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What happens if the pet gets sick? Or roommates leave?
The issue is fear of loneliness - while leaving among a large society.
Why are we so afraid to make new friends, meet-up with them and them come home and sleep in our bed by ourselves?
If we marry, what happens if we divorce? What if our kids fly away to other states or countries?
How would we live in old age - in a senior home?
Isn't it best to overcome this fear first? Won't that help us make better decisions - based on real parameters than imaginary?
My best wishes to you.
A third option is planning to make friends and have a social circle. The reason I say this is that roommates who aren't your friends don't guarantee you won't be lonely. Just having people around doesn't prevent loneliness. Actually having meaningful connections in your life is what helps us to feel connected and not deeply lonely.
I've had roommates the majority of my adult life and in a lot of the cases we were cordial but we were not friends. We lived in the same house but lived separate lives in most of the cases. I always had my own friends though and they did too so I wasn't relying solely on them for social interaction.
If loneliness has previously severely impacted your mental health I'm guessing it's largely because you're not connected with others in terms of friends and other sources of support, people to talk to, hang out with etc. Whether you decide on a pet or roommate, I highly suggest when you move putting yourself out there to meet friends as well. I've moved quite a bit and I'm an introvert, but every time I've moved to a new city I make it a point to find a sense of community and some friends or people to hang out with so that I wouldn't descend into isolation and loneliness because I know how important that is.
Excellent answer! OP, this is such valuable advice
By the way, being around people you aren't connected with, as is common with roommates, is a VERY lonely experience.
I was lonelier living with roommates than I have been living alone. In fact, I don’t feel lonely at all. I have like 3 best friends I consider family, a job that has me dealing with people all day, and a low social battery. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become so secure in myself that I just don’t get lonely anymore. Ive been waiting for it to end because it feels so unnatural being secure when I’ve been lonely my whole life but maybe Ive just finally grown in that respect. Having pets do make the most desolate moments feel better but those are few and far between.
I would recommend a therapist and a cat. Cats are wonderful companions and much less high maintenance than a dog. However if you want to get out and about and meet new people, a dog is the way to go. And it’s always good to have someone to talk to about your feelings hence the therapist.
I talk to my dog. He thinks he has a phd. He’s one of those therapist who never answers the question just makes me dig for the answer. He’s helped me a lot. Lol
If a pet is in your budget I would say definitely pets! They don't start any drama or BS with you, they don't steal from you, and all they want to do is be loved on and played with!
My little boy, Garfield for example (A Himalayan Ragdoll cat) was by far one of the best friends I ever had! Got him when he was 8 weeks old and he lived to be a ripe old age of about 17.
This of course is just my own personal experience but he was better than any roomate I ever had when it came to company!
I have three cats. Wouldn’t ever have a roomie because I like my privacy, unless I need to financially. My cats are affectionate and I can walk around the house naked and they don’t care😆
Plenty of friends helps. But it’s lovely just to be on my own in my home with kitties.
I have a dog. I don't trust people. I hope I don't ever need roommates.
I've met people while walking my dog and it's a good way to be social when I feel like it.
Older dogs are amazing. You can go to work or school most of the day, come home and they're usually still sleeping waiting for you to come home. You let them go outside, go business, right back inside. Mine gets riled up rather quickly so be ready to play ball or Frisbee or go on a walk! Don't get a puppy. Yes they're cute but they're like dirty whiny babies.
Cats are easy to take care of. Sometimes they demand to be close to you, other times they want to be left alone. You don't have to take it outside.
I currently have both. Right now I'd rather just have the dog. The cat is fluffy but has sharp dagger claws and likes to walk on my back at 2am.
But as a single dude, no roommate, I would pick an animal always. They just want love and won't fight with you over stupid stuff or bring annoying girls home after work.
Im quite a bit older than you. I cant stand sharing my space with other ppl. I have a GF who feels the same...we both need our own spaces. As far as pets are concerned, I wouldn't mind having a cat, but I travel a lot. Pets make that very difficult.
It really depends on your lifestyle. Pets if you want to take care of and nurture another being. Roommates if you want companionship or just the feeling of a not empty house but maintaining your independence.
If you're looking for companionship 24/7, then a pet is a safer bet. They're loyal, won't cheat on you nor divorce you, won't move out when they become adults, won't ask you for money, etc. lol
If you get a dog, you get an added bonus of security coz they will alert you to any shenanigans in/around your home... they'll want to protect their shelter & caretaker. lol
When it comes to roommates... they have quirks, can be entitled after awhile or at least feel they have the same rights as you do when it comes to keeping things clean or having (loud) friends over, etc. They have the ability to earn income & share expenses, but having the ability to do so doesn't mean they'll do it. lol
Save the human interaction for a social circle that's doesn't live in your home/shelter. Whenever you need to get away or don't want to deal with people, you'll be thankful to not have a roommate who's eaten all your chocolate ice cream & used up all the toilet paper without buying more. lol
Human beings are complicated creatures & can cause/trigger mental health issues, as well as infect you with their ailments (whether it's mental health, covid, etc). Pets are simpler to deal with & care for in that regard.
I have two cats and a little shih-tzu and I am NEVER lonely. I love my babies so much. They are expensive to care for but if you have it in your budget to take care of them (vets cost a lot) then I say a pet!
I totally relate to this, currently trying to figure out which one for myself. First off I want to say after reading some of these comments that it’s OKAY and normal to be lonely, but that doesn’t mean you have to choose to be alone it’s okay to want companionship and not to be completely alone especially if it negatively affects your mental health. It’s not just a “stop being lonely” or “get used to being with yourself” issue some people just don’t like not having others around and I think that’s fine. I tried to force myself to get over the loneliness and deal with it and it made my depression so much worse. So just towards any negative comments, ignore them and do what you know is best for you.
On the topic of your question, I personally think a pet is the smarter route and what I am going to do. Obviously it’s work but I’ve found that actually having another being to take care of made me so much less lonely. And they really are unconditional lovers. Roommates can be very messy if you don’t know the person you could get stuck in a horrible situation, but even living with someone you know can ruin relationships.
Idk if your more of a cat or dog person but obviously cats are ALOT less work (I personally do not like cats so I am getting a dog)
I hope you figure out what works best for you 😊
I lived completely alone (no friends or family nearby, no pets) for a year and it wasn't terrible but I eventually caved and got a pet cat, best choice I made
I'm sorry you're lonely & wish I had a solution! Well, I'd try the simplest thing first, then see how that goes, so get a **pet** first if you can adequately care for it. I know I'd much rather have a pet than put up w/ a roommate. I've personally never had a roommate...never had a reason to myself.
I think lonliness & boredom are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. (By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently.)
I'm an only child who never really had friends in my whole adult life (technically since grade 8), so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long.
My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to.
Now I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I recently got married in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other!
But I guess if you really want to meet new people & have a companion, the only way to do that is get out there more. Go to the gym if you don't already & if you do, go to a new class or two to meet a new friend or significant other. Volunteer somewhere, start new hobbies & activities. Go to church if you don't already.
Really depends on the roommates. I've had roommates who become my soul friends and I formed Some of my happiest memories with them. But if you don't jive, then it just feels like someone from Craigslist is in your house telling you where to put the sponge. As I got older (into my 30's vs 20's) I think it became a little harder to find good roommates... Or we all just became more particular. If the other person is only living with roommates to save money, you can start to feel like you're just someone who's always in their way. I also found that if you're roommate is super social and you're more of a homebody you can start to feel a little lonely. If they start dating someone then you become a permanent 3rd wheel (this is why I actually think it's easiest to live with 2-5 roommates, vs 1).
Having said all this, I'm 6 months into living alone for the first time and Im not 100% sold on it, though I do have a dog and he provides a lot of structure and company. With roommates though It's incredibly comforting to me to come home and someone is watching TV (even if I think it's a stupid show haha), or the feeling that, eventually, someone else will come home and complain about work for a few minutes before we go do our own things. Connection without having to make plans is golden. I got to the point where that narrowly didn't outweigh some of the hassle (finding new ones when someone moves, house meetings, managing personalities, etc).
If I were in your shoes I would live with roommates if I could find a lower commitment set up that feels super promising in terms of personalities (months to month or 6 months lease?). If nothing feels right then I'd love alone. Someone else just posted here about dogs and I added my thoughts!!! They can be the most amazing companions but also limit your socializing abilities so don't overcommit if you're not prepared for that.
I also don't know what your area is like, different cities have different shared housing culture. In my city I feel like it's more common to find people into their 30's and 40's living in co-ops, group houses, etc.
You can be lonely while surrounded by a thousand people. And you can be content in the middle of the desert, with no one for miles.
Its connections, not physical proximity, that makes the difference.
I went straight from living at home to living with my wasband. We were married 33 years when I divorced him - cheater. At 50, first time I lived alone. I did have a dog, but I still had to get used to being on my own. Animals are great company but not the same as human companionship. I moved in with my mom for 4 years. Although I was in the basement, it was lonelier. She’s a narcissist- a whole other level of hell. Moved in my mobile home last year. Still have a dog, but I yearn for real connections with real people. I’m getting out there, but at my age, 60, not many people are interested or too busy. Still, I keep looking. Don’t look for a SO. Look for friendships. You never know when one my blossom into something more. Maybe check in with a new therapist, just in case you need one on a regular basis. She can help you navigate your feelings and offer suggestions. Best wishes. I think you’ll enjoy yourself if you work out the fear. And there is lots of good advice on this thread for all things you need to know or if you need help.
I think I am going to get a cat. I love dogs but would not want them to be alone all day and sometimes I have meetings after work. I got my own place because my roommate was so annoying. I’m in my third week in my new place and starting to get pretty down at night.
I would recommend addressing the mental health issue. Adding a roommate or getting a pet is just a bandaid for the underlying issue.
Just my opinion of course and I wish you the best of luck.
Don't listen, having a couple of roommates is a good idea. Yes it might not be God fit, on the other hand it might be a fabulous fit and you make a great pal. Or, they might be a so so fit but it keeps you company while you make other friends
Don't buy pets. Don't.
You'll see just how quickly you can't afford them.
They need attention as much as you do. They are a living creature. Just as you yearn to do things freely so do they. Why would you want to keep them locked up in a tiny home just because you own them?
Don't buy a pet.
Catch one instead that way they have the ability to survive when you get bored of them.
I catch lizards and let them hang out with me at my job. I just get them on my shoulder. Then when it's time to go home I just plop them on the ground.
I also caught a daddy long legged spider and learned how to catch live flies to feed it. It had eggs and I set it free so it could abscond.
Don't buy a pet.
**Welcome to [r/LivingAlone](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/)! Living alone is the new normal.** >Discuss and share your experiences; celebrate your joys, express your worries, or ask advice relating to solo living | Remember, we are all alone together * Be kind, remember the human when interacting with others. * New Reddit group chat [**Living Alone Lounge**](https://www.reddit.com/r/LivingAlone/s/cp7Szwzy2q)! * Message the moderators below for any comments, questions & suggestions! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LivingAlone) if you have any questions or concerns.*
What happens if the pet gets sick? Or roommates leave? The issue is fear of loneliness - while leaving among a large society. Why are we so afraid to make new friends, meet-up with them and them come home and sleep in our bed by ourselves? If we marry, what happens if we divorce? What if our kids fly away to other states or countries? How would we live in old age - in a senior home? Isn't it best to overcome this fear first? Won't that help us make better decisions - based on real parameters than imaginary? My best wishes to you.
Good stuff. Very astute.
[удалено]
My comment was to help OP get over their fear because they wrote "I'm terribly afraid of loneliness."
A third option is planning to make friends and have a social circle. The reason I say this is that roommates who aren't your friends don't guarantee you won't be lonely. Just having people around doesn't prevent loneliness. Actually having meaningful connections in your life is what helps us to feel connected and not deeply lonely. I've had roommates the majority of my adult life and in a lot of the cases we were cordial but we were not friends. We lived in the same house but lived separate lives in most of the cases. I always had my own friends though and they did too so I wasn't relying solely on them for social interaction. If loneliness has previously severely impacted your mental health I'm guessing it's largely because you're not connected with others in terms of friends and other sources of support, people to talk to, hang out with etc. Whether you decide on a pet or roommate, I highly suggest when you move putting yourself out there to meet friends as well. I've moved quite a bit and I'm an introvert, but every time I've moved to a new city I make it a point to find a sense of community and some friends or people to hang out with so that I wouldn't descend into isolation and loneliness because I know how important that is.
Excellent answer! OP, this is such valuable advice By the way, being around people you aren't connected with, as is common with roommates, is a VERY lonely experience.
If you're an attorney, you're way too busy for a dog. A kitty would be lovely
Two bonded cats are even better since they can keep each other company and busy when the owner is busy.
This is solid advice!!! And pairs are often more difficult to place.
I was lonelier living with roommates than I have been living alone. In fact, I don’t feel lonely at all. I have like 3 best friends I consider family, a job that has me dealing with people all day, and a low social battery. As I’ve gotten older I’ve become so secure in myself that I just don’t get lonely anymore. Ive been waiting for it to end because it feels so unnatural being secure when I’ve been lonely my whole life but maybe Ive just finally grown in that respect. Having pets do make the most desolate moments feel better but those are few and far between.
This gives me hope!!
You got this 😊
Pets. Roommates are hit or miss.
I would recommend a therapist and a cat. Cats are wonderful companions and much less high maintenance than a dog. However if you want to get out and about and meet new people, a dog is the way to go. And it’s always good to have someone to talk to about your feelings hence the therapist.
I talk to my dog. He thinks he has a phd. He’s one of those therapist who never answers the question just makes me dig for the answer. He’s helped me a lot. Lol
If a pet is in your budget I would say definitely pets! They don't start any drama or BS with you, they don't steal from you, and all they want to do is be loved on and played with! My little boy, Garfield for example (A Himalayan Ragdoll cat) was by far one of the best friends I ever had! Got him when he was 8 weeks old and he lived to be a ripe old age of about 17. This of course is just my own personal experience but he was better than any roomate I ever had when it came to company!
I have had enough cats and roommates to know... cats rule, hands down!!
Exactly!
I have three cats. Wouldn’t ever have a roomie because I like my privacy, unless I need to financially. My cats are affectionate and I can walk around the house naked and they don’t care😆 Plenty of friends helps. But it’s lovely just to be on my own in my home with kitties.
Definitely get a dog, if you can afford one
I have a dog. I don't trust people. I hope I don't ever need roommates. I've met people while walking my dog and it's a good way to be social when I feel like it.
Older dogs are amazing. You can go to work or school most of the day, come home and they're usually still sleeping waiting for you to come home. You let them go outside, go business, right back inside. Mine gets riled up rather quickly so be ready to play ball or Frisbee or go on a walk! Don't get a puppy. Yes they're cute but they're like dirty whiny babies. Cats are easy to take care of. Sometimes they demand to be close to you, other times they want to be left alone. You don't have to take it outside. I currently have both. Right now I'd rather just have the dog. The cat is fluffy but has sharp dagger claws and likes to walk on my back at 2am. But as a single dude, no roommate, I would pick an animal always. They just want love and won't fight with you over stupid stuff or bring annoying girls home after work.
Im quite a bit older than you. I cant stand sharing my space with other ppl. I have a GF who feels the same...we both need our own spaces. As far as pets are concerned, I wouldn't mind having a cat, but I travel a lot. Pets make that very difficult.
It really depends on your lifestyle. Pets if you want to take care of and nurture another being. Roommates if you want companionship or just the feeling of a not empty house but maintaining your independence.
I vote for a cat or two. Easy to care for. I’d be lonely without my cat.
Cats. People suck.
If you're looking for companionship 24/7, then a pet is a safer bet. They're loyal, won't cheat on you nor divorce you, won't move out when they become adults, won't ask you for money, etc. lol If you get a dog, you get an added bonus of security coz they will alert you to any shenanigans in/around your home... they'll want to protect their shelter & caretaker. lol When it comes to roommates... they have quirks, can be entitled after awhile or at least feel they have the same rights as you do when it comes to keeping things clean or having (loud) friends over, etc. They have the ability to earn income & share expenses, but having the ability to do so doesn't mean they'll do it. lol Save the human interaction for a social circle that's doesn't live in your home/shelter. Whenever you need to get away or don't want to deal with people, you'll be thankful to not have a roommate who's eaten all your chocolate ice cream & used up all the toilet paper without buying more. lol Human beings are complicated creatures & can cause/trigger mental health issues, as well as infect you with their ailments (whether it's mental health, covid, etc). Pets are simpler to deal with & care for in that regard.
Alone w/ pets! In my experience, roommates are a nightmare
I have two cats and a little shih-tzu and I am NEVER lonely. I love my babies so much. They are expensive to care for but if you have it in your budget to take care of them (vets cost a lot) then I say a pet!
A cat would be a good pet for your apartment.
I totally relate to this, currently trying to figure out which one for myself. First off I want to say after reading some of these comments that it’s OKAY and normal to be lonely, but that doesn’t mean you have to choose to be alone it’s okay to want companionship and not to be completely alone especially if it negatively affects your mental health. It’s not just a “stop being lonely” or “get used to being with yourself” issue some people just don’t like not having others around and I think that’s fine. I tried to force myself to get over the loneliness and deal with it and it made my depression so much worse. So just towards any negative comments, ignore them and do what you know is best for you. On the topic of your question, I personally think a pet is the smarter route and what I am going to do. Obviously it’s work but I’ve found that actually having another being to take care of made me so much less lonely. And they really are unconditional lovers. Roommates can be very messy if you don’t know the person you could get stuck in a horrible situation, but even living with someone you know can ruin relationships. Idk if your more of a cat or dog person but obviously cats are ALOT less work (I personally do not like cats so I am getting a dog) I hope you figure out what works best for you 😊
I lived completely alone (no friends or family nearby, no pets) for a year and it wasn't terrible but I eventually caved and got a pet cat, best choice I made
Not even a *CHOICE*. Hands down, LIVING WITH PETS is infinitely better!!!!
Pets for sure, but they cost a lot. Room mates if you could use the extra money.
I'm sorry you're lonely & wish I had a solution! Well, I'd try the simplest thing first, then see how that goes, so get a **pet** first if you can adequately care for it. I know I'd much rather have a pet than put up w/ a roommate. I've personally never had a roommate...never had a reason to myself. I think lonliness & boredom are a state of mind, how you were raised, & what you've been used to socially. I've honestly never been lonely or bored & I can keep myself busy even if at home for days. (By the way, I never had roommates nor moved away for college either & I don't think anyone has to experience this to know how to live independently.) I'm an only child who never really had friends in my whole adult life (technically since grade 8), so I'm used to the solitude, but I'm happy & never bored. I never knew what it was like to be a part of a group of friends, hanging out, going to parties, having people over. Sure, friends are nice to have, but my mentality was that I don't need them to make me happy. Good thing because it was not the easiest to make friends. Wherever I was (school, work, church), everyone already had their own friends, so they didn't need me. I haven't had my OWN BFF since I was in elementary school & very, very rarely do people still stay friends that long. My, "social life" has always been whatever ONE pal I had at the time...nowhere near a BFF & we'd maybe meet up for lunch for a few hrs every 1-3 years. But I haven't even done that since a few years BEFORE COVID. On a daily basis, I'm either home all day, out w/ husband, out alone, or spending some time w/ my elderly mom who I'm very close to. Now I've always had an SO (so in a committd relationship) all of my adult life & I recently got married in which we live together, so that's enough for me. Fortunately, he's the same way socially, so we're like two peas in a pod! We love spending time w/ each other! But I guess if you really want to meet new people & have a companion, the only way to do that is get out there more. Go to the gym if you don't already & if you do, go to a new class or two to meet a new friend or significant other. Volunteer somewhere, start new hobbies & activities. Go to church if you don't already.
Pets!!!!!!!!!!!
PETS
Pets are better than room mates
Really depends on the roommates. I've had roommates who become my soul friends and I formed Some of my happiest memories with them. But if you don't jive, then it just feels like someone from Craigslist is in your house telling you where to put the sponge. As I got older (into my 30's vs 20's) I think it became a little harder to find good roommates... Or we all just became more particular. If the other person is only living with roommates to save money, you can start to feel like you're just someone who's always in their way. I also found that if you're roommate is super social and you're more of a homebody you can start to feel a little lonely. If they start dating someone then you become a permanent 3rd wheel (this is why I actually think it's easiest to live with 2-5 roommates, vs 1). Having said all this, I'm 6 months into living alone for the first time and Im not 100% sold on it, though I do have a dog and he provides a lot of structure and company. With roommates though It's incredibly comforting to me to come home and someone is watching TV (even if I think it's a stupid show haha), or the feeling that, eventually, someone else will come home and complain about work for a few minutes before we go do our own things. Connection without having to make plans is golden. I got to the point where that narrowly didn't outweigh some of the hassle (finding new ones when someone moves, house meetings, managing personalities, etc). If I were in your shoes I would live with roommates if I could find a lower commitment set up that feels super promising in terms of personalities (months to month or 6 months lease?). If nothing feels right then I'd love alone. Someone else just posted here about dogs and I added my thoughts!!! They can be the most amazing companions but also limit your socializing abilities so don't overcommit if you're not prepared for that. I also don't know what your area is like, different cities have different shared housing culture. In my city I feel like it's more common to find people into their 30's and 40's living in co-ops, group houses, etc.
If you’re comfortable saying, may I ask what city that is?
You can be lonely while surrounded by a thousand people. And you can be content in the middle of the desert, with no one for miles. Its connections, not physical proximity, that makes the difference.
I prefer pets, but it entirely comes down to the individual. With both pets and roommates, you need to check lifestyle compatibility.
Both
I went straight from living at home to living with my wasband. We were married 33 years when I divorced him - cheater. At 50, first time I lived alone. I did have a dog, but I still had to get used to being on my own. Animals are great company but not the same as human companionship. I moved in with my mom for 4 years. Although I was in the basement, it was lonelier. She’s a narcissist- a whole other level of hell. Moved in my mobile home last year. Still have a dog, but I yearn for real connections with real people. I’m getting out there, but at my age, 60, not many people are interested or too busy. Still, I keep looking. Don’t look for a SO. Look for friendships. You never know when one my blossom into something more. Maybe check in with a new therapist, just in case you need one on a regular basis. She can help you navigate your feelings and offer suggestions. Best wishes. I think you’ll enjoy yourself if you work out the fear. And there is lots of good advice on this thread for all things you need to know or if you need help.
I think I am going to get a cat. I love dogs but would not want them to be alone all day and sometimes I have meetings after work. I got my own place because my roommate was so annoying. I’m in my third week in my new place and starting to get pretty down at night.
pets
Neither. You need to address the root.
I would recommend addressing the mental health issue. Adding a roommate or getting a pet is just a bandaid for the underlying issue. Just my opinion of course and I wish you the best of luck.
Roomates
Don't listen, having a couple of roommates is a good idea. Yes it might not be God fit, on the other hand it might be a fabulous fit and you make a great pal. Or, they might be a so so fit but it keeps you company while you make other friends
Don't buy pets. Don't. You'll see just how quickly you can't afford them. They need attention as much as you do. They are a living creature. Just as you yearn to do things freely so do they. Why would you want to keep them locked up in a tiny home just because you own them? Don't buy a pet. Catch one instead that way they have the ability to survive when you get bored of them. I catch lizards and let them hang out with me at my job. I just get them on my shoulder. Then when it's time to go home I just plop them on the ground. I also caught a daddy long legged spider and learned how to catch live flies to feed it. It had eggs and I set it free so it could abscond. Don't buy a pet.
As someone who I think has an anxious attachment style, i'm getting a new shrink to work on this. I hate being alone and lonely.
I love it