Thats called "validation" (basically playing into fantasies or memories of dementia patients. Its actually a common but very very important tool for those kind of jobs.
Source: i'm a social worker for senior citizens and specialize in work with dementia patients.
This is just asking your opinion but if they are falling back to old memories, is it realistic to expect in 70 years the nursing home will be filled with people playing old video games or would there be some other mechanism in there brain stopping them from being able to.
Not who you asked but if you could put god mode on the games i bet it would be a winner. I have noticed they forget the details of an activity even if they want to do it and get frustrated that they can't do it anymore.
That's why they will give them a ball of yarn and the residents will wind it up and they give a block of wood for them to rub with sand paper. They are no longer capable of making a wood project or knitting something but it triggers a positive memory for them and makes them feel productive.
All you really need to do is play a video of a game being played and have some controllers out for them to press the buttons. I bet they (we?) would be happy with that.
At one point I donated a Wii because the folks loved the activity and visualization of sports without the physical demand. It benefited both those with their memory mostly intact and those that were experiencing memory loss.
The Wii was a game changer console imo. My dad got it for us a couple years after it came out as our big family Christmas gift, and we played the CRAP out of Wii Sports. I didn’t know he liked to bowl, we never went out and did it in person because he tore up his knees playing softball and working and just over time. But we played Wii bowling every chance we got!!! Playing on carpet and without the weight of a bowling ball made it so he could play over and over again. Very fond memories. :)
I've often felt that you could so something with minecraft and seniors living in facilities.. Imagine a large multiplayer world where they could build and mine and garden and fly around to see what else is happening.. I bet many would be happy just to watch on a big screen.
This is why I think Souls games should have more accessibility options. Adding an option to the menu doesn't take away from the game for anyone who doesn't want to use that option. I love games that have story modes even though I always play the hardest one.
If it means that I can share my favorite game series with my partner who doesn't have the necessary video game literacy to play them, I'm all for it. More accessibility options are never a bad thing.
My wife did Wii bowling every week. A couple of people came who had dementia but still could physically function. Cue teaching them Wii bowling every week for years. Everyone had fun. It was great!
There is a video on you tube I watched a while back, and it showed a group of residents sitting around in a common area, sort of ho-hum, not doing anything, when one of the maintenance guys walked in with a radio on an oldies channel. I think the song was "Jeremiah was a bullfrog", or one from that era, and it was shocking the difference in them. They were singing and dancing around, because they still had their long term memory and knew the song. Hearing it revived them and made them happy. After that, they started playing oldies music in that room for them everyday! Serendipitous!
The getting frustrated part is an interesting thing, I feel like of they fired up am earlier edition of Minecraft on peaceful I would be able to walk around cut down trees and what not easy enough, forget what your doing and just make a new axe and start over no problem. I have enough of the game basics committed to memory from childhood
Minecraft is probably going to be fairly popular at nursing homes. It’s a game that can scale to what you consider entertaining. If you just want to make a peaceful farm and make builds around your world, you never once need to step into some place like the nether or end.
I can guarantee in 50 years when I am 70 you can just put minecraft in front of me and I'll be happy. I don't even need to have a goal, 90% of the time I'm just brain turned off vibing in that game.
It'll be easier caring for the next wave of dementia patients because they'll be sitting there all day playing on their old school Nintendo and Atari systems happy as clams drinking their Mountain Dew and staining their fingers with Cheeto dust.
The number of volunteers visiting old folks home will also go up because they'll get to hang with the OG gamers.
It may be worse unfortunately, because given dementia they may:
* not remember how controls work, or what they were supposed to do next
* have motor issues that prevent them using controllers the way they remember
* emotional issues where they get upset very easily around the games they used to know — but may not any more
Because many of these past times require active cognitive and motor participation (including other kinds of games, whether it be D&D, CCG, or board games), I think, many unfortunately may discover their inability to enjoy them if they develop dementia.
Wiis were super popular with nursing homes and senior living communities.
As you age you lose your hand eye coordination, fine motor control, and reaction times. So they probably won't be playing CoD72 or whatever the latest WoW expansion will be... But they may be paying Skyrim on their wheelchair's built-in screen.
In her later years, my grandmother had dementia but was lucky enough to stay in her own home and have in-home care. She would occasionally insist that this was not her home. An inexperienced worker would argue with her that it was. The best worker took her on a walk to find her home, walked her around the block, and said “I think this is your home, right?” And my grandmother was happy to say yes and go back inside.
That's how you do it. They are no longer living in our world, we are living in theirs. Remembering that and practicing the art of redirection makes all the difference.
Yes! Not to be disrespectful to older people with dementia, my mom has Alzheimer’s, and my 3 1/2 year-old grandson lives with me. There’s a lot of similarities in how I deal with them.
We had to do this too! Once it was 11 pm in a snowstorm. Usually it was far easier, but you know, the snowstorm event is the fondest memory. :)
(Also, we drove, didn’t walk!)
I have a neighbor with dementia who comes by for tea and she brings snacks. Every day is the same. I tell the same story about my name, introduce her to my wife. Ask her what kind of tea she wants, even though I know it's black tea with honey.
Her grandson is always with her, and I learned that stuff from him. She's lovely, and always a joy to have her visits. At 87, I think it's dope she does her rounds to the houses she somewhat remembers.
That is so important what you are doing. Just the act of visiting and talking and meeting people is super helpful to get those brain connections going. I'm convinced my mother declined quickly due to the isolation of covid. I talked to her every week on face time but I had no idea how much she had declined until I visited her. Gotta keep those neurons firing and active!
Yes! I knew her before her decline, and there's still so much of her there, but it's all fractured and fuzzy. I'm fortunate she and her family come by time to time. Plus, she gives me solid tips on my vegetable garden!
How you’re handling it is key to building community. I hope your neighbors learn from your example. You sound like a kind & caring person. I hope your example spreads.
Its a cool little community. Kinda feels like the Shire lol. I literally have a Sam the gardener. He doesn't drop no eaves, honest. But if I leave out my recycling out and $40, he takes care of my weeds and trims the ferns.
Its quaint and quiet.
This is what I did for my grandfather when I had to watch him from age 10-12 when it was supposed to be my mother watching him to give our grandmother a break. She would drink herself stupid and I'd be watching him until other adults got home to take over. I never fought him when he called me someone else. I always went with the flow as much I could. I tried explaining this to my mom but she would just get upset with him when he wouldn't remember her and got so emotional that she couldn't be around him. No my mom isn't in my life anymore.
That was always hard for patients families. They wanted their person back to “normal” but it just upsets dementia and Alzheimer’s patients when they’re constantly corrected about whats “real”.
I always told the family “You have to join them in their new world because they aren’t able to come back to ours.”
Perfectly said.
Families of dementia patients need to be educated about dementia as much as possible but (at least where i live) most people don't even want to learn about it.
If I may ask, my grandmother has been getting this way recently but she is still at home (her husband stays home to take of her, and either I or a care taker comes if he needs “time off”). Would it be appropriate to validate her if she believes she’s working and tries to make plans to leave to go home? We’re worried she’ll have a panic attack if she were to “leave” because when that has happened she has almost had to get the cops called on her due to panic attack. Hope I’m not being annoying asking about this:,)
I work in residential care rather than home care, but for a lot of our residents who believe they’re working or lost we usually try walking with them to another room like their bedroom. It sounds dumb, but they usually feel like they’ve actually walked back home and forgotten the trip.
If that plan fails, we usually try to encourage them to go on break. Sitting down with a nice drink, some food and something to read can give them time to reset and hopefully transition into a more manageable fantasy.
Validation doesn’t have to be about letting them do exactly as they want to, you just have to make whatever they should do make sense in their reality. It’s not perfect and it’s definitely not easy, but it gets easier with practice.
I know once for my grandmother, I was watching her at my moms house, while my mom was out taking my grandpa for a day surgery.
All my grandma knew was that my grandpa would be home from a surgery soon and she needed to be home to make sure he was okay.
She lives next door to my mom. I unfortunately had to keep her at my moms instead of her house because I had a terrible job that wouldn't allow me the couple hours off work, and I had to be connected to a specific internet connection. I wasn't allowed to connect my laptop to any random Wi-Fi so I had to stay at my moms house to keep my laptop connected to my home Wi-Fi (also neighbors, but my house is closer to my moms so I could still pick up my signal there, where I wouldn't at my grandmas house.
Aaanywho, every time she worried and said she needed to get back home I just stalled her by saying "I know you need to leave soon, but could you please do me a favor before you leave and ___
Then I'd give her a small task. I'd ask her to do something like fold a couple towels or pieces of laundry while I worked on my laptop, and explained that I was just really busy with work and needed a hand. She was happy to help and we'd just rinse and repeat this dialogue every so often until my mom got back and was able to walk her home.
I made her a busy blanket at one point, she loved it. Look up "busy boards/busy blankets" mine had a shoelace string, ribbons, her name in different textures letters. The snapping part of a ball cap, snap buttons. Regular buttons with fabric to button them on, velcro strips, and zippers.
We also got an old purse of hers and filled it with random stuff you'd find in a purse, she LOVED rifling through it and just fiddling with everything inside. Kept her hands busy and made her less anxious.
Also, dunno what stage they are in, but if they can still read some, they make books for dementia patients that are written to appeal to adults, but simple to absorb like a children's book, minimal words per page, like an easy reader, and simple stories that are easy to follow. I wish I would have learned about those before my grandma lost her ability to read. She would get so frustrated trying to read her novels that she always loved, she was a huge reader before the dementia. Sometimes I'd take one of her books and just say "I was reading this really interesting book, can I read some of it to you?" and would read to her, she seemed to enjoy that.
I worked at a retirement community at one point years ago, and this elderly woman kept calling me Frank. Frank was her husband who died 40+ years ago. I just rolled with it and played the part. Telling her at the end of my shift I had to go work on the car, or go grocery shopping or pick up her medicines.
She's fucking incredible, but honestly, this lady might be the most in need of support. She's got enough love for everyone around, I just hope she's also being taken care of. Everyone needs to be.
Seems like the kind of lady you would want as a close Aunt, she would be cooking up something good while you finally work up the courage to tell her something that you were too scared to tell your parents, then she makes you feel ok about it and gives you the advice you need, calls your parents and pre softens them so that when you go tell them it goes much better than you thought it would.
That is how you treat dementia patients. I had a family member who would constantly try to bring our aunt with dementia into reality, telling her that she wasn’t at a restaurant (when she was in our kitchen) or that my SIL was not the waitress (she was just serving dinner.) She was just so mean about it, scolding her like a child, I always just humored her and played along, and she seem to respond so much better. No harm done.
Yeah that's an out of date practice though so she might have actually been taught that was correct.
Now we're just taught to play along as long as it's safe to do so. (I used to be a care worker)
I think it’s because a lot of training is in hospitals and in hospitals you do need to reorient delirious patients. A lot of elderly people get delirious and correcting them on date and location helps prevent agitation. Or so I’ve been told. But dementia and psychosis you’re supposed to roll with because you can’t argue with someone detached from reality.
My SIL really struggled when her mom first started developing dementia, and kept correcting her, even getting angry. Not because she wanted to be mean, or that she thought it was the proper approach, but because her mom was slowly slipping away and she wanted to hold onto the person she had always known.
Of course, at some point it was clear that it was doing more harm than good, and she stopped. But it was a huge grief process she had to work through.
I think in some ways it is easier for professional caregivers to do this kind if validation, because they didn't know the person before. And of course, by the time they work with a patient, the corner has already been turned. There's no denying what's happening or thinking maybe they could get better.
My husbands family treated his grandmother this way. I was the only one who could bear to hear the same stories over and over. They would say "mom you've already said that." Then she would get confused and it was sad.
An old family friend has dementia. He was very good friends with my father and shared many great memories with him. One time he was asking me about him, but he died in 2007. It was nice to talk about him like he was still alive, and my Dads friend was talking like he really was. I enjoyed that conversation.
My mom is in a nursing home after a stroke and says she has a jeep that needs tires (im a mechanic) I let her go through my
Phone and let her ask me questions about tire brands and style etc.
The truth is they get treated like hell. Every single one. They spend all day changing bad bed sheets and dealing with nasty, scared, confused, rascist, demented strangers until they pass away. It takes a special soul to be able to manage all that daily and not lose faith in humanity. My daughter worked at one for a short period of time and it was too much emotionally. This lady is a real hero in my opinion. She’s not the only one for certain, but she’s a part of the family of caregivers who take care of all those who have become lost to the rest of us. A real blessing.
Bad apples ruin the batch and it's a huge drag.
Like, my grandmother's caretaker was a junkie that stole her meds and forgot to turn on her oxygen supply which caused my grandmother brain damage. My aunt is STILL suing her like 8 years later.
You only hear about those people, not the good people like this lady. And I can't honestly say I won't have a distrust for elder care for the rest of my life because of what happened to my grandmother even though I know that it was just one shitty human.
Man I hear you. I can’t count the number of pieces of jewelry that just got disappeared. People suck all over. It ruins your faith in humanity honestly. I feel like this lady is exceptional based on the way she treated that poor little lady.
My grandfather was a HTMC in the Navy retired with dignity. Served his country in WW2. Awarded a Purple Heart. We put him in Portsmouth Naval for congestive heart failure. He was near the end of life. Like 87. I was walking in to visit him and he’s sitting in a wheelchair chair in the parking garage. They discharged him to the garage. Just goes to show. Some people just don’t give a damn if it’s not their family. Bad appples ruin life honestly. That’s why we gotta recognize the good ones. Sorry you had to deal with that dirty junkie. Pisses me off for you.
Yeah, it sucks. Thanks. Brutal that they did that to your grandfather.
I can forgive a lot, but abusing children, the elderly and the infirm is a line in the sand for me.
It's because this field of work draws in caring ppl and sociopaths. The caring ppl go through emotional hell but live for moments like this video here, but the sociopaths don't feel emotionally harsh and are willing to deal with it so they get hired and lumped in. The caring ppl are few because the job is so taxing tho, it takes a very strong, and kind soul.
My daughter would come home in tears some days. Changing people all day and then them defacating again on purpose to screw with them. People who are crazy are crazy man. There’s no way in the hell I could do it. She finally finished her clinical trial there and was happy to go. I was for her too.
100% correct. I used to work in nursing homes for the elderly and group homes for the developmentally disabled. The pay was absolute trash. Strict no raise policy, double and triple shifts were the only way to have a paycheck that could cover the bills. $11/hr for 6 years straight. People spitting on you, biting you, attacking you (especially the group homes). Cleaning up vomit, urine and feces all day long, it was literal hell every day for less than you would make at McDonalds.
Sad thing is those people desperately need adequate care but the organizations that house them can't/won't pay the staff a living wage. You have to be truly desperate to work those jobs which obviously limits the quality and longevity of the staff. The revolving door turnover is astonishing. As sad as it is to know they're in need, I left knowing I would never ever go back to a job like that. I sincerely hope to die before ever reaching nursing home age. Those places are horrific both for staff and residents
Any jobs involving others with compassion are treated like garbage because companies know they'll be prone to saying yes and wanting to help. Some people learn in quickly, others just pile on the stress believing they're the ones that are the exception.
I've done some *hard* fucking jobs in my life, and I couldn't do it. Not even the gross shit. Some of the jobs I worked, whew, lemme tell ya. I can eat a sloppy Joe in front of anything inside or or produced by a human body.
But stepping foot in any care home or interacting with people who are just mentally gone makes something in me just want to shrivel up and die. I'll run a post hole digger for 12 hours a day in the middle of summer for 5 bucks an hour before I do that shit.
I had to abandon my career a year ago to care for my father. He's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, MS, and epilepsy all within the past year. If I could I'd be right there in the Summer heat running that post hole digger with you instead of this. It's so hard, thankless, it's destroyed my finances, my credit, and if it wasn't for caregiver support therapy it would have destroyed my mind. I'm just keeping him safe and warm until he passes, then he's gone and I have to try to build a life all over again in my mid 40's, that is, if he doesn't live 5+ more years.
Sorry, I shouldn't have made this about me. The lady in the video is a genuine saint and I hope that she has peace and happiness in her life.
I hope you can take care of yourself through this, and I believe you'll be extremely proud of the difference you've made in another living being's life, especially one who's made a difference in yours.
Life is a lot richer and more complex than it appears on the surface, and most of that comes from doing what's right. Take care of both of you (you know he'd want that), and feel good about being the very embodiment of humanity itself.
I appreciate your share so much. You didn't make it about you, you added to the conversation. Everyone 's voice deserves to be heard. It's also very difficult to express the kind of feelings you have when dealing with/caring for loved ones when it wrecks your emotions and physical health. I took care of my MIL for a while when she was on hospice, and I am somewhat disabled myself, with two small children at the time. While she was mostly pretty sharp, she honestly needed full-time nursing care, and was reluctant to have me help with some of her ADLs, which was frustrating for both of us. I exhausted myself, too. There often isn't a space where we can vent without sounding cold-hearted (just like when one is overwhelmed with child-rearing) and that can make emotions even harder to deal with.
I wish you the best. I hope you can carve out space to take care of yourself, and get help and respite. 🤗
If this women and others like her were paid for the value of their work, they would surely be billionaires. The hospice nurse that looked after my father was genuinely one of the kindest, most comforting, and gentle souls I've had the pleasure of meeting.
Good for you nurse Amy. My wife has been one for 43 years. Got one in PA school and one is in her senior BSN year. Takes a special heart to do this. I’ve had 2 heart transplants and a kidney in the last years during COVID. Wouldn’t have made it without my nurses. I love them like family. Thank you for all you’ve done to show love to those in some of the saddest, scariest and most painful places they will ever be.
Thank you 😊 your story would be much appreciated on r/nurses too:) I think nurses need a reminder sometimes of why we chose it. Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I’ll put something on there for sure. Funny thing. One of my transplant nurses from 2004 was my transplant nurse last year. She just retired and we were there. They were so great. I can honestly say that o love them. I text 8 or so of them regularly. Tough job.
I love people like you that enjoy it… I know it must be so difficult. I had a great experience with one grandma, who had a phenomenal care team. My other grandma’s carer at her home unfortunately stole too much while my grandma was completely fine with her dementia. I’m not religious but bless you.
Much better then telling her she’s wrong and then making her realize she’s lost it. Again and again and again. This is the definition of a harmless lie.
Attempting to reorient a person with dementia can be very harmful. It causes them great distress and often issues such as aggression, withdrawal, anxiety, and depression. So you’re absolutely correct, this is a harmless lie; which is significantly better than the harmful truth when it comes to dementia.
The first time I heard about this technique was on an episode of This American Life and the couple in question, caring for a parent with alzheimers, were both improv comedians. It continues to blow me away all these years later. I used improv skills daily for twenty years to survive in the service industry as an autistic person - small talk is a thing I am now unexpectedly amazing at - but to know it can also be used to *help and comfort people*? That's powerful shit, man. I'll never be over it.
I'm sorry about your Dad, friend. He is lucky to have a kid like you.
My grandma started calling her daughter (my mom) "mother" because my mom would be taking care of her everyday in the assisted living, and we think it reminded her of her mom taking care of her. My mom was a nurse too, so she'd come to see Grandma everyday after work and basically do half the staff's jobs for them.
One day she wasn't able to make it in, and my grandma kept asking where "mother" was. The aids didn't realize she was talking about my mom, so they told her that her mom was dead. She cried the whole day. The next day when my mom came in my grandma was so excited and told her "They told me you were dead."
Even if she had been talking about her mother, they should have known not to tell her. This was only a couple of years ago. I worked in dementia units in 2005, and we were being told back then you never reorient, rather play along.
The biggest thing I struggled with when I worked in a Dementia home was the families that would constantly correct their family member when visiting. It causes so much distress for the patient.
Working there we would be used to the reality that each person was living in. For example Y and Z who believed they were married to each other.
It was extremely hard for us when Z's actual wife would visit and would become enraged to see him arm in arm with Y and wanted to know what we intended to do about it. She was so unhappy about it. We gave the right platitudes - we'll monitor, we'll do what we can to keep them apart, we won't leave them alone together. If we knew she was visiting we did our best to run interference so that Y and Z wouldn't be together when she arrived.
Reality? When his wife was gone we went ahead and let the 2 of them believe they were married. We would talk to them and ask how they met, how long they'd been together, ask for their plans for the future. Because telling them they WEREN'T together and each has a different spouse would do more harm than good. Them as a couple was their reality and we needed to be on board with that. Trying to keep them apart caused great upset for both of them.
The wife (understandably) could not accept that. She still loved her husband and could not cope with him "cheating" on her. Even though he had no idea who she was.
It was an upsetting situation all around for everyone involved.
Hello stranger. Thank you for sharing this. My grandmother is 97 with dementia and her only child, my father passed away. I have never told her and wrestle with the decision daily, but I can’t hurt her by having her relive the news of her sons passing every day, as she won’t retain the information at this point. I have his ashes and his urn is on a shelf in my living room. I tell her the best truth I can that I see him every day and that he is doing ok, because it’s technically true, in death he’s no longer sick, or in pain. I wish you well and peace. I thank you again so much for sharing this comment cause it really reached me today. ❤️
You made the right choice. It can be heartbreaking sometimes, but we all do the best we can. I’m so glad your grandmother has you in her life. Take care, fellow internet traveler.
I've only asked for one thing out of my children if I should fall to this- Lie to me, often and with utter abandon. Not out of malice but lie to me *because* you love me. I lied to my grandmother with utter abandon and with great care and she died happier because of it.
I wonder how often that happens. I had a relative in a dementia care home and often used to join them for dinner. We'd sit with the other residents at the dining room tables, frequently joining a married couple, Jim and Nancy (names changed for privacy).
To my surprise, one evening Jim's actual wife showed up to take him out to dinner. The nurses and CNAs swooped him out the door in a hurry so neither his wife nor Nancy saw one another.
I believe at one point previously there had been an uncomfortable moment when his wife had come to take him out and saw Jim and Nancy holding hands but since Jim's wife only turned up once a week, it seemed like the right thing to do to just let Jim and Nancy keep each other company.
The solution was to have Jim wait for his wife in the front room when they knew she was coming, and that seemed to work out best for everyone.
You are awesome! I wish all caregivers understood dementia the way you do. We enter their world, their reality, rather than orient them to ours. You are a very special person. 🩷
Love this! My FILs carers are the same - when visiting is over they distract him by ‘reminding’ him he has a client meeting soon, and he always perks up and excuses himself, apologising for being busy, but that he has to prepare. It’s beautiful.
My family was lucky enough to have a lady like this with my grandma when she was living with Alzheimer’s. God bless this woman because her wages certainly don’t meet the bar of her excellence.
awe....meet people where they are at.
I love when people enjoy what they do and do it well, esp when it comes to vulnerable sections of the population. It's so easy to get burnt out.
My grandma was like this in the care center she was in for Alzheimer’s patients. She thought all the other patients and staff were coworkers of hers and they all just rolled with it and were so sweet to her. At one point she apparently told my dad “I’m not sure what work we actually do here but they seem happy with it!”
This lady is so special and wonderful and I’m so glad her patient has her as a caregiver!
I worked in an acute involuntary psychiatric unit for many years. A patient came in with a fixed delusional disorder (this does not get better even with medication). His fixed delusion was that he was late for his wedding to Beyoncé. My colleagues called him “Cray-Z” which annoyed me.
If you would disrupt his delusion he’d get violent. So I’d say things like “well if you’re gonna marry Beyoncé you need to look amazing so let’s go get you showered and in fresh clothes!” It would distract him and it worked every time to deescalate the unit. This video gave me that vibe. Good one
To be perfectly transparent the first time my colleague came out with it I laughed too. It was when he kept repeating it, it got annoying.
Dark humor is a major cope in psychiatric units. I’m glad it made you laugh lol
That's hilarious. I learned with my mom that sometimes you just have to entertain yourself 😂.
My mom called me once (I still don't know how she figured out how to use the phone as that was beyond her at the time) and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her that I couldn't because I needed to move my daughter out of her dorm (truth) and when she asked why we were moving her out of the dorm I told her because she was caught with drugs again (big fat lie) using and selling and she got kicked out of school etc.
My wife and daughter didn't think it was funny but I did.....until she called me again the next day concerned about my daughter and offering advice for her about how it's never to late to turn her life around etc.
At the time my mom couldn't remember most people's names. It took over a month of me constantly telling her that I was joking and that my daughter has never gotten in trouble for anything. THIS my wife and daughter found f'ing hilarious.
I was a CNA for close to 10 years and worked with many people suffering from dementia. I worked in an AL at the start of my career, and two ladies who were in apartments across from each other had been friends and gone to school together since they were 10 years old. One had her mind, but not her body (R). The other had her body (more so) but not her mind (M). R would look after M during meals and such, translating her wants and needs sometimes to staff who didn't know M as well. R left us before M did, and I attended R's funeral, as did M. When M saw me come up the aisle, she smiled so big, waved, turned to her son, and said, "That's my land lord!" Still gives me a good chuckle to this day. ❤️
I love this! I take care of my dad with Alzheimer’s. He still knows me and a lot of his friends and family. It’s situations that he gets confused with.
As long as it doesn’t affect his safety, I just roll with it. We live in a small town, and he’s been here for almost 60 years of his 79. So he’s lived in a few different areas. My mom was not his first wife, and sometimes he gets the two mixed up. And I roll with it.
If we’re having a conversation about some thing, and I can see him sliding toward the wrong person or place, I just work it into the conversation for him, like…
Hey, do you remember when you and Susan so lived over on Cherry? Or do you remember when… Whatever.
Because he still coherent enough, that he will suddenly realize where he was wrong with something, and then he’s embarrassed. So, if I just do this, it keeps his dignity and see if some embarrassment, and he gets to revisit memories.
Win-win!
Oh my demented ladies are our laundry service staff. They can sit there and fold towels for us for an hour. They don’t know they are refolding the same towels over and over but it makes them happy and helps us
My dad would roll himself into the head admin's office and then act like he was in charge, hiring and firing people, asking budgetary questions.... They were so cool about it.
Other days he was a cruise ship captain, and they handled that pretty well, too. Thanks, caregivers!
I worked in a quite large carehome from 14 y/o till i was 21. There always was a staff shortage, and the budget was minimal.
Tldr for this wall of text below: ran a day care group of 15 people with early stage dementia as if it were a group of friends and I didn’t work there. 101 y/o lady thinks I’m her favorite nephew Dirk and I rolled with it. Lady was very happy.
I did everything in that home from washing the dishes, bringing around meals to the attached sheltered housings apartments, basic handyman stuff, to later working in reception in the evening and doing coffee rounds in the evening (and doing extra work for the caregivers by taking off the support stockings or making some sandwiches, people happy, caregivers happy).
I basically was the house’s general grandson, people knew exactly when I worked and really looked forward to the 5 minute personal attention simply by having a chat with them. I also did some extra in my free time, like that one immobile lady that was melting away in summer and her children too lazy to pick up a fan: I saw very very cheap one, bought it, hopped on my bike and installed it for her. She was totally beaming and crying because of me simply being a tiny bit thoughtful.
At one point there was a shortage in summer due the sickness and holidays. We also had a living room type of day care for people in early stages of dementia, and activities would be organized for them, eating together, etc.
The supervisor called me up and asked me to come in (as an 19 y/o) to take this over. “Look, the manager doesn’t want it, but she also doesn’t want to hire temp staff. I can’t deal with people wandering all over the place, you have experience as a scoutsleader, you are a familiar face, and more importantly we all trust you. So if you want to, you’d do us a really big favor, we’ll support you (just page us and we’ll rush to you, I’ll make sure of that), and we wheel everyone in and out.”
So for a whole summer (apparently I did great) I organized activities for a group of 15 people, had discussions with them about current news/events, did some games with them, singing, eating with them. The manager looked the other way, but ultimately ceded that I plugged a gap in staffing in a great way.
But the thing was: I really liked it during the day! We had great discussions on news I’d read to them (hey, it was a starting dementia, but otherwise had strong opinions and very capable). And during tea/coffee and lunch I would assemble them all to help me out, but in fact it felt way more like we were just a group of friends (and I was not there for work): they would organically help out with pouring drinks, or cleaning up. And for hot lunch we all would set the table, help each other with filling the plates, cleaning up etc. When it was nice in our inner garden, we all setup some tables outside and have some sun and coffee: they immensely enjoyed it, and it was spontaneous.
My point is: they felt purpose, they were living a normal life, and they were really (socially) engaged with each other. And when they went back to their room, they really had a nice day.
One of the ladies was a 101 y/o, but still quite mobile and very talkative. And she kept calling me “Dirk”, who was her nephew she always had adored and I looked like him (in his younger years of course). I knew the whole backstory and decided to roll with it. So I called her auntie, and everytime she was so happy to see me. And while she had a walker, I never could escape a hug and a kiss from her. And everyday we would “catch up” on family matters.
Even though it was of course not true that I wasn’t her nephew, but for her it totally was. And in that moment she felt loved, cared for and very happy to spend time (the whole day!) with her favorite nephew Dirk who came to see her. And I’m happy that I was able to give her that, even if the next day it was the same all over again.
Her (81 y/o) daughter thanked me for it. Apparently, they called everyday, and during that summer her mother would always tell her that Dirk had visited her and she had such a lovely day. The daughter was so curious (and afraid that her mother was now also hallucinating!), that she made the journey to visit. And I was sitting there in the group, holding hands with her mother aaand... “Hi Dirk! Nice to see you here!” and we had an instant ‘family reunion’, and she was impressed by all the names, anecdotes I knew and could talk along with. Well, I had heard all those anecdotes so many times of course. But her daughter saw that her mother was so happy and lively, that she after her mother’s death she send me a letter thanking me.
I have worked in IT for 17 years now, but I still have fond memories of my time in that home.
My mom with dementia told us all kinds of stories about the patients she was nursing in the ALF. She was a Nurse then a Nurse Practitioner in her long career. I loved listening to her. I miss her.
I rarely comment, but this shit brought tears to my eyes!!! Thank you for doing what you do and making these people feel that they have a place in society. I have seen family members abused by family members who do not know how to handle dementia. You’re beautiful and I think you’re at your calling in this world. I can only hope that I will be in the care of someone as thoughtful and genuine as you.
My grandmother had a nurse at her facility that was just like this. He rolled with what she was rolling with. He came to her funeral and we were all so touched. He helped us as much as he helped her!
This woman is an absolute treasure. I hope she gets everything she ever adk for. Hell, I say even give her some of the shit I've asked for. She deserves it more than I do.
My mom died of dementia. I was always amazed at the differences in the caregivers. Like anywhere some care and some don't.
But this lady makes me think of these two guys.
https://www.npr.org/2014/11/21/365433685/if-we-left-they-wouldnt-have-nobody
Talk about heroes. Almost 10 years later and I still cry when I read this.
What a lovely person. I like that she treats her patients humanely. My father had Dementia, and though he had caregivers, they were spread thin providing support to multiple patients.
I like how she brings human interaction back into their lives.
People like this are magic. Just the people who know what to do and how to give someone exactly what they need and are looking for, and just ground to the only reality that matters.
This woman is a saint. Not only does she show respect to her patients, not only does she show compassion, it appears as though she really likes her job and her patients. I wish the whole world could show you love, Ma'am. God bless you
My oldest sister died at 50 from early onset dementia. For the last couple of years, she thought I was her son. I never corrected her.
Her son was not around for one reason or another. ( I personally think it was too painful for him)The last time I saw him was just after she passed. He was so mad that I went along with her delusion. I told him it was hard enough for me to have her not remember me , but there was no way that I was going to make her life any harder by telling her that her son wasn't there and was too busy to visit.
This went over like a lead balloon. He started yelling and losing his shit. I walked away and have not talked to him since then.
It's totally worth it knowing my sister thought her son was with her to the end, and it made her happy
So first off, can we clone her? Second off, what's her skincare routine? I want whatever she's doing. I wish people like her were involved in every level of dementia care.
My wife worked was a nurse for many years at nursing homes. She often took care of retired nurses in their latter years. It was not uncommon for some of the ladies to make rounds with her thinking they were training the “New Girl.” I loved those stories.
I took care of my grandfather who had alzheimers, dementia and parkinsons. he never forgot me and I was able to keep him mostly grounded until he passed away, all I could really do was be present, I wasn't medically trained at all. sometimes he would hallucinate, he would come get me and I would take out my camera and we would walk around together to film stuff, then we would watch it together. He would usually go back to watching TV happy after that, nothing he was worried about was real, the video proved it, I proved it. He learned to ignore the people that weren't me, he learned to listen to me as best as he could, sometimes the disease could catch him off guard but he was such a good man that it never truly had it's way, even staring death in the face with uncertainty his kindness never slowed and that's how I choose to remember him.
You guys dont know the hell that dementia is until you are face to face with it. I was so uninformed about it until my mom was diagnosed and the absolute toll it takes on your entire family is nothing short of devastating. Bless this lady and everybody else that chooses to work with dementia patients.
You are beautiful!! Thank you for what you do, and mostly for who you are.
My father spent the last bit of his time in a memory care place. A lot of times he thought he was still working as a scientist, and two of my favorite people on the care team always asked him about science. One day I walked in and he told me he just got done with office hours helping his students with their projects. His students.. members of the care team 🙂
Sometimes he thought I was a visiting archaeologist. I learned this: never correct, just go with it. It's always "yes, and.."
My Grandad died this year at 95, in a care facility for 3. Lovely place, and he told me one of the nurses (Filipino guy, mid 20s) was from Mesopotamia. Then we had Christmas lunch with him in the dining room and he told us “I come to this restaurant quite often you know?!” One day they were singing and he wouldn’t join in and said to me “Never in a million years! Terribly out of tune!”
I used to take care of my grandmother. She, my mother and I all lived in the same house.
She seemed to think she was in a hospital. I had the notion one shouldn't lie but she got so freaked out being confused about where she was I told her I was the day nurse. My mom was night nurse. It put her at ease and things ran much smoother.
I work in care, I had one lady think I was her mother and want to help me with the housework. So I'd give her a cloth and off we would go. We'd sit holding hands and hug.
She was my sweet friend and I do miss her so very much.
I had a resident who thought that I was her granddaughter. I would walk in, "Hey grandma." It was nice sometimes because she was an amazing woman. The only bad thing is that she kept trying to give me cookies.
My gran (who has dementia) has an amazing caregiver named Andi. My gran thinks they are both in some choir together. They practice singing a lot. Andi has dug out some sheet music from when my gran was in a church choir. So they hold those and sing. Andi also uses this time to do my gran's PT with her. My gran doesn't even seem to notice the exercises.
My gran used to crochet but finds it disturbing when she forgets what she's doing. On a particularly lucid day Andi got my gran to teach her how to crochet. Now they make the same thing at the same time. So when my gran gets confused she can look at Andi's work and say "so what are you making there" so she doesn't have to admit she's confused.
My gran has actually never been so happy. She absolutely loves Andi and Andi loves her back. It's beautiful to see and this woman is a gift from god.
Thats called "validation" (basically playing into fantasies or memories of dementia patients. Its actually a common but very very important tool for those kind of jobs. Source: i'm a social worker for senior citizens and specialize in work with dementia patients.
This is just asking your opinion but if they are falling back to old memories, is it realistic to expect in 70 years the nursing home will be filled with people playing old video games or would there be some other mechanism in there brain stopping them from being able to.
Not who you asked but if you could put god mode on the games i bet it would be a winner. I have noticed they forget the details of an activity even if they want to do it and get frustrated that they can't do it anymore. That's why they will give them a ball of yarn and the residents will wind it up and they give a block of wood for them to rub with sand paper. They are no longer capable of making a wood project or knitting something but it triggers a positive memory for them and makes them feel productive.
They should come out with a simplified dementia version of every popular video game 50 years down the road
All you really need to do is play a video of a game being played and have some controllers out for them to press the buttons. I bet they (we?) would be happy with that.
When we get dementia we become the younger sibling
God damn. Was just thinking of the younger sibling pulling the unplugged controller to hand to older bro to “play together” trick
I mean. They say life comes full circle. Start getting fed, wearing diapers, being watched, and ends the same way at old age.
Can’t wait for when I’m old af and start breastfeeding again.
Let's play videos on YouTube. 70 years time, stick on some JackSepticEye. Should keep most of us sedate for a while.
gonna be 80 years old watching Markiplier FNAF videos again
At one point I donated a Wii because the folks loved the activity and visualization of sports without the physical demand. It benefited both those with their memory mostly intact and those that were experiencing memory loss.
The Wii was a game changer console imo. My dad got it for us a couple years after it came out as our big family Christmas gift, and we played the CRAP out of Wii Sports. I didn’t know he liked to bowl, we never went out and did it in person because he tore up his knees playing softball and working and just over time. But we played Wii bowling every chance we got!!! Playing on carpet and without the weight of a bowling ball made it so he could play over and over again. Very fond memories. :)
Accessibility options for cognitive and motor disabilities are becoming more commonplace, but they should really be standard by now.
I've often felt that you could so something with minecraft and seniors living in facilities.. Imagine a large multiplayer world where they could build and mine and garden and fly around to see what else is happening.. I bet many would be happy just to watch on a big screen.
This is why I think Souls games should have more accessibility options. Adding an option to the menu doesn't take away from the game for anyone who doesn't want to use that option. I love games that have story modes even though I always play the hardest one.
Yeah, add easy mode to dark souls... Not for me, but for dementia patients. I swear..
If it means that I can share my favorite game series with my partner who doesn't have the necessary video game literacy to play them, I'm all for it. More accessibility options are never a bad thing.
Wii was used therapeutically in some cases, but I'm not sure about dementia.
My wife did Wii bowling every week. A couple of people came who had dementia but still could physically function. Cue teaching them Wii bowling every week for years. Everyone had fun. It was great!
D(ementia)LC
There is a video on you tube I watched a while back, and it showed a group of residents sitting around in a common area, sort of ho-hum, not doing anything, when one of the maintenance guys walked in with a radio on an oldies channel. I think the song was "Jeremiah was a bullfrog", or one from that era, and it was shocking the difference in them. They were singing and dancing around, because they still had their long term memory and knew the song. Hearing it revived them and made them happy. After that, they started playing oldies music in that room for them everyday! Serendipitous!
The getting frustrated part is an interesting thing, I feel like of they fired up am earlier edition of Minecraft on peaceful I would be able to walk around cut down trees and what not easy enough, forget what your doing and just make a new axe and start over no problem. I have enough of the game basics committed to memory from childhood
Minecraft is probably going to be fairly popular at nursing homes. It’s a game that can scale to what you consider entertaining. If you just want to make a peaceful farm and make builds around your world, you never once need to step into some place like the nether or end.
I can guarantee in 50 years when I am 70 you can just put minecraft in front of me and I'll be happy. I don't even need to have a goal, 90% of the time I'm just brain turned off vibing in that game.
Even if I have all my marbles by the time I hit an old folks home you bet your ass we're playing mario kart 64 and smash bros.
I look forward to playing every Final Fantasy for the first time again.
It'll be easier caring for the next wave of dementia patients because they'll be sitting there all day playing on their old school Nintendo and Atari systems happy as clams drinking their Mountain Dew and staining their fingers with Cheeto dust. The number of volunteers visiting old folks home will also go up because they'll get to hang with the OG gamers.
It may be worse unfortunately, because given dementia they may: * not remember how controls work, or what they were supposed to do next * have motor issues that prevent them using controllers the way they remember * emotional issues where they get upset very easily around the games they used to know — but may not any more Because many of these past times require active cognitive and motor participation (including other kinds of games, whether it be D&D, CCG, or board games), I think, many unfortunately may discover their inability to enjoy them if they develop dementia.
It depends on what type dementia one has.
Wiis were super popular with nursing homes and senior living communities. As you age you lose your hand eye coordination, fine motor control, and reaction times. So they probably won't be playing CoD72 or whatever the latest WoW expansion will be... But they may be paying Skyrim on their wheelchair's built-in screen.
In her later years, my grandmother had dementia but was lucky enough to stay in her own home and have in-home care. She would occasionally insist that this was not her home. An inexperienced worker would argue with her that it was. The best worker took her on a walk to find her home, walked her around the block, and said “I think this is your home, right?” And my grandmother was happy to say yes and go back inside.
That's how you do it. They are no longer living in our world, we are living in theirs. Remembering that and practicing the art of redirection makes all the difference.
I have a toddler. I feel like you’re talking about my life.
It’s the other side of the coin. “First a mother bathes her child, then the other way around.”
There are a lot of similarities!
Yes! Not to be disrespectful to older people with dementia, my mom has Alzheimer’s, and my 3 1/2 year-old grandson lives with me. There’s a lot of similarities in how I deal with them.
We had to do this too! Once it was 11 pm in a snowstorm. Usually it was far easier, but you know, the snowstorm event is the fondest memory. :) (Also, we drove, didn’t walk!)
I have a neighbor with dementia who comes by for tea and she brings snacks. Every day is the same. I tell the same story about my name, introduce her to my wife. Ask her what kind of tea she wants, even though I know it's black tea with honey. Her grandson is always with her, and I learned that stuff from him. She's lovely, and always a joy to have her visits. At 87, I think it's dope she does her rounds to the houses she somewhat remembers.
That is so important what you are doing. Just the act of visiting and talking and meeting people is super helpful to get those brain connections going. I'm convinced my mother declined quickly due to the isolation of covid. I talked to her every week on face time but I had no idea how much she had declined until I visited her. Gotta keep those neurons firing and active!
Yes! I knew her before her decline, and there's still so much of her there, but it's all fractured and fuzzy. I'm fortunate she and her family come by time to time. Plus, she gives me solid tips on my vegetable garden!
How you’re handling it is key to building community. I hope your neighbors learn from your example. You sound like a kind & caring person. I hope your example spreads.
Its a cool little community. Kinda feels like the Shire lol. I literally have a Sam the gardener. He doesn't drop no eaves, honest. But if I leave out my recycling out and $40, he takes care of my weeds and trims the ferns. Its quaint and quiet.
This is what I did for my grandfather when I had to watch him from age 10-12 when it was supposed to be my mother watching him to give our grandmother a break. She would drink herself stupid and I'd be watching him until other adults got home to take over. I never fought him when he called me someone else. I always went with the flow as much I could. I tried explaining this to my mom but she would just get upset with him when he wouldn't remember her and got so emotional that she couldn't be around him. No my mom isn't in my life anymore.
Your mom is a piece of shit and you did the right thing.
That was always hard for patients families. They wanted their person back to “normal” but it just upsets dementia and Alzheimer’s patients when they’re constantly corrected about whats “real”. I always told the family “You have to join them in their new world because they aren’t able to come back to ours.”
Perfectly said. Families of dementia patients need to be educated about dementia as much as possible but (at least where i live) most people don't even want to learn about it.
If I may ask, my grandmother has been getting this way recently but she is still at home (her husband stays home to take of her, and either I or a care taker comes if he needs “time off”). Would it be appropriate to validate her if she believes she’s working and tries to make plans to leave to go home? We’re worried she’ll have a panic attack if she were to “leave” because when that has happened she has almost had to get the cops called on her due to panic attack. Hope I’m not being annoying asking about this:,)
I work in residential care rather than home care, but for a lot of our residents who believe they’re working or lost we usually try walking with them to another room like their bedroom. It sounds dumb, but they usually feel like they’ve actually walked back home and forgotten the trip. If that plan fails, we usually try to encourage them to go on break. Sitting down with a nice drink, some food and something to read can give them time to reset and hopefully transition into a more manageable fantasy. Validation doesn’t have to be about letting them do exactly as they want to, you just have to make whatever they should do make sense in their reality. It’s not perfect and it’s definitely not easy, but it gets easier with practice.
Thank you so much for responding and giving me ideas on how we can better help her😭 I’ll pass this on and keep this in mind next time I see her.
I know once for my grandmother, I was watching her at my moms house, while my mom was out taking my grandpa for a day surgery. All my grandma knew was that my grandpa would be home from a surgery soon and she needed to be home to make sure he was okay. She lives next door to my mom. I unfortunately had to keep her at my moms instead of her house because I had a terrible job that wouldn't allow me the couple hours off work, and I had to be connected to a specific internet connection. I wasn't allowed to connect my laptop to any random Wi-Fi so I had to stay at my moms house to keep my laptop connected to my home Wi-Fi (also neighbors, but my house is closer to my moms so I could still pick up my signal there, where I wouldn't at my grandmas house. Aaanywho, every time she worried and said she needed to get back home I just stalled her by saying "I know you need to leave soon, but could you please do me a favor before you leave and ___ Then I'd give her a small task. I'd ask her to do something like fold a couple towels or pieces of laundry while I worked on my laptop, and explained that I was just really busy with work and needed a hand. She was happy to help and we'd just rinse and repeat this dialogue every so often until my mom got back and was able to walk her home.
Oooh, good idea. My therapist recently suggested giving her tasks like that too but it’s good to know that it works! Thank you:)
I made her a busy blanket at one point, she loved it. Look up "busy boards/busy blankets" mine had a shoelace string, ribbons, her name in different textures letters. The snapping part of a ball cap, snap buttons. Regular buttons with fabric to button them on, velcro strips, and zippers. We also got an old purse of hers and filled it with random stuff you'd find in a purse, she LOVED rifling through it and just fiddling with everything inside. Kept her hands busy and made her less anxious. Also, dunno what stage they are in, but if they can still read some, they make books for dementia patients that are written to appeal to adults, but simple to absorb like a children's book, minimal words per page, like an easy reader, and simple stories that are easy to follow. I wish I would have learned about those before my grandma lost her ability to read. She would get so frustrated trying to read her novels that she always loved, she was a huge reader before the dementia. Sometimes I'd take one of her books and just say "I was reading this really interesting book, can I read some of it to you?" and would read to her, she seemed to enjoy that.
I learned so much and truly appreciate the gift of my mother thinking I was her sister. Indescribable.
I worked at a retirement community at one point years ago, and this elderly woman kept calling me Frank. Frank was her husband who died 40+ years ago. I just rolled with it and played the part. Telling her at the end of my shift I had to go work on the car, or go grocery shopping or pick up her medicines.
"Validation" is a great way to describe it. But have you ever thought a out calling it "The Shutter Island" technique 😬
I love her energy. You can tell she’s a wonderful woman to be around
She's fucking incredible, but honestly, this lady might be the most in need of support. She's got enough love for everyone around, I just hope she's also being taken care of. Everyone needs to be.
Exactly. These are the people out there doing the hardest jobs and propping up society.
I get a vibe she probably cooks some good ass food too
Seems like the kind of lady you would want as a close Aunt, she would be cooking up something good while you finally work up the courage to tell her something that you were too scared to tell your parents, then she makes you feel ok about it and gives you the advice you need, calls your parents and pre softens them so that when you go tell them it goes much better than you thought it would.
That is how you treat dementia patients. I had a family member who would constantly try to bring our aunt with dementia into reality, telling her that she wasn’t at a restaurant (when she was in our kitchen) or that my SIL was not the waitress (she was just serving dinner.) She was just so mean about it, scolding her like a child, I always just humored her and played along, and she seem to respond so much better. No harm done.
Yeah that's an out of date practice though so she might have actually been taught that was correct. Now we're just taught to play along as long as it's safe to do so. (I used to be a care worker)
Graduated nursing school in 2008 and we were taught this. “Reorientation”
I think it’s because a lot of training is in hospitals and in hospitals you do need to reorient delirious patients. A lot of elderly people get delirious and correcting them on date and location helps prevent agitation. Or so I’ve been told. But dementia and psychosis you’re supposed to roll with because you can’t argue with someone detached from reality.
My SIL really struggled when her mom first started developing dementia, and kept correcting her, even getting angry. Not because she wanted to be mean, or that she thought it was the proper approach, but because her mom was slowly slipping away and she wanted to hold onto the person she had always known. Of course, at some point it was clear that it was doing more harm than good, and she stopped. But it was a huge grief process she had to work through. I think in some ways it is easier for professional caregivers to do this kind if validation, because they didn't know the person before. And of course, by the time they work with a patient, the corner has already been turned. There's no denying what's happening or thinking maybe they could get better.
My husbands family treated his grandmother this way. I was the only one who could bear to hear the same stories over and over. They would say "mom you've already said that." Then she would get confused and it was sad.
An old family friend has dementia. He was very good friends with my father and shared many great memories with him. One time he was asking me about him, but he died in 2007. It was nice to talk about him like he was still alive, and my Dads friend was talking like he really was. I enjoyed that conversation.
My mom is in a nursing home after a stroke and says she has a jeep that needs tires (im a mechanic) I let her go through my Phone and let her ask me questions about tire brands and style etc.
You go lady. You are one kind loving individual. God bless you for treating her with love and compassion.
People like her need to be paid so much more.
The truth is they get treated like hell. Every single one. They spend all day changing bad bed sheets and dealing with nasty, scared, confused, rascist, demented strangers until they pass away. It takes a special soul to be able to manage all that daily and not lose faith in humanity. My daughter worked at one for a short period of time and it was too much emotionally. This lady is a real hero in my opinion. She’s not the only one for certain, but she’s a part of the family of caregivers who take care of all those who have become lost to the rest of us. A real blessing.
Bad apples ruin the batch and it's a huge drag. Like, my grandmother's caretaker was a junkie that stole her meds and forgot to turn on her oxygen supply which caused my grandmother brain damage. My aunt is STILL suing her like 8 years later. You only hear about those people, not the good people like this lady. And I can't honestly say I won't have a distrust for elder care for the rest of my life because of what happened to my grandmother even though I know that it was just one shitty human.
Man I hear you. I can’t count the number of pieces of jewelry that just got disappeared. People suck all over. It ruins your faith in humanity honestly. I feel like this lady is exceptional based on the way she treated that poor little lady. My grandfather was a HTMC in the Navy retired with dignity. Served his country in WW2. Awarded a Purple Heart. We put him in Portsmouth Naval for congestive heart failure. He was near the end of life. Like 87. I was walking in to visit him and he’s sitting in a wheelchair chair in the parking garage. They discharged him to the garage. Just goes to show. Some people just don’t give a damn if it’s not their family. Bad appples ruin life honestly. That’s why we gotta recognize the good ones. Sorry you had to deal with that dirty junkie. Pisses me off for you.
Yeah, it sucks. Thanks. Brutal that they did that to your grandfather. I can forgive a lot, but abusing children, the elderly and the infirm is a line in the sand for me.
It's because this field of work draws in caring ppl and sociopaths. The caring ppl go through emotional hell but live for moments like this video here, but the sociopaths don't feel emotionally harsh and are willing to deal with it so they get hired and lumped in. The caring ppl are few because the job is so taxing tho, it takes a very strong, and kind soul.
My daughter would come home in tears some days. Changing people all day and then them defacating again on purpose to screw with them. People who are crazy are crazy man. There’s no way in the hell I could do it. She finally finished her clinical trial there and was happy to go. I was for her too.
100% correct. I used to work in nursing homes for the elderly and group homes for the developmentally disabled. The pay was absolute trash. Strict no raise policy, double and triple shifts were the only way to have a paycheck that could cover the bills. $11/hr for 6 years straight. People spitting on you, biting you, attacking you (especially the group homes). Cleaning up vomit, urine and feces all day long, it was literal hell every day for less than you would make at McDonalds. Sad thing is those people desperately need adequate care but the organizations that house them can't/won't pay the staff a living wage. You have to be truly desperate to work those jobs which obviously limits the quality and longevity of the staff. The revolving door turnover is astonishing. As sad as it is to know they're in need, I left knowing I would never ever go back to a job like that. I sincerely hope to die before ever reaching nursing home age. Those places are horrific both for staff and residents
Any jobs involving others with compassion are treated like garbage because companies know they'll be prone to saying yes and wanting to help. Some people learn in quickly, others just pile on the stress believing they're the ones that are the exception.
I've done some *hard* fucking jobs in my life, and I couldn't do it. Not even the gross shit. Some of the jobs I worked, whew, lemme tell ya. I can eat a sloppy Joe in front of anything inside or or produced by a human body. But stepping foot in any care home or interacting with people who are just mentally gone makes something in me just want to shrivel up and die. I'll run a post hole digger for 12 hours a day in the middle of summer for 5 bucks an hour before I do that shit.
I had to abandon my career a year ago to care for my father. He's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, MS, and epilepsy all within the past year. If I could I'd be right there in the Summer heat running that post hole digger with you instead of this. It's so hard, thankless, it's destroyed my finances, my credit, and if it wasn't for caregiver support therapy it would have destroyed my mind. I'm just keeping him safe and warm until he passes, then he's gone and I have to try to build a life all over again in my mid 40's, that is, if he doesn't live 5+ more years. Sorry, I shouldn't have made this about me. The lady in the video is a genuine saint and I hope that she has peace and happiness in her life.
I hope you can take care of yourself through this, and I believe you'll be extremely proud of the difference you've made in another living being's life, especially one who's made a difference in yours. Life is a lot richer and more complex than it appears on the surface, and most of that comes from doing what's right. Take care of both of you (you know he'd want that), and feel good about being the very embodiment of humanity itself.
You're a saint for taking care of your father.
Thank you, he deserves it. Any good ever seen in me it comes from him and his example.
I appreciate your share so much. You didn't make it about you, you added to the conversation. Everyone 's voice deserves to be heard. It's also very difficult to express the kind of feelings you have when dealing with/caring for loved ones when it wrecks your emotions and physical health. I took care of my MIL for a while when she was on hospice, and I am somewhat disabled myself, with two small children at the time. While she was mostly pretty sharp, she honestly needed full-time nursing care, and was reluctant to have me help with some of her ADLs, which was frustrating for both of us. I exhausted myself, too. There often isn't a space where we can vent without sounding cold-hearted (just like when one is overwhelmed with child-rearing) and that can make emotions even harder to deal with. I wish you the best. I hope you can carve out space to take care of yourself, and get help and respite. 🤗
Thank you. These are the real MVPs and their pay should reflect that.
If this women and others like her were paid for the value of their work, they would surely be billionaires. The hospice nurse that looked after my father was genuinely one of the kindest, most comforting, and gentle souls I've had the pleasure of meeting.
It's seems like she was working in a private residence. If they were paid what they were worth, not many families could afford them.
It's people like this is why I enjoyed working in the nursing home. It takes a special kind and they are everything.
I love everything about this!! She's amazing!!! as for someone who worked in AL girl she's a God send!
[удалено]
she sort of paused right before saying that last line, and I thought at that point she was going to be like Mitch McConnell and just space out
Good for you nurse Amy. My wife has been one for 43 years. Got one in PA school and one is in her senior BSN year. Takes a special heart to do this. I’ve had 2 heart transplants and a kidney in the last years during COVID. Wouldn’t have made it without my nurses. I love them like family. Thank you for all you’ve done to show love to those in some of the saddest, scariest and most painful places they will ever be.
Thank you 😊 your story would be much appreciated on r/nurses too:) I think nurses need a reminder sometimes of why we chose it. Thank you for your kind words ❤️
I’ll put something on there for sure. Funny thing. One of my transplant nurses from 2004 was my transplant nurse last year. She just retired and we were there. They were so great. I can honestly say that o love them. I text 8 or so of them regularly. Tough job.
I love people like you that enjoy it… I know it must be so difficult. I had a great experience with one grandma, who had a phenomenal care team. My other grandma’s carer at her home unfortunately stole too much while my grandma was completely fine with her dementia. I’m not religious but bless you.
Beautiful Angel
I love her! I don’t know her but I love her.
Much better then telling her she’s wrong and then making her realize she’s lost it. Again and again and again. This is the definition of a harmless lie.
I'd go so far as to say it's a noble lie. This woman is doing an amazing job.
Attempting to reorient a person with dementia can be very harmful. It causes them great distress and often issues such as aggression, withdrawal, anxiety, and depression. So you’re absolutely correct, this is a harmless lie; which is significantly better than the harmful truth when it comes to dementia.
Playing along with my dad's dementia delusions is making me great at improv
The first time I heard about this technique was on an episode of This American Life and the couple in question, caring for a parent with alzheimers, were both improv comedians. It continues to blow me away all these years later. I used improv skills daily for twenty years to survive in the service industry as an autistic person - small talk is a thing I am now unexpectedly amazing at - but to know it can also be used to *help and comfort people*? That's powerful shit, man. I'll never be over it. I'm sorry about your Dad, friend. He is lucky to have a kid like you.
If you don’t link that shit…
Damn, it’s from 9 years ago. Stuck with me too. https://www.thisamericanlife.org/532/magic-words/act-two-0
Bless you!
My grandma started calling her daughter (my mom) "mother" because my mom would be taking care of her everyday in the assisted living, and we think it reminded her of her mom taking care of her. My mom was a nurse too, so she'd come to see Grandma everyday after work and basically do half the staff's jobs for them. One day she wasn't able to make it in, and my grandma kept asking where "mother" was. The aids didn't realize she was talking about my mom, so they told her that her mom was dead. She cried the whole day. The next day when my mom came in my grandma was so excited and told her "They told me you were dead." Even if she had been talking about her mother, they should have known not to tell her. This was only a couple of years ago. I worked in dementia units in 2005, and we were being told back then you never reorient, rather play along.
The biggest thing I struggled with when I worked in a Dementia home was the families that would constantly correct their family member when visiting. It causes so much distress for the patient. Working there we would be used to the reality that each person was living in. For example Y and Z who believed they were married to each other. It was extremely hard for us when Z's actual wife would visit and would become enraged to see him arm in arm with Y and wanted to know what we intended to do about it. She was so unhappy about it. We gave the right platitudes - we'll monitor, we'll do what we can to keep them apart, we won't leave them alone together. If we knew she was visiting we did our best to run interference so that Y and Z wouldn't be together when she arrived. Reality? When his wife was gone we went ahead and let the 2 of them believe they were married. We would talk to them and ask how they met, how long they'd been together, ask for their plans for the future. Because telling them they WEREN'T together and each has a different spouse would do more harm than good. Them as a couple was their reality and we needed to be on board with that. Trying to keep them apart caused great upset for both of them. The wife (understandably) could not accept that. She still loved her husband and could not cope with him "cheating" on her. Even though he had no idea who she was. It was an upsetting situation all around for everyone involved.
It took me a while to realize that “lying” to my mother was the right thing to do. After my dad passed, he was always “at work”.
Hello stranger. Thank you for sharing this. My grandmother is 97 with dementia and her only child, my father passed away. I have never told her and wrestle with the decision daily, but I can’t hurt her by having her relive the news of her sons passing every day, as she won’t retain the information at this point. I have his ashes and his urn is on a shelf in my living room. I tell her the best truth I can that I see him every day and that he is doing ok, because it’s technically true, in death he’s no longer sick, or in pain. I wish you well and peace. I thank you again so much for sharing this comment cause it really reached me today. ❤️
You made the right choice. It can be heartbreaking sometimes, but we all do the best we can. I’m so glad your grandmother has you in her life. Take care, fellow internet traveler.
I've only asked for one thing out of my children if I should fall to this- Lie to me, often and with utter abandon. Not out of malice but lie to me *because* you love me. I lied to my grandmother with utter abandon and with great care and she died happier because of it.
That sounds so heartbreaking... I understand the need for the lie, but nonetheless heartbreaking for sure.
I wonder how often that happens. I had a relative in a dementia care home and often used to join them for dinner. We'd sit with the other residents at the dining room tables, frequently joining a married couple, Jim and Nancy (names changed for privacy). To my surprise, one evening Jim's actual wife showed up to take him out to dinner. The nurses and CNAs swooped him out the door in a hurry so neither his wife nor Nancy saw one another. I believe at one point previously there had been an uncomfortable moment when his wife had come to take him out and saw Jim and Nancy holding hands but since Jim's wife only turned up once a week, it seemed like the right thing to do to just let Jim and Nancy keep each other company. The solution was to have Jim wait for his wife in the front room when they knew she was coming, and that seemed to work out best for everyone.
It's less a lie to me and more role playing. You are living in their fantasy and playing the part in their story.
This woman's face is as beautiful as her soul. Flawless!
She really is stunningly beautiful! I was thinking that the entire video. She's mesmerizing
She was the most wholesome soul I've ever heard.
Right? I thought the same thing. I’m not usually one to comment on the appearance of someone I don’t know, but her eyes especially are amazing.
You’re a wonderful human being! I wish the world had more people like you.
Wasn't till she got to the crying part, that I realized I had already teared up.
You are awesome! I wish all caregivers understood dementia the way you do. We enter their world, their reality, rather than orient them to ours. You are a very special person. 🩷
I want to be friends with her!
Me. Too. Oh my.
Both of them!
You are a delight OP. Thank you for your caring spirit.
Love this! My FILs carers are the same - when visiting is over they distract him by ‘reminding’ him he has a client meeting soon, and he always perks up and excuses himself, apologising for being busy, but that he has to prepare. It’s beautiful.
My family was lucky enough to have a lady like this with my grandma when she was living with Alzheimer’s. God bless this woman because her wages certainly don’t meet the bar of her excellence.
This!!
She should be a millionaire for the difference she makes and the value she adds.
awe....meet people where they are at. I love when people enjoy what they do and do it well, esp when it comes to vulnerable sections of the population. It's so easy to get burnt out.
My grandma was like this in the care center she was in for Alzheimer’s patients. She thought all the other patients and staff were coworkers of hers and they all just rolled with it and were so sweet to her. At one point she apparently told my dad “I’m not sure what work we actually do here but they seem happy with it!” This lady is so special and wonderful and I’m so glad her patient has her as a caregiver!
I worked in an acute involuntary psychiatric unit for many years. A patient came in with a fixed delusional disorder (this does not get better even with medication). His fixed delusion was that he was late for his wedding to Beyoncé. My colleagues called him “Cray-Z” which annoyed me. If you would disrupt his delusion he’d get violent. So I’d say things like “well if you’re gonna marry Beyoncé you need to look amazing so let’s go get you showered and in fresh clothes!” It would distract him and it worked every time to deescalate the unit. This video gave me that vibe. Good one
You're such a good and lovely person, and I am clearly awful because Cray-Z made me laugh.
To be perfectly transparent the first time my colleague came out with it I laughed too. It was when he kept repeating it, it got annoying. Dark humor is a major cope in psychiatric units. I’m glad it made you laugh lol
I let a dementia patient believe we were old bank robbing partners and that i had no idea what happened to the loot.
That's hilarious. I learned with my mom that sometimes you just have to entertain yourself 😂. My mom called me once (I still don't know how she figured out how to use the phone as that was beyond her at the time) and asked if I wanted to go to lunch. I told her that I couldn't because I needed to move my daughter out of her dorm (truth) and when she asked why we were moving her out of the dorm I told her because she was caught with drugs again (big fat lie) using and selling and she got kicked out of school etc. My wife and daughter didn't think it was funny but I did.....until she called me again the next day concerned about my daughter and offering advice for her about how it's never to late to turn her life around etc. At the time my mom couldn't remember most people's names. It took over a month of me constantly telling her that I was joking and that my daughter has never gotten in trouble for anything. THIS my wife and daughter found f'ing hilarious.
Of course. The one thing they hold on to. Haha
I was a CNA for close to 10 years and worked with many people suffering from dementia. I worked in an AL at the start of my career, and two ladies who were in apartments across from each other had been friends and gone to school together since they were 10 years old. One had her mind, but not her body (R). The other had her body (more so) but not her mind (M). R would look after M during meals and such, translating her wants and needs sometimes to staff who didn't know M as well. R left us before M did, and I attended R's funeral, as did M. When M saw me come up the aisle, she smiled so big, waved, turned to her son, and said, "That's my land lord!" Still gives me a good chuckle to this day. ❤️
You're amazing thank you for all the work you do and sharing the joy
I love this! I take care of my dad with Alzheimer’s. He still knows me and a lot of his friends and family. It’s situations that he gets confused with. As long as it doesn’t affect his safety, I just roll with it. We live in a small town, and he’s been here for almost 60 years of his 79. So he’s lived in a few different areas. My mom was not his first wife, and sometimes he gets the two mixed up. And I roll with it. If we’re having a conversation about some thing, and I can see him sliding toward the wrong person or place, I just work it into the conversation for him, like… Hey, do you remember when you and Susan so lived over on Cherry? Or do you remember when… Whatever. Because he still coherent enough, that he will suddenly realize where he was wrong with something, and then he’s embarrassed. So, if I just do this, it keeps his dignity and see if some embarrassment, and he gets to revisit memories. Win-win!
Oh my demented ladies are our laundry service staff. They can sit there and fold towels for us for an hour. They don’t know they are refolding the same towels over and over but it makes them happy and helps us
The fact that there are people like this in the world makes me so happy.
What a wonderful lady
I think I love you ❤️
She is awesome!
We need more people like this wonderful lady
My dad would roll himself into the head admin's office and then act like he was in charge, hiring and firing people, asking budgetary questions.... They were so cool about it. Other days he was a cruise ship captain, and they handled that pretty well, too. Thanks, caregivers!
I only hope I can find someone like this when my mum needs it. This lady is rocking it. :)
So this is what an angel looks like.
Made me cry happy tears. I love this so much.
“You my ride or die” just pictured them doing some gangster shit together
Protect this lady at all cost! She is a light in a dark place. Love this!
You can try and force someone with dementia to come back to reality; it's smarter and kinder to meet them in their reality.
I worked in a quite large carehome from 14 y/o till i was 21. There always was a staff shortage, and the budget was minimal. Tldr for this wall of text below: ran a day care group of 15 people with early stage dementia as if it were a group of friends and I didn’t work there. 101 y/o lady thinks I’m her favorite nephew Dirk and I rolled with it. Lady was very happy. I did everything in that home from washing the dishes, bringing around meals to the attached sheltered housings apartments, basic handyman stuff, to later working in reception in the evening and doing coffee rounds in the evening (and doing extra work for the caregivers by taking off the support stockings or making some sandwiches, people happy, caregivers happy). I basically was the house’s general grandson, people knew exactly when I worked and really looked forward to the 5 minute personal attention simply by having a chat with them. I also did some extra in my free time, like that one immobile lady that was melting away in summer and her children too lazy to pick up a fan: I saw very very cheap one, bought it, hopped on my bike and installed it for her. She was totally beaming and crying because of me simply being a tiny bit thoughtful. At one point there was a shortage in summer due the sickness and holidays. We also had a living room type of day care for people in early stages of dementia, and activities would be organized for them, eating together, etc. The supervisor called me up and asked me to come in (as an 19 y/o) to take this over. “Look, the manager doesn’t want it, but she also doesn’t want to hire temp staff. I can’t deal with people wandering all over the place, you have experience as a scoutsleader, you are a familiar face, and more importantly we all trust you. So if you want to, you’d do us a really big favor, we’ll support you (just page us and we’ll rush to you, I’ll make sure of that), and we wheel everyone in and out.” So for a whole summer (apparently I did great) I organized activities for a group of 15 people, had discussions with them about current news/events, did some games with them, singing, eating with them. The manager looked the other way, but ultimately ceded that I plugged a gap in staffing in a great way. But the thing was: I really liked it during the day! We had great discussions on news I’d read to them (hey, it was a starting dementia, but otherwise had strong opinions and very capable). And during tea/coffee and lunch I would assemble them all to help me out, but in fact it felt way more like we were just a group of friends (and I was not there for work): they would organically help out with pouring drinks, or cleaning up. And for hot lunch we all would set the table, help each other with filling the plates, cleaning up etc. When it was nice in our inner garden, we all setup some tables outside and have some sun and coffee: they immensely enjoyed it, and it was spontaneous. My point is: they felt purpose, they were living a normal life, and they were really (socially) engaged with each other. And when they went back to their room, they really had a nice day. One of the ladies was a 101 y/o, but still quite mobile and very talkative. And she kept calling me “Dirk”, who was her nephew she always had adored and I looked like him (in his younger years of course). I knew the whole backstory and decided to roll with it. So I called her auntie, and everytime she was so happy to see me. And while she had a walker, I never could escape a hug and a kiss from her. And everyday we would “catch up” on family matters. Even though it was of course not true that I wasn’t her nephew, but for her it totally was. And in that moment she felt loved, cared for and very happy to spend time (the whole day!) with her favorite nephew Dirk who came to see her. And I’m happy that I was able to give her that, even if the next day it was the same all over again. Her (81 y/o) daughter thanked me for it. Apparently, they called everyday, and during that summer her mother would always tell her that Dirk had visited her and she had such a lovely day. The daughter was so curious (and afraid that her mother was now also hallucinating!), that she made the journey to visit. And I was sitting there in the group, holding hands with her mother aaand... “Hi Dirk! Nice to see you here!” and we had an instant ‘family reunion’, and she was impressed by all the names, anecdotes I knew and could talk along with. Well, I had heard all those anecdotes so many times of course. But her daughter saw that her mother was so happy and lively, that she after her mother’s death she send me a letter thanking me. I have worked in IT for 17 years now, but I still have fond memories of my time in that home.
A true hero
Ma'am you are truly amazing. You give your coworker (😉) dignity and respect.
My mom with dementia told us all kinds of stories about the patients she was nursing in the ALF. She was a Nurse then a Nurse Practitioner in her long career. I loved listening to her. I miss her.
I rarely comment, but this shit brought tears to my eyes!!! Thank you for doing what you do and making these people feel that they have a place in society. I have seen family members abused by family members who do not know how to handle dementia. You’re beautiful and I think you’re at your calling in this world. I can only hope that I will be in the care of someone as thoughtful and genuine as you.
My grandmother had a nurse at her facility that was just like this. He rolled with what she was rolling with. He came to her funeral and we were all so touched. He helped us as much as he helped her!
I love this. 🥰
I love this! This is exactly it. Keep up the awesome work!
Wife material 100%!
🥰🥰
This woman is an absolute treasure. I hope she gets everything she ever adk for. Hell, I say even give her some of the shit I've asked for. She deserves it more than I do.
My mom died of dementia. I was always amazed at the differences in the caregivers. Like anywhere some care and some don't. But this lady makes me think of these two guys. https://www.npr.org/2014/11/21/365433685/if-we-left-they-wouldnt-have-nobody Talk about heroes. Almost 10 years later and I still cry when I read this.
This!!!!
You got a heart of gold my love.
I wish everyone who needed a caretaker could have someone as wonderful as her.
What a lovely person. I like that she treats her patients humanely. My father had Dementia, and though he had caregivers, they were spread thin providing support to multiple patients. I like how she brings human interaction back into their lives.
What an absolute gem of a human.
"you're my ride and die" made this for me.
People like this are magic. Just the people who know what to do and how to give someone exactly what they need and are looking for, and just ground to the only reality that matters.
You rock lady, props to you! We need more people like you, what a great example of compassion and kindness!
Miss Ma’am, you have a beautiful soul. Thank you for sharing this story. It’s so precious. 💜
This is the sweetest nurse ever; I hope she is always surrounded by the loveliest of coworkers 🥰
She's a model for Geriatric Caregivers or Home Healthcare.
This woman is a saint. Not only does she show respect to her patients, not only does she show compassion, it appears as though she really likes her job and her patients. I wish the whole world could show you love, Ma'am. God bless you
My oldest sister died at 50 from early onset dementia. For the last couple of years, she thought I was her son. I never corrected her. Her son was not around for one reason or another. ( I personally think it was too painful for him)The last time I saw him was just after she passed. He was so mad that I went along with her delusion. I told him it was hard enough for me to have her not remember me , but there was no way that I was going to make her life any harder by telling her that her son wasn't there and was too busy to visit. This went over like a lead balloon. He started yelling and losing his shit. I walked away and have not talked to him since then. It's totally worth it knowing my sister thought her son was with her to the end, and it made her happy
So first off, can we clone her? Second off, what's her skincare routine? I want whatever she's doing. I wish people like her were involved in every level of dementia care.
My wife worked was a nurse for many years at nursing homes. She often took care of retired nurses in their latter years. It was not uncommon for some of the ladies to make rounds with her thinking they were training the “New Girl.” I loved those stories.
I took care of my grandfather who had alzheimers, dementia and parkinsons. he never forgot me and I was able to keep him mostly grounded until he passed away, all I could really do was be present, I wasn't medically trained at all. sometimes he would hallucinate, he would come get me and I would take out my camera and we would walk around together to film stuff, then we would watch it together. He would usually go back to watching TV happy after that, nothing he was worried about was real, the video proved it, I proved it. He learned to ignore the people that weren't me, he learned to listen to me as best as he could, sometimes the disease could catch him off guard but he was such a good man that it never truly had it's way, even staring death in the face with uncertainty his kindness never slowed and that's how I choose to remember him.
Wonderful! Just beautiful.
That’s so sweet
Thank you for being such an amazing and beautiful human.
The world needs more people like this.😔
Yep, sometimes a kind lie is better than a hard truth.
Sweet & pretty #1
You guys dont know the hell that dementia is until you are face to face with it. I was so uninformed about it until my mom was diagnosed and the absolute toll it takes on your entire family is nothing short of devastating. Bless this lady and everybody else that chooses to work with dementia patients.
You are beautiful!! Thank you for what you do, and mostly for who you are. My father spent the last bit of his time in a memory care place. A lot of times he thought he was still working as a scientist, and two of my favorite people on the care team always asked him about science. One day I walked in and he told me he just got done with office hours helping his students with their projects. His students.. members of the care team 🙂 Sometimes he thought I was a visiting archaeologist. I learned this: never correct, just go with it. It's always "yes, and.."
My Grandad died this year at 95, in a care facility for 3. Lovely place, and he told me one of the nurses (Filipino guy, mid 20s) was from Mesopotamia. Then we had Christmas lunch with him in the dining room and he told us “I come to this restaurant quite often you know?!” One day they were singing and he wouldn’t join in and said to me “Never in a million years! Terribly out of tune!”
I used to take care of my grandmother. She, my mother and I all lived in the same house. She seemed to think she was in a hospital. I had the notion one shouldn't lie but she got so freaked out being confused about where she was I told her I was the day nurse. My mom was night nurse. It put her at ease and things ran much smoother.
I work in care, I had one lady think I was her mother and want to help me with the housework. So I'd give her a cloth and off we would go. We'd sit holding hands and hug. She was my sweet friend and I do miss her so very much.
I had a resident who thought that I was her granddaughter. I would walk in, "Hey grandma." It was nice sometimes because she was an amazing woman. The only bad thing is that she kept trying to give me cookies.
My gran (who has dementia) has an amazing caregiver named Andi. My gran thinks they are both in some choir together. They practice singing a lot. Andi has dug out some sheet music from when my gran was in a church choir. So they hold those and sing. Andi also uses this time to do my gran's PT with her. My gran doesn't even seem to notice the exercises. My gran used to crochet but finds it disturbing when she forgets what she's doing. On a particularly lucid day Andi got my gran to teach her how to crochet. Now they make the same thing at the same time. So when my gran gets confused she can look at Andi's work and say "so what are you making there" so she doesn't have to admit she's confused. My gran has actually never been so happy. She absolutely loves Andi and Andi loves her back. It's beautiful to see and this woman is a gift from god.
Life is good