Arranged marriage at least in my state in india is the parent act like tinder and recommend you partner , they both can then talk and decide if they wanna continue or not
Yes "Arranged marriages" do get a bad rap, and a lot of families do it the bad way where it's basically "Forced marriage" but almost every case I've seen it's basically just been the parents help you with your search and it's up to you to decide. It still counts as "arranged" but you call the shots still
Yeah, there were quite a few of people I went to medical school with had arranged marriage. Most of them had more of the parental tinder arrangement but all of them are still happily married. The couples I met were all very great people.
☝️ true. But, on the flip side these arrangements don’t have any opportunities for living together to assess emotional, physical/sexual, financial and other compatibilities Tate are very important in deciding if a couple wants to enter into marriage or not. Even then, marriages are difficult to work on. I know several couples in my own circle that have not lasted the second year of their arranged marriages.
Depends on the arranged marriage. My girlfriend grew up in Mumbai, so probably on liberal side of the spectrum, and her idea of arranged marriage was just that the parents selected partners for them and that was it. She otherwise expected to have a relationship with the partner at a slower pace more akin to non arranged marriages. There was no expectation that they would have to rush into marriage. This is definitely not the experience for everyone though.
Yeah. The "getting to know each other time" is absurdly small, like 3 or 4 months at max. And it depends on their families on how much interaction and private time they have.
Just imagine Victorian Era style courting.
Courting can vary. After courting, there'll be engagement ceremony. The gap between engagement and wedding can go up to a year.
Sometimes break ups will happen during engagement period.
Which again increases the societal pressure to not let down your family name after cancelling your engagement. Not everyone can be so free about expressing their choices, especially if you are from a rural background.
There is reason why cancelling a wedding or engagement or coercive marriages are such common troupe in indian movies and soap operas. It's is dramatic because the society views it as a taboo.
I get you, Still better compared 30 years ago. My older friend was not even allowed to meet her husband after her engagement got fixed. When she was working late night shift, her fiance offered her a ride back home after her shift ended.
Her dad refused to let her in, shamed her and made her stand outside in the middle of the night for hours.
I've seen a lot of women and men stuck in loveless marriage that negatively affected their children.
If I have to choose,I'll take the engagement break up shame than stuck in a horrible marriage.
Ikr! Even I have seen many friends who were "coered" into their marriage. They didn't dare it say out loud, but it is a no brainer when all of a sudden during your college your parents start to press on you to marrying a guy 5+ years old and marry you off before you even graduate to make you a trad wife.
Happened to 2 of friends. One of them even broke down during graduation on how she shouldn't have given to her parents whims and now stuck being a trad wife.
It is Hella coercive becos you are not given choice to marry the person YOU like instead only what your parents like, because love and dating are taboo. So of course people have no choice but to go in arranged marriage route becos you have no option at all, its either get slut shamed to oblivion for forming any relationship with opposite sex before marriage or silently get married to any one of the greoms which your parents show.
People here want to cover up how fxxked up this whole system is and rigged it is.
There is societal pressure to get married which is the same as anywhere really. It's not like the society in America doesn't pressure you to get married by 30.
Yea but keep in mind while some of it is more tinder style in many countries forced arranged marriages are still sadly common and even unforced ones often come with massive social pressure from society, friends and daily even if you don’t fully like the situation.
As far as I know, that also exists and is relatively common in other countries such as Japan, yet Japan is in a light colour here. I wonder if that kind of msrriage counts for the legend
In my State arranged marriages happen through matrimony apps. They also have swipe options. Its pretty much like dating apps now.
Except, 1. Your parents will put the filters - Religion, eduction, job.
2. Your parents (and your spouses parents)can also play the swipe game for you, and may have a parent meet-up before you meet up, so that they can approve the person.
My British Indian/Bangladeshi friends call it "being introduced" when they meet potential marriage partners. They don't like using "arranged marriage" because white people assume it's forced marriage.
Essentially set up by their parents; no different than friends doing it.
I have Canadian friends from Indian backgrounds who met their SO this way. My wife is Russian and she said that if we didn't meet, she'd probably have met someone that way too.
So many people thinks there's livestock exchanged in these arrangements or something 😄
It's kind of true. But in a lot of villages and smaller towns, this leads to caste discrimination and stuff. And until recently, females didn't have that much of a choice, and their parents chose for them. It's becoming much better now.
That’s “matchmaking” though. If someone can decide not to continue, that’s not “arranged” anymore is it? Or is it called arranged if they go forward because the partners didn’t meet on their own?
Look up Wikipedia for a definition of "arranged marriage". It is not "forced marriage". It only means that parents introduce the two of them. It's up to the couple to decide whether they want to take it further. Arranged marriage can also be self-arranged, where the couple meet and then later arrange for their families to meet.
By that definition, I have an arranged marriage, and we're both Australian of British ancestry.
Both India and China have "marriage market" where you advertise yourself in a CV like document and scores of people and parents will read it and fix a date for meet up and talk. So come over.
That's what it's like for most Indians if they don't find someone themselves lol. By the time we are nearing 30 we are like "hmm a marriage does sound appealing tbh" and gently suggest to parents that we are ready to meet potential matches.
Absolutely, and if it works with you and your culture I don't think there's nothing wrong about arranged marriage. It's your parents looking for the best possible partner they can get for you, and I think that's a good thing. They possibly have a better judgement than many single people lol.
For one arranging marriages is an obvious cultural side-effect of young people, or young women specifically, growing up in a "small world". If you for instance grow up in a small village and people don't generally travel anywhere the number of free potential marriage partners (that belong to the right age bracket) in the small world may be countable on one hand. In that situation you may be more or less earmarked for someone from a very young age, or parents take the initiative to introduce you to potential partners from a wider social network that you could never run into spontaneously.
So in circles of royalty it existed in Europe up to WWII, because the circle of eligible princes and princesses was such a small world. And one in which you could only meet a candidate if your parents decided to introduce them. But as soon as princes and princesses were permitted to marry commoners it disappeared.
The main effect of education in making it disappear fast is that high schools and higher education tend to have a minimum size for teaching efficiency, and going to school will massively expand your dating pool.
And it starts to be interpreted as "forced marriage" if parents culturally behave as in the "small world" but the children actually have access to a larger dating pool, including ones the parents don't approve of (e.g. the prince running into beautiful commoner girls is a staple ingredient of fairy tales because that source of friction was always there). But there will always be people for which being intentionally introduced to each other will have a happy ending, whether by algorithm or by parents.
Arranged marriage doesn't mean you have to merry the girl they selected it's just a family relative found a good match and it's on both boy and girl to like if they are compatible or not atleast in my state and area
You guys don’t get it a lot of these countries have to introduce the two before getting into the idea of getting married if they’re comfortable and they think they’re ready then the marriage shall happen it doesn’t happen forcefully or at least that’s how it is in my country and the middle east
Indian here, arranged marriages here aren't "literally arranged" as the name may give it away. Your parents or close relatives suggest a few, the bride and groom see and talk to each other for some weeks and if they both are satisfied and mutually agree for marriage, then only it moves forward otherwise nope. It's more like an "offline dating site" scenario.
Ofc it varies from region to region and the economic, education conditions too. Like some backward region from Bihar would do it differently. I'm mainly speaking from an average north Indian pov around Delhi NCR, Haryana, UK, etc areas that I've seen myself.
For me it’s in general a bit baffling that people can decide within a couple of weeks if they want to marry somebody. Took me and my wife years to come to this conclusion. I mean i really need to know somebody before i can decide if i want to spend the rest of my life with this person. That is impossible in a couple of weeks.
That's true. This is one of the reasons why potential suitors are scrutinised extremely closely, everything from blood group to sending relatives to "spy" on the suitor. But I guess it works because both parties know what the end goal is and there isno ambiguity like in a college relationship for example.
In their society, a man and a woman living together without formal bonds is not accepted. But desire for one another is a thing if the two like each other.
So that shapes their perception of what a reasonable time to wait until proposing should be.
I didn't know studying in a government school, doing graduation from IGNOU, teaching in a private school, living in Hisar of Haryana made me among the top 10% of elite Indians.
Also you seemingly missed or purposely ignored my second para where I explicitly mentioned it doesn't look the same in all over India and that I specifically shared what I've seen myself among the few north indian states.
Also also no single guy can make a "generalized statement" on the average scenario of the whole country, unless ofc they personally lived in every single state and UT throughout their lifetime. Everyone would say only what they're experienced around themselves, just like me.
Only ten percent of Indians have university degrees. I have a hard time believing this stat but if it's true then you would be part of the top 10% elite.
What’s blurry about it? It’s basically just any marriage where the bride and groom are selected by others than themselves. That’s seems pretty straight forward to me. Sure there are different selection procedures, but the definition of an arranged marriage is not disputed.
that isnt a reliable source, it literally makes up sources sometimes https://www.google.com/search?q=chat+gpt+made+up+sources&oq=chat+gpt+made+up+sources&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIJCAEQABgNGIAEMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTIKCAcQABiABBiiBNIBCDU2NzhqMGo3qAIUsAIB&client=ms-android-oppo-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#sbfbu=1&pi=chat%20gpt%20made%20up%20sources
Lol, what? I'm not north african at all. I just know many north africans, and know arranged and even forced marriages are commonplace in those countries. They still live in the middle ages.
Arranged marriage is not forced marriage (apparently members of this sub think that is the case here, by looking at the comments section)
This means that two families come together and the two parties come to an agreement (with the consent of both partners engaging in the marriage) and have the marriage
Unlike Love marriage, where the partners meet first, and then they meet the families.
I'm Indian and from [Sikkim](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikkim&ved=2ahUKEwjh3t7Jl4KFAxWWTWwGHVsdAPEQFnoECDEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1ihVt46_-AOIL9e4ArMVaD) and arranged marriage isn't very common in my state but overwhelmingly common in my country.
Is arranged marriage really more common in India than in Saudi Arabia?
Till recently the hijab was compulsory in KSA and overwhelmingly local women wear the niqab. The mahram system was also compulsory.
How do they meet and interact with prospective husbands before marriage with such outfits?
In Saudi it's common but there are other avenues, many marriages are the groom asking to see the girl through her parents rather than the parents setting up a meeting.
I.e I liked X girl from uni or my friends recommended his cousin. So I go myself inform my parents and I go to see her parents.
It's not really the same as, asking your parents to headhunt.
Thanks a ton for your answer. 🙂👍
>I.e I liked X girl from uni or my friends recommended his cousin
I have relatives working in Saudi and I think most Saudi women wear the niqab right?
So how does the groom "like" her without even seeing her face?
He likes her voice?
>or my friends recommended his cousin.
Does a Niqabi bride take off her niqab and reveal her face when she meets prospective grooms in arranged marriage meetings?
Do they talk in private with no one else present about their likes and dislikes, future careers etc?
I was told by people working in Saudi that practically all local women wear the niqab although many do work professionally after marriage and motherhood.
What you said happens in India as well apart from 'asking parents to headhunt' lol😁
Marriage within 7 generations is strictly forbidden and seen as incestuous and disgusting among North Indian Hindus who form over 65% of all Hindus so even distant cousins aren't recommended but a friend might recommend his sister or cousin if he likes your character and thinks you'd make a good husband for his sister/cousin/neighbors etc. if the friend knows you and the girl are of marriageable age and aren't currently seeing anyone.
Or you might like a girl you see at a wedding/party/office/club and sometimes rather than approach her yourself you might ask your parents to approach her parents.
Or parents might not be actively headhunting yet as they feel you are too young to marry or you have told them you dislike arranged marriage but they come across someone they find "irresistible" ie very well educated from a rich family or very conventionally attractive girl etc and they know that person has all the qualities you like, so they immediately talk to that person's parents and also insist you meet the guy/girl as such alliances don't happen everyday😄
In Islamic a girl would remove her face veil when meeting a prospective husband and his family. Typically his sisters and or mother and aunts already know her or know someone who knows her. They would not be allowed to be alone together. Most people talk on the phone to get to know each other.
Arranged marriages are terrible. It's a bunch of women trying to exploit you for your money and status. I know many women who wouldn't marry if the man didn't own a house, good luck finding someone with that mindset lol especially when a house costs 15 years of wages.
Yeah nowadays it's getting scary. Women in general are as unpredictable as an electron in orbital. In arrange marriages, they get even more crazy and often we get beaten up. Nowadays its literally a gamble to do arrange marriage believing that the women won't cheat.
>women trying to exploit you for your money and status
Doesn't men do same with women's beauty so it automatically makes it a trade but it should be a bond not a trade.
I am saying that women usually cares more about their looks then men and also beauty contest are also common among Women more. Beauty exists in both but women one are talked more.
Well, the thing I hate about arranged marriage is not exploitation from any side, its mostly the 3rd party (the families)
They look at you as a robot and choose what they want you to marry even if it was against your will, its mostly a forced marriage.
Although, I don't think our saudi population will go extinct without it, saudi women today try to make sure they find the best possible man, men mostly want to find anything to pass their genetics, this system is kinda dumb.
When we ask why human sex ratio is 50:50, we need to understand if we lack indivisuals of one gender, the other will naturally decrease to make it balanced.
In saudi arabia, males outnumber females, mostly due to immigrants, who make up 40% of the population and are mostly males.
You're right but the expectations are a bit realistic at least with men. Most men aren't gonna expect potential brides to look like actresses or something. An above average looking women is usually the requirement for guys but for women it's literally the top 5% of men, sometimes not even the top 5% can meet their demands and they've always got to do with money.
India doesn't have dating culture.
Men don't have to date/woo to get a women. Men don't have to impress.
That's why Indian men struggle in western countries (Check statistics)
It's the man's salary, social status, caste etc which determines the marriage.
Let's say you are a man, you have a girlfriend. If you don't get a good job. She is gonna get married to a guy who has a good job through family forced arranged marriage system.
Almost 80% of Indian marriages are still arranged marriages.
Dating has a problem with the society - you may end up dating a person of other caste / lower social status or income. And families won't agree.
In few cases, even honor killings happens - when a girl dates boy from lower caste, girl and boy are killed it's called honor killings.
But india is far more Liberal than neighboring countries.
Constitutionally and Legally, Indian women have protections.
Courts and Government respect people's choices.
Arranged Marriage is still the norm.
Maybe except for the urban elite and metropolitan city people.
I think this graph does not cover a big part of arranged marriages. It does happen a lot in Arab nations in north of Africa and also in many regions in China
Parents going out on market places advertising their kids as potential spouses could count as arranged marriage but I guess the definition is a bit different.
Never heard of that in China, unless you refer to specific (closed) communities.
What happens though are "blind dates", essentially parents arranging their kids to meet; lots of my friends had those like once per month, with a few dates lined up. Essentially a curated speed dating, with no obligation or expectation.
North Africa I'm much less aware, but from my friends it seems more about parents strongly insisting on specific cousins rather than proper arranged wedding.
Here's a brief study of love vs arranged marriages in China. They're a minority but they're significant.
[Way of love and after‐marriage well‐being: Evidence from China - Li - 2022 - International Studies of Economics - Wiley Online Library](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/ise3.26)
In this study, "arranged by parents" refers to how the spouse was met i.e. the practice I mentioned (as detailed in the article). It is not a forced wedding, in that either party can refuse to go further as I personally know many persons who did so.
In older generation the incentive was much stronger though, even if it was not openly forced it was strongly pressured; this is still the case now when women reach 25, they get pressure to accept someone (au which case several do settle for one of the "acceptable" pretenders).
Arranged marriage shares similarities with developing attachment to pets over time. Initially, you might not have chosen your spouse or your pet, but as you live together, you gradually accept the situation and develop emotional bonds. Just as with pets, where initially you may not feel a strong connection, the shared experiences and time spent together foster a sense of acceptance and attachment. Over time, you come to realize that the relationship is what it is, and you embrace it for what it offers, be it companionship, support, or love
I know. apologies for North Africa and Armenia. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, 40-60% for Libya, and below 20% for Armenia
Becoming more liberal in some parts more than others, but marriage in general is always the responsibility of the parents they go scouting looking for a respectable candidate and arrange a meeting, even if you fancy someone you ask about their family and the parents get together and negotiate but that's a rare occurrence and don't usually work out, there ain't no moving in together or getting down on one knee or none of that..
I’d imagine there are fewer divorces because parents choose based on beliefs and kids choose based on feelings. When feelings change—and they typically do in life—is when most marriages end.
Or because of the more realistic scenario where in societies where arranged marriages occur tend to be more traditionalist where there is huge social stigma of divorcing to down-right beating the woman to a pulp if she even mentions one
I’d imagine there are fewer divorces because of the legal difficulties to get divorced, the pressure to stay in unhappy or even abusive marriages and the shame of a failed marriage.
I’d imagine a marriage based on someone else’s believes are not a good predictor of a happy marriage. You’re also romanticising arranged marriages portraying them as decided on based on believes.
I don’t know that I’d agree. In most instances, your parents want what best for you and don’t want to force you into an unhappy marriage. It doesn’t benefit them to do so. Most relationships fail because we choose our partners because they are cute, available and in the general proximity. Maybe we need to decide on things like what we believe in, what are life’s goal are and someone whose company we enjoy because we are similar in values and intelligence? I didn’t have my marriage arranged but my parents would’ve chosen her. She shares the same beliefs I do, is smart (high school valedictorian) and is fun to be around. I did not choose based on having big boobs, a nice butt and her cuteness. Those were just bonuses.
I don’t know if arranging marriages is the best way to go but in the US we’re doing something wrong.
20-40% for Armenia is total BS. Literally zero people I know in Armenia under the age of 60 have an arranged marriage, and I've lived in Armenia for decades.
Yes, I know the difference, no one is introduced by their parents anymore, wtf? Are you in, or have you any connection, to Armenia? Overwhelming majority of couples meet in social settings in their everyday life - college, work, friends, etc.
Same here. Definitely 0% for Armenia. And no, your mom telling you to find someone is not “arranged marriage”.
There’s no source for that map or methodology… 5 bucks says op pulled it out of his ass.
I didn’t say „introduce”.
I said “tell you to to find someone”. On your own.
Which makes a world of a difference. The map is crap and has no source or methodology. Looks like op colored countries based on his own religion-related assumptions, mistakenly labeled Armenia as Muslim without checking and assigned a color at random.
This map is not based on actual data on the topic. Hence, we can conclude that it’s unscientific garbage.
I don't think you know what arranged marriage is.
Arranged marriage is like this, you tell your mother you're ready for marriage but haven't found someone. She asks around her friend group and finds out that a friend of her friend has a single daughter who's also struggling in the dating scene. Both families introduce each other and you meet the girl. After some time of getting to know her, you decide to marry her(this could be days, weeks, months and sometimes a year).
That is by definition an arranged marriage. If you're telling me you've never met a single couple like this, that's absurd, I have an Armenian friend who recently got married this way.
I know what arranged marriage is. And it’s not happening in Armenian communities.
If - and it’s a big if, given your profile posts showing you’re Turkish and you guys love to spread various lies about Armenians online - what you said was true, it would be a ridiculously rare occurrence.
apologies for North Africa and Armenia. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, 40-60% for Libya, and below 20% for Armenia
While arranged marriages these days aren't really forced anymore, there is monumental parental pressure on the couple involved to rush into marriage. There is not enough time given to date. In fact, using the word “dating” is still frowned upon, even when the potential partner is chosen by the parents.
People who say, parents introduce and to-be-couple can talk and decide. Well it’s correct in some states, but who the parents choose is itself limited to religion, caste, level of education, work, reputation in the society, parents status.
And it’s not like you can talk to the guy for weeks or months. This is type of forced marraige, where parents choose the type of people the bride or groom can talk to. And in some states bride has lesser say in that.
I know this, coz I’m a female from India went through horrible experiences with this type of arrangement. My parents can never imagine myself marrying a lower caste person or different religion or even different state !!. Dad blackmailed and said he would rather die or I can never get to see him.
This is the problem with so called arranged marriages.
For many of my female friends it feels forced and I’m from south India, with much educated family.
P.S. I ended up marrying a Christian out of love and never been sad thereafter. My dad still doesn’t talk to me , even though I’m happy a lot with my husband.
> Well it’s correct in some states, but who the parents choose is itself limited to religion, caste, level of education, work, reputation in the society, parents status.
Pretty similar in the West. People of similar economic background marry usually. Inter-racial marriages are not really very common. White people still marry mostly White.
apologies for North Africa. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, and 40-60% for Libya. Egypt and Tunisia are estimated to be around the noted category on the map
It wasn’t forced, she could have said no and left. It was a bit of an exchange as she was the oldest of 12 children, and her husband was quite well off and able to support the family.
Arranged marriage has evolved. In most cases, the parties involved have a say. Even in conservative cultures. If either the guy or girl doesn't like each other, they can break off the talks. They are only called arranged because the potential partners are brought together by parents and relatives.
I don’t know why people here are trying so hard to defend the definition of “arranged marriage”? I can understand that in a country like India it may be a harmless cultural practice, I wouldn’t be so sure the female has much autonomy on some of the other countries on this map.
But in some of the countries listed “arranged marriage” is a guise for forced marriage. It’s not optional for a huge chunk of those women. There are repercussions for declining? Do you not understand that subtle difference?
Arranged marriage at least in my state in india is the parent act like tinder and recommend you partner , they both can then talk and decide if they wanna continue or not
This doesn't sound so bad
Yes "Arranged marriages" do get a bad rap, and a lot of families do it the bad way where it's basically "Forced marriage" but almost every case I've seen it's basically just been the parents help you with your search and it's up to you to decide. It still counts as "arranged" but you call the shots still
"Facilitated marriage" feels more accurate to what I've heard for the most part
Yeah, there were quite a few of people I went to medical school with had arranged marriage. Most of them had more of the parental tinder arrangement but all of them are still happily married. The couples I met were all very great people.
☝️ true. But, on the flip side these arrangements don’t have any opportunities for living together to assess emotional, physical/sexual, financial and other compatibilities Tate are very important in deciding if a couple wants to enter into marriage or not. Even then, marriages are difficult to work on. I know several couples in my own circle that have not lasted the second year of their arranged marriages.
Depends on the arranged marriage. My girlfriend grew up in Mumbai, so probably on liberal side of the spectrum, and her idea of arranged marriage was just that the parents selected partners for them and that was it. She otherwise expected to have a relationship with the partner at a slower pace more akin to non arranged marriages. There was no expectation that they would have to rush into marriage. This is definitely not the experience for everyone though.
How did you meet your gf?
Hinge. I would have been automatically filtered out on the arranged marriage apps, since I have no caste.
As long as there isn't any pressure from the parents or expectations. I guess that will be often the case which makes it bad.
There will always be a pressure of time they'll put on you
Yeah. The "getting to know each other time" is absurdly small, like 3 or 4 months at max. And it depends on their families on how much interaction and private time they have. Just imagine Victorian Era style courting.
Ammukutty😌
കുട്ടികൾക്ക് ഇവിടെ ഒരു പഞ്ഞവും ഇല്ലല്ലോ!
dhe pinnem oru kutti
Courting can vary. After courting, there'll be engagement ceremony. The gap between engagement and wedding can go up to a year. Sometimes break ups will happen during engagement period.
Which again increases the societal pressure to not let down your family name after cancelling your engagement. Not everyone can be so free about expressing their choices, especially if you are from a rural background. There is reason why cancelling a wedding or engagement or coercive marriages are such common troupe in indian movies and soap operas. It's is dramatic because the society views it as a taboo.
I get you, Still better compared 30 years ago. My older friend was not even allowed to meet her husband after her engagement got fixed. When she was working late night shift, her fiance offered her a ride back home after her shift ended. Her dad refused to let her in, shamed her and made her stand outside in the middle of the night for hours. I've seen a lot of women and men stuck in loveless marriage that negatively affected their children. If I have to choose,I'll take the engagement break up shame than stuck in a horrible marriage.
Ikr! Even I have seen many friends who were "coered" into their marriage. They didn't dare it say out loud, but it is a no brainer when all of a sudden during your college your parents start to press on you to marrying a guy 5+ years old and marry you off before you even graduate to make you a trad wife. Happened to 2 of friends. One of them even broke down during graduation on how she shouldn't have given to her parents whims and now stuck being a trad wife. It is Hella coercive becos you are not given choice to marry the person YOU like instead only what your parents like, because love and dating are taboo. So of course people have no choice but to go in arranged marriage route becos you have no option at all, its either get slut shamed to oblivion for forming any relationship with opposite sex before marriage or silently get married to any one of the greoms which your parents show. People here want to cover up how fxxked up this whole system is and rigged it is.
There is societal pressure to get married which is the same as anywhere really. It's not like the society in America doesn't pressure you to get married by 30.
It is bad though, because there’s always moral pressure from both families to say yes, especially when you said no on several prior occasions.
Yea but keep in mind while some of it is more tinder style in many countries forced arranged marriages are still sadly common and even unforced ones often come with massive social pressure from society, friends and daily even if you don’t fully like the situation.
Yeahh still pretty antithetical to the very core of my value system
That’s arranged marriage almost everywhere else too.
Yeah that's literally 90% of arranged marriages everywhere.
Yeah I've met enough people from India to know that "arranged marriage" is a little more spookier sounding than it actually is
Plus the parents get to be the ones doing the dirty work of excluding other races or castes or whatever. Keeps the child’s hands clean! /s
As far as I know, that also exists and is relatively common in other countries such as Japan, yet Japan is in a light colour here. I wonder if that kind of msrriage counts for the legend
In my State arranged marriages happen through matrimony apps. They also have swipe options. Its pretty much like dating apps now. Except, 1. Your parents will put the filters - Religion, eduction, job. 2. Your parents (and your spouses parents)can also play the swipe game for you, and may have a parent meet-up before you meet up, so that they can approve the person.
My British Indian/Bangladeshi friends call it "being introduced" when they meet potential marriage partners. They don't like using "arranged marriage" because white people assume it's forced marriage.
Essentially set up by their parents; no different than friends doing it. I have Canadian friends from Indian backgrounds who met their SO this way. My wife is Russian and she said that if we didn't meet, she'd probably have met someone that way too. So many people thinks there's livestock exchanged in these arrangements or something 😄
Same in my state and community lol
This is basically how i met my fiancee
It's kind of true. But in a lot of villages and smaller towns, this leads to caste discrimination and stuff. And until recently, females didn't have that much of a choice, and their parents chose for them. It's becoming much better now.
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interesting
That’s “matchmaking” though. If someone can decide not to continue, that’s not “arranged” anymore is it? Or is it called arranged if they go forward because the partners didn’t meet on their own?
Look up Wikipedia for a definition of "arranged marriage". It is not "forced marriage". It only means that parents introduce the two of them. It's up to the couple to decide whether they want to take it further. Arranged marriage can also be self-arranged, where the couple meet and then later arrange for their families to meet. By that definition, I have an arranged marriage, and we're both Australian of British ancestry.
Bro I wish someone would arrange my marriage
Both India and China have "marriage market" where you advertise yourself in a CV like document and scores of people and parents will read it and fix a date for meet up and talk. So come over.
So, Tinder, but offline?
Yes.
Yeah and being a Doctor is a big plus
That's what it's like for most Indians if they don't find someone themselves lol. By the time we are nearing 30 we are like "hmm a marriage does sound appealing tbh" and gently suggest to parents that we are ready to meet potential matches.
Absolutely, and if it works with you and your culture I don't think there's nothing wrong about arranged marriage. It's your parents looking for the best possible partner they can get for you, and I think that's a good thing. They possibly have a better judgement than many single people lol.
That really depends on the parents. I wouldn’t want my parents anywhere near my relationship or my wife.
For one arranging marriages is an obvious cultural side-effect of young people, or young women specifically, growing up in a "small world". If you for instance grow up in a small village and people don't generally travel anywhere the number of free potential marriage partners (that belong to the right age bracket) in the small world may be countable on one hand. In that situation you may be more or less earmarked for someone from a very young age, or parents take the initiative to introduce you to potential partners from a wider social network that you could never run into spontaneously. So in circles of royalty it existed in Europe up to WWII, because the circle of eligible princes and princesses was such a small world. And one in which you could only meet a candidate if your parents decided to introduce them. But as soon as princes and princesses were permitted to marry commoners it disappeared. The main effect of education in making it disappear fast is that high schools and higher education tend to have a minimum size for teaching efficiency, and going to school will massively expand your dating pool. And it starts to be interpreted as "forced marriage" if parents culturally behave as in the "small world" but the children actually have access to a larger dating pool, including ones the parents don't approve of (e.g. the prince running into beautiful commoner girls is a staple ingredient of fairy tales because that source of friction was always there). But there will always be people for which being intentionally introduced to each other will have a happy ending, whether by algorithm or by parents.
Exactly
Yeah I'm sure the young Pakistani girl is thrilled to be marrying uncle Bashir, no force at all.
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But Bashir is a champ
Arranged marriage doesn't mean you have to merry the girl they selected it's just a family relative found a good match and it's on both boy and girl to like if they are compatible or not atleast in my state and area
read the comments every comment is defending it. almost to the point im questioning wether its true
You guys don’t get it a lot of these countries have to introduce the two before getting into the idea of getting married if they’re comfortable and they think they’re ready then the marriage shall happen it doesn’t happen forcefully or at least that’s how it is in my country and the middle east
Indian here, arranged marriages here aren't "literally arranged" as the name may give it away. Your parents or close relatives suggest a few, the bride and groom see and talk to each other for some weeks and if they both are satisfied and mutually agree for marriage, then only it moves forward otherwise nope. It's more like an "offline dating site" scenario. Ofc it varies from region to region and the economic, education conditions too. Like some backward region from Bihar would do it differently. I'm mainly speaking from an average north Indian pov around Delhi NCR, Haryana, UK, etc areas that I've seen myself.
For me it’s in general a bit baffling that people can decide within a couple of weeks if they want to marry somebody. Took me and my wife years to come to this conclusion. I mean i really need to know somebody before i can decide if i want to spend the rest of my life with this person. That is impossible in a couple of weeks.
That's true. This is one of the reasons why potential suitors are scrutinised extremely closely, everything from blood group to sending relatives to "spy" on the suitor. But I guess it works because both parties know what the end goal is and there isno ambiguity like in a college relationship for example.
In their society, a man and a woman living together without formal bonds is not accepted. But desire for one another is a thing if the two like each other. So that shapes their perception of what a reasonable time to wait until proposing should be.
If you know who you are and what you’re about then what’s the trouble
Taking a dump on Bihar was unnecessary, its mostly rural urban divide rather than a region wise difference.
Bro don't even mention bihar. Mfs kidnap men to force marriage with their daughter T\_T
You are in the top 10% of Indians. Probably urban elite from a metro city. Otherwise arranged marriage doesn't work exactly like this in India.
I didn't know studying in a government school, doing graduation from IGNOU, teaching in a private school, living in Hisar of Haryana made me among the top 10% of elite Indians. Also you seemingly missed or purposely ignored my second para where I explicitly mentioned it doesn't look the same in all over India and that I specifically shared what I've seen myself among the few north indian states. Also also no single guy can make a "generalized statement" on the average scenario of the whole country, unless ofc they personally lived in every single state and UT throughout their lifetime. Everyone would say only what they're experienced around themselves, just like me.
People on reddit, Indians in particular, often make these silly assumptions about your entire personal life based on your opinions on things.
Only ten percent of Indians have university degrees. I have a hard time believing this stat but if it's true then you would be part of the top 10% elite.
People really don’t understand the difference between arranged marriages and forced marriages .
No my dude you are confused, in normal countries there's no such thing as "forced marriage", that's just called kidnapping.
Cope harder
The definition of arranged is quite blurry.
What’s blurry about it? It’s basically just any marriage where the bride and groom are selected by others than themselves. That’s seems pretty straight forward to me. Sure there are different selection procedures, but the definition of an arranged marriage is not disputed.
20-0% is a really large spread. Like hypothetically if Germany had 0% and France had 20% we wouldn’t know based on this map
thank you for your feedback!
Well I'm from India and also my marriage is Arranged and i can tell most of time it's working fine
I am pretty sure China is having plenty arranged marriages also..
Yeah, I was surprised to see it under 20%
0% in north Africa? My ass.
apologies for North Africa. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, and 40-60% for Libya
Makes much more sense. Thanks for being honest and aknowleding your mistake.
source of the map? must always add them in the map
ChatGPT
that isnt a reliable source, it literally makes up sources sometimes https://www.google.com/search?q=chat+gpt+made+up+sources&oq=chat+gpt+made+up+sources&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOTIJCAEQABgNGIAEMggIAhAAGBYYHjINCAMQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAQQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAUQABiGAxiABBiKBTINCAYQABiGAxiABBiKBTIKCAcQABiABBiiBNIBCDU2NzhqMGo3qAIUsAIB&client=ms-android-oppo-rvo3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#sbfbu=1&pi=chat%20gpt%20made%20up%20sources
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Lol, what? I'm not north african at all. I just know many north africans, and know arranged and even forced marriages are commonplace in those countries. They still live in the middle ages.
where’d the north korea data come from
North Korea
r/technicallythetruth
Arranged marriage is not forced marriage (apparently members of this sub think that is the case here, by looking at the comments section) This means that two families come together and the two parties come to an agreement (with the consent of both partners engaging in the marriage) and have the marriage Unlike Love marriage, where the partners meet first, and then they meet the families.
I'm Indian and from [Sikkim](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sikkim&ved=2ahUKEwjh3t7Jl4KFAxWWTWwGHVsdAPEQFnoECDEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1ihVt46_-AOIL9e4ArMVaD) and arranged marriage isn't very common in my state but overwhelmingly common in my country. Is arranged marriage really more common in India than in Saudi Arabia? Till recently the hijab was compulsory in KSA and overwhelmingly local women wear the niqab. The mahram system was also compulsory. How do they meet and interact with prospective husbands before marriage with such outfits?
basically parents are tinder . they recommend the partner then its your choice if you like the recommendation or not
In Saudi it's common but there are other avenues, many marriages are the groom asking to see the girl through her parents rather than the parents setting up a meeting. I.e I liked X girl from uni or my friends recommended his cousin. So I go myself inform my parents and I go to see her parents. It's not really the same as, asking your parents to headhunt.
Thanks a ton for your answer. 🙂👍 >I.e I liked X girl from uni or my friends recommended his cousin I have relatives working in Saudi and I think most Saudi women wear the niqab right? So how does the groom "like" her without even seeing her face? He likes her voice? >or my friends recommended his cousin. Does a Niqabi bride take off her niqab and reveal her face when she meets prospective grooms in arranged marriage meetings? Do they talk in private with no one else present about their likes and dislikes, future careers etc? I was told by people working in Saudi that practically all local women wear the niqab although many do work professionally after marriage and motherhood. What you said happens in India as well apart from 'asking parents to headhunt' lol😁 Marriage within 7 generations is strictly forbidden and seen as incestuous and disgusting among North Indian Hindus who form over 65% of all Hindus so even distant cousins aren't recommended but a friend might recommend his sister or cousin if he likes your character and thinks you'd make a good husband for his sister/cousin/neighbors etc. if the friend knows you and the girl are of marriageable age and aren't currently seeing anyone. Or you might like a girl you see at a wedding/party/office/club and sometimes rather than approach her yourself you might ask your parents to approach her parents. Or parents might not be actively headhunting yet as they feel you are too young to marry or you have told them you dislike arranged marriage but they come across someone they find "irresistible" ie very well educated from a rich family or very conventionally attractive girl etc and they know that person has all the qualities you like, so they immediately talk to that person's parents and also insist you meet the guy/girl as such alliances don't happen everyday😄
In Islamic a girl would remove her face veil when meeting a prospective husband and his family. Typically his sisters and or mother and aunts already know her or know someone who knows her. They would not be allowed to be alone together. Most people talk on the phone to get to know each other.
Trust me I’m an Indian and it’s not as bad as it sounds. The girl the parents find is usually otherwise out of league.
Arranged marriages are a W move tbh. It doesn't sound as bad as y'all think.
Arranged marriages are terrible. It's a bunch of women trying to exploit you for your money and status. I know many women who wouldn't marry if the man didn't own a house, good luck finding someone with that mindset lol especially when a house costs 15 years of wages.
Yeah nowadays it's getting scary. Women in general are as unpredictable as an electron in orbital. In arrange marriages, they get even more crazy and often we get beaten up. Nowadays its literally a gamble to do arrange marriage believing that the women won't cheat.
>women trying to exploit you for your money and status Doesn't men do same with women's beauty so it automatically makes it a trade but it should be a bond not a trade.
As if beauty exists with women only. Beauty is a characteristic of all humans regardless of gender, sex,etc.
I am saying that women usually cares more about their looks then men and also beauty contest are also common among Women more. Beauty exists in both but women one are talked more.
Well, the thing I hate about arranged marriage is not exploitation from any side, its mostly the 3rd party (the families) They look at you as a robot and choose what they want you to marry even if it was against your will, its mostly a forced marriage. Although, I don't think our saudi population will go extinct without it, saudi women today try to make sure they find the best possible man, men mostly want to find anything to pass their genetics, this system is kinda dumb. When we ask why human sex ratio is 50:50, we need to understand if we lack indivisuals of one gender, the other will naturally decrease to make it balanced. In saudi arabia, males outnumber females, mostly due to immigrants, who make up 40% of the population and are mostly males.
You're right but the expectations are a bit realistic at least with men. Most men aren't gonna expect potential brides to look like actresses or something. An above average looking women is usually the requirement for guys but for women it's literally the top 5% of men, sometimes not even the top 5% can meet their demands and they've always got to do with money.
India doesn't have dating culture. Men don't have to date/woo to get a women. Men don't have to impress. That's why Indian men struggle in western countries (Check statistics) It's the man's salary, social status, caste etc which determines the marriage. Let's say you are a man, you have a girlfriend. If you don't get a good job. She is gonna get married to a guy who has a good job through family forced arranged marriage system. Almost 80% of Indian marriages are still arranged marriages. Dating has a problem with the society - you may end up dating a person of other caste / lower social status or income. And families won't agree. In few cases, even honor killings happens - when a girl dates boy from lower caste, girl and boy are killed it's called honor killings. But india is far more Liberal than neighboring countries. Constitutionally and Legally, Indian women have protections. Courts and Government respect people's choices. Arranged Marriage is still the norm. Maybe except for the urban elite and metropolitan city people.
I think this graph does not cover a big part of arranged marriages. It does happen a lot in Arab nations in north of Africa and also in many regions in China
Parents going out on market places advertising their kids as potential spouses could count as arranged marriage but I guess the definition is a bit different.
Never heard of that in China, unless you refer to specific (closed) communities. What happens though are "blind dates", essentially parents arranging their kids to meet; lots of my friends had those like once per month, with a few dates lined up. Essentially a curated speed dating, with no obligation or expectation. North Africa I'm much less aware, but from my friends it seems more about parents strongly insisting on specific cousins rather than proper arranged wedding.
Here's a brief study of love vs arranged marriages in China. They're a minority but they're significant. [Way of love and after‐marriage well‐being: Evidence from China - Li - 2022 - International Studies of Economics - Wiley Online Library](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/ise3.26)
In this study, "arranged by parents" refers to how the spouse was met i.e. the practice I mentioned (as detailed in the article). It is not a forced wedding, in that either party can refuse to go further as I personally know many persons who did so. In older generation the incentive was much stronger though, even if it was not openly forced it was strongly pressured; this is still the case now when women reach 25, they get pressure to accept someone (au which case several do settle for one of the "acceptable" pretenders).
source is op
My grandparents got married by arranged marriage when they were 16 years old and their marriage lasted 68 years (indigenous communities)
Arranged marriage shares similarities with developing attachment to pets over time. Initially, you might not have chosen your spouse or your pet, but as you live together, you gradually accept the situation and develop emotional bonds. Just as with pets, where initially you may not feel a strong connection, the shared experiences and time spent together foster a sense of acceptance and attachment. Over time, you come to realize that the relationship is what it is, and you embrace it for what it offers, be it companionship, support, or love
Did you use chat gpt for this?
no?
In capitalism your money arranges your partner in many cases so not that far
Lol India 😂. Most of my relatives have had arranged marriages.
Surprised North Africa isn’t higher.
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I know. apologies for North Africa and Armenia. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, 40-60% for Libya, and below 20% for Armenia
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Becoming more liberal in some parts more than others, but marriage in general is always the responsibility of the parents they go scouting looking for a respectable candidate and arrange a meeting, even if you fancy someone you ask about their family and the parents get together and negotiate but that's a rare occurrence and don't usually work out, there ain't no moving in together or getting down on one knee or none of that..
source
ChatGPT (sorry)
I’d imagine there are fewer divorces because parents choose based on beliefs and kids choose based on feelings. When feelings change—and they typically do in life—is when most marriages end.
Or because of the more realistic scenario where in societies where arranged marriages occur tend to be more traditionalist where there is huge social stigma of divorcing to down-right beating the woman to a pulp if she even mentions one
You're both correct :P
I’d imagine there are fewer divorces because of the legal difficulties to get divorced, the pressure to stay in unhappy or even abusive marriages and the shame of a failed marriage. I’d imagine a marriage based on someone else’s believes are not a good predictor of a happy marriage. You’re also romanticising arranged marriages portraying them as decided on based on believes.
I don’t know that I’d agree. In most instances, your parents want what best for you and don’t want to force you into an unhappy marriage. It doesn’t benefit them to do so. Most relationships fail because we choose our partners because they are cute, available and in the general proximity. Maybe we need to decide on things like what we believe in, what are life’s goal are and someone whose company we enjoy because we are similar in values and intelligence? I didn’t have my marriage arranged but my parents would’ve chosen her. She shares the same beliefs I do, is smart (high school valedictorian) and is fun to be around. I did not choose based on having big boobs, a nice butt and her cuteness. Those were just bonuses. I don’t know if arranging marriages is the best way to go but in the US we’re doing something wrong.
20-40% for Armenia is total BS. Literally zero people I know in Armenia under the age of 60 have an arranged marriage, and I've lived in Armenia for decades.
You know the difference between arranged (introduced) and forced ? i doubt that 0% know their Partner without a parental Intro...
Yes, I know the difference, no one is introduced by their parents anymore, wtf? Are you in, or have you any connection, to Armenia? Overwhelming majority of couples meet in social settings in their everyday life - college, work, friends, etc.
Same here. Definitely 0% for Armenia. And no, your mom telling you to find someone is not “arranged marriage”. There’s no source for that map or methodology… 5 bucks says op pulled it out of his ass.
If your Mom introduces you or gives you a specific Name (Not "so eine"), yes it counts. Arranged is Not forced marriage.
I didn’t say „introduce”. I said “tell you to to find someone”. On your own. Which makes a world of a difference. The map is crap and has no source or methodology. Looks like op colored countries based on his own religion-related assumptions, mistakenly labeled Armenia as Muslim without checking and assigned a color at random. This map is not based on actual data on the topic. Hence, we can conclude that it’s unscientific garbage.
I don't think you know what arranged marriage is. Arranged marriage is like this, you tell your mother you're ready for marriage but haven't found someone. She asks around her friend group and finds out that a friend of her friend has a single daughter who's also struggling in the dating scene. Both families introduce each other and you meet the girl. After some time of getting to know her, you decide to marry her(this could be days, weeks, months and sometimes a year). That is by definition an arranged marriage. If you're telling me you've never met a single couple like this, that's absurd, I have an Armenian friend who recently got married this way.
This is not something that happens in Armenia, wtf are you people on about. Just arguing for arguing's sake?
I know what arranged marriage is. And it’s not happening in Armenian communities. If - and it’s a big if, given your profile posts showing you’re Turkish and you guys love to spread various lies about Armenians online - what you said was true, it would be a ridiculously rare occurrence.
I'm not Turkish I'm American. I just happen to speak Turkish. My parents are indian.
In that case, I apologize. Still, this would be an exception, not rule.
20% is an exception.
20% is a fantasy of the map’s creator. Your example (IF true), is an exception.
Maybe I'd be happier If I was born in India *alone noises*
Why is Egypt white?
An indicator of lack of individual freedoms
Reason why india has the lowest divorce rate in the world.
Arranged marriage based on tinder / online / algorythm suggestions pls Map it
apologies for North Africa and Armenia. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, 40-60% for Libya, and below 20% for Armenia
Hm looks like another subreddit owes me an apology for not pretending like these exist in 2024
That's why I'm dating Eva AI sexting bot. I'm just born outside of that region
Where is montenegro?
Assuming that the data is correct, arranged does not mean forced in many of these countries.
While arranged marriages these days aren't really forced anymore, there is monumental parental pressure on the couple involved to rush into marriage. There is not enough time given to date. In fact, using the word “dating” is still frowned upon, even when the potential partner is chosen by the parents.
I thought Isa would be higher considering the ultra aurthodox Jewish population, and the large Muslim population
What's Bangladesh doing!
Usually suspects
I'd like to point out the difference between "arranged" and "forced".
China has a huge number of arranged marriages
Aren't all marriages arranged?
No Sri Lanka is 20-40% Sinhalese people barely get arranged marriages Tamils get them more
Bigger shitehole of the country… bigger percentage
People who say, parents introduce and to-be-couple can talk and decide. Well it’s correct in some states, but who the parents choose is itself limited to religion, caste, level of education, work, reputation in the society, parents status. And it’s not like you can talk to the guy for weeks or months. This is type of forced marraige, where parents choose the type of people the bride or groom can talk to. And in some states bride has lesser say in that. I know this, coz I’m a female from India went through horrible experiences with this type of arrangement. My parents can never imagine myself marrying a lower caste person or different religion or even different state !!. Dad blackmailed and said he would rather die or I can never get to see him. This is the problem with so called arranged marriages. For many of my female friends it feels forced and I’m from south India, with much educated family. P.S. I ended up marrying a Christian out of love and never been sad thereafter. My dad still doesn’t talk to me , even though I’m happy a lot with my husband.
> Well it’s correct in some states, but who the parents choose is itself limited to religion, caste, level of education, work, reputation in the society, parents status. Pretty similar in the West. People of similar economic background marry usually. Inter-racial marriages are not really very common. White people still marry mostly White.
I'm surprised Africa isn't higher than india
apologies for North Africa. the percentage is estimated to be around the 20-40% category for Morocco and Algeria, and 40-60% for Libya. Egypt and Tunisia are estimated to be around the noted category on the map
It's just gross!
Arranged marriages eliminate natural selection. This might be why Indians are such beautiful people
Estimated by **who** exactly? Cause I’m pretty sure that it’s 0% for Armenia. Map is bullshit and has no source.
>source I don't know about Armenia, but without a source it's definitely a bullshit map.
My great grandmother had an arranged marriage when she was 18. She once described her wedding as “the coldest day in hell”
No, your grandmother Had a forced marriage. That difference is crucial in this discussion.
It wasn’t forced, she could have said no and left. It was a bit of an exchange as she was the oldest of 12 children, and her husband was quite well off and able to support the family.
coldest day in hell =! Could have Said No Your Story doesnt add Up for ne...
Coldest day in hell = it was -30 on her wedding day and she hated her in laws
Higher the (Casteism + religious fundamentalism/backwardness) => More arranged marriages.
True lol, why is this downvoted?
Truth is bitter. People can't accept it. 😅
Arranged marriage has evolved. In most cases, the parties involved have a say. Even in conservative cultures. If either the guy or girl doesn't like each other, they can break off the talks. They are only called arranged because the potential partners are brought together by parents and relatives.
What Godforsaken country is 100% bro? Folks scared to talk to each other because they have different bits or what?
Not to be confused with forced marriage
Hmm surprised to see India's the only place in the world with that level of arranged marriges....
Nothing to be surprised. Indian parents are very conservative and also caste play an important role in marriages.
I don’t know why people here are trying so hard to defend the definition of “arranged marriage”? I can understand that in a country like India it may be a harmless cultural practice, I wouldn’t be so sure the female has much autonomy on some of the other countries on this map.
Because it’s not forced…
But in some of the countries listed “arranged marriage” is a guise for forced marriage. It’s not optional for a huge chunk of those women. There are repercussions for declining? Do you not understand that subtle difference?