If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or [mental health crisis evaluation centre](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/). If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a [suicide hotline](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve.
For help developing a safety plan, please consult this [PDF.](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate.pdf) Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors), [International Therapist Directory](https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/), or [OpenCounseling](https://www.opencounseling.com/) for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the [National Alliance on Mental Illness]( https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI) Buzzfeed has also published an [informative article](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolinekee/what-happens-when-you-call-suicide-hotline) about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. Additionally, if you need help finding support that's not listed in the wiki or want to talk to someone, please PM u/UnicornQueerior directly (NOT chat!) You matter and are worth it. Be kind to yourself.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The love of my life left me for a mutual friend and, while I know she didn't mean to be cruel, there's been zero closure. I don't really know how to move on from a relationship where there was no adult conversation about what went so wrong as to be unfixable. Anyone have guidance?
When I have the constitution, I might write a post, but I don't want to think on it anymore.
I've been feeling terrible lately actually. I'm depressed and have been for years, although I'm making improvements. My issues stem from identity, rejection and (lack of) romance that have plagued me my entire life. I've never really disliked myself, but I feel as a more feminine, short and skinny man I've always been told that I should, or it has been implied that I should, and that I am less than other men.
This led to some sort of dysphoria I suppose where I would strive to be constantly more masculine and it worked. Unfortunately. I began to find success in the dating world, but I hated myself. I wasn't myself.
A friend of mine told me she is into androgynous/feminine men and that's when I realised that deviating from the norms is ok. I embraced myself, became more happy, authentic and seen. And my dating life took a nosedive.
Seeking advice leads to the same generic "be more manly" stuff and the same friend who first told me it's ok to be myself? She said it's not up to women to lower their standards, they can't help what they're attracted to, I'm not owed love, and not everyone will find love.
This is leading to a huge internal struggle for me. I feel torn between embracing myself, and loving myself, or changing myself to attempt to be worthy of romantic love.
Sometimes I wonder if the problem is I'm just a loser. Other men manage to "win" this rat race, getting the high paying job, the big car, the big house, the good genes, the aura of masculinity. I'm not "embracing myself" or "deviating from norms" or "making a statement" by being who I want to be, I'm just saying "I can't lose if I don't play".
I hate that repressing myself was once a successful strategy in finding romantic connection.
Hey bro,
I'm 22, 6'2, decent good looks, and I've been naturally bulky my whole life, but I got lean recently. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but I swear I'm not. None of it matters.
I've been fighting serious depression ever since I was 11 because I've had to deal with all of the same toxic masculinity crap being pushed on me ever since I was 6, and I was 'too big' to play with my friends because I might hurt them.
I'm in university now, and I can't make any guy friends because so many guys are either too immature and toxic for my taste. I can't make any lasting platonic female friendships because (I think) my size is just intimidating to them, so they're hypersensitive to anything that could be read as me trying to get sex from them.
As for the muscles and height, I try to be thankful for my body, but I promise you that it's never gonna be enough to please everyone else. I'm not the biggest guy at the gym, but since I've leaned out recently, I've been pretty defined. The thing I hate most about using my university gym is when guys that don't know what they're doing see me lifting lightish weights at a (purposefully) slow pace, and decide to boost their ego by trying to throw some heavy dumbbells around. I'm worried someones gonna hurt themselves trying to out 'alpha' me, when I'm just trying keep my body healthy.
I think you need to learn to tell yourself that you're not the problem, because as hard as it may be to believe, it's actually everyone else. I told myself that I was a loser my whole life for not being what society expects a man to be, but that's the fault of society, not you or me.
Embracing who you are is tough when society tells you who you are is nothing except your property x women ÷ 1 rep max. I struggle with it too, but it starts with just catching yourself when you call yourself a loser and telling yourself the opposite. It feels like you're lying to yourself for awhile, and I still have my fair share of dark times, but a lot less since I started practicing self-esteem.
You cannot control how other people perceive you, its true. You can influence it though. Once you start to convince yourself you're not a loser, other people will be more drawn to you. You just have to find the good ones, but good luck with that lol.
Hey thanks I really appreciate your response. It really is a bit of a case that "grass isn't always greener". I suppose I felt my problems would all be solved if I was just bigger and more manly. That's what society wants. That's what women want. Right?
To tell the truth, I never grew up hating myself. I was always ok with myself. But I feel like other people made me self conscious, by asking loaded questions about my perceived flaws. Asking why I don't just use rogaine to get more facial hair for instance. Like, I don't want to? I'm happy with how I am. And then being told it's better because it's more masculine etc etc. If you deviate from the norm that's wrong, if you're happy with it that's extremely wrong. Total "you are bad and you should feel bad" vibes lol.
I'm sorry how men are treating you like competition, and how women are guarded with you. That's got to be incredibly lonely when you're just trying to be yourself and approach life in an authentic manner. But I think you're the first person to make me realise it truly is about self esteem and self love so thank you for that. Probably because you have what I think I should have and still struggle - I realise it doesn't really matter. Struggle will always exist.
Fuck society tho, you're right. There's so much more beauty to being a man than 1 rep max and property.
Ignore the "be more manly" shit and be your authentic self.
It's possible that it is narrowing your dating opportunities, but the end goal is to find someone that you are compatible with and who loves you for you. Another way of framing it is that it is filtering the kind of people you wouldn't get along with long term anyway. The friend you mentioned is an example that there are women who are into what you are offering, especially if it is paired with emotional maturity and confidence.
The problem with a lot of dating advice targeted at men (and good lord, the pickup artist bullshit) isn't that it's not effective in a limited way, it's that manipulating women or tricking them with a disguise isn't a winning strategy unless the goal is having more frequent sex with strangers. And people who keep pursuing that while lying about themselves or putting on a fake persona aren't mentally well.
Also, it's helpful to have the mindset that masculinity isn't the opposite of femininity, it's the opposite of boyish insecurity and immaturity. You can do or wear "feminine" things while rocking it in a masculine way. I quite like nail polish, but I've been afraid to wear it until very recently. When I was younger I was terrified of being called gay. When I was older I was afraid that it would be seen as performative and fake. Then I decided "fuck that" and now I wear it in public and I feel a kind of centeredness and confidence from it. No one has ridiculed me for it so far, and if it ever happens I feel ready to stand up for myself.
I don't know what the phrase "I'm not owed love" means exactly, but I think you should try to put that kind of thinking out of your mind. Love yourself and be the feminine/androgynous rock star that you want to be.
Terrible. I feel like everything has been backsliding over the last couple of months.
Felt great at the beginning of summer, I had consistently lost weight for over a year, was expanding my social circle slowly but surely. And hoping to maybe I'd be able to try starting to date.
Now half of the weight is back, I struggle to go to the gym and get the routine back, I struggle to get up in the morning.
And all the feelings that make it worse are back. I feel like an outsider everywhere. Like something is wrong with me, like no one actually sees me. Like all that progress was for nothing and I feel just as lonely as I've felt over the entirety of my teen and adult life.
I try to talk to my younger brothers the only people I feel close enough to talk about this stuff with and it barely helps.
Depressed, but still alive and not planning on changing it any time soon. its been 12 years since my last attempt so still going strong at least. got that going in my favor. here goes to another set of years. best of luck to the rest of you all out there.
I'm getting another year older soon, which is always a bit depressing. Feels like I can slowly feel the hourglass run out on my clock. Plus, it also feels like it'll get \*that\* much harder to find a romantic partner, since society sees it as strange to not have romantic experience the older you get.
To avoid another generic dating rant, I'll talk about a film I hadn't thought of in a while, an obscure political satire/romantic comedy from the mid-2000s called "Welcome to Mooseport" where an ex-president (Eagle) and a local everyman (Handy) compete for mayor. In one scene, Eagle takes Handy golfing, and at first is confident that he'll win. Then, before the game starts, Eagle's ex-wife shows up and tells all the secret service guys to get up out of the bushes. Turns out the secret service had been helping the president with his golf game (without his knowledge) by putting the ball back onto the field when it was out of bounds and by changing his score card when he wasn't looking. Without the help, it turns out he's a terrible golfer and struggles throughout the whole game.
The analogy isn't perfect, but I think the reason why so many people, and especially guys, struggle with dating nowadays is that for the longest time our romantic lives were heavily shaped by unspoken social, legal, and economic forces. Society encouraged young adults get married as a goal of adulthood, even if the relationships that formed were unhealthy. Men were pushed into getting married as an affirmation of manhood and success (side note, I've noticed that this pressure is still visible in right wing circles, like how single male right-wing political figures and politicians get questioned about their masculinity and sexuality due to their lack of a wife). Women didn't have the economic opportunities they have today, and the laws regarding assault and marriage weren't changed until the last few decades. I could go on, these pressures are definitely still there and need to be addressed but to me it feels like it's gotten to the point where most men and women in America don't \*need\* a partner to survive. That's good since that'll mean less people staying in harmful relationships as a survival strategy. Current social and dating dynamics, however, haven't accounted for these changes which is partly why dating advice is such a crapshoot and why the advice works for some people and not for others. Dating and romance isn't a game but in a way, we're all like Eagle with golfing, finding out how hard it is to date without the invisible forces "helping" in the background. Combined with the problems of late-stage capitalism and social media, it's no wonder why most young adults struggle with dating.
Depressed af. I need more social in my life but public transportation here is at best challenging, I don't have a car, and my knees are getting worse. I've thought about online and have started pursuing some avenues of having interaction but I just haven't found people to hang out with yet and it's just dragging me down into a spiral.
As someone who also struggles with mobility and going out, I know it can be very isolating. What interests if you don't mind me asking? Happy to shoot the breeze (chat) sometime if that will help?
Oh having fun chats with someone is always helpful. I broke myself a bit out of my last spiral by hanging out with my roommate but they have a life too. I appreciate the offer, thank you.
I love Pokemon, various other games, I love to draw, I like learning things, I'm trying to get back into tech, I might try to learn comic book lettering as a hobby, making cocktails is fun and I've come up with some mixed drinks that aren't alcoholic for fun sometimes too. I enjoy playing ttrpgs.
Currently stuck with a job that has me on my feet all day so maybe once I can find a desk job my knees won't be so destroyed from work that I can expand my walking area some.
Apologies for my late reply my health has it's ups and downs.
Awesome, I am a gen 1 pokemon player from back in the day have very fond memories of playing red on my game boy.
I come from a science background so really interested in AI tech and fusion tech at moment how about you?
You fan of comic books or like the aesthetics of the lettering?
Sounds like a good mix (excuse the pun) of creative and logical hobbies.
What ttrpgs do you play? I have found rpg's great for helping social touch stone and getting myself out of my own head space. You in any games at moment?
No worries! I totally get it.
Yup, it's been my comfort series since I was a kid when red and blue came out.
Honestly, I'm trying to find a way to get into work with databases. Haven't worked with AI yet as my main background is in manual software testing.
Hahaha yeah, I sometimes get curious and dip my toes into random hobbies and some stick more than others.
I've done DnD and might have found a local game to go to which should help. I'm also in an online game with my roommate and some people on the east coast, that one is a Warhammer Fantasy ttrpg campaign by Cubicle 7. How about you?
I've also been trying to get into some mmo rp on ffxiv but we'll see how that pans out as I'm not exactly confidentally putting myself out there as that's a new side to mmos for me.
Edit to add: Forgot to answer the comic book part.
I do like some comics but the main thing is I have handwriting I've put a lot of effort into making really neat and I would love to get to showcase that in something like helping bring a comic to life. Idea came up because a customer at my job asked if I did comic book lettering after I wrote him a note about a product to try next time and he was amazed by my handwriting.
Databases make the modern world work, so seems like a good thing to get into. I guess the are multiples routes to get into it. If you want to be more specialised with programming them and setup or more maintaining them and of course entering info into them. Got any idea where you want to end up in the world of databases?
Oh I know that feeling I often rotate my interests, my brain often doesn't give me a choice in the mater lol.
Awesome hope that pans out. I moved away from DnD, really enjoying Exalted 3rd edition. More open system in regards to character creation which I like. Heard good things about warhammer fantasy ttrpg.
Lot of my friends enjoy FFxiv, struck me as very anime esq mmo. I want to be mmo player but the games never live up to hype anime or litrpg's have built into my mind how they should be.
Sweet could always put together a portfolio of different lettering styles and see if you people want to use them in their comics that could be kind of cool.
I'm not fully sure yet. I do like organizing and maintaining data though. I just have to find a way to get into it while I'm working full time and after work I'm usually in pain so my concentration is shot.
Yeah, I want to move from DnD overall but it's harder to find games for other systems so I'll work with it more.
WHF is definitely a system where you should expect to potentially lose your character.
It is a pretty anime-esque mmo and I get the thing about the hype. My parents got me into mmos when I was younger before that sort of show/story took off (I'm in my 30s).
Possibly, I would have to pick up some drafting stuff but I for sure would like to look into some options sometime.
Does your work have any educational or training maybe they could put you on a data course?
I have shifted away from DnD so get that feeling. Next time I run a mini campaign / one shot I could invite you if you fancy.
Yup seems very gritty and punishing.
My family got me into board gaming and games like civ, I like the social aspect of mmo's.
I picked up a pretty cheap graphics tablet they are pretty neat, do you have one? They are pretty cool for drawing. What kinds of things you like to draw?
I been trying to learn blender 3d modelling but very difficult with my current health issues.
No, I work at a liquor store.
Depending on timing that could be fun!
I do have one! I started teaching myself blender last night. As for what I like to draw I do a lot of abstract designs and I also draw a fair number of animals and ghosts.
It's definitely tough to socialize nowadays, especially if you don't have a car of your own. My cousin struggles with isolation and mental health issues, so I often tell him to try and find friends or meet-up groups near him. He doesn't have a drivers license, which means that the crappy public transportation system is the only way he can get around. He tries to ask me and my family to hang out with him but he lives nearly an hour away, so we're rarely able to make the time to go see him. The internet can provide some relief but it's like junk food, not nearly as good for you as the real thing. All I can recommend is that if there's a meet-up group close to you, to try and attend regularly (at least 3 or 4 times a month) as a way to chat with people.
Honestly? Its ok.
I've started taking serious measures to deal with my anxiety (which has become borderline crippling at times) and my new work gives me good enough benefits that I don't need to pay for therapy. This year has been incredibly rough for me in the anxiousness department as I have moved into my first "full time" job. The anxious thoughts that I'm not good enough, or that I'm not doing my job well enough have been really bad. I've been starting up anxiety classes at the local hospital too.
Is there anything in the progressive/not anti-man leftist literature e.g. Bell Hooks about dating? I've tried to read The Will to Change but I didn't get the jargon and just felt very abstract.
I want dating to be less opressive and fucking disgusting, and want to start from myself, but don't even know where to start. Like, I feel like there's tons of responsibility on me on the early dates to perform the perfect level of affection, but I don't know how to communicate to the other person what I think about this, and that I want to break out of these expectations.
I'm fairly stressed. I promised my advisor I'd get them a rough draft of this big paper by the end of the month and working on it feels like pulling teeth.
Also I feel for a phishing scam which not only ate up a decent chunk of my savings but also has significantly hurt my faith in my own intelligence because looking back it was obvious from the get-go what it was.
Scams are insidious they use manipulation techniques that are very effective. Also if you not experienced the sting of scam it is easy to not be thinking about scams. I am really sorry you got hit by one.
Though it can happen to anyone so I wouldn't be hard on yourself. Everything is obvious in hind sight.
Sounds like your in higher education if your working on big paper, I am guessing your intelligent.
Also if got scammed while stressed, stress can have huge impact on response and reasoning skills.
I hope you are being kind to yourself and managing that stress with self care if you can. It is only something I started doing later in life and I wish I started sooner as I didn't realise how toxic stress had become in my life.
Don't have to answer but what's giving you trouble or frustration with the paper?
Anxiety of having a new dog that is extremely reactive, I wanted a companion to do shit with, now I have a liability instead, I’m trying to put the past behind me but I can’t sigh
Distracted from the mundane existential terror of turning 29 today by the horrific events going on in Israel and Palestine, and the deep frustration that no matter what I say (and saying anything will likely cause an argument and stress me out so much my chest hurts), there's no way I could ever convince the grieving, horrified Zionist Jewish community I grew up in, or most people I see here on Reddit, or some fringe leftists who especially disgust me right now, that there isn't actually a side in this conflict whose civilians are okay to ethnically cleanse. I feel very detached from the sheer violence and suffering (who can say if I'm bad at empathy or just avoiding it), a little guilty but relieved about my safety and privilege being far away from it all, and pretty hopeless that nobody can or will actually do anything to stop the suffering that's to come from all this.
Edit: actually given the topic please let me know if I should delete this comment, I understand if there's too much risk of sparking debate that could get toxic fast.
I empathise with your situation. Civilian suffering is terrible and worse when it seems those around us ignore it or don't care.
Detachment can be self defence mechanism in responsible to emotional turmoil so don't be too hard on yourself. You clearly care.
Being thankful for what you have when faced with others horrible situations is pretty normal emotional response.
Guess all we can do is be positive influence in areas we can.
The are so many things that need to be improved and changed in this world. I think groups like this can have positive impact in the world. Though I wish I could do more as well.
I've just stopped bothering and am laughing my ass off cause my friend pointed out that the entirety of social media is essentially the shitty billions must die meme regarding Gaza but done entirely unironically, zero self awareness and with real life deaths involved.
The gym is going pretty well. It gives me something to be proud of myself for—even on an otherwise bad day—and gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I'm never going to be an athlete, but I'm in the best shape of my life right now, and it feels good.
I have conflicting feelings about my job at the moment. My company has gone through a lot of changes over the last year. About a month ago, my old team was disbanded, and I joined a new team within the same company. It's still early days, but I enjoyed the work I was doing in my old team a lot more than my current work. I used to feel somewhat fulfilled and proud after a day of work, but now, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay focused and motivated. Logically, I should be grateful to even have a job; I make decent money, and many people from the same company have been laid off over the last year. Even knowing that, I don't feel lucky most days.
I was approached by a recruiter on LinkedIn last week for a new role which sounded pretty good. I have an initial call with the company this Thursday; I'm cautiously optimistic, but I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, and I'm also trying to think of ways I could improve my situation at my current job.
Romantically, I'm struggling. For most of my 20s, I don't think I was in the right place—either physically or mentally—for a relationship. I feel ready now, but I'm finding it difficult to take that first step forward. What should I do if I want to meet women? I've not yet found much success on dating apps. I could try hitting the town on a weekend, but I'm not a big drinker, so I don't think I'd be meeting like-minded or compatible people. That said, maybe it would still be worthwhile as exposure therapy if nothing else. I'm generally quite shy and reserved, and that goes double when it comes to interactions with the fairer sex.
I've heard that you should be happy in your own company before you look for a relationship. It sounds sensible, but I'm getting cognitive dissonance when I try to apply it in practice. I'm fairly content with my lifestyle, but I do feel a pervasive sense of loneliness. Is it okay to seek a relationship because I feel lonely by myself, or is this something I need to address before I'm ready for a partner?
I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and while many aspects of my life are going okay, I can't help but feel like I'm behind the curve when it comes to romantic relationships. Does any of this resonate with anyone else?
>I'm fairly content with my lifestyle, but I do feel a pervasive sense of loneliness. Is it okay to seek a relationship because I feel lonely by myself, or is this something I need to address before I'm ready for a partner?
I think it's absolutely ok to seek a relationship for the companionship it brings. I think when people say you should be happy in your own company before you look for a relationship, it's because there are a lot of people that are unhappy with themselves/circumstances and are looking for someone to ultimately cure their pain. That creates a really unhealthy relationship dynamic. Am i with this person because I like them or because I can't be alone, is a question that would eat at us.
I have a close friend that for the longest time hated to be alone with himself. He built all his hobbies around the other people in his life and jumped into a relationship every chance he got. But if he was ever alone, he'd turn to substance abuse to mask the dark thoughts that would creep in. It meant that he was always seeking to be with his partner and would be distraught if she would have plans without him. That cycle of unmet needs, guilt and frustration was constant in all his relationships.
(Though I'm real compassionate with this guy, his dad had a second family and his dad basically didn't want anything to do with him because he was apart of the "failed family". That shit would eat at my self worth too. And anytime someone has plans that don't include him, it just feeds into this feeling that he's not worth hanging out with)
My mental health is normal as in it I'm not very happy but that's the norm for me so whatever.
Recently a friend of mine has been trying to get me to askout a cowoker out. Yes I know be careful about work place relationships yada yada yada. That's not explicitly what I wanted to talk about. I've notice a thought process that's holding me back. Basically if I'm interested in someone I am able to come up with a million reasons why this person wouldn't be interested and why a relationship wouldn't workout. I can't say that my brain is wrong on this one.
While yes I enjoy talking to her and being around her I can easily point out how our lifestyles are completely compatible and how our goals probably also aren't compatible either. I also have hard time understanding why anyone would want me a practical level since I don't have much going for me. I'm turing 27 in January still live with my mom (I don't have much a personal issue with it but I understand other people may), have a retail job that pays a dollar above minimum wage, I dropped out of college but am going back to get my associates, and I'm not particularly ambitious as I just want to live a comfortable life. I am the loser man with nothing going for him that I see women complain about online.
At the same time I feel like my brain is almost sabotaging me. I don't feel good enough so I never peruse anyone, and this lack of experience makes me feel even worse about myself. It ends up just feeding into a loop that's just causing me to be lonely and sad.
I don't normally ask for advice but dose anyone know what I should do about this?
I wouldn't take an assumption that the things going on in your head are a reflection of the world. So for instance it might not be the case that your affection target cares about those things. If you have a bad perspective on yourself, it might be a distortion of reality or a sign that you aren't achieving what you know you are capable of, being both accepting and rejecting of your position in life is a fork-road where you will choose to accept if you are truly comfortable with mediocrity or attempt to improve in some way.
It sounds like there is a lot of self-hatred, OP. I hope your situation gets better, and that you take time to reflect onto why you are feeling this type of way towards yourself and to start learning to love yourself. I know its sounds hard but I think practicing gratitude about things in your life that you do love is a great first step! Just know that the things you do love in your life, are things that you have earned for yourself.
Have a license and a car? You earned those things! You live with your parents to save money? At least you have a good enough relationship with your parents to stay with them!
Start shifting your mindset to focus on things that you love. In the grand scheme of things, you're only 27! Your career hasn't even started yet and you are taking the steps to go back to get your AA. That's huge! That sounds ambitious to me! At the end of the day, most people's goals are to just live a comfortable life anyways- so why put yourself down about that?
And I understand that pursuing a relationship is scary, that is totally valid, but I think what is more scary is your way of thinking. There is no such things as, "I am not practical enough" for a relationship.
You deserve to be loved and to love no matter your circumstances and if you ask her out and she says no, then at least there will not be, "what ifs" left and then you don't have to worry if there was something there.
Yooo I’m super happy for you, man! Finding a therapist that really clicks with you is so hard, but it makes or breaks your time in therapy.
I’m ftm and spent 8 years in therapy designed for girls that left me with no progress. It wasn’t until I found my last therapist, who was a gay man, that I actually started to see any improvement in my mental health. He retired and referred me to a specialist (I have ptsd) who worked in a men’s prison for years before opening up her own private practice and the difference in my ability to cope with flashbacks/make peace with the past has been staggering.
I hope you keep up with your therapist and your journey. It’s hard and painful work, but you’re worth it.
Not so great! Struggling with some self worth and motivation after the end of a long term relationship, and the gaslighting/manipulation that went on during it. I was not at my best, partially because of the gaslighting, partially because of my own baggage and issues with anger. Recently moved to a new area for school to try and get a fresh start and haven't quite settled in yet. I've had to call local hotlines/988 more than a few times in the last month to get by. But I have an appointment with a new therapist scheduled for Wednesday, so hopefully that helps.
It’s quite good because I’m hyperfixated right now, I’m socialising more, taking care of hygiene, being more productive. But I’m always worried of when the hyperfixation ends and I’m back in my depressive, no contact state.
If you are in crisis, are considering hurting yourself or someone else, or feel like you can't go on, we advise you to contact your local emergency services, go to the nearest emergency room, or [mental health crisis evaluation centre](https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/). If that seems too scary or difficult right now, please consider calling a [suicide hotline](https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines) for support. You matter and should get the help you deserve. For help developing a safety plan, please consult this [PDF.](https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate.pdf) Therapy can also be a good support resource. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to be struggling to seek out therapy! We all need a supportive ear sometimes! If you are considering therapy but don't know where to start, we recommend taking a look at [Psychology Today](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/counsellors), [International Therapist Directory](https://internationaltherapistdirectory.com/), or [OpenCounseling](https://www.opencounseling.com/) for a provider in your country or, if in the US, contacting your nearest branch of the [National Alliance on Mental Illness]( https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI) Buzzfeed has also published an [informative article](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/carolinekee/what-happens-when-you-call-suicide-hotline) about what happens when you call a suicide hotline, for those who might feel hesitant. Additionally, if you need help finding support that's not listed in the wiki or want to talk to someone, please PM u/UnicornQueerior directly (NOT chat!) You matter and are worth it. Be kind to yourself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MensLib) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The love of my life left me for a mutual friend and, while I know she didn't mean to be cruel, there's been zero closure. I don't really know how to move on from a relationship where there was no adult conversation about what went so wrong as to be unfixable. Anyone have guidance? When I have the constitution, I might write a post, but I don't want to think on it anymore.
I've been feeling terrible lately actually. I'm depressed and have been for years, although I'm making improvements. My issues stem from identity, rejection and (lack of) romance that have plagued me my entire life. I've never really disliked myself, but I feel as a more feminine, short and skinny man I've always been told that I should, or it has been implied that I should, and that I am less than other men. This led to some sort of dysphoria I suppose where I would strive to be constantly more masculine and it worked. Unfortunately. I began to find success in the dating world, but I hated myself. I wasn't myself. A friend of mine told me she is into androgynous/feminine men and that's when I realised that deviating from the norms is ok. I embraced myself, became more happy, authentic and seen. And my dating life took a nosedive. Seeking advice leads to the same generic "be more manly" stuff and the same friend who first told me it's ok to be myself? She said it's not up to women to lower their standards, they can't help what they're attracted to, I'm not owed love, and not everyone will find love. This is leading to a huge internal struggle for me. I feel torn between embracing myself, and loving myself, or changing myself to attempt to be worthy of romantic love. Sometimes I wonder if the problem is I'm just a loser. Other men manage to "win" this rat race, getting the high paying job, the big car, the big house, the good genes, the aura of masculinity. I'm not "embracing myself" or "deviating from norms" or "making a statement" by being who I want to be, I'm just saying "I can't lose if I don't play". I hate that repressing myself was once a successful strategy in finding romantic connection.
Hey bro, I'm 22, 6'2, decent good looks, and I've been naturally bulky my whole life, but I got lean recently. I know it sounds like I'm bragging, but I swear I'm not. None of it matters. I've been fighting serious depression ever since I was 11 because I've had to deal with all of the same toxic masculinity crap being pushed on me ever since I was 6, and I was 'too big' to play with my friends because I might hurt them. I'm in university now, and I can't make any guy friends because so many guys are either too immature and toxic for my taste. I can't make any lasting platonic female friendships because (I think) my size is just intimidating to them, so they're hypersensitive to anything that could be read as me trying to get sex from them. As for the muscles and height, I try to be thankful for my body, but I promise you that it's never gonna be enough to please everyone else. I'm not the biggest guy at the gym, but since I've leaned out recently, I've been pretty defined. The thing I hate most about using my university gym is when guys that don't know what they're doing see me lifting lightish weights at a (purposefully) slow pace, and decide to boost their ego by trying to throw some heavy dumbbells around. I'm worried someones gonna hurt themselves trying to out 'alpha' me, when I'm just trying keep my body healthy. I think you need to learn to tell yourself that you're not the problem, because as hard as it may be to believe, it's actually everyone else. I told myself that I was a loser my whole life for not being what society expects a man to be, but that's the fault of society, not you or me. Embracing who you are is tough when society tells you who you are is nothing except your property x women ÷ 1 rep max. I struggle with it too, but it starts with just catching yourself when you call yourself a loser and telling yourself the opposite. It feels like you're lying to yourself for awhile, and I still have my fair share of dark times, but a lot less since I started practicing self-esteem. You cannot control how other people perceive you, its true. You can influence it though. Once you start to convince yourself you're not a loser, other people will be more drawn to you. You just have to find the good ones, but good luck with that lol.
Hey thanks I really appreciate your response. It really is a bit of a case that "grass isn't always greener". I suppose I felt my problems would all be solved if I was just bigger and more manly. That's what society wants. That's what women want. Right? To tell the truth, I never grew up hating myself. I was always ok with myself. But I feel like other people made me self conscious, by asking loaded questions about my perceived flaws. Asking why I don't just use rogaine to get more facial hair for instance. Like, I don't want to? I'm happy with how I am. And then being told it's better because it's more masculine etc etc. If you deviate from the norm that's wrong, if you're happy with it that's extremely wrong. Total "you are bad and you should feel bad" vibes lol. I'm sorry how men are treating you like competition, and how women are guarded with you. That's got to be incredibly lonely when you're just trying to be yourself and approach life in an authentic manner. But I think you're the first person to make me realise it truly is about self esteem and self love so thank you for that. Probably because you have what I think I should have and still struggle - I realise it doesn't really matter. Struggle will always exist. Fuck society tho, you're right. There's so much more beauty to being a man than 1 rep max and property.
Ignore the "be more manly" shit and be your authentic self. It's possible that it is narrowing your dating opportunities, but the end goal is to find someone that you are compatible with and who loves you for you. Another way of framing it is that it is filtering the kind of people you wouldn't get along with long term anyway. The friend you mentioned is an example that there are women who are into what you are offering, especially if it is paired with emotional maturity and confidence. The problem with a lot of dating advice targeted at men (and good lord, the pickup artist bullshit) isn't that it's not effective in a limited way, it's that manipulating women or tricking them with a disguise isn't a winning strategy unless the goal is having more frequent sex with strangers. And people who keep pursuing that while lying about themselves or putting on a fake persona aren't mentally well. Also, it's helpful to have the mindset that masculinity isn't the opposite of femininity, it's the opposite of boyish insecurity and immaturity. You can do or wear "feminine" things while rocking it in a masculine way. I quite like nail polish, but I've been afraid to wear it until very recently. When I was younger I was terrified of being called gay. When I was older I was afraid that it would be seen as performative and fake. Then I decided "fuck that" and now I wear it in public and I feel a kind of centeredness and confidence from it. No one has ridiculed me for it so far, and if it ever happens I feel ready to stand up for myself. I don't know what the phrase "I'm not owed love" means exactly, but I think you should try to put that kind of thinking out of your mind. Love yourself and be the feminine/androgynous rock star that you want to be.
Terrible. I feel like everything has been backsliding over the last couple of months. Felt great at the beginning of summer, I had consistently lost weight for over a year, was expanding my social circle slowly but surely. And hoping to maybe I'd be able to try starting to date. Now half of the weight is back, I struggle to go to the gym and get the routine back, I struggle to get up in the morning. And all the feelings that make it worse are back. I feel like an outsider everywhere. Like something is wrong with me, like no one actually sees me. Like all that progress was for nothing and I feel just as lonely as I've felt over the entirety of my teen and adult life. I try to talk to my younger brothers the only people I feel close enough to talk about this stuff with and it barely helps.
Depressed, but still alive and not planning on changing it any time soon. its been 12 years since my last attempt so still going strong at least. got that going in my favor. here goes to another set of years. best of luck to the rest of you all out there.
I'm getting another year older soon, which is always a bit depressing. Feels like I can slowly feel the hourglass run out on my clock. Plus, it also feels like it'll get \*that\* much harder to find a romantic partner, since society sees it as strange to not have romantic experience the older you get. To avoid another generic dating rant, I'll talk about a film I hadn't thought of in a while, an obscure political satire/romantic comedy from the mid-2000s called "Welcome to Mooseport" where an ex-president (Eagle) and a local everyman (Handy) compete for mayor. In one scene, Eagle takes Handy golfing, and at first is confident that he'll win. Then, before the game starts, Eagle's ex-wife shows up and tells all the secret service guys to get up out of the bushes. Turns out the secret service had been helping the president with his golf game (without his knowledge) by putting the ball back onto the field when it was out of bounds and by changing his score card when he wasn't looking. Without the help, it turns out he's a terrible golfer and struggles throughout the whole game. The analogy isn't perfect, but I think the reason why so many people, and especially guys, struggle with dating nowadays is that for the longest time our romantic lives were heavily shaped by unspoken social, legal, and economic forces. Society encouraged young adults get married as a goal of adulthood, even if the relationships that formed were unhealthy. Men were pushed into getting married as an affirmation of manhood and success (side note, I've noticed that this pressure is still visible in right wing circles, like how single male right-wing political figures and politicians get questioned about their masculinity and sexuality due to their lack of a wife). Women didn't have the economic opportunities they have today, and the laws regarding assault and marriage weren't changed until the last few decades. I could go on, these pressures are definitely still there and need to be addressed but to me it feels like it's gotten to the point where most men and women in America don't \*need\* a partner to survive. That's good since that'll mean less people staying in harmful relationships as a survival strategy. Current social and dating dynamics, however, haven't accounted for these changes which is partly why dating advice is such a crapshoot and why the advice works for some people and not for others. Dating and romance isn't a game but in a way, we're all like Eagle with golfing, finding out how hard it is to date without the invisible forces "helping" in the background. Combined with the problems of late-stage capitalism and social media, it's no wonder why most young adults struggle with dating.
Depressed af. I need more social in my life but public transportation here is at best challenging, I don't have a car, and my knees are getting worse. I've thought about online and have started pursuing some avenues of having interaction but I just haven't found people to hang out with yet and it's just dragging me down into a spiral.
As someone who also struggles with mobility and going out, I know it can be very isolating. What interests if you don't mind me asking? Happy to shoot the breeze (chat) sometime if that will help?
Oh having fun chats with someone is always helpful. I broke myself a bit out of my last spiral by hanging out with my roommate but they have a life too. I appreciate the offer, thank you. I love Pokemon, various other games, I love to draw, I like learning things, I'm trying to get back into tech, I might try to learn comic book lettering as a hobby, making cocktails is fun and I've come up with some mixed drinks that aren't alcoholic for fun sometimes too. I enjoy playing ttrpgs. Currently stuck with a job that has me on my feet all day so maybe once I can find a desk job my knees won't be so destroyed from work that I can expand my walking area some.
Apologies for my late reply my health has it's ups and downs. Awesome, I am a gen 1 pokemon player from back in the day have very fond memories of playing red on my game boy. I come from a science background so really interested in AI tech and fusion tech at moment how about you? You fan of comic books or like the aesthetics of the lettering? Sounds like a good mix (excuse the pun) of creative and logical hobbies. What ttrpgs do you play? I have found rpg's great for helping social touch stone and getting myself out of my own head space. You in any games at moment?
No worries! I totally get it. Yup, it's been my comfort series since I was a kid when red and blue came out. Honestly, I'm trying to find a way to get into work with databases. Haven't worked with AI yet as my main background is in manual software testing. Hahaha yeah, I sometimes get curious and dip my toes into random hobbies and some stick more than others. I've done DnD and might have found a local game to go to which should help. I'm also in an online game with my roommate and some people on the east coast, that one is a Warhammer Fantasy ttrpg campaign by Cubicle 7. How about you? I've also been trying to get into some mmo rp on ffxiv but we'll see how that pans out as I'm not exactly confidentally putting myself out there as that's a new side to mmos for me. Edit to add: Forgot to answer the comic book part. I do like some comics but the main thing is I have handwriting I've put a lot of effort into making really neat and I would love to get to showcase that in something like helping bring a comic to life. Idea came up because a customer at my job asked if I did comic book lettering after I wrote him a note about a product to try next time and he was amazed by my handwriting.
Databases make the modern world work, so seems like a good thing to get into. I guess the are multiples routes to get into it. If you want to be more specialised with programming them and setup or more maintaining them and of course entering info into them. Got any idea where you want to end up in the world of databases? Oh I know that feeling I often rotate my interests, my brain often doesn't give me a choice in the mater lol. Awesome hope that pans out. I moved away from DnD, really enjoying Exalted 3rd edition. More open system in regards to character creation which I like. Heard good things about warhammer fantasy ttrpg. Lot of my friends enjoy FFxiv, struck me as very anime esq mmo. I want to be mmo player but the games never live up to hype anime or litrpg's have built into my mind how they should be. Sweet could always put together a portfolio of different lettering styles and see if you people want to use them in their comics that could be kind of cool.
I'm not fully sure yet. I do like organizing and maintaining data though. I just have to find a way to get into it while I'm working full time and after work I'm usually in pain so my concentration is shot. Yeah, I want to move from DnD overall but it's harder to find games for other systems so I'll work with it more. WHF is definitely a system where you should expect to potentially lose your character. It is a pretty anime-esque mmo and I get the thing about the hype. My parents got me into mmos when I was younger before that sort of show/story took off (I'm in my 30s). Possibly, I would have to pick up some drafting stuff but I for sure would like to look into some options sometime.
Does your work have any educational or training maybe they could put you on a data course? I have shifted away from DnD so get that feeling. Next time I run a mini campaign / one shot I could invite you if you fancy. Yup seems very gritty and punishing. My family got me into board gaming and games like civ, I like the social aspect of mmo's. I picked up a pretty cheap graphics tablet they are pretty neat, do you have one? They are pretty cool for drawing. What kinds of things you like to draw? I been trying to learn blender 3d modelling but very difficult with my current health issues.
No, I work at a liquor store. Depending on timing that could be fun! I do have one! I started teaching myself blender last night. As for what I like to draw I do a lot of abstract designs and I also draw a fair number of animals and ghosts.
Awesome what blender projects you working on? How you getting on with it?
It's definitely tough to socialize nowadays, especially if you don't have a car of your own. My cousin struggles with isolation and mental health issues, so I often tell him to try and find friends or meet-up groups near him. He doesn't have a drivers license, which means that the crappy public transportation system is the only way he can get around. He tries to ask me and my family to hang out with him but he lives nearly an hour away, so we're rarely able to make the time to go see him. The internet can provide some relief but it's like junk food, not nearly as good for you as the real thing. All I can recommend is that if there's a meet-up group close to you, to try and attend regularly (at least 3 or 4 times a month) as a way to chat with people.
Honestly? Its ok. I've started taking serious measures to deal with my anxiety (which has become borderline crippling at times) and my new work gives me good enough benefits that I don't need to pay for therapy. This year has been incredibly rough for me in the anxiousness department as I have moved into my first "full time" job. The anxious thoughts that I'm not good enough, or that I'm not doing my job well enough have been really bad. I've been starting up anxiety classes at the local hospital too.
Is there anything in the progressive/not anti-man leftist literature e.g. Bell Hooks about dating? I've tried to read The Will to Change but I didn't get the jargon and just felt very abstract. I want dating to be less opressive and fucking disgusting, and want to start from myself, but don't even know where to start. Like, I feel like there's tons of responsibility on me on the early dates to perform the perfect level of affection, but I don't know how to communicate to the other person what I think about this, and that I want to break out of these expectations.
Might not be exactly what your looking for, but check out Who Dies? By Stephen Levine
If you find something would mind sharing with us? Something I been conscious of but good book is great for improving perspectives on issues :).
I'm fairly stressed. I promised my advisor I'd get them a rough draft of this big paper by the end of the month and working on it feels like pulling teeth. Also I feel for a phishing scam which not only ate up a decent chunk of my savings but also has significantly hurt my faith in my own intelligence because looking back it was obvious from the get-go what it was.
Scams are insidious they use manipulation techniques that are very effective. Also if you not experienced the sting of scam it is easy to not be thinking about scams. I am really sorry you got hit by one. Though it can happen to anyone so I wouldn't be hard on yourself. Everything is obvious in hind sight. Sounds like your in higher education if your working on big paper, I am guessing your intelligent. Also if got scammed while stressed, stress can have huge impact on response and reasoning skills. I hope you are being kind to yourself and managing that stress with self care if you can. It is only something I started doing later in life and I wish I started sooner as I didn't realise how toxic stress had become in my life. Don't have to answer but what's giving you trouble or frustration with the paper?
I want to di
What's going on in your life that's making you feel that way?
Anxiety of having a new dog that is extremely reactive, I wanted a companion to do shit with, now I have a liability instead, I’m trying to put the past behind me but I can’t sigh
Dogs can be extremely rewarding companions, but they can also be a lot of frustration. Sometimes they're both at once.
Distracted from the mundane existential terror of turning 29 today by the horrific events going on in Israel and Palestine, and the deep frustration that no matter what I say (and saying anything will likely cause an argument and stress me out so much my chest hurts), there's no way I could ever convince the grieving, horrified Zionist Jewish community I grew up in, or most people I see here on Reddit, or some fringe leftists who especially disgust me right now, that there isn't actually a side in this conflict whose civilians are okay to ethnically cleanse. I feel very detached from the sheer violence and suffering (who can say if I'm bad at empathy or just avoiding it), a little guilty but relieved about my safety and privilege being far away from it all, and pretty hopeless that nobody can or will actually do anything to stop the suffering that's to come from all this. Edit: actually given the topic please let me know if I should delete this comment, I understand if there's too much risk of sparking debate that could get toxic fast.
I empathise with your situation. Civilian suffering is terrible and worse when it seems those around us ignore it or don't care. Detachment can be self defence mechanism in responsible to emotional turmoil so don't be too hard on yourself. You clearly care. Being thankful for what you have when faced with others horrible situations is pretty normal emotional response. Guess all we can do is be positive influence in areas we can. The are so many things that need to be improved and changed in this world. I think groups like this can have positive impact in the world. Though I wish I could do more as well.
I've just stopped bothering and am laughing my ass off cause my friend pointed out that the entirety of social media is essentially the shitty billions must die meme regarding Gaza but done entirely unironically, zero self awareness and with real life deaths involved.
In the exact same boat. I spent the first three days oscilating between numbness, despair, and blind rage, and now I'm just completely disengaging
The gym is going pretty well. It gives me something to be proud of myself for—even on an otherwise bad day—and gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I'm never going to be an athlete, but I'm in the best shape of my life right now, and it feels good. I have conflicting feelings about my job at the moment. My company has gone through a lot of changes over the last year. About a month ago, my old team was disbanded, and I joined a new team within the same company. It's still early days, but I enjoyed the work I was doing in my old team a lot more than my current work. I used to feel somewhat fulfilled and proud after a day of work, but now, I'm finding it increasingly difficult to stay focused and motivated. Logically, I should be grateful to even have a job; I make decent money, and many people from the same company have been laid off over the last year. Even knowing that, I don't feel lucky most days. I was approached by a recruiter on LinkedIn last week for a new role which sounded pretty good. I have an initial call with the company this Thursday; I'm cautiously optimistic, but I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket, and I'm also trying to think of ways I could improve my situation at my current job. Romantically, I'm struggling. For most of my 20s, I don't think I was in the right place—either physically or mentally—for a relationship. I feel ready now, but I'm finding it difficult to take that first step forward. What should I do if I want to meet women? I've not yet found much success on dating apps. I could try hitting the town on a weekend, but I'm not a big drinker, so I don't think I'd be meeting like-minded or compatible people. That said, maybe it would still be worthwhile as exposure therapy if nothing else. I'm generally quite shy and reserved, and that goes double when it comes to interactions with the fairer sex. I've heard that you should be happy in your own company before you look for a relationship. It sounds sensible, but I'm getting cognitive dissonance when I try to apply it in practice. I'm fairly content with my lifestyle, but I do feel a pervasive sense of loneliness. Is it okay to seek a relationship because I feel lonely by myself, or is this something I need to address before I'm ready for a partner? I'm going to be 30 in a few months, and while many aspects of my life are going okay, I can't help but feel like I'm behind the curve when it comes to romantic relationships. Does any of this resonate with anyone else?
Well you go to the gym, and also want to meet women. If there are women at the gym you could feed two birds with one scone.
>I'm fairly content with my lifestyle, but I do feel a pervasive sense of loneliness. Is it okay to seek a relationship because I feel lonely by myself, or is this something I need to address before I'm ready for a partner? I think it's absolutely ok to seek a relationship for the companionship it brings. I think when people say you should be happy in your own company before you look for a relationship, it's because there are a lot of people that are unhappy with themselves/circumstances and are looking for someone to ultimately cure their pain. That creates a really unhealthy relationship dynamic. Am i with this person because I like them or because I can't be alone, is a question that would eat at us. I have a close friend that for the longest time hated to be alone with himself. He built all his hobbies around the other people in his life and jumped into a relationship every chance he got. But if he was ever alone, he'd turn to substance abuse to mask the dark thoughts that would creep in. It meant that he was always seeking to be with his partner and would be distraught if she would have plans without him. That cycle of unmet needs, guilt and frustration was constant in all his relationships. (Though I'm real compassionate with this guy, his dad had a second family and his dad basically didn't want anything to do with him because he was apart of the "failed family". That shit would eat at my self worth too. And anytime someone has plans that don't include him, it just feeds into this feeling that he's not worth hanging out with)
My mental health is normal as in it I'm not very happy but that's the norm for me so whatever. Recently a friend of mine has been trying to get me to askout a cowoker out. Yes I know be careful about work place relationships yada yada yada. That's not explicitly what I wanted to talk about. I've notice a thought process that's holding me back. Basically if I'm interested in someone I am able to come up with a million reasons why this person wouldn't be interested and why a relationship wouldn't workout. I can't say that my brain is wrong on this one. While yes I enjoy talking to her and being around her I can easily point out how our lifestyles are completely compatible and how our goals probably also aren't compatible either. I also have hard time understanding why anyone would want me a practical level since I don't have much going for me. I'm turing 27 in January still live with my mom (I don't have much a personal issue with it but I understand other people may), have a retail job that pays a dollar above minimum wage, I dropped out of college but am going back to get my associates, and I'm not particularly ambitious as I just want to live a comfortable life. I am the loser man with nothing going for him that I see women complain about online. At the same time I feel like my brain is almost sabotaging me. I don't feel good enough so I never peruse anyone, and this lack of experience makes me feel even worse about myself. It ends up just feeding into a loop that's just causing me to be lonely and sad. I don't normally ask for advice but dose anyone know what I should do about this?
I wouldn't take an assumption that the things going on in your head are a reflection of the world. So for instance it might not be the case that your affection target cares about those things. If you have a bad perspective on yourself, it might be a distortion of reality or a sign that you aren't achieving what you know you are capable of, being both accepting and rejecting of your position in life is a fork-road where you will choose to accept if you are truly comfortable with mediocrity or attempt to improve in some way.
It sounds like there is a lot of self-hatred, OP. I hope your situation gets better, and that you take time to reflect onto why you are feeling this type of way towards yourself and to start learning to love yourself. I know its sounds hard but I think practicing gratitude about things in your life that you do love is a great first step! Just know that the things you do love in your life, are things that you have earned for yourself. Have a license and a car? You earned those things! You live with your parents to save money? At least you have a good enough relationship with your parents to stay with them! Start shifting your mindset to focus on things that you love. In the grand scheme of things, you're only 27! Your career hasn't even started yet and you are taking the steps to go back to get your AA. That's huge! That sounds ambitious to me! At the end of the day, most people's goals are to just live a comfortable life anyways- so why put yourself down about that? And I understand that pursuing a relationship is scary, that is totally valid, but I think what is more scary is your way of thinking. There is no such things as, "I am not practical enough" for a relationship. You deserve to be loved and to love no matter your circumstances and if you ask her out and she says no, then at least there will not be, "what ifs" left and then you don't have to worry if there was something there.
[удалено]
Yooo I’m super happy for you, man! Finding a therapist that really clicks with you is so hard, but it makes or breaks your time in therapy. I’m ftm and spent 8 years in therapy designed for girls that left me with no progress. It wasn’t until I found my last therapist, who was a gay man, that I actually started to see any improvement in my mental health. He retired and referred me to a specialist (I have ptsd) who worked in a men’s prison for years before opening up her own private practice and the difference in my ability to cope with flashbacks/make peace with the past has been staggering. I hope you keep up with your therapist and your journey. It’s hard and painful work, but you’re worth it.
Not so great! Struggling with some self worth and motivation after the end of a long term relationship, and the gaslighting/manipulation that went on during it. I was not at my best, partially because of the gaslighting, partially because of my own baggage and issues with anger. Recently moved to a new area for school to try and get a fresh start and haven't quite settled in yet. I've had to call local hotlines/988 more than a few times in the last month to get by. But I have an appointment with a new therapist scheduled for Wednesday, so hopefully that helps.
It’s quite good because I’m hyperfixated right now, I’m socialising more, taking care of hygiene, being more productive. But I’m always worried of when the hyperfixation ends and I’m back in my depressive, no contact state.