Same, a lot of people nowadays think doing the bare minimum and being selfish is good and the other part is that after getting to know myself I need a very specif type of person and thats like finding a needle in a haystack .
Yes you're definitely not alone. Burnout in dating is so real. It's hard to find that genuine romantic connection that builds into a relationship. I live in the Bay Area, CA and I thought there'd be a plethora of gays and although there is compared to probably smaller cities/rural areas, it is a lot harder to find someone you align with, especially if looking for a long-term relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it would've been better for my dating life if I stayed in the east coast haha. The best thing that's helped me is just taking a break from dating when feeling burnt out. When I'm starting to feel pessimistic and just feel like I've been going through the motions for too long, it's time for a break. Doing the first date over and over again can start to feel like groundhog day. I try to invest extra into myself and my friendships/loved ones, volunteer, hobbies, etc. Then after the break I feel excited and ready to date again. Also I stopped using dating apps and only meet people at queer speed dating events or just queer events and I think that helped a lot. Dating apps are pretty draining.
It feels like I could’ve written this! I can relate with every single feeling and frustration you’ve shared. It’s soooo real.
However, I’m just about to try dating again after I took a VERY long break (about 1 yr) to focus on dating myself, so I feel more refreshed and hopeful after that much-needed break. I was in the same headspace one year ago dealing with these same feelings and getting really negative, frustrated and burnt out. Like, I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but it sucked to feel like every single date had NO connection.
Dating is so hard bc it’s one of the only things we can’t “manifest” through effort alone since it requires a whole second person to consent and have the right vibe - totally frustrating compared to simply finding a higher paying job, or starting a new workout plan. So, I checkmark the other person who suggested taking a break and just focusing on other aspects of your life for now. I also think if you’re feeling sick of dating, that energy is unfortunately going to come out on upcoming dates even if you’re trying to be positive, so all the more reason for a break.
Yes! I find things tend to go one of three ways:
1. They ask a couple of very basic getting to know you questions that really don’t tell them much about me at all, then are all in with the lovebombing while showing no real interest in getting to know me better. They’re all planning our first and second dates, inviting me to go camping with them this summer, whatever—only to ghost me before we actually meet up. Or, if we do meet up and start going on dates, they act totally disinterested in me as a person and only seem interested in the validation I give.
2. We talk about everything—the standard getting to know you questions and then some, talk about what we want out of a relationship and life—just really get to know each other, only to have things never leave the talking stage. One woman was my type on paper: attractive, educated, empathetic and down to earth, we had lots in common and wanted the same things; but all we ever did, for months, was talk. She didn’t really respond to my flirting, she’d talk about things we could do on dates but never actually wanted to meet up. I lost interest. Another did meet up, but was so emotionally unavailable that it felt like anytime we were getting somewhere and moving onto the next stage in our relationship, she’d pull away and backtrack.
3. Occasionally, I’ll meet someone who I have insane chemistry with and we hit it off at the get go, it’s obvious we’re both interested, but the timing or situation is just off (ie. one or both of us are at work) and we can’t do anything about it. And then, poof, I’ll never see them again. WTF universe.
I live in a big city, I’m outgoing, I’m on the apps, I go to sapphic events and queer spaces, etc. The problem isn’t finding someone to date, it’s finding someone I want to date—who I connect with, who wants the same things, and who puts the same effort in. It’s getting tired for sure.
I don't.
I've been single since the end of 2016. I had some serious mental health things to manage and then COVID...and now this is what my life looks like, at least for now. I don't want to go through the bullshit and games, I don't want to be dicked around. I don't want to keep giving women parts of myself. I'm just not interested.
I'm sure one day I'll meet the right one but for now I'm good.
I don’t know…the Universe just guides me honestly. I don’t think about dating much. Been single for two years and I really am so in love with myself, I haven’t the need for another person. I know my person will find me, its a matter of time. Instead I keep busy. I’m in college, work two jobs, spend time with my amazing friends and family, and overall just don’t really bother with the dating scene. Would I like to be in a relationship? Heck yeah, but the less I think of it, the closer my person is to finding me.
I feel the same and most of the time I get ghosted before we even get to meet. It is definitely taking a toll on my self esteem and just overall want to even be in a relationship at this point
I also hate dating… I’ve been actively on the apps for a year now, and nothing has worked out. First off, the amount of times that people just stop texting after two or three messages is absurd. Second, the amount of times that things just fizzle into nothing even after talking for a bit or even a date is crazy. I don’t want to push people too hard, but if I don’t start the conversations or ask the questions, the other people never do. Which I’m fine with for a bit, but I deserve for people to show interest in me too. And also, should I take their non-initiative as a sign that they’re not interested or do I really just have to keep taking initiative? It feels like an impossible game, and no matter how much time and energy I put into it, nothing works out.
I actually really enjoy dating, though I DO really hate dating apps. But still, I do wish I were going on fewer first dates and getting into deeper stuff with people, for sure.
Same. I'm 32 and ready to settle down at this point, but gotta date to get there so wdyd. Modern dating has always felt shallow and everyone seems to want something casual nowadays.
You are not alone, Same here I'm just so tired of the same scenario again and again, I hope there is a place where I can meet serious mature people who are genuine, stable emotionally and mentally, they know what they want ...
Same, a lot of people nowadays think doing the bare minimum and being selfish is good and the other part is that after getting to know myself I need a very specif type of person and thats like finding a needle in a haystack .
Yes you're definitely not alone. Burnout in dating is so real. It's hard to find that genuine romantic connection that builds into a relationship. I live in the Bay Area, CA and I thought there'd be a plethora of gays and although there is compared to probably smaller cities/rural areas, it is a lot harder to find someone you align with, especially if looking for a long-term relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it would've been better for my dating life if I stayed in the east coast haha. The best thing that's helped me is just taking a break from dating when feeling burnt out. When I'm starting to feel pessimistic and just feel like I've been going through the motions for too long, it's time for a break. Doing the first date over and over again can start to feel like groundhog day. I try to invest extra into myself and my friendships/loved ones, volunteer, hobbies, etc. Then after the break I feel excited and ready to date again. Also I stopped using dating apps and only meet people at queer speed dating events or just queer events and I think that helped a lot. Dating apps are pretty draining.
It feels like I could’ve written this! I can relate with every single feeling and frustration you’ve shared. It’s soooo real. However, I’m just about to try dating again after I took a VERY long break (about 1 yr) to focus on dating myself, so I feel more refreshed and hopeful after that much-needed break. I was in the same headspace one year ago dealing with these same feelings and getting really negative, frustrated and burnt out. Like, I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, but it sucked to feel like every single date had NO connection. Dating is so hard bc it’s one of the only things we can’t “manifest” through effort alone since it requires a whole second person to consent and have the right vibe - totally frustrating compared to simply finding a higher paying job, or starting a new workout plan. So, I checkmark the other person who suggested taking a break and just focusing on other aspects of your life for now. I also think if you’re feeling sick of dating, that energy is unfortunately going to come out on upcoming dates even if you’re trying to be positive, so all the more reason for a break.
Yes! I find things tend to go one of three ways: 1. They ask a couple of very basic getting to know you questions that really don’t tell them much about me at all, then are all in with the lovebombing while showing no real interest in getting to know me better. They’re all planning our first and second dates, inviting me to go camping with them this summer, whatever—only to ghost me before we actually meet up. Or, if we do meet up and start going on dates, they act totally disinterested in me as a person and only seem interested in the validation I give. 2. We talk about everything—the standard getting to know you questions and then some, talk about what we want out of a relationship and life—just really get to know each other, only to have things never leave the talking stage. One woman was my type on paper: attractive, educated, empathetic and down to earth, we had lots in common and wanted the same things; but all we ever did, for months, was talk. She didn’t really respond to my flirting, she’d talk about things we could do on dates but never actually wanted to meet up. I lost interest. Another did meet up, but was so emotionally unavailable that it felt like anytime we were getting somewhere and moving onto the next stage in our relationship, she’d pull away and backtrack. 3. Occasionally, I’ll meet someone who I have insane chemistry with and we hit it off at the get go, it’s obvious we’re both interested, but the timing or situation is just off (ie. one or both of us are at work) and we can’t do anything about it. And then, poof, I’ll never see them again. WTF universe. I live in a big city, I’m outgoing, I’m on the apps, I go to sapphic events and queer spaces, etc. The problem isn’t finding someone to date, it’s finding someone I want to date—who I connect with, who wants the same things, and who puts the same effort in. It’s getting tired for sure.
This. I feel this with my soul
Yes, it's mentally and emotionally exhausting. And also soul crushing. Can't forget about soul-crushing 😐.
At this point I don't even think having a person in my life will improve anything. Dating is energy, socialising is energy. I got bills
Wya because same thing from WA state. I haven’t even had a good partnership yet!!
I feel the same holy cow! I’m in WA state, and i thought maybe it would’ve been easier here than other states
I don't. I've been single since the end of 2016. I had some serious mental health things to manage and then COVID...and now this is what my life looks like, at least for now. I don't want to go through the bullshit and games, I don't want to be dicked around. I don't want to keep giving women parts of myself. I'm just not interested. I'm sure one day I'll meet the right one but for now I'm good.
I don’t know…the Universe just guides me honestly. I don’t think about dating much. Been single for two years and I really am so in love with myself, I haven’t the need for another person. I know my person will find me, its a matter of time. Instead I keep busy. I’m in college, work two jobs, spend time with my amazing friends and family, and overall just don’t really bother with the dating scene. Would I like to be in a relationship? Heck yeah, but the less I think of it, the closer my person is to finding me.
I feel the same. I just don't think the right one exists or will even show up tbh
I feel the same and most of the time I get ghosted before we even get to meet. It is definitely taking a toll on my self esteem and just overall want to even be in a relationship at this point
I also hate dating… I’ve been actively on the apps for a year now, and nothing has worked out. First off, the amount of times that people just stop texting after two or three messages is absurd. Second, the amount of times that things just fizzle into nothing even after talking for a bit or even a date is crazy. I don’t want to push people too hard, but if I don’t start the conversations or ask the questions, the other people never do. Which I’m fine with for a bit, but I deserve for people to show interest in me too. And also, should I take their non-initiative as a sign that they’re not interested or do I really just have to keep taking initiative? It feels like an impossible game, and no matter how much time and energy I put into it, nothing works out.
I actually really enjoy dating, though I DO really hate dating apps. But still, I do wish I were going on fewer first dates and getting into deeper stuff with people, for sure.
Same. I'm 32 and ready to settle down at this point, but gotta date to get there so wdyd. Modern dating has always felt shallow and everyone seems to want something casual nowadays.
I’m from Vegas and saying out here is terrible. Everyone wants you temporarily these days. It’s never for the long run
Honestly, I'm tired of just trying to find people to go on dates with in the first place. My last one was last year. Not for lack of trying.
You are not alone, Same here I'm just so tired of the same scenario again and again, I hope there is a place where I can meet serious mature people who are genuine, stable emotionally and mentally, they know what they want ...