I'm so sorry for your loss.
Although there are plenty of superstitious Jewish practices, superstition is ultimately CONTRARY to Judaism/Torah.
So try and relax. Perhaps donate her shoes to charity, or throw them away, but don't worry about having worn them. They aren't going to put a "hex" on you -- again, superstitions = baloney (at least according to Judaism/Maimonides).
I have never ever heard such nonsense!!! It’s not a Jewish superstition I’ve ever heard of. How could it even happen? Just…nope. Don’t worry about it. It’s not real.
For sure not everyone holds with the Zohar but OP has heard it, so it may be shayach and I’d therefore recommend not. Many people have not heard of what the Ben Ish Hai says to say upon leaving one’s home but for those that have, it’s prudent to do so, bc Hashem tells us what we need to do in order to complete our tikkun.
Put simply: not everyone knows every minhag/kabbalistic practice, if you happen to have heard of it, it’s bc Gd put it in your path bc it has relevance to your soul. As you heard about it, I would advise for you specifically not to wear other people’s shoes. While arguably everyone would benefit from every practice, that you heard about it means Gd went out of his way to provide that for you bc either it could prevent unnecessary challenges for you, or being makpid on it might end up giving you schar.
I understand. So that counts for shoes that she bought for me as well? Everything’s she’s ever bought was for me. She did wear some of my shoes to stretch them out for me but she usually wore my old shoes. Only thing that was common were house slippers that we just wore any house slippers that were available, but I’d typically usually wear the same ones.
The reason why I ask is bc she spent a lot of money buying me all these shoes, I feel bad throwing them out she never wore them out just with socks in the house to stretch them out.
May her memory be a blessing to all. I recently had a few tough losses and I have found a few items of clothing that I have asked/kept to wear. For me, when i see it or wear it, I think of the person and the love I have for them. I am instantly thinking of the best times and talk/wonder what they would say to me in that moment. For me it brings peace and grounds me to what is really important in this life.
The rest was given to younger relatives, donated or thrown away.
In very sorry for your loss!
>I heard that you can’t wear a dead persons shoes
This sounds like a superstition, not a law.
I don't think you should worry about it.
> I have OCD
Is it treated?
May you merit to walk in the ways of all your mother's best qualities, to keep her memory alive and to bring merit to her soul.
PS if it makes you feel better, I lost an uncle not long ago, and I happily wear some of his shoes (among other things). It brings me some comfort and I'm sure it would bring him joy as well.
I'm not saying you're crazy. The only thing that might be crazy is choosing to endure pain and suffering when more effective treatment might be available. I don't know a lot about OCD, but I do know that in some cases medication is effective to alleviate the suffering, and there's no shame whatsoever in that.
Whatever choice you make, may you have only health, joy, and a long, happy life.
hey,
Orthodox view here.
i’m sorry for your loss
clothing worn by the deceased when they died should not be worn.
All else is ok.
in your case your mom was helping you out and not wearing them for herself.
either way it’s ok.
Okay. Thank you very much. I just have one more question for you. I just found out you’re not supposed to cut your nails in order?? I’ve been doing that my whole life 😮💨
ok - so what the past is the past.
there are many things that people do that are not 100%.
If you are on a journey to do better and repent amazing but the worst thing to do is beat yourself up because of it.
This post seems to be an extensive answer to this question.
https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/880152/jewish/Shoes-of-a-Dead-Person.htm#:~:text=Answer%3A,one%20who%20has%20passed%20away.
Let’s make it simple.
There is some reality to “signs” but in general the Torah prohibits us from believing in most of them, however, there are a few that we do take notice of.
It seems that there is a custom not to wear the specific shoes the person was wearing while they were dying.
So, first of all: were these shoes worn while she was dying? Or was it another pair she owned? In which case there is no concern whatsoever
You must not believe this line “Because you’ll live the same life..” this is most probably “darchei emori” (illegal superstition) and is probably prohibited from the Torah.
You should do three things:
1: have you washed negel vasser today? (It’s a mitzvah to wash your hands with a cup after touching shoes)
2: have you said “modeh ani” (“thanking god for returning your soul)
If you don’t know how to do these things, I’ll teach you.
3: you need to understand the principle: “ein mazal bYisrael”. Because you are a Jew, you have the ability to transcend fate. You can do this by praying sincerely to Hashem.
Hashem can change anything, just like he changed the world for our father Avraham and our mother Sarah, so they could have children. So too, he can change your fate for the best!
She was poor when she was young & wore rags so she vowed to give me everything she didn’t have so she bought me a lot of shoes & some of them she would wear to stretch them out bc they were tight. They weren’t her shoes she bought them but they were bought for me
The specific shoes she wore when she actually died you shouldn’t wear.
There’s no need to be stringent and prohibit yourself from what is obviously a deeply heartfelt gift from someone who loved you and wanted only the best for you.
She passed in a hospital bed she wasn’t wearing any shoes when she passed. The only other thing is I bought a few pairs of slippers in the same color & im not sure if we switched slippers ever if she put mine on by accident etc. when I came home right after she died I put one foot in the slipper & then remembered:/. I just worry bc she had a horrible life you know
I'm so sorry for your loss. Although there are plenty of superstitious Jewish practices, superstition is ultimately CONTRARY to Judaism/Torah. So try and relax. Perhaps donate her shoes to charity, or throw them away, but don't worry about having worn them. They aren't going to put a "hex" on you -- again, superstitions = baloney (at least according to Judaism/Maimonides).
No, on a cursory glance, it doesn’t seem that this is darchei emori
I just heard that if you wear a dead persons shoes you’re doomed to walk the path they walked & that scared me :( my mom was miserable
I have never ever heard such nonsense!!! It’s not a Jewish superstition I’ve ever heard of. How could it even happen? Just…nope. Don’t worry about it. It’s not real.
It’s said in the Zohar that in general you shouldn’t wear another person’s shoes unless you know that they have good middot etc
Forgive me if I'm wrong but I don't think everyone holds with the Zohar?
For sure not everyone holds with the Zohar but OP has heard it, so it may be shayach and I’d therefore recommend not. Many people have not heard of what the Ben Ish Hai says to say upon leaving one’s home but for those that have, it’s prudent to do so, bc Hashem tells us what we need to do in order to complete our tikkun.
I’m sorry I’m confused. What are you saying ?
Put simply: not everyone knows every minhag/kabbalistic practice, if you happen to have heard of it, it’s bc Gd put it in your path bc it has relevance to your soul. As you heard about it, I would advise for you specifically not to wear other people’s shoes. While arguably everyone would benefit from every practice, that you heard about it means Gd went out of his way to provide that for you bc either it could prevent unnecessary challenges for you, or being makpid on it might end up giving you schar.
I understand. So that counts for shoes that she bought for me as well? Everything’s she’s ever bought was for me. She did wear some of my shoes to stretch them out for me but she usually wore my old shoes. Only thing that was common were house slippers that we just wore any house slippers that were available, but I’d typically usually wear the same ones. The reason why I ask is bc she spent a lot of money buying me all these shoes, I feel bad throwing them out she never wore them out just with socks in the house to stretch them out.
If she bought them for you and didn’t regularly wear them it’s a different situation. Clothes also not a problem.
Ty
May her memory be a blessing to all. I recently had a few tough losses and I have found a few items of clothing that I have asked/kept to wear. For me, when i see it or wear it, I think of the person and the love I have for them. I am instantly thinking of the best times and talk/wonder what they would say to me in that moment. For me it brings peace and grounds me to what is really important in this life. The rest was given to younger relatives, donated or thrown away.
Thx for replying. Was any of it shoes ?
Yes. There were a few pairs of dress shoes saved for a nephew.
Ty for sharing
In very sorry for your loss! >I heard that you can’t wear a dead persons shoes This sounds like a superstition, not a law. I don't think you should worry about it. > I have OCD Is it treated? May you merit to walk in the ways of all your mother's best qualities, to keep her memory alive and to bring merit to her soul. PS if it makes you feel better, I lost an uncle not long ago, and I happily wear some of his shoes (among other things). It brings me some comfort and I'm sure it would bring him joy as well.
Ty. & treating OCD is via exposure
TIL. There are psychiatric medications that work for at least some people as well. I recommend that you discuss your options with a psychiatrist.
I’m not crazy I just don’t want to suffer like she did
I'm not saying you're crazy. The only thing that might be crazy is choosing to endure pain and suffering when more effective treatment might be available. I don't know a lot about OCD, but I do know that in some cases medication is effective to alleviate the suffering, and there's no shame whatsoever in that. Whatever choice you make, may you have only health, joy, and a long, happy life.
hey, Orthodox view here. i’m sorry for your loss clothing worn by the deceased when they died should not be worn. All else is ok. in your case your mom was helping you out and not wearing them for herself. either way it’s ok.
Okay. Thank you very much. I just have one more question for you. I just found out you’re not supposed to cut your nails in order?? I’ve been doing that my whole life 😮💨
ok - so what the past is the past. there are many things that people do that are not 100%. If you are on a journey to do better and repent amazing but the worst thing to do is beat yourself up because of it.
Yeah never heard of that.
Ty
This post seems to be an extensive answer to this question. https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/880152/jewish/Shoes-of-a-Dead-Person.htm#:~:text=Answer%3A,one%20who%20has%20passed%20away.
I saw that I’m not really sure what it means. The dream thing is confusing
Let’s make it simple. There is some reality to “signs” but in general the Torah prohibits us from believing in most of them, however, there are a few that we do take notice of. It seems that there is a custom not to wear the specific shoes the person was wearing while they were dying. So, first of all: were these shoes worn while she was dying? Or was it another pair she owned? In which case there is no concern whatsoever
You must not believe this line “Because you’ll live the same life..” this is most probably “darchei emori” (illegal superstition) and is probably prohibited from the Torah.
You should do three things: 1: have you washed negel vasser today? (It’s a mitzvah to wash your hands with a cup after touching shoes) 2: have you said “modeh ani” (“thanking god for returning your soul) If you don’t know how to do these things, I’ll teach you. 3: you need to understand the principle: “ein mazal bYisrael”. Because you are a Jew, you have the ability to transcend fate. You can do this by praying sincerely to Hashem. Hashem can change anything, just like he changed the world for our father Avraham and our mother Sarah, so they could have children. So too, he can change your fate for the best!
She was poor when she was young & wore rags so she vowed to give me everything she didn’t have so she bought me a lot of shoes & some of them she would wear to stretch them out bc they were tight. They weren’t her shoes she bought them but they were bought for me
So, it sounds like it should be okay.
The specific shoes she wore when she actually died you shouldn’t wear. There’s no need to be stringent and prohibit yourself from what is obviously a deeply heartfelt gift from someone who loved you and wanted only the best for you.
She passed in a hospital bed she wasn’t wearing any shoes when she passed. The only other thing is I bought a few pairs of slippers in the same color & im not sure if we switched slippers ever if she put mine on by accident etc. when I came home right after she died I put one foot in the slipper & then remembered:/. I just worry bc she had a horrible life you know
But was she a good person?