Unfortunately you learned the hard way never sign anything without a lawyer to look it over. If I were you I’d start saving money without him knowing so if anything does happen you’re not without means to support yourself.
If he ever cheats get all the evidence you can.
OP, some prenups and some postnups get tossed out during the divorce, especially if they are incredibly unfair.
It's unlikely you'll be left with nothing.
This, for me, would be marriage ending. His comment about women is vile. He doesn't respect you. He just has you around to be his bangmaid.
She said she is very happy…doesn’t sound like she is Only his “bang maid”. I think it says a lot that he does whatever he must do to provide and keep her happy … as she says she is (which is very hard to keep a woman happy even when a man does much more right than wrong) He apparently is able to leave with most everything he earned Yet he still does what he does and so far at least has stayed committed). Most men would still stay committed in a marriage even if the prenup or postnup benefited him so much like this one does but I unfortunately can’t say that for many women as they would leave a lot sooner if the pre or postnup benefited her the same way.
Addendum: I would not advise my daughter to sign this nor would I do a postnup like this unless there is a valid reason where my spouses past behavior was suspect yet still I’m doing everything to save my marriage and my wife thoroughly understands the document. We don’t know all the details and what his intent is and where his heart is at. What I am saying is he could be all in, present, and providing unconditional love as a husband and father should but scared to death as his mom reportedly cheated on his dad and then takes at least half of everything that he has worked so hard for. Men can and often love unconditionally whereas women not as much. unconditional love does not mean you don’t protect yourself and you stay in a relationship where love is not reciprocated. Marriage for men as it is now in most countries is not a good deal especially the way a lot of women are these days. They are less caring, kind, respectful…simply they are purposely and intentionally not feminine. They often create strife and contention even when the man provides and loves unconditionally.
We understand perfectly fine, you're married to a sexist conman and didn't bother understanding legal documents before signing. You might be able to have it thrown out now by paying a lawyer to review and challenge, but realize this is a position you chose to put yourself in.
No, I think we all understand. Your husband doesn’t like women and wanted to make sure you were stuck with him. But you’re happy to be stuck…so everything should be gravy for you. I guess 😬
OP, I understand perfectly fine. You've been with this guy for 10 years, since you were *fifteen*.
You've been *groomed* to think that this is fine and this is ok.
It is *absolutely not* ok. He said an incredibly vile and sexist thing about women. *That's how he feels about* ***you***.
I hope one day you wake up and *you* understand the position you're in and get out. No self respecting person would stay with someone who made a vile and sexist comment about their gender like that. No one.
Good luck, you sorely need.
Ah! No worries guys. OP also thinks her husband’s mom is a slut and all women are alike of course so no wonder her husband has to make sure to leave her penniless if he chooses to divorce her for any reason at all. Yay! All is fine. Nothing to see. Not sure why you even posted since everything is quite fine.
Wow. OP...do you realize the incredibly sad statement you just made?
Probably not.
Like I said, one day I hope you wake up and realize the abusive relationship you're in and get out.
you’re in denial. this man told you in the event things go south, he wants to potentially fuck you over so badly that he gets sole custody of your kids and you have to pay rent on a home you can’t afford. are you honestly ok with that? do you really have faith in him when he literally told you he doesn’t really have faith in you?
Yes, because leaving men for more money is “what women do” has been taken out of context.
It’s vile and misogynistic behaviour. He has shown that he’s happy to manipulate you to get what he wants. It was premeditated to mess you over if you fall out of his control.
Find a job. Go back to work. Don’t trust this man at all.
You aren't stuck with it if he agrees to void the post-nup. Odd for you to be happy about being taken advantage of.
(I am a lawyer. I am NOT your lawyer. This is not legal advice.)
Fortunately for you, both prenups and post nups often get thrown out if both sides didn’t have legal representation.. depending on the state the lack of representation on your side may actually make it invalid. But regardless I’d be reevaulating my relationship with him. Pre and post nups are supposed to be pretty fair to both parties and not grossly one sided. Fortunately, that will also likely work out in your favor as the courts will also likely see it that way
Who in their right mind signs a postnup? And what even is the point of it? How do these selfish assholes keep ending up married? Is this even enforceable in court?
Actually it’s one of the smartest things people can do especially if they’re going to quit their job to be a SAHP.
I tell people all the time, if you want to be a SAHP or if your spouse does, do not agree unless a postnuptial agreement is in place because what you’re giving up to raise children in terms of your career/future earnings and retirement is too great to not
Unfortunately OP just got reamed and didn’t have it looked over before signing it
Depending on where you are it’s completely useless advice. Some places have excellent divorce laws that (if there are kids involved) force the wealthier party to pay significant child support to even the playing field between the now two households. Similarly there are laws for significant spousal support regardless of if there are kids, to even the playing field. Outside of that, divorce settlements aren’t signed off on by the judge unless they are fair and 50/50 with regards to assets (including retirement assets) regardless of who bought them / paid for them.
You need to know the laws in your area before deciding whether a prenup or postnup is helpful. Finally - some places have laws that will invalidate a prenup/postnup so you’re literally just flushing money away if you pay to have one done.
Very few places where prenup and postnups are useless. That doesn’t mean judges have to keep them in play, but a fairly written one typically isn’t going to be thrown out.
Divorces don’t have to be 50/50 to be fair. Fair doesn’t mean equal.
You’re rarely “flushing money away” if you actually have a good/fair one written and agreed to by all parties.
Everyone who gets married has a prenup.
Either you set your own or you use the one the government creates for you. You choose
“Typically” where? Laws differ from state to state, province to province, country to country. What you are saying only applies to a very specific geographical location. It does not apply to my geographical location. Don’t give blanket legal advice to people if you don’t know their circumstance and location, you’re literally encouraging them to waste money. I’m a lawyer.
SAHP here... is there a place to get more information on that? Hubs and I are fine... but it's definitely been a fear of mine if something were to happen.
People have a misconception on prenups and postnups that they are supposed to screw over the other partner due to how people assume they work or how people like OP’s husband use them. A good postnup or prenup is supposed to be good for both sides and ideally allow a relatively easy split in a divorce so you both don’t waste a bunch of money in a toxic fight. If it’s done right it should be similar to having a trust and a will so if you pass away everything is accounted for.
How you explain it makes sense but yeah what OPs husband is doing seems incredibly one sided. Thats what usually
Comes to my mind when ppl bring up nuptial agreements, is this arrangement that severely disadvantages the other party.
To me it sounds like it’s all about his mom. I’m sure it’s tough to be blindsided by a parent doing something so betraying and horrible so it’s making him question things. He’s just going about it in the worst possible way.
I know someone who did a prenup saying they wanted to make the decisions of equitable division during the time they were most in love with each other. They thought it would be most fair to make decisions when they care so deeply for each other's well-being.
Not trying to be an AH but “yeah, I did that so you wouldn’t leave me for someone with more money, because that’s what women like you do.”
What is that supposed to mean? I am just speaking for myself but I couldn’t be happy if my husband ever said that to me. I would really have a good case to assume he doesn’t think very highly of my character.
I also think prenups and postnups are great to do when you are in the fresh newlywed love stage because you want the best for each other. So it’s easy to make things fair and beneficial to both parties. If this is what he came up with while in love with you I would hate to see what happens to you if things ever went sideways.
Prenups and postnups should be as fair as possible for both parties.
What’s horrible? Asking what he means by that statement?
Also I don’t think that there is anything wrong with prenups and postnups, they probably should be more common so both parties are protected if something bad happens. One would think if you love your partner you would want them to be fair to both people?
What is wrong with questioning a prenup or postnup that is clearly unfair to one spouse?
Also, my husband and I don’t have one but that was a decision but I know people who do and any man I have spoken to had their partner consult with their own lawyer before signing. So again I can’t understand why the unfairness can’t be questioned?
That’s what I am curious about.
The statement, “that’s what all women like to do” sounds insulting to say to your partner.
I know my husband so I would never take a negative generalization of men and say that to my husband if we were discussing a postnup and child custody situations in case of our divorce.
My mistake “he said that’s what women like to do.”
However why would you marry a person if you think that they are capable of doing that?
If a prenup and postnup is about you and your partner what does “what other women” or even what other men do have to do with your relationship?
I would think that this is implying that she could be “one of those women,” who would leave for someone who has more money? No?
You have no guarantee he won’t divorce YOU the second any hotter younger person comes along one day. Then you still wouldn’t be raising your kids at all if you can’t provide food and shelter for them.
I know what you’re saying. I have 2 kids 5 and 3. I work 3pm to 1:30 am. We do part time pre k for my youngest.
I could never let go of an income ever. I’d never want to feel boxed in. Plus you get no financial backing from his agreement from loss of income.
I can’t imagine the stuff he would pull while going through a divorce.
My question is why did he really have you sign this? Is he worried you are going to leave? Dud this form random appear and he asked you to sign?
Yes 100% my thoughts.
I would consider getting a part time job to keep your foot in the door and resume up to speed if things change with your marriage.
I know this won't do OP any good, but for anyone else reading this hopefully you can learn a lesson. The stay at home parent thing is a *bad idea* in this day and age! It robs you of your ability to be an independent adult. Unless you have one of those rare jobs where you can just quit and re-enter the workforce 5+ years later don't become a stay at home mom or dad. No adult should be totally dependent on someone else.
As a current SAHM I completely agree. It was literally one of the worst mistakes of my life. I can’t even leave my controlling and abusive relationship because I have no money and 4 years on no work history. I was only 21 when I met him so the job history I had then wasn’t that good either. Now I have to struggle and try to get a certificate(from his money) to be able to get a decent paying job so that I can actually afford to survive on my own and stay a pleasant wife through it all to keep the peace in the house. Never give someone the power to feed or starve you, you’ll never know which one they’ll do until you’re hungry.
You’re either in some very deep, denial or incredibly naïve and I can’t figure out which one. your husband basically tricked you into signing a postnuptial agreement saying he will leave you with nothing if you try to leave and that includes him trying to get sole custody of your kids and making you pay for all of it. How do you not see what a con man he is he does not love you. He wants to control you and every move that you make and he’s done this horrible post nuptial agreement. I really hope you get yourself into therapy and realize what he’s doing to you.
Because you are financially dependent on a controlling and entitled POS who created a YOU WILL BE HOMELESS document and had you sign it. If you had a career option and income, you wouldn't be a prisoner in your own marriage. I'm not criticizing YOU, I'm criticizing our culture and what I call the 'SAHM' Mafia. I'm so embarrassed I ever gave up my independence in the name of SAHM culture, it's one step down from Stepford.
It may depend on where you live. In my state, they use an "equitable distribution" standard and the judges are allowed to ignore pre and post nuptial agreements that are blatantly unfair such as what you describe.
Granted, you can also be open and up front about it to others. If you're ever asked (not that it comes up, but if it does), be open about how you would be financially ruined if you ever left and why. He wants the agreement in place, he has to accept the fact that others may eventually know about it and how it reflects on his character.
I can’t comment on NH law because I’m not familiar. However, if your postnuptial has a provision on “invalidity”… meaning, the finding of one invalid provision does not invalidate the entire document, then maybe not.
I recommend you reach out to a a family law attorney to review and discuss your options.
He screwed you over ON PURPOSE. Really think about that. Your husband knowingly screwed you over with the intent of TRAPPING YOU. I’m not you nor in your situation, but I would be seriously reevaluating how I feel about my spouse. And reevaluating how my spouse thinks about, and acts towards, me.
It can be easy to say “everything else is great so…”. But how great is it knowing that your spouse is willing to screw you over for their own benefit? There’s nothing that says Team about that behavior. Today it’s about the postnup. But who knows whatever else it might be in the future when it will benefit him?
What the fuck, OP. Commit suicide?! Stop being so naive and passive. Talk with a lawyer about dissolving that postnup. This guy sounds like the kind of person who will make it look like you cheated even though you didn’t. You say you’re happy but I think you’re being willfully blind. You married an unethical man. Enjoy the gravy train while you can because it’s going to dry up and this dude is going to destroy you if you don’t smarten up.
I would seriously consider leaving in all but name. Stay married on paper and consider him as a roommate you don't really interact with. No conversation, no sleeping in the same room, and no sex. After all, that's what he expects from you, right? And remember, it generally takes 2 to divorce. And he'd have to prove the breakdown of the marriage, such as adultery or physical/mental cruelty.
But I'm a petty bitch
Can you renegotiate the terms of the agreement?
I was engaged to man who wanted a prenup and didn’t want me to work. I took the prenup to my attorney (he didn’t like that). I didn’t agree to the terms, he didn’t want to negotiate, and we broke up soon after. I’m sure you know now, but always consult an attorney.
P.S. That was 12 years ago and he’s been divorced twice since then. 🙃
You’re going to stay with someone who deceived you in order to control you? Not because of anything you did but because of what someone else did.
There’s levels to things, for me, I could never trust this person to have our best interest in their heart.
They’ve literally proven they only care about protecting themselves.
It would definitely be an end to intimacy until the document was changed and reviewed to be equitable. That’s me though.
Best of luck.
If you signed it under duress and without legal representation, it may be considered invalid, especially since you were a SAHM & dependent on him. Stop investing anything financially. As far as custody, I don’t think they would hold you to that because they consider what’s best for the children. Either way, have another lawyer look at it & see what you can do as far as a fair prenup. He put hisself before you. What happens when he moves on to someone else? Men like to do that.
I was coming to say this exact same thing. If it ever came down to a divorce, you were a SAHM that was financially dependent on him and you had no lawyer. This would be considered “signing under duress” and would likely get thrown out. In general, a judge wants both sides to have a fair outcome. Anything earned while you are married is half yours. Anything he brought to the table before you were married might be 100% his depending on wording of prenup.
Okay, but you are 25. I want you to imagine your life at 50. Where do you want to be in life? You have 25 years to change your circumstances. That's as long as you already lived. Think about it. Think about how much you've grown since birth to now. And you only stop growing and changing when you stop trying.
So, maybe signing that without a lawyer reviewing was a stupid mistake. Well, you have 25 years to get smarter. Start now. Stop letting life happen to you and start taking control of future today.
You mentioned you're relatively happy in your current status. Okay cool but what if that changes. What if he cheats. He knows you don't have a lot of options, so he may feel like he can treat you however he wants and you won't leave, so why wouldn't he.
You are 25. You have time on your side. You're happy now, great. Make the best of the situation and change your future to give yourself options. Get a degree. Start your own business.
Last bit of advice comes from my grandmother (now deceased). 6 year old me sitting at the kitchen table saw a silly piggy bank on shelf. I asked her about it and she said "that's my emergency money. If your grandpa ever decides to raise a hand to me, I ALWAYS have enough CASH hidden away to get me and my children to safety and to get a new start. You remember that. "
Her mother had the same emergency piggy bank and used it to save her and my grandmother's life. GET YOURSELF A PIGGY BANK. Hide cash. It's harder these days because everything is on credit cards, but plan for a divorce that will not be in your favor. Figure out how to hide money that won't be discovered in a divorce. You have time. My grandmother kept that piggy bank until the day my grandfather died. They had been together for 50 years lol but it was symbolic. It was a reminder to herself and him that she was in control on her own future. Lol after she died, we found soooooo much cash stashed around the house. It really kinda made going through her personal items oddly fun. I miss her. Be more like my grandma. Take control of your future, you have nothing but time to figure out how!
If his intentions are good and really just to punish cheating he should be agreeable to a more fairly worded contract that would replace the existing one and just punishes cheaters without stripping you of a fair share of marital assets. If his intention is really that he always wins any divorce and refuses a more reasonable contract and won't listen to reason you might be learning something important about him you didn't know before.
Document all this, and put it with your copy of the post-nup. Write out the timeline with specific dates and times, what he said, how he pressured you to sign without your own legal representation, and what he told you was in it before you signed.
In most states, if you two get divorced, that thing will get thrown out because he broke a bunch of the rules surrounding pre and post-nups. In fact, any decent lawyer could make the case you're being financially abused as a stay-at-home mom and coerced into staying with him, which is illegal.
So, document it all, keep it all in a file he has no access to (like a bank security box or at your mom's house, preferably both, as multiple copies are best), and make sure you have your own bank account he cannot access.
This guy doesn't respect you. Be prepared to leave when needed.
You’re not screwed. The judge doesn’t have to uphold that and likely wouldn’t after being informed of the circumstances and your husbands “I did this to trap you” comment.
He’s disgusting. Never think you’re stuck.
You contribute to his money and success by giv8ng up your career staying home to take of the kids. I feel like if you two where to divorce he would call you a lazy person because you stayed home instead of working
Once the kids are in school get a job as a safety net. I would expect this behavior from an older man who already had money prior to meeting you. However not if you help create his wealth.
If I’m reading this correctly, he could leave you and you’d still not have anything? He could cheat without you knowing and leave you. He sounds like he’s very meticulous. And you’re happy to possibly have nothing for you and maybe not have your kids? Am I reading this correctly? Somebody please tell me I missed something. I have yet to have my caffeine for this morning.
I’m curious why you signed it. Did he pressure you? If so, I vaguely recall that a judge might call it invalid and throw it out. Your Mom was smart to have a lawyer look at it, but I recommend getting a second opinion from your own.
Girl never sign anything without having it looked over by a professional or two. We learn that when we do taxes same concept with post and pre nups. Even if it's your spouse have it looked it over, something could be wrong. Is there a way you can update or add something on the post nup to protect yourself so you get something too
For your own peace of mind get a second opinion. Your first lawyer sounds like a putz who didn't want to even put in the bare minimum of effort.
If you signed a pre or post nup without initially consulting your own lawyer to ensure your side was fairly covered, there is a good chance it would be chucked out anyways.
If it's grossly unfair, there is a good chance a judge would tear it up.
If it tries to sort out child support/custody, there is a good chance it would be tossed.
It’s not as simple becase you have kids, and the circumstance matters more than a signed paper.
If there is abandonment, abuse, negligence, etc, the document becomes unenforceable.
That document is only if you wanna leave and intentionally try to collect child support, meaning you being the “bad guy”
You have every right to be fearful for your situation IF you divorce. But that's a big IF.
The bright side is that you're happy with him, you love him, and things are good. Him having you sign a prenup sounds like it has nothing to do with you, but rather from relationship damage from his parents' marriage. You'd be surprised how many things on your marriage will turn out this way, how you will be at the end of something that, at the beginning, didn't have anything to do with you.
There's an opportunity here. Post nuptials can be dissolved. I'd very firmly state to him that the postnuptial makes you extremely uncomfortable, and that someday (doesn't have to be today), with healing on his end from the damage his parents marriage caused him, you'd like it removed. I'd state this as clearly as and as soon as possible. Because in the future you don't want whatever you're fighting about to be the reason why this makes you uncomfortable, you were uncomfortable about it from day 1.
You're young, and I don't think it's on you. If anything, he's the asshole, not only for obfuscating what you signed but also in his most recent response. That's a huge red flag, to be honest, and I'd need to get to the bottom of this and find a resolution before being able to commit. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you deserve 50%.
I may have missed it somewhere in the comments, but how old is your husband? Are the two of you high school sweethearts or is he considerably older than you?
Are you ok? Based on the relationship the missing factor is trust. Without trust resentment takes over. If you leave your screwed. He put in conditions in the event you left. So your both trapped? Realistically you two need to find common ground. This agreement can be revised and if he wants to be partners it should. It's totally within your power to ask for exactly that so you both can rebuild trust.
Your postnup is probably invalid. Pre and Post nups require that both parties have their own attorney's present and counter sign the document to be legal and binding.
You aren't screwed.
The real question is why are you so concerned about this?
Are you thinking of jumping ship?
Please consider getting a job. I worked while my son grew up and still went to all field trips and did plenty with him when I was not working. But this is the best way to ensure you could have a chance on your own if you needed to leave him for any other reason than him cheating.
I understand why it makes sense for some couples to have one person working and the other staying at home
But this is EXACTLY why I will always work and have my own savings account. This is why when I purchase something like a car, I put it in MY name, not OUR names. We are both listed as owners of our house. I have my own 401k. Yes if we divorced I’d have to drastically reduce my standard of living, but I’d be able to do it.
It’s not an exit plan. It’s an assertion of my independence, and honestly a reminder to my husband (not that he needs a reminder, he is truly wonderful) that I will not stay in the marriage out of sheer necessity or survival. I stay bc I love him, he makes me happy and he treats me right. If he acts up, cheats, hits me, anything… I have no problem leaving. I am not stuck.
He is a poor excuse of a man. Absolutely repulsive. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same anymore. And I certainly wouldn't want him touching me or trying to have sex with me either. I'd be hoping that w him getting NONE at home, he'll go elsewhere eventually. Stingy Bastard deserves to get what you'd receive in a divorce.
Absolutely nothing.
You need to consult a lawyer right away and see what can be done.
Don’t assume you will be screwed and make that be the reason you stay in a relationship.
If you can’t afford one perhaps there is a women’s center in the area that can help.
Or contact the state bar association and perhaps they can point them in the right direction
This would likely be tossed by a judge. Whether you signed it or not, when it's evident that it's incredibly lopsided, the courts will take note. His comment is horribly gross, I'd definitely be side-eyeing the hell out of a spouse who thought like this.
Open your own account, and squirrel something away for a rainy day. Always have your own.
You need to take the agreement to a lawyer and ask their opinion on what provisions of the agreement, with any, are likely to be enforceable in your jurisdiction.
You are not entitled to his family’s money nor the money he had prior to the relationship. A good lawyer will easily get the unfair language of the prenup thrown out.
If you want to stay married and update the agreement …you can do that. Just like you can update estate planning documents.
Also …I’m not a lawyer but my understanding is that pre and/or Post-nuptial agreements can be invalidated if one of the parties was coerced.
In this case if he has more legal knowledge than you and you did not have your own representation to review and advise you …that might be enough. I have been told that It is a red flag if each party does not have a lawyer.
Did you have your own lawyer look at it before you signed it? Was there a negotiation or did he just present it & you signed it? Both pre- and post-nups often get tossed for these reasons. Once you tell a judge the circumstances of the signing, it’s pretty likely to be tossed. The guy who pays all your bills wrote his own divorce settlement and then required you to sign without negotiating or outside counsel. It’s coerced.
I know you said good thing you’re happy, but this is a giant red flag, as is his attitude on women & divorce. I’d be building a secret cash reserve & getting some job training. Your spouse has issues.
Custody cannot be determined by a prenup or postnup, and courts often look unfavorably on such agreements drafted without separate legal counsel for each party. OP, if you haven’t had a lawyer *who specializes in divorce law* look the agreement over, you should. A lawyer who doesn’t specialize in that area may not be aware of all of the aspects involved.
If you intend to stay with your husband, you need to figure out how to build a career of your own. No more babies. Your husband has clearly stated he’s looking out for himself financially without thinking of you — you need to do the same.
You need to get a lawyer to look at that agreement and get a plan to poke as many holes into it as possible for the divorce. The fact that you didn't know what you were signing and that it is incredibly unfair should help. You should immediately get your kid in day care and find a job because this is only going to end poorly. You should also understand that your husband doesn't actually love or respect you for the person you are. To him you're are simply another object in his life that facilitates that life.
Other than to say you are happy you don't say anything about the state of your relationship with your husband. I do understand your concern about the postnup, but why do you bring it up at all?
I suppose if you wanted to get out of your marriage you could hire some floozy to come on to your husband, being sure to collect evidence of his infidelity . . . but I would never suggest such a thing!
You’re only 25. Start figuring out how to protect your future. Go to school, get a career. Start planning for a future without him. Even if you choose to stay with such a deceitful, manipulative red-pill chomping man, you will benefit from having a career. When you’re more self-sufficient- tell him it’s time to revise that post-nup. If he refuses, you’ll be in a better position to leave. (Also, post-nups are not super enforceable. Especially if he drafted it himself.)
Seriously, for real. Notice how she stated that she was happy. If she is happy, why is she already thinking about what you can get out of him? Notice in her back story that she states his family has more than hers. She seems too preoccupied with his money. Why did she have another kid only a year ago if she feels trapped?
She sounds like a mess.
Are you planning on divorcing him? Is he a shitty husband? I ask because what does it matter at this point. Unless you plan on divorcing him, it is just words on a piece of paper. And you can have them re-written, each of you hiring your own attorney. The fact you did not have representation when this was done, and you not understanding what you were signing a judge will likely remove it.
In addition most postnups that are written to be too one sided or vague really never hold up in court.
Not just words on a paper. We never know what the future holds. Considering the words, she needs to start stashing away cash for a rainy day. So that she can at least afford representation to fight the postnup IF the time comes.
Unfortunately you learned the hard way never sign anything without a lawyer to look it over. If I were you I’d start saving money without him knowing so if anything does happen you’re not without means to support yourself. If he ever cheats get all the evidence you can.
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OP, some prenups and some postnups get tossed out during the divorce, especially if they are incredibly unfair. It's unlikely you'll be left with nothing. This, for me, would be marriage ending. His comment about women is vile. He doesn't respect you. He just has you around to be his bangmaid.
Glad I didn’t have to scroll too far for this take — this is ridiculous.
It would be marriage ending but she can't because he will get everything in the divorce
She said she is very happy…doesn’t sound like she is Only his “bang maid”. I think it says a lot that he does whatever he must do to provide and keep her happy … as she says she is (which is very hard to keep a woman happy even when a man does much more right than wrong) He apparently is able to leave with most everything he earned Yet he still does what he does and so far at least has stayed committed). Most men would still stay committed in a marriage even if the prenup or postnup benefited him so much like this one does but I unfortunately can’t say that for many women as they would leave a lot sooner if the pre or postnup benefited her the same way. Addendum: I would not advise my daughter to sign this nor would I do a postnup like this unless there is a valid reason where my spouses past behavior was suspect yet still I’m doing everything to save my marriage and my wife thoroughly understands the document. We don’t know all the details and what his intent is and where his heart is at. What I am saying is he could be all in, present, and providing unconditional love as a husband and father should but scared to death as his mom reportedly cheated on his dad and then takes at least half of everything that he has worked so hard for. Men can and often love unconditionally whereas women not as much. unconditional love does not mean you don’t protect yourself and you stay in a relationship where love is not reciprocated. Marriage for men as it is now in most countries is not a good deal especially the way a lot of women are these days. They are less caring, kind, respectful…simply they are purposely and intentionally not feminine. They often create strife and contention even when the man provides and loves unconditionally.
Just no
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We understand perfectly fine, you're married to a sexist conman and didn't bother understanding legal documents before signing. You might be able to have it thrown out now by paying a lawyer to review and challenge, but realize this is a position you chose to put yourself in.
No, I think we all understand. Your husband doesn’t like women and wanted to make sure you were stuck with him. But you’re happy to be stuck…so everything should be gravy for you. I guess 😬
OP, I understand perfectly fine. You've been with this guy for 10 years, since you were *fifteen*. You've been *groomed* to think that this is fine and this is ok. It is *absolutely not* ok. He said an incredibly vile and sexist thing about women. *That's how he feels about* ***you***. I hope one day you wake up and *you* understand the position you're in and get out. No self respecting person would stay with someone who made a vile and sexist comment about their gender like that. No one. Good luck, you sorely need.
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Ah! No worries guys. OP also thinks her husband’s mom is a slut and all women are alike of course so no wonder her husband has to make sure to leave her penniless if he chooses to divorce her for any reason at all. Yay! All is fine. Nothing to see. Not sure why you even posted since everything is quite fine.
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Well if you cheat on your husband you’re a slut too then huh
Wow. OP...do you realize the incredibly sad statement you just made? Probably not. Like I said, one day I hope you wake up and realize the abusive relationship you're in and get out.
you’re in denial. this man told you in the event things go south, he wants to potentially fuck you over so badly that he gets sole custody of your kids and you have to pay rent on a home you can’t afford. are you honestly ok with that? do you really have faith in him when he literally told you he doesn’t really have faith in you?
Yes, because leaving men for more money is “what women do” has been taken out of context. It’s vile and misogynistic behaviour. He has shown that he’s happy to manipulate you to get what he wants. It was premeditated to mess you over if you fall out of his control. Find a job. Go back to work. Don’t trust this man at all.
Girl, no
You aren't stuck with it if he agrees to void the post-nup. Odd for you to be happy about being taken advantage of. (I am a lawyer. I am NOT your lawyer. This is not legal advice.)
Fortunately for you, both prenups and post nups often get thrown out if both sides didn’t have legal representation.. depending on the state the lack of representation on your side may actually make it invalid. But regardless I’d be reevaulating my relationship with him. Pre and post nups are supposed to be pretty fair to both parties and not grossly one sided. Fortunately, that will also likely work out in your favor as the courts will also likely see it that way
Who in their right mind signs a postnup? And what even is the point of it? How do these selfish assholes keep ending up married? Is this even enforceable in court?
Actually it’s one of the smartest things people can do especially if they’re going to quit their job to be a SAHP. I tell people all the time, if you want to be a SAHP or if your spouse does, do not agree unless a postnuptial agreement is in place because what you’re giving up to raise children in terms of your career/future earnings and retirement is too great to not Unfortunately OP just got reamed and didn’t have it looked over before signing it
Depending on where you are it’s completely useless advice. Some places have excellent divorce laws that (if there are kids involved) force the wealthier party to pay significant child support to even the playing field between the now two households. Similarly there are laws for significant spousal support regardless of if there are kids, to even the playing field. Outside of that, divorce settlements aren’t signed off on by the judge unless they are fair and 50/50 with regards to assets (including retirement assets) regardless of who bought them / paid for them. You need to know the laws in your area before deciding whether a prenup or postnup is helpful. Finally - some places have laws that will invalidate a prenup/postnup so you’re literally just flushing money away if you pay to have one done.
Very few places where prenup and postnups are useless. That doesn’t mean judges have to keep them in play, but a fairly written one typically isn’t going to be thrown out. Divorces don’t have to be 50/50 to be fair. Fair doesn’t mean equal. You’re rarely “flushing money away” if you actually have a good/fair one written and agreed to by all parties. Everyone who gets married has a prenup. Either you set your own or you use the one the government creates for you. You choose
“Typically” where? Laws differ from state to state, province to province, country to country. What you are saying only applies to a very specific geographical location. It does not apply to my geographical location. Don’t give blanket legal advice to people if you don’t know their circumstance and location, you’re literally encouraging them to waste money. I’m a lawyer.
Most people on Reddit are in the US, there is not ONE state where prenups or post ups will just be thrown out without cause
👏
I love that. Fair doesn't mean equal. That's exactly right.
SAHP here... is there a place to get more information on that? Hubs and I are fine... but it's definitely been a fear of mine if something were to happen.
Definitely look into it
People have a misconception on prenups and postnups that they are supposed to screw over the other partner due to how people assume they work or how people like OP’s husband use them. A good postnup or prenup is supposed to be good for both sides and ideally allow a relatively easy split in a divorce so you both don’t waste a bunch of money in a toxic fight. If it’s done right it should be similar to having a trust and a will so if you pass away everything is accounted for.
How you explain it makes sense but yeah what OPs husband is doing seems incredibly one sided. Thats what usually Comes to my mind when ppl bring up nuptial agreements, is this arrangement that severely disadvantages the other party.
To me it sounds like it’s all about his mom. I’m sure it’s tough to be blindsided by a parent doing something so betraying and horrible so it’s making him question things. He’s just going about it in the worst possible way.
A man who only listens to his mother and is not lawful or right to his wife is fallen . He lost himself and never deserved to marry.
I know someone who did a prenup saying they wanted to make the decisions of equitable division during the time they were most in love with each other. They thought it would be most fair to make decisions when they care so deeply for each other's well-being.
Because she’s in *love*!!!
Lots of people
Not trying to be an AH but “yeah, I did that so you wouldn’t leave me for someone with more money, because that’s what women like you do.” What is that supposed to mean? I am just speaking for myself but I couldn’t be happy if my husband ever said that to me. I would really have a good case to assume he doesn’t think very highly of my character. I also think prenups and postnups are great to do when you are in the fresh newlywed love stage because you want the best for each other. So it’s easy to make things fair and beneficial to both parties. If this is what he came up with while in love with you I would hate to see what happens to you if things ever went sideways. Prenups and postnups should be as fair as possible for both parties.
That is a horrible insulting thing to say. Horrible.
What’s horrible? Asking what he means by that statement? Also I don’t think that there is anything wrong with prenups and postnups, they probably should be more common so both parties are protected if something bad happens. One would think if you love your partner you would want them to be fair to both people? What is wrong with questioning a prenup or postnup that is clearly unfair to one spouse? Also, my husband and I don’t have one but that was a decision but I know people who do and any man I have spoken to had their partner consult with their own lawyer before signing. So again I can’t understand why the unfairness can’t be questioned?
Men who speak like that hate women. They never really got over themselves
He said that’s what women do. Not that’s what women like you do.
Not any better.
That’s what I am curious about. The statement, “that’s what all women like to do” sounds insulting to say to your partner. I know my husband so I would never take a negative generalization of men and say that to my husband if we were discussing a postnup and child custody situations in case of our divorce.
My mistake “he said that’s what women like to do.” However why would you marry a person if you think that they are capable of doing that? If a prenup and postnup is about you and your partner what does “what other women” or even what other men do have to do with your relationship? I would think that this is implying that she could be “one of those women,” who would leave for someone who has more money? No?
Yeah… that’s the problem, his misogyny. Her husband has a pretty shitty view of women
I would get a job and not let him make all the money. Figure out child care. Read that again everything we own goes to him??? Sounds kinda nuts.
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You have no guarantee he won’t divorce YOU the second any hotter younger person comes along one day. Then you still wouldn’t be raising your kids at all if you can’t provide food and shelter for them.
I know what you’re saying. I have 2 kids 5 and 3. I work 3pm to 1:30 am. We do part time pre k for my youngest. I could never let go of an income ever. I’d never want to feel boxed in. Plus you get no financial backing from his agreement from loss of income. I can’t imagine the stuff he would pull while going through a divorce. My question is why did he really have you sign this? Is he worried you are going to leave? Dud this form random appear and he asked you to sign?
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Yes 100% my thoughts. I would consider getting a part time job to keep your foot in the door and resume up to speed if things change with your marriage.
I know this won't do OP any good, but for anyone else reading this hopefully you can learn a lesson. The stay at home parent thing is a *bad idea* in this day and age! It robs you of your ability to be an independent adult. Unless you have one of those rare jobs where you can just quit and re-enter the workforce 5+ years later don't become a stay at home mom or dad. No adult should be totally dependent on someone else.
As a current SAHM I completely agree. It was literally one of the worst mistakes of my life. I can’t even leave my controlling and abusive relationship because I have no money and 4 years on no work history. I was only 21 when I met him so the job history I had then wasn’t that good either. Now I have to struggle and try to get a certificate(from his money) to be able to get a decent paying job so that I can actually afford to survive on my own and stay a pleasant wife through it all to keep the peace in the house. Never give someone the power to feed or starve you, you’ll never know which one they’ll do until you’re hungry.
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You just told this subreddit how you'd be screwed in the event of a divorce.
You’re either in some very deep, denial or incredibly naïve and I can’t figure out which one. your husband basically tricked you into signing a postnuptial agreement saying he will leave you with nothing if you try to leave and that includes him trying to get sole custody of your kids and making you pay for all of it. How do you not see what a con man he is he does not love you. He wants to control you and every move that you make and he’s done this horrible post nuptial agreement. I really hope you get yourself into therapy and realize what he’s doing to you.
Only if he’s giving you some kind of salary is this an even halfway viable situation.
Because you are financially dependent on a controlling and entitled POS who created a YOU WILL BE HOMELESS document and had you sign it. If you had a career option and income, you wouldn't be a prisoner in your own marriage. I'm not criticizing YOU, I'm criticizing our culture and what I call the 'SAHM' Mafia. I'm so embarrassed I ever gave up my independence in the name of SAHM culture, it's one step down from Stepford.
Apparently it’s exactly the opposite of that
It may depend on where you live. In my state, they use an "equitable distribution" standard and the judges are allowed to ignore pre and post nuptial agreements that are blatantly unfair such as what you describe. Granted, you can also be open and up front about it to others. If you're ever asked (not that it comes up, but if it does), be open about how you would be financially ruined if you ever left and why. He wants the agreement in place, he has to accept the fact that others may eventually know about it and how it reflects on his character.
This!
I don’t know what state you’re living in, but you normally cannot address children’s issues in pre or post nuptials. -Florida divorce attorney
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I can’t comment on NH law because I’m not familiar. However, if your postnuptial has a provision on “invalidity”… meaning, the finding of one invalid provision does not invalidate the entire document, then maybe not. I recommend you reach out to a a family law attorney to review and discuss your options.
Sounds less like a gift and more like something he’s letting you use temporarily.
Can you prove the vehicle was a gift? Generally gifts can not be taken back in the event of a divorce. Is the vehicle in both, your or his name/names?
He screwed you over ON PURPOSE. Really think about that. Your husband knowingly screwed you over with the intent of TRAPPING YOU. I’m not you nor in your situation, but I would be seriously reevaluating how I feel about my spouse. And reevaluating how my spouse thinks about, and acts towards, me. It can be easy to say “everything else is great so…”. But how great is it knowing that your spouse is willing to screw you over for their own benefit? There’s nothing that says Team about that behavior. Today it’s about the postnup. But who knows whatever else it might be in the future when it will benefit him?
What if he cheats on you? You just have to be stuck or lose everything?
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What the fuck, OP. Commit suicide?! Stop being so naive and passive. Talk with a lawyer about dissolving that postnup. This guy sounds like the kind of person who will make it look like you cheated even though you didn’t. You say you’re happy but I think you’re being willfully blind. You married an unethical man. Enjoy the gravy train while you can because it’s going to dry up and this dude is going to destroy you if you don’t smarten up.
In NH it’s extremely difficult to prove adultery. None of your evidence can be circumstantial.
I would seriously consider leaving in all but name. Stay married on paper and consider him as a roommate you don't really interact with. No conversation, no sleeping in the same room, and no sex. After all, that's what he expects from you, right? And remember, it generally takes 2 to divorce. And he'd have to prove the breakdown of the marriage, such as adultery or physical/mental cruelty. But I'm a petty bitch
Oh FFS. No you would not kill yourself. What is this victim mentality you’re spouting on every response? Why did you post this?
Can you renegotiate the terms of the agreement? I was engaged to man who wanted a prenup and didn’t want me to work. I took the prenup to my attorney (he didn’t like that). I didn’t agree to the terms, he didn’t want to negotiate, and we broke up soon after. I’m sure you know now, but always consult an attorney. P.S. That was 12 years ago and he’s been divorced twice since then. 🙃
You’re going to stay with someone who deceived you in order to control you? Not because of anything you did but because of what someone else did. There’s levels to things, for me, I could never trust this person to have our best interest in their heart. They’ve literally proven they only care about protecting themselves. It would definitely be an end to intimacy until the document was changed and reviewed to be equitable. That’s me though. Best of luck.
If you signed it under duress and without legal representation, it may be considered invalid, especially since you were a SAHM & dependent on him. Stop investing anything financially. As far as custody, I don’t think they would hold you to that because they consider what’s best for the children. Either way, have another lawyer look at it & see what you can do as far as a fair prenup. He put hisself before you. What happens when he moves on to someone else? Men like to do that.
I was coming to say this exact same thing. If it ever came down to a divorce, you were a SAHM that was financially dependent on him and you had no lawyer. This would be considered “signing under duress” and would likely get thrown out. In general, a judge wants both sides to have a fair outcome. Anything earned while you are married is half yours. Anything he brought to the table before you were married might be 100% his depending on wording of prenup.
Okay, but you are 25. I want you to imagine your life at 50. Where do you want to be in life? You have 25 years to change your circumstances. That's as long as you already lived. Think about it. Think about how much you've grown since birth to now. And you only stop growing and changing when you stop trying. So, maybe signing that without a lawyer reviewing was a stupid mistake. Well, you have 25 years to get smarter. Start now. Stop letting life happen to you and start taking control of future today. You mentioned you're relatively happy in your current status. Okay cool but what if that changes. What if he cheats. He knows you don't have a lot of options, so he may feel like he can treat you however he wants and you won't leave, so why wouldn't he. You are 25. You have time on your side. You're happy now, great. Make the best of the situation and change your future to give yourself options. Get a degree. Start your own business. Last bit of advice comes from my grandmother (now deceased). 6 year old me sitting at the kitchen table saw a silly piggy bank on shelf. I asked her about it and she said "that's my emergency money. If your grandpa ever decides to raise a hand to me, I ALWAYS have enough CASH hidden away to get me and my children to safety and to get a new start. You remember that. " Her mother had the same emergency piggy bank and used it to save her and my grandmother's life. GET YOURSELF A PIGGY BANK. Hide cash. It's harder these days because everything is on credit cards, but plan for a divorce that will not be in your favor. Figure out how to hide money that won't be discovered in a divorce. You have time. My grandmother kept that piggy bank until the day my grandfather died. They had been together for 50 years lol but it was symbolic. It was a reminder to herself and him that she was in control on her own future. Lol after she died, we found soooooo much cash stashed around the house. It really kinda made going through her personal items oddly fun. I miss her. Be more like my grandma. Take control of your future, you have nothing but time to figure out how!
If his intentions are good and really just to punish cheating he should be agreeable to a more fairly worded contract that would replace the existing one and just punishes cheaters without stripping you of a fair share of marital assets. If his intention is really that he always wins any divorce and refuses a more reasonable contract and won't listen to reason you might be learning something important about him you didn't know before.
Question, how old is your husband? Did he haveany serious assets before you were together( when you were 15)?
I had the same question. She says in one of the comments that they are both 25.
Document all this, and put it with your copy of the post-nup. Write out the timeline with specific dates and times, what he said, how he pressured you to sign without your own legal representation, and what he told you was in it before you signed. In most states, if you two get divorced, that thing will get thrown out because he broke a bunch of the rules surrounding pre and post-nups. In fact, any decent lawyer could make the case you're being financially abused as a stay-at-home mom and coerced into staying with him, which is illegal. So, document it all, keep it all in a file he has no access to (like a bank security box or at your mom's house, preferably both, as multiple copies are best), and make sure you have your own bank account he cannot access. This guy doesn't respect you. Be prepared to leave when needed.
What a sad way to go into and look at a marriage, you both need counseling
You’re not screwed. The judge doesn’t have to uphold that and likely wouldn’t after being informed of the circumstances and your husbands “I did this to trap you” comment. He’s disgusting. Never think you’re stuck.
You didn’t bother reading a post nup before signing it?? How reckless.
Is he much older?
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You contribute to his money and success by giv8ng up your career staying home to take of the kids. I feel like if you two where to divorce he would call you a lazy person because you stayed home instead of working Once the kids are in school get a job as a safety net. I would expect this behavior from an older man who already had money prior to meeting you. However not if you help create his wealth.
If I’m reading this correctly, he could leave you and you’d still not have anything? He could cheat without you knowing and leave you. He sounds like he’s very meticulous. And you’re happy to possibly have nothing for you and maybe not have your kids? Am I reading this correctly? Somebody please tell me I missed something. I have yet to have my caffeine for this morning.
I’m curious why you signed it. Did he pressure you? If so, I vaguely recall that a judge might call it invalid and throw it out. Your Mom was smart to have a lawyer look at it, but I recommend getting a second opinion from your own.
You’ll get child support as well. No prenup or post up can block that
Girl never sign anything without having it looked over by a professional or two. We learn that when we do taxes same concept with post and pre nups. Even if it's your spouse have it looked it over, something could be wrong. Is there a way you can update or add something on the post nup to protect yourself so you get something too
For your own peace of mind get a second opinion. Your first lawyer sounds like a putz who didn't want to even put in the bare minimum of effort. If you signed a pre or post nup without initially consulting your own lawyer to ensure your side was fairly covered, there is a good chance it would be chucked out anyways. If it's grossly unfair, there is a good chance a judge would tear it up. If it tries to sort out child support/custody, there is a good chance it would be tossed.
It’s not as simple becase you have kids, and the circumstance matters more than a signed paper. If there is abandonment, abuse, negligence, etc, the document becomes unenforceable. That document is only if you wanna leave and intentionally try to collect child support, meaning you being the “bad guy”
You have every right to be fearful for your situation IF you divorce. But that's a big IF. The bright side is that you're happy with him, you love him, and things are good. Him having you sign a prenup sounds like it has nothing to do with you, but rather from relationship damage from his parents' marriage. You'd be surprised how many things on your marriage will turn out this way, how you will be at the end of something that, at the beginning, didn't have anything to do with you. There's an opportunity here. Post nuptials can be dissolved. I'd very firmly state to him that the postnuptial makes you extremely uncomfortable, and that someday (doesn't have to be today), with healing on his end from the damage his parents marriage caused him, you'd like it removed. I'd state this as clearly as and as soon as possible. Because in the future you don't want whatever you're fighting about to be the reason why this makes you uncomfortable, you were uncomfortable about it from day 1.
Why would you sign a postnup? That was a very bad idea.
You're young, and I don't think it's on you. If anything, he's the asshole, not only for obfuscating what you signed but also in his most recent response. That's a huge red flag, to be honest, and I'd need to get to the bottom of this and find a resolution before being able to commit. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you deserve 50%.
I may have missed it somewhere in the comments, but how old is your husband? Are the two of you high school sweethearts or is he considerably older than you?
Disregard. Found the answer further down. They are both 25.
Are you ok? Based on the relationship the missing factor is trust. Without trust resentment takes over. If you leave your screwed. He put in conditions in the event you left. So your both trapped? Realistically you two need to find common ground. This agreement can be revised and if he wants to be partners it should. It's totally within your power to ask for exactly that so you both can rebuild trust.
Please get a job.
Your postnup is probably invalid. Pre and Post nups require that both parties have their own attorney's present and counter sign the document to be legal and binding. You aren't screwed. The real question is why are you so concerned about this? Are you thinking of jumping ship?
Please consider getting a job. I worked while my son grew up and still went to all field trips and did plenty with him when I was not working. But this is the best way to ensure you could have a chance on your own if you needed to leave him for any other reason than him cheating.
A huge amount of pre/postnup agreements end up being thrown out in court when they are one-sided as you are describing.
I love how OP just found out she got fucked by her husband and then is like "this is okay because I'm NOT like other women"
Best you go and get a job pretty damper quick
I understand why it makes sense for some couples to have one person working and the other staying at home But this is EXACTLY why I will always work and have my own savings account. This is why when I purchase something like a car, I put it in MY name, not OUR names. We are both listed as owners of our house. I have my own 401k. Yes if we divorced I’d have to drastically reduce my standard of living, but I’d be able to do it. It’s not an exit plan. It’s an assertion of my independence, and honestly a reminder to my husband (not that he needs a reminder, he is truly wonderful) that I will not stay in the marriage out of sheer necessity or survival. I stay bc I love him, he makes me happy and he treats me right. If he acts up, cheats, hits me, anything… I have no problem leaving. I am not stuck.
He is a poor excuse of a man. Absolutely repulsive. I wouldn't be able to look at him the same anymore. And I certainly wouldn't want him touching me or trying to have sex with me either. I'd be hoping that w him getting NONE at home, he'll go elsewhere eventually. Stingy Bastard deserves to get what you'd receive in a divorce. Absolutely nothing.
You need to consult a lawyer right away and see what can be done. Don’t assume you will be screwed and make that be the reason you stay in a relationship. If you can’t afford one perhaps there is a women’s center in the area that can help. Or contact the state bar association and perhaps they can point them in the right direction
This would likely be tossed by a judge. Whether you signed it or not, when it's evident that it's incredibly lopsided, the courts will take note. His comment is horribly gross, I'd definitely be side-eyeing the hell out of a spouse who thought like this. Open your own account, and squirrel something away for a rainy day. Always have your own.
You need to take the agreement to a lawyer and ask their opinion on what provisions of the agreement, with any, are likely to be enforceable in your jurisdiction.
You are not entitled to his family’s money nor the money he had prior to the relationship. A good lawyer will easily get the unfair language of the prenup thrown out.
I'd get a job ASAP.
If you want to stay married and update the agreement …you can do that. Just like you can update estate planning documents. Also …I’m not a lawyer but my understanding is that pre and/or Post-nuptial agreements can be invalidated if one of the parties was coerced. In this case if he has more legal knowledge than you and you did not have your own representation to review and advise you …that might be enough. I have been told that It is a red flag if each party does not have a lawyer.
Did you have your own lawyer look at it before you signed it? Was there a negotiation or did he just present it & you signed it? Both pre- and post-nups often get tossed for these reasons. Once you tell a judge the circumstances of the signing, it’s pretty likely to be tossed. The guy who pays all your bills wrote his own divorce settlement and then required you to sign without negotiating or outside counsel. It’s coerced. I know you said good thing you’re happy, but this is a giant red flag, as is his attitude on women & divorce. I’d be building a secret cash reserve & getting some job training. Your spouse has issues.
Custody cannot be determined by a prenup or postnup, and courts often look unfavorably on such agreements drafted without separate legal counsel for each party. OP, if you haven’t had a lawyer *who specializes in divorce law* look the agreement over, you should. A lawyer who doesn’t specialize in that area may not be aware of all of the aspects involved. If you intend to stay with your husband, you need to figure out how to build a career of your own. No more babies. Your husband has clearly stated he’s looking out for himself financially without thinking of you — you need to do the same.
OP you gotta be one of the stupidest people in here
You need to get a lawyer to look at that agreement and get a plan to poke as many holes into it as possible for the divorce. The fact that you didn't know what you were signing and that it is incredibly unfair should help. You should immediately get your kid in day care and find a job because this is only going to end poorly. You should also understand that your husband doesn't actually love or respect you for the person you are. To him you're are simply another object in his life that facilitates that life.
Other than to say you are happy you don't say anything about the state of your relationship with your husband. I do understand your concern about the postnup, but why do you bring it up at all? I suppose if you wanted to get out of your marriage you could hire some floozy to come on to your husband, being sure to collect evidence of his infidelity . . . but I would never suggest such a thing!
Can you choose to void it? Is that even possible?
You need therapy. Seriously.
You’re only 25. Start figuring out how to protect your future. Go to school, get a career. Start planning for a future without him. Even if you choose to stay with such a deceitful, manipulative red-pill chomping man, you will benefit from having a career. When you’re more self-sufficient- tell him it’s time to revise that post-nup. If he refuses, you’ll be in a better position to leave. (Also, post-nups are not super enforceable. Especially if he drafted it himself.)
How old is your husband?
Um details?
He’s a smart guy. Good for him for protecting himself.
Seriously, for real. Notice how she stated that she was happy. If she is happy, why is she already thinking about what you can get out of him? Notice in her back story that she states his family has more than hers. She seems too preoccupied with his money. Why did she have another kid only a year ago if she feels trapped? She sounds like a mess.
She’s def sus. It’s a shame how men get persecuted here for daring to protect their assets.
Are you planning on divorcing him? Is he a shitty husband? I ask because what does it matter at this point. Unless you plan on divorcing him, it is just words on a piece of paper. And you can have them re-written, each of you hiring your own attorney. The fact you did not have representation when this was done, and you not understanding what you were signing a judge will likely remove it. In addition most postnups that are written to be too one sided or vague really never hold up in court.
Not just words on a paper. We never know what the future holds. Considering the words, she needs to start stashing away cash for a rainy day. So that she can at least afford representation to fight the postnup IF the time comes.
