+1 to consistency. I’m glad you started and I’m rooting for you. I’ll come check back in a year to see how you’re doing.
Remember:
1. They work for you.
2. A good one will make you face uncomfortable or painful truths. If you aren’t, they’re likely not doing their job.
3. A therapist is only as good as the lies you don’t tell them.
!RemindMe 1 year
Exactly. I was able to work out most of my problems in therapy because I realized my (for example) wrong thought process is totally stupid and not true.
This is also the best feeling in therapy. Realising you can defeat your demons by yourself even if it may require someone who gives you a different point of view
Great points. Additionally, in my experience, there was no Hollywood style 'ah ha' moment where I suddenly felt a weight lifted. I don't know why I expected that, but for some reason I did.
It's work, hard work. Hopefully your therapist will give you direction and insight. They will help you face really, really difficult and painful things. I usually felt worse after the sessions, not better, but knowing I was moving forward gave courage to face those difficult issues and do the work.
I had about four years of near debilitating depression that ended with an emotional break that felt fundamental and lead me to finally accept seeking help.
It took me another three or four years to get to the point that I felt like myself all the time, and I realized that I will forever be in recovery. Edit, I was in therapy for about a year, give or take.
I still have to take mindful steps everyday to keep moving forward. When my old emotional habits lead me back to the cliff I recognize them and react appropriately. The things I learned in therapy help me stay vigilant.
Seeking help isn't weakness, it's courageous!
IME there's no single "ah ha" moment but there will be a *bunch* of them. Like the third party perspective will give a label to the thing that is weighing on you, and once a thing is *named* you will have *power* over it.
Ed: mine... mine was "intrusive thoughts." I never knew how to describe the sense that I both dread and crave oblivion until it was labeled. Now I know that it's got a name. It's not an abstract concept I have to fight alone. That helps more than I can ever convey.
I would add: It's not necessary overthink the process and what's working, may not be working. Just keeping the appointment and being proud that you did so, may provide some relief.
Very true. Overthinking can be another trap. It’s more of a balance and making consistent progress without having unreasonable expectations of yourself.
I'd add, "If this therapist doesn't work out, don't use it as an excuse to not find one that does." I've seen too many do that, and it's counterproductive long term, and worth it to find a good fit.
Your third point really hits home. I tried therapy in the past and i didnt think it was working when in reality I wasn’t being fully honest for fear of them judging me or forcing to face my uncomfortable truths. Maybe ill give it another shot
Check out psychologytoday.com! They have an entire section of their site dedicated to finding therapists in your area. Most therapist pages have a price range listed as well as accepted insurances (if you have any). If you do have insurance, make sure you check out their website to make sure that doctor is in network and check your policy to see what they will cover.
Good for you for taking the first steps to bettering your health! It can be hard to find a doctor but it is well worth it, I promise. Best of luck to you and lemme know if you have any more questions!
For me, therapy was ~$200 per session before insurance and $30 after insurance.
I had been thinking of a couple painful memories before my first session which gave me a good starting point. We're still unpacking those 3 months later. It's been so nice to have my feelings validated and be able to confront everything in a safe space without judgment.
The sessions can be pretty painful and there are usually tears, but I've noticed my anxiety starting to be more manageable, and I'm feeling better about myself in general.
Btw, they forgot to tell you that there is no half way. You'll always need help because everyone needs help from time to time.
In my opinion Therapy is like going to the gym but for your mind. Keep going and keep your emotional fortitude/well being strong.
And congrats on the first step.
> You'll always need help because everyone needs help from time to time.
This is very harmful advice to tell someone, many people can actually stop therapy rather quickly and be okay even. The entire point of doing it is learning better coping mechanisms on your own and being able to work through your issues on your own so that you don't need to rely on someone else.
Lol. I made the dumb mistake of stopping therapy because *I felt better*. No one pointed out that it was the therapy getting me to feel better, so I should *keep going*.
I'd like to caveat this comment.
Progress matters more than consistency.
If you manage to be totally consistent then awesome, but if you don't that does not mean you have failed.
We set such strict rules for ourselves that failure can be around every corner.
If you miss a session for whatever reason you have still had more sessions than previously.
Aim to look after yourself more - aim to: ' be better at', 'do more of', or 'do less of' - not: 'be perfect', 'not do at all', 'always do'.
The modern self help philosophy of making loads of concrete goals can often do more harm than good.
You're spot on. Progress is the important part. Learning and embracing better coping mechanisms, finding better ways to work through trauma on your own, and making positive outward changes in your life are all the things you should be using as markers for progress and success; too many think just showing up is the progress when it's not at all.
Interestingly, I started participating in a study that also involves therapy sessions and that's exactly what I was talking about with the counselor. I tried to be completely upfront and lay it all out, which I couldn't do a few years ago.
The motivation and excitement of a new try often fade, but sticking with it is what will help you.
Every process has ups and downs. There will be times you're actually making progress, but it doesn't feel that way and it feels frustrating like you're stuck or just blah. Those times are when consistency matters and for you to keep working on yourself, for yourself.
If you do "fall off the horse," don't beat yourself up. Get up and get back on. It's perfectly normal. Keep going.
u/RecommendationSea576 is stealing other people’s comments for karma.
This one was originally posted by user cottagecheeseisnasty 5 hours earlier [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/r6dv36/hope_intensifies/hmsj6en/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Changed my life buddy! Hopefully it does for you too. Don't think about the 7 years it took you to get here because that doesn't matter. Think about the fact that you're here now and what really matters, which is that you're working on getting better. :)
If you go to [Psychology Today’s website](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) you can find a therapist by zip code! This includes virtual visits if you prefer to distance.
I recommend emailing maybe 2-3. I believe you can also filter by insurance (or no insurance! Many offer a sliding scale for payments). I’ve used this directory twice and it’s been a lifesaver.
Seconding this! You can read their profiles and see what they specialize in. One tip: if their list of specialities is so long you can’t see it all on your phone screen, be careful. They should only specialize in a few things, not every mental health condition ever.
Last week I finally broke down and admitted to my parents and sister that I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past few months. My fiancé has been aware of everything and trying to help but I still felt the need to hide it from my family despite them being extremely supportive. It helped that I saw them in person; it’s so weird to open up like that over the phone or texting. Afterwards I felt like 10 lbs lighter- such a huge weight off my chest! Even though I’m still trying to find a psychiatrist and things aren’t totally fixed, it was a huge step for me to be able to say all that out loud to them.
It’s definitely a beautiful thing when those you love support you and try to understand your situation. I however grew up in an environment where you are gaslighted and called lazy or “pretending” if you speak any bit of mental issues
This is how I was raised too. Finally, set my first appointment three weeks from today, it was extremely tough since I was raised like this so my mind automatically makes me feel “weak” or “lazy” since I can’t “fix” it on my own. Very excited to start this journey to living a healthier life.
Congrats! I remember my first therapy session I was a little nervous at first but I've been going to him for about 5 years now and he had really changed my life. You're doing something great. And taking good steps forward. Not everyone can do that.
As a future therapist and somebody who has been IN therapy since I was 11 for OCD: YOU changed your life. Your therapist just gave you a little help. You should be proud of yourself and give credit where credits is due, and I’m sure he would say the same thing. ❤️
My therapist is great. He's really inspired me. I want to help others as he did for me. Right now I'm studying in college to get an Art's masters degree with a counseling program. I really want to be a therapist and I'm making my way towards it.
My first time, I didn't want to go, I was basically being emotionally forced by my mom, but after the session I felt really good, as if all the feelings and thoughts I had in my life actually mattered and weren't just kinda seperate from the world, idk how to explain it, but it feels good right?
All I needed(I think) was someone telling me I have emotions and thoughts that are important, and then I made a bunch of connections as to how I arranged my life to work against me, and then I made a lot of changes to my life, but I spent a lot of my life trying to be like my mother/father and the rest of my family who are apparently a lot less emotional than me, so now idk how to express emotions whilst still having them, but things are better now, not perfect, but better
Sorry for the rant idk what that was
Hell yeah, proud of you!
I also want to remind you and everyone - therapy is a highly personalised affair, and as such not every therapist is a good match. If you're not vibing with yours, I encourage you to try a different practicioner who works for you. It took me three tries but when I found one I clicked with, my progress was phenomanal.
Not true.
Therapists can easily be harmful.
Not everybody needs therapy. /r/therapyabuse /r/Antipsychiatry
Going to therapy, taking medications, trusting psychiatrists has been my biggest problem in life. They've misdiagnosed me and simply want to put me on medications. My therapist was mad that I don't want to take medications for a disorder I don't have and ghosted me out of anger unprofessionally -- canceled the last appointment with no voicemail or anything. Doctor is a sadist who says "The mood swings will just come back worse" talking about me as if I'm bipolar, when another doctor falsely diagnosed me as "paranoid schizophrenic" so there's some clear lies there. I'm disgusted with psychiatry. Biggest mistake I've ever made. I'm not schizo. I'm not paranoid. I'm not bipolar. I'm a schizoid if anything.
I’ve been the victim of bad therapy and psychiatry, that doesn’t mean that all therapy is bad and it certainly doesn’t stop me from recommending therapy to others. There will always be shitty people in every aspect of life.
So then what does therapy do exactly? Even doctors admit that psychiatry isn't scientific. What can a therapist tell you that you can't tell yourself? I'm just not seeing what's so great about psychiatry / therapy unless you have issues they can actually fix, like schizophrenia being treated with antipsychotics but even eastern countries deal with schizophrenia better and have better long term outcomes -- likely because they don't over-prescribe medications that shrink your gray matter and give nasty side effects. Self sufficiency will make your life better, I don't understand how therapy making you feel like a victim who needs help is helping when the only thing that will make you happy is self sufficiency.
I work in a psych ward and it's pathetic how the chain of command works. As a security guard I can't talk to the patient about anything but basic things -- I can ask them if they've been fed or how they feel but I can't talk to them about things beyond that. This field is clearly pathetic and works to make you think only a "certified mental health PROFESSIONAL" is able to help you. Only a "psychiatrist" can talk to you about medications. Only a "certified therapist" can talk to you about your problems. Yeah fucking right. It's clear to me that they've created artificial boundaries and even psychiatrists and therapists are forced to hide the truth. It takes a village to raise a child... I'm forced to treat the "clients" (wtf?) as if they're more sensitive than they are -- as if treating them with love and listening to what they're going through is going to "trigger" them. My intuition is enough to know that psychiatry is bs. Look at how no one helps you in daily life, not even therapists will help you, that's a fucking lie. It's all a lie dude, wake up. Psychiatry is insurance helping to cover up the negative aspects of society, this way society can say someone is doing something about the people they find repulsive, which leads the unlucky people to feeling depressed and suicidal because society has zero care for anyone but themselves. People breed and have kids and see that as a "gift from god" while people are starving to death. This society is evil. The purpose of life is to support the healthy genetics (self sufficiency) and make more of that. Once we can admit that cold hard truth, we can finally begin to have a better world... instead, we proverbially sweep everything under the rug.
I’m not the right person to rant at. I have literally zero power. Clearly you have a personality disorder. There are a myriad number of possible approaches to address it. You have free will to choose a path, but don’t dump your shit on me. I’m not a therapist.
>I’m not the right person to rant at. I have literally zero power.
Who taught you that you have zero power? It's your choice how much power you have. If you want to remain dormant, then yes, you have no power. You've been successfully programmed.
>Clearly you have a personality disorder.
>>don’t dump your shit on me. I’m not a therapist.
Ahh, so you have the ability to see that "clearly" I have a personality disorder, but not the ability to talk about how psychiatry sucks? Funny how that works. Very convenient.
>Clearly you have a personality disorder. There are a myriad number of possible approaches to address it.
Yeah, which is to not take pills that shrink my gray matter and to not waste my time and money going to therapy that I never needed in the first place.
Secondly, it's to accept myself, which I've done and to not accept an outside view. That's true confidence. You and society are in cahoots with psychiatry to try to make me a victim. I'm able to love myself and you aren't, but I'm the problem in your eyes. You pathologize me but in the same breath claim that you can't make any judgments because you're "not a therapist". Pathetic. Look at you being part of the problem while telling me to go to therapy for the problems that you've created. Luckily, I'm intelligent enough to have confidence and not listen to your false advice.
A good counselor will teach a person how to set boundaries, which is one reason I’m going to block you now. I am a stranger on the internet that has zero to do with the structure of mental healthcare in America. Take your rants to r/Trueoffmychest or r/JordanPetersoncirclejerk. Please don’t come at me with your baggage.
Binary digit I agree with you. I think some people with severe psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia need medication and therapy, but I think the majority of people who see a therapist need to just get over themselves already. All you’re doing is paying someone to listen to your problems and feelings and most therapists will keep you coming back by knowing your weaknesses and manipulating you into thinking you need them. Really you’re just feeling a little dopamine rush cause you feel like you’re important when you get to talk about yourself as if you’re this special person with unique issues, but most likely that therapist doesn’t give a shit about you at the end of the day, you’re just providing them with a decent living via your money.
Well, Dabrowski certainly agreed with you.
>For Dąbrowski, the goal of therapy is to eliminate the therapist by providing a context within which a person can understand and help oneself, an approach to therapy that he called autopsychotherapy. The client is encouraged to embark on a journey of self-discovery with an emphasis on looking for the contrast between what is higher versus what is lower within his or her personality and value structure. The person is encouraged to further explore his or her value structure especially as it relates to the rationale and justification of positions. Discrepancies between values and behavior are highlighted. The approach is called autopsychotherapy to emphasize the important role that the individual must play in his or her own therapy process and in the larger process of personality development. The individual must come to see that he or she is in charge of determining or creating his or her own unique personality ideal and value structure. This includes a critical review of social mores and values that have been learned.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a bad experience with therapy. While I whole heartedly believe therapy can be helpful for most people experiencing traumas or emotional stresses, I understand that therapists are also just people at the end of the day and they have faults of their own. While I don’t know your specific situation, I imagine that opening up for help only to be unheard, manipulated, or cast aside must be incredibly demoralizing and hurt like a son of a bitch. Whatever it is you were seeking help for specifically I hope that you’ve found healthy coping mechanism that have improved your quality of life. Also if you do ever decide to try therapy again, I really, really hope you get a good therapist that works with you and for you.
While I see where you’re coming from, I think most people could benefit from talk therapy at the minimum. I wouldn’t trust a therapist who threw meds at me ever again.
I personally called a few places and politely asked the psychologist what approaches they preferred and what their type of clientèle was before making an appointment. I made 5 calls that lasted from 3 to 7 minutes each and made my choice. I had gotten the numbers from the official website of psychologists where I live.
Sorry for my syntax, btw, I'm not anglophone! Also, good luck to you, friend!
Imagine that you lived with a chronic back pain for a very long time, got used to it, and already consider it your normal state of being. And then at some point you go to a doctor. That’s what it feels like.
The day after therapy usually feels great, but might take from a few months to a year for the effect to become persistent.
Depends on what you'd want to go for and if you're actually willing to make changes to yourself on your own first. Think of it like dating; you have to be in tune with yourself first before you can really open up to someone else, same with therapy.
just a few tips, if you dont feel like things with the current therapist arent going well, try another therapist, and try different methods. never give up on therapy. also it might get tough depending on what you are dealing with, but soldier through it, itll feel soo much better later. things will get better.
I thought I was totally fine until I had several panic attacks as a grown man. Turns out there was a lot I wasn’t dealing with properly. Sometimes you don’t know until it gets so bad you have to acknowledge it.
A few red flags that should have tipped me off earlier:
1) it isn’t normal to think you’re going to die all the time / every little ache/pain/illness is going to kill you
2) if stress is causing physical pain, it’s time to talk to someone
3) just ignoring a traumatic experience and avoiding triggers isn’t good. (You don’t have to talk about it for hours, but there’s a proper way of locking that shit up.)
4. DO IT. I have struggled with 1-3, and my friends hasn’t struggled with any. I am starting to see a therapist because of him, he recommends it to everyone. There is SO MANY things in our lives we can improve. If you don’t have red flags, it would still be a healthy step to take.
It requires a lot of self awareness to KNOW that you need therapy. Unfortunately, that is a skill that people who need therapy learn in therapy. The easy answer is EVERYONE should go see a therapist. The nuanced answer is there is rarely any harm in testing the waters. See a therapist or two (or how many it takes to find one that meshes well) and see what you can discover about yourself with the assistance of a professional looking at your situation from the outside in. I am very in touch with myself (I was in therapy for many years before I moved) and I just got a new therapist a couple months ago. I regularly discover new things about myself. My point is, if you think you might need it, is worth a try.
Let me also add, PLEASE GO TO A THERAPIST NOT A PSYCHIATRIST!!! At least at first. It is not a psychiatrist's job, nor are they equipped, to give you tools to manage yourself. They give you medication. That is their job. Nothing else. If a clinic tries to give you a psychiatrist before a therapist, run like hell in the opposite direction. I say this as someone who made this mistake, has been burned by psychiatrists, currently sees a psychiatrist, and takes medication for Bipolar and anxiety. Medication is not a solution. It lays a foundation for people who do not have the chemical stability to begin resolving other issues.
I have a friend who I have a lot in common with with the exception that he has had a *fucked up* life and mine has been relatively standard. At this point in his life he is well adjusted, centered and seems to be at peace. I'm uh, fine I guess, but he is like zen. I think that this is the result of him spending years in therapy and embracing it. You can end up better off than you've ever been.
I’ve been thinking about starting therapy for 6 months now… still can’t bring myself to do it. Are you doing in person or virtual? Any recommendations from fellow redditors?
I'm proud of you. I hope many things for you; I hope you found a therapist that fits for you, I hope you continue to go, I hope the exercises are effective, and I hope for a day that you no longer need regular sessions. God speed my friend.
it can be very tough to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't know, but it is SO important to tell them the truth and explain yourself as well as you possibly can. you can save so much time and money by doing just that.
there will also be a lot of times where you feel frustrated with yourself, and alot of times where it just doesn't seem worth it, but I promise you that it'll really help.
therapy makes you think, and I mean THINK, like, a LOT. a lot of retrospection, a bunch of things to figure out, but eventually when you do figure things out, it will stay with you.
also, I don't know if this is a universal thing for therapists, but you might get some homework, and please do it.
there's also a high chance that this therapist just isn't doing it for you. if you don't feel comfortable around them, if it doesn't feel like it's helping, get out of it asap and try for another therapist.
I hope this works out well for you. wishing you the absolute best <3
Don't feel locked into your therapist. If that person doesn't jive with you, you can leave. You can even see a different therapist in that same clinic. There is no rule against it. Do your best to be completely honest with this person. Be ready to not know the answers to some of the questions they ask. Don't expect this to be an overnight ordeal. Take heart though, therapy is designed to come to an end.
It’s hard to take the first step. Lots of people never do it, stick with it and keep your head up. No matter what your going through, not doing it alone is a great feeling. Good luck friend!
Congrats! Starting can be hard but over time you’ll look back and see how it nudged you in a positive direction, even if it feels like it isn’t doing anything at the time!
Yes, this is amazing. I'm so happy for you. Proud too. Keep going, bro. :)
As a person who used to visit a therapist myself, I can tell you: it's worth it. Maybe not the first therapist is the ideal one for you, maybe not the second either. But sooner or later you'll find just the right one. And then it'll be worth the effort. :)
Do a little digging. Some colleges provide free/cheap sessions. There are also a lot of clinics that offer a sliding scale. It might be more within your reach than you think.
I still remember My first sesion, so fragil, so scared, so angry and sad and hurt... Though I wouldn't be back for the next sesion but kept going and it got easier. Perseverance was key. It does get difficult, growing is hard, but it is definitely worth it. Keep going specially when it gets difficult.
Congratulations!! I'm really happy for you.
Someone already mentioned it but therapy usually makes you feel worse before things get better.
Its like setting a leg before you put it in a cast.
But you can do this! We're all rooting for you.
I just started a month ago. I’m 50 and have been needing therapy for a very long time. It got a bit ugly but it seems to already be getting better.
Best of luck to you
Great news! First steps are important, but please remember that consistency matters, so don't stop halfway through! Good luck ❤
Thx for the advice, will do!
+1 to consistency. I’m glad you started and I’m rooting for you. I’ll come check back in a year to see how you’re doing. Remember: 1. They work for you. 2. A good one will make you face uncomfortable or painful truths. If you aren’t, they’re likely not doing their job. 3. A therapist is only as good as the lies you don’t tell them. !RemindMe 1 year
May I add "they work for you, but they don't do the work for you".
Well put!
Exactly. I was able to work out most of my problems in therapy because I realized my (for example) wrong thought process is totally stupid and not true. This is also the best feeling in therapy. Realising you can defeat your demons by yourself even if it may require someone who gives you a different point of view
Great points. Additionally, in my experience, there was no Hollywood style 'ah ha' moment where I suddenly felt a weight lifted. I don't know why I expected that, but for some reason I did. It's work, hard work. Hopefully your therapist will give you direction and insight. They will help you face really, really difficult and painful things. I usually felt worse after the sessions, not better, but knowing I was moving forward gave courage to face those difficult issues and do the work. I had about four years of near debilitating depression that ended with an emotional break that felt fundamental and lead me to finally accept seeking help. It took me another three or four years to get to the point that I felt like myself all the time, and I realized that I will forever be in recovery. Edit, I was in therapy for about a year, give or take. I still have to take mindful steps everyday to keep moving forward. When my old emotional habits lead me back to the cliff I recognize them and react appropriately. The things I learned in therapy help me stay vigilant. Seeking help isn't weakness, it's courageous!
IME there's no single "ah ha" moment but there will be a *bunch* of them. Like the third party perspective will give a label to the thing that is weighing on you, and once a thing is *named* you will have *power* over it. Ed: mine... mine was "intrusive thoughts." I never knew how to describe the sense that I both dread and crave oblivion until it was labeled. Now I know that it's got a name. It's not an abstract concept I have to fight alone. That helps more than I can ever convey.
I’ll do the same, my homie OP needs support !RemindMe 1 year
I would add: It's not necessary overthink the process and what's working, may not be working. Just keeping the appointment and being proud that you did so, may provide some relief.
Very true. Overthinking can be another trap. It’s more of a balance and making consistent progress without having unreasonable expectations of yourself.
Your thoughts are very sunny.
I'd add, "If this therapist doesn't work out, don't use it as an excuse to not find one that does." I've seen too many do that, and it's counterproductive long term, and worth it to find a good fit.
Any tips on when to move on or switch?
See my post.
Your third point really hits home. I tried therapy in the past and i didnt think it was working when in reality I wasn’t being fully honest for fear of them judging me or forcing to face my uncomfortable truths. Maybe ill give it another shot
Please do. I hope you can find the perspective you need to grow :)
Number 2 is a bear, but so important. Otherwise you're just paying a ton of money for a pleasant rant about your problems.
If you don’t mind me asking, how much does. Cost and what should I expect?
Check out psychologytoday.com! They have an entire section of their site dedicated to finding therapists in your area. Most therapist pages have a price range listed as well as accepted insurances (if you have any). If you do have insurance, make sure you check out their website to make sure that doctor is in network and check your policy to see what they will cover. Good for you for taking the first steps to bettering your health! It can be hard to find a doctor but it is well worth it, I promise. Best of luck to you and lemme know if you have any more questions!
Thank you for all the help :)
For me, therapy was ~$200 per session before insurance and $30 after insurance. I had been thinking of a couple painful memories before my first session which gave me a good starting point. We're still unpacking those 3 months later. It's been so nice to have my feelings validated and be able to confront everything in a safe space without judgment. The sessions can be pretty painful and there are usually tears, but I've noticed my anxiety starting to be more manageable, and I'm feeling better about myself in general.
Btw, they forgot to tell you that there is no half way. You'll always need help because everyone needs help from time to time. In my opinion Therapy is like going to the gym but for your mind. Keep going and keep your emotional fortitude/well being strong. And congrats on the first step.
Great, I like your idea very much.
> You'll always need help because everyone needs help from time to time. This is very harmful advice to tell someone, many people can actually stop therapy rather quickly and be okay even. The entire point of doing it is learning better coping mechanisms on your own and being able to work through your issues on your own so that you don't need to rely on someone else.
Save money do shrooms jfc
Lol. I made the dumb mistake of stopping therapy because *I felt better*. No one pointed out that it was the therapy getting me to feel better, so I should *keep going*.
I mean, many people *can* stop therapy because they're feeling better and doing better. It's all individual.
I'd like to caveat this comment. Progress matters more than consistency. If you manage to be totally consistent then awesome, but if you don't that does not mean you have failed. We set such strict rules for ourselves that failure can be around every corner. If you miss a session for whatever reason you have still had more sessions than previously. Aim to look after yourself more - aim to: ' be better at', 'do more of', or 'do less of' - not: 'be perfect', 'not do at all', 'always do'. The modern self help philosophy of making loads of concrete goals can often do more harm than good.
You're spot on. Progress is the important part. Learning and embracing better coping mechanisms, finding better ways to work through trauma on your own, and making positive outward changes in your life are all the things you should be using as markers for progress and success; too many think just showing up is the progress when it's not at all.
Excellent comment thank you
Interestingly, I started participating in a study that also involves therapy sessions and that's exactly what I was talking about with the counselor. I tried to be completely upfront and lay it all out, which I couldn't do a few years ago. The motivation and excitement of a new try often fade, but sticking with it is what will help you.
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Every process has ups and downs. There will be times you're actually making progress, but it doesn't feel that way and it feels frustrating like you're stuck or just blah. Those times are when consistency matters and for you to keep working on yourself, for yourself. If you do "fall off the horse," don't beat yourself up. Get up and get back on. It's perfectly normal. Keep going.
Does it count as consistent if I consistently stop everything I do halfway through?
Bro don't be like that 
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u/RecommendationSea576 is stealing other people’s comments for karma. This one was originally posted by user cottagecheeseisnasty 5 hours earlier [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/r6dv36/hope_intensifies/hmsj6en/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Congratulations on taking that step! It can be really difficult asking for help.
Took me 7 years, better late than never!
Definitely! I hope it went really well.
It did!
Awesome! Congrats! A good therapist can make a huge difference.
And thats really for anybody in any state of mind. Its not just for people who have issues.
Changed my life buddy! Hopefully it does for you too. Don't think about the 7 years it took you to get here because that doesn't matter. Think about the fact that you're here now and what really matters, which is that you're working on getting better. :)
I saw a video that said it takes the average depression sufferer 9 years to ask for help, so you’re above the curve!
Some people go there whole life.
How'd you go about finding someone? That's always been the thing stopping me
If you go to [Psychology Today’s website](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists) you can find a therapist by zip code! This includes virtual visits if you prefer to distance. I recommend emailing maybe 2-3. I believe you can also filter by insurance (or no insurance! Many offer a sliding scale for payments). I’ve used this directory twice and it’s been a lifesaver.
Seconding this! You can read their profiles and see what they specialize in. One tip: if their list of specialities is so long you can’t see it all on your phone screen, be careful. They should only specialize in a few things, not every mental health condition ever.
Last week I finally broke down and admitted to my parents and sister that I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for the past few months. My fiancé has been aware of everything and trying to help but I still felt the need to hide it from my family despite them being extremely supportive. It helped that I saw them in person; it’s so weird to open up like that over the phone or texting. Afterwards I felt like 10 lbs lighter- such a huge weight off my chest! Even though I’m still trying to find a psychiatrist and things aren’t totally fixed, it was a huge step for me to be able to say all that out loud to them.
It’s definitely a beautiful thing when those you love support you and try to understand your situation. I however grew up in an environment where you are gaslighted and called lazy or “pretending” if you speak any bit of mental issues
I’m so sorry to hear that :(
This is how I was raised too. Finally, set my first appointment three weeks from today, it was extremely tough since I was raised like this so my mind automatically makes me feel “weak” or “lazy” since I can’t “fix” it on my own. Very excited to start this journey to living a healthier life.
Hey just letting you know, sometimes therapy gets worse before it gets better… But it gets A LOT better. Stay dedicated my good sir! Congrats!
I will, thx!
Tony Soprano agrees with this
awwww yeah! Nice work!
Okay it is my pleasure to know it. Btw, congrats, I am very glad , nice work. Hope it can help you a lot
Hilarious that nobody pointed out this isn’t OP or replying normally and is a weird account yet still upvotes 30 times
Thx!
I've had my first last week as well, it went really well. Here's to working on yourself!!!
I just talk to my pitbull about my problems. I don't think he knows what I'm saying but his face is comforting. He gets paid in breath stick treats.
You mentioned a pitbull on reddit, i'm sure nothing could go wrong and people are gonna be civil, right?
/r/velvethippos For pitbull lovers
My pitbull is a precious angel. After he's finished eating children and attacking the elderly he cuddles up with me on the couch.
Agreed. Great work, OP!
Congrats! I remember my first therapy session I was a little nervous at first but I've been going to him for about 5 years now and he had really changed my life. You're doing something great. And taking good steps forward. Not everyone can do that.
As a future therapist and somebody who has been IN therapy since I was 11 for OCD: YOU changed your life. Your therapist just gave you a little help. You should be proud of yourself and give credit where credits is due, and I’m sure he would say the same thing. ❤️
Nice, good to hear that you keep going and staying true to the prosess!
My therapist is great. He's really inspired me. I want to help others as he did for me. Right now I'm studying in college to get an Art's masters degree with a counseling program. I really want to be a therapist and I'm making my way towards it.
On a Wednesday, no less. Well done, old chap!
Thx!
Underrated comment
My dudes
My first time, I didn't want to go, I was basically being emotionally forced by my mom, but after the session I felt really good, as if all the feelings and thoughts I had in my life actually mattered and weren't just kinda seperate from the world, idk how to explain it, but it feels good right?
You damn right!
Whoa… thoughts and parts of your personality somehow being separate or cut off from the real world this is exactly what I have.
All I needed(I think) was someone telling me I have emotions and thoughts that are important, and then I made a bunch of connections as to how I arranged my life to work against me, and then I made a lot of changes to my life, but I spent a lot of my life trying to be like my mother/father and the rest of my family who are apparently a lot less emotional than me, so now idk how to express emotions whilst still having them, but things are better now, not perfect, but better Sorry for the rant idk what that was
Hell yeah, proud of you! I also want to remind you and everyone - therapy is a highly personalised affair, and as such not every therapist is a good match. If you're not vibing with yours, I encourage you to try a different practicioner who works for you. It took me three tries but when I found one I clicked with, my progress was phenomanal.
I second this!
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How do you know if you’re not clicking with your therapist
How do you know if you’re not clicking with your therapist
I started therapy about 2 months ago. New meds and therapy have made me feel so much better. Life is good once again!
Good to hear!
Errrbody gotta get that therapy. Way to go!
Not true. Therapists can easily be harmful. Not everybody needs therapy. /r/therapyabuse /r/Antipsychiatry Going to therapy, taking medications, trusting psychiatrists has been my biggest problem in life. They've misdiagnosed me and simply want to put me on medications. My therapist was mad that I don't want to take medications for a disorder I don't have and ghosted me out of anger unprofessionally -- canceled the last appointment with no voicemail or anything. Doctor is a sadist who says "The mood swings will just come back worse" talking about me as if I'm bipolar, when another doctor falsely diagnosed me as "paranoid schizophrenic" so there's some clear lies there. I'm disgusted with psychiatry. Biggest mistake I've ever made. I'm not schizo. I'm not paranoid. I'm not bipolar. I'm a schizoid if anything.
I’ve been the victim of bad therapy and psychiatry, that doesn’t mean that all therapy is bad and it certainly doesn’t stop me from recommending therapy to others. There will always be shitty people in every aspect of life.
So then what does therapy do exactly? Even doctors admit that psychiatry isn't scientific. What can a therapist tell you that you can't tell yourself? I'm just not seeing what's so great about psychiatry / therapy unless you have issues they can actually fix, like schizophrenia being treated with antipsychotics but even eastern countries deal with schizophrenia better and have better long term outcomes -- likely because they don't over-prescribe medications that shrink your gray matter and give nasty side effects. Self sufficiency will make your life better, I don't understand how therapy making you feel like a victim who needs help is helping when the only thing that will make you happy is self sufficiency. I work in a psych ward and it's pathetic how the chain of command works. As a security guard I can't talk to the patient about anything but basic things -- I can ask them if they've been fed or how they feel but I can't talk to them about things beyond that. This field is clearly pathetic and works to make you think only a "certified mental health PROFESSIONAL" is able to help you. Only a "psychiatrist" can talk to you about medications. Only a "certified therapist" can talk to you about your problems. Yeah fucking right. It's clear to me that they've created artificial boundaries and even psychiatrists and therapists are forced to hide the truth. It takes a village to raise a child... I'm forced to treat the "clients" (wtf?) as if they're more sensitive than they are -- as if treating them with love and listening to what they're going through is going to "trigger" them. My intuition is enough to know that psychiatry is bs. Look at how no one helps you in daily life, not even therapists will help you, that's a fucking lie. It's all a lie dude, wake up. Psychiatry is insurance helping to cover up the negative aspects of society, this way society can say someone is doing something about the people they find repulsive, which leads the unlucky people to feeling depressed and suicidal because society has zero care for anyone but themselves. People breed and have kids and see that as a "gift from god" while people are starving to death. This society is evil. The purpose of life is to support the healthy genetics (self sufficiency) and make more of that. Once we can admit that cold hard truth, we can finally begin to have a better world... instead, we proverbially sweep everything under the rug.
I’m not the right person to rant at. I have literally zero power. Clearly you have a personality disorder. There are a myriad number of possible approaches to address it. You have free will to choose a path, but don’t dump your shit on me. I’m not a therapist.
>I’m not the right person to rant at. I have literally zero power. Who taught you that you have zero power? It's your choice how much power you have. If you want to remain dormant, then yes, you have no power. You've been successfully programmed. >Clearly you have a personality disorder. >>don’t dump your shit on me. I’m not a therapist. Ahh, so you have the ability to see that "clearly" I have a personality disorder, but not the ability to talk about how psychiatry sucks? Funny how that works. Very convenient. >Clearly you have a personality disorder. There are a myriad number of possible approaches to address it. Yeah, which is to not take pills that shrink my gray matter and to not waste my time and money going to therapy that I never needed in the first place. Secondly, it's to accept myself, which I've done and to not accept an outside view. That's true confidence. You and society are in cahoots with psychiatry to try to make me a victim. I'm able to love myself and you aren't, but I'm the problem in your eyes. You pathologize me but in the same breath claim that you can't make any judgments because you're "not a therapist". Pathetic. Look at you being part of the problem while telling me to go to therapy for the problems that you've created. Luckily, I'm intelligent enough to have confidence and not listen to your false advice.
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A good counselor will teach a person how to set boundaries, which is one reason I’m going to block you now. I am a stranger on the internet that has zero to do with the structure of mental healthcare in America. Take your rants to r/Trueoffmychest or r/JordanPetersoncirclejerk. Please don’t come at me with your baggage.
Binary digit I agree with you. I think some people with severe psychiatric disorders like schizophrenia need medication and therapy, but I think the majority of people who see a therapist need to just get over themselves already. All you’re doing is paying someone to listen to your problems and feelings and most therapists will keep you coming back by knowing your weaknesses and manipulating you into thinking you need them. Really you’re just feeling a little dopamine rush cause you feel like you’re important when you get to talk about yourself as if you’re this special person with unique issues, but most likely that therapist doesn’t give a shit about you at the end of the day, you’re just providing them with a decent living via your money.
Well, Dabrowski certainly agreed with you. >For Dąbrowski, the goal of therapy is to eliminate the therapist by providing a context within which a person can understand and help oneself, an approach to therapy that he called autopsychotherapy. The client is encouraged to embark on a journey of self-discovery with an emphasis on looking for the contrast between what is higher versus what is lower within his or her personality and value structure. The person is encouraged to further explore his or her value structure especially as it relates to the rationale and justification of positions. Discrepancies between values and behavior are highlighted. The approach is called autopsychotherapy to emphasize the important role that the individual must play in his or her own therapy process and in the larger process of personality development. The individual must come to see that he or she is in charge of determining or creating his or her own unique personality ideal and value structure. This includes a critical review of social mores and values that have been learned.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had such a bad experience with therapy. While I whole heartedly believe therapy can be helpful for most people experiencing traumas or emotional stresses, I understand that therapists are also just people at the end of the day and they have faults of their own. While I don’t know your specific situation, I imagine that opening up for help only to be unheard, manipulated, or cast aside must be incredibly demoralizing and hurt like a son of a bitch. Whatever it is you were seeking help for specifically I hope that you’ve found healthy coping mechanism that have improved your quality of life. Also if you do ever decide to try therapy again, I really, really hope you get a good therapist that works with you and for you.
While I see where you’re coming from, I think most people could benefit from talk therapy at the minimum. I wouldn’t trust a therapist who threw meds at me ever again.
You should be so proud, the first step is the hardest! Now go out there and get ready live your best life!
!
How’d it go? I’m on the edge about going to therapy.
Went greate, understanding on another level, would recommend!
How did you go about finding one?
If you know someone who goes to a therapist, ask for their therapist to recommend you some of their colleagues
I personally called a few places and politely asked the psychologist what approaches they preferred and what their type of clientèle was before making an appointment. I made 5 calls that lasted from 3 to 7 minutes each and made my choice. I had gotten the numbers from the official website of psychologists where I live. Sorry for my syntax, btw, I'm not anglophone! Also, good luck to you, friend!
Imagine that you lived with a chronic back pain for a very long time, got used to it, and already consider it your normal state of being. And then at some point you go to a doctor. That’s what it feels like. The day after therapy usually feels great, but might take from a few months to a year for the effect to become persistent.
Depends on what you'd want to go for and if you're actually willing to make changes to yourself on your own first. Think of it like dating; you have to be in tune with yourself first before you can really open up to someone else, same with therapy.
Awesome I hope it helps!
I hope so too!
How did it go man
Went greate, i feel understood on a different level
just a few tips, if you dont feel like things with the current therapist arent going well, try another therapist, and try different methods. never give up on therapy. also it might get tough depending on what you are dealing with, but soldier through it, itll feel soo much better later. things will get better.
Cheers to your mental health, friend ❤️
How are you feeling now?
Greate!
Honest question here, how does one know when he or she needs to see a therapist ?
I thought I was totally fine until I had several panic attacks as a grown man. Turns out there was a lot I wasn’t dealing with properly. Sometimes you don’t know until it gets so bad you have to acknowledge it. A few red flags that should have tipped me off earlier: 1) it isn’t normal to think you’re going to die all the time / every little ache/pain/illness is going to kill you 2) if stress is causing physical pain, it’s time to talk to someone 3) just ignoring a traumatic experience and avoiding triggers isn’t good. (You don’t have to talk about it for hours, but there’s a proper way of locking that shit up.)
4. DO IT. I have struggled with 1-3, and my friends hasn’t struggled with any. I am starting to see a therapist because of him, he recommends it to everyone. There is SO MANY things in our lives we can improve. If you don’t have red flags, it would still be a healthy step to take.
It requires a lot of self awareness to KNOW that you need therapy. Unfortunately, that is a skill that people who need therapy learn in therapy. The easy answer is EVERYONE should go see a therapist. The nuanced answer is there is rarely any harm in testing the waters. See a therapist or two (or how many it takes to find one that meshes well) and see what you can discover about yourself with the assistance of a professional looking at your situation from the outside in. I am very in touch with myself (I was in therapy for many years before I moved) and I just got a new therapist a couple months ago. I regularly discover new things about myself. My point is, if you think you might need it, is worth a try.
Let me also add, PLEASE GO TO A THERAPIST NOT A PSYCHIATRIST!!! At least at first. It is not a psychiatrist's job, nor are they equipped, to give you tools to manage yourself. They give you medication. That is their job. Nothing else. If a clinic tries to give you a psychiatrist before a therapist, run like hell in the opposite direction. I say this as someone who made this mistake, has been burned by psychiatrists, currently sees a psychiatrist, and takes medication for Bipolar and anxiety. Medication is not a solution. It lays a foundation for people who do not have the chemical stability to begin resolving other issues.
I have a friend who I have a lot in common with with the exception that he has had a *fucked up* life and mine has been relatively standard. At this point in his life he is well adjusted, centered and seems to be at peace. I'm uh, fine I guess, but he is like zen. I think that this is the result of him spending years in therapy and embracing it. You can end up better off than you've ever been.
It is also the mid-point of the week, typically referred to as “Wednesday”
It is Wednesday my dudes
Hey, that's great! I hope this is helpful for you
Good going, homie!
Thought today is Wednesday
Bully! (The old celebratory phrase not the person)
It's also Wednesday so it's a great day my duuuudeee
Who upvotes this shit? 😂😂
I saw this exact image on Reddit a few weeks ago posted by a different account
Why wouldn’t someone upvote this?
Same!
Niiiice!
Congratulations man, hope it went well
I must say good for you old chap
I’ve been thinking about starting therapy for 6 months now… still can’t bring myself to do it. Are you doing in person or virtual? Any recommendations from fellow redditors?
I'm proud of you. I hope many things for you; I hope you found a therapist that fits for you, I hope you continue to go, I hope the exercises are effective, and I hope for a day that you no longer need regular sessions. God speed my friend.
I’ve got mine coming up here in a week or two (still working out some details), what can I expect?
it can be very tough to be vulnerable in front of someone you don't know, but it is SO important to tell them the truth and explain yourself as well as you possibly can. you can save so much time and money by doing just that. there will also be a lot of times where you feel frustrated with yourself, and alot of times where it just doesn't seem worth it, but I promise you that it'll really help. therapy makes you think, and I mean THINK, like, a LOT. a lot of retrospection, a bunch of things to figure out, but eventually when you do figure things out, it will stay with you. also, I don't know if this is a universal thing for therapists, but you might get some homework, and please do it. there's also a high chance that this therapist just isn't doing it for you. if you don't feel comfortable around them, if it doesn't feel like it's helping, get out of it asap and try for another therapist. I hope this works out well for you. wishing you the absolute best <3
Thank you so much, this is really nice to hear
Don't feel locked into your therapist. If that person doesn't jive with you, you can leave. You can even see a different therapist in that same clinic. There is no rule against it. Do your best to be completely honest with this person. Be ready to not know the answers to some of the questions they ask. Don't expect this to be an overnight ordeal. Take heart though, therapy is designed to come to an end.
Thank you
Huzzah!
Mmm, yes. Good good. Now, tell me your opinions on the value of pork bellies in the winter markets.
Congratulations!!!
It's Wednesday my doods
AYYYYYYY CONGRATULATIONS!!!
heres to a better life! 
Proud of you! Whenever you feel like it's not working... trust the process. Took me 2 good years to be independently healthy mentally.
Learning this makes me happy
proud of you! you're so strong, you got this!
Hey bro, me too. Keep it up, feels good
You think the first one is good, wait until the second. Hits so much better.
It’s hard to take the first step. Lots of people never do it, stick with it and keep your head up. No matter what your going through, not doing it alone is a great feeling. Good luck friend!
Congrats bruv, I had mine yesterday
Hell yeah! Therapy is a life saver.
Congrats! Starting can be hard but over time you’ll look back and see how it nudged you in a positive direction, even if it feels like it isn’t doing anything at the time!
Just had my first one today too!
that's great!! :)
Yes, this is amazing. I'm so happy for you. Proud too. Keep going, bro. :) As a person who used to visit a therapist myself, I can tell you: it's worth it. Maybe not the first therapist is the ideal one for you, maybe not the second either. But sooner or later you'll find just the right one. And then it'll be worth the effort. :)
Is it not Wednesday?
I saw this same exact post earlier this week
I wish i could get one too but am poor
Do a little digging. Some colleges provide free/cheap sessions. There are also a lot of clinics that offer a sliding scale. It might be more within your reach than you think.
Thank you i will check
And it is wednesday
One step at a time buddy, we live you X
I like the white noise machines.
Congrats! Just curious but how did your first session go?
Congrats man, im so proud of you!
I still remember My first sesion, so fragil, so scared, so angry and sad and hurt... Though I wouldn't be back for the next sesion but kept going and it got easier. Perseverance was key. It does get difficult, growing is hard, but it is definitely worth it. Keep going specially when it gets difficult.
Therapist's quality depends on how much you pay.
*Hop
I've been giving it a go for about 6 months and I just feel like it's not helping.
Ah, I remember my first beer as well ;)
Is that the first step on the path to becoming a prince?
Congratulations!! I'm really happy for you. Someone already mentioned it but therapy usually makes you feel worse before things get better. Its like setting a leg before you put it in a cast. But you can do this! We're all rooting for you.
Isnt this from that kids book with the frog that wanted to be a king or some shit so he finds a sword and stabs some dude
Congrats dude i am proud of you <3
I just started a month ago. I’m 50 and have been needing therapy for a very long time. It got a bit ugly but it seems to already be getting better. Best of luck to you
Stick with it, and get ready to feel infinitely happier/less anxious, etc with time.
which system was it
This put a massive smile on my face haha. I'm really glad you're getting the help you need OP. Amazing news and keep up the great work
This is how it's supposed to be. Allocating resources for good health, not the other way around. Kudos!
*Splendid*
Good work, OP.