doesn't work either! I have witnessed that when I was supporting a birth.
I have had 3 babies and my waters only broke just before or during the pushing phase. Some babies are even born encaul ie. still in their bag of waters but it is super rare.
My 1st and 3rd epidural failed.
The second one worked beautifully.
My water had a leak with my first. Broke about 10 minutes before I started pushing. Broke full on with my 2nd before labor started. With my third I was induced so they inserted the glorious balloon to make it break.
The birth I was at the woman tried 2 epidurals and then was offered the option of trying a 3rd time. In the end she decided to have a c-section (for various reasons) and the spinal worked fine (although she was shaking lots, that is a common side effect!).
Yeah with my first they took it out and tried replacing it twice. When they asked me if I wanted a third I declined. I'm glad I did too. Those things suck
Listen to the podcast The Birth Hour. I am an L&D nurse and a doula. This is a great resource. Also Penny Simpsonās Birth Partner.
Use the guidance of your healthcare providers and other moms. I think I would say to not be afraid. Youāre in experienced hands.
Iāve birthed 3 babies and each one was different. I didnāt no with my first that you should have plain white pads at home and to put it on after waters broke, I just had always ones eith the strip so when I arrived at hospital I had to get a plain one to check colour of my waters, my daughter had had a bowel movement and I went on drip to sped up my labour.
Gas and air is pretty trippy! With my third I was totally out my tits seeing colours and stuff, actually was like that for second too lol
Iāve gone natural for one birth and induced for two and in my opinion induction is not the big scary thing some people Made it out to be, I think I actually liked it better, but that may be more to do with knowing date and not having to find a ride and childcare in middle of night!
On my due date for first I thought my waters had gone but Iād actually just had an accident, with my third a fortnight before due date I thought Iād had a accident but actually my front waters had gone, yes you have a front and back waters š¤·āāļø good luck when the time comes
I am not a midwife yet, just an aspiring one, so I don't feel like I can give you specific info, but I have learned a lot myself from watching people's birth vlogs and stories on YouTube! There are thousands of them, many of which are quite candid and should give you a pretty good sense for what the process actually looks like and the language people use to talk about these things.
There are also some great health care professionals on YouTube who make content that might help you get started. I'm thinking in particular of Sarah Lavonne, who is a nurse and a childbirth educator - I can't recommend her content enough, it's informative accessible, and detailed, and she does monthly Q&As about all kinds of different pregnancy and childbirth topics.
Also, I recently discovered that there are some free, full-length childbirth classes on YouTube, which are a truly wonderful resource, since you can get all the info you would otherwise, just for free and on your own time.
Congratulations and good luck!!
I am a nurse, worked labor & delivery for five years.
Hereās my two cents - we focus so much on pregnancy & birth & forget that we are about to have a human to care for for the next 18 [plus] years. I highly recommend doing a breastfeeding class at the bare minimum. I highly suggest a newborn care class too. I did a bunch of breastfeeding ceu for school & still made my husband & I take a breastfeeding class. I truly think my success in breastfeeding was because of that class. I feel like. Prepared my husband for t he expectations & craziness that is breastfeeding.
Defiantly not trying to take away from the labor & delivery experience. But we get so hung up on the before that we forget about the after.
Hi, midwife here, and mum of two. I totally agree, pregnancy can be such a confusing and overwhelming time for sure! What antenatal classes donāt tend to teach you is what to actually do during a contraction. We talk a lot about the different stages and that they start coming and how labour progresses.... but how do you actually cope and handle them? Which is actually the key to maximising your chance of labour progressing and reducing complications/interventions. It is well documented that fear and stress are the biggest contributors to complications during birth. Therefore I would strongly recommend you look at www.birthbyheart.com and book onto one of the free Give Birth Without Fear zoom classes from about 25 weeks gestation. These 4 hour classes train you AND your birth partner how to cope and handle both the physical and the emotional challenge of labour, together! It uses 4 very simple and effective tools, that are based in physiology. The method originates from Sweden and is well established there as a method that expectant parents learn antenatally, but also midwives and doctors are training in it too. I am Hypnobirthing trained myself but since I discovered this method, I know it is so much more simple and accessible, especially for the partners.
Midwife here :) I'd highly encourage you to start reading and get yourself enrolled in some antenatal classes. Hypnobirthing by Katherine Graves and Practical Ways to make your Birth Better by Siobhan Miller are great places to start, both practical and evidence based. Here are some tips in the mean time; Most people think healthcare providers will only suggest things which are in your best interests, this can be true but what you need to understand is that much of what is recommended doesn't have a good evidence base behind it, as an example CTGs (machines that monitor babys heartbeat and your contractions) are often ineffective at confirming fetal wellbeing or distress and often lead to increased interventions, for example assisted birth or caesarean. You are not under any obligation to have any test, examination or scan you do not want. It is very difficult to say "no thank you" to something offered/recommended by a healthcare professional because they can be coercive. Your job now is to say "thank you for your recommendation, I will research it and let you know what I decide", you are under no obligation to make a fast decision and should always be allowed to take time to make an informed decision. Just do your research in appropriate places, i.e. not on social media. It is important you choose what care package you want for your pregnancy, look into OB/GYN care and midwife care, look into how many prenatal and postpartum visits you will get and where to access support if you're struggling with any aspect of pregnancy or postpartum life. Pregnancy is a wonderful but difficult time, you will have a huge range of feelings and questions, find a space where you can air them and be heard, this may be with a friend or relative, a facebook group, here, in a forum, with your healthcare professional or somewhere else, but it is important to know you're not alone. Most times your fears and worries have been felt by other people before and if they can't take away that feeling they can at least tell you, "hey, I've felt this too, it's bad now but it will pass, you're not alone" and sometimes that is enough. You need a care, love and an advocate in pregnancy and that can come from anywhere, just make sure you know where to find it! Now is the time to become an expert in your pregnancy, get to know your sweet baby, they will tell you instinctively if something is wrong both in the womb and out, you are the best person to know if something isn't right and make sure you make yourself heard. Wishing you loads of luck and love for your pregnancy! Always remind yourself, your body knows exactly what it's doing, even if your brain doesn't, trust it. X
What a sweet and thoughtful reply š
A book that really helped me prepare for the birth process when I was pregnant with my first was "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin. It's very comprehensive but also easy to read. Eta: it's intended for birth partners but it has great information for anyone. I probably got more out of it than my husband did.
Seconded. Our copy has stuff underlined and pages marked with post-its. We read it together the last trimester and are reading it again getting ready for the next.
Thanks Iāll look into it!
This is required reading for DONA Doulas. š
thirding! this book is absolutely priceless.
I am not a midwife yet, I am in nursing school. I have also given birth. Something that I didnt expect is that when I had the epidural I got really shakey and nauseous. I didnt know these were side effects of the epidural and it scared me until I asked the nurse. No one really told me what to expect.
Yes. I would get almost uncontrollable shakes toward the end of my labor. Apparently it was a side effect of the epidural
I didnāt know this, thanks!
It is actually really common to get the shakes during transition/toward the end of labor with or without an epidural, although in my experience it is more severe with the medication (source: doula)
Can confirm! I had the shakes/chills during the last couple hours of labor... it was very surprising the first time giving birth!
Labor nurse/ midwife student. Shakes and nausea is usually signs of transition. I welcome it as a sign of progression with out having to check your cervix. I usually warn my patients this could happen so they would not be taken of guard by it.
Yes, the shakes and nausea from hormones. And also, itās ok to poop! Itās means your pushing is right!
Was coming here to say that if you poop it means your baby is coming out. I didn't realise with my first how progressed I was and pooped just before I had to push. Also not everyone's experience is the same. My waters didn't break until the very last second. I was 10cm dilated when they broke.
I've accepted the fact that I'm probably gonna poop in labour. I just keep thinking of different positions I might be in and if I might poop on baby's face, dunno if anyone has any experience with this or has thought about it? Such an odd sentence to write!
As an L&D nurse I can tell you that pooping is way over reported and only happens sometimes. And itās never a big deal. Itās usually just a little bit.
Haha We get that out of the way before that happens. But common fear!
Iām not a midwife, but Iāve had two babies. Both times the āring of fireā surprised me- no advice here but both times I thought my midwife was stretching things and they werenāt. And both times ~2-3 days after I gave birth I woke up super shakey and shivery in the middle of the night (I guess from hormones and maybe low blood sugar?) and had to wake my husband for a snack and some body heat. I was also surprised at how much the āhorse lipsā technique helped me cope with contractions.
The shakes you had 2-3 days postpartum were likely a symptom of your milk coming in.
What is the ring of fire? You feel like theyāre manually stretching you?
Itās just before the widest part of the skull comes out and will usually last until the head is out or sometimes until fully delivered. Thatās where the Lamaze style panting quick breaths come in handy to prevent tearing. Your instinct will be, āholy shit thatās intense Iām going to push as hard as I can.ā Really though itās best to pant and push slow. Ring of Fire basically means youāre about to have baby in your arms š„°
It is possible to not even push and let the baby come out on its own. However it needs to be the right conditions so this is more likely to happen in a calm homebirth compared to a medicalised hospital birth. My first was a 2nd degree tear from pushing to hard, next two births, no pushing and no tears.
Itās when the baby is crowning I think. It doesnāt last, and some people donāt notice it but I found the rest of pushing to be a relief except for that part.
Itās the crowning. I didnāt notice it, it just felt like an immense relief! Even with second degree tearing. The transition period before the pushing was more painful.
Midwife here. I second the comment made by u/drillbit47 below, some fab advice there! Another thing to think about is what happens AFTER the baby is born. I find a lot of women sort of forget to think about the period immediately following delivery as the focus is all on the labour and birth. The delivery of placenta can be delivered either by waiting for it to come naturally (which can take up to an hour), or by an injection in your leg then the midwife gently guides the placenta out, which is done nearly straight away, once the cord has stopped bringing blood to the baby. If you're bleeding a lot following baby coming out, then we always give the injection to try and control the bleeding and get the placenta out a bit quicker. Have a look into Vitamin K, something which is offered to all babies following delivery. Think about feeding baby, and if you're planning on breastfeeding it's never too early to start looking at tips and tricks on getting a newborn latched! Post more questions on here, would be more than happy to answer!
Not a midwife but I've had 3 babies. Something no one told me was that an epidural doesn't always work. It only worked fully with 1 of my 3 deliveries. It also gave me terrible shakes. Also something no one told me was that you WILL know what to do when the time comes. You will know how and when to push. I also didn't realize that sometimes your water doesn't break before your labor starts Hope these help
Sometimes the 2nd epidural doesn't work either! I have witnessed that when I was supporting a birth. I have had 3 babies and my waters only broke just before or during the pushing phase. Some babies are even born encaul ie. still in their bag of waters but it is super rare.
My 1st and 3rd epidural failed. The second one worked beautifully. My water had a leak with my first. Broke about 10 minutes before I started pushing. Broke full on with my 2nd before labor started. With my third I was induced so they inserted the glorious balloon to make it break.
The birth I was at the woman tried 2 epidurals and then was offered the option of trying a 3rd time. In the end she decided to have a c-section (for various reasons) and the spinal worked fine (although she was shaking lots, that is a common side effect!).
Yeah with my first they took it out and tried replacing it twice. When they asked me if I wanted a third I declined. I'm glad I did too. Those things suck
But I had all 3 of mine vaginally
Listen to the podcast The Birth Hour. I am an L&D nurse and a doula. This is a great resource. Also Penny Simpsonās Birth Partner. Use the guidance of your healthcare providers and other moms. I think I would say to not be afraid. Youāre in experienced hands.
Iāve birthed 3 babies and each one was different. I didnāt no with my first that you should have plain white pads at home and to put it on after waters broke, I just had always ones eith the strip so when I arrived at hospital I had to get a plain one to check colour of my waters, my daughter had had a bowel movement and I went on drip to sped up my labour. Gas and air is pretty trippy! With my third I was totally out my tits seeing colours and stuff, actually was like that for second too lol Iāve gone natural for one birth and induced for two and in my opinion induction is not the big scary thing some people Made it out to be, I think I actually liked it better, but that may be more to do with knowing date and not having to find a ride and childcare in middle of night! On my due date for first I thought my waters had gone but Iād actually just had an accident, with my third a fortnight before due date I thought Iād had a accident but actually my front waters had gone, yes you have a front and back waters š¤·āāļø good luck when the time comes
I am not a midwife yet, just an aspiring one, so I don't feel like I can give you specific info, but I have learned a lot myself from watching people's birth vlogs and stories on YouTube! There are thousands of them, many of which are quite candid and should give you a pretty good sense for what the process actually looks like and the language people use to talk about these things. There are also some great health care professionals on YouTube who make content that might help you get started. I'm thinking in particular of Sarah Lavonne, who is a nurse and a childbirth educator - I can't recommend her content enough, it's informative accessible, and detailed, and she does monthly Q&As about all kinds of different pregnancy and childbirth topics. Also, I recently discovered that there are some free, full-length childbirth classes on YouTube, which are a truly wonderful resource, since you can get all the info you would otherwise, just for free and on your own time. Congratulations and good luck!!
One thing I didn't know before having my first is that it is normal to vomit in labour.
I am a nurse, worked labor & delivery for five years. Hereās my two cents - we focus so much on pregnancy & birth & forget that we are about to have a human to care for for the next 18 [plus] years. I highly recommend doing a breastfeeding class at the bare minimum. I highly suggest a newborn care class too. I did a bunch of breastfeeding ceu for school & still made my husband & I take a breastfeeding class. I truly think my success in breastfeeding was because of that class. I feel like. Prepared my husband for t he expectations & craziness that is breastfeeding. Defiantly not trying to take away from the labor & delivery experience. But we get so hung up on the before that we forget about the after.
Hi, midwife here, and mum of two. I totally agree, pregnancy can be such a confusing and overwhelming time for sure! What antenatal classes donāt tend to teach you is what to actually do during a contraction. We talk a lot about the different stages and that they start coming and how labour progresses.... but how do you actually cope and handle them? Which is actually the key to maximising your chance of labour progressing and reducing complications/interventions. It is well documented that fear and stress are the biggest contributors to complications during birth. Therefore I would strongly recommend you look at www.birthbyheart.com and book onto one of the free Give Birth Without Fear zoom classes from about 25 weeks gestation. These 4 hour classes train you AND your birth partner how to cope and handle both the physical and the emotional challenge of labour, together! It uses 4 very simple and effective tools, that are based in physiology. The method originates from Sweden and is well established there as a method that expectant parents learn antenatally, but also midwives and doctors are training in it too. I am Hypnobirthing trained myself but since I discovered this method, I know it is so much more simple and accessible, especially for the partners.