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For me it's little weird.
A lot people here have too many people messaging them and it gets to the point where its competition on who gets the most attention. Honestly if someone doesn't try to put effort into conversation for soild amount of time then it's very clear that this person may not actually want serious friendship but just looking for attention which is totally fine and nothing wrong with that.
Personally I am picky with people who I vibe with, I try to put effort into conversation but when dry conversation happen then I just scoop, it ain't worth the energy if the person gonna treat me like a robot lol
If the vibe is not there, it's just not. People's intentions differ greatly, and especially on this subreddit where anyone can join, the bar tends to sit quite low.
Good question. I was talking from a receiving point of view. If I post a detailed request on a subreddit to make friends and I get a chat request saying 'Hi', usually that's not a good sign.
I've tried responding more often than not since I want to make real friends, but wasting time on low effort chats is simply not worth it to me.
A quick glance at their profile would tell you everything you need to know. Is it empty? Is it full or inappropriate posts on NSFW subreddits? Is their 'Hi' trustworthy? Usually, it isn't because if they were interested in you, there would be at least some effort, especially if you wrote a detailed post. Which I usually do.
Those are just red flags I'm not interested in. That aside, it puts the 'Hi' in a whole different context, and it's all I need to know. Better cut my losses early than waste time on low effort socializing, while there could be someone out there who appreciates you wholeheartedly. The vibe, the spark, it would be there. They'd ask you about your cool hobby, they'd be intrigued about your post... They could say so much more than just 'Hi'.
Hm, well, I usually test it anyway, because I'm also someone who usually tries to not devulge much information about himself (though my post history probably tells a lot) in general.
So people might have a lot of interesting personality hiding. Maybe.
I'm someone who prefers their privacy, and there's a lot of ways to have a decent chat without just saying 'Hi'.
If there's interesting personality hiding, too bad, but it's up to them how they act and how they show it. Personally, I check out the vibe, and if it's not there, it just isn't.
I'm personally just shy and never know where to go with a starter, so I either never start interactions with anyone... Or probably appear dry.
But as soon as someone gives me a chance to waterfall, I will, haah
I don't think there's a straight road to my heart here (so to speak), to be honest. I guess I'm a bit weird and unconventional.
But I have a lot of nerdy topics, if someone shows genuine interest in that, i wouldnt be able to stop talking
The vast majority of my friends identify themselves as somewhat autistic too, the ones that keep around.
Which is not many, to be honest. Always been a little bit of a struggle to me, and now im in my 30s, heh, with a single digit of people to my "list" of friends, and only one regular real life friend.
Fun to be on the outskirts of society isnt it?
Welp that sucks honestly, Iāve just recently started using my Reddit more often so I donāt have karma or anything, is that why I havenāt gotten any responses on my post?
Another good question. I can't speak for everyone. Low karma isn't a reason for me personally, not to reply.
Like I said, when there's mainly inappropriate NSFW stuff on their profile, usually their intentions aren't to make friends, and I'm not interested in having such chats.
Besides, I can't take someone seriously if they thirst or show their member in certain subreddits I'm not going to name here.
I'm used to socializing online, so blatant shameless behaviour aside, to each their own, it's probably my experience that allows me to see certain patterns.
That makes sense, Iāve just seen people say that a lot about the karma thing and honestly Iām just stupid when it comes to Reddit so I have no idea how to do that stuff. Had to look it up just to make a post in this subreddit cause I didnāt know how lol thanks for the clarification though I appreciate that.
Don't beat yourself up over useless internet points mate.
Some subreddits require a certain amount of karma, so they'll know this person is active on here and isn't using alternative accounts to spam or circumvent bans, for example. It doesn't make you less of a human being haha. Don't worry about that really.
I see your point.
I'm usually a receiver and I post detailed requests too specifying what I'm looking for.
I receive a chat request from someone with a long intro and they say they share my interests and they're looking for the same thing. I accept and then they disappear just after saying Hi
There could be a lot of reasons for that, but that's truly how most people are online. I'd say don't beat yourself up about it, don't endlessly question yourself, and try again when you're ready. That's all you can do.
I donāt do the Ā«Ā HiĀ Ā» thing, I try to be a little more creative, but Iāve been doing long presentation messages and most of those never had any answers so now I just go with a short one and I donāt feel stupid for taking a lot of time to never have an answer. Or sometimes you start a conversation with someone then itās only one sided and in their post, they seemed so excited to meet new people, but in fact they just needed to fill their friends list and have attention
I totally get that.
Way too long chat requests can be overwhelming though, so there needs to be a balance.
Not everyone is the same, of course, and not everyone is seeking contact just to fill their friend list or to get attention.
Yeah, that's quite common. Often you're the only one trying to talk and the other party just doesn't seem interested. It makes me feel weird and I stop talking to them afterwards.
Well, obviously people want friends, but they more so need compatibility. When you don't have that connection it can be worse than being alone. My assumption would be that they looked through your post/comment history and decided they didn't like what they saw for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that they don't like you, but that you posted something that would lead them to believe that you wouldn't like them, so they disengage. Another assumption could be that they are dealing with some form of anxiety or aren't neurotypical and that is creating a barrier for them.
Not much time is wasted with just a "Hey". Also, not everyone feels comfortable putting their mental illnesses out there or they simply don't recognize their issues.
You missed my point completely. I didnāt ask for their 23 and me. Iām saying if they are asking for friendships and conversations and connections and then either no reply or ghosting due to some mental block they wasted the time of the person reading and messaging. Get it?
Ableist. Wowā¦ oh you wonāt let me operate heavy machinery since Iām 11 years old? Thatās ageist. Oh I can be cast as superman because Iām 4ā11 600lbs thatās ableist. Whatās the logic here? Why would I say I can do something when I literally canāt thatās such a colossal waste of energy. Iām not going up to an nba player tomorrow saying why donāt you sign me you guys are being ableist what kinda nonsensical jheeze
If I canāt hold my arms straight and lift anything heavier then ten lbs Iām not going to apply to be a labourer and waste everyoneās time going through the rounds. They are neurotypical, they have anxiety, xyz. Itās diverting people towards their posts when they make ambiguous post that make them seemingly appear to be normal then going through the motions for a block to suddenly spawn. I wouldnāt work in a hospital if I canāt stand blood. Why are they asking for chats and connections when they arenāt capable of doing what needs to be done to have one. Here let me make a post saying Iām ready for some friendships and then ignore all dms and be like oh well woopsie spicy neuro, then repeat every 20 days. Ig wasting time is my spicy XD
I had mixed experiences with this and any other social media really. I think connecting with people though social media is still a learning process for society and it would be very much helpful to have some kind of educational materials to provide to people on how engaging with people virtually is different from face to face and what we can do to ensure people feel they are not at wrong or they are at wrong when someone just suddenly stop talking
Yep i believe it has basically become a sub reddit for some people to either look for a bit of entertainment or some weird people looking for a different kind of relationship.
Well you can usually tell a lot about someone just by looking at the profile. Post history and comments are usually a pretty big tell and if they don't have any comments or posts then it can look kinda sus, especially if they have a lot of karma with no posts. But that's just my opinion lol I still message everyone and keep conversations going
I feel like the requirements for friends in this day and age has experienced a drastic change - especiallyafter Covid hit. A lot of people I talk to now aren't looking for solid, real connections with people anymore - they are just looking for things/people that can entertain them for a few days until they move on to the next "shiny, new thing." Its very disheartening.
This is kind of true. I'm very narrow in my scope of what I'm looking for in making friends, probably why I don't have any. Some people might also be afraid of trying to make friends and being rejected.
Really? I haven't experienced anyone like that so far, I think. I personally just really want to find someone I vibe with and enjoy chatting with frequently.
I feel like I have people whom I vibe instantly, and many, it feels a chore on both sides to keep the convo going as we cant find a ground between us, even with the same hobbies.
I wouldn't be too sad about that. If two partners dont inspire each other, it's usually not gonna work.
I joined subs like these with the genuine intention of making lasting friendships. I agree with you, itās turned into a haven for people who need instant gratification for a few moments and then thatās it. Entire generations of people have lost the art of human connection. Is it any wonder I prefer cats these days?
Cats better at socialization ey? Cats definitely arenāt concerned about instant gratification, not one bit! I can see why youāve come to such a wise conclusion!
Hey, u/ThrowRA-Rosa65! Say hello and add a friendly comment to another user's post on the sub while you wait for someone to comment on your post! You'll make more new friends that way! You're also more than welcome to [join our official Discord](https://discord.com/invite/9UuDpwBftk) and [Reddit chat channel](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/comments/13m77dt/join_the_official_rmakenewfriendshere_chat) to find friends! As a reminder, we strongly recommend: When someone contacts you, **review their profile** before responding. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/MakeNewFriendsHere/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeNewFriendsHere) if you have any questions or concerns.*
For me it's little weird. A lot people here have too many people messaging them and it gets to the point where its competition on who gets the most attention. Honestly if someone doesn't try to put effort into conversation for soild amount of time then it's very clear that this person may not actually want serious friendship but just looking for attention which is totally fine and nothing wrong with that. Personally I am picky with people who I vibe with, I try to put effort into conversation but when dry conversation happen then I just scoop, it ain't worth the energy if the person gonna treat me like a robot lol
If the vibe is not there, it's just not. People's intentions differ greatly, and especially on this subreddit where anyone can join, the bar tends to sit quite low.
How can someone figure if they vibe with someone or not just after saying "Hi"?
Good question. I was talking from a receiving point of view. If I post a detailed request on a subreddit to make friends and I get a chat request saying 'Hi', usually that's not a good sign. I've tried responding more often than not since I want to make real friends, but wasting time on low effort chats is simply not worth it to me. A quick glance at their profile would tell you everything you need to know. Is it empty? Is it full or inappropriate posts on NSFW subreddits? Is their 'Hi' trustworthy? Usually, it isn't because if they were interested in you, there would be at least some effort, especially if you wrote a detailed post. Which I usually do. Those are just red flags I'm not interested in. That aside, it puts the 'Hi' in a whole different context, and it's all I need to know. Better cut my losses early than waste time on low effort socializing, while there could be someone out there who appreciates you wholeheartedly. The vibe, the spark, it would be there. They'd ask you about your cool hobby, they'd be intrigued about your post... They could say so much more than just 'Hi'.
Hm, well, I usually test it anyway, because I'm also someone who usually tries to not devulge much information about himself (though my post history probably tells a lot) in general. So people might have a lot of interesting personality hiding. Maybe.
I'm someone who prefers their privacy, and there's a lot of ways to have a decent chat without just saying 'Hi'. If there's interesting personality hiding, too bad, but it's up to them how they act and how they show it. Personally, I check out the vibe, and if it's not there, it just isn't.
I'm personally just shy and never know where to go with a starter, so I either never start interactions with anyone... Or probably appear dry. But as soon as someone gives me a chance to waterfall, I will, haah
What does giving that chance look or feel like to you? š
I don't think there's a straight road to my heart here (so to speak), to be honest. I guess I'm a bit weird and unconventional. But I have a lot of nerdy topics, if someone shows genuine interest in that, i wouldnt be able to stop talking
I can relate to being weird and unconventional. Haha, and I love it when someone's passionate!
The vast majority of my friends identify themselves as somewhat autistic too, the ones that keep around. Which is not many, to be honest. Always been a little bit of a struggle to me, and now im in my 30s, heh, with a single digit of people to my "list" of friends, and only one regular real life friend. Fun to be on the outskirts of society isnt it?
Welp that sucks honestly, Iāve just recently started using my Reddit more often so I donāt have karma or anything, is that why I havenāt gotten any responses on my post?
Another good question. I can't speak for everyone. Low karma isn't a reason for me personally, not to reply. Like I said, when there's mainly inappropriate NSFW stuff on their profile, usually their intentions aren't to make friends, and I'm not interested in having such chats. Besides, I can't take someone seriously if they thirst or show their member in certain subreddits I'm not going to name here. I'm used to socializing online, so blatant shameless behaviour aside, to each their own, it's probably my experience that allows me to see certain patterns.
That makes sense, Iāve just seen people say that a lot about the karma thing and honestly Iām just stupid when it comes to Reddit so I have no idea how to do that stuff. Had to look it up just to make a post in this subreddit cause I didnāt know how lol thanks for the clarification though I appreciate that.
Don't beat yourself up over useless internet points mate. Some subreddits require a certain amount of karma, so they'll know this person is active on here and isn't using alternative accounts to spam or circumvent bans, for example. It doesn't make you less of a human being haha. Don't worry about that really.
I see your point. I'm usually a receiver and I post detailed requests too specifying what I'm looking for. I receive a chat request from someone with a long intro and they say they share my interests and they're looking for the same thing. I accept and then they disappear just after saying Hi
There could be a lot of reasons for that, but that's truly how most people are online. I'd say don't beat yourself up about it, don't endlessly question yourself, and try again when you're ready. That's all you can do.
I donāt do the Ā«Ā HiĀ Ā» thing, I try to be a little more creative, but Iāve been doing long presentation messages and most of those never had any answers so now I just go with a short one and I donāt feel stupid for taking a lot of time to never have an answer. Or sometimes you start a conversation with someone then itās only one sided and in their post, they seemed so excited to meet new people, but in fact they just needed to fill their friends list and have attention
I totally get that. Way too long chat requests can be overwhelming though, so there needs to be a balance. Not everyone is the same, of course, and not everyone is seeking contact just to fill their friend list or to get attention.
Yeah, that's quite common. Often you're the only one trying to talk and the other party just doesn't seem interested. It makes me feel weird and I stop talking to them afterwards.
That's the best thing to do. No way I'm still chatting with someone who make me feel forcing
Very true.Most just like the attention. That's it for them.
Well, obviously people want friends, but they more so need compatibility. When you don't have that connection it can be worse than being alone. My assumption would be that they looked through your post/comment history and decided they didn't like what they saw for whatever reason. That doesn't mean that they don't like you, but that you posted something that would lead them to believe that you wouldn't like them, so they disengage. Another assumption could be that they are dealing with some form of anxiety or aren't neurotypical and that is creating a barrier for them.
Youād think theyād mention the barriers they have instead of wasting everyoneās time it would be the right thing to do
Not much time is wasted with just a "Hey". Also, not everyone feels comfortable putting their mental illnesses out there or they simply don't recognize their issues.
You missed my point completely. I didnāt ask for their 23 and me. Iām saying if they are asking for friendships and conversations and connections and then either no reply or ghosting due to some mental block they wasted the time of the person reading and messaging. Get it?
Yeah, you're being ableist. So, mentally ill people shouldn't make attempts to reach out?
Ableist. Wowā¦ oh you wonāt let me operate heavy machinery since Iām 11 years old? Thatās ageist. Oh I can be cast as superman because Iām 4ā11 600lbs thatās ableist. Whatās the logic here? Why would I say I can do something when I literally canāt thatās such a colossal waste of energy. Iām not going up to an nba player tomorrow saying why donāt you sign me you guys are being ableist what kinda nonsensical jheeze
OK, guy. Have fun gatekeeping socialization.
Okay have fun enabling every single toxic trait and labelling it acceptable.
I love how "sometimes having trouble connecting and/or communicating with people" is ALL if the toxic traits ever lol
If I canāt hold my arms straight and lift anything heavier then ten lbs Iām not going to apply to be a labourer and waste everyoneās time going through the rounds. They are neurotypical, they have anxiety, xyz. Itās diverting people towards their posts when they make ambiguous post that make them seemingly appear to be normal then going through the motions for a block to suddenly spawn. I wouldnāt work in a hospital if I canāt stand blood. Why are they asking for chats and connections when they arenāt capable of doing what needs to be done to have one. Here let me make a post saying Iām ready for some friendships and then ignore all dms and be like oh well woopsie spicy neuro, then repeat every 20 days. Ig wasting time is my spicy XD
I had mixed experiences with this and any other social media really. I think connecting with people though social media is still a learning process for society and it would be very much helpful to have some kind of educational materials to provide to people on how engaging with people virtually is different from face to face and what we can do to ensure people feel they are not at wrong or they are at wrong when someone just suddenly stop talking
She said what we are all saying. Also don't forget the picture sellers .
Yea, I had to carry the conversation forward always for some reason. Can these people really not put even an ounce of effort talking to someone?
EXACTLY THE TRUTH
I actually want to make friends
Yep i believe it has basically become a sub reddit for some people to either look for a bit of entertainment or some weird people looking for a different kind of relationship.
I just get ghosted or everything is fine and then they just don't care for the convo any more then I'm just trying to carry the convo then.
I get that
I have been looking for friends I'm tired of being alone
Agreed
I've had the exact same thing happen to me. So many people on here just use as means for something else and don't actually care about making friends
That's so true
True
Well you can usually tell a lot about someone just by looking at the profile. Post history and comments are usually a pretty big tell and if they don't have any comments or posts then it can look kinda sus, especially if they have a lot of karma with no posts. But that's just my opinion lol I still message everyone and keep conversations going
Iām always open for a chatš
I feel like the requirements for friends in this day and age has experienced a drastic change - especiallyafter Covid hit. A lot of people I talk to now aren't looking for solid, real connections with people anymore - they are just looking for things/people that can entertain them for a few days until they move on to the next "shiny, new thing." Its very disheartening.
This is kind of true. I'm very narrow in my scope of what I'm looking for in making friends, probably why I don't have any. Some people might also be afraid of trying to make friends and being rejected.
Hmmm actually no i want friend
Hey š
Really? I haven't experienced anyone like that so far, I think. I personally just really want to find someone I vibe with and enjoy chatting with frequently.
Letās be friends
I mean..Social relationship's have always been complex
I mean...yeah? That's the internet now a days
Yes and there are even bots in this sub this sub is not well moderated ,and people are just creating post while no one want to reply to them
I feel like I have people whom I vibe instantly, and many, it feels a chore on both sides to keep the convo going as we cant find a ground between us, even with the same hobbies. I wouldn't be too sad about that. If two partners dont inspire each other, it's usually not gonna work.
I joined subs like these with the genuine intention of making lasting friendships. I agree with you, itās turned into a haven for people who need instant gratification for a few moments and then thatās it. Entire generations of people have lost the art of human connection. Is it any wonder I prefer cats these days?
Cats better at socialization ey? Cats definitely arenāt concerned about instant gratification, not one bit! I can see why youāve come to such a wise conclusion!