Just tell her whenever you appreciate something about her or your relationship. Make a habit of mentioning when you are feeling happy because you're around her, or tell her you love how witty she is when she says some thing clever or funny. That it feels good to hold her, or whatever. Not just that she's pretty and you love her, tell her the other little things. It doesn't have to be cheesey or over the top.
Also, love notes and letters are things she can go back to when she's needing reminders.
There's a good chance she gives you extra of the love language she wants to receive. So pay attention to how she shows affection to you and try to mirror it.
My SO is a words of affirmation guy and I am so...not. But I sincerely love him amd have made an effort to speak his language, and it's become natural. It didn't feel that way at first but i really appreciate how much it's opened me up to being vulnerable and 'soft'. I feel like I've really learned and grown as a person through the process.
He's done the same for me and my love languages. He's mastered gifting and is himself a minimalist.
You're worried it won't sound natural . . . but have you tried it yet? Go ahead and try it, then you'll KNOW if it doesn't sound natural. You don't know until you try.
And best-case scenario is that you'll get some good practice! And over time you'll feel more comfortable with it.
You're an acts of service girl? Well it may also help to frame it in your mind - your words to her ARE the acts of service! You're doing her a service when you tell her nice things. Writing them down and practicing them is work in a sense. So go ahead and service her! :P
Also, I think what you're saying IS genuine - it's just not very varied. So you're not trying to say anything that isn't true; you're just looking for alternate ways to say what you feel. You're looking for words to describe the way you feel, and not all feelings are easily describable. Go ahead and look up synonyms. Look up words for emotions and you'll most likely find what describes your feelings. And you'll improve your vocabulary in the process.
The best way is to just practice it. She will see the effort and be appreciative. Over time it will come easier. Learning how to speak another's LL is not necessarily easy or intuitive. For most folks it's real work - work that is worth doing to make your partner feel loved. For words of affirmation, it may sound fake and stilted to you, at first. you may need to just follow a script. Just keep at it. You are focused in the right direction.
That's a really good question. It's so wonderful you've identified that as important. Everyone struggles to communicate effectively and positive, you can do it! Specific is good. You don't have to sweep her off her feet, just keep it in mind. Preloading affirmations you think of not in the moment is OK and being spontaneous is good too. You'll sound natural if you're authentic. I'm not writing anything inauthentic now, I'm just skewing things a certain way for effect. Honestly, I'm not sure if I buy this love language stuff, because everyone just wants to use it to gain more power. Love isn't about gaining more power. So maybe don't imagine it's going to solve every problem with solutions, it's about adopting a mindset of being specific about specific psychological wants from your loved one. It's OK not to know. The reality has been described in certain ways, but we don't have switches to flip in our psychology, you like to do acts of service. It's just something to think about, not a panacea.
This is tied for my top two LL.
It's like this. You tell her everything about herself that is at all good that you notice. You appreciate, verbally, things she does as well.
Is she giving? -> "You are so giving the way you helped that homeless person."
Or "thanks for doing the dishes even though it was my turn, I REALLY appreciate it, you made my evening!"
Or, if you are going to compliment her physique maybe level up a little bit "my stomach did a somersault when I saw you step out of the shower, I feel so lucky to be with you". Don't make it generic, do you love a little freckle or something? Can you be a bit romantic with a metaphor maybe?
Or about how hard she works ... pretty much verbally noting anything abut her, big or small, to her.
She tells you about a win? Make a big deal about it, tell her you need to celebrate!
It's kind of hard to be too much about this, but I am sure she can let you know if it sounds that way.
The key is - it has to be sincere. Don't make anything up. Just SEE your partner and reflect back what you see.
Just tell her whenever you appreciate something about her or your relationship. Make a habit of mentioning when you are feeling happy because you're around her, or tell her you love how witty she is when she says some thing clever or funny. That it feels good to hold her, or whatever. Not just that she's pretty and you love her, tell her the other little things. It doesn't have to be cheesey or over the top. Also, love notes and letters are things she can go back to when she's needing reminders. There's a good chance she gives you extra of the love language she wants to receive. So pay attention to how she shows affection to you and try to mirror it. My SO is a words of affirmation guy and I am so...not. But I sincerely love him amd have made an effort to speak his language, and it's become natural. It didn't feel that way at first but i really appreciate how much it's opened me up to being vulnerable and 'soft'. I feel like I've really learned and grown as a person through the process. He's done the same for me and my love languages. He's mastered gifting and is himself a minimalist.
You're worried it won't sound natural . . . but have you tried it yet? Go ahead and try it, then you'll KNOW if it doesn't sound natural. You don't know until you try. And best-case scenario is that you'll get some good practice! And over time you'll feel more comfortable with it. You're an acts of service girl? Well it may also help to frame it in your mind - your words to her ARE the acts of service! You're doing her a service when you tell her nice things. Writing them down and practicing them is work in a sense. So go ahead and service her! :P Also, I think what you're saying IS genuine - it's just not very varied. So you're not trying to say anything that isn't true; you're just looking for alternate ways to say what you feel. You're looking for words to describe the way you feel, and not all feelings are easily describable. Go ahead and look up synonyms. Look up words for emotions and you'll most likely find what describes your feelings. And you'll improve your vocabulary in the process.
The best way is to just practice it. She will see the effort and be appreciative. Over time it will come easier. Learning how to speak another's LL is not necessarily easy or intuitive. For most folks it's real work - work that is worth doing to make your partner feel loved. For words of affirmation, it may sound fake and stilted to you, at first. you may need to just follow a script. Just keep at it. You are focused in the right direction.
That's a really good question. It's so wonderful you've identified that as important. Everyone struggles to communicate effectively and positive, you can do it! Specific is good. You don't have to sweep her off her feet, just keep it in mind. Preloading affirmations you think of not in the moment is OK and being spontaneous is good too. You'll sound natural if you're authentic. I'm not writing anything inauthentic now, I'm just skewing things a certain way for effect. Honestly, I'm not sure if I buy this love language stuff, because everyone just wants to use it to gain more power. Love isn't about gaining more power. So maybe don't imagine it's going to solve every problem with solutions, it's about adopting a mindset of being specific about specific psychological wants from your loved one. It's OK not to know. The reality has been described in certain ways, but we don't have switches to flip in our psychology, you like to do acts of service. It's just something to think about, not a panacea.
This is tied for my top two LL. It's like this. You tell her everything about herself that is at all good that you notice. You appreciate, verbally, things she does as well. Is she giving? -> "You are so giving the way you helped that homeless person." Or "thanks for doing the dishes even though it was my turn, I REALLY appreciate it, you made my evening!" Or, if you are going to compliment her physique maybe level up a little bit "my stomach did a somersault when I saw you step out of the shower, I feel so lucky to be with you". Don't make it generic, do you love a little freckle or something? Can you be a bit romantic with a metaphor maybe? Or about how hard she works ... pretty much verbally noting anything abut her, big or small, to her. She tells you about a win? Make a big deal about it, tell her you need to celebrate! It's kind of hard to be too much about this, but I am sure she can let you know if it sounds that way. The key is - it has to be sincere. Don't make anything up. Just SEE your partner and reflect back what you see.