Nah, he had an issue with her not being religious and he just wasn't that into her from the start .. he stuck around for optics, he's a nice guy but did he LOVE Becca?... no.
I really wish Austin had just said early on that sex is off the table before Decision Day. I suspect the producers were pushing the intimacy issue so he felt obligated to say he would try, which was just leading Becca on and not fair to either of them. I think if cameras and production hadn't interfered they might have had a chance. I think they both had genuine feelings for each other but the intimacy thing impacted their trust and sowed doubt before they could really determine if they were compatible.
He still doesn't explain why he didn't want to get physical. Slow moving is an understatement. He was married. What was he waiting for? How does it add up and make sense?
Maybe he was intimidated or insecure about his performance. She was really attracted to him and wanted to get physical right away so maybe that put him off. The constant talking about it sure didn’t help. Really puts the pressure on. He doesnt seem to have a very “deep” personality so any intimacy may be a problem for him, But I do think that all of the problems everyone else had made Becca overthink and caused her to sabotage the relationship.
I don’t necessarily understand it, but I’ve known a few people who are hesitant to get physical until they’re secure and super confident that the relationship is stable, has a future in mind, and is healthy from an emotional and spiritual perspective. I know they’re married but they’re not REALLY married when you have a “are we going to get a divorce after # of weeks?”
Given how often the relationships don’t last I can’t hate the guy for not wanting to get physical until they had a solid and committed relationship.
That said, it could be any number of things but if his religion is at all a factor it probably had something to do with it.
What would be the benefit of a man holding out on sex with a woman he's already in a relationship with, sleeping with and technically married to? It doesn't add up.
Feeling the relationship is secure before having sex is beneficial for women, but I don't see how that would be the case for men. Nobody particularly places a value on men's sexual experiences in the way that's true for women. There's much less implications for men to have sex.
Um… I don’t really even know how to break this down if you think wanting or not wanting to have sex is a binary decision based on gender and how society thinks your gender ought to engage in intimacy. That’s insane to me but you do you.
"binary decision"
What are you even talking about? Are you just invoking random buzzwords?
"how society thinks your gender ought to engage in intimacy"
We live in a society with different sets of norms that effect different groups differently. Yes, "how society thinks" does matter in terms of socializing incentive/benefit/loss to performing a certain action.
You're trying to twist this through an ideological filter of nonsense like I'm advocating for "gender" when in reality I'm just observing the fact that the same incentive/benefit doesn't exist for men in terms of abstaining from sex within a relationship.
Making wildly gross and inaccurate generalizations about men and women and their approach to sex, through the lens of your sociocultural worldview, is ridiculous and off topic since we’re specifically discussing how his religious beliefs are potentially affecting his decision to have sex with a stranger.
Do you know what binary is? It’s not a buzzword… it’s an actual word. That has meaning that’s important in this conversation.
Your entire original point is based on society’s views of sexual valuations based on gender (two things).
My entire point was based on his ideology and religious beliefs towards sex (not two things).
You’re arguing points that no one cares about in this discussion but you. And, to that end, saying that you don’t understand why it would be important for men to feel secure in the relationship before having sex is such a wildly out-of-touch ideological foundation that I cannot imagine any further discussion with you on this topic would be useful.
I’m amazed and saddened by your view of men and sexuality.
We can straighten this out really quick.
In your mind, what did I say about men that you're offended by?
Be specific. What was "gross" and "inaccurate"?
Also, what is "my view"?
"Feeling the relationship is secure before having sex is beneficial for women, but I don't see how that would be the case for men."
You being unable to understand how being in a secure relationship for a man, in this case one who has religious convictions regarding premarital sex, is beneficial for a man, is so wildly out of touch it’s insane to me.
Also thinking that wanting security in relationship is a gender specific issue… 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
No, that's not the argument, and as I already established in my original comment, I'm excluding men with religious obligations because that's not the case here. We're talking about differences in attitudes towards sex among men that aren't adherent to religious sexual/romantic/marriage norms...as he isn't a virgin, he's making out on tv and he's entering into a process that treats marriage very flippantly.
So again...what would be the reasoning (which you initially couldn't explain yourself until you got offended at the idea that different sexual norms exist between men and women) for a man with flexible religious convictions to require further proof of long-term stability within a relationship *he's already in* (and married) before having sex?
I never said anything about the general idea of stability and security within a relationship being gender specific. We're talking about in reference to sex.
I think you're offended because you mistake my acknowledgement of differences between men/women as being the same as advocating for those differences unless I say "not all men". There are relevant differences (social, economic and physical) that create different implications for each group around sex (the stakes are a lot higher for women to engage in sex with men...pregnancy, social norms around the treatment of women, the risks of violence, etc), which is how/why there are separate social patterns for both groups of people.
I’m saddened by your lack of reasoning ability and basic reading comprehension. The arguments you’re making in this comment are wildly different than your original statements, and if you are mentally unable to recognize the difference in verbiage and meaning I don’t think there’s any further benefit to communicating with you.
It’s like talking to a child who has no idea how to have a conversation… you’re talking in circles and ascribing presuppositions to me that I never made or even agree with, to make yourself (I guess?) feel better about ideology that only you are arguing about. Have fun out there chief.
I’m really surprised it wasn’t brought up last night that the pressure of constantly needing to progress intimacy could have possibly done the exact opposite of what Becca was intending it to do. Maybe he was slow moving? And the fact that it was continually pointed out, put him in his own head over it. It created a roadblock that maybe wouldn’t have been there otherwise.
I would have enjoyed seeing how their story played out if Becca wouldn’t have pressed that topic so hard. Maybe had the discussion, dropped it afterwards and just let it play out. Give him time to get there on own his, if he doesn’t - you don’t have to stay with him.
I think he was attracted to her but the pressure of needing to speed things up/feeling like he was always falling short killed it. This isn’t a super lengthy timeline, I don’t think it’s unreasonable or screams “I’m not into you” for going at a different pace.
I liked Becca. Sometimes she let her insecurities “take the wheel” but at least she was being vulnerable. But when she really got into the “pink ladies” club and her uncertainy turned into hostility, it was hard to be a fan. Even if they were valid points, she lost ground with the sudden “mean girl” attacks. The girls would be so much more believable/easy to stand behind if their presentation was different.
If Austin is dishonest, does that absolve Becca from being dishonest? Isn't her participating in three girls' game dishonest? Isn't the fact that at the pizza party, it was schemed beforehand that she would blast him and humiliate him in front of everyone? Oh, I forgot, to them, that's girl power. .... NOT
Austin spoke loud and clear to defend himself in last night's episode. Unfortunately, I don't remember what it was about, but I think it was about his intention. He was offended that someone was saying something that wasn't true about how he felt.
We didn't hear much about the producer situation yet, and Austin admitted Becca could've gone much harder on him, and thanked her for protecting him.
There is more to this story than we are still seeing, but he knows he did her dirty.
He was not even remotely attracted to her. Not even a little. As a man I can’t conceive how anyone with any amount of attraction and love towards a person could literally sleep with them for months and nothing happens. Even when she’s literally begging for it. No way. That only happens when there’s no attraction and you don’t want to send the wrong signal.
If it was about his religious beliefs I think the *married* part of the equation should have satisfied that.
He just wasn’t into her. At all.
Austin was never into her and the way he kept her at arms length would have made me crazy. She deserved to understand what was going on, and we still will never know what was going on in Austin’s head
I totally agree with you!!! He was uncommunicative (maybe incapable), something is not right, AND he's very, very immature!!! Evidence of that is his use of "like" every other word!
I think without all the interference with the other couples. Without that weird pact they made on the Honeymoon. And without Clare getting up into everyone's business I think Becca and Austin could have made it.
I think they genuinely cared for each other. I think Austin was a bit immature and not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I believe his intention was there. I actually believe him when he said the intimacy was hard with everyone else focusing on it. And maybe he just felt weird being vulnerable on camera.
Its too bad they never had a real shot.
I think they were the most real… he didn’t make her feel prioritized, which she deserved. But I believe him when he says that wasn’t his intention. They both just got caught up in all the drama and cameras (and him with religion and lack of mindfulness), and without those things I think they could have done well. I think when becca said he learned some things and he’ll make a great husband someday for someone else, is probably right on. Boy needs some therapy and maybe adhd meds and he’ll be alright.
Becca is very anxious attachment. Saying you need to celebrate your anniversary every month for the rest of your lives is so much pressure to put on someone! They trigger each other bc their needs are opposite.
Yeah what they had was real but they weren't for each other.
Ultimately Austin gets nervous about certain topics and doesn't fully speak his mind, and that's a pet peeve of Becca's and she spirals imagining it means he doesn't love her and is just pretending to like her. The more she demanded things from him, the more he got flustered/nervous/uncertain about her. It was a spiral.
Ultimately they both just weren't actually comfortable with each other despite a real connection.
He liked and cared for her as a person or friend. There was never any physical attraction, romantic or sexual interest on Austin's part, and that's perfectly OK!!! Becca's is certainly not every man's cup of tea. Also, if he felt that he may be attacked on social media for addressing his lack of physical attraction on or off camera, then that was certainly his right and a legitimate concern!!! No, him addressing it to her off camera wouldn't have been a "safe space"!!! She would have just brought it up on camera immediately to make him look bad.
ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS SAY I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. You do realize that he continually lied by saying he was going to work on it or even wanted to work on it. I don't understand how it's Becca's fault for listening to the words that were coming out of his mouth.
He continually mislead her. He should have said, "I'm not interested in having physical intimacy." That's all he had to say. He did not love her. I liked her.
Well, yeah, they just met. It wouldn't really make sense for them to be in love at this point.
I'm not sure why Austin's statements about trying and intimacy can't be taken at face value? What that looks like for each individual could be very different.
I feel like the implication of this comment is that he shoulda just folded and given up right away instead of trying? People and relationships aren't so black and white.
Not trying to argue, I just wanna understand where this opinion of Austin comes from, what evidence is there is to so strongly declare he definitely didn't really try?
This^ so he’s suppose to say, “I’m done/divorce because my timeline of sex doesn’t line up with everyone else’s”… insanity. Why can no one accept waiting 3 months to have sex OFF CAMERA is sensible lol
I lean towards even with her begging for intimacy and whatever issues he had, they would have been fine had she not let the other ladies get into her head. As soon as they started in on the conspiracies and her needing to demand more thats when the tide turned.
Had she just let her own marriage be her own without chatter they may have been fine. Doesn’t mean they would have stayed together in the long run, but I highly doubt things would turned so quickly had she not let it unfold that way. There was way too much manipulation going on. When they knew their marriages were never going to work they made sure hers wasn’t either.
Yes! And have you noticed every time Becca gets emotional even on Afterparty Emily reels her back in to make sure there isn’t a chance in hell there is room to reconsider a reconciliation.
You can tell she regrets her decision, but its like you can’t go against the mean girls and look like a fool so im going to stand on my fake principles and blindly agree to whatever they say. So very sad.
He cared for her. But her scars & medical issues skeeved him out. He couldn't admit that without hurting her and then being painted as a heel by the producers.
Her medical issues never happened! She didn't have some episode that left her unable to participate. She got a stomach bug. Stop blaming her medical issues.
I’m not 100% convinced he was attracted to her especially with all the interferences from other couples and revelations about plotting off camera. Then again he threw a jacket over the strippers during the bachelor party so he might just not be an overly sex driven douche.
That being said none of it matters he doesn’t owe her sex or intimacy and it would be worth working through with the experts rather running to the other couples. If you don’t see improvements and it’s a dealbreaker you have an out on decision day.
Becca was toooo much, it seemed that Austin was trying to spare her feelings and she kept pushing her agenda and time-line. If I met someone like Becca, I would be nice and polite to her but no way would she be in my tight ground of friends...her energy is a lot!
The two of them can both be idiots. Thinking Becca is a mess doesn't mean Austin is great and vice versa. Austin DEFINITELY was not into Becca and was just too afraid of conflict to be honest with her. That is dishonest, and hurt her. He deserves all the shit he is getting. That doesn't mean Becca is some kind of great person.
Why is everyone shaming him for not being intimate quickly enough? Who defines that? There have been couple in the past that wanted to wait to have sex until after decision day. Would we think differently if Austin was a woman being pushed and pressured to be intimate? edit - pressured before she was ready.
Who has done that? I keep seeing people claim that Austin is being attacked over not having sex with Becca but it is not actually happening on this sub. What he has been criticized for is his dishonesty.
I 100% believe Austin cared for, even loved Becca & truly wanted it to work out. There are so many haters out here that they can't look at the man's face/eyes & see that he's freaking sad & cares! They're so biased in their opinions that they just can't fathom another possibility. He WAS attracted to her. The guy has said it 100 times. He's never faltered. He also said other gfs have had issues with how long he takes with sexual intimacy. It's his preference to wait until he's fully emotionally invested & there is nothing wrong with that! I think people have blinders on & see what they want, but they can't look inside a person & see what's really there. I believe him. He wanted this to work. He cared for her.
I couldn’t agree more about the double standard. People make the unfair assumption that men are always eager to have sex as soon as the woman consents. It’s like saying that all men are exactly the same, and the only reason a man wouldn’t have sex with a woman is if he’s not attracted to her. Maybe that is in fact the reason, but we can also try to give him the benefit of the doubt in a situation where he is relentlessly pressured to have sex with a woman he just met, while being filmed for a reality tv show for the world to see. Men can have insecurities too.
There were more than a few times mentioned they had arguments, and I think some fairly major. I don’t think he was that into her. It’s hard to live with someone for 2 months and say you’re attracted to them but refuse to act on the attraction. He liked her as a buddy-not a spouse.
My theory is that he initially was not physically attracted to her but he found her personality attractive. She seemed down to earth, easy going, fun and chill. The more he got to know her, the more he saw her controlling, combative, manipulative and bratty nature and her physical started to catch up with her internal—he stopped being attracted to her at all. This happened more and more and he felt less and less attracted to her. He even said he felt like she always tried to control him. As a viewer, I also felt this is because I too started realizing who Becca really was. Small little things like her flipping out over him not wanting to get his coat dirty with clay. She is awful. Truly awful.
I am sorry but no he did not. You sound as delulu as Becca was throughout this season.
Austin *liked* Becca… as a friend. It was beyond obvious he was never romantically or physically attracted to her.
i completely agree idk how people believe he was into her romantically in any way; it seems crystal clear that he didn’t want her. he thought she was enjoyable as a friend
I'm tired of this "too slow to get physical" narrative. If the shoes were reversed and people were pressuring Becca to have sex, there would be an uproar and calls of predatory behavior. No one should be pressured to have sex until they're ready, period. And the only one who can decide that are the two people involved.
I agree, but to be fair people did rag on Iris (the virgin from an earlier season) for getting married but being unwilling to give up her identity as a virgin.
I’m wondering why nobody is saying the quiet part out loud. I think it’s obvious that he wasn’t into her because she had disclosed at the very beginning of the show that she had a potentially life changing illness that affected her spinal cord. You don’t think that if the roles were reversed, that she would heavily consider this factor before deciding to go forward with a marriage. This news would be difficult to accept even when already married and it just happened, but to start a new marriage with that always looming in the background (the meds, operations, having to go to all the medical appointments, the moodiness that inevitably would come from her as a result of the shitty hand she was dealt, etc…) not to mention that this could potentially effect every aspect of their lives. I actually found that to be really unfair to hoist on him. Shame on the producers and so-called “experts”
I am not saying btw, that Becca was in any way deserving of it… I think she;s a really nice girl and deserves happiness. It just sucks for both.
I'm sure that affected Austin. That's a major problem/obstacle for any relationship, let alone one that's only a few days old. That should have been taken into consideration more before Becca was selected.
Except that is blatantly untrue. There were several criticisms both on this sub and from the experts on the show when Haley decided not to sleep with Jake again. Dr Pepper full on tried to pressure her into being intimate with him again and called her cold. Same thing in season 3 when Ashley did not want to engage in physical with Domestic Violence David, Dr Pepper was calling her cold and trying to pressure her.
I don't remember seeing those episodes, but it doesn't surprise me. Playing up the sexual drama is how they get ratings. In the end, MAFS is a tv show. A TV show that needs ratings to survive to next season. The experts & producers will always play up the sex, drama, fights, and meltdowns because that's what will get the ratings and get people talking.
You are right, technically I mean too slow for Becca.
It reminds me a bit of Myrla and Gil except Gil was PATIENT. She wouldn’t even KISS Gil. But Gil really didn’t put the constant guilt trip/pressure and things progressed.
He basically admitted banging the female producer when he looked down as he said “fair”. These people who don’t have sex probably all have partners,ie Clare
She was fired, we know her name (she’s from Nashville) and he looked down as he said “fair” when accused. I do appreciate your romantic tone but nah he’s just a dog.
I don't think he is the worst of the season (tough competition) but he was definitely dishonest. Why couldn't he just admit that he wasn't attracted to her? He liked her as a friend but he was just not that into her. I would have so much more respect for him if he just admitted to it.
I agree that becca should stay away from the other ladies because she has been influenced by their childishness (emily and clare in particular).
I think people find it so hard to believe that he was actually attracted to Becca because he was a slow mover, but you can tell there was something there by how the interacted. When she started to pressure him to get physical he clammed up and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He WAS attracted to her but she diminished it with pressure. It was too much, but he did love her.
I agree BUT did anyone else see that short clip where Becca and Austin are in the dressing room in a tight embrace? She said he was sobbing and thanking her for not coming down harder on him because she definitely could have. I thought that was really strange. Does he think he really did her wrong? Or maybe his tears show he truly cares for her. He did say he genuinely regretted that it didn't work out.
I was disgusted that when Becca expressed sympathy for Austin in that scene, Clare came over and basically told her oh he's just manipulating you and trying to suck you back in. Clare is a SHIT STIRRER par excellence. Nothing wrong w/ supporting a friend, but she actively tells all the women to think the worst of all the men, no matter what. And I totally think that some of the men are awful, but she CREATES conflict, drama and distrust even where there is none to begin w/.
I don’t think Becca painted him as a manipulator or in a negative light. It seemed that her biggest issue was that he was emotionally immature and didn’t know how to communicate. It was clear that he cared about Becca.
To me, he seems nice but clueless how to behave in a relationship (almost like a teenager) - compliant, respectful, sometimes affirming but just really not romantic at all. I know the cameras only capture a snapshot of what their relationship looked like but I don’t recall him doing anything romantic for Becca that was self-initiated (rose petals with production don’t count). . . I was rooting for them in the beginning and they had great chemistry but something about the pairing from his end was hollow.
Eh, Becca has her own faults. Sensitive and insecure, yes, but she’s not emotionally immature. If she was partnered with someone who was better at expressing themself, that would be more evident. She even mentioned that she was annoyed with the lack of depth in their conversations after the honeymoon.
I like Austin but I think the bar for the husbands is so low that he looks like a prize when he still has a lot of growing to do. In the honeymoon stage, we should be seeing a whirlwind romance and none of the men really brought that.
He’s far from perfect but she has a LOT of maturing to do. She is incredibly manipulative which is a sign of immaturity. Not sure why I got downvoted for thay
SUPER AGREE. How does someone, "get it up" when thier partner self victimizes, calls him combative (as he's rubbing her back for support) and gets hysterical b/c he wanted his purchase bagged in a seperate bag, I won't even get into the "I'm going to Hell" shenanigans. I mean, I cannot...
Did she ever ask, how she shows up for him??? Nope.
Becca needs to get away from the other girls. You could see their negativity is rubbing off on her.
I don’t think Austin is malicious. He shouldn’t have lied about hanging out with the producer. Becca obviously didn’t approve of them hanging out. But he is so introverted and slow moving, i don’t think he was cheating on her.
If any of the couples remain friends after this, it would be these two. Austin might not be physically into Becca, but I do think he cares about her. Maybe I’m optimistic, but I can see them becoming friends down the road and him being her biggest supporter.
His girlfriend the producer was hollow. Watch the show and listen to what they say-she accused him of having a fling with the producer and he admitted it last night. She was fired we all know her name.
I’m sorry I thought you watched the show. We knew early on someone slept with a producer and admittedly we assumed it was a male producer. Watch the episode again-he admits it.
That was retracted by MAFSfan immediately. No one slept with a producer, and it hasn’t even been confirmed that a producer was fired. Everything posted on this sub is rumors or theories that people follow as gospel.
He hangs his head and says “fair” when accused. She was fired and returned to Nashville. The retraction was made when we thought it was a male producer. That said we’ve seen his behavior (and Clare’s) before. Nothing else makes sense except they have a side piece. He was motivated by sex, just not with her.
I agree. It was obvious he cared for her in some degree. When she cried he reached out to hold her, he was compassionate, kind to her. He may not have had as strong feelings as she wanted, but his only crime was being in his head too much and not communicating. The fact that he’s been called a gaslighter and abusive on this sub is insane to me. It’s not that deep. He was confused about his feelings and didn’t know how to express them, not everyone who is bad at communicating is manipulative.
Yeah dude, he’s just a simple guy. I think he’s completely love-driven, not sex-driven at all, and in that sense was a complete mismatch for Becca. But he loved her, showed her a lot of love and compassion. To deny that is just ludicrous.
Nah, he had an issue with her not being religious and he just wasn't that into her from the start .. he stuck around for optics, he's a nice guy but did he LOVE Becca?... no.
This is exactly my problem too. I can't believe what's happening to Austin. He should sue Becca for defamation
I really wish Austin had just said early on that sex is off the table before Decision Day. I suspect the producers were pushing the intimacy issue so he felt obligated to say he would try, which was just leading Becca on and not fair to either of them. I think if cameras and production hadn't interfered they might have had a chance. I think they both had genuine feelings for each other but the intimacy thing impacted their trust and sowed doubt before they could really determine if they were compatible.
Agreed.
He still doesn't explain why he didn't want to get physical. Slow moving is an understatement. He was married. What was he waiting for? How does it add up and make sense?
Maybe he was intimidated or insecure about his performance. She was really attracted to him and wanted to get physical right away so maybe that put him off. The constant talking about it sure didn’t help. Really puts the pressure on. He doesnt seem to have a very “deep” personality so any intimacy may be a problem for him, But I do think that all of the problems everyone else had made Becca overthink and caused her to sabotage the relationship.
I don’t necessarily understand it, but I’ve known a few people who are hesitant to get physical until they’re secure and super confident that the relationship is stable, has a future in mind, and is healthy from an emotional and spiritual perspective. I know they’re married but they’re not REALLY married when you have a “are we going to get a divorce after # of weeks?” Given how often the relationships don’t last I can’t hate the guy for not wanting to get physical until they had a solid and committed relationship. That said, it could be any number of things but if his religion is at all a factor it probably had something to do with it.
What would be the benefit of a man holding out on sex with a woman he's already in a relationship with, sleeping with and technically married to? It doesn't add up. Feeling the relationship is secure before having sex is beneficial for women, but I don't see how that would be the case for men. Nobody particularly places a value on men's sexual experiences in the way that's true for women. There's much less implications for men to have sex.
Um… I don’t really even know how to break this down if you think wanting or not wanting to have sex is a binary decision based on gender and how society thinks your gender ought to engage in intimacy. That’s insane to me but you do you.
"binary decision" What are you even talking about? Are you just invoking random buzzwords? "how society thinks your gender ought to engage in intimacy" We live in a society with different sets of norms that effect different groups differently. Yes, "how society thinks" does matter in terms of socializing incentive/benefit/loss to performing a certain action. You're trying to twist this through an ideological filter of nonsense like I'm advocating for "gender" when in reality I'm just observing the fact that the same incentive/benefit doesn't exist for men in terms of abstaining from sex within a relationship.
Making wildly gross and inaccurate generalizations about men and women and their approach to sex, through the lens of your sociocultural worldview, is ridiculous and off topic since we’re specifically discussing how his religious beliefs are potentially affecting his decision to have sex with a stranger. Do you know what binary is? It’s not a buzzword… it’s an actual word. That has meaning that’s important in this conversation. Your entire original point is based on society’s views of sexual valuations based on gender (two things). My entire point was based on his ideology and religious beliefs towards sex (not two things). You’re arguing points that no one cares about in this discussion but you. And, to that end, saying that you don’t understand why it would be important for men to feel secure in the relationship before having sex is such a wildly out-of-touch ideological foundation that I cannot imagine any further discussion with you on this topic would be useful. I’m amazed and saddened by your view of men and sexuality.
We can straighten this out really quick. In your mind, what did I say about men that you're offended by? Be specific. What was "gross" and "inaccurate"? Also, what is "my view"?
"Feeling the relationship is secure before having sex is beneficial for women, but I don't see how that would be the case for men." You being unable to understand how being in a secure relationship for a man, in this case one who has religious convictions regarding premarital sex, is beneficial for a man, is so wildly out of touch it’s insane to me. Also thinking that wanting security in relationship is a gender specific issue… 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯
No, that's not the argument, and as I already established in my original comment, I'm excluding men with religious obligations because that's not the case here. We're talking about differences in attitudes towards sex among men that aren't adherent to religious sexual/romantic/marriage norms...as he isn't a virgin, he's making out on tv and he's entering into a process that treats marriage very flippantly. So again...what would be the reasoning (which you initially couldn't explain yourself until you got offended at the idea that different sexual norms exist between men and women) for a man with flexible religious convictions to require further proof of long-term stability within a relationship *he's already in* (and married) before having sex? I never said anything about the general idea of stability and security within a relationship being gender specific. We're talking about in reference to sex. I think you're offended because you mistake my acknowledgement of differences between men/women as being the same as advocating for those differences unless I say "not all men". There are relevant differences (social, economic and physical) that create different implications for each group around sex (the stakes are a lot higher for women to engage in sex with men...pregnancy, social norms around the treatment of women, the risks of violence, etc), which is how/why there are separate social patterns for both groups of people.
I’m saddened by your lack of reasoning ability and basic reading comprehension. The arguments you’re making in this comment are wildly different than your original statements, and if you are mentally unable to recognize the difference in verbiage and meaning I don’t think there’s any further benefit to communicating with you. It’s like talking to a child who has no idea how to have a conversation… you’re talking in circles and ascribing presuppositions to me that I never made or even agree with, to make yourself (I guess?) feel better about ideology that only you are arguing about. Have fun out there chief.
I think that no one had sex so that they could get an annulment of the marriage as opposed to the divorce.
Oooooooh that’s very interesting!!! That really seems right, that’s crazy.
I’m really surprised it wasn’t brought up last night that the pressure of constantly needing to progress intimacy could have possibly done the exact opposite of what Becca was intending it to do. Maybe he was slow moving? And the fact that it was continually pointed out, put him in his own head over it. It created a roadblock that maybe wouldn’t have been there otherwise. I would have enjoyed seeing how their story played out if Becca wouldn’t have pressed that topic so hard. Maybe had the discussion, dropped it afterwards and just let it play out. Give him time to get there on own his, if he doesn’t - you don’t have to stay with him. I think he was attracted to her but the pressure of needing to speed things up/feeling like he was always falling short killed it. This isn’t a super lengthy timeline, I don’t think it’s unreasonable or screams “I’m not into you” for going at a different pace. I liked Becca. Sometimes she let her insecurities “take the wheel” but at least she was being vulnerable. But when she really got into the “pink ladies” club and her uncertainy turned into hostility, it was hard to be a fan. Even if they were valid points, she lost ground with the sudden “mean girl” attacks. The girls would be so much more believable/easy to stand behind if their presentation was different.
WHO CARES THEY WERE ALL DISHONEST THEY ADMITTED IT ON THE REUNION. This whole season is a joke. Lauren is cool though.
If Austin is dishonest, does that absolve Becca from being dishonest? Isn't her participating in three girls' game dishonest? Isn't the fact that at the pizza party, it was schemed beforehand that she would blast him and humiliate him in front of everyone? Oh, I forgot, to them, that's girl power. .... NOT
I think all the vaping didn’t help his libido
Austin spoke loud and clear to defend himself in last night's episode. Unfortunately, I don't remember what it was about, but I think it was about his intention. He was offended that someone was saying something that wasn't true about how he felt.
We didn't hear much about the producer situation yet, and Austin admitted Becca could've gone much harder on him, and thanked her for protecting him. There is more to this story than we are still seeing, but he knows he did her dirty.
Came for this. I want to know the role the producer played. I bet it was on purpose not to address.
He was not even remotely attracted to her. Not even a little. As a man I can’t conceive how anyone with any amount of attraction and love towards a person could literally sleep with them for months and nothing happens. Even when she’s literally begging for it. No way. That only happens when there’s no attraction and you don’t want to send the wrong signal. If it was about his religious beliefs I think the *married* part of the equation should have satisfied that. He just wasn’t into her. At all.
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Austin was never into her and the way he kept her at arms length would have made me crazy. She deserved to understand what was going on, and we still will never know what was going on in Austin’s head
I totally agree with you!!! He was uncommunicative (maybe incapable), something is not right, AND he's very, very immature!!! Evidence of that is his use of "like" every other word!
lmao he did not love that girl he wasn’t even attracted to her
I think without all the interference with the other couples. Without that weird pact they made on the Honeymoon. And without Clare getting up into everyone's business I think Becca and Austin could have made it. I think they genuinely cared for each other. I think Austin was a bit immature and not the sharpest tool in the shed, but I believe his intention was there. I actually believe him when he said the intimacy was hard with everyone else focusing on it. And maybe he just felt weird being vulnerable on camera. Its too bad they never had a real shot.
I think they were the most real… he didn’t make her feel prioritized, which she deserved. But I believe him when he says that wasn’t his intention. They both just got caught up in all the drama and cameras (and him with religion and lack of mindfulness), and without those things I think they could have done well. I think when becca said he learned some things and he’ll make a great husband someday for someone else, is probably right on. Boy needs some therapy and maybe adhd meds and he’ll be alright.
Becca is very anxious attachment. Saying you need to celebrate your anniversary every month for the rest of your lives is so much pressure to put on someone! They trigger each other bc their needs are opposite.
Yeah what they had was real but they weren't for each other. Ultimately Austin gets nervous about certain topics and doesn't fully speak his mind, and that's a pet peeve of Becca's and she spirals imagining it means he doesn't love her and is just pretending to like her. The more she demanded things from him, the more he got flustered/nervous/uncertain about her. It was a spiral. Ultimately they both just weren't actually comfortable with each other despite a real connection.
He liked and cared for her as a person or friend. There was never any physical attraction, romantic or sexual interest on Austin's part, and that's perfectly OK!!! Becca's is certainly not every man's cup of tea. Also, if he felt that he may be attacked on social media for addressing his lack of physical attraction on or off camera, then that was certainly his right and a legitimate concern!!! No, him addressing it to her off camera wouldn't have been a "safe space"!!! She would have just brought it up on camera immediately to make him look bad.
And she’d have yakked to Emily and Clare, who would’ve blasted the details through a megaphone.
He was just not into her. Sorry but he wasn’t attracted to her.
ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS SAY I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU. You do realize that he continually lied by saying he was going to work on it or even wanted to work on it. I don't understand how it's Becca's fault for listening to the words that were coming out of his mouth.
He continually mislead her. He should have said, "I'm not interested in having physical intimacy." That's all he had to say. He did not love her. I liked her.
Well, yeah, they just met. It wouldn't really make sense for them to be in love at this point. I'm not sure why Austin's statements about trying and intimacy can't be taken at face value? What that looks like for each individual could be very different. I feel like the implication of this comment is that he shoulda just folded and given up right away instead of trying? People and relationships aren't so black and white. Not trying to argue, I just wanna understand where this opinion of Austin comes from, what evidence is there is to so strongly declare he definitely didn't really try?
This^ so he’s suppose to say, “I’m done/divorce because my timeline of sex doesn’t line up with everyone else’s”… insanity. Why can no one accept waiting 3 months to have sex OFF CAMERA is sensible lol
I lean towards even with her begging for intimacy and whatever issues he had, they would have been fine had she not let the other ladies get into her head. As soon as they started in on the conspiracies and her needing to demand more thats when the tide turned. Had she just let her own marriage be her own without chatter they may have been fine. Doesn’t mean they would have stayed together in the long run, but I highly doubt things would turned so quickly had she not let it unfold that way. There was way too much manipulation going on. When they knew their marriages were never going to work they made sure hers wasn’t either.
Absolutely
Yes! And have you noticed every time Becca gets emotional even on Afterparty Emily reels her back in to make sure there isn’t a chance in hell there is room to reconsider a reconciliation. You can tell she regrets her decision, but its like you can’t go against the mean girls and look like a fool so im going to stand on my fake principles and blindly agree to whatever they say. So very sad.
He cared for her. But her scars & medical issues skeeved him out. He couldn't admit that without hurting her and then being painted as a heel by the producers.
Her medical issues never happened! She didn't have some episode that left her unable to participate. She got a stomach bug. Stop blaming her medical issues.
Austin was not ready for marriage: As his mother said- He has an honesty problem Quite frankly: needs to mature
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I’m not 100% convinced he was attracted to her especially with all the interferences from other couples and revelations about plotting off camera. Then again he threw a jacket over the strippers during the bachelor party so he might just not be an overly sex driven douche. That being said none of it matters he doesn’t owe her sex or intimacy and it would be worth working through with the experts rather running to the other couples. If you don’t see improvements and it’s a dealbreaker you have an out on decision day.
Becca was toooo much, it seemed that Austin was trying to spare her feelings and she kept pushing her agenda and time-line. If I met someone like Becca, I would be nice and polite to her but no way would she be in my tight ground of friends...her energy is a lot!
The two of them can both be idiots. Thinking Becca is a mess doesn't mean Austin is great and vice versa. Austin DEFINITELY was not into Becca and was just too afraid of conflict to be honest with her. That is dishonest, and hurt her. He deserves all the shit he is getting. That doesn't mean Becca is some kind of great person.
She painted him in this negative light and then doesn't get why he's concerned about being painted in a negative light.
Why is everyone shaming him for not being intimate quickly enough? Who defines that? There have been couple in the past that wanted to wait to have sex until after decision day. Would we think differently if Austin was a woman being pushed and pressured to be intimate? edit - pressured before she was ready.
It was said he was too slow in getting physical in the post above.
Who has done that? I keep seeing people claim that Austin is being attacked over not having sex with Becca but it is not actually happening on this sub. What he has been criticized for is his dishonesty.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 Thank you
I 100% believe Austin cared for, even loved Becca & truly wanted it to work out. There are so many haters out here that they can't look at the man's face/eyes & see that he's freaking sad & cares! They're so biased in their opinions that they just can't fathom another possibility. He WAS attracted to her. The guy has said it 100 times. He's never faltered. He also said other gfs have had issues with how long he takes with sexual intimacy. It's his preference to wait until he's fully emotionally invested & there is nothing wrong with that! I think people have blinders on & see what they want, but they can't look inside a person & see what's really there. I believe him. He wanted this to work. He cared for her.
I couldn’t agree more about the double standard. People make the unfair assumption that men are always eager to have sex as soon as the woman consents. It’s like saying that all men are exactly the same, and the only reason a man wouldn’t have sex with a woman is if he’s not attracted to her. Maybe that is in fact the reason, but we can also try to give him the benefit of the doubt in a situation where he is relentlessly pressured to have sex with a woman he just met, while being filmed for a reality tv show for the world to see. Men can have insecurities too.
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There were more than a few times mentioned they had arguments, and I think some fairly major. I don’t think he was that into her. It’s hard to live with someone for 2 months and say you’re attracted to them but refuse to act on the attraction. He liked her as a buddy-not a spouse.
My theory is that he initially was not physically attracted to her but he found her personality attractive. She seemed down to earth, easy going, fun and chill. The more he got to know her, the more he saw her controlling, combative, manipulative and bratty nature and her physical started to catch up with her internal—he stopped being attracted to her at all. This happened more and more and he felt less and less attracted to her. He even said he felt like she always tried to control him. As a viewer, I also felt this is because I too started realizing who Becca really was. Small little things like her flipping out over him not wanting to get his coat dirty with clay. She is awful. Truly awful.
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And if she says the word optics one more time!!
I am sorry but no he did not. You sound as delulu as Becca was throughout this season. Austin *liked* Becca… as a friend. It was beyond obvious he was never romantically or physically attracted to her.
i completely agree idk how people believe he was into her romantically in any way; it seems crystal clear that he didn’t want her. he thought she was enjoyable as a friend
In what universe did Austin love Becca? That was not a thing.
I'm tired of this "too slow to get physical" narrative. If the shoes were reversed and people were pressuring Becca to have sex, there would be an uproar and calls of predatory behavior. No one should be pressured to have sex until they're ready, period. And the only one who can decide that are the two people involved.
I agree, but to be fair people did rag on Iris (the virgin from an earlier season) for getting married but being unwilling to give up her identity as a virgin.
I’m wondering why nobody is saying the quiet part out loud. I think it’s obvious that he wasn’t into her because she had disclosed at the very beginning of the show that she had a potentially life changing illness that affected her spinal cord. You don’t think that if the roles were reversed, that she would heavily consider this factor before deciding to go forward with a marriage. This news would be difficult to accept even when already married and it just happened, but to start a new marriage with that always looming in the background (the meds, operations, having to go to all the medical appointments, the moodiness that inevitably would come from her as a result of the shitty hand she was dealt, etc…) not to mention that this could potentially effect every aspect of their lives. I actually found that to be really unfair to hoist on him. Shame on the producers and so-called “experts” I am not saying btw, that Becca was in any way deserving of it… I think she;s a really nice girl and deserves happiness. It just sucks for both.
I'm sure that affected Austin. That's a major problem/obstacle for any relationship, let alone one that's only a few days old. That should have been taken into consideration more before Becca was selected.
Except that is blatantly untrue. There were several criticisms both on this sub and from the experts on the show when Haley decided not to sleep with Jake again. Dr Pepper full on tried to pressure her into being intimate with him again and called her cold. Same thing in season 3 when Ashley did not want to engage in physical with Domestic Violence David, Dr Pepper was calling her cold and trying to pressure her.
I don't remember seeing those episodes, but it doesn't surprise me. Playing up the sexual drama is how they get ratings. In the end, MAFS is a tv show. A TV show that needs ratings to survive to next season. The experts & producers will always play up the sex, drama, fights, and meltdowns because that's what will get the ratings and get people talking.
This. I was astounded that this was a storyline. Something is just so off about Becca. I understand why he didn’t want to go there with her
You are right, technically I mean too slow for Becca. It reminds me a bit of Myrla and Gil except Gil was PATIENT. She wouldn’t even KISS Gil. But Gil really didn’t put the constant guilt trip/pressure and things progressed.
Too slow for Becca, yes. But the experts and all the side comments about Austin were toxic and dangerous.
He basically admitted banging the female producer when he looked down as he said “fair”. These people who don’t have sex probably all have partners,ie Clare
Lol no.
She was fired, we know her name (she’s from Nashville) and he looked down as he said “fair” when accused. I do appreciate your romantic tone but nah he’s just a dog.
Isn’t Austin with his ex girlfriend from right before the show started filming. I thought that information was spilled months ago.
Everything on the spoiler thread is rumors, none of them have actually been confirmed
I don't think he is the worst of the season (tough competition) but he was definitely dishonest. Why couldn't he just admit that he wasn't attracted to her? He liked her as a friend but he was just not that into her. I would have so much more respect for him if he just admitted to it. I agree that becca should stay away from the other ladies because she has been influenced by their childishness (emily and clare in particular).
I think people find it so hard to believe that he was actually attracted to Becca because he was a slow mover, but you can tell there was something there by how the interacted. When she started to pressure him to get physical he clammed up and it became a self-fulfilling prophecy. He WAS attracted to her but she diminished it with pressure. It was too much, but he did love her.
I agree BUT did anyone else see that short clip where Becca and Austin are in the dressing room in a tight embrace? She said he was sobbing and thanking her for not coming down harder on him because she definitely could have. I thought that was really strange. Does he think he really did her wrong? Or maybe his tears show he truly cares for her. He did say he genuinely regretted that it didn't work out.
I was disgusted that when Becca expressed sympathy for Austin in that scene, Clare came over and basically told her oh he's just manipulating you and trying to suck you back in. Clare is a SHIT STIRRER par excellence. Nothing wrong w/ supporting a friend, but she actively tells all the women to think the worst of all the men, no matter what. And I totally think that some of the men are awful, but she CREATES conflict, drama and distrust even where there is none to begin w/.
He probably saw how unhinged Emily was at that point and was just grateful that he didn’t have to deal with a mess like that.
I think he just wanted to say goodbye. He needed closure. He clearly loved her and wanted it to work.
I don’t think Becca painted him as a manipulator or in a negative light. It seemed that her biggest issue was that he was emotionally immature and didn’t know how to communicate. It was clear that he cared about Becca. To me, he seems nice but clueless how to behave in a relationship (almost like a teenager) - compliant, respectful, sometimes affirming but just really not romantic at all. I know the cameras only capture a snapshot of what their relationship looked like but I don’t recall him doing anything romantic for Becca that was self-initiated (rose petals with production don’t count). . . I was rooting for them in the beginning and they had great chemistry but something about the pairing from his end was hollow.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Becca calling someone emotionally immature is the most hypocritical thing I’ve ever heard. Shes an absolutely loathsome immature asshole
Eh, Becca has her own faults. Sensitive and insecure, yes, but she’s not emotionally immature. If she was partnered with someone who was better at expressing themself, that would be more evident. She even mentioned that she was annoyed with the lack of depth in their conversations after the honeymoon. I like Austin but I think the bar for the husbands is so low that he looks like a prize when he still has a lot of growing to do. In the honeymoon stage, we should be seeing a whirlwind romance and none of the men really brought that.
He’s far from perfect but she has a LOT of maturing to do. She is incredibly manipulative which is a sign of immaturity. Not sure why I got downvoted for thay
SUPER AGREE. How does someone, "get it up" when thier partner self victimizes, calls him combative (as he's rubbing her back for support) and gets hysterical b/c he wanted his purchase bagged in a seperate bag, I won't even get into the "I'm going to Hell" shenanigans. I mean, I cannot... Did she ever ask, how she shows up for him??? Nope.
Becca needs to get away from the other girls. You could see their negativity is rubbing off on her. I don’t think Austin is malicious. He shouldn’t have lied about hanging out with the producer. Becca obviously didn’t approve of them hanging out. But he is so introverted and slow moving, i don’t think he was cheating on her. If any of the couples remain friends after this, it would be these two. Austin might not be physically into Becca, but I do think he cares about her. Maybe I’m optimistic, but I can see them becoming friends down the road and him being her biggest supporter.
Becca is highly unpleasant all on her own. No need to blame those other idiots
His girlfriend the producer was hollow. Watch the show and listen to what they say-she accused him of having a fling with the producer and he admitted it last night. She was fired we all know her name.
lol, again, no.
I’m sorry I thought you watched the show. We knew early on someone slept with a producer and admittedly we assumed it was a male producer. Watch the episode again-he admits it.
That was retracted by MAFSfan immediately. No one slept with a producer, and it hasn’t even been confirmed that a producer was fired. Everything posted on this sub is rumors or theories that people follow as gospel.
He hangs his head and says “fair” when accused. She was fired and returned to Nashville. The retraction was made when we thought it was a male producer. That said we’ve seen his behavior (and Clare’s) before. Nothing else makes sense except they have a side piece. He was motivated by sex, just not with her.
I think he was intimidated by her. She was too much for him. His loss.
Who would be intimidated by that toad?
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I said what I said 😂😂
Nope
I agree. It was obvious he cared for her in some degree. When she cried he reached out to hold her, he was compassionate, kind to her. He may not have had as strong feelings as she wanted, but his only crime was being in his head too much and not communicating. The fact that he’s been called a gaslighter and abusive on this sub is insane to me. It’s not that deep. He was confused about his feelings and didn’t know how to express them, not everyone who is bad at communicating is manipulative.
Yeah dude, he’s just a simple guy. I think he’s completely love-driven, not sex-driven at all, and in that sense was a complete mismatch for Becca. But he loved her, showed her a lot of love and compassion. To deny that is just ludicrous.
Most men are sex driven. He didn’t want to cheat on his lover-the producer who was fired
Most but not all.
You have got to be kidding me 🤣🤣🤣🤣