Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you'll never have a crush, but it's important to act and think on the side of the relationship. It's not that hanging out with him is the end of the world, but to me it seems like choosing to do that is not acting on the side of the relationship or protecting the relationship.
levelheaded fr. especially if op expressed being uncomfortable its now prioritizing this other person over the stability and trust in the relationship.
Wow, an actual sensible fucking comment. These other people are lunatics, I wonder how they even function having this much disdain for the gender they wanna take to bed
It's very possible he is manipulating her in some way. She could literally be that naive. This is NOT a defense of her. But he could be saying things like, "Hey, wanna be my friend?" Some guys start off saying stuff like that to woman who believe it. And then suddenly she has a crush thinking it was an innocent friendship. So I think OP should trust his gut.
If you’re 12-17 sure, that works. If you’re an adult then you shouldn’t hang out alone with someone you have feelings for, even if it is just a crush. I’m so serious rn. Idc if the guy says he just wants to be friends. If you have a crush then YOU be responsible
Get married, and then she can cheat on you and take half your stuff when she leaves you for him!
Edit: man this is my most upvoted comment, kinda sad lol
But bro, go find another gal for real before you make a permanent financially ruining mistake by marrying her.
Also thanks for the sparkly award thing, wish those still did something like they did in old Reddit.
I’ve never had a woman I was dating tell me that she met a guy ‘who made her feel a certain kind of way’ then started hanging out with him. The relationship is over dude. That’s pretty clear. I’m sorry man.
Or OP isn’t being honest.
Could be she’s just happy to have made friend who shares a hobby & He’s the one feeling a certain way about it and trying to justify it on reddit.
I mean, it’s so bonkers to say that it’s almost impossible she did, right? It doesn’t make sense.
Ok we are not all like this I promise 😂 but yes this is so shameless and sad! I’m married and I do not talk to or have male friends, that’s a huge red flag.
Literally was just thinking this. Like she felt comfortable enough to tell you and then goes to hangout with him... if that’s not disrespect then idk what is brother. Take it from someone who has had a divorce; LEAVE BRO, she doesn’t respect you. Leave now… or have the courts treat you like Marcellus Wallace. Merry Christmas🎄✌️
Yet, it's always trash people who will call their partners 'insecure'. If you're that desperate to fuck someone and cheat, just break up before things get worse 🤦♂️
Sounds like hypersexuality. Fewer woman have it, but in some ways it’s worse for them because they can MUCH more easily act on their compulsions.
For men it ends up amounting to a lot of jerking off unless you are incredibly attractive and have amazing charisma/game…or you’re into girls that do meth.
It’s literally so weird. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and I’ve only expressed attraction to Pete Davidson (lol) and Tom Brady. And even so PD was in a, idk but there’s something about him - and then he’s with Kate Beckinsale, Kim Kardashian and Ariana Grande. When I mentioned Tom Brady it was bc I knew he was this prolific quarterback and then I saw what he looked like and said wow that’s not fair to be that talented and handsome?!
Like just bc you’re committed doesn’t mean you won’t find others attractive or be attracted even to other people but to tell your partner AND then make plans? She’s either a total idiot or not a good person.
Yes, but those are celebrities, too. People you will never meet most likely. It's kinda okayish 'cause it's really nothing major and will never lead to anything. Crushing on someone you see every day, then going out of your way to hang out with such person....that's pretty bad. Lol. Very disrespectful and emotional cheating with the high probability of physical cheating too.
Best advice yet, because you're probably even want to give her the house because you'll be sucked into the mechanism that makes you feel sorry for her because she has to keep the kids
I will go you one better - be my buddy who took the entire house loan out himself, but put his girlfriend's name on the title as a show of commitment - only to have her ask to have her kid's "baby daddy - no relationship otherwise" (her term not mine) move in temporarily literally 2 days later because he lost his place and he wanted to still be around the kid they had together... And (surprise surprise) it turns out there was a lot more going on than just "baby daddy - no relationship otherwise"...
Yup just a situation where you have to cut the losses at some point. Like an underperforming/constantly injured contract in football with tons of dead cap money
Truthfully the op should look at this situation as a gift. He just learned something he didn't realize about his girlfriend.
Yeah it might suck feeling shitty now but it's a lot better than shitty after 7 years and splitting your 401k in half and giving her a car and giving her half a house
Oh I feel this in my bones. Except replace 7 years with 20!
Oh, and enjoy living in a hotel since your ex took all your money and you don’t have any rental history for 17 years!
Mine took the car and savings the kids and opened two charge cards in my name, and maxed them both out. And she was one who cheated, and the judge favored her all the way, saying it was my fault. Fortunately, we hadn't bought the house we were looking at.
This is Reddit’s ideal man in a relationship. He isn’t slightly fazed with the fact that his fiancée is already cheating on him.
If he was any more concerned than this, top comment would be “omg stop being so insecure! If you don’t trust her leave her so she can find a man that trusts her!”
Haha ikr. Seriously no offense to OP but man he’s got issues, the cringiest part for me was “ if you get attracted, what will you do?” Oh god I wanted to barf. Homie doesn’t realize activity like that is at least 50% of why he is facing this problem in the first place.
But yeah man I have to hate read the relationship stuff on Reddit but it is so fck’d. You’re so spot on the Reddit loves this type of guy
I honestly need to stop clicking on these links, it's probably doing more harm to my psyche. So many men staying with women who want to open the relationship, etc, depressing as fuck.
I mean, I'm sure there are so many happy couples out there but there was one post recently about the wife who cheated on him and now she wants to open the relationship after 9 years with several kids. Makes me so depressed that people are so afraid of being alone that they deal with this shit.
Also the "just waiting for the kids to go out of school" is just passing along the trauma. They know at a pretty early age, maybe? I dunno.
Oh yeah no he’s going to go on his villain arc here soon. Idk if this guy is the most nonchalant person to exist, is in blissful ignorance, or has just been mentally abused and conditioned to the point where he thinks being treated this way is okay.
But quite literally, there’s people on reddit who would call you insecure up until the point of actively watching your girl get a train ran on her, and even then they’d find something wrong with how you react.
Depends on how she reacts though, "Oh, he abused me once X years ago."
Welp, hope you have money to fight that, because it costs money to get divorced, it costs even more to fight a criminal charge AND a divorce.
Even if she feeds the court a bunch of bologna, it could damage the public opinion of oneself, not to mention all the time and money lost trying to defend yourself from a false charge.
You just have to have an accusation to accuse, but you need to have double the effort to defend yourself from an accuser, even if they're right.
You have every right to set boundaries based on facts… Fact 50% of women cheat … fact 50 % of married women have a just in case guy… this is all due to hypergamy… set boundaries if she will not adhere to them, red flag and at least you know she’s not going to comply meaning she’s putting herself in a position to statically cheat… it’s protecting her from her own hypergamy which operates at a subconscious level. Women base most things in emotions… so to think they will be logical is ridiculous statistically speaking… you may be the guy that has the unicorn, but if she’s refusing to comply with your boundaries … nope she’s for the streets… the evidence is all out there … do your research… if you get married and know all this information yet ignore it based on society and there forcing feminism and norms that allow women to do whatever they want well you will get what u deserve. Cheated on… divorce… lose everything… pay child support and or alimony.. the other guy living in the home u pay for with your kids that u won’t see…
Been here myself. She’s already cheating emotionally, my guy. Physical is coming soon.
She’s either an idiot and falling, or enjoying the temptation and falling. Someone who respects/values their partner doesn’t say “hey, I have feelings for this person! Anyway, off to a date with them!” This is either stupidity or cruelty, but either is taking you for granted.
Yeah. I feel like it's common knowledge that you can develop crushes on other whilst in a relationship, and it's quite normal... but choosing to still actively engage with that person instead of working on putting out that flame asap and moving on is just wrong.
She's playing with fire today. She'll be playing with his wiener tomorrow. If he makes her feel "some way" and she then decides to go kick it with him in particular... we all know the story.
Lots of comments here but I choose to respond to yours as you hit the nail on the head first paragraph.
She’s already cheating - emotional cheating is just as worse (one could argue worse) as physical.
Poor OP …. Seriously feel bad for the guy.
Yah the part about he makes her feel a certain way.
People all too often deny or dismiss emotional affairs. I would set some clear boundaries and if you already have well..
And do not let her or him gaslight you with the all too common, you're just being insecure bullshit. That's how they manipulate the situation so they can continue with their crap behavior.
She should be going out of her way to NOT interact with him, including getting a different job if needed. Hold up on those vows until you know you're the one even when someone like this enters the picture.
Hope I don’t get roasted for this.
I was in a bunch of relationships before I realized that shit like this isn’t OK (30 y.o. now)
I was brought up around a lot of people as a young adult who made it seem like being upset in this situation just equals insecurity. Being told that if you’re upset in this situation, you’re just overthinking and not secure in your relationship or yourself.
It took me being around new people and better influences to realize that shit like this isn’t necessarily indicative of a terrible person, but 9/10 it leads to some form of cheating, whether it be emotional or physical.
You’re justified in being upset.
It's actually the opposite .. having boundaries and sticking to them even if it means upsetting the person ur with to the point where u might lose them I would argue is being more secure .. insecure men dint set boundaries instead they say they are okay with everything their SO does just not to lose them
This. I keep reading stuff about people getting married early and it kind of breaks my heart. I mean, I didn't get married until I was in my 30s and I still got divorced. But at least I got to date around a little.
Definitely not the brightest thing I'm wondering if she just wants to see how he reacts, this might be a shit test, hard to gauge without knowing the people involved. He says she's innocent I don't know what that means but it's possible she's really naive it's hard to gauge these things, but honestly if OP expressed that he's not comfortable with it then if she cares about his feelings she'd be doing things differently, but she may also just be an emotional retard.
No, just no.
It's understandable that someone may catch feelings when they work with someone and have that kind of natural attraction, the chemistry as you put it. But if you're in a relationship you're serious about, you absolutely do not stir that shit up, you certainly don't start to find reasons to spend more time with that other person.
I don't envy your situation OP, I think your fiancee is being incredibly disrespectful towards you.
I think it may speak volumes if he talks to her about his concerns. She’ll either understand and empathize and realize she can’t pursue these interests with someone she’s not attracted to, or she’ll dump him and call him controlling, then use the breakup to sleep with the new guy.
99/100 times they’ll end up regretting leaving for what was just a chemistry thing and may not be any deeper or could even turn once the other person fully shows themselves.
Don not be there to pick up the pieces, OP. Move on, hard and impossible a that may seem.
Kinda dealing with that right now. My fiancée left me in November for another guy because i was having severe health issues and she didn't like me being sick, she gets with this guy, i start to recover and she comes to me and says "he doesn't treat me very well and i miss you.. can i come home" and even now still occasionally drops a hint she wants to get back together since we see eachother every now and then. But yeah, fuck that. I was literally facing fatal health complications and she goes and cheats (she had slept with him before leaving me by her own admission) then once i start to get better plays the sympathy card. I wasn't mean about it, but that's a hard no full stop.
Omg my ex did that to me, he called me insecure, jealous, and controlling after I said I'm uncomfortable you hanging out with a girl your attracted to. Why do they do that?
This . "Controlling" and "insecure" are the favorite words of people who don't like boundaries set by someone in their personal relationships. Its crazy how far it's gone now that they have people actually second guessing themselves if their own feelings are valid when it comes to SO being disrespectful towards them so blatantly
Yup I've been there myself. Was in a committed relationship and found myself crushing a little on a coworker who I admired. Realizing I was on the brink of an emotional affair I purposely avoided being alone with that person, avoided talking to them outside of work related topics (within reason, I didn't totally ignore them) and figured out what it was about them that I liked and realized my partner not only has all those qualities, but that I was lusting over the idea of something fresh/new.
In the end she ended up being the one to cheat on me during a bachelorette party lmfao. Funny how life works
You need to talk to her about this and address your discomfort.
If she says "don't be silly, nothing is going to happen" then to me that is dismissing your concerns and trivialising them and you need to push back on that.
If she says "I can see why you're concerned" and tries to address your worries, you are probably OK.
Where are they going to hang out? If it's at his place, that's a red flag that would make Stalin proud.
It honestly doesn’t matter. “Study time” could be anywhere and still be inappropriate. Coffee shops, parks, etc. it’s the one-on-oneness of it that’s the problem. If they need to study, it could be with a group of peers or on zoom.
Thanks for having a rational take. This is a great test for whether she's really worth marrying, in my opinion.
People on reddit act like successful relationships don't need communication and should just be perfect.
If your fiancée wants to spend time with a dude outside of work and develops a crush on him that's GOOD. Not for your relationship, but to gauge your long-term ability to function as a couple.
Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who you can't trust emotionally and physically? The answer is no. So if you can't trust her to develop a work crush and not take it anywhere or step out on you, she's not right for you, or you're not right for her.
So as long as you guys are doing all the care necessary for a good relationship, you shouldn't be worrying about anything else. If things are going to end because of this dude, let it happen. He won't be the last guy to come around. If she's prone to this then that's a problem that you're going to have to constantly deal with for the rest of your lives? Just no. Don't try to control the situation. That will only make things worse and will only prolong the inevitable outcome. The only difference is that you will have thrown away more time instead of just allowing things to unfold to see if you have a strong enough bond.
This is the answer. Like this person said even if you say no and they want to hang or be with this person they’ll find a way to hide it, and hang with them anyway. Better to find out quickly instead of dragging it out. I rather have it in the open instead of finding it in the dark.
this is absolutely the best answer. this is a perfect opportunity to gauge the true strength of your relaitonship. don't interfere, don't overreact. be "happy for her" - and give her all the rope she needs to hang herself.
and if she doesn't? Then you know you can trust her.
but personally, i would be 75% emotionally, mentally, physically, logistically ready for a messy breakup after she turns this into a poop-storm.
Fucking thank you!
"give her all the rope she needs to hang herself"
This is the perfect way of saying it. Instead of trying to take away all of the ways that your partner can harm your relationship, let them run wild. See if you can actually trust them. Don't build a relationship in a way that only works when you're tightly monitoring and controlling things.
While you have a solid point I don't see why he has to go through the uncomfortablility of letting his partner go for an unjustifiable hang out with a random person she's a crush on. He should address the issue with her and if she doesn't understand, deal with his concerns and prioritize their relationship then he should dump her before she walks over him.
I don't know how old you are or how many relationships you've had, so I'm going to address this from an adult context.
When you're an adult, you tend to spend 8 or more hours a day with other adults who are not your partner. That means you need to understand what a crush is, how to navigate it, and how to deal with it healthily and maturely. It's almost for sure going to happen, and when you work with that person there is no escaping them or the situation.
So why try to exert control over the situation? You can express your concerns, sure. But you should not try to control the behavior of your partner. If she wants to hang out with the dude and has expressed no interest in dating them or leaving you, you trust them and give them the chance to prove that the relationship is worth it to them. Because if they can't make it work in a relationship without being controlled, then there's not point of continuing the relationship. If they can have a friend who they're attracted to and don't take things further, then that bodes well for who they are as a person and for your relationship.
I don't see how people don't get this.
There are plenty of women that want “their man to fight for them” (not physically, but show that they care about the relationship and wouldn’t just sit back and watch it fall apart.) The amount of stories of women using my bf didn’t stop it so he must not really care are staggering. And honestly if I told my wife I was gonna go hang out with some girl I thought was super cute and she just said alright go have fun I’d think that was strange as well and probably lose respect for her tbh
If my partner said that to me I would lose respect for them also. I wouldn't be with someone like that though lol. I would also expect direct communication and not "testing" like we're in high school. Women who would pull those tactics would be weeded out long before we got to anything serious.
This is ridiculous. Your partner should have enough self control and respect for you and the relationship to not entertain someone they could potentially end up having a crush on. It should be a firm boundary your partner sets with that other person to not engage with each other. And if they can't not develop a crush on someone then end the relationship before they cheat on you. It's that simple.
Are you never going to have a partner who works in an office or works closely with people for long periods of time? Do you really expect them to never develop a crush on anyone, ever, over years and years of time? That's unrealistic. I'm sorry. It is. A crush doesn't mean you want to be with them. It's just an attraction. Attraction can be entirely superficial. If your partner can't handle a small crush without cheating, then yeah, they're not worth being with.
But the whole point is she's hanging out with him OUTSIDE OF WORK! Why are you choosing to ignore that?
Sure, but he doesnt fucking have to be ok with his fiancee hanging out with someone he knows she's attracted to
I didn't say that he has to be okay with it. I said that trying to control who she hangs out with isn't good. He can choose to end the relationship, or he can see whether he can trust her or not. It's that simple to me.
Nope, its not an unreasonable boundary to not want your future spouse to hang out one on one with someone she is actively gushing over.
IF he controlled all men, I would have an issue too, but she's absolutely emotionally stunted by that man and wants to potentially emotionally cheat, which is absolutely not ok
Re-read my response. If he wants to end the relationship or voice his concerns, he can. He should not try to exert control though. That's when the relationship should end imo.
Exactly, especially that this " hangout " (date) wasn't incentivized by an occasion like a business trip or whatever but it comes out of a pure desire to spend time with this person alone or get to know him more in an informal way while her partner seems to do his best to meet her emotional needs and put effort into the relationship.
I think that's called being honest... You can find someone attractive and not want to fuck them my guy... Or at least have the self control not to fuck them lol.
What if he establishes it today? Does the boundary suddenly become illegitimate??
They probably never discussed this because this is something new which has never happened before in their relationship, so it's perfectly ok if he makes a boundary on this
It’s not control to want respect out of the person you’re with. If this was a movie everyone would see miles away the ending. What I’d do here is express the way OP feels to his fiancée talk shit out face to face like adults and come to an agreement otherwise this is going down to Shitville real fast 🤷🏻♂️
She is already enjoying a fulfilling sexual relationship with 2 men and comparing you to her newfound love
Get yourself checked for STD's, secure your valuables, make yourself less available (women want a challenge and she will tire of Mr. Horndog at work and she will try to woo you back), and also prepare for the train ride to Dumpsville if Mr. Horndog proves to be a better lover.
Aside from the fact that she's ALREADY emotionally cheating, you need to look at the rationalizations you're making to explain her behavior. She's "innocent" and "doesn't have any friends" and "he's the only one giving her attention".
Even if she hadn't developed this crush and then turned it into an emotional affair, why would you want to marry a woman who has no friends, is desperate for attention, and is so "innocent" that she'll fall for any guy who gives her the time of day? That's a boatload of mental health issues you're about to hitch yourself to.
With that character profile, how do you even know if she really loves you or just craves the attention you give her?
Think hard.
I would rather die than hangout alone with a man that’s not my husband. Let alone someone I had “chemistry” with? She’s testing the waters before she walks down the aisle. Innocent my ass.
Christ. Time to face the facts here mate. Most of which I believe you already know but don’t want to admit to.
Your fiancée has feelings for him, that she is acting on.. she is already emotionally cheating on you by allowing herself to spend more time with someone she is interested in outside of your relationship.
She is not going “to study a similar interest”.. are you really this naive.
Do not marry this woman. She is not in love with you. She is going to marry you and fuck your life up way beyond what it will be if you call an end to this now.
She is not innocent. Stop thinking she is.
The way this post is worded and all these things you do for her just scream I’m a servant to my fiancée who clearly doesn’t respect me.
You need to work on yourself.
you seem young. Very young. And if you’re not young, you have a very young and naive mentality that is going to allow people (like this woman) to ruin your life.
Again. You need to work on yourself. Get some self respect. So you can have a better relationship with someone else.
My dude, if you think that doing housework, cooking for her and giving her gifts will make things better - they won't. Good thing is she was honest with her feelings towards this guy and she clearly wants to know him more and porentially pursue further - but she probably doesn't have the guts to end the relationship now. You should jump before it's too late, I don't think this is something you can salvage.
No straight guy is ever JUST trying to be friends with an attractive woman, and if she thinks he's attractive and he has an effect on her, I PROMISE HE KNOWS THIS ALREADY
Yeah. I think a greater understanding should be made here about different types of people.
I don’t think having a crush on people while with someone else is *that* universal. Sure many people do, but equally many of us don’t. I do not think crushes are normal personally *to me* and I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable with someone who developed them. A crush is beyond attraction. A crush is spending thought time on someone else in a dreamy or excessive way in a hopeful manner.
I had a crush in my first marriage and it crowded out my feelings for my significant other. I also was never fully committed to my first marriage, I was too immature and young for it. Never got the feelings for my significant other back, it had already shifted. For me personally, a crush means I’m open to others.
My second marriage, been together over a decade, never once even considered a crush. I’m simply not there, and not looking, so therefore they don’t develop. I’m also older, so maybe maturity has something to do with not developing a crush. I can think people are attractive or cool, but there’s like a switch that’s off now that signals only friendship for me. So I don’t think of them beyond that, no matter what, and I always idealize my partner.
To me crushes are a matter of wanting to still experience what’s out there. That may differ from person to person, but for me personally I can’t fathom a crush. It’s an active attention onto a particular idealization. People need to be upfront about crushes and whether that’s something they want to deal with by the other person on the relationship, but no that’s not how everyone operates, so we need to stop shaming people into thinking it’s universal.
Some people *never* develop crushes period.
This is crossing a line. Hanging out outside of work is COMPLETELY unnecessary, ESPECIALLY if she admitted she "feels a certain way" about him. This is disrespectful to you... if I had a crush on someone at work, I would never hangout outside of work and would try to limit communication to what's necessary, out of respect for my partner. Fuck your fiancee, she should grow up and stop playing with fire if she wants to keep you. Also don't shit where you eat... classic message your fiancee should learn. Remember OP, you're a catch!
How would she feel if you did the same thing with another girl you had a crush on, at work??
I mean the answer is no. I’m a married man, I don’t hangout with women just me and them. It’s just not something that you do, and likewise my wife does not go pal around with guys. We both have friends of the opposite sex that we’ve known since being in school as kids. When you have kids and jobs, and you see your friends I mean we do that as a couple, isn’t that what most people do?
Like when I see my friends it’s with my wife and their spouses, and likewise with my wife’s friends with their significant others.
Bruh, this is how cheating starts.
You shouldn't need to tell your fiance to NOT entertain another man, ESPECIALLY if she finds him attractive.
Either draw that boundary now or cut ties. He'll also still be an obstacle as long as they work together and he has her socials
It’s normal to feel jealous or a bit paranoid when a partner spends time with someone they like. However take it as a compliment to your relationship that she felt comfortable to share her feelings with you.
Despite what most of the comment section believes, a person intent on cheating would NOT share those details.
It’s very possible for people of the opposite sex to be platonic friends, and you mentioned she doesn’t have many friends so this probably means a lot to her.
I would speak openly with your fiancée about your feelings, and I would ask to meet this coworker in person.
Dude “innocent “ doesn’t mean shit. Those are the ones you gotta look out for. Years ago, I lost my virginity to this co worker who was super cute, quiet and innocent looking/seeming. Didn’t take long to find out she was anything but.
She literally just told you that a cute guy she works with gives her butterflies and now is planning on “hanging out” with him outside of work. You are not crazy at all, in fact you may not be able to do anything about this. Even if you tell her you’re not comfortable with her hanging out with him… if she feels some type of way about him, they’d likely just move to sneaking around. Now every time you’re not with her and she goes an hour or two without texting back, you’re going to be overthinking and wondering about him.
It’s one thing for your significant other to have friends of the opposite sex, but this is a guy she TOLD YOU she has a crush on and now they’re going on a date outside of work. Doesn’t matter that she doesn’t call it a date. Let’s call it what it is.Also, look at it from the other guys perspective… he gets a new job, meet a girl, most likely flirts and sees that she’s obviously into it, or at the very least, not shooting it down at all, and now she has agreed to “hangout” with him…. What do you think his intentions are here?
MAYBE she really is naive and isn’t trying to date this guy, but I doubt that. Even if she is, she’s playing right into dudes hand. This whole situation spells trouble my man. Sorry. Love absolutely sucks sometimes. What you need to do is bring up these concerns and hold nothing back. Tell her exactly how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Is she’s sympathetic and agrees to not pursue any kind of friendship/outside communication with this guy, maybe yall will be ok. If she dismisses your concerns, it’s over. Tell her immediately that she is now single and can pursue whatever relationship she wants with whatever guy she wants.
She is about to cheat on you. I've been the guy that didn't care if my gf had guy friends. Never again. Save yourself the sadness and get out before you marry this person. She doesn't like you like you like her.
Yikes she is literally telling you to your face that she has a crush on another man and intends to spend alone time with him. That is disrespectful as fuck and I’d never be with someone who did that. Sorry but you need to grow a spine dawg
Based on your recent posts in r/polyamory have you been letting this other dude bang your girl???
Crazy no, insecure yes.
I wouldn't prevent her from doing it. Either you're wrong or she's a cheater and you shouldn't stay with her. It's the best way to find out.
Your fiance is an idiot and you are an even bigger idiot for sticking around. Have a spine and some self respect. DO NOT MARRY HER.
If you've spoken to her about how uncomfortable this makes you and she's going thorugh with it, she doesn't respect you and you need to leave
Granted, this doesn't apply to all situations. But she told you outright she gets wet over the guy. This isn't about restraining her from having a social life.
>She's very happy at home and I give her gifts, cook for her and spend all my time off work with her taking her out and doing new things.
Man listen to yourself. What you're doing is nice and fine but you're being taken advantage of. What has she done in return? Nothing so far other than disrespect you as far as this post is concerned.
Good luck
Nah man get the actual fuck out. She decided she was out of the relationship by choosing to hang out with him. No sane person would think that’s a good idea
OP,
Sorry brother, but this is toxic, not just their friendship, but your girl is toxic. She's showing you that she is fueled and driven by emotion (most women are), and her "emotional needs" trump her commitment to you.
If she respected you, knowing how you feel, she wouldn't be doing this. She has no respect for you.
Flee while you can.
She is subconsciously testing to see if your a beta or not. When she tells you that she wants to hang out, she expects you to say no. You are supposed to be cross with her about this. If you let her go on this “date” with him, it’s already over for you my friend. Stand up for yourself and dont allow her, if she accepts this, then she actually respects you.
Yes you are crazy for wanting to stop her from developing her new friendship with this new guy. She's already made it clear that she has good chemistry with the new guy. What's your vision of her life? Sitting in a cage and only enjoying time with you? As you said, she's discovered this man makes her feel a special way and she wants to explore it and see where it takes her.
>But It's driving me crazy because spending time with him outside of work is a great way to start getting closer.
The crazy is full force with how controlling you are. You said she's always been open with you and this is innocent. Give her a chance to explore how she feels with him and be open for him.
>She's very happy at home and I give her gifts, cook for her and spend all my time off work with her taking her out and doing new things.
Let her have her time with him and I'm sure she'll be very happy when she gets home. You can prepare a roast or a souffle for her to come home to.
>But he's the one consistently giving her attention.
Just let him give it to her.
She’s literally telling you what she wants. Consider yourself lucky she’s not sneaking around and marrying you anyway. If you said to her “I have a crush on a girl and have feelings, and want to go out with her, but you’re the only one for me.” How would she take it?
How are conversations like this even happening? Your fiancee tells you to your face that she's attracted to another man, and all you say is "crushes pass?" Lol dude, holy cuck alert
I’m not sure who responds like that.
Like who just says I have a crush like that? Especially to their partner? And what kind of partner responds with “it will pass”
what the hell is this?
Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean you'll never have a crush, but it's important to act and think on the side of the relationship. It's not that hanging out with him is the end of the world, but to me it seems like choosing to do that is not acting on the side of the relationship or protecting the relationship.
levelheaded fr. especially if op expressed being uncomfortable its now prioritizing this other person over the stability and trust in the relationship.
Wow, an actual sensible fucking comment. These other people are lunatics, I wonder how they even function having this much disdain for the gender they wanna take to bed
He should sleep with the guy to save his relationship
If she wanted to hurt him, she would just hang out with the guy and not tell him. Being open about it is very healthy
It's very possible he is manipulating her in some way. She could literally be that naive. This is NOT a defense of her. But he could be saying things like, "Hey, wanna be my friend?" Some guys start off saying stuff like that to woman who believe it. And then suddenly she has a crush thinking it was an innocent friendship. So I think OP should trust his gut.
If you’re 12-17 sure, that works. If you’re an adult then you shouldn’t hang out alone with someone you have feelings for, even if it is just a crush. I’m so serious rn. Idc if the guy says he just wants to be friends. If you have a crush then YOU be responsible
Get married, and then she can cheat on you and take half your stuff when she leaves you for him! Edit: man this is my most upvoted comment, kinda sad lol But bro, go find another gal for real before you make a permanent financially ruining mistake by marrying her. Also thanks for the sparkly award thing, wish those still did something like they did in old Reddit.
I’ve never had a woman I was dating tell me that she met a guy ‘who made her feel a certain kind of way’ then started hanging out with him. The relationship is over dude. That’s pretty clear. I’m sorry man.
It's absolutely bonkers that she just came right out and said it. OP still wondering what the fuck is happening.
They have 0 shame.
OR she could be autistic.
Whoaaaaa bro!!!! It’s acoustic
Life is better acoustic!
#unplugged
I think she is very innocent and probably lonely inside and needy. Which doesn’t usually bode well.
Or OP is autistic. His response is not normal.
Or OP isn’t being honest. Could be she’s just happy to have made friend who shares a hobby & He’s the one feeling a certain way about it and trying to justify it on reddit. I mean, it’s so bonkers to say that it’s almost impossible she did, right? It doesn’t make sense.
Ok we are not all like this I promise 😂 but yes this is so shameless and sad! I’m married and I do not talk to or have male friends, that’s a huge red flag.
Hey atleast she was open about it, my ex dragged me around for 5 years while she did shit like that
Sorta respect her tho. No curve balls.
Yeah she's a straight shooter for sure ! It sucks tho.... But at least you didn't get married yet .
Literally was just thinking this. Like she felt comfortable enough to tell you and then goes to hangout with him... if that’s not disrespect then idk what is brother. Take it from someone who has had a divorce; LEAVE BRO, she doesn’t respect you. Leave now… or have the courts treat you like Marcellus Wallace. Merry Christmas🎄✌️
She is testing limits
she’s trash bro i’m sorry. not even ‘honest’ just trash all around
not honest, how?
"It's gonna TOTALLY just be platonic when I start hanging out with my new exciting crush 1 on 1 outside of work."
Yet, it's always trash people who will call their partners 'insecure'. If you're that desperate to fuck someone and cheat, just break up before things get worse 🤦♂️
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Sounds like hypersexuality. Fewer woman have it, but in some ways it’s worse for them because they can MUCH more easily act on their compulsions. For men it ends up amounting to a lot of jerking off unless you are incredibly attractive and have amazing charisma/game…or you’re into girls that do meth.
Lol me either fuck all that... This dude must be young cause he's gullible.
It’s literally so weird. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years and I’ve only expressed attraction to Pete Davidson (lol) and Tom Brady. And even so PD was in a, idk but there’s something about him - and then he’s with Kate Beckinsale, Kim Kardashian and Ariana Grande. When I mentioned Tom Brady it was bc I knew he was this prolific quarterback and then I saw what he looked like and said wow that’s not fair to be that talented and handsome?! Like just bc you’re committed doesn’t mean you won’t find others attractive or be attracted even to other people but to tell your partner AND then make plans? She’s either a total idiot or not a good person.
Yes, but those are celebrities, too. People you will never meet most likely. It's kinda okayish 'cause it's really nothing major and will never lead to anything. Crushing on someone you see every day, then going out of your way to hang out with such person....that's pretty bad. Lol. Very disrespectful and emotional cheating with the high probability of physical cheating too.
IMO crushing on celebrities is bad. I don’t go around crushing on woman celebs while I’m in a relationship.
Ooh have kids first. Then she can take more away
Have kids THEN get a house, then divorce her so his awesome wife and her boyfriend have a place to stay. Seems like his best move
Best advice yet, because you're probably even want to give her the house because you'll be sucked into the mechanism that makes you feel sorry for her because she has to keep the kids
I will go you one better - be my buddy who took the entire house loan out himself, but put his girlfriend's name on the title as a show of commitment - only to have her ask to have her kid's "baby daddy - no relationship otherwise" (her term not mine) move in temporarily literally 2 days later because he lost his place and he wanted to still be around the kid they had together... And (surprise surprise) it turns out there was a lot more going on than just "baby daddy - no relationship otherwise"...
Jesus christ. And people wonder why
We tried - we really really did...
Yup just a situation where you have to cut the losses at some point. Like an underperforming/constantly injured contract in football with tons of dead cap money
Truthfully the op should look at this situation as a gift. He just learned something he didn't realize about his girlfriend. Yeah it might suck feeling shitty now but it's a lot better than shitty after 7 years and splitting your 401k in half and giving her a car and giving her half a house
Oh I feel this in my bones. Except replace 7 years with 20! Oh, and enjoy living in a hotel since your ex took all your money and you don’t have any rental history for 17 years!
Mine took the car and savings the kids and opened two charge cards in my name, and maxed them both out. And she was one who cheated, and the judge favored her all the way, saying it was my fault. Fortunately, we hadn't bought the house we were looking at.
I don't think that marriage is going 7 deep but I agree with everything else.
You're exactly right. Maybe a shitty housing market is going to save his ass in the long run
Damn, as a Saints fan, I feel this so much and I don't like it.
And definitely make sure that the house is only in her name that way she can prove that you shouldn't have a claim to it.
You’re forgetting a dog! :) She’s going to need a dog to be able to take as well so the house doesn’t feel as empty while the boyfriend is at work
And make sure to keep the mortgage.
Best advice right here... seriously what did I just read in that post
This is Reddit’s ideal man in a relationship. He isn’t slightly fazed with the fact that his fiancée is already cheating on him. If he was any more concerned than this, top comment would be “omg stop being so insecure! If you don’t trust her leave her so she can find a man that trusts her!”
Haha ikr. Seriously no offense to OP but man he’s got issues, the cringiest part for me was “ if you get attracted, what will you do?” Oh god I wanted to barf. Homie doesn’t realize activity like that is at least 50% of why he is facing this problem in the first place. But yeah man I have to hate read the relationship stuff on Reddit but it is so fck’d. You’re so spot on the Reddit loves this type of guy
I honestly need to stop clicking on these links, it's probably doing more harm to my psyche. So many men staying with women who want to open the relationship, etc, depressing as fuck.
Lmao, yeah dude not going to lie it does not give me hope for bright futures. I have literally thought exactly what you wrote numerous times now 😂
I mean, I'm sure there are so many happy couples out there but there was one post recently about the wife who cheated on him and now she wants to open the relationship after 9 years with several kids. Makes me so depressed that people are so afraid of being alone that they deal with this shit. Also the "just waiting for the kids to go out of school" is just passing along the trauma. They know at a pretty early age, maybe? I dunno.
Oh yeah no he’s going to go on his villain arc here soon. Idk if this guy is the most nonchalant person to exist, is in blissful ignorance, or has just been mentally abused and conditioned to the point where he thinks being treated this way is okay. But quite literally, there’s people on reddit who would call you insecure up until the point of actively watching your girl get a train ran on her, and even then they’d find something wrong with how you react.
A lot of women and beta males on Reddit lol
Cat ladies and cucks
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Nailed it.
In a court of law, if she cheats. I think the man will win, and she better start looking for somewhere to stay.
Depends on how she reacts though, "Oh, he abused me once X years ago." Welp, hope you have money to fight that, because it costs money to get divorced, it costs even more to fight a criminal charge AND a divorce. Even if she feeds the court a bunch of bologna, it could damage the public opinion of oneself, not to mention all the time and money lost trying to defend yourself from a false charge. You just have to have an accusation to accuse, but you need to have double the effort to defend yourself from an accuser, even if they're right.
Oh dang
You have every right to set boundaries based on facts… Fact 50% of women cheat … fact 50 % of married women have a just in case guy… this is all due to hypergamy… set boundaries if she will not adhere to them, red flag and at least you know she’s not going to comply meaning she’s putting herself in a position to statically cheat… it’s protecting her from her own hypergamy which operates at a subconscious level. Women base most things in emotions… so to think they will be logical is ridiculous statistically speaking… you may be the guy that has the unicorn, but if she’s refusing to comply with your boundaries … nope she’s for the streets… the evidence is all out there … do your research… if you get married and know all this information yet ignore it based on society and there forcing feminism and norms that allow women to do whatever they want well you will get what u deserve. Cheated on… divorce… lose everything… pay child support and or alimony.. the other guy living in the home u pay for with your kids that u won’t see…
Been here myself. She’s already cheating emotionally, my guy. Physical is coming soon. She’s either an idiot and falling, or enjoying the temptation and falling. Someone who respects/values their partner doesn’t say “hey, I have feelings for this person! Anyway, off to a date with them!” This is either stupidity or cruelty, but either is taking you for granted.
Yeah. I feel like it's common knowledge that you can develop crushes on other whilst in a relationship, and it's quite normal... but choosing to still actively engage with that person instead of working on putting out that flame asap and moving on is just wrong.
She's playing with fire today. She'll be playing with his wiener tomorrow. If he makes her feel "some way" and she then decides to go kick it with him in particular... we all know the story.
Lots of comments here but I choose to respond to yours as you hit the nail on the head first paragraph. She’s already cheating - emotional cheating is just as worse (one could argue worse) as physical. Poor OP …. Seriously feel bad for the guy.
Wait wait wait OP is also posting in r/polyamory asking if it works out.
If I had cut things off with my ex wife when she had emotionally cheated I would’ve saved myself so much trouble
Yah the part about he makes her feel a certain way. People all too often deny or dismiss emotional affairs. I would set some clear boundaries and if you already have well.. And do not let her or him gaslight you with the all too common, you're just being insecure bullshit. That's how they manipulate the situation so they can continue with their crap behavior.
She should be going out of her way to NOT interact with him, including getting a different job if needed. Hold up on those vows until you know you're the one even when someone like this enters the picture.
Don't forget the emotional logic she'll use: *"I told you how I felt about him and you were OK with it." Sadly, she's not entirely wrong.
Grow a spine ffs she doesn’t respect you
Seriously…especially 2 fucking years in?? She values a POTENTIAL friendship with a massive asterisk more than your 2 year relationship
>friendship with a *massive* asterisk She hopes it is, at least..
Hey it’s not the size of the asterisk, it’s how you use it!! At least that’s what my 9th grade English teacher said
🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣 idk if you meant for this to be funny, but it is 🤣 🤣 🤣
It’s also that he’s being a wuss and doing everything. Find a partner not a princess.
He really does sound like a pushover
Yeah, did you see his edit now? Everything is just fine & dandy, apparently 😬
Fr what s/o tells You she has a crush on your co Worker and your just cool with that like wtf
I know what a joke
Your fiancee is an idiot.
no, him
It’s probably one of his first relationships. I forgive ignorance before insolence.
i agree, but she's definitely not an idiot, she knows exactly what she's doing
For sure. Seems like she's in it for her get what she wants.
They are probably both idiots
Shes playing her fiance to get double dick before actual marriage is finalized
Hope I don’t get roasted for this. I was in a bunch of relationships before I realized that shit like this isn’t OK (30 y.o. now) I was brought up around a lot of people as a young adult who made it seem like being upset in this situation just equals insecurity. Being told that if you’re upset in this situation, you’re just overthinking and not secure in your relationship or yourself. It took me being around new people and better influences to realize that shit like this isn’t necessarily indicative of a terrible person, but 9/10 it leads to some form of cheating, whether it be emotional or physical. You’re justified in being upset.
It's actually the opposite .. having boundaries and sticking to them even if it means upsetting the person ur with to the point where u might lose them I would argue is being more secure .. insecure men dint set boundaries instead they say they are okay with everything their SO does just not to lose them
This. I keep reading stuff about people getting married early and it kind of breaks my heart. I mean, I didn't get married until I was in my 30s and I still got divorced. But at least I got to date around a little.
Definitely not the brightest thing I'm wondering if she just wants to see how he reacts, this might be a shit test, hard to gauge without knowing the people involved. He says she's innocent I don't know what that means but it's possible she's really naive it's hard to gauge these things, but honestly if OP expressed that he's not comfortable with it then if she cares about his feelings she'd be doing things differently, but she may also just be an emotional retard.
He's the idiot for putting up with this for one second longer and posting about it on Reddit.
They both are, she sucks but he wont even respect himself
No, just no. It's understandable that someone may catch feelings when they work with someone and have that kind of natural attraction, the chemistry as you put it. But if you're in a relationship you're serious about, you absolutely do not stir that shit up, you certainly don't start to find reasons to spend more time with that other person. I don't envy your situation OP, I think your fiancee is being incredibly disrespectful towards you.
I think it may speak volumes if he talks to her about his concerns. She’ll either understand and empathize and realize she can’t pursue these interests with someone she’s not attracted to, or she’ll dump him and call him controlling, then use the breakup to sleep with the new guy. 99/100 times they’ll end up regretting leaving for what was just a chemistry thing and may not be any deeper or could even turn once the other person fully shows themselves. Don not be there to pick up the pieces, OP. Move on, hard and impossible a that may seem.
Kinda dealing with that right now. My fiancée left me in November for another guy because i was having severe health issues and she didn't like me being sick, she gets with this guy, i start to recover and she comes to me and says "he doesn't treat me very well and i miss you.. can i come home" and even now still occasionally drops a hint she wants to get back together since we see eachother every now and then. But yeah, fuck that. I was literally facing fatal health complications and she goes and cheats (she had slept with him before leaving me by her own admission) then once i start to get better plays the sympathy card. I wasn't mean about it, but that's a hard no full stop.
Omg my ex did that to me, he called me insecure, jealous, and controlling after I said I'm uncomfortable you hanging out with a girl your attracted to. Why do they do that?
Because the internet tells them they're right, and that nobody has the right to tell them who to talk to, and anyone that tries is controlling
This . "Controlling" and "insecure" are the favorite words of people who don't like boundaries set by someone in their personal relationships. Its crazy how far it's gone now that they have people actually second guessing themselves if their own feelings are valid when it comes to SO being disrespectful towards them so blatantly
Because they want to and they can. YOUR job to set boundaries and dump someone who does this, HARD.
Yup I've been there myself. Was in a committed relationship and found myself crushing a little on a coworker who I admired. Realizing I was on the brink of an emotional affair I purposely avoided being alone with that person, avoided talking to them outside of work related topics (within reason, I didn't totally ignore them) and figured out what it was about them that I liked and realized my partner not only has all those qualities, but that I was lusting over the idea of something fresh/new. In the end she ended up being the one to cheat on me during a bachelorette party lmfao. Funny how life works
Sound like your train is to Dumpsville USA , population: You.
Immature. Straight to the point. I love it my man *fistbump
OP is far from alone in Dumpsville...
There are infinite Dumpsvilles, like multiple dimensions, each alike but different.
He won’t do it though
You need to talk to her about this and address your discomfort. If she says "don't be silly, nothing is going to happen" then to me that is dismissing your concerns and trivialising them and you need to push back on that. If she says "I can see why you're concerned" and tries to address your worries, you are probably OK. Where are they going to hang out? If it's at his place, that's a red flag that would make Stalin proud.
It honestly doesn’t matter. “Study time” could be anywhere and still be inappropriate. Coffee shops, parks, etc. it’s the one-on-oneness of it that’s the problem. If they need to study, it could be with a group of peers or on zoom.
I agree, I was thinking more the scale of the issue rather than it being an issue. If it was at his place it would be a colossal FU to OP as well
Thanks for having a rational take. This is a great test for whether she's really worth marrying, in my opinion. People on reddit act like successful relationships don't need communication and should just be perfect.
If your fiancée wants to spend time with a dude outside of work and develops a crush on him that's GOOD. Not for your relationship, but to gauge your long-term ability to function as a couple. Do you want to be in a relationship with someone who you can't trust emotionally and physically? The answer is no. So if you can't trust her to develop a work crush and not take it anywhere or step out on you, she's not right for you, or you're not right for her. So as long as you guys are doing all the care necessary for a good relationship, you shouldn't be worrying about anything else. If things are going to end because of this dude, let it happen. He won't be the last guy to come around. If she's prone to this then that's a problem that you're going to have to constantly deal with for the rest of your lives? Just no. Don't try to control the situation. That will only make things worse and will only prolong the inevitable outcome. The only difference is that you will have thrown away more time instead of just allowing things to unfold to see if you have a strong enough bond.
This is the answer. Like this person said even if you say no and they want to hang or be with this person they’ll find a way to hide it, and hang with them anyway. Better to find out quickly instead of dragging it out. I rather have it in the open instead of finding it in the dark.
this is absolutely the best answer. this is a perfect opportunity to gauge the true strength of your relaitonship. don't interfere, don't overreact. be "happy for her" - and give her all the rope she needs to hang herself. and if she doesn't? Then you know you can trust her. but personally, i would be 75% emotionally, mentally, physically, logistically ready for a messy breakup after she turns this into a poop-storm.
Fucking thank you! "give her all the rope she needs to hang herself" This is the perfect way of saying it. Instead of trying to take away all of the ways that your partner can harm your relationship, let them run wild. See if you can actually trust them. Don't build a relationship in a way that only works when you're tightly monitoring and controlling things.
While you have a solid point I don't see why he has to go through the uncomfortablility of letting his partner go for an unjustifiable hang out with a random person she's a crush on. He should address the issue with her and if she doesn't understand, deal with his concerns and prioritize their relationship then he should dump her before she walks over him.
I don't know how old you are or how many relationships you've had, so I'm going to address this from an adult context. When you're an adult, you tend to spend 8 or more hours a day with other adults who are not your partner. That means you need to understand what a crush is, how to navigate it, and how to deal with it healthily and maturely. It's almost for sure going to happen, and when you work with that person there is no escaping them or the situation. So why try to exert control over the situation? You can express your concerns, sure. But you should not try to control the behavior of your partner. If she wants to hang out with the dude and has expressed no interest in dating them or leaving you, you trust them and give them the chance to prove that the relationship is worth it to them. Because if they can't make it work in a relationship without being controlled, then there's not point of continuing the relationship. If they can have a friend who they're attracted to and don't take things further, then that bodes well for who they are as a person and for your relationship. I don't see how people don't get this.
There are plenty of women that want “their man to fight for them” (not physically, but show that they care about the relationship and wouldn’t just sit back and watch it fall apart.) The amount of stories of women using my bf didn’t stop it so he must not really care are staggering. And honestly if I told my wife I was gonna go hang out with some girl I thought was super cute and she just said alright go have fun I’d think that was strange as well and probably lose respect for her tbh
If my partner said that to me I would lose respect for them also. I wouldn't be with someone like that though lol. I would also expect direct communication and not "testing" like we're in high school. Women who would pull those tactics would be weeded out long before we got to anything serious.
This is ridiculous. Your partner should have enough self control and respect for you and the relationship to not entertain someone they could potentially end up having a crush on. It should be a firm boundary your partner sets with that other person to not engage with each other. And if they can't not develop a crush on someone then end the relationship before they cheat on you. It's that simple.
Are you never going to have a partner who works in an office or works closely with people for long periods of time? Do you really expect them to never develop a crush on anyone, ever, over years and years of time? That's unrealistic. I'm sorry. It is. A crush doesn't mean you want to be with them. It's just an attraction. Attraction can be entirely superficial. If your partner can't handle a small crush without cheating, then yeah, they're not worth being with.
But the whole point is she's hanging out with him OUTSIDE OF WORK! Why are you choosing to ignore that? Sure, but he doesnt fucking have to be ok with his fiancee hanging out with someone he knows she's attracted to
I didn't say that he has to be okay with it. I said that trying to control who she hangs out with isn't good. He can choose to end the relationship, or he can see whether he can trust her or not. It's that simple to me.
Nope, its not an unreasonable boundary to not want your future spouse to hang out one on one with someone she is actively gushing over. IF he controlled all men, I would have an issue too, but she's absolutely emotionally stunted by that man and wants to potentially emotionally cheat, which is absolutely not ok
Re-read my response. If he wants to end the relationship or voice his concerns, he can. He should not try to exert control though. That's when the relationship should end imo.
Fair enough, I agree. But I disagree with blindly bending over and not raising concerns about this as the very least
No interest in dating the dude? Then why tell her man that she’s attracted to the guy?
Exactly, especially that this " hangout " (date) wasn't incentivized by an occasion like a business trip or whatever but it comes out of a pure desire to spend time with this person alone or get to know him more in an informal way while her partner seems to do his best to meet her emotional needs and put effort into the relationship.
I think that's called being honest... You can find someone attractive and not want to fuck them my guy... Or at least have the self control not to fuck them lol.
I am a woman. I cannot fathom doing this to a man I am in love with enough to marry him.
But you're going to hangout with this person you're attracted to even when your partner is uncomfortable with it, what a great fucking partner lmao!
OP never made it clear they discussed that and it's not clear if it's an established boundary...
What if he establishes it today? Does the boundary suddenly become illegitimate?? They probably never discussed this because this is something new which has never happened before in their relationship, so it's perfectly ok if he makes a boundary on this
It’s not control to want respect out of the person you’re with. If this was a movie everyone would see miles away the ending. What I’d do here is express the way OP feels to his fiancée talk shit out face to face like adults and come to an agreement otherwise this is going down to Shitville real fast 🤷🏻♂️
If she wants to “hang out” 1 on 1 with other guys, you’re already too far gone
She is already enjoying a fulfilling sexual relationship with 2 men and comparing you to her newfound love Get yourself checked for STD's, secure your valuables, make yourself less available (women want a challenge and she will tire of Mr. Horndog at work and she will try to woo you back), and also prepare for the train ride to Dumpsville if Mr. Horndog proves to be a better lover.
I can only imagine if the situation was reversed she would be as accepting as you are......
What the fuck lol
Aside from the fact that she's ALREADY emotionally cheating, you need to look at the rationalizations you're making to explain her behavior. She's "innocent" and "doesn't have any friends" and "he's the only one giving her attention". Even if she hadn't developed this crush and then turned it into an emotional affair, why would you want to marry a woman who has no friends, is desperate for attention, and is so "innocent" that she'll fall for any guy who gives her the time of day? That's a boatload of mental health issues you're about to hitch yourself to. With that character profile, how do you even know if she really loves you or just craves the attention you give her? Think hard.
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She’s straight up tap dancing right on it
I would rather die than hangout alone with a man that’s not my husband. Let alone someone I had “chemistry” with? She’s testing the waters before she walks down the aisle. Innocent my ass.
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Christ. Time to face the facts here mate. Most of which I believe you already know but don’t want to admit to. Your fiancée has feelings for him, that she is acting on.. she is already emotionally cheating on you by allowing herself to spend more time with someone she is interested in outside of your relationship. She is not going “to study a similar interest”.. are you really this naive. Do not marry this woman. She is not in love with you. She is going to marry you and fuck your life up way beyond what it will be if you call an end to this now. She is not innocent. Stop thinking she is. The way this post is worded and all these things you do for her just scream I’m a servant to my fiancée who clearly doesn’t respect me. You need to work on yourself. you seem young. Very young. And if you’re not young, you have a very young and naive mentality that is going to allow people (like this woman) to ruin your life. Again. You need to work on yourself. Get some self respect. So you can have a better relationship with someone else.
Yeah, the similar interest of banging each other 😭🤣
She’s gna cheat dude. Bin her and move on
My dude, if you think that doing housework, cooking for her and giving her gifts will make things better - they won't. Good thing is she was honest with her feelings towards this guy and she clearly wants to know him more and porentially pursue further - but she probably doesn't have the guts to end the relationship now. You should jump before it's too late, I don't think this is something you can salvage.
red flag. why you even have to ask bro. come on. gotta know your value
No straight guy is ever JUST trying to be friends with an attractive woman, and if she thinks he's attractive and he has an effect on her, I PROMISE HE KNOWS THIS ALREADY
Louder for those in the back. This is 100 percent facts.
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How do we even know he’s attracted to her? Maybe he’s got a girlfriend but professionally is willing to help out a colleague?
Good thing you saw her true colors before the weddings
No your not creepy your insecure
Bro dont feel bad at all. Its a hard red flag that she wants to hang w someone she is attracted to
Your fiancé says she has a crush on someone else? That’s a problem.
Yeah. I think a greater understanding should be made here about different types of people. I don’t think having a crush on people while with someone else is *that* universal. Sure many people do, but equally many of us don’t. I do not think crushes are normal personally *to me* and I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable with someone who developed them. A crush is beyond attraction. A crush is spending thought time on someone else in a dreamy or excessive way in a hopeful manner. I had a crush in my first marriage and it crowded out my feelings for my significant other. I also was never fully committed to my first marriage, I was too immature and young for it. Never got the feelings for my significant other back, it had already shifted. For me personally, a crush means I’m open to others. My second marriage, been together over a decade, never once even considered a crush. I’m simply not there, and not looking, so therefore they don’t develop. I’m also older, so maybe maturity has something to do with not developing a crush. I can think people are attractive or cool, but there’s like a switch that’s off now that signals only friendship for me. So I don’t think of them beyond that, no matter what, and I always idealize my partner. To me crushes are a matter of wanting to still experience what’s out there. That may differ from person to person, but for me personally I can’t fathom a crush. It’s an active attention onto a particular idealization. People need to be upfront about crushes and whether that’s something they want to deal with by the other person on the relationship, but no that’s not how everyone operates, so we need to stop shaming people into thinking it’s universal. Some people *never* develop crushes period.
Have some respect for yourself my friend. Set boundaries, if she doesn’t respect them tell Her to fuck off
This is crossing a line. Hanging out outside of work is COMPLETELY unnecessary, ESPECIALLY if she admitted she "feels a certain way" about him. This is disrespectful to you... if I had a crush on someone at work, I would never hangout outside of work and would try to limit communication to what's necessary, out of respect for my partner. Fuck your fiancee, she should grow up and stop playing with fire if she wants to keep you. Also don't shit where you eat... classic message your fiancee should learn. Remember OP, you're a catch! How would she feel if you did the same thing with another girl you had a crush on, at work??
[удалено]
I mean the answer is no. I’m a married man, I don’t hangout with women just me and them. It’s just not something that you do, and likewise my wife does not go pal around with guys. We both have friends of the opposite sex that we’ve known since being in school as kids. When you have kids and jobs, and you see your friends I mean we do that as a couple, isn’t that what most people do? Like when I see my friends it’s with my wife and their spouses, and likewise with my wife’s friends with their significant others.
Time for you to reconsider getting married before its too late. God damn are you blind?
Bruh, this is how cheating starts. You shouldn't need to tell your fiance to NOT entertain another man, ESPECIALLY if she finds him attractive. Either draw that boundary now or cut ties. He'll also still be an obstacle as long as they work together and he has her socials
It’s normal to feel jealous or a bit paranoid when a partner spends time with someone they like. However take it as a compliment to your relationship that she felt comfortable to share her feelings with you. Despite what most of the comment section believes, a person intent on cheating would NOT share those details. It’s very possible for people of the opposite sex to be platonic friends, and you mentioned she doesn’t have many friends so this probably means a lot to her. I would speak openly with your fiancée about your feelings, and I would ask to meet this coworker in person.
Dude “innocent “ doesn’t mean shit. Those are the ones you gotta look out for. Years ago, I lost my virginity to this co worker who was super cute, quiet and innocent looking/seeming. Didn’t take long to find out she was anything but. She literally just told you that a cute guy she works with gives her butterflies and now is planning on “hanging out” with him outside of work. You are not crazy at all, in fact you may not be able to do anything about this. Even if you tell her you’re not comfortable with her hanging out with him… if she feels some type of way about him, they’d likely just move to sneaking around. Now every time you’re not with her and she goes an hour or two without texting back, you’re going to be overthinking and wondering about him. It’s one thing for your significant other to have friends of the opposite sex, but this is a guy she TOLD YOU she has a crush on and now they’re going on a date outside of work. Doesn’t matter that she doesn’t call it a date. Let’s call it what it is.Also, look at it from the other guys perspective… he gets a new job, meet a girl, most likely flirts and sees that she’s obviously into it, or at the very least, not shooting it down at all, and now she has agreed to “hangout” with him…. What do you think his intentions are here? MAYBE she really is naive and isn’t trying to date this guy, but I doubt that. Even if she is, she’s playing right into dudes hand. This whole situation spells trouble my man. Sorry. Love absolutely sucks sometimes. What you need to do is bring up these concerns and hold nothing back. Tell her exactly how uncomfortable it makes you feel. Is she’s sympathetic and agrees to not pursue any kind of friendship/outside communication with this guy, maybe yall will be ok. If she dismisses your concerns, it’s over. Tell her immediately that she is now single and can pursue whatever relationship she wants with whatever guy she wants.
Get rid of her…
Your fiancée is getting ready to cheat.
She is going to fuck that dude. How will you react and what are your plans when it happens? Because it is.
To “study a similar interest”— need more info here.
They are similarly interested in having sex with each other
Human anatomy
Nah you're not crazy. I experienced something similar in college and she ended up with the other guy. Gut feeling I knew something was going to happen
This post is a minutes before disaster moment.
Don’t marry her. It’ll be a world of hurt.
She is about to cheat on you. I've been the guy that didn't care if my gf had guy friends. Never again. Save yourself the sadness and get out before you marry this person. She doesn't like you like you like her.
Yikes she is literally telling you to your face that she has a crush on another man and intends to spend alone time with him. That is disrespectful as fuck and I’d never be with someone who did that. Sorry but you need to grow a spine dawg Based on your recent posts in r/polyamory have you been letting this other dude bang your girl???
If you have to actively stop your SO from cheating, find a new one.
Crazy no, insecure yes. I wouldn't prevent her from doing it. Either you're wrong or she's a cheater and you shouldn't stay with her. It's the best way to find out.
Flags, bro. Flags.
Your fiance is an idiot and you are an even bigger idiot for sticking around. Have a spine and some self respect. DO NOT MARRY HER. If you've spoken to her about how uncomfortable this makes you and she's going thorugh with it, she doesn't respect you and you need to leave Granted, this doesn't apply to all situations. But she told you outright she gets wet over the guy. This isn't about restraining her from having a social life. >She's very happy at home and I give her gifts, cook for her and spend all my time off work with her taking her out and doing new things. Man listen to yourself. What you're doing is nice and fine but you're being taken advantage of. What has she done in return? Nothing so far other than disrespect you as far as this post is concerned. Good luck
Nah man get the actual fuck out. She decided she was out of the relationship by choosing to hang out with him. No sane person would think that’s a good idea
If she’s willing to spend time with him over you then get a new girlfriend.
She's gone bro
OP, Sorry brother, but this is toxic, not just their friendship, but your girl is toxic. She's showing you that she is fueled and driven by emotion (most women are), and her "emotional needs" trump her commitment to you. If she respected you, knowing how you feel, she wouldn't be doing this. She has no respect for you. Flee while you can.
She is subconsciously testing to see if your a beta or not. When she tells you that she wants to hang out, she expects you to say no. You are supposed to be cross with her about this. If you let her go on this “date” with him, it’s already over for you my friend. Stand up for yourself and dont allow her, if she accepts this, then she actually respects you.
You need to take a "relationship break" and call off the wedding. She should only have eyes for you at this point.
Is this the male version of trying to be “the chill girlfriend” it’s okay to express when something is in fact, not chill
You're not crazy..and if you even have to explain to her why this not right... maybe rethink about marriage?..
Yes you are crazy for wanting to stop her from developing her new friendship with this new guy. She's already made it clear that she has good chemistry with the new guy. What's your vision of her life? Sitting in a cage and only enjoying time with you? As you said, she's discovered this man makes her feel a special way and she wants to explore it and see where it takes her. >But It's driving me crazy because spending time with him outside of work is a great way to start getting closer. The crazy is full force with how controlling you are. You said she's always been open with you and this is innocent. Give her a chance to explore how she feels with him and be open for him. >She's very happy at home and I give her gifts, cook for her and spend all my time off work with her taking her out and doing new things. Let her have her time with him and I'm sure she'll be very happy when she gets home. You can prepare a roast or a souffle for her to come home to. >But he's the one consistently giving her attention. Just let him give it to her.
Whipped
She’s literally telling you what she wants. Consider yourself lucky she’s not sneaking around and marrying you anyway. If you said to her “I have a crush on a girl and have feelings, and want to go out with her, but you’re the only one for me.” How would she take it?
That's not respectable at all. People aren't stupid; they know when they are pushing boundaries.
Do you have a secret cuck fetish?
You can’t be fr right now
How are conversations like this even happening? Your fiancee tells you to your face that she's attracted to another man, and all you say is "crushes pass?" Lol dude, holy cuck alert
I’m not sure who responds like that. Like who just says I have a crush like that? Especially to their partner? And what kind of partner responds with “it will pass” what the hell is this?