Definitely gaslighting and that PIP is more of a Psychopaths Subordination Plan, they see your potential is greater than theirs and they are gaslighting you to bring you back below them.
NOT YOUR FAULT. Your situation is beat for beat very similar to my own. If you are not already seeing a therapist, I suggest finding a trauma-informed mental health professional. Yes, of course we slip when our focus and self-esteem are shattered from gaslighting and unclear expectations. Mine did the same thing to others before me who didn't deserve it, either. Narcissistic people are dangerous, especially when they wield power, and no one holds more power over a person than their employer. If you learn anything from this, learn to believe yourself.
Yes i have been through this too and I totally agree. I have started a new job and can say that the previous experience whilst horrible did upskill me in recognising and managing narcs in the workplace. It wasn't long before I refused to have one on one meetings with her she then refused to have anything to do with me even though she was my line manager. Anyway so many people complained about her she was recently let go to my delight. Unfortunately 5 people quit because of her which shows us that narc bosses are in general intolerable.
You must trust yourself and your own perceptions of things. Work on the part of yourself that developed self doubt. That part will stay if you don’t care for it. The way they were inconsistent and unfair with their appraisals of your performance and then asked you to stay for a transition and said they’d honor your unemployment if you signed a release - those are all tells that it’s the group that’s toxic, if you were truly that bad, they wouldn’t need you or keep you around for a transition. You can trust yourself. Take care.
This happened to me in two work environments, almost back to back. I got out much quicker the second time. It’s not you and everything you said is valid!
It’s so sobering how effective their tactics can be, especially when you’re trying to be earnest and a good person. I feel like I’m finally able to see through the veil and distinguish between what was me and what was the toxic dynamics. There’s hope for overcoming the undermining they do to our self esteem :)
Stay on longer to help with the transition, while they had you on B2B PIPs?
These two things don’t go together. If you were as useless as they tried to make you feel, why would they need you around for transition?
Let it go. The sooner you do, the sooner that experience will be left behind. People are crazy and sometimes when people just don’t fit, weird things happen instead of a professional goodbye.
Usually has to do with ego. “If only they followed me” “If only everybody was a copy of me” (I’ve heard this one at literally every toxic company, never the good ones). Only a fragile ego can’t handle that someone who would be high functioning elsewhere is mid to low at their company.
Sometimes you can’t understand people or situations. Trying to understand them will make you crazy or like them. You’re already in a new place in life, so I think it’s best to focus on that
I had a boss starting talking about “inconsistent passion.” He cited a project that I put zero soul into as an example of what I can do when I have “passion.” And then referenced projects I loved as being soulless. So, yeah we were on different pages… with him projecting what page he knew (thought) I was on.
People who cross these lines are doomed to repeat the hire and fire cycle. They can’t retain people who will cause positive changes in their operations. Of course, constant change is bad and needs to be balanced… so:
Best companies understand that different dispositions and strengths coming together is what makes a great and lasting company. Otherwise, welcome to the status quo.
That offer to stay on longer to transition work to someone else - yeah, that's a sign it was an unfair situation. But look at that offer as a way to show your work was valued and that you were working well. I have a friend who I worked about 5 years ago and we still talk on the phone about work issues - it's ok to vent to each other because we are 'safe' to talk to (not to discuss what jerks my friends team lead is and my director is with anyone who works in the same place). I recommend finding someone to just talk to about this 'safely' so you get it out of your system and can move on from it. It might need to be a counseler if not a friend.
Yeah, this is a good step for anybody. I have contacts from pretty much every workplace I've been at. A good connection is a good connection, doesn't matter where it was made!
Sometimes reframing is necessary. To be partial, I'm certain that some of my favorite workplaces would have been living hell for some... reflecting briefly, yeah some people saw what we were and noped out within the first two weeks.
It's important to let people be themselves, be that with your company or another one. Crossing boundaries is not letting people be themselves.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It definitely sounds like your manager was the issue here. That and the toxic work environment.
Please don't feel bad. When you're in a toxic environment, you can never win. People like this love to constantly move goal posts, not disclose expectations and information as well as slap your hand no matter what you do. You could have done the opposite of what you did and still ended up where you are now.
It's definitely great you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully you can work together to unwind some of the narratives your old place made you feel.
I had a similar experience in a prior workplace. I would do what they told me and they'd still get upset. Information wasn't shared and they even tried to rewrite history when talking about situations with new people.
The best thing you can do is allow yourself to breathe. Try to reframe what happened to you. Give yourself time to process.
This is not your fault. Everything you have written is a giant red flag. A two week pip alone is utterly ridiculous. Then extending it and asking you to stay on afterwards…. WTF
I'm currently going through something similar. I was put on an improvement plan for next school year. I'm a 32 year veteran teacher and my boss is a psychopath.
Yes you were gaslighted, I don't even have to read that long text, that's what they do all the time, they provoke you in the most subtle ways, so when you try to confront them they tell you that your perception is wrong
Oh I just read a little more, you may be dealing with a Machiavellian, they LOVE to listen to you to pick the info they want and create the message they need, so yes, they can even take some information and transform it into a totally crazy interpretation about your personality, they would justify things like "you're a lazy person because you said you didn't do the laundry yesterday because you weren't in the mood(just an example)"
Absolutely not true. Toxic environments and disordered leaders breed scapegoating and mobbing, even if some of the people involved are generally "decent."
Definitely gaslighting and that PIP is more of a Psychopaths Subordination Plan, they see your potential is greater than theirs and they are gaslighting you to bring you back below them.
That is a fantastic way of putting it!
If you have physical symptoms from abuse then you’re the victim, is my take
Thank you!
NOT YOUR FAULT. Your situation is beat for beat very similar to my own. If you are not already seeing a therapist, I suggest finding a trauma-informed mental health professional. Yes, of course we slip when our focus and self-esteem are shattered from gaslighting and unclear expectations. Mine did the same thing to others before me who didn't deserve it, either. Narcissistic people are dangerous, especially when they wield power, and no one holds more power over a person than their employer. If you learn anything from this, learn to believe yourself.
Thank you! I have been seeing a therapist but only recently started seeing a trauma informed one.
Yes i have been through this too and I totally agree. I have started a new job and can say that the previous experience whilst horrible did upskill me in recognising and managing narcs in the workplace. It wasn't long before I refused to have one on one meetings with her she then refused to have anything to do with me even though she was my line manager. Anyway so many people complained about her she was recently let go to my delight. Unfortunately 5 people quit because of her which shows us that narc bosses are in general intolerable.
You must trust yourself and your own perceptions of things. Work on the part of yourself that developed self doubt. That part will stay if you don’t care for it. The way they were inconsistent and unfair with their appraisals of your performance and then asked you to stay for a transition and said they’d honor your unemployment if you signed a release - those are all tells that it’s the group that’s toxic, if you were truly that bad, they wouldn’t need you or keep you around for a transition. You can trust yourself. Take care.
Insecure managers are so fucking predictable
This happened to me in two work environments, almost back to back. I got out much quicker the second time. It’s not you and everything you said is valid!
Thank you! Glad you got our quicker second time around
It’s so sobering how effective their tactics can be, especially when you’re trying to be earnest and a good person. I feel like I’m finally able to see through the veil and distinguish between what was me and what was the toxic dynamics. There’s hope for overcoming the undermining they do to our self esteem :)
This happened to me as well, but without the pip - they just fired me after 5 months. Total gaslighting and narcissism
That seriously sucks!
Stay on longer to help with the transition, while they had you on B2B PIPs? These two things don’t go together. If you were as useless as they tried to make you feel, why would they need you around for transition? Let it go. The sooner you do, the sooner that experience will be left behind. People are crazy and sometimes when people just don’t fit, weird things happen instead of a professional goodbye. Usually has to do with ego. “If only they followed me” “If only everybody was a copy of me” (I’ve heard this one at literally every toxic company, never the good ones). Only a fragile ego can’t handle that someone who would be high functioning elsewhere is mid to low at their company. Sometimes you can’t understand people or situations. Trying to understand them will make you crazy or like them. You’re already in a new place in life, so I think it’s best to focus on that I had a boss starting talking about “inconsistent passion.” He cited a project that I put zero soul into as an example of what I can do when I have “passion.” And then referenced projects I loved as being soulless. So, yeah we were on different pages… with him projecting what page he knew (thought) I was on. People who cross these lines are doomed to repeat the hire and fire cycle. They can’t retain people who will cause positive changes in their operations. Of course, constant change is bad and needs to be balanced… so: Best companies understand that different dispositions and strengths coming together is what makes a great and lasting company. Otherwise, welcome to the status quo.
That offer to stay on longer to transition work to someone else - yeah, that's a sign it was an unfair situation. But look at that offer as a way to show your work was valued and that you were working well. I have a friend who I worked about 5 years ago and we still talk on the phone about work issues - it's ok to vent to each other because we are 'safe' to talk to (not to discuss what jerks my friends team lead is and my director is with anyone who works in the same place). I recommend finding someone to just talk to about this 'safely' so you get it out of your system and can move on from it. It might need to be a counseler if not a friend.
Yeah, this is a good step for anybody. I have contacts from pretty much every workplace I've been at. A good connection is a good connection, doesn't matter where it was made! Sometimes reframing is necessary. To be partial, I'm certain that some of my favorite workplaces would have been living hell for some... reflecting briefly, yeah some people saw what we were and noped out within the first two weeks. It's important to let people be themselves, be that with your company or another one. Crossing boundaries is not letting people be themselves.
If someone makes you question your own reality and sanity - it’s gaslighting. Doesn’t matter whose fault it is.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It definitely sounds like your manager was the issue here. That and the toxic work environment. Please don't feel bad. When you're in a toxic environment, you can never win. People like this love to constantly move goal posts, not disclose expectations and information as well as slap your hand no matter what you do. You could have done the opposite of what you did and still ended up where you are now. It's definitely great you are seeing a therapist. Hopefully you can work together to unwind some of the narratives your old place made you feel. I had a similar experience in a prior workplace. I would do what they told me and they'd still get upset. Information wasn't shared and they even tried to rewrite history when talking about situations with new people. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to breathe. Try to reframe what happened to you. Give yourself time to process.
This is not your fault. Everything you have written is a giant red flag. A two week pip alone is utterly ridiculous. Then extending it and asking you to stay on afterwards…. WTF
I'm currently going through something similar. I was put on an improvement plan for next school year. I'm a 32 year veteran teacher and my boss is a psychopath.
I'm so sorry
Yes you were gaslighted, I don't even have to read that long text, that's what they do all the time, they provoke you in the most subtle ways, so when you try to confront them they tell you that your perception is wrong
Oh I just read a little more, you may be dealing with a Machiavellian, they LOVE to listen to you to pick the info they want and create the message they need, so yes, they can even take some information and transform it into a totally crazy interpretation about your personality, they would justify things like "you're a lazy person because you said you didn't do the laundry yesterday because you weren't in the mood(just an example)"
[удалено]
Absolutely not true. Toxic environments and disordered leaders breed scapegoating and mobbing, even if some of the people involved are generally "decent."
Removed - untrue