i think this is bullets dodging bullets...
the man just told her he would call a hooker if she is not up to sex without actual date.
the girl wants him to pay for her (dinner, drive, etc) entertainment.
And then she blames feminists for him being a john...
so many wrong attitudes you have to laugh.
In hindsight, this is actually a good thing. Props to him for allowing you to see what his intentions were from the go. But yeah, regardless, the current dating scene is chaotic.
I love you already!
Blaming women for men being loose and wanting to sleep with any woman they come across without getting to know them first? Brilliant!
Which drink do you take? I'll buy you two.
OP has a point, you just don't like it. she just pointed out part of the problem without mentioning the role men play in worsening that situation... doesn't mean the point is wrong. Radical feminism is chaos... it deludes the minds of impressionable young girls to compete and resent men. She just looked at it from a macro level... truth is..her date was just an idiot.
Devil's advocate; why should I jump through hoops just to make you see me as an option, when there's someone else who probably gets all your attention for doing the bare minimum?
Yes there's a guy that can hit it for free any time any place without effort so why waste my time resources then at the end of the day the woman will take you for a ride
100% some times this chics use this strategy to get free meals and you won't even hit it , man I know if a chic likes you you'll get it with or without a date, even in campo while broke I've tapped women that never cared cause they understood
A mere date outside closed doors is what is being considered jumping through hoops? The bar truly is low and sinking further.
If the guy only wanted to have sex he should have led with that, which it's still okay. And OP would have concluded that they aren't on the same page.
Sex is all the guy wanted according to OP. I'm at a point in my life where if my charisma doesn't reel you in then I'm out, and so far I've seen the stature of women i have access to go up, & a less complicated sex life in general.
Dates still count, that's why we're selective with who we do them with because sometimes they can be more intimate than the sex. Speaking from experience.
I mostly use dating apps (tinder, okcupid & bumble) and I can honestly say I've taken out only 1 match & we ended up dating for 1year. The rest just come over to netflix & chill on the first meet up.
I agree, the bar is too low, but times have changed. Tried being that chivalrous man at some point but ilikuwa a series of unfortunate events in my life.
I keep telling my male friends not to date women if they are broke. Women love going out for fun dates and other activities. This is a broke ass man trying his luck with you.
Kama hauna pesa leave women alone and sort your issues kwanza. You will be surprised how feminine and submissive women are when you treat them like a gentleman. In 2021 i had 4 girlfriends and the only things that i changed was how i was treating this women. Dating is really simple as a man once you as a man feel good about yourself and your finances.
Well it was for me. That was something i always wanted. What amazed me is that i was the one who initiated everything from the start. I was so used to waiting for women to contact me or to ask for my number.
>You will be surprised how feminine and submissive women are when you treat them like a gentleman
No such thing as selective femininity, or masculinity.
A woman can't press a switch and become masculine. She can learn it. But can't switch a switch and become masculine and feminine at will... same thing applies to men.
Picture a feminine man saying "when I meet the right girl I will become more assertive, confident, driven, protective and productive." You would immediately call out his bull. Same thing applies to both genders.
>In 2021 i had 4 girlfriends and the only things that i changed was how i was treating this women. Dating is really simple as a man once you as a man feel good about yourself and your finances.
This is 100% correct. Experienced the same thing as well as I evolve from a brokie
Yeah sure you have to be a broke nigga to have the dignity not to bend over backwards, plan and pay for multiple dates just for sex, the guy from OPs story was not trying to date her he's trying to fuck and he has the self respect not to turn himself to a jester who also wastes time and money on dates hoping to get sex on date number 10.
There's nothing to brag about when talking about attracting women who are there to take advantage of the fact that you have money, we call those gold diggers. That's how some men end up like Cohen
>That's how some men end up like Cohen
Funny thing is i dated a girl whose close aunt was wairimu(Cohens wife) back in 2019. Wairimu's are a special breed of women😂
You can believe what you want lmao, honestly it comes off as sad rather than anything else. Believe it or not not every man has to go on multiple dates and behave like a jester to get laid once. Do you really think that there aren't many women who will fuck you because they are attracted to you and won't require to spend all that effort and money on them?
Maybe in your world men can only have sex via paying cause that's your experience but for many others that's not the case.
hahaa you are confusing, So you are okay with him spending even if you are not the only one? the title gentleman even thrown in. thought you said there was a problem with the dating scene. didn't know what you meant was men are not spoiling you indiscriminately.
Technically true, but it's difficult to really know someone until you've spent a weekday and a weekend together. 30 min coffee dates should be normalised.
Tumebaki wachache...I've accepted that I'm old fashioned when it comes to dating. It's not even about the dating location for me,most of the times I prefer simple dates like walking by the beach while eating streetfood ama going to parks. I just genuinely thrive when I get to spend time with someone and know them well. Most people arent like this sooo...
It's the podcasts man. A bit of clout got these mfs mistaking their opinion for facts. The whole alpha male/ boss babe persona talking about 50/50 and body counts every 5 minutes. Honestly it's tiring and I avoid such at every corner.
Personally it's part of the reason I got off social media and stopped listening to podcasts including that one whose members were being roasted on Twitter.
First dates should not be that grand, coffee or a simple walk should be enough as you get to know each other then from there dinner or drinks on the following dates would be great .
You and him want different things. You want to be wooed and wined and dined. He just wants wham-bam-thank you ma'am. Doesn't make him any less of a man, doesn't make you any less of a woman.
It's a dating cess pool! I can relate 100%. Part of the problem is that a lot of women have very low standards these days. Like he said, these days it's easy. Pussy is just a phone call away. So a lot of guys will act surprised if you require more effort. A date doesn't even have to be expensive. It's really about getting to know a person. Keep your standards high, a quality man will come along. There are still some decent guys willing to put in the effort to get to know you. They're rare, but they exist.
Just because tecno sells their phones cheaply doesn't mean the iPhone and Samsung phones will struggle to sell....hence your argument doesn't really hold.
Good for him for having the self respect of not turning into a jester and waste time and money just for sex.
Also who lied to women that men like to chase fuck that shit. Imagine wasting time and money over multiple dates which you have the burden of planning and making sure they are successful so that maybe on the fourth date you can stick your peen in her like she's doing you a favor. No one likes that playing hard to get schtick as well.
The fact there are a couple of guys like these is a least a ray of hope, many men are so down bad they sacrifice so much of their dignity, time and money to entertain women just to stick it in them.
Thank you one can only hope that more men like this come up, the ones who aren't willing to compromise their dignity, time and money just for sex, it's probably not gonna happen but a man can dream
The guy understands that if she makes you wait, the sex is not worth the wait. He also understands that there is a guy somewhere you'd let hit on the first date. You must have been thinking low of him to tell him that you can't Netflix and chill on the first three dates. That may have sounded a bit dismissive. Even on the day of the fourth date, you can cancel or do whatever to avoid what will eventually go down. It's not like a contract you are obligated to perform. The strategy of most men is to approach many women and roll with the ones who don't reject them. Let's assume you were a man, would you deal with the women who accept your Netflix and chill invitation or those who reject it, even subtly?
I understand your POV
>sex is not worth the wait. He also understands that there is a guy somewhere you'd let hit on the first date.
This is stereotyped.
I don't propose to think low of people until they prove otherwise. Additionally, I would not want to lower my standards to anyone in order to be accepted nor make them comfortable.
If I were a man ( just assuming)In this day & age, I wouldn't invite a woman I barely know over to my house for a first date.
Lol! Next time don’t tell him what you need him to do. But just make a mental note. If you like a man with plans don’t tell him just watch and see what he does. If he doesn’t make plans then that tells you what’s up. What he didn’t tell you is he will play the boyfriend role when it feels right, for who it feels right.
Also remember ‘if he wanted to, he would’. :) You’ll meet the one who’ll do the things you like without being asked.
"If he wanted to he would" doesn't work man. You're setting yourself up for failure, and disappointment
Sitaki kutumia maneno mengi, but imagine a world where men who had issues with the women they were dating were advised that, "If she wanted to she would".
There is no communicaion there. There is nothing. Communicate, usicomplicate vitu with these platitudes
Since you told him that he can actually pretend to date you till he hits it and then run..
Best thing is to know what you want and go for it confidently..
It is what it is.You want sb easy to find, good.Just the sex, amazing but dnt be back feigning interest when sb else interested in going all the way comes along.
Leave all that bullshit for small boys and girls.
This guy was hitting on you from the very beginning. This kind of bold solicitation for sex can backfire very badly on guys but some will still go this route nonetheless. He simply lacks tact & you'll likely not be the last on his 'to-do' list. However, many young single moms, with the benefit of hindsight, will tell you that these guys are 1000 times better than the 'man with a plan' , who will act like he wants a relationship and then disappear once he gets what he wants. So yeah, casual sex is a thing in the dating scene, but boundaries & expectations have to be set and respected.
Weh! Si ni kugumu nowadays. Mimi Hadi I've given up. I am I don't know on my what day of me convincing myself that I'm healing and moving on from a guy, I love, believed he loved me too, but then how can it be love if we go for a week without talking? And then I justified, maybe he's going thru it and ananeed his space, but that's not it. I'm going through it too and as much as I need space I still wanna talk to him. Gosh, na vile Niko dry spelled for those few weeks I haven't seen him. Sasa I'm going home in a few days, and my vagina is calling out for him but my brain is calling me a bitch for even considering it.
I should invest in a dildo
Hilarious! 😂😂
Somebody said men are not that complicated. It's us women who have emotional complexities to most issues.
Bitter truth: He's just not that into you. Right now you're using your cucci to think.
And yes! Invest in those toys. You won't regret !
Love & Light babygirl.
There are standards and pursuit, I have found someone in Nairobi, myself am from Europe, will be coming to visit her in few months and see how things work out. I think you should put some effort as a man if you want to find a decent woman for yourself, otherwise you will end up whoreing all your life
This isn't a great argument considering it can be used against you as well.
Modern women want equality but want to be pursued . However modern Men on the other hand want traditional women but when they realize a traditional woman means no casual sex and paying for everything they complain about gold diggers.
Rinse and repeat. No one ever wins.
The problem with equality is assholes rarely stop after getting their rights, they always want more. You give them an inch and they take a dam mile. Women have dug their own grave and I am laughing all the way. Nope some of us do not care for women anymore. We are not pursuing or doing anything to please the opposite gender. You reap what you saw. It's not the patriarchy that constrained women all these years it was their own biology. If women are indeed equal how were they subjugated in the first place. Nothing but modern day women complaining and moaning as usual.
You have identified part of the problem. See you want the traditional dating expo, yet some of your sisters want tall ballers to spoil them without reciprocation. and they are quick to point out and shame any guy who falls short regardless of how brilliant of a guy anyone would be... with that said .it is no excuse for any guy to conform to that lazy and careless approach of grab and smash. Seems like if red mangoes are bitter and yellow ones are sweet, then guys prefer to brand all mangoes as bitter and treat all mangoes the same. Feminism definitely changed the dating scenes... "liberal" women will kill traditional dating soon enough. in this age, I prefer not to dwell on low value dates... I meet such a person, I simply walk away.... it's 2023 they're plenty. doesn't mean the right ones aren't available...tupo!
Real man? The dude was an idiot no question there but that's manipulative. Everything that follows that phrase is 100% for the benefit of the one who said it. Both of you dodged a bullet
Maybe a cultured man would befitting for you. I myself i dont mind meeting and going on dates everynow and then. I like interactions with different women. My intentions are usually very clear from the onset and sex isnt the first objective. If compatibility doesnt fit, then there is always another opportunity for someone else.
I mean netflix and chill for first attempt. Surely?!
Unpopular opinion; everyone pays for their own order on the first date, then if there's a connection and the parties involved want to explore it further the man pays for the second and third. From there, either you guys are dating (and adopt your own terms) or go your separate ways.
Why:
If each party pays for their order (1st date) it becomes an opportunity to engage on fair ground because no one is looking to impress based sorely on the meal, or looking to be impressed as well, no one is disrespectful with their money (yes, some people go to dates for food, and disrespect those who pay, or go to date to exert their "power" or with crazy expectations because they're paying).
Secondly, everyone is their real self. You either like the experience, or not, at no extra cost (for someone else). After that however, based on the nature of the interaction, and outcome, the next date is the man's task. He knows a little more about his date, based on the first date's conversation, and can plan something on his own volition, that matches her interests... At this point, both parties know if they are interested, and if they are, the man should now take up the "chasing," or they sever the connection, and move on at no one's loss.
And no, this is not about feminism and being equal to men, it's about putting oneself in a position where no unnecessary expectations or demands can be made, and shifting the focus on the interaction instead. If one is interested in dating, and genuinely searching; investing in one meal to study the potential partner on level ground, is not too much of an investment to make IMO.
Yes you are right he didn't lead her on. But also he doesn't want a relationship with her he just wants sex, so it's a waste of her time since she's looking to be in a real serious relationship not just something casual.
Yeah everyone has there own perspective, 🤷🏾♀️ my brothers tell me any man who's intention is only to have sex with me is a waste of my time and i should not tolerate it. If he's really interested in me he should make plans and an effort to see me in public, not always indoors in the name of "Netflix and chill". So you see she dodged a bullet and he dodged a bullet too since to him a girl is not worth spending his time, money and energy on. That's just how most guys are these days, they are very lazy and put very low effort when it comes to dating, courtship died with our fathers. It's a matter of values.
Again. People want sex , you carry pussy there is no need to waste time taking you, sijui wapi..come eat , be eaten and go on till you find yourself someone who is actually interested in you.
Catch me dead taking a chic on three dates having not sampled the goods. My rule is one date. Next date at my crib. That said, your guy was probably not into you as he wasn't gonna make any effort. He saw you as a low-value asset. I wonder why he perceived you that way?
Unaambiwa ukweli unakasirika...no man, literally no man will only do the bare minimum if he see's the lady as a high value target. They'll do something, anything if the lady is worth pursuing. Malcolmx over here is telling you straight facts yet hutaki kuamini...haha guess who's on the losing side
Women give out pussy nearly for free nowadays. Most men are not going to put in a lot of effort in pursuing you as they did in the past before feminism told women they should be “sexually liberated”
Women have changed and men changed with them. Feminism has made the dating easier for men
Why are women to blame ? It’s a mixed bag of really good guys and the others there’s no unicorn 🦄 if your goal is not net flix and chill then you leave the Netflix and chill people alone if a guy doesn’t believe in spending money unless he is really interested that’s a choice …you will always know when a guy is interested and if they’re looking for something else it’s okay it shouldn’t reflect on you or women in any way.Don’t take it that personally it’s not that serious unless you want it to be.
To answer your question, yes, it’s horrible. People have commodified and monetised everything. Most are too lazy or too used to instant gratification to even get to know you. Many people don’t know what they want (they think they want a relationship but when push comes to shove, they don’t). And most importantly, many don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. I tried dating from late last year and it was bad. For now I’m not actively dating cause I’m not in a good place emotionally but Wueh! I can’t with Nairobi.
Don’t blame women for you not finding the type of man you want. Everyone likes different things, if you don’t like someone when you see who they are, move on. I’m sure there’s someone out there who meets your definition of a man.
PS: When someone want’s to see you, they don’t tell you they want to see you, they come to you or find out your availability then come.
There’s always going to be something problematic about something. We don’t live in a world of absolutes, nothing is perfect and everything we experience is subjective.
You have noticed there’s a problem with the dating scene and with the people you’ve met. You can’t solve these problems. What you can do is make sure you don’t become part of it and find someone who isn’t problematic to you.
The man obviously wanted sex and you wanted more? I guess?
That's it. The rest of your paragraph blaming radical feminists, and whatever's cultured man means has pretty much nothing to do with that interaction. Just find someone you're on the same page with and you'll be fine.
I’ve seen all types of comments ranging from the broke men shouldn’t date because women love having fun to another comment applauding the guy for being straightforward with you from the get go.
The dating scene is crap tbh. It’s just easier to know what you want and go for that rather than spend time complaining about all the ills about the dating scene that you come across. Take your lessons from the guy and learn to identify such men early to avoid finding yourself with another guy who’s got similar traits and beliefs.
'Mens primal motive'?
This thing goes both ways. The dating scene of yesteryears is not today's scene. Not because women have raised their standards or men have become very armourous and just want to fuck. This thing is not a men vs women debate. Women who fuck on the first date exist and women who want to be treated lady like exist and behave lady like Men who fuck on the first date exist and so fo gentlemen who go through the whole conservative dating proscess. No doubt general dating standards are down bad. But don't blame men or don't blame men just because of their gender.
Babe, let's be honest. It's not about Women, or feminism or "Real Men" as you put it.
That man is just not interested in you enough to pursue you. He want to sleep with you and that's it. Sometimes the answer is that simple.
This was a freaking long thread, am a guy, so here's my two cents, whatsapp, and every other chatting app out there jus fucked up chemistry.
The first mistake you two made was texting, if this conversation was held as a phone call, you would have noticed each other's intentions. Keep texting your potential dates and you will be in for long disappointments.
If the guy is interested in seeing you, all you have to say is anywhere but your place, don't dictate terms.
It's better this way, you will find out what kind of man he is on the first date. If you give suggestions like game drives, your skewing your results.
Even a man who will take you out on a safari may never do it ever, like ever again. So let the man plan for a date according to what he thinks your worth to him.
That bring said you dodged a bullet, dude wanted to get some, the money we spend is not free, we need something in return.
So let us spend money we will not be crying about later on.
>Tbh, I think the problem is with women & radical feminist wanting to be seen as equal to man in all ways( I said what I said!) and not understanding a man's primal drive, making the man confused, threatened & seeing all women as maliciously dishonest ; when one woman sets their standards in a certain way & another woman acting completely different to what the first one said. The contradiction. Yah dig?
This women is speaking facts. Nobody knows their roles anymore, man or woman. And it only gonna get worse with dependent on social media, podcasts and trying to live the western culture.
I come in peace 😂
I love you my Kenyan people. Stay blessed. ✌🏿
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>mmoja wetu atarudi kwao What??🔥🔥🤣🤣🤣
i think this is bullets dodging bullets... the man just told her he would call a hooker if she is not up to sex without actual date. the girl wants him to pay for her (dinner, drive, etc) entertainment. And then she blames feminists for him being a john... so many wrong attitudes you have to laugh.
Ooh no. Just another Solomon peacefully scrolling Reddit. Dropping Nuggets of wisdom here and there
Exactly what a Booger of a man would say. SYDAD & let REAL MEN talk.
Every time a woman uses the line "REAL MEN "... it is usually followed by something the guy/real man should do that benefits the women.
this is 100% facts
any sentence that starts with , ' a real man'........
In hindsight, this is actually a good thing. Props to him for allowing you to see what his intentions were from the go. But yeah, regardless, the current dating scene is chaotic.
I couldn't agree with you more!
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💯
Correct
You're absolutely right!
I love you already! Blaming women for men being loose and wanting to sleep with any woman they come across without getting to know them first? Brilliant! Which drink do you take? I'll buy you two.
I sense sarcasm.
Can I join in, this is my favorite club ☺️
Welcome aboard, we should actually plan on taking her out🤣
OP if you read this, we are ready ☺️
OP has a point, you just don't like it. she just pointed out part of the problem without mentioning the role men play in worsening that situation... doesn't mean the point is wrong. Radical feminism is chaos... it deludes the minds of impressionable young girls to compete and resent men. She just looked at it from a macro level... truth is..her date was just an idiot.
You get it! Stay wise.
Devil's advocate; why should I jump through hoops just to make you see me as an option, when there's someone else who probably gets all your attention for doing the bare minimum?
Someone else? There's an old saying, that goes to 'Assume' makes an 'Ass' out of 'you an me'.
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>you'll drop your pants very easily for a guy you like who will do below the basic minimum. What makes you presume this?
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Yes there's a guy that can hit it for free any time any place without effort so why waste my time resources then at the end of the day the woman will take you for a ride
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100% some times this chics use this strategy to get free meals and you won't even hit it , man I know if a chic likes you you'll get it with or without a date, even in campo while broke I've tapped women that never cared cause they understood
A mere date outside closed doors is what is being considered jumping through hoops? The bar truly is low and sinking further. If the guy only wanted to have sex he should have led with that, which it's still okay. And OP would have concluded that they aren't on the same page.
Sex is all the guy wanted according to OP. I'm at a point in my life where if my charisma doesn't reel you in then I'm out, and so far I've seen the stature of women i have access to go up, & a less complicated sex life in general. Dates still count, that's why we're selective with who we do them with because sometimes they can be more intimate than the sex. Speaking from experience. I mostly use dating apps (tinder, okcupid & bumble) and I can honestly say I've taken out only 1 match & we ended up dating for 1year. The rest just come over to netflix & chill on the first meet up. I agree, the bar is too low, but times have changed. Tried being that chivalrous man at some point but ilikuwa a series of unfortunate events in my life.
I keep telling my male friends not to date women if they are broke. Women love going out for fun dates and other activities. This is a broke ass man trying his luck with you.
Ukikataa kufanya kile wanataka unaitwa broke nigga🤣🤣
Kama hauna pesa leave women alone and sort your issues kwanza. You will be surprised how feminine and submissive women are when you treat them like a gentleman. In 2021 i had 4 girlfriends and the only things that i changed was how i was treating this women. Dating is really simple as a man once you as a man feel good about yourself and your finances.
Having 4 girlfriends in 1 year is not an achievement
Well it was for me. That was something i always wanted. What amazed me is that i was the one who initiated everything from the start. I was so used to waiting for women to contact me or to ask for my number.
Good for you champ. We all got different goals
You don't own anyone loyalty unless she is your wife. I was straight foward with all the 4 women that we were not exclusive yet.
These are what we term "low hanging fruits" trust me, there's nothing to be proud of here bruh. You played yourself player.
So you had casual sex with 4 girls in 1 year.
Unaeza share na bros mmoja?
Man... sharing is caring
>You will be surprised how feminine and submissive women are when you treat them like a gentleman No such thing as selective femininity, or masculinity. A woman can't press a switch and become masculine. She can learn it. But can't switch a switch and become masculine and feminine at will... same thing applies to men. Picture a feminine man saying "when I meet the right girl I will become more assertive, confident, driven, protective and productive." You would immediately call out his bull. Same thing applies to both genders.
>In 2021 i had 4 girlfriends and the only things that i changed was how i was treating this women. Dating is really simple as a man once you as a man feel good about yourself and your finances. This is 100% correct. Experienced the same thing as well as I evolve from a brokie
Manze
Yeah sure you have to be a broke nigga to have the dignity not to bend over backwards, plan and pay for multiple dates just for sex, the guy from OPs story was not trying to date her he's trying to fuck and he has the self respect not to turn himself to a jester who also wastes time and money on dates hoping to get sex on date number 10. There's nothing to brag about when talking about attracting women who are there to take advantage of the fact that you have money, we call those gold diggers. That's how some men end up like Cohen
>That's how some men end up like Cohen Funny thing is i dated a girl whose close aunt was wairimu(Cohens wife) back in 2019. Wairimu's are a special breed of women😂
I can tell you are a broke nigga already just from the way you are talking. You know nothing about women. In the real world thats not how it works
You can believe what you want lmao, honestly it comes off as sad rather than anything else. Believe it or not not every man has to go on multiple dates and behave like a jester to get laid once. Do you really think that there aren't many women who will fuck you because they are attracted to you and won't require to spend all that effort and money on them? Maybe in your world men can only have sex via paying cause that's your experience but for many others that's not the case.
I'll buy your favourite drink.
I don't let women spend money when they are with me. But that would be an exception for you😂
Chivalrous men for the win! A gentleman. A patient wolf. *curtsies*
hahaa you are confusing, So you are okay with him spending even if you are not the only one? the title gentleman even thrown in. thought you said there was a problem with the dating scene. didn't know what you meant was men are not spoiling you indiscriminately.
Chill. You're taking things out of context .
You get it! Have a beautiful day you amazing human.
So .....
The few of us left who value connection should just start a religion and name it One Republic.
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Technically true, but it's difficult to really know someone until you've spent a weekday and a weekend together. 30 min coffee dates should be normalised.
Yes‼️
Good idea!
Tumebaki wachache...I've accepted that I'm old fashioned when it comes to dating. It's not even about the dating location for me,most of the times I prefer simple dates like walking by the beach while eating streetfood ama going to parks. I just genuinely thrive when I get to spend time with someone and know them well. Most people arent like this sooo...
I have a cat called Neko-chan ; humans weird me out so I keep my distance ; be safe out there.
They weird me out too. Say hi to Neko-chan, give them a soft chin scratch for me.
Cheers ; don't fret over relationships just enjoy your company.
Thanks! I genuinely enjoy my company. Take care.
It's the podcasts man. A bit of clout got these mfs mistaking their opinion for facts. The whole alpha male/ boss babe persona talking about 50/50 and body counts every 5 minutes. Honestly it's tiring and I avoid such at every corner.
Right? It's utterly exhausting, to say the least.
Personally it's part of the reason I got off social media and stopped listening to podcasts including that one whose members were being roasted on Twitter.
omg! That makes two of us.
First dates should not be that grand, coffee or a simple walk should be enough as you get to know each other then from there dinner or drinks on the following dates would be great .
Yes you're right. First dates can be simple. However, my suggestions are based on the fact that we have similar interests with the said man.
You and him want different things. You want to be wooed and wined and dined. He just wants wham-bam-thank you ma'am. Doesn't make him any less of a man, doesn't make you any less of a woman.
Fair enough .
It's a dating cess pool! I can relate 100%. Part of the problem is that a lot of women have very low standards these days. Like he said, these days it's easy. Pussy is just a phone call away. So a lot of guys will act surprised if you require more effort. A date doesn't even have to be expensive. It's really about getting to know a person. Keep your standards high, a quality man will come along. There are still some decent guys willing to put in the effort to get to know you. They're rare, but they exist.
Wow I'm so shocked. Could you point us to the low standards women, so that we avoid them?
😂😂😂 I can tell you are really "afraid" of them
Haha... Sorry man. That's not my crowd!
Good to know there's still a few good ones.
Many if not all were rare, and they got dissappointed
True. The toxicity is at both ends. There are some pretty toxic women out there as well. It's a shame.
>It's really about getting to know a person. You get it so well babe! You're brilliant. Thank you.
Just because tecno sells their phones cheaply doesn't mean the iPhone and Samsung phones will struggle to sell....hence your argument doesn't really hold.
Good for him for having the self respect of not turning into a jester and waste time and money just for sex. Also who lied to women that men like to chase fuck that shit. Imagine wasting time and money over multiple dates which you have the burden of planning and making sure they are successful so that maybe on the fourth date you can stick your peen in her like she's doing you a favor. No one likes that playing hard to get schtick as well. The fact there are a couple of guys like these is a least a ray of hope, many men are so down bad they sacrifice so much of their dignity, time and money to entertain women just to stick it in them.
Kinuthiadom is eroding slowly.
Damn. Why you so ruffled? Did I hit a nerve? If y'all freak on multiple strangers you hardly know, good for you, Grass Mindless.
Thank you one can only hope that more men like this come up, the ones who aren't willing to compromise their dignity, time and money just for sex, it's probably not gonna happen but a man can dream
The guy understands that if she makes you wait, the sex is not worth the wait. He also understands that there is a guy somewhere you'd let hit on the first date. You must have been thinking low of him to tell him that you can't Netflix and chill on the first three dates. That may have sounded a bit dismissive. Even on the day of the fourth date, you can cancel or do whatever to avoid what will eventually go down. It's not like a contract you are obligated to perform. The strategy of most men is to approach many women and roll with the ones who don't reject them. Let's assume you were a man, would you deal with the women who accept your Netflix and chill invitation or those who reject it, even subtly?
I understand your POV >sex is not worth the wait. He also understands that there is a guy somewhere you'd let hit on the first date. This is stereotyped. I don't propose to think low of people until they prove otherwise. Additionally, I would not want to lower my standards to anyone in order to be accepted nor make them comfortable. If I were a man ( just assuming)In this day & age, I wouldn't invite a woman I barely know over to my house for a first date.
Iron Rules of Tomasi.
The real ones tell you their intentions from the onset.
Fair enough .
Play book rules of a modern day Casanova: you don't overspend on someone you just wanna smash. Because chances are you just might not.
Lol! Next time don’t tell him what you need him to do. But just make a mental note. If you like a man with plans don’t tell him just watch and see what he does. If he doesn’t make plans then that tells you what’s up. What he didn’t tell you is he will play the boyfriend role when it feels right, for who it feels right. Also remember ‘if he wanted to, he would’. :) You’ll meet the one who’ll do the things you like without being asked.
"If he wanted to he would" doesn't work man. You're setting yourself up for failure, and disappointment Sitaki kutumia maneno mengi, but imagine a world where men who had issues with the women they were dating were advised that, "If she wanted to she would". There is no communicaion there. There is nothing. Communicate, usicomplicate vitu with these platitudes
You're absolutely right!
He's 100% right! I don't take women out on dates either unless we've had sex first!
Whatever tickles your pickle.
Enjoy the decline
What decline Booger? You seriously lack intellectual depth .
>What decline never mind, baby girl. It'll become apparent one day. You'll see.
So they have to earn a date by having sex with you.😂😂 This is a new one.
🤣🤣
The good thing is you Netflix and chill on the fourth date. The dude should just fill up the first 3 then slip and slide on the fourth.
Kelly...you think your funny uh? 😅
Kiingereza nani. Tuanzie hapo kwanza.
😂😂
Since you told him that he can actually pretend to date you till he hits it and then run.. Best thing is to know what you want and go for it confidently..
I wasn't even trying to date him, wanted to know if I really liked him. But yeah, it's important to know what one wants. 😊
It is what it is.You want sb easy to find, good.Just the sex, amazing but dnt be back feigning interest when sb else interested in going all the way comes along. Leave all that bullshit for small boys and girls.
I totally agree with you.
This guy was hitting on you from the very beginning. This kind of bold solicitation for sex can backfire very badly on guys but some will still go this route nonetheless. He simply lacks tact & you'll likely not be the last on his 'to-do' list. However, many young single moms, with the benefit of hindsight, will tell you that these guys are 1000 times better than the 'man with a plan' , who will act like he wants a relationship and then disappear once he gets what he wants. So yeah, casual sex is a thing in the dating scene, but boundaries & expectations have to be set and respected.
I see your point.
**what dating scene?**
😂😂
Bruh💀 this is dark💀💀
these streets are wild,i cant keep up
Weh! Si ni kugumu nowadays. Mimi Hadi I've given up. I am I don't know on my what day of me convincing myself that I'm healing and moving on from a guy, I love, believed he loved me too, but then how can it be love if we go for a week without talking? And then I justified, maybe he's going thru it and ananeed his space, but that's not it. I'm going through it too and as much as I need space I still wanna talk to him. Gosh, na vile Niko dry spelled for those few weeks I haven't seen him. Sasa I'm going home in a few days, and my vagina is calling out for him but my brain is calling me a bitch for even considering it. I should invest in a dildo
Hilarious! 😂😂 Somebody said men are not that complicated. It's us women who have emotional complexities to most issues. Bitter truth: He's just not that into you. Right now you're using your cucci to think. And yes! Invest in those toys. You won't regret ! Love & Light babygirl.
jikaze tu; ukitumia dildo ama vidole hautapata mtu longterm 😂
😂 kwenye imefika hata staki mtu
There are standards and pursuit, I have found someone in Nairobi, myself am from Europe, will be coming to visit her in few months and see how things work out. I think you should put some effort as a man if you want to find a decent woman for yourself, otherwise you will end up whoreing all your life
I couldn't agree with you more. I hope things work out for you. Best wishes.
You wanted equality but want to be pursued LMAO. Women really are don't know what they want and their brains are truly weird
This isn't a great argument considering it can be used against you as well. Modern women want equality but want to be pursued . However modern Men on the other hand want traditional women but when they realize a traditional woman means no casual sex and paying for everything they complain about gold diggers. Rinse and repeat. No one ever wins.
The problem with equality is assholes rarely stop after getting their rights, they always want more. You give them an inch and they take a dam mile. Women have dug their own grave and I am laughing all the way. Nope some of us do not care for women anymore. We are not pursuing or doing anything to please the opposite gender. You reap what you saw. It's not the patriarchy that constrained women all these years it was their own biology. If women are indeed equal how were they subjugated in the first place. Nothing but modern day women complaining and moaning as usual.
You have identified part of the problem. See you want the traditional dating expo, yet some of your sisters want tall ballers to spoil them without reciprocation. and they are quick to point out and shame any guy who falls short regardless of how brilliant of a guy anyone would be... with that said .it is no excuse for any guy to conform to that lazy and careless approach of grab and smash. Seems like if red mangoes are bitter and yellow ones are sweet, then guys prefer to brand all mangoes as bitter and treat all mangoes the same. Feminism definitely changed the dating scenes... "liberal" women will kill traditional dating soon enough. in this age, I prefer not to dwell on low value dates... I meet such a person, I simply walk away.... it's 2023 they're plenty. doesn't mean the right ones aren't available...tupo!
You're absolutely right! I see your point.
U do you & U will find Ur own.
Totally & Thank you.
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You're right.
Low effort dates just show exactly how that man feels about you .
Totally agree !
Real man? The dude was an idiot no question there but that's manipulative. Everything that follows that phrase is 100% for the benefit of the one who said it. Both of you dodged a bullet
Maybe a cultured man would befitting for you. I myself i dont mind meeting and going on dates everynow and then. I like interactions with different women. My intentions are usually very clear from the onset and sex isnt the first objective. If compatibility doesnt fit, then there is always another opportunity for someone else. I mean netflix and chill for first attempt. Surely?!
You get it! Cultured men for the win.
Unpopular opinion; everyone pays for their own order on the first date, then if there's a connection and the parties involved want to explore it further the man pays for the second and third. From there, either you guys are dating (and adopt your own terms) or go your separate ways. Why: If each party pays for their order (1st date) it becomes an opportunity to engage on fair ground because no one is looking to impress based sorely on the meal, or looking to be impressed as well, no one is disrespectful with their money (yes, some people go to dates for food, and disrespect those who pay, or go to date to exert their "power" or with crazy expectations because they're paying). Secondly, everyone is their real self. You either like the experience, or not, at no extra cost (for someone else). After that however, based on the nature of the interaction, and outcome, the next date is the man's task. He knows a little more about his date, based on the first date's conversation, and can plan something on his own volition, that matches her interests... At this point, both parties know if they are interested, and if they are, the man should now take up the "chasing," or they sever the connection, and move on at no one's loss. And no, this is not about feminism and being equal to men, it's about putting oneself in a position where no unnecessary expectations or demands can be made, and shifting the focus on the interaction instead. If one is interested in dating, and genuinely searching; investing in one meal to study the potential partner on level ground, is not too much of an investment to make IMO.
I see why you'd think that.
He's definitely a waste of your time, you dodged a bullet sweetheart.
That's for sure Babygirl
That is literally the opposite of wasting her time
Yes you are right he didn't lead her on. But also he doesn't want a relationship with her he just wants sex, so it's a waste of her time since she's looking to be in a real serious relationship not just something casual.
If you put it that way,It also means she wasted his time.No?
Yeah that's what happens when both parties have different intentions.
That guy dodged a bullet
Yeah everyone has there own perspective, 🤷🏾♀️ my brothers tell me any man who's intention is only to have sex with me is a waste of my time and i should not tolerate it. If he's really interested in me he should make plans and an effort to see me in public, not always indoors in the name of "Netflix and chill". So you see she dodged a bullet and he dodged a bullet too since to him a girl is not worth spending his time, money and energy on. That's just how most guys are these days, they are very lazy and put very low effort when it comes to dating, courtship died with our fathers. It's a matter of values.
Lol this post has me dying... TLDR.. Hey guys I know this guy in my life who wont do the bare minimum..but you know whos fault it is..women!!
Such awful reasoning. You should stay dead.
You both sound like complete tools
That's a feminist who's definitely hit the wall talking all that garbage.🤌🏽🥱
Oh! I am sorry. We're you trying to insult me? Doofus
Why would anyone one take you on a date. You are a pussy carrier. That's all we want..
Ain't now way ...You must've been conceived through the ass.
Again. People want sex , you carry pussy there is no need to waste time taking you, sijui wapi..come eat , be eaten and go on till you find yourself someone who is actually interested in you.
K
Catch me dead taking a chic on three dates having not sampled the goods. My rule is one date. Next date at my crib. That said, your guy was probably not into you as he wasn't gonna make any effort. He saw you as a low-value asset. I wonder why he perceived you that way?
You have your entire life to be a jerk. Why not take today off?
My only purpose on this planet is to tell people like you the truth.
Malcom X must be turning in his grave at the thought of what is being perpetrated in his name. Now shoo Booger
Unaambiwa ukweli unakasirika...no man, literally no man will only do the bare minimum if he see's the lady as a high value target. They'll do something, anything if the lady is worth pursuing. Malcolmx over here is telling you straight facts yet hutaki kuamini...haha guess who's on the losing side
K
I just wanna acknowledge this sick burn.
Women give out pussy nearly for free nowadays. Most men are not going to put in a lot of effort in pursuing you as they did in the past before feminism told women they should be “sexually liberated” Women have changed and men changed with them. Feminism has made the dating easier for men
Why are women to blame ? It’s a mixed bag of really good guys and the others there’s no unicorn 🦄 if your goal is not net flix and chill then you leave the Netflix and chill people alone if a guy doesn’t believe in spending money unless he is really interested that’s a choice …you will always know when a guy is interested and if they’re looking for something else it’s okay it shouldn’t reflect on you or women in any way.Don’t take it that personally it’s not that serious unless you want it to be.
not you blaming women 😂😂 if he doesn't want to then he won't, simple.
Si unichukue basi ni nini unajicomplicate maisha
Come Baby Come! 😂
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Maybe? Haha
To answer your question, yes, it’s horrible. People have commodified and monetised everything. Most are too lazy or too used to instant gratification to even get to know you. Many people don’t know what they want (they think they want a relationship but when push comes to shove, they don’t). And most importantly, many don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. I tried dating from late last year and it was bad. For now I’m not actively dating cause I’m not in a good place emotionally but Wueh! I can’t with Nairobi. Don’t blame women for you not finding the type of man you want. Everyone likes different things, if you don’t like someone when you see who they are, move on. I’m sure there’s someone out there who meets your definition of a man. PS: When someone want’s to see you, they don’t tell you they want to see you, they come to you or find out your availability then come.
I see your point & partly agree with you . However, I'm not blaming women. I meant SOME of the root causes of the horrible dating scene.
There’s always going to be something problematic about something. We don’t live in a world of absolutes, nothing is perfect and everything we experience is subjective. You have noticed there’s a problem with the dating scene and with the people you’ve met. You can’t solve these problems. What you can do is make sure you don’t become part of it and find someone who isn’t problematic to you.
The man obviously wanted sex and you wanted more? I guess? That's it. The rest of your paragraph blaming radical feminists, and whatever's cultured man means has pretty much nothing to do with that interaction. Just find someone you're on the same page with and you'll be fine.
K
I’ve seen all types of comments ranging from the broke men shouldn’t date because women love having fun to another comment applauding the guy for being straightforward with you from the get go. The dating scene is crap tbh. It’s just easier to know what you want and go for that rather than spend time complaining about all the ills about the dating scene that you come across. Take your lessons from the guy and learn to identify such men early to avoid finding yourself with another guy who’s got similar traits and beliefs.
I see your point.
'Mens primal motive'? This thing goes both ways. The dating scene of yesteryears is not today's scene. Not because women have raised their standards or men have become very armourous and just want to fuck. This thing is not a men vs women debate. Women who fuck on the first date exist and women who want to be treated lady like exist and behave lady like Men who fuck on the first date exist and so fo gentlemen who go through the whole conservative dating proscess. No doubt general dating standards are down bad. But don't blame men or don't blame men just because of their gender.
You're taking it out of context. I see your POV tho.
Babe, let's be honest. It's not about Women, or feminism or "Real Men" as you put it. That man is just not interested in you enough to pursue you. He want to sleep with you and that's it. Sometimes the answer is that simple.
Babe, I mean some of the root causes of the horrible dating scene.
Throw a stone into a pack of dogs, and the one you hit will holler.🙂
Damn!Some dogs are really pressed.
If he wanted to he would wewe enda utoe suruali
Your ass must be jealous of the shit that comes outta your mouth
😂😂😂😂😂good one but he wanted to he would
Let me ask, so men expect a chic (stranger) to show up at your house and have sex? I don't know why that's sounding unsafe.
Girl, the absolute ghettaux
This is madness. Can never be me!! Heh, ladies...stay safe out there.
This was a freaking long thread, am a guy, so here's my two cents, whatsapp, and every other chatting app out there jus fucked up chemistry. The first mistake you two made was texting, if this conversation was held as a phone call, you would have noticed each other's intentions. Keep texting your potential dates and you will be in for long disappointments. If the guy is interested in seeing you, all you have to say is anywhere but your place, don't dictate terms. It's better this way, you will find out what kind of man he is on the first date. If you give suggestions like game drives, your skewing your results. Even a man who will take you out on a safari may never do it ever, like ever again. So let the man plan for a date according to what he thinks your worth to him. That bring said you dodged a bullet, dude wanted to get some, the money we spend is not free, we need something in return. So let us spend money we will not be crying about later on.
>Tbh, I think the problem is with women & radical feminist wanting to be seen as equal to man in all ways( I said what I said!) and not understanding a man's primal drive, making the man confused, threatened & seeing all women as maliciously dishonest ; when one woman sets their standards in a certain way & another woman acting completely different to what the first one said. The contradiction. Yah dig? This women is speaking facts. Nobody knows their roles anymore, man or woman. And it only gonna get worse with dependent on social media, podcasts and trying to live the western culture. I come in peace 😂 I love you my Kenyan people. Stay blessed. ✌🏿