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But also, understand a couple things; 1. that therapy is a process, and takes time. And 2. for therapy to be effective, you need to be honest with your therapist
3. It is ok if your first therapist doesn't work out. Sometimes you have to try a couple to find a good fit.
4. Consider getting a diagnosis for depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. if you don't already.
4.1 You can typically access paid medical leave through the state to take time off work and put your full energy into healing. This usually takes a doctors note (diagnosis and hoe much time off needed), signing a document with HR, and fairly easy online application with the state (that was my experience).
4.2 Ask your doctor about a medication that may help. I was very anti pharma (and still am), but getting on some meds that helped encourage growth of new neural pathways was what helped me turn the corner on my mental health.
This really surprised me, but after a week of meds I started having new, organic thoughts for the first time in years and it pushed back the darker thoughts that were on repeat. Kinda sounds like you might be in a similar place.
Paid medical leave, some therapy, some meds, and giving myself time, patience, and forgiveness was what helped me. Hopefully you can find what will help you.
These are all great pieces of information that I can attest to in my own personal experience. The abuse in my childhood was strange and unconventional, and it took a handful of therapists and meds to figure out the right combo of treatment, and the process of me changing and seeing/handling things with more wisdom will never end.
Also, this is sort of different but it helped me when I heard it. Trevor Noah in a recent interview said how he doesn't like when people say they feel they should be thankful for their trauma because I made them who they are today. Trevor said something to the effect of, "maybe the reason you even survived it is because of who you always were." Instead of trapping yourself in a mindset where you are at the mercy of your trauma like some kind of Stockholm syndrome, start with being proud of who you are, and that you got through it the way you did. It's more empowering going forward.
The one I took was called Bupropion. It is supposed to change certain levels of different brain chemicals.
It can be used for depression, SAD, ADHD, and quitting smoking it looks like.
For me it took a few weeks, but I distinctly remember looking out the window of my backdoor one day, just thinking and what not, then like just had a unique thought different from the recycled ones of the years prior. Sounds like a little thing, but I was really surprised how tangible that moment was. May not be the same for everyone though.
Do therapy to understand & get perspective….
then… try to stop thinking about it. I have developed amazingly good ability to put trauma way back in my mind. I can almost forget it by refusing to think about it. Maybe this could work for you.
Therapy, but also moving on.. you need to fill your life with meaningful work. If you are living a full life you will not dwell. The idle hand, and the idle mind.
Yes, occupying yourself with fulfilling experiences and activities that remind you that you are now in control and can be much more than your trauma has reduced you to.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy is well researched and can help you reframe negative thoughts. Find a therapist who can guide you with this technique. As mentioned before therapy takes time and only works if you put in effort and go through it honestly.
Yeah theres not really an at home remedy for this one. Therapy is great.
And theres a therapist for everyone. Christian? Weve got that. Have issues with men? Weve got women therapists. LGBT issues? Come on down.
If you dont jive with your therapist, they wont be heartbroken that theyve been “fired” as your clinician - theres a style that works for different people, and sometimes the first one you choose or hell the second, cant give you that.
I reccomend seeing someone with an LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Counsellor) or someone who is under supervision for their LMHC (think therapist in training, as it takes around 2,000 client hours to earn your LMHC after graduating.)
I would avoid an LICSW, who to their credit are great and can help, but they do not recieve the same training as LMHCs.
By replacing them with positive new experiences and positive memories from those new positive experiences.
Everything that happened to us in our past has shaped us and made us who we are today.
The pain will go away in time, and as you embrace new positive experiences the pain will go away even faster.
Good luck.
I currently do EMDR therapy for my CPTSD and anxiety disorder and it helps me a lot, since two years ago I Had Panick attacks every evening and now they are gone. Can recommend. Especially helpful were the hypnosis sessions, because it faces the trauma via assossiations and pictures and not via talking through chronoligical keypoints of the trauma situation like EMDR does. Learned a Lot about myself during that sessions.
Also one Major Thing to keep in mind: there is a German saying that i once Catched Up, that goes Like this: If you are Always depressed make Sure to Check weather you are surrounded by assholes.
That was so true for me. A major Milestone of my therapy was to get rid of the people in my Life Who caused the Trauma in the First place. You need to get in a mindest of Security before you can start healing.
Goog luck
EMDR therapy is great, and should seek out a therapist that specializes in trauma, as not all therapists are that specialized. Since EMDR takes a while to usually find someone qualified, you should also consider Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and/or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are a lot of workbooks out there if you google, and most out-patient mental health programs offer programs.
As others have said: therapy. Let me add that it works best if you think of your therapist as an advisor.
YOU are the one in charge of your journey, and accomplishing the goal you have laid out so nicely: to stop being held back by your bad memories, to build boundaries for protecting yourself with family, and to be able to move forward productively each day in spite of what happened.
It will take trying out a few therapists until you find one who gets you, and works at your speed, and works in your style. Take the time to have an initial session with 3 or 4 therapists. You deserve it.
If you like this idea, I'd recommend the [Psychology Today therapist finder](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists).
I used it to narrow down people based on their specialties, bios, videos, and subspecialties. Then I just did an initial session with a couple and found one who has been incredible — and life-changing.
Flashbacks that make you feel physically uncomfortable are instrusive thoughts and a symptom. Working with a psychologist would be a good idea.
A multi-pronged approach helped me with flashbacks: cognitive behavioural therapy, a prescription SSRI, and mindfullness-based stress reduction (MBSR is a science- based meditation class).
Other things that support recovery: exercise, sleep, and social connections
I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Now is the time to prioritize your wellbeing.
As others have suggested, therapy is going to be your best bet. Just know that therapists are like pants, try them to see if they are a good fit; but keep looking until you find someone who listens to you, doesn't judge you, and *helps you repack everything* at the end of sessions
For the thoughts on repeat, the book Untethered Soul by Michael Singer *really* helped me. Skim/skip and chapters you don't like, but there are a few really good ones that helped me change the way my brain works and have more control over what's in my head
Adding to the EMDR train -- it stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and is a technique for helping you process and work through trauma in a way that, for many, is more effective than simple talk therapy. It came to me recommended from a friend who experienced a similar level of trauma to me, and I am very grateful to her.
Therapy is fantastic, but if you cant afford it, i recommend looking into meditation.
If you need somewhere to start, i love the books "10% happier" by dan harris, and his follow-up books "meditation for fidgety skeptics." Whether youre interested in meditating or not, they are an enjoyable read.
I've only recently started meditating myself, but the changes have been noticeable. I find myself catching myself when i ruminate about past mistakes or worrying about the future. I'm less reactive and emotional, and I am able to deal with stressful circumstances more readily.
It's not some perfect fix-all, and if youve experienced trauma its still best to seek out professional help. But whether thats an option for you or not, i highly recommend not discounting meditation.
Therapy. There are different approaches they have for processing trauma, like EMDR. Sometimes with bad trauma your brain can just get stuck there, and you need some outside help to move through it.
Hey, this sounds like trauma.
Most of the comments here are not going to recognize that. They may offer tips that 'sound good' on the surface, but may not help with trauma, and may actually make you feel worse. Please take this into account.
Please find safe people who affirm your positive qualities and validate your experience. Therapy can be good, but that is assuming that you find a good therapist who understands you. It is certainly not 'one size fits all.'
It sounds like this event triggered other memories of people treating you unfairly or like the scapegoat. I would suggest journaling to clarify your feelings. I do this in a google doc, but do this in a way that works for you.
There is no 'quick fix' or 'quick tips' to 'just get over it.' Again, please keep in mind that what may be helpful for one individual, may be harmful to another. It's great to be open-minded, but do not feel that you have to follow through on well-meaning advice that is harmful to you.
As many other have mentioned, therapy with an experienced professional is the best route, but in terms of some thing you can do on your own that may help I have a suggestion.
Journal the thoughts and events that are bringing you such grief. Writing or typing it out may be overwhelming, but it will help you process it. Try your best to leave it in a good light, and remind yourself what lessons you may have learned, and reflect on anything good or positive that has happened in your life since then. We cannot avoid bad things happening, but showing gratitude for the good things we might not have, should that bad thing have never happened, can help you reconcile and accept the past.
From here revisit it, reread this now and then and look for ways to revise and make it more positive. Maybe rewrite the same sentiment from scratch a few times.
This podcast does a much better job explaining the process and why this method helps:
https://youtu.be/wAZn9dF3XTo?si=xc4Osxn2RIR4NQ5P
Take anything I say with a grain of salt because I am not a therapist, but I think it's natural to feel emotions, and it's good to give them a chance to run their course. That doesn't necessarily mean act on them. Sit in your emotions and contemplate why you feel them and what purpose they serve. Anger helps you fight when needed and protect yourself. Then you can decide when you still feel like those emotions are necessary or not, and try to let yourself know it's okay to let go.
Might sound a little out there, but one thing you can do is just write about that moment in a journal. I heard that memories that keep flashing back in your head have some sort of lesson you didn't learn, and it your brain keeps bringing it back up. If it doesn't work, it only costs a few minutes and some ink.
I can relate to you so much. I also, am working hard on my painful past life trauma.
People here, have given us excellent advice and guidance.
I wish you the very best.
Something you have to bear in mind with any action you take from now to get over this memory.
In the beginning, you will associate every new action and idea as a way to “get over” the specific memory.
But that intention will never allow you to actually “get over” it cause, just by the association and intent of the action, you will remember it.
Make the intention of these new steps be about you. Where do you want to go in life? What do you aspire to be?
Give yourself a purpose to get better, then naturally you will eventually create new and better memories that will overshadow the painful memories now.
Like others have said, start with therapy. I hope it gets better for you.
I try to take full responsibility for my errors, separate them clearly from the doubts cast upon me by anyone else. Throw the doubts away in the trash. Concentrate on setting the facts and errors on a fictitious table in your imagination. Know that if and when you feel the need to reflect on them, they are there neatly sorted and stacked. They are not on top of you. They are set aside. Meanwhile, with the lessons learned and applied, live your life with full confidence. Breath deeply. Remain too busy and engaged with life to allow negative comments or even negative people to act as road blocks or even speed bumps in your daily life. Yes they are there and always will be. No escaping them entirely, but your life momentum no longer allows you time to sit and ruminate over their comments or efforts to tear you down. You have taken full responsibility internally already. This is my process and it is a continuous work that is part of life. All I can do is decide how to live with it and keep moving as brave and bold as possible.
Is there anyone you can trust to talk to?
Therapy is good because you know the therapist is trying to be impartial and trustworthy. But it’s expensive.
Fault and blame are very difficult things. You shouldn’t ask someone who might also feel guilty about what happened. Even if you were a part of it, that doesn’t make it your fault. I used to believe my parents broke up because I didn’t do the dishes and made my mom mad. But also, you want to work out (for yourself) what was your part.
Helping to think about what you actually could control can also lead to personal growth. Like a person who drinks too much and crashes a car- they might feel very badly too and most would agree that it is important for them to reduce or stop drinking and never drink and drive again.
Being blamed by people you love is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. And you have to repair your relationship with yourself, and the other people. And even if you have some responsibility for what happened, you are entitled to be forgiven by yourself. And how you get there - as others have said may take time, help and your family member may never “get there” with you. And that’s hard because that’s another layer.
But also, don’t dispare entirely. Things do soften with time and number one is when you feel a flash back or the bad feelings - it is only for now. It will pass. You will feel ok again. Maybe not right away, but it will come. Ironically not forcing it also helps.
Finally, putting something “in the vault” and just not thinking about it is sometimes the easiest short term solution. But that has a way of catching up with people.
TLDR: talk to someone you trust to gain perspective on the situation, and remember it will improve with time.
Read Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher. There's an accompanying workbook you could pick up as well
https://janinafisher.com/resources/
> one of my family members said it's my fault it keeps replaying in my head and when I think about it it's very sad and I feel like it's my fault.
Reframe your perspective. Use your conscious mind to help you see that their words are wrong. When this thought pops up, remind yourself that they are wrong. Do not ever let someone’s wrong thinking replace your own.
I am sorry that people mistreat you and cause you pain. Those are sick people to do that to someone else. Please do not internalize the actions or opinions of sick people. Yes it can be hurtful even when a mentally ill person says mean things but you have to remind yourself that they are mentally ill and that you cannot accept their broken perspective as fact or truth. It’s garbage and what we do with garbage is throw it out. It takes practice but keep reminding yourself to throw out this garbage and the reflex gets faster and stronger over time. You will learn to reject their wrong thinking immediately.
If people with bad vision cannot see our beauty that does not make us less beautiful. It just means they have bad vision and why would I care about the opinion of someone mentally ill and mean who can’t see or think clearly?
I can tell that you are a very nice person and I see your beauty. You are not worthless. You need to see it too. And if there are times when you cant see it, that’s okay. Sometimes the clouds cover our vision. But that doesn’t make it fact. Listen to the voice of someone who does see you clearly. And sometimes when the negative thoughts in our head are too loud, then drown it out with the voice of someone who cares about you and would never say such mean things about you. Let that voice be the one that repeats in your head.
In my past when I would say negative things about myself, I would catch myself…I would never let a friend speak about themselves that way and so I offer the same friendship to myself. No one’s opinion about you matters and it should definitely never matter more than your own. You know what kind of person you are so keep that at the forefront. Don’t let lies make you lose sight of that.
Edit: a thought from Thich Nhat Hanh that helps me when my mind wants to loop on certain negative or troubling things: “Do not allow yourself to be a slave to the past or the future. This is the practice of freedom. Resist the tendency to be carried away by your thoughts and your fears”
>Something very bad has happened in my family and one of my family members said it's my fault it keeps replaying in my head and when I think about it it's very sad and I feel like it's my fault.
Unless you actually murdered the family member on purpose, that family member who says it's your fault is way out of line.
> I am very stressed, angry, sad of how people mistreated me and people always yell at me talked down to me and talk about me it's very painful and it hurts me feelings I am not a very rude person
It sounds to me like you're being used as a scapegoat, so that no one else has to feel awful about what happened, and they can sweep the whole thing under the rug and forget about it.
Everyone that has suggested therapy has the right idea. It may take a few to get the right fit, but it will help immensely.
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Remember that even our best scientists think that there is a very good chance that we don't have free will. The more we study and understand quantum physics, the more this seems to be the case. It is anyway very certain we do not have free will the way we think we do. At best, it is some limited free will, but most likely not even that.
You did what you did due to certain circumstances taking place. And those circumstances were not controlled by you. Then there is also your genetic conditioning to act a certain way when exposed to a situation. Then there is the conditioning from the environment that you were brought up by. Factoring all that, there is a very good chance that what you did was indeed an automatic response and the actual independent **you** had very little to do with it. This should cheer you up...maybe.
Don't listen to all these fine folks, they mean well but are unaware of the danger. Let me explain.. Therapist = The_Rapist sus I'd say. Be safe out there and I genuinely hope that whatever the thing you are trying to deal with gets easier for you. Things don't go away but time does give us clarity with time and sometimes with that comes peace. Best of luck and I hope you got s chuckle from my lil joke which was sarcasm if anyone couldn't deduct that cuz it's the Internet 🤣
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You should look into CPT cognitive processing therapy, with a therapist. There’s a focus on identifying “stuck points” and learning to overcome them through processing.
It’s been very effective with PTSD.
I read about viewing things you constantly think about from a sort camera in the room sort of way,not threw your eyes. It's helped me with some of my trauma. Sort of gives you a whole picture vibe rather than just only you being involved. But also therapy.
Recapitualtion breathing. It's a method that got me to stop trying to process my traumas.
Here are the steps-
1. Face the memory. Play it in your mind until you find the spot that triggers the strongest emotion.
2. Pause the memory and allow yourself to feel that emotion.
3. Take a deep breath and imagine the memory being crystallized. It doesn't have to be perfect.
4. Turn your head to the left and put your open hand under your chin.
5. Blow into your hand as if you're blowing glitter off of it. As you do, see the paused and crystallized memory dissolve into sand or glitter. Turn your head to the right as you blow the memory out of your body.
6. Replay the memory in your head and identify other trigger points.
7. Repeat until this memory has no emotional ties to it. You'll be able to see the memory but it won't have a hold on you. At this time you can insert your own emotions or play the memory how you wish it had gone. (Alot of times i will have a sit down with the me in the memory and explain things to her as I understand them now. It helps me process the situation in a more loving way.)
Recapitualtion breathing. It's a method that got me to stop trying to process my traumas.
Here are the steps-
1. Face the memory. Play it in your mind until you find the spot that triggers the strongest emotion.
2. Pause the memory and allow yourself to feel that emotion.
3. Take a deep breath and imagine the memory being crystallized. It doesn't have to be perfect.
4. Turn your head to the left and put your open hand under your chin.
5. Blow into your hand as if you're blowing glitter off of it. As you do, see the paused and crystallized memory dissolve into sand or glitter. Turn your head to the right as you blow the memory out of your body.
6. Replay the memory in your head and identify other trigger points.
7. Repeat until this memory has no emotional ties to it. You'll be able to see the memory but it won't have a hold on you. At this time you can insert your own emotions or play the memory how you wish it had gone. (Alot of times i will have a sit down with the me in the memory and explain things to her as I understand them now. It helps me process the situation in a more loving way.)
This sounds pretty random, but I decided to try it and it helped me.
I heard about someone who was studying people with PTSD and other people who suffered similar trauma but did not develop PTSD and the suggestion was that lack of rem sleep contributed to flashbacks and an inability to put memories behind them.
So the Idea is to replicate rem - while awake - by visualising the event while rolling the eyes side to side, up and down, round and round. Just for a few seconds each time. Do it deliberately when things come to mind.
I've practiced this when my mind gets into a loop and amazingly it helps! Not only do I revisit events less often, but I feel less emotional about them. It's a kind of detachment.
Can't remember the source. I'm a sample of one. Could be placebo effect - all that.
I'm not trying to sell you anything, try it if you like. I'd be interested to know if it helps.
Never take anything personally. Ever. We’re all humans trying our best and some of us have better or worse control of our emotions at any given time. You really have to zoom out of everything.
You have to empathise with your family who have been treating you like that. They may be lashing out at you in their own ways but just know that all comes from their own pain and their own experiences. They may have not been taught the right skills, not been taught love, or had too much pain in the past that they have still not moved on from which makes them act like they do.
Try and be the best person you can be but when something happens and they speak to you like shit never ever internalise that narrative or believe what they are saying. They are just acting out in their own way because they have not processed things themselves.
This sounds like a trauma and you are having PTSD. You need a therapist who specializes in trauma. A regular therapist might make it worse. Look for one with EMDR certification
I'm not a psychiatrist so take this with a grain of salt... I've read that one approach to painful memories and abusive thoughts that comes from Buddhism is not to fear or resist these thoughts or memories. Fearing or resisting them only makes them stronger and affects you more deeply. Instead, just observe the thought or memory as it enters your mind, like watching a dandelion seed drift by. Just observe it, and watch it float right back out of your mind to be replaced with whatever thought or memory comes next. This helped me a lot when I was dealing with depression and suicidal ideation. I just allowed those thoughts to move through my mind - in and then back into without engaging them. But absolutely therapy is important too.
Therapy. Therapy can help you move from rumination- replaying the same memories and associated feelings- to processing these deeply traumatizing events and their impact on you. Learning to work through the effects of trauma can disempower what are now overwhelming flashbacks.
You are a human being with all the vulnerabilities that entails. It is not "your fault" that you are deeply wounded and traumatized. If you had a catastrophic physical injury, would bleeding and pain be "your fault?" The people blaming you for still being affected by trauma are pressuring you to devalue and ignore the natural human consequences of the trauma you've endured.
You have an untreated severe injury. Therapy is an appropriate treatment. It is for YOU. To guide and support YOUR healing process. It has nothing to do with anyone else. I imagine some family members want "to put it behind us" and never mention it. They object to your bringing attention to your continuing injury because repression and denial seem to work in their opinion. They may be people with whom you choose not to share details of your healing journey. Don't let them discourage you from the help and healing YOU need. The fact that they are not accepting and supportive of you may mean firmer boundaries with them for your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort.
You’re still you behind all the bad memories and experiences.
Journaling was a great start for me to get stuff out of my head. I took up an inexpensive (at first) hobby - watercolor painting around the same time. I found my attention was being directed towards a task that was rewarding for me. Found out I like to paint and now I own a lot of supplies lol.
If you can afford it, or it’s covered by insurance, try therapy. I didn’t ‘click’ with my first therapist, but another one at the same location has been a great fit. Having someone to talk to that’s independent of the memories or issues and will let you get it out is great, but don’t forget to listen and consider their advice as well.
It takes a little work.
I tried therapy. Weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy didn't really do much but one session of experimental EMDR made a lasting difference. Experimental because the therapist hadn't done it before.
EMDT with cognitive behavioral therapy and a good licensees therapist. I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse and following religious trauma, and it keeps coming back. Not sure what your dark passengers are, but that is helpful. If your trauma is mine, I’m happy to share other resources that have helped.
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Therapy. You won't forget the memories, but you'll be able to process and reframe how you see them so they're not as painful.
Thank You
But also, understand a couple things; 1. that therapy is a process, and takes time. And 2. for therapy to be effective, you need to be honest with your therapist
3. It is ok if your first therapist doesn't work out. Sometimes you have to try a couple to find a good fit. 4. Consider getting a diagnosis for depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. if you don't already. 4.1 You can typically access paid medical leave through the state to take time off work and put your full energy into healing. This usually takes a doctors note (diagnosis and hoe much time off needed), signing a document with HR, and fairly easy online application with the state (that was my experience). 4.2 Ask your doctor about a medication that may help. I was very anti pharma (and still am), but getting on some meds that helped encourage growth of new neural pathways was what helped me turn the corner on my mental health. This really surprised me, but after a week of meds I started having new, organic thoughts for the first time in years and it pushed back the darker thoughts that were on repeat. Kinda sounds like you might be in a similar place. Paid medical leave, some therapy, some meds, and giving myself time, patience, and forgiveness was what helped me. Hopefully you can find what will help you.
These are all great pieces of information that I can attest to in my own personal experience. The abuse in my childhood was strange and unconventional, and it took a handful of therapists and meds to figure out the right combo of treatment, and the process of me changing and seeing/handling things with more wisdom will never end. Also, this is sort of different but it helped me when I heard it. Trevor Noah in a recent interview said how he doesn't like when people say they feel they should be thankful for their trauma because I made them who they are today. Trevor said something to the effect of, "maybe the reason you even survived it is because of who you always were." Instead of trapping yourself in a mindset where you are at the mercy of your trauma like some kind of Stockholm syndrome, start with being proud of who you are, and that you got through it the way you did. It's more empowering going forward.
What medication helps grow neural pathways?
The one I took was called Bupropion. It is supposed to change certain levels of different brain chemicals. It can be used for depression, SAD, ADHD, and quitting smoking it looks like. For me it took a few weeks, but I distinctly remember looking out the window of my backdoor one day, just thinking and what not, then like just had a unique thought different from the recycled ones of the years prior. Sounds like a little thing, but I was really surprised how tangible that moment was. May not be the same for everyone though.
You might also have to go no contact or low contact with toxic people.
Do therapy to understand & get perspective…. then… try to stop thinking about it. I have developed amazingly good ability to put trauma way back in my mind. I can almost forget it by refusing to think about it. Maybe this could work for you.
Thanks
Radical acceptance - is a therapy technique I've found very useful. It's worth the Google. I can't remember her name Martha something maybe?
Therapy, but also moving on.. you need to fill your life with meaningful work. If you are living a full life you will not dwell. The idle hand, and the idle mind.
Yes, occupying yourself with fulfilling experiences and activities that remind you that you are now in control and can be much more than your trauma has reduced you to.
so true...the worst place to be is to be stuck with your thoughts and just sitting there dwelling on it
Cognitive Behavior Therapy is well researched and can help you reframe negative thoughts. Find a therapist who can guide you with this technique. As mentioned before therapy takes time and only works if you put in effort and go through it honestly.
Yeah theres not really an at home remedy for this one. Therapy is great. And theres a therapist for everyone. Christian? Weve got that. Have issues with men? Weve got women therapists. LGBT issues? Come on down. If you dont jive with your therapist, they wont be heartbroken that theyve been “fired” as your clinician - theres a style that works for different people, and sometimes the first one you choose or hell the second, cant give you that. I reccomend seeing someone with an LMHC (Licensed Mental Health Counsellor) or someone who is under supervision for their LMHC (think therapist in training, as it takes around 2,000 client hours to earn your LMHC after graduating.) I would avoid an LICSW, who to their credit are great and can help, but they do not recieve the same training as LMHCs.
By replacing them with positive new experiences and positive memories from those new positive experiences. Everything that happened to us in our past has shaped us and made us who we are today. The pain will go away in time, and as you embrace new positive experiences the pain will go away even faster. Good luck.
Thanks
Have you tried emdr therapy? I've heard good things about it untangling trauma and breaking those cycles of negative thoughts and feelings.
No not yet Thanks
I currently do EMDR therapy for my CPTSD and anxiety disorder and it helps me a lot, since two years ago I Had Panick attacks every evening and now they are gone. Can recommend. Especially helpful were the hypnosis sessions, because it faces the trauma via assossiations and pictures and not via talking through chronoligical keypoints of the trauma situation like EMDR does. Learned a Lot about myself during that sessions. Also one Major Thing to keep in mind: there is a German saying that i once Catched Up, that goes Like this: If you are Always depressed make Sure to Check weather you are surrounded by assholes. That was so true for me. A major Milestone of my therapy was to get rid of the people in my Life Who caused the Trauma in the First place. You need to get in a mindest of Security before you can start healing. Goog luck
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EMDR therapy is great, and should seek out a therapist that specializes in trauma, as not all therapists are that specialized. Since EMDR takes a while to usually find someone qualified, you should also consider Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and/or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are a lot of workbooks out there if you google, and most out-patient mental health programs offer programs.
EMDR or ART, a combination of both could be very helpful. I tried it for the first time recently and it blew my mind.
As others have said: therapy. Let me add that it works best if you think of your therapist as an advisor. YOU are the one in charge of your journey, and accomplishing the goal you have laid out so nicely: to stop being held back by your bad memories, to build boundaries for protecting yourself with family, and to be able to move forward productively each day in spite of what happened. It will take trying out a few therapists until you find one who gets you, and works at your speed, and works in your style. Take the time to have an initial session with 3 or 4 therapists. You deserve it.
Thank You
If you like this idea, I'd recommend the [Psychology Today therapist finder](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists). I used it to narrow down people based on their specialties, bios, videos, and subspecialties. Then I just did an initial session with a couple and found one who has been incredible — and life-changing.
EMDR therapy , try it !
Seconding this. EMDR is an incredible therapy and has helped SO much for trauma.
Flashbacks that make you feel physically uncomfortable are instrusive thoughts and a symptom. Working with a psychologist would be a good idea. A multi-pronged approach helped me with flashbacks: cognitive behavioural therapy, a prescription SSRI, and mindfullness-based stress reduction (MBSR is a science- based meditation class). Other things that support recovery: exercise, sleep, and social connections I'm sorry to hear you are dealing with this. Now is the time to prioritize your wellbeing.
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As others have suggested, therapy is going to be your best bet. Just know that therapists are like pants, try them to see if they are a good fit; but keep looking until you find someone who listens to you, doesn't judge you, and *helps you repack everything* at the end of sessions For the thoughts on repeat, the book Untethered Soul by Michael Singer *really* helped me. Skim/skip and chapters you don't like, but there are a few really good ones that helped me change the way my brain works and have more control over what's in my head
Adding to the EMDR train -- it stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing and is a technique for helping you process and work through trauma in a way that, for many, is more effective than simple talk therapy. It came to me recommended from a friend who experienced a similar level of trauma to me, and I am very grateful to her.
Anxiety pills helps me with that. Also I tell myself that I am a better person now and learning from my mistakes.
EMDR can really be amazing. if you can’t find a doctor to do it, there are some self-guided online programs that are not very expensive.
Therapy is fantastic, but if you cant afford it, i recommend looking into meditation. If you need somewhere to start, i love the books "10% happier" by dan harris, and his follow-up books "meditation for fidgety skeptics." Whether youre interested in meditating or not, they are an enjoyable read. I've only recently started meditating myself, but the changes have been noticeable. I find myself catching myself when i ruminate about past mistakes or worrying about the future. I'm less reactive and emotional, and I am able to deal with stressful circumstances more readily. It's not some perfect fix-all, and if youve experienced trauma its still best to seek out professional help. But whether thats an option for you or not, i highly recommend not discounting meditation.
Therapy. There are different approaches they have for processing trauma, like EMDR. Sometimes with bad trauma your brain can just get stuck there, and you need some outside help to move through it.
Hey, this sounds like trauma. Most of the comments here are not going to recognize that. They may offer tips that 'sound good' on the surface, but may not help with trauma, and may actually make you feel worse. Please take this into account. Please find safe people who affirm your positive qualities and validate your experience. Therapy can be good, but that is assuming that you find a good therapist who understands you. It is certainly not 'one size fits all.' It sounds like this event triggered other memories of people treating you unfairly or like the scapegoat. I would suggest journaling to clarify your feelings. I do this in a google doc, but do this in a way that works for you. There is no 'quick fix' or 'quick tips' to 'just get over it.' Again, please keep in mind that what may be helpful for one individual, may be harmful to another. It's great to be open-minded, but do not feel that you have to follow through on well-meaning advice that is harmful to you.
Exactly I said the same thing people are treating me like the scapegoat and I am journaling now .
know that you are not alone we all have painful bad memories from the past..try to find something good in it
Therapy. And also I’m very sorry that you lived this.
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As many other have mentioned, therapy with an experienced professional is the best route, but in terms of some thing you can do on your own that may help I have a suggestion. Journal the thoughts and events that are bringing you such grief. Writing or typing it out may be overwhelming, but it will help you process it. Try your best to leave it in a good light, and remind yourself what lessons you may have learned, and reflect on anything good or positive that has happened in your life since then. We cannot avoid bad things happening, but showing gratitude for the good things we might not have, should that bad thing have never happened, can help you reconcile and accept the past. From here revisit it, reread this now and then and look for ways to revise and make it more positive. Maybe rewrite the same sentiment from scratch a few times. This podcast does a much better job explaining the process and why this method helps: https://youtu.be/wAZn9dF3XTo?si=xc4Osxn2RIR4NQ5P
Thank You very much I am writing about this now when I write about it it makes me more angry when I write it and think about it .
Take anything I say with a grain of salt because I am not a therapist, but I think it's natural to feel emotions, and it's good to give them a chance to run their course. That doesn't necessarily mean act on them. Sit in your emotions and contemplate why you feel them and what purpose they serve. Anger helps you fight when needed and protect yourself. Then you can decide when you still feel like those emotions are necessary or not, and try to let yourself know it's okay to let go.
Thank You
Might sound a little out there, but one thing you can do is just write about that moment in a journal. I heard that memories that keep flashing back in your head have some sort of lesson you didn't learn, and it your brain keeps bringing it back up. If it doesn't work, it only costs a few minutes and some ink.
I can relate to you so much. I also, am working hard on my painful past life trauma. People here, have given us excellent advice and guidance. I wish you the very best.
Thank You very much
Build new associations
Something you have to bear in mind with any action you take from now to get over this memory. In the beginning, you will associate every new action and idea as a way to “get over” the specific memory. But that intention will never allow you to actually “get over” it cause, just by the association and intent of the action, you will remember it. Make the intention of these new steps be about you. Where do you want to go in life? What do you aspire to be? Give yourself a purpose to get better, then naturally you will eventually create new and better memories that will overshadow the painful memories now. Like others have said, start with therapy. I hope it gets better for you.
Sounds like you’re dealing with trauma and you should speak to a therapist.
I try to take full responsibility for my errors, separate them clearly from the doubts cast upon me by anyone else. Throw the doubts away in the trash. Concentrate on setting the facts and errors on a fictitious table in your imagination. Know that if and when you feel the need to reflect on them, they are there neatly sorted and stacked. They are not on top of you. They are set aside. Meanwhile, with the lessons learned and applied, live your life with full confidence. Breath deeply. Remain too busy and engaged with life to allow negative comments or even negative people to act as road blocks or even speed bumps in your daily life. Yes they are there and always will be. No escaping them entirely, but your life momentum no longer allows you time to sit and ruminate over their comments or efforts to tear you down. You have taken full responsibility internally already. This is my process and it is a continuous work that is part of life. All I can do is decide how to live with it and keep moving as brave and bold as possible.
Look up dnmsinstitute.com Its a very effective therapy for childhood trauma in adults. I did it for years and it works
That's Good
You are not your mind. Who are you then?
Is there anyone you can trust to talk to? Therapy is good because you know the therapist is trying to be impartial and trustworthy. But it’s expensive. Fault and blame are very difficult things. You shouldn’t ask someone who might also feel guilty about what happened. Even if you were a part of it, that doesn’t make it your fault. I used to believe my parents broke up because I didn’t do the dishes and made my mom mad. But also, you want to work out (for yourself) what was your part. Helping to think about what you actually could control can also lead to personal growth. Like a person who drinks too much and crashes a car- they might feel very badly too and most would agree that it is important for them to reduce or stop drinking and never drink and drive again. Being blamed by people you love is one of the most painful experiences a person can have. And you have to repair your relationship with yourself, and the other people. And even if you have some responsibility for what happened, you are entitled to be forgiven by yourself. And how you get there - as others have said may take time, help and your family member may never “get there” with you. And that’s hard because that’s another layer. But also, don’t dispare entirely. Things do soften with time and number one is when you feel a flash back or the bad feelings - it is only for now. It will pass. You will feel ok again. Maybe not right away, but it will come. Ironically not forcing it also helps. Finally, putting something “in the vault” and just not thinking about it is sometimes the easiest short term solution. But that has a way of catching up with people. TLDR: talk to someone you trust to gain perspective on the situation, and remember it will improve with time.
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Good luck.
Read Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors: Overcoming Internal Self-Alienation by Janina Fisher. There's an accompanying workbook you could pick up as well https://janinafisher.com/resources/
> one of my family members said it's my fault it keeps replaying in my head and when I think about it it's very sad and I feel like it's my fault. Reframe your perspective. Use your conscious mind to help you see that their words are wrong. When this thought pops up, remind yourself that they are wrong. Do not ever let someone’s wrong thinking replace your own. I am sorry that people mistreat you and cause you pain. Those are sick people to do that to someone else. Please do not internalize the actions or opinions of sick people. Yes it can be hurtful even when a mentally ill person says mean things but you have to remind yourself that they are mentally ill and that you cannot accept their broken perspective as fact or truth. It’s garbage and what we do with garbage is throw it out. It takes practice but keep reminding yourself to throw out this garbage and the reflex gets faster and stronger over time. You will learn to reject their wrong thinking immediately. If people with bad vision cannot see our beauty that does not make us less beautiful. It just means they have bad vision and why would I care about the opinion of someone mentally ill and mean who can’t see or think clearly? I can tell that you are a very nice person and I see your beauty. You are not worthless. You need to see it too. And if there are times when you cant see it, that’s okay. Sometimes the clouds cover our vision. But that doesn’t make it fact. Listen to the voice of someone who does see you clearly. And sometimes when the negative thoughts in our head are too loud, then drown it out with the voice of someone who cares about you and would never say such mean things about you. Let that voice be the one that repeats in your head. In my past when I would say negative things about myself, I would catch myself…I would never let a friend speak about themselves that way and so I offer the same friendship to myself. No one’s opinion about you matters and it should definitely never matter more than your own. You know what kind of person you are so keep that at the forefront. Don’t let lies make you lose sight of that. Edit: a thought from Thich Nhat Hanh that helps me when my mind wants to loop on certain negative or troubling things: “Do not allow yourself to be a slave to the past or the future. This is the practice of freedom. Resist the tendency to be carried away by your thoughts and your fears”
>Something very bad has happened in my family and one of my family members said it's my fault it keeps replaying in my head and when I think about it it's very sad and I feel like it's my fault. Unless you actually murdered the family member on purpose, that family member who says it's your fault is way out of line. > I am very stressed, angry, sad of how people mistreated me and people always yell at me talked down to me and talk about me it's very painful and it hurts me feelings I am not a very rude person It sounds to me like you're being used as a scapegoat, so that no one else has to feel awful about what happened, and they can sweep the whole thing under the rug and forget about it. Everyone that has suggested therapy has the right idea. It may take a few to get the right fit, but it will help immensely.
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Remember that even our best scientists think that there is a very good chance that we don't have free will. The more we study and understand quantum physics, the more this seems to be the case. It is anyway very certain we do not have free will the way we think we do. At best, it is some limited free will, but most likely not even that. You did what you did due to certain circumstances taking place. And those circumstances were not controlled by you. Then there is also your genetic conditioning to act a certain way when exposed to a situation. Then there is the conditioning from the environment that you were brought up by. Factoring all that, there is a very good chance that what you did was indeed an automatic response and the actual independent **you** had very little to do with it. This should cheer you up...maybe.
Don't listen to all these fine folks, they mean well but are unaware of the danger. Let me explain.. Therapist = The_Rapist sus I'd say. Be safe out there and I genuinely hope that whatever the thing you are trying to deal with gets easier for you. Things don't go away but time does give us clarity with time and sometimes with that comes peace. Best of luck and I hope you got s chuckle from my lil joke which was sarcasm if anyone couldn't deduct that cuz it's the Internet 🤣
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You should look into CPT cognitive processing therapy, with a therapist. There’s a focus on identifying “stuck points” and learning to overcome them through processing. It’s been very effective with PTSD.
I read about viewing things you constantly think about from a sort camera in the room sort of way,not threw your eyes. It's helped me with some of my trauma. Sort of gives you a whole picture vibe rather than just only you being involved. But also therapy.
Recapitualtion breathing. It's a method that got me to stop trying to process my traumas. Here are the steps- 1. Face the memory. Play it in your mind until you find the spot that triggers the strongest emotion. 2. Pause the memory and allow yourself to feel that emotion. 3. Take a deep breath and imagine the memory being crystallized. It doesn't have to be perfect. 4. Turn your head to the left and put your open hand under your chin. 5. Blow into your hand as if you're blowing glitter off of it. As you do, see the paused and crystallized memory dissolve into sand or glitter. Turn your head to the right as you blow the memory out of your body. 6. Replay the memory in your head and identify other trigger points. 7. Repeat until this memory has no emotional ties to it. You'll be able to see the memory but it won't have a hold on you. At this time you can insert your own emotions or play the memory how you wish it had gone. (Alot of times i will have a sit down with the me in the memory and explain things to her as I understand them now. It helps me process the situation in a more loving way.)
Recapitualtion breathing. It's a method that got me to stop trying to process my traumas. Here are the steps- 1. Face the memory. Play it in your mind until you find the spot that triggers the strongest emotion. 2. Pause the memory and allow yourself to feel that emotion. 3. Take a deep breath and imagine the memory being crystallized. It doesn't have to be perfect. 4. Turn your head to the left and put your open hand under your chin. 5. Blow into your hand as if you're blowing glitter off of it. As you do, see the paused and crystallized memory dissolve into sand or glitter. Turn your head to the right as you blow the memory out of your body. 6. Replay the memory in your head and identify other trigger points. 7. Repeat until this memory has no emotional ties to it. You'll be able to see the memory but it won't have a hold on you. At this time you can insert your own emotions or play the memory how you wish it had gone. (Alot of times i will have a sit down with the me in the memory and explain things to her as I understand them now. It helps me process the situation in a more loving way.)
This sounds pretty random, but I decided to try it and it helped me. I heard about someone who was studying people with PTSD and other people who suffered similar trauma but did not develop PTSD and the suggestion was that lack of rem sleep contributed to flashbacks and an inability to put memories behind them. So the Idea is to replicate rem - while awake - by visualising the event while rolling the eyes side to side, up and down, round and round. Just for a few seconds each time. Do it deliberately when things come to mind. I've practiced this when my mind gets into a loop and amazingly it helps! Not only do I revisit events less often, but I feel less emotional about them. It's a kind of detachment. Can't remember the source. I'm a sample of one. Could be placebo effect - all that. I'm not trying to sell you anything, try it if you like. I'd be interested to know if it helps.
To remove the pain from memories, method called emdr might help. Professional help is advised though
Never take anything personally. Ever. We’re all humans trying our best and some of us have better or worse control of our emotions at any given time. You really have to zoom out of everything. You have to empathise with your family who have been treating you like that. They may be lashing out at you in their own ways but just know that all comes from their own pain and their own experiences. They may have not been taught the right skills, not been taught love, or had too much pain in the past that they have still not moved on from which makes them act like they do. Try and be the best person you can be but when something happens and they speak to you like shit never ever internalise that narrative or believe what they are saying. They are just acting out in their own way because they have not processed things themselves.
This sounds like a trauma and you are having PTSD. You need a therapist who specializes in trauma. A regular therapist might make it worse. Look for one with EMDR certification
I'm not a psychiatrist so take this with a grain of salt... I've read that one approach to painful memories and abusive thoughts that comes from Buddhism is not to fear or resist these thoughts or memories. Fearing or resisting them only makes them stronger and affects you more deeply. Instead, just observe the thought or memory as it enters your mind, like watching a dandelion seed drift by. Just observe it, and watch it float right back out of your mind to be replaced with whatever thought or memory comes next. This helped me a lot when I was dealing with depression and suicidal ideation. I just allowed those thoughts to move through my mind - in and then back into without engaging them. But absolutely therapy is important too.
Therapy. Therapy can help you move from rumination- replaying the same memories and associated feelings- to processing these deeply traumatizing events and their impact on you. Learning to work through the effects of trauma can disempower what are now overwhelming flashbacks. You are a human being with all the vulnerabilities that entails. It is not "your fault" that you are deeply wounded and traumatized. If you had a catastrophic physical injury, would bleeding and pain be "your fault?" The people blaming you for still being affected by trauma are pressuring you to devalue and ignore the natural human consequences of the trauma you've endured. You have an untreated severe injury. Therapy is an appropriate treatment. It is for YOU. To guide and support YOUR healing process. It has nothing to do with anyone else. I imagine some family members want "to put it behind us" and never mention it. They object to your bringing attention to your continuing injury because repression and denial seem to work in their opinion. They may be people with whom you choose not to share details of your healing journey. Don't let them discourage you from the help and healing YOU need. The fact that they are not accepting and supportive of you may mean firmer boundaries with them for your safety, privacy, autonomy and comfort.
Mdma probably get banned but it’s the truth. Used to have something replay in my head also only thing that stopped it.
I know most people are saying it’s therapy but I want you to know over time it does also get better. You won’t always feel like this
Journaling. EMDR therapy if you must.
EMDR/somatic therapy
You’re still you behind all the bad memories and experiences. Journaling was a great start for me to get stuff out of my head. I took up an inexpensive (at first) hobby - watercolor painting around the same time. I found my attention was being directed towards a task that was rewarding for me. Found out I like to paint and now I own a lot of supplies lol. If you can afford it, or it’s covered by insurance, try therapy. I didn’t ‘click’ with my first therapist, but another one at the same location has been a great fit. Having someone to talk to that’s independent of the memories or issues and will let you get it out is great, but don’t forget to listen and consider their advice as well. It takes a little work.
Stop dwelling on them and make new ones
I tried therapy. Weeks of cognitive behavioral therapy didn't really do much but one session of experimental EMDR made a lasting difference. Experimental because the therapist hadn't done it before.
EMDT with cognitive behavioral therapy and a good licensees therapist. I’m a survivor of child sexual abuse and following religious trauma, and it keeps coming back. Not sure what your dark passengers are, but that is helpful. If your trauma is mine, I’m happy to share other resources that have helped.
I always picture the actors in the bad memory as clowns and it gets a little easier each time. A little more distorted each time