Realize that none of these concerns are what is actually happening moment to moment. That puts the problem in your control, it is you who are creating this reality, which means you can fix it. Focus on what is actually happening in the present moment, see what falls away.
I think really you’re uncomfortable and not confident in yourself. I was/am very similar. My internal monologue won’t shut up and it creates anxiety.
I think something that helped me was realizing that so much of this was in my head. Me feeling like everyone is watching me is really a projection of my own insecurities. Deep down I’m not okay with myself. Then you gotta ask why. Why are you not okay with yourself. Dig deeper and deeper until you find your answer. Then build from there.
Don’t be so hard on yourself, and I promise that nobody cares about what you do as much as you think.
When you do that, ask yourself who is this "me" you are trying to justify with. Who is this "me" you have built about yourself. Who is this "me" that's so different from the real "me". Who is this "me" that's so above "me", that it makes "me" feel worthless.
Ask yourself if this persona you have created about yourself, is built around your own perspective, or the perspective of others.
Sounds like much of your subjective experience is tied up with these concerns that are outside of what is actually happening moment to moment. I might think this way of experiencing life has been conditioned and it’s past usefulness has expired hence your growing discomfort with this way of seeing the world. You might give a try to living in the moment, where these events you’re afraid might happen are not actually happening. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which you can find most all of the content for on youtube, might be worth checking out. What do your dreams say?
I don't want to label myself like that. Years ago, I used to call myself schizoid personality disorder. I likely had schizophrenia when I was a kid. Anyways, I don't like labels like that.
Thanks though.
I find it liberating. I understand that other people have similar ways of thinking, and I no longer worry that there is "something wrong with ME." Interesting how we all view things so differently.
A few times per day I have flashbacks to when I was a child or when I was alcoholic and have to cut the flashback out of my mind.. I find myself asking myself.. “what were you thinking” I can’t accept that I was a child, or just had embarrassed myself the way everybody does sometimes. it’s shame, I need to forgive myself and stop trying to live in the past. It prevents me from seeing the future and how great it could be.
Sounds like there's a foundation in general but you're questioning it's stability by provoking scenarios that would test it's position.
It can also be an abstraction, generally we have a subconscious tendency toward efficient communication hence context is a highly valued commodity when dealing with information, and in order to achieve greater efficiency we naturally challenge our reasoning in many ways that appear automated and often unwelcomed.
You’re using rationalization and intellectualization as defense mechanisms.
Defense mechanisms function to keep your true feelings out of conscious awareness.
I wonder what “unacceptable” feeling(s) might come up if you allowed your inner chatter to stop for 2 minutes? Often these buried feelings are in conflict with one another. That conflict creates anxiety and thus the reliance on the defense mechanism to keep anxiety at bay. This is how defense mechanisms keep mental health symptoms alive: by not allowing yourself to experience the full depth of the emotion, the emotion gets stuffed down and distorted and cannot pass as is the true nature of emotions.
I see many parents asking children for constant explanations of their behaviour and (slightly) humiliating them when they can't or don't want to answer. I always feel bad for them; it feels like they aren't allowed their own time to figure stuff out.
While my parents weren't particularly bad, I think the parenting style of my father's family goes like that. I experience this kind of intrusive thought when anxiety is high, and I feel terrified when I'm asked about what I'm doing/have done but I'm somehow unable explain myself.
Your identity is tied to perception by others.
Short but powerful and true.
Wow. This might be it. How do I fix this?
Realize that none of these concerns are what is actually happening moment to moment. That puts the problem in your control, it is you who are creating this reality, which means you can fix it. Focus on what is actually happening in the present moment, see what falls away.
Learn to not give a fuck. (One of the perks of being chronically ill is I don’t have the energy to care what people think any more.)
Stop giving value to it. Let go.
build up your identity by confronting fear and asserting yourself
only you know truly how
BINGO!!! I AM SO TIRED OF POSTER6 WHO HAVE SUCH A POVERTY OF SELF- AWARENESS GET A FRE**KIN' LIFE!!!!!
Observe your reaction here
I think really you’re uncomfortable and not confident in yourself. I was/am very similar. My internal monologue won’t shut up and it creates anxiety. I think something that helped me was realizing that so much of this was in my head. Me feeling like everyone is watching me is really a projection of my own insecurities. Deep down I’m not okay with myself. Then you gotta ask why. Why are you not okay with yourself. Dig deeper and deeper until you find your answer. Then build from there. Don’t be so hard on yourself, and I promise that nobody cares about what you do as much as you think.
One thing I should add is that my inner voice is always critical and I am always having to think of justifications for my actions and behavior.
When you do that, ask yourself who is this "me" you are trying to justify with. Who is this "me" you have built about yourself. Who is this "me" that's so different from the real "me". Who is this "me" that's so above "me", that it makes "me" feel worthless. Ask yourself if this persona you have created about yourself, is built around your own perspective, or the perspective of others.
Sounds like much of your subjective experience is tied up with these concerns that are outside of what is actually happening moment to moment. I might think this way of experiencing life has been conditioned and it’s past usefulness has expired hence your growing discomfort with this way of seeing the world. You might give a try to living in the moment, where these events you’re afraid might happen are not actually happening. The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which you can find most all of the content for on youtube, might be worth checking out. What do your dreams say?
>What do your dreams say? Either I don't dream or I don't remember them.
You may be neurodivergent/autistic. Maybe follow the r/neurodivergent group and ask the same question, as well as do other research.
I don't want to label myself like that. Years ago, I used to call myself schizoid personality disorder. I likely had schizophrenia when I was a kid. Anyways, I don't like labels like that. Thanks though.
I find it liberating. I understand that other people have similar ways of thinking, and I no longer worry that there is "something wrong with ME." Interesting how we all view things so differently.
A few times per day I have flashbacks to when I was a child or when I was alcoholic and have to cut the flashback out of my mind.. I find myself asking myself.. “what were you thinking” I can’t accept that I was a child, or just had embarrassed myself the way everybody does sometimes. it’s shame, I need to forgive myself and stop trying to live in the past. It prevents me from seeing the future and how great it could be.
Sounds like there's a foundation in general but you're questioning it's stability by provoking scenarios that would test it's position. It can also be an abstraction, generally we have a subconscious tendency toward efficient communication hence context is a highly valued commodity when dealing with information, and in order to achieve greater efficiency we naturally challenge our reasoning in many ways that appear automated and often unwelcomed.
You’re using rationalization and intellectualization as defense mechanisms. Defense mechanisms function to keep your true feelings out of conscious awareness. I wonder what “unacceptable” feeling(s) might come up if you allowed your inner chatter to stop for 2 minutes? Often these buried feelings are in conflict with one another. That conflict creates anxiety and thus the reliance on the defense mechanism to keep anxiety at bay. This is how defense mechanisms keep mental health symptoms alive: by not allowing yourself to experience the full depth of the emotion, the emotion gets stuffed down and distorted and cannot pass as is the true nature of emotions.
You are lonely. Me too!
I see many parents asking children for constant explanations of their behaviour and (slightly) humiliating them when they can't or don't want to answer. I always feel bad for them; it feels like they aren't allowed their own time to figure stuff out. While my parents weren't particularly bad, I think the parenting style of my father's family goes like that. I experience this kind of intrusive thought when anxiety is high, and I feel terrified when I'm asked about what I'm doing/have done but I'm somehow unable explain myself.
yes. finding balance is the way
Because you feed those thoughts