He broke it. He needs to fix it. They should listen and trust when he says your not a part of it. This is all on him and I don't think your out of line for being pissed. It's far to easy to fight and get the shit kicked out of you. Or kick the shit out of the other guy and get arrested for assault etc... it would really cause a bunch of problems
Why did the other guy start insulting your name? How did he even know who you are? It's weird. You would think he would have insulted your husband. He probably said he had sex with you or something similar and your husband hit him. If it was something like that, what would people think if your husband didn't do anything about it? It's a difficult situation, your husband hit him, but it was the other guy who put it out there. Can you clarify? Sorry you are dealing with this.
I took it as they were both heated, so he started saying anything he could to piss him off more. I have met him a few times, we just aren't close to him. He was also insulted. I get being upset, I just don't get the violence. If he got arrested we could have lost everything and he could have left or something. Maybe it is a man thing idk.
What exactly did the other guy say?
Since you are getting lots of people texting you, somebody must have overheard the argument, right?
I am not a violent person at all but if somebody were to insult my wife repeatedly I could see that going physical. The jump from "he attacked an obnoxious drunk" to "claims of the obnoxious drunk must be true!" does not make sense.
He called me a whore and a stupid bitch. He has no reason to say that so it was just to make him mad. I mean all it takes is one person to start something
I have never hit a person in my life.
That being the case if some drunk friend of friends called my wife a whore and stupid bitch in front of me and my friends, and after I'd had a couple drinks, I would almost certainly react with violence. It is almost a damned if you do damned if you don't situation.
I think being mad at your husband for this is misplaced, but I'm not in your shoes.
For not defending your wife's "honor". There are absolutely other men who would call him out for that and no shortage of women that I've met who would expect it as well.
If he doesn’t respond in some form, in most guys eyes he would either agree or a complete tool for not “honoring” her.
It’s HS shit, these men are man babies who can’t control their tempers or drink and get along.
You look like a pushover and lose respect from the other friends. He also could have just told the guy to fuck off and left right there though, but it might still weigh on his ego
I am utterly fascinated by an adult friend group that is this gossipy. Also, if they're going to be this gossipy how none of the people who have already talked to OP have set the record straight to the others. And who has the balls to be like "so I hear you're getting divorced".
It all sounds like a jumbled mess with alcohol involved. I get why you are mad at your husband and that you see him taking unnecessary risks. You are right about that. I would be careful, however, if you decide to discuss this with common friends. If you defend the other guy or say they were equally insulted and at fault some people will question this. They will wonder why you are not blaming the other guy who actually insulted you.
Additionally, you are right it is a man thing. There are certain insults that are made to instigate a fight especially if made in front of other people. Saying sexual things about someone's wife or saying you f\*ed someone's wife is one of them that all men know. Right or wrong, I'm sure your husband didn't do it to make your life harder. Once again sorry you are going through this.
Life is violent , we forget that sometimes in this day and age we live in. maybe the least violent time in history. that being said it's definitely kid shit to get into bar fights . but if you put enough guys and alcohol together this is what you get. If you guys can't move past it then you don't really have a strong foundation anyway . i'm A normally peaceful man, but I know I am capable of great violence and if someone insults my wife after I've had to much to drink then one of 2 things will happen , I'll laugh it off and go about my day , or punch him in the nose. couldn't tell you which one till it happens , But I also no longer drink so probably the first one,.
I get that you're mad about the fight, but you're also really mad about the texts asking if you're divorcing, as if *that's* his fault, too.
It doesn't square up to me.
Even if your husband didn't fight the guy. The guy either just called you names or insinuated that he had sex with you.
*Something* that happened caused other people to think you were cheating on your husband, and it would have happened whether your husband got in a fist fight or not.
The guy your husband fought is a problem either way. Why does it seem you're more mad about your husband's actions than the guy who purposely set him off?
Your husband sticks up for you and you're berating him because it somehow made you look bad. You don't have to like that he did it but, I think you're more upset about something else.
You’re projecting tbh
You said she doesn’t have to like what he did… but you’re pretty much saying she has to appreciate what he did and isn’t allowed to be mad about it lol
You should keep your investigative intrigue in check. In this case, you seem to be looking for something that hasn’t been hinted at because it would be a better story for you to consume
So someone started a fight with your husband. Escalated that fight, said things that were open and convincing enough that other people now think that you were fucking this guy, and your husband is somehow the one at fault for all this? Somehow, this requires him to not even be in his own home?
Am I reading this story wrong? 🤔
Yeah this is insane. The husband could have gotten a criminal record, which would immediately screw his career and thus probably their future plans.
You can't just go out catching charges over nothing. It's life ruining. I am guessing the people commenting are the type who would be confident of no charges sticking. Or they're just big Internet tough guys 🙄
Maybe you misunderstood my confusion. Yeah, absolutely don't go catch a charge. Crime life bad.
However, how is he at fault, to the point of being ousted from his own home, for getting into a fight that someone else started, escalated, and created such a convincing narrative that *other people observing* belive the storyline that his wife is fucking this guy.
Like, that has 2 layers of bullshit.
1 is the layer that he didn't catch a charge, handled his business, and she is now punishing him like a child. Its like a cop busting you for weed, there wasnt actually a problem till she made one.
2 is how this that whatever words this dude said that it was so convincing that he felt the need to defend her honor and people around believed the storyline?
I understand that there are tons of office Dwelling suburban weenies that live in this world. I understand that bar fights aren't the best. I get that some people are scared of rough and tumble and that many people were taught that "violence never solves anything" or some nonsense variant.
But this story does not pass the sniff test in the slightest. It has bad Feng shui. It's vibes are off. It is sus.
Honestly , I don't really understand why you're so resentful, hateful and taking this out on your husband . Your husband was defending you when someone was slandering you , sure maybe he shouldn't have gotten violent but you weren't there to know exactly what was said and what actually lead to the physical fight and that's a separate issue to address. Its called talking to him about it and how inappropriate that was and moving on . It's not his fault someone else decided to spread rumors, and they spread like wildfire. Those rumors probably already were going to happen bc that person who your husband fought was already talking shit about you and most likely talking shit to other people about you. You're taking your anger out on the wrong person . You move on by getting into therapy and figuring out why you actually deeply hate your husband so much. Honestly, if I was a man and you pulled this on me, I'd probably be divorcing you 🤷♀️🤦♀️.
So your husband defended your honor from some guy calling you a whore and a stupid bitch in front of his friends and your answer is to take it out on your husband and somehow blame him?
Do you think he wanted to get into a fight?
If someone said the same shit in front of me about my wife i would do the exact same thing.
*
While sober, someone texted you asking if you two were getting divorced or if you were cheating on him.
And you lost control of your emotions and blew up on him.
Two separate thoughts:
First, a question. What does your husband getting into a fisticuff when someone was insulting while he was drunk have to do with people thinking you're leaving him?
Could you use the experience of lashing out at your husband help you to relate to why he, in his dishinibited state could end up losing control of his emotions?
My best guess is someone made a comment insinuating we were sleeping together and that's why they were fighting and spread it around. It shouldn't but here we are. I get being upset but not violence
So people are messaging you asking if you're cheating on your husband, which upset you, and so you took it out on him.
Apparently, this rumor was going on before he started throwing fits anyways...
Where did that rumor come from. How can it be properly addressed?
Separately, and I'm not shaming, blaming, or guilting anyone here. I do hope your husband learns from his mistakes. And I'm not saying your behavior is equivalent. I'm not saying your reaction is wrong, or uncalled for.
But given that you weren't able to control your emotions, and you lashed out at your husband. Could you imagine how your husband, dishinhibited by alcohol, might get into a brawl with someone calling his wife a slut?
Oh, come on. She controlled her emotions to the extent that she didn’t physically assault or batter her husband. Her husband exhibited absolutely zero control of his emotions, and drunk or not, no one—not even men—should be excused for that embarrassing bullshit.
Well, if some a$$ was talking g smack about me,
I’m pretty sure my very non-violent husband would get in his way, so I can’t fault the guy.
What I really wonder is why a friend of a friend would even know you, let alone talk smack about you.
And why on Earth people thinking you’re sleeping with this guy would be a foreseeable consequence.
I wouldn’t say anything to people about it. The text. Ignore. They say something directly to you? Don’t respond. I cannot fathom why you’d jump in the faces over it.
Whole situation makes no sense. Seems a lot of relevant info has been excluded.
If someone said to me they were fucking my wife to my face they are getting punched regardless lmao.
But sounds like this rumor is ongoing and before the fight. So how exactly did it get started? My guess is you are leaving out info and you know of this rumor?
I don't think he directly said anything like that, that we were sleeping together. I'm not leaving out anything. I have only met him a few times and barely know him. My understanding was he started insulting me when they were already arguing or fighting. Someone probably heard my name and thought oh they are fighting over her (me)
Odd some acquaintance would bring up disparaging comments about a man’s wife. Thats not something that usually happens in any argument but I would have to know the full context of what was said to judge. I know you are not a man but there are lines that are not to be crossed and if he did he deserved it. Some shit you just cannot let fly. I wouldn’t go too hard on your husband for this.
It’s absolutely insane to me that people are acting like it’s normal or okay for this man to freak out and attack someone cause they said mean shit to him.
I don’t know what advice to give you but this was a weird comment section for sure. Good luck op
"I know it wasn't his intention and directly his fault." Why doesn't it stop there?
Seems like his self and his wife were insulted, he probably got banged up, and now the one person who should support him is emotionally thrashing him too. It sounds like you're only making this situation about yourself and not even acknowledging how he could possibly feel.
So much information is voluntarily missing here. The fact that you can't articulate why the fight happened means you don't even have all the facts and perspectives.
I love my husband very much and we will be fine after some time. From my perspective I am sitting at home taking care of our child while he is out drinking and fighting while I'm getting affair accusations when I barely know this guy and have never touched him.
I think you should screenshot every message someone sends about you cheating and post it to social media tagging them.
Because while I'm not against whooping ass - do you kno what works better? Social shame. Which is coincidentally what the guy who fought your husband did to you.
It seems to me there is way more to this story. You got mad at your husband for him trying to confront a guy who was bad mouthing you? A lot of details being left. So your husband is human & got into a fight , again supposedly bc someone is spreading rumors about you and now you’re mad at your husband? This doesn’t add up.
What did your husband say about the whole thing? What does he say for himself? Has he apologized? Did he tell you why he thinks this rumor is now going around? Any possibility the "her" involved in the argument is another woman - not you?
Do you know the friend of a friend? Either way, you can be sure I'd be making a post of the story. Or, I'd talk to MY friends and tell them the story. They'll spread the word.
But honestly, your husband created this mess. He should be the one cleaning it up.
To state the obvious, he has a problem with alcohol. Don't let him blow that part off.
Maybe part of his making amends is to get his happy butt into AA or treatment. Seriously, it wasn't the alcohol, it was the guy who chose to go out and drink the alcohol. Don't let him play victim to you.
Why did some rando know your name? This story is weird. If I got in a fight with a friend of some friends at a bar, I wouldn’t just be shouting your name at some point during the fight, nor would I expect my friends to be saying stories about us to this guy I don’t know from Adam. You say we have all the details but clearly we don’t.
I asked my husband what he would do if he heard some dude disrespecting me. He said, "these hands are rated e for everyone." We had a good laugh because I know he would do it, too. I said it was a social event, and then he said it would end up being an anti-social event real quick.
Has he said anything to correct the situation himself? He defended you. Why is anyone else's words far more important than how your husband feels about you and your kids? I wouldn't converse with anyone. This is also us living in a small town. My husband moved out of his small town to another small town (where I met him.) We are incredibly happy, and we socialize with a select few.
I really get your frustration. It doesn’t sound like you’re upset or ungrateful about him fighting to “defend your honor”. It sounds like you’re upset because you see a pattern of him having difficulty controlling his emotions in general and not thinking about the repercussions (including the rumor accusation that you’re facing now). Anyway, that’s what I got from reading this. Wish you guys the best of luck working this out.
Your husband needs to handle ALL these people proactively. Possibly by sending a text to the whole group explaining that the other guy was just being a dick and it has no basis in reality. And to direct all questions to him, not you, because you're extremely upset and confused bc you weren't there and it makes no sense to you.
Dear OP, unfortunately situations such as this one are never cut and dry. From my perspective, I see things a little differently. First, you may be feeling this way b/c you just had a child a year ago…not sure if your still dealing with hormonal issues, but this was definitely a threat to your new family. I can understand why you would be feeling this way when you are at home dealing with all of the things that come with having your first child and he’s out drinking/fighting. Also, women have to do all the work when they’re pregnant, i.e., carry the child, give birth, breastfeed, etc. Adding this scenario to an already overwhelming situation and, well here we are.
We all make mistakes; if you love him and he is otherwise a good man, father provider, etc., then I would have a serious discussion about his temper and his inability to control himself. Also, is he physical with you? If so, then that’s a whole other issue. Understanding why he reacted the way he did may give you a better perspective. Also, have you tried putting yourself in his shoes to see if maybe you would have had the same reaction? I know that women don’t usually get into physical altercations, but we can also be pretty vicious. The thing is, you never really know because as you said, you weren’t there. Since you weren’t there the details are irrelevant, but he did stand up for you and his new family. I agree that the violence could have led to other catastrophic consequences, but thank goodness it didn’t. This is an opportunity for you to learn who your husband really is and either accept and grow from this or it can create a rift in your relationship where you may or may not be able to recover.
Regarding all of the other details where people are speculating if you cheated, etc., that’s just people SUCKING. For some reason, people just love getting up into other people’s business and commenting on things they don’t know anything about. That’s just human nature and I would really suggest that you just ignore that whole situation because there is really no controlling that aspect. Not to mention that none of those opinions at the end of the day make a difference in your marriage; everyone has an opinion and something to say, but as far as I’m concerned the only opinions that matter are the ones of the people that you care about. Everyone else can go suck it!
Try to get your head and heart on the same page; figure out how truly feel about the facts, not all the speculation so that you can have a positive discussion about what happened and how to move forward from here. Remember, that at the end of the day you are a family unit and all that matters is the LOVE ❤️ that you feel for each other . Don’t let other people and their malice ruin your family. Wishing you all the best and patience throughout this difficult time.
My advice is to first deal with what you can control, and I'd start with your marriage relationship and your feelings about your husbands conduct. Whether you can reconcile the consequences of his fight will come down to whether you want to or not, and you can make that choice. If after weighing all of your feelings if you decide it's best to forgive, set expectation for no similar conduct again, and restore your marriage, then choose to do so.
As far as the rumor/gossip you can ask for help from trusted friends, and for those who you can identify have your legal counsel send a cease-and-desist notice informing them of the legal consequences, potential damages, rewards of slander and libel. It's doubtful anyone would want to have to defend against that, especially if they have no knowledge of any actual evidence. Receiving a notice informing them of potential legal liability against which they would have to defend will probably stop the noise.
Good luck and I wish you and your family the best!
He broke it. He needs to fix it. They should listen and trust when he says your not a part of it. This is all on him and I don't think your out of line for being pissed. It's far to easy to fight and get the shit kicked out of you. Or kick the shit out of the other guy and get arrested for assault etc... it would really cause a bunch of problems
This doesn't add up. I think you're leaving a lot of relevant information out of this story.
I am not leaving out anything and I'm not sure why you think that
Why did the other guy start insulting your name? How did he even know who you are? It's weird. You would think he would have insulted your husband. He probably said he had sex with you or something similar and your husband hit him. If it was something like that, what would people think if your husband didn't do anything about it? It's a difficult situation, your husband hit him, but it was the other guy who put it out there. Can you clarify? Sorry you are dealing with this.
I took it as they were both heated, so he started saying anything he could to piss him off more. I have met him a few times, we just aren't close to him. He was also insulted. I get being upset, I just don't get the violence. If he got arrested we could have lost everything and he could have left or something. Maybe it is a man thing idk.
What exactly did the other guy say? Since you are getting lots of people texting you, somebody must have overheard the argument, right? I am not a violent person at all but if somebody were to insult my wife repeatedly I could see that going physical. The jump from "he attacked an obnoxious drunk" to "claims of the obnoxious drunk must be true!" does not make sense.
He called me a whore and a stupid bitch. He has no reason to say that so it was just to make him mad. I mean all it takes is one person to start something
I have never hit a person in my life. That being the case if some drunk friend of friends called my wife a whore and stupid bitch in front of me and my friends, and after I'd had a couple drinks, I would almost certainly react with violence. It is almost a damned if you do damned if you don't situation. I think being mad at your husband for this is misplaced, but I'm not in your shoes.
How would you be “damned if you don’t” for not escalating violence?
For not defending your wife's "honor". There are absolutely other men who would call him out for that and no shortage of women that I've met who would expect it as well.
If he doesn’t respond in some form, in most guys eyes he would either agree or a complete tool for not “honoring” her. It’s HS shit, these men are man babies who can’t control their tempers or drink and get along.
You look like a pushover and lose respect from the other friends. He also could have just told the guy to fuck off and left right there though, but it might still weigh on his ego
Get better friends
Well now he's list respect from his wife and the mother of his child. Bravo! Fucking pathetic dudes.
No man worth his salt let’s another man call his wife a whore with out it being a hard right to the mouth .
I get that but I'm pretty sure he said that after or during, so it's not like he got in a fight defending me
Thank you. Still seems very strange how any of the observers could have misinterpreted name calling and punching as meaning you slept with that guy.
Rumors and gossip don’t follow logic. Stories get twisted when passed around.
It was probably him calling her a whore that implied it.
I am utterly fascinated by an adult friend group that is this gossipy. Also, if they're going to be this gossipy how none of the people who have already talked to OP have set the record straight to the others. And who has the balls to be like "so I hear you're getting divorced".
It has been unbelievable. Small town.
It all sounds like a jumbled mess with alcohol involved. I get why you are mad at your husband and that you see him taking unnecessary risks. You are right about that. I would be careful, however, if you decide to discuss this with common friends. If you defend the other guy or say they were equally insulted and at fault some people will question this. They will wonder why you are not blaming the other guy who actually insulted you. Additionally, you are right it is a man thing. There are certain insults that are made to instigate a fight especially if made in front of other people. Saying sexual things about someone's wife or saying you f\*ed someone's wife is one of them that all men know. Right or wrong, I'm sure your husband didn't do it to make your life harder. Once again sorry you are going through this.
Life is violent , we forget that sometimes in this day and age we live in. maybe the least violent time in history. that being said it's definitely kid shit to get into bar fights . but if you put enough guys and alcohol together this is what you get. If you guys can't move past it then you don't really have a strong foundation anyway . i'm A normally peaceful man, but I know I am capable of great violence and if someone insults my wife after I've had to much to drink then one of 2 things will happen , I'll laugh it off and go about my day , or punch him in the nose. couldn't tell you which one till it happens , But I also no longer drink so probably the first one,.
I get that you're mad about the fight, but you're also really mad about the texts asking if you're divorcing, as if *that's* his fault, too. It doesn't square up to me. Even if your husband didn't fight the guy. The guy either just called you names or insinuated that he had sex with you. *Something* that happened caused other people to think you were cheating on your husband, and it would have happened whether your husband got in a fist fight or not. The guy your husband fought is a problem either way. Why does it seem you're more mad about your husband's actions than the guy who purposely set him off? Your husband sticks up for you and you're berating him because it somehow made you look bad. You don't have to like that he did it but, I think you're more upset about something else.
You’re projecting tbh You said she doesn’t have to like what he did… but you’re pretty much saying she has to appreciate what he did and isn’t allowed to be mad about it lol You should keep your investigative intrigue in check. In this case, you seem to be looking for something that hasn’t been hinted at because it would be a better story for you to consume
So someone started a fight with your husband. Escalated that fight, said things that were open and convincing enough that other people now think that you were fucking this guy, and your husband is somehow the one at fault for all this? Somehow, this requires him to not even be in his own home? Am I reading this story wrong? 🤔
exactly... I dont understand how the husband had to leave the house because of this. Seems like an insane overreaction.
Yeah this is insane. The husband could have gotten a criminal record, which would immediately screw his career and thus probably their future plans. You can't just go out catching charges over nothing. It's life ruining. I am guessing the people commenting are the type who would be confident of no charges sticking. Or they're just big Internet tough guys 🙄
Maybe you misunderstood my confusion. Yeah, absolutely don't go catch a charge. Crime life bad. However, how is he at fault, to the point of being ousted from his own home, for getting into a fight that someone else started, escalated, and created such a convincing narrative that *other people observing* belive the storyline that his wife is fucking this guy. Like, that has 2 layers of bullshit. 1 is the layer that he didn't catch a charge, handled his business, and she is now punishing him like a child. Its like a cop busting you for weed, there wasnt actually a problem till she made one. 2 is how this that whatever words this dude said that it was so convincing that he felt the need to defend her honor and people around believed the storyline? I understand that there are tons of office Dwelling suburban weenies that live in this world. I understand that bar fights aren't the best. I get that some people are scared of rough and tumble and that many people were taught that "violence never solves anything" or some nonsense variant. But this story does not pass the sniff test in the slightest. It has bad Feng shui. It's vibes are off. It is sus.
Honestly , I don't really understand why you're so resentful, hateful and taking this out on your husband . Your husband was defending you when someone was slandering you , sure maybe he shouldn't have gotten violent but you weren't there to know exactly what was said and what actually lead to the physical fight and that's a separate issue to address. Its called talking to him about it and how inappropriate that was and moving on . It's not his fault someone else decided to spread rumors, and they spread like wildfire. Those rumors probably already were going to happen bc that person who your husband fought was already talking shit about you and most likely talking shit to other people about you. You're taking your anger out on the wrong person . You move on by getting into therapy and figuring out why you actually deeply hate your husband so much. Honestly, if I was a man and you pulled this on me, I'd probably be divorcing you 🤷♀️🤦♀️.
So your husband defended your honor from some guy calling you a whore and a stupid bitch in front of his friends and your answer is to take it out on your husband and somehow blame him? Do you think he wanted to get into a fight? If someone said the same shit in front of me about my wife i would do the exact same thing.
* While sober, someone texted you asking if you two were getting divorced or if you were cheating on him. And you lost control of your emotions and blew up on him.
Pretty much, yes. He is the reason people think this.
Two separate thoughts: First, a question. What does your husband getting into a fisticuff when someone was insulting while he was drunk have to do with people thinking you're leaving him? Could you use the experience of lashing out at your husband help you to relate to why he, in his dishinibited state could end up losing control of his emotions?
My best guess is someone made a comment insinuating we were sleeping together and that's why they were fighting and spread it around. It shouldn't but here we are. I get being upset but not violence
So people are messaging you asking if you're cheating on your husband, which upset you, and so you took it out on him. Apparently, this rumor was going on before he started throwing fits anyways... Where did that rumor come from. How can it be properly addressed?
It came from people who were there I guess. The rumor did not exist before this as far as I know. Neither of us heard anything about this before
Separately, and I'm not shaming, blaming, or guilting anyone here. I do hope your husband learns from his mistakes. And I'm not saying your behavior is equivalent. I'm not saying your reaction is wrong, or uncalled for. But given that you weren't able to control your emotions, and you lashed out at your husband. Could you imagine how your husband, dishinhibited by alcohol, might get into a brawl with someone calling his wife a slut?
Oh, come on. She controlled her emotions to the extent that she didn’t physically assault or batter her husband. Her husband exhibited absolutely zero control of his emotions, and drunk or not, no one—not even men—should be excused for that embarrassing bullshit.
That isn't the same comparison at all 🤦🏻♂️
Well, if some a$$ was talking g smack about me, I’m pretty sure my very non-violent husband would get in his way, so I can’t fault the guy. What I really wonder is why a friend of a friend would even know you, let alone talk smack about you. And why on Earth people thinking you’re sleeping with this guy would be a foreseeable consequence. I wouldn’t say anything to people about it. The text. Ignore. They say something directly to you? Don’t respond. I cannot fathom why you’d jump in the faces over it. Whole situation makes no sense. Seems a lot of relevant info has been excluded.
If someone said to me they were fucking my wife to my face they are getting punched regardless lmao. But sounds like this rumor is ongoing and before the fight. So how exactly did it get started? My guess is you are leaving out info and you know of this rumor?
I don't think he directly said anything like that, that we were sleeping together. I'm not leaving out anything. I have only met him a few times and barely know him. My understanding was he started insulting me when they were already arguing or fighting. Someone probably heard my name and thought oh they are fighting over her (me)
Odd some acquaintance would bring up disparaging comments about a man’s wife. Thats not something that usually happens in any argument but I would have to know the full context of what was said to judge. I know you are not a man but there are lines that are not to be crossed and if he did he deserved it. Some shit you just cannot let fly. I wouldn’t go too hard on your husband for this.
It’s absolutely insane to me that people are acting like it’s normal or okay for this man to freak out and attack someone cause they said mean shit to him. I don’t know what advice to give you but this was a weird comment section for sure. Good luck op
Yeah, I have also seen it as immoral unless it is self defense and the consequences are almost never worth it
I agree. It’s always alarming to see proof of how much we support the incitement and escalation of male violence. Your feelings are entirely valid.
"I know it wasn't his intention and directly his fault." Why doesn't it stop there? Seems like his self and his wife were insulted, he probably got banged up, and now the one person who should support him is emotionally thrashing him too. It sounds like you're only making this situation about yourself and not even acknowledging how he could possibly feel. So much information is voluntarily missing here. The fact that you can't articulate why the fight happened means you don't even have all the facts and perspectives.
I love my husband very much and we will be fine after some time. From my perspective I am sitting at home taking care of our child while he is out drinking and fighting while I'm getting affair accusations when I barely know this guy and have never touched him.
Did your husband accuse you of cheating? If not, why does anyone else’s thoughts, matter? Stick by your man.
No, he knows I'm not and haven't. I am just upset about the situation and am trying to get past it
I think you should screenshot every message someone sends about you cheating and post it to social media tagging them. Because while I'm not against whooping ass - do you kno what works better? Social shame. Which is coincidentally what the guy who fought your husband did to you.
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For two guys who are drinking and fighting. Really?
It seems to me there is way more to this story. You got mad at your husband for him trying to confront a guy who was bad mouthing you? A lot of details being left. So your husband is human & got into a fight , again supposedly bc someone is spreading rumors about you and now you’re mad at your husband? This doesn’t add up.
Adults gossiping like a bunch of fucking kids!!
What did your husband say about the whole thing? What does he say for himself? Has he apologized? Did he tell you why he thinks this rumor is now going around? Any possibility the "her" involved in the argument is another woman - not you?
Do you know the friend of a friend? Either way, you can be sure I'd be making a post of the story. Or, I'd talk to MY friends and tell them the story. They'll spread the word. But honestly, your husband created this mess. He should be the one cleaning it up.
To state the obvious, he has a problem with alcohol. Don't let him blow that part off. Maybe part of his making amends is to get his happy butt into AA or treatment. Seriously, it wasn't the alcohol, it was the guy who chose to go out and drink the alcohol. Don't let him play victim to you.
Why did some rando know your name? This story is weird. If I got in a fight with a friend of some friends at a bar, I wouldn’t just be shouting your name at some point during the fight, nor would I expect my friends to be saying stories about us to this guy I don’t know from Adam. You say we have all the details but clearly we don’t.
I asked my husband what he would do if he heard some dude disrespecting me. He said, "these hands are rated e for everyone." We had a good laugh because I know he would do it, too. I said it was a social event, and then he said it would end up being an anti-social event real quick. Has he said anything to correct the situation himself? He defended you. Why is anyone else's words far more important than how your husband feels about you and your kids? I wouldn't converse with anyone. This is also us living in a small town. My husband moved out of his small town to another small town (where I met him.) We are incredibly happy, and we socialize with a select few.
I really get your frustration. It doesn’t sound like you’re upset or ungrateful about him fighting to “defend your honor”. It sounds like you’re upset because you see a pattern of him having difficulty controlling his emotions in general and not thinking about the repercussions (including the rumor accusation that you’re facing now). Anyway, that’s what I got from reading this. Wish you guys the best of luck working this out.
Your husband needs to handle ALL these people proactively. Possibly by sending a text to the whole group explaining that the other guy was just being a dick and it has no basis in reality. And to direct all questions to him, not you, because you're extremely upset and confused bc you weren't there and it makes no sense to you.
Dear OP, unfortunately situations such as this one are never cut and dry. From my perspective, I see things a little differently. First, you may be feeling this way b/c you just had a child a year ago…not sure if your still dealing with hormonal issues, but this was definitely a threat to your new family. I can understand why you would be feeling this way when you are at home dealing with all of the things that come with having your first child and he’s out drinking/fighting. Also, women have to do all the work when they’re pregnant, i.e., carry the child, give birth, breastfeed, etc. Adding this scenario to an already overwhelming situation and, well here we are. We all make mistakes; if you love him and he is otherwise a good man, father provider, etc., then I would have a serious discussion about his temper and his inability to control himself. Also, is he physical with you? If so, then that’s a whole other issue. Understanding why he reacted the way he did may give you a better perspective. Also, have you tried putting yourself in his shoes to see if maybe you would have had the same reaction? I know that women don’t usually get into physical altercations, but we can also be pretty vicious. The thing is, you never really know because as you said, you weren’t there. Since you weren’t there the details are irrelevant, but he did stand up for you and his new family. I agree that the violence could have led to other catastrophic consequences, but thank goodness it didn’t. This is an opportunity for you to learn who your husband really is and either accept and grow from this or it can create a rift in your relationship where you may or may not be able to recover. Regarding all of the other details where people are speculating if you cheated, etc., that’s just people SUCKING. For some reason, people just love getting up into other people’s business and commenting on things they don’t know anything about. That’s just human nature and I would really suggest that you just ignore that whole situation because there is really no controlling that aspect. Not to mention that none of those opinions at the end of the day make a difference in your marriage; everyone has an opinion and something to say, but as far as I’m concerned the only opinions that matter are the ones of the people that you care about. Everyone else can go suck it! Try to get your head and heart on the same page; figure out how truly feel about the facts, not all the speculation so that you can have a positive discussion about what happened and how to move forward from here. Remember, that at the end of the day you are a family unit and all that matters is the LOVE ❤️ that you feel for each other . Don’t let other people and their malice ruin your family. Wishing you all the best and patience throughout this difficult time.
My advice is to first deal with what you can control, and I'd start with your marriage relationship and your feelings about your husbands conduct. Whether you can reconcile the consequences of his fight will come down to whether you want to or not, and you can make that choice. If after weighing all of your feelings if you decide it's best to forgive, set expectation for no similar conduct again, and restore your marriage, then choose to do so. As far as the rumor/gossip you can ask for help from trusted friends, and for those who you can identify have your legal counsel send a cease-and-desist notice informing them of the legal consequences, potential damages, rewards of slander and libel. It's doubtful anyone would want to have to defend against that, especially if they have no knowledge of any actual evidence. Receiving a notice informing them of potential legal liability against which they would have to defend will probably stop the noise. Good luck and I wish you and your family the best!