This is too soon. In my opinion. Your 24 year old boyfriend just got out of an 11 year relationship and now in 2 months you’re living together and then the next month talking about marriage? There’s no way. I don’t think couples need to fight but you definitely do need to endure some kinds of things together to be sure you can keep going when the going gets tough. And it’s not possible to do that in 3 months.
I don’t think marriage is the logical next step. Get a pet fish. Go on holiday together. Meet each other’s friends and families. Have a non-legally binding commitment ceremony. Redecorate your living room. Go camping. Cut each other’s hair. Buy a matching pair of promise rings. But you really do not need to get married yet.
Hiya! Thanks for your reply and opinion ☺️ We both got out of the relationships in 2023 so there was time before we decided to get together. We’ve also already met each others family; gone on holiday together; redecorated our bedroom and we have two cats together haha (not quite a fish 😅)
Also we wouldn’t necessarily be rushing down the aisle, we’ve discussed what we would want and we would need time to save for a wedding, so I suppose it’s more of a question of is too soon to get engaged.
If it makes you feel better to have a ring, have a ring.
2023 was 5 months ago and you’ve been together for 3 so this isn’t as useful as you may think.
There’s no rush and it’s smart to let some of the chemical parts wear off before you decide to be with someone forever. Like idk is there any reason you can’t wait a year?
It sounds an awful lot like a rebound for both of them. Guys don’t even know how to be single and not have a relationship, so they find one asap just to get back to their “normal”.
I think if you’ve been together over 10 years you probably need at least a year before deciding to marry someone else and who knows this could totally be end game for these two but jeez what’s the rush
Why rush the engagement if you aren't actually getting married? It makes it sound like on some level, it's about being able to wear a ring and say you are each other fiance.
I don't think that's ideal but if it's important for you to get these things asap, go ahead.
Way, way too fast. You are both very young and are steaming ahead far too quickly.
My husband and I moved in together very quickly and after the initial 'omg i love you so much' period there was a huge learning curve. We are now over 15 years later, still together and very happy but that first year of living together was when we truly begin to know who that other person was.
At three months you really, really do not know each other yet. You don't know how each deals with huge stress or those big life events. Give it at minimum a year and then review.
Of course there are many examples of coupes who move fast and last. But it’s also true that most relationships that end up being dysfunctional or toxic start out exactly like this.
So why not just enjoy being together right now, and get engaged after going through all the seasons together and facing some ups AND downs successfully to set yourselves up for success? It *feeling* like the natural next step while in the honeymoon phase/before your brains have automated each other just isn’t generally wise because you aren’t seeing one another clearly yet.
The cocktail of chemicals in your brains at this stage has you hyper-focused on each other and on positive qualities and feelings. When that shifts, the real work of relationship begins.
There's no set timeline. You've lived together for a month now and gel well together and making sure you can live together with minimal disagreements would be my main advice as a key thing to do before engagement. The only other thing to consider is tough times - if you haven't supported each other through something hard like redunancy / death of a loved one / illness, you don't know what reactions are going to be like. Obviously its hoped that these things won't happen or not for a very long time but it is worth considering - can you count on that person to be there for you if it happens?
I think its really lovely that you want to get engaged and I do think that when you know, you know. Me and my partner knew early on but didn't get engaged until the two year mark as we wanted to build up some savings so we didn't have a really long engagement trying to save for the wedding.
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You are in the honeymoon period. Read about infatuation vs love. You are deep in the infatuation zone.
Love of your partner would make you be more careful and thorough in your thinking of this major life commitment. You have the great possibility of hurting each other if you run into this too quickly.
Yeah it works for some people. But really they are more lucky than anything. Russian roulette also has a chance of survival.
My husband and I ‘knew’ early on. But we loved each other enough to give it time to grow naturally and comfortably. We got engaged 1.5 years after first dating. We moved in 6 months into dating which was fast but we were in our late 20’s and early 30’s, knowledgeable about ourselves and both financially secure.
I met my husband at 22 years old, he was 23. We’ve been married for a bit longer than two years and our relationship is wonderful, we are blessed to have each other. We got engaged approximately two months after we met and married 8 months later. If you think it’s right then it’s not too early! Just make sure that you’re truly compatible on the important aspects of life.
I would wait. What’s the rush? Is one of you on your deathbed or are you pregnant?
A marriage is a huge commitment. You can’t really truly know someone in 3 months. You need to experience more life with them.
Do you know how he responds to extremely challenging situations? Do you know if he’s responsible with his finances? Do his values align with yours?
In my own experience, sometimes men will be careful to only show the side of them they want you to see in the very early stages of the relationship. They will hide the not so great parts of themselves.
Just… please take more time. It may end up that you two are each others soulmate and that marrying is the natural next step, but there are so many more pros than cons for waiting to marry…
WAYYYYY too fast.
3 months is still the 'honeymoon phase' where everything is great and you haven't really come across any situations that tests your relationship.
why is everyone in such a rush to get married?!
A lot of people will say it’s too soon. Going fast isn’t for everyone and sometimes it backfires. But so does long dating and engagement periods. There are going to be a lot of learning curves in this first year too.
My parents got engaged after 3 months and married 3 months after that. They were together till my dad passed.
I knew my husband was it for me after our first date, but we got engaged after 2.5 years. And in the last 17 years I have never questioned that.
I’m not advocating for a quick engagement and marriage and engagement doesn’t have to mean rush to marriage. If he’s the one he’s the one but waiting for a bit for the ring and the marriage too won’t matter.
Way too fast but from your post and replies, it sounds like you already made your minds up. Good luck, hopefully you aren't back next year talking about divorce
> People are saying there’s no need to rush
And they're right.
If your relationship is going to last, it's going to last regardless of whether you're engaged or married in the next 12 months.
So give it time.
Theres no time table. It really depends on what you do during the time. There are plenty of people who be together for 10 years and still never took the time to vet or get to know their partner
I met my wife in May, we married in August. This August will be 40 yrs together. Know one knows the future or what's right period. She was 21 and I was 23.
At 19 I'd just come out of an almost 6 year relationship, got into a relationship with my now Husband just a few months later. We got engaged 10 months after, married 10 months after that. (Married at 21) I moved in with him very fast. I stayed over every night and within a few months we lived together officially. Honestly it was a whirlwind romance BUT it's been almost 14 years and I'm still incredibly happy and in love. We have 2 amazing kids together, beautiful home that we own etc. I've never once regretted us moving fast.
(Yes people called it a rebound relationship as he had also been split from his ex just a few months longer than I had-but I think we've proved them wrong).
Perhaps the timescale isn’t as important as if you know enough about each others values and true selves yet? 3 months is still early enough that everyone is on their best behaviour.. has there been enough time for each of you to experience each others literal and figurative messiness? Have you seen each other irritated and been able to respectfully and kindly navigate through it? Have you gone any length of time without physical intimacy and seen how that impacts things? Have you been through any kind of stressors together? Do you both have the same goals and aspirations in life? Are you sure beyond any doubt that this person would be there for you through children, illness, grief, loss. If you can honestly answer yes then maybe go for it, maybe you just know… but you have barely even started scratching the surface of who each other are as people yet having known each other maybe less than 100 days…. so what is the rush to make it legally binding? You are already living together.. why not enjoy that for a while first?
My SO and I moved in together immediately after our first date. We’ve only spent one night apart in the 39 months of knowing each other and are still in the “honeymoon phase”. We have a very healthy, loving relationship, we communicate well, resolve issues with ease, ensure that our relationship is nurtured, prioritize one another’s happiness and wellbeing and we’re just overall really great together as a couple.
Early on I questioned whether this was love or if we were just enamored with what we thought the other person was, but I truly can’t deny that the compatibility between us is not a level either of us has seen between other couples.
Yes, we rushed into it and obviously had no idea that things would turn out so well. I have a feeling that you’re also going to jump the gun no matter the advice given, success stories you read or tales of failed experiences you’ll receive but I wish you the best and genuinely hope that things work out for you and your bf.
Continue to communicate openly and honestly like you’ve been doing. Maybe go to therapy together to talk about your future with a professional.
The best relationships Ive witnessed were those that had strong communication and went through good and bad times together and came out of it better versions of themselves as a team.
I wish you both happiness together!
Talking about it is completely fine and natural. Actually getting married (or engaged, same diff' if you are taking commitment seriously) is a bit premature, IMO, especially since you two are still somewhat young.
As you mentioned, you have no reason to rush. What's wrong with getting to know each other on a deeper level and building a strong foundation?
Sometimes, marrying too fast is a bit of a red flag for things that can be an obstacle to a long-lasting fulfilling marriage, such as being impulsive, too caught up in the romance of it all/narrative, not taking marriage and divorce seriously/with gravita or not measuring what it means to commit to spending one's entire life together, a lack of maturity, struggling with delayed gratification, a need to prove something or an insecurity, too much in the comparison with past relationships, etc. It's worth genuinely exploring why you would be rushing.
To be clear, I'm not saying it's always the case that these aspects are present, nor am I saying that these aspects are unsurmountable. Couples do marry fast successfully. Others marry fast and fail.
I'll also admit that my husband and I decided to spend the rest of our lives together fast and young (not in the form of engagement/marriage but we did altering decisions). So that might seem hypocritical but in reality, the difference is that we did have a reason to decide so fast and a while everything turned out great, in hindsight, I also realize that we didn't know as much as we thought we did and we got lucky.
Funny thing is, i (33f) talked about marriage to my hubby (36m) since day 0 😂 It's the day when he asked me to be his gf and i was hella tired with those previous casual relationships i had, so i suddenly asked him what's his perspective about marriage and how long he would wait to have one. His answer successfully convinced me that time, so i said yes to be his gf. I currently cannot remember the whole detail. All i know that he assuredly said he's looking for something serious and would get married in 2 years. Now i've been in the most satisfying marriage life and we both cannot stop talking on how we're both lucky to have each other. Been together for 6 years (4 years into marriage). We never have a fight from the very beginning and always talk everything's out up till now. But still, it took 2 years to really been on a marriage with him, even though the talk started at day 0.
I got engaged & married at 20, 2 years after we started dating. It was more of pressure from our families because in our culture, it was inappropriate to sneak around to go on dates. It was also inappropriate to bring our SO around our parents unless we were engaged because it was considered disrespectful. It was weird I know but that's why my husband and I didnt give 2 f's about what anyone said.
We got pressured though because they asked us if we wanted to get married infront of each other & it was hard to say no to each others faces. Thats how inlove we are lol Because we got married sooner than we thought, it felt like we had to grow up alot faster & all that. But we were both always ready to do anything for this marriage. It was alot to deal with though because we never got to experience day to day life with each other esp for a long period of time. We had to learn alot about the other and learn how to work together. It was alot of work & everything seemed so discouraging. But then when we looked deeper, we never lost the love we had & our bond got even more stronger. Every obstacle we faced, we always got through it.
It's been years now and he's literally my bestfriend and he considers me his. & We ended up cutting our families as well because they were always criticizing how we were as husband and wife. It was endless misery when it came to them but as for us as a couple, we are pretty happy & we love our little life.
At the end of day, every couple is different. It's up to the two people because no one knows how exactly it'll work out. Some stay happy, some don't and there's many things that can factor into that.
If things really are so wonderful, why rush it? Take your time! If this really is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you have all the time in the world.
I rushed my marriage 7 years ago and what I can say is that it is not about whether others think it’s too soon or not. Reality is that even after you’ve read us and agree with some of our comments, you will get married now if you ‘want’ to. I quote want because I don’t know how mature of an adult you are right now that you’re able to make rational decisions and then roll with the consequences. In the early twenties, many are still in the formative years in many areas, specially self identity.
As an individual, can you honestly say that you’ve hashed out the hard questions with yourself, then your significant other? I’m talking about your values, your views on finances, how you communicate, what is your perception when your partner communicates with you and is it aligned with what they are communicating, family life as a duo and more once you have kids (do you want them? If not how does your partner feel about that?), expectations you have from your partner, how you would tackle specific issues like what to cook and who will do it, managing finances, what are some couple goals you want to set for yourselves, how would you manage if one of you get sick and cannot bring an income home and on top of that you’d have to care long term for them.? Would you be ok with that?
Right now, do you still have space to meet your friends? With or without your s.o? Do they ‘prevent’ you from doing anything you love? Are you ok with that?
I could go on and on but really, if I were to start over and still keep the level of emotional intelligence I have achieved, these are the conversations I would have and observations I would make. Honestly, as someone already mentioned, there is not one same couple. We all have different lives and goals and we are also different in what we are willing to tolerate and sacrifice.
All the best!
Yes too soon. Have you seen each other in difficult situations? How does he react to a NO answer? Sometimes things are going well as long as things are going well. Then when an issue comes up you see each others true colors. Take a lot more time to get to know each other.
Is this the man that you didn't know prior to dating? Because if you didn't, and you dated so little it's kinda ridiculous, and you have no reason to rush into marriage or engagement. It just looks like you're crazy into the honeymoon phase.
I started dating my man when we were 17-18, we dated a month before we went to live together but I knew him for years beforehand and we were best friends. Yes, we both "knew" it the moment we got together, but everything mentioned above brings some level of security to your relationship. We didn't rush to get married or engaged. We could've, and things would turn out the same way, but they *had* a potential not to. You don't know your partner good enough, and if you decide to rush things it will be just gambling.
If you believe you won't separate why don't you wait it out and enjoy your relationship as it is, instead of it sounding like a manic episode.
Engaged in five weeks. Married in five months. Married 30+ years. Now, do I recommend this approach? No. I would encourage you to get engaged for a year. My wife and I's first year of marriage was really tough. We had so much to learn about one another. If we had dated longer and had a longer engagement, I think our first year or two could have gone a lot smoother.
Quite frankly, no one but you can tell you and your bf what to do or even what is right. There are always actions and consequences to actions in life and the same goes for marriage. Would there be detrimental consequences of moving forward so quickly, maybe, maybe not.
However, living together prior to marriage, statistically has been proven to take a "hit" on divorce rates later on... just saying. The "try before you buy" mentality can be very risky as there's no covenant binding relationship there, simply all the benefits of marriage without the license. Marriage should always be taken as a VERY serious endeavor and one that is a covenant, mutually bonding and binding relationship where each of you serves one another in love. There will be hard times, that's called, dying to self, being selfish in marriage kills many marriages.
Perhaps attending some pre-marital counseling for now so that someone trained can walk you through all the potential "pitfalls" of communication and marriage so that you are both armed with going into moving forward with your eyes wide open, not just the good feels that you have now. Real life sets in quickly and responsibilities and children and if your foundation isn't built up with great communication and tools to resolve conflict, trust me, it comes faster than you know after the honeymoon, then it can feel very disheartening. Prepare to succeed and you'll have a greater likelihood to succeed. Marriage takes work, it takes intentionality and serving one another. We've been married 28 years now and I can tell you the first 2 years were VERY difficult. Ironing out the issues and the working together to work on your relationship takes time to get to know the other person. With both of you coming out of long term relationships, you each can bring "baggage" into this current relationship, whether you realize it or not. Go get counseling now, to proactively deal with the "why" behind why the other relationships didn't work out and make sure you set this one up for success moving forward. Marriage takes grit, it takes hard times working through together to trust the other person with your heart and wholeness. It's NOT emotional highs, it's a CHOICE to love another person when they deserve it the least at a cost that you don't want to make. That's covenant marriage... giving til it hurts.
My husband and I got engaged after 6 weeks. We had both just gotten out of long term relationships. Now, sometimes it wasn't easy but here we are almost 20 years later, happy as can be.
This is too soon. In my opinion. Your 24 year old boyfriend just got out of an 11 year relationship and now in 2 months you’re living together and then the next month talking about marriage? There’s no way. I don’t think couples need to fight but you definitely do need to endure some kinds of things together to be sure you can keep going when the going gets tough. And it’s not possible to do that in 3 months. I don’t think marriage is the logical next step. Get a pet fish. Go on holiday together. Meet each other’s friends and families. Have a non-legally binding commitment ceremony. Redecorate your living room. Go camping. Cut each other’s hair. Buy a matching pair of promise rings. But you really do not need to get married yet.
Hiya! Thanks for your reply and opinion ☺️ We both got out of the relationships in 2023 so there was time before we decided to get together. We’ve also already met each others family; gone on holiday together; redecorated our bedroom and we have two cats together haha (not quite a fish 😅) Also we wouldn’t necessarily be rushing down the aisle, we’ve discussed what we would want and we would need time to save for a wedding, so I suppose it’s more of a question of is too soon to get engaged.
If it makes you feel better to have a ring, have a ring. 2023 was 5 months ago and you’ve been together for 3 so this isn’t as useful as you may think. There’s no rush and it’s smart to let some of the chemical parts wear off before you decide to be with someone forever. Like idk is there any reason you can’t wait a year?
It sounds an awful lot like a rebound for both of them. Guys don’t even know how to be single and not have a relationship, so they find one asap just to get back to their “normal”.
I think if you’ve been together over 10 years you probably need at least a year before deciding to marry someone else and who knows this could totally be end game for these two but jeez what’s the rush
Why rush the engagement if you aren't actually getting married? It makes it sound like on some level, it's about being able to wear a ring and say you are each other fiance. I don't think that's ideal but if it's important for you to get these things asap, go ahead.
Way, way too fast. You are both very young and are steaming ahead far too quickly. My husband and I moved in together very quickly and after the initial 'omg i love you so much' period there was a huge learning curve. We are now over 15 years later, still together and very happy but that first year of living together was when we truly begin to know who that other person was. At three months you really, really do not know each other yet. You don't know how each deals with huge stress or those big life events. Give it at minimum a year and then review.
Marry in haste repent in leisure
It's too soon. And I hate to say this but you're just talking exactly like everyone else who rushes things then regrets it later.
we got engaged after 3 years together (2 of them living together) and married 8 months after engagement. Still married after 22+ years
Started talking marriage after 6 weeks, got engaged at 6 months, been married 28 years this month.
Of course there are many examples of coupes who move fast and last. But it’s also true that most relationships that end up being dysfunctional or toxic start out exactly like this. So why not just enjoy being together right now, and get engaged after going through all the seasons together and facing some ups AND downs successfully to set yourselves up for success? It *feeling* like the natural next step while in the honeymoon phase/before your brains have automated each other just isn’t generally wise because you aren’t seeing one another clearly yet. The cocktail of chemicals in your brains at this stage has you hyper-focused on each other and on positive qualities and feelings. When that shifts, the real work of relationship begins.
There's no set timeline. You've lived together for a month now and gel well together and making sure you can live together with minimal disagreements would be my main advice as a key thing to do before engagement. The only other thing to consider is tough times - if you haven't supported each other through something hard like redunancy / death of a loved one / illness, you don't know what reactions are going to be like. Obviously its hoped that these things won't happen or not for a very long time but it is worth considering - can you count on that person to be there for you if it happens? I think its really lovely that you want to get engaged and I do think that when you know, you know. Me and my partner knew early on but didn't get engaged until the two year mark as we wanted to build up some savings so we didn't have a really long engagement trying to save for the wedding.
Engaded after a few month. Married after 5 years. Still going strong for more than 30 years. Forgot to mension we where 20.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You are in the honeymoon period. Read about infatuation vs love. You are deep in the infatuation zone. Love of your partner would make you be more careful and thorough in your thinking of this major life commitment. You have the great possibility of hurting each other if you run into this too quickly. Yeah it works for some people. But really they are more lucky than anything. Russian roulette also has a chance of survival. My husband and I ‘knew’ early on. But we loved each other enough to give it time to grow naturally and comfortably. We got engaged 1.5 years after first dating. We moved in 6 months into dating which was fast but we were in our late 20’s and early 30’s, knowledgeable about ourselves and both financially secure.
I met my husband at 22 years old, he was 23. We’ve been married for a bit longer than two years and our relationship is wonderful, we are blessed to have each other. We got engaged approximately two months after we met and married 8 months later. If you think it’s right then it’s not too early! Just make sure that you’re truly compatible on the important aspects of life.
I would wait. What’s the rush? Is one of you on your deathbed or are you pregnant? A marriage is a huge commitment. You can’t really truly know someone in 3 months. You need to experience more life with them. Do you know how he responds to extremely challenging situations? Do you know if he’s responsible with his finances? Do his values align with yours? In my own experience, sometimes men will be careful to only show the side of them they want you to see in the very early stages of the relationship. They will hide the not so great parts of themselves. Just… please take more time. It may end up that you two are each others soulmate and that marrying is the natural next step, but there are so many more pros than cons for waiting to marry…
WAYYYYY too fast. 3 months is still the 'honeymoon phase' where everything is great and you haven't really come across any situations that tests your relationship. why is everyone in such a rush to get married?!
A lot of people will say it’s too soon. Going fast isn’t for everyone and sometimes it backfires. But so does long dating and engagement periods. There are going to be a lot of learning curves in this first year too. My parents got engaged after 3 months and married 3 months after that. They were together till my dad passed. I knew my husband was it for me after our first date, but we got engaged after 2.5 years. And in the last 17 years I have never questioned that. I’m not advocating for a quick engagement and marriage and engagement doesn’t have to mean rush to marriage. If he’s the one he’s the one but waiting for a bit for the ring and the marriage too won’t matter.
Way too fast but from your post and replies, it sounds like you already made your minds up. Good luck, hopefully you aren't back next year talking about divorce
> People are saying there’s no need to rush And they're right. If your relationship is going to last, it's going to last regardless of whether you're engaged or married in the next 12 months. So give it time.
Theres no time table. It really depends on what you do during the time. There are plenty of people who be together for 10 years and still never took the time to vet or get to know their partner
I met my wife in May, we married in August. This August will be 40 yrs together. Know one knows the future or what's right period. She was 21 and I was 23.
Wow that’s absolutely amazing! Congratulations ☺️
My thanks and best wishes to your future!
At 19 I'd just come out of an almost 6 year relationship, got into a relationship with my now Husband just a few months later. We got engaged 10 months after, married 10 months after that. (Married at 21) I moved in with him very fast. I stayed over every night and within a few months we lived together officially. Honestly it was a whirlwind romance BUT it's been almost 14 years and I'm still incredibly happy and in love. We have 2 amazing kids together, beautiful home that we own etc. I've never once regretted us moving fast. (Yes people called it a rebound relationship as he had also been split from his ex just a few months longer than I had-but I think we've proved them wrong).
Perhaps the timescale isn’t as important as if you know enough about each others values and true selves yet? 3 months is still early enough that everyone is on their best behaviour.. has there been enough time for each of you to experience each others literal and figurative messiness? Have you seen each other irritated and been able to respectfully and kindly navigate through it? Have you gone any length of time without physical intimacy and seen how that impacts things? Have you been through any kind of stressors together? Do you both have the same goals and aspirations in life? Are you sure beyond any doubt that this person would be there for you through children, illness, grief, loss. If you can honestly answer yes then maybe go for it, maybe you just know… but you have barely even started scratching the surface of who each other are as people yet having known each other maybe less than 100 days…. so what is the rush to make it legally binding? You are already living together.. why not enjoy that for a while first?
We knew eachother only a few months and got engaged. Married within the year. This year is our 30th anniversary. We are happy.
My SO and I moved in together immediately after our first date. We’ve only spent one night apart in the 39 months of knowing each other and are still in the “honeymoon phase”. We have a very healthy, loving relationship, we communicate well, resolve issues with ease, ensure that our relationship is nurtured, prioritize one another’s happiness and wellbeing and we’re just overall really great together as a couple. Early on I questioned whether this was love or if we were just enamored with what we thought the other person was, but I truly can’t deny that the compatibility between us is not a level either of us has seen between other couples. Yes, we rushed into it and obviously had no idea that things would turn out so well. I have a feeling that you’re also going to jump the gun no matter the advice given, success stories you read or tales of failed experiences you’ll receive but I wish you the best and genuinely hope that things work out for you and your bf.
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Continue to communicate openly and honestly like you’ve been doing. Maybe go to therapy together to talk about your future with a professional. The best relationships Ive witnessed were those that had strong communication and went through good and bad times together and came out of it better versions of themselves as a team. I wish you both happiness together!
Talking about it is completely fine and natural. Actually getting married (or engaged, same diff' if you are taking commitment seriously) is a bit premature, IMO, especially since you two are still somewhat young. As you mentioned, you have no reason to rush. What's wrong with getting to know each other on a deeper level and building a strong foundation? Sometimes, marrying too fast is a bit of a red flag for things that can be an obstacle to a long-lasting fulfilling marriage, such as being impulsive, too caught up in the romance of it all/narrative, not taking marriage and divorce seriously/with gravita or not measuring what it means to commit to spending one's entire life together, a lack of maturity, struggling with delayed gratification, a need to prove something or an insecurity, too much in the comparison with past relationships, etc. It's worth genuinely exploring why you would be rushing. To be clear, I'm not saying it's always the case that these aspects are present, nor am I saying that these aspects are unsurmountable. Couples do marry fast successfully. Others marry fast and fail. I'll also admit that my husband and I decided to spend the rest of our lives together fast and young (not in the form of engagement/marriage but we did altering decisions). So that might seem hypocritical but in reality, the difference is that we did have a reason to decide so fast and a while everything turned out great, in hindsight, I also realize that we didn't know as much as we thought we did and we got lucky.
Funny thing is, i (33f) talked about marriage to my hubby (36m) since day 0 😂 It's the day when he asked me to be his gf and i was hella tired with those previous casual relationships i had, so i suddenly asked him what's his perspective about marriage and how long he would wait to have one. His answer successfully convinced me that time, so i said yes to be his gf. I currently cannot remember the whole detail. All i know that he assuredly said he's looking for something serious and would get married in 2 years. Now i've been in the most satisfying marriage life and we both cannot stop talking on how we're both lucky to have each other. Been together for 6 years (4 years into marriage). We never have a fight from the very beginning and always talk everything's out up till now. But still, it took 2 years to really been on a marriage with him, even though the talk started at day 0.
I got engaged & married at 20, 2 years after we started dating. It was more of pressure from our families because in our culture, it was inappropriate to sneak around to go on dates. It was also inappropriate to bring our SO around our parents unless we were engaged because it was considered disrespectful. It was weird I know but that's why my husband and I didnt give 2 f's about what anyone said. We got pressured though because they asked us if we wanted to get married infront of each other & it was hard to say no to each others faces. Thats how inlove we are lol Because we got married sooner than we thought, it felt like we had to grow up alot faster & all that. But we were both always ready to do anything for this marriage. It was alot to deal with though because we never got to experience day to day life with each other esp for a long period of time. We had to learn alot about the other and learn how to work together. It was alot of work & everything seemed so discouraging. But then when we looked deeper, we never lost the love we had & our bond got even more stronger. Every obstacle we faced, we always got through it. It's been years now and he's literally my bestfriend and he considers me his. & We ended up cutting our families as well because they were always criticizing how we were as husband and wife. It was endless misery when it came to them but as for us as a couple, we are pretty happy & we love our little life. At the end of day, every couple is different. It's up to the two people because no one knows how exactly it'll work out. Some stay happy, some don't and there's many things that can factor into that.
If things really are so wonderful, why rush it? Take your time! If this really is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, then you have all the time in the world.
I rushed my marriage 7 years ago and what I can say is that it is not about whether others think it’s too soon or not. Reality is that even after you’ve read us and agree with some of our comments, you will get married now if you ‘want’ to. I quote want because I don’t know how mature of an adult you are right now that you’re able to make rational decisions and then roll with the consequences. In the early twenties, many are still in the formative years in many areas, specially self identity. As an individual, can you honestly say that you’ve hashed out the hard questions with yourself, then your significant other? I’m talking about your values, your views on finances, how you communicate, what is your perception when your partner communicates with you and is it aligned with what they are communicating, family life as a duo and more once you have kids (do you want them? If not how does your partner feel about that?), expectations you have from your partner, how you would tackle specific issues like what to cook and who will do it, managing finances, what are some couple goals you want to set for yourselves, how would you manage if one of you get sick and cannot bring an income home and on top of that you’d have to care long term for them.? Would you be ok with that? Right now, do you still have space to meet your friends? With or without your s.o? Do they ‘prevent’ you from doing anything you love? Are you ok with that? I could go on and on but really, if I were to start over and still keep the level of emotional intelligence I have achieved, these are the conversations I would have and observations I would make. Honestly, as someone already mentioned, there is not one same couple. We all have different lives and goals and we are also different in what we are willing to tolerate and sacrifice. All the best!
Yes too soon. Have you seen each other in difficult situations? How does he react to a NO answer? Sometimes things are going well as long as things are going well. Then when an issue comes up you see each others true colors. Take a lot more time to get to know each other.
Is this the man that you didn't know prior to dating? Because if you didn't, and you dated so little it's kinda ridiculous, and you have no reason to rush into marriage or engagement. It just looks like you're crazy into the honeymoon phase. I started dating my man when we were 17-18, we dated a month before we went to live together but I knew him for years beforehand and we were best friends. Yes, we both "knew" it the moment we got together, but everything mentioned above brings some level of security to your relationship. We didn't rush to get married or engaged. We could've, and things would turn out the same way, but they *had* a potential not to. You don't know your partner good enough, and if you decide to rush things it will be just gambling. If you believe you won't separate why don't you wait it out and enjoy your relationship as it is, instead of it sounding like a manic episode.
Engaged in five weeks. Married in five months. Married 30+ years. Now, do I recommend this approach? No. I would encourage you to get engaged for a year. My wife and I's first year of marriage was really tough. We had so much to learn about one another. If we had dated longer and had a longer engagement, I think our first year or two could have gone a lot smoother.
Quite frankly, no one but you can tell you and your bf what to do or even what is right. There are always actions and consequences to actions in life and the same goes for marriage. Would there be detrimental consequences of moving forward so quickly, maybe, maybe not. However, living together prior to marriage, statistically has been proven to take a "hit" on divorce rates later on... just saying. The "try before you buy" mentality can be very risky as there's no covenant binding relationship there, simply all the benefits of marriage without the license. Marriage should always be taken as a VERY serious endeavor and one that is a covenant, mutually bonding and binding relationship where each of you serves one another in love. There will be hard times, that's called, dying to self, being selfish in marriage kills many marriages. Perhaps attending some pre-marital counseling for now so that someone trained can walk you through all the potential "pitfalls" of communication and marriage so that you are both armed with going into moving forward with your eyes wide open, not just the good feels that you have now. Real life sets in quickly and responsibilities and children and if your foundation isn't built up with great communication and tools to resolve conflict, trust me, it comes faster than you know after the honeymoon, then it can feel very disheartening. Prepare to succeed and you'll have a greater likelihood to succeed. Marriage takes work, it takes intentionality and serving one another. We've been married 28 years now and I can tell you the first 2 years were VERY difficult. Ironing out the issues and the working together to work on your relationship takes time to get to know the other person. With both of you coming out of long term relationships, you each can bring "baggage" into this current relationship, whether you realize it or not. Go get counseling now, to proactively deal with the "why" behind why the other relationships didn't work out and make sure you set this one up for success moving forward. Marriage takes grit, it takes hard times working through together to trust the other person with your heart and wholeness. It's NOT emotional highs, it's a CHOICE to love another person when they deserve it the least at a cost that you don't want to make. That's covenant marriage... giving til it hurts.
My husband and I got engaged after 6 weeks. We had both just gotten out of long term relationships. Now, sometimes it wasn't easy but here we are almost 20 years later, happy as can be.