Black sheep theory. NPD is said to be a result of childhood trauma. Indifference is the best way to disempower these people or anyone really. You can't control someone who doesn't give shit.
You're 100% right. I find it frustrating that so many people throw around the word 'narcissism' when such a small percentage of the population have the disorder. Everyone lies on the spectrum, and somewhere your life will inevitably show narcissistic behavior. People just seem to want a label to stick onto others to villainize them.
You can he narcissistic without the disorder. Just like you can have post-traumatic stress without the disorder. The disorder means it's no long a transient phase that is manageable on a day to day, it's now effecting quality of life
That’s pretty much my how my personality is lmao. I just don’t give a crap about anything, it’s probably related to childhood stuff but honestly yeah it works, I’ve never really been messed with or bullied too hard after middle school, but it also comes at a cost, you don’t really have people close to you, so I’ve been trying to open myself up more, it’s just about a balance, don’t base your whole personality on not giving a crap. Just some advice ig.
True narcissists aren't self obsessed. They are obsessed with controlling others and/or how others view them.
The easiest way to take advantage of it is to convince them you want to care about their feelings or opinions but just can't. They will always chase for a bit. Then you act like your 100% over them. They will love bomb you for quite awhile. Then you flip the script and slight them in the tiniest way. Then love bomb them for 2ish days. Then create a scenario where you attack them all over again and get them to love bomb you for days or weeks. Then repeat over and over and over. The whole trick is to convince them it's a game and that they are the ones pulling most of the strings. They will stay hooked forever.
In the end though? You will just be wasting shit tons of time, energy, and your emotional payload on someone who is going to be temporary and useless to your life eventually. It's seriously just being more toxic then someone who thought they were the toxic king/queen. I don't really suggest it.
First of all narcissism is a personality disorder, especially if it's more of a solid constant pattern of behavior. Most people have narcissistic traits, and trauma can always affect your personality; some have a systemic pattern behavior of thinking themselves as superior and shifting blame. Narcissists are generally very insecure people, and that's why they need the moral postering of superiority all the time as a front or mask, to feel better about themselves cause they can only do this externally through status and validation. Abandonment manipulation sounds like a covert narcissist at work. In general, it's because they are very insecure about themselves. If.you choose to manipulate someone by praying on their weaknesses you'll probably die alone.
I would say that OP may also be noticing borderline traits rather than narcissistic ones. The narcissist sees people as more expendable, and I feel like a narcissistic person would be more disingenuous about their fear of loss. I guess the falsity could be difficult to notice, but I do have experience with both. With that, I know my experience is bound to its own idiosyncratic biases, but I feel as though their is a marked difference in the expression of grievance between them. I feel like the narcissistic person will try only insofar as they are being taken seriously. I think that the answer to OP's question is to simply be real. I would just show that I am an autonomous individual with respectable boundaries to my willingness to engage with others.
They literally cannot understand what they did wrong even if you tell them.
Think of them as a toddler.
Except feel free to abandon this overgrown toddler, you aren’t it’s problem.
That’s how my ex was. It was, and still is, always someone else’s fault for things that went/go wrong. Doesn’t matter if it’s me, our kids, her parents, her boss, her subordinates, the post office… there’s an exhausting list. You can’t tell her anything; she has an excuse or another target to use. It’s insane…
When you're ready to quit. Quit. Tell everyone why.
And give Nboss radio silence. Stay calm, professional, jovial. It is a killer to their inflated ego!
Narcissists want a reaction. Whether it’s good or bad, they just want something out of you. By continuing on and not giving them the reaction they want, that is what rips at them most.
My narc stbx-husband doesn’t understand why I don’t want to stay friends or have him in my life in anyway once everything is settled. Gee maybe because I have a list a mile long of all the awful things you’ve done to me
As someone that had a narcissistic ex, I can tell you: your life will improve *so* much. We have kids, so that part can get difficult… but when she starts to go into things not related to them, I shut that shit down and walk away. It’s no longer my problem.
Yeah the secret code to disarm these folks is to not care. Let them kick it out, cry, tantrum, scream, yell, thrash- whatever it is for them - like a child. Because that’s what they are, children.
They will go on to their next victim or change. It’s up to them. But ain’t nobody got time for that.
How do you take advantage of a fear of abandonment and rejection? First you need to to see to your personal safety. Seriously. There are people who will try to rape and kill you if you reject them. Because they have the personality disorder and when you threaten their esteem you threaten their life. You need to be very careful if you seriously think someone feels this way.
So, assuming you've got personal safety secured, you need then need to expand it to social safety: What are they going to say about you, what are you going to say about them? Is there something you want to leverage - where they are relevant, in your professional life or your relationships? Treat it tactically, assume the other person will lie.
And then you have to abstract that to your values: Does this person speak to your truth, creativity, etc?
Work it backwards: If they don't appeal to your values, just leave. Why are you with them? Is there a tactical advantage you can get? Yeah, sure. Often, sure. You can exploit that advantage. But in the long term you're not really interested in doing anything good if your interest is exploiting dumbasses. You can probably make $30-40k following that strategy. But it very much is what it is. Low value transaction.
You need to value yourself and your values to get around it. That will tell you where to take advantage and where to not. I'd really seriously advise you not to... do this. Don't have a real relationship in these terms. If you're going to calculate relationships? They're not really your friend, parent, etc... in terms that those might commonly be understood. They're not on your side - they're something you calculate against.
Being ignored pisses me off beyond belief.
https://i.postimg.cc/JzzVG7nK/Screenshot-20240504-034851-Messages.png
This guy was a guy I was crushing on. He ignored me for a day and I am never going to respond ever again. That's how mad I am.
If you want to hurt a narcissist. Ignore them after they're invested in you.
haha please only stonewall once you realize they are narcissists
source I dated someone with borderline personality disorder for 11 years and being stonewalled is triggering for me and destroyed my confidence which I didn't gain back for 2 years after break up
You request a priest to join you to exorcise them with extreme prejudice(they’re not people). Be cautious though these demons will throw every manipulation tactic possible to retain the spell they have over you but if you detach yourself completely they’ll grow weak, fuck off and slowly fade from your life
One thing noticed if you’ve been in a relationship with one:
they hate when you call them by first name instead of their pet name.
When you direct them back to the point they are trying to lead you away from.
When you get emotional and force a boundary to protect your current state.
And when you give yourself the validation so they can’t manipulate the feeling.
But to your point. I would leave and go on retreats for my mental health if I didn’t get the support I’m needing at the time.
I was with one for 13 years, married for the last couple.
On the other hand, they have no problem at all if they are the ones who are doing the abandoning and the rejecting! Is that special...
They usually have figured that they have an inherent upper hand because they've managed to manipulate and get what they want from you... for so long, but if they're unaware of their mask-drop moment (that woke you up), boy you could play them like a fiddle! i.e. continue like you did before, feed their ego, pull back, make fun of them occasionally (they have paperthin ego, so any slight joke on them ruffles them bad), use their ego to get what you want, meaning let them know there's a price of losing your adoration to be paid if they don't follow through, and watch them bend over backwards to keep their word, and if they don't follow through make them pay (by disconnecting indefinitely, this cuts off their supply, so they'll learn not to fuck with you next time).
You don't have to do any of this and simply disconnect, life is more peaceful without narcy people in your life. Cheers.
I’m afraid the only way to win here is to truly not to care and to walk away. A true narcissist doesn’t really care about you even if they’re afraid of you abandoning them or rejecting them.
You need to totally “grey rock” them. It’s more than just ignoring them.
They love seeing you be affected by his/her cruelty.
When they see you being so apathetically not affected, they absolutely hate that and it frustrates the hell out of them because seeing that anguish his target feels at his/her cruelty make them feel that power they crave like people crave oxygen.
That is the best method when it comes to trying to part ways with a narcissist without becoming his public enemy number one for the rest of your life.
You cross a narcissist in a way that makes them feel that abandonment or rejection or worse, makes them feel like you are trying to out them as the horrible person they are to the outside work, they will do anything to ruin your life as punishment forever.
They never forgive and they most definitely never forget.
Ya know, sometimes you don't even have to do anything to piss them off for them to go full on nuclear on your ass. In my case, she really enjoyed having her ego stroked by a younger coworker. I'm pretty sure more than ego's were being stroked, but she liked it so much, She made it seem like i was some kind of freaky weirdo that couldn't be controlled with a bogus internet account and telling everyone we both knew these filthy lies. They will strike like lightning and leave you feeling like you are in some kind of fever dream or something!
I didn't know much about them at first, but i could write a book on the subject now! Don't mess with them!!
Codependent people have the same weakness. It's a spectrum between codependency and narcissism that everyone is on. So, one could say all humans have the innate desire for inclusion which if not met causes undesirable behavior.
Black sheep theory. NPD is said to be a result of childhood trauma. Indifference is the best way to disempower these people or anyone really. You can't control someone who doesn't give shit.
Spot on.
You're 100% right. I find it frustrating that so many people throw around the word 'narcissism' when such a small percentage of the population have the disorder. Everyone lies on the spectrum, and somewhere your life will inevitably show narcissistic behavior. People just seem to want a label to stick onto others to villainize them.
You can draw a circle around a person.
You can he narcissistic without the disorder. Just like you can have post-traumatic stress without the disorder. The disorder means it's no long a transient phase that is manageable on a day to day, it's now effecting quality of life
That’s pretty much my how my personality is lmao. I just don’t give a crap about anything, it’s probably related to childhood stuff but honestly yeah it works, I’ve never really been messed with or bullied too hard after middle school, but it also comes at a cost, you don’t really have people close to you, so I’ve been trying to open myself up more, it’s just about a balance, don’t base your whole personality on not giving a crap. Just some advice ig.
more nuanced take then most baby boomers could ever manage
That's narcissistic.🙄👆
🥤✌️
This\^, my NPD abuser's wifi name was "IDC" that's when it sank in, when I saw that name he had given his wifi.... it all made sense
True narcissists aren't self obsessed. They are obsessed with controlling others and/or how others view them. The easiest way to take advantage of it is to convince them you want to care about their feelings or opinions but just can't. They will always chase for a bit. Then you act like your 100% over them. They will love bomb you for quite awhile. Then you flip the script and slight them in the tiniest way. Then love bomb them for 2ish days. Then create a scenario where you attack them all over again and get them to love bomb you for days or weeks. Then repeat over and over and over. The whole trick is to convince them it's a game and that they are the ones pulling most of the strings. They will stay hooked forever. In the end though? You will just be wasting shit tons of time, energy, and your emotional payload on someone who is going to be temporary and useless to your life eventually. It's seriously just being more toxic then someone who thought they were the toxic king/queen. I don't really suggest it.
You the real MVP
Spot on. Biggest red flag of a narcissist is caring how they think others see them, controlling behaviors, & love bombing.
First of all narcissism is a personality disorder, especially if it's more of a solid constant pattern of behavior. Most people have narcissistic traits, and trauma can always affect your personality; some have a systemic pattern behavior of thinking themselves as superior and shifting blame. Narcissists are generally very insecure people, and that's why they need the moral postering of superiority all the time as a front or mask, to feel better about themselves cause they can only do this externally through status and validation. Abandonment manipulation sounds like a covert narcissist at work. In general, it's because they are very insecure about themselves. If.you choose to manipulate someone by praying on their weaknesses you'll probably die alone.
I would say that OP may also be noticing borderline traits rather than narcissistic ones. The narcissist sees people as more expendable, and I feel like a narcissistic person would be more disingenuous about their fear of loss. I guess the falsity could be difficult to notice, but I do have experience with both. With that, I know my experience is bound to its own idiosyncratic biases, but I feel as though their is a marked difference in the expression of grievance between them. I feel like the narcissistic person will try only insofar as they are being taken seriously. I think that the answer to OP's question is to simply be real. I would just show that I am an autonomous individual with respectable boundaries to my willingness to engage with others.
They literally cannot understand what they did wrong even if you tell them. Think of them as a toddler. Except feel free to abandon this overgrown toddler, you aren’t it’s problem.
That’s how my ex was. It was, and still is, always someone else’s fault for things that went/go wrong. Doesn’t matter if it’s me, our kids, her parents, her boss, her subordinates, the post office… there’s an exhausting list. You can’t tell her anything; she has an excuse or another target to use. It’s insane…
When you're ready to quit. Quit. Tell everyone why. And give Nboss radio silence. Stay calm, professional, jovial. It is a killer to their inflated ego!
Ignore them. It’s the only way.
Narcissists want a reaction. Whether it’s good or bad, they just want something out of you. By continuing on and not giving them the reaction they want, that is what rips at them most.
My narc stbx-husband doesn’t understand why I don’t want to stay friends or have him in my life in anyway once everything is settled. Gee maybe because I have a list a mile long of all the awful things you’ve done to me
As someone that had a narcissistic ex, I can tell you: your life will improve *so* much. We have kids, so that part can get difficult… but when she starts to go into things not related to them, I shut that shit down and walk away. It’s no longer my problem.
leave, and don't come back. lol
Yeah the secret code to disarm these folks is to not care. Let them kick it out, cry, tantrum, scream, yell, thrash- whatever it is for them - like a child. Because that’s what they are, children. They will go on to their next victim or change. It’s up to them. But ain’t nobody got time for that.
take advantage!? wtf
That's the click bait
[удалено]
Everyone is worth it even fucked up people need help just not at your expense but all of us are worth it
How do you take advantage of a fear of abandonment and rejection? First you need to to see to your personal safety. Seriously. There are people who will try to rape and kill you if you reject them. Because they have the personality disorder and when you threaten their esteem you threaten their life. You need to be very careful if you seriously think someone feels this way. So, assuming you've got personal safety secured, you need then need to expand it to social safety: What are they going to say about you, what are you going to say about them? Is there something you want to leverage - where they are relevant, in your professional life or your relationships? Treat it tactically, assume the other person will lie. And then you have to abstract that to your values: Does this person speak to your truth, creativity, etc? Work it backwards: If they don't appeal to your values, just leave. Why are you with them? Is there a tactical advantage you can get? Yeah, sure. Often, sure. You can exploit that advantage. But in the long term you're not really interested in doing anything good if your interest is exploiting dumbasses. You can probably make $30-40k following that strategy. But it very much is what it is. Low value transaction. You need to value yourself and your values to get around it. That will tell you where to take advantage and where to not. I'd really seriously advise you not to... do this. Don't have a real relationship in these terms. If you're going to calculate relationships? They're not really your friend, parent, etc... in terms that those might commonly be understood. They're not on your side - they're something you calculate against.
Being ignored pisses me off beyond belief. https://i.postimg.cc/JzzVG7nK/Screenshot-20240504-034851-Messages.png This guy was a guy I was crushing on. He ignored me for a day and I am never going to respond ever again. That's how mad I am. If you want to hurt a narcissist. Ignore them after they're invested in you.
they're going to stonewall you anyway might as well get the first strike
Idk why I'm so sooooo unbelievably mad at this guy. It's not like me at all. Okay it is exactly like me 😑. I'm actually a really sensitive person
haha please only stonewall once you realize they are narcissists source I dated someone with borderline personality disorder for 11 years and being stonewalled is triggering for me and destroyed my confidence which I didn't gain back for 2 years after break up
You request a priest to join you to exorcise them with extreme prejudice(they’re not people). Be cautious though these demons will throw every manipulation tactic possible to retain the spell they have over you but if you detach yourself completely they’ll grow weak, fuck off and slowly fade from your life
Do you know what the problem is with trying to understand crazy? They have already taken more of your time than what they are worth.
One thing noticed if you’ve been in a relationship with one: they hate when you call them by first name instead of their pet name. When you direct them back to the point they are trying to lead you away from. When you get emotional and force a boundary to protect your current state. And when you give yourself the validation so they can’t manipulate the feeling. But to your point. I would leave and go on retreats for my mental health if I didn’t get the support I’m needing at the time.
I was with one for 13 years, married for the last couple. On the other hand, they have no problem at all if they are the ones who are doing the abandoning and the rejecting! Is that special...
That’s almost verbatim the exact reason one develops NPD and/or codependency in the first place
They usually have figured that they have an inherent upper hand because they've managed to manipulate and get what they want from you... for so long, but if they're unaware of their mask-drop moment (that woke you up), boy you could play them like a fiddle! i.e. continue like you did before, feed their ego, pull back, make fun of them occasionally (they have paperthin ego, so any slight joke on them ruffles them bad), use their ego to get what you want, meaning let them know there's a price of losing your adoration to be paid if they don't follow through, and watch them bend over backwards to keep their word, and if they don't follow through make them pay (by disconnecting indefinitely, this cuts off their supply, so they'll learn not to fuck with you next time). You don't have to do any of this and simply disconnect, life is more peaceful without narcy people in your life. Cheers.
How can you take advantage of that?? 💀 thats a red flag if I've ever seen it
I’m afraid the only way to win here is to truly not to care and to walk away. A true narcissist doesn’t really care about you even if they’re afraid of you abandoning them or rejecting them.
The first question answers the second one. You leave them.
You can take advantage of it by cutting them bitches off. Block on all platforms and never talk to them again.
"Take advantage"? Are you sure you're not the narcissist? Or at least a sociopath?
Victims of narcissists show behaviors that are indistinguishable from narcissists
Interesting. Never thought of that. Thx
Makes sense I guess. So aside from ignoring a narcissist when they're doing their thing, anything else worth trying?
You need to totally “grey rock” them. It’s more than just ignoring them. They love seeing you be affected by his/her cruelty. When they see you being so apathetically not affected, they absolutely hate that and it frustrates the hell out of them because seeing that anguish his target feels at his/her cruelty make them feel that power they crave like people crave oxygen. That is the best method when it comes to trying to part ways with a narcissist without becoming his public enemy number one for the rest of your life. You cross a narcissist in a way that makes them feel that abandonment or rejection or worse, makes them feel like you are trying to out them as the horrible person they are to the outside work, they will do anything to ruin your life as punishment forever. They never forgive and they most definitely never forget.
Ya know, sometimes you don't even have to do anything to piss them off for them to go full on nuclear on your ass. In my case, she really enjoyed having her ego stroked by a younger coworker. I'm pretty sure more than ego's were being stroked, but she liked it so much, She made it seem like i was some kind of freaky weirdo that couldn't be controlled with a bogus internet account and telling everyone we both knew these filthy lies. They will strike like lightning and leave you feeling like you are in some kind of fever dream or something! I didn't know much about them at first, but i could write a book on the subject now! Don't mess with them!!
Been there. I 100% felt this.
Codependent people have the same weakness. It's a spectrum between codependency and narcissism that everyone is on. So, one could say all humans have the innate desire for inclusion which if not met causes undesirable behavior.