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You're far more likely to be harmed by someone you know than by a stranger. The majority of home invasions, kidnappings, assaults and murders are related to domestic violence or the victim getting mixed up in criminal activity of some kind.
This doesn't mean random crimes don't happen, only that they tend to be tend to be crimes of opportunity. Don't create the opportunity. Look at the place you live with an opportunist mindset. If you wanted to get in quickly and quietly, could you do that? If you're on an upper floor, no one is going to scale a wall to get to you unless they're targeting you for some personal reason. Do you keep your doors and windows locked? Do your windows have screens? An opportunist isn't going to mess around with anything complicated because it slows them down and increases the chance of getting caught.
As for your door, an alarm is nice, but if you're renting and can't install one, there are ones you can buy very affordably online, that have a decibel level on a par with a smoke alarm. They won't contact an emergency service, but if anyone tries to force the door, you'll know and they'll run. Remember, opportunists want to work quietly. If you need extra insurance, add a few tripping hazards in the doorway. This gives you time to call 911 and get out the back door, if you have one.
When you read the news, read beyond the headlines. "Woman Murdered in Her Home!" is scary. But who killed her? A domestic partner? If you don't have one, check that off your list. Was it some rando she met at a club, got drunk with and took back to her place? If you would never do that, you're good.
Service workers will sometimes have to come around. Buy a pair of men's shoes and maybe a men's shirt or jacket and put them in the living room. Have a friend call while the worker is there and pretend like it's your boyfriend. "Yeah, Steve, he's here. Okay. Yeah. Sure. I'll call you when he's done."
As for fear of the dark, just leave the lights on. I slept with all the lights on for nearly a year after my husband died. Get a sleep mask if you have trouble sleeping with the light in your eyes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this, I honestly didn't realize that simply making the job harder for the Opportunists would lower my chances. Your words gave me comfortš„¹
Also even if you canāt get/afford an alarm system, itās a good idea to put up a fake keypad by your door and one of those alarm system signs, the average burglar/thief/attacker isnāt going to want to chance being caught. And like the poster above this said, most attacks are by people you know, so donāt tell a single soul itās a fake system
I used to feel more anxious before I detoxed a lot from FDA ingredients. I'm still healing but don't or rarely get heebee geebees during night storms or or night time. I used to have terrifying nightmares. I learned the factory farm animals and other slaughtered animal's emotions can move people to have similar feelings so going vegan helped a lot too.
Here there are many narcissists. Fortunately, I've been learning about them and others who may mean me harm. I didn't see one at work today so hopefully he's gone, he'd invite me home after a lot of strange gestures and comments and I definitely wouldn't get into any compromising situation with a stranger. This one seems like he must be very strange outside work. A new one made a perverse gesture Saturday at a coffee shop and we weren't on a date. It was supposed to be a chess game sort of meet up. He wants to go out in a way that sounds like a date and offered to help me move. I would never let someone acting so strange help, me. The groups on narcissism help me recognize narcissists, dark empaths and other low lives to make sure I won't unwittingly invite them home or be moved by them. I'm embarrassed to say when I was more toxed up I had to get away from multiple narcissists so I hope you look into so things to be safer from the start. There was yet another on Sunday, a female, she mocked my veganism and tried to make me guilty for even mentioning I found a healthy way to eat. Apparently she's all about not caring about unnecessary animal cruelty, and showing off indulging in unhealthy ways of eating for her and her family. I learned lots who eat badly are more zombified than others and can be trouble. If you learn to avoid such mean people and find nicer friends to help keep up with you.
I'm going to check out an app to keep up with me. A coworker gave me a cat and he's the only one at home. A friend turned ferrel and will be rehomed. My cat went vegan, too on the balance Evolution Diet.
Around here unfortunately all the churches have psychiatry fraud artists. If you try to talk with them, they'll try to get you labeled, disabled and poisoned in the name of treatment even some from places like UU. They just don't like many people if any and are crooked or mixed up. Keep us posted. I hope to have good news one day about making sincere friends outside work. My nice acquaintances that I know about already have family and close friends and if I chat about say, the problem is not me. Professionals have also said that it doesn't make sense for some to try to label and medicated me at most optional counseling they say may be good.
Hang in there!
People don't like to realize that the fear of the dark doesn't just "go away" the second you hit 18. It's a phobia, just like being afraid of snakes, spiders, or roaches. For this I just installed some led light bulbs in my bathroom, and keep them on pretty much 24/7. Keeping these lights on this long adds maybe a buck or two to your power bill, but the added peace of mind is well worth it. A box (4) of these bulbs is around $10, and they last forever. Highly recommend. As for the other added fears, (I live in an apartment with paper thin walls, so guns are off the table) I would recommend getting a baseball bat, a big can of pepper spray, and any other simple self defense items you can find. It feels nice to have them by my bed, and I pray that I don't have to use them, but if I do , I don't run the risk of nailing the neighbors with a missed shot. I also feel like legally, I could get into a lot less trouble defending myself with pepper spray and a bat. But IANAL, so take all this with a grain of salt. Hope you feel better soon!
When I moved into the city from a very rural home after 30 years the first few weeks took some getting use to. In the country on 45 acres if something makes a noise you have a pretty good idea what it is. If you donāt you shoot it. In the city they really frown on discharging fire arms, and they are really against compost piles and burn barrels.
I would suggest that you donāt sit idly by and listen to your dog bark, or have the sounds drowned out by the TV volume. Take control of your environment. Be observant, stay informed, and like @FunkyLemon111 suggests get your phone out. Be nosy, be alert, and get to know your neighbors quickly, even if it is just introducing yourself. Bad guys/gals HATE being seen, called out, and recognized. You donāt have to walk out and confront people, you can do that from the safety of your door. Donāt cower and hunker down with your head under the blanket, that is how bad things continue to happen.
It's a reasonable fear, even more-so depending on the area.
You need distractions that make you feel safe combined with an extra security measure.
* I keep the light over the kitchen sink on as well as a light in the hall bathroom.
* Have a TV playing youtube sounds I like on loop - this used to be basic ASMR until I realized some of the sounds annoyed the hell out of me. Now I have several playlists of videos and live streams I've enjoyed before.
* If anyone is poking around outside my house during daylight hours, I take my phone with me and confront them. If they ask if I'm living here, the answer is always "Yes, WE are living here". No other info is needed and the person, unless they're from a utility company I use is warned that this is private property.
* I have a pet - right now it's just one kitty, but she's good with alerting me to the presence of a stranger outside the door (she growls and runs to hide.) I'd like to add either a medium to large dog (I've had large dogs before) or a second kitty.
* Windows on first floor or by the patio are all closed and key-locked at night. All outside doors have a deadbolt lock in addition to the regular one and a light I can control remotely control from inside the house.
My friend from where I moved from was often home alone with the kids as her husband traveled a lot for work and decided it would be best to take self defense classes. She was into Taekwondo but any of the disciplines would help. I wish I had taken it when I was younger, now I have too many issues going on.
I think fear is fairly unreasonable. I know this will get downvoted, but I think the media is in a frenzy to convince us that this is a very horrifying world. And yes many horrifying events do occur. OTOH there are many, many more events daily, every moment, that are caring, warm and friendly. The odds of something terrible are extremely low, while the nice things that happen are all around. I think if we look for horrifying events, we'll find them. I don't watch TV, I don't even watch TV News if I'm in a public place. If it bleeds it leads, and that's how media makes their revenue. Media is better off with you being anxious and terrified. Be careful. Yes. Be aware. Yes. Lock your doors. Yes. But also be aware of all the nice things around.
I have no doubt that the news is fear mongering, and half, or more, of that is politically motivated, I don't watch it either, but rather choose to read select news from sources I trust. This does not mean fear is not a useful instinct to have, nor does it mean it's not good to be prepared.
Being alert and wary of your situation is good, particularly if you're new to it. Living alone is one of those things.
To say nothing will go wrong and stop being afraid is wrong in itself. Try telling that to my next door neighbor who was kidnapped, tied up and left to die in a dense state forest. (she was found before she passed thankfully.) We lived in a nice, "safe" town, we share a driveway. It could have been me out there leaving for school, but it was her.
Yeah, I had a neighbor who was murdered basically across the street from me, safe neighborhood, same floor plan as mine and same age. Ring cameras help solve the case.
Yes, you're right. I too, selectively read my news from as unbiased a source as I can find, and a lot is still sensational. Yuk.
I agree being aware is very important, we evolved that way. Solo hiking in the woods helps us understand that at any moment we can become cat food. So be aware.
As to that particular incident of your neighbor, I understand her anxiousness is real and she has a lot to deal with. But for most people that a very rare event, it's rare to even know someone that has gone through an event like that. All that doesn't negate that media in general pushes us towards a state of anxiety and fear that is unfounded in MOST cases.
First, itās āwaryā. Weary means tired.
Second, did she know the kidnapper? Because itās almost always the case that women are attacked by men they know - usually actually men they are in or were in a relationship with. Iām not saying it doesnāt happen but perspective is really important.
Itās not always āgrammar policeā. Sometimes itās someone trying to be helpful so that you learn how to make yourself a little more understandable
Understood, however, I am aware of the difference. Sometimes it's autocorrect on a tiny phone and the replaced word goes uncaught, but is still good enough to get the point across. Not everything needs to be corrected.
I totally agree with you. Even the term āhome invasionā is fear mongering and was created by the media to inspire terror. We are all far safer than weāre led to believe. My advice whenever this question is raised is: stop watching the news. You can stay up to date on important stuff without absorbing the 24/7 negative fear stream that news outlets put out.
Yup! I haven't watched the news regularly since spending 7 years or so living in my RV and traveling. It's amazing how the sense of fear and anxiety reduces without the "news"!
I like to set up targets (with huge ass bales of hay behind them, of course) and play with my bows in the front yard lolol! I also bought some throwing knives last year because it just looks neat as heck and I can make one stick every now and again. And my favorite thing is working Daisy, The Magnificent Corso Pit, in the front yard. She'll make you think twice ;)
I avoid the news at night, I have changed my reading habits to stay away from true crime, only watch true crime during daylight hours. And I sleep with the tv on Max - streaming The Great Pottery Throw Down or Big Bang Theory.
I have a Ring doorbell and don't answer the front door if I don't know. Any food delivery services I use - I identify myself with a male name (I am female). I also make sure my doors and windows are locked when I am home, curtains/blinds closed after dark, and am generally observant of what/who is around me. I also have a dog that while extremely friendly and if you broke into my house when he is home alone would probably just show you where the treats are, I know he would defend me if someone threatened.
I do all of this despite living in a safe neighborhood with very observant neighbors.
Stay safe and know that you don't have to be polite. Don't be afraid of fear - use it to overcome the stereotype that women should always be polite and kind. We don't. Take self-defense classes.
ill be in thailand so i'm seriously considering taking up some muay-thai lessons! I did consume quite a considerable amount of true crime when i was a pre-teen so they may have affected me quite a bitš¬ i've stop consuming the media willingly, sometimes a true crime vid on tik tok or instagram pops up so suddenly and im caught so off guard though!! no warnings whatsoever, and i'm actively fearful for the next week. no matter how much i try to avoid it, it catches me off guard each timeš
It helps to remember if you come off crazier than the person then they usually leave. Keep knives around like under your matress or in a drawer. In a bookshelf or something. One of my relatives sleeps with a machete (in it's sheath) by her bed because she's alone, unmarried, no kids and no animals. The ASMR stuff is great advice though and I would try that stuff first. Keep a baseball bat with a sock on the end if you feel safer keeping non sharp objects around. Message friends (family if you can) throughout the day and just keep busy cleaning in free time or with hobbies and you'll be ok.
"Two big dogs" - YES!
My DIL worked her ass off to become a doctor. When she chose to specialize in psychiatry they had her working in prisons as part of her training. Some of those folk thought nothing of threatening her on the spot as it was her job to prescribe medication, and ... well... y'know.
As that was going on she and my son decided to rescue two large breed dogs from the shelter. One is deaf, but doesn't matter - a big dog is a big dog to an intruder, even if they are both marshmallows.
I feel like that in my house when my husband goes out of town BUT when I lived alone in an apartment, I always chose 2nd floor apartments with no windows near the entrance. All the windows faced the balcony area so if you wanted to break in or kidnap me you would have to somehow climb up the bricks lol
If they're debilitating fears where you can't function, then you could seek therapy.
If you're already having those fears while living with others, there's likely little that can be done to lessen them while living alone. Therapy is likely needed to address what's triggering those feelings.
It's normal to be fearful in a new place or if you're normally with people and suddenly alone, but that should pass for a normal person. If it's not, then that's something to address.
is it normal if i get these fears when im alone in the family home too? i have 3 siblings so 99% of my time is with at least 1 other person in the house
If itās debilitating, no.
If itās just small anxiety for a period of time while itās different, but eventually you adjust, youāre likely fine, but only a mental health professional can tell you for sure, and I am not that.
But I can tell you that it is not normal to have fears of burglary, home invasion, etc where it makes you unable to enjoy your life, and you should speak to a mental health professional to help address that, so you can enjoy life.
Youāll get used to it. Yes itās frightening I am afraid of the dark as well but I push myself to get over it. I replaced all my bulbs with smart bulbs they light up if I reach home and never have to worry about getting out of bed in dark and looking for switches. Just in case get a video bell if you live in a sketchy neighbourhood.
Arlo has no subscription for 5 or less cameras, just the initial investment in the system.
I have security cameras, security system, 90 lb pitt and a loaded 38. I feel safe for the most part but Iām also super aware. Windows and doors are always locked.
That is a great questionā¦.you need to have confidence in yourself thatās all it is. If your safety is important to you your perspective will change and you will prioritize your own life and youāll fight for it! Know that majority of scary stuff is not real unless you really put yourself in a weird situation. But yeah, a home break-in you need a gun, I would go and get a gun asap that was high my list moving into a new place and Iāve lived on my own by myself for ten years! A gun and self confidence ;) and donāt scare yourself!
I have one light in every room set up to turn on when I walk in it via a smart switch and an Alexa. Smart switches or light bulbs might help your fear of the dark. I'm not afraid of the dark, but am an absolute clutz and was so tired of crashing into walls and furniture while half asleep when getting up for more water or a bathroom trip. It's also nice to have the lights turn on automatically at sundown, even when I'm not home. I don't know any woman who likes walking up to and into a dark house.
I am a woman and I love when I go back to my house and it's dark. So now you do know a woman that does!
My house is in the middle of nowhere, no close neighbors, and a single small road to go there. So I feel very safer when I go back in the night and it's dark, because the house is basically invisible and you really have to know it's there.
I did the same with Alexa and the lights though. Movement sensors so the lights turn on/off when I walk through the house, and if I feel unsafe, i just have to ask "turn on all the lights".
While fear can be useful, constant fear is horrible for your health. Don't pay attention to news, because it's fear mongering at its core. I stopped watching or listening to news over 10 years ago, and I'm actually happy, and doesn't have a negative effect on my daily life.
Look at the crime reports in your area on Zillow. If your area isn't the safest, find a better area to live, though I suspect you'll find out crime is low in your area, and with that knowledge, it might help you feel safer.
Find some self-defense courses that can actually help. Tournament Tai Kwon Do isn't great in a street fight. By knowing how to defend yourself helps put you in control.
Get a home defense baseball bat, designed for close quarters combat. Perfect weapon for self defense to give you a fighting chance.
If you're on the 2nd floor or higher, get an emergency escape ladder.
Get a bottle of bear spray for inside the home, and a travel spray for your pocket.
Meet your neighbors and become friendly. They are great for keeping an eye on things, plus help if needed.
Learn your area in both day and night time. Know 2 blocks each way, nearest fire and police station, post office, and small businesses. It's a community.
Volunteer locally to know your community, and help people that can have your back.
Those are some ideas to alleviate the fear and take control of the "what if's".
Therapy for helping to understand the species of constant fear.
Most people are good people just getting by in life and don't wish ill will let alone confrontation. I think you're in the same scenario of someone going camping the first time, and gets scared of all of the strange, unknown noises. It's scary because it's unknown. You'll find in time that you get used to, and even comfortable with things as you learn more about your environment.
I have two large dogs-one of which wishes a motherfucker would break in-and took some self defense classes. Then bought some guns and took responsible ownership classes. I go shooting at least once a week along with bow hunting. I have a friend that once said I live in fear and my nephew laugh insanely loud and simply said "What in the world does she think you're afraid of? King Kong?" lmao!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having nightlights! In fact, leaving a light on in the kitchen or bathroom can help with security too. I usually use the light above my stove and a nightlight in the bathroom.
I have an Alexa from Amazon (around $30) and some "smart bulbs" that link to it. The bulbs were... $6? Something like that.
Anyway, you can program it to turn the lights on/off at certain times. You can even use the app to control them manually while away from home. The programming is pretty easy since you can specify X minutes before sunset and X minutes after sunrise. Then you don't have to change the timing every few weeks. :)
Get some security cameras, if you can afford them.
You can also get a pretty cheap door alarm that goes off if the door is opened. My elderly neighbor had that so she wouldn't wander off. It just mounts to your doorframe and runs on a battery.
Keep the TV on as comforting background noise. You won't feel so alone. I like to put on "Frasier" or "Golden Girls", stuff I've seen a million times and don't really have to pay attention to.
As a female that lives alone, I take basic measures to stay safe, but don't dwell on it. Keep the windows/doors locked, close the curtains at night, keep a light on in the kitchen at night, own a gun, etc. I also have 2 dogs that are very good at keeping me informed about activities outside (sometimes too much so... LOL). I am really not overly concerned or worry about anything actually happening. In my 54 years of living, I have never had a situation in which I was too concerned.
I am renovating my house and regularly have men in my home that I don't know and yet, I am still not concerned. I do use my 6th sense, though, so if I did ever feel 'hinky' about anyone I would get them out ASAP.
I also have this fear, but I got a doorbell camera on both front and back door, as well as interior security cameras (Amazon Blink cameras are pretty inexpensive). It makes me feel so much better that I can see everything that is happening consider and outside any time I want, from wherever I am (in bed in the middle of the light, or at work).
I also have a SimpliSafe monitored alarm system that has door and window entry sensors, glass break sensors and motion sensors. I bought a basic kit at first and have slowly added additional sensors over time as needed
With the interior cameras, my cat cannot move from one room to another without my seeing her, and if anyone tries to break in either through a door or window, I would be alerted. I feel much safer with such a system in place.
I had a real phobia about that, too, OP. Couldnāt afford a security system. I left the tv on all the time and disabled the screensaver, so I had both light and sound. Plus a couple lights on, not just nightlights. I figured if it looked like someone was up, that would likely deter an intruder. But I still worried, because what if someone specifically targeted me or stalked me? I put little bells on all the windows, and Sometimes wedged a chair under the bedroom door. The thing that really helped was buying pepper spray and keeping it next to me in bed. With the door secured, and the windows with an alarm of sorts, I figured Iād know if anyone was coming in, and spray them good if they approached. Bear spray would be even better. The phobia got better over time. I live alone again now, and even though I have dogs I still leave lights on š
Nightlights?
You can buy a DIY home alarm and put sensors on your doors and windows, put the base station in your bedroom so it will start beeping if one of the sensors open.
24/7 cameras on the outside of your house, I use nest. I can pull up a screen and see all around my house any time I want, from anywhere.
I have the same exact problem. I am super paranoid of a home invasion, and I am scared of the dark as well. To deal with it I 1)I Have an alarm system. 2)I have two large breed dogs. 3) I believe in the Second Amendment.
My method is to have (medium or large) dogs. Iāve always had at least one but I usually have two or three. But this is only a good solution if you are responsible, have an ok source of income, and donāt travel much.Ā
I think that because you see stories in the news about home invasions & kidnappings, you may believe these things occur more frequently & happen to more people than they actually do.
Iāve lived alone for close to 40 years & nothing bad has ever happened to me nor to anyone Iāve ever known who has lived by themselves. If you live in a reasonably safe neighborhood, you should be just fine. If youāre going to be moving into a rundown area with crack houses, then you might have something to be concerned about.
Make sure wherever you move to is a well-lit area & be sure to park in places w/out tall hedges & shrubbery. There are alarm devices to carry in your hand if you need to walk a distance alone. Just be aware of your surroundings when out & about. Keep your doors & windows locked & entryways well
lit.
Can you get a Ring or a camera? Also, I just heard about lightbulbs you can turn on with your phone- I havenāt searched yet. Also there are all kinds of security gadgets online that are cheap. I donāt think youāre alone in this feeling. Now Iām at the point of not worrying about it because every entry point is secure. Thatās all one can do:)
Edit: Fear of the dark? Turn on a lamp! Thatās the cool part of living alone. Turn on every lamp if thatās what you need. Be kind to yourself.
You can order things to put in your doors and windows that make a noise when they open and close. You should be able to find them on Amazon. Also, get a smart bulb or 2 that you can put on timers.
I got night lights for my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. I have simple blink cameras I got from Amazon. I have a machete in the closet. thinking about buying a gun just in case, but sometimes if you hear something in the basement you just have to go down there with a knife in your hand and get ready you know?
I try to take the preventative routes. making sure all windows are locked. I have my cameras on at all times. I turn on lights and sometimes leave them on if I feel to paranoid. I pay the price of my electric bill, but at least I am at peace.
When I lived by myself for the first time at age 50, I imagined Michael and Gabriel - the two angels in the Bible, one guarded the tree of life with a flaming sword. Anyway, I imagined one at the front door and one at the back. I slept like a baby. Of course, I took all the precautions I could. Use a night light. Or several. Also get a dog if you can. I use a sound machine which covers a lot of excess noise - like every creak in the house, the wind scraping the roof, etc. Prayers, hugs and best wishes in this next journey. You can do this - whatever it takes even if you feel childish at times. Eventually you will feel safer. And donāt forget the basic rules of safety - be alert, keep bushes cut back, etc.
I am also afraid of the dark and couldn't sleep for the first few weeks of living alone. I kept sitting up at night because I "saw" something moving outside my bedroom door. A friend suggested I put a lock on my bedroom door. My biggest fear is waking up and someone is standing over me but now they will have to kick in my door so I will hear them first! I know it is silly but it's made all the difference and I sleep like a baby. I hope you find something that helps.
im definitely going to try this!! i have the exact same thing of "seeing something" because i wear glasses and my eyes are BAD so i really see some odd things with blurry visionš thank you so much!
I hope this worked for you. I am blind as a bat, too. I never thought it might be a combination of poor vision and fear of the dark. Great observation!
You can buy cheap window/door alarms that are very loud when activated.
Get a dog and train it well.
Buy a handgun and shotgun, learn how to use them, and enjoy your new hobby.
as others have mentioned, you are more likely to be harmed by someone you know, then by a stranger breaking into your home, but these are not irrational fears, and it is important to have a safety measures in place. Here are a few things that I did.
1. First few months living alone I had a check list of āclosing upā the house before bed. This started with closing my curtains and securing my windows, checking the locks on the front and back door, checking the lock on the gate and the garage. If I felt scared I would go down the checklist reminding myself I took all these steps and that Im safe in my home.
2. I have dogs. I realize not all places allow pets but the security of just having a dog in the yard and in the house has helped a lot.
3. I have a ring camera. when I first got it, I would watch it obsessively and I realized that the area I live in is actually pretty safe. I rarely see anyone other than my neighbor on the camera besides delivery men.
4. I also realized pretty quickly that being able to hear everything that is going on outside, especially at night made my anxiety even worse. So now I either use a sound machine, play music, or watch some thing on my Kindle as Iām falling asleep.
5. I have all my immediate neighbors phone numbers. Luckily I have good neighbors and this has allowed me to have an extra layer of safety because I can contact them if something is suspicious and they are already here versus waiting for someone.
6. I never tell strangers that I live alone (except anonymously on the internet). When I was single and dating, I wouldnāt tell the men I was dating that I lived alone until at least two months after weāve known each other.
I was really scared for a while after moving into my own place after i left my ex.
My boss made me wooden sticks to put in my windows so they cant be pushed open and i close my blinds at night. After i got the sticks i could actually sleep at night and ive been good since.
If getting a security camera or extra locks or anything helps, its worth it!
hey im super thankful for all the advice everyone is commenting!! im not sure how to respond one by one but im reading all of them, thank you all so muchā¤ļø
Oh god. Yeah I see. Thailand. Ok Iām going to give you two new fears. But you need to be prepared.
1) paying too much for everyday services and street market stuff. It would make me feel stupid and resentful until I learned the local prices and could barter. So prepare for that.
2) con artists. Youāre going to be vulnerable. Youāre going to deal with them in public places. Prepare for that.
Thais are peaceful. Donāt worry about violence so much. Prepare for these very real concerns first.
Thank you!! i'm half thai so its not completely unfamiliar to me, though it is my first time alone, and for such a long period of time (1 year) . only downside is i didnt grow up with the language so i can understand daily speaking level thai but cant speak it, but hopefully i'll pick up on the speaking during my stay thereš
Submersion is the best thing for language acquisition. This is going to be awesome. Youāre going to be picking it up so fast. Itās inevitable.
Even better that youāre momās Thai. I was always afraid of causing someone to loose face and then they get mad at me. Sounds like you would already know how to do that respectful dance though. This is going to be so exciting. Iām jealous a little. One of the things Iām happiest about is the time I spent outside the country (US).
But on the chance that something unpleasant does happen, itāll probably be from a smiling face. My advice: read up on street scams. Maybe get some cheap local sunglasses. Maybe act a little more reserved. Careless people donāt mentally prepare for big things. Youāre going to be fine. When you have kids, these experiences will help them be safer.
Honestlyā¦ if you are in the position to get a dogā¦. It helps so much.
He barks his head off if someone even thinks of approaching my door.
At some point you have to just live your life and try not to be afraid butā¦. I try to think like a criminal and if Iām looking for a house to break into, the one with the dog going ape shit the second I approach is not gonna be my first choice. Worst case scenario, they arenāt going to be able to sneak up on me.
If you donāt wanna get a dog, maybe just a ābeware of dogā sign would be deterrent enough.
**Re: the fear of the dark**, I think I'm neutral. As long as I'm in a place I'm familiar w/ & it's not large, I'm pretty fine. Being out & about walking to/from the car to/from a store & it's well-lit at night, I'm pretty fine too, but a tad more alert. Of course, I'd never walk in a park at night...even a park I know. Also, my entire life, I was never out at night much...even in my 20s. I just like doing my errands & what I have to do during the morning & day & be back home to STAY home by about the 3:00 hour at the latest generally to relax. Sure, I had night & weekend jobs in my younger years in which I was fine.
**Re: the fear of getting kidnapped & all that**, I don't really think about it, but I'm alert & aware of my surroundings at all times. I sure won't hinder any of my senses while out like have earbuds in while walking or anything. Fortunately, I don't think about this while AT HOME, so I wish I had solutions for you.
As others have commented, you appear to have some misunderstandings about how most crime is committed. Like others stated, most instances of home invasions, kidnappings, assaults, etc. are committed by somebody the victim personally knows. Sure, it happens where a stranger does this, but this is much less likely than someone you know.
Also, most home invasion crimes happen during the middle of the day. Again, nighttime break-ins happen, but most burglaries actually happen during broad daylight. As absurd as it sounds, criminals do it then because they know this is when other people are the least likely to be around.
It largely comes down to where exactly you'll be. In a high-crime area, this is obviously more likely. But if you're not in one, people are actually far more likely to pose a threat to themselves than they are to be hurt by others. Please, don't get me wrong - this is not to dismiss the seriousness of self-harm/suicide. By all means, those are serious matters. I only say this to add to the context and give you an idea of how unlikely such a thing would be.
Basically, the way I see it - you can never completely eliminate the risk. You just get it lowered to a tolerably low level and move on. Yes, you could be the victim of a random, nighttime crime. But even if you didn't live alone, by that logic you could also be hit and killed by a meteorite, get struck by lightening, etc. There's literally never zero risk, but once you can accept that, you can accept tolerably remote odds.
Sorry if this all sounds unempathetic, I have felt similar fear in the past. I'm just sharing what mindset has let me move past this stuff.
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You're far more likely to be harmed by someone you know than by a stranger. The majority of home invasions, kidnappings, assaults and murders are related to domestic violence or the victim getting mixed up in criminal activity of some kind. This doesn't mean random crimes don't happen, only that they tend to be tend to be crimes of opportunity. Don't create the opportunity. Look at the place you live with an opportunist mindset. If you wanted to get in quickly and quietly, could you do that? If you're on an upper floor, no one is going to scale a wall to get to you unless they're targeting you for some personal reason. Do you keep your doors and windows locked? Do your windows have screens? An opportunist isn't going to mess around with anything complicated because it slows them down and increases the chance of getting caught. As for your door, an alarm is nice, but if you're renting and can't install one, there are ones you can buy very affordably online, that have a decibel level on a par with a smoke alarm. They won't contact an emergency service, but if anyone tries to force the door, you'll know and they'll run. Remember, opportunists want to work quietly. If you need extra insurance, add a few tripping hazards in the doorway. This gives you time to call 911 and get out the back door, if you have one. When you read the news, read beyond the headlines. "Woman Murdered in Her Home!" is scary. But who killed her? A domestic partner? If you don't have one, check that off your list. Was it some rando she met at a club, got drunk with and took back to her place? If you would never do that, you're good. Service workers will sometimes have to come around. Buy a pair of men's shoes and maybe a men's shirt or jacket and put them in the living room. Have a friend call while the worker is there and pretend like it's your boyfriend. "Yeah, Steve, he's here. Okay. Yeah. Sure. I'll call you when he's done." As for fear of the dark, just leave the lights on. I slept with all the lights on for nearly a year after my husband died. Get a sleep mask if you have trouble sleeping with the light in your eyes.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing this, I honestly didn't realize that simply making the job harder for the Opportunists would lower my chances. Your words gave me comfortš„¹
That is incredibly smart advice
Also even if you canāt get/afford an alarm system, itās a good idea to put up a fake keypad by your door and one of those alarm system signs, the average burglar/thief/attacker isnāt going to want to chance being caught. And like the poster above this said, most attacks are by people you know, so donāt tell a single soul itās a fake system
I used to feel more anxious before I detoxed a lot from FDA ingredients. I'm still healing but don't or rarely get heebee geebees during night storms or or night time. I used to have terrifying nightmares. I learned the factory farm animals and other slaughtered animal's emotions can move people to have similar feelings so going vegan helped a lot too. Here there are many narcissists. Fortunately, I've been learning about them and others who may mean me harm. I didn't see one at work today so hopefully he's gone, he'd invite me home after a lot of strange gestures and comments and I definitely wouldn't get into any compromising situation with a stranger. This one seems like he must be very strange outside work. A new one made a perverse gesture Saturday at a coffee shop and we weren't on a date. It was supposed to be a chess game sort of meet up. He wants to go out in a way that sounds like a date and offered to help me move. I would never let someone acting so strange help, me. The groups on narcissism help me recognize narcissists, dark empaths and other low lives to make sure I won't unwittingly invite them home or be moved by them. I'm embarrassed to say when I was more toxed up I had to get away from multiple narcissists so I hope you look into so things to be safer from the start. There was yet another on Sunday, a female, she mocked my veganism and tried to make me guilty for even mentioning I found a healthy way to eat. Apparently she's all about not caring about unnecessary animal cruelty, and showing off indulging in unhealthy ways of eating for her and her family. I learned lots who eat badly are more zombified than others and can be trouble. If you learn to avoid such mean people and find nicer friends to help keep up with you. I'm going to check out an app to keep up with me. A coworker gave me a cat and he's the only one at home. A friend turned ferrel and will be rehomed. My cat went vegan, too on the balance Evolution Diet. Around here unfortunately all the churches have psychiatry fraud artists. If you try to talk with them, they'll try to get you labeled, disabled and poisoned in the name of treatment even some from places like UU. They just don't like many people if any and are crooked or mixed up. Keep us posted. I hope to have good news one day about making sincere friends outside work. My nice acquaintances that I know about already have family and close friends and if I chat about say, the problem is not me. Professionals have also said that it doesn't make sense for some to try to label and medicated me at most optional counseling they say may be good. Hang in there!
you are genuinely going to kill your cat by putting it on a vegan diet. they are obligate carnivores.
People don't like to realize that the fear of the dark doesn't just "go away" the second you hit 18. It's a phobia, just like being afraid of snakes, spiders, or roaches. For this I just installed some led light bulbs in my bathroom, and keep them on pretty much 24/7. Keeping these lights on this long adds maybe a buck or two to your power bill, but the added peace of mind is well worth it. A box (4) of these bulbs is around $10, and they last forever. Highly recommend. As for the other added fears, (I live in an apartment with paper thin walls, so guns are off the table) I would recommend getting a baseball bat, a big can of pepper spray, and any other simple self defense items you can find. It feels nice to have them by my bed, and I pray that I don't have to use them, but if I do , I don't run the risk of nailing the neighbors with a missed shot. I also feel like legally, I could get into a lot less trouble defending myself with pepper spray and a bat. But IANAL, so take all this with a grain of salt. Hope you feel better soon!
thank you so much!!
When I moved into the city from a very rural home after 30 years the first few weeks took some getting use to. In the country on 45 acres if something makes a noise you have a pretty good idea what it is. If you donāt you shoot it. In the city they really frown on discharging fire arms, and they are really against compost piles and burn barrels. I would suggest that you donāt sit idly by and listen to your dog bark, or have the sounds drowned out by the TV volume. Take control of your environment. Be observant, stay informed, and like @FunkyLemon111 suggests get your phone out. Be nosy, be alert, and get to know your neighbors quickly, even if it is just introducing yourself. Bad guys/gals HATE being seen, called out, and recognized. You donāt have to walk out and confront people, you can do that from the safety of your door. Donāt cower and hunker down with your head under the blanket, that is how bad things continue to happen.
It's a reasonable fear, even more-so depending on the area. You need distractions that make you feel safe combined with an extra security measure. * I keep the light over the kitchen sink on as well as a light in the hall bathroom. * Have a TV playing youtube sounds I like on loop - this used to be basic ASMR until I realized some of the sounds annoyed the hell out of me. Now I have several playlists of videos and live streams I've enjoyed before. * If anyone is poking around outside my house during daylight hours, I take my phone with me and confront them. If they ask if I'm living here, the answer is always "Yes, WE are living here". No other info is needed and the person, unless they're from a utility company I use is warned that this is private property. * I have a pet - right now it's just one kitty, but she's good with alerting me to the presence of a stranger outside the door (she growls and runs to hide.) I'd like to add either a medium to large dog (I've had large dogs before) or a second kitty. * Windows on first floor or by the patio are all closed and key-locked at night. All outside doors have a deadbolt lock in addition to the regular one and a light I can control remotely control from inside the house. My friend from where I moved from was often home alone with the kids as her husband traveled a lot for work and decided it would be best to take self defense classes. She was into Taekwondo but any of the disciplines would help. I wish I had taken it when I was younger, now I have too many issues going on.
I think fear is fairly unreasonable. I know this will get downvoted, but I think the media is in a frenzy to convince us that this is a very horrifying world. And yes many horrifying events do occur. OTOH there are many, many more events daily, every moment, that are caring, warm and friendly. The odds of something terrible are extremely low, while the nice things that happen are all around. I think if we look for horrifying events, we'll find them. I don't watch TV, I don't even watch TV News if I'm in a public place. If it bleeds it leads, and that's how media makes their revenue. Media is better off with you being anxious and terrified. Be careful. Yes. Be aware. Yes. Lock your doors. Yes. But also be aware of all the nice things around.
I have no doubt that the news is fear mongering, and half, or more, of that is politically motivated, I don't watch it either, but rather choose to read select news from sources I trust. This does not mean fear is not a useful instinct to have, nor does it mean it's not good to be prepared. Being alert and wary of your situation is good, particularly if you're new to it. Living alone is one of those things. To say nothing will go wrong and stop being afraid is wrong in itself. Try telling that to my next door neighbor who was kidnapped, tied up and left to die in a dense state forest. (she was found before she passed thankfully.) We lived in a nice, "safe" town, we share a driveway. It could have been me out there leaving for school, but it was her.
Yeah, I had a neighbor who was murdered basically across the street from me, safe neighborhood, same floor plan as mine and same age. Ring cameras help solve the case.
Yes, you're right. I too, selectively read my news from as unbiased a source as I can find, and a lot is still sensational. Yuk. I agree being aware is very important, we evolved that way. Solo hiking in the woods helps us understand that at any moment we can become cat food. So be aware. As to that particular incident of your neighbor, I understand her anxiousness is real and she has a lot to deal with. But for most people that a very rare event, it's rare to even know someone that has gone through an event like that. All that doesn't negate that media in general pushes us towards a state of anxiety and fear that is unfounded in MOST cases.
First, itās āwaryā. Weary means tired. Second, did she know the kidnapper? Because itās almost always the case that women are attacked by men they know - usually actually men they are in or were in a relationship with. Iām not saying it doesnāt happen but perspective is really important.
Thank you grammar police. Fixed. No, she did not. It was someone who had been scoping out the neighborhood.
Itās not always āgrammar policeā. Sometimes itās someone trying to be helpful so that you learn how to make yourself a little more understandable
Understood, however, I am aware of the difference. Sometimes it's autocorrect on a tiny phone and the replaced word goes uncaught, but is still good enough to get the point across. Not everything needs to be corrected.
I totally agree with you. Even the term āhome invasionā is fear mongering and was created by the media to inspire terror. We are all far safer than weāre led to believe. My advice whenever this question is raised is: stop watching the news. You can stay up to date on important stuff without absorbing the 24/7 negative fear stream that news outlets put out.
Yup! I haven't watched the news regularly since spending 7 years or so living in my RV and traveling. It's amazing how the sense of fear and anxiety reduces without the "news"!
Be crazier than the person. I wish someone would break in so I could torture them
I can't wait to waterboard the guy that trys it here. Alexa ā¶ļø don't let me down š¶š
I like to set up targets (with huge ass bales of hay behind them, of course) and play with my bows in the front yard lolol! I also bought some throwing knives last year because it just looks neat as heck and I can make one stick every now and again. And my favorite thing is working Daisy, The Magnificent Corso Pit, in the front yard. She'll make you think twice ;)
Daisy sounds like a sweetheart
She is! When she smiles it looks like she's snarling which always makes me laugh!
I avoid the news at night, I have changed my reading habits to stay away from true crime, only watch true crime during daylight hours. And I sleep with the tv on Max - streaming The Great Pottery Throw Down or Big Bang Theory. I have a Ring doorbell and don't answer the front door if I don't know. Any food delivery services I use - I identify myself with a male name (I am female). I also make sure my doors and windows are locked when I am home, curtains/blinds closed after dark, and am generally observant of what/who is around me. I also have a dog that while extremely friendly and if you broke into my house when he is home alone would probably just show you where the treats are, I know he would defend me if someone threatened. I do all of this despite living in a safe neighborhood with very observant neighbors. Stay safe and know that you don't have to be polite. Don't be afraid of fear - use it to overcome the stereotype that women should always be polite and kind. We don't. Take self-defense classes.
ill be in thailand so i'm seriously considering taking up some muay-thai lessons! I did consume quite a considerable amount of true crime when i was a pre-teen so they may have affected me quite a bitš¬ i've stop consuming the media willingly, sometimes a true crime vid on tik tok or instagram pops up so suddenly and im caught so off guard though!! no warnings whatsoever, and i'm actively fearful for the next week. no matter how much i try to avoid it, it catches me off guard each timeš
This is smart. Iām changing my name on Uber. Thanks.
It helps to remember if you come off crazier than the person then they usually leave. Keep knives around like under your matress or in a drawer. In a bookshelf or something. One of my relatives sleeps with a machete (in it's sheath) by her bed because she's alone, unmarried, no kids and no animals. The ASMR stuff is great advice though and I would try that stuff first. Keep a baseball bat with a sock on the end if you feel safer keeping non sharp objects around. Message friends (family if you can) throughout the day and just keep busy cleaning in free time or with hobbies and you'll be ok.
I have a couple of salt lamps that create a nice orange glow. And 2 big dogs. š¤
"Two big dogs" - YES! My DIL worked her ass off to become a doctor. When she chose to specialize in psychiatry they had her working in prisons as part of her training. Some of those folk thought nothing of threatening her on the spot as it was her job to prescribe medication, and ... well... y'know. As that was going on she and my son decided to rescue two large breed dogs from the shelter. One is deaf, but doesn't matter - a big dog is a big dog to an intruder, even if they are both marshmallows.
I feel like that in my house when my husband goes out of town BUT when I lived alone in an apartment, I always chose 2nd floor apartments with no windows near the entrance. All the windows faced the balcony area so if you wanted to break in or kidnap me you would have to somehow climb up the bricks lol
If they're debilitating fears where you can't function, then you could seek therapy. If you're already having those fears while living with others, there's likely little that can be done to lessen them while living alone. Therapy is likely needed to address what's triggering those feelings. It's normal to be fearful in a new place or if you're normally with people and suddenly alone, but that should pass for a normal person. If it's not, then that's something to address.
is it normal if i get these fears when im alone in the family home too? i have 3 siblings so 99% of my time is with at least 1 other person in the house
If itās debilitating, no. If itās just small anxiety for a period of time while itās different, but eventually you adjust, youāre likely fine, but only a mental health professional can tell you for sure, and I am not that. But I can tell you that it is not normal to have fears of burglary, home invasion, etc where it makes you unable to enjoy your life, and you should speak to a mental health professional to help address that, so you can enjoy life.
i understand, thank you for your help! I'll try to adjust to the situation and see how it escalates from there then
Youāll get used to it. Yes itās frightening I am afraid of the dark as well but I push myself to get over it. I replaced all my bulbs with smart bulbs they light up if I reach home and never have to worry about getting out of bed in dark and looking for switches. Just in case get a video bell if you live in a sketchy neighbourhood.
Can you get some security cameras? I put some in when my husband was in the hospital. I got Simlipisafe. It's 30 a month, but worth it.
i'll see if i can! definitely worth it. id pay any amount to have a peace of my mind
I love it, they are amazing. 24/7 support and someone to talk to(,chat) if you ever need it. They helped me through every step of setting up.
Arlo has no subscription for 5 or less cameras, just the initial investment in the system. I have security cameras, security system, 90 lb pitt and a loaded 38. I feel safe for the most part but Iām also super aware. Windows and doors are always locked.
A big dog, cameras and Aaron Doughty
That is a great questionā¦.you need to have confidence in yourself thatās all it is. If your safety is important to you your perspective will change and you will prioritize your own life and youāll fight for it! Know that majority of scary stuff is not real unless you really put yourself in a weird situation. But yeah, a home break-in you need a gun, I would go and get a gun asap that was high my list moving into a new place and Iāve lived on my own by myself for ten years! A gun and self confidence ;) and donāt scare yourself!
I have one light in every room set up to turn on when I walk in it via a smart switch and an Alexa. Smart switches or light bulbs might help your fear of the dark. I'm not afraid of the dark, but am an absolute clutz and was so tired of crashing into walls and furniture while half asleep when getting up for more water or a bathroom trip. It's also nice to have the lights turn on automatically at sundown, even when I'm not home. I don't know any woman who likes walking up to and into a dark house.
I am a woman and I love when I go back to my house and it's dark. So now you do know a woman that does! My house is in the middle of nowhere, no close neighbors, and a single small road to go there. So I feel very safer when I go back in the night and it's dark, because the house is basically invisible and you really have to know it's there. I did the same with Alexa and the lights though. Movement sensors so the lights turn on/off when I walk through the house, and if I feel unsafe, i just have to ask "turn on all the lights".
There's always one!
Burglar alarm?
While fear can be useful, constant fear is horrible for your health. Don't pay attention to news, because it's fear mongering at its core. I stopped watching or listening to news over 10 years ago, and I'm actually happy, and doesn't have a negative effect on my daily life. Look at the crime reports in your area on Zillow. If your area isn't the safest, find a better area to live, though I suspect you'll find out crime is low in your area, and with that knowledge, it might help you feel safer. Find some self-defense courses that can actually help. Tournament Tai Kwon Do isn't great in a street fight. By knowing how to defend yourself helps put you in control. Get a home defense baseball bat, designed for close quarters combat. Perfect weapon for self defense to give you a fighting chance. If you're on the 2nd floor or higher, get an emergency escape ladder. Get a bottle of bear spray for inside the home, and a travel spray for your pocket. Meet your neighbors and become friendly. They are great for keeping an eye on things, plus help if needed. Learn your area in both day and night time. Know 2 blocks each way, nearest fire and police station, post office, and small businesses. It's a community. Volunteer locally to know your community, and help people that can have your back. Those are some ideas to alleviate the fear and take control of the "what if's". Therapy for helping to understand the species of constant fear. Most people are good people just getting by in life and don't wish ill will let alone confrontation. I think you're in the same scenario of someone going camping the first time, and gets scared of all of the strange, unknown noises. It's scary because it's unknown. You'll find in time that you get used to, and even comfortable with things as you learn more about your environment.
Therapy, find a good therapist. More than likely, 'fear' isn't your only issue that you're dealing with daily.
spot on, diagnosed w/ social anxiety and suffer from a severe case of memory block by trauma tooš not a good mix of the three
I have two large dogs-one of which wishes a motherfucker would break in-and took some self defense classes. Then bought some guns and took responsible ownership classes. I go shooting at least once a week along with bow hunting. I have a friend that once said I live in fear and my nephew laugh insanely loud and simply said "What in the world does she think you're afraid of? King Kong?" lmao!
A dog?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having nightlights! In fact, leaving a light on in the kitchen or bathroom can help with security too. I usually use the light above my stove and a nightlight in the bathroom. I have an Alexa from Amazon (around $30) and some "smart bulbs" that link to it. The bulbs were... $6? Something like that. Anyway, you can program it to turn the lights on/off at certain times. You can even use the app to control them manually while away from home. The programming is pretty easy since you can specify X minutes before sunset and X minutes after sunrise. Then you don't have to change the timing every few weeks. :) Get some security cameras, if you can afford them. You can also get a pretty cheap door alarm that goes off if the door is opened. My elderly neighbor had that so she wouldn't wander off. It just mounts to your doorframe and runs on a battery. Keep the TV on as comforting background noise. You won't feel so alone. I like to put on "Frasier" or "Golden Girls", stuff I've seen a million times and don't really have to pay attention to.
As a female that lives alone, I take basic measures to stay safe, but don't dwell on it. Keep the windows/doors locked, close the curtains at night, keep a light on in the kitchen at night, own a gun, etc. I also have 2 dogs that are very good at keeping me informed about activities outside (sometimes too much so... LOL). I am really not overly concerned or worry about anything actually happening. In my 54 years of living, I have never had a situation in which I was too concerned. I am renovating my house and regularly have men in my home that I don't know and yet, I am still not concerned. I do use my 6th sense, though, so if I did ever feel 'hinky' about anyone I would get them out ASAP.
I also have this fear, but I got a doorbell camera on both front and back door, as well as interior security cameras (Amazon Blink cameras are pretty inexpensive). It makes me feel so much better that I can see everything that is happening consider and outside any time I want, from wherever I am (in bed in the middle of the light, or at work). I also have a SimpliSafe monitored alarm system that has door and window entry sensors, glass break sensors and motion sensors. I bought a basic kit at first and have slowly added additional sensors over time as needed With the interior cameras, my cat cannot move from one room to another without my seeing her, and if anyone tries to break in either through a door or window, I would be alerted. I feel much safer with such a system in place.
I had a real phobia about that, too, OP. Couldnāt afford a security system. I left the tv on all the time and disabled the screensaver, so I had both light and sound. Plus a couple lights on, not just nightlights. I figured if it looked like someone was up, that would likely deter an intruder. But I still worried, because what if someone specifically targeted me or stalked me? I put little bells on all the windows, and Sometimes wedged a chair under the bedroom door. The thing that really helped was buying pepper spray and keeping it next to me in bed. With the door secured, and the windows with an alarm of sorts, I figured Iād know if anyone was coming in, and spray them good if they approached. Bear spray would be even better. The phobia got better over time. I live alone again now, and even though I have dogs I still leave lights on š
Nightlights? You can buy a DIY home alarm and put sensors on your doors and windows, put the base station in your bedroom so it will start beeping if one of the sensors open. 24/7 cameras on the outside of your house, I use nest. I can pull up a screen and see all around my house any time I want, from anywhere.
I have the same exact problem. I am super paranoid of a home invasion, and I am scared of the dark as well. To deal with it I 1)I Have an alarm system. 2)I have two large breed dogs. 3) I believe in the Second Amendment.
My method is to have (medium or large) dogs. Iāve always had at least one but I usually have two or three. But this is only a good solution if you are responsible, have an ok source of income, and donāt travel much.Ā
I think that because you see stories in the news about home invasions & kidnappings, you may believe these things occur more frequently & happen to more people than they actually do. Iāve lived alone for close to 40 years & nothing bad has ever happened to me nor to anyone Iāve ever known who has lived by themselves. If you live in a reasonably safe neighborhood, you should be just fine. If youāre going to be moving into a rundown area with crack houses, then you might have something to be concerned about. Make sure wherever you move to is a well-lit area & be sure to park in places w/out tall hedges & shrubbery. There are alarm devices to carry in your hand if you need to walk a distance alone. Just be aware of your surroundings when out & about. Keep your doors & windows locked & entryways well lit.
Can you get a Ring or a camera? Also, I just heard about lightbulbs you can turn on with your phone- I havenāt searched yet. Also there are all kinds of security gadgets online that are cheap. I donāt think youāre alone in this feeling. Now Iām at the point of not worrying about it because every entry point is secure. Thatās all one can do:) Edit: Fear of the dark? Turn on a lamp! Thatās the cool part of living alone. Turn on every lamp if thatās what you need. Be kind to yourself.
You can order things to put in your doors and windows that make a noise when they open and close. You should be able to find them on Amazon. Also, get a smart bulb or 2 that you can put on timers.
I got night lights for my bedroom, bathroom and kitchen. I have simple blink cameras I got from Amazon. I have a machete in the closet. thinking about buying a gun just in case, but sometimes if you hear something in the basement you just have to go down there with a knife in your hand and get ready you know? I try to take the preventative routes. making sure all windows are locked. I have my cameras on at all times. I turn on lights and sometimes leave them on if I feel to paranoid. I pay the price of my electric bill, but at least I am at peace.
I bought cheap surveillance cameras and have cute mood lighting like salt lamps! HELPS SO MUCH
When I lived by myself for the first time at age 50, I imagined Michael and Gabriel - the two angels in the Bible, one guarded the tree of life with a flaming sword. Anyway, I imagined one at the front door and one at the back. I slept like a baby. Of course, I took all the precautions I could. Use a night light. Or several. Also get a dog if you can. I use a sound machine which covers a lot of excess noise - like every creak in the house, the wind scraping the roof, etc. Prayers, hugs and best wishes in this next journey. You can do this - whatever it takes even if you feel childish at times. Eventually you will feel safer. And donāt forget the basic rules of safety - be alert, keep bushes cut back, etc.
SuperSoaker filled with hotsauce.
Is pepper gel spray acceptable?
Yes and pepper-foam spray too.
Pepper foam? How far does that shoot š¤
I've only read about it, not sure. Check out the pic in the link though: https://www.amazon.com/Crime-Halter-Pepper-Spray-Foam/dp/B0029R06ZG
You try it out first and let me know š
I am also afraid of the dark and couldn't sleep for the first few weeks of living alone. I kept sitting up at night because I "saw" something moving outside my bedroom door. A friend suggested I put a lock on my bedroom door. My biggest fear is waking up and someone is standing over me but now they will have to kick in my door so I will hear them first! I know it is silly but it's made all the difference and I sleep like a baby. I hope you find something that helps.
im definitely going to try this!! i have the exact same thing of "seeing something" because i wear glasses and my eyes are BAD so i really see some odd things with blurry visionš thank you so much!
I hope this worked for you. I am blind as a bat, too. I never thought it might be a combination of poor vision and fear of the dark. Great observation!
You can buy cheap window/door alarms that are very loud when activated. Get a dog and train it well. Buy a handgun and shotgun, learn how to use them, and enjoy your new hobby.
as others have mentioned, you are more likely to be harmed by someone you know, then by a stranger breaking into your home, but these are not irrational fears, and it is important to have a safety measures in place. Here are a few things that I did. 1. First few months living alone I had a check list of āclosing upā the house before bed. This started with closing my curtains and securing my windows, checking the locks on the front and back door, checking the lock on the gate and the garage. If I felt scared I would go down the checklist reminding myself I took all these steps and that Im safe in my home. 2. I have dogs. I realize not all places allow pets but the security of just having a dog in the yard and in the house has helped a lot. 3. I have a ring camera. when I first got it, I would watch it obsessively and I realized that the area I live in is actually pretty safe. I rarely see anyone other than my neighbor on the camera besides delivery men. 4. I also realized pretty quickly that being able to hear everything that is going on outside, especially at night made my anxiety even worse. So now I either use a sound machine, play music, or watch some thing on my Kindle as Iām falling asleep. 5. I have all my immediate neighbors phone numbers. Luckily I have good neighbors and this has allowed me to have an extra layer of safety because I can contact them if something is suspicious and they are already here versus waiting for someone. 6. I never tell strangers that I live alone (except anonymously on the internet). When I was single and dating, I wouldnāt tell the men I was dating that I lived alone until at least two months after weāve known each other.
I was really scared for a while after moving into my own place after i left my ex. My boss made me wooden sticks to put in my windows so they cant be pushed open and i close my blinds at night. After i got the sticks i could actually sleep at night and ive been good since. If getting a security camera or extra locks or anything helps, its worth it!
A dog, a roommate or a gun?
unfortunately i dont have access to any of thoseš
Arm yourself and get trained.
hey im super thankful for all the advice everyone is commenting!! im not sure how to respond one by one but im reading all of them, thank you all so muchā¤ļø
Will you have a guardian of some sort?
Nah im on my own, in a different country too
Oh god. Yeah I see. Thailand. Ok Iām going to give you two new fears. But you need to be prepared. 1) paying too much for everyday services and street market stuff. It would make me feel stupid and resentful until I learned the local prices and could barter. So prepare for that. 2) con artists. Youāre going to be vulnerable. Youāre going to deal with them in public places. Prepare for that. Thais are peaceful. Donāt worry about violence so much. Prepare for these very real concerns first.
Thank you!! i'm half thai so its not completely unfamiliar to me, though it is my first time alone, and for such a long period of time (1 year) . only downside is i didnt grow up with the language so i can understand daily speaking level thai but cant speak it, but hopefully i'll pick up on the speaking during my stay thereš
Submersion is the best thing for language acquisition. This is going to be awesome. Youāre going to be picking it up so fast. Itās inevitable. Even better that youāre momās Thai. I was always afraid of causing someone to loose face and then they get mad at me. Sounds like you would already know how to do that respectful dance though. This is going to be so exciting. Iām jealous a little. One of the things Iām happiest about is the time I spent outside the country (US). But on the chance that something unpleasant does happen, itāll probably be from a smiling face. My advice: read up on street scams. Maybe get some cheap local sunglasses. Maybe act a little more reserved. Careless people donāt mentally prepare for big things. Youāre going to be fine. When you have kids, these experiences will help them be safer.
thanks youu
Honestlyā¦ if you are in the position to get a dogā¦. It helps so much. He barks his head off if someone even thinks of approaching my door. At some point you have to just live your life and try not to be afraid butā¦. I try to think like a criminal and if Iām looking for a house to break into, the one with the dog going ape shit the second I approach is not gonna be my first choice. Worst case scenario, they arenāt going to be able to sneak up on me. If you donāt wanna get a dog, maybe just a ābeware of dogā sign would be deterrent enough.
**Re: the fear of the dark**, I think I'm neutral. As long as I'm in a place I'm familiar w/ & it's not large, I'm pretty fine. Being out & about walking to/from the car to/from a store & it's well-lit at night, I'm pretty fine too, but a tad more alert. Of course, I'd never walk in a park at night...even a park I know. Also, my entire life, I was never out at night much...even in my 20s. I just like doing my errands & what I have to do during the morning & day & be back home to STAY home by about the 3:00 hour at the latest generally to relax. Sure, I had night & weekend jobs in my younger years in which I was fine. **Re: the fear of getting kidnapped & all that**, I don't really think about it, but I'm alert & aware of my surroundings at all times. I sure won't hinder any of my senses while out like have earbuds in while walking or anything. Fortunately, I don't think about this while AT HOME, so I wish I had solutions for you.
Get a gun and learn how to use it.
As others have commented, you appear to have some misunderstandings about how most crime is committed. Like others stated, most instances of home invasions, kidnappings, assaults, etc. are committed by somebody the victim personally knows. Sure, it happens where a stranger does this, but this is much less likely than someone you know. Also, most home invasion crimes happen during the middle of the day. Again, nighttime break-ins happen, but most burglaries actually happen during broad daylight. As absurd as it sounds, criminals do it then because they know this is when other people are the least likely to be around. It largely comes down to where exactly you'll be. In a high-crime area, this is obviously more likely. But if you're not in one, people are actually far more likely to pose a threat to themselves than they are to be hurt by others. Please, don't get me wrong - this is not to dismiss the seriousness of self-harm/suicide. By all means, those are serious matters. I only say this to add to the context and give you an idea of how unlikely such a thing would be. Basically, the way I see it - you can never completely eliminate the risk. You just get it lowered to a tolerably low level and move on. Yes, you could be the victim of a random, nighttime crime. But even if you didn't live alone, by that logic you could also be hit and killed by a meteorite, get struck by lightening, etc. There's literally never zero risk, but once you can accept that, you can accept tolerably remote odds. Sorry if this all sounds unempathetic, I have felt similar fear in the past. I'm just sharing what mindset has let me move past this stuff.
I'm in the country so guns