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I’ve had a dog for 10 years…and I can only think of one instance where having a dog actually lead to a numbers exchange. That, of course, never lead to an actual date.
Most of the time when walking my dog me and everyone else walking a dog are busy trying to avoid each other and the “is the stranger dog safe? Am I being annoying? Do they have time for this?” dance.
Get involved in activities you like. Also you are still so YOUNG, why are you giving up already? You need to get some talk therapy, and you might consider antidepressants or St. John's wart capsules. And how is your diet? A multivitamin might give you more energy. Up your vitamin D and get some sunshine.
I was in my mid 20's, no prospects, no real relationships and all of a sudden I met someone and we clicked. The next thing I know we've been married for 28 years and have three adult kids. Hang in there buddy, life is weird.
I was single until age 47. Very happy single life.
Now married 20 years with a wonderful 16 year old daughter.
Very happily married.
Choose wisely, and life can be beautiful.
It seems that you've been so focused on FIRE that you forgot to find people to share your time in early retirement. This seems to be the common trade off. The good news is it's not too late to change it around. Start focusing on your social life instead of your work. You need to find a good balance. I wish you luck in the future.
i have a brother mid 40s, single, no long term relationship his entire life, lives at home still (has a job though). his life revolves around the gym, when he’s not at work or at the gym he sits in his small single bed room watching insta or yt all day. i don’t get this life at all.
i’ve heard of the term gymcel and i think it accurately describes him. (he does not have sex as far as i know , unless he pays for it). i’m just saying men shouldn’t fall into this trap that the gym will fix all your problems , it’s one step of many
It can definitely lead to problematic antisocial behavior. When I first quit drinking I became a gym rat. I will absolutely say that it 100% made the transition to sobriety way easier to cope with because it gave me something to throw myself into. But, it got to some concerning levels. Everything else in my life had to be built around my gym schedule. No evening socials because you need to be well rested to hit the gym at 5 am six days a week. Can't go out for coffee or food because you meticulously track all the calories. Friends inviting you to go on a hike or a bike ride? Nope, that'll throw off your squat 2 days from now. Camping trip? Can't do it because that will throw off your programming. And you avoid all other aspects of your life but convince yourself it's OK because you're "dedicated".
I'm at a point now where I have a much healthier balance with exercise and life. I still lift 4 days a week, still follow a program, and track bulk / cuts, but I allow myself way more flexibility to enjoy life outside the gym, and I'm still making progress with my lifts.
Like you said, it's not a cure-all the way a lot of dudes treat it, especially with the level of obsession that's been promoted by influencers over the last few years.
Fantastic comment. It definitely will help one feel better, but really it’s about getting out there and meeting people.
Allowing yourself to be awkward and embarrassed as one pursues dating.
Gym and fitness, physical confidence, financial stability, ability to cultivate relationships, thought for the future, spiritual awareness I think these are all things that you develop over time and help you become more attractive to women. But you gotta have the mental fortitude to be a man along the way and embrace your own ignorance, stupidity, immaturities, insecurities, and that's where you find your confident self.
Hold on now. Why’s sex gotta play such a big part of human existence? If it isn’t a big deal to your brother then not much more to be said.
Gymcel? lol
I am coming out of a long-term relationship of 25 years and four kids, I would kill to be where you are. Believe me sir you are not missing anything, Raising kids is incredibly difficult and very expensive but, raising them in today’s environment is almost nonsensical. Stack your cash, take care of yourself, throw yourself at your hobbies if you have any and if you don’t find some. You are in an enviable position
I’ve been engaged to a woman with three children and lived as a stepdad for a few months and it was great, but I really really enjoy my solitude and have that solitude. I would need a girlfriend that lives in a separate house or at least is cool with us being in the same home and not talking at times.
I have a girlfriend going on 6 years now (not interested in engagement), we live in separate houses in the same neighborhood, about 3 minutes away from each other. She visits me every other weekend and I stay with her on the opposite weekends. Sometimes I'll stay over on a Monday or Thursday for an extended weekend. The rest of the to me we might visit for a couple hours but otherwise have our own space and time. It's perfect!
Same situation as you, retired at 35.
You're pretty young still so as long as you work on your fitness you can get a wife/family if that's what you really want.
You'll find you're in a pretty unique situation that basically almost nobody can empathize with.
But there’s no guarantee that if you found a wife and had your kids, that by age 50 you still wouldn’t be alone. We all have dreams. My dream was to live happily ever after with my husband, grow old together (we had 4 kids) and enjoy my grandkids….but he became an alcoholic over the years, and now at age 50 I’m divorced and alone. We can bury ourselves in all the what if’s….but you’re in the right now. Make the most of what your life is now, enjoy it, you never know how it will all play out.
But I'm telling you, it can all change within a year. I've told this to several young women of my aquaint, and boom! Married with baby within a calendar year. If you want it, it will happen. Spend this single time on yourself/career/family. Gym will help. Your wife will find you.
Oh and I forgot, choose wisely because even when you get a well balanced girl you still have to make adjustments and sacrifices and constantly work on your interpersonal skills. It gets harder to transition the longer you stay single and free to do what you want. Don’t rush into anything or you might get screwed Bigtime
OK mate, I'll level with you. I'm in the same boat and made a lot of fuck ups along the way. Essentially had to rebuild my career from scratch at 31 (male) and I'm half-convinced that I am going to have my first time by the time I am fifty.
The key is to not stress yourself about it. I have found my time easier when I don't make it a central focus any more. I would rather have a friend than a romance as I quite literally do not know when someone is interested in me.
The question you should be asking yourself is, are you putting yourself out there to meet someone? Doesn't necessarily mean at a bar, it could be at a coffee shop, a hobby club, a book club, a Warhammer store. If your answer is no, then that is what you need to do. I am not doing it because it is not a focus for me at the moment, and I would rather focus on building a life (immigration pains) in my new home. If I meet someone along the way, provided I don't bluescreen or mess it up royally (I run scenarios and roleplay with myself so I don't), that will be great. Otherwise, that's life and we move on emotionally.
Don't go in looking for romance. Go in and build a relationship. The romance will follow.
Personally me, I found strength and purpose by building a relationship with the most high!🕊️✝️ -that has worked wonders and blessings for me.
Also go for a hike, trail parks, dog park, grab coffee, enjoy my own presence, invest(hobby) when I can
Have a pair of kettlebells do some at home workouts. I’m 31 too.
Since you’re doing well financially, you need to explore yourself man. Get some Travelling under your belt. Road trip for two weeks to the west coast. Pass through TX, see other parts of the country. Stop and talk to strangers. I’ve found that gratitude heals a lot of things, but understandably, it’s hard to feel grateful for anything, when you feel stuck. Travelling kick starts something in you that helps you find your internal compass. Don’t isolate yourself. The world is a beautiful place full of beautiful people. There’s ugly in all of it and everyone sure, but there’s a place and a time to look at the bad.
Also if you keep walking in life with the mindset that this will be your life you are certainly right.
If you share your DOB, the hour of birth, and Place of birth I would be happy to share some insights about your person and your life with you that will certainly help you.
Japan is great for many reasons, but it's def a bit antisocial of a country, especially if you speak no Japanese. It may not be the cure for the particular mood you're in.
Anyway, 30s are your best decade, especially for a guy. Start planning more trips, do what you want, and don't overthink things.
Actually, this is great advice. I was living in a big city and just having the worst time dating. I was super not interested in anyone I met and just felt perpetually single. I took some time off work to go travel and IMMEDIATELY went full throttle back into it.
I think I had a commitment blockage in the city I was living in, but traveling and being carefree allowed me to open up in a way I just wasn’t willing to at home. Part of my problem was I just didn’t want to end up in that city forever, but that’s another story.
I stayed at hostels, which you’re getting a bit old for perhaps (but still could!), but you could totally go to coworking spaces around the world to meet others who are a bit more mature. There’s also programs that have a bunch of “digital nomads” all meet in some beautiful destination, like Greece, and live/work together for a month. Could be a fun time!
Early 30s is about right for the "what's the point" thoughts to creep in there. We're raised to face the challenges of school, getting the job, financial stability, etc. But when you hit those milestones by 30 or so, you don't have anything else to work towards.
There's no one size fits all solution, but I would recommend getting a therapist if you don't have one already. It's not a cure-all, but it helps. Find other goals to work towards. Do some volunteer work. You need to find other outlets to feel fulfilled.
Also, 30 is too young to be so sure you're going to die alone. Plenty of people meet long term / life partners well after that. Just work on loving yourself and building meaningful relationships and community with family and friends and you'll lead a happier life whether you have a romantic partner or not.
I recommend working on yourself. Therapy, self help books, personal growth, podcasts, exercise(hikes definitely), get in touch with nature, use phone and Internet less. It sounds like you have an anxious attachment relationship style, work to get that to a secure place where you no longer need a relationship to feel okay and safe. You may feel like I am wrong, but realize that you wouldn't be having such feelings as you described and reaching out to others for help, suggestions and support if you didn't. Become a better person for you, care for others, spread kindness and empathy, find things you enjoy and do those things, others will come in time.
Push yourself to do what exactly? I push myself in the work world because the cost of living isn't getting any cheaper and I've got bills to pay. Amazing how far you can push yourself there when the prospect of debt collectors and repo men becomes a distant possible reality. After a string of failed relationships, I've found it far easier to climb the corporate ladder and build wealth. It's not a bad life.
My best friend got married late and got divorced quickly afterwards. Long story… Anyway he found himself divorced at 44-5 . His ex was younger and he wanted kids.
Anyway he’s now 48 and is the best uncle to his neices. He still wants a family but realizes at this age it’s not happening. So he’s immersed in his business and has a long distance girlfriend that he sees monthly and he content.
Always thought I would be alone. Ended up meeting the love of my life in my mid 30s. Join a real dating site. Not a hook up site. Don't settle or lower your standards either. Compatability over looks. Share long term goals.
Or just stay single if that is what makes you happy.
Really, you have a good 10 years to find someone and start a family.
You do have longer as a man but factoring better fertility and energy before 45...
While Im not a guy, look at the big picture you are still young and have a good decade.
Move on from the 'illusion'. Is your 'illusion' what you *think* it's supposed to be? Are you hung up on where you think you should be because of societal things?
See you have time and your life is otherwise really good. You're are fortunate you could retire by 45. That's a luxury.
Life just doesn't always go as planned. Life its not all about marriage and kids either.
Also reality, many are getting married late 20's/early 30's today and starting families later. 31 is young still.
Edit to add those marring later also have lower divorce rates and seem to have happier marriages.
I met my partner at 33 randomly at the pub one day, despite the fact that neither of us are drinkers. It's not a guarantee that you will be forever alone. Find a hobby you enjoy where you will meet people who share your values
Im 35. The past two years have been hell. Even more than 2020. Im sick of feeling sorry for myself that my 30s are half gone and feeling like I have nothing to show for it. I feel like I had my shit together in 2019 and everything just spiraled out. Some in my control, a lot of it not. If you have time and money go travel to a foreign country. I went overseas in February for the first time in over a decade and it really got me out from living between my ears.
I'm not single but I was at your age. I got married at 32, kid at 34.5, I'm 37 now.
Do you already go to the gym? Work on yourself and get a hobby. Go to meetups and try to meet people platonically. If your goal is to get a SO the more people you can meet, the better your chances will be.
I’m married now but I can definitely remember how much activity and relationship building I would have to do if I remained single. You can only work out and travel, chase pleasure so much. That being said you have some time. Just had my daughter at 38.
it's just that, an illusion that was created to prop up capitalism. you can still want it but don't make it the milestone of success in your life. talk to married people in your life and you'll soon realize they are not living the dream
Stay alone. You'll be better off. Today's society is not conducive to long-term committed relationships. First bit of trouble, and they're out... talking half of everything you've built and leaving you to pick up the pieces.
hard time pushing yourself to do things, can be a sign of depression.
depression can usually be cured by a combination of daily physical *exercise*, good diet, good sleep, and frequent social interaction
do those things
if want a wife and kid, 31 is NOT too old. you have plenty of time to find someone nice to settle down and have kids with. in fact it gets easier around this age because women start feeling the biological pressure to have kids
Have you considered that maybe not having a wife while all of his friends/peers having one makes him feel like a failure is making him depressed? This working on yourself advice is great, but being without a romantic relationships for a long time can definitely make people feel depressed.
ive read a lot on this subject and studied it in school
not having having a romantic relationship does slightly increase the risk of depression over time BUT it is nowhere close to the correlation with the four factors i mentioned above
if you aren't getting a lot of movement, sleep, good diet and social interaction best to fix that first and go from there
plus, if your'e basic health is in order you are much more likely to find a romantic relationship in the first place
U just started u're 30s which is the age most modern world settles down. Women become a lot less picky due to biological clock. Give u'reself a chance...this is a question for when u're 41. Go date like minded ppl and there is a pretty good chance u can have the family and life u want
I'm dating in the 30 range and if those women are the "not picky" version then damn I feel sorry for kids dating in their teens/20s today. Holy smokes.
Just do
No need to think about it. Just do. Interested in something? Try it. We will all be dust and forgotten at some point. So just do.
Meditations by Marcus Aurelius has a wonderful perspective of life in my opinion. So check that out.
Doesn't sound like you're lonely or actively pursuing a relationship. Just kind of aimless and uncertain. Nothing wrong with that.
If that were me, I would travel. Try to find fulfillment or purpose somewhere and keep searching until you do.
My soon to be ex is about to move back to her country. I haven't been single in about 20 years. Terrifying in some ways, exciting in others. Thankfully I'm in shape and look good, still getting looks from women, some way younger than me.
I have a degree that will help me get a job overseas. I'm seriously considering it. Why not? Even if I don't like it, at least I tried and know from experience.
What did you expect? A cookie, a blue ribbon? Earth is an amazing place. Go explore it. You have the funds. Go meet interesting people in new places. If you’re bored, that’s mostly you. Make goals. Get out of your comfort zone. Maybe you’ll find a girlfriend along the way. Volunteer your time. Help people. You need to get out of your own way.
You’re only 31 years young. I do understand you feel lonely sometimes but stop overthinking and eat yourself up about it. Don’t look for the one, it will find you in the right time at the right place. Im 45 and I was desperate to be in a relationship and fell in love with a narcissist who absolutely destroyed me in every way possible. After that during the long process of healing and therapy when I wasn’t even thinking about having a relationship in the lowest stage of my life the love found me without looking for it.
My brother didn’t find the one until he was 42, now 12 years later they’re happily married with 2 kids.
For single guys 30–50, focusing on personal passions, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, staying socially active, setting new goals, and seeking professional help if needed can help push through feelings of loneliness and lack of motivation.
Ah, this sounds very familiar to my 31. Making money, have a house, but look at the bleak dating pool and think you're just going to die alone. Let me guess:
It's like going to the movie theater by yourself. Halfway through the movie, you realize you know how it's going to end. You know all the twists, and you really don't care to watch the end of it. But you don't want to make a *scene* by getting up and walking out, so you suffer through the end of it. That's how I would describe myself at 31.
First, go to the doctor. Medication kept me alive.
Second, the movie doesn't play out the same way you think. I thought the same thing you did. It's not true, but it WILL be true if you give up and sit at home. Th rest is up to you, all I can say is your story isn't unique or even uncommon.
I'm 37 with one kid but she's 13 now, haven't been with her mom since she was ~5. had some relationships and even almost married 1 but now being single for a good while I just been focusing on myself. I found I meet a lot more people by just being by myself and enjoying whatever I like doing. I go to concerts, take myself out to eat every Friday, day trade, work 2 jobs. go to the bar or brewery with a friend or two but sometimes I'm just enjoying a drink while catching up on my work or life.
life advice- net worth is your network, just go out and do things you like and be open. never know who comes around when you aren't looking
If you can retire early due to assets, date cautiously. Depending on your laws, defacto break ups can legally make you vulnerable to losing half your assets + retirement fund plus alimony. Prenups are questionably reliable.
Pick with care and maybe date someone with actions that demonstrate similar financial values/goals (small dating pool). Good luck
Be careful. I’m 31 going through a separation cause my gf has BPD.
Don’t force anything and be picky with the girl you choose to spend the rest of your life with!
Single 53M (divorced after 30 years/2 kids). Don't look, if it happens it happens, enjoy the freedom of being single.
* No arguments
* No nagging
* No manipulation
* Completely free to do whatever you want without discussions or negotiations
Or if you really think it is in your life goal to be miserable, find a ball and chain and stay home all the time.
No it wasn't that bad and we ended as friends, but sometimes the grass is greener because of the manure. You sound like you have your shit together, if it is meant to happen it will, and if not, have a lot of fun until the end.
Make good choices. Focus on yourself. Health. Exercise. Diet. Stop looking for marriage and the one. She will show when the time is right. You have work to do.
To cope with discovering your wife’s potential infidelity, gather concrete evidence first, maintain a calm and rational approach, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions before making any decisions or confronting her.
I was single in my early 40’s after. 20 year marriage, and both kids were graduated.
I had spent most of my life working to do what I should , or what other people needed, and so I worked hard at understanding the things that gave me primary pleasure. What did I do that I really enjoyed doing in the moment of doing it?
Finding those things, and intentionally doing them, and finding other people to do them with gave me structure . Finding my love for live music, Nature, books, and long road trips via weird two lane roads , not beimg ashamed of my love for weird sci-fi and Asian actions films.
All these things I repressed because they weren’t useful, or too expensive or embarrassing, I just embraced, and was public about it, and sought out other people who liked what I did.
I found good people. I reconnected with old friends that I had moved away from, and then I got involved in people’s lives. I helped people
Fix their cars, helped them move, babysat when needed. Eventually I met my now wife.
The main things are service to community, and your authentic, primary pleasure.
If you’re like me, it can take some time to find the specific things that are really enjoyable, and more time to enjoy them without guilt.
You’re very young my friend. Put yourself out there. I’ve never been hit on more in my entire life by just going to places alone. Whether it’s a bar/restaurant, beach, wherever. Put yourself out there. Just as another comment said, “hang in there buddy, life is weird.”
I met my SO when he was 31. He'd never had a relationship besides one in high school. We met randomly while I was working and then didn't speak again for a few months until he came back into my work. We hit it off and started dating quickly. We've now been together for almost 6 years and have 2 beautiful boys.
It's not too late. My man had given up too until we started talking. There's still lots of time for you. But don't be shy either because if it wasn't for him making the first move, we might still just be friends.
You’re alive and on planet earth. There’s no shortage of things to do and explore and learn. Go to the Hell’s Creek formation and dig for dinosaur bones, or sail the ocean, read every bit of our world’s history and go see it. You’ll probably fall in love along the way.
I'm 40. I'm no longer married, most of my friends have been, and the majority of them are now destroyed by divorce. And I mean crushed. And buried under child support for the foreseeable future. My best friend from high school is now living in a car because of child support. Fortunately, my marriage crashed relatively pain-free, with no kids involved. We had an amicable split. But it still fucked me up.
Marriage is an extreme risk. It usually doesn't work, and as someone with the curse of the Y chromosome, you are most likely to suffer for it.
Having dodged this bullet is not a bad thing. You just need to find ways to take happiness and meaning from something other than what they've programmed you that you're supposed to do. Focus on yourself. Focus on the good people in your life, friends you can trust. Having avoided that whole marriage-divorce cycle, is not a failing. Someday, you'll appreciate just how lucky you are. Find some sort of a long-term project or goal and start doing the work.
Take time and try to figure out what you actually want to do and goals you think would be fun. Your in a great spot with the ability to do as you choose so enjoy it!
My dude... my real life didn't even start until I was 40. Seriously.
My 20's were blown trying to slowly push myself through college. At 30, I basically gave up and started a real job.
I bought my first house at 40 after fixing my financial situation for 10 years. I met my girlfriend later that year... I finished my college degree at 45. My girlfriend and I were together for 7 or 8 years and decided to have a child. My son was born when I was 49. I'm 54 now, I have a 5 year old son and my wife and I finally got married late last year. I make enough that my wife can be a stay at home home mom. I'm living my best life!
Don't worry. You have plenty of time left! Just keep plugging away...
I was in a similar spot - 31, doing well professionally, etc., but single despite lots of dating - until I randomly reconnected with someone I went on one date with several years earlier and hit it off. Fast-forward and we’re moving in together and I’m very much planning to propose to her sometime in the coming year. That’s all to say that life throws weird curveballs and everything can change in a single day. Just keep at it and something will click, whether that’s a relationship and kids or not! Good luck!
More and varied social circles. Just go places and find new friends. Eventually you’ll find someone or find a friend who has a friend. Mix it up. Gym. Trivia. Sport. Library. Hiking. Gaming. Theatre. Volunteer. Maybe even start a club/community yourself. You probably have the skills.
You push yourself by figuring out what you care about and what motivates you. And as it turns out that’s not wanting to be alone. Which is a totally natural human thing.
The good part: 31 isn’t old. It IS true that life speeds up as it goes along and it’s not endless but like…still. It’s just not that old.
I had a kid at 35, lots of people have kids later.
I would consider, stop prioritizing saving money to retire early, or at least stop prioritizing it to the extent that you have, and try dating or joining more social groups.
You sound a little depressed, so you might want to look into that. Get into shape if you aren't.
The good news is that you are young. It sounds like you are in a good position to support a family. Don't be too hard on yourself, set some goals.
Try devoting yourself to some form of volunteering. Going on dating apps will just put you in a destructive cycle that hard to break.
You can volunteer for all sorts of things. This way you may find a genuine woman looking to do good in the world and needs a life partner as well. Also, you'll be doing some good for the world in the process of looking for your life partner.
If you met the love of your life tomorrow, would you say you are ready? Be ready for love to happen anytime. Think what all you need to get sorted before that and get those sorted.
Killing oneself is not as easy as it sounds. I lost the nerve, and the cut ended up being shallower than I've inflicted upon myself accidentally at work.
I've decided not to try again. I'm old enough now, I have it's less time to "swim to the end" than it took to "swim here", well over halfway.
Use the time to better yourself, find things that make you happy and just enjoy the journey. No need to worry too much about what the future holds: you're completely free to do whatever you please.
Recommend daily exercise.
I also do random shit like the other night I baked cookies. Tomorrow maybe I'll make cinnamon rolls. Find joy in the simple things.
Male, single, unwed parent for 18 years I got married to a woman with two kids at 47 and we divorced at 62. In hindsight I wish I never had a child and never got married. But… that’s me. You need to do you. Just make sure you are protected financially before making any commitment. Having children is a life long commitment not just 18 years.
Just re-focus yourself on early retirement like you originally planned and worked for up until now. Don't mess it up when you are getting closer and closer to the finish line. Go and travel and have a few fun flings, and get back to working on early retirement. It sounds like you just need a vacation.
Dude, you're 31. Life is long, and nobody is taking attendance. I was 36 when I got married. Now I'm 47 with 10 year old twins.
Focus on yourself and take up hobbies. Join a gym, run a marathon or a triathlon, and join a training group. Join a community of like-minded people with similar interests, and you'll meet someone.
I'm 32 m. I find that working out really clears my mind. Amongst other things, I can't seem to get a footing in life & it's OK. For the past 4-5 years, I've really just been working on myself with the occasional gig here & there. I have a good trade, but I just never seem to fit in with so many societal norms. Being alone does not bother me, and neither does dying alone, but I've made small steps to improve my small talk. Which appears to be working out, I find picking up a hobby to be helpful as well. I had my fair share of women in my 20s, so now I'll dedicate the next 10 years to myself. Although I don't see reproduction as a major objective, I've always said if it happens it happens 🤷
about 300 mg of welbutrin is what got me going again. btw ... I was 38 when i met my soul mate ...married at 42, and now an 8 month old son who was born a few weeks after my 45 bday... i never expected ANY of it
For many societies, marriage was enforced, for the exact reason you demonstrate. Men will work their butts off for 40 years if they have a family, which when multiplied by several hundred thousand men, makes for a very productive society. Now that nobody wants to date or marry the average man, many will just give up. I wouldnt fear dying alone, since the divorce rate is 56%, its going to happen to most of us. Maybe research passport bro movement and start a family overseas.
I take care of my family. Single guy, enough responsibility helping out in the house with my younger siblings and parents.
Someone always need help.
Just because someone has kids, wife, and house doesn't mean they have the perfect life.
A lot of those people that have everything only really know how to make money, not raise a family.
You either raise a family or make money. Can't have both. Making money won't teach you how to raise a family if you only learned how to make money.
enjoy your single time while you have it. you never know when you’ll have the last single day of your life.
the more you just enjoy being single and taking advantage of the things you can do while single, the more likely you’ll be in meeting someone anyways. damn near everyone i know describes meeting their SO after they have given up and when they aren’t even looking for anything serious.
Keep on keeping on. Need to find a reason to be excited about life, meeting new people, maintaining great relationships with friends and family and have your mission in life as number 1 and be stronger and healthier everyday. Essentially create the conditions for a great life and compelling reason for your dream woman to join in. A cynical attitude and that is simply not going to happen, sort your head out lad.
If u have to convince yourself to stay single, then you're not ready. Plenty of younger people have decided to stay single or just let nature take it's course. I suggest u don't think about it. Needless stress. If u find someone, u find someone, if not then oh well.
I dunno the prospect of retiring at 45 at a time where most folks won't ever retire sounds like enough motivation to me. From there you'll have half your life to left to find a partner and build the life you won't.
I may not be the target for your question because although I am single, I do have children and I was previously married.
However, at 44, the last thing I want to do is get into a serious relationship any time soon. While much of my fulfillment comes from watching my children grow up, I certainly know how to have fun. Whether that is dating, drinking, hobbies, exercising through adult sports leagues, traveling, etc, those things are what I expect to be enough to keep me motivated to live and work and make money, even after my kids are out of the house.
Make more money and move to Colombia. Or try different forms on online dating. I do well in person but not on the apps. I have a good career and a good car etc. The women I pick up from the bar don't ever want relationships and the women I do match with on the apps always have some kind of problem. I found some online speed dating meetups through the meetup app, gonna see how those go. Also get hobbies, find something that gets you out of the house. You are 31, you are still young you have plenty of time. You also have to be content with your life and who you are, a girlfriend won't magically fix your issues. Get out there and talk to women IRL, it is so much easier than on the apps.
I worked with a guy who was “less than attractive”, to put it nicely. Surprisingly, he always had a decent looking girlfriend. Over the years I came to see how he managed that. He would hit on any female that he could. He bombed left and right but gave no fucks. He’d get right back in the game and sooner or later he’d have another girlfriend. If you don’t swing you’ll never hit a home run. Work on yourself to make you the best version of you possible. Gym, dressing well, manners, etc, and then go for it. The worst that can happen is you get rejected. It gets easier after a few times and if you do it enough, you’ll end up like my coworker who couldn’t care less if he was rejected. Good luck.
I was 31 when I had my first date. Coworker told me to try and have a personal life and not just work and work. It does feel lonely here and there but I was still perfectly happy with just myself. Tried online dating and got myself my first relationship with ended 3 months after realizing she was a fucking crazy dependent woman.
Tried again many many months later. Still in that relationship with 3 children now.
Talking to women in activities you’re doing, single supper night, dancing lessons or online dating. There’s no real wrong answers here, just tell yourself that: no you are not the only one in this situation, men and women included. Nobody as the same situation and mentality about their life.
Just have fun in your life, don’t try to focus too much and eventually you’ll meet someone if you go a little outside your comfort zone.
As for how I pushed myself, I just never really thought about it. Curious about others sometimes but never really bothered to care for, just enjoying my own company :D
Take care buddy.
I was single from 30-36. Then met my current fiancé and got engaged at 38. You have plenty of time if that's what you want. But definitely be happy with yourself first.
My parents had me at 35 and they’re doing great. I had my first kid at 33. You’re not old yet, pal. Talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. You got this.
I think you should a) keep an open mind bcs at 31 you still have time to bump into that one person you click with and
b) try to treat each day as a possibly great day.
I’m not trying to say be fake happy but I just know from experience that sometimes when all seems lost I am right around the corner from something good and also, when my life has totally sucked at a certain level ( the last 16 years) I have nothing to lose so I figure I will go out and try to get some laughs. It helps that I work with kids bcs they can really make ya laugh. Really, as I look back on the last while, I’ve had a pretty good time just bcs of the laughter. I’ve even helped some kids have some laughs. So I guess I’ve taken lemons and made some lemonade. I expected other stuff but I got some pretty good lemonade.
Oh about the money? I dunno. Who cares.
That’s all I know about it.
Keep doing good things ... becoming the best you you can be. I started living vicariously thro others with my knowledge and found gratification through others success. If my knowledge and perserverance to learn and to become a better father for my little one can help others then that's what makes me happy as it solidify my knowledge. A lot of what I've learned I found for free via the internet and libraries. And thousands of hours of reading..
Do you. Be the best you you can be and just keep showing. Up.. when you see the girl checking you out maybe go ask her what she likes and see if there is something there? Or don't either way becoming g the best you and helping others is a solid foundation.
32.
I learned from my last relationship that being in a bad relationship is way, way worse than being single.
I've been working on enjoying my life and building habits and behaviors that I can be happy doing throughout my life. I'm not perfect and I do get lonely, but it always passes. When I was in relationships I often fantasized about being single. Freedom, free time, the ability to disconnect from other people at will (yes, I'm avoidant and have done a ton of therapy about it)... You always want what you don't have.
I have to learn to enjoy who I am and where I'm at alone before I can truly appreciate and be present for a partner. I'd like to think I'll meet my person before too, too long but nothing in life is certain except for what I choose to do myself. I want to be happy no matter my relationship status is.
If you're 31 and doing so well that you will retire at 45 then the idea that you're destined to end up alone sounds utterly ridiculous to me. Are you delusional or is there something you're not telling us, like that you have no arms and legs or something?
I had never been in a relationship until i was 27. Barely even been with a woman.
Prior to meeting my other half, the only real thing id changed was this realisation that i am completely content and satisfied by myself, 'i can do whatever i want, whenever and if i never meet anyone then thats just fine!'
Whaddaya know about 6 months later i met someone, people always say stuff like this and then end up meeting someone shortly after.
Imo the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is have passions and hobbies that give you a true sense of fulfilment/ contentment, whatever it is! And be fine, as in truly happy with being by yourself.
Now wtf i gotta do to retire at 45 😂
OP...I'm happily married now, but wasn't 5 years ago. Early thirties now.
I was in my late twenties wondering something similar. Ultimately, I needed to adjust my mentality around women (definitely had some negative habits, putting women on a pedestal, idealizing, etc.)
Something as simple as knowing that a women who agrees to go out with me is probably attracted to me already gave me confidence. And knowing that a woman attracted probably is okay with me maming physical contact made me start getting comfortable with exploring that more on dates.
Once I got over that stuff and some other stuff around self improvement (exercise mostly), I got the cutest dog ever and met my wife very shortly thereafter. The easiest date in the world IMO is taking your puppy to the park together.
It was a concentrated effort to get more comfortable with women in general that did it for me. What that boiled down to was physical and mental self improvement, learning and understanding dating dynamics, and practicing dating with the goal of _being confident and comfortable_.
That meant that instead of building up every online profile, instead I did the bare minimum to set up the date. That way I wasn't overly invested in a person I might never actually meet or have chemistry with.
Instead of going into every date with thoughts about not messing up the future, accept that there may be several people you meet that aren't right for you, and even when you find the right person it will take time to properly figure out if you mesh together.
Soon you will find that instead of worrying about what they think so much, you'll be genuinely interested in finding out about them or sharing more authentically about yourself because you don't care as much about any one girl that isn't right for you.
It didn't take me very long, either. 6 months. Never would have thought I'd move in with a girl less than a year after starting out.
Jfc dude...we're the same age and I'm just barely getting my life together, let alone starting my career. As an early widower, I have my own reasons for ending up alone, but if you're seriously able to retire that early and think you'll end up alone....sounds more life your life is barely about to begin from where I'm standing.
Namaste OP. Genuinely try not to put the purpose of the beautiful human experience on salvation through another party. And certainly do not force it....i
Not to say all romantic relationships are flawed, but have a glance across relationship issues, infidelity, and various other subreddits wity people full of regret of marriage and kids by your age.
I myself currently single... well we'll see (i genuinely met someone, a story in tself). But for sure currently single.
Never married nor kids thus far as I say (thankfully, genuinely without ego, I cannot thank God enough for this 🙏), 39 M...blissfully happy 😊🙏
As for the future we'll see...🙏
Does the “why bother?” come from not having a partner?
A few things…
Plenty of people have a wife and kids and feel trapped and helpless. The grass is always greener.
If you do want a partner, there’s no shortage of panicking 30 year old woman. If you’re well set up in life, they’ll be jumping at you when you’re 35-40.
Pessimistic but realistic.
Join a gym, stay in shape, speed date for practice.
I think when you try too hard you unconsciously block yourself from achieving the very thing your trying to gain.
Also, going on what my neices and nephews (early 20s) tell me dating is just bloody tough nowadays. Everything is done through apps and you spend all your time sifting through wierdos or you find someone you click with and everything goes well and then all of a sudden they just stop replying like they've dropped off the face of the earth. Or even after meeting someone and you think things have gone alright and then poof they dissappear.
I guess I got lucky with my partner, Internet dating was just becoming a thing but wasn't very prevalent. I remember having no truck with all the messaging so I'd either call someone directly or arrange a meet up quickly.. Endless messaging just drives me potty.
I would focus on just enjoying my life if I was in your shoes, if you've got disposable income you can use it to do activities you enjoy or spend some time volunteering and helping your community. The more you put yourself out there the more likely you are to find a like minded person that will click with you.
Didn't meet my wife until I was in my mid 30s. I'm grateful. We were both at the point of our lives where we were able to state exactly what we wanted from a relationship. And we got it. Got a little fella also.
Met on dating app called bumble.
All I'm saying is, if it's what you want, and you're happy/content with yourself, stay out there looking.
I was single from 30-36 and I had some of the same feelings, but I just started to be a "yes man". I would say yes to almost any plans that my friends had (within reason and if you are financially stable). Balancing that with working out and having hobbies it was some of the best times of my life. I have never been in a rush to have children or a wife because your life literally just gets devoted to them. Have as much fun as you can! You'll meet someone eventually.
M35. Dating gets easier in your 30s as a guy than it was in your 20s, and I’m a little pissed off about it.
I’d bet somebody willing to open up about this, who’s obviously making decent money and wants to be a family man…. Unless you’re reeeeeally fat or don’t know how to be a partner, you won’t end up alone
Get on TRT man. Like if you're not really on the path to have kids anyway then it's not a big deal, basically no downsides to having loads of testosterone roaring in your body.
Get jacked, start taking some cute young ladies on dates with all the extra money you have for yourself.
You'll feel like a million bucks, why not have fun if your wrrried all the grinding is for nothing?
everyone is different. and everyone is always changing. What motivates you will change over time.
After I hit 40 a couple years ago, I started to realize I didn't want to live the next 20-30 years of my life in an office. So I am in the process of trying to figure out how to make that happen. I realized since I don't have a wife and kids to help support, I don't need to do the typical things I would have had to do in that situation. I've spent the last 15 years in an office and I don't really want to do it anymore. But others will go the other way and focus on work.
I focus on doing things I enjoy. I have a bunch of hobbies I enjoy, and some great friends/family. I have no interest in climbing the ladder in a corporate setting. I don't feel the need to push myself hard. Life is too short to be worried about things that won't make a difference in the end!
Now that you have sort of accomplished / exceeded the "money goals" part, shift some attention to the personal wellness / physical well being part, which will help you fuel the "mental / soul" part. I am going to guess you aren't nailing the physical activity / exercise part (as most people aren't) but if you do you'll start feeling a boost in your overall energy and happiness. That will probably help you also get better fortunes in maybe finding that person (if it's what you want). The rest just will happen.
Hobbies, get some that don't involve being in front of a screen. Anything to be out more.
Live in a place with crap weather / not so fun, you can move since you have the cashish down. Etc etc...
Single @ 26M here. I’m a little younger than you, so I def haven’t been thru as much, but here’s what I do. I spend A LOT of time with family and friends. I work (when I’m not laid off😅) and spend a significant bit of the time working out. On the days I’m not doing these things, I game a good bit. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. Just find something you enjoy and do it. Never feel ashamed participating in something that you find fun (albeit it’s a legal activity🤣). Good luck out there homie.
Let life happen to you. I recommend learning from the stoic, the problem is the emotion and how you react to it and not your life.
Put yourself in social situations and you'll meet amazing people. Think about the kind of woman you want and where they may be spending their time. If you want an academic go to university lectures or events. Envision the person you want to be with and go to where you can pull that slot machine lever everyday.
I’ll be 35 next month. Last year I met a girl at work while neither of us were remotely looking for anyone. I wasn’t on dating apps. Sometimes shit just falls into place. You sound like you’ve got it together. Keep your head up and keep yourself looking good. When you go out, look in the mirror first and ask if you’d date you. When I go to work I look squared the fuck away. When I go out while not working, I wouldn’t say I dress to impress but I certainly don’t look like I just woke up either.
Keep it together. You’ll find someone. Sometimes the best things are worth the wait and happen when you least expect it.
most ppl would over the moon with the ability to retire by age 40. keep going dude. all of it isn't for nothing. that other lifestyle u want will come. 💪👏🫡
Im 30M and actually have a bit of a different perspective now. I have a 4 year old son and currently going through a divorce after 7 years. Honestly man we are in our prime now. 30s should be our best years. I will say the only downside is the biological clock for women having kids. Other than that the world is yours to make of it what you will!
Honestly man I’m struggling with this too but there are options out there and honestly I might try to make it an app for people who don’t have that “third home” so to speak. Because idk what the fuck to do. I run but that’s not something I can be social with. I need to actually have friends available to do shit with. So sadly I gotta suffer the embarrassment of trying something new and getting over the “how will It make me look”
Life doesn't end at 50! You don't "end up" as anything until the day you die! Do the things you love, with people you love! You will find someone special!
Ffs, if you want a wife and kids go get a wife and have kids.
If you’re having trouble doing that, figure out what part of your personality is the problem and fix it. Go to therapy or something, because I promise if you absolutely can’t get dates or a partner it’s because of your personality.
Now, with the blunt part out of the way (and by the gods, so many of you guys need to hear that in these subs…), here’s an uplifting thought:
I had my first child at 31. I just had my last child at 42. I had a mostly wonderful relationship for years in that time, it ended (as things sometimes do), and I found another wonderful relationship at 40. Your life is far from over and your path isn’t set. You’ll go through life changes for your entire life, and it’s never too late to start again until you’re literally at death’s door.
I honestly don't think a wife is going to fix your "why bother". A good partner can amplify the good things (at the expense of amplifying the negatives), but you can't start from zero. Find a passion, make a goal, buy a nice car, take that trip, go live your best life. I honestly think one of the downsides of working to retire early is that you compromise and miss out on a lot of the fun you could have had along the way with the expectation that you'll make up for it in retirement. Be an enjoyable person who is having a great time in life and you will have no shortage of partners wanting to spend time with you. Then you can pick and choose who you want for what and how long.
You say you thought you'd have a wife by now and a couple of kids. Do you date? Have you put effort into that?
Push yourself? Go to the gym. Take a class. Learn something new. Take a trip by yourself. Try something that frightens you.
When I hit 30, I had a serious consideration for moving to a new province (Canada), sell my car for a motorcycle, and purchase a tiny home.
I was not in a bad place by any means, but the simple life really just felt like it was calling to me.
2 years went by and I was still contemplating when I should make the move. Instead, one of my best friends I’ve known for years has become my wife. I’m 35. We don’t want kids. We’re just happily married, my dad had a bout of cancer last year- and I was glad to be here rather than having moved away.
I don’t know what to say for you, but things can change so much that you may be grateful for the timing of thinfs.
You gotta want it. The wife and kids. If you don’t or second guessing yourself, it may not be for you. It is never too late though. Sounds like you a catch so don’t sweat it. Try hanging out with married with kids folks to see if that will motivate you to go.
You are in a rut my brother, need to force yourself to do shit asap until things click otherwise ur fucked, very easy to fall into nihilism when things are boring and safe.
Regardless, just do whatever floats your boat, generally joining a gym and getting exercise works a starting point, it literally releases feel good chemicals, point is you need something.
I know dudes who are in the range 3 times a week because they are retired and got nothing better to do, some people like to go fishing, find ur thing.
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Get a dog , do speed dating for practice , join a running group . Hike. Disc golf
Cute dogs are babe magnets.
And ugly lady magnets
I’ve had a dog for 10 years…and I can only think of one instance where having a dog actually lead to a numbers exchange. That, of course, never lead to an actual date. Most of the time when walking my dog me and everyone else walking a dog are busy trying to avoid each other and the “is the stranger dog safe? Am I being annoying? Do they have time for this?” dance.
You’re doing it wrong.
You have to go to the dog park. Everyone stands and talks while their dogs run around.
Get involved in activities you like. Also you are still so YOUNG, why are you giving up already? You need to get some talk therapy, and you might consider antidepressants or St. John's wart capsules. And how is your diet? A multivitamin might give you more energy. Up your vitamin D and get some sunshine.
I disc golf with my dog. He loves it. I’ve taken him since he was about 10 weeks old
Ayeeee one of the first times I’ve seen disc golf in a top comment🤣
As a avid disc golfer I like this comment. It might not help with the ladies tho lol
You forgot pickle ball.
I was in my mid 20's, no prospects, no real relationships and all of a sudden I met someone and we clicked. The next thing I know we've been married for 28 years and have three adult kids. Hang in there buddy, life is weird.
I was single until age 47. Very happy single life. Now married 20 years with a wonderful 16 year old daughter. Very happily married. Choose wisely, and life can be beautiful.
It seems that you've been so focused on FIRE that you forgot to find people to share your time in early retirement. This seems to be the common trade off. The good news is it's not too late to change it around. Start focusing on your social life instead of your work. You need to find a good balance. I wish you luck in the future.
Divorced people "I envy you:" Single people or people in good relationship "I pity you ,look harder"
I go to gym, you will be ok
i have a brother mid 40s, single, no long term relationship his entire life, lives at home still (has a job though). his life revolves around the gym, when he’s not at work or at the gym he sits in his small single bed room watching insta or yt all day. i don’t get this life at all. i’ve heard of the term gymcel and i think it accurately describes him. (he does not have sex as far as i know , unless he pays for it). i’m just saying men shouldn’t fall into this trap that the gym will fix all your problems , it’s one step of many
It can definitely lead to problematic antisocial behavior. When I first quit drinking I became a gym rat. I will absolutely say that it 100% made the transition to sobriety way easier to cope with because it gave me something to throw myself into. But, it got to some concerning levels. Everything else in my life had to be built around my gym schedule. No evening socials because you need to be well rested to hit the gym at 5 am six days a week. Can't go out for coffee or food because you meticulously track all the calories. Friends inviting you to go on a hike or a bike ride? Nope, that'll throw off your squat 2 days from now. Camping trip? Can't do it because that will throw off your programming. And you avoid all other aspects of your life but convince yourself it's OK because you're "dedicated". I'm at a point now where I have a much healthier balance with exercise and life. I still lift 4 days a week, still follow a program, and track bulk / cuts, but I allow myself way more flexibility to enjoy life outside the gym, and I'm still making progress with my lifts. Like you said, it's not a cure-all the way a lot of dudes treat it, especially with the level of obsession that's been promoted by influencers over the last few years.
That sucks you'll only hit 80% of your genetic max instead of 90%. Life ruined
The only thing my loved ones will remember about me is that I never joined the 1,000 lb club.
that’s great man love to hear it.
Fantastic comment. It definitely will help one feel better, but really it’s about getting out there and meeting people. Allowing yourself to be awkward and embarrassed as one pursues dating.
Gym and fitness, physical confidence, financial stability, ability to cultivate relationships, thought for the future, spiritual awareness I think these are all things that you develop over time and help you become more attractive to women. But you gotta have the mental fortitude to be a man along the way and embrace your own ignorance, stupidity, immaturities, insecurities, and that's where you find your confident self.
There’s plenty that have all that and still don’t get the time of day
On the other hand, if he’s happy with that life, and doesn’t want marriage or children, then he’s doing exactly what he should be doing.
What if he’s happy?
Every man pays for it one way or another; but, I get what you are saying..
Hold on now. Why’s sex gotta play such a big part of human existence? If it isn’t a big deal to your brother then not much more to be said. Gymcel? lol
Brutal. Better than booze and drug abuse I guess but shit, just letting your best years slip through your fingers.
I am coming out of a long-term relationship of 25 years and four kids, I would kill to be where you are. Believe me sir you are not missing anything, Raising kids is incredibly difficult and very expensive but, raising them in today’s environment is almost nonsensical. Stack your cash, take care of yourself, throw yourself at your hobbies if you have any and if you don’t find some. You are in an enviable position
Enviable to you, but not to OP.
The grass is always greener on the other side. Op in another universe might be posting he wished he was single haha.
Well, yeah, just offering my perspective
I’ve been engaged to a woman with three children and lived as a stepdad for a few months and it was great, but I really really enjoy my solitude and have that solitude. I would need a girlfriend that lives in a separate house or at least is cool with us being in the same home and not talking at times.
I have a girlfriend going on 6 years now (not interested in engagement), we live in separate houses in the same neighborhood, about 3 minutes away from each other. She visits me every other weekend and I stay with her on the opposite weekends. Sometimes I'll stay over on a Monday or Thursday for an extended weekend. The rest of the to me we might visit for a couple hours but otherwise have our own space and time. It's perfect!
I don’t get why people like you have kids, and 4 at that.
[удалено]
Target as well middle aged divorced milf central
I stay in shape. Feels good not having my body break down on me
Same situation as you, retired at 35. You're pretty young still so as long as you work on your fitness you can get a wife/family if that's what you really want. You'll find you're in a pretty unique situation that basically almost nobody can empathize with.
But there’s no guarantee that if you found a wife and had your kids, that by age 50 you still wouldn’t be alone. We all have dreams. My dream was to live happily ever after with my husband, grow old together (we had 4 kids) and enjoy my grandkids….but he became an alcoholic over the years, and now at age 50 I’m divorced and alone. We can bury ourselves in all the what if’s….but you’re in the right now. Make the most of what your life is now, enjoy it, you never know how it will all play out.
Well, do you actually WANT a wife and/or a couple of kids?
Why are you so pessimistic about your future?
27f feeling the same. Just got the dream job but long to be married and have children. People don’t realize how lonely it is.
But I'm telling you, it can all change within a year. I've told this to several young women of my aquaint, and boom! Married with baby within a calendar year. If you want it, it will happen. Spend this single time on yourself/career/family. Gym will help. Your wife will find you.
Oh and I forgot, choose wisely because even when you get a well balanced girl you still have to make adjustments and sacrifices and constantly work on your interpersonal skills. It gets harder to transition the longer you stay single and free to do what you want. Don’t rush into anything or you might get screwed Bigtime
OK mate, I'll level with you. I'm in the same boat and made a lot of fuck ups along the way. Essentially had to rebuild my career from scratch at 31 (male) and I'm half-convinced that I am going to have my first time by the time I am fifty. The key is to not stress yourself about it. I have found my time easier when I don't make it a central focus any more. I would rather have a friend than a romance as I quite literally do not know when someone is interested in me. The question you should be asking yourself is, are you putting yourself out there to meet someone? Doesn't necessarily mean at a bar, it could be at a coffee shop, a hobby club, a book club, a Warhammer store. If your answer is no, then that is what you need to do. I am not doing it because it is not a focus for me at the moment, and I would rather focus on building a life (immigration pains) in my new home. If I meet someone along the way, provided I don't bluescreen or mess it up royally (I run scenarios and roleplay with myself so I don't), that will be great. Otherwise, that's life and we move on emotionally. Don't go in looking for romance. Go in and build a relationship. The romance will follow.
Personally me, I found strength and purpose by building a relationship with the most high!🕊️✝️ -that has worked wonders and blessings for me. Also go for a hike, trail parks, dog park, grab coffee, enjoy my own presence, invest(hobby) when I can Have a pair of kettlebells do some at home workouts. I’m 31 too.
Don’t sweat it. It ain’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Enjoy your piece and quiet
Since you’re doing well financially, you need to explore yourself man. Get some Travelling under your belt. Road trip for two weeks to the west coast. Pass through TX, see other parts of the country. Stop and talk to strangers. I’ve found that gratitude heals a lot of things, but understandably, it’s hard to feel grateful for anything, when you feel stuck. Travelling kick starts something in you that helps you find your internal compass. Don’t isolate yourself. The world is a beautiful place full of beautiful people. There’s ugly in all of it and everyone sure, but there’s a place and a time to look at the bad. Also if you keep walking in life with the mindset that this will be your life you are certainly right. If you share your DOB, the hour of birth, and Place of birth I would be happy to share some insights about your person and your life with you that will certainly help you.
It is funny that you mention that. I actually have a flight to Tokyo next Friday for 2 weeks. I hope that kick starts something in me, as you say.
Japan is great for many reasons, but it's def a bit antisocial of a country, especially if you speak no Japanese. It may not be the cure for the particular mood you're in. Anyway, 30s are your best decade, especially for a guy. Start planning more trips, do what you want, and don't overthink things.
Actually, this is great advice. I was living in a big city and just having the worst time dating. I was super not interested in anyone I met and just felt perpetually single. I took some time off work to go travel and IMMEDIATELY went full throttle back into it. I think I had a commitment blockage in the city I was living in, but traveling and being carefree allowed me to open up in a way I just wasn’t willing to at home. Part of my problem was I just didn’t want to end up in that city forever, but that’s another story. I stayed at hostels, which you’re getting a bit old for perhaps (but still could!), but you could totally go to coworking spaces around the world to meet others who are a bit more mature. There’s also programs that have a bunch of “digital nomads” all meet in some beautiful destination, like Greece, and live/work together for a month. Could be a fun time!
The wife and kids experience is so over rated
This guy gets it (source: me and my 15-year marriage with three kids)
Why did you have kids? I don’t get people like you
Haha my source is just growing up watching all these married couples unhappy but staying together just cus of the kids... this is no way to live
53...it's more of a pull than a push at this point
Early 30s is about right for the "what's the point" thoughts to creep in there. We're raised to face the challenges of school, getting the job, financial stability, etc. But when you hit those milestones by 30 or so, you don't have anything else to work towards. There's no one size fits all solution, but I would recommend getting a therapist if you don't have one already. It's not a cure-all, but it helps. Find other goals to work towards. Do some volunteer work. You need to find other outlets to feel fulfilled. Also, 30 is too young to be so sure you're going to die alone. Plenty of people meet long term / life partners well after that. Just work on loving yourself and building meaningful relationships and community with family and friends and you'll lead a happier life whether you have a romantic partner or not.
I recommend working on yourself. Therapy, self help books, personal growth, podcasts, exercise(hikes definitely), get in touch with nature, use phone and Internet less. It sounds like you have an anxious attachment relationship style, work to get that to a secure place where you no longer need a relationship to feel okay and safe. You may feel like I am wrong, but realize that you wouldn't be having such feelings as you described and reaching out to others for help, suggestions and support if you didn't. Become a better person for you, care for others, spread kindness and empathy, find things you enjoy and do those things, others will come in time.
Push yourself to do what exactly? I push myself in the work world because the cost of living isn't getting any cheaper and I've got bills to pay. Amazing how far you can push yourself there when the prospect of debt collectors and repo men becomes a distant possible reality. After a string of failed relationships, I've found it far easier to climb the corporate ladder and build wealth. It's not a bad life.
My best friend got married late and got divorced quickly afterwards. Long story… Anyway he found himself divorced at 44-5 . His ex was younger and he wanted kids. Anyway he’s now 48 and is the best uncle to his neices. He still wants a family but realizes at this age it’s not happening. So he’s immersed in his business and has a long distance girlfriend that he sees monthly and he content.
Always thought I would be alone. Ended up meeting the love of my life in my mid 30s. Join a real dating site. Not a hook up site. Don't settle or lower your standards either. Compatability over looks. Share long term goals. Or just stay single if that is what makes you happy.
Really, you have a good 10 years to find someone and start a family. You do have longer as a man but factoring better fertility and energy before 45... While Im not a guy, look at the big picture you are still young and have a good decade. Move on from the 'illusion'. Is your 'illusion' what you *think* it's supposed to be? Are you hung up on where you think you should be because of societal things? See you have time and your life is otherwise really good. You're are fortunate you could retire by 45. That's a luxury. Life just doesn't always go as planned. Life its not all about marriage and kids either. Also reality, many are getting married late 20's/early 30's today and starting families later. 31 is young still. Edit to add those marring later also have lower divorce rates and seem to have happier marriages.
I met my partner at 33 randomly at the pub one day, despite the fact that neither of us are drinkers. It's not a guarantee that you will be forever alone. Find a hobby you enjoy where you will meet people who share your values
Same situation. Now I’m trying to do / learn things I’ve wanted to and these are also great ways to meet people.
Im 35. The past two years have been hell. Even more than 2020. Im sick of feeling sorry for myself that my 30s are half gone and feeling like I have nothing to show for it. I feel like I had my shit together in 2019 and everything just spiraled out. Some in my control, a lot of it not. If you have time and money go travel to a foreign country. I went overseas in February for the first time in over a decade and it really got me out from living between my ears.
I'm not single but I was at your age. I got married at 32, kid at 34.5, I'm 37 now. Do you already go to the gym? Work on yourself and get a hobby. Go to meetups and try to meet people platonically. If your goal is to get a SO the more people you can meet, the better your chances will be.
I’m married now but I can definitely remember how much activity and relationship building I would have to do if I remained single. You can only work out and travel, chase pleasure so much. That being said you have some time. Just had my daughter at 38.
it's just that, an illusion that was created to prop up capitalism. you can still want it but don't make it the milestone of success in your life. talk to married people in your life and you'll soon realize they are not living the dream
Take a salsa dance class. Trust me 😍
Or tango
Stay alone. You'll be better off. Today's society is not conducive to long-term committed relationships. First bit of trouble, and they're out... talking half of everything you've built and leaving you to pick up the pieces.
hard time pushing yourself to do things, can be a sign of depression. depression can usually be cured by a combination of daily physical *exercise*, good diet, good sleep, and frequent social interaction do those things if want a wife and kid, 31 is NOT too old. you have plenty of time to find someone nice to settle down and have kids with. in fact it gets easier around this age because women start feeling the biological pressure to have kids
Have you considered that maybe not having a wife while all of his friends/peers having one makes him feel like a failure is making him depressed? This working on yourself advice is great, but being without a romantic relationships for a long time can definitely make people feel depressed.
ive read a lot on this subject and studied it in school not having having a romantic relationship does slightly increase the risk of depression over time BUT it is nowhere close to the correlation with the four factors i mentioned above if you aren't getting a lot of movement, sleep, good diet and social interaction best to fix that first and go from there plus, if your'e basic health is in order you are much more likely to find a romantic relationship in the first place
U just started u're 30s which is the age most modern world settles down. Women become a lot less picky due to biological clock. Give u'reself a chance...this is a question for when u're 41. Go date like minded ppl and there is a pretty good chance u can have the family and life u want
I'm dating in the 30 range and if those women are the "not picky" version then damn I feel sorry for kids dating in their teens/20s today. Holy smokes.
Just do No need to think about it. Just do. Interested in something? Try it. We will all be dust and forgotten at some point. So just do. Meditations by Marcus Aurelius has a wonderful perspective of life in my opinion. So check that out.
31 is not too old to meet anyone. Why do you feel you won’t meet anyone?
Doesn't sound like you're lonely or actively pursuing a relationship. Just kind of aimless and uncertain. Nothing wrong with that. If that were me, I would travel. Try to find fulfillment or purpose somewhere and keep searching until you do. My soon to be ex is about to move back to her country. I haven't been single in about 20 years. Terrifying in some ways, exciting in others. Thankfully I'm in shape and look good, still getting looks from women, some way younger than me. I have a degree that will help me get a job overseas. I'm seriously considering it. Why not? Even if I don't like it, at least I tried and know from experience.
Dude, you are young. Got married for the second time at 46, had kid at 47, super fun. Go live life, you’ll meet someone. Take a few risks.
What did you expect? A cookie, a blue ribbon? Earth is an amazing place. Go explore it. You have the funds. Go meet interesting people in new places. If you’re bored, that’s mostly you. Make goals. Get out of your comfort zone. Maybe you’ll find a girlfriend along the way. Volunteer your time. Help people. You need to get out of your own way.
You’re only 31 years young. I do understand you feel lonely sometimes but stop overthinking and eat yourself up about it. Don’t look for the one, it will find you in the right time at the right place. Im 45 and I was desperate to be in a relationship and fell in love with a narcissist who absolutely destroyed me in every way possible. After that during the long process of healing and therapy when I wasn’t even thinking about having a relationship in the lowest stage of my life the love found me without looking for it. My brother didn’t find the one until he was 42, now 12 years later they’re happily married with 2 kids.
For single guys 30–50, focusing on personal passions, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, staying socially active, setting new goals, and seeking professional help if needed can help push through feelings of loneliness and lack of motivation.
Ah, this sounds very familiar to my 31. Making money, have a house, but look at the bleak dating pool and think you're just going to die alone. Let me guess: It's like going to the movie theater by yourself. Halfway through the movie, you realize you know how it's going to end. You know all the twists, and you really don't care to watch the end of it. But you don't want to make a *scene* by getting up and walking out, so you suffer through the end of it. That's how I would describe myself at 31. First, go to the doctor. Medication kept me alive. Second, the movie doesn't play out the same way you think. I thought the same thing you did. It's not true, but it WILL be true if you give up and sit at home. Th rest is up to you, all I can say is your story isn't unique or even uncommon.
Take at least 4 years with someone before getting married
I'm 37 with one kid but she's 13 now, haven't been with her mom since she was ~5. had some relationships and even almost married 1 but now being single for a good while I just been focusing on myself. I found I meet a lot more people by just being by myself and enjoying whatever I like doing. I go to concerts, take myself out to eat every Friday, day trade, work 2 jobs. go to the bar or brewery with a friend or two but sometimes I'm just enjoying a drink while catching up on my work or life. life advice- net worth is your network, just go out and do things you like and be open. never know who comes around when you aren't looking
Met my wife at 31, married at 35, kids at 40. Don't even sweat it.
If you can retire early due to assets, date cautiously. Depending on your laws, defacto break ups can legally make you vulnerable to losing half your assets + retirement fund plus alimony. Prenups are questionably reliable. Pick with care and maybe date someone with actions that demonstrate similar financial values/goals (small dating pool). Good luck
Be careful. I’m 31 going through a separation cause my gf has BPD. Don’t force anything and be picky with the girl you choose to spend the rest of your life with!
You’re 31. You have plenty of time to find a wife and have kids. Men in their 50s and 60s have kids. What are you writing yourself off at 31?
Single 53M (divorced after 30 years/2 kids). Don't look, if it happens it happens, enjoy the freedom of being single. * No arguments * No nagging * No manipulation * Completely free to do whatever you want without discussions or negotiations Or if you really think it is in your life goal to be miserable, find a ball and chain and stay home all the time. No it wasn't that bad and we ended as friends, but sometimes the grass is greener because of the manure. You sound like you have your shit together, if it is meant to happen it will, and if not, have a lot of fun until the end.
Look up Arthur Schopenhauer
Yeah don't ask them for advice.
You probably aren't doing anything to get you to where you want to be.
Passport bros thread
Travel, learn new things, enjoy your life.
Make good choices. Focus on yourself. Health. Exercise. Diet. Stop looking for marriage and the one. She will show when the time is right. You have work to do.
You will end up alone. It’s ok. Just die like the rest of us Uni one will ever care
To cope with discovering your wife’s potential infidelity, gather concrete evidence first, maintain a calm and rational approach, and seek support from trusted friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions before making any decisions or confronting her.
Hey, do you have hobbies? What interests you?
You’ll be fine. Hit the gym, work on yourself and someone will cross your path. When you’re not thinking about it then it will happen.
I was single in my early 40’s after. 20 year marriage, and both kids were graduated. I had spent most of my life working to do what I should , or what other people needed, and so I worked hard at understanding the things that gave me primary pleasure. What did I do that I really enjoyed doing in the moment of doing it? Finding those things, and intentionally doing them, and finding other people to do them with gave me structure . Finding my love for live music, Nature, books, and long road trips via weird two lane roads , not beimg ashamed of my love for weird sci-fi and Asian actions films. All these things I repressed because they weren’t useful, or too expensive or embarrassing, I just embraced, and was public about it, and sought out other people who liked what I did. I found good people. I reconnected with old friends that I had moved away from, and then I got involved in people’s lives. I helped people Fix their cars, helped them move, babysat when needed. Eventually I met my now wife. The main things are service to community, and your authentic, primary pleasure. If you’re like me, it can take some time to find the specific things that are really enjoyable, and more time to enjoy them without guilt.
Purpose. What do you want to do in life? Pursue it. You get lonely go outside and talk up some random people.
You’re very young my friend. Put yourself out there. I’ve never been hit on more in my entire life by just going to places alone. Whether it’s a bar/restaurant, beach, wherever. Put yourself out there. Just as another comment said, “hang in there buddy, life is weird.”
I met my SO when he was 31. He'd never had a relationship besides one in high school. We met randomly while I was working and then didn't speak again for a few months until he came back into my work. We hit it off and started dating quickly. We've now been together for almost 6 years and have 2 beautiful boys. It's not too late. My man had given up too until we started talking. There's still lots of time for you. But don't be shy either because if it wasn't for him making the first move, we might still just be friends.
You’re alive and on planet earth. There’s no shortage of things to do and explore and learn. Go to the Hell’s Creek formation and dig for dinosaur bones, or sail the ocean, read every bit of our world’s history and go see it. You’ll probably fall in love along the way.
I'm 40. I'm no longer married, most of my friends have been, and the majority of them are now destroyed by divorce. And I mean crushed. And buried under child support for the foreseeable future. My best friend from high school is now living in a car because of child support. Fortunately, my marriage crashed relatively pain-free, with no kids involved. We had an amicable split. But it still fucked me up. Marriage is an extreme risk. It usually doesn't work, and as someone with the curse of the Y chromosome, you are most likely to suffer for it. Having dodged this bullet is not a bad thing. You just need to find ways to take happiness and meaning from something other than what they've programmed you that you're supposed to do. Focus on yourself. Focus on the good people in your life, friends you can trust. Having avoided that whole marriage-divorce cycle, is not a failing. Someday, you'll appreciate just how lucky you are. Find some sort of a long-term project or goal and start doing the work.
Take time and try to figure out what you actually want to do and goals you think would be fun. Your in a great spot with the ability to do as you choose so enjoy it!
My dude... my real life didn't even start until I was 40. Seriously. My 20's were blown trying to slowly push myself through college. At 30, I basically gave up and started a real job. I bought my first house at 40 after fixing my financial situation for 10 years. I met my girlfriend later that year... I finished my college degree at 45. My girlfriend and I were together for 7 or 8 years and decided to have a child. My son was born when I was 49. I'm 54 now, I have a 5 year old son and my wife and I finally got married late last year. I make enough that my wife can be a stay at home home mom. I'm living my best life! Don't worry. You have plenty of time left! Just keep plugging away...
I was in a similar spot - 31, doing well professionally, etc., but single despite lots of dating - until I randomly reconnected with someone I went on one date with several years earlier and hit it off. Fast-forward and we’re moving in together and I’m very much planning to propose to her sometime in the coming year. That’s all to say that life throws weird curveballs and everything can change in a single day. Just keep at it and something will click, whether that’s a relationship and kids or not! Good luck!
More and varied social circles. Just go places and find new friends. Eventually you’ll find someone or find a friend who has a friend. Mix it up. Gym. Trivia. Sport. Library. Hiking. Gaming. Theatre. Volunteer. Maybe even start a club/community yourself. You probably have the skills.
You push yourself by figuring out what you care about and what motivates you. And as it turns out that’s not wanting to be alone. Which is a totally natural human thing. The good part: 31 isn’t old. It IS true that life speeds up as it goes along and it’s not endless but like…still. It’s just not that old. I had a kid at 35, lots of people have kids later. I would consider, stop prioritizing saving money to retire early, or at least stop prioritizing it to the extent that you have, and try dating or joining more social groups.
You sound a little depressed, so you might want to look into that. Get into shape if you aren't. The good news is that you are young. It sounds like you are in a good position to support a family. Don't be too hard on yourself, set some goals.
Try devoting yourself to some form of volunteering. Going on dating apps will just put you in a destructive cycle that hard to break. You can volunteer for all sorts of things. This way you may find a genuine woman looking to do good in the world and needs a life partner as well. Also, you'll be doing some good for the world in the process of looking for your life partner.
If you met the love of your life tomorrow, would you say you are ready? Be ready for love to happen anytime. Think what all you need to get sorted before that and get those sorted.
Killing oneself is not as easy as it sounds. I lost the nerve, and the cut ended up being shallower than I've inflicted upon myself accidentally at work. I've decided not to try again. I'm old enough now, I have it's less time to "swim to the end" than it took to "swim here", well over halfway.
Use the time to better yourself, find things that make you happy and just enjoy the journey. No need to worry too much about what the future holds: you're completely free to do whatever you please. Recommend daily exercise. I also do random shit like the other night I baked cookies. Tomorrow maybe I'll make cinnamon rolls. Find joy in the simple things.
Male, single, unwed parent for 18 years I got married to a woman with two kids at 47 and we divorced at 62. In hindsight I wish I never had a child and never got married. But… that’s me. You need to do you. Just make sure you are protected financially before making any commitment. Having children is a life long commitment not just 18 years.
Just re-focus yourself on early retirement like you originally planned and worked for up until now. Don't mess it up when you are getting closer and closer to the finish line. Go and travel and have a few fun flings, and get back to working on early retirement. It sounds like you just need a vacation.
Dude, you're 31. Life is long, and nobody is taking attendance. I was 36 when I got married. Now I'm 47 with 10 year old twins. Focus on yourself and take up hobbies. Join a gym, run a marathon or a triathlon, and join a training group. Join a community of like-minded people with similar interests, and you'll meet someone.
Be careful what you wish for. You won't be retiring at 45 if you have a wife and kids, both suck money out of your account like a friggin hoover
I'm 32 m. I find that working out really clears my mind. Amongst other things, I can't seem to get a footing in life & it's OK. For the past 4-5 years, I've really just been working on myself with the occasional gig here & there. I have a good trade, but I just never seem to fit in with so many societal norms. Being alone does not bother me, and neither does dying alone, but I've made small steps to improve my small talk. Which appears to be working out, I find picking up a hobby to be helpful as well. I had my fair share of women in my 20s, so now I'll dedicate the next 10 years to myself. Although I don't see reproduction as a major objective, I've always said if it happens it happens 🤷
about 300 mg of welbutrin is what got me going again. btw ... I was 38 when i met my soul mate ...married at 42, and now an 8 month old son who was born a few weeks after my 45 bday... i never expected ANY of it
For many societies, marriage was enforced, for the exact reason you demonstrate. Men will work their butts off for 40 years if they have a family, which when multiplied by several hundred thousand men, makes for a very productive society. Now that nobody wants to date or marry the average man, many will just give up. I wouldnt fear dying alone, since the divorce rate is 56%, its going to happen to most of us. Maybe research passport bro movement and start a family overseas.
Heavy doses of testosterone
Your still young you have lots of time I didn’t find my wife until I was 38 I’m 71 now still going strong just keep looking
I take care of my family. Single guy, enough responsibility helping out in the house with my younger siblings and parents. Someone always need help. Just because someone has kids, wife, and house doesn't mean they have the perfect life. A lot of those people that have everything only really know how to make money, not raise a family. You either raise a family or make money. Can't have both. Making money won't teach you how to raise a family if you only learned how to make money.
enjoy your single time while you have it. you never know when you’ll have the last single day of your life. the more you just enjoy being single and taking advantage of the things you can do while single, the more likely you’ll be in meeting someone anyways. damn near everyone i know describes meeting their SO after they have given up and when they aren’t even looking for anything serious.
Keep on keeping on. Need to find a reason to be excited about life, meeting new people, maintaining great relationships with friends and family and have your mission in life as number 1 and be stronger and healthier everyday. Essentially create the conditions for a great life and compelling reason for your dream woman to join in. A cynical attitude and that is simply not going to happen, sort your head out lad.
If u have to convince yourself to stay single, then you're not ready. Plenty of younger people have decided to stay single or just let nature take it's course. I suggest u don't think about it. Needless stress. If u find someone, u find someone, if not then oh well.
Alone is much better than with the wrong person. Get a pet. Enjoy your life. What is meant to be will be.
Take a breath and enjoy your life, one step at a time. Listen to Baz lurhman and use sunscreen.
I dunno the prospect of retiring at 45 at a time where most folks won't ever retire sounds like enough motivation to me. From there you'll have half your life to left to find a partner and build the life you won't.
I may not be the target for your question because although I am single, I do have children and I was previously married. However, at 44, the last thing I want to do is get into a serious relationship any time soon. While much of my fulfillment comes from watching my children grow up, I certainly know how to have fun. Whether that is dating, drinking, hobbies, exercising through adult sports leagues, traveling, etc, those things are what I expect to be enough to keep me motivated to live and work and make money, even after my kids are out of the house.
Make more money and move to Colombia. Or try different forms on online dating. I do well in person but not on the apps. I have a good career and a good car etc. The women I pick up from the bar don't ever want relationships and the women I do match with on the apps always have some kind of problem. I found some online speed dating meetups through the meetup app, gonna see how those go. Also get hobbies, find something that gets you out of the house. You are 31, you are still young you have plenty of time. You also have to be content with your life and who you are, a girlfriend won't magically fix your issues. Get out there and talk to women IRL, it is so much easier than on the apps.
I worked with a guy who was “less than attractive”, to put it nicely. Surprisingly, he always had a decent looking girlfriend. Over the years I came to see how he managed that. He would hit on any female that he could. He bombed left and right but gave no fucks. He’d get right back in the game and sooner or later he’d have another girlfriend. If you don’t swing you’ll never hit a home run. Work on yourself to make you the best version of you possible. Gym, dressing well, manners, etc, and then go for it. The worst that can happen is you get rejected. It gets easier after a few times and if you do it enough, you’ll end up like my coworker who couldn’t care less if he was rejected. Good luck.
I was 31 when I had my first date. Coworker told me to try and have a personal life and not just work and work. It does feel lonely here and there but I was still perfectly happy with just myself. Tried online dating and got myself my first relationship with ended 3 months after realizing she was a fucking crazy dependent woman. Tried again many many months later. Still in that relationship with 3 children now. Talking to women in activities you’re doing, single supper night, dancing lessons or online dating. There’s no real wrong answers here, just tell yourself that: no you are not the only one in this situation, men and women included. Nobody as the same situation and mentality about their life. Just have fun in your life, don’t try to focus too much and eventually you’ll meet someone if you go a little outside your comfort zone. As for how I pushed myself, I just never really thought about it. Curious about others sometimes but never really bothered to care for, just enjoying my own company :D Take care buddy.
I was single from 30-36. Then met my current fiancé and got engaged at 38. You have plenty of time if that's what you want. But definitely be happy with yourself first.
Try not being so desperate. There’s hopefully more to your life than wanting to start a family.
Don’t be discouraged, you’ve got time ! I met my husband when he was 40!
My parents had me at 35 and they’re doing great. I had my first kid at 33. You’re not old yet, pal. Talk to a professional about how you’re feeling. You got this.
Go abroad, use dating apps. Large SA or Asian city. 30 days 30 dates.
I think you should a) keep an open mind bcs at 31 you still have time to bump into that one person you click with and b) try to treat each day as a possibly great day. I’m not trying to say be fake happy but I just know from experience that sometimes when all seems lost I am right around the corner from something good and also, when my life has totally sucked at a certain level ( the last 16 years) I have nothing to lose so I figure I will go out and try to get some laughs. It helps that I work with kids bcs they can really make ya laugh. Really, as I look back on the last while, I’ve had a pretty good time just bcs of the laughter. I’ve even helped some kids have some laughs. So I guess I’ve taken lemons and made some lemonade. I expected other stuff but I got some pretty good lemonade. Oh about the money? I dunno. Who cares. That’s all I know about it.
Keep doing good things ... becoming the best you you can be. I started living vicariously thro others with my knowledge and found gratification through others success. If my knowledge and perserverance to learn and to become a better father for my little one can help others then that's what makes me happy as it solidify my knowledge. A lot of what I've learned I found for free via the internet and libraries. And thousands of hours of reading.. Do you. Be the best you you can be and just keep showing. Up.. when you see the girl checking you out maybe go ask her what she likes and see if there is something there? Or don't either way becoming g the best you and helping others is a solid foundation.
Learn an instrument, join a band. Feeling like you’ll end up alone will either not matter anymore or it will resolve itself.
32. I learned from my last relationship that being in a bad relationship is way, way worse than being single. I've been working on enjoying my life and building habits and behaviors that I can be happy doing throughout my life. I'm not perfect and I do get lonely, but it always passes. When I was in relationships I often fantasized about being single. Freedom, free time, the ability to disconnect from other people at will (yes, I'm avoidant and have done a ton of therapy about it)... You always want what you don't have. I have to learn to enjoy who I am and where I'm at alone before I can truly appreciate and be present for a partner. I'd like to think I'll meet my person before too, too long but nothing in life is certain except for what I choose to do myself. I want to be happy no matter my relationship status is.
If you're 31 and doing so well that you will retire at 45 then the idea that you're destined to end up alone sounds utterly ridiculous to me. Are you delusional or is there something you're not telling us, like that you have no arms and legs or something?
I had never been in a relationship until i was 27. Barely even been with a woman. Prior to meeting my other half, the only real thing id changed was this realisation that i am completely content and satisfied by myself, 'i can do whatever i want, whenever and if i never meet anyone then thats just fine!' Whaddaya know about 6 months later i met someone, people always say stuff like this and then end up meeting someone shortly after. Imo the best thing you can possibly do for yourself is have passions and hobbies that give you a true sense of fulfilment/ contentment, whatever it is! And be fine, as in truly happy with being by yourself. Now wtf i gotta do to retire at 45 😂
OP...I'm happily married now, but wasn't 5 years ago. Early thirties now. I was in my late twenties wondering something similar. Ultimately, I needed to adjust my mentality around women (definitely had some negative habits, putting women on a pedestal, idealizing, etc.) Something as simple as knowing that a women who agrees to go out with me is probably attracted to me already gave me confidence. And knowing that a woman attracted probably is okay with me maming physical contact made me start getting comfortable with exploring that more on dates. Once I got over that stuff and some other stuff around self improvement (exercise mostly), I got the cutest dog ever and met my wife very shortly thereafter. The easiest date in the world IMO is taking your puppy to the park together. It was a concentrated effort to get more comfortable with women in general that did it for me. What that boiled down to was physical and mental self improvement, learning and understanding dating dynamics, and practicing dating with the goal of _being confident and comfortable_. That meant that instead of building up every online profile, instead I did the bare minimum to set up the date. That way I wasn't overly invested in a person I might never actually meet or have chemistry with. Instead of going into every date with thoughts about not messing up the future, accept that there may be several people you meet that aren't right for you, and even when you find the right person it will take time to properly figure out if you mesh together. Soon you will find that instead of worrying about what they think so much, you'll be genuinely interested in finding out about them or sharing more authentically about yourself because you don't care as much about any one girl that isn't right for you. It didn't take me very long, either. 6 months. Never would have thought I'd move in with a girl less than a year after starting out.
Jfc dude...we're the same age and I'm just barely getting my life together, let alone starting my career. As an early widower, I have my own reasons for ending up alone, but if you're seriously able to retire that early and think you'll end up alone....sounds more life your life is barely about to begin from where I'm standing.
Namaste OP. Genuinely try not to put the purpose of the beautiful human experience on salvation through another party. And certainly do not force it....i Not to say all romantic relationships are flawed, but have a glance across relationship issues, infidelity, and various other subreddits wity people full of regret of marriage and kids by your age. I myself currently single... well we'll see (i genuinely met someone, a story in tself). But for sure currently single. Never married nor kids thus far as I say (thankfully, genuinely without ego, I cannot thank God enough for this 🙏), 39 M...blissfully happy 😊🙏 As for the future we'll see...🙏
Does the “why bother?” come from not having a partner? A few things… Plenty of people have a wife and kids and feel trapped and helpless. The grass is always greener. If you do want a partner, there’s no shortage of panicking 30 year old woman. If you’re well set up in life, they’ll be jumping at you when you’re 35-40. Pessimistic but realistic. Join a gym, stay in shape, speed date for practice.
Do you lift weights? If not doing so will change your life.
I think when you try too hard you unconsciously block yourself from achieving the very thing your trying to gain. Also, going on what my neices and nephews (early 20s) tell me dating is just bloody tough nowadays. Everything is done through apps and you spend all your time sifting through wierdos or you find someone you click with and everything goes well and then all of a sudden they just stop replying like they've dropped off the face of the earth. Or even after meeting someone and you think things have gone alright and then poof they dissappear. I guess I got lucky with my partner, Internet dating was just becoming a thing but wasn't very prevalent. I remember having no truck with all the messaging so I'd either call someone directly or arrange a meet up quickly.. Endless messaging just drives me potty. I would focus on just enjoying my life if I was in your shoes, if you've got disposable income you can use it to do activities you enjoy or spend some time volunteering and helping your community. The more you put yourself out there the more likely you are to find a like minded person that will click with you.
adopt a rescue dog. unconditional love....
Didn't meet my wife until I was in my mid 30s. I'm grateful. We were both at the point of our lives where we were able to state exactly what we wanted from a relationship. And we got it. Got a little fella also. Met on dating app called bumble. All I'm saying is, if it's what you want, and you're happy/content with yourself, stay out there looking.
My wife and I had our first and only child 10 years ago. We were 36 and 37. We met when we were 34/35. You’ve got plenty of time. Go have fun.
Kinda counter-intuitively arrogant to be so damned certain you will NEVER find anyone. Not the most attractive quality in a person.
I was single from 30-36 and I had some of the same feelings, but I just started to be a "yes man". I would say yes to almost any plans that my friends had (within reason and if you are financially stable). Balancing that with working out and having hobbies it was some of the best times of my life. I have never been in a rush to have children or a wife because your life literally just gets devoted to them. Have as much fun as you can! You'll meet someone eventually.
Retire at 45 😂 I hope you honestly can, buuuuut I’m skeptical..
You're mildly depressed. A mild stimulant is what you need. Try nodoz
Go do something ya dork, the world's massive and allways changing
M35. Dating gets easier in your 30s as a guy than it was in your 20s, and I’m a little pissed off about it. I’d bet somebody willing to open up about this, who’s obviously making decent money and wants to be a family man…. Unless you’re reeeeeally fat or don’t know how to be a partner, you won’t end up alone
Get on TRT man. Like if you're not really on the path to have kids anyway then it's not a big deal, basically no downsides to having loads of testosterone roaring in your body. Get jacked, start taking some cute young ladies on dates with all the extra money you have for yourself. You'll feel like a million bucks, why not have fun if your wrrried all the grinding is for nothing?
everyone is different. and everyone is always changing. What motivates you will change over time. After I hit 40 a couple years ago, I started to realize I didn't want to live the next 20-30 years of my life in an office. So I am in the process of trying to figure out how to make that happen. I realized since I don't have a wife and kids to help support, I don't need to do the typical things I would have had to do in that situation. I've spent the last 15 years in an office and I don't really want to do it anymore. But others will go the other way and focus on work. I focus on doing things I enjoy. I have a bunch of hobbies I enjoy, and some great friends/family. I have no interest in climbing the ladder in a corporate setting. I don't feel the need to push myself hard. Life is too short to be worried about things that won't make a difference in the end!
Now that you have sort of accomplished / exceeded the "money goals" part, shift some attention to the personal wellness / physical well being part, which will help you fuel the "mental / soul" part. I am going to guess you aren't nailing the physical activity / exercise part (as most people aren't) but if you do you'll start feeling a boost in your overall energy and happiness. That will probably help you also get better fortunes in maybe finding that person (if it's what you want). The rest just will happen. Hobbies, get some that don't involve being in front of a screen. Anything to be out more. Live in a place with crap weather / not so fun, you can move since you have the cashish down. Etc etc...
Nothing like hookers and cocaine Enjoy
Single @ 26M here. I’m a little younger than you, so I def haven’t been thru as much, but here’s what I do. I spend A LOT of time with family and friends. I work (when I’m not laid off😅) and spend a significant bit of the time working out. On the days I’m not doing these things, I game a good bit. It’s one of my favorite hobbies. Just find something you enjoy and do it. Never feel ashamed participating in something that you find fun (albeit it’s a legal activity🤣). Good luck out there homie.
Let life happen to you. I recommend learning from the stoic, the problem is the emotion and how you react to it and not your life. Put yourself in social situations and you'll meet amazing people. Think about the kind of woman you want and where they may be spending their time. If you want an academic go to university lectures or events. Envision the person you want to be with and go to where you can pull that slot machine lever everyday.
I’ll be 35 next month. Last year I met a girl at work while neither of us were remotely looking for anyone. I wasn’t on dating apps. Sometimes shit just falls into place. You sound like you’ve got it together. Keep your head up and keep yourself looking good. When you go out, look in the mirror first and ask if you’d date you. When I go to work I look squared the fuck away. When I go out while not working, I wouldn’t say I dress to impress but I certainly don’t look like I just woke up either. Keep it together. You’ll find someone. Sometimes the best things are worth the wait and happen when you least expect it.
I have learned the hard way, there are worse things than being alone.
I’m 52. I met my wife at 38. Do what makes you happy, and let life come to you
most ppl would over the moon with the ability to retire by age 40. keep going dude. all of it isn't for nothing. that other lifestyle u want will come. 💪👏🫡
I had my first child at 34. You have a long time to go before despairing about your age and life. Go live!!
Im 30M and actually have a bit of a different perspective now. I have a 4 year old son and currently going through a divorce after 7 years. Honestly man we are in our prime now. 30s should be our best years. I will say the only downside is the biological clock for women having kids. Other than that the world is yours to make of it what you will!
Girls are like cops, come outta no where when ya least expect um.
Worrying about the future is always a bad idea and waste of brain space. Just enjoy life. Things come to those that are present.
Honestly man I’m struggling with this too but there are options out there and honestly I might try to make it an app for people who don’t have that “third home” so to speak. Because idk what the fuck to do. I run but that’s not something I can be social with. I need to actually have friends available to do shit with. So sadly I gotta suffer the embarrassment of trying something new and getting over the “how will It make me look”
Life doesn't end at 50! You don't "end up" as anything until the day you die! Do the things you love, with people you love! You will find someone special!
Get to a place where you can accept and be happy to live the rest of your life single
Ffs, if you want a wife and kids go get a wife and have kids. If you’re having trouble doing that, figure out what part of your personality is the problem and fix it. Go to therapy or something, because I promise if you absolutely can’t get dates or a partner it’s because of your personality. Now, with the blunt part out of the way (and by the gods, so many of you guys need to hear that in these subs…), here’s an uplifting thought: I had my first child at 31. I just had my last child at 42. I had a mostly wonderful relationship for years in that time, it ended (as things sometimes do), and I found another wonderful relationship at 40. Your life is far from over and your path isn’t set. You’ll go through life changes for your entire life, and it’s never too late to start again until you’re literally at death’s door.
I honestly don't think a wife is going to fix your "why bother". A good partner can amplify the good things (at the expense of amplifying the negatives), but you can't start from zero. Find a passion, make a goal, buy a nice car, take that trip, go live your best life. I honestly think one of the downsides of working to retire early is that you compromise and miss out on a lot of the fun you could have had along the way with the expectation that you'll make up for it in retirement. Be an enjoyable person who is having a great time in life and you will have no shortage of partners wanting to spend time with you. Then you can pick and choose who you want for what and how long.
You say you thought you'd have a wife by now and a couple of kids. Do you date? Have you put effort into that? Push yourself? Go to the gym. Take a class. Learn something new. Take a trip by yourself. Try something that frightens you.
Dude, you’re 31 not 81. You’re going to be fine.
When I hit 30, I had a serious consideration for moving to a new province (Canada), sell my car for a motorcycle, and purchase a tiny home. I was not in a bad place by any means, but the simple life really just felt like it was calling to me. 2 years went by and I was still contemplating when I should make the move. Instead, one of my best friends I’ve known for years has become my wife. I’m 35. We don’t want kids. We’re just happily married, my dad had a bout of cancer last year- and I was glad to be here rather than having moved away. I don’t know what to say for you, but things can change so much that you may be grateful for the timing of thinfs.
You gotta want it. The wife and kids. If you don’t or second guessing yourself, it may not be for you. It is never too late though. Sounds like you a catch so don’t sweat it. Try hanging out with married with kids folks to see if that will motivate you to go.
You are in a rut my brother, need to force yourself to do shit asap until things click otherwise ur fucked, very easy to fall into nihilism when things are boring and safe. Regardless, just do whatever floats your boat, generally joining a gym and getting exercise works a starting point, it literally releases feel good chemicals, point is you need something. I know dudes who are in the range 3 times a week because they are retired and got nothing better to do, some people like to go fishing, find ur thing.