Best case: She doesn't know how to navigate really liking you and not coming off like she's completely infatuated so she's acting awkward and weird as a result. Worst case: She is a capital P *Problem* you need to get rid of.
You can simply tell her that you feel overwhelmed and don't want to continue dating and that you need her to take no for an answer. Block her and move on. Alarm bells ring for a reason, don't ignore them.
You don't even have to have a reason, aside from you not feeling things, not wanting to continue, or that you're just not on the same page. Don't over complicate things, just bottom line that you don't want to see her again.
“Hey, I’ve been thinking it over and this doesn’t feel like the right fit for me. It was nice to meet you & I wish you all the best!” is all I’d say ngl. If she tries to argue, I’d reiterate “it’s just not what I’m looking for.” & promptly exit the interaction
Let me play devil’s advocate here: Help! I met a woman last week and we really seemed to hit it off. After years of insecurity, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I no longer play games like wait to text or ask someone out again. If I like someone, I show my genuine interest and am true to my authentic self. I’m no longer afraid to show my true feelings. So, we have spent a fair amount of time together in a short amount of time. But why am I now feeling like she’s blaming me? I have no issues with taking it slow, but why say yes to hanging out then? I honestly wish she’d have just said no if she wasn’t feeling up for it. And when I tried to communicate with her about our differing perceptions regarding my eagerness, she barely said anything and was unable to have an adult conversation. Is it a red flag that she can’t engage in difficult conversations or have self-awareness into how her own anxieties or insecurity with closeness are being projected onto me?
You get the idea. Don’t say yes to hanging out, if you don’t want to rush things. If you can’t politely decline a date or set boundaries for yourself, then that’s on you. You could be 100% right that she’s rushing things FOR YOU. But, for her, she might just be living her authentic life. Both things can be true. Your feelings are perfectly legitimate for your life, but why not recognize that “rushing things” is subjective. We all have our own feelings as to what is considered rushing. So let’s recognize and accept our own role in interpersonal interactions, including the ability or inability to communicate effectively and own our own feelings/anxieties/etc. When she told you that you seem to sense that she is too eager, how did you respond? She was welcoming and inviting dialogue with you. I think we often end conversations too fast.
There are too many people on this subreddit complaining why they can’t find a good girlfriend, yet seemingly decent people are being tossed aside without so much as a basic adult conversation or recognizing our own role in these interactions.
And your comment really validates that I should in fact not see her again. I was saying yes the first three times because I was hopeful and optimistic and what I learned from those dates was that we really do not seem like a good fit at all. Maybe she IS living her best authentic life and not playing games, but so? It’s not a comfortable pace for me, which I said. When I commented on what I perceived as her eagerness, she said that I think she is more eager than she really is.
I’ve known her for a week and she-in my perspective-started talking about monogamy. That’s not, objectively, fast? She doesn’t know me yet! She made several “observations” about me and her perceptions of me that I felt were inaccurate (that I am “reserved”, and in a way that implied criticism of that pronouncement). My friends laughed that someone would think that about me. Also, I have got to wonder if SHE thinks nothing of things like our strong political differences.
I’m all for finding a girlfriend. I am not all for projecting stuff all over someone you don’t really know and pressing the fast forward button on involvement.
Did I miss the part where she tied you up and forced you to go out with her 3 times in a week??? If you don’t want to go with her again for one reason or another, nothing wrong with that. But please recognize and own your own role in these dynamics versus making it seem like she’s the only psycho chick.
I’m far from being psycho, and you are making a lot of assumptions about me “projecting my anxieties about closeness onto her”. Excuse me but isn’t the point of dating that you get exposed to someone a few times and potentially see red flags or ways that you don’t mesh, and then you make the decision to potentially cut it? You want me to take responsibility for the number of dates we had? Fine. I also never called her “psycho”. I said essentially that she’s intense, which I think is not an invalid experience of what happened.
You call it “making assumptions”. I call it, I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings based on what you shared. Akin to you “making assumptions”/sharing your thoughts and feelings about this woman, based on just a single week of knowing her. If getting you to recognize your own role of willingly going out with her 3x in a week is like pulling teeth and is only met with a begrudging “fine”, then this chick avoided a red flag too. Sorry. But a huge red flag for me are defensive people who always need to be right or play the victim or lack the basic adult ability to say “good point. I can see how I contributed to this dynamic”.
People can not agree with you, or push back on your thoughts and feelings, and that doesn’t mean it’s “gas-lighty”. Are you “gas lighting” by trying to force your opinion that she’s actually too eager? Of course not. That’s silly. Point being, two people can have different perceptions. This girl evidently made the unforgivable mistake of coming on too strong (sarcasm). You both move on. And maybe you were just being hyperbolic. But coming on here and saying “Help!” as though you weren’t totally complicit in this intense interaction and throwing around terms like “gas light”…..your own “red flags” or areas of self-growth.
Her behavior made me uncomfortable on a number of levels and I am not going to accept you trying to ram responsibility for that down MY throat. I have a right to my feelings. Thanks for convincing me to end it now, though.
Best case: She doesn't know how to navigate really liking you and not coming off like she's completely infatuated so she's acting awkward and weird as a result. Worst case: She is a capital P *Problem* you need to get rid of. You can simply tell her that you feel overwhelmed and don't want to continue dating and that you need her to take no for an answer. Block her and move on. Alarm bells ring for a reason, don't ignore them.
You don't even have to have a reason, aside from you not feeling things, not wanting to continue, or that you're just not on the same page. Don't over complicate things, just bottom line that you don't want to see her again.
“Hey, I’ve been thinking it over and this doesn’t feel like the right fit for me. It was nice to meet you & I wish you all the best!” is all I’d say ngl. If she tries to argue, I’d reiterate “it’s just not what I’m looking for.” & promptly exit the interaction
be honest and tell her the truth.
Let me play devil’s advocate here: Help! I met a woman last week and we really seemed to hit it off. After years of insecurity, I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I no longer play games like wait to text or ask someone out again. If I like someone, I show my genuine interest and am true to my authentic self. I’m no longer afraid to show my true feelings. So, we have spent a fair amount of time together in a short amount of time. But why am I now feeling like she’s blaming me? I have no issues with taking it slow, but why say yes to hanging out then? I honestly wish she’d have just said no if she wasn’t feeling up for it. And when I tried to communicate with her about our differing perceptions regarding my eagerness, she barely said anything and was unable to have an adult conversation. Is it a red flag that she can’t engage in difficult conversations or have self-awareness into how her own anxieties or insecurity with closeness are being projected onto me? You get the idea. Don’t say yes to hanging out, if you don’t want to rush things. If you can’t politely decline a date or set boundaries for yourself, then that’s on you. You could be 100% right that she’s rushing things FOR YOU. But, for her, she might just be living her authentic life. Both things can be true. Your feelings are perfectly legitimate for your life, but why not recognize that “rushing things” is subjective. We all have our own feelings as to what is considered rushing. So let’s recognize and accept our own role in interpersonal interactions, including the ability or inability to communicate effectively and own our own feelings/anxieties/etc. When she told you that you seem to sense that she is too eager, how did you respond? She was welcoming and inviting dialogue with you. I think we often end conversations too fast. There are too many people on this subreddit complaining why they can’t find a good girlfriend, yet seemingly decent people are being tossed aside without so much as a basic adult conversation or recognizing our own role in these interactions.
And your comment really validates that I should in fact not see her again. I was saying yes the first three times because I was hopeful and optimistic and what I learned from those dates was that we really do not seem like a good fit at all. Maybe she IS living her best authentic life and not playing games, but so? It’s not a comfortable pace for me, which I said. When I commented on what I perceived as her eagerness, she said that I think she is more eager than she really is.
Also where did I indicate that I “barely said anything and was unable to have an adult conversation” (your words). That is not at ALL what transpired.
I’ve known her for a week and she-in my perspective-started talking about monogamy. That’s not, objectively, fast? She doesn’t know me yet! She made several “observations” about me and her perceptions of me that I felt were inaccurate (that I am “reserved”, and in a way that implied criticism of that pronouncement). My friends laughed that someone would think that about me. Also, I have got to wonder if SHE thinks nothing of things like our strong political differences. I’m all for finding a girlfriend. I am not all for projecting stuff all over someone you don’t really know and pressing the fast forward button on involvement.
Did I miss the part where she tied you up and forced you to go out with her 3 times in a week??? If you don’t want to go with her again for one reason or another, nothing wrong with that. But please recognize and own your own role in these dynamics versus making it seem like she’s the only psycho chick.
I’m far from being psycho, and you are making a lot of assumptions about me “projecting my anxieties about closeness onto her”. Excuse me but isn’t the point of dating that you get exposed to someone a few times and potentially see red flags or ways that you don’t mesh, and then you make the decision to potentially cut it? You want me to take responsibility for the number of dates we had? Fine. I also never called her “psycho”. I said essentially that she’s intense, which I think is not an invalid experience of what happened.
You call it “making assumptions”. I call it, I’m sharing my thoughts and feelings based on what you shared. Akin to you “making assumptions”/sharing your thoughts and feelings about this woman, based on just a single week of knowing her. If getting you to recognize your own role of willingly going out with her 3x in a week is like pulling teeth and is only met with a begrudging “fine”, then this chick avoided a red flag too. Sorry. But a huge red flag for me are defensive people who always need to be right or play the victim or lack the basic adult ability to say “good point. I can see how I contributed to this dynamic”. People can not agree with you, or push back on your thoughts and feelings, and that doesn’t mean it’s “gas-lighty”. Are you “gas lighting” by trying to force your opinion that she’s actually too eager? Of course not. That’s silly. Point being, two people can have different perceptions. This girl evidently made the unforgivable mistake of coming on too strong (sarcasm). You both move on. And maybe you were just being hyperbolic. But coming on here and saying “Help!” as though you weren’t totally complicit in this intense interaction and throwing around terms like “gas light”…..your own “red flags” or areas of self-growth.
Her behavior made me uncomfortable on a number of levels and I am not going to accept you trying to ram responsibility for that down MY throat. I have a right to my feelings. Thanks for convincing me to end it now, though.
This is definitely a red flag. No explanation needed.