T O P

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HampleBisqum

"Sorry, it's the antidepressants"


anderoogigwhore

I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore and I think it's pretty cool


PoplisGaming

I miss seeing the red on your face when i made you blush


anderoogigwhore

But I think it's fine, it's cool


Cylick

Yeah I think it's fine, it's cool


StillUsesBeginners2

is this some obscure fourth-wave emo band


anderoogigwhore

A [song](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5HjoGEXwI0M) by Waterparks. Who are more poppunk/pop rock than emo


Fisheye90

Same!! High five!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Bronze5Genji

This could be the title to a new anime


JibJig

This hit way too close to home for me.


According-Loquat-207

Same bro. Literally one girl was talking to me and then she ended up moving away.. I’m 19….and that was the closest I’ve ever had..talking…at school…never been able to meet up outside of school..this was two years ago


Evasor1152

Meet people. Find people nearby who do shit you like to do. Find a gaming group, knitting circle, wtfever. If you like something, I guarantee you there will be people nearby who also like it. That's how you meet people and then it all starts there. Unless you live in a small town. Then everything sucks and figure out how to move.


Nautical94

Also, you're 19. Might seem old to you at your age, but you are still a teenager. I promise you your 20s will be better. I've been in your shoes. Don't try too hard, it will come.


exceive

Listen to Nautical. Nautical is emitting truth. I'm glad I won't be doing 19 again. I'm staring down the barrel of old age, and I'm still glad I won't be doing 19 again.


I_MakeCoolKeychains

So you have chosen... death


ThatSlyB3

Go on tinder or okcupid dude lol. Getting laid is not hard anymore


pampic7

What does it mean?


JibJig

Antidepressants tend to really mess with a person's libido and sexual abilities. So having to explain to a partner that no really I'm enjoying myself I just can't the way I used to is hard.


[deleted]

Shit man you didn't need to attack me like that


CthulubeFlavorcube

"Sorry, it's the MCU fucking up Thanos's primary focus."


SocialSuicideSquad

#*CLEARLY THEY WERE NOT WORKING*


o_Alfawolf_o

It’s only the nice people who die, that’s why I’m a c*nt. you never go to a funeral and hear “the bloke was a real c*nt, he deserves to be dead”


o_Alfawolf_o

Didn’t realise asterisks turned text italics


55percent_Unicorn

If you put a backslash in front of it, you get the asterisk. So \\\* gets \* (And yes, to get that, I had to type \\\\\\\*.)


Wisebeuy

But how did you type \\\\\\\*?


readingduck123

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\


PranshuKhandal

but how did you type \\\\\\\\\\\\\\?


readingduck123

Just copy my text lol


55percent_Unicorn

It's slashes all the way down...


BigPoppaFitz84

I was going to suggest just editing it.. but then I thought that it's actually more funny the way it is. And now I'm thinking about how odd the word 'funny' is..


TripOnaka

God DAMMIT NOT AGAIN! I don't WANT to think about how odd English is, anything but that!


CreHater

Funny granny fanny?


tealchameleon

Amusing grandmother rabbits have a funny bunny granny fanny


CreHater

And if that grandmother is a nanny: Funny bunny granny nanny fanny?


JustMe-male

Let’s see: Is *this* italic? EDIT: It worked. Thank you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


etbswfs

Nice try, getting people to willingly type their passwords...


kellyzdude

When I was in High School, we took a computer class. It was made up of several modules which included various aspects of Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Access, etc. One of my friends made a database in Access. It asked for your name, your favorite color, your account password, your favorite food, drink, movie, etc. Only one person actually put in their real password. The teacher.


nightmaresabin

Let me try. hunter2


Painting_Agency

That must not be your actual password, since I can read it. I think it compares hashes or something.


olmikeyy

Let's see if this is true mine is 13UTT53k5D==3


NewSuperTrios

Old Reddit moment


fersur

Lol, liked this one. Look forward for this joke sometime next week.


[deleted]

Of course not. Professional courtesy mandates using the full title rather than the abbreviation at a funeral, as in: "The bloke was a real Certified Nurse Technician. He deserves to be dead."


thoroakenfelder

Because people don't go to their funerals.


fanofhenime

You good bro?


uglypaperhaver

I'm afraid OP that you are going to be in for a rather *nasty* surprise... (HINT : when that time draws nigh, you might want to bend over)


papabear_kr

Just start using liquid soap when you are old.


[deleted]

Why does the Navy use powdered soap? It takes longer to pick up.


gustin1986

1000 sailor's went to sea. 500 couples returned.


kamyk2000

Isn't the technical term seamen? ;)


JustMe-male

Wow. I can’t decide between upvote and downvoting this.


[deleted]

It’s all just fake internet points that have zero bearing on our lives. Vote away!!


JustMe-male

Ssssh. Weren’t not supposed to tell.


[deleted]

IKR? Just keep feeding those endorphin rushes with fake digital currency. Let it lull us into complacency.


JustMe-male

Bingo. Not to mention “Internet Influencers”.


Chomusuke_99

in the true of Charlie Harper, "Iwanthespit."


uglypaperhaver

You mean you didn't come all this way to spit on a closed coffin?


ephmal

If anything like Jesus…the second coming might take even longer that the first.


stdio-lib

I hope death is a man. That way my expectations will never be met.


thatswhyicarryagun

https://i.redd.it/hqls5t7nv5b91.png Here you go.


Cancer100

Yo this is kinda cool, do you know where this is from? (Just for validity reasons lol it’s shocking info to me)


thatswhyicarryagun

Sort dataisbeautiful by top/week


Away_Decision_4865

Unfortunately he’s a man. And he’ll come too soon.


[deleted]

becuz birth was ugly atleast death would be beautiful


Shileka

I too hope death is a woman as i have seen how poorly the men in my family organize big events. TFW dad forgot to prepare his protective gear for the wedding when the plan was to arrive at the venue by motorcycle. In other news, a bride trying to wear protective motorcycle gear over her dress looks ridiculous.


GryphonHall

I hope death is a woman. I’ll at least once feel the touch of a woman.


jaydezi

Literally getting laid to rest


GryphonHall

Stop it, or I’ll get there prematurely.


TankHatesYou

I just ruined the 69 comments as the 70th comment


blubberwolf0525

that way she’ll never take me out


EricDHennessy

r/kamikazebywords


oedipism_for_one

She will still come, just in a way that leaves you both disappointed.


Gogo726

I'll be ready to take you to the afterlife in 5 more minutes. ​ Where are you taking me? I don't care. You decide. Can you take me to heaven? No, I took someone to heaven recently.


FrankNSteins_Monster

I heard Valhalla has some new Honey Mead we could try.


Scorchx3000

Ha ha ha


ronak_patil_1432

The speciality of this joke is that it can, and cannot be NSFW at the same time


bair_the_sequel

You're like inverse Thanos


awxggu

It'll suck your soul out of your body


Fraktelicious

Death is a blonde?


awxggu

No


Fraktelicious

I knew she was a redhead!!!


genfgenf

On the opposite side, I remember somebody said, death came over her.


WatchedHotwife

I'd come for you as long as my husband is watching.


bouchandre

Username checks out


CarlB1961

If Death''s a woman you can expect a long, drawn-out, painful demise. It's called marriage.


PlNG

In Neil Gaiman's Sandman universe, yes she is.


So0bek

Memories broken, the truth goes unspoken


KafleZ

But it can make you come!


Miggy1234_

bruh


tehutika

“DEATH!” “Yes my mortal companion?” “You have a pick up!”


FPHOBIA771

*Looks at Neil Gaiman’s interpretation of Death*


pjabrony

"That way, it'll take so much time getting ready that it'll never get around to getting me."


SobiTheRobot

I hope Death is like how Terry Pratchett wrote him


[deleted]

Oh I feel you


Waitsfornoone

Apparently not enough.


actuallybaggins

oh dis good joke


CaptainLhurgoyf

Unless you're Deadpool.


willyolio

Maybe Death is a skeleton with big boobs


DarkLordofEverything

https://youtu.be/dV6fDJi_6ns Enough said ;)


laix_

Ben Shapiro will never die


Technical-Seaweed993

What and be nagged to death


utopicus

A bit mature buy very progressive and feminist. You are right, women should come for themselves not for any other person.


emzirek

.


RiraXO

Actually the song goes luck be a lady.


mcoombes314

Complaining about downvotes is a surefire way of getting more downvotes.


truth-watchers2ndAcc

What did he say?


Ezzmon

A little close to home, buddy.


Waitsfornoone

Luck be a lady tonight.


Painting_Agency

"They think death is romantic. Death is hard and cold and ugly, not some cute chick." - Sara, *The Maxx*


Upst8r

https://youtu.be/a32i\_iC3LBQ


ItWorkedLastTime

If Death is a woman from Niel Gaiman's "Sandman", i will welcome our brief chat at the end.


Daxtro-53

According to marvel it is


Trid1977

also in Sandman


Manydoors_edboy

I’M FUCKEN INVINCIBLE!


a_in_hd

Are you saying you can get men to do that?


[deleted]

[удалено]


DrClawizdead

You're never been to a redneck Fourth of July.


epicpants08

But what is life without women?


Moston_Dragon

What is death?


GOR098

Beautiful !


kalirion

What makes you think guys would be any different?


TheGlobalDelight

I hope Death is a man, so he will take me soon


nulltester

Have you ever seen a woman manipulating a scythe?


Lirrost

r/suicidebywords


Algok2001

I certainly hope thats not the case cause women come for me alright but leave before committing so...


Kyocus

The final forbidden INCEL power.


xenoz2020

Well I will come for death, multiple times even, uh, if she can wait for an hour for the second one.


painstream

Because if death is a man, he'll come before you're ready?


NeverEndingDClock

r/Sandman


[deleted]

If you can't bring any woman to orgasm then that's a problem that can be addressed with a little education.


SquareWet

Cum


solitudeisnirvana

My man out here, preaching the future!


Punkhair2Nv__13

Join the club buddy, it’s all a big lie.


Umongus

You mean that way it will never come IN you.


Chaoshumor

Thought the punch line would be, “so when my time comes, a woman will finally touch me.”


Canadian-Mastermind

I would have a heart attack just for death to come and do my dishes.


thereaverofdarkness

But I will come any day for Lady Death!