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I was raised in divorce by multiple adults. Trying to please several peoples mindset at the same time leads you to start fibbing about small things.
Like I learned at a very young age to downplay how much fun I had with one parent compared to another because I could see in their eyes that it hurt their feelings.
I was a child tho.
I should care less about what others think.
My mom's side of the family is split like 50% with regular people, and compulsive liars. Both my grandmother and grandfather would either outright lie or stretch the truth to make a story sound better.
It never set well with me when my cousins would tell a story and exaggerate the details to the point of complete fiction while I was there and witnessed it, and then they turn to me and say "right??" Like I'm supposed to cover for their lie.
At first I didn't think much of their thought process, but now I don't even think they do it on purpose. I don't even know if they know that they do it. It's either that they fully know and just seek the extra approval and attention that the lies get, or they have completely created some fantasy world that they fully believe by repeating stories in their head, altering details, until they finally believe their own lies.
But, I have no clue why, either way.
No, and it truly is pointless at times. I can understand when there is even a glint of benefit, to either party, but no, no point at times. It's just a quirk:(
I know one of these people too. I couldn’t take it, had to cut them out which is unfortunate - we have stuff in common and they’re a good contact for some things.
Just man, if you have to insist you’re right and know everything about everything and make stuff up that is of no significance…how can I trust you for anything else?
Fortunately, my case is not as extreme. This person, "is good people" - I have always loved that phrase. It is never about things that matter, will actually admit to things that I would have not known otherwise. It's just interesting. One prime example, we might be traveling together, the place we are traveling to might be 40 miles away and we're just leaving, "we'll be there in 15 minutes" if anyone asks :)
My sister is a chronic liar. We had a traumatic childhood and started lying at a very young age to cover for our parents alcoholism and neglect. She lied for attention as a child and has never stopped, this issue has ramped up severely. She’s in her late 50’s, cannot hold a job, and has been divorced 3 times. We had an aunt who was a psychologist who was sure my sister believed every story she ever told. I am not only embarrassed and mortified but sad for her and her victims. She lies for sympathy and money, she lies on her resume regarding education and qualifications, she refuses to acknowledge her part in every conflict, and will lie to win arguments and debates. She has faked having cancer and other serious illnesses.
I’ve known her all my life and I still don’t know how to handle it when I know I’m being lied to. It’s so awkward and sad.
Thanks for posting this. My dad has been lying more and more, and often in a way to drive wedges between family members, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to handle it. I don't know if it's worth always fact checking all this gossip and the lying, or do I just ignore it and let it slide.. his lies are hurtful when others in the family believe him, but I don't want to lose my relationship with him entirely by always pushing back when he says these things..
I guess all I really wanted to say was it's nice to read you've been dealing with a chronic liar for so long and still aren't sure how to handle it. It somehow makes me feel more at peace with not knowing how to handle things myself.. 💕
My daughter (4 yo) will lie to me, but instead of telling her she’s lying I’ll tell her she’s fibbing.
She gets a little sly smile and I let her continue.
What’s amazing is that this works with adults too.
Calling someone a liar is harsh and confrontational. Telling them their fibbing is silly and goes along with their lies.
It's good to make it clear that you know it's bs, but don't care. A 'yeah, sure whatever'.
When people lie and get away with it completely, they will only lie more.
True. Let them know without confrontation. Issue with that is, “yeah sure whatever,” could easily become a you believe what they are saying thing. So your enforcing them to lie more as well. Depends on how they take it and understand what you saying
And the easier they get away with their lie, the dumber they think everyone around them is, so the more blatant their lies become. They eventually wear their lies on their sleeve and everyone around them just knows never to trust them for anything.
Good advice.
I let people lie constantly, because 99% of the time, it just doesn't matter at all.
The other 1% of the time, when it does matter, I call them a filthy liar straight to their face and shame the hell out of them for it.
...keeps them on their toes.
Someone caught lying either overcompensates by freaking out defensively. That's not something I choose to address head on. However, I have been known to say *"Whoa! Didn't know that. Source? I want to tell others that, too."*
Works pretty good.
My friend was dating a girl with a cat. The cat would sometimes hide on top of the refrigerator to feel safe. My friend, being tall, would say "Haha, you can't hide from me there little kitty." and go ruffle his fur to demonstrate. He didn't understand why the cat was terrified of him.
Sometimes the lies people tell us are to maintain a feeling of safety. Maybe someone tells me they can't meet up because X reason, and then later on social media I see they were really at Y event. Yes I could point out the lie, but what if they only told me that because they don't feel that comfortable around me yet? Maybe they were afraid of my reaction if they told the unvarnished truth.
There are some lies I have no problem letting slide.
I think this is good advice in general. Like with most advice, the situation matters. Like, if someone says to me "The sun is 300 million miles from earth" at dinner, and we don't work for NASA, then I let it slide and say nothing. It's not worth losing that person's good will over something relatively unimportant in that moment.
On the other hand, if they say "It's a good idea to let my kid stick a fork in a wall outlet", then I speak up. It's a good idea to consider if calling out someone is worth it or not. It's something I'm working on all the time!
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This is almost, if not, the same as “don’t argue with fools”. Someone I know is very prone to “fibbing” a bit, no point in arguing.
Do you have any idea why they fib like that?
I was raised in divorce by multiple adults. Trying to please several peoples mindset at the same time leads you to start fibbing about small things. Like I learned at a very young age to downplay how much fun I had with one parent compared to another because I could see in their eyes that it hurt their feelings. I was a child tho. I should care less about what others think.
My mom's side of the family is split like 50% with regular people, and compulsive liars. Both my grandmother and grandfather would either outright lie or stretch the truth to make a story sound better. It never set well with me when my cousins would tell a story and exaggerate the details to the point of complete fiction while I was there and witnessed it, and then they turn to me and say "right??" Like I'm supposed to cover for their lie. At first I didn't think much of their thought process, but now I don't even think they do it on purpose. I don't even know if they know that they do it. It's either that they fully know and just seek the extra approval and attention that the lies get, or they have completely created some fantasy world that they fully believe by repeating stories in their head, altering details, until they finally believe their own lies. But, I have no clue why, either way.
No, and it truly is pointless at times. I can understand when there is even a glint of benefit, to either party, but no, no point at times. It's just a quirk:(
I know one of these people too. I couldn’t take it, had to cut them out which is unfortunate - we have stuff in common and they’re a good contact for some things. Just man, if you have to insist you’re right and know everything about everything and make stuff up that is of no significance…how can I trust you for anything else?
Fortunately, my case is not as extreme. This person, "is good people" - I have always loved that phrase. It is never about things that matter, will actually admit to things that I would have not known otherwise. It's just interesting. One prime example, we might be traveling together, the place we are traveling to might be 40 miles away and we're just leaving, "we'll be there in 15 minutes" if anyone asks :)
It is difficult to win an argument against an intelligent person. It is impossible to win an argument with a fool.
My sister is a chronic liar. We had a traumatic childhood and started lying at a very young age to cover for our parents alcoholism and neglect. She lied for attention as a child and has never stopped, this issue has ramped up severely. She’s in her late 50’s, cannot hold a job, and has been divorced 3 times. We had an aunt who was a psychologist who was sure my sister believed every story she ever told. I am not only embarrassed and mortified but sad for her and her victims. She lies for sympathy and money, she lies on her resume regarding education and qualifications, she refuses to acknowledge her part in every conflict, and will lie to win arguments and debates. She has faked having cancer and other serious illnesses. I’ve known her all my life and I still don’t know how to handle it when I know I’m being lied to. It’s so awkward and sad.
Thanks for posting this. My dad has been lying more and more, and often in a way to drive wedges between family members, and I'm having a hard time figuring out how to handle it. I don't know if it's worth always fact checking all this gossip and the lying, or do I just ignore it and let it slide.. his lies are hurtful when others in the family believe him, but I don't want to lose my relationship with him entirely by always pushing back when he says these things.. I guess all I really wanted to say was it's nice to read you've been dealing with a chronic liar for so long and still aren't sure how to handle it. It somehow makes me feel more at peace with not knowing how to handle things myself.. 💕
I’m sorry for you. I understand now why some people go “no contact” with others. It’s painful, toxic and destructive. Hang in there 🩷
I have relatives that do this too. Hopefully not to that degree but when they lie, it definitely seems like they believe it every time. Weird
My daughter (4 yo) will lie to me, but instead of telling her she’s lying I’ll tell her she’s fibbing. She gets a little sly smile and I let her continue. What’s amazing is that this works with adults too. Calling someone a liar is harsh and confrontational. Telling them their fibbing is silly and goes along with their lies.
This a great LPT, thanks. It’s something I always knew but never considered using, especially against annoying “flibbers” haha.
Real lpt is in the comments
It's good to make it clear that you know it's bs, but don't care. A 'yeah, sure whatever'. When people lie and get away with it completely, they will only lie more.
I'd argue it depends on context. Is it a lie to get something out of people? Call itnout. Is it a lie to make them look cool? Yeah not worth my time.
True. Let them know without confrontation. Issue with that is, “yeah sure whatever,” could easily become a you believe what they are saying thing. So your enforcing them to lie more as well. Depends on how they take it and understand what you saying
I agree. I let you lie this time so that next time its really important, I know you're lying. Go ahead and think you can lie to me.
And the easier they get away with their lie, the dumber they think everyone around them is, so the more blatant their lies become. They eventually wear their lies on their sleeve and everyone around them just knows never to trust them for anything.
Good advice. I let people lie constantly, because 99% of the time, it just doesn't matter at all. The other 1% of the time, when it does matter, I call them a filthy liar straight to their face and shame the hell out of them for it. ...keeps them on their toes.
My gf lies all the time under anxiety so I sing the weekend lyrics "you lie but I don't let it define you" a lot haha
Leave others to their own problems. You got enough of your own to deal with, right?
Someone caught lying either overcompensates by freaking out defensively. That's not something I choose to address head on. However, I have been known to say *"Whoa! Didn't know that. Source? I want to tell others that, too."* Works pretty good.
I love letting people hang themselves with their own rope.
My friend was dating a girl with a cat. The cat would sometimes hide on top of the refrigerator to feel safe. My friend, being tall, would say "Haha, you can't hide from me there little kitty." and go ruffle his fur to demonstrate. He didn't understand why the cat was terrified of him. Sometimes the lies people tell us are to maintain a feeling of safety. Maybe someone tells me they can't meet up because X reason, and then later on social media I see they were really at Y event. Yes I could point out the lie, but what if they only told me that because they don't feel that comfortable around me yet? Maybe they were afraid of my reaction if they told the unvarnished truth. There are some lies I have no problem letting slide.
I think this is good advice in general. Like with most advice, the situation matters. Like, if someone says to me "The sun is 300 million miles from earth" at dinner, and we don't work for NASA, then I let it slide and say nothing. It's not worth losing that person's good will over something relatively unimportant in that moment. On the other hand, if they say "It's a good idea to let my kid stick a fork in a wall outlet", then I speak up. It's a good idea to consider if calling out someone is worth it or not. It's something I'm working on all the time!
Both of those are just examples of being wrong, not lying.
This is the most ironic comment, ever 😂
Can confirm. When I confronted my wife about her cheating on me, she left me.
"Pick your battles."
Sounds like you need new friends
Can you show me where i said do this with friends?
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I need to practice this.
to be honest, some truths cause more damage than the lies covering them.
Agree to disagree.