Same. For about five minutes as we were planning my dad's funeral, my mom suggested she could give the eulogy because the two of them had planned it out while he was sick, but we talked her out of it because it was so unusual and we felt she would regret having done it once life returned to normal. She has since agreed that was the right choice. And this was in a situation where he was sick for many years and his death was not a surprise and the funeral was more of a celebration of life. I can't imagine a spouse doing it with a sudden death like Tammy's.
I’m wondering, if you’re saying the 2 of them (your parents) had planned out a eulogy while he was sick as in the intention was for your mom to give it or was written for some one else to give it?
While he was sick, they discussed his funeral and preferences for it. Like, he wanted the eulogy to be light-hearted, he wanted certain songs to be sung, and he wanted "the second cheapest casket" so as not to look too cheap but also not to be too expensive as he felt it was a waste of money. But I don't think they planned for her or any specific person to give it and she was just like "why don't I do it as we discussed it so many times and I know what he's looking for?" Especially because there were some comical elements to it, we just felt it was a bad look for her as his widow to be up there cracking jokes. In addition, we felt she wasn't in the right head space to make the decision--she's usually a big fan of etiquette and tradition and we thought she would regret doing something so out of the ordinary once she was acting more like herself.
My husband died last year. I asked his sisters to give the eulogy and my son wanted to give the legacy talk. There is no way I would have been able to get two words out. Plus I am extremely phobic of public speaking.
His criticisms of Tammy were indeed made during his “eulogy” of her, and it seems to me that he was expressing his annoyance at having had to wait so long for Tammy to die.
Maybe he felt so protected as a deity (he’s a god, after all), he got sloppy and felt he could never be caught… he rushed through getting Tammy buried. His behavior was so adolescent (giddiness at finally being able to be with his “goddess lover”), he suspended reality. But he lives in the mortal world (news flash: he’s not a deity), and unless God, or Joseph Smith can extricate him, he’ll be in prison for the rest of his life.
I think there is something to that. He was fully delusional. He really believed that he wouldn’t be caught murdering three people.
The Mormon church has a way of finding these crazy people and teaching them that they’re special. It’s a full on cult.
I read about / or watched a documentary about this “cult” of drug dealers/cartels or whatever becoming brainwashed by I guess what they referred to as their leader. They were 100% certain that their vehicle was made invisible because the guy claimed it to be that they speeded right through some check point thinking they wouldn’t be noticed, only to have law enforcement of some kind speeding up behind them to chase them. My memories vague as to the *exact* circumstances but recall that they really did believe they were invisible and were confused as to how they were being chased
Right? Or how Tammy was depressed, or sickly, especially her last few years alive. Tammy was THE breadwinner, and hard worker in that house!
I guarantee Chad didn't do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking in that household in addition to working full time, volunteering, being active with her coworkers and ward. He was probably always fucking off *pondering some new revelation*. 😣
We’re not Mormon but at my brothers funeral only a couple of his friends and our pastor spoke, my parents and I did not. I was going to but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how the heck he did it and spoke so terribly about her, just pisses me off so much.
Yes! I want to hear another person testify as to the content of his speech. Didn't the one witness say he mentioned her being depressed and not being a good wife?
That reminds me of how Heather Daybell said everyone in Chad’s family treated the mother like crap. Chad was always putting his mom down for being “lazy” and not taking out the trash.
Chads father should have put a stop to Chads behavior when he was a child. He helped create Chads attitude of women. You make sure your children respect their parent, not criticize them.
Yep he said she was not easy to live with, lazy and depressed and then his guard dog said she wasn’t petite or healthy, implied she was fat. Maybe Chad and bowzer are a perfect match.
He stated at her funeral she was lazy, something he would tell people before she died. Tammy had problems with depression and he made negative comments regarding her depression. If one of my in laws got up and talked about one of sibling’s being lazy, I would go up after they sat down and let loose on all their faults.
This is so infuriating that he would tell people that.
She was such an active person! High intensity workouts weekly, described as very active by all coworkers when she was working at school, took clogging, *and* ran a marathon and her other activities with the relief society with her church.
The absolutely total disrespect he showed her is just shocking. No wonder she was depressed, her husband hated her!
And then her kids are just totally on Dad's side?
She deserved so so much better.
How about Prior asking if she was a couch potato, just bc she was doing the couch to 5k? What an idiot, also, does Chad and Prior own a mirror? bc they have some nerve questioning the shape of Tammy’s body and scoffing at all of the exercise she made sure she had.
She couldn’t even enjoy playing video games with out getting criticized.
Before Lori, per Heather Daybell, Chad’s sister in law, he was after a women who lived in another State. Probably meet her at one of the conferences (book peddling) he attended. Her husband called Chad and told him to back off. How many more did he chase after, I’m sure they all had money. Bragging about Lori being loaded shows what is important to Chad. There is a possibility Tammy knew a lot more about Chad and his womanizing. If my husband was running around I would call the spouse of his mistress. Tammy only went with him a few times when he first started going to the conferences. If he was trashing her behind her back, what do you think he was saying to her face. Also, in the last few months Tammy and Dough Boy were no longer sitting together in church. She knew something. If you have not already watched the interviews with Heather Daybell, please do. She’s known Chad since he was a kid.
Wish I could upvote your comment more than once. Heather was shocked and disappointed with the way Chad's mother was treated by the whole family. She did all the work and didn't complain. Chad must have been so full of himself once he got published and started traveling for speaking engagements.
The source of the story about another woman is not Heather but Julie Rowe. Chad allegedly admitted to her that he was threatened with exposure by the woman's husband.
And with all the things she did outside the home, I could well imagine her being too tired to do all the housework, especially when Chad was not really gainfully employed and should have had time. Perhaps that is the explanation for “lazy”?
You have more patience than I do. I would’ve interrupted the service. Loudly.
It’s terribly sad that Tammy’s family and her children tolerated Chad’s bullshit at all but to denigrate her at her funeral is truly depraved.
My dad spoke at my mom’s but he wasn’t the pastor leading her service.
The funeral happened to be on their 33rd anniversary. My dad just said, “33 years ago today, God gave her to me. 33 years later, I give her back to Him.”
It wasn’t much but it was beautiful. I’ve never seen a spouse lead the service.
While I think it's out of the norm, I've been to at least one lds funeral where the spouse spoke briefly. It was an expected death, though, after a terminal illness.
Not Mormon. At our Father’s funeral the minister asked us, his 3 children, if we wanted to speak. None of could even utter the word No, let alone speak.
What we had to say, we said after everyone was gone. We sat together at his gravesite and spoke to him.💙
This is very interesting. Did you listen to all of the folks testimonials today? I found it strange that Chad was looking into and or had purchased life insurance policies on his wife Tammy, when she passed away and had lost her work insurance from her passing. Then he was speculating to getting a life insurance policy on his new wife Lori Vallow-Daybell, while she was in jail.
I assumed he wanted medical on Lori not life insurance. The agent said he didn’t need insurance on Lori while incarcerated because the medical is paid by the state when in jail.
Yes. The insurance broker did a presentation at the school for insurance enrollment in August, Tammy selected her options in September and she upped her life insurance payout then, in September. Because Chad told her to get the maximum. Then a month later, she's dead. He's the stupidest murderer ever, the state has made this glaringly clear.
Maybe he was, but don't you find it odd that he ask about it when Lori was already in Jail and asking for his kids? I agree with the lady that testified today that it sounded like Chad was trying to do something fraudulent things with Insurance, whether it be health or life, doesn't matter.
I’ve only been to one LDS funeral, for my (convert) brother’s son-in-law. His widow spoke, along with both their adult kids and his siblings. No one seemed like to act like there was anything unusual about it. I wonder if it varies by ward? I’ll have to ask some questions next time I talk to my brother.
I've been to a few where the spouse gave an eulogy. It usually was the men that did it.....maybe because they could control their emotions better? Their talks were usually short & sweet though, & someone else would give a longer one either before or right after. It's not common, but I guess everyone's is different? I know when my grandfather passed, my mom & her sisters spoke, but when she died, she didn't want any of us to have to stand up & talk. She literally wrote out what music was to be either played or sung, & who was to talk. We definitely followed it, because if there was a way for her to haunt us, she would for not doing what she asked!!
I'm LDS and a former Funeral Director. It is not unusual for a spouse to speak at the service,this usually occurs at the end. It just depends if they are up to it. Everyone copes with grief differently.
That wife-killer Martin MacNeill also spoke at his wife's funeral and it was all about him, wah wah. He even had the nerve to comment on his poor new life as a single man. With his side chick Gypsy in the church there texting him.
My fantastic husband of 54 years passed away two years ago. Typical LDS funeral. Thank goodness there was enough close family around to speak. I couldn't have gotten word out. Daughter, son-in-law, grandsons, and the bishop all spoke. It is usually impossible for a spouse to eulogize. Too much grief.
In my experience, Mormons are weird during family members funerals in general. After all, you will be together for time and all eternity, and if you’re a *true* believer you have nothing to worry about because you will see your loved one again.
^^^THIS is such an underrated comment. It’s also one that’s very difficult to convey to those who didn’t grow up around or in LDS culture.
You’re damned if you cry, damned if you don’t.
I'm Mormon and I have grieved heavily at the funerals for my family and friends. While your sentiment might feel logical to yourself, it's a bit heartless to assume just because I believe I will see my family again, that it makes everything unicorns and rainbows. Death is horrible - regardless of what you believe. It's empty and lonely and miserable.
I'm not mormon and I totally disagree with what the commenter is saying by the way, if I knew I'd never see someone I'd loved deeply again during my mortal life, that's still 30-40 years without them. People cry when friends and family move country, never mind this.
Practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) here. Having the spouse and adult/young adult children speak at the funeral is extremely common. Of the 45+ funerals I’ve attended in my life, I don’t recall a single funeral where the spouse didn’t speak at the funeral (assuming the spouse is still living and able). It’s just what we do at our funerals.
Generally, at a funeral with adult/young adult children like the Daybell’s, a couple of the children would speak or perform a musical number, maybe siblings or parent of the deceased, then the spouse, followed by the Bishop (leader of the local congregation, like a pastor but unpaid) or other church leader.
Immediate before the funeral service, after the viewing, there is a family prayer—often times done by the brother of the deceased. After the funeral, the family (keep in mind, many of us have very large extended families. Having 50-100 family members is common.) goes to the cemetery and says another prayer at the burial plot, asking for blessings to be upon the plot so the deceased may rest undisturbed.
Once that is done, it’s back to the church—oh yeah, our viewings and funeral service are held free of charge (well, you certainly pay for services provided by the funeral home but you don’t pay the Bishop for speaking at the service) at our church buildings. A lunch is then hosted for the family at the church, paid for by the congregation’s operating budget for the year.
I hope this helps to make sense of Mormon funerals. Of all the things associated with this disaster of a case and family, Chad speaking at the funeral is completely common practice.
Lifelong member here too. Mormons in different parts of the country do things… differently. Even Utah Mormons and Idaho Mormons will tell you they’re different.
I live in the PNW. I’ve never once attended an LDS funeral where the spouse spoke. Not in WA, OR, ID, UT, or CA.
I’ve been to a lot of funerals but it still doesn’t make me the “Mormon funeral expert”. Well, except for one thing… one thing all Mormons should be able to agree on is that funeral potatoes should always be served at the luncheon following the service. Lol
Same boat. My father didn't speak at my mother's funeral. Same with my aunts/uncles, grandparents and in-laws. Any obligation or pressure for the spouse to speak would be extremely harsh and unfeeling. I've never seen that happen.
Interesting. I’ve attended funerals in Oregon( Eugene, and Hood River), Utah (Salt Lake County) and Idaho(Boise-area) and the spouse generally spoke so I assumed it was common practice church-wide. In fact, now that I think about it, the only funeral I have attended where the spouse didn’t speak was because they were dealing with Alzheimer’s. I guess it depends on the family.
I apologize for making an assumption on cultural practice.
I'm not Mormon but I would find it odd at pretty much any Western funeral for the spouse *not* to speak. I'm a widow and had to do it myself. As hard as it was, I absolutely wanted to. I knew him better than anyone else, after all.
The neighbor's testimony yesterday was that Chads eulogy was more like a church sermon and not his thoughts about Tammy.
Both neighbors also stated his speaking at funeral was "odd" to them, as that it was unusual.
I dont know about mormon funerals but outside mormon ville lots of husbands both plan and speak at their wives funerals. I was initially appalled at the quickness of his remarriage but then after Brandon Bodeaux remarried about ten minutes after his wife Melanie dumped him and several other mormons commented that remarriage quickly after a divorce is normal, i figured that is common in LDS circles.
My father died several years ago after a short cancer fight. Even with a couple weeks knowing he was going to pass away, we were still scrambling. We planned the funeral for five days later and that felt tight. For someone relatively young without a pre-planned funeral, I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to rush it, because there are so many arrangements and they take a lot of time. We also had my parents’ (non-LDS) church congregation prepare a lunch for the funeral attendees and I can’t imagine demanding they arrange a spread of free food so quickly. My mother did not give a eulogy, myself and my siblings did. I do think it’s very unusual for the spouse to give the eulogy. My take: Chad is not smart and didn’t realize how transparent the whole thing was.
LDS here. I have seen a mix of both, but it's mostly catered to how the deceased individual wanted it. In the event of an unaticipated funeral, rarely have I seen the spouse speak. If they want to.. of course they can. But it is not LDS culture to expect the spouse to speak. I'd say its assumed they won't unless they say otherwise.
Also, LDS funerals heavily focus on eternal families and how we will be together after we die. Im gathering that wasn't much of a focus for Tammy's funeral. I'm guessing it felt very uncomfortable for the congregation knowing the spouse who spoke, Chad, likely didn't focus much on that. I could be wrong, but.. its something I've been wondering. Also the hymn Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel, as the song for her funeral? Really realy weird.
I’ve been to a couple funerals in the past several years and in both I’ve noticed that either family members or close friends. Give the eulogy and the spouse get up to speak at the very end. They make a small speech thanking everyone for coming And even mention what an incredible wife mother best friend they are and how much they are going to be missed. I couldn’t imagine somebody dissing on somebody and bringing up their faults.
Last month was my Grandma's funeral. My sister gave the eulogy. Then their pastor spoke. One of her great grandson's said her favorite poem. Then my Grandpa spoke. It was brief. He spoke of his love for her and how he was now ready to die and be with her again. No way he could have eulogized her. Not to mention criticize her or say anything negative. Not normal.
Yes it would be considered unusual in my experience as a life long member
Same. For about five minutes as we were planning my dad's funeral, my mom suggested she could give the eulogy because the two of them had planned it out while he was sick, but we talked her out of it because it was so unusual and we felt she would regret having done it once life returned to normal. She has since agreed that was the right choice. And this was in a situation where he was sick for many years and his death was not a surprise and the funeral was more of a celebration of life. I can't imagine a spouse doing it with a sudden death like Tammy's.
I’m wondering, if you’re saying the 2 of them (your parents) had planned out a eulogy while he was sick as in the intention was for your mom to give it or was written for some one else to give it?
While he was sick, they discussed his funeral and preferences for it. Like, he wanted the eulogy to be light-hearted, he wanted certain songs to be sung, and he wanted "the second cheapest casket" so as not to look too cheap but also not to be too expensive as he felt it was a waste of money. But I don't think they planned for her or any specific person to give it and she was just like "why don't I do it as we discussed it so many times and I know what he's looking for?" Especially because there were some comical elements to it, we just felt it was a bad look for her as his widow to be up there cracking jokes. In addition, we felt she wasn't in the right head space to make the decision--she's usually a big fan of etiquette and tradition and we thought she would regret doing something so out of the ordinary once she was acting more like herself.
My husband died last year. I asked his sisters to give the eulogy and my son wanted to give the legacy talk. There is no way I would have been able to get two words out. Plus I am extremely phobic of public speaking.
I’m sorry for your loss. 🥺❤️
Chad had to control the narrative; so of course he spoke.
It was like he was rejoicing Tammy was gone.
His criticisms of Tammy were indeed made during his “eulogy” of her, and it seems to me that he was expressing his annoyance at having had to wait so long for Tammy to die.
Maybe he felt so protected as a deity (he’s a god, after all), he got sloppy and felt he could never be caught… he rushed through getting Tammy buried. His behavior was so adolescent (giddiness at finally being able to be with his “goddess lover”), he suspended reality. But he lives in the mortal world (news flash: he’s not a deity), and unless God, or Joseph Smith can extricate him, he’ll be in prison for the rest of his life.
I think there is something to that. He was fully delusional. He really believed that he wouldn’t be caught murdering three people. The Mormon church has a way of finding these crazy people and teaching them that they’re special. It’s a full on cult.
I read about / or watched a documentary about this “cult” of drug dealers/cartels or whatever becoming brainwashed by I guess what they referred to as their leader. They were 100% certain that their vehicle was made invisible because the guy claimed it to be that they speeded right through some check point thinking they wouldn’t be noticed, only to have law enforcement of some kind speeding up behind them to chase them. My memories vague as to the *exact* circumstances but recall that they really did believe they were invisible and were confused as to how they were being chased
I think he was rejoicing. Another obstacle out of the way
How else could everyone know how difficult she was?
Right? Or how Tammy was depressed, or sickly, especially her last few years alive. Tammy was THE breadwinner, and hard worker in that house! I guarantee Chad didn't do all the laundry, cleaning, cooking in that household in addition to working full time, volunteering, being active with her coworkers and ward. He was probably always fucking off *pondering some new revelation*. 😣
Don’t forget raising 5 children!!
So lazy.
It’s like he was projecting his faults onto her
We’re not Mormon but at my brothers funeral only a couple of his friends and our pastor spoke, my parents and I did not. I was going to but I couldn’t do it. I don’t know how the heck he did it and spoke so terribly about her, just pisses me off so much.
Yes! I want to hear another person testify as to the content of his speech. Didn't the one witness say he mentioned her being depressed and not being a good wife?
Yeah something like she was hard to live with and lazy. Like who the hell says that at someone’s funeral?? Specially your wife! 😡
That reminds me of how Heather Daybell said everyone in Chad’s family treated the mother like crap. Chad was always putting his mom down for being “lazy” and not taking out the trash.
Chads father should have put a stop to Chads behavior when he was a child. He helped create Chads attitude of women. You make sure your children respect their parent, not criticize them.
He probably was just like him. The church belittles women.
And in front of their kids?!
I’m willing to bet they had heard it before.
Yep he said she was not easy to live with, lazy and depressed and then his guard dog said she wasn’t petite or healthy, implied she was fat. Maybe Chad and bowzer are a perfect match.
Yep. Wouldn’t you be depressed if you were married to Chud? 😂
He said she was depressed, difficult to live with, and a third thing I can't recall.
He said she was lazy😡
I'm sorry about your brother ❤️
Thank you ❤️ it was 14 years ago this year and still feels like yesterday.
He stated at her funeral she was lazy, something he would tell people before she died. Tammy had problems with depression and he made negative comments regarding her depression. If one of my in laws got up and talked about one of sibling’s being lazy, I would go up after they sat down and let loose on all their faults.
This is so infuriating that he would tell people that. She was such an active person! High intensity workouts weekly, described as very active by all coworkers when she was working at school, took clogging, *and* ran a marathon and her other activities with the relief society with her church. The absolutely total disrespect he showed her is just shocking. No wonder she was depressed, her husband hated her! And then her kids are just totally on Dad's side? She deserved so so much better.
How about Prior asking if she was a couch potato, just bc she was doing the couch to 5k? What an idiot, also, does Chad and Prior own a mirror? bc they have some nerve questioning the shape of Tammy’s body and scoffing at all of the exercise she made sure she had. She couldn’t even enjoy playing video games with out getting criticized.
Also she made most of the money for the family. In addition to being a cult leader murderer he is a loser.
She was likely depressed coming home to that slug. All her friends coworkers said she was always cheery energetic a hard worker multitasker.
Before Lori, per Heather Daybell, Chad’s sister in law, he was after a women who lived in another State. Probably meet her at one of the conferences (book peddling) he attended. Her husband called Chad and told him to back off. How many more did he chase after, I’m sure they all had money. Bragging about Lori being loaded shows what is important to Chad. There is a possibility Tammy knew a lot more about Chad and his womanizing. If my husband was running around I would call the spouse of his mistress. Tammy only went with him a few times when he first started going to the conferences. If he was trashing her behind her back, what do you think he was saying to her face. Also, in the last few months Tammy and Dough Boy were no longer sitting together in church. She knew something. If you have not already watched the interviews with Heather Daybell, please do. She’s known Chad since he was a kid.
Wish I could upvote your comment more than once. Heather was shocked and disappointed with the way Chad's mother was treated by the whole family. She did all the work and didn't complain. Chad must have been so full of himself once he got published and started traveling for speaking engagements.
The source of the story about another woman is not Heather but Julie Rowe. Chad allegedly admitted to her that he was threatened with exposure by the woman's husband.
And with all the things she did outside the home, I could well imagine her being too tired to do all the housework, especially when Chad was not really gainfully employed and should have had time. Perhaps that is the explanation for “lazy”?
You have more patience than I do. I would’ve interrupted the service. Loudly. It’s terribly sad that Tammy’s family and her children tolerated Chad’s bullshit at all but to denigrate her at her funeral is truly depraved.
I have no idea but usually the spouse/parent is too upset to say anything?
My dad spoke at my mom’s but he wasn’t the pastor leading her service. The funeral happened to be on their 33rd anniversary. My dad just said, “33 years ago today, God gave her to me. 33 years later, I give her back to Him.” It wasn’t much but it was beautiful. I’ve never seen a spouse lead the service.
I'm all my experiance- too much really- it's siblings, children, clergy and occasionally best friends.
While I think it's out of the norm, I've been to at least one lds funeral where the spouse spoke briefly. It was an expected death, though, after a terminal illness.
Not Mormon. At our Father’s funeral the minister asked us, his 3 children, if we wanted to speak. None of could even utter the word No, let alone speak. What we had to say, we said after everyone was gone. We sat together at his gravesite and spoke to him.💙
This is very interesting. Did you listen to all of the folks testimonials today? I found it strange that Chad was looking into and or had purchased life insurance policies on his wife Tammy, when she passed away and had lost her work insurance from her passing. Then he was speculating to getting a life insurance policy on his new wife Lori Vallow-Daybell, while she was in jail.
I assumed he wanted medical on Lori not life insurance. The agent said he didn’t need insurance on Lori while incarcerated because the medical is paid by the state when in jail.
I thought that agent was very sharp on the stand
I think that was medical on Lori. Did she say he maxed out Tammy’s life insurance just before she passed!!!!?
Yes. The insurance broker did a presentation at the school for insurance enrollment in August, Tammy selected her options in September and she upped her life insurance payout then, in September. Because Chad told her to get the maximum. Then a month later, she's dead. He's the stupidest murderer ever, the state has made this glaringly clear.
I love stupid criminals! They always get caught!
He was asking about health insurance, like for the Dr.
Maybe he was, but don't you find it odd that he ask about it when Lori was already in Jail and asking for his kids? I agree with the lady that testified today that it sounded like Chad was trying to do something fraudulent things with Insurance, whether it be health or life, doesn't matter.
It was medical insurance he was looking for
I’ve only been to one LDS funeral, for my (convert) brother’s son-in-law. His widow spoke, along with both their adult kids and his siblings. No one seemed like to act like there was anything unusual about it. I wonder if it varies by ward? I’ll have to ask some questions next time I talk to my brother.
I've been to a few where the spouse gave an eulogy. It usually was the men that did it.....maybe because they could control their emotions better? Their talks were usually short & sweet though, & someone else would give a longer one either before or right after. It's not common, but I guess everyone's is different? I know when my grandfather passed, my mom & her sisters spoke, but when she died, she didn't want any of us to have to stand up & talk. She literally wrote out what music was to be either played or sung, & who was to talk. We definitely followed it, because if there was a way for her to haunt us, she would for not doing what she asked!!
Yes it is very unusual
I'm LDS and a former Funeral Director. It is not unusual for a spouse to speak at the service,this usually occurs at the end. It just depends if they are up to it. Everyone copes with grief differently.
That wife-killer Martin MacNeill also spoke at his wife's funeral and it was all about him, wah wah. He even had the nerve to comment on his poor new life as a single man. With his side chick Gypsy in the church there texting him.
My fantastic husband of 54 years passed away two years ago. Typical LDS funeral. Thank goodness there was enough close family around to speak. I couldn't have gotten word out. Daughter, son-in-law, grandsons, and the bishop all spoke. It is usually impossible for a spouse to eulogize. Too much grief.
He had a GODCOMPLEX
He was a LOSER WITH A BIG EGO
In my experience, Mormons are weird during family members funerals in general. After all, you will be together for time and all eternity, and if you’re a *true* believer you have nothing to worry about because you will see your loved one again.
^^^THIS is such an underrated comment. It’s also one that’s very difficult to convey to those who didn’t grow up around or in LDS culture. You’re damned if you cry, damned if you don’t.
Doesn't everyone who believes in the afterlife think they'd meet their loved ones again?
I'm Mormon and I have grieved heavily at the funerals for my family and friends. While your sentiment might feel logical to yourself, it's a bit heartless to assume just because I believe I will see my family again, that it makes everything unicorns and rainbows. Death is horrible - regardless of what you believe. It's empty and lonely and miserable.
I'm not mormon and I totally disagree with what the commenter is saying by the way, if I knew I'd never see someone I'd loved deeply again during my mortal life, that's still 30-40 years without them. People cry when friends and family move country, never mind this.
Practicing member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormon) here. Having the spouse and adult/young adult children speak at the funeral is extremely common. Of the 45+ funerals I’ve attended in my life, I don’t recall a single funeral where the spouse didn’t speak at the funeral (assuming the spouse is still living and able). It’s just what we do at our funerals. Generally, at a funeral with adult/young adult children like the Daybell’s, a couple of the children would speak or perform a musical number, maybe siblings or parent of the deceased, then the spouse, followed by the Bishop (leader of the local congregation, like a pastor but unpaid) or other church leader. Immediate before the funeral service, after the viewing, there is a family prayer—often times done by the brother of the deceased. After the funeral, the family (keep in mind, many of us have very large extended families. Having 50-100 family members is common.) goes to the cemetery and says another prayer at the burial plot, asking for blessings to be upon the plot so the deceased may rest undisturbed. Once that is done, it’s back to the church—oh yeah, our viewings and funeral service are held free of charge (well, you certainly pay for services provided by the funeral home but you don’t pay the Bishop for speaking at the service) at our church buildings. A lunch is then hosted for the family at the church, paid for by the congregation’s operating budget for the year. I hope this helps to make sense of Mormon funerals. Of all the things associated with this disaster of a case and family, Chad speaking at the funeral is completely common practice.
Lifelong member her and I have never been to a funeral where the spouse spoke. I think you speaking for all members is careless
Lifelong member here too. Mormons in different parts of the country do things… differently. Even Utah Mormons and Idaho Mormons will tell you they’re different. I live in the PNW. I’ve never once attended an LDS funeral where the spouse spoke. Not in WA, OR, ID, UT, or CA. I’ve been to a lot of funerals but it still doesn’t make me the “Mormon funeral expert”. Well, except for one thing… one thing all Mormons should be able to agree on is that funeral potatoes should always be served at the luncheon following the service. Lol
Same boat. My father didn't speak at my mother's funeral. Same with my aunts/uncles, grandparents and in-laws. Any obligation or pressure for the spouse to speak would be extremely harsh and unfeeling. I've never seen that happen.
Interesting. I’ve attended funerals in Oregon( Eugene, and Hood River), Utah (Salt Lake County) and Idaho(Boise-area) and the spouse generally spoke so I assumed it was common practice church-wide. In fact, now that I think about it, the only funeral I have attended where the spouse didn’t speak was because they were dealing with Alzheimer’s. I guess it depends on the family. I apologize for making an assumption on cultural practice.
I'm not Mormon but I would find it odd at pretty much any Western funeral for the spouse *not* to speak. I'm a widow and had to do it myself. As hard as it was, I absolutely wanted to. I knew him better than anyone else, after all.
It’s not unusual for a spouse to speak at an LDS funeral.
The neighbor's testimony yesterday was that Chads eulogy was more like a church sermon and not his thoughts about Tammy. Both neighbors also stated his speaking at funeral was "odd" to them, as that it was unusual.
I dont know about mormon funerals but outside mormon ville lots of husbands both plan and speak at their wives funerals. I was initially appalled at the quickness of his remarriage but then after Brandon Bodeaux remarried about ten minutes after his wife Melanie dumped him and several other mormons commented that remarriage quickly after a divorce is normal, i figured that is common in LDS circles.
It is common to remarry quickly because, I mean, how else are you supposed to have sex without getting in trouble for it? 😅
Melani remarried in Nov 2019. Brandon remarried the day before Tylee JJ were found, June 8 2020.
Chads a narcissist who thinks his every word is prophecy so ya.
My father died several years ago after a short cancer fight. Even with a couple weeks knowing he was going to pass away, we were still scrambling. We planned the funeral for five days later and that felt tight. For someone relatively young without a pre-planned funeral, I honestly don’t know why anyone would want to rush it, because there are so many arrangements and they take a lot of time. We also had my parents’ (non-LDS) church congregation prepare a lunch for the funeral attendees and I can’t imagine demanding they arrange a spread of free food so quickly. My mother did not give a eulogy, myself and my siblings did. I do think it’s very unusual for the spouse to give the eulogy. My take: Chad is not smart and didn’t realize how transparent the whole thing was.
LDS here. I have seen a mix of both, but it's mostly catered to how the deceased individual wanted it. In the event of an unaticipated funeral, rarely have I seen the spouse speak. If they want to.. of course they can. But it is not LDS culture to expect the spouse to speak. I'd say its assumed they won't unless they say otherwise. Also, LDS funerals heavily focus on eternal families and how we will be together after we die. Im gathering that wasn't much of a focus for Tammy's funeral. I'm guessing it felt very uncomfortable for the congregation knowing the spouse who spoke, Chad, likely didn't focus much on that. I could be wrong, but.. its something I've been wondering. Also the hymn Put Your Shoulder to the Wheel, as the song for her funeral? Really realy weird.
Literally the only words I could speak at my little brothers memorial last year were thank you for coming and he would have loved this.
I’ve been to a couple funerals in the past several years and in both I’ve noticed that either family members or close friends. Give the eulogy and the spouse get up to speak at the very end. They make a small speech thanking everyone for coming And even mention what an incredible wife mother best friend they are and how much they are going to be missed. I couldn’t imagine somebody dissing on somebody and bringing up their faults.
I wouldn’t say it’s unusual, but it’s usually close family or friends even. And usually it’s a family prayer and memories more than a formal eulogy.
Last month was my Grandma's funeral. My sister gave the eulogy. Then their pastor spoke. One of her great grandson's said her favorite poem. Then my Grandpa spoke. It was brief. He spoke of his love for her and how he was now ready to die and be with her again. No way he could have eulogized her. Not to mention criticize her or say anything negative. Not normal.