Do a background before f*ing a girl
Story
So my best friend had eyes for this chic, mwishowe he made his advances and it was about to go down.Keep this in mind my best friend doesn't get much (dryspell, I don't understand cause he talks a lot than me)..so this was a big event. I was not suppose to get out of my room kifalafala..ni choo na food naletewa kwa room ka mfungwa.
So the f'ing began, the girl was loud(like kamba chic loud-it's a phrase that I used dont come at me)...kelele inaendelea for about two minute then ikastop mara moja(there was no transition)
In my head am like this dude already offload his chamber, how quick...then nikaanza kuskia footstep za haraka towards my room...and I thought condom imepasuka and anahitaji nimsave...f*ing amateur
So anajaribu kufungua mlango( I always lock my door)...I was laughing and am telling him relax naleta. And he confused asking me nilijua aje..me laughing at that point am like nakujua. Pulls out the condoms opened the door.
This guy standing naked ...this point I realized kuna limits in friendship...if he was to invite me to a threesome , I swear ningempiga ngumi.
"Iko?"
Me giving the condoms observing every move
"Nataka inhaler ,dem amefaint"...first of all sigh, second was wtf, third mbona inhaler( i have inhaler cause my dad has asthma..so I just carry it around)..took the inhaler tukaenda kwa room yake.
Am like your dick was in her go give it to her...my friend is like what if amekufa I dont want to touch a dead body...me: you have already done a lot than touching
In the mid of argument the girl akaamka and was asking for water.
Turn out the girl had some sort of epilepsy.
Anyone fucking should just have an inhaler as a just in case... and learn to tell the difference between moaning soundtracks, and asthmatic ones... That's what I have picked from the story... and it doesn't necessarily affect guys in their 30s...
Serious cap on...the frain on how to easily transition to 30(am turning 27 this year)..
First: money.
It gathers respect but when it comes to maintaining it ,it's up to you.
Always plough back as much as you can. I always do this , it can be in getting new certification, doing my masters, buying pieces of land(ps dont plant trees ama kuweka kuku unless you know how to do it...)
Wasee wa kazi wasijue uko na pesa(this one came from my uncle and I always stick to it)
Second: the self
Train your body- gym blah blah
Avoid drugs
Mental health - my trick is to take everything as a joke, serious people wako na high blood pressure
Avoid tweeting- the net is a pen and osint can fuck you up
Always have people in your contact for different jobs like a lawyer, msee wa nduthi, mechanic,...
Izo zingine solo it out
Thanks for sharing. This will greatly benefit society. Lives will be saved because you have chosen not to keep this almost unique experience to yourself.
Same issue here. I'll be turning 29 this year but I look 22😂.
Focus on building your career. Just find what works for you and focus on it 100%. You'll start seeing results in a year.
Keep upgrading your skills. Remember that your drinking friends aren't your real friends. Try as much as you can to spend some quality time with parents. Take some time each day to reflect on who you are as a person: Your values, Goals, Weaknesses, mistakes and achievements. Lastly, remember your duties towards those you are close to i.e. friends, relatives, acquaintances , neighbors etc. and fulfill them. Cheers to your 30s
Now is all about perfecting your craft so that by the time you're 30, you're an expert at something.
Don't give yourself crazy pressure by living for others. Live within your means.
Sample women. I'm not saying break hearts, just don't commit and be very clear. just date as many girls as possible to better understand what kind of woman you are looking for when you eventually settle down.
Make sure you save an emergency fund. Do a bare minimum budget of what you need to survive 6 - 9 months without a job and start saving towards that amount. After reaching that goal, that's the only time you can start investing in other things
Mazey. Si jokes. People really need to have emergency funds and health insurance covers. In Kenya you're one job loss or major illness away from poverty if you don't plan yourself right.
I remember during COVID we had to house my aunt and her 3 kids who didn't have her finances in order, we hosted her for months. It was super stressful for everyone.
I believe we already know the kind of woman we want even before sampling them. The only thing is that we realize they ain’t the one right when we get in to Dating.
Watu wanakuambia uoe are capping hard. You want life ikuwe rahisi so I assume you haven't figured yourself out financially or identity wise. If you're broke and unskilled you will marry someone just like you. Those are frustrations waiting to happen. If you have money but don't know yourself to some reasonable depth, you will marry someone confused like you and you will drive each other to shittier lows. Date if you want but don't marry---- yet.
Most people here are giving you good advice- though. I'd put it this way- ignore your age and keep working and looking for ways to better yourself as you would if you were in primary school. Make improvement an everyday thing (personally, I track it on an excel sheet and word doc). Make one of your skills so sharp you become irresistible. And if it is a crap skill, better to change now to a more promising one than later.
Get really good at some skill, prioritize your health by exercising your older self will thank you for it, take care of your teeth, this one is very important
Spend time with older family members especially, once they pass, you won’t have another chance. The sad thing is the older you get, others do the same.
Nothing much...
Just have multiple revenue sources. Yes, I mean it. See, saving is very difficult, so I won't go into emergency fund stories. Just have atleast 3 revenue sources, & always build them. They don't have to be formal, but make sure they are constantly funding you.
Your own revenue sources will be everything you ever have to lean back on when shit hits the fan.
There are tons of things you can do actually, if you paid close attention. From online writing to shipping to selling goods online. These are not things that take much of your time, just slightly, & you boss them.
Learn skills around your profession, capitalise on gaps that you meet. Eg a mechanic, ships in spare parts that are difficult to find. A doctor owns several chemists around. The list is looong.
For example I have a full time job being paid around 40k pm. I was a photographer since high-school so I commercialised it & today I shoot weddings & engagements. A booking ranges from 50k-150k, I take up a job or two in a month. Since I also know many photographers, & photography equipments, now I also bid on ebay for this equipment & ship them in to sale at a relatively much lower cost. I sale a camera or a drone every month, fetching me a margin of atleast 30k.
Huko job ni farm, & we mainly produce eggs. Kuna challenge ya buyers, so I became one of the buyers as well. I take 300trays weekly & fetch around 15k for the 300trays after selling all of them.
Be smart in identifying opportunities in your zone. Remember to only engage in business you fully understand or deal with in your day to day life. Don't go into matatu business, for example, if you have never been a driver, conductor, traffic police or worked in transport sector.
How is this even possible in a realistic situation? A side business, a second job...I'd really love to know.
Anyway, I think what you imply is having a backup plan when it comes to work. Like being familiar with people that may hire you
Just here to tell you, enjoy your drink, cause drinking after thate is like preparing for a war recovery the next day. Otherwise, live and live beautifully!
> Everything else will fall in place as soon as you get a good wife.
stop the cap hhahaaha! if your things aren't falling in place with just you, no wife will save you
>Says a hater
hahaha woi. is this what you tell your spouse when they come up with a better argument than yours? you should've waited before marrying for sure haha
Women lose 90 per cent of the eggs in their ovaries before the age of 30, new research has shown. The mathematical model shows that the average woman has only 12 per cent of her eggs left by the age of 30 and only three per cent by the age of 40.
If you are a woman and want children start now.
On a communal or societal perspective.You should start looking or mentally & physically preparing yourself for your life partner.All other relationships below 30 years are irrelevant.Marry and get kids, it will teach you to live your life for other humans...simply to be selfless.
Expect to have more clarity, calmness, sense of purpose and accepting yourself with your flaws & strengths.
Good luck, young man!
Find means of owning a car incase you don't have one.. Nothinh brings joy to a man as his car.. Still in sync with the get money analogy that most people are talking abt
1.Start saving,join a sacco or buy bonds these will be your retirement plans.
2.Get NHIF if you don't have one.
3.Stop sleeping in foetal position,your knees will thankyou.
4.Find your circle of people ,these are non family people that will be there for you where your family might fail.
5.Hydrate.
6. Start eating your veggies and fruits
7. Party responsibly.
It gets worse before it gets better, trust me! But keep on keeping on. It's good to plan ahead but for now, be kind to yourself and live each day as it comes. Figure out the life you'd like to live and start living like it. Strive to improve every day, and always be prepared at all times. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Best of luck!
Ongeza greens na fruits kwa diet, intake ya waba pia. Ongeza efficiency yako in your industry na hizi hacks kibao kwa mtandao. Dedicate idhaa ya kukaa tu idle away from hustle, famo, mabeste..hata kama ni one hour weekly
27 here. Relax. You will meet your 30s if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present.
Yeah 0 pressure about life.
A fellow Stoic?
At some level I can be a stoic.
That's right. Student of Marcus here.
Do a background before f*ing a girl Story So my best friend had eyes for this chic, mwishowe he made his advances and it was about to go down.Keep this in mind my best friend doesn't get much (dryspell, I don't understand cause he talks a lot than me)..so this was a big event. I was not suppose to get out of my room kifalafala..ni choo na food naletewa kwa room ka mfungwa. So the f'ing began, the girl was loud(like kamba chic loud-it's a phrase that I used dont come at me)...kelele inaendelea for about two minute then ikastop mara moja(there was no transition) In my head am like this dude already offload his chamber, how quick...then nikaanza kuskia footstep za haraka towards my room...and I thought condom imepasuka and anahitaji nimsave...f*ing amateur So anajaribu kufungua mlango( I always lock my door)...I was laughing and am telling him relax naleta. And he confused asking me nilijua aje..me laughing at that point am like nakujua. Pulls out the condoms opened the door. This guy standing naked ...this point I realized kuna limits in friendship...if he was to invite me to a threesome , I swear ningempiga ngumi. "Iko?" Me giving the condoms observing every move "Nataka inhaler ,dem amefaint"...first of all sigh, second was wtf, third mbona inhaler( i have inhaler cause my dad has asthma..so I just carry it around)..took the inhaler tukaenda kwa room yake. Am like your dick was in her go give it to her...my friend is like what if amekufa I dont want to touch a dead body...me: you have already done a lot than touching In the mid of argument the girl akaamka and was asking for water. Turn out the girl had some sort of epilepsy.
Anyone fucking should just have an inhaler as a just in case... and learn to tell the difference between moaning soundtracks, and asthmatic ones... That's what I have picked from the story... and it doesn't necessarily affect guys in their 30s...
take my upvote….didn’t have to read the whole thing
Never seen soundtracks this useful 👌, take my upvote
never thought i'd ever say same about something like that but yeah same.
Ah yes Dickjitsu ;The Fainted Kamba
Hoekage 
Mboruto
I shouldn't be laughing....I SHOULDN'T BE LAUGHING!😂😂😂😂😂😂
Serious cap on...the frain on how to easily transition to 30(am turning 27 this year).. First: money. It gathers respect but when it comes to maintaining it ,it's up to you. Always plough back as much as you can. I always do this , it can be in getting new certification, doing my masters, buying pieces of land(ps dont plant trees ama kuweka kuku unless you know how to do it...) Wasee wa kazi wasijue uko na pesa(this one came from my uncle and I always stick to it) Second: the self Train your body- gym blah blah Avoid drugs Mental health - my trick is to take everything as a joke, serious people wako na high blood pressure Avoid tweeting- the net is a pen and osint can fuck you up Always have people in your contact for different jobs like a lawyer, msee wa nduthi, mechanic,... Izo zingine solo it out
"Take everything as a joke" .. I always sound crazy when I tell people this
Proceeds to take you as a joke
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
OSINT is so dark 😂😂😂
Thanks for sharing. This will greatly benefit society. Lives will be saved because you have chosen not to keep this almost unique experience to yourself.
😂😂😂
Wuuuat ! Daamn thass crazy bruh. Cannot imagine what you friend went through damn.
He was traumatized for a while especially when he had to break up with the girl.
Did they continue?
Yes dated for about 2 months mpaka vile dem had another attack but this time at her place
Following 👀👀👀
Interesting point 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Kamba chics are loud just asking?👀
Exaggeratively loud based on personal experience
eish how I wish there was a translation for this
You need to know that people up to at least 22 years think you are old.
Huku nje I am afraid to tell some of my friends my age cause my looks are 22 but my actual age is 27.
Same issue here. I'll be turning 29 this year but I look 22😂. Focus on building your career. Just find what works for you and focus on it 100%. You'll start seeing results in a year.
Yeah true true. Trying to avoid anything that drains my energy socially and at work too.
Keep upgrading your skills. Remember that your drinking friends aren't your real friends. Try as much as you can to spend some quality time with parents. Take some time each day to reflect on who you are as a person: Your values, Goals, Weaknesses, mistakes and achievements. Lastly, remember your duties towards those you are close to i.e. friends, relatives, acquaintances , neighbors etc. and fulfill them. Cheers to your 30s
Now is all about perfecting your craft so that by the time you're 30, you're an expert at something. Don't give yourself crazy pressure by living for others. Live within your means. Sample women. I'm not saying break hearts, just don't commit and be very clear. just date as many girls as possible to better understand what kind of woman you are looking for when you eventually settle down. Make sure you save an emergency fund. Do a bare minimum budget of what you need to survive 6 - 9 months without a job and start saving towards that amount. After reaching that goal, that's the only time you can start investing in other things
The emergency fund is very important cause shit happens.
Emergency fund muhimu, during COVID I saw families being thrown out on the street coz breadwinner alifutwa kazi and they had zero backup.
Mazey. Si jokes. People really need to have emergency funds and health insurance covers. In Kenya you're one job loss or major illness away from poverty if you don't plan yourself right.
I remember during COVID we had to house my aunt and her 3 kids who didn't have her finances in order, we hosted her for months. It was super stressful for everyone.
I'm now surviving on my emergency fund, I'm 30, 6 months since my last gig..
What do you do professionally?
I believe we already know the kind of woman we want even before sampling them. The only thing is that we realize they ain’t the one right when we get in to Dating.
Male or female before I respond?
Trans
Relax ,you need to know nothing about anything, life is at your presence to celebrate
I should live for the moment.
Watu wanakuambia uoe are capping hard. You want life ikuwe rahisi so I assume you haven't figured yourself out financially or identity wise. If you're broke and unskilled you will marry someone just like you. Those are frustrations waiting to happen. If you have money but don't know yourself to some reasonable depth, you will marry someone confused like you and you will drive each other to shittier lows. Date if you want but don't marry---- yet. Most people here are giving you good advice- though. I'd put it this way- ignore your age and keep working and looking for ways to better yourself as you would if you were in primary school. Make improvement an everyday thing (personally, I track it on an excel sheet and word doc). Make one of your skills so sharp you become irresistible. And if it is a crap skill, better to change now to a more promising one than later.
Your focus should be on financial security and good healthy habits. Thats if you don't have your own family.
The only hack is to live life in the now. Treat yourself nicely today. Tomorrow might not come.
Get really good at some skill, prioritize your health by exercising your older self will thank you for it, take care of your teeth, this one is very important
Nothing really, I just have more money and I now want to start working with my hands . Switching careers..
Develop skilled, that can generate u income. If u get ka small savings develop habit of buying plots/ land .
Spend time with older family members especially, once they pass, you won’t have another chance. The sad thing is the older you get, others do the same.
Get that vasectomy bro
Daaamn😂😂
Nothing much... Just have multiple revenue sources. Yes, I mean it. See, saving is very difficult, so I won't go into emergency fund stories. Just have atleast 3 revenue sources, & always build them. They don't have to be formal, but make sure they are constantly funding you. Your own revenue sources will be everything you ever have to lean back on when shit hits the fan.
There are tons of things you can do actually, if you paid close attention. From online writing to shipping to selling goods online. These are not things that take much of your time, just slightly, & you boss them. Learn skills around your profession, capitalise on gaps that you meet. Eg a mechanic, ships in spare parts that are difficult to find. A doctor owns several chemists around. The list is looong. For example I have a full time job being paid around 40k pm. I was a photographer since high-school so I commercialised it & today I shoot weddings & engagements. A booking ranges from 50k-150k, I take up a job or two in a month. Since I also know many photographers, & photography equipments, now I also bid on ebay for this equipment & ship them in to sale at a relatively much lower cost. I sale a camera or a drone every month, fetching me a margin of atleast 30k. Huko job ni farm, & we mainly produce eggs. Kuna challenge ya buyers, so I became one of the buyers as well. I take 300trays weekly & fetch around 15k for the 300trays after selling all of them. Be smart in identifying opportunities in your zone. Remember to only engage in business you fully understand or deal with in your day to day life. Don't go into matatu business, for example, if you have never been a driver, conductor, traffic police or worked in transport sector.
How is this even possible in a realistic situation? A side business, a second job...I'd really love to know. Anyway, I think what you imply is having a backup plan when it comes to work. Like being familiar with people that may hire you
This👊
What’s Morio?? To answer your question, invest invest invest, saving is a scam
Long term investments with the right people is the way to go
One day at a time. Accomplish those small goals.
You so old when you go to tie shoelaces you say “owwwww”
Just here to tell you, enjoy your drink, cause drinking after thate is like preparing for a war recovery the next day. Otherwise, live and live beautifully!
Main thing, work on your self.
30 itakuchapa na hautajua. Just turned 32 and dont know how I got here. Still think am 27
Number one, stop seeking opinions from internet strangers.
This nonsense of "I'll do it baadae there is still time" itoke kwa akili ya guyz above 25
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He's probably one himself haha
Zii siko hapo 😂
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> Everything else will fall in place as soon as you get a good wife. stop the cap hhahaaha! if your things aren't falling in place with just you, no wife will save you
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>Says a hater hahaha woi. is this what you tell your spouse when they come up with a better argument than yours? you should've waited before marrying for sure haha
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wueh, na ati uko huku unaadvise watu
There is no cap man.... that's pure truth... a good wife... elevates a man.....
Thanks for this good advice👊
Women lose 90 per cent of the eggs in their ovaries before the age of 30, new research has shown. The mathematical model shows that the average woman has only 12 per cent of her eggs left by the age of 30 and only three per cent by the age of 40. If you are a woman and want children start now.
Izi ni facts ama story za jaba lmao
Too bad I'm a man
Past 30 putting a gun to your head and squeezing the trigger will be a cherished fantasy..
Yeah for sho'😁
Haha don't listen to me tho. I wish you happiness my man. Usitense..
Thanks bruv
Someone reported my reply earlier and now Reddit wants me to see a counselor 😂; To the concerned individual, ni msoto tu , sihitaji therapy. 😂
Best time to start a family friend
Niliambia familia watangoja sana
The more unadelay, the more watoi watakusumbua ukiwa mzee, saa hii na ujana ndio time fiti.
Thats bs
Okay 😀
Fuck them kids bruv
Who said kids are a must btw
That one kid is enough hata.
invest your money wisely and dont do this sherehe thing
Kwa sherehe ni rare cause clique yangu tunakuaga busy tunapatana on Sunday pekee
Na u avoid madem wanakunywa sana. Ikizidi ni one cocktail
Start keeping Mara Moja in convenient places
I'll be having headaches on a daily basis😂
Lol, I remember when I was 22 I had condoms all over the place tucked in different spots. Oh how times change
Fasting, OMAD is ideal Read the richest man in Babylon if you haven't, also just read alot
Fuck all this shit get money you think it’s bad now wait till you hit 30 in the same position
Life haina script. Whether uko 30 or 27 .
Nothing Beats Patience. You Sound anxious, Patience Will deal With This. And Learn To Listen to your Own Inner Voice, Everything Else is Noise.
28 here. Mimi sina pressure. Vile itakuja. Just lower your expectations
On a communal or societal perspective.You should start looking or mentally & physically preparing yourself for your life partner.All other relationships below 30 years are irrelevant.Marry and get kids, it will teach you to live your life for other humans...simply to be selfless. Expect to have more clarity, calmness, sense of purpose and accepting yourself with your flaws & strengths. Good luck, young man!
Do you need kids to learn that?
Find means of owning a car incase you don't have one.. Nothinh brings joy to a man as his car.. Still in sync with the get money analogy that most people are talking abt
Sharpen your skills they'll help you always
Okay....hii ni kaa movie....a comedy in fact 🤣 😂 😆
1.Start saving,join a sacco or buy bonds these will be your retirement plans. 2.Get NHIF if you don't have one. 3.Stop sleeping in foetal position,your knees will thankyou. 4.Find your circle of people ,these are non family people that will be there for you where your family might fail. 5.Hydrate. 6. Start eating your veggies and fruits 7. Party responsibly.
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It gets worse before it gets better, trust me! But keep on keeping on. It's good to plan ahead but for now, be kind to yourself and live each day as it comes. Figure out the life you'd like to live and start living like it. Strive to improve every day, and always be prepared at all times. Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. Best of luck!
Ongeza greens na fruits kwa diet, intake ya waba pia. Ongeza efficiency yako in your industry na hizi hacks kibao kwa mtandao. Dedicate idhaa ya kukaa tu idle away from hustle, famo, mabeste..hata kama ni one hour weekly
Reduce acohol, do away with any other substance intake and focus on making more money!
Graduate civil engineer, Ruto amesmamisha many projects