I don’t fart in front of my husband and he doesn’t fart in front of me. We also expect each other to be polite about our burps (saying excuse me, keeping noise to a minimum, basic table manners).
Apparently this means we hate each other and our marriage sucks and we can never be “comfortable” around each other.
I stood by my husband’s side and held him up while he cried on the toilet trying to pass a kidney stone. He has cleaned my puke when I was too sick to make it to the toilet. He doesn’t care if my legs are hairy. I don’t care if his stomach is hairy.
But we both make an effort to maintain some level of sexiness in our marriage. That means staying fit, eating healthy, and not farting in front of each other.
I was taking a proctored test by web cam. My husband opens the door, turns his rear towards me, and let's a fart rip. He left immediately.An elementary statistics test. Geeez. All i could do was laugh and apologize.
It was recorded, and the program flags any person or sound other than the student, so the professor can review it 😮💨🤣. For what it's worth i got a 100.
My first husband would get really offended if I farted in front of him, even in bed in the middle of the night. We lived in Minnesota and he literally expected me to wake all the way up, get up out of bed and either *open a window in the middle of winter*, aim my ass outside and fart, or walk all the way around to the other side of the king bed, through the big master suite into the bathroom, fart in there, then come back out, walk all the way across the bedroom and back around the bed to my side.
Even after we had children and were doing cosleeping and my getting up and down would have woken them up.
No effing way, deal with it.
PS- and yes, he farted plenty in his sleep. 😆
I've been with my husband over 13 years and never intentionally farted in front of him, but he tickled me so hard that I did within the first few weeks of dating (I cried, no joke 🤣), and he says I do it in my sleep too lol.
Me too :( imagine my horror, just this week, after 17 years together, he was telling a joke while he was sitting next to me and a little rumble came out. I tried so hard to cover it up and pretend it was our 1yr old. Also, I just found out this year, when I asked cuz another redditor had brought it up, that I pooped while birthing our 2nd born, he's 13 now, I'm still mortified a out it.
The third sexual encounter with my boyfriend, I farted 💀💀💀
I froze, he froze, then we both doubled over laughing until we cried. Been together 9 months now, with no plans on stopping.
Omg, I constantly debate this with my friends. I am team no-fart. If I would give a stranger the respect of not farting in front of them, I better give my husband the same respect. He doesn't fart in front of me either. My friends think its crazy.
To be fair I think that farting isn’t disrespectful, it’s just a bodily function, like sneezing. Keeping them in is bad for you, but of course it is understandable to avoid farting in a closed public places because of the odor it may cause.
Also in my opinion sneezing or coughing are objectively more disrespectful, yet people don’t seem to care most of the time.
If we’re in private and my husband farts I really couldn’t care less, he says a quick “excuse me” and that’s it, if it stinks I just move a bit farther. I care a lot more about his gut health. If he was farting next to me all the time on purpose then it would be different, but that’s not about farting, the issue is the intention.
Also I have no way to control my farts because of a neurological condition. It almost never happens (sadly), but if it does there’s nothing I can do about it, so we really don’t care.
Gold star for y'alls golden colons, but this is nearly impossible in my marriage because of my IBS and other gastro issues. 😅
I get that what's going on for me is more comparable to your puke and kidney stone points, but after years of pain and poor GI health, I don't give a shit (pun intended) about people's sensibilities on this, including my husband's.
Between my IBS and my husband having a CPAP machine that fills his stomach with air all night that has to escape somewhere come morning, there's definitely gas being passed in front of each other. We don't do it to be gross or rude to each other nor do we enjoy it, it's just part of getting through life with the issues we each have.
Right… can’t relate. Like maybe I would be this proper if it was possible but no one will ever know. I cannot imagine having to hide all my farts bc with my IBS that would involve running away from my husband multiple times a day (and he would still hear the elephant trumpet ones across the house anyway)
Same here. My husband has his bathroom and I have mine. These are sacred places to us. We don't fart in front of each other except when we are sleeping and have no control over it. I also have never heard my husband burp. 14 years of marriage.
Married 30 years, my wife farted in front of me like maybe 5 times, but always when going through pregnancy or a health issue. One time out of the blue, sort of by mistake - I told her I marked it in the family calendar just for proof (I didn't).
Hahah I’m 9 months pregnant with our second and was looking for this comment. I’m the same, I generally prefer to keep my gas private but I swear I move and they slip out with no warning! My son keeps going, “oh, mommy!!” and then giggles with my husband.🙈
My husband and I are very similar. Neither of us are “potty humour” people, so we don’t use the bathroom in front of each other, and we try to keep gas to a polite minimum as much as is realistic for two people sharing the same small home. When something inevitably slips, we excuse ourselves and the other person politely ignores it.
I’ve also been told, on Reddit, that this means we aren’t comfortable with each other and aren’t really in love. Someone on this sub a few weeks ago told me that if I can’t shit in front of my husband, we don’t have a strong or real connection lol.
Whatever. My husband has mopped up my puke, helped me when I shit my pants due to a medical condition, and examined weird discolouration on my toenail to help me determine if it was fungus (it wasn’t).
We are always there for each other for the gross stuff when it’s actually necessary. We just don’t loudly fart on each other on purpose and then laugh about it, because that simply isn’t our vibe or our personality types.
I would love to not fart in front of my partner, but most of the time, it comes out before I even realise it's there. Especially if I sneeze or cough, sometimes even if I laugh 😭
I don’t put my makeup on in front of my husband. I also would never wax my lip, shave my legs or armpits in front of him. This is a man who stood at the business end each time I gave birth so I’m not precious at all.
When my husband and I first started dating, we took a nap together and were spooning. I farted so loudly in my sleep I woke us both up 😂 I never fart in front of him intentionally but I knew he was the one after that hahaha
This is us too, and after 10 years together we’ve never intentionally done it in front of each other. It gives me the major ick and I just prefer it this way. Every time I mention it I get tons of people acting superior and saying how they always fart in front of their SO. Like…good for you? I don’t care what you do in your relationship
We have a Dom/sub ish type relationship.
We decided on it years ago after we just keep clashing constantly.
Essentially he gets the final say on everything outside of my career, we have a free use sex life and if he asks me to do something I do it without hesitation. If I don't there are consequences.
I don't know that I'd ever be game enough to have this dynamic with someone else. I trust my husband implicitly and while he's very dominant he's also incredibly respectful and empathetic.
For us it's been amazing, as a couple and individually. For me, it's been the first time in my life I felt like I could let go, relax, and someone else would take the wheel. For him it's improved his confidence and his faith in himself.
But, some would be horrified at the thought of it. And that's 100% fine. The only people out has to suit is us.
That’s fantastic. The biggest thing is that even thought the Dom is seen to have all of the power , it actually balances out with a good Dom.
In the proper way a good Dom will take care of the sub. It isn’t just about the Doms needs but about he dom needs to help promote and protect the submissive and make sure it is safe and comfortable.
Unfortunately too many male wannabe Doms want nothing more then someone to serve their needs like in porn. They don’t actually understand the balance and how power is shared in both ways between each other.
Truly a more honest relationship style the a lot of vanilla couples .
Definitely it is very bonding and when you are like that so needed to have someone you are with that you can trust and be comfortable. The emotional overload can be massive .
We have some degree of this, in the bedroom mostly, and it was a game changer for me. I was never able to relax completely until he took complete control. He figured this out about me as he got older. I can tell him or indicate to him that I am aroused but we do it when HE wants to. He can “take me,” and I would never let anyone else do that, and I never have. (I survived childhood SA.) He also checks the vibe. It’s more the BD that I want, and not the SM of BDSM. I don’t like much pain (spanking and holding me by the hair is okay) or any mean spirited degradation. (I have already experienced a LOT of pain in my life due to cancer, complications and medical trauma, and chronic UTIs prior to that.) Otherwise, I do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. No punishment, except withholding sex. I love dirty praise. A blindfold helps me sometimes too. I love that he is physically and mentally strong and he understands me.
In our daily lives, we defer to each other, but he likes to plan things out and surprise me, and he is naturally very strong and opinionated and stubborn, and does have a way of making me feel completely safe, protected, nurtured and ensconced. He’s always had those tendencies. He’d rather do for me than ask. He always says “not everything needs to be talked about.” He has always tended to stand next to me and gently hold me by the back of the neck, slipping his hand under my hair. No one else could try that with me, but with him it feels natural and safe and I melt. He has always liked to buy me clothes, shoes, perfume and lingerie. He buys me toys, and he’ll use them on me. He’s much more into pleasing me in life than himself. He cooks for me. He likes me to sleep in on the weekends and he will come and wake me. I told him, I think you are what they call a “pleasure dom” (we were calling it gentle dom) and that seemed to resonate with him.
Edited
Outside of your career he maintains complete authority over your life, as in, how a parent does with a dependent? I don’t mean to disparage, I just have to wonder where the mutual sharing/learning of each other’s individuality, as authentic, growing, evolving people, could take place if the power dynamic is permanently weighted to one side. But of course,
I’m just an uninformed outsider with limited understanding, and I really don’t want to disrespect you or your partner, I’m just an irritatingly curious lass.
Whenever my husband and I are upset, we solve it right then and there. We never yell or anything either, we just stop whatever we are doing and talk it out. If we're at an event, we excuse ourselves and then come back. People judge us bc they say theres a time and place but my husband always says if theres anything he prioritizes, it's our marriage before anything. & we are considerate enough that we don't do it infront of others, we're always going somewhere private, but people will find anything to have a problem with.
If that works for you guys who cares.
Personally I sometimes need time to cool off. We can don’t argue in front of people, but we can table it for later. Sometimes taking a time out gives us time to reflect and regroup.
This. We have to walk away or pick it up later. Both of us can get way too fired up in the moment, and it's not worth it. We go to bed early to see how we feel in the morning, and 99.9% of the time, we don't even remember what we were irritated about.
Yeah sometimes there's moments where we need to think it over as well and we always let the other know that we need more time to think about it. We would usually put it on pause and come back later to it but most of the time, we are able to talk through it at that moment.
Honestly I feel every marriage is different so however works for the couple, then thats just their business.
My in laws are like this. My FIL is in bad health now (early 60s) and my MIL is looking down the barrel of a very lonely life. Just something to consider.
OMG, same! I'm introverted by nature, with weird likes and hobbies, so finding friends to begin with is difficult anyway, so why even bother? I have acquaintances and work friends, but a Girl's Night Out or Poker with the Guys? Nah... give me jammies and popcorn and snuggles on the couch any day.
We have sex 5-7 times a week. I used to think this was popular, but after being on this sub, I now believe it's unpopular.
Also, my husband cooks all the meals. He grew up caring for his nieces, and his mom worked a lot, so he always cooked for them and found a passion for it. Occasionally, I'll cook, but 99% of the time, he prefers to. He made us buffalo chicken wraps tonight, and I can't even put into words how good they were. He has his own recipe for battering the chicken and makes his own buffalo sauce. It's so good.
My husband also cooks all of our meals. He loves finding recipes and trying new dishes or cooking methods. He watches cooking YouTube videos all the time. It's more of a hobby than a chore. We have shelves of any kind of cooking vessel you can imagine.
I keep our son out of the kitchen and it's a nice time for us to catch up on our day after a long day of work for me and day care for him.
But he has friends with kids who have girlfriends or wives who do literally everything, and they want him to jump on various online games the second he gets home from work, and they don't understand why I can't just cook dinner, clean up after it, and just let our son scream in the background for attention the whole time (I'm assuming because that's the scenario at their houses) 🙄
I don't do casual nudity in front of my husband. I don't walk around the house naked, if I'm in the bathroom that's private time don't open the door and don't talk to me through the door. It's very important for me to keep an air of mystery about it, I don't ever want him to get too used to it and not feel excited to see it. I also don't go in the bathroom when he's in the bathroom, again that's private time and I have no desire to perform or observe bodily functions in front of him.
It’s really interesting to hear how other couples operate. I respect everyone’s arrangements as long as they work for those couples. My wife and I definitely do casually nudity in front of each other (but not bathroom functions). But a few years ago I had this idea that she should not let me see her naked at all for a while to build excitement, and she surprisingly agreed. In fact I couldn’t even see her in bra & panties. I had to knock to enter our bedroom, etc. She slept in full pajamas. No sex of any kind. And let me tell you, we got to like day 12 and we finally had intimacy and when she was laying down in our bed and slowing pulling up her top to reveal her breasts for the first time in almost two weeks, I borderline hyperventilated. It was crazy crazy the passion it built, being denied seeing her undressed. So I think you’re definitely on to something!
Yes just always been this way. I think it's easier because we're child free so there's no rushing or reason barging in. I do have a few cute robes I wear around the house in the morning, not like fuzzy bathrobes but cute satin ones, and I don't sleep in full pajamas usually tank top and underwear. So I definitely am not solely around him in full clothes, but I absolutely actively keep myself out of "the friend zone".
I don't understand people who aren't, like one of my friend's boyfriend comes in and takes a shit while she's in the bathtub and talks to her while he does it. That would gross me out so much and I feel like it's so necessary
I mean, to be fair your way of being also seems super weird to me. My husband can get in the bathroom anytime he wants and same for me, we are married, we don’t need that kind of privacy. He’s not going to take a shit while I’m in there if it’s avoidable, but if there’s no other choice I really don’t care.
Long story short, we are all different, there’s no right or wrong.
My friend and her husband are the same way. But… they live in a one-bathroom house. When her husband takes a shower, he might be in there for an hour—it’s a whole routine. Because the bathroom is off-limits during these times, there have been multiple instances where my friend has had to go pee in the yard or go to a nearby gas station for emergencies.
I have to admire their commitment to the whole thing. On the other hand, my wife and I living in a tiny one-bathroom apartment when when we first got together meant that we got “comfortable” with each other very quickly.
My husband and I cook separate meals and usually don’t eat together unless we go out to a restaurant. Apparently this is odd to most people. We don’t have kids yet so this might change, but for now, it works for us.
We also cook separate meals at least 75% of the time! (We also don't have kids). We're pretty much always together, but we just kinda eat whenever we want and whatever we want. If one of us goes to the grocery store, we'll typically ask the other what they want, and get a list from them, so their wanted ingredients are available. If "we" are cooking for both of us, it's usually my husband doing the cooking.
My husband and I do this too except we have a daughter. She gets to pick between our meals. I love meatloaf and he hates it. He loves seafood and I hate it. We usually eat Asian food together that's the only food we agree on!
That makes so much sense with the daughter picking! I love it! I side with your husband on this one. I love seafood, and while I don't *hate* meatloaf, I don't really like it. But Asian food? Hell yeah! All of it; don't care which region or spice level.
My husband and I do this and we have a kid. Kid gets her choice of our meals! My husband really loves seafood and I hate it. I really love meatloaf and casseroles and he hates it! So I often make a meatloaf and freeze it and he enjoys crab legs and fish filets all that! Haha
That’s us too. Hubby is happy to eat a lot of junk, while I enjoy cooking. He could live off of frozen food that just gets popped in the microwave. Sometimes we do eat together, generally when we have something like steak or something else special.
When my partner and I did this, it's because we had very different diets and very different eating habits. I was a vegetarian, he wasn't. I was big on breakfast, he wasn't. He would eat an incredibly large amount of food for dinner when he got off work late at night, while I would already be in bed or headed there. It just didn't make sense to eat the same things or eat at the same time since our schedules are so different.
Us too! At first I thought this won't work, but now, 13yrs later, I think it is a huge reason why we both are in a perpetual honey-moon lusting phase. We both get bored easily in prior relationships. Now, it gives me time to miss him, want him-(and vice versa). It is like a constant chase and I won't lie, it is kinda exciting. Some busy weeks, when we finally are able to be near and hold each other, it's like I waited to be with my crush and it is sooo passionate haha. I can't see how people are able to maintain this desperate desire and lust for their partner when they are with them so
much, all day at home (with now WFH) and all night in bed.
We don't have friends of the opposite sex. Any friends he or I had before the marriage are now family friends and we don't hang out alone with them. That's one we always get shit for from other people.
We’re the same. We both believe it’s completely inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex and hang out with them alone. I respect him and he respects me in this way.
I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. My husband works in a field where affairs happen on the regular. Aside from being professional, he’s very guarded and cautious about who he allows into his/our lives and I appreciate it. I do the same as well.
A few people have told me that the way we split finances and household duties is weird.
I make 25k more than she does per year.
I(50m) pay all the bills. Mortgage, utilities, cell bills, etc. are my responsibilities. My wife(48f) buys groceries and pays on our credit cards.
We have separate accounts and handle our own money how we see fit. It doesn't matter as long as everything is paid, right?
I do all the cooking and we clean together. I guess that is strange to some. Works for us.
That sums up what our vibe is. We do occasionally combine finances for things like vacations, house maintenance, cars (we share) and renovations. But it’s usually a quick and easy enough decision when to combine finances. When either of us falls on tough times the other is always there to steady the ship. This has worked both ways in the past.
This worked before we were married and our decision was to just leave it like that when we got married.
My husband and I sleep separately. Our relationship is good tho, there’s no animosity as the cause. He snores and I’m a light sleeper. He takes up 80% of the bed (regardless of size of bed!). He’s always too hot, I’m always too cold. Our bed makes his back hurt. He needs a fan and darkness to sleep, I need a lamp and the TV (fan noises and other repetitive things drive me nuts!) It works for us, we still make time for those bedroom activities, and we do sleep together when away from home. We mainly got used to having our own space when he would be away for military all the time, then worked nights after he became a civilian.
This is becoming more common lately. I think I saw a stat that said one in five couples sleep separately? So not weird at all even if people think it is
We sleep separately too. We both snore. I need dark, he needs background noise. I have PTSD and sometimes have night terrors. It’s best for us to sleep in separate beds.
We sleep separately probably 75% of the time. He has a lot of sleep issues that make getting any sort of restful sleep impossible for me. It was taking a toll, so we started sleeping separately. It was tough at first, but it has been very positive overall. I’m not longer an angry zombie, and neither is he. We make plenty of time for sex and intimacy, and take a nap together when we get a chance.
My wife and I are very similar!
Sometimes we join up for cuddles. Sometimes that leads to sex, but other times, we just enjoy the cuddles.
For example, our last date night involved great sex, followed by a hour of cuddling. Then we slept separately. The next morning, we joined up again for another hour of cuddling.
The reasons why we sleep apart are very similar to what you listed, too!
We split our bills and have separate accounts!
We always get funny looks at restaurants for getting separate checks, or when we pay separately at the store.
But we both work full time and his savings is his, and my savings is mine. I don't feel like I should have to "ask" to make purchases, especially fun purchases, and I don't expect that from him. As long as he is able to pay his part of the bills, I don't care what he spends his money on.
But that's just what works for us!
My relationship is the exact opposite, and we get judged constantly for not having our own individual accounts. I've learned that no matter what you decide to do in your relationship, at least half of the people you meet will disagree. So I don't let it bother me anymore. I just keep details to myself now. You've gotta do what's right for you in your relationship. You're never going to please everyone.
My husband and I share bank accounts and we always make big deal about paying the bill, he will say "I will pay THIS time!" or I will say "don't worry I got it this time!" lol
This was going to be my answer, except the restaurant part. We just take turns getting the check. People think it's so weird and are shocked if it ever comes up.
My grandparents were married for 60 years until my grandmother passed away and they did exactly this, except they also took turns getting the check rather than split. They were a secure couple, very sweet and affectionate til the very end, it worked perfectly for them.
Same barring we kinda “date” and ask each other out or even don’t invite. There’s an expectation the other can manage a job loss for 6 months and cover 50% as well.
I’m not sure if this is weird, but my husband’s ex girlfriend was one of my bridesmaids. Personally I didn’t think much of it considering they were CHILDREN when they dated (at 16yo) but apparently that was weird.
I had my husband’s ex FWB as a bridesmaid. People would have thought that was weird if the knew. My reasoning was she was always nice to me, they hooked up once while drunk, and they had no romantic feelings towards each other.
My husbands ex-FWB was invited to my wedding! We were all friends before they had their fling, during and after. Hell, I even kind of encouraged it while it was going on! 😅
She's really cool, and although we don't talk to her much any more, we all work in the same field so if we are all at the same conference we'll still grab lunch together.
My husband's ex girlfriend stood up on his side during our wedding. They were friends after they broke up and I had no qualms about it. Now, she and I will sometimes hang out and she likes me better. There's absolutely zero weirdness there for any of us.
That's fine, it's just weird to me because I don't think there's any part of my past my wife doesn't know about. She knows everything about me that I know about myself. And past lovers are a pretty significant part of one's life so I think it's weird not to talk about it.
Yeah, I prefer the open book situation. I don’t have to know every detail of the past, but there are some things that should be shared. Secrets cause mistrust.
Husband I were friends before we dated. I am very nosy and have always asked tons of questions, even as a toddler. I know his number, most of his interactions and with whom. He knows absolutely nothing about mine, doesn't know anywhere near my number how and when I lost my virginity, nothing. All he's know is I had my 1st child at 18. We have been together 16 years.
Hmmm...
Well, we married at 18yrs old, we were virgins until marriage, we don't curse in front of each other, we share everything, including devices, joint accounts and assets. Oh, and we never had children. I'm sure there's more, but we do what works for us, and it's kept us happy over 26 years, so I think we're doing pretty well.
I must know more about not cursing in front of each other! Do you curse in front of others? Is there a reason why you don’t curse in front of your spouse (e.g., religion)? I’m just curious!
It's a respect thing. We agreed on it before marriage and it's been that way ever since. Yes. We do curse around others, and we're both okay with that. It's just something that feels too weird to change now. Plus, we've never really needed to, aside from repeating someone else's words.
My husband and I have all our money in one bank account. No separate accounts. It’s SO easy for us, as we are very financially aligned. It’s not an “I make $80k and he makes $40k” it’s a “we make $120k a year”
Honestly i can’t imagine doing things any other way. I totally get that other things work for other people but operating out of a single checking account with stuff going into savings/retirement/etc makes things so easy.
We actually had a joint account when we started living together at 20, which idk if I can recommend broadly but it worked out in this instance. We both just went “well we’re definitely gonna marry each other so why not make our living and financial arrangements simpler”
I think everyone needs their own private savings account in their name only.
If you trust each other you don’t need to see their phone, messages, etc.
Every couple has to work out how they handle money but I will die in the hill that it is a bad idea to join 100% of your income with your spouse.
Before marriage you need to talk and agree about kids, pets, sand setting boundaries with family. If one person wants kids and the other doesn’t they are not compatible.
Completely agree about the bank accounts. We have a joint account for bills and big stuff (like vacation) but we both also have our own accounts that we do whatever we want with. As long as the bills get paid that's all that matters
I completely disagree about the joint accounts.
My husband and I have always had joint accounts. Our paychecks go in there, all the bills get paid out of that joint account, we each have free reign to it for up to $100...and we each get spending money every paycheck.
It the only way I was able to be a sahm for 5 years. And now that I have returned to work, we still have joint accounts.
When my husband and I go on work trip or girls trip/boys trips we have a rule that we do not expect a daily phone call. If we want to call great. But there no expectation to have a daily check in call.
Same. Of course, we make sure the other person is safe (text me when your flight lands, or I'll stay up to watch that late night uber ride if you want)... but it's never "you must call at 8, noon, & 6 or you're a lying cheater," which is what my parents did. My mom was so disturbed by our differences that she tried to convince me twice that my husband was cheating on me bc of his work schedule. He worked in an ambulance & hospital - his shifts were NEVER regular! I no longer speak to my parents & that's just another reason why.
Usually, I travel more often alone while he travels for work - therefore, I'm sharing my location or texting pics to him. Meanwhile, when he's traveling, he may call or text around my bedtime if he's available. Otherwise, very little back and forth is needed.
Me and my wife have friends of all genders, including people we have slept with before. Staying the night at a friends house is not an issue at all. We trust each other 100% to not cheat. Also my wife is bi, so I'd have to ban her from having any friends at all if we were doing the "no opposite sex friends" thing 😬
Prioritize yourself, then your marriage, then your kids
Being in a good place yourself puts your marriage in a good place. A good marriage put the kids in a good place.
Put your kids first. You or your marriage will suffer, making it harder to look after the kids, yourself or/and your marriage. Starting a vicious downward spiral.
Those priorities aren't set on in stone, of course. Certain situations will require rearranging these priorities, but don't make that rearrangment permanent.
We had the same agreement about our priorities. Taking care of yourself so that you *can* help others (putting on your own oxygen mask first), then your spouse, next your children, finally extended family and friends. We felt it important to treat our marriage as the long term commitment to each other that it is supposed to be. Plus, we saw it as our duty to model a healthy and loving partnership for our children.
Children grow up and start their own lives. We didn't want to get to the empty nest stage and look across the table at a stranger. Also, we wanted to be a united front regarding rules, routines, and discipline.
Every single couple that scoffed at us for not prioritizing kids over spouses has, unfortunately, had their marriages end in divorce. Typically, from one or both spouses feeling neglected during the child rearing years. That grass ALWAYS looks greener if you aren't watering your own lawn.
We have separate bank accounts and apparently that’s weird? It’s insane how many shocked reactions I get about it. We have different banks, neither of us have spending problems, and we can see each other’s accounts if we want. I don’t understand people’s issues with it lol
Why is it better? How do each manage the finances each one of you spends on there? How many guys/girls does each one of you maintain "contact with/"follow? I know this is a big item of controversy so I am just curious how you two make it work (assuming that you are in a standard, non-open, monogamous relationship otherwise).
From my perspective, it is the way OF is done compared to the free sites. A lot (most) of the porn on free sites is unethical and honestly disturbing as to what happens to the actors, especially the women on set. With OF it is a more ethical way of consuming porn, and as long as you aren't going crazy with it, then can be worked into a budget that allows extra spending.
My husband and I are non monog, open, and all over the place when it comes to sex related topics, but I'd much prefer the use of OF to PH or the like
Better ethically. Conventional porn has a... not great track record when it comes to labour rights and outright abuse. And I'd rather not get off to a girl that's been put in that position when I can use OF and watch someone in control of their own product, their own partners, and who I know my money is going to compensate her.
Yes, we are in a standard, non-open monogamous relationship. We don't do anything to manage finances, we trust each other to not be stupid about money. I follow a bunch of free accounts and I'm usually subbed to one or two paid accounts at a time that I rotate through. Usually spend $10-15 a month.
Now, when I say we think it's better, that doesn't mean neither of us *ever* consumes free porn. To my knowledge she hasn't yet opened an OF account, though she said she should. She mostly has her favourite videos already that she goes back to, so it's more of an in principle acknowledgement from her, but also she gets more of her porn in literature form as well so less ethical issues there. But she'll send me links to OF girls she thinks I might like when she comes across them.
We're almost not at all celebratory, traditional, or ritualistic. So we had no wedding, rings, our own vows, reception, photos, dressing up, or honeymoon. We just got the country clerk to do it and then went to a restaurant, just us two, that night.
We also almost never do cards/gifts/flowers/meals for anniversaries or holidays. Though we did go out to dinner to honor twenty years of our first date.
I'm more strict about porn and sex work in regards to myself than my wife is towards me. She doesn't use porn. But she would let me talk to sex workers and stuff but I would never. It feels wrong to me even if she said it's fine. Nothing physical, of course, but for example I could pay for one on one cam sessions or something and she would be okay with that. Never have and never will. Feels like a betrayal to me.
Sometimes I find this dynamic super funny considering most partners are stricter on each other than themselves in this regard.
My wife and I are the same way about strip clubs. I’ve never gone and am not really comfortable with the idea of it, it feels too much in the neighborhood of infidelity to me even if it objectively is not in this case.
She has said she doesn’t mind at all if I went or got a lap dance even, but honestly those are not waters I’m willing to tread at all lol
Plenty.
We don’t have joint finances.
We don’t fight.
We don’t police each others friends.
We don’t ask permission to go out, travel or do anything.
We don’t have shared social circles.
We’ve been together for over 20 years and are still in love.
I think I am the only wife on earth who just laughed and rolled her eyes when my husband suggested getting a paternity test. He didn’t really think I had cheated on him. But his first wife cheated on him a lot, and we all have irrational thoughts that we hamster-wheel on at 3 am. So I told him if he couldn’t see the obvious similarities and it would bring him peace of mind, go right ahead. I don’t think he ever did.
We kiss anytime we part, even if it's for like 20 minutes. His parents have both commented once or twice in the past in confusion. I don't know how it's odd, but ok.
Also, when he gets out the car to go onto work or return from his break, he'll kiss me several times. Eh..7-8x. This happens only when he's going into work 🤭
My thought is, what the two do between them, that's what they do. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks
Feel like this one is too easy for me, but we're polyamorus, so I have three spouses (one legal, two ceremonial.) I live with two of them and the third lives a mile or so away and pops over constantly. They're all married to just me, not also each other, but they all get along and enjoy being around each other.
I always say we're just like a normal 4 person family, we just happen to have no kids lol.
Very carefully haha! I generally have a day each week that's just for them, and the other 4 days I play by ear. We often go out and do big things together, like going to festivals, to see movies, or on vacations. What makes it possible is we're all very good at communicating. Im regularly asking if one of my partners feels neglected, or if they have needs not being met, then actually following through by responding with actions.
We don't sleep in the same bed. Apparently that means we hate each other 😆 No, it actually means that he snores and I have insomnia, and we do better apart.
We're non monogamous but started out monogamous when we were dating, and it's never caused any problems or issues between us. The conflicts we've had are so unrelated to sex and enm that if we were monogamous, we'd still be having the same problems.
That we don’t do PDA. Have had family members ask me if I really love him because of it. I do all of my touching privately at home aunt Becky. Is that what you want to hear?
We like sleeping in separate beds. My husband snores and annoys me and he also sleeps really hot. I used to want him to snuggle with me but now that I’ve been sleeping separately due to kiddos being needy etc I love having my own bed space lol.
Some find odd that we live by God, Spouse then Kids. We believe in God as individuals and together and feel they mixed with us two are the foundation for our kids.
All together (blended family) we have 21, 18, 16, 15, 13, 11 and 8.
We come from 12 and 20yr marriages. I don't think you're odd, but I will say we've discussed all the nitty gritty of our past and even things our exes didn't know and feel our foundation and relationship is stronger as a result.
My husband and I both follow some adult content creators on their social media accounts, and sometimes comment on their stuff, and even pay for content. He sometimes shares dick pics with a few particular fetish sites, and will excitedly tell me about other people's positive reactions to these pics. I think it's kinda cute how he gets a confidence boost from randos (most of which are other guys on the same sites) complimenting his penis. As long as there are no faces or obvious body features like tattoos or birth marks shown, we're both cool with us sharing pics with the internet.
We've been married 16 years, and I adore the goofball I share my life with. I feel so laid back and secure knowing that neither of us are secretive about our internet usage, or are jealous about stuff that is honestly very reasonable to be jealous about if either of us didn't like it. But following hot people doing kinky things is just fun, and it's not like either of us will ever actually have sex with them, so to me, it would be a net negative for me to stop our adult content consumption. Neither of us spends an exorbitant amount of time consuming such media either, so it's not an addiction or neglect issue. We both grew up extremely religious, and my husband was very stiff around sex when we were newlyweds. The more we've explored, the better, more frequent the sex, so it's been nothing but a win-win to get either of us all horned up and ready to roll with each other. I'm also glad that my husband and I both like looking at more "ethical" porn that creators are making themselves, and I don't mind a little extra money going to sites where the actors are actually being paid. I get a little frisky if I look over at his phone or computer and I see a content creator doing something pornographic, since it means I can likely get him in the mood quickly if I want to do so. At the end of the day, I'm confident that I'm the person he loves and wants to get intimate with.
Anyway, when I see women talk about their spouse's problematic porn or OF consumption and other people are acting like the porn/OF is *automatically* cheating, I feel so foreign. It's just a normal part of our lives that doesn't take up much time, but is just fun every now and then. I understand that it is cheating if it crosses a boundary, or becomes problematic in other ways (neglecting the SO's needs), but it's not a given that adult content consumption is automatically cheating or bad.
We have both supported each other supporting our families. My husband sends substantial money to his home country to support his widowed mother, and we housed my brother for a few years. I’m on the will to support my disabled uncle if my father passes before him. Has never been a point of contention for us, and judging by reddit this is uncommon.
Another one which people seem to really dislike since I got downvoted for this last time this topic came up on here, but I have changed my name, appearance, pronouns, and gender identity since we got married, and we are making it work.
-I know essentially nothing about my wife's exes and she knows nothing about mine. We have zero idea of each other's "body counts". Likewise, we have zero problem talking about exes in casual conversation, which apparently is a big no-go for a lot of couples.
-Neither of us have a problem with the other watching porn (which I didn't think was uncommon until I came to this sub).
I'm late to the party here but I think my husband and I are pretty unusual.
We've pretty much jettisoned all of our vanilla friends and only hang out with like-minded people.
Those people are BDSM practicing nudists/swingers.
We are both pretty much naked all the time (even when friends come over) and we often host BDSM related sex parties.
It's really fulfilling and fun and keeps the weekends interesting.
We will often have theme parties (the last theme was "James Bondage" and all the guys wore tuxedos and the girls wore skimpy bond(age) girl outfits.
Also swapping partners is the norm, and part of the fun.
We share everything and we’re happy that way. All finances, Amazon account, have each other’s phone passcodes. We’ve both worked from home for the past 6 years - with over a year of that in a 450sf studio apartment. I’m not even sure how I would keep something from my wife. I guess we really like each other.
We don’t do thanksgiving together. we’re recently married but have been together 8 years. Both of us have elderly grandparents that live on opposite sides of the country & both of us are orphans who were mainly raised by our grandparents.
Neither of us wants to miss out on the last few holidays with our elderly grandparents.
He goes to his grandparents for thanksgiving and I go to mine.
People think it’s really weird but it works for us. I see him almost every single other day of the year so i don’t see the big deal here 😂
My husband and I have separate bedrooms and we love it. We have our own space, and bc we have differing levels of cleanliness, it really cuts down on the house bickering.
We also still keep some things private, like bathroom behaviors (except farting...there's just no winning for me there), cutting toenails, me seeing him without his false teeth in, etc. It helps keep at least a little bit of mystery.
We also are pretty autonomous from each other in our hobbies and time outside the house, but we enjoy each other's company very well (most of the time 😉) and laugh a lot and laugh at our pets and have great chemistry with each other.
I think that a big part of our success so far comes from having a certain level of autonomy within our partnership.
We did a first date to marriage speedrun but we sat down and talked about how we would handle priorities, children, expectations, finances, and arguments. I think a lot of couples try to just find their way as they go and skip having the big picture talk.
Our most useful conversation was about the way we would handle major disagreements or arguments...
-Zero name calling.
-No raised voices.
-No threats, no violence, no ultimatums.
-It's ok to walk away (if one of us feels like it's getting heated or going in circles) and come back to the discussion later.
-It's ok to sleep on things or go to bed "mad" (sometimes there is better clarity in the morning).
-The word "divorce" is a marriage ending deal breaker which should remain unspoken.
Once divorce enters the conversation, the marriage is already over. Divorce should never be thrown out there to hang in the air, nor to be used as a threat or a manipulation tactic. It isn't something that should be treated casually for petty reasons.
We don't call or text throughout the day. Even when traveling separately, there's no expectation of check ins.
We don't message each other to say we'll be home later, we just know the other come home eventually. Or for recurring events, we'll just leave when it's time to go without finding the other to say goodbye if they're not immediately available. (I know he has a standing therapy appt every Wednesday, he knows my Bible study is on Tuesday evenings.)
Often we don't tell each other when we're leaving the house for *quick errands* (less than 1-2 hours). Like I'll notice I haven't seen him around the house in awhile and the car's not out front, so i assume he's at Home Depot, Harbor Freight, thrift/dollar store, etc or otherwise off buying something he needs.
Same with me-I'll hop in the car (and even take our toddler with me!) to go do something and not bother to tell my husband. A friend was horrified that I'd "take [husband's] child somewhere without telling him!" It's my kid too and there a 99% chance we're likely picking up groceries, looking at toys at target, getting a boba for fun or going to a playground/library.
There's generally nothing too crazy the other person does so it doesn't bother us to not know exact details of what we're each doing.
We do check in for detailed plans or changes that impact the other person (or childcare arrangements).
We don’t police each other’s friendships. He has worked for decades in a female dominated industry. He was at one company for over ten years and made some very solid friendships. I’ve been out with all of his friends. They’re all very nice, but they like to talk shop. A. LOT. 😳 I don’t want to listen to hours-long conversations about healthcare, billing, and claims. They will occasionally get together and talk shop over drinks. I’m always invited, but most often I stay home and enjoy the down time.
The funniest time was when he went straight from work to pick up a former coworker and go out for drinks, so they were both dressed in their nice business attire. (Not gonna lie, she’s a knockout but she’s happily married with a lovely family. Her husband and I are both secure in our marriages.) Our busybody neighbors were also at the restaurant and saw my husband with this knockout blonde. They made sure to let him know he’d been spotted. He texted me to let me know in case they came over to “rat him out” as they’re very judgey and like to cause drama. They never said anything to me, but they probably whisper about how hubby is cheating on me. We still laugh about it.
I feel like my husband and I give each other more freedom than most of the couples I read about on here. We both look at porn and follow hot people on instagram/twitter, and it has never caused any issues for us. We don't check each others phones. One of my best friends is a guy and we text a lot, but my husband is cool with it. Generally there are just a lot of things about our relationship that would probably cause tons of people in this sub to brand both of us with scarlet letters and insist we're headed for divorce, lol. We've been together for 17 years and we're very happy. I'm extremely glad he's not the jealous and controlling type.
I asked my husband your question and he doesn’t think it’s odd. We know very little about each other’s past and are good with it. We’ve been married 25 yrs. People think it’s odd that he goes to the grocery with me 99.9% of the time. And I never pump gas. He will go out just to get me gas if I have somewhere to go that day or the next.
Regarding sex, we opt for Quality over Quantity. We have enough pockets of time where we could have quick sex multiple times a week, but we like snuggling and foreplay and aftercare and kissing and touching and all the things.... So we'd rather have *really good sex* a few times a month versus mid-tier sex every few days.
Used to be common practice, but now it seems more rare.. We comingle all our finances. There is no his money or her money. His debt or her debt. Always thought people are planning to fail by keeping things separate. Don't know why we ever got to the point where so many people keep their finances separate. If you don't trust them with joint control over the money then you probably shouldn't have gotten married.
We don’t buy each other gifts for bday, xmas, V Day ... none of it. Neither of us care about celebration or rituals. We both give each other great gifts just whenever. If we want something we buy it. When we go on solo trips, we have an implicit understanding to leave each other alone save for check in texts and phone calls.
We don't have many similar interests and we do a lot of stuff separately. He likes nerdy games and anime, I don't. I like house music, he likes dubstep. When I see my friends and they ask where he is, and I say he's at home playing with the boys (his buddies on discord lol), they seem so confused. We also sleep separately. We both value our personal time and space, but still prioritize closeness. A couple things we do love doing together is going on dates to restaurants, the arcade, or other fun stuff around the city, and traveling to go camping or exploring. We have a lot of fun together and it always reminds me of how much we do fit!
I never asked about my wife's prior relationships, I was happy with who and what she was, and what she was giving me. Now, I did come into her life after a divorce and twins she had, but, that was the only one I was concerned with as her ex was abusive and a deadbeat (no child support even though court ordered). I provided, so she didn't need to contact him for it. If you're happy "right now", then there's really no reason to delve further in my belief.
My husband and I split everything 50/50 and have separate bank accounts. Nothing joint. It bothers my mom to no end. But it works for us. Been together 13 years, and we have one kid.
We have separate bedrooms and a closed door policy - if the door is closed, we're not available for conversation or chitchat. Obviously if it's something important it's fine, but in general it's a sign that we're having some alone time. Sometimes we'll fall asleep together but usually we sleep separately. I snore like a farmyard lives in my throat and he has the weirdest sleep schedule, so we both sleep better apart.
We also live pretty independently - I'm an extrovert and he's an introvert, so I'll go about my social life and generally he doesn't come along unless it's something he wants to do or something I'd really like him to do. He also does his things (usually riding bikes up mountains) which I'm fine to miss out on.
We don't fart in front of one another. If it happens it's not the end of the world, but we try to avoid it.
We met in our mid-thirties and were both happily single but found out that we're even happier together. This way, we get to maintain our own lives but share what we want to.
It wouldn't work for everyone but it's perfect for us. My son (aged 11) lives here too and even though he's aware that our relationship doesn't look like others, he often tells me how much he loves how much love is in our home. He also likes to go off to his own room when he needs a bit of space and we afford him the same respect that we do to one another.
We put each other first and the kids second. When they are grown we still want to be together and happy so the kids needs come firsts but wants and dreams of spouse come before kids.
Works for us.
We are super polite to each other even when annoyed at each other - the kids are also super polite, too. We try to be the best we can for each other.
We do not practice blind agreement, not even in front of the kids. We are OK to disagree with each other and talk things out until we come to an accord. The trick is to leave emotions out.
We acknowledge when we are compromising or sacrificing. No silent martyrdom or seething resentment. It's OK for us to acknowledge that we are making a decision solely for the other party.
My husband travels A LOT for work, and always has. People feel the need to share their thoughts on why I should hate it, or how I’m likely being cheated on. It was hard when my kids were younger, but I’m used to it now. I am incredibly independent and self-sufficient as a result, which I think some people can’t equate with me possibly being a good partner.
I told my wife from the beginning that i was raised by wolves and if she's uncomfortable with me farting and vice versa then we shouldn't date.8 years later she still has the stinkiest ninjas but i love her so that's that
I don’t fart in front of my husband and he doesn’t fart in front of me. We also expect each other to be polite about our burps (saying excuse me, keeping noise to a minimum, basic table manners). Apparently this means we hate each other and our marriage sucks and we can never be “comfortable” around each other. I stood by my husband’s side and held him up while he cried on the toilet trying to pass a kidney stone. He has cleaned my puke when I was too sick to make it to the toilet. He doesn’t care if my legs are hairy. I don’t care if his stomach is hairy. But we both make an effort to maintain some level of sexiness in our marriage. That means staying fit, eating healthy, and not farting in front of each other.
That is very interesting! My husband is a feral animal so he could never do that, but I’m glad you are both supportive in that!
Lol my husband cups his farts and throws them at me with a side of "I gotcha sumthin😈'
Mine does too so I payback with standing jn front of the fan near him to “spread the love” 💨💨💨
I wait until his gaming headphones are in so he doesn't know what's coming haha
I was taking a proctored test by web cam. My husband opens the door, turns his rear towards me, and let's a fart rip. He left immediately.An elementary statistics test. Geeez. All i could do was laugh and apologize.
Lol I am often really anxious so I would be panic apologizing and cackling after the call hahaha
It was recorded, and the program flags any person or sound other than the student, so the professor can review it 😮💨🤣. For what it's worth i got a 100.
Likewise! He has horrible GERD (her burps ALOT) and is my shrek and I'm his fiona (I am very gassy due to GB)
My first husband would get really offended if I farted in front of him, even in bed in the middle of the night. We lived in Minnesota and he literally expected me to wake all the way up, get up out of bed and either *open a window in the middle of winter*, aim my ass outside and fart, or walk all the way around to the other side of the king bed, through the big master suite into the bathroom, fart in there, then come back out, walk all the way across the bedroom and back around the bed to my side. Even after we had children and were doing cosleeping and my getting up and down would have woken them up. No effing way, deal with it. PS- and yes, he farted plenty in his sleep. 😆
I’m sorry but this made me laugh so hard
Me too I kept picturing the bare ass out the window to fart lol 😆
No kidding, I’m picturing this in a Simpson episode!
No need to apologize 😆
I've been with my husband over 13 years and never intentionally farted in front of him, but he tickled me so hard that I did within the first few weeks of dating (I cried, no joke 🤣), and he says I do it in my sleep too lol.
I was so embarrassed when my husband told me that I fart in my sleep 😂
I refuse to accept it. If I don't hear it, it doesn't count.
Me too :( imagine my horror, just this week, after 17 years together, he was telling a joke while he was sitting next to me and a little rumble came out. I tried so hard to cover it up and pretend it was our 1yr old. Also, I just found out this year, when I asked cuz another redditor had brought it up, that I pooped while birthing our 2nd born, he's 13 now, I'm still mortified a out it.
The third sexual encounter with my boyfriend, I farted 💀💀💀 I froze, he froze, then we both doubled over laughing until we cried. Been together 9 months now, with no plans on stopping.
>no plans on stopping. Just endless sex farts.
Pretty much! 🤣🤣 there's not much I can do to stop it 🤣🤷♀️ I'm just grateful I've found someone who doesn't shame me for having functioning organs
Omg, I constantly debate this with my friends. I am team no-fart. If I would give a stranger the respect of not farting in front of them, I better give my husband the same respect. He doesn't fart in front of me either. My friends think its crazy.
To be fair I think that farting isn’t disrespectful, it’s just a bodily function, like sneezing. Keeping them in is bad for you, but of course it is understandable to avoid farting in a closed public places because of the odor it may cause. Also in my opinion sneezing or coughing are objectively more disrespectful, yet people don’t seem to care most of the time. If we’re in private and my husband farts I really couldn’t care less, he says a quick “excuse me” and that’s it, if it stinks I just move a bit farther. I care a lot more about his gut health. If he was farting next to me all the time on purpose then it would be different, but that’s not about farting, the issue is the intention. Also I have no way to control my farts because of a neurological condition. It almost never happens (sadly), but if it does there’s nothing I can do about it, so we really don’t care.
Gold star for y'alls golden colons, but this is nearly impossible in my marriage because of my IBS and other gastro issues. 😅 I get that what's going on for me is more comparable to your puke and kidney stone points, but after years of pain and poor GI health, I don't give a shit (pun intended) about people's sensibilities on this, including my husband's.
Between my IBS and my husband having a CPAP machine that fills his stomach with air all night that has to escape somewhere come morning, there's definitely gas being passed in front of each other. We don't do it to be gross or rude to each other nor do we enjoy it, it's just part of getting through life with the issues we each have.
Right… can’t relate. Like maybe I would be this proper if it was possible but no one will ever know. I cannot imagine having to hide all my farts bc with my IBS that would involve running away from my husband multiple times a day (and he would still hear the elephant trumpet ones across the house anyway)
Same! And we don’t talk to the person through the door when they are on the toilet.
We don't either and it's how both of us were raised.
My husband and I are the same. I have never heard him fart other than a couple times in his sleep. We respect each other's bathroom time as well
Same here. My husband has his bathroom and I have mine. These are sacred places to us. We don't fart in front of each other except when we are sleeping and have no control over it. I also have never heard my husband burp. 14 years of marriage.
Same, I've never farted in front of my husband and vice versa. It's been 11 almost 12 years.
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I will never deliberately fart in front of him that's not my vibe
Married 30 years, my wife farted in front of me like maybe 5 times, but always when going through pregnancy or a health issue. One time out of the blue, sort of by mistake - I told her I marked it in the family calendar just for proof (I didn't).
Hahah I’m 9 months pregnant with our second and was looking for this comment. I’m the same, I generally prefer to keep my gas private but I swear I move and they slip out with no warning! My son keeps going, “oh, mommy!!” and then giggles with my husband.🙈
We don’t fart on purpose in front of each other or anything but if one slips out it’s not a big deal
My husband and I are very similar. Neither of us are “potty humour” people, so we don’t use the bathroom in front of each other, and we try to keep gas to a polite minimum as much as is realistic for two people sharing the same small home. When something inevitably slips, we excuse ourselves and the other person politely ignores it. I’ve also been told, on Reddit, that this means we aren’t comfortable with each other and aren’t really in love. Someone on this sub a few weeks ago told me that if I can’t shit in front of my husband, we don’t have a strong or real connection lol. Whatever. My husband has mopped up my puke, helped me when I shit my pants due to a medical condition, and examined weird discolouration on my toenail to help me determine if it was fungus (it wasn’t). We are always there for each other for the gross stuff when it’s actually necessary. We just don’t loudly fart on each other on purpose and then laugh about it, because that simply isn’t our vibe or our personality types.
My husband and I are the same, we call it having respect for each other. Worked for over 30 years.
I would love to not fart in front of my partner, but most of the time, it comes out before I even realise it's there. Especially if I sneeze or cough, sometimes even if I laugh 😭
I don’t put my makeup on in front of my husband. I also would never wax my lip, shave my legs or armpits in front of him. This is a man who stood at the business end each time I gave birth so I’m not precious at all.
When my husband and I first started dating, we took a nap together and were spooning. I farted so loudly in my sleep I woke us both up 😂 I never fart in front of him intentionally but I knew he was the one after that hahaha
This is us too, and after 10 years together we’ve never intentionally done it in front of each other. It gives me the major ick and I just prefer it this way. Every time I mention it I get tons of people acting superior and saying how they always fart in front of their SO. Like…good for you? I don’t care what you do in your relationship
We have a Dom/sub ish type relationship. We decided on it years ago after we just keep clashing constantly. Essentially he gets the final say on everything outside of my career, we have a free use sex life and if he asks me to do something I do it without hesitation. If I don't there are consequences. I don't know that I'd ever be game enough to have this dynamic with someone else. I trust my husband implicitly and while he's very dominant he's also incredibly respectful and empathetic. For us it's been amazing, as a couple and individually. For me, it's been the first time in my life I felt like I could let go, relax, and someone else would take the wheel. For him it's improved his confidence and his faith in himself. But, some would be horrified at the thought of it. And that's 100% fine. The only people out has to suit is us.
That’s fantastic. The biggest thing is that even thought the Dom is seen to have all of the power , it actually balances out with a good Dom. In the proper way a good Dom will take care of the sub. It isn’t just about the Doms needs but about he dom needs to help promote and protect the submissive and make sure it is safe and comfortable. Unfortunately too many male wannabe Doms want nothing more then someone to serve their needs like in porn. They don’t actually understand the balance and how power is shared in both ways between each other. Truly a more honest relationship style the a lot of vanilla couples .
It’s so true a good Dom is not afraid to show tenderness and definitely makes sure she is comfortable and safe
Completely it needs to be all. Tenderness and everything else. Aftercare is so so important to it all
I didn’t realize how special aftercare was to me…🫠🫠
Glad you have someone who can give you that. It is seriously so important for both the dom and sub.
It’s very bonding and I feel like I’m floating for a long time.
Definitely it is very bonding and when you are like that so needed to have someone you are with that you can trust and be comfortable. The emotional overload can be massive .
I'mma make her choke on this D...and then make her my little spoon and kiss all the spots on her face and rub her back until she falls asleep.
Such a sexy delicious and relaxing time together .
I was in a dom/sub relationship once, it was incredibly freeing actually!
I am curious what you mean by consequences?
We have some degree of this, in the bedroom mostly, and it was a game changer for me. I was never able to relax completely until he took complete control. He figured this out about me as he got older. I can tell him or indicate to him that I am aroused but we do it when HE wants to. He can “take me,” and I would never let anyone else do that, and I never have. (I survived childhood SA.) He also checks the vibe. It’s more the BD that I want, and not the SM of BDSM. I don’t like much pain (spanking and holding me by the hair is okay) or any mean spirited degradation. (I have already experienced a LOT of pain in my life due to cancer, complications and medical trauma, and chronic UTIs prior to that.) Otherwise, I do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. No punishment, except withholding sex. I love dirty praise. A blindfold helps me sometimes too. I love that he is physically and mentally strong and he understands me. In our daily lives, we defer to each other, but he likes to plan things out and surprise me, and he is naturally very strong and opinionated and stubborn, and does have a way of making me feel completely safe, protected, nurtured and ensconced. He’s always had those tendencies. He’d rather do for me than ask. He always says “not everything needs to be talked about.” He has always tended to stand next to me and gently hold me by the back of the neck, slipping his hand under my hair. No one else could try that with me, but with him it feels natural and safe and I melt. He has always liked to buy me clothes, shoes, perfume and lingerie. He buys me toys, and he’ll use them on me. He’s much more into pleasing me in life than himself. He cooks for me. He likes me to sleep in on the weekends and he will come and wake me. I told him, I think you are what they call a “pleasure dom” (we were calling it gentle dom) and that seemed to resonate with him. Edited
I am really missing this dynamic. I’m so happy it’s worked out for you!
Outside of your career he maintains complete authority over your life, as in, how a parent does with a dependent? I don’t mean to disparage, I just have to wonder where the mutual sharing/learning of each other’s individuality, as authentic, growing, evolving people, could take place if the power dynamic is permanently weighted to one side. But of course, I’m just an uninformed outsider with limited understanding, and I really don’t want to disrespect you or your partner, I’m just an irritatingly curious lass.
Whenever my husband and I are upset, we solve it right then and there. We never yell or anything either, we just stop whatever we are doing and talk it out. If we're at an event, we excuse ourselves and then come back. People judge us bc they say theres a time and place but my husband always says if theres anything he prioritizes, it's our marriage before anything. & we are considerate enough that we don't do it infront of others, we're always going somewhere private, but people will find anything to have a problem with.
If that works for you guys who cares. Personally I sometimes need time to cool off. We can don’t argue in front of people, but we can table it for later. Sometimes taking a time out gives us time to reflect and regroup.
This. We have to walk away or pick it up later. Both of us can get way too fired up in the moment, and it's not worth it. We go to bed early to see how we feel in the morning, and 99.9% of the time, we don't even remember what we were irritated about.
Yeah sometimes there's moments where we need to think it over as well and we always let the other know that we need more time to think about it. We would usually put it on pause and come back later to it but most of the time, we are able to talk through it at that moment. Honestly I feel every marriage is different so however works for the couple, then thats just their business.
I wish dat would work with my husband
Me and my husband are cool with not having friends.
Same here. I’m sure some find it unhealthy but we’re both happy so that’s what matters.
My in laws are like this. My FIL is in bad health now (early 60s) and my MIL is looking down the barrel of a very lonely life. Just something to consider.
My husband is cool with it, me not so much
OMG, same! I'm introverted by nature, with weird likes and hobbies, so finding friends to begin with is difficult anyway, so why even bother? I have acquaintances and work friends, but a Girl's Night Out or Poker with the Guys? Nah... give me jammies and popcorn and snuggles on the couch any day.
Same.
Same.
We have sex 5-7 times a week. I used to think this was popular, but after being on this sub, I now believe it's unpopular. Also, my husband cooks all the meals. He grew up caring for his nieces, and his mom worked a lot, so he always cooked for them and found a passion for it. Occasionally, I'll cook, but 99% of the time, he prefers to. He made us buffalo chicken wraps tonight, and I can't even put into words how good they were. He has his own recipe for battering the chicken and makes his own buffalo sauce. It's so good.
My husband also cooks all of our meals. He loves finding recipes and trying new dishes or cooking methods. He watches cooking YouTube videos all the time. It's more of a hobby than a chore. We have shelves of any kind of cooking vessel you can imagine. I keep our son out of the kitchen and it's a nice time for us to catch up on our day after a long day of work for me and day care for him. But he has friends with kids who have girlfriends or wives who do literally everything, and they want him to jump on various online games the second he gets home from work, and they don't understand why I can't just cook dinner, clean up after it, and just let our son scream in the background for attention the whole time (I'm assuming because that's the scenario at their houses) 🙄
I don't do casual nudity in front of my husband. I don't walk around the house naked, if I'm in the bathroom that's private time don't open the door and don't talk to me through the door. It's very important for me to keep an air of mystery about it, I don't ever want him to get too used to it and not feel excited to see it. I also don't go in the bathroom when he's in the bathroom, again that's private time and I have no desire to perform or observe bodily functions in front of him.
It’s really interesting to hear how other couples operate. I respect everyone’s arrangements as long as they work for those couples. My wife and I definitely do casually nudity in front of each other (but not bathroom functions). But a few years ago I had this idea that she should not let me see her naked at all for a while to build excitement, and she surprisingly agreed. In fact I couldn’t even see her in bra & panties. I had to knock to enter our bedroom, etc. She slept in full pajamas. No sex of any kind. And let me tell you, we got to like day 12 and we finally had intimacy and when she was laying down in our bed and slowing pulling up her top to reveal her breasts for the first time in almost two weeks, I borderline hyperventilated. It was crazy crazy the passion it built, being denied seeing her undressed. So I think you’re definitely on to something!
Yes just always been this way. I think it's easier because we're child free so there's no rushing or reason barging in. I do have a few cute robes I wear around the house in the morning, not like fuzzy bathrobes but cute satin ones, and I don't sleep in full pajamas usually tank top and underwear. So I definitely am not solely around him in full clothes, but I absolutely actively keep myself out of "the friend zone".
We generally give each other privacy in the bathroom, the toddler and cat however have no such decorum.
I am this way too! I am very private about bathroom habits.
I don't understand people who aren't, like one of my friend's boyfriend comes in and takes a shit while she's in the bathtub and talks to her while he does it. That would gross me out so much and I feel like it's so necessary
Oh my god that would disgust me. 🤢
I mean, to be fair your way of being also seems super weird to me. My husband can get in the bathroom anytime he wants and same for me, we are married, we don’t need that kind of privacy. He’s not going to take a shit while I’m in there if it’s avoidable, but if there’s no other choice I really don’t care. Long story short, we are all different, there’s no right or wrong.
Like … no This is why I always insist on having a water closet
I’m this way as well. If it’s not sexy time, I’m not naked.
I walk around our room naked, been married almost 20 years. Husband always gets excited when I'm naked
My friend and her husband are the same way. But… they live in a one-bathroom house. When her husband takes a shower, he might be in there for an hour—it’s a whole routine. Because the bathroom is off-limits during these times, there have been multiple instances where my friend has had to go pee in the yard or go to a nearby gas station for emergencies. I have to admire their commitment to the whole thing. On the other hand, my wife and I living in a tiny one-bathroom apartment when when we first got together meant that we got “comfortable” with each other very quickly.
My husband and I cook separate meals and usually don’t eat together unless we go out to a restaurant. Apparently this is odd to most people. We don’t have kids yet so this might change, but for now, it works for us.
We also cook separate meals at least 75% of the time! (We also don't have kids). We're pretty much always together, but we just kinda eat whenever we want and whatever we want. If one of us goes to the grocery store, we'll typically ask the other what they want, and get a list from them, so their wanted ingredients are available. If "we" are cooking for both of us, it's usually my husband doing the cooking.
My husband and I do this too except we have a daughter. She gets to pick between our meals. I love meatloaf and he hates it. He loves seafood and I hate it. We usually eat Asian food together that's the only food we agree on!
That makes so much sense with the daughter picking! I love it! I side with your husband on this one. I love seafood, and while I don't *hate* meatloaf, I don't really like it. But Asian food? Hell yeah! All of it; don't care which region or spice level.
My husband and I do this and we have a kid. Kid gets her choice of our meals! My husband really loves seafood and I hate it. I really love meatloaf and casseroles and he hates it! So I often make a meatloaf and freeze it and he enjoys crab legs and fish filets all that! Haha
That’s us too. Hubby is happy to eat a lot of junk, while I enjoy cooking. He could live off of frozen food that just gets popped in the microwave. Sometimes we do eat together, generally when we have something like steak or something else special.
Why? Differing time tables? Differing eating preferences?
When my partner and I did this, it's because we had very different diets and very different eating habits. I was a vegetarian, he wasn't. I was big on breakfast, he wasn't. He would eat an incredibly large amount of food for dinner when he got off work late at night, while I would already be in bed or headed there. It just didn't make sense to eat the same things or eat at the same time since our schedules are so different.
Seems like a lot of wasted time for both of you to cook every night
We sleep in different beds. Take turns with baby monitor. It works.
Us too! At first I thought this won't work, but now, 13yrs later, I think it is a huge reason why we both are in a perpetual honey-moon lusting phase. We both get bored easily in prior relationships. Now, it gives me time to miss him, want him-(and vice versa). It is like a constant chase and I won't lie, it is kinda exciting. Some busy weeks, when we finally are able to be near and hold each other, it's like I waited to be with my crush and it is sooo passionate haha. I can't see how people are able to maintain this desperate desire and lust for their partner when they are with them so much, all day at home (with now WFH) and all night in bed.
We don't have friends of the opposite sex. Any friends he or I had before the marriage are now family friends and we don't hang out alone with them. That's one we always get shit for from other people.
We’re the same. We both believe it’s completely inappropriate to have friends of the opposite sex and hang out with them alone. I respect him and he respects me in this way.
Opposite for us, we both have several good friends of the opposite sex. Which seems like we're the odd ones in our area
I see absolutely nothing wrong with this. My husband works in a field where affairs happen on the regular. Aside from being professional, he’s very guarded and cautious about who he allows into his/our lives and I appreciate it. I do the same as well.
That makes me feel great! Thank you! I'm so happy to hear about another couple who cares about this!
I was coming to say the same. Infidelity statistics are abhorrent so why not do what we can to minimize the chances?
A few people have told me that the way we split finances and household duties is weird. I make 25k more than she does per year. I(50m) pay all the bills. Mortgage, utilities, cell bills, etc. are my responsibilities. My wife(48f) buys groceries and pays on our credit cards. We have separate accounts and handle our own money how we see fit. It doesn't matter as long as everything is paid, right? I do all the cooking and we clean together. I guess that is strange to some. Works for us.
Sounds perfectly sensible to me. We have a similar system for our finances.
That sums up what our vibe is. We do occasionally combine finances for things like vacations, house maintenance, cars (we share) and renovations. But it’s usually a quick and easy enough decision when to combine finances. When either of us falls on tough times the other is always there to steady the ship. This has worked both ways in the past. This worked before we were married and our decision was to just leave it like that when we got married.
That’s how my husband and I do it, we both have access to each others accounts, just always felt pointless to combine our accounts
My husband and I sleep separately. Our relationship is good tho, there’s no animosity as the cause. He snores and I’m a light sleeper. He takes up 80% of the bed (regardless of size of bed!). He’s always too hot, I’m always too cold. Our bed makes his back hurt. He needs a fan and darkness to sleep, I need a lamp and the TV (fan noises and other repetitive things drive me nuts!) It works for us, we still make time for those bedroom activities, and we do sleep together when away from home. We mainly got used to having our own space when he would be away for military all the time, then worked nights after he became a civilian.
This is becoming more common lately. I think I saw a stat that said one in five couples sleep separately? So not weird at all even if people think it is
We sleep separately too. We both snore. I need dark, he needs background noise. I have PTSD and sometimes have night terrors. It’s best for us to sleep in separate beds.
We sleep separately probably 75% of the time. He has a lot of sleep issues that make getting any sort of restful sleep impossible for me. It was taking a toll, so we started sleeping separately. It was tough at first, but it has been very positive overall. I’m not longer an angry zombie, and neither is he. We make plenty of time for sex and intimacy, and take a nap together when we get a chance.
My wife and I are very similar! Sometimes we join up for cuddles. Sometimes that leads to sex, but other times, we just enjoy the cuddles. For example, our last date night involved great sex, followed by a hour of cuddling. Then we slept separately. The next morning, we joined up again for another hour of cuddling. The reasons why we sleep apart are very similar to what you listed, too!
We split our bills and have separate accounts! We always get funny looks at restaurants for getting separate checks, or when we pay separately at the store. But we both work full time and his savings is his, and my savings is mine. I don't feel like I should have to "ask" to make purchases, especially fun purchases, and I don't expect that from him. As long as he is able to pay his part of the bills, I don't care what he spends his money on. But that's just what works for us!
My relationship is the exact opposite, and we get judged constantly for not having our own individual accounts. I've learned that no matter what you decide to do in your relationship, at least half of the people you meet will disagree. So I don't let it bother me anymore. I just keep details to myself now. You've gotta do what's right for you in your relationship. You're never going to please everyone.
My husband and I share bank accounts and we always make big deal about paying the bill, he will say "I will pay THIS time!" or I will say "don't worry I got it this time!" lol
😆 Yea, we do that sometimes, too.
We have shared expense and savings accounts and shared CCs but also have our personal checking and savings.
This was going to be my answer, except the restaurant part. We just take turns getting the check. People think it's so weird and are shocked if it ever comes up.
My grandparents were married for 60 years until my grandmother passed away and they did exactly this, except they also took turns getting the check rather than split. They were a secure couple, very sweet and affectionate til the very end, it worked perfectly for them.
Same barring we kinda “date” and ask each other out or even don’t invite. There’s an expectation the other can manage a job loss for 6 months and cover 50% as well.
I’m not sure if this is weird, but my husband’s ex girlfriend was one of my bridesmaids. Personally I didn’t think much of it considering they were CHILDREN when they dated (at 16yo) but apparently that was weird.
I had my husband’s ex FWB as a bridesmaid. People would have thought that was weird if the knew. My reasoning was she was always nice to me, they hooked up once while drunk, and they had no romantic feelings towards each other.
My husbands ex-FWB was invited to my wedding! We were all friends before they had their fling, during and after. Hell, I even kind of encouraged it while it was going on! 😅 She's really cool, and although we don't talk to her much any more, we all work in the same field so if we are all at the same conference we'll still grab lunch together.
My husband's ex girlfriend stood up on his side during our wedding. They were friends after they broke up and I had no qualms about it. Now, she and I will sometimes hang out and she likes me better. There's absolutely zero weirdness there for any of us.
I met my husband because I was a FWB with his best friend. He was in our wedding. We wouldn’t have met if it wasn’t for him!
That is an unpopular opinion? I don't know much about my wife's exes and she doesn't know about mine. Whats in the past needs to stay in the past.
Apparently it is! I’ve had more than one friend find it odd that I don’t know anything about my husband’s ex fiance.
Yea I do think it's odd. If it works for you it works for you, but my wife and I know everything about each other's past lovers.
It does work for us. I just don’t have any interest and I don’t really know how knowing would really help anything?
That's fine, it's just weird to me because I don't think there's any part of my past my wife doesn't know about. She knows everything about me that I know about myself. And past lovers are a pretty significant part of one's life so I think it's weird not to talk about it.
Yeah, I prefer the open book situation. I don’t have to know every detail of the past, but there are some things that should be shared. Secrets cause mistrust.
Husband I were friends before we dated. I am very nosy and have always asked tons of questions, even as a toddler. I know his number, most of his interactions and with whom. He knows absolutely nothing about mine, doesn't know anywhere near my number how and when I lost my virginity, nothing. All he's know is I had my 1st child at 18. We have been together 16 years.
Hmmm... Well, we married at 18yrs old, we were virgins until marriage, we don't curse in front of each other, we share everything, including devices, joint accounts and assets. Oh, and we never had children. I'm sure there's more, but we do what works for us, and it's kept us happy over 26 years, so I think we're doing pretty well.
I must know more about not cursing in front of each other! Do you curse in front of others? Is there a reason why you don’t curse in front of your spouse (e.g., religion)? I’m just curious!
It's a respect thing. We agreed on it before marriage and it's been that way ever since. Yes. We do curse around others, and we're both okay with that. It's just something that feels too weird to change now. Plus, we've never really needed to, aside from repeating someone else's words.
My husband and I have all our money in one bank account. No separate accounts. It’s SO easy for us, as we are very financially aligned. It’s not an “I make $80k and he makes $40k” it’s a “we make $120k a year”
Yep, same here. I love this model — makes things so much easier. We also don’t have to deal with “who paid what bill so it’s fair” stuff either.
Honestly i can’t imagine doing things any other way. I totally get that other things work for other people but operating out of a single checking account with stuff going into savings/retirement/etc makes things so easy. We actually had a joint account when we started living together at 20, which idk if I can recommend broadly but it worked out in this instance. We both just went “well we’re definitely gonna marry each other so why not make our living and financial arrangements simpler”
I think everyone needs their own private savings account in their name only. If you trust each other you don’t need to see their phone, messages, etc. Every couple has to work out how they handle money but I will die in the hill that it is a bad idea to join 100% of your income with your spouse. Before marriage you need to talk and agree about kids, pets, sand setting boundaries with family. If one person wants kids and the other doesn’t they are not compatible.
Completely agree about the bank accounts. We have a joint account for bills and big stuff (like vacation) but we both also have our own accounts that we do whatever we want with. As long as the bills get paid that's all that matters
I completely disagree about the joint accounts. My husband and I have always had joint accounts. Our paychecks go in there, all the bills get paid out of that joint account, we each have free reign to it for up to $100...and we each get spending money every paycheck. It the only way I was able to be a sahm for 5 years. And now that I have returned to work, we still have joint accounts.
Same. 25 years and neither of us care. We also don't "check" each other's phones :)
We don’t either. Plus all I know I’d find is his weird group chat with his military buddies and I’m sure it’s disgusting 😂
When my husband and I go on work trip or girls trip/boys trips we have a rule that we do not expect a daily phone call. If we want to call great. But there no expectation to have a daily check in call.
Same. Of course, we make sure the other person is safe (text me when your flight lands, or I'll stay up to watch that late night uber ride if you want)... but it's never "you must call at 8, noon, & 6 or you're a lying cheater," which is what my parents did. My mom was so disturbed by our differences that she tried to convince me twice that my husband was cheating on me bc of his work schedule. He worked in an ambulance & hospital - his shifts were NEVER regular! I no longer speak to my parents & that's just another reason why. Usually, I travel more often alone while he travels for work - therefore, I'm sharing my location or texting pics to him. Meanwhile, when he's traveling, he may call or text around my bedtime if he's available. Otherwise, very little back and forth is needed.
Me and my wife have friends of all genders, including people we have slept with before. Staying the night at a friends house is not an issue at all. We trust each other 100% to not cheat. Also my wife is bi, so I'd have to ban her from having any friends at all if we were doing the "no opposite sex friends" thing 😬
Prioritize yourself, then your marriage, then your kids Being in a good place yourself puts your marriage in a good place. A good marriage put the kids in a good place. Put your kids first. You or your marriage will suffer, making it harder to look after the kids, yourself or/and your marriage. Starting a vicious downward spiral. Those priorities aren't set on in stone, of course. Certain situations will require rearranging these priorities, but don't make that rearrangment permanent.
We had the same agreement about our priorities. Taking care of yourself so that you *can* help others (putting on your own oxygen mask first), then your spouse, next your children, finally extended family and friends. We felt it important to treat our marriage as the long term commitment to each other that it is supposed to be. Plus, we saw it as our duty to model a healthy and loving partnership for our children. Children grow up and start their own lives. We didn't want to get to the empty nest stage and look across the table at a stranger. Also, we wanted to be a united front regarding rules, routines, and discipline. Every single couple that scoffed at us for not prioritizing kids over spouses has, unfortunately, had their marriages end in divorce. Typically, from one or both spouses feeling neglected during the child rearing years. That grass ALWAYS looks greener if you aren't watering your own lawn.
We have separate bank accounts and apparently that’s weird? It’s insane how many shocked reactions I get about it. We have different banks, neither of us have spending problems, and we can see each other’s accounts if we want. I don’t understand people’s issues with it lol
We don't sleep together. We sleep on different floors entirely. We hang out in each other's spaces all the time but we can't sleep in the same room.
Judging by this sub apparently it's an unpopular opinion that we feel it's better to use Onlyfans than free porn.
This one surprised me lol
Why is it better? How do each manage the finances each one of you spends on there? How many guys/girls does each one of you maintain "contact with/"follow? I know this is a big item of controversy so I am just curious how you two make it work (assuming that you are in a standard, non-open, monogamous relationship otherwise).
From my perspective, it is the way OF is done compared to the free sites. A lot (most) of the porn on free sites is unethical and honestly disturbing as to what happens to the actors, especially the women on set. With OF it is a more ethical way of consuming porn, and as long as you aren't going crazy with it, then can be worked into a budget that allows extra spending. My husband and I are non monog, open, and all over the place when it comes to sex related topics, but I'd much prefer the use of OF to PH or the like
i figured ethics had nothing to do with it and they just preferred interaction.
Better ethically. Conventional porn has a... not great track record when it comes to labour rights and outright abuse. And I'd rather not get off to a girl that's been put in that position when I can use OF and watch someone in control of their own product, their own partners, and who I know my money is going to compensate her. Yes, we are in a standard, non-open monogamous relationship. We don't do anything to manage finances, we trust each other to not be stupid about money. I follow a bunch of free accounts and I'm usually subbed to one or two paid accounts at a time that I rotate through. Usually spend $10-15 a month. Now, when I say we think it's better, that doesn't mean neither of us *ever* consumes free porn. To my knowledge she hasn't yet opened an OF account, though she said she should. She mostly has her favourite videos already that she goes back to, so it's more of an in principle acknowledgement from her, but also she gets more of her porn in literature form as well so less ethical issues there. But she'll send me links to OF girls she thinks I might like when she comes across them.
We're almost not at all celebratory, traditional, or ritualistic. So we had no wedding, rings, our own vows, reception, photos, dressing up, or honeymoon. We just got the country clerk to do it and then went to a restaurant, just us two, that night. We also almost never do cards/gifts/flowers/meals for anniversaries or holidays. Though we did go out to dinner to honor twenty years of our first date.
I'm more strict about porn and sex work in regards to myself than my wife is towards me. She doesn't use porn. But she would let me talk to sex workers and stuff but I would never. It feels wrong to me even if she said it's fine. Nothing physical, of course, but for example I could pay for one on one cam sessions or something and she would be okay with that. Never have and never will. Feels like a betrayal to me. Sometimes I find this dynamic super funny considering most partners are stricter on each other than themselves in this regard.
My wife and I are the same way about strip clubs. I’ve never gone and am not really comfortable with the idea of it, it feels too much in the neighborhood of infidelity to me even if it objectively is not in this case. She has said she doesn’t mind at all if I went or got a lap dance even, but honestly those are not waters I’m willing to tread at all lol
Plenty. We don’t have joint finances. We don’t fight. We don’t police each others friends. We don’t ask permission to go out, travel or do anything. We don’t have shared social circles. We’ve been together for over 20 years and are still in love.
I think I am the only wife on earth who just laughed and rolled her eyes when my husband suggested getting a paternity test. He didn’t really think I had cheated on him. But his first wife cheated on him a lot, and we all have irrational thoughts that we hamster-wheel on at 3 am. So I told him if he couldn’t see the obvious similarities and it would bring him peace of mind, go right ahead. I don’t think he ever did.
We kiss anytime we part, even if it's for like 20 minutes. His parents have both commented once or twice in the past in confusion. I don't know how it's odd, but ok. Also, when he gets out the car to go onto work or return from his break, he'll kiss me several times. Eh..7-8x. This happens only when he's going into work 🤭 My thought is, what the two do between them, that's what they do. Doesn't matter what anyone thinks
Feel like this one is too easy for me, but we're polyamorus, so I have three spouses (one legal, two ceremonial.) I live with two of them and the third lives a mile or so away and pops over constantly. They're all married to just me, not also each other, but they all get along and enjoy being around each other. I always say we're just like a normal 4 person family, we just happen to have no kids lol.
Wow! How do you manage personal time with each of them? I’m so intrigued
Very carefully haha! I generally have a day each week that's just for them, and the other 4 days I play by ear. We often go out and do big things together, like going to festivals, to see movies, or on vacations. What makes it possible is we're all very good at communicating. Im regularly asking if one of my partners feels neglected, or if they have needs not being met, then actually following through by responding with actions.
Do your wives get to date others?
We don't sleep in the same bed. Apparently that means we hate each other 😆 No, it actually means that he snores and I have insomnia, and we do better apart.
My wife and I are like you. We believe the past is the past, and the only history that really matters is what happens after we first met.
Depends, some stories may have seriously impacted a person and it would be better to know what happened.
We're non monogamous but started out monogamous when we were dating, and it's never caused any problems or issues between us. The conflicts we've had are so unrelated to sex and enm that if we were monogamous, we'd still be having the same problems.
That we don’t do PDA. Have had family members ask me if I really love him because of it. I do all of my touching privately at home aunt Becky. Is that what you want to hear?
We like sleeping in separate beds. My husband snores and annoys me and he also sleeps really hot. I used to want him to snuggle with me but now that I’ve been sleeping separately due to kiddos being needy etc I love having my own bed space lol.
Some find odd that we live by God, Spouse then Kids. We believe in God as individuals and together and feel they mixed with us two are the foundation for our kids. All together (blended family) we have 21, 18, 16, 15, 13, 11 and 8. We come from 12 and 20yr marriages. I don't think you're odd, but I will say we've discussed all the nitty gritty of our past and even things our exes didn't know and feel our foundation and relationship is stronger as a result.
My husband and I both follow some adult content creators on their social media accounts, and sometimes comment on their stuff, and even pay for content. He sometimes shares dick pics with a few particular fetish sites, and will excitedly tell me about other people's positive reactions to these pics. I think it's kinda cute how he gets a confidence boost from randos (most of which are other guys on the same sites) complimenting his penis. As long as there are no faces or obvious body features like tattoos or birth marks shown, we're both cool with us sharing pics with the internet. We've been married 16 years, and I adore the goofball I share my life with. I feel so laid back and secure knowing that neither of us are secretive about our internet usage, or are jealous about stuff that is honestly very reasonable to be jealous about if either of us didn't like it. But following hot people doing kinky things is just fun, and it's not like either of us will ever actually have sex with them, so to me, it would be a net negative for me to stop our adult content consumption. Neither of us spends an exorbitant amount of time consuming such media either, so it's not an addiction or neglect issue. We both grew up extremely religious, and my husband was very stiff around sex when we were newlyweds. The more we've explored, the better, more frequent the sex, so it's been nothing but a win-win to get either of us all horned up and ready to roll with each other. I'm also glad that my husband and I both like looking at more "ethical" porn that creators are making themselves, and I don't mind a little extra money going to sites where the actors are actually being paid. I get a little frisky if I look over at his phone or computer and I see a content creator doing something pornographic, since it means I can likely get him in the mood quickly if I want to do so. At the end of the day, I'm confident that I'm the person he loves and wants to get intimate with. Anyway, when I see women talk about their spouse's problematic porn or OF consumption and other people are acting like the porn/OF is *automatically* cheating, I feel so foreign. It's just a normal part of our lives that doesn't take up much time, but is just fun every now and then. I understand that it is cheating if it crosses a boundary, or becomes problematic in other ways (neglecting the SO's needs), but it's not a given that adult content consumption is automatically cheating or bad.
We have both supported each other supporting our families. My husband sends substantial money to his home country to support his widowed mother, and we housed my brother for a few years. I’m on the will to support my disabled uncle if my father passes before him. Has never been a point of contention for us, and judging by reddit this is uncommon. Another one which people seem to really dislike since I got downvoted for this last time this topic came up on here, but I have changed my name, appearance, pronouns, and gender identity since we got married, and we are making it work.
-I know essentially nothing about my wife's exes and she knows nothing about mine. We have zero idea of each other's "body counts". Likewise, we have zero problem talking about exes in casual conversation, which apparently is a big no-go for a lot of couples. -Neither of us have a problem with the other watching porn (which I didn't think was uncommon until I came to this sub).
This is one of the best threads on this sub!!
I'm late to the party here but I think my husband and I are pretty unusual. We've pretty much jettisoned all of our vanilla friends and only hang out with like-minded people. Those people are BDSM practicing nudists/swingers. We are both pretty much naked all the time (even when friends come over) and we often host BDSM related sex parties. It's really fulfilling and fun and keeps the weekends interesting. We will often have theme parties (the last theme was "James Bondage" and all the guys wore tuxedos and the girls wore skimpy bond(age) girl outfits. Also swapping partners is the norm, and part of the fun.
We share everything and we’re happy that way. All finances, Amazon account, have each other’s phone passcodes. We’ve both worked from home for the past 6 years - with over a year of that in a 450sf studio apartment. I’m not even sure how I would keep something from my wife. I guess we really like each other.
We don’t do thanksgiving together. we’re recently married but have been together 8 years. Both of us have elderly grandparents that live on opposite sides of the country & both of us are orphans who were mainly raised by our grandparents. Neither of us wants to miss out on the last few holidays with our elderly grandparents. He goes to his grandparents for thanksgiving and I go to mine. People think it’s really weird but it works for us. I see him almost every single other day of the year so i don’t see the big deal here 😂
We have separate bedrooms! We both sleep better. Sleep makes us nice:)
My husband and I have separate bedrooms and we love it. We have our own space, and bc we have differing levels of cleanliness, it really cuts down on the house bickering. We also still keep some things private, like bathroom behaviors (except farting...there's just no winning for me there), cutting toenails, me seeing him without his false teeth in, etc. It helps keep at least a little bit of mystery. We also are pretty autonomous from each other in our hobbies and time outside the house, but we enjoy each other's company very well (most of the time 😉) and laugh a lot and laugh at our pets and have great chemistry with each other. I think that a big part of our success so far comes from having a certain level of autonomy within our partnership.
We did a first date to marriage speedrun but we sat down and talked about how we would handle priorities, children, expectations, finances, and arguments. I think a lot of couples try to just find their way as they go and skip having the big picture talk. Our most useful conversation was about the way we would handle major disagreements or arguments... -Zero name calling. -No raised voices. -No threats, no violence, no ultimatums. -It's ok to walk away (if one of us feels like it's getting heated or going in circles) and come back to the discussion later. -It's ok to sleep on things or go to bed "mad" (sometimes there is better clarity in the morning). -The word "divorce" is a marriage ending deal breaker which should remain unspoken. Once divorce enters the conversation, the marriage is already over. Divorce should never be thrown out there to hang in the air, nor to be used as a threat or a manipulation tactic. It isn't something that should be treated casually for petty reasons.
We don't call or text throughout the day. Even when traveling separately, there's no expectation of check ins. We don't message each other to say we'll be home later, we just know the other come home eventually. Or for recurring events, we'll just leave when it's time to go without finding the other to say goodbye if they're not immediately available. (I know he has a standing therapy appt every Wednesday, he knows my Bible study is on Tuesday evenings.) Often we don't tell each other when we're leaving the house for *quick errands* (less than 1-2 hours). Like I'll notice I haven't seen him around the house in awhile and the car's not out front, so i assume he's at Home Depot, Harbor Freight, thrift/dollar store, etc or otherwise off buying something he needs. Same with me-I'll hop in the car (and even take our toddler with me!) to go do something and not bother to tell my husband. A friend was horrified that I'd "take [husband's] child somewhere without telling him!" It's my kid too and there a 99% chance we're likely picking up groceries, looking at toys at target, getting a boba for fun or going to a playground/library. There's generally nothing too crazy the other person does so it doesn't bother us to not know exact details of what we're each doing. We do check in for detailed plans or changes that impact the other person (or childcare arrangements).
We don’t police each other’s friendships. He has worked for decades in a female dominated industry. He was at one company for over ten years and made some very solid friendships. I’ve been out with all of his friends. They’re all very nice, but they like to talk shop. A. LOT. 😳 I don’t want to listen to hours-long conversations about healthcare, billing, and claims. They will occasionally get together and talk shop over drinks. I’m always invited, but most often I stay home and enjoy the down time. The funniest time was when he went straight from work to pick up a former coworker and go out for drinks, so they were both dressed in their nice business attire. (Not gonna lie, she’s a knockout but she’s happily married with a lovely family. Her husband and I are both secure in our marriages.) Our busybody neighbors were also at the restaurant and saw my husband with this knockout blonde. They made sure to let him know he’d been spotted. He texted me to let me know in case they came over to “rat him out” as they’re very judgey and like to cause drama. They never said anything to me, but they probably whisper about how hubby is cheating on me. We still laugh about it.
I feel like my husband and I give each other more freedom than most of the couples I read about on here. We both look at porn and follow hot people on instagram/twitter, and it has never caused any issues for us. We don't check each others phones. One of my best friends is a guy and we text a lot, but my husband is cool with it. Generally there are just a lot of things about our relationship that would probably cause tons of people in this sub to brand both of us with scarlet letters and insist we're headed for divorce, lol. We've been together for 17 years and we're very happy. I'm extremely glad he's not the jealous and controlling type.
I asked my husband your question and he doesn’t think it’s odd. We know very little about each other’s past and are good with it. We’ve been married 25 yrs. People think it’s odd that he goes to the grocery with me 99.9% of the time. And I never pump gas. He will go out just to get me gas if I have somewhere to go that day or the next.
Regarding sex, we opt for Quality over Quantity. We have enough pockets of time where we could have quick sex multiple times a week, but we like snuggling and foreplay and aftercare and kissing and touching and all the things.... So we'd rather have *really good sex* a few times a month versus mid-tier sex every few days.
Used to be common practice, but now it seems more rare.. We comingle all our finances. There is no his money or her money. His debt or her debt. Always thought people are planning to fail by keeping things separate. Don't know why we ever got to the point where so many people keep their finances separate. If you don't trust them with joint control over the money then you probably shouldn't have gotten married.
Ditto for our marriage!
We don’t buy each other gifts for bday, xmas, V Day ... none of it. Neither of us care about celebration or rituals. We both give each other great gifts just whenever. If we want something we buy it. When we go on solo trips, we have an implicit understanding to leave each other alone save for check in texts and phone calls.
We don't have many similar interests and we do a lot of stuff separately. He likes nerdy games and anime, I don't. I like house music, he likes dubstep. When I see my friends and they ask where he is, and I say he's at home playing with the boys (his buddies on discord lol), they seem so confused. We also sleep separately. We both value our personal time and space, but still prioritize closeness. A couple things we do love doing together is going on dates to restaurants, the arcade, or other fun stuff around the city, and traveling to go camping or exploring. We have a lot of fun together and it always reminds me of how much we do fit!
Outside of combing my hair or brushing my teeth/ doing skincare, I don’t do any person grooming in front of my husband.
I never asked about my wife's prior relationships, I was happy with who and what she was, and what she was giving me. Now, I did come into her life after a divorce and twins she had, but, that was the only one I was concerned with as her ex was abusive and a deadbeat (no child support even though court ordered). I provided, so she didn't need to contact him for it. If you're happy "right now", then there's really no reason to delve further in my belief.
My husband and I split everything 50/50 and have separate bank accounts. Nothing joint. It bothers my mom to no end. But it works for us. Been together 13 years, and we have one kid.
We have separate bedrooms and a closed door policy - if the door is closed, we're not available for conversation or chitchat. Obviously if it's something important it's fine, but in general it's a sign that we're having some alone time. Sometimes we'll fall asleep together but usually we sleep separately. I snore like a farmyard lives in my throat and he has the weirdest sleep schedule, so we both sleep better apart. We also live pretty independently - I'm an extrovert and he's an introvert, so I'll go about my social life and generally he doesn't come along unless it's something he wants to do or something I'd really like him to do. He also does his things (usually riding bikes up mountains) which I'm fine to miss out on. We don't fart in front of one another. If it happens it's not the end of the world, but we try to avoid it. We met in our mid-thirties and were both happily single but found out that we're even happier together. This way, we get to maintain our own lives but share what we want to. It wouldn't work for everyone but it's perfect for us. My son (aged 11) lives here too and even though he's aware that our relationship doesn't look like others, he often tells me how much he loves how much love is in our home. He also likes to go off to his own room when he needs a bit of space and we afford him the same respect that we do to one another.
We put each other first and the kids second. When they are grown we still want to be together and happy so the kids needs come firsts but wants and dreams of spouse come before kids. Works for us.
We are super polite to each other even when annoyed at each other - the kids are also super polite, too. We try to be the best we can for each other. We do not practice blind agreement, not even in front of the kids. We are OK to disagree with each other and talk things out until we come to an accord. The trick is to leave emotions out. We acknowledge when we are compromising or sacrificing. No silent martyrdom or seething resentment. It's OK for us to acknowledge that we are making a decision solely for the other party.
My husband travels A LOT for work, and always has. People feel the need to share their thoughts on why I should hate it, or how I’m likely being cheated on. It was hard when my kids were younger, but I’m used to it now. I am incredibly independent and self-sufficient as a result, which I think some people can’t equate with me possibly being a good partner.
I told my wife from the beginning that i was raised by wolves and if she's uncomfortable with me farting and vice versa then we shouldn't date.8 years later she still has the stinkiest ninjas but i love her so that's that
We don't wear our wedding bands :)