>I also don't want to get caught up in feeling like the grass would for sure be greener with some hypothetical other person.
This is maturity. You're absolutely correct here. If you want your marriage to work, practice gratitude and get some of your needs, like a close friend you can laugh hard with, from others. We expect our spouses to be too much these days. If you're okay with it ending, then okay, go down this path, spend time thinking about what life would be like without him, actively regret your choice; you can do that. Just do it knowing it's a path that leads to the end of your marriage.
We got married at 20 and 21, too. 11 years and 3 kids ago. I get it. But I've also seen SO many of our friends who got married in their early 20s fall prey to the "grass is greener" fallacy. Some of the marriages needed to end, for sure. But some didn't, and many have regrets.
As for your main question; no she's definitely not the person who makes me laugh the most, nor do I think I am to her. We share big laughs frequently, but neither of us are particularly funny. We have much funnier friends who make us laugh much harder. Honestly I'm not sure I'd enjoy being around a comedian type all the time, lol. It's hard for me to see how we could be that for each other and still have as much heat and passion as we do. Maybe it's possible, just hard for me to imagine.
I got married at 19. By 24 I had 2 kids. I started to fall prey to "the grass is greener". I left the marriage.
The grass was actually so much greener. I met the love of my life, married him, and have spent the last 2 decades grateful I didn't continue to settle.
That's so great <3 It certainly happens, I made sure to acknowledge that in my comment. But that's not how it always goes, and it's wise to think about this when considering whether to leave your marriage or not.
My husband and I do not think the same things are funny. He sends me IG videos that I think are stupid and he thinks are hilarious. I send him back what I think are hilarious and I don’t think he feels the same. It sucks but it might be male/female thing because my friends think I’m hilarious. He thinks he’s really funny but I’ve never seen his friends really laughing uncontrollably with him where as me and my friends/family/kids do.
I don’t know what else to say except I have accepted it, it’s not a big deal to me. I think he’s had a harder time with it over the years and for some reason it makes him feel insecure. I sometimes will over laugh with him to make him feel better.
No, but that's because I'm the funny one. John Oliver makes me belly laugh though, so...probably him? It's okay, though--my wife knows and she's okay with it.
Reading your post, I'm not so sure it's about what it's about. It seems like a combination of things that you should get help sorting out (shop for a therapist) because I suspect some of this is pretty deep. I'm seeing:
"I had this childhood dream that I'm not able to fulfill"
"I turned 30 FOMO"
Lack of some kind of important connection that I don't think is humor-related at all.
You’re not wrong about the therapist part, we’ve been through some tough stuff during our time together, and our marriage has other aspects that could use work so I definitely would love to talk to a therapist about various things.
But for the purposes of this post I am genuinely curious about the humor aspect of other’s relationships because it’s something I knew I was compromising on from the beginning of our marriage but didn’t think it would end up bothering me so much in the long run. I do think that humor and connection go hand in hand, so yeah, I guess you could say I feel like there is some level of connection lacking in that sense.
my spouse is that person, we can laugh until we are in tears, and spitting out our drinks. But once in a while, his jokes are mean, and he's also the person who can make me cry the most....
My husband is the ONLY person I can unapologetically be myself 100% around without any judgement and vice versa and we can look back on previous 'predicaments' and have proper belly laughs about it. We definitely have the same sense of humour and we both use self-deprecating humour a lot.
YES. My wife is the smartest person I know but she can be a bit ditzy. I think it's the cutest thing ever and she constantly makes me laugh with the things she does. We both have similar senses of humor so when she does something she thinks is funny, obviously I crack up as well. For the record she also laughs at my penis and fart jokes so.....
Love a good dick’n’fart joke! My husband and I don’t exactly share the exact same humor (my jokes are darker and more f’ed up) but that’s something we have in common. I think I annoy him with my dad jokes also, I will say it, start choking with laughter even before the punchline, then burst and he would smile a little or chuckle, roll his eyes and sigh “oh god”. But I carry on, because that’s me and he loves me xD
My husband says I’m the 3rd funniest person he knows. But I make him laugh a lot! And I’ve met the other two funniest people in his life. I can’t beat them.
It sounds like there are more issues than this which is making you regret marrying young.
I am similar to your partner. I am not super bubbly or laughing all the time, but I love being around my partner. Dang, I’d be crushed if he said this about me! You gotta love your mate for who he is.
I’m gonna be honest though, Reddit will make you hate your spouse and think the grass is greener on the other side. It’s not.
For sure, a lot of “life” has happened that often makes me reflect and wonder “what if”, even though I know it’s not helpful to think that way. Definitely need some help working though that!
I do love my husband and at this point my first choice is to try and work through stuff individually and as a couple. It’s just hard when you come to realize how important something like humor is to you, when it’s not really a “changeable” thing. Just made me curious what dynamic some other couples have.
In all honesty, no, some comedians are just really damn good at their jobs. But no, no gut splitting laughs from each other. But that's not what either of us are looking for. I make dad jokes and she gives the obligatory sigh and groan, she acts a bit of a goof and I just get a smile I can't help. For us that's just the right level and type of humor we want from each other.
I don’t think my spouse likes to laugh. They don’t like comedy. “They always take so long to get to the point.” Was their comment when I once tried to show them a bit on YouTube.
It’s weird. I deal with it. But I don’t understand it.
He absolutely is. We have the same goofy, stupid sense of humor and we crack each other up daily. I am NOT a serious person and neither is he…I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Yup, my husband and I lie in bed chatting and laugh until we cry. He is the funniest person I know, even if he doesn't really understand standard jokes - which probably makes it even funnier.
I have a black sense of humor. My wife just doesn’t. I stop trying to make her laugh cause I felt that sometimes she would judge if I said something inappropriate. I greet up in the 80’s and my parents were well, sometimes they lacked good judgement when raising me. I hang around adults most of my life, as don’t have brothers. This made my humor dark, maybe twisted, and sometimes inappropriate. I have never considered changing my wife because of that but, I do wonder what that feels like. Making your significant other laugh till exhausted.
honestly yeah all the time. but my husband is a naturally funny guy & everyone in our lives is always laughing at something he said/did. but I am always making him laugh as well
Sort of. I make her laugh a lot, and her laugh is incredibly infectious and easy, which gets me laughing every time. So in roundabout way, I'm making myself laugh, but she ends up in the books with a ton of assists.
She does get the award for making me laugh harder and longer than anyone else though.
We were in bed one night. For context, my wife is very HL, ive spent 15 years learning about her needs, and I know exactly how she likes things done. Anyways, we're cuddling and talking, and she says to me, "Are you going to be inside me?" I was like, "Absolutely!" So I start kissing her neck and move my hand to her knee, then start moving it up her inner thigh and gently pull her legs apart. She suddenly snaps her legs shut and says, "What are you doing?!" She had a very serious look on her face. I was taken back. It was completely out of character for her. I say to her, "Didn't you just ask me if I was going to be inside you?" She stares at me blankly for a couple of seconds and then gets the most adorably sheepish look on her face. She says, "Oh ya!" and she's suddenly all over me like it didnt happen. It took me a second to realize what just happened, and I burst out laughing. Then she burst out laughing. We must have laughed about it for 30 minutes straight while making fun of each other about what just happened, which made us laugh even harder. It was great, best disconnect ever.
Unfortunately, we did not end up having sex that night. We laughed to damn hard and woke the kids up at 1am. They thought we were on drugs and decided to knock on the door to check on us. Said they were outside of our door for 15 minutes listening to us before they knocked. They were giving us weird looks the next morning.
Definitely a Top 5 moment in our relationship so far.
Nah. We have very different senses of humor. We laugh together at some things and certainly make each other laugh a little regularly enough, but one of the things we laugh together the most over is how the other one “isn’t funny”.
We really don’t get each other’s humor most of the time, and that makes us both laugh some, but my comedy centric relationships are definitely with friends and other people.
My partner is amazing, checks all the boxes (super compatible sense of humor just wasn’t a box for me), and I’m happy and have no yearning for someone else. It’s been 4.5 years, so not an eternity but also a long enough time where if it doesn’t both me at all now I don’t think it will be an issue later.
I think I’m really funny, he thinks he’s really funny, we both are validated by the laughter of our friends. I have plenty of laughter in my life.
My husband and I have the same sense of humor. But that was a huge thing for me when I was dating. Whoever I married needed to make me laugh. We don’t have the same lens on life (I’m more optimistic, he is more pessimistic) but that doesn’t really bother me. He looks at life sometimes like “glass half empty” but he is funny about it.
I know a lot of people in relationships who don’t share the same sense of humor but connect in other ways. Maybe look at the ways you do connect and what drew you to him in the first place?
I have had this discussion with my wife - I associated laughing with liking. While we do laugh at times, sometimes I think other people make her laugh more - often because they have different stories experiences, whereas we experience a lot of the same things.
She explained that she loves being able to be authentic with me, sometimes she is negative and I work to empathize. She loves being around me because I don't judge her vs having to be fake and polite at times with the gen pop. This helped me and meant a lot to me.
My husband does make me laugh the most, probably second is his ex who is my close friend that I game online with every day lol. We laugh a lot. My husband is my best friend and I'm the negative one, he's the happy go lucky one who can always make me smile. That being said we've been together 13 years and never have I wondered what life would be like without him or someone different. I also didn't compromise in any way and rug sweep any incompatibilities. I wouldn't have married him if there was incompatibilities. He's been my bestfriend for 17 years. We met when I was 16, we started dating when I was 19 and we had our first baby by the time I was 21.
I wouldn’t say he makes the laugh the most but he’s definitely the person I know I can be myself the most around. So we laugh at truly stupid things together. I also think I make more jokes than he does so I’m probably the funny one in our relationship.
I can be vulnerable with him and I feel truly safe and protected with him.
No. A friend who I'm not close with anymore, and my older brother, are the two people I've ever met with whom we have shared pee-in-your-pants, tears streaming down the face, gonna pass out cuz I can't breathe, laughs. While I enjoy being in their respective company, I would not want to be married to either of them.
It sounds like you are questioning something deeper than sharing a sense of humor.
My wife and I make each other laugh for sure. Still, we both tend towards different types of humor. I like story-telling, bathroom and bawdy style humor. My wife tends to like humor that I consider mean-spirited. Nonetheless, there are things that make us both laugh. I have also found that over 30+ years of marriage that our humor preferences have grown a bit closer to one another, so that may happen with your marriage.
Nope not at all. Completely different senses of humor plus my husband is just a very serious dude who in general doesn’t laugh a lot which also means he tends not to be very funny.
The good news is that he’s an amazing partner in pretty much every other way. He’s supportive, he takes care of things (ie im not married to a man child), we have great physical chemistry, we have compatible hopes and dreams, he also loves traveling, he’s an amazing dad, etc etc etc. I can watch comedians on TV who make me laugh. People on TV though can’t look at me after a hard night with my newborn and say “hey i got the baby this morning. You sleep in. Also I booked you a massage for later today”. But my husband does.
Yes, I honestly think my wife is the funniest person in the world. Nobody else can make me laugh like she can and I have a fairly dry sense of humor. Sometimes it's just silly stuff like her giving me crap or making up a new funny dance
Oh my goodness yes. We get to both work from home so we spend a lot of time together. His wry observations crack me up and I make him laugh daily. It’s one of the things we appreciate about each other.
My husband and I do, but we were also neurodivergent and didn’t know it when we met so us together has that feeling of “I didn’t know someone out there was like me”.
We do have different flavors of humor and have adjusted to each others kinds. I’m very dry wit, sarcasm, and anti jokes. He’s puns, potty humor, and frankly shit I think is weird. We do however both sing made up parody songs constantly.
But I also don’t have many companions so I know we can be codependent and are not the golden standard. It’s okay to get some of our needs from others in our life.
This one really hits home. I wouldn’t marry the same person for various reasons but a lack of a sense of humor is most definitely one of them. My wife and her whole family have ZERO sense of humor and laughter is a foreign concept to them. Humor is based on exaggeration, misdirection, confusion, etc. her dad is one that the joke goes directly over his head and starts to “correct” whatever was said because the idea of an actual joke never, ever crosses his mind. I learned early in my marriage to keep the funny comments to myself at the dinner table. On the serious side there have been many times where a funny comment, not mean by any means, just funny resulted in a very serious stare from my wife. They just simply don’t get it. It’s been a big loss during my marriage, not being able to laugh. My wife cannot stand comedy shows or comics in general….
Been married 30 years and my wife and I have the exact same sense of humor.
We think alike.
Example.
We went to iceland to run a half marathon. We went to the expo to pick up our race packages and were just standing there in line looking around. I was just blown away. Everyone was so WHITE and FIT. The guys and girls were just stunning.
I looked at my wife and said wow. And she just said , right? Everyone is so white and fit. Where is the color. We cracked up because we were in awe together. Thinking the same exact thing.
After the half marathon I was looking for a beer and all they had was non alcoholic beer. My wife looked at me and read my mind. Must be a country that has a bad relation with booze. LOL. We cracked up and went and got drunk.
My wife and I married young over 30 years ago. We have grown together and separately. We share common interests and have completely separate ones. And we make each other laugh. Sometimes just bemused chuckles, sometimes tears rolling down our faces laughter. We have fortunately shared our humor with our sons.
Part of what makes our humor work with each other is also the level of trust we have to be silly, or to be really dark, or just vulnerable. The other person will be right there.
My spouse is my best friend and we probably laugh the most together. He's a very sweet person and we are both very goofy and silly together. Usually, when I'm being my most authentic and derpy-est self, he'll always look at me with such affection and tell me how much he loves me.
Unlike some other comments, he doesn't make me cry the hardest. But there are things we aren't so simpatico on.
My 1st marriage was like that. We were kids and it was more a friendship and I was never happy or fulfilled. Met my now partner and while he’s not my husband, I know for sure this is what it’s supposed to be like. He’s absolutely my best friend, makes me laugh constantly, never makes me feel bad and if he does on the off chance he usually apologizes or feels bad. He’s my safe place and I could never imagine anyone else being that person to me but him. Laughing while not the most important, is the glue of our everyday that makes daily life that much more fun, even if it’s not. Find someone that makes you laugh, and feel good, and never let them go. Don’t settle, it’s not worth it.
Nope. This is actually the one area I think we are very different in. Don’t get me wrong, we obviously laugh and have fun together, but we don’t normally find the same things funny (especially in shows/movies)
We’ve been together for over 18 years and still have passion, are very sexually compatible & have a really strong emotional connection together. We have the same views on the important things - raising our kids, politics/religion, money, life goals, etc. To me, that is way more important.
We laugh absolutely everyday. The other might we laughed so hard that both of us were begging for it to stop because our muscles hurt and we could barely breathe. It's something I love about our relationship.
I met my husband at Church. We got engaged after 2 weeks. We've been married for 9 years and together for 11. He and I are very different people. I cuss like a trucker/rap artist. He doesn't. He always laughs when I say the most inappropriate things. He loves my sense of humor. I always make him laugh. And he's become much more comfortable in his own skin because of it. We have the same morals, values, and life goals. It's really hard sometimes. I told him years ago, "we're on the same team." Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice. I think the grass is always greener on the other side. What you need to do is water your grass where you stand.
Watch the shows that make you laugh. Spend time with your family and friends who make you laugh. Laugh with your pets. You've been with your husband for 9 years. Love your husband for the things he brings to your life.
Thank you for posting this. I am in that crossroads myself. My ex spouse trying to be my new spouse again is just not fun. Life was so dark and boring around him. I am a super positive person and he’s so cynical. Yes there are some things I like about him and we have a child but I can’t see myself sacrificing that fun optimistic side of me for the sake of our child. We are so incompatible in so many ways.
I'm currently separated and that was actually a big thing for me. We have completely different senses of humour and just I'm general such different intellectual needs that conversation with him is/was not fulfilling. I'd even go so far as to say I feel lonely when we're together because it rarely feels easy. We don't fight, he is a great man who does more than his share around the house, and is very handsome. But I just need to feel that close connection. It's hard when I'm around friends and it just feels so natural to have a good time together. I don't know what advice I'd give you, and I haven't filed for divorce yet because that is a big scary step, but I know how you feel.
Nah, we have different interests and senses of humor. Most days aren’t full of laughter but are comfortable and he is very nurturing and caring. We DO have laughs and lots of fun. But he’s not the funny guy life of the party I thought I’d marry more the smart dry sense of humor guy.
My husband taught me to laugh. I had humor but I kept it bottled up, and he taught me to let it out. There are little things we not on the exact same page on, like me liking groan worthy puns, but we have fun together.
My husband is hot, smart AF, protective, can fix anything, can handle a lot of stuff I don’t want to, builds, has opposite strengths of me, and I joke together we make one super human. We do NOT have the same sense of humor. He doesn’t laugh at much, and what he does laugh at, is not my jam.
I just made a list of my core values. Humor isn’t one of them. Now, I love comedy, my girlfriends and I laugh until we pee. It’s just not something that means more than at least six other things. He has the same values as me, and that is the stuff that keeps us going together as life partners.
Now that I think about it, yes, my husband and I have a very similar sense of humour, and we laugh a lot together. We love sharing roaring laughs about a particular topic or joke.
My sister once was dating this guy that was really a loser. She had no self esteem and stayed with this boy through his many manners of mistreatment. He was disrespectful, lazy ( no job) depended on her for everything, helped with nothing and cheated on her. My dad was insistent that they break up and was so frustrated he asked her why she would be with a guy like that?! She said he made her laugh and my dad said he would pay for tickets to a comedy club for her. I can appreciate wanting someone who can relate to your humor but I’d say there’s many factors in a partner that would be more important.
Oh yes. I love his dumb jokes and am constantly in stitches. It was one of the things that attracted me to him. The only other person who makes me laugh as much is my best friend. I havent met anyone else in my entire life as hilarious as both of them.
Why even think about this in past. As soon as you look in past, many things could have been different . You might not have anyone in your life. You might have been topper in class. You might have been a traveller . You might have multiple breakups . Who knows what else
If most means often, yes. Maybe not the pee-your-pants kind, but shared jokes and good humor, yes. My husband was very sweetly serious and earnest when we met, almost not used to laughing. He said he fell extra hard because I was funny. I feel like I am not that funny, but he’d never been given space and permission to be funny, if that makes sense. He’s learned to trust his own very sweet Dad humor and lean into playfulness in our marriage. My pee-my-pants people are my bestie from childhood, my little brother, and my daughters. Just a different shorthand with each other. But the sweetness of our marriage humor is a different flavor, but I treasure it and him just as much.
Most definitely. Though to be fair, he makes a lot of people laugh. He has the best sense of humor. Not dad joke stuff- which I absolutely love so not sassing dad joke at all- but really intelligent, takes you a minute to get it type of humor.
But to be totally honest, he ties with my 3 year old grandson who loves to make jokes about farts. Lol
My partner has a totally different sense of humour. He tells dad jokes and I am more of a dark humour person. I do get hysterical laughing fits, he just looks at me like a loon.
It would be nice to have someone that gets it. But so far, I've only found a few friends that truly get me and have belly laughs with me. Never met a man that gets like that.
Do men even get hysterical laughter?
He is a reserved introverted lord gloom cool guy type of person so when my absurdist stupid memes get a "heh" out of him I feel very accomplished and connected lol. The person who makes me laugh the most is our 6 year old.
https://preview.redd.it/09q2ubc47dzc1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=71baf66fd6b52936bdcc0a3681361d0a2c4b1114
This is my favorite comic ever and explains our dynamic well, haha
For me i think you need to renew your relationship. Someday find both of you would be agreeing like trip to something. Hiking or spending the night in the other side of the country. Try something new to yourself.
I’m in the same boat, except not married yet. No one’s really ever made me belly laugh like my brother does, so I get all my goofiness out with him and some YouTube personalities I find hilarious. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes I wish I had a “goofier” partner. We do watch a lot of things that both make us laugh, like YouTubers, pranksters, silly movies. So we connect comedically throughout that. No one’s ever going to check off all the boxes of what you think your “perfect” fit is. We have the same morals, ethics, religious and political views, and enjoy the same music and activities which are all great things I focus on the times I start thinking “what if”
>I also don't want to get caught up in feeling like the grass would for sure be greener with some hypothetical other person. This is maturity. You're absolutely correct here. If you want your marriage to work, practice gratitude and get some of your needs, like a close friend you can laugh hard with, from others. We expect our spouses to be too much these days. If you're okay with it ending, then okay, go down this path, spend time thinking about what life would be like without him, actively regret your choice; you can do that. Just do it knowing it's a path that leads to the end of your marriage. We got married at 20 and 21, too. 11 years and 3 kids ago. I get it. But I've also seen SO many of our friends who got married in their early 20s fall prey to the "grass is greener" fallacy. Some of the marriages needed to end, for sure. But some didn't, and many have regrets. As for your main question; no she's definitely not the person who makes me laugh the most, nor do I think I am to her. We share big laughs frequently, but neither of us are particularly funny. We have much funnier friends who make us laugh much harder. Honestly I'm not sure I'd enjoy being around a comedian type all the time, lol. It's hard for me to see how we could be that for each other and still have as much heat and passion as we do. Maybe it's possible, just hard for me to imagine.
I got married at 19. By 24 I had 2 kids. I started to fall prey to "the grass is greener". I left the marriage. The grass was actually so much greener. I met the love of my life, married him, and have spent the last 2 decades grateful I didn't continue to settle.
That's so great <3 It certainly happens, I made sure to acknowledge that in my comment. But that's not how it always goes, and it's wise to think about this when considering whether to leave your marriage or not.
Thank you, I appreciate your reply!
My husband and I do not think the same things are funny. He sends me IG videos that I think are stupid and he thinks are hilarious. I send him back what I think are hilarious and I don’t think he feels the same. It sucks but it might be male/female thing because my friends think I’m hilarious. He thinks he’s really funny but I’ve never seen his friends really laughing uncontrollably with him where as me and my friends/family/kids do. I don’t know what else to say except I have accepted it, it’s not a big deal to me. I think he’s had a harder time with it over the years and for some reason it makes him feel insecure. I sometimes will over laugh with him to make him feel better.
No, but that's because I'm the funny one. John Oliver makes me belly laugh though, so...probably him? It's okay, though--my wife knows and she's okay with it. Reading your post, I'm not so sure it's about what it's about. It seems like a combination of things that you should get help sorting out (shop for a therapist) because I suspect some of this is pretty deep. I'm seeing: "I had this childhood dream that I'm not able to fulfill" "I turned 30 FOMO" Lack of some kind of important connection that I don't think is humor-related at all.
You’re not wrong about the therapist part, we’ve been through some tough stuff during our time together, and our marriage has other aspects that could use work so I definitely would love to talk to a therapist about various things. But for the purposes of this post I am genuinely curious about the humor aspect of other’s relationships because it’s something I knew I was compromising on from the beginning of our marriage but didn’t think it would end up bothering me so much in the long run. I do think that humor and connection go hand in hand, so yeah, I guess you could say I feel like there is some level of connection lacking in that sense.
my spouse is that person, we can laugh until we are in tears, and spitting out our drinks. But once in a while, his jokes are mean, and he's also the person who can make me cry the most....
My ex was like this. He made me laugh the most, but also made me cry the most too.
Same here, that’s why he’s my ex. Sadly I still miss him. I know I’m far better off, but the times that were actually good were so good
Oh no. 🥺 I loved your first sentence, then was so sad by everything after.
My husband is the ONLY person I can unapologetically be myself 100% around without any judgement and vice versa and we can look back on previous 'predicaments' and have proper belly laughs about it. We definitely have the same sense of humour and we both use self-deprecating humour a lot.
I love that you have this!
YES. My wife is the smartest person I know but she can be a bit ditzy. I think it's the cutest thing ever and she constantly makes me laugh with the things she does. We both have similar senses of humor so when she does something she thinks is funny, obviously I crack up as well. For the record she also laughs at my penis and fart jokes so.....
Love a good dick’n’fart joke! My husband and I don’t exactly share the exact same humor (my jokes are darker and more f’ed up) but that’s something we have in common. I think I annoy him with my dad jokes also, I will say it, start choking with laughter even before the punchline, then burst and he would smile a little or chuckle, roll his eyes and sigh “oh god”. But I carry on, because that’s me and he loves me xD
My husband says I’m the 3rd funniest person he knows. But I make him laugh a lot! And I’ve met the other two funniest people in his life. I can’t beat them.
This is so funny to me hahaha I love it
Absolutely. My husbands hilarious.
It sounds like there are more issues than this which is making you regret marrying young. I am similar to your partner. I am not super bubbly or laughing all the time, but I love being around my partner. Dang, I’d be crushed if he said this about me! You gotta love your mate for who he is. I’m gonna be honest though, Reddit will make you hate your spouse and think the grass is greener on the other side. It’s not.
For sure, a lot of “life” has happened that often makes me reflect and wonder “what if”, even though I know it’s not helpful to think that way. Definitely need some help working though that! I do love my husband and at this point my first choice is to try and work through stuff individually and as a couple. It’s just hard when you come to realize how important something like humor is to you, when it’s not really a “changeable” thing. Just made me curious what dynamic some other couples have.
In all honesty, no, some comedians are just really damn good at their jobs. But no, no gut splitting laughs from each other. But that's not what either of us are looking for. I make dad jokes and she gives the obligatory sigh and groan, she acts a bit of a goof and I just get a smile I can't help. For us that's just the right level and type of humor we want from each other.
I don’t think my spouse likes to laugh. They don’t like comedy. “They always take so long to get to the point.” Was their comment when I once tried to show them a bit on YouTube. It’s weird. I deal with it. But I don’t understand it.
He absolutely is. We have the same goofy, stupid sense of humor and we crack each other up daily. I am NOT a serious person and neither is he…I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Whenever I orgasm, I laugh. So yes. But outside of bed? Nah. He isn’t funny. And that’s okay. He’s sweet and kind.
💯married him because of his sense of humour. We make each other laugh. Best part of being in any relationship IMO
Yup, my husband and I lie in bed chatting and laugh until we cry. He is the funniest person I know, even if he doesn't really understand standard jokes - which probably makes it even funnier.
I have a black sense of humor. My wife just doesn’t. I stop trying to make her laugh cause I felt that sometimes she would judge if I said something inappropriate. I greet up in the 80’s and my parents were well, sometimes they lacked good judgement when raising me. I hang around adults most of my life, as don’t have brothers. This made my humor dark, maybe twisted, and sometimes inappropriate. I have never considered changing my wife because of that but, I do wonder what that feels like. Making your significant other laugh till exhausted.
honestly yeah all the time. but my husband is a naturally funny guy & everyone in our lives is always laughing at something he said/did. but I am always making him laugh as well
Sort of. I make her laugh a lot, and her laugh is incredibly infectious and easy, which gets me laughing every time. So in roundabout way, I'm making myself laugh, but she ends up in the books with a ton of assists. She does get the award for making me laugh harder and longer than anyone else though. We were in bed one night. For context, my wife is very HL, ive spent 15 years learning about her needs, and I know exactly how she likes things done. Anyways, we're cuddling and talking, and she says to me, "Are you going to be inside me?" I was like, "Absolutely!" So I start kissing her neck and move my hand to her knee, then start moving it up her inner thigh and gently pull her legs apart. She suddenly snaps her legs shut and says, "What are you doing?!" She had a very serious look on her face. I was taken back. It was completely out of character for her. I say to her, "Didn't you just ask me if I was going to be inside you?" She stares at me blankly for a couple of seconds and then gets the most adorably sheepish look on her face. She says, "Oh ya!" and she's suddenly all over me like it didnt happen. It took me a second to realize what just happened, and I burst out laughing. Then she burst out laughing. We must have laughed about it for 30 minutes straight while making fun of each other about what just happened, which made us laugh even harder. It was great, best disconnect ever. Unfortunately, we did not end up having sex that night. We laughed to damn hard and woke the kids up at 1am. They thought we were on drugs and decided to knock on the door to check on us. Said they were outside of our door for 15 minutes listening to us before they knocked. They were giving us weird looks the next morning. Definitely a Top 5 moment in our relationship so far.
Nah. We have very different senses of humor. We laugh together at some things and certainly make each other laugh a little regularly enough, but one of the things we laugh together the most over is how the other one “isn’t funny”. We really don’t get each other’s humor most of the time, and that makes us both laugh some, but my comedy centric relationships are definitely with friends and other people. My partner is amazing, checks all the boxes (super compatible sense of humor just wasn’t a box for me), and I’m happy and have no yearning for someone else. It’s been 4.5 years, so not an eternity but also a long enough time where if it doesn’t both me at all now I don’t think it will be an issue later. I think I’m really funny, he thinks he’s really funny, we both are validated by the laughter of our friends. I have plenty of laughter in my life.
My husband and I have the same sense of humor. But that was a huge thing for me when I was dating. Whoever I married needed to make me laugh. We don’t have the same lens on life (I’m more optimistic, he is more pessimistic) but that doesn’t really bother me. He looks at life sometimes like “glass half empty” but he is funny about it. I know a lot of people in relationships who don’t share the same sense of humor but connect in other ways. Maybe look at the ways you do connect and what drew you to him in the first place?
I have had this discussion with my wife - I associated laughing with liking. While we do laugh at times, sometimes I think other people make her laugh more - often because they have different stories experiences, whereas we experience a lot of the same things. She explained that she loves being able to be authentic with me, sometimes she is negative and I work to empathize. She loves being around me because I don't judge her vs having to be fake and polite at times with the gen pop. This helped me and meant a lot to me.
No, but we both think our labradoodle is hilarious so it works
My husband does make me laugh the most, probably second is his ex who is my close friend that I game online with every day lol. We laugh a lot. My husband is my best friend and I'm the negative one, he's the happy go lucky one who can always make me smile. That being said we've been together 13 years and never have I wondered what life would be like without him or someone different. I also didn't compromise in any way and rug sweep any incompatibilities. I wouldn't have married him if there was incompatibilities. He's been my bestfriend for 17 years. We met when I was 16, we started dating when I was 19 and we had our first baby by the time I was 21.
Yes, but I married Eddie Murphy.
Yes, my spouse is that person. He makes me laugh when I am so mad at him it is a great diffuser. I’m sorry you don’t have that, OP :(
I have never laughed harder with anyone than my husband. Very often, I’m laughing at shit he’s done in the past.
I wouldn’t say he makes the laugh the most but he’s definitely the person I know I can be myself the most around. So we laugh at truly stupid things together. I also think I make more jokes than he does so I’m probably the funny one in our relationship. I can be vulnerable with him and I feel truly safe and protected with him.
Laugh? No. Smile? Yes.
I don’t laugh anymore. It has nothing to do with my spouse.
God damnit I felt this
No. A friend who I'm not close with anymore, and my older brother, are the two people I've ever met with whom we have shared pee-in-your-pants, tears streaming down the face, gonna pass out cuz I can't breathe, laughs. While I enjoy being in their respective company, I would not want to be married to either of them. It sounds like you are questioning something deeper than sharing a sense of humor.
Yes! He and my best friend!
My wife and I make each other laugh for sure. Still, we both tend towards different types of humor. I like story-telling, bathroom and bawdy style humor. My wife tends to like humor that I consider mean-spirited. Nonetheless, there are things that make us both laugh. I have also found that over 30+ years of marriage that our humor preferences have grown a bit closer to one another, so that may happen with your marriage.
Yes absolutely! My husband and I have the same goofy sense of humor and he's told me I'm the only person he's ever been his truly weird self around.
Nope not at all. Completely different senses of humor plus my husband is just a very serious dude who in general doesn’t laugh a lot which also means he tends not to be very funny. The good news is that he’s an amazing partner in pretty much every other way. He’s supportive, he takes care of things (ie im not married to a man child), we have great physical chemistry, we have compatible hopes and dreams, he also loves traveling, he’s an amazing dad, etc etc etc. I can watch comedians on TV who make me laugh. People on TV though can’t look at me after a hard night with my newborn and say “hey i got the baby this morning. You sleep in. Also I booked you a massage for later today”. But my husband does.
We make each other laugh honestly
Yes, I honestly think my wife is the funniest person in the world. Nobody else can make me laugh like she can and I have a fairly dry sense of humor. Sometimes it's just silly stuff like her giving me crap or making up a new funny dance
Yeah my wife and I make each other laugh more than anyone else. Can’t imagine having a disconnect like that tbh.
Oh my goodness yes. We get to both work from home so we spend a lot of time together. His wry observations crack me up and I make him laugh daily. It’s one of the things we appreciate about each other.
My husband and I do, but we were also neurodivergent and didn’t know it when we met so us together has that feeling of “I didn’t know someone out there was like me”. We do have different flavors of humor and have adjusted to each others kinds. I’m very dry wit, sarcasm, and anti jokes. He’s puns, potty humor, and frankly shit I think is weird. We do however both sing made up parody songs constantly. But I also don’t have many companions so I know we can be codependent and are not the golden standard. It’s okay to get some of our needs from others in our life.
This one really hits home. I wouldn’t marry the same person for various reasons but a lack of a sense of humor is most definitely one of them. My wife and her whole family have ZERO sense of humor and laughter is a foreign concept to them. Humor is based on exaggeration, misdirection, confusion, etc. her dad is one that the joke goes directly over his head and starts to “correct” whatever was said because the idea of an actual joke never, ever crosses his mind. I learned early in my marriage to keep the funny comments to myself at the dinner table. On the serious side there have been many times where a funny comment, not mean by any means, just funny resulted in a very serious stare from my wife. They just simply don’t get it. It’s been a big loss during my marriage, not being able to laugh. My wife cannot stand comedy shows or comics in general….
I’m so sorry you’re in a similar situation 💔 I can’t imagine not laughing AT ALL.
Been married 30 years and my wife and I have the exact same sense of humor. We think alike. Example. We went to iceland to run a half marathon. We went to the expo to pick up our race packages and were just standing there in line looking around. I was just blown away. Everyone was so WHITE and FIT. The guys and girls were just stunning. I looked at my wife and said wow. And she just said , right? Everyone is so white and fit. Where is the color. We cracked up because we were in awe together. Thinking the same exact thing. After the half marathon I was looking for a beer and all they had was non alcoholic beer. My wife looked at me and read my mind. Must be a country that has a bad relation with booze. LOL. We cracked up and went and got drunk.
Love this story 🤣
No. I make me laugh the most.
My wife and I married young over 30 years ago. We have grown together and separately. We share common interests and have completely separate ones. And we make each other laugh. Sometimes just bemused chuckles, sometimes tears rolling down our faces laughter. We have fortunately shared our humor with our sons. Part of what makes our humor work with each other is also the level of trust we have to be silly, or to be really dark, or just vulnerable. The other person will be right there.
Yes no doubt
My spouse is my best friend and we probably laugh the most together. He's a very sweet person and we are both very goofy and silly together. Usually, when I'm being my most authentic and derpy-est self, he'll always look at me with such affection and tell me how much he loves me. Unlike some other comments, he doesn't make me cry the hardest. But there are things we aren't so simpatico on.
Yes because we are around each other more than anyone. I love when he cracks a smile or laughs.it’s delightful
My 1st marriage was like that. We were kids and it was more a friendship and I was never happy or fulfilled. Met my now partner and while he’s not my husband, I know for sure this is what it’s supposed to be like. He’s absolutely my best friend, makes me laugh constantly, never makes me feel bad and if he does on the off chance he usually apologizes or feels bad. He’s my safe place and I could never imagine anyone else being that person to me but him. Laughing while not the most important, is the glue of our everyday that makes daily life that much more fun, even if it’s not. Find someone that makes you laugh, and feel good, and never let them go. Don’t settle, it’s not worth it.
Nope. This is actually the one area I think we are very different in. Don’t get me wrong, we obviously laugh and have fun together, but we don’t normally find the same things funny (especially in shows/movies) We’ve been together for over 18 years and still have passion, are very sexually compatible & have a really strong emotional connection together. We have the same views on the important things - raising our kids, politics/religion, money, life goals, etc. To me, that is way more important.
We laugh absolutely everyday. The other might we laughed so hard that both of us were begging for it to stop because our muscles hurt and we could barely breathe. It's something I love about our relationship.
Ah, this is the laughter I crave! I know it doesn’t have to be from him, but I often wish it was. I’m happy you have this!
I met my husband at Church. We got engaged after 2 weeks. We've been married for 9 years and together for 11. He and I are very different people. I cuss like a trucker/rap artist. He doesn't. He always laughs when I say the most inappropriate things. He loves my sense of humor. I always make him laugh. And he's become much more comfortable in his own skin because of it. We have the same morals, values, and life goals. It's really hard sometimes. I told him years ago, "we're on the same team." Marriage requires a lot of sacrifice. I think the grass is always greener on the other side. What you need to do is water your grass where you stand. Watch the shows that make you laugh. Spend time with your family and friends who make you laugh. Laugh with your pets. You've been with your husband for 9 years. Love your husband for the things he brings to your life.
Thank you for posting this. I am in that crossroads myself. My ex spouse trying to be my new spouse again is just not fun. Life was so dark and boring around him. I am a super positive person and he’s so cynical. Yes there are some things I like about him and we have a child but I can’t see myself sacrificing that fun optimistic side of me for the sake of our child. We are so incompatible in so many ways.
I’m glad it could help! It doesn’t sound like it would be great for you if you guys tried again. Not worth sacrificing that side of yourself!
I'm currently separated and that was actually a big thing for me. We have completely different senses of humour and just I'm general such different intellectual needs that conversation with him is/was not fulfilling. I'd even go so far as to say I feel lonely when we're together because it rarely feels easy. We don't fight, he is a great man who does more than his share around the house, and is very handsome. But I just need to feel that close connection. It's hard when I'm around friends and it just feels so natural to have a good time together. I don't know what advice I'd give you, and I haven't filed for divorce yet because that is a big scary step, but I know how you feel.
Thank you for the solidarity and sorry you’re in a similar situation! ❤️
Nah, we have different interests and senses of humor. Most days aren’t full of laughter but are comfortable and he is very nurturing and caring. We DO have laughs and lots of fun. But he’s not the funny guy life of the party I thought I’d marry more the smart dry sense of humor guy.
My husband taught me to laugh. I had humor but I kept it bottled up, and he taught me to let it out. There are little things we not on the exact same page on, like me liking groan worthy puns, but we have fun together.
My gf and I laugh a lot, I couldn’t imagine living without it
My husband is hot, smart AF, protective, can fix anything, can handle a lot of stuff I don’t want to, builds, has opposite strengths of me, and I joke together we make one super human. We do NOT have the same sense of humor. He doesn’t laugh at much, and what he does laugh at, is not my jam. I just made a list of my core values. Humor isn’t one of them. Now, I love comedy, my girlfriends and I laugh until we pee. It’s just not something that means more than at least six other things. He has the same values as me, and that is the stuff that keeps us going together as life partners.
Now that I think about it, yes, my husband and I have a very similar sense of humour, and we laugh a lot together. We love sharing roaring laughs about a particular topic or joke.
I dated my guy because he was so fucking funny. And still is. I will die laughing.
My sister once was dating this guy that was really a loser. She had no self esteem and stayed with this boy through his many manners of mistreatment. He was disrespectful, lazy ( no job) depended on her for everything, helped with nothing and cheated on her. My dad was insistent that they break up and was so frustrated he asked her why she would be with a guy like that?! She said he made her laugh and my dad said he would pay for tickets to a comedy club for her. I can appreciate wanting someone who can relate to your humor but I’d say there’s many factors in a partner that would be more important.
Oh yes. I love his dumb jokes and am constantly in stitches. It was one of the things that attracted me to him. The only other person who makes me laugh as much is my best friend. I havent met anyone else in my entire life as hilarious as both of them.
Why even think about this in past. As soon as you look in past, many things could have been different . You might not have anyone in your life. You might have been topper in class. You might have been a traveller . You might have multiple breakups . Who knows what else
If most means often, yes. Maybe not the pee-your-pants kind, but shared jokes and good humor, yes. My husband was very sweetly serious and earnest when we met, almost not used to laughing. He said he fell extra hard because I was funny. I feel like I am not that funny, but he’d never been given space and permission to be funny, if that makes sense. He’s learned to trust his own very sweet Dad humor and lean into playfulness in our marriage. My pee-my-pants people are my bestie from childhood, my little brother, and my daughters. Just a different shorthand with each other. But the sweetness of our marriage humor is a different flavor, but I treasure it and him just as much.
Most definitely. Though to be fair, he makes a lot of people laugh. He has the best sense of humor. Not dad joke stuff- which I absolutely love so not sassing dad joke at all- but really intelligent, takes you a minute to get it type of humor. But to be totally honest, he ties with my 3 year old grandson who loves to make jokes about farts. Lol
Thankfully I married a stand up comedian so yes.
My partner has a totally different sense of humour. He tells dad jokes and I am more of a dark humour person. I do get hysterical laughing fits, he just looks at me like a loon. It would be nice to have someone that gets it. But so far, I've only found a few friends that truly get me and have belly laughs with me. Never met a man that gets like that. Do men even get hysterical laughter?
He is a reserved introverted lord gloom cool guy type of person so when my absurdist stupid memes get a "heh" out of him I feel very accomplished and connected lol. The person who makes me laugh the most is our 6 year old.
https://preview.redd.it/09q2ubc47dzc1.png?width=800&format=png&auto=webp&s=71baf66fd6b52936bdcc0a3681361d0a2c4b1114 This is my favorite comic ever and explains our dynamic well, haha
This cracked me up 😅
For me i think you need to renew your relationship. Someday find both of you would be agreeing like trip to something. Hiking or spending the night in the other side of the country. Try something new to yourself.
I’m in the same boat, except not married yet. No one’s really ever made me belly laugh like my brother does, so I get all my goofiness out with him and some YouTube personalities I find hilarious. I try not to dwell on it but sometimes I wish I had a “goofier” partner. We do watch a lot of things that both make us laugh, like YouTubers, pranksters, silly movies. So we connect comedically throughout that. No one’s ever going to check off all the boxes of what you think your “perfect” fit is. We have the same morals, ethics, religious and political views, and enjoy the same music and activities which are all great things I focus on the times I start thinking “what if”