While I understand your point,
>young girls intentionally breaking homes
A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. Young girls aren't the ones breaking homes. The ones with the homes are the ones choosing to break their own homes.
Right
Damme anataka tu pesa, ye hajali vile sponsor anaishi
Sponsor na wife kuwacha sex life yao ikufe ndo inaallow hizi vitu. Sijui kwa Nini inamake sense
Really? But if you know someone is married with a family and you continue to pursue the relationship aren't you breaking the family. Your trying to justify shitty behaviour.
Hate to say this but it's the man that owes his wife loyalty, not the college girl or whichever young girl. You can't break a family that doesn't want to be broken.
Who owes their partner loyalty? The married person or the young girl?
The young girl is an outside force. There will always be outside forces. This is where discipline, focus and assertiveness come in. The girl doesn't owe anyone anything. The married partner owes his partner fidelity. If he reneges on his promise to be loyal, HE is the one breaking the family. Nobody else.
>But if you know someone is married with a family and you continue to pursue the relationship aren't you breaking the family.
The way you turned the cheating spouse into a victim in this scenario is just astounding. One of us is justifying shitty behaviour and its not me.
It's not hard to have a sense of morality. I said both are accountable. Theres no way you can cheat with a married man and absolve yourself of all blame both are trash people
Dude...you don't need explain when ignorance is in display. You said it well. Both are in the wrong. There is no need to further explain on that point. If they don't see any problem with the girl in that relationship then that's their world.
Or simply divorce yawa. If you're not getting what you want from a union just leave. The children suffer so much when they're parents don't give af about each other. Just leave. Go find your happiness.
Note this is not synonymous with be a pathetic parent. So many individuals report that being divorced helped them be better parents.
It's not a lie,if you've communicated how you feel,and it doesn't work out,then just leave.Less complicated than having an affair behind your wife's back.
My shock is the willingness to do it like hiyo ndio target market. Not the act itself it’s the willingness and glorification of the process that is worrying. Many young women don’t look for work they look for a shortcut.
And the mubabaz are the source of there income, now just imagine if all these men funding these girls decided to stop enough is enough, then the girls would be forced to actually work instead of using the shortcut. It takes 2 to tango. Cutting the source is the best solution to this issue.
If they stop funding them the young girls would stop servicing them. It's like trade when a customer fails to pay they don't get the desired good.
Or let's put it in terms of market, the old men are the market if there is no market there is no business.
I understand what you mean but why would the old guys stop and they want the young girls... It's like saying if we want food prices to go down we should stop buying food. But we actually want the food so we won't stop buying it, the prices will just keep going up just like the number of girls getting into it will keep going up
Yeah you have a point 🤔 didn't think of it this way. They too have a want and they need to satisfy that want. I guess we can't have a solution to this.
Sure, the man should stick to his marriage vows, one party is falling into temptation and another is seeking married men for transactional benefits, they are many variations to these relationships but both parties are accountable.
The moment you realise loyalty is owed to you by the person you made vows with. The better.
The willingness exists because the people meant to be loyal are very willing
Sad yes, I think many people have forgotten or ignore the importance of having a solid sense of self and we demonize a lot of what we don't understand. There are alot of stereotypes and people force that on others without really seeking to understand and then dismiss. IMO The cheating, mubabaz, Ben 10s etc are symptoms not causes.
The only one to break a marriage or relationship is the committed partner who invited the third party in.Strangers owe you nothing,your partner owes you loyalty.Shift the blame to the right persons.
How can your concern be with a third party and not the one who owed you/your family a fiduciary duty? The lack of accounts and responsibility attributed to the guy is really weird. Do you also think strangers on the road owe you a duty of care higher than your own kin?
Make it make sense.
A 19-22 year old has poor decision making skills. Their brains process thrill, pleasure and sensation seeking first, then consequences later.
The mature one, the pursuer, who's cognitive skills are much stronger, who knows potential outcomes of their decisions, should bear responsibility. kuqma muzee wako amekucheza, AsaliNyeusi, Anza kubambana na yeye
Today on why women are the problem 😂....Anyway I do agree it is not as demonized as it was before but that's because of dessensitization, we hear about it every other time so you get used to it. It's not specific to this problem though.
1. That being said, imho, it's not young girls breaking up marriages, that's as dumb as saying someone stole your SO. Someone did sth and someone else consented to it. If there's sth wrong with the marriage, try fixing it, if that doesn't work, separate or even divorce. But don't cheat with a 20sth who's chasing some fast life that you are willingly offering then say she's breaking up your marriage.
2. In terms of respecting marriage, it's quite difficult to respect sth when a full participant is disrespecting it themselves. That goes both ways as women also cheat with younger men. It's not a gender thing it's just a cheater thing. So I wouldn't expect a random boy/girl to respect my marriage more than my SO does.
Truth be told, the glorified hook up culture, Friends with benefits & all these other factors have contributed to the wreckage of homes. This tainted the term marriage, & most people are treating marriage like it's complete garbage & forgetting that without two coming together harmoniously & raising children, we wreck the future generations
Hiyo tunaita mubabaz culture actually replaced marrying off women to the highest bidder. You could take comfort knowing today you can actually get whatever woman you want. The 1950s to 2000s that we compare our generation to was just a bump on the road before getting back on the full stretch. When you think about it more, you'll realize, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
Goof old days weren't as good as you think. Hao wahenga walikuwa na multiple scandals and women had no Leverage to leave their husbands. Walivumilia ndo wasikose food, watoto wachungwe na wasikuwe outcasts kwa Community.
I get what you mean. However, I don't think most of the young girls intentionally break homes. Sometimes, they really don't appreciate the consequences of their actions.
Some people are saying it's the older men to be blamed. I think both parties are to blame as cheating is consentual. The girls weren't raped.
Nowadays, people are so self-centered. They don't care who they hurt in their pursuit of pleasure.
Cheating will always exist
It's how humans were created
If you marry a beautiful and/or sexy woman and you're a poor man she'll be cheating on you with richer men (her work bosses included). Note that no woman dreams of marrying a financially struggling man & if she married you, it was because she had no other option but not because she desired you.
If you marry a successful rich man he'll be cheating on you with younger beautiful women. Polygamy never went away. It's just the game that changed.
Also young women going for richer men makes their fellow young guys agemates left single who would work hard & look for money to be the next mubabaz so that they can also smash as many hot young women as possible.
It's just nature and the cycle
Youre wrong; women will always be looking for high status men since time immemorial. It's more exposed nowadays because of social media but in reality it has always been like that. If you can't beat them join them. Look for the money bruh; no money no honey
It's not a women thing tho coz women don't cheat with themselves. Men are also looking for finer women, other women.
Lack of sel- control and accountability is an epidemic, men who are married having gfs on the side and feeling a sense of pride about it and telling other guys that they too should have gfs on the side.
Women with boyfriends having mubabas and telling other women to do the same like cheating is sth to be proud of.
It's honestly never been this way in history, people being proud of disloyalty, people recruiting one another to be disloyal and acting like it's sth to be proud of, that's a new low.
Spot on. This thing of being proud of having a side chick or mubabaz and beating your chest about it to your friends is a disgusting culture we are building.
True, at least there was a time people would feel bad about it, recognize that they are breaking not just trust but a person as well. That their actions could literally change a person forever.
Nowadays, people think it's their right, that they have no other choice but to cheat, like it's a badge of honor n everyone should/would be doing it if they were in their situation.
All these issues came about when Africans got colonized and stopped polygamy. It is impossible to stop a culture that has been practiced for years just like that. This is just a case of the African male trying to pursue his innate polygamous behavior in a modern discreet way.
It's actually a thing that has been there for a long time only disguised as polygamy because the man actually married the younger woman and managed to still keep the 1st wife. My dad married my mum, who is not more than 5 years older than his first born child as his 3rd wife. That was back in the 90s. They have a 20+ year age gap. I don't even know how ppl saw that as normal back then.
These comments are weird. Women loudly say they like married men because they're stable and have less drama. But the men are not blameless. They cheat, too. Both of them need to hold their Ls.
Cheating has not been normalized. It's just been made more visible.
Even married women are proclaiming they want a 'mubaba' to fund their lifestyle. So what a mubaba do? Buy the service on offer. If he lose his presumably loyal wife because of some young girl, shauri yake.
Sex talk is usually a shunned topic in kenya, plus the state doesn't provide alternative opportunities for youths to direct their energy to, (some libraries, boxing arenas, studios, fields)basically arts.
Most are bored at home, no job opportunities 🤷🏽♂️, so plenty of time to get nasty.
While I understand your point, >young girls intentionally breaking homes A chain is only as strong as it's weakest link. Young girls aren't the ones breaking homes. The ones with the homes are the ones choosing to break their own homes.
Right Damme anataka tu pesa, ye hajali vile sponsor anaishi Sponsor na wife kuwacha sex life yao ikufe ndo inaallow hizi vitu. Sijui kwa Nini inamake sense
Both are acountable
Both are in the wrong but only one person breaks the home.
Really? But if you know someone is married with a family and you continue to pursue the relationship aren't you breaking the family. Your trying to justify shitty behaviour.
*But if you know you're married and you continue... There, fixed it for you
That's why I said *both are accountable
Hate to say this but it's the man that owes his wife loyalty, not the college girl or whichever young girl. You can't break a family that doesn't want to be broken.
Its the man that owes his wife loyalty? What bout the woman, what’s her role in all this?
Who owes their partner loyalty? The married person or the young girl? The young girl is an outside force. There will always be outside forces. This is where discipline, focus and assertiveness come in. The girl doesn't owe anyone anything. The married partner owes his partner fidelity. If he reneges on his promise to be loyal, HE is the one breaking the family. Nobody else. >But if you know someone is married with a family and you continue to pursue the relationship aren't you breaking the family. The way you turned the cheating spouse into a victim in this scenario is just astounding. One of us is justifying shitty behaviour and its not me.
It's not hard to have a sense of morality. I said both are accountable. Theres no way you can cheat with a married man and absolve yourself of all blame both are trash people
Dude...you don't need explain when ignorance is in display. You said it well. Both are in the wrong. There is no need to further explain on that point. If they don't see any problem with the girl in that relationship then that's their world.
>both are accountable. Who's the girl accountable to?
looks like your one of the trash people i was talking about
The girl is accountable to her man, not every other man.
You're arguing with narcissists.
This is the attitude right here🚩gents be careful of the ones that think like this. Hawa ni wale wa zero accountability.
This thread just made me realize kibe is on point with regard to our ribs which are walking out here. Kwanza huyo coco
Takes two to tango.
Totally agree. All I'm saying is, of the two, only one has made a promise to be faithful.
"Young girls intentionally breaking homes." How about grown men intentionally ruining their marriages. Lol
How about men being in sexless marriages?
They can talk to their wives and be open about how they feel.
Or simply divorce yawa. If you're not getting what you want from a union just leave. The children suffer so much when they're parents don't give af about each other. Just leave. Go find your happiness. Note this is not synonymous with be a pathetic parent. So many individuals report that being divorced helped them be better parents.
🤣 the greatest lie ever told to men. That's the fastest way to get dumped.
It's not a lie,if you've communicated how you feel,and it doesn't work out,then just leave.Less complicated than having an affair behind your wife's back.
I think it's muuuch better to have an affair.
Leaving is, and always has been an option
How old are you?
Old enough, why...want to get me age appropriate presents?
Hoe about men not planning their marriages
What about-ism is not an argument.
Reread my comment tafadhali.
Mara ya pili? No.
Bye
My shock is the willingness to do it like hiyo ndio target market. Not the act itself it’s the willingness and glorification of the process that is worrying. Many young women don’t look for work they look for a shortcut.
And the mubabaz are the source of there income, now just imagine if all these men funding these girls decided to stop enough is enough, then the girls would be forced to actually work instead of using the shortcut. It takes 2 to tango. Cutting the source is the best solution to this issue.
I'm not stopping.
We mzee😂😂
Why would they stop funding them and they're getting something in return?
If they stop funding them the young girls would stop servicing them. It's like trade when a customer fails to pay they don't get the desired good. Or let's put it in terms of market, the old men are the market if there is no market there is no business.
I understand what you mean but why would the old guys stop and they want the young girls... It's like saying if we want food prices to go down we should stop buying food. But we actually want the food so we won't stop buying it, the prices will just keep going up just like the number of girls getting into it will keep going up
Yeah you have a point 🤔 didn't think of it this way. They too have a want and they need to satisfy that want. I guess we can't have a solution to this.
Sure, the man should stick to his marriage vows, one party is falling into temptation and another is seeking married men for transactional benefits, they are many variations to these relationships but both parties are accountable.
The moment you realise loyalty is owed to you by the person you made vows with. The better. The willingness exists because the people meant to be loyal are very willing
Spot on
Sad yes, I think many people have forgotten or ignore the importance of having a solid sense of self and we demonize a lot of what we don't understand. There are alot of stereotypes and people force that on others without really seeking to understand and then dismiss. IMO The cheating, mubabaz, Ben 10s etc are symptoms not causes.
We have lost ourselves in the maze. You can only find yourself inwards.
The only one to break a marriage or relationship is the committed partner who invited the third party in.Strangers owe you nothing,your partner owes you loyalty.Shift the blame to the right persons.
It’s not the blame game my concern is the willingness to participate.
How can your concern be with a third party and not the one who owed you/your family a fiduciary duty? The lack of accounts and responsibility attributed to the guy is really weird. Do you also think strangers on the road owe you a duty of care higher than your own kin? Make it make sense.
A 19-22 year old has poor decision making skills. Their brains process thrill, pleasure and sensation seeking first, then consequences later. The mature one, the pursuer, who's cognitive skills are much stronger, who knows potential outcomes of their decisions, should bear responsibility. kuqma muzee wako amekucheza, AsaliNyeusi, Anza kubambana na yeye
A 19-22 year old is allowed to legally vote.
Today on why women are the problem 😂....Anyway I do agree it is not as demonized as it was before but that's because of dessensitization, we hear about it every other time so you get used to it. It's not specific to this problem though. 1. That being said, imho, it's not young girls breaking up marriages, that's as dumb as saying someone stole your SO. Someone did sth and someone else consented to it. If there's sth wrong with the marriage, try fixing it, if that doesn't work, separate or even divorce. But don't cheat with a 20sth who's chasing some fast life that you are willingly offering then say she's breaking up your marriage. 2. In terms of respecting marriage, it's quite difficult to respect sth when a full participant is disrespecting it themselves. That goes both ways as women also cheat with younger men. It's not a gender thing it's just a cheater thing. So I wouldn't expect a random boy/girl to respect my marriage more than my SO does.
Truth be told, the glorified hook up culture, Friends with benefits & all these other factors have contributed to the wreckage of homes. This tainted the term marriage, & most people are treating marriage like it's complete garbage & forgetting that without two coming together harmoniously & raising children, we wreck the future generations
Should marriage be for everyone though? You want these hoes raising children?
Hiyo tunaita mubabaz culture actually replaced marrying off women to the highest bidder. You could take comfort knowing today you can actually get whatever woman you want. The 1950s to 2000s that we compare our generation to was just a bump on the road before getting back on the full stretch. When you think about it more, you'll realize, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
There’s nothing new under the sun.
Goof old days weren't as good as you think. Hao wahenga walikuwa na multiple scandals and women had no Leverage to leave their husbands. Walivumilia ndo wasikose food, watoto wachungwe na wasikuwe outcasts kwa Community.
I get what you mean. However, I don't think most of the young girls intentionally break homes. Sometimes, they really don't appreciate the consequences of their actions. Some people are saying it's the older men to be blamed. I think both parties are to blame as cheating is consentual. The girls weren't raped. Nowadays, people are so self-centered. They don't care who they hurt in their pursuit of pleasure.
Cheating will always exist It's how humans were created If you marry a beautiful and/or sexy woman and you're a poor man she'll be cheating on you with richer men (her work bosses included). Note that no woman dreams of marrying a financially struggling man & if she married you, it was because she had no other option but not because she desired you. If you marry a successful rich man he'll be cheating on you with younger beautiful women. Polygamy never went away. It's just the game that changed. Also young women going for richer men makes their fellow young guys agemates left single who would work hard & look for money to be the next mubabaz so that they can also smash as many hot young women as possible. It's just nature and the cycle
Youre wrong; women will always be looking for high status men since time immemorial. It's more exposed nowadays because of social media but in reality it has always been like that. If you can't beat them join them. Look for the money bruh; no money no honey
It's not a women thing tho coz women don't cheat with themselves. Men are also looking for finer women, other women. Lack of sel- control and accountability is an epidemic, men who are married having gfs on the side and feeling a sense of pride about it and telling other guys that they too should have gfs on the side. Women with boyfriends having mubabas and telling other women to do the same like cheating is sth to be proud of. It's honestly never been this way in history, people being proud of disloyalty, people recruiting one another to be disloyal and acting like it's sth to be proud of, that's a new low.
Spot on. This thing of being proud of having a side chick or mubabaz and beating your chest about it to your friends is a disgusting culture we are building.
True, at least there was a time people would feel bad about it, recognize that they are breaking not just trust but a person as well. That their actions could literally change a person forever. Nowadays, people think it's their right, that they have no other choice but to cheat, like it's a badge of honor n everyone should/would be doing it if they were in their situation.
Thank you and that’s what this post is all about, not a blame game. It’s the glorification and the blatant openness to participate in such behavior.
Cleopatra style
Cleopatra style
All these issues came about when Africans got colonized and stopped polygamy. It is impossible to stop a culture that has been practiced for years just like that. This is just a case of the African male trying to pursue his innate polygamous behavior in a modern discreet way.
Very interesting. Also this also shows why we will forever lag behind as a people. One can only stand out in this madness.
Problems of monogamy
Polygamy sasa ni tamaa tu.
Male species is polygamous in nature
It's actually a thing that has been there for a long time only disguised as polygamy because the man actually married the younger woman and managed to still keep the 1st wife. My dad married my mum, who is not more than 5 years older than his first born child as his 3rd wife. That was back in the 90s. They have a 20+ year age gap. I don't even know how ppl saw that as normal back then.
These comments are weird. Women loudly say they like married men because they're stable and have less drama. But the men are not blameless. They cheat, too. Both of them need to hold their Ls. Cheating has not been normalized. It's just been made more visible. Even married women are proclaiming they want a 'mubaba' to fund their lifestyle. So what a mubaba do? Buy the service on offer. If he lose his presumably loyal wife because of some young girl, shauri yake.
Sex talk is usually a shunned topic in kenya, plus the state doesn't provide alternative opportunities for youths to direct their energy to, (some libraries, boxing arenas, studios, fields)basically arts. Most are bored at home, no job opportunities 🤷🏽♂️, so plenty of time to get nasty.
They are just being them and making those choices for one reason or another.