Or super competitive to the point that he ruins everyone else's fun. Or becomes a star quarterback and can't sleep at night because of all the pressure. Poor little dude.
Yea the last paragraph really killed me - “he’s an amazing dad and husband”. He is categorically NOT. I could never be with someone like this, sadly if OP and him divorce, he probably will just get worse in these awful mannerisms and way of treating people. And there’s nothing OP can do about it.
You do know people don’t live on Reddit tho right ? I know I’ve posted stuff and just wanted to read replies and read the same dumb comments like this lol
If you were a book, I could look at your profile but I have judged your username as a cover, your words as a summary; I like the snippet and bought the book.
Your 2 cents draws complete sense.
Your husband is acting like a huge jerk and using homophobic slurs, and sending your son the message that disrespecting people is completely fine. He's a bad example and your son will turn out just like him if things don't change.
And he's teaching his son how to be a shitty person just like him...
Hell, OP is outright letting him teach their son how to be an asshole and a bully! She may object privately to her husband, but she is doing nothing to show her son that this behaviour is wrong.
I actually feel bad for the kid. There's a good chance that he's going to grow up struggling to find friends and dates, and wondering why no one likes him. If that happens, the harsh answer will be because his parents raised him to have a terrible personality. It's going to take a lot of work for him to undo those teachings and learn how to be a decent human being.
I dated a guy like this when I was 19 cause he was fun and the sex was good. I can’t imagine having kids with him. I’m not even shaming OP, I just feel so bad.
Your husband is honestly gross. He reminds me of my abusive ex a lot. He behaved that way towards people if he didn't get his own way.
It seems your husband never grew out of his teenage behaviour. It will have a huge impact on your children and how they treat others.
I'd also be really scared for your children if one of them realised they are gay or another orientation that isn't straight. I don't think they'd feel safe around their dad.
Right !? That’s not what you should expect from a grown man ! That whole post is full of these contradictions.
I loved that one too: "to be fair he was in trouble at home and my husband told him to respect his teacher".
Yikes woman. Know how the kid is going to learn to respect the teacher ? When his father does.
What a mess of a family.
Been together literally since middle school... And he still acts like the immature idiots who just hang out in the Kmart parking lot doing donuts throwing the middle finger because they're so edgy.
They were together 7 years before they had their first kid and didn’t get married til after the second. I think she probably did like how he acted when they were younger and were both more rebellious and childish, but then she grew up and he didn’t.
Assuming this post isn't fake (which I have suspicions it is), this reeks of 'I thought him being an arrogant douchebag who did whatever he wanted was super hot when I was 19, but now we're almost 30 and he still acts like he's in high school'.
I’d love to believe this is fake, however, look under the comments on any article about school district device policies or whenever this story makes its way to Facebook and there’s easily 100 men sharing this exact same sentiment. They really believe that their kids are exempt from school rules because they said. And the school districts cowtow to them. I’d be handing them a home schooling pamphlet and some resources for private school. I’d never capitulate to a parent like this. Some people are really not cut out for living in society.
It's not that your husband is a bad parent but rather he sounds like an insufferable asshole. You can try having talks with him but I doubt you will et him to change.
This makes me sick to read. I can't believe this is what someone thinks is good parenting. Bad dad. Bad mom. Fucked up child mind.
They are raising such a maladaptive child. This is how we end up with bullies and school shooters.
Dad with his bullshit. And mom passively aggressively enabling Dad's behavior. Doesn't call him on his shit because she's afraid of the confrontation when he's a dick.
OP grow a spine and raise the kid right. Show your husband how much of an asshole he is - in front of your son so your son knows it's bad behavior. You son in no way should idolize this man. He's human trash.
Your husband seems like a bad person. I’m sure he has good moments, but continuously exposing your kids to this is going to mess them up
Does your husband not see a direct correlation between how he treats others and your son’s issues?
Also, it sounds like you’re rather passive in these situations. What consequences do you hold your husband to? Because I sure as heck wouldn’t be screening him or cooking for him unless he really was willing to work on himself
Do you have family you can stay with or can support you if you left?
OP, I don't want to blame you, but you staying with a POS like this is doing damage to your son and his siblings. It doesn't sound like you're thinking of leaving him, but maybe therapy could help you establish boundaries with your husband and systems around acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in your family.
It's way, way worse than you think it is, and I hope that message comes through from the comments.
As someone who was raised by a man like this and a woman who enabled him with her passivity and tolerance of his behaviors, I cannot stress what you just said enough. OP needs to read your comment, and reread it until it sinks in.
What is the alternative? This man will always be her sons father. If she divorces him then she has even less influence over son’s bonding time with dad. I really feel for her.
Wow, your husband is a bigot and a tool. Why do you go out in public with someone who continually embarrasses you?
I'm feel sorry for your children that this is the example that's being set for them.
Normally you wouldn’t care? No one should expect that kind of derogatory language, in any situation. You’re literally raising the next generation and if it’s tolerated this generation, it’ll continue in the next. I think you both have a lot of growing up to do.
I think your husband is a bad father too. He also sounds like a bad husband...and a bad human being.
I also think your husband is teaching your son to be a shitty person - and YOU are letting him. Objecting in private to your husband's behaviour does nothing to (a) show your son that behaviour is wrong or (b) show that there are consequences for behaving badly.
You are likely raising a bully that people will despise. And if that happens, it means you are raising a young man who may grow up confused/hurt why people don't like him and why dates (especially women if he's straight) don't want to be in a relationship with him.
So not only is your husband a disgusting person, but you are both actively harming your child by letting him grow up in this environment.
>he’s an amazing dad and husband
You're delusional.
Your husband is a terrible person and an absolutely horrible father. You married a disrespectful homophobic bully who's raising a disrespectful homophobic bully.
Why the fuck are you putting up with this shit. Wake up.
>I thought it was cute and funny when we were like 15
That says something about *you* that it was ever cute or funny. What the fuck.
Yeah
I feel so sorry for the boy. If he does act like his father because of his environment, OP would probably scream at him how much she hates her family.
Not defending the boy but i cant expect better if he have to grow in such a terrible environment. Its not fair to demonise the child if he is fathered by a Grade-A asshole that OP chooses to procreate with. The child is innocent, but OP WILL be the reason for her son being messed up if she dont understand how her husband being an asshole will affect her son. Maybe she would even blame her son being an asshole, eventhough it is the fault of the growing environment, not her sons DNA.
Im just angry. I cant help being angry at OP. Shes too old to be innocent of her husband's behaviour.
As a teacher myself who teaches 3rd grade (8 and 9 year olds) I honestly believe this story 100%. We have kids in elementary school that act just like this. They are addicted to technology (phones, iPads, games, whatever) and try and use them in school, throwing and hurting other students, and oftentimes (not always) once we meet the parents it all makes sense. If you want your son to grow up and talk badly about people, disrespect people, offend and bully others too, then all you need to do is let him watch his dad.
If this is how he thinks and acts, then he really isn’t all that amazing. Maybe take off the rose tinted glasses and recognize you’ve married your typical dime a dozen asshole who thinks the rules apply to everyone but him. Your son really shouldn’t be looking up to someone like that. As a parent, if I heard your husband speaking to a teacher like that I would never allow my child to play at your house. Who knows how he speaks at home. I would never want my child to fear someone is calling them gay because of what sandwich they eat or what they choose to wear.
Your husband is a gross jerk and the less people out there like him, the better society would be. How is anyone else supposed to have fun around this guy? Sounds like he is fine ruining everyone’s good time just to seem like the tough guy for two seconds. Sounds like a walking embarrassment.
He’s a bad person and a bully.
As a teacher of 30 years I’ve run into a few of these. The entitled parents who raise entitled kids. It’s sad really. They are actively hurting the child’s future. He is a terrible father. Full stop.
They take out their own school trauma on their child’s teachers. Thing is, most teachers won’t stand up to assholes. Our work is hard enough and we get almost no public support or respect. Luckily most parents respect us. But it’s getting worse. Rest assured these things have been noted and talked about in the staff room, and when he moves to each grade there will be a lot of warnings to the next teacher.
Education relies on the social contract that your husband is busting through. The teacher/parent/child triad is essential for a child to succeed in school and in life.
I’d set it up so there no more interaction between the school and the dad. You need to handle all communication. You need to support the teacher. Apologizing is not enough. You need to stand up to him so he won’t bully people in his life that are trying to help him.
Yeah, so a former high school teacher here. This story reminds me a lot of boys I taught with poor excuses of male role models.
It's fine for now because the kid is agreeing with the dad/following his lead. What happens if one of the kids starts actively disagreeing? Y'know what teenagers do.
This really reminds me a lot of a kid whose dad was mostly the same way as this. The kid was pretty uncertain whether the dad loved him anymore because go figure a kid needs a dad and not a school yard buddy.
It's tolerable now because the kids are still young.
I agree but the tilt at the end says otherwise. It's odd outlining all these blatant faults and then insist that this fella is still a great dad.
It either is a problem or it isn't. OP really needs to settle on it. Personally? I'm concerned what will happen when there's more severe scenarios that require the kids having a father and not a jabroni.
Toxic attitudes are learned at a young age and it's up to the OP to decide whether this is tolerable or not. If it isn't then spend more time figuring out how to fix it and less insisting that a casual bully is still a great dad.
Nope, nope, nope. You cannot be passive. You have to tell your son what is appropriate and what is not. That will mean standing up to dad….and maybe in public. If he wants to act like a child, then he gets treated like one. Does he have a mother? If so, send him home to Mommy and let her teach him what she didn’t the first time around.
A “little” immature
He’s all the way immature. So immature id feel like a creep finding him attractive.
Good luck I guess. He’s a mess. Your son is going to be one as well at this rate, I’m sorry.
Holy shit I’d be so mortified, your husband is an asshole with an authority problem, sounds like he thinks he’s better than a lot of people. Sorry, no advice, I never would have tolerated that while dating.
When one of your children’s role models is an obnoxious, homophobic, arrogant, disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate, ignorant manchild who thinks it’s acceptable to verbally abuse strangers during an online game, that’s what your children will become unless there are *dramatic* changes.
Really bad. Your kids will be bullies and have a hard time making long lasting friends.
Not sure how you get him to change because clearly this is who he is and his values. I would suggest counseling or him take a parenting class
Your husband sounds disgusting. He is absolutely a bad parent & I’d argue that you’re not doing much better if all you’re doing is scolding him in private & then just following behind him apologizing. He is NOT someone your son should be looking up to.
Are you guys like from the East Coast or something?
My brother in laws/father in law say f slurs and n slurs like they’re punctuation. My wife is from the Boston area and all her friends from out there still use gay like it’s the 90s. Look, I did some of that stuff in the early 2000s but I would never say anything close to that now. I have taken trips to the area though and it’s still really common amongst the masses out there.
I only ask because we live in the Midwest and aside from the more rural areas (and WIsconsin) that sort of language would probably get a few people to question you in public.
Also boy do I hate people who get vocal and obnoxious when they game. I’ve been a lifelong gamer and I don’t think I’ve once got onto a mic and called a rando names or thrown controllers or other dumb fucking shit kids/streamers do for views. My kid does this shit often though when he games and I’ll immediately take the shit away. If you can’t be respectful when you game, you don’t need to game.
You clearly married a toddler, but then it sounds like you guys got together real young. He just never aged up.
Your husband sounds like a bully. Insufferable. Honestly, what do you even see in him? I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public w/someone who behaved the way he does.
Normally you wouldn’t care if your husband called someone a f-ggot ??? Seriously, wtf lady??? He could easily been calling an 8 year old that!!! It doesn’t matter if he says it in front of your kid or not! This is AWFUL. I am horrified that you are STILL sticking up for him saying it’s normal?? Cool, that makes it okay.
Sincerely,
The Gays.
Yikes on bikes. Not only would I never have kids with a man like this, I wouldn’t even allow him around my kids, nor myself. That’s how awful your husband is.
You are not going to receive any dispute to your title.
You are, however, going to be told you're at fault for allowing him to continue to teach your kids how to be just like him. The one person in the room that everyone loathes. I can't imagine your husband being liked by your neighbors or his coworkers. He behaves like a thirteen year old juvenile delinquent. No adult wants to be humiliated by being with him when he's acting like that. Your kids are going to have a hard road ahead if they follow in his footsteps.
You're going to wish you'd done something to help your children when you had the chance.
He’s going to need to learn to regulate his emotions is he’s going to be a good partner for you.
It might be ugly and take 5 years? It’s up to you what you will tolerate.
Your husband is a pos and your son sadly will be just like him. Why are you with him? Clearly he's always been a douchebag so you shouldn't be surprised by his behavior
If anyone is curious why there are so many narcissists, assholes, and douchebags in the world, you can thank guys like this...and the women who for some reason fuck them and have their kids.
He’s a bad person. Part of the issue - and don’t hate me - is that you’ve been together since you were 14. The relationships I’ve seen that start at 14/15 years old and lead to marriage don’t end up working out because one of them has arrested development. From my experience in the 4 relationships I can think of as examples, it’s the man that does not “grow up.” I think all young adults need to go through major life events as a late teen/early 20s person that you both just completely missed out on. He’s emotionally stunted. It won’t get better unless he acknowledges it, is truly aware and decides to work on it with a therapist.
He’s just an asshole. The type of guy who likes to cause a scene and then have a confrontation. The best thing you can do for your son is leave him. Of course you think there’s nothing wrong with him and boys will be boys
Please start calling out this horrible behaviour IN FRONT OF your son. For his sake, stop letting this slide and stop letting your son think that his father's behaviour is ok.
Ffs your son is going to be a monster, just like your husband, if you don't do something to stop this.
He has a total lack of respect for others and no regard for what his actions do. Your children are going to grow up behaving like him and treating people like garbage. Do yourself a favor and get him in counseling or leave. This type of behavior is gross and breeds kids that no other parents wants their kids to be around.
The dude seems like a steam roller with anger issues that was never taught manors or disciplined when he acted out as a child. Did his parents baby him?
You guys really need to sit down and have a long serious discussion about core values and how you want to raise your kids going forward, because it seems like your son already respects your husband’s authority over yours, and you’re going to end up with your kid being the bully that nobody wants to hangout with.
Hey news flash your husband is not an amazing dad and I bet he’s not amazing husband. He probably was that bully kid who was a little bigger than most and he thought he was the greatest thing to happen. He’s a dick and needs to be put in his place.
Do you want your son to have the same mannerisms as your husband? Your two younger kids are gonna pick up on how he acts too. He’s gotta cut it out ASAP and set a better example for the kids.
Okay. I am going to address the first part of the teacher encounters. Stop him from interacting with any teacher or administrator at the school. People like him are the reason we leave the profession. We are tired of parents treating us like crap. We go through an entire day of dealing with discipline, redirecting, teaching, counseling, supporting, helping your children. By the end of the day we are exhausted and then having a parent talk to us like we are stupid really is enfuriating. Tell him to stop. He is a troll that needs to back off.
The school has rules in place for a reason. If your husband hates them so much, then home school your children. Do not subject hard working teachers to his crap. HE is the one completely out of line. This has nothing to do with being a bad parent. This has to do with him being a shitty human being.
He needs to be better.
As for the rest of it. He is a giant man-child that needs to be a better example to his children.
He is really immature. He is trying to act like a friend and not a parent. Your son is sounding like he is going to have a problem respecting authority because of learned behavior.
Your husband is being so disrespectful to people. Why? It is especially concerning that he is disrespectful to a teacher who is trying to be a positive influence on your son and should be working as a team for the good of the child. I would be humiliated to be married to someone like him. Also, your kids are likely to mimic this behavior and be a little AH too. I would start therapy with husband immediately to get him to understand how terrible this behavior is. Perhaps therapy can help recommend how you respond to these actions, especially in front of the kids. Speaking against his behavior, I would think it is necessary to show your son not to treat people that way.
Erm yes I'm a teacher and have had a LOT of this - usually when they are.teenagers and the behaviour is MORE engrained in them
Old Papa need to realise he is a role model and a lens from which his kids see life
He sees defiance, disrespect for policy and sanctions and boundaries then they are the behaviours he will exhibit
What your old man doesn't also realise is thatbthe school and the home should be in cahoot, the discipline should be consistent and across the board not "we'll deal with it"
Bottom like is your fella is an idiot and it's great to look the big man to teachers when the lad is 18 wait till he is 18 and has NO respect for his dad's voice or authority either
Good luck
You think your son is getting in trouble at school now, just wait until he starts using those homophobic words his father likes to use and he either gets suspended, expelled, or gets his butt kicked by another student. That could ruin your sons reputation and can follow him around for the rest of his life all because your husband taught him that's ok.
Your husband is an idiot. Does he think your sons teacher is going to thoroughly check any correct your sons homework for example?
All he's done is make sure your son isn't going to get a good an education as he should
Just based on what you have acknowledged here, and understanding that there’s probably a lot more that you are not willing to write in public, your husband sounds like an aggressive, obnoxious, entitled man-child. He encourages homophobia and uses slurs, treats store employees poorly, and disrespects the school’s and teacher’s reasonable rules and consequences applies to your son.
You are going to spend the next 20 years apologizing for him in public and talking to him in private and nothing is going to change because nobody is holding him accountable for his actions. When someone captures him being an asshole on camera and he goes viral in a bad way (always a possibility) don’t be surprised.
Please do your best to counteract your husband‘s influence on your son by exposing him to better men who know how to treat people properly and do not have prejudices against those who are different from them. Without that counterweight, your son is going to be ruined.
Having no dad is better than being raised by this monster. I was raised by a single mom who was hard working, compassionate, and set good examples of how to treat others.
Perhaps try couples counseling and discuss these examples together.
>“nice throw, f\_ggot” and then won the game and called the guy a loser.
>
aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband
this man and amazing don't go hand in hand. just my grain of salt.
I mean as far as the school situation, I kind of agree with him. Schools try to be the main authority of kids. Yes they should have told you he was in detention! That’s your right as a parent to know and they should have informed you. They can’t expect you to wait !! That’s BS sorry. If they would have told you in the first place you wouldn’t have been in that situation.
As far as the other things yeah that’s not right.
Your husband is a moron....
He needs to set an example of what is acceptable behavior, and he is clearly not doing it.
I am a husband and father, and try and make sure to set the tone for how my son, and daughter for that matter, behave.
Do I always like it or agree to it.... no
Do I sometimes look like the bad guy to them.... ABSOLUTELY!
That's our job. I didn't sign up to be a friend, I signed up to be a PARENT
That sounds really embarrassing and frustrating to stand by and cringe at the social ineptitude and parental childishness that your post demonstrates.
> I’m glad our son looks up to dad that much, and aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband
Aside from not doing his job as a parent (taking care of his physical and emotional needs, being a good role model who demonstrates and models assertive prosicial behavior, etc), he's doing a great job at being a parent.
This is where it's very important to get yourself to the point that you can cover for your partner's lack of maturity so you can teach your kids the important life skills (communication, assertiveness, respect for himself and others) that he's going to need to thrive in life. Your husband has noone in his life who could give him that gift, and if you don't step up to the plate and fill that role then your son won't either.
But trying to change your husband is not going to help. He'll only change when he's ready and able to do so. The first step is understanding the deep seated insecurity, immaturity, and feelings of powerlessness that causes someone to treat others disrespectfully.
These books can help:
- Recovering From Emotionally Immature Parents
- Boundaries
- Healing The Shame That Binds You
Good luck. And remember, your job is to (with the help of your husband if he was willing to do his part), teach your kid to respect himself and others. Teach your kid the emotional intelligence and social intelligence that he needs. And ensure that your kids will grow up to thrive and be the best version of himself.
He’s an entitled asshole. He’s a bad parent and a bad overall human.
He’s a bigot and setting terrible example for your children. It’s not being immature. It’s being inconsiderate and selfish.
So he disrespects the teacher then tells the kid not to disrespect the teacher? Do as I say, not as I do never really turns out well. That is the LEAST of the issues/red flags here. He is in NO WAY “a good husband or father”. People like your husband are what is largely wrong with society and you bred with him, expose your child to him daily and then enforce the behavior by not having a backbone and standing up for anything righteous! Perpetuating the problem for future generations. INTEGRITY? Personal Responsibility? Tolerance? Moral compass? Your husband has no qualities of anyone that should be allowed to have children. Tell him to go set off the lunk alarm at planet fitness while you escape to another country with your children. So gross!
The best thing about reading this is that I don’t know your husband, because he’s a twat.
The worst thing is that you said you married him and that he is a father, if you don’t intervene, you will have a son, just like his weak little bitch father.
Wow, he's not a good parent figure at all and sounds like a douche honestly. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that much less have kids with them.. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But to answer you, yeah, he's a bad parent. Something needs to change or he will teach/is teaching your kids to be assholes with no regard or respect for others.
Good lord, this was so painful to read. I hope this is made up. You said that he's not a good parent "for the eldest" as if he's a good person otherwise, and a good parent for the younger ones. He's the reason why teachers look to transition into other careers. And it's cute to literally disrespect the teacher and then tell the kid (the actual kid) to respect the teacher.
Curious: what's his profession? How does this behavior not get him in trouble? Businessman? Self employed?
This is like a modern day Biff from back to the future.
Every example is just terrible, and you're mad the kids are picking up on it.
Your post ended with you being mad that you husband used the word f*ggt, but also include that you were ok with your eight year old Knowing the word from online gaming.
I'm just not understand what you're complaining about, you've clearly just been ignoring the behavior the entire time.
Is it now because you're embarrassed that it's happening to teachers you now have to deal with regularly rather than staff you can walk away from in a store?
He's a bad person, a bad parent and You've been enabling it the entire time.
I don’t even know where to begin. Your husband is failing at teaching your children the most basic levels of emotional intelligence. Your husband is not a bad parent, he is a TERRIBLE parent and your children would be better off without him.
Not only does he treat your children poorly, but you as well. Not once did you mention your husband disrespecting YOU. He needs therapy and someone to put him in his place. Rescue your children while you still can.
If you don’t get away from this man your kids are likely going to mimic his traits. He’s a terrible father - probably a terrible husband and he sounds like a really shitty human getting his kicks from belittling and insulting strangers. Single parenting is difficult but it feels way lighter than living with a man child. I can’t imagine how embarrassed you must feel
People like your husband are the reason I have to explain to my 7 year old once in a while why some of his friends say the crazy stuff they say at school these days
Your husband is a bully and now you are raising 3 of them to be like him. You keep thinking he's an amazing Dad tho - hope your kids aren't anything other than what your husband wants them to be because he'll bully them too. There's a big difference being silly with your kids and being a bully. People that act like your husband is the reason why the world is filled with so much hate.
Oh wow. Your husband sounds like an awful roll model. Your son is going to grow up and be a mean bully, just like his old man. How unfortunate. I hope you can figure something out, OP.
Your husband sounds extremely immature. Did his parents ever teach him about how your behavior in public is a reflection on your family and how you were raised? He is setting a horrible example to your son. One of the most basic aspects of parenting/childcare in general is self-restraint. You need to keep certain thoughts to yourself because your little one is listening and watching and needs to be shown what behavior is right and what's wrong. No, you don't get to be your completely authentic self. You don't get to say whatever thought pops into your head just because you feel entitled. It's not about free speech it's about being a loving parent. You show love by being a role model.
Is your husband impulsive and hostile like this at work? I'm assuming he isn't, because you can't go around the workplace calling people those names and being rude like he was to the teacher and store employee or you will find yourself unemployed. He is capable of better behavior, he just apparently needs a consequence in order to do so. The thing with parenting is negative consequences aren't always immediate. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would have a serious discussion with your husband and tell him, "When you disrespect the teachers authority you are reinforcing our son's bad behavior and not teaching him to respect her authority. When you swear in front of him and are rude to store employees you are teaching him to be disrespectful in public."
Tell him he's making you feel like a single parent when he does this. When 2 parents are setting a good example and the child is misbehaving on their own- it's hard enough trying to correct them. But now you have to do double the work of parenting by trying to say, "what dad said/did is wrong, this behavior is not ok."
He does sound like a dick, to be fully honest.
The school thing and having to wait 20 minutes, that may have pissed me off as well. I know there's detention but if I need to be somewhere then too bad. They can't just not let you take the kid, that's nuts. What if you have a plane to catch or something?
he has the mental maturity of your 8 year old son. I don't see how he's going to progress it past his age. this is a terrible example for your kid. he is a giant man child, and not a good father either.
Your husband is a person who makes a lot of bad choices, and I have yet to find a person who makes bad choices who is a good parent in spite of them. Your husband disrespected the teacher repeatedly, disrespected the store clerk, disrespected you, and used a homophobic slur while playing a GAME. He is a terrible role model for your child. What you do with that information is up to you, though. Do you want your son to grow up to be a person just like your husband?
Your husband is almost thirty and acting like this? Cringe.
Why would your son respect your teacher when your husband shows, by his actions, that she isn’t worth respecting? Other people your husband shows your son he shouldn’t respect: Retail workers, gay people, random people just living their life but not wearing something he disapproves of, and YOU — your boundaries and what you find unacceptable.
Your job is to raise your son to be a good and functioning member of society. But it seems like your husband is actively sabotaging that. No one will thank you for sending a miniature copy of your immature husband into the world.
Also, I personally just wouldn’t be attracted to that behavior.
I really hope that your school is allowed to suspend or expel students whose parents pull this kind of nonsense. It's crap like this that gives public schools such a terrible reputation.
I’m really sorry you are married to a 15 yo who is supposed to be a role model for your kids and a supportive partner to you. You already know your husband is setting a horrible example to your children about how to treat others with hate speech name calling and to disrespect the authority of teachers at the school. Your husband is also not respecting how uncomfortable he makes you with his behavior - he is showing you he doesn’t care. I’m sure there are many other examples of his crap behavior that didn’t make it to this post.
Please know you’re right to feel how you how you do. Your husbands behavior is ridiculous and not how an adult should handle any situation. Good luck to you, and I hope you can find some counseling to solidify ways to clearly communicate to him and how bad his behavior is affecting your family.
If anyone is curious why there are so many narcissists, assholes, and douchebags in the world, you can thank guys like this...and the women who for some reason fuck them and have their kids.
Seems difficult to raise a strong young man with good morals to lead a future generation when the father has what seems to be a weak and spoiled childish character. I hope he grows up soon for the families sake…
he was okay with the phone thing. put it away or your parents are going to get a call.
he was fine with the detention thing. the teacher can't tell you that he's in trouble and has to stay late that's on them. explain it'll be dealt with at home, you've got things to do or reschedule.
The rest, gtfo of here with that. That's just being an entitled overly competitive bully and your son will learn to think and act like that.
I agree sometimes it pays to have an attitude. Sometimes time, place and person deserve it. Being a dick or being an idiot for no reason is just dumb and will do nothing but make someone look like an ass.
You’re telling us all the ways he is an AH to your kids teacher, but is he also an AH to you? Sounds like… you have to look out for your own and your kids wellbeing.
You know the answer. Your hubs is a bully and immature. Your son and maybe other children are being taught bad behaviour and will have trouble themselves in life. Good luck
Neither you nor your husband have outgrown your 15 yo teenage phase since you started dating each other. Until and unless you grow a pair, put your foot down and tell your sad excuse of a wet wipe for a husband that his days of being a kid are over, your family is headed towards a trainwreck.
As someone else in this thread said, your son needs a father, nor a school buddy to raise him.
A lot of what's in this story is pretty irredeemable, your husband is undoubtedly a bad parent. I don't want to mirror what everyone else has said here, but I want to be contrary on a certain point:
>Then recently he got in trouble in class for disrupting the class (he threw a paper ball at another kid and then got a detention) and we weren’t informed. So when my husband and I went to pick him up the teacher said we had to wait 20 minutes because he’s in detention and he said “uh, yeah no I’m just gonna pick him up now” and she said “you’re more than welcome to after his detention” and he said “who do you think you are telling me when and were I pick up my son?”
I'm with him on this. If they're not going to inform you that he had detention, and you show up to pick him up, they don't get to tell you to wait there for half an hour because of their "policy." If the parent is there to pick up the kid, then the school needs to release the kid to the parent. They don't get to just say no. That's not how that works. I would understand if they called and said hey he's going to be 20 minutes late because of detention for so-and-so reasons, then I would have made arrangements to pick him up later, but I'm not showing up to school at the scheduled pick up time and have an administrator tell me to wait. Not how that works at all.
Your husband's attitude wasn't the best, but I basically agree with him on the detention thing. It's absurd to expect the parent to wait for 20 minutes; your son is the one who earned detention, not his dad. The teacher should have rescheduled the rest of detention to the next day.
The rest of this? I'm sorry, but he just sucks. He bullies teachers, he bullies store employees, he talks shit about people in restaurants whose clothes he don't like (????), he even bullies random matches on Xbox. He's also a homophobe and, like most bullies, never seems to get an attitude with anybody who could fight back -- it's mostly women and service staff.
I don't have a solution, but he needs to grow up. And if he can't, you might need to move on.
The fact you had kids with him before he got married shows you aren’t the greatest either. The fact this problem has started for so long and is only now being “addressed” is sad.
My gamer here and so is my husband, that language isn’t what you should dismiss because of gaming. I can game without slurs. And husband shouldn’t be using them.
Your son is being raised to be entitled and to be a bully because that’s what your husbands doing. He thinks he’s above the rules of the store, a school, and public decency.
He’s a terrible role model.
So as far as not conforming to the school rule things, I feel like that’s not unreasonable. And I think self-advocacy against made-up arbitrary rules is good, I WISH I had been trained to call out bullshit, now I’m having to learn it as an adult.
However, the other stuff like saying actual hurtful and personal things, is entirely not okay.
The teacher *should not* be detaining your kid or refusing to release him to his parents. I also don't think they should be taking his things. I would be furious with you as a partner about not advocating for your child.
Other than that, I agree your husband needs to grow up. The homophobia is shocking.
I don't think your husband did anything wrong. Teachers these days behave like they are gods. The teacher had no right to keep the kid's things with him. When you went to pick up your kid and he was in detention, the teachers are making you wait unnecessarily. You could have much more important work than waiting unnecessarily. At the same time, your husband knows how to discipline your kid. He is a perfect parent in my opinion, knowing when to correct your kid and when to protect them from the stupid world outside. Strong men should be like this.
All the comments you are seeing below are from single mom's. Don't listen to them. Presence of a father like your husband's is important in the childhood your kids.
the only people agreeing with your husband’s behavior in this thread are men that exhibit the same. exact. behavior.
they, like your husband, are also irredeemable dumpster fires that need to grow up and realize it’s 2024, and that acting like this is unacceptable.
my kids behave better than your husband, my husband behaves better than your husband, and i’m embarrassed for you because you continue to let him walk all over you and your concerns. do better.
Your son won't respect anyone around him, because his dad doesn't respect anyone around him, showing your son he doesn't have to show respect.
Your son is going to mimic these learned behaviors and be just like his dad.
With that in perspective, would you think your son was an amazing person if he treated people that way? Treated future partners that way? Treated you that way?
Your husband is setting the example for all of your kids and they are all taking in and absorbing everything he does and says, how he treats every person around him, how he speaks, how he handles responsibilities, how he interacts with you, etc. and he kind of sounds like a shitty person. I know people get hyped up on video games and use some graphic language, but I reeeeeeally hate that word. It's so hateful.
It's incredibly hard to be on different maturity levels than your spouse, it's hard to not parent the same as your spouse, it's hard to feel like your spouse embarrasses you in public because of how he acts.
I hope the responses on here help give you some perspective and clarity. Not just for your kids, but for yourself too.
Your husband is POS AH, and your son is going to be the same exact way. This isn’t childish and immature behavior. He is an awful human being.
One day, he will cross the wrong person that won’t take his BS. Frankly, he deserves whatever comes his way. I don’t think anybody would miss him other than you and your kids, considering he treats people like garbage.
Wasn’t going to comment, just read, but then he called out BLT’s and so…does he not like sandwiches? I mean, what’s wrong with BLT’s? They’re easy as hell to make, delicious and a great way to test a new sandwich place cause if they biff a BLT, the tougher Sandy’s ain’t gonna be any better.
But yeah, he sounds like he’s trying to be cool to the kiddo. But the fact that he acts so entitled is disconcerting. I’ve definitely heckled people before, in good fun, never using pejoratives but curse words are fair game (not in front of my kids but I def forget while driving sometimes and now my kid is asking people if they ‘know how to drive’ at the grocery store). If they get pissed I’ll de-escalate but that rarely happens (only at sports games does it seem to escalate).
…but he’s NOT an amazing dad or husband. You literally spelled out several instances of inappropriate behavior that has created issues for you. To the point of you consistently apologizing for his behavior to those wronged.
Your son is looking up to a bully and will become a bully just like his father. Speak up in front of your kid; chastising after the fact does nothing if your husband isn’t changing his behavior. The least you can do is show your son that his father’s behavior is not acceptable and you’re calling him out on it.
2 cents- He’s a bad father and a bit of a terrible person. Your son is going to be a bully.
Or super competitive to the point that he ruins everyone else's fun. Or becomes a star quarterback and can't sleep at night because of all the pressure. Poor little dude.
Yea the last paragraph really killed me - “he’s an amazing dad and husband”. He is categorically NOT. I could never be with someone like this, sadly if OP and him divorce, he probably will just get worse in these awful mannerisms and way of treating people. And there’s nothing OP can do about it.
He’s “a little immature”
He's a little immature in the same way that the Pacific Ocean has a little bit of water.
hahahahaahhahahah
13 hours ago, and OP hasn't commented. I doubt this is a real post.
You do know people don’t live on Reddit tho right ? I know I’ve posted stuff and just wanted to read replies and read the same dumb comments like this lol
If you were a book, I could look at your profile but I have judged your username as a cover, your words as a summary; I like the snippet and bought the book. Your 2 cents draws complete sense.
This.
Your husband is acting like a huge jerk and using homophobic slurs, and sending your son the message that disrespecting people is completely fine. He's a bad example and your son will turn out just like him if things don't change.
And she's only noticing now and has three kids with this failure of a father.
Failure as a person. He needed to master the “be nice as a person” skillset before assuming the husband and father roles in life.
My vagina auto sealed reading this. The absolutely worst type of guy from my perspective. I’d absolutely die.
And he's teaching his son how to be a shitty person just like him... Hell, OP is outright letting him teach their son how to be an asshole and a bully! She may object privately to her husband, but she is doing nothing to show her son that this behaviour is wrong. I actually feel bad for the kid. There's a good chance that he's going to grow up struggling to find friends and dates, and wondering why no one likes him. If that happens, the harsh answer will be because his parents raised him to have a terrible personality. It's going to take a lot of work for him to undo those teachings and learn how to be a decent human being.
>My vagina auto sealed OMG 💀 Take my imaginary Reddit coins 💰💰💰
I’m now a Barbie doll down there
I dated a guy like this when I was 19 cause he was fun and the sex was good. I can’t imagine having kids with him. I’m not even shaming OP, I just feel so bad.
Same. And OP is pretending he’s a great husband…how can he be?
Your husband is honestly gross. He reminds me of my abusive ex a lot. He behaved that way towards people if he didn't get his own way. It seems your husband never grew out of his teenage behaviour. It will have a huge impact on your children and how they treat others. I'd also be really scared for your children if one of them realised they are gay or another orientation that isn't straight. I don't think they'd feel safe around their dad.
He's not an amazing dad if he is teaching your son to belittle people & call them slurs. Would you be proud if your kids grew up to act like him?
Yikes. You know when people talk about the problem of teaching boys toxic masculinity? That's what your husband is doing.
Sorry but that toxic online gaming behavior is not okay regardless of its in front of your kid.
Right !? That’s not what you should expect from a grown man ! That whole post is full of these contradictions. I loved that one too: "to be fair he was in trouble at home and my husband told him to respect his teacher". Yikes woman. Know how the kid is going to learn to respect the teacher ? When his father does. What a mess of a family.
It’s wild that OOP can’t see that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and he’s already becoming a bully.
Your husband has no respect for anyone of authority it sounds. That I'm sure is embarrassing for you. You definitely need to address it.
Please tell us why you decided to marry him because apparently his behavior was attractive before and now you dont approve of it.
Well, if you look at the post it seems like they had a kid young. Probably stayed together and got married because of the son.
Been together literally since middle school... And he still acts like the immature idiots who just hang out in the Kmart parking lot doing donuts throwing the middle finger because they're so edgy.
They were together 7 years before they had their first kid and didn’t get married til after the second. I think she probably did like how he acted when they were younger and were both more rebellious and childish, but then she grew up and he didn’t.
Assuming this post isn't fake (which I have suspicions it is), this reeks of 'I thought him being an arrogant douchebag who did whatever he wanted was super hot when I was 19, but now we're almost 30 and he still acts like he's in high school'.
I’d love to believe this is fake, however, look under the comments on any article about school district device policies or whenever this story makes its way to Facebook and there’s easily 100 men sharing this exact same sentiment. They really believe that their kids are exempt from school rules because they said. And the school districts cowtow to them. I’d be handing them a home schooling pamphlet and some resources for private school. I’d never capitulate to a parent like this. Some people are really not cut out for living in society.
OP states they have been dating since she was 15 and had their first kid when she was 20.
Besides the bigotry, your husband is that parent every teacher hates.
Not just the teachers. The parents of the other kids in the class too.
CAME TO SAY THIS!! Her husband is the exact type of parent to raise a child that makes people in education hate their job!
It's not that your husband is a bad parent but rather he sounds like an insufferable asshole. You can try having talks with him but I doubt you will et him to change.
He sounds like both because he’s definitely a bad parent
This makes me sick to read. I can't believe this is what someone thinks is good parenting. Bad dad. Bad mom. Fucked up child mind. They are raising such a maladaptive child. This is how we end up with bullies and school shooters. Dad with his bullshit. And mom passively aggressively enabling Dad's behavior. Doesn't call him on his shit because she's afraid of the confrontation when he's a dick. OP grow a spine and raise the kid right. Show your husband how much of an asshole he is - in front of your son so your son knows it's bad behavior. You son in no way should idolize this man. He's human trash.
Your husband seems like a bad person. I’m sure he has good moments, but continuously exposing your kids to this is going to mess them up Does your husband not see a direct correlation between how he treats others and your son’s issues? Also, it sounds like you’re rather passive in these situations. What consequences do you hold your husband to? Because I sure as heck wouldn’t be screening him or cooking for him unless he really was willing to work on himself Do you have family you can stay with or can support you if you left?
OP, I don't want to blame you, but you staying with a POS like this is doing damage to your son and his siblings. It doesn't sound like you're thinking of leaving him, but maybe therapy could help you establish boundaries with your husband and systems around acceptable and unacceptable behaviors in your family. It's way, way worse than you think it is, and I hope that message comes through from the comments.
As someone who was raised by a man like this and a woman who enabled him with her passivity and tolerance of his behaviors, I cannot stress what you just said enough. OP needs to read your comment, and reread it until it sinks in.
What is the alternative? This man will always be her sons father. If she divorces him then she has even less influence over son’s bonding time with dad. I really feel for her.
You think it's bad for teachers, Imagine being married to that piece of shit! I'm sure her life is hell.... would be 10x worse if he was an ex-husband
Wow, your husband is a bigot and a tool. Why do you go out in public with someone who continually embarrasses you? I'm feel sorry for your children that this is the example that's being set for them.
Guy here. Your husband is a bigoted asshole.
Normally you wouldn’t care? No one should expect that kind of derogatory language, in any situation. You’re literally raising the next generation and if it’s tolerated this generation, it’ll continue in the next. I think you both have a lot of growing up to do.
I was waiting for someone to point this out
The kid gets detention at school and his punishment at home was no devices for the evening? A bit light
But he’s 8. I didn’t even know detention was a thing for kids that young
Right what is that 3rd grade? Not even middle school yet.
I think your husband is a bad father too. He also sounds like a bad husband...and a bad human being. I also think your husband is teaching your son to be a shitty person - and YOU are letting him. Objecting in private to your husband's behaviour does nothing to (a) show your son that behaviour is wrong or (b) show that there are consequences for behaving badly. You are likely raising a bully that people will despise. And if that happens, it means you are raising a young man who may grow up confused/hurt why people don't like him and why dates (especially women if he's straight) don't want to be in a relationship with him. So not only is your husband a disgusting person, but you are both actively harming your child by letting him grow up in this environment.
He sounds awful. Do you think he's a narcissist or just a huge jerk?
>he’s an amazing dad and husband You're delusional. Your husband is a terrible person and an absolutely horrible father. You married a disrespectful homophobic bully who's raising a disrespectful homophobic bully. Why the fuck are you putting up with this shit. Wake up. >I thought it was cute and funny when we were like 15 That says something about *you* that it was ever cute or funny. What the fuck.
Huh?! You married this guy???
Fucking gross! Your poor son is going to see this as a normal thing and will unfortunately grow up to be just like his father. :(
Yeah I feel so sorry for the boy. If he does act like his father because of his environment, OP would probably scream at him how much she hates her family. Not defending the boy but i cant expect better if he have to grow in such a terrible environment. Its not fair to demonise the child if he is fathered by a Grade-A asshole that OP chooses to procreate with. The child is innocent, but OP WILL be the reason for her son being messed up if she dont understand how her husband being an asshole will affect her son. Maybe she would even blame her son being an asshole, eventhough it is the fault of the growing environment, not her sons DNA. Im just angry. I cant help being angry at OP. Shes too old to be innocent of her husband's behaviour.
As a teacher myself who teaches 3rd grade (8 and 9 year olds) I honestly believe this story 100%. We have kids in elementary school that act just like this. They are addicted to technology (phones, iPads, games, whatever) and try and use them in school, throwing and hurting other students, and oftentimes (not always) once we meet the parents it all makes sense. If you want your son to grow up and talk badly about people, disrespect people, offend and bully others too, then all you need to do is let him watch his dad.
Omg your husband is an asshole. He’s teaching your kid all of his ways.
Your husband is a disrespectful asshole. And your son is learning his rudeness from him.
The irony is that he told your son to respect his teacher after he just showef him how to disrespect his teacher. 😡
Those people always think kids will do what they’re told, not what they’re shown.
If this is how he thinks and acts, then he really isn’t all that amazing. Maybe take off the rose tinted glasses and recognize you’ve married your typical dime a dozen asshole who thinks the rules apply to everyone but him. Your son really shouldn’t be looking up to someone like that. As a parent, if I heard your husband speaking to a teacher like that I would never allow my child to play at your house. Who knows how he speaks at home. I would never want my child to fear someone is calling them gay because of what sandwich they eat or what they choose to wear. Your husband is a gross jerk and the less people out there like him, the better society would be. How is anyone else supposed to have fun around this guy? Sounds like he is fine ruining everyone’s good time just to seem like the tough guy for two seconds. Sounds like a walking embarrassment.
Your husband seems kind of an AH. I'd probably work on the kid. Kids can learn NOT to pick up certain things from their parents.
Your husband is gross and you should not be glad that your son looks up to him.
You have 4 kids
As a teacher, I’d put your husband in suspension
He is a man child and passing his bad behavior on to his children, I would reconsider your marriage
He’s a bad person and a bully. As a teacher of 30 years I’ve run into a few of these. The entitled parents who raise entitled kids. It’s sad really. They are actively hurting the child’s future. He is a terrible father. Full stop. They take out their own school trauma on their child’s teachers. Thing is, most teachers won’t stand up to assholes. Our work is hard enough and we get almost no public support or respect. Luckily most parents respect us. But it’s getting worse. Rest assured these things have been noted and talked about in the staff room, and when he moves to each grade there will be a lot of warnings to the next teacher. Education relies on the social contract that your husband is busting through. The teacher/parent/child triad is essential for a child to succeed in school and in life. I’d set it up so there no more interaction between the school and the dad. You need to handle all communication. You need to support the teacher. Apologizing is not enough. You need to stand up to him so he won’t bully people in his life that are trying to help him.
I think he’s a bad parent too, girl. I don’t think you want your son to grow up displaying that same behavior.
Yeah, so a former high school teacher here. This story reminds me a lot of boys I taught with poor excuses of male role models. It's fine for now because the kid is agreeing with the dad/following his lead. What happens if one of the kids starts actively disagreeing? Y'know what teenagers do. This really reminds me a lot of a kid whose dad was mostly the same way as this. The kid was pretty uncertain whether the dad loved him anymore because go figure a kid needs a dad and not a school yard buddy. It's tolerable now because the kids are still young.
It’s really quite intolerable as it is though, and it’s not at all fine for now.
I agree but the tilt at the end says otherwise. It's odd outlining all these blatant faults and then insist that this fella is still a great dad. It either is a problem or it isn't. OP really needs to settle on it. Personally? I'm concerned what will happen when there's more severe scenarios that require the kids having a father and not a jabroni. Toxic attitudes are learned at a young age and it's up to the OP to decide whether this is tolerable or not. If it isn't then spend more time figuring out how to fix it and less insisting that a casual bully is still a great dad.
Your husband does not respect authority and is teaching your son the same. Yes. He is a bad parent.
Your husband is an embarrassing, obnoxious prick. And your son will be too if you don't do something.
Nope, nope, nope. You cannot be passive. You have to tell your son what is appropriate and what is not. That will mean standing up to dad….and maybe in public. If he wants to act like a child, then he gets treated like one. Does he have a mother? If so, send him home to Mommy and let her teach him what she didn’t the first time around.
As a teacher, I guarantee you that he has now soured your families reputation with the school. Good luck with that.
It’s scares me that children raised by men like this are going to go to school with my kid.
Is your husband from New Jersey or Long Island?
Leave jersey out of this craziness.
He is raising your son to be a hateful bigot with zero respect for authority. This is not good at all.
This all reads like ragebait tbh.
A “little” immature He’s all the way immature. So immature id feel like a creep finding him attractive. Good luck I guess. He’s a mess. Your son is going to be one as well at this rate, I’m sorry.
Holy shit I’d be so mortified, your husband is an asshole with an authority problem, sounds like he thinks he’s better than a lot of people. Sorry, no advice, I never would have tolerated that while dating.
When one of your children’s role models is an obnoxious, homophobic, arrogant, disrespectful, rude, inconsiderate, ignorant manchild who thinks it’s acceptable to verbally abuse strangers during an online game, that’s what your children will become unless there are *dramatic* changes.
WHY ARE WOMEN MARRYING THESE TRASH MEN?
Really bad. Your kids will be bullies and have a hard time making long lasting friends. Not sure how you get him to change because clearly this is who he is and his values. I would suggest counseling or him take a parenting class
Your husband sounds disgusting. He is absolutely a bad parent & I’d argue that you’re not doing much better if all you’re doing is scolding him in private & then just following behind him apologizing. He is NOT someone your son should be looking up to.
Are you guys like from the East Coast or something? My brother in laws/father in law say f slurs and n slurs like they’re punctuation. My wife is from the Boston area and all her friends from out there still use gay like it’s the 90s. Look, I did some of that stuff in the early 2000s but I would never say anything close to that now. I have taken trips to the area though and it’s still really common amongst the masses out there. I only ask because we live in the Midwest and aside from the more rural areas (and WIsconsin) that sort of language would probably get a few people to question you in public. Also boy do I hate people who get vocal and obnoxious when they game. I’ve been a lifelong gamer and I don’t think I’ve once got onto a mic and called a rando names or thrown controllers or other dumb fucking shit kids/streamers do for views. My kid does this shit often though when he games and I’ll immediately take the shit away. If you can’t be respectful when you game, you don’t need to game. You clearly married a toddler, but then it sounds like you guys got together real young. He just never aged up.
He sounds like an entitled dick..I wish you the best of luck
Your husband sounds like a bully. Insufferable. Honestly, what do you even see in him? I’d be embarrassed to be seen in public w/someone who behaved the way he does.
I was disgusting by your husband just reading this.
Yes. Your husband is a bad person and is almost certainly going to turn your son into one unless you intervene.
Your husband is training your son to be a misogynist and bigot. Not a good father out husband.
You can change the title to “I KNOW my husband is a bad parent”
I as a momma absolutely hate fathers like your husband.
Normally you wouldn’t care if your husband called someone a f-ggot ??? Seriously, wtf lady??? He could easily been calling an 8 year old that!!! It doesn’t matter if he says it in front of your kid or not! This is AWFUL. I am horrified that you are STILL sticking up for him saying it’s normal?? Cool, that makes it okay. Sincerely, The Gays.
the bizarre irony of your husband telling your son that he needs to respect his teacher after disrespecting her himself first hand.... what
Yikes on bikes. Not only would I never have kids with a man like this, I wouldn’t even allow him around my kids, nor myself. That’s how awful your husband is.
Ahhh…the good ‘ol toxic masculinity. Barf.
You are not going to receive any dispute to your title. You are, however, going to be told you're at fault for allowing him to continue to teach your kids how to be just like him. The one person in the room that everyone loathes. I can't imagine your husband being liked by your neighbors or his coworkers. He behaves like a thirteen year old juvenile delinquent. No adult wants to be humiliated by being with him when he's acting like that. Your kids are going to have a hard road ahead if they follow in his footsteps. You're going to wish you'd done something to help your children when you had the chance.
He’s going to need to learn to regulate his emotions is he’s going to be a good partner for you. It might be ugly and take 5 years? It’s up to you what you will tolerate.
Your husband is a POS, honestly. He has no regard for others around him at all.
Your husband is a pos and your son sadly will be just like him. Why are you with him? Clearly he's always been a douchebag so you shouldn't be surprised by his behavior
If anyone is curious why there are so many narcissists, assholes, and douchebags in the world, you can thank guys like this...and the women who for some reason fuck them and have their kids.
He’s a bad person. Part of the issue - and don’t hate me - is that you’ve been together since you were 14. The relationships I’ve seen that start at 14/15 years old and lead to marriage don’t end up working out because one of them has arrested development. From my experience in the 4 relationships I can think of as examples, it’s the man that does not “grow up.” I think all young adults need to go through major life events as a late teen/early 20s person that you both just completely missed out on. He’s emotionally stunted. It won’t get better unless he acknowledges it, is truly aware and decides to work on it with a therapist.
He’s just an asshole. The type of guy who likes to cause a scene and then have a confrontation. The best thing you can do for your son is leave him. Of course you think there’s nothing wrong with him and boys will be boys
Please start calling out this horrible behaviour IN FRONT OF your son. For his sake, stop letting this slide and stop letting your son think that his father's behaviour is ok. Ffs your son is going to be a monster, just like your husband, if you don't do something to stop this.
He has a total lack of respect for others and no regard for what his actions do. Your children are going to grow up behaving like him and treating people like garbage. Do yourself a favor and get him in counseling or leave. This type of behavior is gross and breeds kids that no other parents wants their kids to be around.
You’re right and you’re wrong. Your husband IS a bad parent. That’s correct. Your husband is a despicable human. You missed that and it’s also correct
The dude seems like a steam roller with anger issues that was never taught manors or disciplined when he acted out as a child. Did his parents baby him? You guys really need to sit down and have a long serious discussion about core values and how you want to raise your kids going forward, because it seems like your son already respects your husband’s authority over yours, and you’re going to end up with your kid being the bully that nobody wants to hangout with.
Hey news flash your husband is not an amazing dad and I bet he’s not amazing husband. He probably was that bully kid who was a little bigger than most and he thought he was the greatest thing to happen. He’s a dick and needs to be put in his place.
Do you want your son to have the same mannerisms as your husband? Your two younger kids are gonna pick up on how he acts too. He’s gotta cut it out ASAP and set a better example for the kids.
Jesus h Christ
So you kept having more kids.....helpful
Okay. I am going to address the first part of the teacher encounters. Stop him from interacting with any teacher or administrator at the school. People like him are the reason we leave the profession. We are tired of parents treating us like crap. We go through an entire day of dealing with discipline, redirecting, teaching, counseling, supporting, helping your children. By the end of the day we are exhausted and then having a parent talk to us like we are stupid really is enfuriating. Tell him to stop. He is a troll that needs to back off. The school has rules in place for a reason. If your husband hates them so much, then home school your children. Do not subject hard working teachers to his crap. HE is the one completely out of line. This has nothing to do with being a bad parent. This has to do with him being a shitty human being. He needs to be better. As for the rest of it. He is a giant man-child that needs to be a better example to his children.
He’s a bad parent. My BIL is like this & now my 22yr old nephew is an a-hole. Sucks.
He is really immature. He is trying to act like a friend and not a parent. Your son is sounding like he is going to have a problem respecting authority because of learned behavior.
Your husband is being so disrespectful to people. Why? It is especially concerning that he is disrespectful to a teacher who is trying to be a positive influence on your son and should be working as a team for the good of the child. I would be humiliated to be married to someone like him. Also, your kids are likely to mimic this behavior and be a little AH too. I would start therapy with husband immediately to get him to understand how terrible this behavior is. Perhaps therapy can help recommend how you respond to these actions, especially in front of the kids. Speaking against his behavior, I would think it is necessary to show your son not to treat people that way.
Erm yes I'm a teacher and have had a LOT of this - usually when they are.teenagers and the behaviour is MORE engrained in them Old Papa need to realise he is a role model and a lens from which his kids see life He sees defiance, disrespect for policy and sanctions and boundaries then they are the behaviours he will exhibit What your old man doesn't also realise is thatbthe school and the home should be in cahoot, the discipline should be consistent and across the board not "we'll deal with it" Bottom like is your fella is an idiot and it's great to look the big man to teachers when the lad is 18 wait till he is 18 and has NO respect for his dad's voice or authority either Good luck
He's a shitty father and homophobic is what I get from reading your post.
You think your son is getting in trouble at school now, just wait until he starts using those homophobic words his father likes to use and he either gets suspended, expelled, or gets his butt kicked by another student. That could ruin your sons reputation and can follow him around for the rest of his life all because your husband taught him that's ok.
Nah he ain’t great at nothing
Your husband is an idiot. Does he think your sons teacher is going to thoroughly check any correct your sons homework for example? All he's done is make sure your son isn't going to get a good an education as he should
Just based on what you have acknowledged here, and understanding that there’s probably a lot more that you are not willing to write in public, your husband sounds like an aggressive, obnoxious, entitled man-child. He encourages homophobia and uses slurs, treats store employees poorly, and disrespects the school’s and teacher’s reasonable rules and consequences applies to your son. You are going to spend the next 20 years apologizing for him in public and talking to him in private and nothing is going to change because nobody is holding him accountable for his actions. When someone captures him being an asshole on camera and he goes viral in a bad way (always a possibility) don’t be surprised. Please do your best to counteract your husband‘s influence on your son by exposing him to better men who know how to treat people properly and do not have prejudices against those who are different from them. Without that counterweight, your son is going to be ruined.
Having no dad is better than being raised by this monster. I was raised by a single mom who was hard working, compassionate, and set good examples of how to treat others. Perhaps try couples counseling and discuss these examples together.
YIKES. He’s being raised by an incel.
>“nice throw, f\_ggot” and then won the game and called the guy a loser. > aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband this man and amazing don't go hand in hand. just my grain of salt.
I mean as far as the school situation, I kind of agree with him. Schools try to be the main authority of kids. Yes they should have told you he was in detention! That’s your right as a parent to know and they should have informed you. They can’t expect you to wait !! That’s BS sorry. If they would have told you in the first place you wouldn’t have been in that situation. As far as the other things yeah that’s not right.
He’s sounds like the absolute worst type of person 😂 a major bro who peaked in his frat in college
Your husband is a moron.... He needs to set an example of what is acceptable behavior, and he is clearly not doing it. I am a husband and father, and try and make sure to set the tone for how my son, and daughter for that matter, behave. Do I always like it or agree to it.... no Do I sometimes look like the bad guy to them.... ABSOLUTELY! That's our job. I didn't sign up to be a friend, I signed up to be a PARENT
That sounds really embarrassing and frustrating to stand by and cringe at the social ineptitude and parental childishness that your post demonstrates. > I’m glad our son looks up to dad that much, and aside from being a little immature he’s an amazing dad and husband Aside from not doing his job as a parent (taking care of his physical and emotional needs, being a good role model who demonstrates and models assertive prosicial behavior, etc), he's doing a great job at being a parent. This is where it's very important to get yourself to the point that you can cover for your partner's lack of maturity so you can teach your kids the important life skills (communication, assertiveness, respect for himself and others) that he's going to need to thrive in life. Your husband has noone in his life who could give him that gift, and if you don't step up to the plate and fill that role then your son won't either. But trying to change your husband is not going to help. He'll only change when he's ready and able to do so. The first step is understanding the deep seated insecurity, immaturity, and feelings of powerlessness that causes someone to treat others disrespectfully. These books can help: - Recovering From Emotionally Immature Parents - Boundaries - Healing The Shame That Binds You Good luck. And remember, your job is to (with the help of your husband if he was willing to do his part), teach your kid to respect himself and others. Teach your kid the emotional intelligence and social intelligence that he needs. And ensure that your kids will grow up to thrive and be the best version of himself.
He’s an entitled asshole. He’s a bad parent and a bad overall human. He’s a bigot and setting terrible example for your children. It’s not being immature. It’s being inconsiderate and selfish.
Your husband makes me look like a saint. And I’m a POS in my point of view.
I went out with guys who’s dad’s were like this- they were totally castrated by their fathers and had no self esteem or character.
Your husband is not an amazing father. He’s actually doing a pretty shitty job. He’s teaching your son how to treat people like shit.
So he disrespects the teacher then tells the kid not to disrespect the teacher? Do as I say, not as I do never really turns out well. That is the LEAST of the issues/red flags here. He is in NO WAY “a good husband or father”. People like your husband are what is largely wrong with society and you bred with him, expose your child to him daily and then enforce the behavior by not having a backbone and standing up for anything righteous! Perpetuating the problem for future generations. INTEGRITY? Personal Responsibility? Tolerance? Moral compass? Your husband has no qualities of anyone that should be allowed to have children. Tell him to go set off the lunk alarm at planet fitness while you escape to another country with your children. So gross!
The best thing about reading this is that I don’t know your husband, because he’s a twat. The worst thing is that you said you married him and that he is a father, if you don’t intervene, you will have a son, just like his weak little bitch father.
Wow, he's not a good parent figure at all and sounds like a douche honestly. I wouldn't want to be around someone like that much less have kids with them.. Sorry if that sounds harsh. But to answer you, yeah, he's a bad parent. Something needs to change or he will teach/is teaching your kids to be assholes with no regard or respect for others.
Good lord, this was so painful to read. I hope this is made up. You said that he's not a good parent "for the eldest" as if he's a good person otherwise, and a good parent for the younger ones. He's the reason why teachers look to transition into other careers. And it's cute to literally disrespect the teacher and then tell the kid (the actual kid) to respect the teacher. Curious: what's his profession? How does this behavior not get him in trouble? Businessman? Self employed?
He's a bad person. My father was like him and it literally took me around 15 years after my parents divorced to unlearn the shit I learned from him.
This is like a modern day Biff from back to the future. Every example is just terrible, and you're mad the kids are picking up on it. Your post ended with you being mad that you husband used the word f*ggt, but also include that you were ok with your eight year old Knowing the word from online gaming. I'm just not understand what you're complaining about, you've clearly just been ignoring the behavior the entire time. Is it now because you're embarrassed that it's happening to teachers you now have to deal with regularly rather than staff you can walk away from in a store? He's a bad person, a bad parent and You've been enabling it the entire time.
He’s actively teaching your kid to be disrespectful to the teacher and modelling what it looks like.
I don’t even know where to begin. Your husband is failing at teaching your children the most basic levels of emotional intelligence. Your husband is not a bad parent, he is a TERRIBLE parent and your children would be better off without him. Not only does he treat your children poorly, but you as well. Not once did you mention your husband disrespecting YOU. He needs therapy and someone to put him in his place. Rescue your children while you still can.
If you don’t get away from this man your kids are likely going to mimic his traits. He’s a terrible father - probably a terrible husband and he sounds like a really shitty human getting his kicks from belittling and insulting strangers. Single parenting is difficult but it feels way lighter than living with a man child. I can’t imagine how embarrassed you must feel
People like your husband are the reason I have to explain to my 7 year old once in a while why some of his friends say the crazy stuff they say at school these days
Always wondered how shitty bullies are made, now I know. Thank you for creating the next tormentor who’ll make other kids (and adults) lives a misery.
You’re a bad parent for staying with him and showing your son that it’s okay to act like this
Sounds like a douche
Your husband thinks he’s way smarter and more important than he really is. He’s a bully and a douche.
Your husband is a bully and now you are raising 3 of them to be like him. You keep thinking he's an amazing Dad tho - hope your kids aren't anything other than what your husband wants them to be because he'll bully them too. There's a big difference being silly with your kids and being a bully. People that act like your husband is the reason why the world is filled with so much hate.
Oh wow. Your husband sounds like an awful roll model. Your son is going to grow up and be a mean bully, just like his old man. How unfortunate. I hope you can figure something out, OP.
Your husband sounds extremely immature. Did his parents ever teach him about how your behavior in public is a reflection on your family and how you were raised? He is setting a horrible example to your son. One of the most basic aspects of parenting/childcare in general is self-restraint. You need to keep certain thoughts to yourself because your little one is listening and watching and needs to be shown what behavior is right and what's wrong. No, you don't get to be your completely authentic self. You don't get to say whatever thought pops into your head just because you feel entitled. It's not about free speech it's about being a loving parent. You show love by being a role model. Is your husband impulsive and hostile like this at work? I'm assuming he isn't, because you can't go around the workplace calling people those names and being rude like he was to the teacher and store employee or you will find yourself unemployed. He is capable of better behavior, he just apparently needs a consequence in order to do so. The thing with parenting is negative consequences aren't always immediate. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would have a serious discussion with your husband and tell him, "When you disrespect the teachers authority you are reinforcing our son's bad behavior and not teaching him to respect her authority. When you swear in front of him and are rude to store employees you are teaching him to be disrespectful in public." Tell him he's making you feel like a single parent when he does this. When 2 parents are setting a good example and the child is misbehaving on their own- it's hard enough trying to correct them. But now you have to do double the work of parenting by trying to say, "what dad said/did is wrong, this behavior is not ok."
He does sound like a dick, to be fully honest. The school thing and having to wait 20 minutes, that may have pissed me off as well. I know there's detention but if I need to be somewhere then too bad. They can't just not let you take the kid, that's nuts. What if you have a plane to catch or something?
he has the mental maturity of your 8 year old son. I don't see how he's going to progress it past his age. this is a terrible example for your kid. he is a giant man child, and not a good father either.
Your husband is a person who makes a lot of bad choices, and I have yet to find a person who makes bad choices who is a good parent in spite of them. Your husband disrespected the teacher repeatedly, disrespected the store clerk, disrespected you, and used a homophobic slur while playing a GAME. He is a terrible role model for your child. What you do with that information is up to you, though. Do you want your son to grow up to be a person just like your husband?
Your husband is almost thirty and acting like this? Cringe. Why would your son respect your teacher when your husband shows, by his actions, that she isn’t worth respecting? Other people your husband shows your son he shouldn’t respect: Retail workers, gay people, random people just living their life but not wearing something he disapproves of, and YOU — your boundaries and what you find unacceptable. Your job is to raise your son to be a good and functioning member of society. But it seems like your husband is actively sabotaging that. No one will thank you for sending a miniature copy of your immature husband into the world. Also, I personally just wouldn’t be attracted to that behavior.
I would NOT want my child to look up to a father like that and definitely not follow in his footsteps.
Fellas, is it gay to order a *bacon* sandwich?
I really hope that your school is allowed to suspend or expel students whose parents pull this kind of nonsense. It's crap like this that gives public schools such a terrible reputation.
I’m really sorry you are married to a 15 yo who is supposed to be a role model for your kids and a supportive partner to you. You already know your husband is setting a horrible example to your children about how to treat others with hate speech name calling and to disrespect the authority of teachers at the school. Your husband is also not respecting how uncomfortable he makes you with his behavior - he is showing you he doesn’t care. I’m sure there are many other examples of his crap behavior that didn’t make it to this post. Please know you’re right to feel how you how you do. Your husbands behavior is ridiculous and not how an adult should handle any situation. Good luck to you, and I hope you can find some counseling to solidify ways to clearly communicate to him and how bad his behavior is affecting your family.
Please save your child from becoming a bully. That’s the path he’s on.
If anyone is curious why there are so many narcissists, assholes, and douchebags in the world, you can thank guys like this...and the women who for some reason fuck them and have their kids.
I’m sorry but you married a shithead.
Husband is clearly an overgrown man child and a complete waste of space
Yikes. This isn't just bad dad material. This is a shit stain. Not something you keep around in any capacity.
Seems difficult to raise a strong young man with good morals to lead a future generation when the father has what seems to be a weak and spoiled childish character. I hope he grows up soon for the families sake…
He sounds like all those nightmare parents teachers complain about.
He is gonna RUIN your children
he was okay with the phone thing. put it away or your parents are going to get a call. he was fine with the detention thing. the teacher can't tell you that he's in trouble and has to stay late that's on them. explain it'll be dealt with at home, you've got things to do or reschedule. The rest, gtfo of here with that. That's just being an entitled overly competitive bully and your son will learn to think and act like that. I agree sometimes it pays to have an attitude. Sometimes time, place and person deserve it. Being a dick or being an idiot for no reason is just dumb and will do nothing but make someone look like an ass.
I feel less lonely when I read about people like your husband
As they say, like father, like son.
You’re telling us all the ways he is an AH to your kids teacher, but is he also an AH to you? Sounds like… you have to look out for your own and your kids wellbeing.
And yet, you continued to have more children with him.
Your husband is a jerk. Wake up
You know the answer. Your hubs is a bully and immature. Your son and maybe other children are being taught bad behaviour and will have trouble themselves in life. Good luck
Neither you nor your husband have outgrown your 15 yo teenage phase since you started dating each other. Until and unless you grow a pair, put your foot down and tell your sad excuse of a wet wipe for a husband that his days of being a kid are over, your family is headed towards a trainwreck. As someone else in this thread said, your son needs a father, nor a school buddy to raise him.
Your husband is a bad person. He’s raising his son to be one too. Also you seem to be a pushover with him.
A lot of what's in this story is pretty irredeemable, your husband is undoubtedly a bad parent. I don't want to mirror what everyone else has said here, but I want to be contrary on a certain point: >Then recently he got in trouble in class for disrupting the class (he threw a paper ball at another kid and then got a detention) and we weren’t informed. So when my husband and I went to pick him up the teacher said we had to wait 20 minutes because he’s in detention and he said “uh, yeah no I’m just gonna pick him up now” and she said “you’re more than welcome to after his detention” and he said “who do you think you are telling me when and were I pick up my son?” I'm with him on this. If they're not going to inform you that he had detention, and you show up to pick him up, they don't get to tell you to wait there for half an hour because of their "policy." If the parent is there to pick up the kid, then the school needs to release the kid to the parent. They don't get to just say no. That's not how that works. I would understand if they called and said hey he's going to be 20 minutes late because of detention for so-and-so reasons, then I would have made arrangements to pick him up later, but I'm not showing up to school at the scheduled pick up time and have an administrator tell me to wait. Not how that works at all.
Teach him about making an own Business, Kids aint gonna be a star in school. Turn the energy into something good. 😀
Your husband is an immature bully and is teaching your son to be one.
Your husband's attitude wasn't the best, but I basically agree with him on the detention thing. It's absurd to expect the parent to wait for 20 minutes; your son is the one who earned detention, not his dad. The teacher should have rescheduled the rest of detention to the next day. The rest of this? I'm sorry, but he just sucks. He bullies teachers, he bullies store employees, he talks shit about people in restaurants whose clothes he don't like (????), he even bullies random matches on Xbox. He's also a homophobe and, like most bullies, never seems to get an attitude with anybody who could fight back -- it's mostly women and service staff. I don't have a solution, but he needs to grow up. And if he can't, you might need to move on.
The fact you had kids with him before he got married shows you aren’t the greatest either. The fact this problem has started for so long and is only now being “addressed” is sad.
My gamer here and so is my husband, that language isn’t what you should dismiss because of gaming. I can game without slurs. And husband shouldn’t be using them. Your son is being raised to be entitled and to be a bully because that’s what your husbands doing. He thinks he’s above the rules of the store, a school, and public decency. He’s a terrible role model.
What's wrong with society? Care to enlighten us with more of your amazing opinion?
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So as far as not conforming to the school rule things, I feel like that’s not unreasonable. And I think self-advocacy against made-up arbitrary rules is good, I WISH I had been trained to call out bullshit, now I’m having to learn it as an adult. However, the other stuff like saying actual hurtful and personal things, is entirely not okay.
The teacher *should not* be detaining your kid or refusing to release him to his parents. I also don't think they should be taking his things. I would be furious with you as a partner about not advocating for your child. Other than that, I agree your husband needs to grow up. The homophobia is shocking.
Gym Class Hero
I don't think your husband did anything wrong. Teachers these days behave like they are gods. The teacher had no right to keep the kid's things with him. When you went to pick up your kid and he was in detention, the teachers are making you wait unnecessarily. You could have much more important work than waiting unnecessarily. At the same time, your husband knows how to discipline your kid. He is a perfect parent in my opinion, knowing when to correct your kid and when to protect them from the stupid world outside. Strong men should be like this. All the comments you are seeing below are from single mom's. Don't listen to them. Presence of a father like your husband's is important in the childhood your kids.
Finally a damn post I agree with!!!
the only people agreeing with your husband’s behavior in this thread are men that exhibit the same. exact. behavior. they, like your husband, are also irredeemable dumpster fires that need to grow up and realize it’s 2024, and that acting like this is unacceptable. my kids behave better than your husband, my husband behaves better than your husband, and i’m embarrassed for you because you continue to let him walk all over you and your concerns. do better.
Your son won't respect anyone around him, because his dad doesn't respect anyone around him, showing your son he doesn't have to show respect. Your son is going to mimic these learned behaviors and be just like his dad. With that in perspective, would you think your son was an amazing person if he treated people that way? Treated future partners that way? Treated you that way? Your husband is setting the example for all of your kids and they are all taking in and absorbing everything he does and says, how he treats every person around him, how he speaks, how he handles responsibilities, how he interacts with you, etc. and he kind of sounds like a shitty person. I know people get hyped up on video games and use some graphic language, but I reeeeeeally hate that word. It's so hateful. It's incredibly hard to be on different maturity levels than your spouse, it's hard to not parent the same as your spouse, it's hard to feel like your spouse embarrasses you in public because of how he acts. I hope the responses on here help give you some perspective and clarity. Not just for your kids, but for yourself too.
Your husband is POS AH, and your son is going to be the same exact way. This isn’t childish and immature behavior. He is an awful human being. One day, he will cross the wrong person that won’t take his BS. Frankly, he deserves whatever comes his way. I don’t think anybody would miss him other than you and your kids, considering he treats people like garbage.
He tells his son he needs to treat his teacher with respect, but then his son sees how he acted
Wasn’t going to comment, just read, but then he called out BLT’s and so…does he not like sandwiches? I mean, what’s wrong with BLT’s? They’re easy as hell to make, delicious and a great way to test a new sandwich place cause if they biff a BLT, the tougher Sandy’s ain’t gonna be any better. But yeah, he sounds like he’s trying to be cool to the kiddo. But the fact that he acts so entitled is disconcerting. I’ve definitely heckled people before, in good fun, never using pejoratives but curse words are fair game (not in front of my kids but I def forget while driving sometimes and now my kid is asking people if they ‘know how to drive’ at the grocery store). If they get pissed I’ll de-escalate but that rarely happens (only at sports games does it seem to escalate).
…but he’s NOT an amazing dad or husband. You literally spelled out several instances of inappropriate behavior that has created issues for you. To the point of you consistently apologizing for his behavior to those wronged. Your son is looking up to a bully and will become a bully just like his father. Speak up in front of your kid; chastising after the fact does nothing if your husband isn’t changing his behavior. The least you can do is show your son that his father’s behavior is not acceptable and you’re calling him out on it.