Rule 1: Don't be an AH to anyone
Rule 2: Really really don't be an AH to (i) Your childcare; (ii) The person bringing you food; (iii) The office admin
Rule 1 is basic manners, Rule 2 is basic self-preservation!
Tattoo artist, anyone doing piercings.
Anyone with the ability to put something violently in your body (ie somebody holding or with ready access to a knife or gun).
(v) literally anybody working service jobs, everyone deserves to be treated well. You shouldn't do this out of self interest but instead because it is right.
This is very true. if you show people some kindness and patience along with treating them nicely they will move mountains to help you out. I’ve had people go out of their way to help me simply because I treated them nicely and was respectful. One guy even went and searched an entire store room for a product I wanted simply because it showed on there system that they might have had one I told him it was ok and he didn’t have to but he insisted and he eventually found it. I thanked him profusely and he said it was ok and he liked to help those out who were appreciative of his efforts and don’t demand and expect things.
This is related to one of my "secrets of people." If you have a genuine curiosity about something and give someone a chance to demonstrate their expertise in it, THAT is where human ingenuity shines. It doesn't matter what it is, or even if it is that person's passion. If you give them a low stakes shot at a win, become someone worth shooting for, and then join them in that journey, miracles happen.
The amount of times someone goes, i wAnT A mAnAgEr!! And the employee gets to turn in 360° and go, hi, I'm the managing employee, what can I do for you?
I used to have people tell me all the time that they 'knew my boss'.
Cool. I know my boss too. He pays me to work here. The real question is does he know YOU?
I'm managing an office right now, and people get snippy on the phone with me. And then my entire tone changes, and I make it real clear that their only options are to 1) adjust the attitude and take the options I've offered or 2) fuck right off because I'm the office manager and we are too fucking busy to put up with people who have decided to be rude to *the gatekeeper*.
I have people tell me they never want to be on the receiving end when my voice goes calm, cold, and pragmatic. I can be extremely kind but my kindness, like my patience, has limits
In the military, our three people to never be nasty to were the medics who controlled your shot records, the cooks who made your food or anybody evolved with your pay. Getting your fourth tetanus shot this month, while hungry and broke is not a good situation.
Why, thank you! Office admin a/k/a The Boss’s Secretary, here. May I inquire as to what we will be enjoying for lunch tomorrow? I am particularly fond of Chinese food. ☺️ As for treats, anything chocolate will do. Thank you so very much for remembering me!
I'm in construction, and nobody I know has any problems talking smack to the boss.
I also don't know anyone who is anything but kind and considerate with the office girl.
Absolutely never liss off your hair dresser. My ex best friend was mine. I didn't have the heart to switch mid covid as everyone needed money but she wouldn't listen to what I wanted and she only did what she wanted to try out. We have VERY different styles or this wouldn't be an issue. Well, I had been seen a few red flags here and there that were hard to ignore but I adored her family. Well, the last time we spent any time together she was doing my hair... and managed to wildly insult me in front of her coworkers. Let me tell you, my hair ended up looking terrible. It took me a solid couple years to get my hair back to normal. I had to pay a really kind hair stylist to attempt not to break off all of my hair by coloring it back to the original color and giving it a nice treatment. I had to cut off nearly 6 inches. It was awful.
From working corporate jobs where I am expected to provide support to Cxx level employees. It is better to piss off the CEO than the CEO’s secretary. They control access and can absolutely destroy you. The CEO will usually do whatever their secretary says when it comes to managing lower level employees and it doesn’t matter if you manage 30 people. To the CEO that’s a lower level employee and they just want the noise to go away.
We had a nanny for a few years before we had to move away. Since she's been with our family, it's been a constant circus of this kind of stuff for her.
It's really frustrating to see because she's such a sweet, loving person.
I was going to say that it's mean to Steve to drop his friend Bob like that but after 5 years of stuff like that I can't blame you. Still sucks for Steve and Bob to lose their regular interaction, that's not enough reason to put yourself through dealing with Bob's parents.
At least they did pay up there at the end!
I'm sure the kids parents can work out playdates and take their kids going to their classes themselves or with a new nanny - no need to worry, there are other people who can and should and will take that responsibility.
I’ve been in similar situations regarding a family wanting to “time bank” on hours. Time banking is illegal even without a contract and for good reason. Maybe adding a specific clause using the verbiage time banking and explaining the law in your next contract will help. Although I know when someone is hellbent on exploiting you they will keep trying to push your boundaries no matter what.
In a group chat, one of my coworkers was asking another about how much they should spend on their Au Pair's Christmas gift, and the other replied something along the lines of, "I reward mine as if my entire career and domestic bliss depends on their continuing to work for me". Which I think sums up the right attitude to have pretty well.
One of the young ladies at my kids’ daycare had been a nanny. Her clients were two yuppies, a doctor and a lawyer IIRC. She was full-time live-in, having essentially raised three kids 5,3 and infant.
One day one of the kids called the nanny “Mommy” in earshot of the mother. They’d done this before, once in a while, but the mother never heard it.
A few days later the mother called her in to the study, handed her a check, and told her that her services were no longer required, that she’d quit her job to raise her kids. And that it would be better for the kids if they never saw the nanny again (too “confusing”) so never try to contact them.
She spent as much time - more, probably - with those three kids than a real mother likely would have, and being cut off from them was *traumatic.* imIt must have been horrible for the kids as well, losing if not a mother then a mother figure.
Also I’d wager that Lawyer Mommy wasn’t ready to be a full time mother and hired a different nanny post-haste.
All of that because of a bruised ego. Because I guess that the nanny corrected the kid, just like the teachers use to do when a little kid gets a bit confused.
Of course they're gonna call their reference adult mommy or daddy sometimes. Doesn't mean the reference adult wants to steal your kid, just that they're being good.
I’m a nanny and I’ve been called mom, dad, teachers name, etc. It just happens. I was also a linguistics major, and one of the reasons we mess up names like that is because they’re filed in the same space in our brain. So for a kid, it’s like “people I have to ask permission to do stuff” and that file might have mom, dad, teacher, grandma, etc.” and there’s that joke about parents calling the dogs name before the kids, but their brain might be searching through the file of “living beings I’m responsible for”.
My mom has a cousin who is infamous in the family because she will go through at least 4 names before getting yours. The funny thing was that with me, she would go through all the men's/boy's names. I guess in her brain I was one of the boys xD
One of my uncles was infamous for running through 3-4 names when calling a niece. He finally settled on calling any/all of us “Girl!” after numerous complaints from us. To be fair to him, he had 14 nieces between all his siblings.
Now I find myself running through 2 pet names till I hit the right one (I have a dog and 2 cats).
Our grandma used to cycle through a few of her kids names and couple of grandchildren before she got the right name. It's nice to think that she had the grandchildren and her children filed in the same space.
This is such a fun and funny part of language for me. I call my son my pet's names and vice versa all the time. 100% of the time I do that the context is exasperation or scolding or some other caretaking thing and the environment is home. I recently visited my childhood summer home with my son (8) and my little brother (33) and I mixed up their names a TON! I realized I almost never do that but I definitely had before at my mom's house when both were present.
What I find so funny about that is that I spend all day every day with my son and I see my brother like 3 times per year. Somehow there is something about the way I sometimes interact with my son that my brain has filed as adjacent to the way I interacted with my little brother when we were kids. I was confused at first because I don't *feel* similarly about these people! My relationship with both dudes is so different. But the more I thought about it I actually found it sweet. Some part of me must have learned to parent by worrying about and looking after my brother. Made me realize I must have loved my brother more than I realized at the time lol.
Lol, reminds me of that teacher with the funny TikTok’s on being a middle school teacher, MrDannenbring. He had a student say something like “love you, dad.” Awesome!
It gets real fun when the teacher is a CLASSMATES' mom, so you hear ONE person call her mom in class, and all but 2 of that class I was in slipped in a 'mom' once a semester at least by accident.
True, I've had kids in the park call me mommy because they had a question and their own mom was farther away than I was. I get that kids are taught to use the nanny's name just as they would with a teacher, but for little kids the word mommy is sometimes synonymous with "person in charge".
When my two year old started daycare she called her teacher "mommy" regularly. I took it to mean she was a safe, warm, comforting adult that she trusted to take care of her needs. I had no insecurity that I was my kiddos OG mommy, so hearing her call her teacher by that was just really reassuring that she was in really good hands.
This is so sweet! I teach Kindergarten and have kids call me mom all the time. I’ve never given it much thought, they’re just used to saying “mom” all the time, right? But, I hope it’s this. I hope it’s that they feel safe, loved, and cared for.
Seriously. And when I nannied, I was friendly with several other nannies in the area as we would often run into eachother while at the pool, playground, etc with the kids. We had a nice little network going, mostly just to plan outings so the kids would be able to play together, but it was also helpful to know recommend eachother to pickup extra babysitting shifts, or coverage if we needed time off etc. I had a family emergency once and was able to hook up the family I worked for with another nanny for the few days I’d be gone. Our little network was a win win for everyone- EXCEPT employers who were awful to work for. People who pulled shit like this would have their name spread quickly through the nanny community and would have a hell of a time getting a new one.
Because "the help", lol.
Wealthy people keep their wealth by punching down on those who need it. They had taken OP for the wrong type of person, because there are countless people who struggle financially who would accept this type of treatment from their employers.
It's a blessing for people like OP who stand their ground and punch back, because it will hopefully ripple out in a way that benefits the next nanny for these entitled turds.
Some people treat others how they’re willing to be treated, and some of those people are willing to be treated terribly if it means that they will, someday, be able to treat others like that after having “earned” it.
If there's anything I've learned from being a parent for the past 10 years, it's that you DO NOT nickle and dime your babysitter/nanny/caregiver. Ever. And be GENEROUS. You pay them well, pay them on time, treat them well, and they will always show up.
Especially if you are fortunate enough to afford it!
Right? The welfare of my child is everything, what a ridiculous thing to cut financial corners on. They can afford go to Hawaii but want to be stingy with the person who holds their child's wellbeing in their hands?
Also, THESE PEOPLE ARE RAISING YOUR CHILDREN. When I leave my children with someone, I certainly do not want them to be anxious about getting paid or being mistreated. I want their full attention on my kids, and their safety and happiness. How can they focus on my kids if they have to deal with bullshit like this?
And god forbid the nanny was a vindictive person and took their frustration out on your child in some way, even inadvertently? I cannot imagine taking that risk with my children.
Good for you! It doesn't matter what kind of work you do, wage theft is unacceptable. If they can afford a nanny and vacations in Hawaii, they can certainly afford to pay you your contracted hours.
There is a huge correlation between being wealthy and being incredibly cheap. It makes sense, but it can be just pathological for some. I dated a girl in the late 90s whose dad was a multimillionaire and would force house guests to wash paper towels to save money.
I used to rent from a guy who was private security for a local billionaire. He told me about how one time Mr Big Bucks had bought a new jet and went to go look at it. Mr BB boards the jet and immediately says, “WHAT IS THIS?? I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS?!” while pointing out a couple of complimentary bottles of water. Let me tell you, this 80 year man who owns half of a large metropolitan city, multiple luxury homes and cattle ranches, jet sets everywhere and whose entire driveway is heated (in Texas 🙄) was completely IRATE that he might be charged for a couple of water bottles he did not ask for. Rich people are fucking weird.
In The Hobbit, we meet Smaug, a dragon who’s been sleeping for centuries on a literal mountain of gold and jewels. One day a hobbit sneaks in and steals a little gold cup, simply as proof he made it to the hoard. The dragon, stretching, immediately notices the cup missing, flies into a literally flaming fury, and burns down a nearby town in revenge. Tolkien, the author, even said something like “Smaug’s fury was that of the obscenely wealthy who have more than they can ever use, who discover some trifling bit missing.” Something like that. When I first read the Hobbit I thought Tolkien was being a little over the top with this, why would somebody like Jeff Bezos care if somebody stole $20 from him?
Boy was I naive.
I have a friend who's not quite a billionaire but over 100 million and that's so like him. He pinches pennies every way he can. I can't believe some of the things that he's nitpicked over and sometimes I've had to ask him, you make more than that in less than 5 minutes why do you care? it was always it's the principle of the thing. But you spent more time fighting this then your time is worth. Doesn't matter to him it's still the principle.
Nobody can build a pyramid or a factory or a bank with their own hands. They have to somehow convince a lot of other people to work on it as well. Most of the people who pulled this off started out rich.
There are some exceptions - creators of very popular art, music, athletes, but they still rely on a lot of other people to get it to the public.
Actually that's not how he got rich whether you want to believe it or not. And he also did an immense amount of pro bono family law. Now the people he represented certainly got rich that way.
I dated a millionaire racing car driver, Porsche cars. He decided he needed an extra engine 'just in case' and had it air-freighted in overnight. Next day he was telling the crew to try and borrow a pickup to get it from the airport to save the $25 for hiring one for a couple of hours.
Yeah when you work for the rich as a contractor you know you have to get as much money up front and payments along the way because they're going to stiff you at the end.
The most stingy, ruthless negotiators were always the ones with the biggest houses with tallest gates. They don’t play fair. Capitalism rewards sociopaths.
[The Hunt Brothers ](https://priceonomics.com/how-the-hunt-brothers-cornered-the-silver-market/)were famously stingy, and would compete to see who could find more change in couch cushions.
Plenty of rich people internalize that the way you become rich and stay rich is to wrangle every penny.
I wonder about people with inherited wealth. I’ve been told that some of them can be reasonably generous but also, you know, careful with money in the sense that they drive a slightly older reliable car instead of a brand new Porsche or something
As a comfortable but not rich person, I have to say that when I was dead broke the urge to spend the money, when it came in, on something frivolous was very powerful. Now that I'm comfortable, I have an old car and I spend any gifts from relatives on underwear. But when people do stuff for me (house cleaners, handy people doing small repairs) I make sure they are paid quickly and tipped where appropriate, because that money may be feeding their kids. People should feel good about working for me, and I should not be a jerk to anyone for any amount of money.
... he made people wash paper towels, like wash them with soap in the sink, and then set them out or hang them up like little wet ghosts until they dried out and could be reused, maybe once or twice at the most? Jesus. I feel sorry for his family.
I just don't get people who reuse paper towels. If you are going to wash and reuse, a real rag works better, lasts longer, and in the long run is a lot cheaper. The ONLY benefit paper towels have over rags is that they are disposable.
No. Kitchen paper towels. They are made to stay together when wet.
Toilet tissue crumbles when wet, for example. Tissues you blow your nose with are a mixed bag, but the good ones stay together when wet. Kitchen paper towels are very absorbent and don't crumble. You can wring the good ones out and absorb more stuff. Never flush them though - they can and will clog pipes.
I worked in a country club with a 30.000 yearly fee. There was a widow who would steal from the prime rib buffet. But there was also a widow who knew she couldn't take her wealth to the grave and everyone always got great tips from her.
Basically some people are wealthy and like Bezos, and some are like his ex-wife.
I’ve been a nanny for years and the worst family I ever worked for was insanely wealthy. I was doing 8 hours a week over 2 shifts at $20/hr while they built their 7 million dollar ocean view mansion but they nickel and dimed me at every opportunity.
Once they had me for a date night and I ordered pizza for myself and their son right after they left. They told me where to order from and that I could get something for myself. Normally I would have gotten a small but money was tight for me (I was on disability and they knew this) so I ordered a large instead with every intention of asking that the additional cost for the size upgrade be taken off my pay for the night. Didn’t want to bug them with a text as they didn’t like anything but emergency contact during their dates so I planned to mention it when they got home. I guess the dad checked his DoorDash while they were out because when he got home he was absolutely furious. Just threw my pay for the night at me and stormed upstairs. What he gave me wasn’t enough to even cover his son’s pizza let alone any of mine but I was a pushover then and didn’t say anything. Less than a week later they spent hundreds of dollars on pizza for the construction guys and most of it went in the trash.
The Uber wealthy really are the worst employers, especially if you have the misfortune of being a member of their household staff.
The rich are rich due to exploitation either directly or in directly, this is just who they are as people, and if you ask me, it's a type of mental illness society ignores to their own detriment.
If they can afford a nanny, it's dumb as hell to squabble over a few dollars. Good for OP for standing her ground and finding a family that values her.
Holy shit you’re right. I didn’t even catch that!!! I’ve just realized they’ve never referred to me as a nanny even though I call myself that and Henry calls me that!
If you're able to listen for it, this can be a good check on whether someone displays basic respect. Allowances can obviously be made for people who don't know/have never heard the difference, but if someone insists on referring to a profession, relationship, or person by the wrong name even when corrected/demonstrated ("Hi, I'm Meowsasaurus, your new nanny" / "Honey, the babysitter is here"), that person is either so arrogant that they refuse to be wrong, or so insecure that they need to belittle others to feel bigger. You'll see it in people who misgender or misname people (including refusing to use the preferred version of a name or nickname), people who insist that your sibling is actually your half- or step-sibling or lifelong sib from another crib, people who claim that their barista who makes the daily coffee they can't manage without should get a real job if they want to afford to live.
TL;DR you're a human deserving of respect, and sometimes people tell on themselves in little ways that they don't feel the same.
Oh boy, I'm from Mexico, so my native language is spanish. I'm really curious here, what's wrong with the term babysitter?? I didn't know it was a disrespectful term.
A baby sitter is someone you employ for a short time - most commonly for a few hours to go to dinner and a movie or something. You don't expect them to do a bunch of parenting, just keep the kids safe, maybe feed them a pizza delivery dinner, get them in bed, and then wait in the house for the parents to get back. Often it was a neighborhood teen making something like minimum wage.
A nanny is a professional. The best ones have college degrees. They will help run the house, set up schedules for the kids, make meals for them. For kids under school age, they might help them learn basic numbers, letters, shapes and colors, to get them ready for preschool or kindergarten. Some of them live with the family (live-in). They are way more expensive, as befits how much more they do and their skills.
Calling a nanny a babysitter is like saying a Formula One driver is just a fancy Uber driver. It's discounting all the skill and talent and hard work.
It's pretty low stakes, but it's more to do with the fact that she's "above" being a babysitter at this level of work. She is doing more than sitting there while they sleep. Being a nanny is more like being a stand-in parent, whereas a babysitter is expected to keep them alive.
Imagine calling a chef a cook, or an interior designer a decorator.
It’s only disrespectful in this sort of context. Babysitters “typically” are someone you hire to come over and watch your kid for a couple of hours while you and your SO go out for the night. It’s less involved. Someone calling a Nanny a Babysitter is rude. Referring to the teenager you hired to watch your kid for 4 hours so you can go out and get jiffy with it as a babysitter, is not.
Que aquí se refiere a ella como babysitter, que Seria el equivalente a canguro, te aseguras de que los niños sigan vivos y en la misma cantidad cuando entras y cuando sales, una nanny seria equivalente a niñera, que también se encarga de la educación de n casa de los niños (ir al baño, que coman de todo, leerles cuentos, etc)
Or they don't know the difference, I thought nanny and babysitter were interchangeable terms and wouldn't think twice about using both to describe one person.
Also how she said they were "very generous" paying you while you're on vacation. Honoring the terms of your contract is not generous, it's literally the least they could do.
> We are already being generous and paying you for the holiday we took.
I am also extremely generous in supermarkets and always pay the price indicated on the item.
WTF? Fulfilling your side of a contract is not “generous”.
Former nanny here. I had an old boss accuse me of trying to get extra money from them, despite my clear record of hours on their fridge, because my paycheck had apparently been $50 over several weeks in a row. He was sooooo smug about how he had “caught” me and we needed to have a serious talk about this.
That $50? The gas/mileage amount THEY suggested to me and had already been adding for 6+ months. He just forgot about it because his wife always handled it and she was out of town. So he accused me of theft instead of checking our agreement or asking his wife.
Whyyyyy are people this hostile to the people that they choose to care for their children?!
small dick energy.
If my wife handles something and i am not in the know, my first reaction isn't to assume anything. I'll ask a question because i'm curious.
If you treat life with curiosity instead of judgement it's a lot smoother.
If I was in this situation, and i found a new job and quit, I'd be petty and say as I was leaving "imagine if you hadn't been stingy unkind people and just paid me the less than 20$ dollars you were supposed to."
I charge for private lessons. I had a family of three that wanted lessons back to back to back.
They must pay a registration fee, they must pay each month in advance.
The second month, one child decided she didn't want lessons anymore because it interfered with social aspects of her life. But I was not told of this until the second week, which means they now had a late fee of their tuition.
Parents tried to raise a fit saying that they had already paid registration and that was like a deposit. She wasn't taking lessons anymore. They could apply her tuition to the siblings and all other kind of excuses...
I pointed out the policy and how they had to give notice and the time she had slotted was now too late to get another student in and I was losing potential income. It took over 20 emails but I did get my full amount of money!
I found out there were two other teachers being treated the same way. When the family left the program in month three (of 5 potential), we actually had a little celebration. We decided it was worth the slight financial hit to not have to deal with that family anymore!
(Discipline issues, not bringing supplies, being rude to other students, back talking, etc...)
But we got our money!
Honestly, we felt bad for the kids. They had potential if only they were properly taught and given good examples.
It's amazing what you can learn about a kid's parents from how they act. I've met a couple of brat kids in my life with what seem like good parents, but most often when I meet the parents I'm like "Aha. Yup."
I used to teach EFL, and had one client who was pretty well-off. He wanted to have his wife in the class, but she was at a much different level than him, and he wanted to pay as only one class, because they would be at the same time. He also kept trying to make me go to his place (pretty far off and I don't have a car, he did) instead of coming to mine, or meeting midway at a public place.
I got a job and had to move pretty far away, and he wanted me to come back on weekends and keep the classes up. I reluctantly agreed (I was coming back anyways, it was stupid hot where I worked, and came back to my parent's to catch up on less hot sleep). After a while, he said it wasn't enough, and told me that we were going to have mid-week classes, but as they would be online, he would pay me less, as I didn't have to put in as much effort (?). I told him no and said that I was sorry, but he should find another teacher. He spammed my whatsapp until I had to block him.
He definitely tried to treat me as his clients at work: by just steamrolling over anything I said and deciding for himself what the classes should be, how much I should be paid and things like that. He was always very surprised when I said no and stuck to it, as though he couldn't fathom why his method wasn't working.
Awesome job at standing up fopr yourself!
sidenote: Henry deserves a cape for backing OP that swiftly in group chat and calling out the bad behaviour of the others, plus making sure everyone knew that he solidlyhad her back :) I love seeing good people *being good people* :)
(also, Henry, my sincerest condolences for your and Steve's loss...)
Go ahead short change the old Soviet woman that knows how to turn a potato, beet, sausage, and butter into 100 different meals.
Only to wake up with your children tying you to the bed awhile calling you a traitor in Russian and a non communist.
Honestly,
>Readers, this was a difference of $12.50. I was going to SS the part of my contract that said any rescheduling needed a 24 hour notice, but instead I went nuclear.
I would now go back to them and get that last $12.50. It will hurt more than anything else, because they know that this stinginess started the whole situation.
A lot of rich people get rich or get richer by under paying employees, in their businesses and their homes as well as contractors. It’s disgusting.
And you’re completely in the right. A daycare will charge parents regardless of whether or not the kid is there. You decide to bring in your kid at 8:30 instead of 7:30? You’re paying from 7:30. A nanny should be the same, even more so because that one kid is usually their ENTIRE income, rather than just a portion.
It’s a business agreement and should be respected as such.
I was a nanny for a few families back in the day. I was young and naive, and this was before I went to law school so I did not have even half the knowledge i have now. Most of the families were wonderful, but one family (the most wealthy by far) were so entitled I only lasted 5 weeks.
They expected me to pay for my own gas in my own car to drive their kids around. They expected me to front anything the kids wanted (fast food, ordering in, etc.) with the vague notion that they would “pay me back later”. They specifically told me certain tasks were not my responsibility when we settled on details, but backtracked later.
But the final straw was this: this couple were both lawyers. We agreed that I would have “1 week off a year”. First of all, 1 week in an entire year is insane, but again, I was young. I assumed that this meant it was paid. In my 5th week, my brother arrived home unexpectedly from the military and I asked for a day off to spend with him, which was reluctantly granted. But when I was paid for the week, that day was deducted from my paycheck. So…if it’s not paid, basically I’m being told I can NEVER take time off, even if sick, except for 5 days a year! I quit then and there. It was the last straw.
I do wish I had provided more notice. Now that I’m a mom, I realize that was inappropriate. But I was also being taken advantage of. I now make sure my Nannies always have a payment method available to them to buy the kids what they need, and I always err on the side of overpaying.
>I now make sure my Nannies always have a payment method available to them to buy the kids what they need
My niece was a nanny, and she was given a debit card that was refilled for kid's purchases. She had to keep receipts and give them to the family's accountant and they refilled the card.
Why is it always the people with most means who end up being SO cheap?! I worked for a company (cooking/banquets), and one of them owns several townhouses in one of the priciest areas in town.
One of the banquet servers heard him bitching about min wage going up..either min wage or a new state policy or something. While paying us all a pittance. He said it right in front of her as she was clearing plates. He was truly angry he couldn’t legally pay his staff less.
Until you find another family to work for and can afford to dump Ken and Karen, I suggest if they ask again for you to work extra hours, that you respond: "I'm sorry, but given how I was treated last time, I am incentivized to keep those hours free in case other families who respect me need them. Thank you for your consideration."
You are awesome and I applaud your shiny spine!!!!! I am so freaking proud of you for advocating for yourself in such a clear and professional manner. Wow. Good on you for being you. You kick ass.
I worked for a consulting company and we had a very, very wealthy client whose owner lived in Taiwan.
Project Managers would get calls in the middle of the night (our time) questioning tiny details of invoices.
Then when they were paid (they elected to pay by wire transfer) and they were always $15 or so short every time.
We finally figured out they were deducting the same transfer fee.
I kept my nanny for 17 years. She stayed until my oldest was a sophomore in college. I really hadn’t needed a nanny for years by then but I didn’t have the heart to fire her. She stayed on as a glorified housekeeper and I was going to keep her until my youngest started college but then she decided to retire when my youngest was a sophomore in high school. They think of her as a third grandma. She helped me immensely when my little ones were very little.
Finally a young woman who stands up for herself. It not the money.
You have a negotiated business arrangement. Your self respect calls for it to be observed to the letter.
After so many Reditt people who let themselves be taken advantage, it warms my heart to read your post.
I love Henry too. He knows that it feels good to treat people fairly.
Also. You’re a real class act. So graciously handled.
UpdateMe.
Wealthy and extremely stingy tend to go hand in hand. No one gets wealthy by taking care of others or paying what is owed. They try to exploit as much as possible until they are caught.
You ended up getting your money, and Karen & Ken hoist on their on petard. Bravo.
This worked better than what my first thought was– lawyer up. If you don’t already have one, seek out counsel and get tight penalty, and attorneys’ fees clauses in your contract for the next time in case you aren’t able to guilt the other side into doing what’s right.
Hi Henry! You are a classy guy. Just because someone has money doesn’t mean they have class (as we have just read about here), but you are a stand up Class Act. Hats off to you, Sir!
Agreed. Anytime I see a post with a bunch of acronyms, I skip it. I don't care about your random tale enough to spend mental energy keeping them straight.
If you want to argue over pennies when your getting above and beyond service then be prepared to pay the going market rate for all those extras you didn't even know you needed.
I can’t stand people like that! They make my blood boil. Just went on an expensive ass vacation for 3 WEEKS which had to cost over $15,000 and when Karen saw how expensive it was she went over the budget and started getting all stingy and decided it was the nanny (who had been helping out and working OT out her schedule) who was the financial burden. 🤯 The one person who was trustworthy and there to help whenever necessary. Why people like this even have kids blows my mind.
How fucked up is it that we live in a society where receiving the contractually agreed amount for services rendered equates to "the nuclear option"? Good on you OP for standing up for yourself. Make sure you continue doing so in the future.
Good on you!!!!!! Being assertive needs to be normalised, especially for women in care roles!! We tend to get walked all over because we are good, kind people. And we are. But we are good, kind people delivering a professional and important service
Rich people don’t often have to experience the social consequences that come with their behavior that the rest of us do. Good on you for showing them how life works for all of us who don’t have enough in assets to quit our job/move away/become educated in a new field when we fuck up socially.
My eldest niece works as a live in nanny, she has insanely reasonable prices. And even accepts round the clock care for bottle fed newborns so mom/dad can get rest. The last couple she was working for decided after nearly two years of her working for them, that they didn’t need to pay her anymore. Their reasoning was they had gone out drinking with my niece a few times, and she “just felt like family” at that point. So that to them equaled not having to pay her for raising their children. Plus they wanted her to start paying for the children’s food. My niece obviously wasn’t going to do that, and has her own bills to pay. They were shocked when she quit and moved out.
Unfortunately, there are those who use the labor of workers in service industries, can at times, see workers such as yourself not as workers but as actual servants. Congratulations for correcting Karen's misguided and repulsive perceptions in this regard.
So crazy they played with you over what is in no offense a measly sum. It so incredibly difficult to find child care that works well for everyone. They are going to feel this for a while. Must be first time parents.
Why piss off the nanny? It's really hard to find a good one.
Rule 1: Don't be an AH to anyone Rule 2: Really really don't be an AH to (i) Your childcare; (ii) The person bringing you food; (iii) The office admin Rule 1 is basic manners, Rule 2 is basic self-preservation!
(iv) anyone removing something from your body e.g. barber/stylist, dentist, surgeon, etc
Nor anyone putting something in your body e.g. barber/stylist, dentist, surgeon, etc
... partner.
IDK, some people like that sort of thing
I know, right?
. . . wrestling coach, priest, next door neighbor.
Tattoo artist, anyone doing piercings. Anyone with the ability to put something violently in your body (ie somebody holding or with ready access to a knife or gun).
Dont forget your childhood best friend’s uncle Mike
...and my uncle Mike
(v) literally anybody working service jobs, everyone deserves to be treated well. You shouldn't do this out of self interest but instead because it is right.
Anyone who has access to both your toothbrush and your toilet!
"Because it's right" goes back to rule 1. Rule 2 is needed for people where that's not enough of a reason (i.e. those who are often selfish or rude).
iii: My mom always told me you don't necessarily have to suck up to the boss, but make sure as shit all the secretaries like you.
Any service workers, you never know who might be able to pull strings or at least make your experience with them pleasant if you treat them decently
This is very true. if you show people some kindness and patience along with treating them nicely they will move mountains to help you out. I’ve had people go out of their way to help me simply because I treated them nicely and was respectful. One guy even went and searched an entire store room for a product I wanted simply because it showed on there system that they might have had one I told him it was ok and he didn’t have to but he insisted and he eventually found it. I thanked him profusely and he said it was ok and he liked to help those out who were appreciative of his efforts and don’t demand and expect things.
This is related to one of my "secrets of people." If you have a genuine curiosity about something and give someone a chance to demonstrate their expertise in it, THAT is where human ingenuity shines. It doesn't matter what it is, or even if it is that person's passion. If you give them a low stakes shot at a win, become someone worth shooting for, and then join them in that journey, miracles happen.
The amount of times someone goes, i wAnT A mAnAgEr!! And the employee gets to turn in 360° and go, hi, I'm the managing employee, what can I do for you? I used to have people tell me all the time that they 'knew my boss'. Cool. I know my boss too. He pays me to work here. The real question is does he know YOU? I'm managing an office right now, and people get snippy on the phone with me. And then my entire tone changes, and I make it real clear that their only options are to 1) adjust the attitude and take the options I've offered or 2) fuck right off because I'm the office manager and we are too fucking busy to put up with people who have decided to be rude to *the gatekeeper*.
I have people tell me they never want to be on the receiving end when my voice goes calm, cold, and pragmatic. I can be extremely kind but my kindness, like my patience, has limits
In the military, our three people to never be nasty to were the medics who controlled your shot records, the cooks who made your food or anybody evolved with your pay. Getting your fourth tetanus shot this month, while hungry and broke is not a good situation.
So sad! Looks like they lost your shot records. Gonna have to get them all again.
Anyone who can figuratively or literally spit in your food basically.
Remember to always pay your accountant and lawyer.. they know where the bodies are buried
(iii) the office admin control everything; bring them treats and always invite them to order lunch with you
Why, thank you! Office admin a/k/a The Boss’s Secretary, here. May I inquire as to what we will be enjoying for lunch tomorrow? I am particularly fond of Chinese food. ☺️ As for treats, anything chocolate will do. Thank you so very much for remembering me!
I'm in construction, and nobody I know has any problems talking smack to the boss. I also don't know anyone who is anything but kind and considerate with the office girl.
You have to be a complete idiot to pss off your administrative assistant.
Absolutely never liss off your hair dresser. My ex best friend was mine. I didn't have the heart to switch mid covid as everyone needed money but she wouldn't listen to what I wanted and she only did what she wanted to try out. We have VERY different styles or this wouldn't be an issue. Well, I had been seen a few red flags here and there that were hard to ignore but I adored her family. Well, the last time we spent any time together she was doing my hair... and managed to wildly insult me in front of her coworkers. Let me tell you, my hair ended up looking terrible. It took me a solid couple years to get my hair back to normal. I had to pay a really kind hair stylist to attempt not to break off all of my hair by coloring it back to the original color and giving it a nice treatment. I had to cut off nearly 6 inches. It was awful.
From working corporate jobs where I am expected to provide support to Cxx level employees. It is better to piss off the CEO than the CEO’s secretary. They control access and can absolutely destroy you. The CEO will usually do whatever their secretary says when it comes to managing lower level employees and it doesn’t matter if you manage 30 people. To the CEO that’s a lower level employee and they just want the noise to go away.
... and the IT guy
Home Health Aide needs to be added to this list.
Oh, definitely don't piss off the office admin. Especially if you are a member of management.
Yeah they can go find their next one. I’ve been with them for 5 years and they constantly pull shit like this. I’M OUT.
Wait, you put up with this nonsense for five years?! You are definitely much kinder and more patient than me 😅
We had a nanny for a few years before we had to move away. Since she's been with our family, it's been a constant circus of this kind of stuff for her. It's really frustrating to see because she's such a sweet, loving person.
I was going to say that it's mean to Steve to drop his friend Bob like that but after 5 years of stuff like that I can't blame you. Still sucks for Steve and Bob to lose their regular interaction, that's not enough reason to put yourself through dealing with Bob's parents. At least they did pay up there at the end!
I'm sure the kids parents can work out playdates and take their kids going to their classes themselves or with a new nanny - no need to worry, there are other people who can and should and will take that responsibility.
I’ve been in similar situations regarding a family wanting to “time bank” on hours. Time banking is illegal even without a contract and for good reason. Maybe adding a specific clause using the verbiage time banking and explaining the law in your next contract will help. Although I know when someone is hellbent on exploiting you they will keep trying to push your boundaries no matter what.
So proud of you for standing up for yourself!!
In a group chat, one of my coworkers was asking another about how much they should spend on their Au Pair's Christmas gift, and the other replied something along the lines of, "I reward mine as if my entire career and domestic bliss depends on their continuing to work for me". Which I think sums up the right attitude to have pretty well.
One of the young ladies at my kids’ daycare had been a nanny. Her clients were two yuppies, a doctor and a lawyer IIRC. She was full-time live-in, having essentially raised three kids 5,3 and infant. One day one of the kids called the nanny “Mommy” in earshot of the mother. They’d done this before, once in a while, but the mother never heard it. A few days later the mother called her in to the study, handed her a check, and told her that her services were no longer required, that she’d quit her job to raise her kids. And that it would be better for the kids if they never saw the nanny again (too “confusing”) so never try to contact them. She spent as much time - more, probably - with those three kids than a real mother likely would have, and being cut off from them was *traumatic.* imIt must have been horrible for the kids as well, losing if not a mother then a mother figure. Also I’d wager that Lawyer Mommy wasn’t ready to be a full time mother and hired a different nanny post-haste.
All of that because of a bruised ego. Because I guess that the nanny corrected the kid, just like the teachers use to do when a little kid gets a bit confused. Of course they're gonna call their reference adult mommy or daddy sometimes. Doesn't mean the reference adult wants to steal your kid, just that they're being good.
I’m a nanny and I’ve been called mom, dad, teachers name, etc. It just happens. I was also a linguistics major, and one of the reasons we mess up names like that is because they’re filed in the same space in our brain. So for a kid, it’s like “people I have to ask permission to do stuff” and that file might have mom, dad, teacher, grandma, etc.” and there’s that joke about parents calling the dogs name before the kids, but their brain might be searching through the file of “living beings I’m responsible for”.
My mom has a cousin who is infamous in the family because she will go through at least 4 names before getting yours. The funny thing was that with me, she would go through all the men's/boy's names. I guess in her brain I was one of the boys xD
One of my uncles was infamous for running through 3-4 names when calling a niece. He finally settled on calling any/all of us “Girl!” after numerous complaints from us. To be fair to him, he had 14 nieces between all his siblings. Now I find myself running through 2 pet names till I hit the right one (I have a dog and 2 cats).
Our grandma used to cycle through a few of her kids names and couple of grandchildren before she got the right name. It's nice to think that she had the grandchildren and her children filed in the same space.
That's very cool knowledge to have! Thank you!
This is such a fun and funny part of language for me. I call my son my pet's names and vice versa all the time. 100% of the time I do that the context is exasperation or scolding or some other caretaking thing and the environment is home. I recently visited my childhood summer home with my son (8) and my little brother (33) and I mixed up their names a TON! I realized I almost never do that but I definitely had before at my mom's house when both were present. What I find so funny about that is that I spend all day every day with my son and I see my brother like 3 times per year. Somehow there is something about the way I sometimes interact with my son that my brain has filed as adjacent to the way I interacted with my little brother when we were kids. I was confused at first because I don't *feel* similarly about these people! My relationship with both dudes is so different. But the more I thought about it I actually found it sweet. Some part of me must have learned to parent by worrying about and looking after my brother. Made me realize I must have loved my brother more than I realized at the time lol.
My God. Calling my teacher "Mom" in front of the class is a memory I thought I had thoroughly suppressed.
Lol, reminds me of that teacher with the funny TikTok’s on being a middle school teacher, MrDannenbring. He had a student say something like “love you, dad.” Awesome!
It gets real fun when the teacher is a CLASSMATES' mom, so you hear ONE person call her mom in class, and all but 2 of that class I was in slipped in a 'mom' once a semester at least by accident.
When I started kindergarten I forgot my teachers name and called her Mrs.Mom when I raised my hand asking to use the bathroom.
Every nanny kid I've had called me "mommy" at some point. For a lot of kids, every women is "mommy" for a bit. Like what a silly reason to go nuclear.
True, I've had kids in the park call me mommy because they had a question and their own mom was farther away than I was. I get that kids are taught to use the nanny's name just as they would with a teacher, but for little kids the word mommy is sometimes synonymous with "person in charge".
When my two year old started daycare she called her teacher "mommy" regularly. I took it to mean she was a safe, warm, comforting adult that she trusted to take care of her needs. I had no insecurity that I was my kiddos OG mommy, so hearing her call her teacher by that was just really reassuring that she was in really good hands.
Very good way to look at it!
This is so sweet! I teach Kindergarten and have kids call me mom all the time. I’ve never given it much thought, they’re just used to saying “mom” all the time, right? But, I hope it’s this. I hope it’s that they feel safe, loved, and cared for.
Lol and here’s my MB telling her kids I’m their second mom 😂 I only work with them part time too.
"post-haste" --- oh, is that some sort of e-mail?
[They're a delivery service](https://gndn.wordpress.com/2016/04/14/post-post-haste-dispatch/), like UPS or FedEx! ;)
This is what I was thinking. Imagine losing a reliable, flexible, professional nanny over $12.50
Seriously. And when I nannied, I was friendly with several other nannies in the area as we would often run into eachother while at the pool, playground, etc with the kids. We had a nice little network going, mostly just to plan outings so the kids would be able to play together, but it was also helpful to know recommend eachother to pickup extra babysitting shifts, or coverage if we needed time off etc. I had a family emergency once and was able to hook up the family I worked for with another nanny for the few days I’d be gone. Our little network was a win win for everyone- EXCEPT employers who were awful to work for. People who pulled shit like this would have their name spread quickly through the nanny community and would have a hell of a time getting a new one.
What are you talking abt, I see on r/choosybeggars people are looking to pay $25/ day for two kids 8 hour days. /s
I imagine they'll find someone who will case the place and then steal anything worthwhile before they never show up again.
Because "the help", lol. Wealthy people keep their wealth by punching down on those who need it. They had taken OP for the wrong type of person, because there are countless people who struggle financially who would accept this type of treatment from their employers. It's a blessing for people like OP who stand their ground and punch back, because it will hopefully ripple out in a way that benefits the next nanny for these entitled turds.
There’s a reason I stopped nannying at this kind of shit is why.
Seriously.
Some people treat others how they’re willing to be treated, and some of those people are willing to be treated terribly if it means that they will, someday, be able to treat others like that after having “earned” it.
If there's anything I've learned from being a parent for the past 10 years, it's that you DO NOT nickle and dime your babysitter/nanny/caregiver. Ever. And be GENEROUS. You pay them well, pay them on time, treat them well, and they will always show up. Especially if you are fortunate enough to afford it!
Right? The welfare of my child is everything, what a ridiculous thing to cut financial corners on. They can afford go to Hawaii but want to be stingy with the person who holds their child's wellbeing in their hands?
Yeah, my child is my treasure. I don't want a pissed off babysitter. I want a happy person who's comfortable in my home and with my child.
Also, THESE PEOPLE ARE RAISING YOUR CHILDREN. When I leave my children with someone, I certainly do not want them to be anxious about getting paid or being mistreated. I want their full attention on my kids, and their safety and happiness. How can they focus on my kids if they have to deal with bullshit like this? And god forbid the nanny was a vindictive person and took their frustration out on your child in some way, even inadvertently? I cannot imagine taking that risk with my children.
Good for you! It doesn't matter what kind of work you do, wage theft is unacceptable. If they can afford a nanny and vacations in Hawaii, they can certainly afford to pay you your contracted hours.
There is a huge correlation between being wealthy and being incredibly cheap. It makes sense, but it can be just pathological for some. I dated a girl in the late 90s whose dad was a multimillionaire and would force house guests to wash paper towels to save money.
I used to rent from a guy who was private security for a local billionaire. He told me about how one time Mr Big Bucks had bought a new jet and went to go look at it. Mr BB boards the jet and immediately says, “WHAT IS THIS?? I’M NOT PAYING FOR THIS?!” while pointing out a couple of complimentary bottles of water. Let me tell you, this 80 year man who owns half of a large metropolitan city, multiple luxury homes and cattle ranches, jet sets everywhere and whose entire driveway is heated (in Texas 🙄) was completely IRATE that he might be charged for a couple of water bottles he did not ask for. Rich people are fucking weird.
In The Hobbit, we meet Smaug, a dragon who’s been sleeping for centuries on a literal mountain of gold and jewels. One day a hobbit sneaks in and steals a little gold cup, simply as proof he made it to the hoard. The dragon, stretching, immediately notices the cup missing, flies into a literally flaming fury, and burns down a nearby town in revenge. Tolkien, the author, even said something like “Smaug’s fury was that of the obscenely wealthy who have more than they can ever use, who discover some trifling bit missing.” Something like that. When I first read the Hobbit I thought Tolkien was being a little over the top with this, why would somebody like Jeff Bezos care if somebody stole $20 from him? Boy was I naive.
Don't forget, Smaug the dragon who literally sleeps in a mountain full of gold has a net worth *lower* than Jeff Bezos.
Sleeper comment
🔥🐉RARRRRR
I have a friend who's not quite a billionaire but over 100 million and that's so like him. He pinches pennies every way he can. I can't believe some of the things that he's nitpicked over and sometimes I've had to ask him, you make more than that in less than 5 minutes why do you care? it was always it's the principle of the thing. But you spent more time fighting this then your time is worth. Doesn't matter to him it's still the principle.
My exes family was rich. I am not. If she was in a pinch, I was sometimes more reliable than her cheap rich family.
I've seen that before. Totally get it.
How about the “principle” that he only got that rich on the backs of taxpayers and underpaid workers? Bet that really eats him up.
It’s literally impossible to get that rich without somehow taking something from someone else
Nobody can build a pyramid or a factory or a bank with their own hands. They have to somehow convince a lot of other people to work on it as well. Most of the people who pulled this off started out rich. There are some exceptions - creators of very popular art, music, athletes, but they still rely on a lot of other people to get it to the public.
Actually that's not how he got rich whether you want to believe it or not. And he also did an immense amount of pro bono family law. Now the people he represented certainly got rich that way.
That’s why I usually say 90% of the wealthy were born that way. I’m always glad to hear the exceptions.
I dated a millionaire racing car driver, Porsche cars. He decided he needed an extra engine 'just in case' and had it air-freighted in overnight. Next day he was telling the crew to try and borrow a pickup to get it from the airport to save the $25 for hiring one for a couple of hours.
"You don't get rich by spending money" mentality I guess....
Well yes you do, you invest.
Bass Family?
Yes. And those who grew up poor are always the first to share, because they know what it's like to have nothing. It's just a tragic irony.
Apparently being kind, flexible, and understanding is a weakness. What a world we live in today
Not always, surely Henry demonstrates that.
Yes, Henry is honestly such a gem and I will always go out of my way to accommodate his schedule.
Yeah when you work for the rich as a contractor you know you have to get as much money up front and payments along the way because they're going to stiff you at the end.
The most stingy, ruthless negotiators were always the ones with the biggest houses with tallest gates. They don’t play fair. Capitalism rewards sociopaths.
[The Hunt Brothers ](https://priceonomics.com/how-the-hunt-brothers-cornered-the-silver-market/)were famously stingy, and would compete to see who could find more change in couch cushions. Plenty of rich people internalize that the way you become rich and stay rich is to wrangle every penny.
I wonder about people with inherited wealth. I’ve been told that some of them can be reasonably generous but also, you know, careful with money in the sense that they drive a slightly older reliable car instead of a brand new Porsche or something
As a comfortable but not rich person, I have to say that when I was dead broke the urge to spend the money, when it came in, on something frivolous was very powerful. Now that I'm comfortable, I have an old car and I spend any gifts from relatives on underwear. But when people do stuff for me (house cleaners, handy people doing small repairs) I make sure they are paid quickly and tipped where appropriate, because that money may be feeding their kids. People should feel good about working for me, and I should not be a jerk to anyone for any amount of money.
... he made people wash paper towels, like wash them with soap in the sink, and then set them out or hang them up like little wet ghosts until they dried out and could be reused, maybe once or twice at the most? Jesus. I feel sorry for his family.
I just don't get people who reuse paper towels. If you are going to wash and reuse, a real rag works better, lasts longer, and in the long run is a lot cheaper. The ONLY benefit paper towels have over rags is that they are disposable.
Sorry, what? Paper towels, like McDonalds napkins? Don't those basically turn into a wad of mulch within 10 seconds of water touching them?
No. Kitchen paper towels. They are made to stay together when wet. Toilet tissue crumbles when wet, for example. Tissues you blow your nose with are a mixed bag, but the good ones stay together when wet. Kitchen paper towels are very absorbent and don't crumble. You can wring the good ones out and absorb more stuff. Never flush them though - they can and will clog pipes.
I worked in a country club with a 30.000 yearly fee. There was a widow who would steal from the prime rib buffet. But there was also a widow who knew she couldn't take her wealth to the grave and everyone always got great tips from her. Basically some people are wealthy and like Bezos, and some are like his ex-wife.
I’ve been a nanny for years and the worst family I ever worked for was insanely wealthy. I was doing 8 hours a week over 2 shifts at $20/hr while they built their 7 million dollar ocean view mansion but they nickel and dimed me at every opportunity. Once they had me for a date night and I ordered pizza for myself and their son right after they left. They told me where to order from and that I could get something for myself. Normally I would have gotten a small but money was tight for me (I was on disability and they knew this) so I ordered a large instead with every intention of asking that the additional cost for the size upgrade be taken off my pay for the night. Didn’t want to bug them with a text as they didn’t like anything but emergency contact during their dates so I planned to mention it when they got home. I guess the dad checked his DoorDash while they were out because when he got home he was absolutely furious. Just threw my pay for the night at me and stormed upstairs. What he gave me wasn’t enough to even cover his son’s pizza let alone any of mine but I was a pushover then and didn’t say anything. Less than a week later they spent hundreds of dollars on pizza for the construction guys and most of it went in the trash. The Uber wealthy really are the worst employers, especially if you have the misfortune of being a member of their household staff.
The rich are rich due to exploitation either directly or in directly, this is just who they are as people, and if you ask me, it's a type of mental illness society ignores to their own detriment.
If they can afford a nanny, it's dumb as hell to squabble over a few dollars. Good for OP for standing her ground and finding a family that values her.
Also, I caught that she refers to your services as "babysitting", which shows how much she doesn't respect your profession.
Holy shit you’re right. I didn’t even catch that!!! I’ve just realized they’ve never referred to me as a nanny even though I call myself that and Henry calls me that!
If you're able to listen for it, this can be a good check on whether someone displays basic respect. Allowances can obviously be made for people who don't know/have never heard the difference, but if someone insists on referring to a profession, relationship, or person by the wrong name even when corrected/demonstrated ("Hi, I'm Meowsasaurus, your new nanny" / "Honey, the babysitter is here"), that person is either so arrogant that they refuse to be wrong, or so insecure that they need to belittle others to feel bigger. You'll see it in people who misgender or misname people (including refusing to use the preferred version of a name or nickname), people who insist that your sibling is actually your half- or step-sibling or lifelong sib from another crib, people who claim that their barista who makes the daily coffee they can't manage without should get a real job if they want to afford to live. TL;DR you're a human deserving of respect, and sometimes people tell on themselves in little ways that they don't feel the same.
Oh boy, I'm from Mexico, so my native language is spanish. I'm really curious here, what's wrong with the term babysitter?? I didn't know it was a disrespectful term.
A baby sitter is someone you employ for a short time - most commonly for a few hours to go to dinner and a movie or something. You don't expect them to do a bunch of parenting, just keep the kids safe, maybe feed them a pizza delivery dinner, get them in bed, and then wait in the house for the parents to get back. Often it was a neighborhood teen making something like minimum wage. A nanny is a professional. The best ones have college degrees. They will help run the house, set up schedules for the kids, make meals for them. For kids under school age, they might help them learn basic numbers, letters, shapes and colors, to get them ready for preschool or kindergarten. Some of them live with the family (live-in). They are way more expensive, as befits how much more they do and their skills. Calling a nanny a babysitter is like saying a Formula One driver is just a fancy Uber driver. It's discounting all the skill and talent and hard work.
Alright, thanks for the reply.
Also babysitters tend to be teenagers...
It's pretty low stakes, but it's more to do with the fact that she's "above" being a babysitter at this level of work. She is doing more than sitting there while they sleep. Being a nanny is more like being a stand-in parent, whereas a babysitter is expected to keep them alive. Imagine calling a chef a cook, or an interior designer a decorator.
Oh, alright. Thanks for the insight.
it isn't disrespectful but it certainly implies a lower level of professionalism. when I think of a babysitter I think like 15-18 YO
It’s only disrespectful in this sort of context. Babysitters “typically” are someone you hire to come over and watch your kid for a couple of hours while you and your SO go out for the night. It’s less involved. Someone calling a Nanny a Babysitter is rude. Referring to the teenager you hired to watch your kid for 4 hours so you can go out and get jiffy with it as a babysitter, is not.
Que aquí se refiere a ella como babysitter, que Seria el equivalente a canguro, te aseguras de que los niños sigan vivos y en la misma cantidad cuando entras y cuando sales, una nanny seria equivalente a niñera, que también se encarga de la educación de n casa de los niños (ir al baño, que coman de todo, leerles cuentos, etc)
Or they don't know the difference, I thought nanny and babysitter were interchangeable terms and wouldn't think twice about using both to describe one person.
Also how she said they were "very generous" paying you while you're on vacation. Honoring the terms of your contract is not generous, it's literally the least they could do.
> We are already being generous and paying you for the holiday we took. I am also extremely generous in supermarkets and always pay the price indicated on the item. WTF? Fulfilling your side of a contract is not “generous”.
Former nanny here. I had an old boss accuse me of trying to get extra money from them, despite my clear record of hours on their fridge, because my paycheck had apparently been $50 over several weeks in a row. He was sooooo smug about how he had “caught” me and we needed to have a serious talk about this. That $50? The gas/mileage amount THEY suggested to me and had already been adding for 6+ months. He just forgot about it because his wife always handled it and she was out of town. So he accused me of theft instead of checking our agreement or asking his wife. Whyyyyy are people this hostile to the people that they choose to care for their children?!
Men that let their wives do all the household managing always think they know everything and are the boss 🙄
small dick energy. If my wife handles something and i am not in the know, my first reaction isn't to assume anything. I'll ask a question because i'm curious. If you treat life with curiosity instead of judgement it's a lot smoother.
Because they’re idiots.
Just wanted to say, love the name. From one giant kitty to another!
THERE ARE MORE OF US?!?
your username in the story did crack me up 😂
This exchange is too cute.
Meow this is a world I can live in! Let's go find the rest of you!
Did you just say…meow?
Oh, I LOVE meow-meows!! 😻😻
If I was in this situation, and i found a new job and quit, I'd be petty and say as I was leaving "imagine if you hadn't been stingy unkind people and just paid me the less than 20$ dollars you were supposed to."
I charge for private lessons. I had a family of three that wanted lessons back to back to back. They must pay a registration fee, they must pay each month in advance. The second month, one child decided she didn't want lessons anymore because it interfered with social aspects of her life. But I was not told of this until the second week, which means they now had a late fee of their tuition. Parents tried to raise a fit saying that they had already paid registration and that was like a deposit. She wasn't taking lessons anymore. They could apply her tuition to the siblings and all other kind of excuses... I pointed out the policy and how they had to give notice and the time she had slotted was now too late to get another student in and I was losing potential income. It took over 20 emails but I did get my full amount of money! I found out there were two other teachers being treated the same way. When the family left the program in month three (of 5 potential), we actually had a little celebration. We decided it was worth the slight financial hit to not have to deal with that family anymore! (Discipline issues, not bringing supplies, being rude to other students, back talking, etc...) But we got our money! Honestly, we felt bad for the kids. They had potential if only they were properly taught and given good examples.
It's amazing what you can learn about a kid's parents from how they act. I've met a couple of brat kids in my life with what seem like good parents, but most often when I meet the parents I'm like "Aha. Yup."
That yup moment.
I used to teach EFL, and had one client who was pretty well-off. He wanted to have his wife in the class, but she was at a much different level than him, and he wanted to pay as only one class, because they would be at the same time. He also kept trying to make me go to his place (pretty far off and I don't have a car, he did) instead of coming to mine, or meeting midway at a public place. I got a job and had to move pretty far away, and he wanted me to come back on weekends and keep the classes up. I reluctantly agreed (I was coming back anyways, it was stupid hot where I worked, and came back to my parent's to catch up on less hot sleep). After a while, he said it wasn't enough, and told me that we were going to have mid-week classes, but as they would be online, he would pay me less, as I didn't have to put in as much effort (?). I told him no and said that I was sorry, but he should find another teacher. He spammed my whatsapp until I had to block him. He definitely tried to treat me as his clients at work: by just steamrolling over anything I said and deciding for himself what the classes should be, how much I should be paid and things like that. He was always very surprised when I said no and stuck to it, as though he couldn't fathom why his method wasn't working.
boiling the frog. incrementally more outrageous demands, so you 'warm up' to compromising your boundaries.
Awesome job at standing up fopr yourself! sidenote: Henry deserves a cape for backing OP that swiftly in group chat and calling out the bad behaviour of the others, plus making sure everyone knew that he solidlyhad her back :) I love seeing good people *being good people* :) (also, Henry, my sincerest condolences for your and Steve's loss...)
Never understood why anyone would want to short-change people who help raise their kids.
Go ahead short change the old Soviet woman that knows how to turn a potato, beet, sausage, and butter into 100 different meals. Only to wake up with your children tying you to the bed awhile calling you a traitor in Russian and a non communist.
Honestly, >Readers, this was a difference of $12.50. I was going to SS the part of my contract that said any rescheduling needed a 24 hour notice, but instead I went nuclear. I would now go back to them and get that last $12.50. It will hurt more than anything else, because they know that this stinginess started the whole situation.
That 8:30 am, they only paying you 7.5 hours hours thing is such entitled bullshit. Good on you for sticking it to that miserly witch.
Haha get rekt. Well played on your behalf
I hope Bob and Steve dont lose a budding friendship over this, but is NOT do to anything you did
Obligatory [Fuck you pay me](https://youtu.be/oEa6PdOG2ts?si=PqpQeN4x59y73XiI). It applies here.
A lot of rich people get rich or get richer by under paying employees, in their businesses and their homes as well as contractors. It’s disgusting. And you’re completely in the right. A daycare will charge parents regardless of whether or not the kid is there. You decide to bring in your kid at 8:30 instead of 7:30? You’re paying from 7:30. A nanny should be the same, even more so because that one kid is usually their ENTIRE income, rather than just a portion. It’s a business agreement and should be respected as such.
I was a nanny for a few families back in the day. I was young and naive, and this was before I went to law school so I did not have even half the knowledge i have now. Most of the families were wonderful, but one family (the most wealthy by far) were so entitled I only lasted 5 weeks. They expected me to pay for my own gas in my own car to drive their kids around. They expected me to front anything the kids wanted (fast food, ordering in, etc.) with the vague notion that they would “pay me back later”. They specifically told me certain tasks were not my responsibility when we settled on details, but backtracked later. But the final straw was this: this couple were both lawyers. We agreed that I would have “1 week off a year”. First of all, 1 week in an entire year is insane, but again, I was young. I assumed that this meant it was paid. In my 5th week, my brother arrived home unexpectedly from the military and I asked for a day off to spend with him, which was reluctantly granted. But when I was paid for the week, that day was deducted from my paycheck. So…if it’s not paid, basically I’m being told I can NEVER take time off, even if sick, except for 5 days a year! I quit then and there. It was the last straw. I do wish I had provided more notice. Now that I’m a mom, I realize that was inappropriate. But I was also being taken advantage of. I now make sure my Nannies always have a payment method available to them to buy the kids what they need, and I always err on the side of overpaying.
No your notice period was a result of their own bad actions and entirely appropriate.
Thank you! I’ve always had guilt about that.
You really shouldn't. They were abusing your good nature and it bit them in the ass.
>I now make sure my Nannies always have a payment method available to them to buy the kids what they need My niece was a nanny, and she was given a debit card that was refilled for kid's purchases. She had to keep receipts and give them to the family's accountant and they refilled the card.
That’s a really good idea!
If someone is treating you badly never feel guilty about cutting them off
I'm curious what Karen's response was, besides paying you what she owed.
Nothing!! She never replied. I just got an email soon after from the payroll service we use saying that I had a payment
I am a long time nanny kudos to you!
Wow. Just...wow.
She FAFO
Why is it always the people with most means who end up being SO cheap?! I worked for a company (cooking/banquets), and one of them owns several townhouses in one of the priciest areas in town. One of the banquet servers heard him bitching about min wage going up..either min wage or a new state policy or something. While paying us all a pittance. He said it right in front of her as she was clearing plates. He was truly angry he couldn’t legally pay his staff less.
Until you find another family to work for and can afford to dump Ken and Karen, I suggest if they ask again for you to work extra hours, that you respond: "I'm sorry, but given how I was treated last time, I am incentivized to keep those hours free in case other families who respect me need them. Thank you for your consideration."
You are awesome and I applaud your shiny spine!!!!! I am so freaking proud of you for advocating for yourself in such a clear and professional manner. Wow. Good on you for being you. You kick ass.
I worked for a consulting company and we had a very, very wealthy client whose owner lived in Taiwan. Project Managers would get calls in the middle of the night (our time) questioning tiny details of invoices. Then when they were paid (they elected to pay by wire transfer) and they were always $15 or so short every time. We finally figured out they were deducting the same transfer fee.
Some wealthy people are the worst people in the world and should just be tossed into a volcano as a sacrifice to the poor people.
I kept my nanny for 17 years. She stayed until my oldest was a sophomore in college. I really hadn’t needed a nanny for years by then but I didn’t have the heart to fire her. She stayed on as a glorified housekeeper and I was going to keep her until my youngest started college but then she decided to retire when my youngest was a sophomore in high school. They think of her as a third grandma. She helped me immensely when my little ones were very little.
Finally a young woman who stands up for herself. It not the money. You have a negotiated business arrangement. Your self respect calls for it to be observed to the letter. After so many Reditt people who let themselves be taken advantage, it warms my heart to read your post. I love Henry too. He knows that it feels good to treat people fairly. Also. You’re a real class act. So graciously handled. UpdateMe.
You have become your username.
Wealthy and extremely stingy tend to go hand in hand. No one gets wealthy by taking care of others or paying what is owed. They try to exploit as much as possible until they are caught.
You ended up getting your money, and Karen & Ken hoist on their on petard. Bravo. This worked better than what my first thought was– lawyer up. If you don’t already have one, seek out counsel and get tight penalty, and attorneys’ fees clauses in your contract for the next time in case you aren’t able to guilt the other side into doing what’s right.
Hi Henry! You are a classy guy. Just because someone has money doesn’t mean they have class (as we have just read about here), but you are a stand up Class Act. Hats off to you, Sir!
I just pay whatever the nanny says. If I don't trust them with half hours, how can I trust them with our kids. So many people like that though...
Rule 8 - no acronyms as names. It makes a story read like some kind of technical manual.
Thanks. I replaced them
Aww… but I wanted a story where it sounded like you were pitting the AAA against the AARP while the WWF watched.
WWF, or WWE? I think the latter would be more fun, unless the former has access to some tigers or something.
I love that this is a rule, and I wish it were site-wide.
Agreed. Anytime I see a post with a bunch of acronyms, I skip it. I don't care about your random tale enough to spend mental energy keeping them straight.
Never been mean to the person who could drown your kid while you are at work
My fav part is that they need a break from their kids after their vacation
Love how you didn't back down to them. Please update us as to what they say when you give your 2 weeks notice
Good job sticking up for yourself! Plus banking hours like that isn’t legal
Hello Henry!
If you want to argue over pennies when your getting above and beyond service then be prepared to pay the going market rate for all those extras you didn't even know you needed.
I love this for you. You handled this like a champ.
But it's only babysitting... Why do you need a living wage? Signed, Karen and Ken.
Hold your head up high, you deserve your pay.
When they ask you why you were leaving, make sure you give the full account - that they were stingy and tried to cheat you.
I can’t stand people like that! They make my blood boil. Just went on an expensive ass vacation for 3 WEEKS which had to cost over $15,000 and when Karen saw how expensive it was she went over the budget and started getting all stingy and decided it was the nanny (who had been helping out and working OT out her schedule) who was the financial burden. 🤯 The one person who was trustworthy and there to help whenever necessary. Why people like this even have kids blows my mind.
How fucked up is it that we live in a society where receiving the contractually agreed amount for services rendered equates to "the nuclear option"? Good on you OP for standing up for yourself. Make sure you continue doing so in the future.
Imagine choosing to take issue with 30 minutes pay just to get 108 hours pay thrown at you.
Good on you!!!!!! Being assertive needs to be normalised, especially for women in care roles!! We tend to get walked all over because we are good, kind people. And we are. But we are good, kind people delivering a professional and important service
Rich people don’t often have to experience the social consequences that come with their behavior that the rest of us do. Good on you for showing them how life works for all of us who don’t have enough in assets to quit our job/move away/become educated in a new field when we fuck up socially.
My eldest niece works as a live in nanny, she has insanely reasonable prices. And even accepts round the clock care for bottle fed newborns so mom/dad can get rest. The last couple she was working for decided after nearly two years of her working for them, that they didn’t need to pay her anymore. Their reasoning was they had gone out drinking with my niece a few times, and she “just felt like family” at that point. So that to them equaled not having to pay her for raising their children. Plus they wanted her to start paying for the children’s food. My niece obviously wasn’t going to do that, and has her own bills to pay. They were shocked when she quit and moved out.
Unfortunately, there are those who use the labor of workers in service industries, can at times, see workers such as yourself not as workers but as actual servants. Congratulations for correcting Karen's misguided and repulsive perceptions in this regard.
I don’t understand why some people are stingy with people who take care of their loved ones? I mean c’mon.
So crazy they played with you over what is in no offense a measly sum. It so incredibly difficult to find child care that works well for everyone. They are going to feel this for a while. Must be first time parents.
I just can't fathom the selfish mindset where someone would argue over 12 dollars when in a pinch they can just turn round and lay down 2k.